#im connecting dots together and the growing picture makes me wary
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#too much stuff is swarming my head. some of this stuff i dont want to belive yet im so naive to the dark truth of the real world#i jump tail over whiskers without thinking twice#ive spent 3 days crying and almost not being able to keep my food dowb#the only thing my bldy accepts is extea sweet tea#im connecting dots together and the growing picture makes me wary#i didnt think before and now that im analyzing#i see many red flags in my life that couldve done more than just kill me#as sick as i feel about these thoughts i have to stop myself from seeking comfort in my usual ways#my family wont understand my ways of coping#besides we're trying to move in such a short amount of time that keeps gettint delayed#i dont have any time to to recover and help.myself and to take a mental retreat#too many things are happening about people close to me and it physically and mentay hurts#i was folding up shirts and i wanted to cry because 3 of them were special in their own way#i packed them anyway. i cant get rid of them#hell im about to have another meltdown thinkjng abiut it. even the smallest thought sends me into The Huge Sad mode#ive got both my feet in two worlds#im scared of both yet find my own ways of comfort#one world is being questionable and i dont know what to do#i dont have the time to force a fictional escape world onto myself and its tearing my apart#my ways of coping and comfort are starting to become reduced#and im loosing myself in these thoughts that suffocates my every breathe and leaves wires constricting my heart#its hard to breathe sleep eat and talk#connections are pointing to being sketchy#and out of any hint of a chance these connections are true#i couldve lost more than just my life
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