#im busy cleaning our rotting home and scaring the bugs out

[manta-is-yelling]

It's really frustrating to be trying really really hard and feel like you're doing the equivalent of paddling in place- even though you should be moving forward-

but the other person is not seeking out resources for how to paddle, or manage their part of the kayak, and you're starting to sink because of it.

And like, you know, if you're feeling the water on your ass, and you're at the front, they've gotta be up to their waist or more in it. But you're busy keeping things sort of okay, you can't check in on them. So you only feel that you're getting wetter than you should be, and going nowhere, and they're struggling. And it's your problem- because you're in the same fucking boat- but they won't take your help. They won't listen. They half hear the directions. They can't help it.

But after a while, it's so. Fucking. Frustrating. And it feels like it'd be easier, despite having made it so far, to swim back to shore alone, and try crossing again.