#im being vague and petty it just annoys me sooooo much

[rinmemesuoka]

certain type of SOV fan who sees valbar's ~Canon Heterosexuality~ as somehow different/more untouchable than the ~Canon Heterosexuality~ of the skinny prettyboys in the same game.

[incessantwhine]

fkn raging cuz ik nobody is perfect all the time & everyone’s got their stories but

the only person i ever talk abt on here is like head over heels for this other person that i do not fkn trust or particularly like at ALL

and that’s fine like no one needs my seal of approval that’s not the point

it just seems like this other person like. does shit all the time that’s vaguely upsetting & refuses to acknowledge they’re also “in love” in any meaningful way. they’re like the king of doing sweet things & then immediately downplaying it or brushing it off as friends

and that would probably be fine too if she wasn’t goofy in love w/ them. it just. idk. ik im being too harsh and don’t understand their specific situation but fuck

it just seems like they’re breadcrumbing. maybe not on purpose but it’s hurtful regardless. and unintentionally taking advantage of the situation where she’ll put up w it cuz she’s so in love & the sex is bomb or w/e. like this person is not….idk

you can have all the love and support in the world but it’s still gonna hurt. and it seems like it does!! every relationship is Work for sure but it just seems like she’s doing a disproportionate amt of it while this other person can just be flighty and kinda dismissive

which. by the way is SO stupid. they don’t even know how lucky they are and if they do they don’t show it. cuz if I were them id be SO pumped and like. working a lot harder to overcome SOME of my own shit that was getting in the way of my ability to make my friend feel loved and special and appreciated. or at least TRY.

i like. Cant do anything besides gently express concern cause there’s such strong feelings it’s gonna go in one ear and out the other. and if i said any of this I think it would be received poorly and at minimum it would be “well im never gonna talk abt x again”. and at the end of my day it’s not my place. but BOY is it hard to watch

i want things to work out and I want her trust to not be misplaced but im worried this exercise in patience is not going to be super rewarding compared to the amt of pain it seems to cause. we were just talking about how she’s had like a long history of letting ppl not rly treat her right or well and how its a really common thing for neurodivergent ppl to put up with shitty behavior cuz they don’t even realize how shitty it is until after. and this is like…embodying that very well actually

and just from a personal petty standpoint like i rly don’t fkn get it. i don’t get what they have (other than an inability to be vulnerable without immediately trying to take it back) that’s like. sooooo fucking special. other than being rly good in bed. which, fine, fair point. they look like every other white skinny queer person ambiguously gendered person ive ever seen. sniffing around their social media they just seem….annoying. it doesn’t help that the only time I hear abt this person is in the context of “they made me feel weird/uncomfortable/upset” but it like. rly makes me hate them more and more. i beat it back with a stick and am understanding and mindful that idk the full picture but honestly? every time lately I’ve tried to approach something/someone with an open mind, I’ve been slapped in the face with oodles of proof of “your weird feeling was right!” sooo.

i dont have to know their tragic backstory to know they could do better. really. and she deserves better as well.

i have plenty of not fun things that make it hard for me to be like “I love you and I want to show up for you” but when you ACTUALLY truly madly deeply love someone you try. at the very least you don’t purposefully go out of ur way to be inconsistent.

and I’m fucking sick of biting my tongue about it. i will in the name of boundaries and letting ppl make their own mistakes but. it’s so stupid. i wish i could just say “I think this person is dicking you around and i dont like them and it scares me cuz it sets a bad precedent in terms of how much pain you’ll endure for love that im not sure is there in all the ways you want it to be” without it being a Thing. but that’s not what she needs rn. and so i won’t (:

see? see how easy it is to adjust based on what ppl you love need? i do it ALL THE TIME. EVEN WHEN IT GOES AGAINST MY EXTREMELY INSANE PROTECTIVE AND OPINIONATED AND “HATER FIRST” INSTINCTS AND TAKES LUDICROUS AMOUNTS OF SELF CONTROL.

god lmfao I hate them sm :)