#im being emo over alcohol can you imagine

[iftitah]

i cannot stop thinking about the alcohol world

[hongism]

touch of the devil - k.hongjoong 18+

↣ pairing: hongjoong x fem!reader | ao3 version (mxm seongjoong) ↣ genre: angst, fluff if you SQUINT, nsfw, fantasy, supernatural, demon!hongjoong, emo rocker!hongjoong, there do be plot tho. ↣ wc: 9.0k ↣ summary: you came to make a deal with a devil sure, but this is the last thing you were expecting out of a night in a dingy bar. ↣ warnings: explicit smut, mention of death, demons, it’s actually really heavy on plot and angst and less focused on the smut ↣ a/n: again i know it’s my birthday but this is my present to you guys, i am a person who prefers to give rather than receive on my birthday and this was the first thing i wanted to work on during my hiatus!! i’ve got so much inspo and motivation rn that it’s crazy and i can’t wait to have everything all set out for you guys when im back :3

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Everything about the air around you is heady and thick in a way that chokes you as you step through the fogged bar. This isn’t your sort of scene – not one you would typically find yourself frequenting on a Friday evening without even so much as the company of a friend – and yet here you stand with hands pressed into the pockets of your black leather jacket. There remains a dull thrum in the atmosphere of the club, a steady rhythm of bass and vibrations that makes your ears ring but you do your best to ignore it in favor of reaching the bartender.

“Just a rum and coke please,” you murmur, hand sneaking out of your pocket to lay a few bills flat against the wood counter. You tug your ID card out as well and flash it in the man’s direction when he raises an eyebrow at you, but upon seeing it, he relents and steps away from you to get the drink.

The question remains of why exactly you are in such a dismal and hopeless scene full of people too drunk off their rockers to even fumble around the bar with some sense of dignity. You, who is neither dismal or hopeless yourself nor are you drunk in the slightest (at least not yet).

The answer is simple. This is a breeding ground, a festering cesspool of desires and greed, and it is the prime place to find what you are looking for in terms of deals with the devil. Maybe not one specific devil, but certainly whatever demon you can get your hands on tonight. And you have quite the lot to choose from it seems, because as you glance around the neon-lit building, you can spot many pairs of red eyes glinting under the lights. You know you have no right to be picky — any and all of them will get the job done — but you can’t help but to note that none of them are as appealing as you imagined they would be. When your friend said that these demons thrived off of lust and appeal, you figured that meant they would purposefully up the ante in terms of physical appearances.

The disdain must show on your features as the bartender begins to speak again as he sets your drink down before you on the counter.

“None of them are for you,” he utters, and you twist back to look him in the eye.

“What do you mean?” You inquire, chin tilting to the side in question, and the man huffs out a small laugh.

“They have their prey already. Picked ‘em the second they walked through the door. All it takes is one look to figure out what these needy people crave from them, what appearances they need to take, what voices to use, what outfits to wear. For people like you, though, something more is required before the real games begin.” He points a single bony finger at your face, staring you down over the length of his digit like it’s the barrel of a gun, and that has you shifting in your seat a bit.

“Something… more?”

“One must have a particular level of certainty before coming to make a deal with a demon, ma’am. But you — you don’t seem to truly know what it is you want. And for that reason, the King will see you with no ruses or deception.”

On the contrary, I wouldn’t have dared set foot in here if I didn’t know what it is I wanted, you want to say. However, your attention is held rapt by his final sentence, the one that held unspoken promise to it.

“And by that you mean physical alterations?”

“You catch on quickly, Miss.” The man leans forward, tongue darting out to swipe over his lower lip, and you glance over the motion only once before pushing away from the counter. He notes the slight annoyance in your features a moment later. “The King will like you quite a bit.”

“When can I expect for this ‘King’ to present himself?” You prop an elbow up on the counter and give one last forlorn glance around the bar in the hopes that someone will come over your way, but it’s to no avail.

“Patience, human. The show hasn’t even begun yet.” He motions towards the middle of the bar, the starkly empty space with a glossy stage set in the center with only a microphone held delicately in its stand and nothing else. You had been hoping to make this a speedy trip — a quick in and out with your deal made and nothing else — but it seems you won’t be having that luxury. And it is a bit frustrating, honestly, to come to this place with the expectation of having a demon cater to you and your wants only to be told that you aren’t certain enough for these supernatural beings, so you’ll have to wait on a demon who won’t cater to you or come to you immediately.

You take a quick swig of your alcohol with the desperate hope that perhaps drinking will make you more certain of what you want, although you already know it won’t. The bartender offers a shrug in response to your annoyance then pulls away to tend to other customers, and you take it as an invitation to swivel in your stool and face the stage. It’s still fucking empty, but at least it gives you a better view than the old wood of the counter that now sits under your elbows.

“Leave it to men to make me wait on them, demon or not,” you mutter under your breath, breath fogging the side of your glass a bit.

You nearly choke on the liquid inside in your next breath because the swirling red neon lights come to a halt on the center of the stage, and the suddenness of the shifting lights startles you so much that you have to sit up straight and inhale deeply to keep from coughing on the alcohol in your mouth. The hazed mist hovering above the floor of the bar seems to swirl towards the stage under the beams of light. You watch the movements as though in a trance, slowly leaning forward until your elbows come to rest on your knees. Out of everyone in the bar, you seem to be the only one interested in what’s going on at the center of the room. Mind you, everyone else is preoccupied: demons with their humans, and humans with the mask-wearing demons who cater to their desires. And while you have no reason to be so intrigued by the scene before you, you truly cannot bring yourself to look away, especially as the dull thrum of music in the bar heightens and gains momentum.

There is no way of describing the sounds rumbling around you. Perhaps if you were fully in your senses, you would be able to distinguish the instruments and beats of the song, but the bass clogs your mind and leaves you squinting at the hazy stage. It could be poetic, the way a lone figure pushes his way through the crowds of the bar like he holds all the power in the universe, studded black leather jacket slung around his shoulders. And as the red lights come over him, you can see his features better. Dusty brown hair that shines a bit, one side exposed and cut shorter than the other, which has bangs that hang loose over the side of his face. Metal bars line both ears, another near the end of his left brow, and a final more intricate one that loops around the middle of his lip and connects to two long metal chains. You follow the path of those chains with your eyes, watching them trail downwards until they loop around his chest and disappear behind his jacket. It’s just a black turtleneck that he wears underneath the dramatic leather regalia and chains but somehow he makes the garment look expensive. You dare glance a bit lower, just enough to make out the frayed and distressed jeans that cling to his skin like a vice, leaving hints of enticing skin underneath to peek through. You can’t see his feet thanks to the fog, but you can practically hear his footsteps drumming in your ears with the rise and fall of his shoes.

Simply put, you are entranced by the sight of this man — if he can even be called that, because you wouldn’t find yourself at all surprised should he reveal himself to be a demon on the tail end of this encounter. He barely looks up from the floor on his trek to the stage, only stopping when he comes before the mic stand and exhales against it in a way that sends shivers down your spine. It’s hardly reasonable for any creature to hold your attention in the palm of his hand the way this one does, but there is no chance of you looking away now, especially as his voice begins to drawl through the microphone and coat your ears like honey. There are words, you recognize enough in the music to know that it should be a song you’re familiar with, but none of them truly process in your daze.

It’s all you can do to just sit there and watch his performance. Between the gentle sways of his shoulders and hips, the teasing drag of his tongue over his lower lip whenever there is a break in his lyrics, and the overall intoxicating nature his aura exudes, you are hooked on every breath he takes. You don’t realize how relaxed your body has become under his spell until it’s too late, and that happens to be the last note of the song as well. It is accentuated with the drop of the glass in your hand and a sharp shatter of the cup against the floor. And just as you inhale a startled gasp and break out of your reverie, his deep crimson eyes flicker over to find yours across the bar. Those twisting lips churn something ugly in your gut. You can’t find the strength in your body to move.

“Mine.”

Your heart leaps in your chest as the word leaves his lips, and while you can’t hear it grate against your ears, you can clearly read his lips enough to know what he’s saying.

His eyes glint a bit in the darkness. It shouldn’t leave you wanting more, but that bitter taste of curiosity is nipping at the back of your throat, and you are far too intrigued to turn back now. You just want more. If he seems to understand that at all from the gleam in your eyes, he makes good on it, stepping off the stage and letting his hand drag over the mic in a way that is almost tantalizing. Step after step, he comes closer to you with his lips still curled into a smirk, and the way the lights hit him makes him seem to glisten and glow in the darkness. You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until he breaches your personal space and you release a shaky exhale that seems to fog in the air between you. He stretches a hand out to close the space between your bodies and curls his index finger under your chin. The touch is simultaneously hot and cold — your whole body seems to light on fire under it, yet at the same time, the chill in your bones deepens to an alarming degree.

“What is it you desire above all other things?” You can hear him now, loud and clear, and whilst you heard his singing beforehand, the simple rasp and lilt to his regular tone is something that has you unashamedly weak in the knees. “I can give you everything,” he whispers as he presses closer to you. Your knees brush against his form but he keeps on pushing forward until he’s slotted himself between them. The chain hanging from his lips rattles like a chime, singing its unknown song like church bells in the night, although you are far from God and heaven now. “All you need to do is ask.”

You cling to some semblance of reason while you can, knowing full well that it will all leave you soon enough, but for now, it lets you choke out a single statement that has the demon before you laughing under his breath.

“That’s not how it works.”

“And who are you to tell me how it works?” His finger curls a bit harder at your chin, and you can feel the blunt of his nail scraping over your skin. Your eyes are glued to his, so enamored and consumed that you can’t even think to look anywhere else.

In that moment, it is as though the universe is nothing but a speck of dust in the corner of your vision. Something so raw and whole like the man standing before you is all-powerful and vigilant in a way that has every nerve in your body at full attention, ready for whatever his next step might be. And that turns out to be quite the curveball as it seems because he leans closer to you, breath intermingling with yours, and you subconsciously curve your back into his touch to reach him closer. Still, even though you physically show how ready and desperate for the touch you are, he waits and glances over your features.

“What is it you desire from me, human?”

You have to vehemently restrain yourself from simply saying ‘you’ and getting on with it.

“Your name.”

“Is that all you would have from me?” As a demon, it is his life’s work to know the inner-workings of the festering desires of humans. You have no doubt in your mind that he knows exactly what is it you want, even if you are not sure of it yourself, and you do not doubt that he won’t use that to his advantage either. But that’s what you asked for in coming here, and that is exactly what you both expected and wanted out of this.

Perhaps it is shameful, but just for once, you wanted to surrender control. Too often are you asked to have everything set out and planned and under control, and too often do you find yourself wanting someone to just tell you what it is you should do. That could be why the bartender labeled you as ‘uncertain’ because even in this moment of vulnerability, there is still the thinnest thread of thought tethering you to that control. And as of now, you want nothing more than for this demon before you to break that thread.

“I would have your name before I asked for anything else from you. Calling you demon over and over would certainly wear out its welcome, no?”

“That all depends on the context, my dear. But… you can call me Hongjoong, if that’s suitable to your tongue.”

“Hongjoong,” you try, testing the way the name rolls off your tongue in such a delicate manner that the demon before you flutters his lashes a bit.

“Sounds so pretty coming from lips so innocent.” He tilts his head to the side, and the movement flashes the pretty expanse of skin below his jaw. You aren’t shy in the way you let your gaze slip over it before trailing back up to meet his eyes again. “Would you close your eyes for me, doll?” He doesn’t have to ask. He could just make you do so with no resistance but still, he asks as though you could say no if you wanted to. You don’t though, and as such, your eyelids fall shut and your vision turns to black for the time being. “Do you know who I am?”

“Th-The bartender called you the King.”

“And do you understand what that means? Truly understand with every fiber of your being?” The question is heavy on your bones, and it is one that you feel like you should know the answer to yet you can’t find any response to his inquiry. Perhaps he means to confuse you because you hear the soft huff of a laugh fall from his lips. “King of the Underworld, Lord of the Dead. Some would call me Pluto, others Hades, it varies from religion to religion and in every culture. Sometimes I pick up rather banal and common names, other times I find myself seeking something extravagant and luxurious. Now… Hongjoong will be a good middle-ground for us.”

You should be falling to the floor in absolute shock due to his words, but the steady finger under your chin keeps you steady. That and the growing fear in your gut as you come to realize that this man holds so much power in just his pinky finger and could absolutely crush you under his heel whenever he wishes. What are you to a god besides an insignificant fleck of dust on the pavement?

“And what of your appearance? Is that… manifested as well?” You dare to ask.

“I have many faces, yes, but this one is one I wear boldly and frequently. You could say it is my natural form. After so many millennia of fantastical myths and legends, however, I’m sure that would seem odd to you.”

“Are you truly a demon then?”

“King of demons, yes. Whether I am truly a demon myself is something that could be ambiguous, I suppose, but if they are all part of my creations, then would that not make me one myself? Though you could say they are all fragments of my own being, making them all mythical gods. It’s all a matter of perspective; however, I doubt that you came searching this place for a lesson on perspectives.”

“No, I came for…” You trail off, and that blossoming uncertainty from before presents itself again.

“There are two things your heart wants right now. One, I can give you with ease and grace, only if you would allow it. That desire is a fleeting one, however, and I do not think it is what you are truly after in being here. The second… that is a wish I cannot deliver, and I think you are more than aware of that. The reason everyone left you to me is because of what you want. It is a domain only I could ever touch.”

You blink your eyes open in haste, searching his deep crimson gaze for some sort of confirmation of the words. The demon dares to look forlorn and lets his stare drop to the floor rather than looking you directly in the eye. Confusion blossoms in your gut. Yes, you figured there was a slim chance that your wish could not be granted, but still you clung to the desperate hope that maybe there was just a small window of opportunity for such a wish to be granted.

“Death is irreversible,” the demon, Hongjoong as he wishes to be called, says in a quiet tone. “I cannot give that which you want more than anything else.”

“Then what can you give?” You ask, squeezing your eyes shut as tight as possible to keep your emotions from slipping out the corners.

“One of two things: I can give you time to speak with him once more or I can make you forget the pain.”

“And if I choose the latter?”

“It would make you forget everything about him and leave you with no memory of him at all.” Hongjoong exhales a small sigh, the bouncing rhythms of the bass rumbling against your ears along with the sounds of his breaths. “You need not decide right this instant. The payment will be the same either way, so we can settle that first if you’d like.”

“W-Wait,” you stammer. You dare to open your eyes once more. “How would I be able to speak to him if you can’t bring him back?”

“I cannot bring him back the way you want. He… he is gone, and though I am the King of the Dead, there are powers even I do not have. Bringing him back to life is impossible, but I can create a doorway for the two of you to speak through for a short period of time. I have no control over how long it would be, just a forewarning. That is all up to him and his willingness to see you.”

“I can’t imagine he wouldn’t want to see me,” you murmur, but the pang in your chest tells you otherwise.

“Sometimes, death and the underworld change fundamental parts of people. They are no longer alive, after all, and as such, those human vices and personality traits dissipate. How you knew him in life could be vastly different than the spirit who now resides in my domain. It is all a matter of weighing risks, my dear. What matters most to you? Remembering him or him remembering you?”

“So if I ask to see him, I would remember him but there’s a chance that he would have no recollection of me? And should I ask to forget, there will be no way of knowing whether he remembers me in the afterlife or not?”

“Precisely.”

That is a hefty bargain to weigh. It is almost too much for your shoulders just to think about it. One is starkly more selfish than the other, but if he’s dead, what good will selflessness do you? It won’t bring him back, that’s for sure. Either you are left with the painful realization that he does not have any memory of you in the afterlife, or you forget it all to avoid that pain. Maybe thinking about the payment before deciding would be a good idea after all.

“As for the payment? How many years do I owe you?” Demons have no use for human currency or trinkets that could be traded for favors. You can barter the only thing you have — years of life. Whether it shortens your lifespan or turns you into a personal slave for a certain amount of time, that is a price you must be willing to pay for such services. You are more than prepared to barter it all off right now if need be.

“None,” Hongjoong answers coolly, and you quirk a brow upwards at the nonchalance in his tone. “I do not deal in years of life. Not often, at least. My abilities are bound in… passion. Lovemaking, fornication, sex, fucking – whatever you wish to call it. Of course, it wouldn’t have to be that exactly, should you not desire that. The other option is a blood pact, a ritual that would take hours to complete, although both could take quite some time depending on your stamina.” There’s a breath of silence that allows Hongjoong’s lips to twist into a suggestive grin, and heat brushes the base of your neck as you fight off waves of embarrassment. “I cannot guarantee that the blood pact would be painless. With sex, I could at least provide some comfort that the pain would only be temporary; however, the choice is yours. Both are binding and would mean that you could never make a deal with another demon again, and you would be marked as mine for eternity.”

“What does being yours entail?”

“Nothing diabolical or unsavory, I promise. Just… when the time comes for you to pass on and join the Underworld, you would take a place at my side.”

“How many people have you laid claim to? Did they all agree to the same terms? How can I trust your word?” The questions tumble from your lips without relent.

“For what you desire, the cost is far less than what I would usually ask for. Those lucky enough to deal with me in the past paid less for their debts. The blood pact… the fornication… both are binding elements. The real cost is your service. Most have agreed to give me their servitude in the afterlife, all with their own places in my domain. That is what you would be offering as well. You will live just as long as you would without making this deal but make up for it after your death.”

“And that’s it?”

Hongjoong’s eyes twinkle a bit under the lights above your heads.

“What did you expect from me, doll? Savagery? Unfairness? Everyone deserves a fair price for what they want, regardless of station in life or status in society.”

“Deal,” you utter without any more hesitation, blinking up into Hongjoong’s dark orbs. There lies a lingering sense of regret in your gut, one that you cannot chase away no matter how hard you try, but you do not need to dwell on it any longer.

“And how would you like to bind our deal, my dear? Neither can be handled immediately. The blood pact requires special preparations for the ritual, but the other — I would not have you in such a place as dirty as this.”

“I-I, um, sex will work just fine,” you bite out, the skin of your cheek caught between your teeth.

“Then when the time comes that you are ready with your decision on what it is you truly want, all you need to do is take this—” Hongjoong retracts his hand from where it rests gently against the column of your throat and digs into one of his pockets. He pulls out a gilded card, one that is black and gold with flecks of red across the surface, but there are no other adornments to the material. “Tear it in half and it will bring you to our meeting place, and I will join you there to seal the deal. Should you decide that you do not want this after all, then all you need to do is burn the card. The decision lies in your hands, and yours alone.” He has to lift one of your limp hands and forcefully place the card into your waiting palm, closing his fingers around yours to make you cling to the item.

“I – th-thank you,” you stammer as you blink from your closed hand to Hongjoong’s features.

“The pleasure is all mine, doll.”

Those are the last words you hear from the demon before he slips away from you, the dense fog lingering in the air swirling up around his body, and within moments, his shadowy form disappears entirely from sight. The air grows cold around you once more. You are left with only the fleeting desire for that warmth to return, for you to feel less alone than you are in that moment, and even if it’s the briefest visit ever you just want one last chance to tell your lost lover how you feel without mistakes this time.

///

The night, as per usual, is cold and unforgiving. It allows for too many opportunities to be alone with lost feelings and thoughts. It has been weeks (if not months) since you visited that dingy club and your fateful meeting with none other than the King of the Dead. Yet you are still here, wallowing in the memories that you’ve been left to suffer with alone, and the gilded black card sits in your nightstand untouched. You open the drawer just to stare at it from time to time, when the nights are particularly rough, and it already had begun collecting a thin layer of dust the last few times you looked at it.

It isn’t that you haven’t made your decision about what you want from your deal with Hongjoong. The more terrifying fact is that you are fully aware of what it is you want, and you simply cannot rectify the guilt that comes along with the pure selfishness of your decision. The feeling is so potent that it swarms your every thought. You know it wouldn’t be an issue once you meet with Hongjoong; the demon will take it all away and leave you with nothing. You won’t even know enough to be guilty any longer, but the pain of committing to the decision is strong enough to make you sick to your stomach.

Wooyoung — the one who suggested you go to the club and make the deal in the first place — will not shut up about how worried he is about you. You won’t recall the deal or why you made it, so what’s holding you back? A temporary guilt that won’t exist longer than a few seconds once you’re actually in Hongjoong’s presence? As he said, you just need to swallow the feeling and get on with it. Prolonging the regrets any longer won’t do you any good.

You huff out a quiet laugh in the silence of your darkened room. The black gilded card taunts you again now, gleaming up at you through the shadows with its faint hints of gold and red. Maybe Wooyoung is right and the only way to get rid of missed opportunities is to forget about them entirely. Yeosang was but a chapter in your life, one that is past and gone now, and as Hongjoong said, there is no reversing death. Seeing him one last time won’t give you anything but pain.

You stretch a shaky hand towards the card in the drawer. It’s cold to the touch, dust billowing up with even the slightest touch of your fingers. You have to dig your nail under the material to pull it up, and once it’s safely set in your palm, you drag your thumb over the surface to brush the dirt away. No words on the surface, no sign that it has been touched by a demon, and not even a hint as to what it could possibly be for.

It is surprisingly flexible, at least moreso than you would have imagined, and you give it a few testing bends to see how easy it would be to break. Hongjoong simply gave you the instruction to tear it in half and that was all. You don’t expect him to suddenly materialize before you on a whim, but surely such a creation is bound by some sort of magic on his part. It is hard enough to believe that demons are real living creatures, but magic as well? Maybe you’ve passed on and just don’t realize it yet. Still, you exhale one last huff of air into the darkness before letting your eyes flutter shut. Taking the card between your hands, you begin to slowly rip the material until it separates with the force, torn in two mismatched pieces.

Nothing fantastical happens.

That fact alone is so overwhelmingly disappointing that you really think for a moment that Hongjoong was just some goth rocker in a stoner bar who pulled an elaborate trick on you. It can’t be too difficult to get your hands on some weird red-toned contacts and weave some elaborate story about being the King of Hell. You could do that yourself. Why did you think he was incapable of such a charade?

Because he knew what you wanted without you having to say it.

Yes, well, Wooyoung claimed that your regrets and grief were evident in your features every time he looked at you. Maybe Hongjoong could see it as well.

You fall back onto your bed, flattening your back against the mattress with a small shout of frustration. The urge to cry is strong; if you’ve spent all these weeks uselessly worrying over something that could all be a farce, you don’t even know how you would react. You squeeze your eyes shut tight, blinking away the tears that blossom in the corners there as best you can. The rolling emotions in your system distract you from the sudden shift in temperature, and before you know it heat washes over you and fills the void of cold in your body. You jerk but refuse to sit up quite yet, eyes flying open in your shock only to choke on air as a bright golden light fills your vision and swarms you with warmth. The cushion under your body doesn’t feel the same either; it is not your bed, it’s too plush and soft, too warm under you, and you feel like you are absolutely drowning in the sensation.

Gold flickers above you, twinkling lights that glisten like small stars above you, and the ceiling is so dark that you nearly think it’s just an opening to the night sky. You sit up in a mad panic. The gold and red decorations littering the far too lavish room barely process in your vision as you look for a way out, and you don’t even see the figure coming up along your side until he’s upon you. A hand stretches out to brush over your forehead. You nearly shriek in your state of terror, but the sound is all but stolen from your lungs instead.

“It’s only me, doll. You’re safe.”

Hongjoong. Ah, Hongjoong. Then… he was telling the truth. It wasn’t a farce or a deception meant to be a game. He claimed to be the Devil Incarnate, and here he stands before you in a room too rich and exquisite for words. You can’t find it in you to think he’s lying now.

You dare to glance up and meet his gaze, finding it so soft on your face that you have the audacity to blush under his stare despite the things you’ll be doing with him soon enough.

“Have you made your decision then?” He asks, tone soft and light. It isn’t one that demands an immediate answer. You know he could ask what took you so long to decide, complain about your hesitance, say that you kept him waiting for far too long — instead, he exudes patience with you, hand slowly combing over your forehead down to your cheek and brushing over the skin there with a touch so featherlight that you almost don’t realize it’s there at all.

“I-I have,” you whisper like the two of you aren’t the only ones in the room and it’s a secret meant only for your ears.

“What would you have from me first then? As I told you before, the payment is the same regardless of your decision, and as such, we can bind the deal first if you’d rather.”

You swallow around nothing. There is no harm in going through with the decision now, but your nerves are so frazzled and out of sorts that you almost desire the sex simply as a means of stress relief. Hongjoong steps in front of you, fully coming into view, and you are shocked at how… mundane he looks. You blink fervently at the man — demon, rather — and take in the gentle part of his hair, the soft glow of his skin that makes him look simply ethereal under this light. He hardly looks like a demon to you; his features are too smooth and perfect for that, from the curves of his lips to the even line of his nose. Although you suppose that’s all he wants you to see, yet it still seems oddly intimate to a certain degree.

“You aren’t worried that I’ll try to run away after my wish is fulfilled?” You ask. Hongjoong arches his brows at you, and his neutral expression slips into one of momentary shock.

“Where are you going to go, my dear? I brought you to this place, and you will need me to send you back once we’re done here.”

It sinks in at that moment how you are completely at his mercy right now. Not that you had any plans of running away, but the question was moreso just to test the waters, see if he is truly as merciful as his features make him out to be. The underlying danger in his tone proves your point and sends a chill down your spine.

“Is that something I ought to be worried about, doll? Should I claim you now to make sure you keep your end of the bargain?” The question sits on your ear like warm honey. It chokes you, fills your senses with Hongjoong’s scent, and you almost find yourself leaning into his curling lips before catching yourself. That seems to pique his interest in the very least, and his smile twists a bit more. “The decision is in your hands as always. I won’t do anything you don’t give me explicit permission to do.”

“Permission granted,” you mutter before catching a hand on Hongjoong’s collar. “Do it all.” You aren’t too worried about damaging his clothes as he’s not wearing anything drastically fancy or expensive-looking, and thus you twist your fist into a ball around the fabric of his black tee and yank him down to your height. He bends at the waist, hands catching on the mattress before his forehead can smack hard against yours. There’s a bit of tension in his neck, and that keeps him far enough back so that he doesn’t kiss you quite yet. It’s almost as though he is waiting for something else, eyes carefully tracing your features with great care before he settles on your lips, and a sharp inhale of breath follows before that thin line in his composure snaps.

His lips hit yours with a surprising amount of force, and the kiss isn’t at all what you were expecting — well, to be more accurate, you aren’t quite sure what you were expecting in the first place. It’s much more pleasant than you could have imagined though, and Hongjoong isn’t shy with the touch at all. His tongue is quick to swipe over your lower lip, hands darting upwards to brush over your sides before reaching your face, and he brings a knee down on the mattress to support his weight as he leans over you. You follow the motion when he pushes forward and lean back until you have no choice but to scoot back on the bed. Hongjoong moves with you with the same amount of fervor, still pressed to your lips without relent, and you don’t even think to stop as he completely drapes himself over your body, knees still up and supporting his weight. The cushion of the mattress dips by your head, a telltale sign that he’s placed his hands there, and you use that as your opportunity to stop for air. Hongjoong surely has no need to breathe like you do since he is undead, but he still pants above you, chest heaving as a pretty flush rises to his cheeks.

“Putting that much power in a demon’s hands is dangerous, is it not?” He mutters. You let your lashes flutter shut as he moves back to your lips, hot breath ghosting over your skin. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

“I’ll tell you if it’s something I don’t like,” you murmur, opening an eye to peek at him. He meets your gaze with a soft laugh, but your answer seems to please him enough to bring his attention back to your lips. You inhale as his tongue breaches your mouth and pushes into the wet cavern inside. There’s no chance for you to fight back for any sort of dominance because he only thrusts deeper and coats the inside of your mouth with his taste until you can feel his tongue brushing over your palate. A quiet moan reverberates through your throat and against his lips. You feel the barest hint of a smile in the kiss, then his lips are suddenly gone from yours. You gasp for air with the freedom. Heat pools in the depths of your gut, a pleasant one that leaves you wanting more, and you aren’t sure if it’s simply been so long since you last had sex or if Hongjoong truly has that effect on you.

He returns to touching your body a moment later, hands trailing to the row of buttons on your nightshirt, and one by one, he pulls them apart until the material is barely clinging to your skin. His lips replace his fingers then. First at your jaw placing a wet trail of kisses and soft nips that leave you with goosebumps. Then he reaches the midpoint of your sternum and rests the flat of his tongue there, tasting and teasing your skin until you can do nothing but writhe under him because he is taking so damn long. Your impatience is laughable to him, as evidenced by the quiet huff of air that leaves him next.

“I want to taste every inch of you,” he mumbles against the skin of your stomach, hands pulling your nightshirt away to expose more of the skin underneath. He makes good on his words, and that damn tongue traces lower and lower until he reaches the band of your pants and underwear. You instinctively dart a hand down to tangle in his hair. “F-Fuck.” The curse slips out when you give an accidental tug to the hair close to his nape, and you nearly think that you’ve hurt him in some manner until you catch sight of the blissed-out expression on his features.

“D-Do you — can I…?”

“Do it harder while I eat you out,” he growls. His fingers close hard around the remainders of your close, and you don’t even have time to nod before he’s yanking both your pants and underwear down in one fell swoop. It leaves you more than a little exposed — you’re suddenly nearly nude before the demon who is still fully clothed, and that realization draws your thighs tight together in a sudden rush of embarrassment. You swallow hard around nothing, eyes darting away from Hongjoong’s prying gaze.

All of a sudden, he shrugs your hand off his hair and sits back on his heels. You don’t understand what his reasoning is until you settle your eyes back on his body. He’s leaned back to start stripping layers of clothes off in a rush, hands fumbling and struggling to pull them away in an orderly manner. There is no composure to his actions, only a hastened fervor that has him tossing his shoes far from the bed along with random articles of clothes until he’s laid fully bare before you. You really try your hardest not to glance down at his… you know, but the urge is overwhelming. Before you can even catch a glimpse, however, Hongjoong is on you again, hands latched around your thighs and pulling you to the edge of the bed as he kneels before you on the floor. The sudden movement has you squealing in surprise, and that noise is broken off into a startled moan when Hongjoong’s lips brush through your folds without warning.

“O-Oh god,” you gasp out. Hongjoong’s tongue gives a long and dragging pull through your heat, teasing some of the juices out of you with little restraint.

“Far from it actually,” he replies against your clit. A cheeky grin eats away at his features, but it quickly disappears as he returns his focus to your cunt. Your hand finds its way back down to his hair once more and tugs hard at the strands. Each tweak of his tongue through your folds has your legs jerking a bit, and he has to tighten his grip on your thighs to keep you from moving so much under his touch.

“I’m not — I w-won’t last, pl-please, I–” You can’t even finish the sentence as Hongjoong flicks the tip of his tongue right over your clit and cuts you off. He repeats that same motion, again and again, brings you right to the precipice of an orgasm only to tear you back down from it with soft kisses pressed to the outside of your folds. You can’t keep track of how many times he repeats that process, but it is more than enough to have you shaking from exhaustion and desperation even though you haven’t even been able to come yet.

“Are you going to beg for it, doll?” Hongjoong hums after what feels like hours of pleasurable torture. “I promised to make you feel good, did I not? You just have to tell me what you want.” His words are so taunting that it burns you with embarrassment. The need for that orgasm hangs on every nerve ending of your body, and you could cry just out of the need to come.

“Please,” you whisper in a tone broken from constant moans and cries.

“Be more specific.” It’s so cruel. He dangles the promise of pleasure before your eyes again, this time nipping ever so gently at your bud, and you really do cry this time, fingers digging harshly on his scalp. That draws a prolonged growl from his lips, and it reverberates against you so nicely that you could come from that. Hongjoong pulls his head back too soon though and the sensation is dashed away.

“N-No, no, please. P-Please, Hongjoong, I — please let me come. I need it, I need it so badly. Shit, just – just please let me come,” you wail as tears slip out the corners of your eyes and spill onto the sheets under you. That’s the breaking point for him as well, or so it would seem, because the next time his mouth brushes through your cunt, he doesn’t relent. You come undone on his tongue, riding out the waves of your intense orgasm as he fucks his wet muscle into your heat. He won’t stop chuckling either — a low noise that just prolongs the pleasure and makes you quiver from overstimulation. He doesn’t let up until a dry and choked sob pushes past your lips.

Suddenly he is back up on the bed, bent over your body to be eye to eye with you. His fingers trace over your wet cheeks then clasp hard around your jaw.

“Too much?”

“N-No,” you stammer through the wet cries. “So good. So so good.”

“Mm, can you take my cock too, doll?” He all but purrs the words against your skin. His soft and trailing kisses return to your skin, peppering the line of your jaw just past his fingers.

“Yes, please, I c-can. Please. I want i-it all.” You never thought you could sound so overwhelmingly desperate, but the tumbling sensation that swerves through your stomach as Hongjoong’s demeanor shifts has you falling into absolute shambles. He shifts your position, pushing you up higher to rest against the pillows, and you start to drape your legs around his waist. That must not be the position he had in mind though, because his hand clamps down hard on one of your calves and pushes it to the top of his shoulder. Before you can even blink, he does the same with your other leg, effectively folding you in half and into a position you weren’t even aware that your body was capable of. That shock is momentary as you feel the tip of what must his cock rubbing over your pulsating hole. You can’t do anything but ball your fists around the sheets under you and cling to them like a vice. It’s the only thing that can prepare you for his girth; the stretch may not be as much as you thought it would be, but it still stings like a bitch even after he bottoms out in you. That pain must be showing on your features – in the way your brows are tightly knit together and your eyes are screwed shut so that excess tears from earlier slip out.

The soft caress of lips touches your forehead. It’s so gentle and delicate that you nearly miss it in your efforts to grow used to the sensation between your legs, but Hongjoong repeats it time and time again until your breathing steadies and your chest stops heaving as much. It’s only then that he dares to resituate his hips. You crack an eye open to look at him, and it’s abundantly clear that he’s trying his hardest to hold back and keep from fucking into you with reckless abandon.

“I’m okay now,” you whisper, pulling a hand off the bedsheets to brush some loose strands of hair out of Hongjoong’s vision. “Please fuck me as hard as you’d like.” You snake the same hand around the back of his neck. When he still doesn’t move, you offer a sharp tug to the hair that falls over his sweat-slick nape, and that spurs him into action. His hips snap roughly against yours, pushing your back further into the crude curve it’s already in. Now that the dull throbbing pain has dissolved into a sensation of pleasure, you drown yourself in the drag of his member inside you. It’s quite possibly the best feeling you’ve had all night with the way his tip rubs over your bundle of nerves at just the right angle.

Hongjoong drops his elbows to the pillow under your head, and you greet him with a kiss that is mostly just an awkward clash of teeth for the most part. He gains enough composure to shift the angle to one that’s easier for both of you, hips still working hard as he rocks into you with the same force and speed as before. You are so lost in the euphoria that you can’t even feel your next orgasm sneaking up on you, but when it does, it pulls a noiseless scream from your lips. Hongjoong mouths at the corner of your lips as you ride it out. He still seems far off from his own high, even as he slows the pulses of his thrusts. You claw your way back from the high of your orgasm to grip his hair tighter and pull him closer to you.

“In me. I need you to come in me or not at all,” you demand through a huffed out sigh. It’s a moment of throwing caution to the wind, one that is quite worth it thanks to the expression of hunger and lust that fills Hongjoong’s face.

“You can’t just say things like that, doll,” he growls into the shell of your ear. You try to laugh but he interrupts you with a thrust harsher than any of the ones before. Every sound that falls from your lips now is stuttered and broken at the seams, and you let him fuck you with that same level of passion until he finally seems to tire and lose his rhythm. The only warning you have that he’s about to orgasm is the slight whine to his tone when he moans next. You push what strength you have left into clenching hard around his cock, and that is ultimately what tips him over the edge and pulls a delightful moan from his lips as he spills into your tight heat. He releases his hold on your legs, letting them slip away from his shoulders and back into a more comfortable position on the bed, but he refuses to move off your body.

You aren’t sure how long the two of you stay like that: with Hongjoong continually mouthing small kisses to the underside of your jaw and you just staring blankly at the glittering ceiling with a mind nearly empty. However much time passes doesn’t quite matter because once you recover your senses enough to be coherent again, you recall what is supposed to come next. Shaky hands find their way to Hongjoong’s arms and trail up to rest atop his back.

“Take it all away,” you exhale through a pant, hands clinging desperately to the milky skin of Hongjoong’s shoulders. “I don’t want to remember him anymore.” His chest heaves against yours, and a few loose strands of dark hair fall forward to stick to his sweat-slick forehead. This time when he kisses you, it is hot and searing, a brand against your lips, one that burns the inside of your mouth and sets your tongue alight. The sensation slips down the back of your throat, fills your gut, burns you from the inside out, and all your thoughts go hazy under the touch of his lips. With that one kiss, Hongjoong takes it all away. He gives into your desires, heeds your wishes, and grants you the ultimate peace and serenity you so deeply craved. He continues to cling to you like he’s never held something so desperately or lost in his infinite existence. You return the embrace in full while you can, strength already leaving you in the afterglow of your fornication, and you rake your nails down over his back if only to leave him with some sort of trophy to leave with. He is already leaving with your memories though, a trophy to hold close to his heart should there ever be a time when you ask for them to be returned to you. Perhaps in your afterlife, you’ll ask for them back, and Hongjoong would gladly give them should it be what you desire.

That is what he is, after all. As much as he takes, the Demon King of the Underworld gives in return, where he can with what he can. His duty, his bond, the sole purpose for his existence is to maintain that balance between giving and taking. But if it’s for you — a creature so lost, dismal, and hopeless — perhaps he can tip the scales a bit further in your direction.

At least, that’s what he thinks as you curve your body into his and press your lips with more fervor than before. That maybe, just maybe, endless years of his own hopelessness and confusion were all meant to lead him to finding this: a purpose in his undying life.

﹎    ﹎    ﹎

[hematomes]

I WILL NOT OBJECT TO HUGS

also yeah the quiz rlly said it was gonna give me like all the characters that are secretive as hell but also 1 of them that is fucking off the rails @ childe i love u but. i acknowledge that kinning u and being kin assigned to you probably means im unhinged?

it’s funny that you say venti and albedo were obvious choices bc. AKSKS IDK I NEVER CONSIDERED VENTI?? and most people don’t guess albedo so :0

i am also in love with said emo man, he was on the list too but just a little further down. but xiao is. it’s ok u got kin assigned xiao, i got kin assigned zhongli, we can now proceed to be weirdly estranged from each other but also close as all hell for the next few thousand years or so until i fake my death and retire in order to force you to retire as well

pls lmk if this plan does not work for u ok

ZKDKZ WELL i think venti is really interesting tbh. he seems fine on the outside, cracks some jokes etc and looks carefree and just, yk, free, but deep down he's still mourning the loss of his friend and became an alcoholic. he lost not only the boy but now his people, because he freed them; just like he freed dvalin. he's obsessed with freedom, but i wonder if it's a healthy one? like,,,

when you look at anemo characters, they're also free, in a way, but they lost something and this something chains them to a certain duty (disregarding jean bc i don't know her im sorry but it could be losing venessa (?) and becoming the head of the knights etc). xiao lost the other adepti + rex lapis, and he's carrying the burden all by himself. kazuha just mourned his friend's death properly, and is now more free, but that's really recent. sucrose lost her friends, but she remains obsessed with their promise to the point where it's part of the reason she became albedo's assistant

they're not really free, just like venti isn't. also, he's kind of hyperfixating on this whole freedom thing, so, yk. YEAH.

and albedo also fits the whole idea of what we talked about imo!! probably wouldn't have guessed. although he does get a little more lively when he talks about his interests, and you do too, so 👀

anyway im talking too much

PFRRR OKAY BUT ngl im still crying over the idea that xiao didn't know at first that zhongli = morax and thought morax was really dead. imagine seeing the one who literally saved you fucking drop dead in the middle of the city

but yeah let's go <3 and if you're also venti, maybe sing me a lil song teehee

[corvidshipping]

modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

[missblissy]

SO I ACCIDENTLY DELETED THE ASK BUUT! Anon asked about my OCs so here they are ;v;

These are my two important children. I do not have their demon forms drawn out yet because THIS IS A VERY OLD REF OF THEM ((I drew this in 2017. I do not have a working tablet but im GETTING ONE FOR CHRISTMAS SO IM GONNA BE DRAWING AGAIN SOON!! This is just their general bio, not necessarily Hazbin hotel))

Sage Helvig:

Age: 26 Gender: Female Race: Mixed. Japanese/Europen Descent.   Status: Alive Build/Body Type/Physical Frame: Smol Height: 4′9″ Weight: 160 lbs Skin: White Hair: Long black hair that stops above her waist, wavy but little to nose curls Eyes: Blue Other defining features/extra anatomy: Has many piercings on her ears, both ears are completely covered with piercings. Voice: Soft-spoken and relatively monotone. Doesn’t express a lot of emotions when speaking. Often mistaken for being tired. Style: POP PUNK!!! EDGY!!! EMO!!!!

Loves/Favorites: - Tol Husband - Magic/Pagan worship - Japanese cuisine and culture - Archery/Bowhunting - Studying Mythology - Pepsi ((She’s addicted)) - ALL BREAKFAST FOOD - And fruits. She prefers fruit over candy - Chemistry - Cleaning ((It’s a form of therapy for her)) - Science ((in general)) - Crabs ((She keeps them as pets and thinks they are the cutest things every)) - Winter and Fall - Swords/Daggers/Blades

Hates: - Candy, like unnaturally sweet things ((like taffy, lemon drops, sour patch kids, etc etc)) - Math - Cooking - Most internet culture. - Evil/Dark spirits/Demons ((Anything malevolent)) - People who don’t know how to shut up about cars - Bugs - Spring and Summer

Hobbies: - Studying different culture’s mythology/history/religions. - Witchcraft/Spellcasting - Demon slaying - Archery - Chemistry - Swordsmanship

Hopes/Dreams: - To one day rid the world of all demonic and malevolent spirits. - Have a daughter of her own and raise her the way she was raised - To become a skilled and honorable Demon Slayer

Fears/Nightmares: - Anything bad happening to Van or her brother - Death - Demonic possession ((Ya know, being possessed and shit)) - Hurting the innocent. - Getting sent to Hell

Best Quality: - She is a skilled Demon Slayer who has seen more combat than the average person. She used a mix of a short bow, rapier and magical abilities when hunting and fighting demons and spirits Greatest Flaw: - She doesn’t put enough trust and faith into those around her. She struggles with taking on to much at once and burning herself out. She tries to hard to fix everything by herself and tends to push the people she cares most away from her. How does the character picture himself/herself? - She doesn’t see or view herself as the legend she is slowly becoming. She’s very humble and feels as though she is at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to anything she does. There is always room for improvement. How do others see him/her? - One of the best Demon Slayers there are out there, many people are fame struck when the come meet her because she is from a long demon slayer that dates back to some of the earliest centries of human culture and society. This causes her and Van to move a lot.

Most valued possession: - The rapier sword that she was gifted too by her father as he died from a fatal wound during a battle with a demon. It is the same rapier sword that she used to kill said demon that murdered her father.

Is he/she motivated by possibility or necessity? - Necessity. She knows that she is needed because there are so few people left on the planet with gifts like hers ((I.e Magical abilities)) How does he/she view the future and/or the past? - Sage thinks there is a grim future for humanity and has little faith in those around her. She tries not to think about the past either but uses it as motivation to keep moving forward. What is his/her philosophy on life and death? - She fears death more than anything, only because she doesn’t know what kind of afterlife she will have. Sage doesn’t think death is the end, and believe there is life beyond death. She wants to live as long as she can, possibly growing old with Van. What kind of energy level do they usually have? Sleepy and depressed. She’s not a bubbly person and is very serious and stoic and quiet.

Does he/she have a temper? Yes but only if you push her to the edge or if she’s been cornered in some way.

Polite or rude? Rude Stingy or generous? Generous Leader or a follower? Leader More happy by themselves or in a group? By herself What is his/her sexual preference/experience/values? - Sage is bisexual, monogamous, and demisexual. Before she married Vanderlinde she dated both men and women. She doesn’t sleep around and find causal sex repulsive ((for her, she doesn’t care what other people do with their sex lives)) -History/Background- - Sage was born from a Japanese mother and a German father. She was born in Japan but her family moved around every few years due to being members of a secret society dedicated to exterminating demons. Her mother is still alive however her father died when she was 17 years old in a fatal battle with a Demon. - She has spent almost her entire life working for a secret society of demon slayers, which she took on as a full-time job after her father died. - Sage has an older half brother named Kael, they share the same mother but a different father. - She received formal schooling through the secret soceity she worked for. She was able to still get her high school education while traveling around the world to slay demons. - She met Vanderlinde when she was 20 years old and after just moving to the United States. Vanderlinde was a priest at the time and Sage had just enrolled in university for a chemistry degree. They quickly fell in love and Sage welcomed Vanderlinde into her secret society with open arms and Vanderlinde happily joined.

((There is so much more to Sage’s backstory I’m just TIRED and SLEEPY so this is all ya’ll get.))

___________________________________________

Vanderlinde Helvig:

Age: 31 Gender: Male Race: Cucasion, Scandinavian descent. Status: Alive Build/Body Type/Physical Frame: Tol Height: 6′0″ Weight: 230 lbs Skin: White Hair: Short blonde fluffy hair Eyes: Green Other defining features/extra anatomy: He has several tattoos, all of them are based of Nordic Mythology, Nordic Ruins, and Scandinavian Vikings Voice: Deep but soothing. Imagine what butter would sound like if it could talk.SMOOTH Style: Business Causal, he’s a professor so he wears a lot of dress shirts and sweaters. This boy loves his cashmere sweaters.

Loves/Favorites: - His smol wife - Music ((He loves pop punk, rock, grunge, metal, etc etc)) - THE LORD ALL MIGHTY - Sunday Prayer - His Students - Teaching - Nordic Mythology - Cooking - PEACE AND LOVE - Coffee and tea. - Summer and Fall - Going to concerts/rock shows - Motorcycles

Hates: - Spring and Winter - Unnecessary arguments/debates - People who refuse to educate themselves - Lazy Students - Grading paper work - People who don’t know how to drive - Demonic/Evil Spirits - Pepsi ((He’s a Coke-a-cola person)) - Alcohol ((And Drunk people. If you are drunk he won’t even try and talk to you))

Hobbies: - Reading - Writing ((He’s written many books about religious study books)) - Exploring the unknown ((He breaks your modern Indiana Jones tbh lmao)) - Providing Exorcisms/religious healing/cleanings - Working out/staying fit - Researching religions and mythology

Hopes/Dreams: - WORLD PEACE - That everyone can be happy and treated equally - To destroy every demonic/evil spirit - To have a child one day, just one. Doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl he’ll love them the same. - To be recognized worldwide for his work and struggles.

Fears/Nightmares: - Losing Sage ((In any way. Like if she’s killed or if she leaves him etc etc.)) - Becoming possessed and harming people. - The Devil/Lucifer/Satan - Demonic spirits ((He’s always afraid of them even if he’d confronted by them)) - Heights/Being up high - The ocean

Best Quality: - Vanderlinde is a very mild-mannered person. It’s hard to piss him off, he’s very calm and collective and has incredible control over his emotions. People often describe him with a “healing” personality and an “open mind.” Greatest Flaw: - He lets his fears control him. Too often he runs away from things that quiet literally scare him. He is not a fighter and doesn’t enjoy fighting, he’d rather run away defend himself or those around him. This often leads people to say he is cowardly. How does the character picture himself/herself? - Vanderlinde sees himself as a weak softy who can’t win a single physically fight. He doesn’t have a lot of self-confidence so he doubts himself and his skills way too much. He thinks he a push-over that anyone could walk all over. How do others see him/her? - Many people view Vanderlinde as an incredibly intelligent and kind professor who cares about his student’s education more than anything in the world. ((Next to his love for Sage)) People describe him as a very kind and loving person with a big heart.

Most valued possession: - His rosary, he carries it with him always. It was a gift to him from a priest that change his views on Christianity and other religions.

Is he/she motivated by possibility or necessity? - Necessity. Vanderlinde knows there aren’t enough people in the world fighting the dark forces. He knows it is his duty to educate the masses about what is going on when no one is looking. How does he/she view the future and/or the past? - Vanderlinde hopes for a pretty and peaceful future, a safe world where his child can grow up without fear. What is his/her philosophy on life and death? - Vanderlinde does not fear death, he knows that he is going to Hell anyway, so he might as well enjoy his life to the fullest until that day comes. What kind of energy level do they usually have? He’s very relaxed, calm and cool. He’s known for wearing a comforting smile and using healing words to lift people up and make them feel better about themselves.

Does he/she have a temper? No. Vanderlinde has incredible control over his emotions. Even when he’s pissed off he’s still nice, happy, and trying his best to please others.

Polite or rude? Polite Stingy or generous? Generous Leader or a follower? Leader More happy by themselves or in a group? By himself What is his/her sexual preference/experience/values? - Vanderlinde is a straight monogamous male. He’s experimented before here and there but he prefers women for the most part. He is very private about his sex life and gets very uncomfortable when people talk/ask about it. -History/Background- - Vanderlinde grew up in an orphanage for wayward boys, he never knew his parents and refuses to look into them. He was born in the United States. He doesn’t want to know why or how he ended up at the orphanage. It was run by a Catholic church, where he grew up with a deep faith in the Lord. He began to question his faith when the Priest he looked up to had passed away. - Around 18 years old Vanderlinde left the orphanage and went on a soul searching journal across the United State. He was homeless during this time as he traveled cross country, drinking, doing drugs and learning about all different types of faith. When he turned 20 he turned back to the Church and became a priest for the next five years. - He met Sage when he was 25, she was 20 at the time. Because she was a pagan witch, Vanderlinde was punished for getting himself involved with her. At the same time, he also got in trouble for researching other religions other than Christianity. He chose to renounce his priesthood and left the church because he did not agree with their rules. After that, Vanderlinde worked towards becoming a professor at the local university where he could freely research and teach others - After he fell in love with Sage, Vanderlinde joined her secret society, more than happy to join a cause he believed in and was willing to fight for.

((Again, there is so much more to Vanderlinde’s back story but Im just so tired and I wanted to quickly summarize the 20 pages I have for these two dorks.))

[nekoabi]

Fic Masterlist!

I finally made a post version of my masterlist, which allows it to be viewed on mobile! Everything is also available on my AO3, which is also NekoAbi. 

The Five Times Patton Smiled And The One Time It Didn’t Reach His Eyes - Angsty. Romantic Royality. Romantic Prinxiety. Implied NSFW. College AU. School AUri

Admitting It - Romantic Logicality. Kiss. Sleepy boys. Terrible Title Syndrome.

Stitches -  Hurt/Comfort. Platonic Moxiety. Patton tears.

Falling For You - MASTERLIST! Romantic Logicality. Romantic Prinxiety. Platonic LAMP. One-sided (for now). Implied NSFW dreams. Implied wet dream. Swearing. Logan and Roman being know-it-all lil pieces of shit. School AU.

Planning - Platonic LAMP. Fluffy shenanigans.

Snow - Platonic LAMP. Virgil enjoys the snow. Pain mention, Self-inflicted pain.

Calm - Platonic LAMP. Its a calm day and Virgil gets introspective. Food mention.

Library - MASTERLIST! MASTERLIST (Rewrite) Library AU. All pairings, a different pairing each chapter, ending with LAMP. Cute fluff. Falling in love in different ways. Logan, head librarian. Patton, hired work. Virgil, volunteer. Roman, volunteer.

Too Close For Comfort - Past Prinxiety. Crying, Break Up. Roman is processing a break up, maybe some music can help.

Royality vs. Analogical - Romantic Royality, Romantic Analogical. Food mention, kissing. Each relationship is different; some are loud, some are quiet.

Nerdy - MASTERLIST! Romantic Logince. High School AU. Logan’s always been a lone wolf, but recently someone’s just been playing on his mind.

Fragrance of Dark Coffee - Romantic Prinxiety. Angst. Major Character Death Prior To Events. Influenced by Ace Attorney.

On the Verge of a Heartbreak - MASTERLIST! Eventual Moxiety. Angst in later chapters. School AU.

His Last Chance - Prinxiety. Angst. Implied cheating, lots of sadness.

Prompt Fill Fic Collection - University AU. Most LAMP ships. A collection of 9 prompt fill fics.

Logan’s Birthday - Written for Logan’s Birthday 2018. Platonic LAMP. Food mention, happy crying.

Tea Break -  Patton finds Roman having some issues with homework. Platonic Royality. Food mention. School AU.

Hands - Soft Logince. Roman’s frustrated by something.

Of Princes and Potions - MASTERLIST! Pining Logince. Royal Fantasy AU. Sympathetic Deceit. Mentions of war and injury. Chapter 6 involves blood, swords, knives, injury and strong anxiety attack parallels.

Rain On Me/You’re Perfect/The Way You Held My Hand/Stupid Band - School AU. Virgil is new to the school, meets a cute boy, can’t handle it. Themes of personal isolation.Chapter 3 had allusion to self-harm and talk of injury. Based off of a songs from Emo the Musical.

If I Can’t Love Her - Based off of a song of the same name. Roceit. Sympathetic Deceit. Roman hears a new singing voice, and needs to find out who it is.

Perfect - Romantic Royality. Kissing, Playfighting. Roman and Patton begin by playfighting, end up doing something they didn’t expect.

My Hero - Romantic Moceit. Kidnapping, Gangs, Violence, Fighting. Patton is kidnapped, and all he wants is for his boyfriend to come and save him... but that would never happen... right?

Ultraviolet - Logince. Past Prinxiety. Swearing, alcohol mention, past FWB relationship. Roman’s crushing on a fellow teacher and his inner performer can really help with that.

Bad Day - Implied Romantic Mox. Panic attack. Virgil has a bad day, Patton knows how to help.

Animals Know Best - Logicality. Prinxiety. Soulmate AU. Everyone has a partner animal that chooses them which not only has traits of their soulmate, but will also lead them to their soulmate. Virgil doesn’t believe in it all too much, until he can’t help but admit it.

Insomnia - Remile. Insomnia talk, mention of sleep therapy, mention of smoking. Remy’s dealing with some really bad insomnia and he’s referred to a sleep specialist. Yet the most interesting thing is the receptionist who works there...

Torn Apart - Heavy Angst with a happy ending. Lots of violence; stabbing, cutting off limbs, strangulation, choking, head injuries. Wrath is an OC of mine, he’s an angry man. Virgil sets him off. It’s a bad time.

Lullaby for a Duke - Remus mention. Based off of Lullaby for a Princess, an MLP song and animation.

Ranking Up - MASTERLIST! Splatoon Sides. Deceit and Remus are involved. 

Lies - Virgil-centric. Angst. Unhappy Ending. Suicide, Alcohol, Dangerous Driving, Car Crash, Death, Suicide (both implied and described), Implied Abusive Deceit. Based off of Lies by McFly.

This Day Aria - Villain!Deceit. Based off of the same song from MLP:FiM.

It’s (Im)possible - Roceit. “What you just asked for is impossible” and “Fuckbuddies falling in love”.

I’m Fine! - School AU. Roman’s sent to the councillor’s office against his will. Sure, he may have mentioned something in drama, but he’s fine!

Headache - No AU. Thomas has a headache and it affects where the sides reside... and to Roman more than the others.

Paint Me - Royality. Human AU. Struggling artist Roman needs some inspiration and the stranger knocking at his door is just what he needs. Based off of Paint Me from Firebringer.

To Love a Remus - Demus. No AU. Remus is an idiot, but Deceit thinks he’s hot anyway. Blood and Injury mention. Birthday fic for @doces-e--tuga

Virgil the Small Purple Emo - Moxiety. Love Makes You Grow AU. Virgil was unloved at a young age and stopped growing. A chance meeting might change his life. Secret Santa for @midnightsdarkangel (also my first and probably last attempt at GT)

Battle Bonds - No AU. Thomas is on a Pokemon kick and its affecting his imagination more than he could... well... imagine.

Theatre Technicians are basically Vampires - Vampire/Human AU. They all live in one house, work at the same place and are vampires. Angst included about their pasts which include the following: attacks, blood, talk of death, injury, scarring and attempted suicide.

Recreating - MASTERLIST! No ships. No AU. Thomas liked to watch Disney movies. That fact was one of the least surprising things about him. He could sit down and watch almost any of the Disney movies and have a wonderful time. Sometimes, scenes from those movies got stuck in his head. He never thought anything of it. 

Love on the Fly Floor - Theatre AU. Prinxiety, Roman is crushing bad on one of the flymen for the show he’s on. When his birthday rolls around, the cast and crew give him a surprise.

While The Sides Are Away, Virgil Will Play - No AU. The sides have a day out and leave Virgil at home. They don’t expect to come home to him looking... like that.

How Not to Help Your Nerd Boyfriend Find a Swimsuit - Human AU. Intrulociet. Logan needs a swimsuit. His boyfriends want to help. They are no help. Birthday fic for @cloverlyanxious/ @maeofclubsandart

Pier Pressure - Human AU. Logince/Pining Moxiety. The four go to the lake to hang out, Roman’s mad that his brother and friend are so clearly into each other but not taking the hint.

The 5 Times Patton Tripped and the 1 Time He Fell (In Love) - Human AU. 5+1 fic. Moxiety. Patton falls a lot, has done since birth. Doesn’t mean everyone’s used to it.

Remus Kidnaps You - Idk AU... mix of canon and human, maybe? No Ship. Remus kidnaps you to play with your hair. That’s about it.

Oh My God, They Were Roommates - Human/College AU. Prinxiety. Virgil meets an old friend, gets a crush on him, walks into him basically naked, freaks out. Ends happy.

Heatwave - Sides-Are-English Human AU.  There’s a heatwave. All the roommates are shedding their usual clothing for something cooler, except one.

Explainable Coincidences - Human/Teen AU. The twins explore an abandoned hotel, but they didn’t expect others to be there too.

Don’t Think Twice - Human AU. Song Fic. Roceit. It’s the happiest day of their lives, yet they still reflect on where they started from.

Keeping It Quiet - Human/Influencer AU. Prinxiety. Virgil and Roman keep their relationship quiet on social media. Not silent, just quiet.

Don’t Drink And Livestream, Especially When You’re Famous - Human/Famous AU. Platonic Roceit. Being drunk, drinking, kissing. Janus tries to help his friend get over his ex.

A Simple Mistake With A Simple Solution - Human AU. Logince. Roman messes up, Logan’s pissed. Roman makes it easy.

Skipping Ahead A Few Steps - Human AU. Logicality. Patton brings a dog home, Logan’s baffled and confused.

Oh How The Tables Have Turned... - Royal AU. Roceit, background Intrulogical. Roman’s brother likes Roman’s retainer. Roman doesn’t think he likes his brother’s. He’s wrong.

Just Like In The Fairy Tales - Semi-Fantasy/Royal AU. Royality. Patton sneaks off to his favourite place to enjoy the view.

An Apple A Day... Hurts Like A Bitch - No AU. Platonic Sides. The 5 times Janus got apples thrown at him and the 1 time he threw one at everyone else.

–

TVFH Related Stories

Pocky Day - Written for Pocky Day 2018. Shenanigans with TVFH cast and the pocky game.

Coffee Break - Virgil returns to his room and finds Reggie having problems with homework. School AU.

House Party - Roman throws a house party after a show. Mention of drunken behaviour and alcohol.

Beach Trip -  It’s hot, the gang decide to go to the beach. The night before, shenanigans ensue. Sexual implications. Relia focused.

--

FFXV Fics

Type Found - Pokemon AU. Prompto finds a Pokemon in an imperial base, saves it and plot things happen. The boys have partner pokemon.

Hair Troubles - No AU. Ignis can’t get his hair right and it’s frustrating. Prompto steps in to help.

Prompto’s Bike - Pre-Roadtrip. OT4 Chocobros. Prompto has a motorbike. The other bros really like it.

Cor’s Cooking Lesson - Pre-Roadtrip. Cor finds young Ignis attempting to cook and helps out.

[thegloriousbluerose]

I was thinking to share this at my instagram… But I think this place is more suitable to say everything… ✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️

I was just a little girl then I find Japanese culture. It was an inspiration for me. Nobody knew about this except my family. After some time I was tired of my music playlist (there was basically only jrock music) and I wanted some new music. I searched on YouTube and I find BIGBANG - Haru Haru. It was the ending of 2009. At that time I recognised South Korea music and culture too. After a while I find BIGBANG forum.. I registered and at 20100213 I become an official fan of BIGBANG, VIP. I was happy. Really. Because of them I fell in love with music, I started writing… And Im still doing that. I was so happy.. Later on I find Shinee’s Ring Ding Dong MV. And I was impressed with Jonghyun’s voice… Lucifer MV’s I was impressed with Taemin… From YG ent I supported BIGBANG. They are really meaningful to me. They built my personality. I am thankfull to them. From SM ent I supported Shinee.. Everything were fine… Later on I find attractive other groups like Super Junior, FTISLAND, UKISS, GIRLS GENERATION, The Trax, 2ne1, 2PM and so on. I was kind of multifandom person. But everything changed… Actually nobody supported let’s say so my hobby… At school I was bullied because of this desicion. My family couldn’t transfer me to another school so easily because my mom was a teacher at that school and she would be scolded if the school would lost their student… (it was a small school so every person was needed if that school wanted to exist). So I decided to fight until 8th grade. Because after 8th grade I could leave that school and go to Gymnasium (9th - 12th grade). It was hard. I spent all breaks with earphones, listening to korean pop music and imagine things, how I gonna go to MAMA awards and to see them all… Or going to the concerts, even being on the same stage (I was studying at music school since 2nd grade until 12th grade). I waited till I can come back at home and write my fanficion or my diary. But I was just in a 6th grade. My mental health was never strong enough. Especially after my only friend/classmate decided to go to another school after 5th grade. She was my only friend who at least tried to support me. But desicion was made by her parents. I was shocked. I was thinking that if Im friends with someone it would last forever.. It was so childish of me. We stopped talk to eachother really soon. I tried to became friends with other girls in my class.. But for them I was always a weirdo. But one of them somehow started to see me as her friend. I was happy. I think now I could finally be happy.. But she do not support me, I had to be with them other person. I changed my personality so easily. I stopped listen to a music I really loved and I was still bullied by my boys in the class. They even punched me to my stomach, kicked my legs. My mom was shocked… She had a conversation with two of them. She told them: “What do you think if she couldn’t have a child in a future?”. I couldn’t understand what that means… I just wanted everything to be over… I wanted to be happy. I find rock music and emotional people like me also. At that moment I was thinking this is the great path to choose, finally I have someone I can talk with… But it was a big mistake of me… I started to see my demons… And started to think about life meaning… Why people are dying.. Why we have to.. At 7th grade I transformed to emo style… My mom was sad… I was sad and screaming all the time at home… My little sister came into this world.. And I was not the only one… In the family. That fact.. It was easy to understand. I was happy. Just for a some moments… But I was still lonely.. I tried to be back with Korean music.. But it was too hard for me… Later on, I finally made into Gymnasium. New people. Everything should be fine, right? It wasn’t. Because of some metalistic girl I break a law. I was drinking alcohol near the church then police came. I wasn’t drinking much. But still. It was bad. But because I wanted to be loved by others I made that stupid desicion… After that incident.. I started to think more about myself. I wanted to runaway from myself… I wanted to be happy, kind person I was… But I couldn’t comeback… When I tried, my new classmates started to bullying me. They taken my things and putting somewhere else. Not all classmates were like that. I started to friends with one classmate. But still she hated my taste in music. She laughed at me… Even though she supported that emo side… Why girl.. Why… She also lefted me like my first friend. I even didn’t knew anything about that… But I was happy because it was hard with that class too. I also started to date my classmate… It was such a big mistake… I did that because I guess I didn’t wanted to be alone… But I was alone… I had a band at that moment… And after one concert I felt embarrassed… Nobody loved music in my band like I did… I realised.. That for other members.. It was just a game… And actually all that rocknroll damn emo thing… It makes me so annoying… I was really tired of that… So.. I disbanded my band. I focused on education and I also breakup with my classmate after 2 months in relationship. I finally started to recover… 11th grade was finished. I started to listen to korean music, I was so happy. Finally I had a true friends and they supports me. I also was happy because my mom give a birth to my little brother.. I was soo happy… But at my 18 bday my other classmate… Who was friend with that classmate who I used to date decided that he also could get me and that would be easy… I was shocked.. Because I couldn’t see him more than just a friend… He kissed me… And I couldn’t stopped him. It was disgusting.. But I didn’t wanted to hurt him. (eventually I did…Because I hurted his feelings). So, after my bday at the next day June 23 we had a goodbye party at my friends house. Because she was leaving to Norway for a summer. She is from my first class.. That girl who I mention before. Who started to be friends with me at 6th grade. At that party was my childhood friend who decided to bring his friend. We didn’t knew him. And what is ironic? That friend he eventually became my boyfriend. My first and still the only one true relationship. We started dating at 20150711. He was amazing. I was happy.. Finally someone really likes me. And appreciate me. But at that same month 20150721 my friend from Turkey was murdered at the bomb attack. That was really hard to deal with it. It broke my soul. My boyfriend helped me… But sometimes I cried like crazy��� And after his death I started to listen rock music once again. And this time it was like a trap. My boyfriend. I though he liked Asian culture like I did.. But it wasn’t a case. He just wanted impress me. So it became hard to believe him. We fought a lot. And I was at 12th grade.. I have my graduation exams.. I also had to decide what I want to study after finishing school.. It was a really stressful time. But I decided to stop. I decided to once again focus on a dream I had as a kid. So 20160901 I started my korean language studies at university. It was new place, new community, new city, different people. But we all love Asia… And it was a great desicion… For me at that moment. Eventually, my boyfriend decided to left me… And at that same damn day he almost did not raped me. It’s hard… We were together for 1 year and almost 3 months. He never pushed me. Idk what happened to him that day… And he lefted me. It was… For me… Such a big deal. Because I give him all me, my soul, my body, my heart.. We were talking about life together.. And he wanted that. Not me. He was who suggested that. But he decided to choose bar, beer, girls over us. I fell in a deep depression. I started to have trust issues. And I still have it. I lost my friends at university, they couldn’t deal with my negative minds… I was toxic for myself and others… I had just one friend… And she is still by my side. I love her… But she also didn’t knew how to help me. It was the first time I really wanted to end everything… I cut my wrist… (Im left handed), I drink two beers and one spiritual alcoholic drink.. I even filmed myself… I really couldn’t believe he lefted me… He throw me.. I was just a used b*tch like he told my friend… My life was broken. Because of him I didn’t want to go to Korea… I loved him.. And I wanted to be a great woman for him… I was blinded by feelings that he even disrespected. And after that incident… My ex’s sister tried to lock me at the hospital.. To take a treatment… But psychiatric told me that I could deal with everything by myself. I believed in that but at the same time I pushed that. After some time other boys wanted to be my friends from university… But they wanted to be more than my friend…. I couldn’t.. I was still his girl… And they lefted me… Two more people throw me like I was a trash… After 6 months after my break up I started to heal. I started to fight… I went to organisation.. I though I find new people.. But it was once again a failure. They never saw me as I am one of the organisation’s members… It was hard.. They started gossiping about me and lying things after I left… Also my physical health went worst… I couldn’t believe how people could do that to me… I want to be wanted but you just all are using me as you wanted and then you throw me like a trash… Also some other guy used me as a cure from his breakup… And he made up with her later… At that time.. I wanted to kill myself… To really kill myself… I was exhausted… About Everything… I didn’t see any light in my life once again… It was a second time then I…. I… Cut my right hand… And I still have those scars… But I managed to reach my 20th bday. It was at this summer… I decided to be myself… I started to go with my bestie and my childhood friend to hangout.. Everything was fine. Until I find one guy… I don’t know why… But I tough Im finally free so I could be trying to trust someone else… And it was a bad desicion. Because my childhood friend tried to touch me… Even he knew everything what I went through… He said it was a joke..but I was traumatised.. I tough that all men wants just that… I realised that I couldn’t trust the new guy, so I wanted to cut all the connections with him… Guess what… He already slept with another girl at the festival… Even though he knew my past and even though he told me he likes me and want to be with me… And he told me after that, that it was my fault that he had done that. Because he tough that I hated him… I was shocked… But I realised that he would never gonna push me over to the same damn thing that I already went. No. I cut all the connections with my childhood friend and him. Finally I was free. Second year of university started. I decided to focus on my education. I started to listen more kpop. And my puzzle were almost finished. However, that guy who used me as a cure.. He came back… And he wanted a help from me. To be just his friend… I couldn’t push him. Because of what I went through… Even I released that cut I made because of him was so stupid action… So I helped… I was a fool… He used me once again… Even though I believed in him… He also tried to impress me and that’s why he always listened to my darkest thoughts. I still couldn’t trust no one… My friend circle that I was building really hard… Just one friend was left.. Thank you God… She is still with me… Im still critique myself… Because of my choices… So… He decided to left me until he recovers from his breakup. When he texted me I decided to stop. I stopped. I studied hard, supported my family, I was smiling and happy, I decided to take an opportunity to have a second major at business administration… I was happy… I survived this winter exam session. My holidays started… I went to my parents house. I was listening kpop music BIGBANG, PENTAGON, WINNER and so on… Even Shinee old songs… And I remembered my old school days… When I found this KWORLD… And how it actually makes me happy… They built my personality… Even though I had these ups & downs… They always were my reason why Im still looking and believing into future. And I was pushing this pure world so many times because of others… Because I couldn’t stand loneliness… Because I was afraid to be an artistic mind person who I am since birth… I was so afraid that I wanted to die… But at every time I wanted I looked at BIGBANG and at SHINEE and others kpop groups… They helped me to reach my 20s… And finally I find peace… At December 18th morning I dreamed that Im with alot of people I don’t know… And I saw a boy with dark hair he told me that he is finally going to be free… I couldn’t see his face… I Even don’t know if his hair were really dark… After that I saw an animal dying in a river… And then I wake up. I saw all news about Taeyang weddings & I was so happy for him. At that time in Korea was around 15pm… And you know… He was still alive… He was still preparing.. While I was screaming from happiness… My friend from Korea told me if I knew what happened.. Of course I didn’t… And after I heard… I just couldn’t believed… I was waiting… And waiting… For the statement.. But I already knew… He was dead… I felt really bad… I though if I was more supportive… If I was more stronger to deal with myself… Maybe I could saw his signals… I was angry and Im still am. People commenting about depression how is hard and so on… It looks like it is easy to talk about it… But it’s not… I opened everything for the first time… Because I want to tell people what it is really means to suffer… How it is hard to find a light… I was thinking about my little siblings… What if something happens to my parents? Im an adult… I have to take my siblings… I have responsibilities… I just can’t left them alone… Even though it’s really hard to live…. And after I had reading his letter… I though that Im reading one of mines… I was telling so many same things… I was asking same damn things even before his death.. And Im still asking… I hate death… I do not want to put my parents in a box and hide it like some used trash…. I just can’t… And these kind of thoughts push me to go and do not try to kill me…. You know what people are saying that the third time…. I had my two… Im really afraid… Because his death… Made my childhood world shaking… I thought they would for me… But Because of my mental I couldn’t be for them… Even though Im tried… And then I finally really came back… Jonghyun 오빠… Decided to die at my mom’s birthday… Moms bday, Taeyang wedding… I was so happy… And then boom… Sadness made a comeback to my life… I just want to be happy… I just want to know why we are killing eachother… I just want to know what is the meaning… I just want to be happy… But life saw me as a trash… Since beginning… And Im fighting.. And I even do not know for what… I do not believe in love anymore. I do not trust people anymore. Mates at my uni don’t like me… They laugh at me then I though I was doing everything fine… I just though that KWORLD would be still the same… Im sorry… Im really sorry… For everything.. Those feelings you shared… I know it all. Im depressed since I was a kid… But Im telling to myself that everything is going to be alright… It have to … But you are not here… Im sorry… Im really sorry… Maybe if you had readed my stupid life story.. Maybe you knew that you are not alone… Im also not talented I can’t write anything… No one notice my makings… I don’t know how to deal with it but Im trying… Im afraid but Im trying… Im really thankful to you. And to you who readed this rock of my heart… I just wanted to help everyone who reached me in my life. I want all people to smile. So please SMILE.

Rest well, Kim Jong Hyun, the Angel of Shinee.

[lebilliam]

Hey sirmcartney asked me to do this

I’d rather be doing this over my school ish anyways :’)

Ask me some questions!

3 Fears: Ghosts :((( , fat insects , failing stuff 

3 things I love: i fukin love talking to my friends and hanging out , listening to music that i havent heard in forever, and that post workout glow 

2 turns on: i can send them memes :) , i can laugh and not give a heck with them

2 turns off: i cant send them memes :( , being mean to me (im sensitive af)

My best friend: zoo wee this is a hard one but id prob say logan or brian or adam or morgan or alex. take ur pick. (morgan and logan tbh)

Sexual orientation: str8 

How tall am I: 5′9″ according to my ID

What do I miss right now: intimacy

Favourite color: orange!!!!!

Do I have a crush: ;)

Favourite place: currently ive been digging the imagination room

What am I listening to right now: affection // Cigarettes After Sex

Shoe size: it varies on the brand but normally 9.5 or 10? idk im bad

Eye color: brown

Hair color: black 

Meaning behind my URL: its bc i wanted a recognizable alias that i could use across platforms 

Favourite song: i always say liztomania by phoenix

Favourite band: Maroon 5 fanboy here but ive been a fan of Cigarettes after Sex for a while now

How I feel right now: STRESSED and ANGERY

Someone I love: myself (kinda)

My current relationship status: 

My relationship with my parents: we dont really talk that much but good i think?

Favourite season: oof i like the heat but im gonna say winter bc i get to be emo and i can go walk on fresh snow 

Tattoos and piercing i have: none atm

Tattoos and piercing i want: hmmm idk if i want anything big but i always thought the track shoe/wing thing would be nice

The reasons I joined Tumblr: all my friends had it so i thought i would be cool if i made one

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: i have gotten some before and i appreciate them 

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: the last person i texted? surprisingly no

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: depends if i shower but i can get going in ~4-5 minutes

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: nope!

Where am I right now?: imagination room!

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? hell yea who doesnt

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? not atm im chillin #dormlife

Am I excited for anything?: excited for the weekend

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? hell to the yea of course

How often do I wear a fake smile?: everytime i feel weird around people idk usually i wouldnt say i smile that much unless im gooning 

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: I believe that the world will introduce me to people when i need it (lame answer: idk anyone but maybe like my friends’ friends)

What do I think about most? this week it’s been the french essay i had to write but overall i think about being appreciated 

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? id be on both sides if i could but if i had to pick one id totally be in front

What was the last lie I told? oh haha i dont know (but i do know)

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? PHONE CALLS

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Hell yea what else am i supposed to be afraid of. aliens are super cool man of course i think theyre real

Do I believe in magic? NOPE! but theres been some crazy magic tricks where i almost believe but then i see the “how it’s done” video for it

Do I believe in luck? hell yea of course! why would it not exist? 

What’s the weather like right now? ughgh it’s disappointingly hot 

What was the last book I’ve read? Huis Clos by Jean Paul Sartre (i had to read it for class but it really is a great work of art)

Do I have any nicknames? B, Lil B(ones i have heard the most) Billiam, Broletariate Biu (my mom calls me that), (billy bear is an old one and i dont know why they ever used it in the first place), goomph, toad, frog, ugly ass, nerd, dork, dingus

Do I spend money or save it? i spend it haha kms i really need to save more efficiently

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?: nope just tried and looked like a fool

Favourite animal? oof i want to say dogs but thats basic but dogs are so loving like i dont get it how do they do it

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: i was up and i was emo. jk i was hanging out and watching bad Freshman xxl cyphers

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Get Low by lil Jon or Faded (the remix) or change your mind by the killers. im gonna go ahead and say that change your mind gets my shit hyped UP

What is my favorite word? satiation

My top 5 blogs on tumblr: idk if im going to be honest i dont really use tumblr that much for personal blogs but i do love foodporn, til, ruined childhood

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? love each other. 

Do I have any relatives in jail? i dont think so? oh jk theyre not really a relative but they’re a close family friend’s relative

What is my current desktop picture? FUKIN FUNCTIONAL GROUPS THAT I DONT EVER KNOW OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD EVEN THOUGH THERES A TEST IN 10.25 HOURS

Had sex? ye

Bought condoms? ye

Gotten pregnant? cant really say that i have :p

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yes

Had job? yep! summer job at the zoo which was cool af

Smoked weed? once or twice 

Smoked cigarettes? never.nope.disgusting

Drank alcohol? yes

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? i tried being vegetarian for a bit but then i wasnt eating enough red meat

Been overweight? as a kid i feel like i was overly big but now that i think about it i dont think i was fat

Been underweight? definitely

Gotten my heart broken? homeboy who hasnt?

Been to prom? yeep

Been in airplane? yeep

Learned another language? heck yes! english kek and im in the process of learning french. i tried learning lithuanian after a life changing experience. 

Wore make up? surprisingly no

Dyed my hair? nope! i dont want to bleach my hair

Had a surgery? uhhh does laser surgery count? bc ive had 3 so far and i might have more

Met someone famous? every time i walk by a mirror ;) jk i met the senator of WA and the mayor of Tacoma a couple times

Stalked someone on a social network? pfft hell yes

Been fishing? yep! it’s always an experience

Been rejected by a crush? rip me yes

What do I want for birthday? i want to have a nice get together with friends where we do stuff that i dont have to pay for (but i dont think thats how life works anymore)

Do I like my handwriting? I love it in pen and when i hit my ecrivain stride, but otherwise when my hands get sweaty its just a fkin mess 

Where do I want to live when older? i’ve always said paris, but zaragoza spain wouldnt be too bad!

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? yea boi

What I’m really bad at: believing in myself 

What my greatest achievments are: i was a smart kid in elementary! i got some awards for getting good grades and i went to a competitive thing for piano once and i placed a couple times in some random races ive run

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: oof i dont want to really relive that experience

What I’d do if I won in a lottery: id ask /r/personalfinance 

What do I like about myself: id like to think im gaining/losing healthy weight

My closest Tumblr friend: on tumblr?? idk i said i dont really use tumblr for friends but i’d probably say memequeen or sirmccartney

Any question you’d like? when am i going to meet up with my RA? no one knows idk i forgot about our meeting and hes really cool about rescheduling so i might do it this saturday

Are you outgoing or shy? it really depends on how im feeling but id like to think im pretty outgoing!

What kind of people are you attracted to? NICE FRIENDly people who can laugh. laughing is important to me

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? personally i think yes

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nope!

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? @thoseloverseyes most def

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “haha and then what ;)” jk it says” thank”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? boy oh boy am i not ready for this question. Id think “this love, maroon 5″, humble (its a bop), “the air that i breathe, “open - rhye”, and rollin by calvin harris or this house by japaense breakfast idk the last one always changes

Do you like it when people play with your hair? i had a weird experience once but idk i think im willing to let other people touch my hair? not a fan 

Do you think there is life on other planets?of course. this topic is not up for debate. just bc our defition of life has not been found that does not mean that there is not life in other places where we are either 1) not looking or 2) life that we cant recognize due to our weird weird obsession with water like life does not have to use water as a conduit for essential functions

well that was fun and id say it took some time. it def got me feeling better about life. 7.8/10 i would do it again but im sweaty af from this hot ass room

peace!

[vonseal]

what im weak for this week

SOOOOO i haven’t done one of these in almost a month! i think it’s high-time to get back on track again! hopefully i can come out with the next one on the 11th instead of a month later.

this is long. like srsly long. like wow. it took me an hour. i could’ve written a whole fic.

call me maybe by shinigamibutter

i’ve got this weird thing with library aus. i love them. maybe it's because libraries are elusive and mysterious to me now (i checked out a book back in middle school, i still have it on my bookshelf and im too scared to return it), but they’re something so nice about libraries. also there’s something so nice about SOCKY and MYUNGJIN and BINU all in one lil fic, holla for a dolla! this is really nice and cute and i loved reading it! <3

out of my league by koutarous

BINU!!! DRINKING TOO MUCH (bad bin)!!! i loved this prompt and @shouldveheldon did it so much justice, it’s unbelievable how good it is (but i’ve never been disappointed from her writing). the set-up is good and even if bin should lay off on the alcohol a bit, at least it got him a cute guy’s number, AMIRITE.

i’ll pick the white and fluffy clouds from the sky for you by spaceviolet (vividplum)

did you guys know im a fan of the cute fluff? did you guys know im a fan of the socky? did you guys know im a fan if you combine both those things? heck yes man, this combination was so amazing and perfect. ALSO, ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP??? im in, im so in.

Does Lonileness Ever Truly End? by MidnightsDeath

i should stop writing angsty stuff bc people take it as inspiration to make even angstier stuff and then im all sad and depressed lol. especially WHEN I STARTS HELLA CUTE WITH MYUNGJIN. thank you for writing this, and thank you for making me cry and ruin my makeup haha.

(my) hot antagonist by rubanrose

we’ve been getting this nice influx of moonrock here lately, and seal approves. i mean, tbc was basically moonrock (did you see the way bin smiled when he brought up rocky???). ALSO ANOTHER ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP, YES. and just moonbin and rocky being cute dorks together and making my heart die of fluff, wow <3

you captured my heart by binubin

some people say that the fake boyfriend au is overdone. i say it’s UNDERdone. like, seriously, i love the idea of people pretending to date and then legit falling in love (the proposal is one of my favorite movies if you guys wanted to know), and WOW IM SO HAPPY THIS ONE EXISTS! bin is a photographer and dongmin is a (un?)willing subject, and i just want you guys to read it. it’ll be six chapters of awesome sauce.

home is wherever the heart is by diametrical

NO GUYS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THAT DOMESTIC AUS ARE JUST THE GREATEST!!!! AND MYUNGJIN???? DOMESTIC???? wow, just shoot me now, @leedeermin, bc you stole my heart already. i thought nothing could top binu domestic au, BUT THIS DID (mostly bc myungjin > everything for me, im trash, send help). thank youuuu for this, it’s all i needed in life 

i get to love you by asteraa

aka, lanna still tryin to make up for making me sob over trains to busan au. well it worked. it worked so so so well. and the song choice for the end I HAVE IT ON MY PHONE BC OF THIS NOW WOW i get emo over it thank you so much. this is all around just funny and cute and heart-wrenching and fluffy and perfect.

moving on by slaymyseoul

your username conveys perfectly what you’ve done to me, @slaymyseoul: you slayed my soul. slayed it hard. slayed it nasty. and then you acted all happy in the end notes like you didn’t just slaughter a thousand hearts all at once. this binu just...all 700 words of it just ruined me for the rest of my life. you’re such a good author and it shows in my tears.

baby by beifomg

tbh now all i can think in my head is BABY whenever they call each other that, bless astro and their bitchin tunes. NAH BUT THIS FIC is so pure??? so so so pure and i just wanted to touch the screen and somehow lengthen the story with nothing but this pure moment between eunwoo and binnie. at least im so happy this was created, it’s perfection.

Let's go on an adventure! by Rach4040

BINU!!! CUTE BINUUUU!!! also rulebreaker binnie and SUDDEN RULEBREAKER EUNWOO??? i love the idea of cute, romantic teens going off in the middle of the night just to be cute and pure and getting back home in the morning and knowing they won’t get any sleep and will be utterly exhausted all day, but it’s worth it because they love each other AND THATS WHAT THIS IS!!! it’s so cute, gosh golly.

rock show by roobix

i know a few people wanted bartender jinwoo, which i might still write, but i think this one is even better than what i could ever do. it was so short and i longed for more BUT MAN what we did get was fantastic (and made me imagine bartender jinwoo, haha yessss)

oh, the stars shine by parkjinchu

the stars shine for @parkjinchu and HER BEAUTIFUL FICS!!! i missed her writing in the lull after the year we met (go check it out, go check it out on her page, wow i cry), but she’s back with DOMESTICCCCC (im so happy with all this domestic we’re getting) JINCHA!!! why is there not more jincha, they work so well together. (i’d write it but also im myungjin trash, i cant escape my hell). also cute new parents peeking over a bed at their fragile baby just warms my heart (also, relatable, how do you touch a baby without breaking him)

summer paradise by aseuteuro

nopenopenopenope. i shouldnt recommend this, so dont read it unless you want to cry at work like seal did (not safe for work, bc you CRY). it’s binu and i sorta expected it to be happy despite the angst warning in the tags (im not smart, i dont claim to be intelligent) but it WASNT, it just RIPPED MY HEART OUT, HOW DARE

colour me by heybinnie

i will be honest, i dont normally read reader-insert fics like this, but i thought, “it’s @heybinnie and she’s perfect so i bet it will be perfect.” guess what? it was. it was so dreamy and beautiful and breathtaking, and i seriously cannot wait to figure it all out! (JINWOO SELLS DRUGS, PASS IT ON)

flytrap by tinytaeil

MYUNGJIN, i thought. METAPHORS, i thought again. BEAUTIFUL WRITING WOW IM JEALOUS, i thought once more. and then it ends with my cries, why can’t jinwoo just LOVE and have HAPPINESS, why this, why the poor fly, why the amazing description and flowing narrative??? tbh, i think this fic was a flytrap.

forbidden love by jiminaddiction

MORE MOONROCK! look at us getting blessed with all this moonrock. i love this one a lot bc minhyuk is deaf and bin is colorblind, but WOW they’re so adorable and blushy around each other! each chapter that comes out makes me so happy and excited, and i can’t wait for more of it!

Loop by ContraryNonsense

WOW MAN THIS IS SO INTRIGUING!!! i dont read tags, tbh, i just click at this point when i see the description, so i didn’t expect the ending to the first chapter (then i read the tags and thought, “gotta trudge past the angst to get to the happy ending.”) and we’re ALMOST THERE!!! ONE MORE CHAPTER!!! definitely read this, pls do so, it deserve so much more hits than it’s got.

where soil lies, a new beginning blooms by @vocalpmh

THIS WAS INSPIRED BY WITCHCRAFT WHICH>????? how did i do anything to deserve this amazing piece of perfection??? i still read it a lot, it’s one of my go-tos when im feeling down, and im so blessed you gifted it to me, i just absolutely ADORE this fic. pls pls pls read, it’s pure and perfect myungjin (also butt groping, my legacy spreads)

breadtrayed by @glowingjinjin

that pun. get in my home, lanna, i need your puns. i think we had a discussion bc i actually dont like bread all that much but NO WHAT HAS BREAD EVER DONE TO ME??? or to eunwoo, who apparently can find time to bag up a bunch of bread, what a great boyfriend.

a love stronger than furniture by @glowingjinjin

stop writing funny fics to make up for train to busan, you can’t replace my broken heart. IDK THO THIS CAME CLOSE TO DOING SO!!! everything about it was perfect, and you’re so amazing with writing these cutsie fics??? (and then you’ll turn around and rip out my heart, i know you will)

witch coven au by @astrofireworks

i still havent read the newest addition, but i have it up right now to read after i post this. i love your imagination. i love your ideas, i just need to tap into your brain and steal some of this brilliance, thank you very much

UPDATED FICS FROM LAST WEEK MONTH??? -

because of hani by gachigallae - have i mentioned how much i love these kids and domestic stuff??? because i do, i truly seriously do, and i love this fic and bin’s affection for dongmin’s daughter is so cute

5+1 by heybinnie - this makes my heart wrench, but in a good way, and makes me realize how fantastic of a leader jinwoo is to these boys.

stray romance by alette - @alette-stars done did it again, stole my heart and made binnie and dongmin both all so jealous, wow this is cute

medley by sassysavagesanha (RedJusticeLibra) - QUEEN OF SOCKY!!! MORE SOCKY FOR ME!!! more socky for you if you click right now, guaranteed you’ll enjoy it

short moments by Mieun (snowsketch) - i love these cute little movements, and new chapters always make me so happy, especially the myungjin in the last chapter!

inked by jinwoosmile - i figured you out, @jinwoosmile. you tryin to get me to cry. and you succeeded, congrats, you can stop bashing my heart apart now.

leave me dreaming by desiderate - im hooked. im so so so so hooked and idk how it’ll end but im so anticipating whatever happens because it’s such good writing so i know it’ll be fantastic (even if i’ve been so sad with this lol)

the language of flowers by birdbrainberke - I LOVED THIS PROMPT so obvs i love this fic, especially bc it’s @payneinthearsenal, who really knows how to write amazing fics.!!!

and if you ever have anything you think i need to check out, hit me up with that fic, fams. i dont even care if it’s your own. i check a03 regularly, so if it’s something posted elsewhere, pls let me know!

[pldubrahs]

anyway, this has been a While coming and now im back in new orleans so LOTS OF GUSHING ABOUT THE LIGHTNING THIEF MUSICAL, UNDER THE CUT

the ambiance of the theater, dim and filled with soft storm sounds

this show does really beautiful things with overlapping singing and w harmonys and its So low budget but still so good and the cast is small but amazing and literally everyone but chris is cast into several roles and its just amazing

if u dont wanna read this whole thing, just scroll down to the end for a Special Surprise

ACT 1

the Bitter, Angry, Sad music, ltm is truly the Emo Rock Musical we deserve

i seriously almost fell out of my chair when chris mccarrell came out. he honest to god was SUCH a good percy, so fidgety and all his expressions were ON POINT

“CHROOONOOOOOOOS”

ms dodds in General she was hilarious for the literal 3 minutes she was onstage

the pen to sword transformation is literally just: chris hides the pen and grabs the sword from somewhere else onstage. during my show, in the ms dodds fight scene, the sword was on the back of chirons wheelchair and it got stuck so he had to trip after the chair as chiron wheeled off and TUG it off to fight

DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVED CHRIS MCCARRELL AND HOW AMAZING HIS VOICE WAS? BECAUSE I DO AND IT W A S

sally is a BLACK WOMAN 

just in general, this show was Amazing at raceblind casting

sally sprayed febreeze after smelly gabe, like he leaned to look in the fridge and she stood behind him spraying febreeze directly at him for like 30 seconds

“he was handsome and strong and before too long- you came!” percy was roasting marshmallows and looking out towards the audience and sally was rubbing up and down the sides of her body during this before “you came!” and it was v funny

Strong in general was Great bc WOW IM LOVE THE “NORMALCY IS A SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED MYTH” MESSAGE

grover and percy meeting outside camp

“oh look a goat” “percy!”

“he met a furie” “youre all furry! what happened to your legs”

the v cute friendship bickering, overlapping voices thing that percy and grover v often did. this was the grover and percy friendship that we always needed

during the weird dream when he sees annabeth and hes like “gee whiz shes the most beautiful girl ive ever seen”

and then when he officially meets her after hes not out of it, he says “youre my dream girl!” and then backpedals and its great

ANOTHER TERRIBLE DAY. DEFFS ONE OF THE TOP FIVE SONGS. MR D IN GENERAL WAS JUST AMAZING, GEORGE SALAZAR ROCKED IT

he kicked the chair over so much and then there was a part after his camp halfblood intern thing left so his chair didnt get reset behind him and so he kicked into the air, got frustrated, and put the chair up himself

“of course, who am i to give relationship advice, im literally the god of alcohol”

“you can hate it here, but i HATED IT FIRST”

so so so many Soft sex jokes and bc im a Child i loved them 

chiron is just a guy galloping with a horse tail its the cutest thing and everyone laughed bc like imagine a kid galloping w their legs high and w/e, but on an adult and slow motion

“you’ll get used to mr d. he can be a bit... well, he hates children”

luke was Very attractive and ALSO he had a lot of chemistry w percy and w annabeth and i, who remembered shipping percy and luke back in my Youth, was Living

annabeth deffs had a crush on luke dont @ me

also luke was Softly bitter. like he sounded like a modern kid, bitter and upset but saying it in a joking way; totally makes sense that no one suspects that he’d do anything w chronos bc all the kids are upset and he doesnt get dark until the very end of the show

“are you ever going to wear pants again?” “Nope!”

luke: “havent you ever played capture the flag?” percy, excitedly: “not with swords!” *makes swooshy lightsaber noises* annabeth, suffering, full of regret: “It’s not a lightsaber.”

“sexist much?” “no, i love girls” [muffled luke and grover cackling in the background]

CLARISSE, LOVE OF MY LIFE! her song was so so good

im sure everyone has mentioned this but the LEAF BLOWERS BLOWING TOILET PAPER TO REPRESENT WATER LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE

the campfire song

percys Soft concern for annabeths story about running away “wait is that true”

grover starting to cry during his part

“my father is chronos.... remember my lecture, he ate his children””....... chiron wins”

APHRODITE'S DAUGHTER’S STORY “godess of love, my moms aphrodite... i bring home a boy and shes there in her nightie! oh nooooo” “she steals my mascara and all of my dates!” wonderful

percy sings nicely about his mother and everyones like “hes doing it wrong”

“we dont care where our parents may be, as long as you are here with me!” FRIENDSHIP MAKES ME EMO

“havent you noticed that there arent any other little sea godlings running around? any sons of hades or daughters of zeus? the big three gods arent supposed to have kids!” i loved this tiny easter egg i love my big three kids

“look at the boy, hes clearly not a thief!” “oh, yeah no yeah yeah yeah no no yeah yeah no yeah no, youre right! you cant fake being that stupid unless youre a brilliant actor, but im also the god of drama, so i can tell you HES NOT”

“his lightning?” “yeah, we're not talking some crummy tin foil zig zag from some off broadway play!”

GOOD KID IS EVEN BETTER LIVE THAN IT WAS ON THE RECORDING IT RUINED MY LIFE

Killer Quest! is an amazing end of act song and v upbeat and cute

“so where is the underworld actually” “look for doa records” “its a record company? actually, im not surprised”

ACT 2

WE’RE LOST IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE IN NEW JERSEY AND WE’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT TO LA

“half bloods to monsters smell like mickey ds, like tacos or take out vietnamese”

“dude are you talking to the squirrel?” “satyr powers, be nice. this squirrel knows every corner of the woods, maybe he can help us” “really? because i think that seems kind of nuts” [silence] “you hurt his feelings. tell the squirrel youre sorry.”

medusa in general, what a Good scene

ensemble members shaking maracas to make snake noises for her

medusa cant say “nemesis”

“ive done everything to prove to the gods that im the best and you- i mean, you dont even know how to hold a sword” “yes i do!, yes... i do...” “no, hands here *adjusts percys grip*” “i didnt ask for any of this: gods, monsters, quests- oh, wow, that is a lot easier”

my grand plan is the most annabeth chase song ever and i love it its such a good look into her character and i love her so much

“when boys mess up they always get another chance”

“cause most girl never win if theyre polite”

THE COMMENTARY ON HOW WOMEN HAVE TO BE IN TODAYS SOCIETY IN ORDER TO BE TAKE SERIOUSLY HELL YEAH

“the gods will think we’re impertinent” “we are impertinent”

the squirrel gave them three amtrak tickets

DRIVE IS A COUNTRY SONG AND I FUCKING LOVE IT IM HONESTLY SHOOK

i hate country except for this One Song

ITS ONE FOOT FORWARD AT A TIME; DUST OFF ALL THAT GRIT AND GRIME; WE STILL GOT A LOT LEFT TO DOOOO, CAUSE PEOPLE ARE COUNTIN ON US AND IM COUNTIN ON YOU! DRIIIIIIIIVE JUST DRIIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIVE STAY AHEAD STAY AHEAD STAY ALIIIIIIIVE

“is that chihuahua?” “its a chimera!”

“maybe if you hadnt brought all those dam snacks” “uh it was the hoover dam and i was hungry!”

ares drives them to las vegas and when they get there he says “this is where i... get off” and its HILARIOUS i love lowkey sex jokes

gentle easter egg to bianca and nico re: may 1st 1939

“the oracle can can it ill save my mom and savE THE PLANET!” im love percy so much

tREE ON THE HILL IS ABOUT THALIA AND IT MADE ME CRY GOD WHAT A GOOD SONG and grover feels like a failure and annabeth is like “no u saved my life ur a good friend and a good guardian <3 friendship”

THE FERRYMAN TO THE UNDERWORLD FLIRTS WITH GROVER

“you wanna hear my demo?” “uh-” [loud music plays] “im sorry i couldnt hear you over this SWEET ASS RIFF”

YOURE IN THE D.O.A. AND YOURE HERE TO STAY YEAH YOURE STUCK FOREVER NEVER GET AWAY NO HOPE FOR SURVIVAL YOURE DEAD ON ARRIVAL

“oh! do you have any josh groban?” “we will.” I CACKLED

DJ CEBERUS W A COOL 3-HEADED DEADMAU5 ESQUE MASK

the ferryman also attacks them all like “youre not gonna save the planet, you wont protect your friends, you wont be remembered”

everyone says this but “i think this pit is tartarus” “LIKE THE FISH SAUCE?”

“why would chronus want my shoes?” “they were really cool shoes”

bitter, sad hades who just wants people to stop thinking that hes the bad guy and for his brothers to come visit him

“one does not simply walk out of the underworld”

W H A T  B E L O N G S  T O  T H E  S E A  C A N  A L W A Y S  R E T U R N

small reprise of good kid as he considers hades offer and then the melody cHANGES and percy realizes that the seashell, a gift from a god, can SAVE THEM and its beautiful because SON OF POSEIDON IS A GOOD SONG

“maybe my dad was a screwup too, his best laid plans always falling through... maybe he never knew how to care but hey, thats life, and life aint fair... but i think my dad mayve thrown me a line, and better late than never, ill finally get a sign!”

its a good song kids

the kids get to the oceans and they FIGHT ARES and ares and percy are both singing, percy singing The Son Of Poseidon chorus and ares singing Put You In Your Place and its b e a u t i f u l

THE TOILET PAPER THROW- basically they bring in like 6 leafblowers w toilet paper rolls attached and the first five rows get covered in toilet paper. as someone who was in the fifth row, it was amazing

poseidon comes in, they have a Heart To Heart, he brings sally back to life, he flirts with sally, its hilarious and awkward

“the gods are unfair but we’re not total dicks”

percys like “you dont have to stay w gabe anymore” and sallys like “smh boy u cant solve all my problems. you saved my life, now i have to figure out how to live it”

he gives her medusas head

“what is this” “its a... do it yourself scupture kit” “oh! *begins to open it*” “no no no its, um, medusas head”

“well, as my official protector, you can officially escort us back to camp” “and youre conscience this time!”

chiron is also cast as poseidon so like he runs into the camp scene after a quick change and says “i hoofed it here as quick as i could!” 

last day of summer happens and w/e its cute but whAT REALLY MATTERS IS LUKES BETRAYAL: okay so the music slows and goes into the minor key and percys like “we still dont know whos working w chronos :/” lukes like “yeah it sucks” and he starts singing about how he doesnt trust the gods and how the gods hate them and how they need to take over the world and put the gods in their place--he and percy do their handshake fist-to-the-chest thing and luke is serious and percy does it but hes v confused and it Hurts. this is the first time in the show that luke sounds just Bitter and Angry instead of jokingly deprecating and its quite the effect

THE DARK GOOD KID REPRISE 

“ill do anything, i dont care if i hurt anyone, it doesnt pay to be a good kid, a good kid, a good son" GOD IT HURTS luke has so much pain and i feel so bad for him like yeah hes evil but,,, hes had a hard life

annabeth comes in and DISARMS LUKE but PSYCH luke has a small switchblade and STABS PERCY IN THE BACK (bc they cant use scorpions onstage)

percybeth moment interrupted by clarisse’s loud coughing and grover

percys like “we cant just sit here and wait for our parents to fix things.”

“the gods will say we’re impertinent” “we are impertinent” goddamn that symmetry

“are we ever gonna once have it easy?” my poor poor kids

percy- “feeling ready” annabeth- “feeling stoked” grover- “feeling queasy”

THE SEA DOESNT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED

bring on the monsters is just a Good song

also hey if you got to the end of this, congrats! i have a ltm audio and either in a message or in an off-anon ask and ill hook u up

[the-wintergirl-universe]

yeet

just bought two packets of paracetamol (20 pills each) and i plan on popping them pills as if they were a cake in the middle of a binge, and i plan on taking them with alcohol, cause that mf is the real mvp. and ill do it in the woods or something, and at that point i will have already told my parents im staying over at a friends, because with paracetamol, you die in a matter of days or weeks, not hours. so my parents wont be looking for me, and ill be laying in the woods some place that people cant find me, annd ill lowly and painfully die.

and why would i choose this way to die, if it is as painful and horrific as it is? well, a couple of reasons. first of all, i do not deserve anything less. dying in a painful way is the least i deserve,  ans if anyone deserves to go that way, it is me. secondly, im to much of a coward to hang myself, jump from a bridge or in front of a train. with pills, you just simply swallow them with some liquid, and the best part, after some time har passed the damage becomes irrevesable. ive heard its like two hours or something, but it seems like too short of a time, so ill just make sure nobody finds me in at least 24 hours. 24 hours is also, as ive heard, the time it takes for the side effects to kick in, or at least till you start experiencing the worst pains. of course, it can also happen sooner or later. it depends, i guess, but i am not quiet sure what it depends on. is it the amount of pills, can alcohol affect it, or is it just pure coincidence? i do not know, but i intend on finding out. another reason i choose this way of dying is that the paracetamol is very easily accessible. i cant really get a hold of xanax or carbonmonoxide, even though that would be a lot easier. neither can i get perscription sleeping pills, which are the strongest ones. the sleeping pills would honestly have been great, since you litterally sleep to death lol

anyways, i want to do it as soon as possible. well.. thats a lie. i do not want to do it. nobody actually wants to kill themselves, like, the act of taking ones own life. that takes a lot of effort, and being a person who can berely even take  a shower without being drained of energy, it is not that appealing. but many people, like myself, do want to die, and dead is what i want to be as soon as possible. unfortunately, me and my parents will be travelling to my family in turkey very shortly, in like 3 days, and i am afraid that i will not die in that time, and i cant really say im going to be at a sleepover when we will literrally be travelling to turkey. and lets say i took the pills, and then i was at home because of the turkey situation, and then i start getting all wierd and they take me to the hospital and find out that i overdosed on pills. not only will my suicide attempt have been ruined, but i will also have caused my parents a lot of trouble, i mean, the plane tickets were definetly not cheap, and theyd find out about my problem and it would just be bad.

so i think ill wait, either till were back from turkey, or when we are in turkey. even though, i probably wont be able to do it in turkey since i dont have any friends i can “sleep over” at, and ill be surrounded by family all the time and it will all be complicated. probably after turkey though. still, since i am a fat fuck i really dont want to be in turkey where ill have to be in a bikini or  shorts and my family will be there to judge me. they never fail to do so. and ill cry every night, but it is my own fault after all, so ill thank myself everyday for making me a fat fucking whale who is taking up way too much space and who does not deserve to live anymore (well, honestly, when did i ever?) and ill just have a bed time all together, but anyways,,, what can i do i guess. it would indeed be better if i comitted suicide in turkey, i now realise, as i imagine my family will want me burried in turkey. i cant imagine theyd want me in norway, not that it matters that much, but like its a culture thing. at least i think... it doesnt matter anyways, cause like fuck, ill be dead, and thatll be a big burden lifted from their shoulders. having to travel to turkey is not that bad, compared to what theyll gain from it.

anyways, im really depressed and emo right now, so im just letting all my thoughts out here, in english for some reason even though that is not my first language. guess it just feels easier, somehow. as if it is not me who is writing it.

another thing, hehe, is that im currently listening to fireflies - nct dream, on repeat, and the song is really inspirational, all like “dont be afraid”, and “youll never be lonely”, and things like “if you scream my name ill be there”, but honestøy its making me more sad because i keep on screaming “jeenooo” and “renjuun” but they are not here lol so yeah guess they wont be here if i scream their names. and if you have not listened to the song, you need to do that right now, its a bop. really, do it right now, support my boys, even though they did not show up for me because they deserve the world and you deserve to have your ears blessed with such a beautiful song.

okay honestly this is too long haha what can you do. it be like that sometimes

(16.07.2019)