#im bad at tags thanks byyyeeee

[honeybeeespeaks]

Wildflowers

Part One

Word Count: 2426

Warnings: uhhh none I think?? Just super fucking fluffy my dudes

Summary: It was always a girl. The story had been told a million different ways but no matter what, it always came down to a boy in love with a girl.

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“It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” Javier spoke, waving his hand as he looked out the window then back to his father.

“You didn’t listen to me then either.”

“Nope.”

His father grunted, turning his head back to the windshield. “So Cali.”

Javi took a few deep breaths and nodded a few times slowly. “Cali.”

That conversation was all of 10 minutes ago and it was already eating away at him. He’d lied to his father. Sure he’d told a few white lies as a teenager. Going to sleep at so and so’s house when he was actually with a girl or out drinking with the crowd he wasn’t supposed to be with. But since the academy, the DEA, Escobar...he didn’t lie to his father. He didn’t know why it was so difficult just to say it. To tell him about her. The woman who had his heart, consumed his every thought, gave him a reason. So when his dad asked why he wanted to go back...he stayed silent.

He’d agreed to go to Danny’s wedding despite the knowledge that he’d be hounded about his work in Colombia, thanked over and over for something he felt he didn’t deserve the credit for. The real reason he agreed was because he knew Lorraine would be there. Never a better chance to say what he’d been wanting to say for 10 years. He loved this girl, he knew that. There was no way of avoiding it at this point. But he couldn’t say it to her. Not yet. Not until he apologized, for real, to the women he’d hurt all those years ago. It would feel wrong to say it until he’d cleared the air and he’d done so. Lorraine explained again that she’d forgiven him a long time ago. “I ended up where I’m supposed to be. Maybe we both did.” she had said to him. And she was right, like she always had been. He was where he was supposed to be, sort of. As soon as he got back to Colombia and into her arms, he would be. Now, what was stopping him from telling his dad?

His father pulled into the dirt driveway that led to the ranch and parked the truck once they arrived at the house. He turned off the ignition but Javier spoke up before he could get out of the car, sucking in a large breath beforehand.

“Her name is Jane.” he breathed, turning his head to stare out the window. His father shifted in the driver’s seat to look at him. A smirk grace his mouth as he shook his head once and turned back to look through the windshield. It was always a girl. The story had been told a million different ways but no matter what it always came down to a boy in love with a girl.

“She’s down there?” he asked nonchalantly. What he got in response was a single nod from Javier. After a few more moments of silence, Javier spoke, staring out in the passenger window as if he was talking to air.

“She’s a tutor. Helps out at local churches and convents too...” He let out a small sad laugh before continuing. “Nothing to do with...that world..” he rested an elbow on the door, bringing his fingertips to his mouth as he trailed off. He closed his eyes for a moment as he inhaled deeply. He’d been back home for two months but that was two months without touching her, hearing her voice, feeling her body against his as they slept. It was killing him that he didn’t completely know if she was safe. Communication was scarce while she was busy in Bogotá. And two months was becoming unbearable.

“Do you want to marry her?” The question was abrupt and made Javi sit up straight in his seat. He scoffed a little and shook his head.

“I--Christ, I don't know. This life I have...the risk of this. I-it’s not a life for her. Not one she deserves. She’s tough--she is, she’s strong. But I don’t know if I can keep her alive..and the uncertainty of that....” he shook his head as he looked down. A sad chuckle escaped his lips as he picked a hangnail from his thumb. “I’m in love with her Pop...and I'm scared. Hasn’t been like this...Jesus, ever. Not even with Lorraine. This girl, this woman...she’s..”

“She’s your girasol.” His father interrupted plainly. Javier’s head rose to meet his father’s eyes.

The greatest love story he’d ever known was that of his mother and father. He always heard his father call his mother his girasol, his sunflower. He grew up watching nothing but love. But it was the love he fucked up that made him the man he was. Reserved and scared. Now there were even higher stakes. It could all be taken away in an instant. He saw that in Colombia all the time. He saw that with Carrillo’s wife, with too many men’s wives.

He nodded a few times and let out a breath he’d been holding since his dad spoke.

“Yeah...” he looked down, rubbing his hands together as a small smile formed on his face. It fell to a frown again as he looked back up to face his father. “This job..i-it’s my only way back. I have to.” The last sentence came through a whisper as memories from the day he left started flooding his brain.

“What do you mean you have to go?” She followed him through his apartment as he gathered his things, eventually making his way back to his scarce bedroom. “They can’t just make you go home right? Y-You can stay here. You just can’t work. Right?” She stood and watched him pack his suitcase. She felt small, weak. Begging for a man to stay. ‘Fuck I’m just like my mother.’ She thought, cursing herself before submitting to her herself anyways. She stepped forward and squeaked out “Javier..”

He had a hard time looking at her. He had a hard time doing anything right now. He’d fucked up. More than he had ever fucked up. In more ways than one. He knew there’d be consequences, eventually. But nothing could prepare him for this consequence. Losing her. They didn’t even give him time to tell her in advance. Not their fault, they didn’t know she existed. Regardless, it killed Javier to have to come home and break the news that he was being sent back to Texas. To add insult to injury, his flight was leaving later that afternoon.

“They’re sending me home Cariña.” He glanced over at her and sighed, pausing as he put down the shirt he had tried to fold about three times. He walked over to her and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her into him. She melted against his chest, fingers clutching his shirt as her tears began falling silently. His arms snaked around her, pulling her against him as close as he could get her, fingers sliding into her hair and clutching gently. “I’ll come back to you, mi luna. I promise you. I will come back.”

She didn’t mean to breakdown. She wasn’t the type to. To fall apart, really, at all. She refused to. She didn’t get attached. Far too much moving around as a kid to get attached to anything. But with Javier, it was like an addiction. She’d never tried cocaine but she could bet that Javi’s voice and the way he brushed her skin with his fingertips was more potent than a ton of the shit. There she was, shaking in his arms. Silently crying as he rested his chin on the top of her head. Javi wasn’t the greatest with words. He could hold her. He could press soft kisses anywhere he could reach. He’d tried those things before but he wasn’t sure that would cut it this time. He could barely hold it together himself. He cleared his throat, sniffling as he felt a tear grace his cheek.

A knock at the door broke their moment of grief. She lifted her head off his chest and looked up at him frantically.

“N-No. No no no Javi, please. Please don’t..” The final two words coming out in a whimper. Her fingers released his shirt as she moved her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest again, clutching his back as tightly as she could. The rapping on the door interrupted the heavy air once more. She winced at the sound. She wished she could make it stop. Make Steve go away. Make this all go away. She just wanted Javier.

“M-Mi vida, I must..'' he squeaked out between tears before he cleared his throat and sniffled again. His grip on her tightening. He wasn’t a fan of the idea of letting her go anytime soon either. Steve could shove it, for all he cared right now. One more knock and a muffled “Javi! We gotta go!” before Javier was taking her arms in his hands and unwrapping her from him. He cleared his throat “Yeah yeah, I’m coming Murphy!” he called back before his eyes met hers. His breath hitched in his throat as he looked down at her. A mess of tears and make up. Mascara causing black tears to stream down to her neck. Her red lipstick now smudged, the remnants left on his lips and shirt. “Oh..mi luna..” he slid a hand to the side of her face and brushed her cheek with his thumb. She whimpered pathetically and leaned into his hand. He cupped her cheeks with both his hands now, bringing her up to press a deep kiss to her lips. He pulled back, resting his forehead on hers. Breathing her in for just a few moments before kissing her a few more times, each time a little deeper, a little more desperate.

Steve was banging on the door now and Javier groaned as he had to release her. He pulled off the gray t-shirt he wore, now stained with her lipstick and makeup filled tears and pulled on a red button up. Before he could start buttoning it, she ran over and pulled the shirt together herself. Her fingers shakily doing up the buttons before reaching the top, leaving the last two undone, the way he liked it. The whole time he watched her with a pained look on his face. How could he leave this woman? She placed her hands on his face and looked up at him, stifling her tears as much as she could.

“You better keep that promise Javier Peña.” she whimpered again as his lips crashed against hers.

“Para siempre, mi luna...my Janey..” he smoothed his hand over her hair before letting the other catch hers. He pulled away and picked up his suitcase. He nodded once before intertwining their fingers and pulling her out of the room with him. He moved her behind the front door while he opened it and handed his bag to Steve. “I just gotta grab one more thing, I’ll be right out.”

Steve rolled his eyes with a laugh before starting to walk away. “If you miss your flight it’s all on you dude. I was on time.” Javi forced out a small laugh before shutting the door and immediately pulling Jane against him.

‘Oh Christ...what did I do..’ He thought as he shook his head, his fingers in her hair, massaging the back of her head. Her arms wrapped around him and clung to him like he was her last breath. He took in her scent for the last time before pulling away, placing a gentle kiss against her lips just once more. His hand didn’t leave hers until he had to close the door. He squeezed her hand, hoping to relay the silent message of those three words he couldn’t say yet. She held her breath until the door closed and immediately fell to her knees in desperate sobs. Javi could hear her as he walked away from the apartment. The sound of her made him want to throw up. He wanted nothing more than to stay, to hold her, to tell her everything would be alright. But he had no fucking clue if he was ever coming back. No part of this would be alright. At least not for now.

**---**---**---**---**---**

He’d gotten back to Bogotá on a Saturday. Technically he still had a few weeks of vacation left but he couldn’t take it anymore. From the day he found out he was going back for Cali, he was trying to find any chance he could get to leave as soon as he could. They hadn’t spoken in weeks due to bad service and busyness. He never even got the chance to tell her he was coming back.

He’d gotten a taxi from the airport to take him to her apartment. It was the middle of the day, she may or may not have been home but Javier could care less. Just being close to where she could be was better than two months of being almost 3,000 miles away. The taxi pulled up just as Javier could catch a glimpse of her getting out of her car. He caught his breath before hurriedly paying the man and exiting the cab with his bags. Jane turned her head to the sound of tires screeching as the taxi pulled away and almost dropped her armfuls of grocery bags at the sight of him. She tried stepping forward only to realize she was frozen where she stood. He did the work for her, practically running up to where she was. Her eyes scanned him up and down, around his face and back down again before settling on his eyes.

“J-Javi..” her voice cracked as tears finally started to form, falling as she blinked a few times. He nodded gently, setting his bag down and taking the grocery bags from her, setting them down beside his own. He placed his hands on her arms and squeezed lightly.

“I’m here Janey..”

She inhaled sharply before falling into him, her arms wrapping around his torso, gathering the back of his shirt in her fingers. He let his eyes close as a smile danced along his lips. ‘Yeah...this where I’m supposed to be..’ he thought to himself as his grip around her tightened, peppering kisses wherever he could reach.

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Well @stevieharrrr....you asked for it😜

Just gonna tag a few darlings I think might like this and if you don’t it’s totally fine it could suck total ass but I’m gonna tag you anyways😂

@coredrive @zeldasayer @pascalplease

I’m too scared to tag anyone else tbh because I’m baby but it’s almost 5am so here we go😅