#im autistic but w high adhd scores and the biggest issue stopping me being

[cascadianights]

Me on a high dose of the only SSRI to ever help & a decade of counseling and coping skills: I am drowning. I cannot wash myself I cannot clean the house I cannot do the shopping I cannot find or hold a job I can't even get help because it takes me three months to schedule a simple doctor's appointment and the week's energy to show up. I want to go to school I want to see my friends I want to hold a job I want to not be trapped in my body I want to not have DEBILITATING mental illness on top of severe physical disability. Crying every appointment. Crying every counseling appointment. Please let me try ADHD medication I have tried a dozen SSRIs and anxiety PRNs with no aid

My doctors: Absolutely not. Nope. Are you drug seeking or trying to lose weight? Raise your antidepressants. Come back in a month. Offer more antidepressants. Come back in another month to talk to someone else. Offer ANTIPSYCHOTICS used off label for depression. Finally reluctantly put me on a non-stimulant lowest dose of ADHD medication when I Refused further treatment for my depression without treating the factors LEADING TO IT

Me on 2 weeks of the medication: 3 job interviews. Reapplying for school in a few months if those fall through. Scheduled doctor appointments in 3 locations for things I was supposed to get checked a year ago. Can stop intrusive thoughts at the minute mark instead of 30 minute deep despair mark for the first time in 29 years, despite having BEEN USING every coping skill imaginable. Showed up to counseling, started the laundry, AND cooked breakfast today. Took a shower twice in one week for the first time in who knows how long. Making plans to see friends I haven't been able to see (literally just in town) for months. Feel calm at points for the first time in over a year.

Anyways don't fucking kill yourself unless you try adhd meds or HRT it's true it's true it's true lmao