#im also working on a personal game project with a few buddies of mine so im keeping busy with that

[boyyardee]

hello this is not a drill you are legally obliged to post your silliest of sketches (you post so little yet i love you and your content so much!!!!!!)

AGWDWHDHJDW TYYTYYYTYYY I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU i knowwww i really need to get back into posting more frequently the only silly stuff i got is some transformer oc doodles mostly soo oops.

[theartisticgamingwitch]

Any habits you like to share with the class?

OK welcome to the 7 deadly sins of my art farting career. Hopefully i will not get the punishments equal to these said sins in my life So buckle up cause were starting hot with lust.

Lust is a complicated one because im not twisting the anatomy to the point its not legit accurate. Looking at you superhero comics and games that are just boobs and ass mostly mortal kombat is a fall of this.. i just.. can't draw ugly people. Dont get me wrong i honestly am trying! Its just complicated. And dont worry i may write smut but i cant draw it either.. Ill try if im brave enough but i know better not to put it on my portfolio...or here..

ENVY ohhh boy do i have it. and i have ways to control this lil demon! Its okay to compare yourself to the masters/ other people BUT, not to the point where you think copying them 1000% will make you just like them! Mish mash your favorites to make your own style. Thats how i learned mine. Compete with yourself not with someone else. Take breaks from other peoples work if they make you the sads and focus on your end goals. ok now BACK IN THE CORNER ENVY!

Okay whos next *sees sloth playing animal crossing* Right. you.. I tend to get unmotivated by projects easily if im stressed the hell out or i dont like somthing in my sketchbook.. so i just put it away and go play some video games. IMHO this isnt 100% a bad thing.. we all need a break for a kit kat bar every now and then however HOWEVER!, Making excuses for weeks at a time effects your artwork later, So this is why you need to focus on the game but also allow yourself to take maybe 15 min breaks to do anything else besides video games. Water your plants, Play with your pets, Party in your room, EAT SOME FOOD!

Next is Gluttony and taking on too many things at once is a good and bad thing all at the same time. Welcome to the world of ADHD. This is mostly bad for me cause im a people pleaser and i want to please everyone except myself (yes my dad raised me as a doormat im slowly growing a spine.)

Now the biggest sin i have out of all of them...almost killed my chances of getting into this school.. PRIDE. Its okay to take pride in your work but, you have to learn when to step back and give what the client wanted..even if its in graphite form. Bite your lip and hold those words you were gonna say and just give what they wanted. You might just get in.

Next is greed and like i said before im a people pleaser not a greedy person so this one is off the table kind of however, i have seen people on my artstation and my linkdin accounts trying to work with me cause im going to this school and they gave off red flags. One was even a huhbot trying to sell me makeup. o

*looks at wrath* Okay buddy youre up! Now im not the 100% type to use blood, violence, and edgyness into my work. Its more i hate my own work and it drives me insane to where i wanna crumple it up, yeet it in the bin and start over..and this cycle can continue for a few days till i go into sloth mode. Dont be so harsh on yourself to where what your drawing is no fun! Try to think about it from another view if its not what you expected. You might be surprised on how it comes out.

[ubelyptus]

soooooooooooo bb,,,...,.,,,strawberrry.

......I JUST FIND IT

  interestinggggggggg

how you Big mad cuz MY block game seeems 

skrong or summn

hanh???

oh.

well.

i never blockedt you 

on snapchat 

or whatsapp (you weren’t even muted),

yup, i still haven’t

but i didn’t have a properly working phone...

still......don’t

but either way you keep threatening to split on me 

like a weapon…fcking

manipulative as shit

it just seems to me that you just want to?

you never imprinted tho 

but she did 

so why should you?

i won’t ever, again, fight....

….with you.

my favorite accomplice

i wanted to learn with an open mind 

even after my phone died 

how to remain soft with you.  

even after being callled 

“old news" 

pffft

at least until

 i ‘m  eventually murdered by a cisgender man...

but

don’t fckn

pppppppop shit 

cuz like….. literally…..all i did was change my url.

shit, i Only blockedt you AFTER i saw you referencing gaslighting.

bc uhmm IIIIIIif that is about meeeeeeeeeeee 

ha!!!

 how fucking dare you.…..lyk....wuhh?

like when you said there is no difference between syn and alesia?????

HANH?

oh, but you think i blockedt you first bc i didn’t wanna get my feelings hurt?

….mhhhhhhh. ok.

seeems odd since you’re not liar 

right, eli????

but,,,,,so what’s this about the cozi password change? am i just shifting too rapidly between your and my reality???

bet.

no, i blocked you on things after THAT 

AND THAT WAS TODAY

oh, and didn’t your friend, my so-called “fighting buddy,” anan…

.just,,,,,fckn block me like i’m useless

trash

randomnly 

after all

i asked 

was that they 

not speak to me 

about you?

but YAAAAAAS  twas ONLY Me and simply Myself and just i 

who ain’t wanna get….hurt.

hanh?????

oh ,

obvi,

yeaaaaaaa

yeeeei

truuuu,

sooooo 

sssssorry,,,,but

calling me “old news” or saying i’m “old too” 

don’t forget your girl is 2 yrs older than you 

and then staying silent for these few days about changing passwords

that..... already did that, boo

at least i sent alesia third party emails thru the app, boo

she pushin 30 and can only talk you 

venuse....????. no....a 

talking and 

w a l k i ng tragedy

entyway don’t bring that up just to be loud and wrong about that too

you’re not always wrong tho, you know

you’d probably fuck up and slit my throat 

 powertripping

when i’m wrong about you

and you can only do that if you

 black and white 

me out 

to NEVER BE WRONG 

AND I DO 

ACTUALLLY HATE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!!! 

WHY CAN’T I EVER BE WRONG, ELI???? 

WHY????//

OH your emotions....? about your father that after 6 yrs you didn’t tell me about?

your reality? when you have a habit of projecting?

 and lowkey being dishonest 

to yourself first

 and then subsequently

 to me????

your time? when i’m mostly on yours?????

your efforts? like ripping up notes and telling me 

“my turn” to get fucked 

by you 

was over

when the only reason i was tiredt

was bc i crashed

too tiredt after explaining to You

that

  i‘m not even going to LET you play middleman

for a baby pushign 30????

oh. bet.

but since we’re being transparent:

here are receipts with timestamps:

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-hop-hop

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop+hop+bun

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-bunny

yea you must love dirty laundry

oh.

but that’s what i knew about you.

oh:

be yr own guest my love

i Knew you would ignore the “old news” message since that's literally when you started telling on yourself 

you do treat trans partners

 like side hoes, 

thasssa wholeBET 

and some change

 for you to create

cuz thassssssss 

how you feel about me fr fr

so that “like” is mine but

  i…..actually really Really love that you laughed tho.

bc i haven’t heard you fully belly laugh in a long time.

if ever iirh.

even after knowing you for 6+ years, 

your supposed “first friend “ in the DMV

the person i can trust my life with

the only

you’re my only...

 ,,,,,even after i spiraled 

and cut myself for the first time since middle school?

now my friends are fucking spotting you 

and talking to each other 

about you

oh, you didn’t know. 

but i got mehndi done today 

let a summer baby boy

love 

a cut up 

by me

body

 before noon

today 

thinking i’d see you and we could talk like,,,,

…..like real people do.

and you’d be distracted by the design and not zone in

 on the failed cuts

 on my wrist 

since i’m shit at not just repeatedly carving into 

white meat

 when i can only use a ceramic blade

i just didn’t WANT you to 

so i never “came home to [you]”

you said that on nov 4th/5th of last year

and

i’ve been looking up bpd all day

eventho i told you

  i don’t trust the internet 

sooooo you not telling me 

didn’t hel p

but it’snot at all your job to 

and i sitll

stilllstil stil stilllca’t see

....and i dind’t want you to see.

bc i’m not just a man.

i’m still femme

which you seem to love to forget

and still soft enough, i think.....

i hope…..or learning to be soft,,,,

where it won’t get me killed,,,,,

but where it still counts.

with…or without you.

either way i’m a man who loves you. a man whose phone died at 28% trying to get you to see that i was trying to be soft even after you called me

 “old news”

but,,,,,.....,,,compared to …..who?????? sh....oooo??????

your new girlfriend who is 1 or 2 years older than you?????

and can’t speak to me 

a man who is only barely out of 23???

and instead only whispers

 to you?????

bruh, she’s clearly not fond of me. 

and you’re not a liar , 

so don’t 

she had to tell you that she wasn’t the one putting out “aggy energy”

specifically

during yennayer which

i ruined

and im still sorru

but which means

she’s probably done it in your apartment on purpose already, boo

didn’t think of that, did you

lingustically.,,,,,nope.

oh, but there’s power in a whisper, darling.

i am just cardinal like you

i am air too.

  i should know 

bc i accidentally whistled....and,,,,,,

i only blockedt you so that you wouldn’t “hurt [your] own feelings”

 like you told anan you sometimes do.

sooooooooooooo yea... i

did it so you wouldn’t hurt you. 

as cardinal water/pisces moons 

are prone to do.

you can;t drain

and you can’t drown

 ain’t that how i affirmed you

i already hurt me 

when i dissociated 

and i’m STILL FUCKING sorry 

that there was blood that you had to see. 

i couldn’t stay in my body long enough to clean fast enough

but i still didn’t want you to hurt you bc of me.

like you did repeatedly

bc of bpd or bc of basically cishet or at least cis ~queer girls

or other partners 

like when you were with kat,

who’s still disgustingly attached to a messy white

and now a new black kid.....

or with shushoo.

and how you might with alesia.

no, correction: how you have with alesia. 

how you will continue to, if you’re not careful, with alesia.

you’re a lion facing a prince of a house kitten ,....,

.,, who is homeless.

do you feel good, big boss?

all i asked was for you to listen t

o how you were speaking to me 

on the phone 

at your place of work 

and when she’s there

possibly a place of worshiop

..... even after i told you 

that i was intentionally putting energy into Not fighting you

and you

  say you

"don’t wanna be a middle person" 

but you also….wanna cape for yet another fucking cis girl.

who isn’t even muslim this time. 

HOWtragic.

i couldn’t laugh

couldn’t ever laugh at sway

bc by whatever fortune if you do split or don’t 

 i still  love you

i love you too much

but in those moments after that phone call….

after my phone died…

and my body couldn’t move to charge it.

wouldn’t move….

and all i could do was cry during the adhan.

bc you’re tooo much like matt now

i wish i knew what it could feel like to

 hate someone 

who called you 

"OLD NEWS” 

compared to a bitch pushing 30 

youza WHOLE fuckn clown, dawg.

matt did this same shit

move me out for a new side bitch

yet anotehr cis

look at how cute trans love can be

oh

no

NO

no,

no

no

this is what you give me:

laughter.

BC what fucking luck.

BUT IT’S gotta be TROOF

  s ince you don’t lie?/?

shit I LAUGHED TOO:

it sounds like….

NEITHER OF US

KNEW WHAT COULD

HAVE BROUGHT US

HERE, ELI.

maybe you nursing poison in your own home

and telling me i’m making you feel unwelcomed

on a blog and not to my face did it

fuckingggggggggg. why’ald.

you think it’s too much sweat????? false. 

that apartment stayed cold.

too many tears?

 ok ok yea troof.

but too much love? forreal?

we?????

ooooop

hoooop!!!

oh, you speakin’ french now. our collective colonizers tongue in 20gayteeeeeeeen?????

CAN’T RELATE 

bc I’M TOOOOOO GAY

wow. we ruined it, fam???? fr fr?

nah, chosen fam.

you ruined us.

you ruined us over:

 a cis girl and

your own impatience

and your own anger.

and my slow brain and my slow body

//

i’m not sure she’d find you from maryland

if you dissociated bc your other semi

 but not 

girlfriend emotionally abused you

until people who didn’t know you were muslim

thought you were fucking drunk

and you fucking stilllllll 

work with her?????

why couldn’t you just wait until she found a new job???

ain’t she trying????

or izzzzzz she??????

hahhnh???

where was the damn rush?????

you’re like two goofy high schoool kids 

reaching for the quickest nuts every 6 hours

 like jesus fuck.

you’re irresponsible as shit telling me i’m a grown man making grown decisions and i see this 

?????

unREASONABLE, ELI.

this isn’t a situation of a kettle calling a pot black

 babe

bc i’m actually Black

and you’re not

but she’s black too.

what did i tell you:

"you datin’ two whole Niggas. if you fight me over her, you will lose either way.”

but instead you called me “obtuse”

SAT words for me

 but not for you…….what.,,,.,,,,,,,, fckn luck……..

what luck,,,,,that the one person who housed me consistently

and kept me alive

when i trusted no one

would call me "old news”

and let their cis girlfriend

 turn herself into your

personal "healing�� …...

sibkid. \\\\

howTragic like all of CC’18

you know what happens when you slip and get sloppy and let a baby bitch be responsible for your healing?

she leaves. 

for a real bitch 

with microhealing abilities, 

GOOFY.

she worships a new goddess every friday?????

well, i know only of orixas 

and only of black power

 but from what i know of goddesses OFF of OUR continent…

soooon...

at least one of them WILL want a soul from her

just letting you know it might not have to be hers.

…..OH!

and when i chargedt and openedt my phone after days of wandering. ….the last messages from you are:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID “LEAVE [[[[MMMMMYYYYYYY]]]]]] KEYS”

like a fucking baby.

imagine that.

even to you, i’m still a whore.

out…the…bakc….dooor.

??????

i couldn’t even work a john when i wanted to

 if i was sad about you.

but imagine?????

  a cis-pixie woman older than you

letting you treat her like a child?????

then

imagine me feeling shamed into leaving

bc of pictures of your smiling face

after i cut myself and felt shame 

that

in your unwelcomed  to both me and you

BLOOD

 blood 

is what brings me back

 to life.

how.

fucking.

why’yald.

i blockedt you so that you didn’t lurk.

bc THat is what you do.

instead of speaking with me, 

you seem to have expected me

 to read your blog back 7 years.

and just know all of the fatherly things that trigger you.

like…even during the times when i was afraid of my own phone and laptop for 2 months bc of my sister, brother, and birth parents????

funny how i’m the youngest of us “grown folks” and yet still find that really 

FUCKING

immature.

of YOU

to do

you really never knew me, or did you…..??

you donated to me before you even knew me.

so i know your heart has parts made of gold.

but now you show off your crystals and your gold.~~~

yep.

here we are.

you’ve "only every seen [me] as a boy.”

ok. bet.

and unti this post:

i’ve hardly heard you refer to me as a man.

so:

ain’t you late?

ain’t you late, babe??

ain’t you late?

i’m a year younger than you.

which means if you grown

i musta BEEN a man too, boo.

but you’ll always be

 my favorite accomplice

 and always be my favorite friend too.

but you cannot think you can play me by calling me

 “old too” or “old news"

 for young fish who is basically femme trade

and thinking i won’t cut open a fool.

which coincidentally always happens to be me

she’s hardly out to anybody important and lying at work too.

i must be bigger fool.

bc you knew better and didn’t do better.

but i’m being immature.

  ok ...,.,,.,,

cute.

your pisces moon is keeping you from seeing clearly but that’s what young water seems…to do. to much light reflected; tho it is a fountain of youth.

she’s pushing 30 baby 

but true, you’re her boo.

yea, a childish boo.

you ever wonder why her playlist from you had more songs than ours did?

why she can never keep a man around for valentines day?

oh but don’t you love “patterns”, baby????

unless it’s her leaving shit around the apartment

or her triggering you

or her treating your dick like it’s foreign, 

even to you.

my gay ass was shookedt 

when you told me you voluntarily 

triggered yourself

 for her kitty too

but i AM 

a grown man

 who is “running” from….you

you think that statement is not…. dishonest??

you really think that statement is true???

—

i didn’t run. i just

needed space

and you afforded me none.

you couldn’’t afford it.

february is before march which is before april 

sooooooo it’s always a tight month ain’t it???????

oooooooh but you afforded her plenty.

she gets to take off her fucking pants while i try to figure out if i should move from a spot next to you….

on your fucking bed.

she took off her pants to climb near you before she could even say hi to 

nooonoo

ahh right

and THEN ME.

“Oh, you CAN stay”

that’s what She told me.

and you said nothing.

so i left….the room.

i never run.

you pushed me out with your captain save-a-cis silence.

it’s violence.

and

you’re still pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing 

until me…you know 

i, the "old news” 

just feels like he should just 

fucking fall 

onto the district streets

and she finds it

to her fucking fancy 

to fall

 into your lap

like a damn,,,,zel. 

distressedt.

with a roof over her head outside of your apartment too.

woooooooops!

yip, as she is probably prone to do.

her kind….isn’t new….boo.

her kind isn’t new to me

her kind isn’t new to you

you ever wonder why she feels so familiar to you?

she reminds Me of the girl who told you 

she could never marry you 

and is now trying to date someone just like you

so don’t be so unkind to me 

or to you 

or be so foolish

 as to believe i gave up on you

you gave up on me

and on top of that

you think i just...ran

ran….with what clothing?

the ones you packed up for me and left at the door 

that i was suppose to pick up 

and slide out the back….like a fucking whore?

you just tryna be

a cissie's bae

who stay clownin on trans folks now?

oooooooh issa bet, mo

. i mean.,,,.,,.mhhhh i guess?

—==—

but troooof, i don’t “need" anybody.

but i want you.

but you need her.

that’s how it work, don’t it?????

that’s why you risk job security every day.

and let her leave her panties on my clothes.

and let her tell me i "can stay" in …..A, not MY, spot next to you

in yo'bed?

what fucking fools. the two of you.

but “no one is forcing [me] to"

oh, baby you /are/ forcing me too

i look on your blog and then find out you’ve been feeling “unwelcome in [your] own home”

this whole fucking time

all the way since early november, innit?????

if i love you at all, 

what else am i to do?????????????

??????????????????????????/

know that you will self-destruct 

and just…wait for you to????????????????????

???????????????????????????????/

no

i didn’t run.

you just fucking pushed me.

and you’re still fucking pushing.

and you’ll keep pushing.

bc that is what you do.

embe…..@strawberreli 

se sá’m te konne nu’ou.

you like microblogging so much

so like it if you read this shit

[fancy--tuna]

College Update

So I’m phenomenally excited to be going back to the place where I can make my dreams come true. The ability to return to Miami this fall and see my favorite professor, by new, best friends, and such a breathtaking campus is incredibly thrilling to me. I’ll be going back home -- with a new and reinvigorated passion for what I want to do, and a desire to do it well. Every day I take another step toward the career I want, and towards expressing my love with the world.

Unfortunately, I have one single thing that has been caging that voice -- not merely caging it, but smothering it, blocking it from ever seeing the sun until it dies from choking on the void it’s encompassed in. 

My room situation last year was about the same as everyone’s. I was in a double with a randomly-assigned roommate, Peyton, who I got along with alright, more or less. We were two different people -- she an extrovert and I an introvert -- so we didn’t do anything together -- not even a lunch. However, I never had a problem with her.

Yet, as time kept going on, I grew increasingly uncomfortable being in my own room. I felt bad being on my laptop -- like I was being judged -- and when I went to bed I felt gross, as if Peyton was disgusted with me and never said anything. However, because she never said anything, I figured it was my own paranoia and life went on.

Right as the first semester ended, Peyton told me her buddy down the hall had a vacancy (their horrible roommate moved out), and she was going to move in. I was excited for her to be with someone she liked and I was excited for myself, to be in my own space. Peyton and I would have gotten along quite well, if we’d made the effort -- she was a big fan of Baseball and animals, and her Snapchat story always looked fun and inviting. She was pretty and had a good smile. I regret not investing more into our friendship, but it was a lesson learned.

Winter break passed and I was in a room by myself (I was assigned a roommate over break, but she never showed up). I loved living alone -- I had a space that was mine, where I could listen to my music and laugh at my movies and talk to my friends. I hadn’t had a space like that on campus. I could go to sleep when I chose and I could cry if I needed to vent. I was even able to get into Mythic Raiding with a single, seeing as the Australian times were from 4-7AM, and there was no way I could do that with a roommate. All awkwardness I felt on this campus vanished, and I was really beginning to excel in my schoolwork and make friends on campus. Truly, I realized, Miami was the campus for me -- and my lifestyle, in a single, was perfect. Nothing could go wrong.

Then Jessica moved in.

I received the email the day of Jessica’s move-in, which I thought was unsettling and a little bit out of left-field. However, when I asked the Residence Advisor about it, it made sense: he was told that Jessica had to move on an ‘emergency situation’, and that there was no way she was going to be in a livable space in her own dorm. I empathized and felt bad for her -- I knew what it was like to be in a space where a person didn’t feel welcome. I was also told that the situation had something to do with drinking, which struck a chord with me. My mother was a severe alcoholic, so I knew what it was like to have to live with someone like that. I made it my life purpose to make sure Jessica’s move-in was peaceful and quiet, and she was at home here in 209.

She moved in that evening rather awkwardly, showing up with a friend, dropping a neon pink-and-green Vera Wang tote, and saying “This is my friend, we’re gonna go back to her place to watch Real Housewives of Miami” and left without really much introduction beyond that. I remember calling my dad after she left to tell him she’d moved in, and joking that we weren’t going to get along -- anyone with a Vera Wang bag tended to be a bit preppy, which isn’t me. However, I swore I was going to make it work, and I resolved to put my judgments aside and really get to know Jessica.

She returned that evening and we sat and talked for awhile, making progress. I learned that she had had a very difficult time at Miami. She told me about how her roommate was an alcoholic, and how she’d come home at 2AM and flick on the lights whether or not she was sleeping. She told me how her roommate would bring over drunk friends and cause a ruckus while shew as trying to work. I felt horrible -- and told her quite clearly, “This is a safe space.” I wanted her to feel welcome and she seemed glad to hear it. We went to bed and I felt like, this could work. This wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

As winter progressed into spring I learned more about Jessica’s time at Miami. From what I heard, it sounded like her time had been pretty rough. Her roommate situation was bad, and her RA didn’t seem to want to help her. They didn’t have quiet time or anything like that in the halls after hours, and the RAs wouldn’t listen. She wanted a single, but when she applied they wouldn’t give it to her because she didn’t have a medical condition. She went to see the therapists on-campus, and they said they wouldn’t help her the way she wanted to be helped. She had a rough schedule and it was tearing her up. She said that 70% of the people on campus were preppy and rude, and she was so glad I wasn’t that way. She was done trying at Miami -- and after this semester she wanted to go home, and go to school in her home state, Maryland.

I sympathized and I listened and I understood. I felt bad that her time on campus had been so horrible, and I was determined to make her final semester here more bearable. I told her if I could help in any way, she should let me know.

About four weeks into our living situation, Jessica asked me politely if I would be willing to end online calls at about 10:30, as that was when she went to sleep. It was a gentle and understandable request, and the calls ended promptly. A week later, she asked me to turn off my reading light at 10:30, because it kept her up. I did as she obliged.

Then a week later, she asked me to stop typing at 10:30, because the key-clicking kept her up. I was frustrated, as there was nothing I could do at 10:30 in my room without audio, a light, or a laptop, but I obliged, knowing how she needed her sleep.

Things began to go downhill. I had noticed a change in Jessica over the first few weeks -- she had stopped going out to see friends and go swimming. In fact, she’d stopped going out at all -- she went to class, came back to her room, and laid on her bed, flipped open her laptop, and turned on Real Housewives, pulling a bag of chips from her bed or a tub of ice cream from the minifridge. I had those days too, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but eventually it turned into a daily habit that I didn’t even question anymore. the 50/50 split of our rooms became obvious -- while I kept my side of the room as clean and neat as possible, hers was piled up with clothes and trash. I loved taking pictures of my plants in the windowsill, but her desk was unseeable due to the pile of laundry. I crawled into my clean blankets easily at night, and when i woke up she had left dirty underwear on her bed, making it embarrassing for me to bring anyone over that day.

However, I didn’t complain at all. I understood she was dealing with depression from the way Miami was treating her, and I let it go.

One day Jessica asked me if I could stop watching movies on my phone at night with earbuds -- “the light keeps me up”, she said -- and I had just about had it. She had taken away any privelage I had of being in my room after 10:30 at night. However, instead of telling her that, I did something very stupid:

“Yeah, no worries -- I’ll take it into the livingroom downstairs”.

From that moment on, she’d won. That room had inevitably been conquered by Jessica and I had no right to be in it. The instant I would wake up, I’d grab my clothes, my backpack, and I’d leave. I’d change and do my makeup in the bathroom, and because I didn’t want to bother her I’d carry around my pajamas and makeup in my backpack all day as I went to my classes. I only had, at maximum, three hours of class on any given day -- but when I was done, I wouldn’t go back to my room. Every time I did, Jessica would be in bed, watching Housewives, and the instant I walked in she’d pause her show and stare at me until I left. Oftentimes I felt so bad I had to excuse myself -- “just grabbing an umbrella, it’s raining” -- “I left my phone charger here” -- and she’d watch and wait until I left to go back to whatever she was doing. I was an outsider in my own room -- I was not allowed in.

I learned a lot about Miami from being cast out of my room. I learned where the food is cheap and what classes took place in what rooms when. I learned about the buildings, and how long a walk from my room to another room took, and I learned what buildings I could pass through to get home when it rained. I learned the way to get into buildings that were locked at night, so I could cry in an empty classroom instead of in my room.

I spent a lot of time in the gaming library, which is where I took two classes with my favorite professor, Phill, and a few new friends from the IMS major. Grace, a Junior in the major, was an absolute joy. She was around a lot, working on this project or that, or playing DnD with Phill. She loved Moana and Blizzard, and she was loud and tomboyish. Grace listened to my problems a lot, and she was supportive in that way that kind of scares you -- I recall one day I was telling her about how I never went into my dorm and she got on the table and started shouting at me about how I deserved better. The day Grace said I was her friend was one of the best days I had on campus. She began opening up her room to me when I needed it. I was so thankful I stayed over once, but I was so afraid of mooching I never stayed over again.

The year was beginning to draw to a close, and I had 11 projects on my plate. I began to wake up at 8, leave the room immediately, and I wouldn’t be back home until 2 or 3AM. Not because I was working the whole time -- because I wanted to make sure Jessica was asleep before I got in, so I didn’t disturb her. I got a lot of work done while I was out of the dorm -- I think that was one of the better things that came out of this. If it weren’t for being cast out of my own room, I wouldn’t have spent so much time working. I’d spend 8 hours a day sculpting or writing html before I walked into my hall and prepped myself for bed -- unzip everything I needed to unzip before walking in, take off my shoes first so they weren’t loud, leave anything wet outside so it didn’t make a sound, remove jackets and backpack so I didn’t have to make noise when I got in, make sure I pulled my charger for my phone and laptop out beforehand so I didn’t have to go into my backpack. When that was all done, I’d sit in the hall for three or four minutes to muster the courage to slip through the door, make sure it closed quietly, then drop my stuff off and hop into bed. If I forgot a step, I wouldn’t do that step. Then I’d wake up at 8 and do it all over again.

I contacted my RA multiple times to mention that I wasn’t comfortable in my living space. CC was a joy -- she was so sweet and concerned. She asked if any intervening needed to happen, and I always told her, no, it’s just eight more weeks. it’s just six more weeks. Four more weeks. Two. CC finally mentioned to me that Jessica and I hadn’t filled out our roommate agreement form -- a general form that every roommate fills out with guidelines about how to live with eachother, what the general guidelines were, and how each roommate lived. She suggested we fill ours out together, and try to set some guidelines to make my life easier in the room.

That evening I went home early to discuss this with Jessica. She seemed to understand the idea and agreed to us filling it out together. Yet, as I went through the questions, there was little to no compromise. I recall distinctly a situation in which I asked Jessica if we could push bedtime on weekends back -- it’d always been lights-out at 10:30PM, even on Fridays and Saturdays, and I suggested we push it back to 11 -- and she was firm in her bedtime. Exhausted, I just accepted what had always been -- no bedtime push, no music, no friends. I noted that she was a light sleeper and made suggestions to help her with that -- earplugs, sleep medication. All I got in return, however, were excuses: “Well, I get these really bad ear infections, and sleeping with earplugs...” “I mean, I’ve tried sleep medication, and it’s never...” I didn’t have the willpower to debate her on this and accepted it for what it was.

At this point living this way was the norm. However, it had drawbacks: I was suffering from a lack of sleep and an excess of work, and the anxiety of not having a place that was mine was getting to me. I was beginning to have breakdowns in empty classrooms, since I couldn’t cry anywhere else. Every weekend my parents had to bring me home because I was crying so much when I called them. I was losing drive and pushing too hard to maintain it -- whereas my roommate seemed to care less about her drive. One day it was raining and I decided to muster up the courage to return to my dorm for an umbrella after multiple friends encouraged me to do so.

I had my hand on the doorknob when I heard Jessica speaking -- she was on the phone with someone. Horrified of disturbing them, I instead sat in the hall and attempted to get the guts to open the door for about ten minutes. During those ten minutes, I happened to catch bits and pieces of their conversation -- Jessica was complaining that the process of applying to her new college was horrible and they weren’t helping. Her mother (who was on speaker) mentioned it was likely because of her grades -- I was shocked to discover Jessica was failing most of her classes. She excused it by saying the classes were hard and she was depressed, and it didn’t matter anyways since she was going somewhere else. Knowing how delicate a situation this was, I decided I was brave the weather without an umbrella and left, feeling conflicted. I felt bad for her, since I knew how difficult the application process was, and I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to apply to a new school from another, better school. I also knew that depression could, indeed, affect one’s motivation to do schoolwork. I hoped internally that she could pick it up and get the grades she needed by the end of the semester.

Finals Week was a week early for me. In my major, most if not all of my finals were project-based, meaning we turned them in the week before final exams and did not take an exam on the given day. We were free to go the Friday before exams week. I was thrilled -- I had B’s and low A’s across the baord, and all of my final projects were looking phenomenal. I’d spent time after classes with all of my professors going over my work and getting help, and they assured me that these turn-ins would give me A’s in each of their respective classes (with a B+ in Web Programming -- I hated Javascript.) being out of my dorm so much had given me the push to get extra help where normally I’m too scared to do so, afraid I’m wasting a professor’s time. I was proud of my work and proud of my year.

The last Monday of classes I decided I was beat and I wanted to get a well-deserved nap. I debated between going and not-going, and finally I decided to head back to my room for a bit. It was my last week, after all -- if Jessica had a problem with it she could deal. As always, I returned to my room (though this time midday) and needed to muster up the courage to enter. I sat in the hallway and waited.

Again I heard Jessica on the phone, and knew better than to enter while she spoke. I waited politely for the call to end -- then began hearing some of the conversation. 

“...Just disgusting, I don’t want to deal with it! What am I supposed to do with her nasty-ass stuff?” “Honey, it was probably an accident, has she done this before?” “No, but she puts her horrible plant on my desk and it’s like, it’s not mine! I have half a mind to throw it out...”

I realized horribly that I’d left my plant that I was going to water today on her desk when I left the room. Her horrible words shook me to the core as I listened, mortified.

“No, mom, I’m not going to talk to her, she comes home at weird hours, and it’s not like she cares! She makes these horrible messes, T-shirts covered in nasty hair, it’s fucking disgusting.”

I don’t remember at what point I got up, but I ran into the staircase and just started bawling. I didn’t deserve this. She was lying. She was outright lying. I wasn’t in that room enough to cause any mess, and I was a clean person to begin with. I didn’t understand how this could have happened to me when all I did was for her, when I spent eight weeks practically homeless so she could sit in there and watch her TV show and eat and be unproductive? It was just a plant. I remember calling my mother and repeating that, as if something within me had snapped. “It was just a plant, it was just a plant.” Something within me had snapped; I had been lying in the mud so she wouldn’t have to walk in it, and she was still complaining that I was uncomfortable to walk on. My mother had had enough, and she was coming to get me for the week. By the time she arrived, I had three RA’s surrounding me trying to console me, and she had walked into my room unannounced, grabbed the plant Jessica was so concerned about, and plucked me up to take me home. I didn’t want to go to my mom’s house -- but it was better than Miami.

By the time I had sobered up, one thing had become clear to me: I had done nothing wrong. I had done everything that could’ve been asked of me. It wasn’t my fault. It occurred to me that the entirety of Jessica’s personality, that I had grasped, was complaining. She was mad at the world and she was going to blame everyone else for it. She didn’t get a single so she blamed the therapists, she didn’t get good grades so she blamed the classes, she didn’t have any friends so she blamed the people. She didn’t like herself -- so she blamed me. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I was certain her old roommate was likely a fine roommate. The words I’d caught her using to describe me were so similar to the way she had described her other roommate that I was certain Jessica, in all likelihood, was the only one with the problem -- wherever she was, she couldn’t be happy, and she’d make everyone else bend to fix it. I had been the victim of this one horrible woman, and it had ruined my time at Miami and made me horrified of the future.

Despite knowing that Jessica was a bitch? Living like that still affects me to this day. All summer I had my best friend over to spend time, or the night; and no matter how much I tried and how long I tossed and turned, I couldn’t sleep; in my mind, being in the room with her was equivalent to being a bother. I’d sleep in another room, or wait until someone else got up to sleep in their room, or I’d even sleep on the decaying couch in the livingroom without pillow or blanket -- anything but sleeping where people I care about would be bothered by me. I requested any single I could get back in April, and I’ve doubled and tripled those requests since then. I now have 7 requests for any single I can get on campus -- but those requests won’t be granted without medical documentation.

I know I have anxiety -- that’s a given at this point. The problem is having medical documentation. I haven’t seen a doctor all summer -- in fact, I haven’t seen a doctor in years. The last time I can recall seeing I doctor, I was about 8 years old. Under my dad’s roof, as long as it’s not broken you don’t need to see a doctor. we got through Strep Throat without antibiotics, we’d get through colds and flus without help, and anything mental was absolutely not a medical condition. I’ve gotten into multiple, loud arguments with my father begging him to take me to a doctor -- all were in vain.

I’m well old enough to take myself to a doctor -- but I’m horrified of the prospect. I don’t know how to pay for it, when to do it, how I’ll get a hold of a car, what to do if I can’t find transportation. I don’t even know where a doctor is or how to find one or who to go to. I’ve asked my sister for her information and she hasn’t given it to me, I’ve pleaded with my mom to help and she hasn’t, I’ve begged my friends to help me with it and they’ve managed to skirt the situation, and I’ve argued with my father until I was in tears, asking him to please, please help me. Nothing.

But until I get this documentation, I can’t get a single. Until a doctor says I have anxiety, I’ll be in a situation which furthers my anxiety. I won’t be able to eat, sleep, or breathe in my own room because of a fear of bothering my roommate.

Today was a better day. I got up and decided I was going to call my roommate for next year -- I knew her, but not well -- and see if we could get together, have lunch, and talk about school. Calling anyone is a feat of mine -- and it was my biggest activity for the day. I left a voicemail with her and sent her a text.

I got information back today that Sarah had been moved out of my room -- I don’t know where, I didn’t ask. Now, I only know two things: she’s not there and I am. I’m currently in a double in the same residence hall as last year without a roommate. The likelihood is that I’m going to be paired with a random roommate, like I was twice last year -- and I’m so horrified that when I said goodbye to Sarah, I broke down. I can’t do it. I can’t be in that situation again. I’m so scared of being in a room with someone and upsetting them. I can’t do it.

I love Miami, but I’m horrified to return.

[jessicagrayposts-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[diana-miller1-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[jessica-mackenzie-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[kdwalker91-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[holidayislandarkansas-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[totalhavok-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[jamiljiddan-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[loves-snotlout-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[qwerb01-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[degreeofwarmth-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[stay-fit-yo-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.

[blkjean-blog]

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL

Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Distract Yourself. Any addict would benefit from a long list of distractions, activities than can take her mind off of a cig, a glass of Merlot, or a suicidal plot (during a severe depression). Some good ones: crossword puzzles, novels, Sudoku, e-mails, reading Beyond Blue (a must!); walking the dog (pets are wonderful buddies and can improve mental health), card games, movies, American Idol (as long as you dont make fun of the contestantsbad for your depression, as it attracts bad karma); sports, de-cluttering the house (cleaning out a drawer, a file, or the garageor just stuffing it with more stuff); crafts; gardening (even pulling weeds, which you can visualize as the marketing director that you hate working with); exercise; nature (just sitting by the water); and music (even Yanni works, but Id go classical).Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Sweat. Working out is technically an addiction for me (according to some lame article I read), and I guess I do have to be careful with it since I have a history of an eating disorder (who doesnt?). But there is no depression buster as effective for me than exercise. An aerobic workout not only provides an antidepressant effect, but you look pretty stupid lighting up after a run (trust me, I used to do it all the time and the stares werent friendly) or pounding a few beers before the gym. I dont know if its the endorphins or what, but I just thinkeven praymuch better and feel better with sweat dripping down my face.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Start a Project. Heres a valuable tip I learned in the psych wardthe fastest way to get out of your head is to put it in a new projectcompiling a family album, knitting a blanket, coaching Little League, heading a civic association, planning an Earth Day festival, auditioning for the local theatre, taking a course at the community college. I went to Michaels (the arts and crafts store) and bought 20 different kinds of candles to place around the house, five picture boxes for all the loose photos I have bagged underneath the piano, and two dozen frames. Two years later, all of it is still there, bagged and stored in the garage. However, I also signed up for a tennis class, because Im thinking ahead and when the kids go off to college, Eric and I will need another pastime in addition to reading about our kids on Facebook.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Keep a Record. One definition of suffering is doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results. Its so easy to see this pattern in others: Katherine, for Gods sake, Barbie doesnt fit down in the drain (its not a water slide) or the alcoholic who swears she will be able to control her drinking once she finds the right job. But I can be so blind to my own attempts at disguising self-destructive behavior in a web of lies and rationalizations. Thats why, when Im in enough pain, I write everything downso I can read for myself exactly how I felt after I had lunch with the person who likes to beat me up as a hobby, or after eight weeks of a Marlboro binge, or after two weeks on a Hershey-Starbucks diet. Maybe its the journalist in me, but the case for breaking a certain addiction, or stopping a behavior contributing to depression, is much stronger once you can read the evidence provided from the past.Addiction Counselor Pensacola FL. Be the Expert. The quickest way you learn material is by being forced to teach it. I adamantly believe that you have to fake it til you make it. And I always feel less depressed after I have helped someone who is struggling with sadness. Its the twelfth step of the twelve-step program, and a cornerstone of recovery. Give and you shall receive. The best thing I can do for my brain is to find a person in greater pain than myself and to offer her my hand. If she takes it, Im inspired to stand strong, so I can pull her out of her funk. And in that process, I am often pulled out of mine.