#im also still a bit drunk?
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anthony is dead: the funeral roast (paid content)
#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan and phil#phan#smosh#anthony padilla#mine#my content#hi sorry i can't get a hold of the person who shared this clip with me so i don't feel comfortable posting it in full#however i'm not a good enough person to Not Gif It#so here u go here's a bit of it in gif form lol#i'm going to sleep i'm sure by the time i wake up the full video will be up#oh also oh my god this clip gives me such super amazing project vibes i almost cried#ok. anyway. it's 8:20am. im drunk still. goodnight im finally going to bed x
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part 3 to my modern AU 💞🍺 (part 1 / part 2)
#u just know seb ended up carrying her home in the end anyway BAHHA if u read my fic u already know im weak for bridal carries#fun fact the blurred party backgrounds i used are screenshots from diary of a wimpy kid rodrick rules. aka the pinnacle of cinema#and its only fitting since i base my modern seb very largely on rodrick bc I STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON RODRICK...rodrick heffley my beloved#yall also already know i love guard dog seb (especially combined with drunk clora BAHAH) so ofc i had to do the modern au ver#i just make clora the type of drunk i am... aka drunk after 2 and sometimes even 1 drink and then i get super affectionate with everyone#which would make seb seethe if it were clora BAHAHAH omg i love imagining his suffering😇😍😍#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#clora clemons#also wahhh i can feel my HL brainrot fading a bit...🥲probs bc my fic is now complete... might make a post abt it soon#im not ready to let go😭😤#choccyart
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girll dinner
#this champagne is a bit bitter than i like#and a lot stronger than im used to#i usually >start< getting dizzy by my forth cup l#this one im getting dizzy in the middle of my second#and i had 2½ sooo#Making the egg for my sandwich was so weird#im still feeling weird#as if im moving sloewr than the rest of the world but also faster#alien talks#nonsims#im this 🤏close to being drunk#my head is just#light
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well lgbt in Russia is officially an extremist organization, so if anyone cares suddenly all my friends and I are in a gang or whatever
the law becomes relevant january 10 2024, and then for just wearing a pin with a 6 colored rainbow you could go to jail for 12 years at least
or smt like that
russians keep taking Ls
#i mean its so dumb i dont really believe it will be that sereous#but still kinda scary#i hope they wont go through with this law it sooooooooo stupid#or at least find the actual organisation that will pay me for being gay in russia#just so x_x#lgbtq#russia#lgbtq rights#im not here for politics im here for minecraft but yeah#sry for typos and shit i have adhd and english is not my first laguage (how could anyone guess) also im a bit drunk lmao
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beware my wine rants
#hi im back and experimenting#ive had the gnarliest art block for the past like month and a half sorry! i made this to try to break out of it#for more context this happened on the night we got drunk and watched spiderman 2 (2004) and i looked up the soundtrack afterwards#and fell down a rabbithole bc switchfoot is on it#my dad used to listen to contemporary christian radio (probably still does) so i heard a lot of the more popular Christian hits of the 2000s#also christian stations will play what the fuck ever sometimes if a song can be read in even a little bit of a christian way#idk how christian the fray is (ig they did make 'you found me' but.) but ive heard 'how to save a life' on christian stations#and theres plenty of like. really lowkey christian bands. like switchfoot! and relient k!#most ppl alive in the 00s have probably heard 'dare you to move' just in nature. and christian stations loved that one#newsboys is on that spectrum somewhere i think. they did 'belly of the whale' for the Jonah a veggietales movie#and the dvd bonus features include the music video for that plus the video for 'a million pieces' which doesnt feel overtly christian to me#anyway! i hope everyone likes this vertical format! and the coloring. im still trying to adjust my style for that part#when csp says 'brightness' it does not nean 'color value' which is an issue for my new method#but yknow its a learning curve#furry#queer artist#smth smth#queer comics#trans artist
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fengqing + pork soda - glass animals
#sorry but every time i listen to that song i think ab them#also this was meant to be just sketches but then i got carried away#fengqing#tgcf#feng xin#mu qing#angst#uhhh so for anyone still reading the tags ig ill explain this comic a lil bit#the first page is from mu qing's pov and hes fully aware they both got drunk n kissed n whatnot#second page is from feng xin's pov where he's thinking about the day after they got freaky while drunk and at the time#accidentally pressed the comma... ANYWAY. at the time he thought he didnt love mu qing n he tells him that#of course mu qing gets all pissy and he tries to argue for a bit before they just go their seperate ways#but uh oh !! a few days later feng xin realizes that he really DOES love mu qing but he doesn't want to be the first one to reach out so-#he waits for mu qing to contact him first. which. will never happen.#or will depending on how you want the story to end lmao#im done now bye bye and go listen to pork soda#my art
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inspired by that one tweet and @erika-xero 's piece of their main TES ocs! thought it was very fun, and decided to do mine.
from left to right, top to bottom: last dragonborn, hero of kvatch, companion of ldb, and nerevarine(i have not played daggerfall and jenais is very important to me)
#hope you dont mind the tag! thought your art was very neat and it sinpired me to do mine so!#also sorry im still a bit drunk typing this so no image desc and i appologzie for any typos and incomprehensiveness#yews art#yews ocs#ragnar (ldb)#mazourkh (hok)#jenais oesis#hadrevan#barbie meme#tes#morrowind#skyrim#oblivion#last dragonborn#hero of kvatch#nerevarine#necromancer#khajiit#dunmer#altmer#orsimer#orc#shes actually half altmer half orsimer fun fact#mazourkh that is#wahhh im exhausted so sleeppyyyy#might describe this when im sober logl#undescribed#undescrib ed inmages
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Research question for the neuroscientists: Does alcohol's effects on the brain mimic dopamine's effect on the brain?
Yeah I know there's the whole thing about inhibition and lower of cognitive barriers, but I'm talking like the molecule level. Like whatever passes the blood brain barrier with alcohol to make the brain act this way, does that molecule/signal/whatever look suspiciously like dopamine because my god the delusion I get when I'm drinking feels like the few times I've overloaded my system with dopamine/oxytocin etc but with blurrier vision.
I single out alcohol because well, I've never done hard drugs and the few times I've smoked weed makes me paranoid and anxious. Its only alcohol that's made me feel this way, though I'm sure harder drugs would too but my family does tend to have a history of functional addiction so I try to avoid most drugs. Honestly don't even drink that much now-a-days either, at least not to the levels that I did back in 2019.
#that being said i'm drinking a bit tonight#kind of want to kill this mixed pack of beer i got because its getting a bit old and not fresh anymore#also low key building quick tolerance for the concert i'm going to tomorrow so i'm not caught blackout by the time it finishes#this is not how tolerance works but im pretending it is#science side of tumblr please respond#i dont think this is a particularly good hypothesis but observation is observation#i do try to do this (as in get buzzed/drunk) every once in awhile to remind myself that life can be fun#and to get myself out of my head by dancing and singing like a maniac#even though dancing and singing is literally just a human experience#and its the years of othering and shame that my parents and peers put on me for doing stuff like that has infected my soul#i still cant really do it in front of others (unless theres a loud music track in the background and in a crowd where im not the spotlight)#but its getting there. used to not even be able to sing and dance alone#but now i can do it in a crowd with others#baby steps but progress always counts as progress#late night ramblings
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today's cool down doodles cut kinda short bcs i was delivered life shattering information mid doodling
#art stuff#i kinda imagine this is not long after purple and king work together#could also be post avm 30 too tho#this is also meant to be read as platonic/familial so make of that what you will#why did i say make of trhat what you will i think im still a wee bit drunk
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been thinking a lot about telling my friends i love them, recently.
anyway i love you so so much.
#i used to have such issues with saying that phrase out loud#and it was difficult to write but it was easier so i wrote it down in letters a lot instead#and now i find it a lot easier to say out loud and i never want to stop saying it#i want the people i love to know i love them#and i think a lot about how the first time it was said to me at uni i fully froze#like my whole body tensed. and i wasn’t sure if thomas was saying it to me or adela so i sort of ignored it#and then xe said it again a couple of weeks later while drunk af and i just. froze again. bc i wanted to like return the sentiment#but i couldn’t. and it took like eight times of them saying it for me to respond and idk if this was even a thing they noticed but it was so#clear in my mind. abd i remember the first time i managed it so clearly. and then like a few weeks after that it was like the floodgates had#opened and i could just say it to the people i really cared about. and it felt momentous.#but every time i say it out loud i still get that little tinge of fear and my body tenses a bit#especially when it’s over the phone#but i can’t wait until i see my friends in person again so i can say it to their faces#because i love my friends so much and i don’t know how to express this through action very well#like i want to be there for them and actionably demonstrate this#but i never know how or if im doing that right#so i’ll settle for trying my best and also saying the words repeatedly and hoping they’re heard#i love you all so very much and i would do anything for you i would like you to know this please
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when i was younger and hung out around my uncle a lot more than i do now, i remember whenever he referred to things regarding his native heritage, he always just called it "indian". called himself an indian, called the words he taught us indian, so on. since i was a little kid who didn't know any better, i didn't know that "indian" in the context of indigenous americans was a very broad, frankly bastardized term to paint a vast variety of cultures spanning two whole damn continents with one brush. it only occurred to me as i got much older than i was at the time that there'd be more than one "indian" language, and up until now since i had no idea what tribe(s) he even is i couldn't even begin to know where to look unless i found a download of every goddamn interlingual dictionary available and painstakingly checked every godddamn one for what their word for "thunder" is
the word he taught us meant thunder was hiloha. i didn't even know how to spell it until now, because he only ever said it aloud. literally just a few minutes ago, i decided to ask my grandma (his sister) if we knew what tribe(s) he belonged to. and apparently he's a mix of choctaw and makah. which gave me a lead, which led to me finding a dictionary on libgen, which led to me word searching "thunder" in the choctaw to english dictionary. it's the only word i remember him teaching us, and i'm unsure if he ever tried teaching us others. but it was his dogs name, and he was a damn good boy, so i remembered it clear as day. though, they normally shortened it to "hilo".
so, i guess what came out of this is that i now know a bit more about my uncle's heritage, and where to look for more research. so, if you're gonna have a takeaway from this, i'd appreciate it if you remembered the word "hiloha". it means thunder. and aside from being the name of a very good boy who deserves to be remembered, i think it's even more important to remember the histories, cultures, and of course the languages of all the indigenous folks who came before us and did their damndest to preserve their cultures in spite of it all.
#honestly a bit unsure if he was just simplifying it all down for us little idiot kids or not#regardless i think it's an important memory to keep alive#writing this up got me thinking about my time spent over at his place when i was real young. we spent a thanksgiving or two over there#both him and his wife were alcoholics at the time. she probably still is but she's been out of their lives for a while#i remember huddling in the corner with my cousin and my mom while they both fought. i distinctly remember her slapping him over the head#with a TV remote. not a very happy thanksgiving that one#it occurred to me while remembering this that there's definitely some kind of bitter irony to a white woman abusing a native man and his so#on thanksgiving. not even mentioning just a (mostly) native family having a bad thanksgiving in general. a bitter memory all around#god she was a cunt. talked shit about welfare queens and people on food stamps while me and my mom bought her food with our food stamps#claimed to be a vegetarian because how much she loved animals but still regularly ate bacon#i definitely don't remember my uncle being perfect in that relationship but i also definitely remember her being far worse#i'm almost certain it was mutual abuse but there's definitely a reason why my uncle's still in my cousin's life and mother isn't#aside from the fact that she did in fact abandon them and start a new family#as far as i know my uncle's recovered from his alcoholism and she hasn't. which itself wouldn't be a sin if she wasn't also naturally just#nasty piece of vaguely human looking garbage even without the alcohol#the way i understand it alcohol usually doesn't change who a person is at their core. it just amplifies who they already are#my grandpa's a very loving man and while i've never seen him get outright drunk i'm told he's very sweet and cuddly#saying this feels like a bit of a blanket statement but i definitely feel like for the most part if someone is an abusive piece of shit#while drunk they're also a lot more likely to be an abusive piece of shit sober#i've heard that some people are sweet and kind sober and turn nasty when drunk. i've never seen that firsthand but i'm sure it's entirely#possible. i can't speak whether it actually reveals who they really are or what. i'm not a psychologist#im rambling. oh well!#i'm glad that my cousin and uncle seem to be in a better place now. got their shit together#that's what matters
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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#the boy update is that ive calmed down significantly and am once again a Human#i'll see him when i see him. im not gonna stress anymore#hes busy working like crazy anyway and i need to get a job NDNJDDNDNDMDM#like i still really like him but i think my priorities have been Fucked NDNDJDJDJDJDJD#BUT IM BACK ON TRACK. YA.#my other friends also back from her trip so thats exciting. i missed her JDJJDDJDDDD#i just..... its gonna take me awhile to ask to hang out. im just SHY and also I HAVENT FELT LIKE SEEING ANYONE DJDJZJSKSKSKSKSKSKS#but now im better... yeah i think i just needed like to be a hermit for a bit#plus i suddenly am super busy this week like what the fuck. family AND friend things. like did everyone just Wake Up all of a sudden NDJJD#like we may even see my cousins from alberta. im like JDJDD OK???#havent seen them in like.... im gonna say 10+ years. and of course its this week that theyre here with my uncle#who ive only met like idk 3 times JDJJDKDKKDJDJD#and of those times... hes been drunk out his mind i think... 2.5/3 NDJDJD#i think hes sober now tho????#idk. we might not even see them. my moms side is really flakey 💀#but hes my moms fav brother and shes his fave sister so i hope they get to see each other NDJDJJDJDJD theyre only a year apart#its so weird bc him and my mom were so close but then like... lets just say Life and he moved away and ya zzjjdjdkdj#they had this like. super long like 4 hour talk on the phone a few minths ago and idk i think it cleared up like the last 30 years. idk man#my moms side is crazy. thats all i'll say#personal
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Nitpick November
I’m really sad that there’s no one who appreciates plants in RWBY. Like you��d think that with Ruby ROSE having a ROSE motif there’d be some roses around for her (or anyone) to enjoy but there’s none. Ren has his lotus thing, but he hasn’t seen one since his childhood. Where are all the plants and the appreciation for them :,(
#rwde#nitpick november#i may be a wee bit drunk but plants are super fucking important#im still mad at my grandma for killing some of my plants during a house move#and some of these ass clowns have full on flower motifs#but there is not ONE FUCKING PERSON WHO SMELLS THE FLOWERS#there aint even any flowers to be smelled#have we even seen a rose outside of rubys design????#flowers have such significance in history it makes me super sad to see them undervalued#did yall know theres a language of flowers? its called floriography#iirc flowers were used to signal attack plans during certain wars based on what was in the bouquet#and if you wanna tell your boss that you think theyre a fucking asshole w/o actually telling them that#theres a bouquet for that as well#also flowers are pretty ^w^#with a fun range of colors and shapes#orchids are fuckin wild bro#theres one that looks like a dude w their dong out its fucking amazing
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last few days were. something. so ill try to get back to work as soon as possible
#im also drunk.....#that was. a long weekend. oof#very sad very lonely to its end ig#also a bit ashamed. requests are still not ready but someday. yeah
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#rehearsal tonight was rouh but still fun soits fine im just. exhausted#i was achey and brain-foggy as FUCC#so i came home and had meself a drink. and then when i was done i was like eh im still feelin. yk whatever so i made myself a Drink™️#and oooooh bITCH#started making a grillcheese halfway thru drinkin the Drink™️ so when that shit hit my siystem i FELT it lmfao#ooooooooooooh bitch#we good im Chillin chillin now im just. HOOooo bOY#ive decided that alcohol is always gross (save for the like. jack daniels watermelon shit bc that was fuckin GORGEOUS goddamn(#HOWEVER. cranberry juice makes everything better😌💕#AND ! so does grilled cheese<3<3#so vodka+cranberry juice is fun even tho it still tastes at least a little bit (or a lottle bit if u dont mix it right💀 oops) like alcohol#and my sandwich turned out perfect and my ''cocktail'' turned out fine and Very Alcoholic lmfao#3 shots vodka & can pineapple juice & buncha cranberry juice & splashes of grenadine+lemon juice#PLUS a squeeze of coconut cream which!! is also what i i sugared the rim of my glass with!! which felt all fun+fancy so im :>#i def could still taste vodka but eh it still tasted better than the one (1) drink ive had at a restaurant (raspberry lemon drop)(gross)#((not GROSSgross but. tasted like i shouldve been DRUNk after drinking it and i was decidedly Not so. hmph🙄))#aNyWaY this is all nonsense that doesnt matter but i felt like telling Someone so. void it is!#thanx for listenin/readin lmao#my friends are all sleepin and i should be soon as well -- hopefully i do but 🤷we'll see🤷#im still kinda 👁👄👁 from rehearsal so im trying to bring it down+chill tf out so i can Get Some Fucking Rest before too long yanno?#so like. yeagh!#hope yall are doin well#byeee<3<3#bee speaks
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