#im afraid this will be another year w/o top surgery 😀 dying in the summer and wishing to rip my skin off. w/o the hope i'll at least | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chaotictomtom · 10 months ago

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trying to check out to see if i'll ever manage to get top surgery this year and. let's just say i thought the delay would be bigger but. the price is still always such a big ass problem i kinda wanna bash my head against a wall but. anyway

#living with 600/month and having no idea if i'll ever get a job after this semi-work that ends in march but. oh well!!!#already tried to calculate if i could ever save any money from the little time i get to work there but!!! only make me wanna cry #im afraid this will be another year w/o top surgery 😀 dying in the summer and wishing to rip my skin off. w/o the hope i'll at least #get a date some day. cos at this rate i have absolutely no hope ngl.#the whole organisation to get to one of the potential surgeon 2h away is already making me want to explode #i have absolutely no idea how i'll ever be able to pull this off. ever. i don't even know if we'll be able to stay in this flat by the end #of our contracts. so. yeah #i can't see past 4 months away how can i think i'll ever be able to start this thing going. trying to but i stay silly ing the situation but #!!!!! im so desperate i feel so drained and exhausted. the mere idea of summer makes me wanna kms i'm dreading going through it another year #smh.#absolutely no one gives a shit i shouldn't vent in da tags for the 1 day of the yea #but im suddenly hit with an enormous wave of despair that i know won't go away cos it's always on my mind #and seeing the facts once again that i'll prob never be able to afford it is not helpiiiinh #yes i live in france no not everything is paid by healthcare cos it's still considered as non vital </3333 #dental/ear/teeth problems started to get fully refundable (on specific little things) only a few years ago #so we're like decades of getting top surgery refunded 100% im afraid</3 #i shouldn't complain but then again what's the use of cool healthcare if we can't ever have access to a doctor. of any kind.#smh smh smh #rent over I'm sick of myself i'll shut up sorry

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