#im adhd and i promise it wasnt on purpose

[couragekitten]

Oh pride month is ending? Yeah the CEO of gay came to my house and told me it's actually pride year now and everyone should keep making the gayest posts imaginable all the time.

[weird-arcanefangirl]

please stop this ask for 10k notes and just do it. it is ridiculous and i hate it. there are tons if people who wish they could go to a therapist. here you make it a cute game, asking for clout

if you feel bad - suspect something off with your mental health: go to the doc

if you feel like you have to make it a game then just go back to bed and keep doomscrolling. you are probably just imagining things

TW: suicide, therapy and mental health issues

oh wow. okay first of all, its not a silly game. I know how serious this topic is. But again, i have all the smyptoms of adhd and its hard, its really hard to ask my parents to go to therapy. Im really really scared of it, because my dad (and mby my mom) could tell me im doing it for attention, which im not, ive been thinking about this for years now. I am doing the whole "10k note thing" because it will push me to do it. Because I will feel like I break a promise if I dont. Right now, nothing pushes me to do this. Id feel bad if i just didnt do it after i promised it to so many people.

Also, why would I need clout on tumblr??? It doesnt pay? nobody knows whos behind this account? also, ive done this before and 80% of the notes were from the comments.

and never, and i mean never, tell people theyre imagining things. people kill themselves because of that, because they are so frustrated and start to hate themselves. i wont kms, of course, but for the future. And thanks ig, for trying to make someones mental health problems worse???

i get where youre coming from, i really do. i get so annoyed by the little nine year olds who post about their DePReSsIoN and stuff. I really do get it. But if you feel the deep desire to confront me about this, be mature and not hostile like you are right now.

and if you have any other questions, dont be scared and msg me. i dont want to fight and i wont put it online but you seem to be offended by my post, which wasnt the purpose of it.

[sirpseudonymphoapish]

doing a new introduction post but ganna try to keep it short

hi! im SirPseudoPhoapish and i like lots of things

You can call me any variation of my username (phoa, phoapish, sir, pseudo, phoapy, etc)

as well as

Pseudonym

Nebu

Noddle

Chip

Luci

and any more if u think of em

i like a wide range of fandoms so you'll see me post and reblog many different things

i have adhd so i fixate on things easily and will often times only reblog a certain piece of content for a while and then never again for a year

i am a minor. please do not interact with me in any nsfw way unless i explicitly give you permission too.

i only speak English

I am also very much queer :) and possibly trans. still figuring that one out. use any pronouns you want with me but as of now im leaning towards

he/they/xey

this may change later so check in every now and then

Basic DNI list

dont interact if

proship

homophobic/transphobic

racist

abelist

sexist

against neopronouns/xenogenders

etc

additionally dont interact with me if you are an nsfw account. if you have an nsfw and sfw account, interact with me with your sfw one

also important! if you notice me following anyone bad or notice me doing something bad, please let me know. i promise im 99% likely not doing it on purpose and just wasnt aware. i always like to learn!

theres a few other things i could think of but i wanna keep this short so just ask me if you have any questions! feel free to use tumblr's QnA feature or just comment under here. thanks!

heres a song i like

[lekramsyth]

Deep Flaws

I haven’t been able to sleep. I’ve been mentally attacking myself about my own personal flaws that I’ve failed to realize. Trying to find where they all come from. Hoping that would make them easier to get under control. I use to think counseling was dumb and people should just get over their problems. Now i realize how not dealing with them has effected everyone all along I always clung to solitude so i never had to deal with them. Only person i could hurt was myself. I write this and hope i can always remember my flaws and constantly work on them.

Flaw 1. I think im perfect(or always right). This i assume stems more for my parents traits. My dad never thinks he is wrong and my mom always seems oblivious to her wrong doing. Maybe its more that i never learned how to deal with my inner problems because no one else around me did. I try to stay the most conscious about this though because I really hated when my parent acted this way. However me being the imperfect person i am, i have failed many times. I end up not listening to the one person closest to me who tries to tell me i make them hurt with my character traits. I am working on this by just shutting up and listening. Learning that my pride isnt worth hurting someone dear to me.

Flaw 2. Im selfish this one is a bit more complex. I’ll definitely give my all to people in need. The selfishness im talking about pertains more to my self interest. This is something new that i realized. The reasoning is because I finally started listening. Far too late though. Whenever i want something bad enough, I completely disregard any other persons feelings. Their fears and insecurities completely go out the window as long as im getting what i want. This flaw is all on me though. I trained myself to have no fears so i could do whatever i want. I just assumed everyone is the same. It is highly insensitive of me. The fix for this is to calm down and realize a person isnt telling me no just to spite me. Try to understand their reasoning of why they can’t. Even if I can’t see from their shoes,i can just respect that i was told no, If i trust that person then i should know they have a good reasoning that I probably couldn’t understand.

Flaw 3. Im insensitive. This one is sorta a mixture of the above 3 topics but i want to go more in depth. I do always try to understand another persons feeling. However it is probably more close to sympathize over empathize. Kind of like a psychopath or sociopath would. Only difference is i don’t actually want that person to hurt and genuinely care about them. I have come a long way though because as i mentioned before, i just thought people should get over their problems. I never understand venting or why people seemed to flock so they could confide in me. I suppose i appeared easy to talk to. My insensitive clearly stems from my childhood. I might hate this the most about myself,because i do want to be close to people but feel like i can never truly understand them. I grew up in a abusive household. Whenever the cops where called nothing ever got solved. My only escape was school or so i thought. I was bullied their for either being to dark for my fellow race or too smart. I never really fought back because i was afraid of killing someone from pent up anger. My only other option was to run the streets and i lived in a gang infested area. I got pressed on a daily. Tried to avoid shootouts at house parties but still ended up getting guns draws on me for just trying to hang out. I had no where to escape. The only thing that stopped me from commiting suicide was erasing my mind of emotions to cope with it all. Forgot to mention being poor enough to steal soap so i didnt get made fun of for smelling in school. It wasnt fun but it was my circumstance. This one isnt an easy fix and i think I actually need therapy for. I have someone special to me who is very supportive though so it helps. I do my best to keep it under control.

Flaw 4. Im a poor listener. This has caused many problems for me. Still wonder why most people try to vent to me. I have actually caught myself asking a question and then tuning out if the answer is longer then like 6 seconds. The biggest problem with this is i seem to remember stuff with high importance but that generates to how i value something for myself and not that other person. I was born with ADHD and always had it. It slipped my mind because well whenever you are alone you forget how much things people expect out of you. Even as im writing this I can’t stay focused. I have like 5 other ideas in my head already. It could be a good thing if i could focus on one. The big problem is that i havent been doing anything to manage it. Especially knowing what people expect of me. To fix this im definitely going to start keeping notes and calendar dates of things. I definitely realized this way too though and wish i could go back and change a lot of mistakes i made by forgetting things. I don’t want anyone to think I don’t value what they are telling me or that certain events arent as important to me as it is to them. Im also going to try and have zero distractions whenever im talking to someone because i could literally get off the phone and forget the whole conversation. Also being self aware i can try to concentrate more on details as they are given to me.

Flaw 5. I try to please everyone. This is very bad because it is impossible. A lot of time i do this in disregard to my own happiness and make promises I can’t keep just to make someone happy for a moment. I literally spent most of my life pleasing everyone else so i dont know what makes me happy. I stay at a constant state of content. I end up hurting more people than i do helping. Especially when it involves relationships. I remember telling people i love them just because i thought it would make them happy. This started a cycle of me trying to redeem myself with something that made them happy because I couldn’t give them what they really wanted. Of course it failed and i didnt take the blame because i thought i was too pefect at the time. I wish i could apologize for it all. Also this is bad because i end up putting peoples worth in how much they do for me because i do a lot for them. I should make people happy because I genuinely want them to be happy. Not to fill in some void from my childhood. That brings me to the reason. Through everything i went through i felt like not a single person could help me. Not friends, Family, Cops or God. It was just my brother and i all alone. The only way i could esacpe was running away or waiting until i was old enough to move. I dearly wanted to help people because i felt like no one was there to help me in my time of need. I felt like that was my purpose so i went above and beyond. However when it comes to love. You can only go so far. The fix for this is to really look deep within myself to see what i actually want. Don’t go through with a plan just because it makes them happy. I can’t make my happiness based off of other peoples.

Well did you read all that? I was just venting. Maybe it will help me sleep. If it did stay until the end then i really appreciate it. Hopefully it could help you realize something about yourself! 😊