#im about to see god in my google docs
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I love trying to Jash people but MAN is it difficult tho
"Can i listen to them on Spotify?" Yea but the videos themselves are important as well plus he worked hard on them so you should watch them on youtube instead.
"Okay well what order do i watch them in?" *gives a list* this is the canonical order but there's 2 videos that have multiple songs in them. So you have to listen to a part of the video, leave, listen to other songs, and eventually come back to finish it.
"Okay but i should understand the lore very well at that point right" WELL YOU SEE THE THING IS-
#like don't get me wrong#its very fun to do this#but oh my god is it so much work#you cant be like “hey watch this show its p good”#its more of “hey watch these vids in this order WHILE skippin parts of them and come back to later while i tell you the plot of it”#“i will also tell you stuff about the band the songs are originally from cos thats apart of the lore too”#id love to use the album video or the isolated versions of the songs he recently posted bUT THERES NO VIDEO THERE ITS JUST AUDIO#CJ please i want more people to like your stuff why must I do this#i like making google docs and ranting about my interests as much as the next nerodivergent person#but please#save me from this#also the fact i have to clarify that storm & a spring and spring & a storm are different songs#or the fact that some of the earlier songs either originally didn't have a story/bigger idea behind them#or that like RoE has the colors flipped accidentally#or the fact that im dumb and also don't 100% know the lore#but that's mainly cos a lotta stuff is up to interpretation or we'll see eventually#but i also like that i don't gotta know everything at one time#none of this is a complaint about him either i just think hes a fun dude#love this and his music not a complaint all this is lighthearted & goofy#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium
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the compliments are all his: a gus/max dynamic analysis, based on canon and what we can deduce from it. (please take this with a grain of salt, these are just my personal viewpoints and what i see as far as canon goes, as well as what i've been able to knit together into what i believe to be reasonable assumptions.)
"what are we now, but voices who promise each other a life neither one can deliver? not for a lack of wanting, but wanting won't make it so. we cling to a vine at the cliff's edge. there are tigers above and below. let us love one another and let go." ─── eliza griswold, tigers.
as far as canon goes (and setting personal headcanons aside) we know from what little we learn about max, that he was raised in a survival based environment. he very clearly states that gus rescued him from the santiago slums. in the time period they'd be set in, the slums had almost no resources, and it's pretty easily deduced that max, at the very least, had an unstable living situation. we never clearly get a confirmation nor denial that gus was the one to propose the business model of los pollos hermanos/the fring empire, but i think it's not a reach to assume that he was, based on the behaviors we witness in gus climbing the ladder in canon, as well as the lack of resources and circumstances max was factually in to begin with. this, coupled with what we witness from max in hermanos, doesn't necessarily lead me to believe that max was the catalyst nor the mastermind behind the initial idea (although i don't believe that he was absent in the formative process of it all by far).
we also witness an extraordinary amount of composure (and also, in contrast, a lack thereof towards the end) and displays of vulnerability within his conversation with eladio. he is clearly distressed decently early on in the interaction, yet carries himself quite well: and i think it's not too far off to assume that, considering the way he grew up, this is not a foreign power dynamic to him, although it may be something he hasn't experienced in quite some time when we account for the amount of time that gus and max have spent together. he communicates in an openly passionate regard when he discusses chemistry, he isn't very concealed about his emotions (despite not letting them hinder him in the conversation until things begin to escalate), and even when we witness him begin to devolve, he vouches for gustavo fring as a human being, before a business asset: regardless of how we can deduce out that he understands the motive and power dynamics in this organized crime setting.
i think it isn't too much of a reach to think that gus and max contrast each other on surface level/first glance. gus is reserved, and much more meticulous in any displays of emotion (although we do see how this falters more in the hermanos flashback and how it escalates and increases the farther down the timeline we get). in comparison, max is not like this even from the very beginning. and in this high emotion, tense moment, he acts instinctively and (subconsciously or otherwise) reveals his internal list of priorities. we see this raw, intense, not fully thought out panic, and to put it simply: when you start to strip all the composure away, people reveal themselves. intentionally or otherwise. gus loses his composure after max dies, and we witness the instinctive, raw, emotional and devastating understanding of loss. we both see them down to their bare bones of priorities and mentalities in this moment, and it could be argued that it is potentially the most clear moment displayed from gus in general.
from what we know, max was a young, driven, yet wildly intelligent individual who was just as equally trapped by his circumstances to not do much with any of it. yet, throughout these unstable and most likely unsafe upbringings and settings, that brilliance or humanity doesn’t falter or fail in any way. with gus paying for max's education, and their business model in mind, gus aligns similarly here as he does in any other dynamic: with a business focused mindset and an end goal in mind. more than anything, gustavo fring has, and always will (though perhaps not to this degree) encourage excellence. we canonically see as he invests — long term — into individuals who are strikingly capable in whatever manner we see it in. we witness gale boetticher, who has been given this scholarship and even a lab to practice that capability of his. we witness mike ehrmantraut, who, despite the “bad-choice-road” that he takes, is given finances to the fullest degree for the job he provides, without any threat of it being taken away from his family. we even witness the beginnings of something similar with jesse pinkman, and regardless of whether or not those actions/behaviors in their dynamic were a manipulative move or otherwise, gus very openly says he “likes to think that he sees things in people”.
when we have this young, brilliant, and entirely doomed to circumstances that he was born into person such as max arciniega, it becomes impossible to believe that gus, in any degree, could simply walk away from that. max exists in a realm of life that attempts to hinder and dissipate the extremely human pieces of him, yet he doesn’t allow it to. his resilience is vivid, and clear, and we witness this in hermanos itself. most in max's position would have macheted away their humanity. but here, we see something of an opposite: where he clings onto it so tightly in a refusal, and rebellion, to succumb in any way to his circumstances. the weight of what this means and how in these early years, it’s (most likely) only being nurtured by max, himself, gives it a depth almost immediately as it’s perceived. gus is an insightful man, who is very emotionally intelligent, and the understanding of the world not handling any of these traits with care would be only encouragement and, in some way, a challenge, to open gus’ eyes to the value and beauty of what being a person can mean in even the worst moments; as well as understanding (in a “chess-master” mindset of playing the long game) what it would mean to nurture it further.
regardless of that prevailing humanity, max clearly doesn’t hold guilt or shame towards the crime he enacts or participates in. he seems incredibly proud of the meth he's cooked, and the processes within it. he doesn't shy away from the spotlight at all, and speaks very eagerly (as well as passionately) about it. whenever gus’ business proposal was set out onto the table, it is impossible for someone like max to not consider it in a very real and serious way from the get-go. it’s a secure way out: there is a tangible light at the end of the tunnel being presented to him, and not in a way that he views as a part of the cycle he has either been in previous (if we are to assume their relationship came first) or was currently in (if we are to assume their relationship came second, which is what i'm inclined to lean towards when we consider the timeline and who they both are as individuals background wise) — despite it still being so, regardless. in a similar light, gus, presumably, is looking to climb the latter. he is reaching for larger heights, and he is looking very clearly for a way up. considering the amount of survival tactics that exist within the realm of being in the santiago slums, we can assume that there is a survival mode max has set into. this, coupled with his lack of guilt that we see canonically, intentionally or otherwise, is what i believe drives him forward in this dynamic and allows an acceptance to things that a great majority would not be alright with.
gus presents a way up, and max leans into it, because he is perceiving this as a way out (or a measure of security in a dog-eat-dog world sort of mentality that very easily spawns from being raised in the circumstances he was in, if we are to think about this in a light of their relationship coming secondary). in truth, despite the two being different to one another, and even seeing the initial business proposal differently, it does boil down to becoming the same thing. the complexities and nuance of max’s history and upbringing skews the reliability of the perspectives here, and their goals align. this is a clearly life-changing connection for both of them. from what we see, they have differences in their mentalities, and also who they are as people, but are deeply aligned enough in their goals and morals (or, rather, lack thereof) that it's easy to assume that their dynamic is fluid. most commonly in relationships, we see stumbles and fumbles through it in the differences of end goals, but here, that doesn't seem to have been an issue from what we can deduce out. it’s a natural push and pull, with an understanding for each other that would only deepen with time. despite their differences, their “light at the end of the tunnel” is the same, in some way.
this isn’t to say i believe they didn't disagree, or didn't have moments of tension or upset with each other, but more to say that both were moving in tandem with one another. they seem to have strived for the same result. this kind of fluidity would only naturally bridge them together to have an “unbreakable” bond. outside of their relationship, they are both extremely willing to go the extra mile to achieve what they want to. canonically speaking, gus climbs the latter by any means possible, max drives himself forward through a degree to achieve this business model. it’s only natural that inside of their relationship, they would do the very same. gus witnesses this potential and is naturally inclined to provide for max, and as max begins to flourish and grow within these given circumstances, whilst challenging gus (both in his perspective on humanity and in allowing himself to be a person), there'd naturally be a very steady incline to them working in tandem with each other, and eventually allowing their end goals to center around a life with one another in these ideal, and heightened, circumstances.
gus gives so much from so early on, with max having received so little previous to him, and it begins to compile and stack onto each other into these layers that would only build their relationship up and up and up — without any real shatter to bring it back down to a more grounded place. there would be no true break in the illusion of the heights they place each other at, and even more than that, would enable them to increasingly raise each other up to grandiose heights. this fluid, easy, perceived-healthiness component to their relationship through their alignment in goals and morals (or, rather, lack thereof) places the perspective into a honeymoon-phase adjacent viewpoint as far as what i would assume, and can see canonically.
considering the degree of aftermath in what we see both in breaking bad and better call saul, max and gus had to have been, in some degree, codependent. we witness, even in hermanos, how max transforms and corrects himself in the statement of "he... that is to say, we, could think of no other way to get your attention", and stands hand in hand (metaphorically speaking) in this stumble of the conversation: fluidly aligning himself with gus instinctively. however, most commonly, we see that codependency or romanticization as a way to cope with the unhealthy or toxic pieces of the dynamic; or even more than that, a way to cope with themselves. in contrast, within the context of what we know and can deduce out from gus and max’s relationship, both are given every reason to see each other in this very heightened way.
max provides in one way, gus provides in another, and with a lack of guilt involved, any uglier pieces of their life become factors in the equation that, while not denied, would not really be truly important to either of them in the way they perceive each other. they clearly center each other in their lives to some degree, and while their world most likely would have been relatively small in terms of personal connections (social circumstances, friend groups, etc) due to the line of work and realm of life they are in, it would also feel vastly infinite. that kind of love would work as this vivid outpour of pure sunlight and warmth, and while it is incredibly beautiful, it is also blinding. they'd naturally saturate their lives with this untouchable feeling in their dynamic to such a degree that it would hinder their ability to see that while they are infallible and infinite in their relationship, they are not to the rest of the world.
with all of that said, hermanos shows us the moment in which the untouchable bond belief begins to dissolve away, and the trust becomes unsteady, as well as their lack of alignments in certain areas and differences in how they navigate the world become incredibly present. we witness max walk into this scenario, with an amount of preparation and presumably insight to what it means to be in this environment. he (presumably) has an amount of personal experience that allows an insight that gus seems to not hold. we see max tune hector out, and speak carefully. he doesn’t argue, push back, or even devolve outrightly until the panic is so unbearable that it bleeds outward with little to no restraint — yet still, remaining careful in his approach because of what i'd assume to be the understanding he holds. max bargains through submission, despite him not succumbing to anything in his upbringing. he understands just how fragile the both of them are in that moment, and we witness the panicked (and pressured) attempt to not allow a full shatter to occur.
still, the trust in this dynamic prevails. max shares the space to allow gus to explain, and be the businessman that max endlessly and very openly vouches for him to be. regardless, we also see an internal battle. we see the love, trust, and devotion, battling against the survival mentality and understanding of a dog-eat-dog world. the push and pull presents itself differently, with gus saying “with all due respect,” and then giving a non-apology of “i apologize if you are offended by my method of obtaining this meeting”, and excusing himself away, and max being incapable of concealing the dread that follows. gus pushes with those statements, and max pulls back with saying that they "meant no disrespect”. he testifies to the cartel’s importance and ego, and attempts to create value. their differences, from what i believe and can see, have been what previously surged them forward. here, it becomes what hinders them. gus is almost confused, but relatively calm, as max spirals into a very open display of panic. the shatter is unavoidable. the misalignments cannot be morphed into a strength.
above all, what i believe appealed to gus and what i believe carried their dynamic forward to begin with, is also what i believe we see from max in the very end. he speaks to gus’ character, devotion, and loyalty, before ever uttering a word about anything business related. max’s viewpoint on the world, and his resilient humanity is actively clear and displayed. he is in the midst of an extremely tense, dangerous circumstance, and we witness the instinct of his equally gorgeous, and equally painful, humanity surge forward in a testament not even for himself, but to gus and their trust (and by extension, their love). that is what is most important to max. it speaks on not only how max viewed the world, but how max viewed gus, as well. they become two halves of a whole, in these heightened and nearly religious perspectives (especially when we consider the narrative of a "righteous vengeance" quest we witness later on), and it is incredibly visible to the degree that he speaks on him in. max could very well plea for his life, or throw gus under the bus. in a survival mindset, that’s what i believe most would do, otherwise. but there is too much love, trust, care, and devotion. he places gus on a pedestal, and it speaks volumes to what their dynamic not only is in that moment, but also every other one as well. the composure strips away, the illusion shatters, but the bond they hold is what stays standing: even after max is long gone.
max’s last moments are with these future-dead-men, who navigate their lives in a way that he does not seem to embody by far, and even more than that, surged forward against. but regardless of him dying so young, and irrefutably tragically, he still obtains a relief (however temporary) that no one else in this story was truly allowed. nacho varga and jesse pinkman are thrown to the wolves continually, and ruthlessly. they do not have a chance to breathe, or recoup. their choices are hardly even choices, in the end. but maximino arciniega made the decision to walk into this era of his life and live to the fullest degree, in whatever wrong or right manner that may be. he attended and graduated university, he went on vacations, he spent years of his life in presumably a domestic bliss (however skewed or heightened of a perspective it may have been). he was loved: deeply and endlessly by gus, and he loved him just as much right back. his last moments are an incredible show, in such a short amount of time, of exactly why gus was drawn to him to begin with, and a refusal to allow any of the present (or past) threats to take his heart and mangle it into anything other than what it is. he refuses to reduce gus’ life as a offer of business first and foremost. he speaks of loyalty, and the mention of making millions is almost an afterthought. he makes his choices, the same way as he’s been doing his entire life, and does not allow the world, nor these future-dead-men, to hinder or shrink the love that he holds within him.
max may die in the end, and gus may be the only man to carry on that love on in the pursuit of revenge we witness, but every choice max made, echoes right back into every one that gus does. he is both long gone, and infinitely present. he is both a ghost, and yet always alive: living in every space that gustavo fring inhabits. the biggest tragedy within gus and max’s story (to me) is not just the rare love that they hold for each other, but the fact that gus was able to have this wholly human, wonderfully natural dynamic with a man who loved gus infinitely, and in a strikingly vulnerable and beautiful way to the very end. it is not the fact that gus loved someone that is the most devastating piece of the story. it is that max loved him, (for and regardless of whatever crimes or atrocities that occurred) that is. gus believed that what he held with max was irreplaceable, and infinitely special; he heightened it considerably and in immense heights. but with all of this considered, for someone like him, and someone like max, can we truly blame him for doing so?
#gusmax#max arciniega#mine#anyway haha yeah i'm normal#3142 words 5 pages in google docs haha i'm normal about them and also this show!#me making my first personal blog in years just to post this is actually fucking nuts of me#max arciniega i love you max arciniega i see you max arciniega i write you on the daily#babygirl. kingpin. meth cook and chemistry extraordinaire#and also gus fring's one and only god bless#ummmm please be nice to me? idk i havent been in a fandom in a long time and im scarrrredddd#analysis
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Gasp! You have OCs? And I didn’t know?!?!?! :O
Well, now I gotta know everything about them!!! But, just to make your life easier, how about we stick to basic introductions?
So, 1 and 2 for the OC asks!!! :D
HELLO MY LOVELY :D the way i threw aside my book soooo fast (ok not threw. put aside quickly and with the intent of completing a mission)
i have. So Many OCs its not even funny lmao
I LOVE THEM ALL SO SO MUCH!!!!
a lot of them started off as just like Very Specific Readers and then I was like oh fuck it I CAN DO WHAT I WANT (one made her way into being the lead in my novel with many adjustments but her spirit lives on lmao)
OKAY !!! i have many but lets focus on my #1 gal
What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?
Okay do I have a full name for my girl? No i dont,but that's okay :D um, her name is Dahlia and she is my baby my favourite child ever. It's an arabic name (bc of course it is) and it means flower. It's not a very common name but its cute and it just has such a nice ring to it....
I mostly picked it because I was like "oh my god i need an arabic name that is not the most generic basic ass name ever" and it came about and now I can't see her as any other name!!! its fitting to her now that I think about it? She just. blossoms.
2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?
Umm she's a prodigy, dunno if I would call that a TITLE. but to her man she is nothing but A Queen. no fr, um, in my mind and in the like 2 pieces of actual character plot I sat down to WRITE for her, she gets a PhD so she has the title of Doctor though she only uses it to abuse her power. she's used to the usual Miss/Ma'am that everyone is accustomed to using
#oh my god can you tell im just rambling#i think abt her every single day but i have exactly 3 sentences abt her written down on a google doc#asnyway i never even mantioned what she's for#im slowly chipping away at the ice berg that is my very long Loki series and i was like#why not make her The Shit and so i did#so she's become my main lead. will her & Loki's story ever see the light of day? PROBABLY NOT#but i still daydream about them.#clem talks <3
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sorry to my family i forgot my earbuds at my dorm everyone's just gonna have to listen to savagery on repeat for the next five days
#snap chats#I THOUGHT I PACKED IT OOPS#anyway how come whenever i see sawashiro now my immediate thought is 'girlfriend'#thats supposed to be reserved for masato..... guess it makes sense to extend it to his dad...#no tbh you know what video i think of whenever i see sawa i think of that fuckin 'daddy chill' video and it makes me cackle every time#it makes me mad cause i cant draw that video out with any of the cast but god. in my heart it's still accurate#anyway i said i was gonna finish tht one fic i keep talking about. guess it makes sense to have it done for thanksgiving#hehe.........no spoilers on what it is.....#ok bye im gonna look at google doc now#ik i said i'd do my other mineda| piece tonight but uhhhh im sleepy </3 and tired </3 maybe later in the night..#sometimes i can only work at buttfuck hours of the night#ok bye
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im thinking of rewatching glee so someone needs to put me down like a lame horse
#i havent watched it since i was 16 actually i think its documented on this blog oh god now i have to go look#okay thank god theres only a handful of reblogs and i was pretty normal in the tags#but i was fucking insane over that show. specifically blaine and then blam i was the number one blam warrior back then#im curious to see if my opinions would be the same on a rewatch but also like. im 21 i dont care about which high schoolers are dating#but back then dear god did i care. i hated klaine with a PASSION#theres a very anti klaine post canon fic where blaine divorces kurt still in my google docs#christ i have eight blam fanfics still in my google docs thats the second most ive written for any ship#i was even crazier about them than i thought wow#micah.txt
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GUESS WHO JUST FOUND OUT WHAT THEY DID TO THE HOMESTUCK ALBUMS
#help it is 1am and i cannot sleep#i am inconsolable#the horrible carnage is seard into my memory#i see it whenever i close my eyes#those albums were#i used to have a list of all my favorite songs from each in a google doc#i played them on repeat while doing homework#i listened to every singke fucking song through the first hiveswap album#im sure there was some huge legal bullshit mees#going from internet webcomic to corporate owned franchise#i am sure some of this was the only way to be fair#to the artists#but god fucking damn#god damn#holy fucking shit#holy hell#jesus fucking christ#i have never been more upset about art in my life#sometimes i complain for fun#this is not that#i am in pain#fuck this so much#fuck you#fuck this#holy shit#i am not a creative curser so i guess this is it#very bad night to whoever masterminded this#maybe i will manage to sleep#:(
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#personal#hey sorry just a little personal vent here bc im sitting in the docs office waiting and freaking out a little#i might have ms????? a lot of the symptoms seem to match up for me and my pcp referred me to a neurologist...#idk i just started googling shit and ive seen it before but they specifically mentioned that if your doctor suspects u have ma#ms. they might refer u to neurology and like i brought up the EXACT symptoms in the 'when to see ur doctor' section#god if i had ms then a LOT of things would make sense. like a LOT.#im kind of freaking out tho. idk what about . like im glad to be taken seriously and everything but im just.#i guess im scared??? its scary not knowing exactly whats wrong with you#and my anxiety has been real bad lately#and i'm just trying to be normal about all this#auuuhthfhfyfhfhfjfjfhfggghhhhgggvgggg!!!!!!#sorry. im fine. everything will be okay. i just gotta take everything one step at a time#i have people who will support me#and i need to try not to get so worked up about everything#i know i tend to overreact when i start googling symptoms and start self diagnosing#but idk this seems different this time. this seems too real.#:((((((
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𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙚 | 𝙚. 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢𝙨
pairing: nepo baby!business owner!ellie williams x afab!business owner!reader
tags: smut, fingering (r receiving), pet names/name calling?? (dirty girl, pretty, good girl, baby), slight praise??, god why is tagging so hard, mild language, unethical business practices??, thoughts are green, ellie lowk an asshole, but both reader and ellie are pretty harsh to eachother, maybe that’s it, bare with me if i forget something pls. 😭🙏
a/n: i wrote this directly on tumblr bc i did NAWT feel like pulling up google docs today saur the format might be a lil off. i was watching this show on netflix called ‘locked up’, and like an episode from season two is what inspired this!!! 😜 the show is good honestly it just drags on sometimes!!! ive actually never actually written smut any times before this (believe it or not hehe) anyways, let’s get into it!!!
P.S - DEDICATED TO @sweetysaccharine YAWP YAWP!!!! <333 HOPE U ENJOY POOKIEEEE
P.P.S - don’t look at the typos or i will find you (IM JOKING)
rumors traveled fast, and sometimes it wasn’t always good. for one, they could be infuriating. a company you’d been toe to toe with for.. quite some time had gotten a new ceo. some young girl. articles appeared online about some kinda nepotism scandal. the photo on the top of the article displayed a photo of the previous ceo — joel miller, and the new owner, ellie. they looked happy. but why were they accused of something as harmful as nepotism? long story short, joel turned his brother down for the position (even though he was the better option) so ellie could have it. favoritism of sorts. but god was she infuriating! her stupid, flashy displays of wealth (that probably didn’t even belong to her) made you so mad! and also, her arrogance and her constant need to compete with you was very infuriating aswell. you had influence, she had money. wouldn’t these things be considered as a double kill in some perfect world? yes. would you ever even consider working with someone like her? absolutely not. you couldn’t even stand being in the same vicinity as her whenever you two ended up at the same social events.
imagine that terrible, ugly feeling of anger that coursed hot through your veins once finding out she’d brought possibly one of the biggest clients you could’ve ever had. it was one thing for her to shove it in your face that she was wealthy but this? she’d completely overstepped. storming your way through the companies large building, you find yourself at her offices door knocking like a madwoman. “open the goddamn door, williams!” you yell as you attempt to open the door on your own. she doesn’t say anything, but you’re just almost certain she’s smirking or something. she opens the door with this.. look. it was weird. a perfect mixture of condescending, arrogance, and ‘i know what i did and i don’t regret it’. “are you insane?” “mm.. yeah. i guess so.” you laugh, dumbfounded by her. “how bout you come into my office for a seat and a drink?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “let’s handle this civilly, shall we? knowing you, i have the feeling that this could get real ugly.” she pushed open the door with that same condescending/arrogant smile. of course, reluctantly, you walk inside. maybe this could be resolved civilly.
the sound of some smooth music played. it sounded like micheal buble or something. she walks around her desk to pour you a glass of bourbon. she hands it to and you just hold it. “it’s not poisoned, see?” she says before taking a sip. you take a sip and of it before putting the glass on her desk. “so, i realized that.. i have something you want.” the something being that client. “why else would i be here? that was a really petty move and you know that.” she chuckled. “yknow, i could just.. refer them back to you.” initially, you’re in disbelief. ellie? being generous? no way. she must’ve completely lost it. “but! it comes with a price.” of course it does. nothing was free, not in this economy. you kept your expectations low for this very reason. you raise an eyebrow at her. “we could work together. become business partners.”
she turns her music up a little. she dances her way over to you, circling you a bit. “no chance, ellie. how could i ever work with someone like you?” she chuckled again. “why wouldn’t you work with ‘someone like me’? you have something that i want aswell.” “what?” “power. influence. however you may wanna word it. i admire that.” it had to be some sick joke. why would she wanna work with you? “shouldn’t all your daddys money be more than enough to keep you in a position of power?” you quarry, then crossing your arms. a part of you didn’t believe that she’d been the one asking you for help.
“just think about it. me, giving you money. you, drawing power hungry clients in with that pretty face of yours. we’d work together like yin and yang.” she proposed before taking another sip of the drink in her glass. that was her giving a go at an analogy. was it good? she didn’t know. did she care? not at all. “you bullshitting me, williams?” “not at all. all you gotta do.. is say ‘yes’. cmon.” she offers her hand, those pretty slender fingers and that tattoo that peeking from underneath that black button up shirt were just so.. enticing. you were in your head, just thinking. was this a good idea? could i trust her? she probably has bad intentions. but she was so tempting. this had to be one of the seven deadly sins or something.
she snaps infront of your face. “where’d you go?” she asks. “nowhere.” you respond quickly. “so, you taking the offer or not? or.. will i have to convince you?” she takes a step closer to you. temptation taints your brain.
you’re not in control of your thoughts anymore. ellie was.
her hand seeks solace on your waist. “shouldn’t finding business like this be considered illegal?” you whisper to her. “im not a law abiding woman. and quite frankly, i don’t give two shits.” maybe it wouldn’t be illegal if nobody knew. but all you thought about was her. how she smells. how she’s looking at you. how her hands feel on your body. you can’t stop yourself. your lips crash down onto hers. your fingers tangle in her auburn hair as the both of you kiss passionately. she brings you to her desk, knocking stuff over as she sat you on her desk.
glass shattered, pictures were knocked out of their frames, and her computer mouse was.. somewhere. your back arches into her touch as you let out a soft moan into her mouth. she takes the opportunity to slide her tongue into your mouth. in the competition of dominance between your tongues, she reigns supreme. her hands slide up your body and end up on your oxford button up shirt. she doesn’t unbutton it, she rips that shit open. “i’ll get you a new one.” she mumbled as the buttons from the shirt scatter across the room.
“you’d better. or else id have to come back here and get it by force.” “oh please, you’ll be back here for more reasons than a goddamn shirt.” she said as she peppers kisses down to your jawline, then your neck. “don’t leave any marks.” “but why?” “oh, i dunno, cause i don’t want anyone asking me who i had sex with?” “who gives a shit? your workers get paid to look the other way, don’t they?”
well, she makes a good point. and you can’t argue with a point as valid as that. she sinks her teeth into a sweet spot of your neck, making you moan out as she runs her tongue along the new mark. she sticks her tongue out again to run it all the way down to one of your boobs. the sensation makes you shiver. “wore this pretty bra for me, didntcha? you were just expecting this. you must’ve wanted me to touch you like this, didn’t you? dirty girl. must’ve been waiting for me to bend you over this table.” she rambled all while stripping you of your bra, then leaving soft kisses and licks across the valley of your breasts.
she takes her time, making you wait for it. she knew what she was doing to you, and she was going to make you wait. “ellie, you’re going soo slow! you know what i want.” you whine as she leaves kisses and bites all over your exposed skin. “tell me what you want or you’ll get nothing. tell me where you want me.” she whispered. “i want your fingers.” “where?” “you know where.” “tell me or you get nothing.” you hesitate for a moment before saying feebly. “in.. in my pussy..” “that’s a good girl.”
she smiles as she pushes her hands into your slacks. she could feel your wetness. “i got you this worked up, huh? who knew little miss perfect could get this wet over me, a ‘nepo baby’?” she teased with a cocky smile. she slowly slides your slacks and underwear all the way down to your ankles before she applies a delicious amount of pressure to your clit. you gasp, your hand wrapping around her wrist. “oh, you like that do you, huh? you want more? fucking beg for it. cmon.” she applies more pressure to your clit, rubbing small and soft circles as her fingers ghost your sopping entrance. “oh— please ellie, i need more. give me more.” “gonna take more than that, baby.” you whine when she suddenly takes all that pressure away from you.
you let out another whine as you attempt to rut against her hand. her free hand slaps your thigh as she shakes her head in disapproval. “none of that. keep still. you get nothing until you beg like a good girl.” “please, please. ill do anything. just please touch me.” she chuckles at you. she found it cute how you were so desperate to chase that pleasure. “god, you’re so desperate. you need it so.. goddamn bad, don’t you?” she lets out a grunt in the middle of her sentence as she suddenly plunged into your pussy.
as she moves her fingers, she groans at how wet her you were. first she starts with middle finger, then adding her ring finger. her long fingers are hitting that sweet spot in you. she was making you see stars. “listen to yourself. look at ‘er, she’s crying for me.” she coos as she speeds her pace. you moan out. “watch me, baby.” you slowly look down at her fingers plunging in and out of you. sounds of wet squelching fill your ears. you bite your lip and you toss your head back as you let out a moan. you grind yourself down onto her fingers, chasing that wonderful and blissful orgasm.
you felt a pressure building up in your stomach. your eyes were fluttering open and shut. everytime you looked away, she stopped. you made sure to not look away. once that pressure in your stomach felt like it was gonna release, your moans became more broken. “ellie! ellie— oh fuck! ellie! im gonna cum! don’t stop, please don’t stop!” you say between moans as you bring your hand back down to hold her wrist in place.
“oh yeah? gonna cum? let go for me. make a mess on my fingers. cmon. i know you can do it.” she said as she kept her pace at that same one that was making you see stars. she’d been rambling something to you, talking you through it as she watched you cum all over her fingers. she helps you ride out your orgasm, a slight tremble in your legs becoming more apparent.
“what do we say?” “thank you.” she smiled as she pulled her fingers out. the sudden loss makes you whine. she sucks her fingers clean and you watch as her tongue runs across the length of her fingers. “still being a tease, williams?” you ask as you look at her while she does it. “mm.. well no, i dont think so. just savouring how good you taste.” when she was finally satisfied, she drops her hands. “so, you finally ready to stop being so stubborn and take the deal?” “not a chance if it means we get to have sex like this.” you respond with a chuckle. “maybe you need to be fucked again, hm?” she ask with a smile.
needless to say, you’d went another time, and on the third you fucked ellie. eventually you come to some sort of agreement after you’d been laid on her leather sofa, naked and feeling like you were floating. the only question you had now is what the hell had you gotten into. “will this turn into a scandal?” you ask. “.. probably not if we keep this under wraps.” she responds as she puts her head in the crook of your neck, pressing soft kisses to it. “plus, yknow i can just pay the media off right? they won’t say anything. not a peep.” she reassured as she smiled softly.
#wlfabby#tlou#the last of us#the last of us 2#the last of us part two#ellie williams#ellie williams x reader#ellie x reader#ellie x you#tlou x reader#the last of us x reader#ellie x afab!reader#ellie smut#tlou x reader smut
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4. Taste Like Nicotine
★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader
★ ❝ Go back to Himeno. ❞ ❝ No. That's not what you want. ❞
★ c.w.: suggestive themes, drinking (more content warnings and tags)
★ a/n: HELLO AGAIN MY POOKIE DOOKIES!! IM BACK AGAIN. bc i have nothing better to do atm and i wanted to give yall a lil sum sum before i moved away to uni. please excuse the pacing of this chapter -- this fanfic was supposed to be a oneshot and uh... now its 160 pages in google docs LMFAOOA.. things get spicy in this chapterrr! so yeah anyway, you know the drill, keep me entertained -- keep your funny little comments coming, I absolutely love reading them. You guys motivate me to keep going! Love yall
★ w.c.;4.1k
shameless ; chapter index
THE OFFICE WAS QUIET, the hum of fluorescent lights and the occasional rustling of papers the only sounds that broke the silence. You were alone, finishing up some last-minute paperwork after hours. The mission had gone surprisingly well—no casualties, a rare feat in your line of work. The team had even managed to kill a large Devil containing a piece of Gun Devil Flesh, a significant victory. Yet, instead of joining the others to celebrate, you had chosen to stay behind. Partly to avoid any awkward encounters with Himeno, but mostly because you felt restless, unable to shake off the events of the past few days.
As you finished up the last of your reports, you glanced at the new message on your phone.
HIMENO| you didn't come tonight.
Typing...
YOU
| I didn't think you'd wanna see me after the stunt I pulled.
HIMENO| I dont, but I wanted u to know that everyone is talking abt u
YOU
| ??
| wym
HIMENO
| your shadow didn't come tonight, either.
Typing...
YOU| look, himeno, ive actually been wanting to talk to you about that
| would you be able to meet up and talk it out?
HIMENO| id rather not honestly.
| ur a grown woman and i cant stop u from doing what u want
| but just know that people in pb. safety talk
| dont mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for aki
| u should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs
YOU| I understand that I've hurt you, Himeno, and I'm sorry
| I have no intentions of being with Aki.
HIMENO| good
| dont get him mixed up in ur fucked up marriage
| he doesnt deserve that.
You sighed, pocketing your phone. There were certain battles you simply couldn't win. This would undoubtedly be one of them.
It was late, and you knew you should head home. You gathered your things and made your way down the dimly lit hallways, your footsteps echoing in the emptiness.
As you passed the breakroom, you heard voices. One familiar voice, more specifically.
You slowed your pace, not wanting to intrude but curious enough to catch a snippet of the conversation. The door was slightly ajar, and you could see two figures inside.
"You look desperate, dude," the unknown person said, barely audible. "It's not attractive."
"I'm becoming ridiculous," Captain Hayakawa said, his voice low and strained. "I'm losing hope."
"Hope of what? Convincing a married woman to break her vows?" the other person retorted, a hint of incredulity in his tone.
Are they talking about me? You asked. You knew the answer. You simply did not want to confront it.
Hayakawa sighed. "I thought she would call me by now," he admitted, the vulnerability in his voice making your stomach churn uncomfortably. "I just... there was something there."
There was a pause, then the other person sighed, his voice softening. "God, you are ridiculous." After a moment, he added, almost reluctantly, "Shit, sorry, man. I know you like her."
"No, you're right," He replied, a note of resignation following his words. "She doesn't want to speak to me. I'm driving myself crazy waiting for someone who's never gonna call."
You felt a knot tighten in your stomach, guilt and confusion swirling together. You hadn't intended to eavesdrop, but now you couldn't just walk away without feeling a pang of something—regret, perhaps? The slip of paper with his number, still in your possession, weighed heavily in your mind. You had been avoiding the situation, avoiding him, and now it was clear how much it had affected him.
Aki's words echoed in your ears as you stood frozen in the hallway.
He was right; you hadn't called him. You hadn't even acknowledged the note, too caught up in your own turmoil and guilt to consider his feelings. Now, hearing him speak so openly, you felt a rush of emotions—sympathy, guilt, confusion. There had been a moment between you, an undeniable spark, but you had chosen to ignore it, to pretend it didn't exist.
When would it all come crashing down – your efforts? This whole situation?
The conversation in the breakroom continued, but you couldn't listen any longer. You turned away, your heart pounding. As you made your way to the exit, you couldn't help but replay Aki's words in your mind.
He had been waiting for you, hoping you would reach out, and now he was losing hope. Fuck.
He had been waiting for me.
The idea thrilled you, for some strange reason. Maybe because you hadn't felt desired like this in years – it made your head spin. But another part of you was terrified—of what it might mean, of the complications it would bring, of the impact on your marriage.
You couldn't help yourself. You did what you always did. You ran away from him.
You knew you couldn't avoid him forever, but for now, you needed time to think. .
7:45 PM
Typing...
Hey. |
Typing...
Hello, |
Typing...
How are you? |
Typing...
Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party. I think you should be there.
SENT.
YOU | Hey. They're taking me out for drinks tn as a sendoff party.
I think you should be there.
| At the Sip-n-savor in downtown Tokyo
Seen 8:00 PM .
The night went on without a flaw. The atmosphere was infectious, and you had been trying to let loose, drink in hand, as you chatted and danced with the others. But as the night wore on, a sense of unease settled in. Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was the memories of the overheard conversation in the breakroom, or maybe it was the subtle disappointment that someone hadn't shown up.
Excusing yourself, you made your way to the bathroom. The mirror reflected your flushed cheeks and slightly smudged makeup. You sighed, turning on the faucet and splashing some water on your face. As you washed your hands, you found yourself thinking about Aki.
Despite everything, a depraved part of you had hoped to see him tonight. You had been both relieved and disappointed when he hadn't shown up—relieved because it meant avoiding an awkward conversation, disappointed because you had been... well, actually looking forward to seeing him.
As you touched up your makeup, you couldn't help but reflect on your own conflicted feelings. You were married, committed, and yet, Aki had stirred something in you that you simply couldn't stand to ignore. It was confusing, disorienting. You weren't sure what you felt more strongly: guilt for being drawn to him or frustration that you couldn't just let it go.
"Ugh," You groaned, pressing your forehead against the sink. "'M g'nna be sick."
Feeling a bit lightheaded from the drinks, you decided to step outside for some fresh air. You left the bathroom and – completely drunk – maneuvered through the crowds to the nearest door.
The cool night breeze was a welcome relief against your warm skin, and you leaned against the balcony railing, taking deep breaths. The city lights twinkled below, and you watched them in a daze, trying to steady your thoughts.
That's when you saw him.
Aki was just entering the party, his sharp suit and dark hair making him stand out immediately. You felt your heart skip a beat. Then another. He was killing you.
He came, you thought, a strange mix of emotions flooding you. Relief, excitement, and that persistent undercurrent of guilt all tangled together.
He spotted you almost immediately and made his way over. As he approached, you couldn't help but think how painfully gorgeous he looked, the dim lighting casting a soft glow on his features. In that moment, he seemed almost like a knight in shining armor, a figure out of place in the lively, chaotic setting of the bar.
"Hey," he greeted, his voice smooth and warm, a balm to your nerves.
"Hey," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked, a slight concern in his tone. "You're not cold?"
He always seemed to be worried about you and the weather. Still, the chill felt nice against your hot skin, oddly enough.
I missed you, you didn't say. You didn't even think about it. You knew that in a day you would be back on the train and all of this would just be a bad dream, anyway.
You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. "No, I just needed some air. It's a bit stuffy in there."
Aki didn't respond immediately, and when you turned your head up to look at him, his expression was unreadable. The noise from inside the bar seemed distant, the world narrowing down to just the two of you in that moment. You felt a tug in your chest, a pull towards him that you couldn't explain, couldn't deny.
"Did you pregame the bar, or something?" You laughed quietly. It felt nice, being able to pretend nothing had ever happened between the two of you and just... enjoy each other's company. "You smell like beer."
"I was having a few drinks with my roommate before you texted me," He answered. Then, looking out onto the street, he added, "He told me I shouldn't come tonight. Said you're driving me crazy."
"So, why are you here, then?" You asked.
He looked at you. "I think you know why I'm here."
There was a brief silence, comfortable yet charged with the unspoken. You glanced at him, noticing the way his eyes lingered on you, soft but searching. It was the same look he had given you in the seminar, the museum, everywhere else, and it stirred something deep inside you.
You hated the way he made you feel.
"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked you. His voice was as deep and rich as ever, and you had about half a mind to take him up on the offer.
You shivered. You knew it wasn't from the cold air. It was him – the smell of him, his cologne, the distinct scent of nicotine that let you know he had just finished smoking a cigarette. It was an aroma so unique to him that you had grown to like it.
You were looking at his lips before you knew it, giving way to a craving you couldn't explain, "I'll try a cigarette, if you have any."
He smiled softly, reaching into his pocket and flipping open a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed a cancer stick between your lips, and you felt a part of you die a little. He struck the wheel of the lighter, bringing the cigarette to life.
You coughed so hard that you nearly hacked up a lung. It had been years since your last cigarette.
Hayakawa stepped behind you, cupping a hand around your elbow, sliding it up your arm, your wrist, your fingers before he plucked the cigarette from your digits.
"First time?" He asked, warm voice hot against your neck.
"Wanted to give it a try," You shrugged. You didn't know what, exactly, had gotten into you. It seemed that with every sip of liquor you took lately, you crept closer and closer back to your old self. The sort of liquid courage that made people make very bad decisions. "Sorry. I'm a little," You waved your hands around yourself, trying to gesture 'drunk' without actually saying it.
"How brave of you," He murmured, pulling a hit from your cigarette and exhaling. He was the picture of sin – face flushed with alcohol, messy bangs, pink lips wrapped around a cancer stick. He was so pretty it hurt.
"I'll try it again when I'm sober," You offered.
"When?" He asked, breathing smoke out into the air. "Where?"
As persistent as always, you thought. Still, you didn't necessarily mind the attention anymore. You told yourself that it didn't matter – you would be out of here soon anyway, and everything would be far behind you before you knew it.
"Why is it that every time I'm inebriated... God tests me by throwing you in my way?" You laughed, Truly, you wished you had considered the implications of your words a little more before you had said them. "Just as I thought your manners had improved since the party. You behaved badly, then. You know that? Very badly," you hiccuped. "You should be ashamed of yourself, throwing– hic–throwing yourself at a married woman like that."
He didn't acknowledge your drunken ramblings, and he also didn't deny the fact that he had been doing exactly that – throwing himself at a married woman.
"Hardly my fault," He breathed out. "I just can't seem to resist you."
"Don't worry," You replied, eyeing him up dubiously as he pulled another hit from what was left of your cigarette. "I'm leaving tomorrow. Won't have to worry about resisting me after that."
"I know," He answered back. "Selfishly enough, I spent the last few hours wishing your train got delayed one more day, or something like that," He exhaled, then snuffed his cigarette out on the balcony, "Still, I'm glad I could see you before you went home."
"I wish I could say the same about you," You replied before you could stop the words from coming out.
He poked his tongue through the inside of his cheek, retorting, "You're gonna sit here and act like you didn't invite me? Like your eyes didn't light up like a child when you saw me pull up?" He turned around, commanding even more of your attention, standing at least a foot and a half taller than you. "You wanted me to come tonight."
It was true. That's the worst part. Everything he said was the truth.
"So that I could say goodbye," You said with remarkable finality, "I'm leaving after this."
You hadn't originally planned on leaving so soon, of course, but you wanted to get the hell out of here before you made another bad decision.
"Already?" He asked.
"You're the one who ran late," You replied. "This ends tonight. I'm going to say bye to everyone else, then I'll be gone."
With that being said, you made your way back to the door. You would go inside, bid everyone farewell, collect your belongings, and then–
He called your name before you could go back inside. You froze in place.
"Am I misreading the signals?" He asked.
You sighed, turning around one last time to clear the air, "This has to stop, Aki. You make me feel like... like I'm guilty of something."
He implored you, "What do you want me to do?"
"Go back to Himeno," You answered, a biting undertone seeping through your words. You were undeniably bitter about the whole situation, and under any other circumstances, you would have tried to be a good sport, but...
Himeno's words were a heavy weight on your heart.
'Don't mess up a relationship with a perfectly good man for Aki.'
'You should leave him for someone who can actually give him what he needs."
You could never be what Aki wanted. He wanted all of you – not just a week of you, clearly. You were married, and you couldn't let all of that go over a guy you'd been toeing the line with for what seemed like ages.
He was a young man. The fact of the matter was that you were a grown woman. A married one.
"She's a sweet, kind woman," You continued. You felt like you were going to be sick just being near him. Unknowingly, tears began to prickle at the corners of your eyes. "Go back and beg her to forgive you. Go be with someone who wants to be with you. Who can be with you."
"No," He answered simply. There was an intensity in his eyes that frightened you, like he would die without you, as he continued, "That's not what you want. I think we both know that. I refused a mission in Hiroshima to stay here with you. I planned to let go of another one in Beijing," He swallowed, "I can change my mind, and you'll never see me again."
"If you have any consideration for me," Your voice was a shuddering whisper, like someone could walk out any minute and hear the two of you going back and forth. "Any semblance– a shrivel of compassion, you'll give me back my peace."
He shook his head, "I can't. You know I can't. You've consumed every inch of my peace, every inch of my mind. How can I give you your peace?"
Fair point.
You had nothing to say to him. So, silently, your vision blurred with tears, you glared at him. Glared and frowned like that would make you believe he was the sole contributor to this issue. Then, again, you turned on your heel and went for the door. You entered the bar quickly.
He followed not too long after you, "I'll go to Beijing, then."
"No." You said. Your teary-eyed fury caught the eyes of more than a few confused bar patrons. "I don't want you to go."
Everyone was looking at you. Seriously, everyone. Your old coworkers, the bartenders, everybody.
You swallowed down your pride, bowing down before them all. "Good night, everyone," You said. You plucked your purse and your jacket off of the barstool. "Thank you for everything. I'm leaving."
Ignoring the confused looks and hushed whispers from the patrons, you exited the bar, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. The rain had started to fall, a soft drizzle quickly turning into a steady downpour. You barely noticed, too wrapped up in the turmoil inside your head. The cold, wet sensation of the rain soaked through your clothes, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You just needed to get away, to clear your mind.
But of course, Aki followed after you. You could hear him calling your name, his voice barely audible over the sound of the rain. You quickened your pace, almost running, your heels splashing through puddles as you made your way down the block. His footsteps pounded behind you, matching your speed. You couldn't escape him, couldn't outrun him.
Finally, he caught up to you, grabbing your arm to stop you. "Wait, can we please talk?" he pleaded, his voice breathless and desperate.
You turned to face him, rain pouring down around you both. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his suit jacket soaked through. The intensity in his eyes matched the storm, a fierce determination that made your heart ache. You met his gaze begrudgingly, not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to deal with him.
"Have I really been imagining all of this?" He asked. He sounded broken. "Is it really all in my head? Tell me if it's a lie. Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me you mean it—all of it," he paused, taking a shuddering breath. "Or tell me the truth."
You swallowed hard, the weight of the situation crashing down on you. "I don't know how to feel, Aki," you finally admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm trying to be good, but you just keep fucking—popping up everywhere. And you say these pretty things to me, and," You choked back a sob, struggling to find the right words. "I can't help myself around you."
"Running from your problems won't make me go away," he said, stepping forward to put his hands gently on your waist.
There was a long pause as you stood there in the rain, staring at each other. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you. The storm, the bar, everything else was just a blur. You were tired—tired of running, tired of the confusion, tired of pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't.
He added, "You can't run from your feelings."
This time, it was his eyes that dropped to your lips. His tongue darted out to dampen his own, and then his eyes flicked up to your face. When he spoke, his voice was huskier than before, as if it had been tainted by an emotion that hadn't been there before. Was it lust? Passion? Whatever it was, you wanted more of it.
Your eyes widened. Your mouth had run dry. You didn't know what to say. Even being like this right now -- as close as you were, -- was against your wedding vows. This was wrong, and you couldn't do that to your own husband.
Your own husband who loved you so dearly.
Your own husband who left you hanging so many nights on end.
Your own husband, who acted as if he couldn't care if you lived or died.
As if he had sensed your train of thought wandering, Aki placed two fingers beneath your chin, lifting your face up until he was the captor of all of your attention. Him and him alone. Not your husband, but him.
"I could treat you like a princess," His eyes wandered down to your lips again, but this time there was an unspoken hunger within them. "All you have to do is ask, and I'm yours. I already am."
And,��God, what a fool you had been in uttering the words, "Don't toy with my emotions. You don't want me."
He paused, awaiting something, anything. His eyes pleaded with your own, luring you in with promises of pleasure and happiness. Gently, he grabbed your hand, placing it over his breast, right above his heart.
"I want you so badly it hurts," He breathed, "For a night, for a day, for a week..." Aki closed the gap between the two of you – brought your faces closer together. Closer, until you could feel the warmth of his calm breath fanning out against your cheek. Closer, until he uttered, "As long as you'll let me have you."
"Aki, I can't-...." You paused. Yet, still, you never moved. Your body betrayed your words, dilated pupils and trembling hands giving way to your internal dilemma. "This is wrong. You know I can't do this."
You were being a hypocrite. You knew you were. One spare glance down at the placement of your hands on his chest -- one over his breast and one looped around his tie -- and you knew he could tell you were only putting up a front.
"I know," he murmured softly, words practically dying beneath the volume of the rain, "But I can't stop thinking about you."
You folded. Your eyes dropped down to his lips one last time, and that's when you knew he had already won.
Fuck it.
"Fuck you," you muttered, feeling a surge of reckless abandon.
Without thinking, you reached out and pulled him towards you, crashing your lips against his in a desperate, frenzied kiss. It was messy and wet, your tears mixing with the rain, your hands tangling in his hair as his arms finally wrapped around you.
The kiss was filled with all the pent-up emotions, the longing, the frustration, the desire. It was passion, it was anger – it was tongue and teeth and lips smearing your lipstick over the lower half of your face. It was two black holes finally colliding after circling around each other far too long.
"I can't make sense of it. I want... you," you sighed, pulling away, voice trembling, "I don't know what any of this means anymore. I don't know what to think."
"Then don't," he whispered, his breath warm against your lips. He tasted like cigarette smoke, beer and mint gum – a flavor so utterly addicting that you couldn't seem to get enough of it. "Don't think. Let me take you back to your room."
You hesitated, the reality of the situation hitting you. This was crossing a line, a line you couldn't uncross. But as you looked into his eyes, saw the same turmoil reflected back at you, you felt your resolve crumble.
You were tired of pretending.
"Okay," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the rain. It was a final, resigned acceptance, the last nail in the coffin of your restraint.
You were tired of running from the inevitable.
a/n: dont hate me. LMFAOAOAOOAOA. i had to! i absolutely loved writing this chapter and i loved writing tipsy obsessed aki. i headcannon that he's a touchy needy bf and no one can tell me otherwise. i think you all know what happens next. im not sayin nothin tho. hehe. ANYWAYYYYY LMK WHAT YALL THOUGHTTTTT i look forward to hearing it!!! lmk what yall wanna see in the next few chapters/over the course of the story. and if youve already watched anna karenina (or read, in which case... how...) shhhhhh youve seen nothing. muah! x
credits: UNKOWN ATM. I found the cover pic on pinterest unfortch. If you know the artist, please let me know, so I can credit them properly for their work!!! This is NOT MY BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGGG. I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.
also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!
taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505
wanna join the taglist? | shameless ; chapter index
#god i love drunk aki#my life is yours#notiddygxthgf ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚#shameless!#aki hayakawa#hayakawa aki#aki hayakawa x reader#hayakawa aki x reader#aki x reader#csm x reader#chainsaw man x reader#denji x reader#eventual smut
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HEARTBREAKING NEWS FOR BUTCHFEMME TUMBLR: THAT FREAK SWEETHARTFEMME IS BACK!!! 🙃🙃🙃 (now @moonluvfairy )
oh my fucking god every time i take an internet break this bitch keeps coming back!!! is this a sign to never leave 🤔 ??? at least it seems theyre going outside and touching grass at this point... but they definitely have not learned their lesson bc theyre victimizing themself AGAIN and trying to take on a whole new identity/pretend they are someone new 😭
anyway. sweethartfemme puppycatfemme batdollyfemme claudia all their millions of names IS THE SAME PERSON AS saturnfemme who changed their user to sunkissfemme then stemmefawn then earthfairyfemme and femmesunbeam and now as of 10/11 moonluvbugz then miffystemme then sweethunnyfemme and as of rn @moonluvfairy ... literally doing the same name change thing every time someone calls them out lmao. i think theyre going by serenity/juno/mars right now. grift CONTINUIIIIING. as soon as they posted that voice and face reveal it was over like theres no coming back from that... @ursaius posted proof about the voice reveal that this is claudia back trying to get away with this bullshit lol. they also posted about their face reveal and how there was hard proof that theyre the same as photos of claudia you could see in the background of their sisters posts but i cant find that post anymore. probably because its sensitive info im sure u could ask him though
anyway you know the drill block this freak before they change their username again LOLLL like jokes aside they are a fucking predator and a danger to this community. making your whole personality about loving and PROTECTING butches after you catfished a butch you were dating with a strangers photos you were asked to stop using several times is fucking insane btw. not to mention a lot of those photos being of a literal 14 year old and being posted to your NSFW ACCOUNT. and catfishing several other minors as an adult for like 3 years. insane.
so please block @moonluvfairy before they change their username again and stay safe! this person is a real danger to our community. they also have a side account used to be called sweetfawnfemme and is now stemmehoneycomb their instagram is honeycombfemme_ and their tiktok is moonluvbug.
if you have no clue what im talking about but want to be aware of the actions their trying to hide heres some posts about it
@ursaius's post about the whole situation including a google doc
@toothfairyfemme's post about claudia/serenity impersonating + gaslighting them for multiple months
@toothfairyfemme's post about claudia/serenity catfishing using photos as a minor
my post about them being a weirdo
#butchfemme tumblr#butch4femme#blocklist#femme bait#femme4butch#butch bait#butchfemme#butch#stud lesbian#butch appreciation#studfem#femme lesbian#femme4masc#butch femme#studfemme#lesbian#lesbian community#butch4butch#femmebutch#stone butch#high femme#femme dyke#lesianism#lesbianism#butch lesbian#butch dyke
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I'm the anon who sent the ask about Pack Mum and her frustrations; your version is fucking top notch (I'm just a switchy bitch lol) and let's be real, don't we all need a bit of that in our lives? 😩😩😩 would love to see Chris' version of that too, whatever you write is going to be amazing either way 😍
previous ask for reference
fun fact, i have a handful of drabbles written for these two that have never left my google docs (some of them probably won't, ever), since i use them as practice. for this particular scenario i already had something written, so might as well share it with y'all. please bear with me, this is barely proof read sjkdfhsdkjf
Pairing: Werewolf!Chan x Human!F.Reader (one of the main pairings of my WereRoomies series, but you don’t really need to read any other instalments to understand/enjoy this one). | Word Count: ~2k. | Warnings: smut | established relationship · pet names · oral [F.&M.Rec] · edging · face sitting/fucking, all that good stuff · spanking
minors do not interact.
> Chris💕🐺: pretty baby > howre u feeling today > ???
< You: hey darling < i’m very meh < but still standing so it’s fine < you?
> Chris💕🐺: im having a really bad day > dont wanna get into details but god i just wanna be home
< You: oh no ): < can i help you in any way?
You saw the ‘Typing…’ text under Chris’ contact name pop up and disappear a few times before he finally replied.
> Chris💕🐺: actually… > maybe > u can say no btw > but > would u sit on my face and let me edge you for a long while when im back home?
< You: how long is a long while?
> Chris💕🐺: a really long while > as much as u can stand it > just wanna dive between ur legs > want to suffocate on your cunt and your thighs baby > so bad > fuck > had to come to hide in the restroom for a bit cuz im so hard rn just thinking about it
You couldn’t help but chuckle. But being honest with yourself, the proposition certainly gave you a similar reaction to Chris’. All you could think about now was having your boyfriend’s tongue between your legs, aided by his lips and his nose to bring you to that sweet, sweet edge over and over again…
Wetness was starting to pool at your centre, your thighs pressed together to ease some of that familiar ache, and you honestly had to make the conscious effort to remember you were still at the office, in a very public space.
Your phone vibrating again in your hand brought you back from your little day dream.
> Chris💕🐺: again > u can totally say no
< You: mmm🤔 < i’d love to sit on my alpha’s handsome face < would you let me grind on it baby?
> Chris💕🐺: fuck… yes > anything as long as u just dont come > not until i tell you to > or until u cant take it anymore > yeah?
< You: yea 😇
> Chris💕🐺: fuck > ure so good to me pretty > seriously > im gonna make u feel so good love > hydrate yourself as much as u can > its gonna be so worth it > love u prettiest
< You: love you babiest
The rest of your workday was honestly a blur. All you could think about was the evening that awaited you. So, when you finally reached home–with your boyfriend nowhere in sight–you simply took a quick shower to get squeaky clean and got yourself into one of his t-shirts to ensure his scent was all over you when he came home.
As soon as Chris made it through the front door he gave you a quick kiss, dropped his belongings wherever, and made a beeline to the bathroom to take a shower–all as he discarded pieces of clothing on the way. A very delightful sight, you’d admit.
Now here you were, laying on the sofa and scrolling on your phone, waiting for him to come out.
The second he’d gotten out of the shower, barely even patting himself dry, with his hair still wet, Chris made his way to you.
Before you could even stand up, he was already hovering over you, kissing you deeply for a moment, only to finally trace a path of kisses to your neck so he could nibble at your pulsepoint.
“Been thinking about you all day, pretty baby”, he mumbled against your skin, licking the area and kissing it after.
“Me too, darling…” A sigh of relief passed your lips, while you all but melted under the attention your boyfriend was providing to your neck. “You got me so wet”, taking a hold of his hand, you guided it to your core, where his fingers traced your folds, spreading your essence with a deep inhale. “So fucking wet just thinking about you, Chris”.
“Fuck…You smell so fucking good…” Burying his face further in the crook of your neck, he sucked on your pulse point, just as he eased two fingers into you, making you moan in surprise as he diligently massaged your walls.
You bared your neck, giving your boyfriend plenty of room for him to paint purple roses on your skin. Holding tightly onto his arms, you couldn’t help but squirm a little when he started to thrust his fingers in and out of you, once he started curling them to hit that sweet spot within your warmth.
“So tight, baby…” Chris mumbled as he eased a third finger into you, making you whine at the delicious stretch. “We don’t fuck for a couple of days and it’s almost like your cunt has forgotten me…”
You shook your head, swallowing the saliva that had pooled in your mouth. “Impossible. She–she knows who she belongs to”.
“Fuck…” Pulling his fingers out of you, he straightened himself. “Come here, beautiful”.
Chris laid down, motioning for you to place each knee next to his head. You did as asked, staring at him between your legs as you lowered yourself, hovering just a bit while he caressed your thighs.
“C’mon, baby”, Chris borderline whined, bringing his hands to your hips and holding you tightly. “Sit”.
“I’m…baby, I don’t wanna crush you”.
This was a common debate when you found yourselves in this situation. Sometimes you didn’t even need to think twice about complying, but, as a heavier person, other times you were a bit unsure. Today was one of those days, clearly. And as usual, your boyfriend was quick to reassure you.
“Babe, we’ve been through this. I’m a fucking animal, remember? All that werewolf thing? You’re not gonna crush me”, he chuckled. “Sit on me, get comfy, and brace yourself, yeah?”
With a deep inhale, you nodded, finally lowering yourself all the way. You couldn’t hold back the gasp that left your mouth as soon as you felt Chris’ tongue make contact with your heat. “Oh–”
His tongue running through your folds, teasing your entrance, licking your clit, sucking on it…Every single one of his motions had tingles of pleasure travelling up and down your spine, had your chest heaving, and quiet whines coming out of your mouth.
Bringing his hands to your thighs, he held you tightly in place, so tight you wondered if you’d see a mark left in the shape of his fingers later–something you were admittedly eager to see. He was groaning a lot, you were moaning a lot, and, in no time, he had reduced you to a whimpering mess.
Maybe it was all that daydreaming you’d been doing after he sent you those texts, maybe it was just how good your boyfriend was at working you up, but you were very quickly getting close to the edge, almost ready to tip over it.
“Baby…Chris, fuck, I’m…close”, your voice quivered a bit, and Chris simply hummed in response, finally slowing his movements.
His hands roamed your body as his tongue flicked your sensitive nub, the pressure was light enough that the signs of your approaching orgasm seemed to be fading away. In all honesty, you weren’t sure if you were going to stand this at all. You’d try, of course, but you realised very quickly how badly you wanted your relief.
Kneading your breasts, Chris simply continued his motions, slowly licking your clit, or dipping his tongue inside of you for a taste. You couldn’t help but roll your hips, trying to get some extra stimulation. And whenever he licked at your entrance, his nose would bump your clit, and it had you pathetically whining as you ground your core on his face.
When Chris finally opened his eyes to look at you, you stared right back.
That stare-off had the fine hairs on the back of your neck standing on end, and you were immediately trapped in that undeniably predator look of his.
It was kind of amusing, how that look seemed to have the complete opposite effect it should have on you. It should’ve made you feel intimidated, scared, but after spending this much time with Chris, after giving yourself to him so many times already, the trust you had in him made it so that stare of his just made you want to be closer to him. It enticed you, it made you shiver, made you wetter, and, right now, just by looking at him, at that utterly primal desire in his eyes, you could feel yourself grow closer to your climax again.
You genuinely couldn’t tell how long you spent right there. You had already lost count of how many times he’d brought you to the edge by the fifth time. Your legs were starting to burn, your lower back hurt, and you suddenly felt like you needed something in your mouth.
“C–Chris”, you tugged on his hair, gasping when he quickened the pace of his tongue. “Baby… Want–”
He squeezed your bum, one butcheek in each hand, surely bruising you with the strength of his grip. It made you dizzy, and you were sure you were dripping all over him by now. He released his hold on one of your buttocks, only to land a harsh smack on it after, urging you to speak, making you shamelessly moan with the action.
Chris hardly ever spanked you–aside from a playful, mild smack here and there. He’d told you before that he felt like he already put your body through so much with everything else, adding that, too, was just unnecessary, and that it could possibly hurt you too much. But, fuck, if the sting felt good whenever he did.
“Need your cock, baby”, you finally sighed, trembling with your upcoming release. Chris gave you a curious look, not stopping his tongue for a second, so you decided to clarify. “In my mouth, Chris. Please…”
Taking a hold of your hips, he lifted you up a bit, enough to talk. “Turn around, pretty”.
Your legs were incredibly unsteady, but you managed to do it, finally laying on Chris with his tongue once again in its rightful place within your warmth.
Saliva pooled in your mouth at the sight of your boyfriend’s cock. Incredibly hard, twitching, and with an impressive pool of pre-cum under his tip where it laid on his lower abdomen. He was clearly enjoying this a lot, and just the sight had you clenching with need..
When you took him in your hand, his thighs jerked a bit, and a moan muffled against your skin as he continued to feast on your cunt. You simply pumped him in your hand, once, twice, relishing just how hard he was.
Wasting no more time, you licked a long stripe from his base to the tip, swirling your tongue around it for good measure. Until, finally, you took him in your mouth, eliciting a shared moan from the both of you.
Chris’ hands dragged up and down your back, kneading your flesh as he went, moaning against your heat whenever you got him deeper into your mouth, whenever your nails dug on his thighs.
All of a sudden, you felt Chris’ hand land harshly on one of your buttocks. The sudden sting made you moan around his length and clench around thin air. He did it again on the other, holding the supple flesh of your bum tightly in his hands right after in an attempt to soothe your skin.
His length popped out of your mouth with a sinful sucking sound. With a hazy mind and a needy cunt, you were speaking before you could think twice about it. “More…”
Chris immediately complied, smacking one of your buttcheeks again, groaning lowly as your moans spilled freely out in the room without his cock in your mouth.
He repeated the motions a handful of times, all while you jerked him to the best of your now compromised motor skills. Your moans got increasingly more desperate the more he spanked you, and your whole body trembled with arousal.
“Pretty…” Chris mumbled, keeping you off of him enough so you could hear him, although you barely could, you were too far gone. “Put my cock back in your mouth, baby. Suck me off, and when I spank you again, you can come. Okay?”
“Okay…”
“Good, good girl”, Chris pulled you back on his mouth, eliciting a shaky moan from your lips.
You did as asked, taking him once again into your mouth and sucking him, rather eagerly, if you might add. Your lips caught on the ridge of his head time and time again, his tongue and his lips focused on your clit, licking and sucking harder and faster by the second, just how he did whenever he wanted you to come, and when you finally felt the sting on your ass again, you could hardly make sense of your surroundings anymore.
Before you knew it, your entire body shook with your release, desperately moaning around Chris’ length as pleasure tears fell from your eyes. It was so much, so intense, and when Chris held the back of your head in place with one of his hands and started to thrust up into your mouth you were sure you had already died and gone to heaven.
It felt like you were coming for an eternity, the sheer intensity of your release had you shaking and squirming in your boyfriend’s hold. The most satisfying part of it all, though, was when you vaguely registered Chris’ warmth flooding your mouth, making you moan once again just at the feel of his cum going down your throat, making you dizzy just by the blissed-out sounds that were coming out of his mouth.
You swallowed it all, sucking on his tip until the very last drop of his release had coated your tongue, and as soon as Chris detached himself from your core, your body slumped, your vision clouded, and a ringing broke free in your ears.
“Baby? Baby, please. Talk to me”, Chris sounded so close. But how could he if your heads were in completely opposite directions?
“Pretty?” You felt his hands on your cheeks, and once you opened your eyes and saw the worried look on his face, you realised you were laying on the sofa, while he was crouching on the floor next to you. When did he move? He was just below you a few seconds ago.
“Did I…Did I pass out?” You blinked at him, reaching for his hand on your face to softly caress the back of it.
“Fuck, you did. For a few seconds. I thought I had choked you to death. Are you okay? I’m so sorry”, he was going into his Protective Alpha mode, and it made you smile.
“I’m fine, baby. Don’t apologise. Give me a kiss”, you did feel a bit lightheaded, but you also felt light all over, as if your crushing orgasm had taken all the tension off of your body completely.
Chris sighed, pecking your lips, your nose, your cheeks, all over your face. “Fuck, give me a second. I’ll bring you some water”.
You simply hummed, stretching your achy limbs and turning on your other side to face the backrest.
When Chris came back, you gulped the glass of water in one go before you gave it back to him so he could place it on the coffee table.
You made grabby hands at him, and he chuckled, laying behind you and pulling you to his chest so he could press kisses on your shoulder.
“That was insane”, you mumbled while you caressed the arm he had wrapped around your waist.
“It was, fuck…I got too carried away, you’re all bruised, love”, his fingers gently traced the curve of your bum, and you leaned into his touch.
“Felt so good, though”, you sighed, content, further pressing your back to his chest. “So good I passed out, baby. That’s a new record”.
Chris giggled, and you couldn’t help but giggle as well.
“Do you feel better?” You asked, snuggling closer, relishing his warmth on your back, his warmth all around you.
“I feel like I won a million euros, a billion dollars, a trillion won…You get the point”, Chris nuzzled your nape, pressing lingering kisses there, all as he brought a hand to your belly to lightly squish your soft flesh. “Honestly just what I needed. For my pretty girlfriend to feel insanely good, and to blow my load in her perfect, warm mouth”.
You chuckled, taking a hold of his hand and bringing it to your lips so you could press a kiss on his palm, right before you turned around in his hold and cupped his cheeks, smiling at him. “I love you”.
“Love you”, he repeated immediately, diving in for a kiss. When he pulled back, he held you tightly, pressing kisses on your cheeks. “You’re so good to me”.
“And you to me, baby”, you mumbled back, kissing him on the cheek before you tucked your head under his chin.
You both laid there for a moment, a moment of just your soft caresses on each other’s exposed skin. Until Chris heaved a satisfied sigh, pulling away from your embrace to stand up from the sofa.
“C’mon, pretty. Time to be pampered and cuddle in the tub”, Chris took you in his arms. A soft chuckle left your lips, and you held onto him, pressing tender kisses on his neck all the way to the bathroom.
© therhythmafterthesummer 2023. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my stories.
figured i’d tag anyone that wants to be tagged in my wereroomies instalments. if you don’t want to be tagged in little ask responses like these let me know !
@222wonnie · @staaa96 · @oiminho · @straylightdream · @starshine-moon · @biribarabiribbaem · @100layersofdaddyissues · @dearalice · @alexis-reads-fics · @xcookiemonsteer · @knowleeknow · @chanlovesme · @liminaldaydream · @sstarryreads · @svngiem · @notastraykid · @princelingperfect · @violetpenguinkris · @leedunno · @peepeepoopooharrie · @aestheticsluut · @skzhomiehopper · @cessixja · @mimzibee · @hipsdofangirl · @djeniryuu · @floatingcoffecup · @minnysproutgriffinteddy · @moonmooncr · @phobia0325 · @leebitsimpracha · @viviixlyy · @casualenthusiastexpert · @kileidoscope · @kpop-bbdoll · @crispytigerearthquake · @meloncremesoda · @amaranth-writing · @fawnpeaks · @dalamjisung
#stray kids supernatural au#stray kids werewolf au#bang chan smut#stray kids smut#stray kids fanfiction#bang chan fanfiction#bang chan fic#bang chan x reader#chan x reader#skz fanfic#skz fanfiction#stray kids fanfic#werewolf chan#werewolf bang chan#✨🌙✏#ask#anon#wereroomies ask#wereroomies headcanons
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HIHIHI IDK IF URE STILL TAKIJG REQUEST BUT IF U ARE, ATUSHI,DAZAI AND RANPO MAKING READER CRY? (gender neutral or fem is great if that’s okayyy) TAKE CARE 😘💞💓 make sure ure eating drinking sleeping and all that jazz 🫶🫶
featuring: atsushi; dazai; ranpo (separately tw: mild descriptions of violence/injury in atsushi's part, crying, dazai typical suicide jokes/discussion of them in his part, "angel" as a pet name, swearing (from me) type: angst to fluff, hurt/comfort pronouns used: none (no use of "belladonna") (dazai flirts with another woman but god dammit that man is BISEXUAL. reader is gn) a/n: YIPPEEE THREE OF MY BEST BOYS!! and tysm im actually coming down with some kindof sickness my dad has covid so i hope its. not that LMAO but thank you <333 i'm going to bed after i write this!
under the cut for length <3 i may have gotten a LITTLE carried away with dazai DHAGHDG
ATSUSHI
is it even possible for this dude to make you cry, genuinely? he's such a caring boyfriend that he second guesses just about everything he says in case it could somehow offend you
it's partially adorable and partially annoying
so, him hurting you is pretty much out of the question. so how the hell does this sweetheart end up making you cry??
by getting hurt
he gets beaten within an inch of his life in yet another accidental run-in with akutagawa, and you have to drag him out of that situation as fast as you can, carrying him all the way to the ada
kunikida opens the door, notices your tear-stained face first and then atsushi's limp body flung over your shoulder, and calls for yosano immediately. she arrives in under three seconds, scooping him up and rushing him to her infirmary.
and now, all you can do is wait
hours after the incident, after yosano informs everyone that he'll most likely pull through, you try to get some work done. but with your boyfriend having just nearly been killed, it's pretty much impossible.
ranpo is so worried about how distressed you look that he offers you a pocky stick. you accept it and eat it, but it doesn't taste like anything.
your thanks is half-hearted.
you're sitting there in front of your google doc, eyes tired and red from sobbing earlier. there are three words written on what's supposed to be an incident report. kunikida sighs, pats you on the back, and takes your laptop away from you, telling you he'll take care of it.
that's when yosano gently re-enters the main room, calling you over
atsushi is sitting upright in bed, eyes misty. as soon as he sees you, he tries to sit up even more. yosano snaps at him.
the thing you want to do more than anything is jump into his arms and cry into his chest, but you don't want to risk hurting him even more. so, instead, you opt to gently sit on the edge of his bed and wrap your arms around him.
both of you start crying again, and atsushi promises he'll be more careful next time.
DAZAI
oh good lord . what did he do this time
jokingly flirting with yet another woman and asking if she'll do a double suicide with him again? yeah, that'll do it.
as always, his newest mark turns him down, skittering away as quickly as possible. you don't blame her.
"how come you keep asking people to commit suicide with you?"
"hm?" he doesn't seem to understand, flashing you that head-empty smile. he's completely enamored with you, you can tell, but then... why is he still up to his stupid habits?
"i mean, you're with me now. are you still really looking for someone to die with you?"
"well, you keep saying no, so what am i supposed to do~?"
it's a joke, you can tell. it's always a joke, except when it isn't, and with dazai, really, who can tell?
you don't want him to run off and end his life with some lady he met fifteen minutes ago. and they all reject him anyway, but what if, one day, one of them doesn't? would he be caught off guard and admit he was teasing? or would he not even miss a beat and actually go through with it?
the thought of him just leaving you without warning is so distressing, your eyes start to tear up. you thought you were done with this.
immediately, dazai notices. his eyebrows furrow and his expression immediately sobers.
"hey, angel, what's wrong?"
through tears, you have to explain everything to him. how much he means to you, and how little you feel that it seems that he could throw you and the rest of his life away at the drop of a hat. how you can never tell if he's joking, if he means it, if he's teasing. how much you just want him to stay with you and never leave.
he's taken aback. for a fraction of a second, dazai's eyes widen and he's left at a complete loss for words.
of course, as always, he regains his composure almost immediately, pulling you in as close as he can to his chest and rubbing circles into your back.
"i thought you knew you meant too much to me for me to do that," he murmurs, his voice as low and soothing as he can muster. "i'm so sorry, i didn't realize how much this was bothering you. i won't do it anymore, i promise. and you never have to worry about me leaving you like that. i can't just throw all this away! you're everything."
and he holds you like that for as long as you need before taking you back home.
RANPO
this man and his fucking candy i swear to god
it's always a bargain with him. you want a kiss? okay, but you owe him a lollipop. hugs? while he's working? you'd better have a cookie ready.
honestly, it's almost as if he's doing it just for you. like he doesn't love the affection just as much as you do, if not even more
ranpo enters every request of him with the mindset of it being a trade. instead of both of you receiving a kiss, it's your request, so he deserves something in return.
it's stupid is what it is (in a complete contrast to ranpo himself)
"i'm not giving you a lollipop, ranpo. you either get a hug, or you don't."
"fine, i guess i don't then. suit yourself." he spins his chair back around and gets back to typing, making a point of only using his index fingers to go as slowly as possible
"this is stupid, ranpo."
he swivels back around, his eyes open and giving you one of the most piercing expressions you've seen from him thus far.
"stupid? it's not stupid, it's just the way i do things. if you want a hug so bad, go to kunikida for all i care. besides, you should know better. if my own way sounds stupid to you, that means you're the dumb one. i'm just taking advantage of an opportunity; nobody said you had to get all fussy about it. just get back to work and leave me alone."
it stings! i mean, this is your boyfriend, who, despite being selfish at times, is usually one of the sweetest and most caring people you've met. just because of a lollipop? and you're the stupid one?
you feel like crying.
oh. you are crying?
you hadn't even noticed, and you weren't even sure why - this type of thing was usually something you should be able to suck up and give ranpo the silent treatment about.
but you're crying?
ranpo notices from the corner of his eye, and immediately feels insanely guilty
so of course he makes a show out of it.
"wait! there's something wrong! something doesn't add up!"
he stands up on his chair, procuring his glasses from his pocket and flashily but delicately placing them on his face.
"my lovely partner is crying! which can only mean one thing. it seems... in this singular, incredibly improbable situation... i, the world's greatest detective.... am wrong!"
he drops back down to sit cross legged on his chair again, puting his glasses back into his pocket.
"i'm really sorry, i didn't think this would upset you so much. i'll give you as many hugs as you want from now on."
#gubbiiscool#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bsd x reader#dazai x reader#atsushi x reader#ranpo x reader#atsushi nakajima#osamu dazai#ranpo edogawa#gn!reader#atsushi bsd#dazai bsd#ranpo bsd
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@rokhal okay so you see heres the problem. You asked too many good questions so I opened a google doc to answer them and then things just got going and then I ended up with an entire summary of the story I have so far.
ALSO thank you @moosemonstrous for helping me puzzle through my fugnking ramblings
Also it is IMPORTANT that you know I had this song on repeat the entire time I was plotting my nefarious schemes
OKAY SO. I’m thinking Robbie is some sort of specialized stealth unit. He was originally designed for high level infiltration but was repurposed by the human resistance in the future. He has skin with a metal endoskeleton just like the usual terminators but he ALSO has those nanobots that allow him to heal at the same pace as a normal human. They also would help with repairing any damage to internal systems like wiring. They could also be what repurposes food to grow his metal endoskeleton. I’m debating on whether he can manually speed that up for an accelerated healing process because that would require a level of control over his machinery that I’m not sure it would make sense for him to have right after figuring out he’s a machine. Maybe with some practice he could do it. OHHHHH OR IF HES IN SOME SORT OF ‘EMERGENCY DEFENSE’ MODE IT ACCELERATES AUTOMATICALLY THAT COULD BE FUN!!!
Also I really like the idea of him being able to heal with those nanobots but like. SPECIFICALLY for Gabe. They’re programmed to create synthetic flesh and skin but only for certain genomes. His and Gabes are similar enough that they can help repair tissue if he’s injured. Like being a blood donor for matching blood types.
STORY WISE HERE’S WHAT IM THINKING: Eli still exists in this universe and he’s still a massive shithead. Still pushes Mama Reyes down a flight of stairs while pregnant with Gabe (their soon to be first child), still a serial killer and still involved with the mob. But shortly after Gabe is born, Eli is caught and sentenced to prison for life. The mob figures he told his brother’s family so that makes them a liability. They kill Alberto and Julianna, but leave Gabe alone in his crib. This happens when he’s about 6 months old.
While this is happening, Robbie is time traveled into the back yard of their house. He goes inside and puts on whatever clothes he can find. When police show up to check after getting a noise complaint from the neighbors, they find what looks to be a 5 year old boy soothing a crying baby and a massive burned hole in the backyard they think is just some sort of already detonated explosive. Everyone just assumes this kid is his brother and they try to get him out of the house without letting him see his dead ‘parents’. He doesn't talk much but does answer that his name is Robbie when asked.
Things get REALLY weird when they go to the police station and find… absolutely nothing about him. No birth certificate, no social security number, no history of schooling, not even their notoriously nosy neighbors know anything about him. The Reyes’s had not marked down a dependent on their tax forms until Gabe. Even when they look at the possibility of him being an undocumented immigrant; NOTHING. Half the guys think he’s an illegal alien that slipped through the cracks of.. EVERY country and the other half think he’s an ACTUAL alien For all intents and purposes the kid in front of them does not exist. Eli isn’t much help when asked, he just assumes ‘that bitch of his turned him against me didn’t even tell me that I had a nephew already here god DAMN her’.
They quickly start questioning whether they're actually brothers, but genetic tests determine that they are. That, and the absolute INSISTENCE of the boy that ‘This is my brother. I HAVE to keep him safe’.
So they do what just about anyone might do. Decide this weird magically appearing child is someone else’s problem, and put them into foster care. From there the story stays about the same for a while. They know Eli exists but they honestly couldn't give less of a shit about him. That guy is never getting out on parole lmao. Robbie catches up with social development and for the most part fits in pretty good (he never gets sick. Like ever. Never gets so injured he has to go to the doctor for emergencies. Just regular checkups, which he passes through with a few raised eyebrows but still good). He’s still a GENIUS with cars and works at Canelos. He understands them in a way that usually takes years of experience way beyond what Robbie has. Things are going.. Not GREAT but they’re okay. And then AMADEUS FUCKIGN SHOWS UP.
Skynet of the future has sent back a Terminator to kill Gabe. No one is really sure WHY but they figure if skynet is going to such lengths to kill this kid then he must be worth protecting. So the human resistance sends back Amadeus to find Gabe and keep him safe from this Terminator.
He steals some clothes, a gun and a car(not like hes really planning on settling down here anyway who cares about a few broken laws) shows up at the Reyes residence, meets Gabe.. and basically all his plans blow up. This is absolutely NOT the type of person he was expecting and he sure as shit doesn't want to go anywhere with this random stranger. So naturally he kidnaps Gabe and starts getting the fuck out of the city (while also starting work on an electromagnetic field reader that he thinks can help detect terminators).
Robbie shows up back home after grocery shopping and uhhhhh Gabes NOT THERE theres BROKEN SHIT IN HIS HOUSE and the neighbors keep talking about a STOLEN CAR and some maniac who stole from a GUN SHOP. So he does the only reasonable thing he can think of, checks Life 360 hoping that Gabe still has his phone on him (he does) gets into his car and starts hunting them down. Between his crazy driving skills and freakish persistence, Amadeus can only conclude that Robbie is the terminator sent to kill Gabe.
When Robbie finally heads them off at an abandoned warehouse Amadeus tries to pull Gabe along with him and run away. But when Robbie steps out of his car, Gabe recognizes him and starts trying to get there. Amadeus is panicked, pointing his gun at Robbie to try and keep him away and, at this point, VERY confused. Because he’s pulled out his EMF reader and is getting some absolutely WACK readings off Robbie but hes also very much so being deterred by the gun (terminators couldnt gibe two shits about guns thlse metal fuckheads eat bullets for breakfast). The readings shortly get even more wack when the ACTUAL Terminator sent to kill Gabe shows up. Amadeus fires a couple of shots into the Terminator to confirm what he already knew (subsequently freaking both Robbie and Gabe out sufficiently enough to confirm that at least Amadeus isn’t entirely crazy). They pile into the Reyes-mobile and peel off shortly before the terminator gets into Amadeus’ abandoned stolen car and starts going after them.
Robbie is doing his best to ask what the FUCK is actually going on while getting away but Amadeus is still double checking his EMF readings because Robbie is DEFINETLY not human but also clearly isn’t here to kill Gabe. Quickly puts two and two together that for SOME reason SOMEhow Robbie is here to PROTECT Gabe from this other Terminator. Amadeus is. A little distracted because of this and keeps asking Robbie about his ‘Programming’ (sort of a “WOW your programming must be good you REALLY think he’s your brother and thats WHY you have to protect him!” “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHO WAS THAT GUY HOW DID HE KEEP WALKING AFTER YOU SHOT HIM” “It was a terminator keep up. Hey did you even TRY to call the police or did you just start coming after me because you knew it would be faster? Cause damnnnnn again. PROGRAMMING!”)
After finally losing the terminator that’s been on their tail, they find the police are not too happy about their reckless driving, arrest them and take them to the station to keep in a holding cell. While Robbie is in said holding cell with Amadeus (Gabe is presently being asked questions) there’s a police officer who recognizes him as that weird little kid who just appeared out of nowhere.
“Yeah we had absolutely NOTHING on you. It was like you hadn't existed until the day we found you!” So Robbie has to sit and listen to this while Amadeus is just confirming in his head what he already figured out. Being stuck in that cell trying to stay in denial with the guy whose favorite thing to say in the world is ‘I Told You So’ is not great. (un)Fortunately this is when the actual terminator shows up again.
This time, being faced with both the Terminator AND police trying to stop him from leaving, Robbies defense systems activate. He goes absolutely HAM on everyone in his way. He’s extremely default Terminator-like (Emotionless, distant, empty, quiet) in this state because all of his infiltration protocols have been halted. He even manages to fight off the other terminator decently well, but not before getting blasted in the arm with a shotgun shell. It goes deep enough that his metal endoskeleton is revealed. I also had this idea of like. His arm getting caught in something and he just stares at whoever trapped it there. Looks them dead in the eyes as he degloves his entire hand then beats the shit out of whoever got in his way with his metal fist. He stays in this state until they steal ANOTHER car, and he finally snaps out of it. And sees his hands covered in blood. And glimmers of his metal skeleton. And his brother looking at him in fear.
AND THATS WHAT IVE GOT RN I CAN'T WRITE LIKE YALL CAN I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR IT I HAVE TO GET ALL OF THIS OUT LIKE RIGHT NOW SO YEAH UHHHHHHH ENJOY
#ghost rider terminator au#BEHOLD. MY BARELY FILTERED BRAIN FLOOD OF NONSENSE#terminator!robbie#ghost rider#robbie reyes#gabe reyes#amadeus cho
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my thoughts on spooky month 6
copy pasted from a page and a half of google doc. crying. spoilers inbound.putting it under the cut cuz its super long. also swear warning.
Ok to start off LILA. LILA MY GAL NO UR DOING UR BEST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Im crying im actually fucginf crying. She's trying. So hard. Skid is trying so hard. THEY'RE DOING THEIR BEST PLEASEEEEE. Father Gregor can go EAT SHIT. THEY'RE TRYING AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS GODDAMNIT.
Susie… Susie no… please… she deserves better istgggggg. What happened to their parents? Are they actually just busy? Are they DEAD? Holy shit what if they're dead. Poor Pump, poor Susie, god please just let these kiddos be ok. PLEASE. ABUELO WONDER IS TYING SO HARD BUT SUSIE KNOWS IT ISN'T REALLY FROM HER PARENTS IM CRYING. SUSIE NOOOOOO
FATHER GREGOR I HATE YOU. ok well he obvs did some good but STILL. GREGOR. STFU GREGOR. I get that hes trying but U CANT JUST SAY ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT JUDGEMENT AND THEN JUDGE HER HER FUCKING HOUSE GOT BROKEN INTO!! YOU DONT HAVE THE FUCKING CONTEXT!!!! ARGHFDGHJSGHJKAGHSD. Also DAMN IS HE A CULTIST NOW?? IS HE DEAD?? WHAT?!?!?!
ROYYYYYY ROY MY BOI NOOOOOO poor guy :( i understand why he hates the kids they DID kinda ruin him so. At least he knows theyre trying now :( and ross n rob just ASSUME he did something bad isnt helping here!!!! I get that theyre also trying to help him and its nice to see him opening up to them about stuff (even if we dont get to know what specifically PELO WHY) but PLEASE get this kid an anger management class or smthn PLEASE. He needs SO MUCH THERAPY. I dont think hes gonna get therapy because im pretty sure his parents are Part Of The Problem but STILL. Also FUCKER LITERALLY GOT POSSESED BY A DEMON?????? THATS GOTTA BE TRAUMATIC TF
Side note i love ross and robert dearly and i appreciate them doing their best to help on both sides i love them smmmmmm AUGH
KEVIN AND RADFORD FRIENDSHIP REALLLLLLLLLL i am SO fucking happy about that!!!! Also Kevin having conflicted feelings on the kids FAIR. Similar thing to Roy except hes an adult with a semi-functional support network and is able to understand that theyre just dumb kids and they dont actually mean any harm. He’s harsher on the hatzgang cuz theyre teens and old enough to know stealing is wrong but Skid n Pump are little kiddos they dont know better. Also him disapproving of father gregor REAL THO. also HE GOT POSSESSED TOO?? TRAUMA CENTRAL HOLY SHIT
PATTY DESERVES TO HAVE A GUN ACTUALLY. Also JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST! IS HIS KID DEAD? IS HIS DAUGHTER OK HOLY SHIT. ALSO THEM HELPING THE KIDS PROPERLY IM CRYIG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
WHAT WAS EVERMORE DOING WITH THE HOBOMEN???? HELLO??????
I SAW THAT CULT NECKLACE UNDER IGNACIOS SHIRT. I FUCKING SAW IT. CALLED IT BITCH!!!!!!
Rick just has the WORST luck lmao
STREBER IS ALIVE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO
DEXTER NO PLEASE AUGH…… HIS MOM TOO……
JAUNE AND ROSS’S DAD… HE'S REAL HE EXISTS!! I get ur trying jaune but that is NOT the best way to comfort poor lila… AT LEAST SHES TRYING THO I APPRECIATE HER
THE ENTIRE NEWGROUNDS ENDING?? THE THIEVES AND THE CANDY DEALER IN CAHOOTS WITH THE CULT???? HELLO??????
MOLOCH IS GONE. he deserved it but also THE KIDS ARE SO SAD ABOUT IT? Like they don't really get it but they just watched someone they thought was their friend DIE. HOLY SHIT.
finally. SKID AND PUMP. KIDDOS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ok for real tho theyre so much more self aware than the fandom and bulk of the show give them credit for?? Like Skid is VERY aware of his dad being dead/possibly missing and legit just doesn’t wanna talk about it. He knows what death is and he finds fun in it to cope. My poor sweet boyo… and PUMP. PUMP ANSWERING THE CALL AUGHHHHHH HE WANTS HIS PARENTS BACK IM CRYING. SUSIE AND ABUELO ARE DOING THEIR BEST AND HE'S TRYING SO HARD AND AAAAAAAAAAUGH. Also him getting possessed by Moloch while having Star-Eyes basically debunks the theory of the Star-Eyes being a form of possession which is FASCINATING. Anyway that scene with Susie and Pump got me misty eyed and then during the ending with Skid and Lila i actually genuinely started crying. I just want them to be happy. Please let them be happy. Please. PLEASE.
#spookymisc.txt#spooky month#spooky month 6#spooky month 6 spoilers#sm6#sm spoilers#not tagging all the characters cuz theres too many mentioned#anyway CRYING.
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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.
Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."
Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.
Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."
[Follow up to this ask]
#snap chats#yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered#LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now#i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of#thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it#masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are#i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does#about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it#'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively#i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk#there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers#though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent#idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur#but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything#moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed#making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner#on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked#i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft#'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS#anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry#BYE
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