#im Not Good At Advice and also my ribs are still mcfucking killing me but. yea

[actualbird]

Hey um this is dumb, but do you have any advice for when you're somebody who's 14 and unpopular and. Yea. Like I know instagram likes and sitting with people at recess and hanging out every weekend don't matter a ton, I'm just kind of ughkdgcj. Like some people are just so Cool and Well Liked and I don't understand it. Sorry to vent on you, you can completely ignore this and it's totally fine. I was just wondering if you remember being 14 and kinda helpless and confused. Thanks for existing.

oh hey. hi. im not very good with advice but i really really feel this a lot. when i was 14 i didnt really have any of that. never went out with friends. ate alone. i had people i joked with but nobody i actually talked to. i never got Seriously bullied but did hear people a lot of shit about me that tore my self esteem to shreds. it’s a pretty isolating experience not necessarily having anything bad happen but also having nothing...very good either. it made me feel like shit. i had no idea how people made friends or how they seemed so happy and how they did so well. i was convinced i was doing something wrong.

my advice for like. how to cope with that is....kinda not too tangible and more of a change in mindset? by the time i turned 15 i was just dead tired of feeling sorry for myself so i kinda. switched off the part of my brain that cared so much about what i didnt have and shifted onto things i did have? so what if i never went out or was always alone. i had a lot of free time so i pursued my hobbies and interests. fanfic was something i indulged in A LOT in those years and i found a really great community who loved to talk. got super super tired of believing bullshit others said about me so i cultivated this really weird motto i follow through til today: the only person who can make me feel like shit is myself. nobody else. (this goes without saying that dksfdjfhk this is NOT an invitation to make urself feel like shit. i just started from bare minimum. im working my way up. slowly...)

as for being confused how other people Do That Thing Where They’re Awesome, something i learned is that. well. there isnt a step by step process. if you asked them, chances are they probably dont know. they were just living life. they made friends and enjoyed and yeah, there will be some circumstantial things that definitely sway each and every outcome, but for the most part it just happens. my point here is that they didnt do something magically Correct, and the corrolary is that you arent doing anything Wrong either. social hierarchies are bullshit and while they do regrettably exist, the truth stands that we’re all just a bunch of kids who want to enjoy each day, in whatever definition of the word. 

if youre the type who can handle reaching out, i’d definitely recommend it. you dont have to do instagram likes and hanging out every weekend, but friends help. friends help so so much, and i assure you, theres somebody out there who wants to be your friend, whether they know it yet or not.

i still never go out. still eat alone. i talk to people more but it’s still hard. four years later and im still confused and still a little lost, but theres nothing wrong with that cuz theres nothing wrong with me. theres nothing wrong with you.

i really hope you feel less “ughkdgcj” soon anon. you seem like a kind soul and you deserve softer days that dont make you feel helpless. i hope this helped in any way at all