#ily kevin... im so sorry for letting our friendship go due to negligence and laziness
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what a waste today has been. sometimes i wish i were just a sociopath who didn't care about other ppl
#and after two hours of crying in the morning i havent cried again and part of me is like. am i evil?#but then i remember he's dead for real and it's not just a dream and i feel like I've been punched in the stomach#and i feel so sad about all the times i thought about getting back in touch with him and didnt#all the times i thought 'we live in the same city we should hang out more often'#and then just not texted him bc i took our friendship for granted#anf now im never going to be able to see him agsin#and it doesn't feel real#and psrt of me is like you cold bitch if you really wanted to re with him you would have connected#not to be cliche but we really always do think we have more time dont we#this year has been such shit#its only february#and here i am#drunj on a wednesday evening unable to cry over the loss of someone i love#when i was 12 (around the time that we first met) i was obsessed with the lyric 'forget regret or life is yours to miss' from rent#and he loved it too bc we both loved musical thwatre#and now i just have so many regrets and i dont know how to not have them#ily kevin... im so sorry for letting our friendship go due to negligence and laziness#im so sad and yet i dont feel anything#hm
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