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sierrareads · 4 years ago

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this is so cute omfg ilovethemmmm

can you write something to rowaelin based on the song lost without you by freya ridings please 🥺 i love ur fanfics

This was supposed to be angst but it ended up being only a it angsty and a little fluffy? Idk, it’s quick and I think it’s cute. I would have posted earlier but I wanted my friend’s opinion first. Hope you like it!

Rowan knew he and his girlfriend were different.

He had known since the moment they had met, and every second after it.

Rowan was quiet, usually kept to himself. He liked nothing more than to study anything related to law and spend time with his girlfriend. Aelin, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. She was lively, cheerful. She was constantly dirty with paint, constantly sweaty after working with her sculptures. They had started dating in the beginning of junior year in high school, and the difference had never been something bad.

Until that Friday.

That day, as Rowan stared at his acceptance letter into Orynth College— the best college he could go to if he wanted to do pre law—, the difference weighted on him.

Weighted on him because Aelin wasn’t going with him.

She had gotten her acceptance letter the same day he had, but it had been a different one. A program, she had been offered, to travel the world and learn from some of the best artists alive. It was an extremely rare and exclusive program, and the fact that Aelin had gotten in made him so, so proud. He knew she wouldn’t—couldn’t— let it pass.

And that broke him.

Broke him because his girlfriend was going to leave for four years, and he didn’t know what to do. Neither of them liked the idea of a distance relationship, and there was only one other alternative then.

Breaking up.

Rowan loved Aelin like he had never loved anyone else, and he knew she loved him just as much. He thought it would have been easier if they didn’t love each other as much, thought it would have been easier if it was just a high school fling, but imagining his life without Aelin’s cheerfulness and mirth made his chest crack. Imagining his life not loving Aelin was brutal.

The following days had been hard. As both of them accepted the entrance, it looked like they were drifting apart more and more everyday. They tried to desperately hold onto each other, savor the last weeks together for the next four years. Rowan took her to every place they had ever been in a date, and Aelin drew hundreds of sketches of them. They tried to act like the loving couple they were, tried to joke around as if she wasn’t about to leave in two weeks. But it weighted on both of them, and they only let it show during the nights when they held onto each other so strongly sometimes it left bruising marks.

Now, standing on the platform Aelin was going to catch the train to Banjali, he wished he had held her a little while longer. She was hugging her parents and Aedion. She had already said goodbye to Lysandra, the brunette smiling at her best friend but tears rimming her green eyes.

“If you stop calling, we will hunt you down, fireheart.” Rhoe said, only half jokingly. He gave one last kiss on his daughter head and jerked his chin in Rowan’s direction.

The moment Aelin turned to him, her face crumpled a little, tears rolling down her cheeks. Wordlessly, he pulled her into a hug, peppering her head with kisses as she buried her face on his chest. “I will miss you so much, Ro.”

“I’ll miss you, too, fireheart.” He said, the words feeling too big in his tight throat. “I’ll miss you so, so much.”

“I’ll come back, you know? In four years.” She sniffled. Face still on his chest. “And I would never ask you to wait for me, but please don’t forget me. Or treat me like a stranger when I come back.”

“I would never, Ace.” He said and she cried harder. Aelin had always been close to her family and to Rowan and Lysandra. To be letting all of them go at the same time must have been brutal for her. Rowan wished he could do something, make her feel better in some way. But he also knew Aelin was strong and even though she was hurt right now, she would be happy eventually.

“I would stay. If you asked me, I would stay.” She said quickly through the tears. Rowan’s chest constricted, and a selfish part of him wanted to ask. Wanted it so bad. He wanted to have his girlfriend in the same college as him, doing all college shit together. He didn’t want things to change, and he knew that in that moment, if he asked, she would stay.

But he also knew that she was saying that because it was hurting, and also knew she would regret it later. And she wouldn’t regret Rowan, but herself. And Rowan wouldn’t be able to live seeing her regret the past everyday because he had been selfish.

“Do you wanna see the world, Ace?” He asked softly, his voice not that sad anymore.

She raised her face to look at him. It was pinkish, a few strands of her golden hair stuck on her cheeks because of her crying. Gently and smiling, Rowan rubbed his thumbs on her cheeks, taking away the strands. She closed her eyes, savoring his touch. Even crying, Aelin was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“I want to see the world.” She said opening her turquoise and gold eyes, voice firm.

“Then go.” He smiled at her again, leaving her embrace. She smiled sadly at him, but five minutes later she raised her chin, puffed her chest and got into the train.

And then she left, Rowan watching her go to conquer her dreams. The whole world if she wished.

And Rowan felt so, so lost in that instant.

————————

It had hurt like a bitch.

Rowan had never felt so lonely and cold. Had never felt so lost without her.

Aelin was a walking flame, burning wherever she went. And now that she had left, Rowan realized how used he had gotten to her presence, how much he loved her.

Much more than he had realized before.

Rhoe put an arm around his shoulders, taking Rowan away from the platform. Rowan was glad Rhoe was there as they walked home. If not, Rowan might have bumped into so many pedestrians, normal people just wanting to go home to their own lives, completely unaware of the girl who had left minutes ago in a train.

“She’ll come back.” Evalin, Aelin’s mom, said.

“Yeah, I know.”

“And she’ll be pissed if you spend four years single and moping.” Aedion muttered, and Rowan scoffed.

“I know that too.”

When Rhoe and Evelin dropped him off at home, he went straight to his room. His fingers itched to call her, but they had agreed that for their break up to be effective, they had to distance themselves a little, at least in the beginning.

He just stared at his ceiling. And stared, and stared and stared.

He loved her so much, and missed her just the same. Rowan knew he was in love with Ace, but missing her made him realize just how much.

He had been quiet and sad for the next few days. A little bit better the next week.

And slowly, Rowan learned how to live without her.

He would go out, he would laugh and joke with his friends. He busted his ass off studying for the next four years, always thinking about the LSAT.

He went on a few dates. Dated a girl named Lyria for a few months, a girl named Remelle for a few weeks.

Even when his life was back at normal, when it had been years since Aelin had left, a part of him still held on to that love he had felt when they were younger. It was hidden in the deep of his mind, a dormant part of it. He would think of her from time to time, smile at their memories and even feel a pang of sadness, but it didn’t feel like it was going to consume him.

Rowan had never forgotten her, and she made sure of it. They didn’t call, not once in four years, and she had never come to visit. But to every city Aelin went, to every beautiful place she visited, she would sketch a small postcard and send it to him. Never with a message, no pictures of her or whatever she was working on. Just the sketches and the name of the place in the back.

A reminder. She hadn’t forgotten him either.

By now, Rowan had hundreds of sketches, all inside a box under his bed. He would sometimes look through them, seeing how her drawing was improving. He remembered that sculpting had always been her area of expertise, and to see her drawings become so flawless made his chest burst in pride. He would smile every time a new handmade postcard arrived, and would eagerly wait for the next one.

Rowan would have never forgotten Aelin, even if she disappeared for ten years and didn’t give him any news.

But he had to admit, he loved to know that she was thinking of him from time to time, too.

—————————

“Rowan Whitethorn, future lawyer.” Aedion smiled, clapping his best friend on his shoulder. “Sounds rather adult-y, doesn’t it?”

Rowan laughed, taking off his green cap. Today had been their graduation day, all his friends receiving their diplomas in different areas. Some of them were ready to go to work, like Lorcan and Vaughan. But he was going to law school now, the same way Fenrys and Aedon were going to med school.

“We are adults, Aedion.”

“Don’t you ever repeat those cursed words!” He said, and Rowan laughed again. “I have the soul of a dumb eighteen year old. Forever. End of story.”

“I’m sure Lysandra is delighted by the fact.” Lorcan said, and Rowan almost laughed at the vision of his friend. It was probably the first time Rowan had seen Lorcan in something that wasn’t black, and bright green and silver silk weren’t really his thing.

“Even if he acted like an adult, Lysandra would still be miserable.” Fenrys added, a smile on his lips as Aedion tried to smack him. Vaughan and Connall only shook their heads, laughing quietly.

“Ok, ok. Now the present for the grad.” Aedion said, and all of them turned to Rowan, almost scary smiles on their faces.

“We already gave out presents. And they were terrible, by the way.” Rowan said, confused. “Who the fuck needs a bright red silk underwear, Fenrys?”

Fenrys smile became more sarcastic as the others laughed. “I thought it would bring out the green in your eyes, Roro.”

“I don’t want any more presents from the five of you.” Rowan said, almost pleading.

All their smiles widened further, even Lorcan’s. Fenrys was almost hopping on his feet. Aedion was the one with the biggest smile, excitement almost pouring off of him.

“It’s not our present.” Aedion replied, and his blue eyes shifted for something over Rowan’s shoulder.

Rowan’s brows furrowed and he turned around.

The sight almost made him drop to his knees. There, standing in a plain spaghetti strap black top, tight dark jeans hugging every curve and black heels, was the girl who remained the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Thick golden blonde hair falling in waves until her waist, creamy white skin tanned from her years of travel, pinkish full lips pulled into a huge smile and turquoise and gold eyes gleaming with mirth.

Aelin winked at him, and Rowan’s mouth pulled into an equally big smile.

She held up her fingers, a handmade postcard with the word home in it between them. She flicked her wrist, showing the other side with a sketch of Orynth. “I thought it would be better if I gave this one in person.”

Rowan laughed with so much happiness as he walked back to Aelin.

And Rowan felt as if he had found himself in that instant.

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