#ill watch the one with the psycho reference though because what the fuck. also its an unintrusive reference

[perenlop]

downloading eps to watch and i was praising the episodes i remember enjoying in a row. anddd now im back to only picking eps here and there lmao

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

13. Exposing the Void Pt. 1

A lot of this chapter is straight up Simon’s thoughts, so it gets jumbled and possibly confusing. Let me know if there’s parts where things are unclear (most likely in those times, we’re inside of Simon’s thoughts). Word Count: 5969. Trigger Warnings: Self harm, child death, child abuse, mental instability, mental abuse, dehumanization, betrayal, delusions, intrusive thoughts... 

This chapter was actually the hardest for me to write in this story, thus far. And please keep in mind that in this space, there is no ableism allowed. So, refrain from using terms about psychosis or mental illness as insults towards the characters. The purpose is not to blame Simon’s actions on poor mental health or to excuse his behavior due to his trauma. The purpose is to understand a story in a world where mental illness is not necessarily the cause of why some people do evil things, but is sometimes a factor (not usually, as mentally ill people are generally more likely to hurt themselves than others), but yes, there are occasions where our psychosis can led to dangerous outbursts. Please don’t use the phrase “Go psycho” when referring to any variation of Simon Laurent, even this one. Thank you.

Previous

Simon was getting a tattoo. He’d already decided that much. He didn’t know of what, but he was convinced that he would think of something. It seemed healthier than self harm, at least… and a professional would mark him in this scenario. 

He had a full course on his schedule, additional hours of extracurricular activities and work, plus interviews and maintaining his website. Plenty to do to keep his mind off of it - the void. His nostrils flared just thinking about it. Sometimes, he found himself checking social media for updates from a backup account. He had been blocked under his personal and professional ones. But, it wasn’t back. The last post was the same post that had been shared to each of them by its team.

“Hello, Apex Members. On behalf of The Internet’s Honey, Miss Grace Monroe, we would like to express the sincerest apologies for the negativity that has been spread and for the things that Miss Monroe stands accused of. She is seeking help at a secure location, and it is our hope that she will return to you soon, in all of her glory, fully restored, healthy and well.”

The comments were thousands of “Fuck Grace Monroe. She’s cancelled.” etc. He had been amused before, but the more comments that were added, the more numb he became to them. He was numb to many things… still somehow… it left its mark on him. He pulled up his sleeve and looked at his tallies… it left several. “Fuck Grace Monroe,” he whispered, shook his head and said in a louder, more confident tone, “Fuck the void.” A little mantra before his early AM classes. 

Whenever he got home, though… He went through a range of emotions for a while. Everybody lies to me. Everybody leaves me… Even when nothing had anything to do with this thought process, if he wasn’t focused deeply on something else, there were the thoughts. Sometimes, even when he WAS working on something else. The thing about living alone and being at home was that he had a lot of time to get trapped in his harmful thoughts, and no Grace there to ease things. Not anymore.

It started with his mother. She was only going to be gone “for a little while.” 

Simon wasn't confident in his abilities to watch himself AND a younger person. He was a cub scout and even a careful child, but he knew that Hope could be a handful, sometimes even for their parents. “I don’t think I can watch Hope, Mom.”

“Oh, of course you can, Simon!” She cheered. “It’s only for a little, short, while, and you’re my capable little man.”

Hope laughed and said, “He’s not a man. He’s Simon.”

“If Mom says I’m a man, then I am!”

Their mom clarified, “He’s a big boy who gets to be man of the house when Mommy and Daddy aren’t here. Mommy’s Little Man. You’ve got this, Si. Like I said, only a little while.” She tousled his hair and filled him with confidence that he had not had a few minutes prior… then she was gone for what felt like forever. 

18 year old Simon knew that she had only been gone for 2 hours, but as a 10 year old watching a 4 year old who didn’t want to be watched by a “fake man,” it seemed like a lengthy stretch of time. With Hope doing things that she knew she shouldn’t, taunting him by telling him that he’s a fake man and that’s why he couldn’t stop her, and whenever she tried to go into the attic, that was the last straw. He had gotten really mad at her. She had been teasing him, calling him a fake man, a little baby, a small, small Simon… He didn’t mean to hurt her, but he was offended by her name calling. He was only going to drag her into her room and make her have a time out. 

18 year old him knew that he was angry when he grabbed her by the back of her shirt, as hard as he could, upset with her, but also needing to get her off of the ladder and into her room. 10 year old him yanked her off of the ladder and flung her to the floor beneath them with rage. She let out a screaming laugh whenever she went flying down, but when she hit the floor… she became silent. 

Simon shook his head. That wasn’t my fault. I was a child! The void had been right about that. “Who leaves a 10 year old home alone with a 4 year old?” He heard her voice ask, when they were kids. More than that - Who tells a boy that young that he is trusted with the life of a smaller child? That he’s “a man” because you need a little favor? Two. Hours!  

He still didn’t know how long he had sat there trying to wake Hope up before their mother came back or where she was at that time, but wherever she was, he hoped she thought about it every single day that she tried to blame him. He hoped it ate away at her and corrupted her from the inside out until her health faded and her heart stopped. He didn’t always feel that way. 

When he was 10, he blamed himself. He loved his mother. He wanted her back. He wanted to be her little man again, even though he failed her. He was still so young and confused, and nobody was helping him to understand it all. He couldn’t answer why he didn’t call 911. He was scared. He was crying. He... just didn’t think about it at the time. He hadn’t been prepared for an emergency.It was supposed to just be a little while! I was supposed to be the man of the house. Nothing bad was supposed to happen on my watch...

It continued with his father. So furious with his wife’s decision that he couldn’t stand to share the same breathing space with her most of the time. Unfortunately, that also meant not sharing it with Simon. He told Simon that he didn’t blame him. He lied. Some part of him had to, because otherwise, why would he have left him with the woman who had been so irresponsible that they already lost one child? Because… he died in his father’s eyes that night, too. The man was just too much of a coward to admit it. So, he just… left.

And Grace… He almost started crying, but shook his head and shook her it out of his mind. “Void,” he said and clenched his fists. Still… He missed her it. She It was the only thing that used to be able to get his mind off of his family, his pain, his guilt, his rage… 

For so long, she it was the only thing. Now, he was left to just force himself to live through this. He was better off. It was going to stop his full potential. It had already stunted him so much. He spent years building a fortress for it and throwing himself in front of everything that came its way. Never again. 

.

After they began officially dating, she was acting weird and he let it go. This was new for both of them and she was still trying to figure out her sexuality. He thought he was extremely understanding about her characteristics. As a matter of fact, up until the moment that he realized that she was a liar, he found no flaws in her at all. He loved all of her, perfect in every way and in the ways that she wasn’t, he never took notice. He just re-imaged those things as perfect, because they were things that were of Grace. Being a snobby, rich bitch - fine. Being lazy and irresponsible, sure. Being wishy-washy and confusing… he didn’t love that, but he accepted it and always assumed that maybe he was mistaken, or maybe she was the confused one in those moments. He never thought that she was deceiving him. Now, it was all that he could think about.

How many lies she must have told him over the years, how much of his childhood and adolescence was built upon those lies… He had to try to void everything that he had ever known her to be from his life, and from his mind.

“Do you not love me?”

“I do!”

Had he not been so blinded by his love, he would have known that she didn’t mean it. He would have heard it in her tone. He would have seen it in her eyes. “The void was just that good,” he told himself. “It tricked everyone. You watched it work for so long, you thought that you were exempt. It cares about nothing but itself.”

She seemed like she was withdrawing from him. He didn’t want to see it at the time, but he knew what that looked like. He couldn’t stop his mother from doing it. He couldn’t stop his father from doing it. He couldn’t even keep the pet cat around! How does one even run off an animal? 

The point was… he saw Grace leaving. He saw her packing up. He saw her setting out. He did everything he could possibly think of to prevent it, even before she realized that she was leaving. But, when somebody wants to get away from you, they’ll do whatever you let them do to get away. She should have thanked him. He not only let her go, but he removed her completely. That’s what she wanted, anyway. She made that decision herself. “The void would have taken everything from you. Everything you worked for. Everything you’ve built. Everything you set in place to manage without the liars, the leavers, the lost ones…” 

She first began slipping away from him before they became official. She started having problems with things that she didn’t have problems with previously… Honestly, she started the moment that she chose to leave him behind to tour for the summer when they were 15. The previous 5 years,  she had plenty of times she could have went on the road. She either blew off her auditions or she didn’t push herself as hard. She had said that she could show off her skills on the Internet and have just as big of a following, if not a bigger one than if she built a resume of dance troupes and traveling ballet. She even forfeited the chance to be in a Broadway production, because she was worried that she’d never get to see him again. Then, when they were 15… It became more important to her than him.

He tried not to take it personally, because she had sacrificed plenty of opportunities for him before. But, it was a bad time for him, and a busy time and… he needed her. He always needed her back then. He had never been prepared to not have her. Sure, he could have went with her, like she wanted, but if HE put off his things, he didn’t have rich parents to fall back on. He didn’t have parents to fall back on, period. She… was in more of a position to give up her goals… but she had decided not to. That was fair. He told himself many times every day that was fair and she deserved to choose herself sometime. She came back changed… or maybe he changed without her there. That much doesn’t matter, right now. What matters is that he TRIED to fix them. She leaned more into these changes. These changes that could tear them apart. Changes that would leave him lonely again, for the first time in years.

Grace was working on her music career junior year. After the tour, she had connections that she didn’t want to go cold. She would throw herself into those and into creation while Simon was working on a future that he still hoped was for both of them. He was working his ass off for them, but in hindsight, she was working hers off for herself. After she was Simon’s girlfriend, at school, things felt different for her. Everybody treated her exactly the same way that they always had, but everything was just different. 

Simon was either more social than she knew him to be, or had gotten that way overnight. Then again… He was in StuCo and held a position… so he had the social skills to at least win people over. She supposed that she hadn’t noticed because he was the one who she always had to talk out of a fight. He was more than that, of course, but… she guessed that she hadn’t realized how many friends he must’ve had, because he was doing a lot and having to leave her behind, most of the time.

Most times, he gave her a quick rundown of what type of stuff he had to do for the day, kissed her on the cheek, promised to see her later and rushed off. She chalked it up to the busy schedule that he had been speaking about for this year, at least a year in advance, and didn’t think much of it. At least, whenever they had space, she didn’t have to wonder what to do next. She didn’t have to decide if she should be sitting in his lap like his friend’s girlfriend, or in between his legs like that girl across the way, or straddling him like Shana sometimes did whoever she was dating, or… sit there, with her book, pretending not to see any of it and smiling at Simon whenever they made eye contact. 

Simon was always studying her, surveying, making inventory of her expressions and potential emotions. She could feel him investigating and she didn’t know what to do with that. He didn’t know what to do with his findings… Why was she so uncomfortable when he looked at her? Why did she shy away from his gaze? What was wrong with her that she didn’t want his attention? She always wanted attention… it was basically her identity! Not only did she start to seemingly have problems with his attention, but also the rest of the world’s attention.

Being trapped in her room most of the time meant more work on her music. Anytime she posted something new, someone always showed up to remind others of how she "accosted an innocent woman on the train and threatened to ruin her life if she sought justice" and that she "is actually a terrible person." Sure, her fans defended her, but her focus was stuck on the negative feedback. Simon told her, “Don’t worry about those nulls. You’re Apex royalty. They’re scrubs.” He wasn’t remotely concerned about it. 

Simon had asked himself if he had defended her to them, would things have been different between them… but the previous times he had defended her, she got mad at him! It took him days to get her back to normal, and even then, she seemed tepid. She was letting a bunch of strangers on the Internet doubt herself. 

“She let a bunch of nulls weigh in on her confidence, then she got made at ME for agreeing with her parents that it was weak of her. It was! The Apex doesn’t care about the opinions of nulls!” He realized that he was speaking of the void like it was a person again. Personifying it. Humanizing it. That was sometimes difficult not to do. He would tap into his disappointment, hurt, and anger and he knew it was because of this rot that had spread in his life for years. 

But, every now and then a glimmer of her smile, her smell, her softness would hit him in the heart and he would forget about it temporarily. For a few moments, she would be the love of his life again… “It doesn’t care about you. It never did. The void is a parasite. It would have poisoned everything, if you hadn’t cut the head off and incapacitated it.”

He glanced over at a mannequin head designed to look like it. It had given him the idea, inadvertently whenever it jokingly accused him of being a life size figurine of himself. Immediately, he thought - I’ve gotta make her one of those! It was a passion project, and of course, he didn’t have a lot of time to work on it, but the head was complete by the time it showed itself as the hollow it was.

.

Grace felt like she hadn’t smiled for real in a while. Nobody really noticed. The Apex didn’t know her that well. Simon didn’t have time for her. Her parents probably never cared. She went into town with her flock of girls, these days. She felt like Simon was sending them to be around her and she didn’t know if that was sweet or creepy. But, she ditched them at the mall to go to see him. He was at work that night, at the learning center. He had a job helping to tutor struggling kids - one that his credits as a student tutor at the Academy, his grades, his position as one of the students enrolled in the early college program, and a recommendation from Mr. Monroe got him hired at, despite the fact that most of the staff here were actual educators. 

They didn’t even know about the fact that Simon had started a business of doing people's homework, projects, sometimes their tests from the time he was 11 until he was 15. He was definitely qualified for tutoring, but it was her father’s recommendation that really gave him the edge over actual teachers. He was satisfied enough there. He still did a project or two for the rich kids when he could squeeze something in, for extra cash. He was saving up to move out of his dad’s house. Now that his mother was at her mother’s, his dad was considering leaving the military and coming home. Simon didn’t want to be around for that, but there never seemed to be enough money for anything. That was his “adult” experience… Working all of the time, going to school, barely hanging on to his sanity, and yet being so broke that had his father not still been paying the bills, he knew he might be homeless and starving… so it was presumable that's how he might live once Mr. Laurent got back.

He couldn't ask the Monroes for more help. They had practically been taking care of him for the past two years. Mr. Monroe, at least, had been helpful in ways that Simon couldn’t describe. Sure, he believed he would have figured things out for himself , but thanks to the Monroes, he hadn't had to. He intended to pay them back eventually, but for now, he worked hard and loved Grace with everything else he had. 

"Hey." He heard her say, walking in with a bag and a cup holder. His smile was wide and his eyes lit up. That made her reflexively smile back. How many of those smiles were fake, he’d have to wonder for as long as he couldn’t shake her out of his mind. “Ditched the girls to bring you dinner. Didn’t know if you’d have a chance to get to some on your own.”

He checked the time on his phone, “Actually, you’re right on time. I was about to go into the computer room and work on homework before I head out.”

“Yeah! Great timing is a thing that I definitely usually don’t have.” 

They went into the breakroom to eat and Simon was on his phone, furrowing his eyebrows and blocking people in Grace’s comments. She glanced over and saw, then sank in her seat, not wanting to think about her latest post. “This sounds really good, Grace,” he told her.  And he meant it. The vocal coach that she had began to see so that she could confidently transition into singing was paying off. It wasn’t that she sounded bad before, but her voice was pretty bland and she didn’t seem to be able to find her range on her own. 

“I wish the audience thought that,” she said, with a sigh. The Internet was making her depressed and isolated. Every thing that she shared came with thousands of critics. As someone used to only either being complimented or ignored, criticism hurt a little more than she would have expected. Perhaps because she was too popular and therefore attracted more feedback than a person probably should have to be faced with at 16.

Regardless of that, Simon shrugged and said, “Anybody who doesn’t like it doesn’t have to listen to it. They’re there, so they obviously wanted to hear the song. Besides, I see way more support than hate.” 

“Maybe so, but there’s a LOT of hate, and it’s very aggressive and hurtful. Like… I don’t understand why me trying out a new song and someone not liking it can’t just be scrolled by. Why did this girl have to tell me: Ugh. Everybody tries to be a singer. You’re a lip gloss model, Honey. Keep doing that. Beautiful gowns.”

“Because, she’s a bitch,” Simon said and took a bite of his sandwich. Grace let out an irritated sigh that caused him to look up from his phone. “What?”

“You just… don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get? The song sounds good. You have excellent equipment. You wrote pretty clever lyrics, did your own music, sang and was proud enough of your work to share it with the world. Now that a few birds have come squawking, you no longer see the greatness in what you shared? I know you wouldn't have posted it if you didn’t think it was perfect. So, I get it more than you do. You’re distracted by someone with a crooked wig on in her profile picture?” 

Grace looked at the profile picture and saw that the woman’s wig definitely had been sadly placed onto her head. She laughed about it  and laughed at herself a little too… but this was always Simon’s reaction to her venting about the people that made her feel bad. He’d basically make her feel a little bit worse by not acknowledging that her feelings were valid and by pointing out how insignificant her critics were. The simple fact that he had a point, that they were nulls, and she was letting them upset her only made her feel worse, which she couldn’t tell him because he didn’t seem to take her feeling bad that seriously anyway. 

She knew it was because she had always prided herself on being strong and not caring what people thought about her… but she was handled a lot differently outside of her echo chamber. The Internet was global and her following was high, but some of the people who followed her seemed to do it just to see what to complain about, just to make a dent in her day. They succeeded, too. But, the only person she could admit it to just told her to suck it up. 

“I’m thinking about going to a performing arts college,” she said. Simon dropped his phone and stared at her. She smiled awkwardly and said, “I mean… You’re preparing pretty hardcore for college and I’ve dived into this music thing. Maybe, I ought to be more serious about it and actually get the official credentials..”

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“I’m thinking of trying to go to Julliard.” He relaxed a little bit at that. Juilliard was in New York. That would be farther from him than he  would like, but if he was at MIT, that would be about an hour away and if he was at Princeton… well… That would be 3 hours, or more… but… He had enough time to put these things into his planning and decision making. “Or… I might go uh, overseas.” Now, his frown was embedded in all of his features. “If I can’t get into the best one in the world, I’m going to shoot for the next best… that’s in Austria…” She bit her lip, waiting for his demeanor to change, hoping that he just had to think about it for a moment. His demeanor did change, but he seemed further away from what she wanted of him at the moment. “What brought this on?” He asked.

“Just… want to get more serious about my craft. Sure, I can spend hours and hours a day working on choreography and songs, training with some of the best professionals in the entire world, but people are still coming onto my dance video posts and saying things like, “I didn’t know that Grace Monroe could dance! I love her more now!” Didn’t know that I could dance? That’s like… the ONE THING that I can do with complete confidence! I’m trying to get my music career started when my first talent isn’t even recognized…”

“It IS recognized! It’s recognized ALL of the time. You’re just so focused on the dregs that don’t recognize, that you’re willing to go 4000 miles away from me, for years, to impress strangers on the Internet who probably STILL won’t fuck with you, because most of the people inciting you are people who just don’t like you, Grace!” He let out a chuckle of disbelief, but she hated it.

“Don’t laugh,” she said, very seriously.

“I’m not laughing,” he said, shook his head, then slumped back in his seat, resting his face in his palm as he tried to collect himself. 

"How could you have possibly taken everything that I just told you about how I'm feeling and what I intend to try to do about that and just… make it about you?"

He uncovered his face to look at hers. She looked like she was going to cry. He hated when she cried. It was too far away from her normal… at least it used to be. She was crying more and more lately. Sometimes from the littlest things.

"If you can't see how much a decision like that will affect both of us, then I'm not sure if I currently am in the mood to explain it to you."

"Whenever I shared my thoughts about how much people were hurting my feelings, you didn't care about how that could affect the both of us. You just expected me to deal with it on my own. This is my idea for how I deal with that."      

He leaned his elbows on the small table, steepled his fingers and rested his head against his hands. She wants to leave you. She’s using the excuse that people are hurting her feelings so that she can leave you and never come back. She never wanted you. She made that clear and you refused to see it. You thought that it was your brain being mean to you. She lied to you. She never loved you and she never wanted you. Now, she’s pretending that worthless people make her feel bad… She would rather look WEAK to you than to stay with you… 

“Simon?” She said. He scoffed. Fake concern. Don’t let her trick you with her soft voice. She’s venomous. She let you love her because she was bored, and now, she’s trying to abandon you like everyone else. “Simon,” she said, more stern. Drown her out. Drown her out. Drown her out. Drown her… “Simon!” She had gotten up and turned his face to look at her with her palm. She made him look into her eyes and he was powerless again. “Where’d you go?” She asked, smiling nervously.

“Did I do something wrong? Why do you want to leave me?” He asked, in a small voice. Maybe his brain was being mean right now. Maybe… it was all a misunderstanding? PLEASE, JUST TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND THAT I’M OVERREACTING! I. WILL. BELIEVE. YOU.

“No. I did. I thought that I was ready to introduce myself to the world and now that the world knows me, there’s people out there who can’t stand me and I just… I don’t know how to do with that. In real life, they at least pretend to like me, you know?”

She rubbed her hands together anxiously. Lies. She can’t possibly care about the way these strangers feel. She’s Grace Monroe. She knows that she’s invincible. Caring about the movements of ants is futile… “Okay… What do you need me to do to fix it?” He asked, trying to ignore his brain’s warnings.

“Just, support me? I just want to take a step back from all the Internet music, maybe keep creating and try to get into a studio with something I’m proud of, instead of posting onto my websites, and… I really want to try to go to school, just to be more confident that I really do belong in the industry and that I’m not just Internet famous because I was a pretty face with the best organic lip gloss.”

“Support you… leaving me,” he said. 

She couldn’t pick up any emotion. It was like something had settled in his mind. Something that he didn’t let her know. “It would be temporary, Simon. Just like whenever you thought you would have to go to the military after graduation.”

“I recall very minimal support from you in regards to that.”

“Yeah, well… I stick by what I said. Our military is a global terrorist, oppressing and destroying civilization in mostly Brown nations. Juilliard is hardly like that, and I most likely will get in! I don’t think I'll HAVE to go to Austria. I wanted to be clear that it’s an option.  I just meant the time that we’ll be apart. Plus, I’d send for you if you ever need to see me.” She knelt beside him, cupped his face and kissed him on the lips. He froze in place. She NEVER kisses you on the lips. She always moves her face to make you kiss her on the cheek, or the nose, or… something. She’s placed her hand between your mouths, before! You can’t ignore this any further. It’ll break your heart. You’ve lost her. There’s a void where your Grace once was… Tears fell down Simon’s cheeks as he stared at Grace’s confused face.

She wiped them away with her thumbs and as his tears were being cleared away, so was her face. He just saw a blurry form in front of him, a dark shadow, with an aura of smoke. He looked terrified. She turned to look behind her, alarmed by his reaction, thinking something was hovering over her. She definitely felt a switch of things in the atmosphere. She didn’t see anything though. Simon did.

A void. It stood in front of him, speaking with Grace’s voice and trying to pass itself off as the girl he’d loved for as long as he knew her. That girl was obviously gone. No longer fit for him. No longer fit for the Apex. “Okay.” He said, suddenly fine, as far as she could tell. “I’ll support you.” She offered him a small, confused smile, but he didn’t return it. He didn’t even look at her again. He collected their trash, threw it out and took her hand, “I’ll get you home. 

.

Simon was silent the entire way to the Monroe’s estate. He didn’t get out to get her door, or walk her to the mansion, or talk with her father, so she knew that even though he said he was okay with her decision, that he wasn’t. It was best to just give him his space to work it out, she thought. She thought wrong... Simon tensed up whenever she kissed him on the cheek goodnight. As soon as she got out of the car, he peeled away, vigorously wiping the Apex red lip print from his face. She didn’t deserve to grant anybody that mark anymore. 

He drove with trembling hands and lips, talking to himself, arguing with himself about Grace. Grace that once hunted down his bullies with him because she thought he was the most important person in the world. Grace who had threatened anyone who so much as said something rude to him in passing. Grace... who used to want to be near him, and have his back. The Grace that couldn’t stand the thought of being anywhere without him at her side... She was as dead to him as Hope was. 

Speaking of... This had began right around the time that she brought him to the cemetery. Was it related? Had Hope somehow reached over and taken her vengeance on him by stealing away his Grace and replacing her with this dark spirit? This ghost? This VOID??? He pulled into the garage of his house, crying again. He left his backpack in the car. He wasn’t going to be doing anymore work that night. He passed the shrine that his father had in the workspace every time he pulled in, but usually, he avoided looking at it. Tonight, he paused and stared at her face. He... had forgotten it. He looked at the photos, wondering if she always looked that way? Not the angel that he remembered dying, but something sinister, smiling joyously at him as he shriveled in pain. “Did you do this?” He asked her. He could hear her laughs in his mind from that night. Her taunting him, making him feel like he wasn’t enough. “I didn’t mean it, Hope! It was an accident!” he yelled at the photos. 

“Fake man! Fake man! Wook at the widdle baby man! Can’t catch me! You’re not a man! Mommy lied! Mommy lied!” 

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to. I didn’t... Please, just... stop.” He whispered, crying more than he had in a long time. Her photos began to move, to cackle, to point at him and call him a baby man... He roared and punched the display, breaking the glass of the frame, which fell on it’s face, bounced off of the desk and crashed to the floor. Now, it was covered in blood. Only a bit of it was from his fist... the rest seemed to be seeping from the cracks in the frame. Like... he had killed Hope, all over again. He picked up a shard of the glass and clenched it in his fist. This was too much. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. This was his mind messing with him, He needed to center himself.

He raised his sleeve and looked at all of the tally marks that he had made for his Grace and he began to add on to them. “1 You are stronger than anybody you know. 2 You are smarter than anybody you know. 3 You can survive losing Grace. 4 Only you can get rid of the void that swallowed her whole. 5 You owe the Apex to get rid of the void. 6 You can do anything. 7 There’s nobody who could stop you. 8 You’re on your own now, but that’s for the best. 9 No one will hold you back. 10 No one can hurt you again, because everyone you loved is gone...” He took a deep breath, looked at the broken frame and threw his piece of glass on top of it. He didn’t even care about cleaning it up. The girl in the photo couldn’t hurt him anymore. And neither could the one in his memories... The one that he used to call Grace, “The void,” he said, going into the house. 

Next

[tranxendance]

Must-watch Super Best Friends LPs: A curated list

So, I tried to get a friend of mine into bestfriends when he was in active service and didn’t have much time to sit and watch youtube. While I think you should probably watch all of the bestfriends content, aint nobody got time for that, and there are certain LPs that are just better ones. Here’s a list of what I consider to be the best SBFP lets plays. There won’t be any ‘Matt’s toybox’ or one-offs, only full LPs.

Predator: Concrete Jungle - Originator of Jerry the Predator, the very first bestfriends OC. Also I really like the Predator so this trash game getting ripped to shreds by the anti-hype machine makes me feel good. https://youtu.be/0wF6r-JRTvQ

Eternal Darkness - The climax of the very first Shitstorm of Scariness. Genesis of the Insanity Shotgun, marking out about recognizing Metal Gear Solid voice actors, INSANITY EFFECTS and freaking out about the bathtub scare despite knowing it was coming. https://youtu.be/lYRVeFkTvCM

Silent Hill: Homecoming - First half of the Downcoming series. ‘MY HOUSE!’ ‘Why is the knife the best weapon? Just do knife combos to them, thats survival horror’ https://youtu.be/GLgN5WSiiX4

Silent Hill: Downpour - Second half of the Downcoming series. The first time I saw the guys play a game that was brand new at the time. Pat & Matt getting upset about the downturn of one of my and their favorite series. The famous Axe Throw that launched a career is in this one too I believe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5ofoIeb8wI&list=PLAD720396A1870C8E

Resident Evil 2 - Earliest recorded footage of Pat’s stand CRAZY TALK where he claims to know a thing or be an expert and is proven unequivocably wrong. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Cgbuv3cB1Q&list=PLB8826287748EFE7C

Final Fight: Streetwise - What happens when you take a classic beat em up and try to make it cool and modern with lots of Slipknot music? It ages fucking poorly that’s what. ‘I got a receipt for my Tatsu’ ‘I’d like to return this shoryureppa’, Live footage of the bestfriends souls leaving their body in The Stiff boss fight, Some actually decent writing and lines such as ‘Feeling good about potentially feeling good’ which Matt will quote for years to come. https://youtu.be/HnRNyfzKLL8

Man vs Wild - Not so much a must-watch as it’s just the boys in their element, playing shovelware, deliberately failing QTEs to laugh at how pitiful it looks when you do, making fun of people’s accents, and much more. Indicative of the bestfriends style of sort of mst3king videogames. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1NGPAOrE80&list=PL57hJfweW_2s2jyxas78kIib9M3jGduU8

Heavy Rain - The very first game played in the Sadness trilogy. ‘Oh no, I made ze bad game’, more fucking up of QTEs when it’d be funny, Detective Shelby’s PI Gumball technique after shooting thirty rounds out of a handgun without reloading, FUTURE GLASSES, and other classics. Woolie will play this himself on a livestream, many years later, which is also a good watch. https://youtu.be/Qe-SpjInztQ

Indigo Prophecy - The first game of the Sadness trilogy, though it was played later than Heavy Rain. Space kung-fu, zombie sex with a lady you barely know, your choices don’t matter!, Slagging off of David Cage intensifies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YacYbUC_FmQ&list=PL57hJfweW_2sOt01sX9TtQRkzv5RS231f

Charles Barkley’s Shut Up And Jam: Gaiden - Seems to be originally selected as a ‘ha ha, we’re playing a bad and stupid game to laugh at it’ but then discovering it’s legitimately awesome despite being frankly ridiculous. If you can’t play the game yourself, this is a very good substitute. https://youtu.be/xNc9R1zfwM0

Beyond: Two Souls - The third game of the Sadness trilogy. David Cage creeping on Ellen Paige in real life and making her be naked in his game, E MO SHUNS, having feelings but not knowing where to put them, ‘I’ll be your Stand! ORARARARARARA’, Underwater chinese ghost base. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA_VUoePgrc&list=PL57hJfweW_2ulXc25A-LxxHXMPqLOwrsf

Deadly Premonition - Swery65′s magnum opus, if only he could’ve put bicycles in the game. He totally didn’t watch Twin Peaks you guys. ‘QUIIIIIIINT!’, ‘Stinky agent’, radio fast travel stock tire screech sfx, monkey noise squirrels and a weird amount of attention paid to food. Matt named his pet cat Zach due to this game, so it’s an extra important part of the bestfriends lore. https://youtu.be/dsbfmIqP-H8

Disaster: Day of Crisis - Metal Gear Solid except the giant robots are natural disasters. Gotta get revenge on the volcano for killing my buddy. Eating watermelons while on fire. Don’t forget to take your stami-nas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Sx8gqSjkMY&list=PL57hJfweW_2t-vHWWeqjY2SKH4vaqotZ6

Yakuza 4 - My first exposure to the Yakuza game series and actually a good starting point for people that don’t know anything about it. The hype, badassery, and hilarity in all its glory. Who’s ready for a shirtless fight on top of Millennium Tower? https://youtu.be/xOKx_79BEhY

Prison Break - More shovelware where they fail stealth sequences a million times, fail QTEs because it’s hilarious, and can’t show too much violence because it’s a T-rated game. https://youtu.be/TsjGGGSZabA

Resident Evil 4 HD - Get hype for suplexing priests, El Gigante, Doctor Salvatore, Isn’t that Mexican spanish not Spanish Spanish? Commando shit and the RE movie, Oops Ashley is dead again, Pat is bad at puzzles and crazy talk activates. https://youtu.be/qsazQp4VlI0

Silent Hill 2 - Everything is illness, or else its condoms! The nurses are TOO STRONG!, the boys actually just enjoying a game and (mostly) being good at it for once.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsYYIjaNPP8&list=PL57hJfweW_2vMmw0MLZp8I16DA-Qev8ec

Resident evil Revelations 2 - Re vuh lay uh tons!, Wait how’d a non mainline resi game get this good?, MOIRA MC TAGGART MC MURPHY, another co-op LP where Matt’s actual role in the game mechanics is to point out ammo and health items that Pat missed. https://youtu.be/THfgNlcNa98

Resident Evil 3 - Jill Valentine’s not actually last escape, Crazy Talk activates several times, Shitting on Hunter-D’s, being a huge coward constantly like the hero of RE brad vickers. https://youtu.be/G5pXyRhs7FM

Ride to Hell - Legendarily bad game played by canadian losers that make fun of it constantly. Source of just SO MANY bestfriends gifs including casual priest drownings, getting shot during cutscenes, and Qui-gon chi. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEw04pKaVs4&list=PL57hJfweW_2srGztN1iedcFd-BV5X1Ram

Parasite Eve - It’s time for Aya Breakowski to GET HOT. It’s a squaresoft game all right, dogs with sniper rifles, finishing downloading arcana heart, and the heroest of hero cops willingly lighting on fire to give you a gun. https://youtu.be/dHY5ZBSHzyw

Danganronpa - Ultra Despair Girls - First recorded instance of being incredibly hype and getting into the cool pop art aesthetic, komaeda memes, and then all hype leaving our body, and out of context shouting KILL THOSE SHIT KIDS! https://youtu.be/qYtYp4oWBhU

Life is Strange - Liam’s rivalry with another wimpy boy, Hotdogman: Who is he?, You sacrificed everyone for your Ship? Are you Griffith?, and rewinding time to fuck with people for kicks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XZ7-wFLnfI&list=PL57hJfweW_2u1mKS5UFNgx-voVAvTlkT9

Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain - Built-up hype from over one thousand years of waiting is collectively released. Psycho Mantis is OP, let the legend come back to life, GREATEST SOLDIER IN THE WORLD BIG BOSS, D-dog is the cutest and bestest of boys, and famously awkward jeep ride. https://youtu.be/505vXWYkxcw

Afro Samurai - Perhaps the shovelest of ware ever played on the channel. It’s very short, only 3 parts, about 90 minutes of gameplay, something that everyone should be super hype about but ends up being the most shitted on game since perhaps one of the Sadness games. https://youtu.be/wIXqEulMTIo

Resident Evil Zero HD - Get hyped for Oven Man mk2, math puzzles, getting pissed off at Eliminators, Rebecca! God dammit Rebecca! I love youuuuu rebeccaaaaaa, Leech Man, and playing dress-up. https://youtu.be/Mhnthhluh70

Metal Wolf Chaos - Giant robots and engrish, more than your body can handle! AMERICA!!!! Richard Hawke! OK, Lets PARTEEEEEEEY! Tons of references they’ll be using until the end of time https://youtu.be/Mhnthhluh70

Naruto: The Broken Bond - ‘Wait, this game is actually good?’ and then three parts later oops no its not. Second instance of being super hyped at first and then all joy slowly being sucked out of the boys’ body. Do your rasengan, even when you’re not playing as Naruto! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo92m-rfeHA&list=PL57hJfweW_2uIIqa3HTcbsvM5LO1ObM_5

The Punisher - Rice cookers, My family-family-family!, guessing Frank’s one-liners, violent safety PSAs, and interrogating the boat https://youtu.be/wznGw9fJNCc

Disaster Report - ‘Is this Disaster day of crisis’ sequel?’, The honeycomb-caisonne method, press triangle to HEY!, be mean to your waifu, and abandon your friends like a hero would do. https://youtu.be/UYiwWU8EZcU

Final Fantasy X - Matt talks about Lulu’s boobs a lot, BLEETSBOLL, Wakka the racist, kimahri push, Finding all the memes possible, Hype Cactaur!, ‘I’ll pay you to fuck off, okay?’, and punting a boss over the horizon. A long watch and the boys are kinda bad at the game but good for the patient. https://youtu.be/qpZeMkthdZ8

Omikron: The Nomad Soul - The secret first entry of the Sadness Trilogy, ‘Get in the slider!’, Blackface Boyz, The real final boss is david cage!, getting trapped in bug purgatory, yes this is how you should honor the memory David Bowie by playing this game, Using the power of all three bestfriends to beat the game, and having no consequences for failure right up until THE MOST CONSEQUENCES. https://youtu.be/691RrF9pnaU

Silent Hill 3 -  No talking during the cut scenes, beef jerky, a detective does a Jerry Seinfeld on Silent Hill by accident, and ‘It’s a metaphor for dicks/childbirth!‘

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4wERZf6bns&list=PL57hJfweW_2v34HsPK-4Hfqmkb22zjBWC

Tony Hawk’s Underground - Woolie lives the skateboarder life he never could for real. ‘Won’t they notice that it’s not Eric Sparrow on the video when they see a clearly black man doing that jump?’, Eric Sparrow is basically up there with Griffith for villains the bestfriends hate the most, and ‘I can do a grind all day’ https://youtu.be/3HLPS_nwHG8

Parasite Eve 2 - More of Breakowski and getting HOT, ‘This is basically a survival horror game’, The dog from Independance Day must survive or else you’re on the bad ending! https://youtu.be/JedQqaXdWLc

LA Noire - The big one, the one I always suggest for new bestfriends watchers as being emblematic of their style and sense of humor and weaknesses as players. Woolie can’t navigate this map, ‘Sometimes you’ve gotta shake the tree and see what falls out’, Shotgun man wrecks your shit!, making noises to go along with the faces that the characters are making, ‘Pedophilia? That’s a free pass in my town sir’, Stealing the worst possible cars because they thought it’d be cool, forgetting the controls for every single fistfight sequence, Cole Phelps super cop!, and LP Funsies. https://youtu.be/-bPqjD_zg5g

Policenauts - Kojima’s game from when he was allowed to work on things besides Metal Gear. It’s definitely white blood and not anything sexual, SHOOTINGU SEQUENCE, Holy crap our main character is a bigoted piece of shit!, Figure out the bomb puzzle!, We’re definitely not Riggs and Murtagh to the point where Woolie says ‘I’m gettin too old for this shit’ about 70 times, and the uncomfortable truth of cloning. https://youtu.be/kWcecAHiOys

Dead Space 2- Notable mostly for me as Dead Space 2 was the first bestfriends video I ever saw back when they were on Machinima, so I was quoting Space Rave and asking Matt if he needed a blankey to fight the monsters. https://youtu.be/1QzY-TjFGFI

Resident Evil 7 - We hate the molded as an enemy type, OOOH GOD DAMMIT JACK, He fucking exploded into goo!, What was your plan?, I can’t shoot the granny, We definitely used a pump action shotgun in world war 2 (Actually yes we did, Matt), Shadow puzzles, that part of a lady is where all the wasps shoot out, and What that guy doesn’t look like Chris Redfield who is this impostor?! https://youtu.be/SyAZ2-nijDE

Def Jam: Fight for NY - The introduction of Woolie’s OC: Rage beats up rappers, steals their girlfriends, and doesn’t understand intimacy, The full might of Matt’s hatred for Bless is brought out, and they talk about the Aki engine’s contributions to humanity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lry0SYYkvas&list=PL57hJfweW_2tWHTvp2ESXbzp1-jh6YJMQ

[aion-rsa]

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 1 Review – Chapter 77: Climax

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This RIVERDALE review contains spoilers.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 1

“Clearly our last two weeks of high school are going to be fraught…”

Friends, on this day we find this country starting a new chapter, one that is full of hope and excitement for the future.

I am of course referring to the airing of Riverdale‘s season premiere, a somewhat wheel-spinning, melodramatic affair that feels more like the closing pages of a book than the start of another story.

And that’s because it is precisely that. This episode was a leftover from last year, filmed but not completed production until the pandemic lockdown was over. As such it thrusts us into the start of the endgame of last season’s storylines — namely the fallout of the Betty and Archie kiss, Mr. Lodge’s illness and how he is using vigilantism to cope with it, the mysterious (and suitably anachronistic videotapes) arriving at the doorsteps of Riverdale residents, and the gang prepping for their imminent post-high school lives.

There’s a lot to be told here until the show finishes telling this specific story. Writers Ace Hasan and Greg Murray handle this arguably thankless task with aplomb, squeezing out the necessary exposition needed to push the plot points towards their approaching conclusion while shoehorning in a (now unfortunate) Katy Keene tie-in. To be fair, it’s a solid episode. Just one that, through no fault of its own, doesn’t really work as a season premiere.

That minor gripe aside, there’s a lot to enjoy here. First and foremost are Archie’s struggles. It was wise for the showrunners to make the character realize that he is a bit of a rudderless dolt. Addressing this most obvious of character flaws makes our oft-shirtless protagonist that much more of a likable guy. He’s discovered that while he has some options — running the gym is his best bet — he also needs to clear his head, and getting out of Riverdale would help with that greatly.

Now that the Navy isn’t an option, and he’s questioning his whole life. This results in his destroying his relationship with Veronica by telling her about his illicit kiss with Betty. One, it should be mentioned, that made Betty feel super uncomfortable…although that could’ve just been the terrible song Archie wrote for her.

The deception is enough to blow apart the pair’s “endgame” status…at least until after the upcoming time jump and their old flame is inevitably rekindled. (Even though we know that Veronica will be married to the jerky Chad Gekko, another Katy Keene character climbing aboard the Riverdale express). Much drama will ensue, but in the show’s now, they are done. What’s the over/under until we see Veronica performing “Bittersweet Symphony” at La Bonne Nuit?

Elsewhere, the Choni ship (I am in my forties and just wrote those words!) is threaten by the ghost of the greatest thing to ever happen on Riverdale: The Blossom family’s Maple Syrup Blood Feud. It’s not that Toni’s Nana has an issue with her granddaughter’s sexuality — although she kinda does — but more that Toni is dating a sworn enemy of the Lopez family. As much as I love me some Shakespeareian motifs, these characters regularly deal with serial killers and cult members. So the family drama here isn’t really very compelling, you know?

The most interesting thing happening on Riverdale right now is also its most frustrating, the saga of The Auteur. Betty didn’t tell Jughead about Archie’s shitty song or the kiss because in her mind, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Just a sort of awkward thing that happened in the moment that isn’t worth blowing up her life over. Adult decision making at its finest! Whether or not this choice impacts her relationship with Jughead, and I bet it does, will be revealed soon. Right now though they are doing what they love the most, investigating a mystery. One that really needs to ramp up the excitement and fast.

David seems to be too obvious of a choice to be the identity of the Auteur. It also goes against the show’s habit of making the protagonist someone we already know. Episodes from last season have shown us Charles and Chip plotting together for a yet to be revealed reason. To a lesser degree, Evelyn Evernever is a possibility too. But this episode raises the most intriguing potential suspect yet.

Jellybean Jones.

Think about it. She is a cipher of a character, one who would have had access to Jughead’s stories and knows about almost every aspect of his life. Perhaps she is making these videos because she is scared about him going away to school. Maybe they are some sort of bizarre revenge plot cooked up by Jellybean and Gladys Jones against Jughead and FP? By making Jellybean the auteur this creates more drama for the ever-complicated Jughead and gives him a personal tragedy that mirrors what Betty experienced with her father. I truly feel that Jellybean being at David’s film fest/rave by herself (we never see her friends she is supposedly with) is much more than a red herring. Time will tell. But we need to see some clarity on what the motives behind these tapes are, ASAP.

And so Riverdale is back. While we are watching the blending of the programs fourth and fifth seasons unfold due to real-life production concerns, it remains the most welcome of escapes.

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Riverdale Rundown

• This episode was filmed before production on the series was shut down due to Covid-19. As such, the next few installments will cover the gang’s final weeks at Riverdale High before jumping ahead seven years — which will occur in what was originally intended to be last year’s season finale. And you thought Doctor Who was timey wimey.

• The above explanation also explains why a character from a cancelled CW series — K.O. Kelly from Katy Keene — plays such a crucial role in tonight’s proceedings.

• Speaking of Katy Keene, that show took place during the time period that Riverdale is about to jump ahead to — one in which Hiram Lodge has completely recovered from his mystery disease.

• Did anyone else find Archie’s constant referring to K.O. as bro endearing? And OF COURSE these two characters were given a shirtless workout montage/steam room scene. Besides, what’s an episode of Riverdale without plenty of gratuitous objectification?

• Archie really did himself no favors by neglecting to mention to Veronica how Betty shut him down after his attempt to woo her. Communication is the key to a solid, healthy relationship, fam!

• Ashleigh Murray’s Josie McCoy was a main character on Katy Keene, yet as of this writing it is unclear if she will return to Riverdale or not this season. (And for the record, Archieverse showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa hasn’t permanently shut the door on some sort of Katy Keene revival either).

• The cancelled fifth season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina would have been a major crossover with Riverdale. Although we were denied that magic, if the above official key art is to be believed, it does seem that we will be getting some major supernatural happenings is season. Afterlife with Archie anyone?

• Archie’s scars from his bear attack really come and go, don’t they?

• Kett Turton returns tonight as David, the owner of the Blue Velvet video store. His perfect recreation of David Lynch’s cadence and mannerisms combined with the costume department seemingly raiding the Twin Peaks mastermind’s wardrobe is a perfect illustration of how Riverdale commits to its goofiness 100%.

• I’m not sure, but I think the Black Hood movie being shown in room 317 is a very subtle reference to the Miss Saigon song that also takes place in that location.

• In a nice callback, some of the tickling videos like the ones Kevin and Fangs made are being shown at the film party/rave. (Along with snippets of exploitation/art flicks clearly inspired by the works of Kenneth Anger and Herschell Gordon Lewis).

• “You had me at snuff film.” Here’s hoping Kevin Keller never changes.

• Cheryl is at her most Cheryl tonight, melodramatically spewing lines like “perhaps your camera will capture the sublime tragedy of my life” with an effortlessness that would make Bette Davis proud.

• Putting Fizzle Rocks in the punchbowl, classic Reggie Mantle.

• Further evidence of how this show is, to quote The Tragically Hip, chronologically fucked up, the songs played at the prom were Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me,” BoDeans’ “Closer to Free” (itself the theme song to another popular teen show, Party of Five), Collective Soul’s “The World I Know,” Mazzy Star’s timeless “Fade Into You,” and Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer.” Would any of these songs actually be played at a prom taking place in whatever year in the 2010’s this series is set in? Your guess is as good as mine.

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[convndrums]

here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 

reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 

reintroducing sal presley;  info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly.