#ill probably make the pleasants and dreamers so I can do a little playing ;-;
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bunnithechubs · 15 hours ago
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i fear i ate this broke house up (if you see grid lines...no you dont) thank you for the idea @its-opheliasgarden ❤
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groovybaybee · 4 years ago
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Greener - I
cw: mentions of abuse (not this chapter and nothing too intense but better safe than sorry) also alcohol consumption
(6k)
Spago, 7pm, reservation under my name, have fun saucy xxx 
Oh, Lucy. Lovely, wonderful, maddening Lucy. Not only would she select my date for the evening, she, of course, would make a decision about when and where.
 In all honesty, I do not mind. I would gladly allow that girl to run my life, she pretty much has made all the big decisions for me anyway. Lucy had been the one who forced me to enter our school’s talent show and sing in public for the first time. I lost hard, unable to compete with Anthony Piaz’s flaming diabolo tricks, but I was grateful to her, nonetheless. Lucy was also the one who made me move out to Los Angeles with her, telling me we needed to be with the stars if we wanted to be like them. It might sound cheesy, but that girl can be very persuasive when she wants to be. Since we were teenagers, she told me all about how we were going to make it big, I would be a singer and she would produce all my music.
 Lucy has always been a dreamer, but she is the most dedicated and ambitious person I know, plotting out every detail of every day to make sure she could get to where she wanted to be. Her and I had understood that we could not just rock up in America and instantly start working for record labels. We would spend hours in her room, writing and producing songs every weekend, sending them to local and national radio stations, record labels, anyone we could think of.
 Then one day, the universe fell into place. Our song, Penny, started to gain some traction. I will never forget the day we heard our song played on the radio for the first time. I never could forget it with the video of the two of us screaming and crying and laughing and hugging being sent to my phone every time I get frustrated.
 ‘They never gave up, and neither will we’
 Luce has always been good like that, putting things in perspective when I start spiralling out.
 Truthfully, Lucy has always been a bit of a hero to me. The voice of reason, even when I did not want to hear it. I trust her with my life. So, when I was offered a contract with a record label, I had insisted that she aid in the production, knowing that once the world could see her talent there would be no stopping her. And there never has been. Though we still work together on projects and tracks wherever we can, both of us have been blessed with opportunities to work with some of our idols in the music industry. However, it still feels the most special when it is just her and me working together.
 Knowing that she always has my best interests at heart, agreeing to be set up on a blind date by her was easy. It was only afterwards that the doubts had started to creep in. Of course, Lucy knows me well, probably better than anyone, and so her choice of date for me would undoubtedly be my type. I know that they will be charming and funny and most likely have a smile that makes me want to swat them directly in the face for being so cute. However, it would be impossible for her to know the other person so well, so me showing up may not be what they had hoped for.
 They could want to meet someone girly, polished, calm. While I can be those things sometimes, pretending to be anyone but myself would only lead down an unfortunate and embarrassing path in the long run. This self-assuredness, in theory, is lovely, but does not stop the nagging feeling in my stomach that whoever I am meeting at the restaurant will not be pleased to see me.
 Trying my best to shake this thought, I get ready for my date. Landing on a simple black dress (knowing my tendencies to spill anything in my grasp), partnering it with a silver chain necklace, a few matching rings, and some thickly heeled silver boots. I put on a touch of makeup, style my hair, and spritz myself with perfume before grabbing a coat, stuffing the pockets with my necessities, and getting in the Uber I had pre-emptively ordered. I am going to be early but that suits me just fine.
 Arriving at the restaurant, nestled beside Rodeo Drive, I thank the driver and exit the car. Spago is far too fancy for me to feel fully comfortable, a small part of myself always believing that my life is some sort of coma dream and one day I would wake up back home, older and having done nothing with my life. Despite my instinct to run and feign illness, I enter the restaurant and tell the matre d’ Lucy’s name. He gives me a pleasant smile and leads me through the bustling restaurant to an empty table on the patio outside. Thanking him, I seat myself at the table beside a sheltered, freestanding fireplace, taking a second to appreciate the warmth of the toasting embers against the slight breeze of the evening under the dwindling sun.
 Looking out to the chair across from me, panic and excitement swirl around in my stomach. Wondering what they will be like and whether we will get on has me desperately searching around the quiet outside space for anyone who works here to urge them for a glass of wine. I manage to locate someone, but the thought instantly leaves my mind when I notice a person trailing behind them. They head straight in my direction and my head snaps back to the table, trying not to have their first impression of me be my crazy wine-hungry eyes. I take a deep breath, and a second to remember Lucy’s message: ‘have fun’.
 Turning to meet my date as they stop at our table, a smile slips across my lips without my telling it to. Yep, Lucy definitely knows me. The man in front of me is the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome, but with an added dash of unreservedness, dressed in a black dress shirt, the collar of which pokes out over a baby blue suit jacket, trousers matching. My eyes land on his hand, ringed fingers clutching a bouquet of yellow roses. I cannot deny it, the sight sends a little zip of happiness through my body. Travelling upwards, I land on his face. And pause.
 If this is a very elaborate prank, I have to give it up to Lucy. This is incredible. I remember her telling me that she was working with him on a track for his second album, but I would not have thought they were close enough to discuss love lives. If so, surely she would have snapped him up for herself. The amount of conversations we had spent discussing our celebrity crushes and he always popped up on both of our lists. There is no way this is happening. This just proves that I am, in fact, comatose.
 “Hi,” he speaks with a tentative smile.
 On the off chance that I am not in a simulation, I stand up and greet him, still unable to form words as he presses a kiss to each of my cheeks.
 “Lucy said you liked yellow,” he says almost sounding nervous, looking down at the bunch of flowers in his hand.
 “I do,” I say softly, shaking my head to bring me back to reality while he is looking away from me. “They’re, uh, they’re beautiful.”
 He hands me the flowers and my brain almost completely malfunctions, unable to comprehend that I am sat, on a date, with a man I have been fawning over from afar for over a year. Sure, I have always known of him, but something about him kicking off his solo career and dressing differently, acting differently, it was all just incredibly attractive. Something so sexy about his confidence. An opinion I had expressed to Lucy many times in varying degrees of enthusiasm, her use of the word ‘saucy’ in her text to me suddenly making a lot more sense.
 “Thank you, really,” I say, looking up from the flowers to him, a full head taller than me. “Sorry, I’m being weird, Lucy just… is full of surprises,” I admit, meeting his gaze as he observes me cautiously. He must think I am crazy, or incredibly rude, most likely both.
 “I’m Violet,” I quickly introduce myself and gesture for us to sit. He does, with a relieved smile which I mirror.
 “Harry,” he says gently.
 Duh.
 Harry Styles. I am on a date with Harry Styles. The man I had admitted to wanting to let ‘break my heart and sex me back together’. Not one of my best lines, I will agree. And he is even better looking in person. His hair is kind of messy in a very put-together kind of way. His eyes are deep and their hold on me is strong. And his lips kink up at the edges, pulling joy out to his cheeks as he watches me, almost assessing me.
 “Yeah, I’m actually a fan of your music,” I admit shyly, hoping that he finds it endearing rather than psychotic.
 “Likewise. To be honest, I can’t believe I’m sat here with you,” he speaks deeply.
 This has to be a prank. No way on Earth did Harry Styles, Harry Styles, just say that to me.
 “I didn’t realise you and Lucy were so close,” I confess, allowing my confusion and curiosity to spill out of my mouth at lightning speed.
 “Oh, yeah, first day we met it was like instant sibling rivalry, you know? Straight away bullying each other,” Harry explains with a low, breathy chuckle. God, even his laugh is sexy.
 I will admit to being relieved to hear that their feelings for one another were strictly platonic, not wanting to step on Lucy’s toes even if she had been the one to set us up. Something about hearing this new information allows my most recent conversations with her to make a lot more sense, her being the one to let me explain in detail all the disgusting things I would let this man do to me while she just laughed. That sly devil.
 “How long have you two known each other?” he asks, sipping at the glass of water on his side of the table.
 “Oh, since we were kids, think our souls are melded at this point,” I tell him, earning a captivated smile that reaches up to his eyes. “Do you do this thing a lot?” I ask, fascinated as to how I ended up in this situation. When he looks at me blankly, I hurriedly add, “Blind dates?”
 “Not really, only one other time and it was… interesting,” he says, eyes glazing over as his mind flashes back.
 “Me neither,” I start, bringing his attention back to the present in hopes to prevent him from reliving whatever terrible memory I had just triggered, “I do have a very important question for you though,”
 “What’s that?” he asks with a grin that matches the one creeping on to my face.
 “Are you a wine person?” I ask, faking sincerity.
 “Oh, yeah,” he nods, laughing at my intensity.
 “Good, ten points to you,” I smirk as we both glance down at the drinks menus, after a moment of reflection I speak up, “Want to just get the cheapest? Don’t think my palette could tell the difference.”
 Harry lets out a small laugh and agrees happily, ordering a bottle of chardonnay for the two of us when the waiter circles around to us. My mind begins to spiral as I watch Harry pour us each a glass, wondering how I ended up here, what I think of him, what he thinks of me. Brain almost about to short-circuit[AH1] , I cheers my glass with his and take a long sip of white wine, desperate for a touch of Dutch courage.
 We sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments, eyes locked as we drink in our surroundings, allowing the madness of the evening to sink in for our brains to process. There is a gentle smirk on each of our faces, enjoying the mischief of our mutual friend.
 “I really loved the album by the way,” I confess to him, only to be rewarded with a bright and grateful smile.
 “Thank you,” he says softly, an excited buzz coming from him as he shifts in his seat to lean his elbows on the table, chin resting on his interlaced knuckles. “I listen to The Lady Grey Project at least once a week,” he admits, and if I look closely (which I do) I can see a light rosy flush appearing on his cheeks.
 At this point I reckon a rhinoceros could stampede into the restaurant and I would not bat an eyelid. Of course, he listens to my album regularly, this is a dream, in all honesty I am just shocked he does not have a tattoo of my face on his body somewhere. I say a silent prayer that I will be allowed to remain in whatever simulation I am in.
 “You’re too kind,” I smirk, having to use my wine glass to hide as much of my blushing face from him.
 “Can I ask where the Lady Grey name came from?” he asks curious about my stage-name, watching intently as I swallow and place my glass down. “Sorry if I’m being too nosy by the way, tell me to fuck off if you want,” he says, causing a light laugh to tumble from my lips.
 He watches me with a soft gaze that makes me want to melt into a puddle underneath the table. Does he like me? No, he is probably just being polite.
 Calm down crazy.
 “Um, well, Lucy and I used to spend days in her room making music, and all we would eat was Cadbury’s Fingers and all we drank was Lady Grey tea, it was kind of our fuel you know? And then it just kind of stuck, and we used to joke about who Lady Grey was and I don’t know, I sort of idolised the character we created,” I explain as best I can.
 “So, you became her?” Harry asks softly, his smile never faltering once while I spoke.
 “Yeah, Lady Grey and Lucy Hind were going to take on the world together,” I say, looking down at the tablecloth, a slight feeling of embarrassment for oversharing my childhood dreams. It probably seemed so silly to him.
 “And you are,” is all he says.
 When I look up at him, his eyes are so gentle and comforting, and staring into them feels like stepping into a warm bath.
 The waiter arrives back to our table to take our orders, preventing me from drooling over how idyllic this date is becoming. Harry apologises for the two of us, neither having even looked at the food menu yet, and asks for another minute. Eventually, we order our food and the conversation continues to flow easily, finding out about each other’s passions for not only music, but art in general, both discovering that the other loves to draw and paint despite having very minimal talent for it.
 We talk about what we are working on, both giddy at gaining secret information about the other’s new projects. He whispers to me that he has a new album coming out at the end of the year, in return I tell him I have a small tour happening in a few months, a few intimate venues across the country. He tells me he would love to come to a show. I mentally let out a scream.
 We discuss our hometowns throughout the main course, both hailing from the north of England, giggling over the surprising culture shock of living in LA. Conversation moves to talking about our families and still feeling homesick.
 “I’ve been writing about home a lot recently,” I admit, finishing my second glass of wine, “I miss the colour green so much,” I laugh honestly, missing the miles and miles of fields and trees I could see from my family home.
 “I get that completely,” he says, refilling my glass without me even having to ask, “I miss my little village and knowing everyone there. LA can feel a bit lonely at times,”
 There is a pregnant pause, silence falling over the two of us as I give him a small nod, understanding wholly the feeling of moving across the world. It is scary and isolating and you really have to push through and commit to your work to ensure it was all worthwhile. However, that does not leave much room for forging any kind of relationship other than professional. Harry is right, it can be very lonely sometimes.
 I find myself watching him, eyes a little bit softened by the wine and the evening light. Seeing his face flicker under the crackling firelight feels like I am seeing him for the first time, as though his features are completely new to me and I get to meet a whole new person. He really is breath-taking. Something about getting to know him allows me to see his personality in his physicality; patient eyes and dimples that deepen every time I nearly knock over my glass and insist that I am not drunk, that this is just how I am. Finding myself smiling while I watch him, I remind myself to act like a normal human being and sip at my wine.
 But he watches me right back.
 When desert rolls around, both of us are too full to appreciate anything fancy, sadly deciding to call it a night. After insisting that we split the bill, threatening to get his bank account details somehow and send him a direct deposit, we leave the table.
 “Man, I shouldn’t have worn this dress, looks like I’m smuggling a watermelon,” I say, rubbing my bloated belly slightly as we walk through the restaurant, now significantly emptier than when I had arrived nearly three hours earlier.
 “I like it,” Harry tells me, biting back a smirk, “Wrote a song about watermelons, actually,”
 “Really? You’ll have to let me hear it sometime,” I say, thanking him as he holds the door open for me to walk through.
 “Do you, uh, do you need a lift home?” Harry asks once we are outside, wrapping our jackets a little tighter around ourselves in the early autumn air. I pause to look at him and assess the sincerity of his offer. When he looks at me with nothing but kindness and caution, I nod, finding his trepidation incredibly endearing.
 “That would be great, thank you,” I say softly, failing to mention that I would say yes to any offer he made so long as it meant I could spend longer getting to know him.
 “Cool!” he says with so much enthusiasm that I have to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from smiling too big, utterly smitten with him. Harry clears his throat and pulls out his phone, calling his driver to come and pick us up. “He’ll be five minutes,” his voice is back to its low rumble when he turns to me, a light flush spread across his cheekbones. I pretend not to notice, instead fixing my attention to the roses in my hand.
 “I’ve had a really nice time,” I tell him, hoping that in showing some vulnerability it will ease his embarrassment. It works. As I look up at him, he meets my gaze and smiles down at me gently.
 “Me too. I think you’re really cool to be around,” he says tenderly, taking a step closer to me so that he is less than an arm’s length away. “More than exceeded my expectations for tonight,” he teases.
 “I think part of me still thinks this is a prank,” I admit, breathing a laugh as I find myself gravitating closer to Harry, silently praying that he will kiss me.
 “I know, I was listening to Penny on the way here to keep me sane,” his voice has dropped to just above a whisper, his face less than a foot from mine.
 “As if,” I laugh incredulously, finding myself stepping back slightly so I do not deafen him.
 “I was!” he defends with a chuckle, “I love that song,”
 “Sorry,” I breathe, “I just didn’t think anyone really listened to it, except maybe my parents,”
 “It was the first song of yours I ever heard,” he says, closing the gap between us again, “Thought how talented you were, even wanted to cover it.”
 Back into the simulation you go.
 “Wanna make sweet music together?” I tease, my voice a little low and breathy as the space between us rapidly reduces.
 Harry exhales a chuckle, eyes flitting between my own and my lips.
 He is fully going to kiss you.
 Or at least he would, if that had not been the moment Harry’s driver decides to pull up to the curb, startling us both. Gaze fixed to the ground to hide my certainly bright pink cheeks, I shuffle into the car when Harry opens the door for me, sliding in shortly afterwards.
 “Where to?” Harry asks, clearing his throat slightly.
 I tell him my address, watching as he and his driver share a small nod before we set off.
 The first few minutes of the ride are, I will admit, awkward. The only sound to be heard is the crinkling of the paper surrounding my flowers, my hands fidgeting nervously.
 He was going to kiss me. He totally would have kissed me if we were alone for just one more moment.
 An assertive person would kiss him now.
 Would he want that? Would I want that? For our first kiss to be in the back of his car as we drove through my neighbourhood. I’m not so sure. Harry feels special, like he deserves a bit more romance than that.
 I continue to fiddle with the paper in my lap.
 “What’s your favourite flower?” I ask curiously, eyes fixating on the bright yellow petals.
 “Quite like apple blossoms,” he tells me. His voice is soft, and I can tell his head is turned to look directly at me.
 “See, I never would have guessed that.” I confess. Upon hearing him breathe a laugh, I follow it up with a mirrored tone, “What? You’re a mysterious dude.”
 “Very mysterious,” he jokes as I look back up at him. There is a warmth in his eyes as they shimmer with laughter. It is almost as though the small amount of time focussing on something other than him has erased all memory of his face. Suddenly, excitement courses through my body. His stupid, happy face making my stomach squeeze itself.
 “A real enigma,” I smirk after gathering myself.
 There is silence again in the car, our eyes softly locked on the other’s, even as we pull up beside my house.
 “This is me,” my voice is barely louder than a whisper.
 “I’ll walk you,” Harry says, our gaze still unmoved.
 For a moment, my mind drifts to Harry’s driver. I wonder what he makes of us sitting in the back of his car despite reaching our destination. Perhaps he thinks it is sweet, two kids still so nervous enough around one another that we both refuse to make a move. Maybe he thinks we are crazy and should just get out of the car like normal people would.
 I nod my head slightly, more so trying to encourage myself to get moving rather than Harry. In all honesty, I would love little more than to just sit here and look at him, to feel whatever tension there is between us for a moment longer. But I steal myself away from that thought and open the car door.
 Harry, ever the gentleman, sees me to my front door. It is a little old-fashioned but incredibly charming, nonetheless. I turn to face him once we reach the doorstep, craning my neck a little to meet his eyes.
 My gaze lingers a moment on his lips, and I wonder if I should kiss him. Or would he not like that? He seems like he would not be opposed to a woman making the first move, but he is also the type to open doors and walk people to their homes. What if he wants to be the one to initiate? I doubt he would find me kissing him to be emasculating, but what if he recoiled at the thought? Maybe I shouldn’t kiss him. Maybe I should invite him inside. I will admit, the idea of ending the night with him sounds idyllic, but what if that gives the wrong impression. What if he is the type of guy who cares about a woman’s sexual habits? I never would have him pegged for that sort of person, but you never know.
 Nerves and paranoia form a whirlpool in my brain, sucking me in until I am so overwhelmed that all I can physically do is stare at him, trying not to allow my eyes to widen too far in fear of looking like a maniac.
 He looks down at me with a gentle gaze, his right hand lifting and fingertips gently grazing the side of my left hand. His thumb brushes across my wrists, his eyes flitting across my face until I am convinced that he has stopped on my lips. The palpable energy from outside the restaurant returns.
 “Can I—” Harry starts but I interrupt him.
 “Yes,” I say hurriedly, my heart beating a little louder in my chest at the thought of his lips against mine.
 Thank goodness he’s making the first move. If it were up to you, you would be standing here for days.
 “Great,” he smiles broadly, quickly retracting his hand from mine and reaching into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, “Lets make music sometime.”
 Harry hands me his unlocked phone.
 You absolute fucking idiot, V.
 I quickly input my phone number and hand it back to him with a small smile.
 “Great,” he grins, part of me hating how adorable he is, the majority simply hating how dim-witted I am.
 He wasn’t trying to kiss you.
 “Hang out again soon?” he asks brightly.
 I just nod and return a polite smile. He beams down at me before bidding me goodnight and walking back to his car.
 As quick as physically possible, I unlock my front door, dash inside and shut the door behind me.
 Idiot, idiot, idiot.
 I sink to the floor, back pressed to the door. He wants to work together. While that notion alone would have had me fainting before tonight, I cannot help but feel a little disheartened to have misread the situation.
 He didn’t want to kiss you.
 My mind quickly scans through the whole evening, wonder at which event I began to misinterpret the signals. Maybe he was going to give me a hug outside the restaurant. Maybe he actually was going to kiss me, but then I laughed in his face and stepped away from him. Did I put him off me that quickly?
 Pulling myself off the floor, I put the flowers in a mug of water, telling myself I will deal with them tomorrow once I am over the embarrassment.
 * * *
 I barely sleep, tossing and turning and reliving every stupid detail and mistake I undoubtedly made.
 “You absolute cow!” I shout with a laugh when I spot Lucy walking towards me.
 She just laughs along with me, a slight bashful blush arising in her cheeks as she steps closer to me.
 I had text her when I got home last night, asking her to meet me first thing and she had agreed. Meeting at the dog park between our houses had been my idea, desperate to see her new Dalmatian puppy, Pip. I had arrived early, pre-emptively getting Lucy and I lattes, knowing fully well that no matter what time I got there I would still beat her by at least ten minutes.
 “Thanks, gorgeous,” Lucy greets, taking the coffee I had extended to her.
 “Hello, sweetpea,” I say in a higher pitch than my natural tone, crouching to welcome the excited dog. Pip wags her tail aggressively, desperately trying to lick my face. I giggle as my face scrunches at all the attention she is giving me, “I know, I know, it’s been a whole two days since I saw you, how could I neglect you like that?”
 “She pissed on my shoes. Right little dickhead,” Lucy muses as I stand up, giving the pup one last scratch behind the ears. My eyes drop to her feet as we begin to walk through the park. “Not these ones, idiot,” she laughs.
 “Don’t call me an idiot, I have a bone to pick with you,” I reply, trying my very hardest to chastise her but just giggling through it, faking sincerity always having been difficult for me, “What was it you told me? ‘Its just a date, no biggie’?”
 “Something like that,” she mumbles, feigning shame but smirking as she looks at the ground.
 “Harry Styles,” I mock, “Harry fucking Styles. You could have warned me, mate! I thought about him in the shower before dinner, thought I must have slipped and bumped my head when he rocked up,”
 Lucy laughs as continue through the park, walking out on to the open expanse of the field. Pip excitedly yaps at the dogs playing in the distance, a little too young to join them just yet. We walk in bemused silence for a moment until we find a bench and take seat on it, sipping intermittently at our cooled down coffees.
 “How was it then? Complete disaster or did you hold it together?” Lucy asks.
 “Well, I thought I was holding it together, we were even kind of flirty,” I begin. Remembering last night stirs up excitement in my stomach, contrasting my skin crawling with embarrassment, “But he never kissed me. He walked me to my door, got me to give him my number and left,”
 Luce nods, letting me give her the gist of the previous night, not pushing for more information as I bounce one of my legs anxiously. “He got your number though?” She offers, always looking on the bright side.
 “Yeah, because he wants to make music together,” I say, a small smirk interrupting my words.
 “Make music or make music?” She teases, wiggling her eyebrows dramatically.
 “I don’t know!” I laugh, giving her a gentle push when she keeps leaning closer to me and putting her creepy moving eyebrows in my eyeline, “We complimented each other and stuff, and it became a bit of a joke but now I’m worried he was serious and I just made a fool out of myself… I did have half a bottle of wine,” my tone more serious now.
 “One, you’re a delight when you drink. Two, I bet Harry was such a fucking flirt, ‘Oh yeah, baby, lets make symphonies with our bodies’,” I cannot help but crack a smile at her, surprisingly accurate, impression, “And three, even if you did misread things, it sounds like he would be up for working with you, and if I remember correctly, you said you’d give your left kidney to sing a duet with him,”
 “I’m never drinking sambuca again,” I mutter, shuddering at the memory of that night, drunkenly screaming as Sweet Creature played over the speakers of the bar.
 “I say text him,” Lucy shrugs as if the solution is so obvious that she cannot understand why the two of us are even having this conversation.
 “Ah,” I breath, “That’s another thing. I was a bit distracted by the whole ‘not wanting to kiss me’ thing that I forgot to ask for his number.”
 “Idiot,” Lucy giggles, picking up Pip as she paws at her leg and setting her between the two of us on the bench, allowing me better access to pet her freely, “I’ll text it you,”
 “I can’t text him out of the blue, won’t that look psycho?” I stress.
 “No,” Lucy says, again so plainly it is as though she cannot believe she is explaining something so simple, “Pretty sure Harry likes confident people anyway.”
 “Why would he want to date me then?” I mumble, eyes fixed on Pip’s as her mouth hangs open, tongue rolling out happily as she gets attention from the both of us.
 “Maybe because you can throw it back like no one I’ve ever seen,” Lucy teases.
 “Fucking hate sambuca,” I grumble half-heartedly.
 The text from Lucy arrives on my phone a few hours later, just as I step out of the shower. I have to wipe a few droplets of water from the screen before it allows me to unlock it.
 Don’t puss out x
 Underneath is what I can only assume is Harry’s number. I stare at the white screen for a while, contemplating whether or not to text him. Should I? Luce said he liked confidence, and I wanted him to like me, or at least not think of me as some blob of flesh he sat through dinner with. What would I say? What possible message could I send that did not make me sound like a creep?
 Hey it’s Violet. Lucy gave me your number, promise I didn’t ask for it
 No, that sounds rude.
 Hi, it’s Violet from last night. Lucy gave me your number, hope you don’t mind. I’d love to make sweet music with you
 He could read that two ways. Either he would read it as me just wanting to work together, or that I wanted to see him with no clothes on. Neither option appeal despite both being shamefully accurate.
 The condensation on my bathroom mirror has almost vanished by the time I set my phone back down. Desperate to go about my day without worrying, I head across the landing and into my bedroom.
 Despite having lived here for well over a year, the Los Angeles heat never fails to stifle me, even as autumn creeps into view. The humidity seeps into my bare skin as I flop back on my bed, urgently searching for a reason to get back up and be proactive with the work I need to get done today. That in itself should be reason enough, but the temperature in my room seems to counter any sensible thoughts in my brain. So, I let my eyes close for a moment.
 However, Lucy’s words keep circling around in my mind.
 ‘Don’t puss out’
 That is what I always do. Deciding to grow a backbone, I stand up and march back into the bathroom to pick up my phone. I quickly unlock it, ignoring the notifications on my lock screen, assuming its just my manager prompting me to get my act together. I quickly copy the phone number from Lucy and make a contact for Harry, set on typing a message to him and pressing send before I can overthink how keen I will most likely come across.
 You are keen.
 Selecting his contact, my phone takes me to a chat with him, however, it is not blank like I had expected. Instead, there is a white bubble of text, a smaller bubble beneath it, both timestamped seven minutes ago.
 I know films and tv shows always say you should wait at least three days before messaging but I reckon it’s all bollocks. I had a really good time last night and would love to hang out again. I understand if this seems a bit eager so I’ll leave it up to you. Whatever you fancy I’m up for – Harry
 Also I don’t know why I signed that off like it’s an email but I’m going to stick with it so I seem confident – Harry
II
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avaquet · 6 years ago
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Evelyn Lavellan - Detailed Backstory
Because why not?
Her backstory has kinda changed throughout the course of me lol, most things have changed.
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Under the cut because it’s long - consider it a short story lmao (lotta HCs please don’t mind too much, Ev is also part of an AU)
Let’s do a briefing on her parents!
Taelhen Lavellan- He was born in the clan, son of the keeper and of a mage in a coastal clan. His father, the keeper of Lavellan, had died prematurely from an illness while Taelhen was still quite young. This is when Deshanna took over as keeper. When Taelhen became old enough, he was destined as First due to his magical abilities and bloodline to Lavellan them-self. In his thirties, he had contact with a city elf by the name of Valonna who had escaped an alienage wishing to join with a clan. Clan Lavellan was welcoming to her, and Taelhen had a soft spot. They soon fell in love, and after a few years, Evelyn was born.
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(A/N: no mods were used here, this was purely photoshop. At the time I made this, I was still on Xbox)
Valonna Lavellan- Born in the Kirkwall alienage, Valonna had always sought to escape. She had always felt on edge where she was and craved a place where she could feel decently safe. Her best friend was a homeless half-elf by the name of Evelyn. Evelyn did not actually want to leave, but she helped Valonna because she wanted to see her happy. Evelyn had informed her of a clan up north that frequently did business with travelers and traders that came to and from Kirkwall. Then, Valonna set off, saying her final farewells. She joined Lavellan and changed her last name in her early thirties. Because of the help Evelyn had given her, she decided to name her daughter after her.
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(A/N: Looks kinda like Ev’s twin almost, yeah? Based it off my own life, as I look eerily similar to my mother)
Early Childhood: Ages 0-7- (Warning: Abuse is mentioned and described) Despite Taelhen being First, he did most of the work raising Ev. In fact he worked his ass off while Valonna seemed absent. And despite that, Taelhen never raised his voice, yelled, or otherwise blatantly argue with Valonna over it. They got into a few disputes, but always made it a point to never do it in front of Ev. When Taelhen was out doing his job, Valonna stayed back basically to make sure Ev didn’t accidentally kill herself. Ev personally cannot remember much during this time, in fact most of her memory is blank from ages 0-4. During that time, Valonna had used some questionable parenting tactics, at least in front of Taelhen. Alone, no one knew exactly what she did. It was never physical, and no one heard any screams or crying, but little Ev did seem excited to see Taelhen come home, a bit too excited.
One night when Ev was 5, now this is a memory she remembers, though cannot get into vivid details because it hurts, Valonna and Ev were alone at the house (AU: HC they have fold-able houses that can easily be transported) and Valonna was particularly frustrated that day. She had told Ev to stay out of the cookie container, but had forgotten that she moved it. There were a few containers on the counter and Ev was curious about the new objects. So, she took a peek. Valonna walked in on Ev while she was examining the cookie container and basically lost her shit for no plausible reason. She yelled and over-scolded Ev, in fact little Ev was on the floor with her back pressed up against the corner practically frozen. Valonna went on a harsh, emotionally abusive rant that would be ingrained in Ev’s head for decades.Of course, Ev was terrified and confused, so she muttered out for her Paba (father). Valonna took great offense to that and struck Ev. Little did she know, Taelhen had just walked in and saw the moment she struck her. It was a mix, she had made a fist but struck in a back-handed motion to Ev’s face. Of course, Ev gave out a scream of bloody murder, she was in all different levels of pain and betrayal. A traumatic moment that had given her PTSD, and was the catalyst to her anxiety, depression, loss of self-confidence, loss of passion, and intrusive thoughts down the line. Valonna had immediately seen the repercussions of her actions and immediately felt regret, though it didn’t matter for the damage had been done and Taelhen forcefully yanked her away from Ev. He finally cursed and screamed at Valonna to get the fuck out, and he almost hit her but he prioritized Ev and knew more physical violence would not help and she needed to be attended to ASAP. Valonna left and ran, pulled over by the Keeper and she confessed her actions which got her banished from the clan, though Valonna found a new clan to stay with later.
Once Valonna was out of the house, Taelhen went directly to Ev, the bruising had already started and her lip was bleeding. He picked her up and let her sit on the lounge while he frantically got different things from around the house to help. He got a wet rag and cloth to help with the bleeding and pain. He got a potion to help with the inevitable headache that would come. He got her favorite blanket. He stayed up with her all night and held her so she would feel safe and secure and so he could watch over her for a concussion. He would use his magic to make the wet rag colder or warmer depending on which would soothe the most at the time. He did his best to make her laugh, he braided her hair, he did everything he could to help. All while biting back his own tears, he couldn’t help but blame himself because he didn’t listen to earlier times. It was the only time Valonna got physical with Ev, and it would be the last. That night, Ev got a busted lip that turned into a small scar, a bruised facial bone, black eye, welts, and a concussion.
At the age of six, Ev’s magic started to manifest along with the ability to tamper and control her dreams a bit. This is when she started to spend a lot more time with Deshanna as she was taught about her magical abilities. Ev was also given books because she felt good reading. Started off with tales and fiction and then it was sprinkled in with magical theory and demonology at an older age. But she had a strong affinity with books and found a sense of comfort within. Ev at this time was the youngest in the clan, and the other children saw her as somewhat weird because she read more often than she played outside. Ev is an introvert as well and the other kids sorta found that odd. Ev also liked to observe the other people to learn, and she learned quickly. For about a year or so, the other kids treated her as an oddity and were barely nice to her. Though, the other kids didn’t actually realize they were offending or hurting her. A year or so later, most of the kids warmed up to her and realized that they were hurting her. Ev was quite kind and respectable, she showed a lot of care as well. For instance, a kid she didn’t particularly like herself because they were mean, wanted a candy but was too lazy to get one. So, Ev got up and got them a candy, just because. Ev’s greatest strength, caring, is also her greatest weakness. For a while there, Ev went through a phase of wanting to please as many people a possible, even if that person was mean. Merrisiara or Merri, became Ev’s first and closest friend. Though Merri befriended Ev out of pity at first. They are still, to this day, close friends.
Late Childhood: Ages 8-12- Ev was officially declared a Dreamer at this time and had received more books and studies on the matter. Ev loved to learn, she just hated being tested on it or pushed by a due date. Her magic skills were improving and improving quite fast, in fact Deshanna began to think about making her First.
There was a time that Ev got quite sick. Her allergies flare up the most during the winter and spring, this year was particularly bad. She was wheezing for a solid week and coughing up phlegm constantly, one night she coughed too hard and threw up. The circumstances were just right to send her body into an overdrive and it was like she was having some sort of respiratory attack. She couldn’t take deep breaths, and her breathing was extremely fast and short. Her back was in pain due to the amount of effort it took her to breathe. She was with healers and clan medics for about eight days, and since then she had developed emetophobia. The phobia was strong enough to keep her from puking again to this day. Though it’s not pleasant, each time she feels close to throwing up she goes into a panic. She knows rationally that what happened to her before probably won’t happen again, but her mind remembers the event all too well and is overly afraid of it happening again. She’s gone through many events of some kind of stomach ache or pain that would be easily rectified if she were to puke, but because of the event and how strong the fear is, she puts up with it. (A/N: Based off a real life event)
During these years she got to spend a good amount of time with the coastal clan her grandmother was from. She got to meet another friend who became close to her at the time and they kept in contact. This is when she got heavily into music. Singing, dance, and instruments. The dance she learned and practiced to this day is a solo dance, she knows how to tell a story through her dancing, and the style is focused mostly on the hips and belly, she had to learn most of her dances while balancing a book on her head. She learned a style of singing that got the halla’s attention and worked with the halla care-taker often. Her singing style is a mix of (what we would call) a Celtic/viking-esque and her own personal style. Taelhen learned a bit about instruments over the years and decided to learn more about conducting and at when Ev turned ten, he gifted her a violin and they practiced together. Though Ev is shy about her passions out of fear of being ridiculed for them. She also just dislikes most attention and it takes her a while to look past the fact she is receiving attention.
She rescued a stray cat and named her Echo, they became akin to what we see in movies with a witch and their familiar. Echo had a very close bond with Ev and Ev poured so much love into the little kitty.
When she was twelve, she first started to menstruate, though she only got one or two cramps before the bleeding started, the rest of the time she felt bleh and she searched for a way to feel less bleh. One of her clan mates told her of this method she’s been using for about a year or so now that has worked for her. Shortened the length and got rid of almost all the bleh and pain. It was true, except they were both ignorant to what else it caused to happen. Ev used the method for half a year before feeling really weird, and actually got into more pain. Her friend told her to seek out a healer or something because she might’ve had an allergic reaction or something. So she did. When she explained the method to the healer, the healer themselves almost had a heart attack. The healer got both of them in and did tests with the medical. For the method that they were using had a side effect of infertility if used long enough. Her friend had to actually get her ovaries removed because it was so bad (AU), Ev hadn’t used the method long enough for it to be that severe but it did render her infertile as it had basically fried her eggs and killed them. Her friend felt devastated and horrible about what happened, though Ev felt more sorry for her. Ev wasn’t devastated at all, in fact, she felt more relief than anything. Ev was always a bit uncomfortable and afraid of becoming pregnant, and truly believed she has no maternal instinct. She doesn’t wish for kids, but she knows if by whatever chance she changed her mind, she’d rather adopt anyways. She gave a lot more support to her friend and knew that she didn’t feel the same way as she (Ev) did so Ev didn’t treat the situation the same way, instead she catered towards more what her friend needed and needed to hear.
Around this time, Ev questioned her belief in the elven pantheon. She didn’t feel like she truly believed or wanted to believe. Inspired by a book she read she began to question many things on faith and life itself, she would pace the home and talk to herself trying to figure out different philosophical questions. At this point she was agnostic, and wasn’t sure if she wanted to believe in gods at all but kept going with the flow just in case. It wasn’t until later that a fantasy book gave her the idea that maybe the pantheon might not have been gods but influential or powerful mages? Then she became atheist, but still deeply respected the views of her peers.
Teenage Years: Ages 13-17- (Warning: Harassment and brief statements of sexual activity) During these years, her anxiety and depression became more and more prevalent, along with the voice in the back of her head she calls the gnat or the voices of abuse past, referring to her mother. The gnat is extremely harsh on Ev, tells her she’s not good enough, and keeps her from fully enjoying her passions. She even tried to pursue new ones like sketching and journaling, but alas, the gnat’s voice only got stronger seeing her as a beginner try new things. It made her into a perfectionist and somewhat of a hypocrite. Where she would say others deserved love and kindness the gnat in her head would tell her that she herself didn’t deserve it because she can’t seem to get over herself, ignore the voice in general, because she’s a burden for having an internal conflict such as this, or whatever reason the gnat comes up with. Early on, Deshanna finally decided to start training Ev to being First, Taelhen happily stepped down, proud of Ev, and became her mentor and basically Second.
When Ev was 13, she thought she had a friend where there wasn’t one. A person that added to the voice of the gnat. Ev opened up to him about her internal thoughts and he responded basically by telling her to get over it and to grow up. That no one wants to deal with it, that if it continued she’d be more like a leech to society because she just can’t take care of herself it seems. He told her it’d be unwise to enter any sort of relationship because she would be a burden at times, because it seemed she didn’t love herself so how the hell could she love anyone else? She was defensive and pushed him out of her life and sought solace in Merri, Taelhen, and Deshanna, who all told her that he was wrong and a dick. But his words, no matter how much she tried to ignore them, fueled the gnat she was still battling. 
She learned different ways of battling the gnat, whenever an unstoppable thought told her that she hated herself, she would have to consciously catch herself and correct it. “No, I don’t hate myself, I just dislike the situation I’m in.” Merri, Taelhen, and Deshanna would also catch her with self deprecating humor and reminded her to try out the more positive thoughts. For her, it worked for the most part. Sometimes the gnat would become too strong and just rapid-fire thoughts would hit her all at once and she would break down crying. Taelhen usually heard and would always come to her aid. One moment, she came out to her Paba about some deeply disturbing thoughts she’s had, thoughts that come out of nowhere and made her question if she was truly a kind and caring person. He reminded her that she is not her thoughts and that actions speak more, that she is kind, and recommended ways to ignore or let these “thoughts from the void” pass. Sometimes Ev would break down crying because those intrusive thoughts could be so damn horrible. And it wouldn’t just be thoughts, her mind would immediately make her imagine it, would play out the what if, she’d never do it in real life, by the way her mind played it out like any and all ideas that crossed her mind, would sometimes make her break down crying. 
These years also uncovered a trigger of hers; accusatory yelling would cause her adrenaline to pump, if it was directed at her then her freeze response would kick in and a slight panic, and if flesh struck across her face she would break down completely. She became hyper-aware of her mistakes and a fear built up behind it. She mistakenly looked in the container of cookies and she got hurt badly, what if she made another mistake? - the way her mind worked. That’s what really drained her of her passions and made the gnat win many battles. She became severely afraid of making mistakes and then would regret not taking action to begin with. She fell into a spiral, as she basically became afraid of being a person.
But, she had a lot of support, a lot of care, and a lot of love by not just her Paba, Merri, and Deshanna, but varying members of the clan that were friends with her. Over the years she learned how to quell and fight back these internal thoughts effectively. Reminded constantly that it is okay to seek help and have a shoulder to cry on. Reminded it’s okay to be emotional, that it’s okay to feel. Yes she reached a very dark point in her life where she felt she could only escape by sleeping, but she was also helped a lot. It wasn’t perfect and she wasn’t cured by any means, but she wasn’t spiraling anymore and she was building herself back up over the years. 
If you asked her if she’s ever been in a (romantic) relationship before, she will tell you no. Though, she has called someone her boyfriend, and she will tell you that yes, at the time she called him her boyfriend, even a friend, but she’s learned now that that wasn’t the case. It would be akin to holding an orange and calling it an apple, the orange is not an apple just because she mislabeled it. She was 15 when she entered this little fiasco with him. He was a friend and moved to the “relationship” a little quick for her liking but, she cared for him. (Remember greatest strength can also be the greatest weakness) She didn’t really feel ready for the kind of relationship he wanted, but wanted to try it out anyways. Some time passed and he expressed interest in wanting to kiss her, and she told him that she would want it planned out because she’s anxious about it and uncomfortable with a surprise first ever kiss. Her irrational thoughts were rampant still at this time. On the surface, he agreed. Later on, unannounced he leaned in to try and kiss her, and she immediately panicked. She covered her face entirely and thoughts like, “Hadn’t brushed my teeth since the last meal, my lips are a little chapped, I don’t know what I’m doing, this is going to be horrible” rampaged her mind immediately. Then, she felt like an utter bitch the way she reacted. “Oh fuck I offended him...” When he calmed her down a bit and she let her guard down, he tried again and lo and behold the same reaction occurred and it took her even longer to let down her guard and she even started to flinch whenever he moved. He was disappointed and upset, and she felt awful because well...she cared. They never kissed at all their entire “relationship”. Another instance of broken boundaries, is when she was around friends and he decided to slap her ass in front of them, and she got mad. Ev was extremely uncomfortable with that kind of thing especially in front of her friends, she sternly told him not to do it and had to explain why because he questioned her. Then in his mind, for shits and giggles he did it one more time. The rest of the day she felt she couldn’t turn her back to him. Hell the entire fiasco made her uncomfortable but alas, she cared too much and ignored the red flags which when she looked back in hindsight, kicked herself for. He found a way to frustrate her to the point that she bawled, and he enjoyed it. Finally, after not letting him do anything she deemed she wasn’t ready for, he broke it off. She was relieved and also saddened. The first thing she asked is if she did anything wrong. He told her it felt like a glorified friendship and he wasn’t getting anything out of it. Sure she cared a lot, but she had a lot of stubbornness, and if it wasn’t for that, she would’ve given into everything and been even more unhappy. And even as a friend, he was an ass and soon she refused to call him a friend. In hindsight, she knew she should’ve broken off the fiasco much sooner, and now she knows what happened was more of a one sided asshole-ry rather than a relationship at all.
Later on, Ev and Merri became experimental. They shared a lot of firsts together, though Merri and Ev were not romantically involved. They preferred it like that, but they felt safe and comfortable practicing kissing and the likes with each other. They didn’t have any romantic feelings toward each other but still remained respectable friends. Their experimentation lasted around half a year before Merri got herself a girlfriend, then the experimentation ended. Their friendship didn’t, and they were extremely mature about it as well. Merri’s girlfriend was also mature about it, in fact she became friends with Ev. Ev is glad Merri is happy with her girlfriend, and there was no jealously. This is what really taught Ev that the fiasco with dick face was abnormal.
Deshanna had Ev get her vallaslin at the age of 17, a year earlier than most. Ev was hesitant about it because it was supposed to honor the gods she didn’t believe in. Deshanna reassured her that it’s okay for the tradition and symbolism. Ev chose Mythal because if the gods were real, maybe Mythal would understand the most her predicament. Would offer protection and care. And thus, she had the simplest Mythal vallaslin applied to her face in a coming of age moment. Ev wasn’t sure if she would regret it or not, but it’s there forever. At least she’s fond of the style. That day she was officially declared First, though she still constantly learned. Her relationship with her own magic grew a respectable amount.
Recent Backstory: Ages 18-21(Now)- Ev had always dreamed of exploring. She wanted to write songs about her adventures and the vistas she visited. Paba always told her stories of adventure growing up and she longed for it. She constantly begged Deshanna to let her go out on some kind of excursion, and she did when it was for the Conclave, but that’s the present.
Most of this time, one may consider uneventful, but Ev had a lot of fun. She learned so much about Elvhen history and studied many things, including a few artifacts Lavellan had procured over the years. It was a calm three years in retrospect. Some events she can remember literally had her laughing and rolling on the floor wheezing because of some stupid random shit. It wasn’t even that funny! But she was with friends and they all just started laughing for what seemed to be no damn reason and it just spread. Then they started to laugh about how they were laughing for no reason, and for just how stupid it was which made everyone laugh harder. Everyone was on the floor or slumped over wheeze-laughing, and then Paba came into the room completely unaware what was going on and questioned the shit out of why are there people wheezing on my floor- which you guessed it, made everyone laugh harder if that was a thing. Just, stuff like that. 
Though, a tragic event did occur during these years. Echo had passed away and Ev felt so alone without her little feline familiar. She cried for days, and held a solemn heart for months.
When she was 19, she fought her first demon. A member of the clan had gone rogue and betrayed Lavellan. Ev was alone in the woods collecting herbs when the desire demon cornered her. It was the first time she had ever truly fought something, especially one that could fight back. Ev had a strong will, though, “Yeah? Well right now my biggest desire is to see you dead. Can you make that come true, demon?” It was an intense battle, but Ev ultimately sent the demon back into the fade. At the clan, they had already defeated the culprit that let in the demon and that was the first time Ev had seen a dead body like that. It was extremely unnerving and she felt light headed almost instantly. She knew the culprit, at least she thought she did, and now they were dead, defeated in battle. Deshanna and Taelhen helped Ev to deal with the sight and praised her for defeating the demon.
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(A/N: All these pics of Ev is what she looked like before Inquisition, and well before she got her many scars. I know I mention that often, but idk who’s new to her story or not.)
As it stands, Ev had a very supportive and loving childhood despite Valonna. She had dreamed of adventure and getting away from the clan for a while, but she proudly calls it home and she does miss the people during the events of the Inquisition.
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antiquery · 7 years ago
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do some lovecraft character headcanons! dealer's choice, but nyarlathotep is a good one.
because you said Some i’m going to take the liberty of doing multiple characters, hope you don’t mind
nyarlathotep:
is the most interested in humans, of all the outer gods. that interest manifests in what we see in canon— the way an anthill is interesting to someone who’s bored, cruel, and in possession of a magnifying glass, to paraphrase a metaphor from the magnus archives— but also in something like genuine curiosity. not a compassionate curiosity, but a curiosity nonetheless, because as fragile and momentary as they are there are things about humans that are unique in the universe.
like i say, though, it isn’t a kind fascination. he doesn’t conceptualize of humans as anything other than a fascinating distraction, and he doesn’t have any qualms about doing horrific things to them because he finds their reactions interesting. (this is canon, there’s a whole novel about it.) 
i think sometimes about what an alternate ending for the dream-quest of unknown kadath would look like, and whatever form it takes, it is…not pleasant. i mean, it’s fun to think about, but poor carter. he’s lucky he didn’t end up vivisected, or worse.
is exactly as ridiculously extravagant as he presents himself at the end of the dream-quest. that wasn’t an attempt to seduce trick carter, that’s just how he Is.
although, in my head, carter had a teenage obsession with ancient egypt (…maybe howard carter is, like, his uncle, and that’s where he gets it from?) and thus nyarlathotep appearing to him like that was. uh. disorienting. yeah, let’s go with that.
his presence, even in human form, is so overwhelming that people will occasionally become dizzy/faint/get nosebleeds around him. this doesn’t usually affect those with no sensitivity to the supernatural, but the more attuned you are the worse it is. for someone like carter, it was to the point where he had trouble staying conscious, much less lucid.
i like that lovecraft implies him to be the governing deity of the dreamlands, i think that fits really well with the various things he’s associated with, as well as making a lot of sense when you think about the thematics of carter’s story arc. and i love the idea of him as a god of liminality and border-spaces, places that aren’t quite real. also: the god of lies, mirrors and illusions and distortions.
going off that, i think of nyarlathotep as very much an uncanny-valley sort of character— juuuust human enough that he can pass if you don’t look too closely, but there are certain aspects of him that set people off balance. his teeth are slightly too sharp, his voice is honey-sweet but off, somehow; his face is too perfect, without any of the small imperfections that characterize normal human faces, set our minds at ease.
part of me is very fond of him having yellow eyes just for the sake of the good omens jokes, but i also love luca’s idea that he’s got black (though people normally mistake them for just a very dark brown) irises, that if you get close enough (a very ill-advised proposition in any scenario) show themselves to be reflections of interstellar space, with little points of starlight barely visible in the dark.
randolph carter:
five foot six or less, strawberry blond, and blind as a bat without his glasses. i will not compromise on any of these points.
has a ba in classics, and another in english. not only does this fit his personality to a t, most of his story arc takes its source material from classical (odyssey, aeneid, bacchae, bits of lucian) and romantic (keats, shelley, poe if you count him) texts.
very very very not straight
the sickest dunk i’ve ever made on hpl was when luca and i were commiserating about his awfulness and i went “lovecraft is so stupid that he probably thinks randolph carter is straight,” and you know what? tea.
raised episcopalian (duh), very briefly became roman catholic in his first year of undergraduate and considered becoming a jesuit and moving to, like, oregon. (it was a weird time.) went…agnostic? after that. and has stayed that way. i mean, is there a religion for when you know for sure that there’s a god because he chased you through a strange surreal otherworld for months and then seduced you tricked you and sent you to your death?
both his parents died in his sophomore year. though he’s got a lot of relatives, none of them are very sympathetic to him because he’s always been the black sheep of the family— the carters are a very prominent and political clan and it was expected that he would become a lawyer, or a businessman, or at least a doctor. something respectable, rather than an idle dilettante— or, worse, an academic. needless to say, that wasn’t going to happen. 
mildly psychic. like, i know that lovecraft mentions this as an effect of the weird time stuff that happens to him, but i would think that being such a talented dreamer would also have some consequences in the waking world. 
anyway, he’s been known to accidentally shatter glass/blow out lights/set small objects on fire when under stress,
and he’s oddly prescient, about everything from when his cicero professor is going to give a pop quiz to who’s going to win the next presidential election.
is an absolute disaster of a human being, just in general. 
the sort of person who is so absentminded that he’d reuse coffee grounds for a week straight before someone (harley, probably) points out to him that usually coffee doesn’t taste like…that.
plays the cello. is quite good at it, too.
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