#ill probably cry for a week straight

[stinkman007]

getting a haircut today (possibly) if the lady fucks up my hair im gonna burn the great clips to the ground

[micamone]

hey guys

[constellation-falchion]

tag rant sorry all

[lovisyandereblog]

Eyes on Me

Yandere Submissive Stalker X GN Reader

Part 3! Probably last part….maybe

Part 1 and 2 here. Also guys Im so sorry for my mistakes in my last post! I accidentally used she/her pronouns in my writing, I genuinely didn’t even realise it. Im so sorry guys!!

7 weeks. It had been 7 long fucking weeks and you were still stuck here.

Noah had kept you captive for nearly two months now, but he never let you feel like you were one.

He would gift you things you wanted nearly everyday, Noah would cook your favourite dishes for you, he would shower you with love and affection, always making sure your every want and need was met.

All he asked for in return was your love…thats all he wanted.

And it seemed like you were slowly giving in.

What else could you do?! He was so adorable, so cute, so kind, so sweet…you were slowly becoming more lenient towards him.

For example, you weren’t kicking, hitting or screaming anymore. You were eating your food rather than throwing it away and yelling. And you were a bit more welcoming to his kisses, his soft and loving kisses.

Noah was also letting you roam free in his large house. You had an idea of who he was now. Noah was a very famous doctor, and was very wealthy. He was a psychiatrist who always treated his patients with care and love, never making them feel like they were a burden.

But although he let you roam the house freely, he never let you outside.

Creak…

The door opened and you stared at it, the same sweet smile you saw everyday greeting you.

“Good morning my love~!! Have you had a nice nights sleep?��� Noah came closer to you, stroking your cheek and kissing your forehead. You were so used to it at this point that you didn’t even bat your eye at his affection.

“ `Morning…” You mumbled as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, sitting up slowly.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you look in the mornings~?” Noah said in a sing-song voice, twirling a piece of your y/c hair with his finger.

You tried to hide your blush as you turned your head away, “W-whatever…”

Noah chuckled and kissed your cheek again, “Come! Go get freshened up and lets have breakfast! I’ve asked the cook to make you your favourite french toast!”

He looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to praise him. He practically lived for your praise and attention, but you would rarely give it to him.

“Oh..thank you Noah..Ill go get ready…” You murmured as you rushed to the toilet. Noah watched you go, hearts practically engrained in his eyes. For you. Just for you~

At the breakfast table, Noah was staring at you lovingly as he fed you the toast.

“I can feed myself…” You tried to protest, but he whined.

“P-please! Please let me Y/N…Im begging you~” His eyes were so cute, you just couldn’t help but give into his pleads.

“Fine..just stop looking at me like that…” You replied hastily, and he immediately brightened up and went straight back to feeding you.

After your 5th or 6th bite, you started feeling quite full, putting your hand up to stop the bite in Noah’s hand to come near your mouth. He nodded and ate the bite himself, smiling at you with such a lovesick grin.

You swallow nervously, looking at him. You had to ask him a question really badly, it was really important, “Noah?”

“Yes my angel, my love, my darling~?” Noah answered, hearts in his eyes as he looks at you. You had to keep yourself from smiling at his cheesy terms of endearment.

“Can you please let me go outside? I haven’t seen the outside world in like 2 months…” You complained, making him frown immediately and look away.

“Y-Y/N, you know how sorry I am…I feel so guilty baby…” Tears already filled his eyes as he spoke, making you sigh as you always gave into his tears.

“But…but I can’t let you go…Im scared you’re going to leave me. I can’t live without you my love…I’ll die!” Noah started to cry, holding your hands and bringing it to his heart. On the inside, he knew he was manipulating you but what else could he do?! He genuinely did love you so so much.

He loved you to the point of obsession.

You thought to yourself as you just stared at him, he sniffed and gave you puppy eyes. You knew you had to do something in order to get out of this place, otherwise he’d just keep you locked up forever. You wanted your life back and you knew just how to do it.

It involved giving into Noah’s love in order to regain your freedom. There was no other way. You had tried to escape in the past but he always…always found you.

“Noah…if I become your..partner..will you let me have more freedom?” You asked, and he immediately jumped up, looking at you hopefully.

“Y-Y/N?! Are….are you being serious?!” Noah couldn’t believe it, all his hard work finally paid off. You would finally be all his.

“Yes Noah, I’ve thought about it a lot and I want to start a relationship with you, but you have to promise you’ll let me go-” You had barely finished your sentence when he suddenly fainted, making you let out a loud scream.

You immediately went on your knees, cradling him in your lap as you tried to nudge him awake.

‘What the fuck??’ You thought to yourself as you check his pulse and sighed in relief when it’s normal.

“Now what am I to do with you…” You mumble to yourself before a plan comes to mind.

Paybacks a bitch…

Noah woke up with a groan, his eyes slowly opening yet his sight was still hazy.

‘What happened…?’ He thought to himself as he tried to sit up, but his eyes widened when he couldn’t move. He looked up and saw his wrists were tied together and attached to the headboard of the bed. To add to this, his ankles were tied to the bottom poles of the bed. He looked down and noticed he was now wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt.

He thrashed around, trying to get out of his restraints to no avail. This couldn’t be happening. Where the hell were you?!

Noah began to sob and panic as millions of thoughts raced through his poor little head. He started to think of how you had left him and he’d never see you again.

“Y/N!! P-PLE-HIC-PLEASEE I’M S-SORRY…DON’T L-LEAVE ME…I’LL DIE W-HIC-WITHOUT YOU!!!” He was genuinely going crazy without you, where did you go?? Why would you leave him? Was he not good enough?! He’d change for you—he will; just give him a chance!!

“Y/N!! C-COME BA—” His words were cut off by you suddenly placing a hand over his mouth, “Shut the fuck up,” You seethed, glaring at him as he looked up at you with teary blue eyes.

Where you came from, he didn’t know but he was just happy that you were here. Although he was genuinely scared from how angry you looked, he couldn’t help but feel relieved at the fact that you hadn’t left. He was so delusional that he thought you had came back for him❤️❤️❤️ (A/N he’s so weird I love him)

But he also had a little problem because of you on top of him; all of his fantasies were coming true. Oh god just ruin him already!!

He whined against your hand and tried to buck his hips up, making you grip onto his mouth even harder, “I said shut up you fucking brat, can’t listen to simple instructions?”

The mix of your strong body on top of him and your cruel words made the poor boy’s eyes roll to the back of his head as his back arched; pathetic moans leaving him.

No way….did he just….?

You look down and saw a wet patch forming on his crotch, you internally smirked at how much of an effect you had on him but you had to keep up your strict persona, “Did you just fucking cum, you slut?”

Noah panicked, his pretty eyes filling with even more tears as he shakes his head “no,” worried that you’d be disgusted with him. (He secretly wanted you to treat him like trash)

But could you blame him for cumming?? You were literally on top of him looking as beautiful as ever, whispering demeaning words at him and you expected him not to cum?

“Mmm…n-not a s-slut…” He tried to mumble against your hand, looking at you with such love in his eyes. You nearly felt bad for him.

You suddenly slap him on the face, making him whine out in pain and pleasure as he breathed heavily from the release of his mouth from your hand. You took a second to admire the sight below you:

His blonde locks were messy, bangs sticking to his forehead. His cheeks were all rosy and wet with tears as was his mouth which was covered in his drool. Noah’s big blue eyes were looking to the side, embarrassed to face you as he bit his pretty pink lips.

You gripped his hair roughly, making him whine out, “Did I say you could talk back? Did I say you could fucking look away?”

He shook his head frantically, mentally face palming himself for disobeying you, “N-no! No…‘mm sorry!! S-sorry…please…”

“Sorry’s not going to cut it pretty boy…I think I need to teach you a lesson hmm? For all the bad things you did…” You leaned in close to his ear and he could feel his dick harden again from your proximity, “….for kidnapping me, keeping me locked up here…you’ve been a bad boy haven’t you~?”

Noah had started to sob, tears cascading down his adorable pink cheeks; he didn’t want to be a bad boy!! He wanted to be good, so good, for you!

“N-no! Mm so-sorry!! I’m n-not a bad boy! I-I’m a g-good boy…your good boy!!” He desperately begged, looking up at you in hopes you’d believe him. He knew what he had done was wrong but his intentions were never bad, he promises!!

You couldn’t help the heat pooling in your lower stomach from the way he was begging, god his desperation was so hot. So what if he was a deranged, psychotic, obsessive lunatic? He was cute!!

“But you haven’t proven to me you’re a good boy…so a punishment is really needed~” You said with a devilish smirk forming on your face, making both his heartbeats race (if you get what I mean💀💀)

You lean over and open one of the drawers, an assortment of items you had bought while he had been unconscious. His eyes widened in fear and excitement as he saw you bring a ball gag to his mouth, “Mmnnoo!! Y-Y/N!!” He tried to beg but you had already sealed his mouth shut.

Then you proceeded to pick up a remote like device you bought, Noah looked at it in confusion while tilting his head. You smirked at how adorable he looked, he didn’t know what he had gotten himself into.

With the click of a button, Noah’s back arched as he felt pleasure coursing through his body. He hadn’t even realised that a vibrator was lodged inside him! You must have put it in while he was unconscious.

“MMMNNGGH~!” He moaned against the gag, his body twisting and shaking, poor little baby was so sensitive!

You turned the vibrator off and he slumped down, his chest heaving, “Now for your punishment, I’m going to leave you here with that vibrator on and you’re going to cum over and over again until I’m satisfied, do you understand?”

Noah’s eyes widened and he shook his head profusely. This wasn’t what he wanted, he wanted to feel you, to touch you, to have you make him feel good; not this stupid toy!

He also didn’t want to be alone, he felt like he’d die if you weren’t near him so he began to cry, “N-noooo!! Mmm stayy!” His voice came out muffle which only made you smirk even more.

It was evident you were a sadist; seeing him whine and beg like that really turned you on. However you were doing this also to make sure it was engrained in his head who was in charge: you. It was to make sure he’d never pull a stunt like this again and would also prove his obedience to you.

“You said you wanted to be my good boy didn’t you Noah~? So be a good boy and take it.” You said sternly, turning the vibrator on once more before walking out of the room, leaving the door open a little bit so you’d hear him.

His moans and cries followed you as he begged for you to come back, but with the gag in his mouth he could only do so much.

Noah’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he came again with a cry, his boxers were now dirty with his jizz. He sobbed as the vibrations bullied his poor prostrate, he wanted you to make it feel better, please come back!

And then he came for the third time, and the fourth and then the fifth. It felt like hours had gone by (it had only been 30 minutes) since you left him in this state; his whole body was shaking as his hips bucked to try and get away from the vibrations but to no avail.

“Nnnngghh~!! ‘S t-too m-much…too much!” He whined, mainly to himself but it came out as mixed garbles.

You finally graced him with your presence and entered the room, your own arousal building up at the sight of him. But you also felt pity on him, it was clear that he had never felt the touch of anyone his entire life—let alone come numerous amounts of times!

He hadn’t noticed you came in yet, his mind was all foggy and hazy; the only thing he could focus on was the vibrations in his ass.

You say next to him and his head immediately darted towards you, tears pooled his eyes and he begged you to make it stop, “P-pleasshh~” He tried to say but the gag and the tormenting toy stopped him from being able to vocalise himself.

You cooed at him and turned the vibrations to the lowest level, yet not quite turning it off yet, “Have you learnt your lesson~?” You ask, and he nods eagerly and tries to get closer to you: to feel your comfort, your warmth, your affection, your love~

You take mercy on him and take out the gag since it was clearly hurting his jaw, he lets out a moan of relief as incoherent ‘thank yous’ and ‘I love yous’ leave his mouth.

“Shhh…it’s okay, I’ve got you~” You whisper in his ear, you gently take his underwear off and take the vibrator out, making him whine, “Mmmh…s-sensitive..ahhnngh~”

He gave you such adorable eyes, pleading for you to make him feel better so you cupped his face, “Don’t worry, I’ll take all the pain away, I promise…you’re my good boy right~?”

As soon as he heard the words, “Good boy,” he immediately nodded like a mad-man, “Mmm your good boy! P-please…please…y-yours…”

You could tell he was extremely exhausted from the torment you put him through, so you untied his wrists and ankles which made him cling onto you like a spider monkey; you let out a soft chuckle, “Noah…you have to let me go…I need to clean you up…”

“N-no! D-don’t go…please…” Tears pooled his eyes yet again, making you coo at him which he melted to.

“Shhh…alright, we can cuddle for a bit but then I have to clean you okay~?” You wrapped your arms around his waist aswell, being careful not to touch his very sensitive lower body.

Noah could still feel the tingles and electricity coursing through his body, but once you held him in your arms—he felt all that pain go away. He snuggled further into you, his face buried in your neck.

“I love you so much…I love you Y/N..” He mumbled against your skin, kissing it softly.

And you found yourself saying something you’d never imagine saying the first day you met him;

“I love you too Noah~”

Ahhhh! Finally finished this!!

—>my masterlist <3

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mdni banner used from @cafekitsune !!

[luminiamore]

NEEDY.

brought back to life toji x black reader

warnings: cheating but he offs ur bf so not really?, angst in the beginning, we raised megs with toji, depression in the beginning, this is kinda sad but really cute, no prep just straight sex, reader has locs but it could be whateva u want, overstimulation, soft sex, soft toji, SPOILERS if u haven’t watched the anime.

masterlist

Twelve years.

It’s been that long. Twelve long, agonizing years have passed since you’ve seen Toji. He disappeared on you. Gone. Vanished. One day, he woke you up from a nap and told you he would be gone for a week or so for a job. You understood that his line of work is dangerous. You knew there was a possibility that he could die at any moment.

But he told you not to worry. They were kids, he said.

‘You know me, mama. I don’t die easily.’

He’s a sorcerer killer. He’s strong. It was always apparent to you that he could manage himself. Of course, that never stopped you from worrying.

You began to feel anxious after three weeks. During dinner time, you would cook him meals and fall asleep, hoping that he would come to you stumbling and embrace your body whole as he usually does.

After four weeks, you began to sleep less. The silence in your apartment would haunt you. The sound of every footstep passing by your wooden door and every creak on the floor would make you jump. Imagining that, finally, it would be him who would walk through it. He never did.

After the fifth week, you started calling his boss and friend, but he would never say it out loud. Each time it went to voicemail, you would cry uncontrollably. You may have sent him over one thousand messages, but they all went unanswered. The man probably blocked your number.

You honestly didn’t know what you expected.

Toji tried to keep Shiu and you apart as much as he could. You two were never close. The only thing you had Shiu’s number for was safety purposes, in case you were ever in danger while he was away on the job.

The truth took you five months to accept. To accept that Toji was never going to come back. It took you another three months to come to terms with the fact that Toji was dead.

Throughout all of this, Megumi, his son, gave you comfort. Though it was supposed to be the other way around, you had a feeling he knew what was wrong with you. At times, you couldn’t even get up to cook food and instead chose to order out so he could eat while you lay starving. At the tender age of four, Megumi was skilled in making homemade soup due to your frequent illnesses.

After a year or so, you thought -- you barely left your bed, so you lost track of time, a man came knocking at your door. White hair and bright, bright blue eyes can be seen even with glasses covering his eyes.

You should have fought him, beaten him to a fucking pulp. You’ve always had a keen sense of intuition. You knew he was the one who killed Toji, your Toji. Your gut was screaming that to you.

But what would you be able to do? You had no cursed energy. You couldn’t fight this man even though your husband had taught you some things in his free time. You had no chance against him, and the cocky bastard was aware of that.

He wasn’t here for you anyway. It was obvious to you that when he pushed past you and entered your home, he immediately started to search for Megumi. Knowing that the little boy could see curses, he suspected that his technique was starting to manifest, so he informed him that he could provide assistance.

Hearing the conversation in the kitchen, your breath paused when he mentioned that he would be going to Tokyo. You would be alone, but you refuse to be selfish and force him to watch over you in your depressed state. You urged him to go, urged him to make a change in the world even if it physically pained you.

Megumi made a promise to visit you every year and never leave you. He was truthful to you. Every year, he would spend a week with you, and you would see the boy you helped raise become a capable young man. He would occasionally show you his technique to demonstrate how much he has grown. You couldn’t have been more proud.

It took you 8 years, but you eventually moved on from Toji physically. Your heart still belongs to him emotionally.

Although you never remarried, you did have a boyfriend. He’s a kind man, has a regular corporate job, earns a livable yearly salary, and is not a killer, so there’s no danger of him being murdered. He also treats you nicely, arranging a dinner date every week and a vacation to a nice place every year.

You should’ve been happy. You should love him— why don’t you?

Why is it that every time he fucks you, all you see and think of is Toji? When you respond to his love for you, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Because you know it’s not true. You know it would never be true.

Megumi has a liking for him and believes he is a good fit for you. After what you went through, it’s fair to say that you deserve this. Though, it’s easy for him to sense how unhappy you are, that you’re putting on a facade in front of the man you’re supposed to love. If the man really knew you, he would understand that every time you smile and kiss him, it was an effort, especially after being together for almost 3 years.

You’re not sure why you never left him. You think this is better than feeling alone. Even if it wasn’t as good as Toji, you still got fucked every other night. It could never be better than Toji. You think he’s ruined you for anyone else.

October 31st, 2018. 11 a.m.

It’s Wednesday, October 31st, and it’s the week Megumi is supposed to come to see you.

You begin your day as you usually do. Your boyfriend wakes you up with a kiss right before he leaves for work, and you groggily force your body straight to the shower. While the eggs sizzle, you make a light breakfast as you stare into space.

As you’re eating, you feel your stomach drop. There is an odd sensation in your gut, a negative one. You experienced the same feeling when Toji died. You hastily pull out your phone and dial Megumi’s number.

One ring. Two. Three rings and no response.

“..Mom?”

His tone is fatigued as if you had woken him from his sleep. At that, you breathe a sigh of relief. However, the feeling persists.

“Are you okay, Megs?”

He sounds confused, although you suspect he can sense your concern in your voice, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? Is something wrong?”

“Do you have a mission today?”

Your frantic questioning without an answer is now causing him anxiety.

“There’s something going on in Shibuya tonight, so yeah.” You don’t answer him for a beat, just breathing as you feel your heart beating faster as his response.

“Are you okay, mo-”

“Please, don’t go. I have a bad feeling again.”

He sighs, “You know I can’t do that. It’s supposed to be something manageable, nothing too ba-”

You sternly cut him off, “Megumi. It’s not going to be manageable, I can feel it.”

“If you’re saying that, then it means I need to go and help even more, Mom.”

You’re trembling, and- Are you crying? You feel the tear slide down your cheek before you can even register it. You have always been afraid of Megumi going out to fight curses, but for some reason, your fear is growing stronger.

Your breath stutters, “What if- what if you-”

The thought of Megumi getting badly injured or even dying is so terrifying that you can’t even finish your sentence. You don’t believe you can endure that. No, you know you can’t. You’re still grieving over your husband. How could you possibly stomach his death?

This time, he cuts you off, “I can’t promise you that I won’t go. But I can promise to stay at a safe distance so I don’t die.”

“You’re so selfless, it’s infuriating.” You chuckle through your tears, using your unoccupied hand to wipe them off.

“I love you too.” You can tell he’s trying to stifle a laugh of his own.

You smile, even though he can’t see you, “I love you so much. Please, don’t die.”

“I’ll make sure to haunt you if I do.”

A gasp, “Megumi!”

“Joking.. sort of.”

He hangs up with another ‘Love you’ before you can scold him. And now you’re forced to swallow the lump in your throat. It’s okay, you remind yourself. You’re gonna be okay. Megumi is gonna be fine. He’ll come see you on Friday like he usually does. But even you’re aware that you’re just trying to console yourself.

The day is spent trying to distract yourself. You had the time to paint your nails and toes, try on some new outfits that you bought last week, and even try reading a book. But the feeling would never go away. In fact, it intensified as the darkness outside increased.

October 31st, 2018. 11 p.m.

Around 11 p.m., your boyfriend arrived and greeted you with his usual kiss on the cheek and casual discussion about both of your days. Every day, you think, today is the day. Today is the day you’ll get a tingling feeling whenever he kisses you. Today is the day you’ll feel warmth whenever he says he missed you or he loved you.

But it never came, and today was no different. You had made some food and decided to leave some for him, he had taken a liking to your cooking.

“I’m gonna head to bed. You’re gonna join me?”

“In a few, I wanna stay up a little longer.” You whisper, absentmindedly watching the plate he’s eating from. You don’t even notice. You’re entirely zoned out.

He kisses the side of your head when he stands up.

He kisses the side of your head when he stands up, “Okay, thanks for the food, babe. Let’s go out to eat tomorrow, yeah?”

“Sure.”

He pulls back hesitantly, hands still on your shoulder as he observes the lost look in your eyes, “Are you okay, babe? You seem.. out of it.”

All he gets is a slow nod and a small kiss on his knuckles. That seems to be enough for him because he hums and whispers a small “Love you.” and walks away.

The sound of the shower running after a few minutes is your cue to clean up. As you scrub the burnt parts of the pasta you made, you hear your phone ringing. When you glance over, it turns out to be Megumi.

11:38 p.m.

‘why the fuck is Dad alive? he just disappeared after helping me with some curse??’

Your hands become completely limp as the plate you are holding drops abruptly and crashes into the wet sink. Your eyes were wide and unblinking as you stood frozen. Your breath is caught in your throat, making it impossible to exhale. Your mind is overflowing with thoughts, each one more anxious than the last.

What?

You haven’t moved a single inch, but your hands are now shaking.

Toji is what?

No. He’s lying. But that’s not true either. Megumi would never deceive you, especially about his dad being alive. Your hands are trembling as you try to reach for your phone, but you’re stopped in your tracks by a loud crash.

You come out of your frozen state, and as if you’re running on autopilot, you run as fast as you can to the sound that hits the cold tile floor. But what you see next almost causes you to burst into tears because there he is, your husband.

Toji is right there, in your room, holding a sharp red wooden blade against your boyfriend’s neck. He’s in a gray sweater, but even then, you can see his muscles and just how big he is through it. He’s not looking at you, but with the way his shoulders raise and his breath hitches— he knows you’re watching.

Hearing him speak brings a tear to your cheek. It’s been a long time since you last heard his voice. The world seemed to stop moving, leaving you in a surreal moment stuck in time. You can’t believe it, you’ve lost all hope, but he is here. Sending the ugliest glare to the man on the other side of the blade in your bedroom is enough to make you shiver,

“Who the hell is this, baby?”

You say nothing, relishing in the sound of him speaking to you. Your heart pounded fiercely, echoing in your ears, while a wave of dizziness threatened to overwhelm you.

It’s when your boyfriend grunts in an angry tone, “What the fuck is happening, (❤︎)?!” You finally snap out of your stupor.

It’s not a surprise you stutter when you speak, but you don’t even say much. You pitifully let out a squeak of,

“T-Toji?”

You want him to look at you, want him to see you. You want to make sure that it’s really him you’re looking at, but he seems so focused and upset? Your eyes move away from his face briefly to take a glance at the weapon threatening to penetrate your boyfriend’s neck.

You speak so lowly, almost as if you’re ashamed to admit your following words, “My boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend.”

Despite boarding on the brink of death, he still manages to harbor a false confidence when you say that, “Exactly, man, so, who the fuck are you?”

“Her husband.”

At that, your boyfriend chokes, and now his anger is directed towards you, “Husband? You’re married?! We’ve been together for 3 years, and you-”

“He was dead!” You suddenly find your voice, a bit hysterically. You turn to Toji, who still isn’t looking at you but presses harder into his neck. You can see a trickle of blood start to drip. “You were dead- You are dead.”

His response is cold, blunt, “I’m about to kill the bastard standing half naked in my wife’s house, so, no. I’m very much alive, mama.”

“How? How are you alive?”

“Long story.” Is all he utters.

“I’ve waited 12 fucking years, I’m sure you can spare me a little more time.”

At that, he has the audacity to sigh as if you’re the one being difficult. You jump back and yelp when he suddenly plunges the weapon into your boyfriend- ex’s neck. You open your mouth, about to ask him what the hell that was for, but he answers before you can, “Unwanted company.”

When he finally turns his head to look at you, you swear he’s more beautiful than you remember. Everything looks the same, but something’s off. His eyes were blackish, or maybe it was a deep purple color in his sclera— that was supposed to be white, wasn’t it? His pupils are purple, too, or was it blue? You’re not sure, but you don’t find him any less beautiful.

“Toji.. I- how?”

He grumbles, and in one blink, he’s in front of you, hands on your waist and lips immediately logged deep in your neck, not quite sucking but just breathing you in. The action makes you shiver, and the feeling of him so close to you causes more tears to fall. “Some old hag did a seance. Wanted me to kill all sorcerers.”

Your breath hitches, but you sternly reply, “Our son is a sorcerer.”

“Obviously, I’m not going to.”

He smiles at the fact that you said ‘Our.’ He can feel the tears on your neck, and he honestly feels he might drop some of his own. Twelve years in hell—because let’s be real, there was no way someone of his caliber was making it to heaven— and he hasn’t seen you. Hasn’t touched you. He’d rather kill you than not fuck you again- he’d have to force himself to do so.

He’s not ashamed to admit he missed you. He feels guilty for putting you through this, through twelve years with him. He said he was coming back, he couldn’t imagine your despair when he didn’t. He hates himself for causing you that pain, for pushing you into the arms of another man.

He muffled out, “D’ya love him?”

It takes you a minute to answer, you feel a bit ashamed to admit this since he just died, “Never did. I only ever loved you.”

“Loved? You don’t love me anymore?”

You break out another sob, “I never stopped Toji.”

This time, he doesn’t answer, but there’s a nagging question in the back of his mind that he needs answered, “Three years, hm? You fuck him?” Your next words give him the answer he needs.

“Toji- it’s been years! You were-”

“Dead, I know. You didn’t look too sad when he died. He could never fuck you like me, huh?”

He knows he shouldn’t be upset. He knows he has no right to be angry at you. You had every right to move on. He didn’t ghost you or just disappear casually. He was dead. The thought never sat well with him, though. It made his stomach churn. He always told you that if you ever cheated on him, he would kill the man and then himself. He could never bring himself to hurt you physically.

But is it even cheating if he was dead?

A whisper breaks him out of his thoughts, “No.”

What an angel you are. Answering him even when he isn’t even speaking out loud. His mind is confused. So he does what he used to do when he needs to let out his frustrations— use your body as a stress reliever.

When his hands grope your hips, you let out a desperate moan. Fuck you are desperate, you haven’t felt your lover in years.

“Damn- I missed you, baby. Missed how soft you are, missed holding you.” His tongue starts slowly, lapping softly at your collarbone.

Your breath starts getting shaky, and the slick that’s been forming since you first laid eyes on him is dripping down your thighs, “Missed you so much more.”

He’s not in the mood to wait. He’d usually tease you before he impaled you on his dick. But it’s been too long since he felt any warmth from you- he’s not stalling any longer.

“Need to fuck you, now. You remember how to take me, right?”

He was quick with his hands, ripping the nightgown you had on to shreds. You’re bare in front of his gaze, and you can see how he was practically drooling— the man was in a trance.

If Toji is as big as you remember, then taking him would be a challenge. You could never do it without some form of prep, be it him eating you out until you cried or fingering you till your legs trembled. Sometimes it was both. But you could tell he wasn’t in the mood to do either of those right now. He just wanted to stuff you, so you’d have to suck it up and let him.

You give him a shaky nod, “Yes, please.”

He lazily rubs on your engorged bud, spreading your slick all over your fat pussy lips. He releases the most toe-curling moan when he feels how wet you are, and it’s all for him. He doesn’t keep the act up for long and dips two fingers inside. They stretch you so wide you can’t help but buck your hips against the wall he has you pressed on.

“Hnng- Toji! Just put it in, p-please.”

He grunts, but he can never argue against you. Toji forces his tip past your tight walls, and you have to hiss it out. You’re wet enough that the first inch slides in easily, but you’re so tight that he thinks you’re about to squeeze his tip right off.

He groans out, seemingly more out of breath than you are, “Relax, mama. Breathe before you break my dick off.”

“M’trying!” Is your only response. More tears are dripping down your face, both from the pain and how close you are to him.

Toji decides to distract you by rubbing tight circles on your clit, and that causes your breath to stutter and your moans to increase in volume. That does the trick because as you’re focused on the pleasure, he doesn’t hesitate to shove everything into you in one go. All nine inches- but shit, you swear it feels bigger.

“Oh god! It’s too much- I can’t-”

“God took me away from you. Made us spend twelve years apart. It’s not God making you feel this way, it’s me. Focus on me.”

You’re nodding before he can even finish his sentence because he’s right. Toji gives you a few seconds- maybe 30 before his patience runs around, and he starts slowly rutting in you. He knows how big he is. Takes pride in it, too. So, he doesn’t stop rubbing your clit to ease the feeling of him stretching you out.

As he instructs, all your focus is on him. Your hazy eyes focus on his face, his brows furrowed in pleasure, and his lips parted as he pants against you. You can’t help but kiss him, suck his chapped pink lips so hard you can feel his scar against your tongue. And he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back. It isn’t a fight for dominance, Toji easily takes all control of you, and you surrender with no regrets.

You take his cock beautifully, so well. Every time he pushes out, your pussy just pulls him back in, making a wet squelch sound when his hips slap against yours. He can feel the goosebumps on your body whenever his tip presses harshly on your g-spot, and so he keeps the same pace and stroke— determined to make you cum just like this.

You wail out as your eyes roll into the back of your head, “Oh! Right there, don’t s-stop!”

“Never. Won’t ever stop fucking you, baby. Need you to forgive me anyway.”

“For l-leaving me?”

He chuckles against your puffy lips and pulls harshly on your brown locs so your neck cranes to look directly at him, “Yes, mama. I’m sorry for leaving you, for leaving our son. So sorry. Won’t ever do it again, I promise.”

You’re crying again. Tears are flowing freely now, and Toji thinks you’re beautiful and even ethereal. He glances down, and a creamy white paste forms at the base of his cock- getting even more wet each time he pulls out of you.

“I c-cried so much, Toji. For months, for years. You- you-”

“Shh. I know, baby. I know. I’m selfish for doing that, a complete asshole. I’d hate me too.”

You’re nodding, but you could never think of him as such. You would never call Toji anything mean, anything harsh- despite what he put you through.

Your pussy is twitching against him, “Don’t hate you. Could never h-hate you.”

He kisses your lips, all over your face, really, “Yeah? Damn, I love you. You love me?”

“Yes! Yes- I love you. Only you.”

He moans and presses against your stomach, his bulge poking out. Your breaths come in ragged gasps, your body tightening as a wave of pleasure builds inside of you. Your muscles clenched, and an uncontainable rush surged through you. Fuck, you’re gonna come.

Toji can feel it, and his slow pace speeds up. He whispers in your ear, pulling at your lobe, “Cum, baby. Go ahead, I need it.”

Finally, with a shuddering cry, you tipped over the edge. Ecstasy washed over you in powerful, pulsing waves. Your body trembled a blissful release, leaving you breathless and utterly spent. Despite your haze, Toji doesn’t stop, nor do you feel his thick cum flowing past your walls.

He can sense the confusion in you, and all he does to ease your mind is, “3 years, right? How about 3 orgasms for every year I wasn’t with you, huh? Think we can reach 36, mama?”

Your eyes widen in disbelief because that doesn’t even sound possible, but you’re distracted by another toe-curling orgasm ripping through you- your clit pulsing in overstimulation. As always, he knows what you’re thinking, but he doesn’t seem to be backing down with his next words.

“Yeah, I think we can.”

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[noellefan101]

Too Scared to Let Go(To Lose You)

Characters; Lynette, Navia, Xiao, Scaramouche, Lyney, Kaeya, La Signora x gn Reader

Summary; they wont let go of you, no matter what. They can't protect you from harm when they aren't there, so they hold you close to ensure you're there. they've already lost so much.

Warnings; angst, maybe a little bit yandere,

Notes; i did the obvious like xiao, scara, signora and stuff but if i make a part two ill maybe put someone like barbara or nilou in, but that would just be them having intrusive thoughts... probably. will add diluc and venti there as well dont worry, love you

Lynette

She always thinks that you're going to die at some point, get kidnapped or just straight up leave, these thoughts come up once every week or so. But when your out and about or just working late, her thoughts run faster than ever. Of course she has lyney and the rest of the house, but she's just gotten so used to being with both lyney and you now that it doesnt quite feel the same. So her solution is often to hug you as tight as she can when sleeping, hoping you wont disappear in the morning.

And of course you try and help her as much as you possibly can, reassuring her that you wont leave and that youll find a way to get back to her no matter what happens when out and about, but that sometimes just doesnt cut it.

She doesnt cry often, but when she does its a lot, tears streaming down her face for an hour or two, and even longer if you, Lyney and Freminet aren't there with her.

Navia

She cant let go of you in the morning, it was always like that, but it had gotten so much worse after the loss of her two beloved bodyguards. She often mumbles in her sleep about you and how she wants you to stay. Something along the lines of:

“no… no, don’t go, stay… please!! Just stay with me!”

“please stay… stay with me… where did you go… no, come back, please…”’

“[name]… please stay with me… please… just stay…”

You have to wake her up when it seems like she’s panicking and try your best to comfort her, but sometimes she just doesn’t get any sleep because she wants to make sure you don’t disappear while she is asleep. She is of course the same shining Navia when around other people like the Traveler and Paimon, but everyone can see that she doesn’t want to let go of you at all, fearing you’ll vanish if you leave her line of sight for even just a second, its like you’re glued to her.

If people ever see you, they know for a fact that Navia is also there, no matter what. Oh, you want to go over and wish your friend a happy birthday, well she can carry a gift for them with her so you don’t have to. You wanted to cook something but is missing one singular ingredient, you can you go get it together, don’t worry she isn’t putting back anything for it (she totally is, and has multiple offers and such she should be taking a look at rn).

Xiao

He says he shouldn’t be near you all the time, but doesn’t let go when you make him give in to his desires. He’ll hurt you, and you know that, so why are you still here with him. Wait, no, he isn’t trying to make you go away, please don’t, ever. He just cares about you enough to not want you getting hurt because of his karmic debt, he loves you too much to let that happen. But the thought of you leaving him fills his mind more than the karmic debt at times, he dreads it, the fact that you’ll leave eventually, he doesn’t care if its by choice or fate, just don’t. please, please, please don’t leave, just stay with him, please.

He doesn’t want to let go, but feels he needs to, you tell him its fine yet he feels like it isn’t. it feels like he’s hurting you every second of being with you, yet he doesn’t try to let go, he doesn’t even give the thought a chance. you say you’re fine, yet he feels like you’re not. He

feels like hes hurting you, he’s hurting more because of it. But then why does it hurt more without you, why, oh why. What have you done to him, just what did you do that made him so addicted to you. Swear you’ll never leave him ever, and he will do the same, as long as you’re here with him he swears he wont hurt you, he’ll break the karma in half for you, he’ll do anything. Just don’t leave him, please don’t.

Scaramouche

Everyone would say he’s too cocky, confident, and mean. But that’s all because he doesn’t let them see the vulnerable side of him, the leftovers of Kunikusuhi, the side he only shows to you. He shows you they way he cries at the mere thought you could leave him one day, he sobs in your chest as you comfort him and let him focus and anything but the nightmares haunting his being. He wont ever be like that with anyone that isn’t you, he doesn’t give a shit about them they can do whatever, but you have to stay.

He doesn’t care about all the others as long as you don’t leave him too, he doesn’t care about anything other than you. So please, please don’t leave him, ever, he would watch the world burn over and over again as long as he has you.

If you ever told anyone that the 6th harbinger, scaramouche, cries at night just because you left to go get a glass of water, they would call you crazy, say he’s never cried in his life that you must have seen things. But you know its true, and he does too, even if he doesn’t like to admit it. He knows you wont go, you always say you wont, but he just cant let himself to believe you, not when he’s been lied to so many times. He worries too much about you and he knows that, but how could he not, he loves you, and will never let you leave him because you love him too, right?

Lyney

Although he may be the confident, charming and romantic magician Lyney everyday in public, when he finally lets go of the role at home he’s nowhere near that. He cries just because he wanted to see you and he finally did, he worries about not being able to save you someday. He’s a worrywart to say the least

If you were gone for too long, whether on a mission from father or anything else really, he would not be calm at all until you come back. he would only be rather calm after he got a letter from you or in one of his shows where he put too many layers of masks on to hide it. he wants to think that your ok, just as Lynette say you are, you're strong. but he still cant help but worry,and he ends up panicked and stressed, without sleep, too tired to think sbout anything else other than you. dont leave him, he wouldnt survive without you.

That's why you cant leave him. hell lose his mind, and destroy everything around him in the process. he cant let you leave, so please, please don't. his heart is already fragile, it beats only for you now, so don't leave. don't leave. don't... please... please don't, he cant handle that. so, please, don't leave him, ever. stay right here with him, forever.

Kaeya

He doesnt remember his birth parents, he hates them but a little bit, but mostly because they left him, he cant handle thinking about them. and it only made his pain worse when he lost the people he called his family once again, so he cant afford to lose anything else, not when he feels completely at home once again. you are his home now, his family, and his joy. so don't leave or he might lose his mind and start ruining himself from the inside and out.

He loves you, a lot, you're his reason to continue in life. so if he ever sees you leave he would cry, even if all you are doing is leaving his office after giving him his lunch, he would shed a tear at the sight. his heart is fragile ok? He can't bear to lose his life once again, not after his parents left, not after his adoptive family left too.

Don't go, stay, stay right here with him and everything will be fine. i will all be fine, you trust him after all, and he won't let anyone touch you, let alone hurt you. you're safe here with him, don't worry about them, worry about him. you've got him wrapped around your finger without even knowing, you could want a certain sweet from Inazuma and he'll get it as fast as possible. you can get anything you want, ok? The only condition is that you stay right here with him, and only him.

La Signora

She swore she wasn’t going to fall for anyone after her first lover died, so why did she fall for you, how did she fall for you. Honestly you don’t know and she doesn’t either, she doesn’t know how you were able to melt her ice cold heart back to normal, even if only around you and you only, if anyone else is around it freezes back quicker than lightning can strike. She thought she wasn’t able to love again after he died, but you proved her wrong, so you can’t leave too. She cant deal with the death of her lover once again, so don’t leave her, ever.

You hug her in the night as she cries a little, mad at you for leaving her in her dream, but still not mad at you, as her anger is mostly to the world for doing this to her. But don’t worry, she’ll fall asleep eventually as she always does, she does need her beauty sleep after all. But that doesn’t mean she’ll wake up and easily let go again or just get out of bed, she’s stubborn and want you all for herself a little longer. She makes you talk a little as you carefully brush her hair like she taught you to do, and she relaxes a bit when you tell her you love her while kissing her head.

As long as you promise you wont leave her, and keep that promise, she’ll love you forever, she cant bare to see you go out the door even if its just for groceries, someone else can do that don’t worry. Just come and relax with her in a bath, she can wash your hair and you can wash hers. She’ll take care of you like you take care of her, just don’t leave, please. If you ever left her alone for too long she would freak out, she does everything with you, baths, shopping, paperwork even, so she cant bear to be left alone for longer than 30 minutes or she’ll panic. So don’t leave her please, please, please don’t, she’ll even beg for you to not leave her, just stay here with her.

Thank u for reading this, i know this took a long time and I havent posted things these few like weeks I think but I may have writers block(idk why I say it like that) and this was made over like a few months actually heh, luv ya

You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts

[xaviers-star-tassel]

⭐️ sleep, i’m here

✦ pairing: xavier / gn!reader

✦ genre: fluff

✦ warnings: hopefully, none

✦ word count: 1.6k words

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ: you’ve recently had troubles falling asleep. luckily, your sleepy neighbor and partner is there to help

⋆˙ ✦ note: this is my first ever fic that i uploaded, so it might not be perfect! i may or may not upload more in the future, depends on how well this will do. i have to thank my friend for finally giving me the kick to actually upload this, because i would probably never post this if it weren’t for them

another sleepless night. turn after turn, no matter what you did, you just couldn’t turn your mind off. it had been like this for over a week. eyes droopy, skin sickly paler than usual. you were a mess with the darkest circles under your eyes.

you couldn’t even think straight. with how tired you were, your performance during missions got sloppy. mistakes, mishaps, injuries. things that were usually rare in your case, were now a daily part of your work. your skin was covered in cuts and bruises, making each squirm against the soft mattress painful.

whenever someone asked if you were doing well, you mustered up the speckle of energy to cover up the exhaustion pulsing within every particle of your body. others seemed to brush it off, even tara asked about your well being less frequently. though, unbeknownst to you, there was one person who was keeping an eye on you, even more than before.

that someone was none other than your partner and neighbor—xavier.

since he was always making sure you were safe, you didn’t particularly found his concern strange. it was nothing out of the ordinary, at least that was how it seemed to you. perhaps it was your sleep deprived mind, because you seemed to be utterly blind to his actions.

whenever your head was close to bumping a corner of your desk when you dropped your pen, his hand was quick to cover it. when you couldn’t keep your eyes open while filing documents, he secretly left a cup of coffee on your desk. your tired mind was making you believe you were slowly losing it at the sight of freshly brewed coffee, as bitter as possible to give you the energetic kick you need. bitter like the one from xavier’s brewing machine, you always thought to yourself as you took a sip, then cringed at the taste.

as you continued to restlessly lie on your bed, not even a blink of sleep coming to you, you tossed your blanket aside to sit up. your eyelids were heavy and sight blurry as tears of frustration welled up in your eyes. you wanted to cry, but you were tired even for that.

oh, how you wanted to steal at least a little of xavier’s drowsiness at that moment. you were sure that your neighbor was now sleeping soundly, while you were suffering in the darkness of your bedroom.

when you dropped yourself back onto the mattress, a sudden ring of your phone tore you away from a total breakdown. without looking, you picked your phone up. your eyes slowly adjusted to the light upon turning it on, and you were met with a message from xavier. huh, speak of the devil.

xavier: Are U awake

you stared at the adorable bunny chat bubble for a good minute. in your astonishment, you didn’t even manage to get bothered by the capitalized ‘U’ in the middle of a sentence like you usually did. your thumbs slowly typed in a short ‘yes’ before sending it, surprising you once more at the speed he read it.

xavier: Come here. Ill leave the door open for U

was he really just inviting you to his place in the middle of the night? why was he not asleep? despite your confusion, you didn’t hesitate to take up on his offer. leaving the last text unanswered, you lazily got up from the bed. with the phone in your hand, and a pair of slippers on your feet, you made your way out of your apartment.

you walked quietly along the hallway, careful not to disturb the neighbors. since he lived on the floor above yours, you found it useless to wait for the elevator. somehow, the idea of seeing xavier fueled you with at least enough energy to walk up to his apartment on your own tired feet, and it took only a minute or two for you to stand before the door, which were in fact opened just for you.

you barged into xavier’s apartment with a quiet step, closing the door behind your back. when the lock clicked, the silver haired head poked out from behind the doorframe of his bedroom. he smiled upon seeing you, silently inviting you in.

with your eyes half closed, you waddled to him. every step you took suddenly felt heavy, as if your entire skeleton was made of steel. the short distance that was the hall of his apartment appeared to be endless to your aching body.

finally, you were standing next to him. your head dropped onto his shoulder, which was something you wouldn’t normally do without feeling flustered. but with how exhausted you were, you couldn’t care less as you closed the small gap between you.

“there you go,” he muttered into the crown of your head, lips pressed against your hair.

your only answer was a low grumble that vibrated from your chest. xavier wrapped his arm around your waist, leading you to his bed. he gently laid you on the left side of the mattress before crawling up to you.

you watched his every move. he made himself comfortable on his side to face you, one arm bent under his head and the other propped against your waist.

the dim light radiating from the lamp behind you illuminated his face, letting you see the worried expression on his face. he studied your features without uttering a word, his warm breath caressing your cheeks. reaching his arm up, he cupped your face. the pad of his thumb rubbed the deep dark circles underneath your eyes, his touch careful and gentle.

“why didn’t you tell me anything?” he suddenly asked, catching you off guard.

you let out a sigh, pressing your cheek against his calloused palm. “i didn’t want to worry you.”

silent chuckle erupted from his throat as he shook his head. his hand slid down from your face back to your waist, expression no longer as tense as it was a second ago.

“you know i’d worry no matter what, right? after all, it was me who was making sure you wouldn’t hit your head against your desk whenever you dropped your pen,” he whispered with a smile.

this revelation had left you surprised. connecting the dots in your brain, all of the images appeared in a clear vision between your eyes. from the freshly brewed bitter coffee to the neat stack of documents that you left scattered on your desk the day before. it was all him. and only now were you realizing it.

“so i wasn’t going insane. thank goodness, i thought that my mind was playing tricks with me,” you joked meekly, huffing a laugh through your nose.

his eyes softened when he heard you laugh briefly, though deep down, he was still worried. how couldn’t he be worried? not once had he saved you from your potential doom while fighting off wanderers within the last few days.

“still, you should’ve told me,” he scolded you, though not very sternly. he didn’t have the heart to be hard on you when you looked like a distressed bundle of drowsiness.

you hummed in acknowledgment. guilt suddenly washed over you that you didn’t notice it sooner, but it was too late to cry over spilled milk.

“i’m sorry,” you whispered, glancing into his eyes.

xavier took your hand in his, inspecting the scrapes and small cuts on your fingers and palm. he lifted the hand upwards, letting his lips graze over your knuckles.

“please, don’t apologize to me. you did nothing wrong,” he said softly, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. “just… let me know in the future. i don’t want to see you like this.”

the caring tone made you feel slightly emotional, if only you realized sooner just how worried he was.

“i will, xavier. i promise,” you nodded, lips curling into a tired smile.

he extended his pinky finger toward you, smiling while doing so. “then let’s seal the deal. pinky promises shall never be broken.”

you chuckled at the silly gesture, but you complied anyway. your pinky fingers hooked together, holding them right under your chin. only then you realized how small the gap between your faces was. the tip of his nose was merely inches away from yours, his breath fanning over your skin.

your gaze flickered down to his pink lips, the sudden desire to kiss them bubbled within your chest. xavier noticed where you stared right away, making his ears turn faint red. as if he could read your mind, he slowly began to lean in. his deep blue eyes were focused on yours, closing them only after his lips touched yours.

he hummed in what seemed like relief as he melted into the kiss. the world suddenly fell completely still, the only thing that mattered was the tender moment you shared. xavier unhooked his pinky from yours to pull you closer to him, desperately wanting to feel your warmth.

the kiss only lasted a few seconds before you pulled away. thanks to the soft light of the lamp, you caught a glimpse of the reddish dust on his cheeks. you watched as he took a deep breath before relaxing his head against the fluffy pillow.

“let’s take a day off. you must catch up on sleep, even if you’ll sleep for a whole day,” he whispered, his eyes fluttering close.

“is that really okay?” you asked worriedly.

“yes, i’m sure others will understand. now sleep, i’m here for you,” he pressed a last kiss to your forehead before relaxing completely.

the comfort and the heat radiating from his body was slowly but surely lulling you to much needed sleep. letting out a small yawn, you pressed your forehead to his chest. your breathing pattern slowed down, signaling to xavier that you had fallen asleep.

“no matter what happens, i’ll always be there for you. that is my promise to you.”

© xaviers-star-tassel

[moethewriter]

Idk if you're comfortable doing these but maybe reader is on their month and needs comfort from finnick. Had mine last week the cramps, nausea and back pain was crazy fr lol. Or maybe just a comfort reading been a rough week

Please and thank you have a lovely day 🫶🏾

Of course I can write that anon! Periods are the worst. TITLE: Chamomile Delights WORD COUNT: 1.1k WARNINGS: Period content, fluff TAGS: Can be read as gn!reader (women aren't the only ones who get periods y'all!) A/N: Loved writing this one! Periods are ass, and as a non-binary person who gets them, we all need a little comfort! Hope you all enjoy this! I'm still not feeling 100%, this flu is lingering my friends, but writing has been taking my mind off of that! Love yall! Also not beta read as per usual, sorry for any spelling mistakes! Haha! -

It had come early, and to say you weren’t happy was an understatement. You wanted to die, truly lay down and allow yourself to become one with the earth because anything would be better than this shit. You didn’t remember the last time you felt this horrible during your cycle, usually you could manage but today was just … awful. Everything made you want to cry, or you when something inconvenienced you, you wanted to chuck it against the wall and watch it smash. You were nauseated at the smell of anything Mags brought you to eat, and to top it all of you just felt so fucking miserable.

Finnick had been gone for a few days, off in The Capitol, when your period had started, usually he would be there to provide any sort of comfort you needed but right now you were alone. You couldn’t blame him, Snow had summoned him and many other Victors for a week of galas and to introduce the new Victors. You feigned illness, which in some ways was true, but you were upset he couldn’t stay with you. Had you known it would start, you probably would have gone because at least then you would have your built in space heater.

You wanted to have him near you, as childish as it sounded. He always made you feel better and doted on you. He made you feel better and knew how to take care of you. But mostly you just missed him. His comforting smile, the way he would rub your lower back and just hold you to help you fall asleep. You were miserable without him, and you looked like shit. It wasn’t ideal, but you could make it through the worst alone if you had too. You felt like something that had just crawled out of a sewer drain, and you were sure you looked like it too.

Finnick hated seeing you so ill. He always wanted to make you feel better in whatever way he could. Whether that was holding you while you angrily muttered and cursed at the world for having cramps, or making you a small dinner that he knew wouldn’t make you sick. Well more like got Mags to make something while he presented it to you, he had never been the best cook and when you weren’t well he knew it was hopeless to try and feed you anything he made, it was sweet the way he tried so hard.

Some days he was a pain in your ass, but you didn’t mind that anymore. 

“When he gets home, I swear I’m going to kill him.” You whispered, throwing a pillow over your head, maybe if you suffocate yourself enough, the lack of oxygen flow would stop the pain all together. “Damn fucking President Snow calling his ass away. Maybe I’ll kill him next.” You grumbled under the pillow.

“Kill who next?”

You sat up straight, regretting your decision the moment you cramped up a little more. You felt a small wave of nausea hit you as you covered your mouth. You hadn’t expected him home until far later in the week. 

“What the fuck?” You muttered, squinting your eyes. “You’re home early.” You observed the glitter on him, his demeanor and the way he was dressed.

It wasn’t unusual for him to come back from The Capitol dressed far differently than anything he wore at home. It wasn’t Finnick’s usual style, he preferred a more low key look when he was in District Four, always had, but he did look gorgeous.

“And you look like shit.” He raised an eyebrow, leaning against the door frame. “Are you in pain?”

“I feel like shit, thanks for the observation, Finn.” You rolled your eyes. “Yes, obviously.” You were far grumpier than you wanted to be but you couldn’t help it right now, the light was too bright and you abdomen felt like it was crushing your insides.

“Ah. I see.” Finnick said, exiting the room.

You grumbled to yourself angrily, desperately searching for a position that gave you any relief, though nothing you had tried worked thus far. At least Finnick was here, despite the annoyance you had at the entire situation, you were thankful he was home early.

“Hot water, and a cup of tea.” Finnick said, returning a few minutes later holding a steaming mug and a small towel.

“Finn.” You felt tears well up in your eyes. “Sorry. I’m not upset, and sorry for being a dick, thank you.” You smiled, as he passed you the cup, you inhaled it and the smile grew.

Chamomile, a luxury to get when you were outside The Capitol. It was your favourite tea, always had been, and he  managed to snag a few boxes of it when he could. He always thought of you like that, whenever he could get you something he would. 

He sat beside you, gently pressing a kiss into your shoulder and you exhaled deeply at the simple, yet comforting gesture. Having his presence was already a comfort.

“What do you need from me?” He asked, pressing his chin to where he laid the kiss. “You know I’ll do anything for you.”

“Kill me?” You questioned, a teasing tone lacing your words. You sipped the tea he had brought you and felt the warmth take over your body. 

“Well … not that.” He snorted into your shoulder, his hands moving to gently massage your sides. 

“Thank you for the tea, and the hot water. Hold me, massage my back … work your usual magic Odair, because when I tell you I’ve been so unpleasant these last two days … I’m not lying.” You huffed.

“You’re not always unpleasant?” He teased, moving the massage to your shoulders.

You could feel the deep knots slowly being undone, and you let out a sigh of relief, you hadn’t realized the tension had been that bad.

“I will kick you off this bed.” You warned, shooting him a glare.

“Then who would take such good care of you?” Finnick smiled, continuing to work his magic. “No one can live up to this.” He laughed, a small sound coming from the bass of his throat. 

You loved his laugh.

“Hush, let me relax.” You closed your eyes, and focused on his soft humming,

Days like these had always been so miserable, you had gotten so used to riding it out alone, but now you had Finnick. He would always take care of you, and you would in turn, take care of him. There would never be one without the other, not anymore.

“I love you.” You said, simply, leaning into him.

“I love you too.” He said back, holding you closer.

[pitviperofdoom]

Jongerry prompt: reunion after one thought the other was dead?

Tim wasn’t sure what to make of the guy. 

They met in an awkward almost-collision at the institute’s front door, Tim rearing back in surprise, the other flinching away from the sudden movement. He was lanky, and probably would’ve been tall without the permanent slouch to his spine. His hair was a dull shade of mousy brown, and looked like it had been hacked short with kitchen scissors. His clothes hung loose and ill-fitting on his body. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks.

Tim took a wild guess. “Here to make a statement?” he asked.

The man grimaced. “Maybe later.”

“I’d make it quick if I were you,” Tim chuckled, holding the door open for him. “Jon was in a good mood before lunch, and those don’t tend to last long.”

Halfway through the door, the man froze. “Who?”

“Jon Sims, the head archivist,” Tim said carefully. “He’s the one who takes statements, so…”

“Oh.” The man’s face was blank. “He’s… that’s… down in the archives, yeah?”

“I can show you how to get there?” Tim offered. Whatever statement this guy had, it must have been rough.

"Sure, thanks," the guy said distractedly.

In spite of the accepted offer, the guy quickly pulled ahead, and Tim found himself trailing behind as the scruffy stranger led the way to the basement stairs. Before long, he was jogging to keep up.

That was why, when the man suddenly stopped at the top of the steps, Tim crashed straight into his back.

"Hey, what did you—"

A hand closed tight around his arm, stopping him from shouldering past. The man had gone still, staring intently down the steps. There was nothing to see except the bottom of the stairs, and the mouth of the hallway that led to the archives.

"Smell that?"

Confused, Tim sniffed. At first all he could smell was dust and old paper, but then, beneath it, as if carried on a draft, came a familiar musty, wet stench.

"Damn worms," He muttered. "We've had a bit of an infestation—dunno if you saw them on your way in—"

"I'm gonna need you to shut up and go back outside," the man interrupted. "Maybe pull the fire alarm on your way out, get everyone out of the building."

"Excuse me?" Tim demanded. The man was already releasing him and moving on, so Tim grabbed him before he could make it two more steps. "Hey, what the hell are you—"

"Listen." The man turned, deftly winching his arm out of Tim’s grip. "I have had a very long day. I was hoping it would end with a long shower, a change of clothes, and a minimum twenty-minute hug from someone who means the world to me. Instead, there's something very nasty down there that I need to deal with. Kindly piss off."

Tim's blood ran cold. "You—you mean Prentiss is—" He stopped. He had a million questions, but maybe just this once they could wait. "My friends are down there."

The man spared a moment to look, if possible, even more exhausted than before. "Great. Fine. Stay close and don't fuck me."

***

Tim's head swam with the gas. His body felt strangely detached as he heaved the fire extinguisher against the wall, again and again until he felt the plasterboard give way. His strange companion drew back as if preparing to do a run-up, and Tim hurled himself into the space and finally broke through.

His first view into the dimly lit storage room was of three familiar faces with varying levels of shock, alarm, and growing relief.

"Hey, guys!" Tim gasped out.

Sasha was already struggling to her feet; Tim was about to go in for a hug when he was roughly shoved out of the way. A gas canister landed on the floor with a heavy thunk as the stranger lurched his way past Tim.

A strangled cry broke the shocked silence, and it took Tim a moment to realize it had come from Jon. His friend was sitting on the floor, propped up against a stack of boxes, one leg wrapped in bloodstained bandages. He stared at the man in blank, silent shock.

The stranger moved as if to lunge, but stopped when Jon held up a shaking hand.

"Wait." Jon's voice broke. He was fumbling something out of his pocket, wincing when the movement jarred his leg. "Wait, just—" 

"Mmhm," the man said in a strangled voice, fidgeting but staying where he was.

Jon finally wrestled his wallet out of his pocket, ripped it open, and pulled out a photo—a Polaroid? His eyes flickered between it and the man standing over him.

The wallet fell to the floor. With a sudden burst of energy, Jon heaved himself upright, and managed to stand for all of a second before his leg gave out and sent him pitching forward. The man caught him before he could fall and yanked him into a hug.

"What the fuck, Gerry," Jon choked out.

Sasha was eyeballing Tim frantically, but all Tim could do was shrug back.

"I'm sorry," the man—Gerry—mumbled, face buried in the side of Jon's neck.

"I thought—she told me that you—" Jon stared blankly over Gerry's shoulder, looking at the others without seeing them. "Where have you been?"

"Couple of hunters picked up our trail in the woods in Pennsylvania," Gerry answered. "We split up. They caught me. Didn't kill me, just… didn't let me leave either. Sorry I didn't contact you right when I escaped, I just—I was afraid I'd get your hopes up and get killed on the way home."

In the silence that followed, Martin let out a strangled "Um."

Jon jumped, and his teary eyes focused back on them. "Oh. Right. Er." He tried to pull back, without much success since Gerry was the only thing keeping him upright. "E-everyone, this is Gerry."

"You just finished telling us he was dead," said Sasha.

"Yes, well." Jon managed a watery smile. "I've been wrong before."

"We had a moment about it."

"Right." Without warning, Gerry reached down and swung Jon up into his arms in a bridal carry, ignoring Jon's squawk of protest. "Let's go. We can talk later—and we will be talking later—"

"Gerry!"

"Seriously, I turn around and you're fighting the Corruption with fire extinguishers, and you're the bloody Archivist."

"Put me down, you absolute—"

"No, you've got holes in your leg." Gerry shouldered past Tim and stepped back into the tunnel, carrying a disgruntled Jon with little apparent effort. "You three coming, or what?"

[river13245]

Why couldn't it be me (pt 2)

Warnings: cheating, crying, Platonic Love, Peter being an ass. Ned being a sweet best friend and Loki being there in the end.

Marvel Masterlist / Peter Parker Masterlist

Pt 1 Pt 3 Pt 4

The past few months had been rough, you had yet to break up with Peter even when Loki and Ned were both telling you that you should. That its the best idea, even when you knew they were right you couldn't do it. Even when Peter kept cancelling plans with you, no matter how many times you rescheduled.

Speaking of rescheduling and plans being canceled, Peter had finally made a date. He had promised to make it, and you foolishly believed him. Which is why you had been sitting in the same seat in this restaurant for the past hour. In his favorite suit of yours.

You chose the suit he loved because you thought maybe if you did then he would choose you. Maybe he would see you and start being a better boyfriend. However you began to give up with him not showing up at all. The final straw was when the waitress came around for the fifth time asking if you were okay. You politely told her everything was okay before she walked off

Tears were beginning to form in your eyes as you decided to call Peter only for it to go straight to voicemail. Standing up you pay for your meal and leave a generous tip to the waitress for her patience before you leave the building.

Once you were a good distance away from all the people you let your tears fall. Fighting through tears you find your way to the curb and sit down. Pulling your phone back out you find Ned's phone number and press on his name only for it to ring twice before its answered "y/n what's wrong? didn't you have a date tonight?"

A sob escapes your thought as you try to speak which causes Ned to speak as you hear keys in the background. "crap alright . Hey just stay on the phone with me, Ill be right there okay? Breathe in and out" He made sure to keep talking the whole time as he drove to you.

When he got there he seen you sitting on the curb and instantly got out and sat beside you wrapping his arm around you. The both of you sit in silence for a little while until you speak up "I think I want to go find him. I want to talk and hopefully resolve things and get an explanation. And I'm not going to get that unless I go to him"

"alright I'm coming with you" Ned said as if its the most normal thing in the world. He was a friend you could count on. One that would do crazy shit with you just so you didn't do it alone. Giving him a small smile you both walk to his car and get in.

As he drives he turns up the radio only for the song playing to be a song you and him both enjoy. So you both are singing along to the radio and you can feel the nerves rolling off of you for just a few minutes.

----

Once you park in front of Peters home you take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. "its now or never right?" Ned nods and rests his hand on your shoulder "ill walk you up there. You don't got to do this alone" You smile and nod "Thank you Ned"

You both get out of his car and go up to Peters door, You are about to knock when you hear laughter. It doesn't sound like Peters laughter its more high pitched and giggly. At the sound of this you almost just turn your back and leave when Ned gives you a look and you sigh before bringing your hand to the door and knocking.

About a minute of two goes by and the door opens revealing your boyfriend. However his hair is messed up and he is missing a piece of clothing. Like his shirt. He freezes like a deer in headlights. "y/n. Ned. What are you doing here?"

His voice sounds so genuine like he is actually confused and forgot about the plans that HE made. You scoff as you feel your chest tighten. "what do you mean what are we doing here? You had planed a date after weeks of cancelling. Just for you to not show up" You take a breath to calm yourself "i waited an hour and twenty minutes. I probably looked like a loser"

Peters eyes go wide and he looks at Ned hoping his "best friend" would back him up. "come on dude, you know how forgetful I get. I forgot that it was today, please believe me" He looks back at you, while Ned just shakes his head. "Peter you really screwed up. Both your friendship and your relationship"

Peter looks back at you but you look through him and see Mj standing there and that's when you walk inside and see the date the two of them were having. There was a movie playing, with snacks, blankets and pillows laid out everywhere. It looked a lot like the ones you two used to have when he made time for you.

Mj looks over at you and she looks sad. "y/n I didn't know you two were still together. He told me that the both of you had ended things a while ago. I would have never done this to you knowingly. I would have just been friends with him and nothing more"

Tears form your eyes because you know she is being truthful because there was a time when you and her had been close friends. This caused it to hurt worse, especially when you knew you couldn't hate her because she truly didn't know.

Peter walks over to you and tries to grab onto your shoulders but you move away slightly causing his hands to land on your upper arms. The tears beginning to fall down your face now as you struggle to look at him. "you said you forgot about our date tonight. The one you kept cancelling. Now I see why you couldn't ever make it" You look over at MJ

"y/n I don't know what keeps happening, I just couldn't stop and i couldn't split my time" His excuse was such a bad one that it causes you to pull away from him. His hands falling from you. "why couldn't you just love me" You ask as you meet his eyes.

What you are met with is silence, the kind of silence that makes it painfully known what he is going to say. "I don't know why I cant love you anymore. Even when I know you loved me and did everything for me..I just couldn't feel anything for you. I'm so sorry"

You nod and close your eyes while taking a deep breath. "how long" came your voice in such a quiet sad tone that had Ned walking just a little closer to you.

"what?" Peter asks

"how long have you felt this way Peter Parker" Your voice had been holding strong until he says the next words. "A year"

"oh" was the only sound you make as you look at the wall and away from him. Not being able to look at him you nod "thank you for telling me. I should go."

Ned grabs onto your hand and squeezes it softly making sure your still with him. He does this because he knows how much physical touch helps you sometimes. whether it be romantic or platonic. Ned turns to look at Peter "don't expect me to be coming around anymore. You screwed up so bad. "goodbye Parker"

----

Walking inside of your home your whole body seems to just droop as if carrying your weight is too much to bare right now. Ned gets worried when you haven't talked since Peters place. You are silent as you grab yourself a snack and get one for Ned too. If there is one thing about you its that you always took care of everyone even if you weren't feeling so great yourself. But now he wanted to take time to take care of you.

Ned walks up to you and pulls you into his arms and holds you close to him. Your head rests on his shoulder as you take a deep breath. Refusing to cry so instead you talk to him "I'm so sorry he did this to us. You were his best friend." Ned almost scoffs at how you are still worried about his own feelings and now your own.

He runs his hands up and down your back comfortingly. He notices how you aren't allowing yourself to fully fall apart and feel all the emotions you need to let out but he doesn't want to push you. "I know but what he did to you is unforgivable. I never thought he would be the type to do this"

You shrug "i guess everyone is capable." Ned holds you for a little bit longer before he walks you over to the couch and lays you down onto a pillow. As you close your eyes you speak "you can stay over if you want. Take the extra bedroom." he nods and tells you a goodnight and closes the door.

From the softness of the pillow and the headache forming against your temples you fall asleep rather quickly. Ned however pulls out his phone and texts Loki. Loki would rather people text than call him so he made sure never to call him. The only reason Ned had his number was because how close the two of you were and he also knew of the gods feelings towards you.

When Ned sends the text Loki is quick to look at it and instantly teleports there. As he stands in the middle of the living room he sees you laid down with no blanket and so he conjures up a green blanket of his he knows is your favorite and sits down while covering you up.

As they did this you end up waking up. "loki?" They nod and say in a soft voice knowing you wont remember waking up in the morning. "yes darling im here. Get comfortable and sleep, ill be here when you wake" you give him a soft smile and plave your head on their lap and instantly fall asleep under the blanket

----

When morning comes Ned walks down and sees Loki running his hands through your hair while you sleep. He smiles to himself as he tells a Loki a quiet goodbye and walks out of the house leaving the two of you there.

[whumblr]

Heyoooooo, been rereading home is where the hurt is, cause like it is so absolutely amazing, always a delight to find again and rerealise how fantastic it is.

Anyway I was reading lessons learned (yay for jay he earned his little triumph) and I was wondering how Zayne would retaliate? I feel like Zayne was also tired in it and normally he still could overpower Jay easily, but Id really love to read more of him getting his revenge at a later day, if you want to write that.

I hope you have a nice day,

~ @whumpedydump

Ehe :3 Yes, he can easily overpower Jay, that's the fun of it. Thank youu <3 Follow up to Lessons Learned.

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1

-

"Jay... I think we need to revisit what happened last night."

Yep, there it was. The consequences of his own actions. A hand snagged the neck of his t-shirt and pulled him back in a swift tackle to the ground.

Zayne immediately took his chance and sat right on top of him while Jay was still getting some air back into his lungs from that smash to the floor.

While Zayne's face showed no swelling or bruising from yesterday, Jay could still see a darker line crossing his nose. A tinge of pride pricked through his fear.

"Because you'll want to be careful with such tricks," Zayne whispered, taking utmost care himself not to repeat last night's mistake. He didn't lean over Jay yet, just sat up straight on his hips and pinned Jay down. "Because some people... might not take to it as kindly as I did. Might not be as... merciful to let you get away with it."

"I wouldn't describe you as someone who's full of mercy..."

Zayne merely curled a lip in a wicked smile and continued. "Some people, would be pissed!" And he slammed a fist right next to Jay's head.

Jay flinched hard.

"Would start retaliating." Another blow barely missing the other side of his face. "Punch your lights out." A fist flew towards Jay's nose and Jay twisted away as best as he could, brought up his hands. But when he opened his eyes, Zayne had stopped, knuckles now an inch from his face. A trembling exhale released, followed with a betraying, pathetic little whimper.

"Or worse..." Zayne pulled his fist back and unfolded two fingers into a fingergun. "What if it had been someone with a gun, like Emery?"

Jay pulled a face and couldn't expel the sudden vision of Emery sitting on top of him instead of Zayne. He shook his head and looked straight into Zayne's eyes, the familiar evil that he suddenly way preferred, trying to ground himself in reality.

Zayne slowly leaned forward and let the tips of his index and middle finger rest against Jay's forehead. He clicked his tongue, flicked his thumb. "He'd probably empty a gun into your brain if you tried some stunt."

"I'm not stupid enough to pick a fight with someone with a gun."

Zayne laughed. "You do realise that is literally what you are doing by researching his crimes, right?" He caught both Jay's wrists and slammed them roughly into the floor. "Not to mention that you are stupid enough to pick a fight with someone who hands you your own ass multiple times a week."

"You literally asked for it yesterday."

"Well, you know how I always like to encourage you to fight back," Zayne crooned right in his face, knowing he had Jay pinned to rights. "Just, you know, be careful with it. It could do you more harm than good."

"So you're saying to only try this on kindhearted souls like my trainer or you."

"That's right."

"I see." And Jay suddenly bucked his hips up, caught Zayne both off-guard and off-balance, tipped him forward, and tossed him right over.

-

@just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror

@susiequaz12 @whump-me-all-night-long @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime

@freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks

@hold-back-on-the-comfort @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion

@afabulousmrtake @wormwriting @soopytime @whumpedydump @pickleking8

@itsmyworld98 @whumpifi @painless-and-colourful @withdrawingramen @lolrpop

[anime-moreanime-animeagain]

Good news! I can breath again. For the last week I have been absolutely devastated. After reading AoaB 4.8 I was physically ill I got so upset. But then I couldn’t really calm down cause I needed to know what happened to Ferdinand. So I may have….gotten zero sleep and spent every waking hour I wasn’t required to do life things like working and driving, reading nonstop through 10 books straight.

However! I am now on 5.9 and I feel like I can finally breathe and focus and do other things like clean and cook actually food, and make posts for other obsessors to relate to.

All kinds of SPOILERS are ahead for 4.8 - 5.9

There were things that made me less angry with the situation before this stopping point. Moments where I thought “okay…I’m not crazy sad/mad anymore.” Those moments are:

Rozemyne’s declaration that Ferdinand is family and of course she didn’t want to be Zent that’s so troublesome, but of obviously she’d do what she needed to do to save him like duh! And Ferdinand being like I’m sorry what? You think of me as family??? 🥺😭 😭

Please hug him more I cannot! This poor man doesn’t understand any type of love and it makes me SAD! But not going to lie I live for the type of devotion she was showing him. Like yeeeeessss!! Loyalty! Whether it’s romantic or platonic it is fantastic! That’s the personality characteristic I find swoon worthy.

But then there was the interduchy tournament and y’all….THE INTERDUCHY TOURNAMENT! Pretty sure I melted into a disgusting puddle of goo when he gave her the first true “very good” with fond headpat included. I just melted into the couch because okay. Okay. That makes up for a LOT of the grief I was put through. Like a ton. Like at that point I wasn’t even really mad or angry anymore. Not if we were getting THESE interactions in the interim.

And then the bench surprise! I’m not ashamed I definitely cried when he sat down on it and it was soft and he didn’t really say it but everything in his reactions screamed that he loved it and I thought how he’d probably never had anyone go out of their way for him just to make him comfortable and that was beautifully sad so of course crying was done. It felt a little silly to get SO emotional over that but I mean….he likes the bench so much and hadn’t brought it (I assume) cause he thought it would be taken from him like every other good thing in his life and how is that not something to burst into tears over. So yea. Good stuff.

And then things jumped forward again and we got near adult Rozemyne who is so pretty which thank God finally! But then Ferdinand nearly ‘climbed the towering staircase’ and my anxiety shot back up and then there was a whole war and honestly who ends a book in the middle of the battle! I feel sorry for everyone who had to wait and wait for the next volume my goodness.

But it’s okay because we had the mana hall reunion. YA’LL!!! The Mana Hall Reunion!!!! Cue the Aladdin free falling off the balcony onto carpet and taken up into the clouds because ya girl was on cloud 9 that entire scene. It was grand! Supreme! Perfect in every way! Look at this!

Pretty sure I thought this was some amazing fanart when I first saw this and I refused to read the text because spoilers but it’s not fanart it’s canon and I’m just beyond happy that it’s in color too!!! His little ‘when you said you’d defy everyone and everything I didn’t think you meant it’ and her little ‘well it’s your fault you don’t listen when I tell you how much you mean to me sooo your bad’. It’s… it’s everything I wanted. Absolutely everything!

Don’t get me started on their little talk in the gate about how to make their dreams come true together. At this point I’m actively squeeling every other moment I think about it.

I’m a little drained from speeding through 10 books in 8 days but this is fantastic why wasn’t there more to the anime? We were robbed I tell you! ROBBED! Anyway now in the middle of reading 5.9 and I can see I’m going to get super annoyed with people trying to distance my two unhinged shumils. And we still have the loose ends with the sovereignty and Detlinde to fix so I know I need to buckle up but like damn… can my two just chill and get a break?! Can she please finally meet her brother? Can Ferdinand please enjoy being valued without people telling her to stop?

Guess we will see. I should stop…. put on all the breaks until the final volume is out and translated…. yea sure, that’s what I’ll do….

[astrid-nomically-steddie]

More angst because I'm mentally ill and probably going to fail school. Life's great 😀👍

Edit: ok so I pretty much started and I decided on hurt/comfort.

Ok enjoy, muah ❤

Dancing the Sad Away

The quarry is the quiet place to think. The one he met Eddie at, when he was at his lowest. The one where he wanted to do nothing but let Eddie hold him. He can't do that now. Never be able to. Because Eddie hasn't talked to him in weeks and he doesn't know why. Except he does.

Because he kissed Eddie.

That's why.

Because Eddie is straight and doesn't like him like that.

He made a move he shouldn't have and now he lost his best friend.

Steve feels like crying. So he does. Fucking bawls his eyes out. He misses Eddie so so much. But he's not here and it's Steve's fault. It's his fault for not talking and just doing. Making a choice he shouldn't have because Eddie is straight. And he hates himself for it.

In order for Steve to feel better he decides to get out of his car but not before turning on and almost blasting the radio. Some random top 40 pop song plays and he hops out. Walks around in his blue and white striped pajama pants and sits on the roof of his car. He brings his knees to his chest and leans back.

'I wish Eddie was here' his brain whispers to him. Haunting him of the stupid mistake he made. Of the mistake of kissing a straight guy. Steve already hates himself for it and feels so guilty about it. He doesn't need his stupid brain torturing him about the guy.

Gods he's a loser.

Lost in his thoughts Steve doesn't hear a car pull up a few feet away from him. He doesn't even realize anyone's there until he hears a voice.

"Hey." It's Eddie. At first he thinks his mind is playing tricks on him again but then he sees him leaning against the side of his car out of his peripheral vision. He almost violently turns his head to look at him. Steve is completely shocked and a little nervous. He's speechless really. So when he doesn't reply Eddie smiles awkwardly and takes a step back while looking down at his shoes. He wants to tell Eddie to stop. Wants to tell him it's so ok for him to be so close to him. But he can't.

"I know you haven't seen me in ages and I'm sorry. I just- God Stevie." Eddie turns his head to the side while his hand shakily rubs his face. "I needed time to think, to- to understand what I felt."

There's nothing in Steve's brain but the fact that he might get rejected and Eddie still calms him Stevie. It makes him want to cry even more. And it's all his fault.

"I just-. I think I-," Steve can't stand what he's about to say so he decides to just say what he wants to first.

"I'm sorry." He doesn't look at Eddie when he says it. Can't stand looking at him when he knows what's happening and what he's going to say to him.

"What?" And Eddie, sweet sweet Eddie has the need to to act confused.

"I'm sorry. You know for... kissing.. you." Steve explains, feeling even more ashamed when he whispers kissing like some stupid middle school boy. He feels utterly guilty and stupid for even trying to kiss Eddie. Like he didn't know what Eddie would think. Like he's some stupid hopless romantic in a love story where everything works out. But this isn't a book, this is reality. And he needs to wake up.

"Stevie..." He starts, "Don't apologize." His voice is softer than it should be when rejecting someone that it makes Steve finally look at him.

When he turns his head he almost immediately sobs at the sight of him. His eyes are red, not in the way they usually are when he smokes. There's bags under them too. His hair looks extra messy, and not the good kind. And there's this sad expression on his face that makes Steve want to wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him until they fall asleep.

"Why not?" Steve's voice is higher than it should be and it cracks like a 13 year-old boy's the day before puberty starts. And Eddie steps closer to him. He looks at Steve with such gentleness that a tear slips from his eye. And Eddie, being the fucking amazing person that he is, wipes it. His hand doesn't move from his cheek though.

"Because I needed to except that... I wanted you." Now Eddie is tearing up and it stings Steve heart in a way nothing ever did. He closes his eyes, feeling himself not wanting to believe this dream and just wake up. He can't believe this is happening to him. He's wanted this forever and he wants to know what good he did to get this. To get him. "I didn't think I could feel like this. I just thought I was never really interested in anyone but then I realized I've just never really felt like this for girls. That in of itself freaked me the fuck out."

When Eddie starts talking and his hand begins to slip from Steve's face he feels the need to listen. To open his eyes and look at him because he needed that back then so he's needs to give Eddie this now.

"I- I never thought I was gay! I just kind of assumed that guys just thought about guys a certain way. I didn't know that meant I wasn't into girls." Eddie is looking down at his feet again, a sign of how vulnerable he's being right now, and Steve wants to hug him. He wants to tell him that it's ok. That he gets it because he's been through the same thing. "And Steve," and now he's looking at him again with that expression. The one he could never figure out what it was before; maybe now he can.

"Oh, Stevie..." Eddie walks to stand in front of Steve. He grabs his face and smiles at him so soft he practically melts. "I am so sorry. For ever letting you think I never wanted you back. I just- didn't know that's what it was. Why I felt like this." He's so sincere that Steve feels a tsunami of relief was over him. He brings his hands to sit on top of Eddie's and he squeezes them oh so gently, just like he always wanted to.

"It's okay." He tells him. He wants- no he needs Eddie to understand what he really truly feels about him. "I just- thought that you were straight and that I ruined everything-"

"No!"Eddie interrupts him this time. "No Stevie you could never. I almost ruined everything." He let's go of Steve's face abruptly and takes a step or two back. Eddie's still close he's just nervous, judging by the way he looks down at his feet again. "That is if you still want me." He looks at Steve with those gorgeous Bambi-like eyes and, how could Steve say no?

How could he say no to this vulnerable, soft and perfect man? The answer is he doesn't. Steve just smiles at him, big, and laughs under his breath. It's just a minute of him laughing quietly at his question. He shakes his head and smiles the widest smile he's ever smiled, then looks up at Eddie. Beautiful, gorgeous Eddie. "Of course not. I've always wanted you. Always." And when he says that a look of relief spills from Steve to Eddie, the tidal wave crashing into the ocean and letting Eddie step back over the line. The line of friendship and more.

When his lips make it over its better than the first time. Steve feels everything Eddie does through the connection of just their lips. It's a bond of emotions he's always wanted to feel but was never able to. His hands grab at the first thing they can get their grip on. The collar of Eddie's shirt. The black long-sleeved shirt he usually wears to sleep because of their broken heater in the trailer. It's the shirt Steve gave him three Christmases ago when they found out th air conditioning and heater broke. He's worn it to bed ever since and it just makes everything feel that much more intimate.

When they pull away, it's slowly as if they can't enough of the taste of more than just friends. Steve opens his eyes to see pretty pink cheeks and even prettier eyes. Eddie's eyes are so filled with love that his pupil reflecting it is so big you can barley see the beautiful chocolate brown of them. But Steve does. Because he always sees them. Sees Eddie.

"I love you. Did you know that?" Steve almost doesn't even register Eddie's voice until his brain is less mush. When he can actually think and process things he's completely taken aback by Eddie's words.

"What?" He just can't believe someone as good and perfect as Eddie could feel that about him.

"I love you." Eddie is laughing just the slightest under his breath but Steve catches it anyway. They're so in tune with each other that the other always notices everything. And this time Steve is almost offended by Eddie's amusement of how slow Steve's brain is. But then he looks at him, really looks at him. And all that he can see are the crows of his eyes and the single dimple on the left side of his face.

Steve scoffs and rolls his eyes at Eddie's laughter. He pushes his shoulder and pretends to be annoyed at Eddie laughing at him but he knows his small smile betrays him. This makes Eddie laugh even more, this time a little louder and much more genuine. It's so contagious that steve can't help but join in, even the smallest scoff of a laugh.

"You're lucky I love you too." He finally responds after Eddie's huge laughter fit. Steve is looking at Eddie with such a soft but amused smile when he says it that it makes Eddie's expression soften a little more.

"I am lucky aren't I?" And God he sounds so sure and in love that Steve's heart just lurches at him, making his arms go with it. They grab and grip onto Eddie like a koala and he just laughs and hugs back. A slow romantic love song interrupts them.

This is when they both realize the radio is still playing. Eddie, being so overly charming like he always is, smiles at him like he's got a plan. Steve watches as he walks over and reaches into the car. The radio is turned on more so they can both hear it more clearly. When Eddie goes to stand in front of Steve again, he bows. Actually bows in front of him and extends his hand. "Care to dance my good sir?"

Steve snorts and being the hopless romantic they both know he is accepts his offer and rests his hand on top of Eddie's. He pulls Steve in as close as he can get him. Their fingers are interlocked and Eddie's hand is on his waist. They start to sway slowly to the beat, hearing Frank Sinatra but feeling everything they've always wanted to say in just the small movements of their bodies.

Wddie turns him and he ends up glwith his back against Eddie's chest as he grips onto Steve's waist with one hand. The other hand is tightly gripped by him and Steve feels like he's living his dream. He closes his eyes and succumbs to the music, leaning his head back onto Eddie's shoulder. Eddie moves his head to breath in Steve, nose pressed against his shoulder.

And all Steve can think is that maybe he never made a mistake.

Maybe he just needed patience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading 🙏❤❤

Song that inspired the idea:

Song that they danced to:

Love you guys ❤❤

Edit: now on ao3

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (1-3)

parts 1, 2, & 3 of ?? | 888 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

Wayne is sick and they don't have the money for the treatment he needs. Eddie, desperate and spread thin between school, a part time job, and dealing, spots Steve outside of a gay club and opts for blackmail. Steve, who has heard about Wayne through Dustin... just sort of lets him.

I started writing this while Ao3 is down. Haven't quite finished it yet, but I've got 6.7k written so far, so I should be able to do daily posts for at least a while!

Now also posted on Ao3.

Quick note, if it helps anyone who might be hit too close to home by Wayne's serious but relatively brief health scare. First, he's going to be fine. I love Wayne, I wouldn't do that to him. Second, Dustin's mind goes straight to cancer when he hears that it's serious serious, but Wayne's illness is never specified. The only symptoms described are basically a cough and general weakness/fatigue.

1.

Dustin is really upset one day after school, the day he tells Steve about his dad. 

Steve had never asked, alright? It was family shit, and that kind of thing was. . . . Well, not sacred, he can’t even think that and keep a straight face, but definitely private. There could’ve been any number of reasons why Mr. Henderson wasn’t around. 

Turns out it was cancer.

And . . . it’s not insensitive to wonder, right? Steve doesn't know if it’s an anniversary or if someone’s been giving him shit at school about not having a dad or something. So, after a few bumbling questions about why this is upsetting him now, an explanation comes tumbling out.

The leader or president or whatever of the nerd club Dustin joined at the start of the year had to cancel their game this week. “Eddie never cancels, Steve,” Dustin insists, eyes red from crying and voice gone all squeaky. “And we were giving him shit about it, we all were, even the upperclassmen guys, and he. . . he j-just broke, Steve. Said his uncle is r-really sick, bad sick, and I know what that means. They don’t have the money for treatment. He’s Eddie’s only family, and he’s probably going t-to. . . .”

Steve regrets dropping Robin off at her house first today. She might not know what to say either, but at least they’d be in this together. “Dust, that’s. . . . That’s awful.”

Turns out he doesn’t have to say anything else, because Dustin thumps against him and bawls his eyes out. 

2.

“It was awful, Robs,” Steve says, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he talks into the phone. “I haven’t seen him like that since after Starcourt, when we had to tell him about Hop.”

Robin’s wince is audible in her reply. “Yeah, that's. . . . That’s pretty bad.”

“Yeah.” He heaves a sigh, hoping it’ll get some of the constricted feeling out of his chest. It doesn’t.

“Steve? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” It’s just, he hates it. Hated it then and hates it now, because both times there’s no way for him to jump between Dustin and this thing. “Everything was starting to sort of feel okay again, and then suddenly there's Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson and his uncle, who I’ve never even seen in my life—”

“It’s not about the Munsons, Steve,” Robin says gently. “You and Dustin have that ‘you die I die’ thing. He’s like your kid brother who annoys the shit out of you, but you love him to death anyway. And right now he’s sad but you can’t do anything to help.”

Lifting his face from his hand, Steve looks around the room. He’s on the big comfortable couch in his big fucking house with too many rooms, all empty except for this one. His parents are never home, always away on business trips that got way more frequent after Barbara Holland disappeared from a party he’d hosted. They send money—not an allowance, not since he didn’t get into any of the colleges he’d applied to. But the utility bills are always paid up, and a gardener still comes around to do lawn maintenance every other week.

He wonders how the cost of maintaining a house they don’t live in compares to the cost of whatever kind of treatment Munson’s uncle needs.

Doesn’t let himself wonder if it would make a difference, but he knows that treatments don’t always work. It hadn’t, apparently, for Dustin’s dad.

“Yeah,” Steve agrees heavily. “I know.”

3.

The nice thing about being done with high school and working weekends at a shitty retail job is, Steve can do whatever he wants on some weekdays. As long as he doesn’t have a shift that starts before noon the next day, anyway. Which he doesn’t.

So, a few days after Dustin’s revelations, Steve drives up to the nearest outskirts of Indy. Eventually he ends up in one of those clubs that he and Robin have been researching how to find.

He tells himself that he’s scoping it out before he brings her, but he wants to get lost for a while. Empty his head out of things he can’t do a damn thing about—the Upside Down, the monsters, the Russians, the Munsons, the memories of Dustin crying and, just for funsies, of Nancy calling him bullshit. Because that’s always somewhere in the mix, these days.

Fill it back up with music and movement. Not with drinks, because he still has to get himself back to Hawkins in one piece.

He goes and he dances and he sweats. Sometimes guys dance with him, and Steve goes with it. Who cares? No one knows him here, it doesn’t mean anything.

Turns out, it does mean something after all. 

When Steve finally stumbles his way out of the club, he finds none other than Eddie Munson sitting on the hood of the Beemer he’s been buying off of his parents in installments. (Their idea. It’s a ‘pay for it or lose it’ kind of deal.) 

The buzzing under his sweat-tacky skin—satisfaction at successfully getting out of his head—fizzles out. He keeps walking and stops when he draws even with the car. 

Eddie Munson, looking tired and prickling with restless energy, and exhales a cloud of smoke and vapor into the chilly air. “Hey, man. What’s a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?”

[iridescentpull]

Day Four of Hideduo/FitPac Kiss Week – Kiss on the Hand & Royal AU

[ ao3 link here ] [ fic below cut! ]

Tomorrow is the day the War of the Rose Valley may come to an end, and Fit is terrified.

This is not the first war that the people of the Rose Valley have fought in, and it’s not even the first war that Fit himself has fought in. He’s one of the head guards of the Rose Valley Kingdom, and even before that he has seen enough death and destruction to last a lifetime. This probably won’t be the last time he sees or partakes in a war, either. Violence is something familiar to Fit, a constant. 

But this? This is different.

Because there is a possibility the prince may not live to tell this tale.

“We ambush from the west.” Prince Pac says, pointing at the map in front of him. He has already laid his pieces out, the figurines of soldiers standing on a flat, green landscape, and his generals stand around him, nodding along as he talks. Fit stands beside him, holding his trident up with a tight grip, watching his prince give out his orders. “We will use the hills as a cover, and we’ll catch them off guard.”

The others agree, and Fit does not speak. He feels a lump on his throat as he listens to his prince talk about death and battles and strategies. His hand tightens on the staff of his weapon and he swallows hard. Pac’s black eyes are hard as they look over the map, his lips set in a straight line. He knows.

They’ve had this conversation before, after all.

The Kingdom of Omospondía wants the person on the throne’s head, and they are ready to kill the entire Rose Valley army to get to him. They should be going behind the king technically, but since the King of the Rose Valley has been bedridden for weeks and on the verge of death, Pac was the one to take the responsibility and charge.

Which meant Omospondía would be hunting for Pac.

Fit begged and begged his prince not to get to the war, but Pac smiled sadly and refused. He couldn’t simply sit around when his kingdom needed him, couldn’t run and hide while his men died for him. Fit loved how kind and responsible his prince was, but he hated the fact that Pac was so selfless, too.

That’s why he’s here, talking about battle plans with a cold yet tired expression on his face. That’s why his hands tremble as he moves the figures across the map. That’s why his heart beats so loudly, that Fit can hear it from where he stands. Because Fit knows his prince. Pac wouldn’t just sit and hide while his people got killed. Pac would fight.

Fit knows it.

He also knows why Pac is so nervous, too. 

Pac never wanted to be king. He never wanted any of this. Since Fit met the other, he knew Pac only had his brother on his mind, the one who was born and raised to be king, who had the charisma, the knowledge, the leadership, the intelligence, the strength, the everything Pac lacked. He always thought he wouldn’t need to become king.

And then Pac’s brother was kidnapped.

The Rose Valley was thrown into chaos. No one knew what had happened, or who was the one behind it, or what would happen next. And when the King of the Rose Valley fell ill, everything became a mess, and it was decided that Pac would take his father’s place, even if it was only temporary.

Pac wasn’t happy with it. Fit could tell. But the prince swallowed his fear and tried to help his people. He worked as hard as he could, giving out orders and making plans to help his kingdom and his family. He never rested, he rarely ate or slept. The kingdom and council thought Pac was the perfect fit to lead.

But Fit had the privilege to see the other side.

Pac didn’t want to be in the lead. He felt he was incompetent. He was scared of making decisions that would harm his people. He didn’t trust himself enough to know what to do, so he relied heavily on the council, and on the ones around him. Fit had the privilege to see the breakdowns, the crying and the shaking, and Pac would whisper to him, his voice weak and tired.

“I’m not good enough for this. I don’t know how to do it. What am I doing, Fit? Am I making the right decisions?”

Fit would answer by telling Pac the truth, that the prince was more than capable, and that his people believed in him– that he believed in him. Pac would smile shakily, but not reply, and just lean his head on the other's shoulder, looking for support. Fit would provide, wrapping his arms around the prince, letting Pac rest, if only for a moment. 

The knights nod, asking the respective questions and giving their ideas. Fit tries to pay attention, but all he can think about is his prince on the battlefield, with blood splattered over his body, the color clashing with his black hair and pale skin, the red contrasting sharply against the black of his eyes. Fit feels his heart beating wildly and his breath catches on his throat.

“That is all.” Pac says, standing up straight and holding his arms behind his back. His clothes cling to his body as if it were dragging him down, the crown of the Rose Valley Kingdom sitting amongst the soft waves of his black hair. “Inform the camp of the plan. We will attack tomorrow at dawn.” 

The head knights and generals bow and exit the tent, leaving the prince and his knight alone. Pac lets out a deep sigh, and his shoulders sag as if a weight has been lifted from them. His hands go to his head, and his fingers brush the silver crown. He takes it off and stares at it, running his finger over the sharp edges and the blue gemstones. He furrows his eyebrow.

Fit stands, not knowing what to say. He can’t tell him not to go, he has no right to. But his heart breaks when he looks between the crown and then at his prince. It’s not fair, it’s not fair. He wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to do this.

But they both know that it’s a lie. 

After all, Fit had a choice to join the knights.

Pac didn’t have a choice to be the prince.

“My prince.” Fit says, and his voice is softer than he meant. Pac doesn’t look at him, just continues staring at the crown, the metal catching the light of the fire from the torches placed by. Fit doesn’t move closer, just continues looking at him, his hand tightening on his trident. “You should rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

Pac’s jaw tightens, and he finally looks up at him. He has bags under his eyes, and he hasn’t slept in days. “You too, Fit. I need you to be awake for this battle.”

“I’ll be fine.” Fit says, and steps forward. The prince’s eyes drop to his feet, and the knight stops. He can feel his pulse pounding under his skin, his heart beating fast in his chest, his breath caught on his throat. He needs to calm down. “You need to sleep. It’ll do you no good to show up exhausted and ill rested.”

The prince’s eyes flicker to his, and he nods. He lets out a shaky sigh and drops his arms to his side, his hand still clutching the crown. “Will you stay?” He asks, and his voice is so low that Fit almost doesn’t hear him. “I want to spend one last night together in the case I…” He trails off, but Fit knows.

“Of course.” Fit says, his own voice cracking. “I will stay.”

Pac smiles at him, a soft, sad smile, and sets the crown down on the table. He crosses the room and steps up to Fit, who lets go of his trident and puts his hands on the prince’s waist. Pac sighs softly and leans his forehead against the knight’s, his eyes falling closed.

They stay like that, standing in the middle of the tent, the fire flickering and making shadows dance over their bodies. Pac’s arms come around his neck and he holds him tightly, and Fit does the same. He presses a kiss to the prince’s hair, and the scent of the roses from the valley fills his nostrils. He’s scared, terrified of what tomorrow might bring. He’s always been afraid of losing Pac.

Which is why he’s going to make an oath.

An oath to do everything in his power to keep him safe.

“Pac.” Fit says, and the other man’s eyes flutter open. His irises are a dark black, like the night sky, and he looks so tired. “You know how the knight’s of the royal army take an oath when they join?”

The prince nods. “Of course.” He says, smiling faintly at the memory. Pac was wandering the castle grounds when he walked into the courtyard, where a few dozens of new knights were standing in straight lines, reciting the oath. “‘I, as a knight of the royal guard, pledge to always be loyal to the king and his kingdom. I will be the protector of the people, a shield against danger, a sword against injustice. I will always be just, and will do everything in my power to protect the royal family. This is my oath.’ I think it was like that.”

“You got it.” Fit smiles, open and honest. Pac’s the only person he can do that for. “Well, I am going to take a new oath.”

Pac frowns, confused. “A new oath?”

“Yes. Only for you.” Fit says, and takes a step back. He goes down on one knee, and bows his head. “I, as the personal knight of Prince Pac, pledge to always be loyal to you. I will be your protector, a shield against danger, a sword against injustice. I will do every single thing in my power to keep you safe. I will move Heaven and Earth and Hell to protect you, I will destroy anyone and anything that stands in my way. I will fight to the death to keep you safe, to make sure no one ever lays a hand on you. I will always be your knight, your lover. I will die before I let anyone hurt you. This is my oath.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath, and then a sob. “Fit, no.” Pac shakes his head, pulling back. “Please, don't say that.”

The knight shakes his head, before grabbing one of Pac’s hands. He intertwines their fingers and brings his knuckles up to his lips, kissing them. He looks up and sees Pac has tears streaming down his face. He smiles sadly.

“It is my duty, as the knight of the royal family, to protect the prince at all costs.” He whispers against his skin. Pac’s eyes are wide, and he shakes his head. “But it is my personal duty, as your lover, to always protect you, and to make sure no harm ever comes to you. I promise on my life, I swear to always keep you safe, even if it kills me."

Pac shakes his head and tries to weakly pull his hand away. “Fit.” He whispers hoarsely, his voice trembling. “ Fitch , no.”

A tight smile is on Fit’s face. “It’s my duty and it is my personal mission,” He continues to press kisses on Pac’s knuckles, each more tender than the next. “To love and protect you.” He ignores the way he feels the other tense. “My life is yours, and if I must die, so be it. I would rather die for you, then live without you.”

Pac’s lips part, but he can't seem to speak. His eyes are glistening, and tears start falling down his cheeks. He shakes his head, but doesn’t pull his hand back. Instead, he surges forward and wraps his arms around Fit, pressing his face into his neck. Fit’s arms come around his back, and he hugs him tightly. The prince is shaking, and Fit can feel his tears slipping through the plates of his armor. He holds him tighter.

“I won’t let you die.” Pac says, voice wet with tears and muffled by his shoulder. “I won’t let them kill you.” He shakes his head and Fit tightens his grip. “I need you, Fit. I need you by my side.”

Fit’s chest hurts, and his own eyes sting with tears. He can’t bear the thought of Pac dying, the thought of being killed, the thought of never seeing his smile again, never feeling his warmth or the touch of his lips against his.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs, and Pac tenses in his arms. “But this is my oath.”

He feels Pac shudder and shake his head. “It’s not fair.” He whispers, and he sounds so broken. “You’re all I have left.”

Fit doesn’t know how to answer.

He knows the prince’s brother is missing, and has been for a while. He knows the Queen has been dead since the prince was a baby. He knows the King is barely holding onto his life. He knows the prince is not close to anyone in the castle, much less the Kingdom. He knows the prince has no one else. 

Fit’s all he has. And Pac’s all Fit has. It’s not fair, but this is their reality. It’s not fair, but this is the hand they’ve been dealt. Fit just wants to hold Pac, and make sure no one ever hurts him. So he will keep him safe, no matter the cost.

“I’m sorry.” Fit whispers. “I’m so, so sorry.” He presses a kiss on the prince’s temple, and he can feel the other tremble. “I’m not leaving. I’m staying right here, and I’ll protect you.” He runs his hands down his back. “But now, we need rest. Come, lie down.”

The pair gently remove each plate of Fit’s armor, piece by piece, setting it aside carefully and methodically. It is only after the last plate falls that Pac’s resolve seems to break. He turns away and starts crying, his hands coming to his face. The knight’s heart breaks, and he gently turns Pac around and holds him.

The prince cries in his arms, his face buried in the crook of his neck. His fingers dig into his skin and he trembles against him, the sobs wracking his body. The knight’s arms come around him and he presses his nose to his hair. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. He holds him, whispering words of reassurance. It is the only thing he can do.

Fit helps Pac lay on the makeship bed of the tent, before eventually joining him. They lie down together, facing each other, their noses barely touching. The prince’s eyes are closed, and the tears have stopped, but his breathing is still uneven and heavy. Fit reaches out and brushes his thumb over his cheek, and the prince leans into his touch. 

“It’s okay.” Fit says, his voice gentle. “It’s okay, luz da minha vida .” He repeats. Pac opens his eyes and looks at him, his dark eyes shining in the low light of the torches. The knight’s hand cups his cheek, and Pac closes his eyes again. 

“It’s not okay.” Pac whispers, and his voice is broken. “I can’t lose you.”

Fit’s heart shatters. “I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers, and he hopes it is a promise. He runs his hand through the prince’s hair, pushing the black waves out of his face. “I’ll always be here for you.” He continues to run his fingers through his hair, and the prince sighs, his body slowly relaxing.

Fit continues to play with the other’s hair, and soon the prince’s breathing slows, and his body relaxes. His eyelashes flutter, and Fit can see the exhaustion seeping in. It has been a long few weeks for him, and his body has barely recovered. The knight gently pulls him closer, until their chests are pressed together, and Pac’s head is tucked under his chin.

Fit holds him close, running his hands down his back. Pac is so warm and soft, and the knight closes his eyes. He listens to the sound of his heartbeat, and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. He breathes in the scent of roses, and he knows that this is where he is meant to be.

He will protect him.

He will fight for him.

He will do anything for him.

Because he loves him.

And if he dies, so be it.

[cookinguptales]

frank discussion of gynecological issues and frustrations with OBGYNs (especially re: chronic illness) under the cut, but I guess also potentially useful information for people who want to hear about it

so... some of you might remember when I was going to OGBYNs a little while ago. I have endometriosis and PMDD diagnoses, so going to OBGYNs isn't exactly unusual for me, but I ended up going to see more than I usually do.

this was largely because the hormonal therapy that I was taking for those disorders was starting to fail and I was bleeding a lot. like... for weeks at a time over a period of months. I had to deal with some... frustrating OBGYN advice in this time (such as the rage-inducing "well, women have to bleed") but I also discovered that like... I mean, I think I always knew that I had more vaginal pain than other people I know, but a lot of things hurt me so I just kind of... ignored it?

but they tried to put me on the nuva ring for a little while during this period and my body just... straight-up rejected it. it hurt like a bitch to put in, it kept coming out, I could feel it in there and it hurt, etc.

I ended up comparing notes with some other people I know and realized that my problems with insertion were probably more severe than I'd thought. like, it is not unusual for me to cry during pap smears and have cramping for days afterward. I cannot use tampons without massive pain. your body is not really supposed to physically expel something like a nuva ring several times a day. tmi I guess but I have not found penetration of any kind pleasant.

so I talked to... I want to say four or five different OBGYNs in this period, and none of them gave me a real reason for this. the prevailing attitude was mostly "oh yeah, that happens sometimes. lmao."

the best I could get was a diagnosis of "vaginismus" on my chart, and when I pressed for more information, they basically told me it was a psychological thing where your body is afraid of penetration so it clenches up and won't unclench. they literally grilled me on my history of sexual abuse to see if they could find the source of my dick phobia.

now... not to get too into it, but I do have a history of CSA -- but my pain problems predate it. I got my period relatively early and I've never been able to use tampons or anything like them. every time I've tried has ended in literal tears. again, cramping pain for days, even after the period itself has stopped.

so I get the dick phobia diagnosis from two different doctors, but one of them says she can do a transvaginal ultrasound if I'm really worried. we do this and it is uh. excruciating, honestly. thank god it was in California and they let me get high as a kite.

in the end, they can't find anything "physically" wrong with why I'm in pain and they send me on my way, dick phobia dx in hand.

today. today. YEARS later. I am googling tips on how to try a menstrual cup if you have vaginismus (prep for the trip abroad; I don't like Japanese pads) and I see someone saying "oh, I'm glad that treatment worked for you, my problems are because of ehlers-danlos syndrome."

you know, one of the chronic illnesses I have and one that I divulged to every OBGYN I saw.

what.

paging Dr. Google!!!

I come to find out that folks that have EDS, because of their connective tissue issues and extremely brittle skin, sometimes deal with extreme gynecological pain. it's partially pelvic floor issues, partially the fact that the skin in your vagina is breaking.

so all those times that I said "it feels like it's cutting me" or "it feels like knives" were probably because it was fucking cutting me. all those times I said I felt scraped raw for days was probably because abrasions take a long time to heal when you have EDS.

I cannot believe. I cannot believe. that I went into so many different OBGYNs who told me that my pain issues were because I had a psychological fear of dicks and when I told them I was a lesbian were like "oh well then problem solved" when actually my body was physically tearing. I had even seen blood sometimes and it had always been dismissed as spotting.

the anger I feel rn is indescribable, tbh. I never bought that my problems were all in my head (probably because doctors used that line on me so often when I was a kid and getting other chronic illnesses diagnosed) but the fact that gynecological health science is still so fucking awful that we shrug off pain that is the symptom of dangerous chronic illnesses as "well that happens sometimes" or "have you considered that maybe you're afraid of sex?"

I JUST

this reminds me of when I had to find out from a fucking tumblr post that vaginal secretions are made from blood rather than glands, so if you have bad blood pressure/flow it'll often cause itchiness/dryness/pain. bad blood flow like... idk... maybe POTS.

so again, it was actually one of my known chronic illnesses causing gynecological issues, not any of the other bullshit reasons doctors were giving me, like age or stress.

I hate that I'm fucking 33 years old and I still have to learn stuff like this from google searches. I still don't know how my shitty body works, and it's largely because of stuff like this. what the fuck. I'm so mad. why do doctors still treat vaginas like a fucking scary mystery?

I'm well aware that Dr. Google doesn't always know what the fuck it's talking about, but apparently neither do my doctors! which is why, yet again, I'm up all night reading medical journals in the vain attempt to figure out how to actually live my life!

ugh!!!