#ill delete this later or aomething

[introspectiveillumination]

God I wish my dad wasn’t the way he is, it makes me feel like the world will never change or get any better than it is. Only ever worse because selfish shitty racist whiny freedumb angry brats will never let it.

Because people like him can’t ever not be more right, more smart, more important, more everything, than anyone else. No matter what facts, pictures, videos, testimonies you show them they always somehow have to know what’s “really truly” going on and why everything you can show them from a dozen different sources both independent and mainstream is actually faked and edited and you’re a gullible child who will grow out of your foolish liberalism and become a just as conservative as them once you’re as old and experienced as they are and not a gullible kid. Like you’re not 30 damn years old and reading every info source you can find. Like their chosen news source hasn’t had to publicly retract falsified images and stories. Like those blatant, proven lies don’t cast a massive shadow of doubt over every other outrageous and unsupported claim they make.

Why does it always have to be an “us vs them” for people like that? And only those just them get to be “us” and “correct”? And in that forever us vs them they always have to be waging war on something and battling for whoever their “us” of choice is that moment. And winning, of course. Always one step up, better, smarter, more right, more good.

War on drugs that they brought here in the first place. War on terror because the abstract concept of “bad guys do mean things” can ever be beaten, and because we want resources that don’t belong to us. Imaginary war on Christmas because people acknowledge other holidays or Starbucks has a red cup. Imaginary war on Christianity because of stupid shit like not using the Bible as a basis for public education or removing it from government office displays in a non-theocratic nation. War on white people becaus BLM isn’t all about them. War on men because women don’t want to fuck them and be hit on at their jobs. War on their ancestors/heritage/history because people are sick of seeing racist slave owners, murderers and rapists, honored with statues. War on families because some families are same sex married couples.

If I hear “insurgents” one more time, or catastrophizing like all of Capital Hill has burnt down, about how the military should be used against American citizens to “fix” things to his liking, about antifa are actual literal terrorists with highly organized and separated cells all across the US waiting to ruin us all, about how only people with jobs are good enough to deserve health care, and now that our governor is an idiot and a dictator and we need to rise up against him and how he can’t make a law requiring him to wear a STUPID FUCKING MASK IN PUBLIC SPACES I’m going to lose my shit.

If he hates all of our “west coast left coast libtard snowflake bullshit” so much I wish he’d just leave. Move to a treehouse in Montana or Alaska and go full d-day prepper or whatever the fuck appeases his ego and racism and utter distrust in the humanity of others (probably because if he only cares for his own gain/win and disregards the well-being of others then why would anyone else think or be any other way?) as long as he isn’t actually hurting anyone but himself. He’s not pure evil but he’s so willing to be selfish and shitty and hurtful and I don’t want that in my life. It would be so much easier to go low contact/no contact if he didn’t live a five minute drive from my house. My stomach wouldn’t be filled with so many knots of anxiety and stress and dread all the time, and the future wouldn’t feel so damn hopeless if I didn’t hear all his bullshit all the time.

I don’t know. I’m just really tired and really needed to vent after his latest bullshit over the simple requirement of wearing a goddamn mask and putting community good ahead of his own personal pride for once. As though he’s too good for getting sick and too smart to fall for a wild conspiracy that’s out to ruin everything with... mild inconvenience?

I’m tired.