#ill be the bitch you claim i am so you can use your pity points to use another person i hope you're happy. got on my last fucking nerve.

[mydr3aminvi0let]

oh word you bitch made boy ima make you stand on it. we have nothing left to lose im going to crash out over this one. now you can play the victim and call me a whore even though a.) i never fucked you b.) my body count is 3 c.) they've always been boyfriends only d.) you told me your body count was over a hundred in 2021. i could never even aspire to be a whore like you. love how that's your default insult because you can't imagine someone NOT resorting to whoring because that's all you know how to do. you can't control your dick, your mouth, your feelings, what the fuck is left. you're a fucking child. when you have enough money after your herpes medication and molly consider investing in therapy for your NPD. you're not going to find the validation you need in alt right adjacent circles knowing damn well they will never accept you because you're not white. you're not an idiot you could do so much with your life if you just got a fucking grip and would realize you don't need external validation. but nooo you're at war with yourself and wanna take it out on everybody. feigning moral superiority to argue with randoms for the adrenaline or insulting the last person who gave a genuine fuck about you. you could use your energy and knowledge in ways that could make you money from said interests but idc fuck around. i didn't need shit from you i have everything i need just wanted to see you do good for yourself because i met you in the trenches. going out sad.

[orchid-151]

Sorry to be putting this on this account but it's better for a lot of people to see right off the bat than to post it on my mun account because this is very important...

Be on the lookout for scammers on Tumblr, I just had somebody put an ask and this is what they sent;

They were hoping that I would answer and be "oh gosh golly gee, you poor poor thing I'll spread the word!"

(lots more under-cut plus ranting 👇)

🤓 yeah I'm going to spread the word, please do not fall for something like this. I went on to their page and happened to find this;

And in turn I clicked on the link to see this;

Do understand that most people would have a donation pool opened up for something like this with photos and evidence of their illness as if they tried to do something like that for profit they will end up getting in trouble. No person who is sick is going to just open up a PayPal and ask "please donate as I am sick"...

Just for a quick word of advice unless I know you personally; my asks are only open for questioning my characters, not for you to come in and put a pity party in my lap. I would rather you DM me about possibly helping to boost your illness and problems...

And before you all go "well maybe the PayPal is the only way in which they can get money... Yha jerk!" Keep in mind I'm not the only one they asked...

These are all basically the same ask to multiple people, not asking a question or other statement... Just stating that they have cancer they've been sick a few weeks and that they need money ASAP... And before you jump to conclusions this was the first thing I found when I put the whole ask in the search bar...

Yeah, my point. I don't want to spread this by answering their ass so I'm just deleting and blocking them. If you get an ask like this please delete and block the asker because they are nothing but scammers especially if you see that they have a PayPal open instead of a donation pool... If I cannot read the basic story for the information and judge myself whether you deserve my money or not, then I'm not even going to bother answering the ask.

I asked a friend of mine and they mentioned that there is a Tumblr user on here that can teach you to look out for scammers like this; @kyra45

My friend stated that they were very helpful in helping to find scammers and I hope that they can help you and to prevent from being scammed. There's only a few people in which I will donate to here on Tumblr and if you are a complete stranger I will not donate to you, I WILL BLOCK YOU!

I advise all of you to do the same as I don't want you donating to a scammer who's just going to turn around and not use your money for what they claim they're using it for. To be perfectly honest I don't know a rich person on Tumblr to begin with 😂 don't know about y'all but I'm poor as dirt 🤣

I do apologize for it being so long, but this had to be spread. If you wish to reblog so let other people know that is perfectly fine with me, I just wanted to let y'all know that I would just got this ask and I didn't want anybody to donate to this person... Like I said there's only a few people I already know here on Tumblr who need my money more than this bitch...

Cancer or not, they literally have health plans and coverages for people who have cancer and or other diseases to which you are able to get help and assistance...

ain't no need to plead to everybody on some random platform to get money from them...

[beesmygod]

i watched that newest video by that guy super eye patch wolf about the blatant scam business that is selling courses on “how to succeed on youtube” and i have some serious problems with the framing of nearly everything and the lengths it goes to portray people infested with the embarrassing illness of being obsessed with metrics and numbers as pure victims of youtube’s apparent mind control abilities. in order to believe this, you would have to accept that people who go through great lengths to willingly engage with a career that they chose for themselves and maintain unilateral control over are completely helpless. i copy pasted most of this from a forum post right after i watched it lol but ill edit it into a more coherent and cohesive set of thoughts. 1. first of all, the people buying these youtube courses are suckers with money to (apparently) burn falling for a very blatant “get rich quick” scheme with the belief that they can “jump the line” straight into fame and fortune with little effort on their part. these motives should be mocked, mercilessly, without restraint or pity. there is quite literally no other reason to invest in something so blatantly and obviously designed to siphon money from your wallet unless you are both stupid and desperate for attention.

either way, if you spend money you dont have on this crap it's on you lol. its like claiming you got taken advantage of by the guy who sold you the brooklyn bridge. no shit, idiot.

it was suggested that the people buying these programs are “victims of capitalism” and i am confident that this does not excuses their behavior. we all are! the vast majority of us recognize that paying people so you can skip to the good parts of working in entertainment is pathetic, at best. pathological at worst.

additionally, i should add for context that i am a native from nevada, the state in the union with state-wide legalized gambling. one thing you will notice about nevada is, despite being named the #1 state of gambling addicts by the most whack study i have ever seen in my life (it rates states by “casino friendliness”. that’s literally the point of nevada?! anyway), i think you would be very hard pressed to find a local who gambles because that’s for the stupid tourists to blow money on to support us. i do not have a lot of sympathy for the people who throw money away on something that famously “always wins”.

 2. the youtube creators whining about how hard it is to look at analytics pages and how bad it makes them feel should be embarrassed of themselves. if looking at the data legitimately upsets you and has a death grip on your life (like the guy who said his wife hated how much he checked it and it was causing problems) then there are no shortage of extensions and tools to block pages or sections of pages in order to prevent yourself from staring into the abyss.

every artist who was on deviantart has already had this obsession with numbers long knocked out of them and the remaining stragglers who still cling to metrics and likes as proof of their worthiness are viewed as fucked up fame-obsessed weirdos. as they should be. i cannot think of a single other artistic pursuit that has people talk so openly about how data poisoned they are and have it treated like its a perfectly acceptable or legitimate means of measurement. 3. everyone gets less return on projects they worked hardest on. everyone enjoys the lowest-brow entertainment over effort and education. this is not a problem that is unique to youtube creators. visual artists have been bitching about this since time immemorial. it is a frequent, tacky talking point to complain about how your doodles get more likes than the work you labor over. there have been at least 10000000 posts about this subject. the solution is so simply get the hell over it lol wtf. the rest of us manage to cope so come learn from the best of the best.

everyone is going to become irrelevant. this is the reality of the entertainment business. framing it as a fail state rather than an inevitability would eliminate a lot of anxiety about having to be perfect and constantly keep to a schedule and maybe, just maybe, discourage people from attempting to make this dumb shit their fucking job. making your money via ad revenue and sponsorships should be considered a deeply immoral way to make money in the first place but: thats a whole other can of worms.

the k-pop guy who said he would cry if he couldnt do youtube for a living needs to hang it up right this second bc that's such a fucked up way to waste your life lol. 8 years of doing shit he hates just to see the number go up in the miserable hope that some day this activity that he despises doing will be lucrative. just keep it as a hobby wtf. what could he possibly be getting out of this? like, what is his end goal? after he makes youtube, which he hates doing, his full time job....then what?

i dont get it. i dont understand coddling these poorly thought out impulses like they're natural or that youtube is a real or viable career for anyone. i think no one should be talking about entertainment, right now at this moment, with any kind of certainty for what the future might hold. [scary voice] the truth is that it could and likely will come all falling down at any moment. and its possible that there is literally nothing you can do about it. 4. its luck. the secret ingredient to success is luck. you can alter your chances (specifically by being rich and/or attractive), you can do everything you’re supposed to do when it comes to self-promotion, editing, presentation, and information. but in the end its still almost entirely based on luck. he does say this but i was in the middle of my post when he said it lol

this doesn’t mean that no one but the most shining stars become household names. it means that you should not treat a video sharing site as anything more than a way to share information or entertainment with people and expect very little. you’ll either be pleasantly surprised or youll explode and die. who knows. 5. him attributing jake paul and that insane lady who made her kid cry for a youtube thumbnail to a desire for higher views was insane lol. they're sociopaths dude. come on. they are not motivated purely by wanting to see a number go up, the level of deluded self-interest that one needs festering in their body to abuse their child for money or take financial advantage of a stranger’s suicide is extraordinarily abnormal human behavior and does not even remotely compare to people who have just caught the madness after clicking on the analytics page. you have to be able to differentiate between a person who is pathologically ruthless to the point of being dangerous and losers.

the last section where he tries to impart to you what its like to blow up is so unrelatable lol and not just bc im ms sour grapes and im just jealous, which is usually the go-to defense people whip out when you try to criticize the way people interact with their fame, but rather the expectation that other people, strangers would celebrate your financial success is weird. additionally, there are two old maxims that fit the problem of attracting a group of hatewatchers:

if you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

and

if you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen!!!! computer send post thank you

[rogue-durin-16]

FIREWORKS AND STREAMERS

Request: I have been insecure about my curly hair lately and was wondering if you can you write something with one of the weasley twins where the reader is insecure about her curly hair and one of the twins makes her feel better.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Hufflepuff!Reader

Genre: fluff

Tags:

Requested by: @wildcat1434

Fred Weasley: @whiskeyn-rain @lumos-solemn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: none

A/N: So like, incoming fluff bc this idea was cute and sometimes I do be needing fluff, that's about it, enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The relationship between me and my hair had always been... Bumpy, you could say.

There were periods in which I would find it quite lovely; during those times I would let my curls free, showing them off with a proud demeanor, knowing my hair was unique. Those times began to turn less and less usual since the middle of third year, though they were still there.

However, after the summer prior to my sixth year, those moments had banished; I only wished to hide my hair, and my friends ended up noticing. They told me surely there would be a spell or potion able to change my hair.

As if they had summoned it, the next day in Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall introduced us to what seemed like my salvation; Crinus Muto, an advanced spell that modified the caster's hair with no restrictions.

My best friend advised me against using it, claiming it wouldn't help my insecurity— if only, it would worsen it.

I really wanted to do as she had told me and completely dismiss the spell's existence, but two nights after I had a big mental breakdown about it, caused by the most stupid thing ever.

"Is Weasley staring at you or am I blind?" One of my friends whispered, her eyes trained on the Gryffindor table.

I didn't even bother to look up, not wanting to know whether it was true or not, before responding with a quiet "You're blind."

"I mean, it's hard to tell with two rows of students between us but," She nudged me, urging me to avert my gaze from my dinner and redirect it to Fred. "it kinda looks like he's... staring."

Curiosity killed the cat, I guess. My eyes finally left my plate and were, in fact, met with Fred's brown ones. As soon as they met, though, he looked away, pretending to be focused on his food, just like I had been doing seconds ago.

"Of course he's staring." Hannah Abbot, who sat right in front of my friend, commented with her mouth full. "Have you seen your hair?" She swallowed her food, looking me up and down before adding, "No offense, but it's an absolute mess." My eyes opened widely in shock at her bluntness. "You should take care of it, really."

"Has someone ever told you you're an ill-mannered bitch, Hannah?" I heard my friend talking back at the younger girl while I got up and started to make my way out of the Great Hall.

Of course, I didn't see Fred shooting up and attempting to go after me; ultimately he decided to stay in his place, since he saw my friend walking out too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was very aware of all the pair of eyes that had been laid on me the very moment I entered the greenhouse where we would be doing the Herbology tasks.

When I had met my friends at the Hufflepuff common room that morning, I had received divided opinions about my straight hair. At first I had been very convinced that it looked way better than my curly hair, but seeing my friends' reaction, I wasn't that confident about it anymore.

I didn't have time to undo the spell before class, so I decided to go along with it and see how the day unfolded.

I took a deep breath, my eyes trained on the ground as I made my way to an empty seat; maybe there weren't that many people staring, maybe it was just my anxiety.

I finally gathered the courage and looked up, nervously scanning the glasshouse so I could shake off my fears.

There was only a couple of my peers staring, which would have put me at ease, if one of them wasn't Fred Weasley.

On top of it, of course, he wasn't even trying to be subtle, it was almost as if he wanted me to notice his judging eyes; I could feel his gaze on me for the entire class.

The instant Professor Sprout dismissed us, I shoved everything in my bag and left the greenhouse, thanking a couple of Gryffindors who complimented my hair on my way out.

Again, I didn't notice Fred leaving the class as soon as he could to run after me.

I threw my bag against a tree near the lake shore and, as I fell against it, I heard someone jogging in my direction.

"In a hurry to sit by the lake, Y/l/n?" I followed the tall ginger with my eyes while he circled me and sat down by me. "You alright?"

"I just needed a break from... People." I vaguely explained, focusing on the water instead of on the boy besides me.

"Understandable." He hesitated for a second before adding, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, it's fine." I surprised myself at how calmed and collected I sounded, as if I wasn't chatting with my crush.

"What happened to your hair?" His genuinely curious inquiry took me aback, and I struggled to find something to answer.

"Why?" My heartbeat picked up, anxiety inundating me once more. "You don't like it?"

"It looks weird." Fred looked at me up and down with a grimace. "You don't... Look like yourself." I was about to enter fight or flight mode, but he seemed to notice, and panic made its way to his face. "But it doesn't matter what I think," he was quick to add, his eyes wide open as if he knew he had said something he should have not. "I mean— I think it shouldn't matter, if you like it, that's great— I mean, you don't need my opinion about that either!"

"Calm down, I understand." I tried to reassure him, before his rambling drove the both of us crazy. "Can I tell you a secret?" He nodded with pursed lips, surely afraid he would fuck up if he spoke again. "I've been very insecure about my hair lately— like, very." I sighed. "My best friend told me not to straighten it, but last night I got a not so nice comment and—"

"So that's why you left?" I nodded, tugging my sleeves. Fred went silent for a moment, and then cleared his throat and scooted closer to me. "I know this won't do much, but I really love your hair. Kinda reminds me of fireworks and streamers." He gestured around his own head, mimicking the fireworks' movement. "Dunno I think is fun and pretty awesome." I raised my brows at him in surprise. "Like you."

"Aw, that's very sweet." He offered me a sheepish smile as I felt my cheeks blushing. "It does a lot, actually." I confessed, fidgeting with my rings. "I guess I kinda needed to hear something positive about my hair."

"Well, whenever you need to hear something positive about your hair," he pointed at himself. "I'm your man." He winked at me and I let out a chuckle. "I can also tell you positive things about you in general, but that has a price."

"And what is it?"

"You'll have to let me buy you a drink at The Three Broomsticks this Saturday." I tried not to let panic slip through my recently eased demeanor; was he asking me on a date? "And give me a kiss after." He wiggled his brows at me and my face turned red. "the kiss is negotiable."

I casted my gaze down, fixing it on my shoes, not sure of what I was supposed to say at that. His foot tapping mine snapped me out of my thoughts.

"So?" My eyes traveled to him once more, only to find his studying me already. "What do you say, Y/l/n?"

"Well," I shrugged, trying in vain to play nonchalant. "Seems like an affordable price, so it's fine by me."

"I'll pick you up after lunch, yeah?" Before I could agree, he gasped, his eyes going wide. "I'm a genius."

"Come again?" I frowned, confused as his sudden frantic behavior.

"Don't mind me, love." He jumped up and jogged towards the castle, leaving me puzzled in there. I was about to grab a book from my bag when Fred rushed back, crouched down and pecked my cheek. "Your hair's amazing." He assured me. "See you!" My fingertips graced my now flushed cheek as he headed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was finishing my lunch when two towering redheads entered the Hall running; while George, slowed down, Fred made a beeline to the Hufflepuff table, his casual clothes already on.

"Ready?" He asked breathless.

"Yeah— you didn't have lunch, did you?" I pointed out, getting up to stand in front of him.

"No, but I'll eat something later—" his eyes roamed over my carefully picked outfit before stating, "You look... very pretty."

"Why, thank you." I offered him a smile and looked over my shoulder at the Gryffindor table, where his friends were very attentive to all we did. "You sure you don't wanna eat something?"

"Hundred percent." He tilted his head towards the gates. "shall we?" He prompted to walk before him, and it was then that I realized he had his hands behind his back. Once we were out in the yard, he tugged my hand and made me turn to him. "I made something for you."

"You didn't have to." Was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard his words. Then the wording dawned on me; he didn't get me something, he made me something. "What is it?"

"So, you know that I told you your hair reminded me of fireworks and streamers?" I nodded, not quite knowing where he was going with that. "Well—" he then showed me what his back was hiding; a delicate, tiny firecracker with my name written on the side. "George helped me so I could finish it on time."

"I'm—" at my loss of words, I could only let out a happy laugh. "This is so cute— am I supposed to ignite it?"

"Duh!" I gently pushed his shoulder in response to his teasing. "Do you know how to do it?"

"I've seen you do it plenty of times." I admitted, grabbing the firecracker with one hand and my wand with the other; it looked so pretty, it was a pity I'd have to ruin it.

With a brief firemaking spell, the firecracker set off. Fred pulled me back slightly before it happened, though.

I was in awe at the beautiful fireworks before us, which looked like a color-changing, expanding version of my hair.

When the colors died out, I turned to Fred, whose attention was already on me, awaiting for a reaction. Surely, he was not expecting the kiss he got, but he didn't complain either; while my hands rested on his chest, his traveled to cup my cheeks before I could pull away.

"So you liked it?" He questioned quietly against my lips.

"I loved it." I whispered back with a wide smile. "You're a sweetheart." I pecked his lips before retreating. Holding his hand in mines, I made my way back into the castle. "We're not leaving until you have lunch."

"You are a sweetheart." He responded, following my lead without offering resistance. "By the way, your hair looks gorgeous." The corners of my lips twisted into a bigger smile at the sweet words he spoke only for me to hear as we went back into the Great Hall.

Maybe my hair wasn't that bad after all.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Para-Selene Vol.5 Sakamaki Laito [Track 4]

Original title: 信じられるもの

Source: Diabolik Lovers Para-Selene Vol. 5 Sakamaki Laito [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here (37:53~53:32)

Seiyuu: Hirakawa Daisuke

Translator’s note: Laito talking about his true feelings for the MC is honestly A+ content. As much as his HDB route disturbs me and the whole ‘nfu~’ thing doesn’t do it for me either, I have to admit that Laito is probably the most complex and interesting character of the franchise. (Or at least in the top 3) because the plot of his CDs is always so good. I had high hopes for this one since the Para-Selene series is generally very good and thank god Rejet did not disappoint me. uwu 

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 4: What I can Believe

*Rustle*

“Nn...Mmh...Where am I...?”

 You look around, asking if he recognizes the room.

“...Haah...It’s the guest room. At a certain castle in the Demon World.”

You tilt your head to the side.

“Right, I guess you don’t know. The words you spoke to me here...What I wished for... ーー And how I was changed forever.”

*Rustle*

“You can’t recall, you can? Even though this most definitely would count as an impactful memory. I guess my existence is only worth that much to you, huh? ...Just kidding. I suppose I’m in no position to say that as the guy who was just messing around up till now. First I was pushed around by your memories, and now my own memories are doing the exact same. Laughable, isn’t it? I feel like a clown.”

You frown.

“Say...The Paraselene Syndrome can be...cured, right?”

You ask him what the Syndrome is specifically about.

“A disease caused by the Paraselene also going by the name ‘Paraselene Syndrome’. It’s the name of the illness you’ve been infected with. As far as I know, those infected lose their memories during the time the paraselene is out. These lost memories turn into hallucinations, affecting anyone who happens to be near, locking them into an illusionary world. Therefore, the illusions will end once the person regains their memories. However...I forgot one important detail. What if...they don’t remember? 

Laito takes a seat on the bed.

*Thud*

“Haah...Nobody ever told me that is impossible. You might forget about our time spent together forever. As we are stuck reinacting past memories for eternity. Hilarious. I was out here getting sidetracked by the pleasure in front of my eyes, without realizing just how dangerous this situation we’re in really is. Even though that isn’t the kind of fun I’m looking for.”

You sit down next to him.

“Fufu...What’s gotten into you? Taking a seat next to me like that. Are you feeling pity towards me, perhaps?”

You express your worry.

“Pfft...Fufu...Fufufu...I can’t understand that. Why would you be worried about me? To your current self, shouldn’t I be someone you’d wish to avoid at all costs? Because unlike you, I do remember everything. How much you disliked me when we first met, for example. Hmph. Yet, in the end, you found yourself caught in my grip as I slowly but surely worked my way into your heart. (1) ...Hilarious, don’t you think? It truly is laughable. ...At one point, you’d even start saying you ‘love’ me and I tooーー ...I finally realized that I felt the same towards you.”

You listen carefully.

“But the person I love isn’t the one you are right now...It has to be my Bitch-chan...”

You tell him you’ll try your best to remember.

“Hmm? Are memories really something you regain through effort alone? Although if you claim you’re willing to remember for my sake...”

*Rustle*

“...You’d still cooperate with me, even if I were to try and kill you, right?”

Your eyes widen in fear as he pins you down.

*Thud*

“...An intense experience. Those can become the trigger to regaining your memories. Do you know what that means? That your memories are more likely to come back, if I treat you horribly. Can you truly entrust yourself to me, when you’re looking at me with eyes full of fear like that?”

You nod.

“...!! Ah...Why...? That’s pure hypocricy. You’re simply pitying me.”

*Rustle*

“...Don’t get too full of yourself. You don’t even have memories, so how dare you say that!? Right now, you’re just pretending to be a Saint! The moment your life is in true danger, those sweet words will most definitely turn ugly and rotten.”

*Rustle*

“You’ve got such a pretty neck. I’d probably have no trouble squeezing it shut. Like this...”

Laito starts strangling you.

“...You poor little thing~ Gasping for air~ Is it suffocating?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Fufu...Fufufu...I don’t intend to kill you or anything. I’m only waiting for you to reveal your shameful true nature. Aaah~ You seem to be suffering.”

*Rustle*

“Woah there...~ That was close. You can’t faint on me now, can you? ...Fufu~”

You take a deep breath.

“Exactly...You should use this opportunity to take in as much air as you can. Because soon enough...You won’t be able to breathe again once more.”

Laito kisses you deeply.

*Smooch*

“Ahn...Mmh...”

*Smooch*

“...Fufu~ The inside of your mouth is completely dry. Should I moisten it up with your blood? It feels good to get sucked from your tongue, you know? Haahn...”

He bites your tongue.

*Sluuuuurp*

“Mmh...Hah...! Haah...Ah...It tastes delicious, mixed in with your saliva. Aahn...”

*Gulp*

“Mmh...”

*Gulp gulp*

“...Hah...Say...? Don’t you think it feels great to have me suck your blood while you’re struggling to breathe? With your consciousness growing faint, doesn’t it feel like the pleasure is slowly travelling through your entire body?”

*Rustle*

“Look at you slouching...~ You’re not throwing in the towel already,are you? I mean...You were going to regain your memories because you just felt so bad for me, no? In that case, you have to go all the way. ...Or do you want to run away after all?”

You shake your head.

“...I wonder why you’re this stubborn. I don’t exist within your memories. And your body is shaking like a leaf. I can’t imagine you would do this out of any other reason but hypocricy. ...Or were you simply left unsatisfied by this? In that case, savor it with all your might. The pleasure I give you, that is. Well then...I suppose I should suck from your chest next...~?”

*RIIIIIIP*

“Ah-aaah...Look at that expression of yours. How shameless. ...Say, why don’t you try fighting back like before? Come on. Hurry!”

You refuse.　

“Kuh...! Why...are you trying to accept me? Not a single one of your memories have returned, so why are you pretending as if you know me!?”

You explain that his situation hurts you emotionally. 

“Why are you experiencing heartache over this? There’s no reason for you to be suffering...The one who is hurting...is me! ...Exactly. It hurts. Very much so...I want you to love me from the bottom of your heart...”

You suddenly embrace him.

*Rustle*

“...Ah! ...Bitch-chan...? Are you sure it’s safe to do this...? You can’t guarantee what I’ll do when you embrace me like this, right?”

You tell him you want to trust him and learn to love him once more.

“...!! Those are...some very dangerous words to speak right now. (2) ...You’re going to make me believe that you will accept me for who I am, with or without your memories. Say...Can I believe in you? Will you truly...love me?”

You nod.

“Ah...I feel the same.”

He returns the hug.

*Rustle*

“Bitch-chan...You truly are a strange girl. You are probably the only one...who can rouse my emotions this much.”

*Smooch*

“...Does your neck hurt? ...I’m sorry. I grabbed it too tightly. Will you let me make it up to you...? I’ll blow your mind with pleasure...Haahn...Mmh...”

Laito bites you once more.

*Gulp gulp gulp*

“...Ah~...”

*Sluuuuurp*

“Starting to feel better? I’m sucking you gently after all. ...Nfu~ You’re making a cute expression. ...You like it when I drink your blood from here, don’t you? Mmh...”

*Rustle*

*Gulp*

“Ah...Nfu~ I knew it. I can tell just how good it feels for you from the slightest twitch of your fingers, you see? That proves just how many times we’ve repeated his action. Mmh...”

*Gulp gulp gulp*

“Bitch-chan...Hold my hand...”

You hold his hand.

“I’ll pour my heart and soul into you. So...Give me your feelings too?”

You agree.

“Mmh...Thank you...”

*Gulp gulp gulp*

*BZZZZZZZZZZZ*

*WOOSH*

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー 

Translation notes

(1) Literally he says that she slowly had her heart melted by him.

(2) Laito uses the term 殺し文句 or ‘koroshi-monku’ which is a ‘clincher’ or a ‘pick-up line’ in English.

[maddiicake]

Dear (people listed below)

@miss-mary-grace

You pretended to be my friend just so that you could “sleep your way to the top”. You’re only friends with that certain group now because of me. I never got any thanks, except just some “I know what I’m saying will hurt your feelings” Well, bitch, if you KNOW, then that just shows your colors. Again, you KNEW--you said YOU KNEW--, yet you still did it because YOU KNEW. You didn’t stab me in the back. You stabbed me in the front while you were smiling and pretending to be the “innocent soul” that you have everyone believing you are.

I was Miru’s sister first, by the way. We even endearingly called each other “hermana” just as such. So, sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, you weren’t her first “sister”. 

If I could go back in time, I would refrain from commenting on your poor excuse for art—talking about how “cute it is”—, and completely disregard you as a person, much less an artist. You only advanced and grew as an artist BECAUE OF ME. And I, unfortunately, got to see you true colors when you decided to indirectly admit that you were using me. 

Now, I’m used to people pretending to be my friend. But this was the first time someone had done so just so that they can get to where they are in life now.

So, just remember... You’re only Nova’s “little sister” because of me. You’re only friends with all of them because of me. You’re only where you are now because of me.

~~~

@zorakschicken / @zoraksrambles

Fuck you.

During the entire year where you had family member after family member (and your dog) die, I would drop messages here and there checking in on you. I didn’t bother you with messages every single day, like I’m sure you like to think (because “Big Bad Saki/Kura” is constantly and daily harassing people, apparently -__- ). Yeah, I vented to you now and then, but, compared to the times where I sent messages of support to you... those spurts of venting were SMALL in comparison. But, obviously, me venting was just oh so much more outrageous than the supportive messages that heavily outweighed everything.

“I won’t block you. I just think we need to take a break.” That was what you said before we agreed to take a break. And what happened? YOU FUCKING LIED! You blocked me on every single social media outlet that we share. Now, I don’t have a problem with being blocked--I could honestly care less if I got blocked--; what I’m pissed about is that you LIED ABOUT IT. Now, I blocked you first, because, for half a month after our agreement to “take a break”, you would snoop around on my dA (I track IPs, and have your name listed as such every time you pop by, so I know it’s you). It was really creepy and sus af, so I very briefly blocked you because “if you want to take a break from being friends, why tf are you snooping around...? >A>;;” So, you could back off. And then what? You block me for no reason? I didn’t fucking snoop around on you, like you did to me. WTF, dude...

And another thing that always bugged me... you Commissioning Nova. yeah, she’s your friend--but SO WAS I (at the time, at least). And you even mentioned to me how interested you were in my commissions, which were marginally cheaper than hers. So, for someone going through “financial issues”, you certainly are a hypocrite. Not to mention... it shows who you really saw as a “friend”, and our friendship meant nothing.

“Saki is always so negative. I can’t handle such negativity. It’s toxic.” You have an entire blog dedicated to hating some version of a series. What’s your excuse? Nothing but a double standard, if you ask me. Imagine being so high on your horse that you dedicate your time to something that upsets you. (That’s not me being hypocritical. That’s me saying “Hey kettle. You’re black just like me.”

You have schizophrenia. So what? I have Borderline Personality Disorder, but you don’t seeing me play that card as an excuse for my fucking behavior. I never have used any mental illness to excuse my behavior, which, let’s be real here--I’m fully aware of my negative track record, but not once did I play the “mental illness” card. I’ll use it to explain my behavior, yes, and emphasize that that’s the main reason why I’m Public Enemy Number 1 in the FMA Fandom and the reason why everyone left. But, I don’t use my mental illness like some “Get Out of Jail Free Card”, or to make people pity me or anything.

You may think that me making this call out post is the worst thing I could have done to you, but I could have done much worse. Remember: We shared phone numbers. I promptly deleted yours after we agreed to “take a break”, because I’m not that type of person to do shady shit with people’s personal information, unless it’s 100% necessary. 

At the end of the day all I can say is this: Fuck you, you lying ass two-faced piece of shit.

~~~

@novanoah & @mari-m-rose 

Despite what you may think... I do have screenshots. Or, “Proofs” as you like to call them (because “proofs” is totally a word, and not the incorrect use of “proof”... -_- ). The most recent screenshot is of Nova in 2017 committing libel against my friend with a one-sided no-”proofs”-used-to-back-up-her-claim post on Tumblr just to use her mob mentality and further show that she’s the type to use her popularity against people who are smaller than her. (Those “proofs” I have, by the way, and can show how full of shit she is).

And, it still disgusts me to this day that you are “happy” that I was told to kill myself. Are you kidding me? And here I thought I was the one that was fucked up in the head, and all I’ve ever done to all of you was stupid petty shit. To be “happy” that a person you don’t like is told (by numerous people) to kill themselves though...? What the hell is wrong with you? In that case, I’m sure you were crossing your fingers and praying for my death when I was diagnosed with cancer--only to have your little celebration party canceled when it wasn’t a severe type. But, I’m sure you got all ecstatic afterwards when the YouTube Ranters went out of their way to find my mailing address for the sole purpose of “Making [me] so stressed out that [my] cancer comes back and kills [me].” By your logic, you should be in absolute euphoria from that -__-

Sorry to disappoint you all, but the harassing, petty, little twat that bothered you all and gave you a hard time for a decade to the point she made you all (and every other single person) leave the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom is, unfortunately, hard to get rid of.

Speaking of Nova committing libel... let me just say that your little fanbrat Retreat coming after me last year wasn’t unnoticed. I knew it was sketchy af the moment they first appeared—it was no different than Cheery’s fanbrats Vixx_Der coming after me on Twitter for no reason and completely out of the blue just a month prior. So... Nice try at attempting to “give [me] a taste of my own medicine”. Committing borderline Tortious Interference... yeah, okay. That’s totally not something I could sue for. If not--defamation (which, had I known was a suable offense at the time, I would have totally done against Mayou back in 2016). 

And, like I mentioned in Mary’s little snippet up above... she’s only your friend and “little sister” because of me, so you’re fucking welcome. And, if it turns out that she’s using you the way she used me... I will laugh my ass off.

Above all else, and most importantly, my view of you both and the rest of the FMA OC Matriach is, has been, and always will be the same. I made a vow to “knock [you all] off your throne(s).” And I still plan to keep that promise. Because people like you shouldn’t be using that “I have a big number of subscribers/followers/watchers on my page, which makes me better than you~” mentality like you all have been. You’re all--every single one of you--are nothing more than HUMAN BEINGS. You’re not better than anyone one else, and you never will be. Guess what, snowflakes? Outside of your little cyberspace “safe place”, you have no power. Stop acting like you’re better than everyone else, especially to KIDS who are HALF YOUR AGE, and you think it’s right to make some stupid tumblr post (that has no evidence backing up your claim, and can be considered defamation, if not libel) painting that CHILD as an “evil person” and to order everyone to block them just because they said something you didn’t like. “I respect people who have different opinions than me” is the most obvious lie you have ever told. You’re nearly 30-years-old. Act like it and grow up. Stop bullying kids by abusing your power. You’re a HUMAN, just like the rest of us.

~~~

@mayounnaise / @sharkynnaise

Don’t know if you have a tumblr on here or not, but I couldn’t care less at this point. Let me go on the record of saying this:

Commit defamation against me one more time. Commit Tortious Interference like you did with (commissioner, who I won’t mention) again one more time. I dare you.

I WILL sue your ass, knowing what I do now--that what you did is a suable offense.

~~~

@miru-p 

I could say some pretty fucked up things right now, but I’m not that terrible of a person. I mean, I am a terrible person, but I’m not terrible enough to say fucked up things like: “Your family member deserved to live, and both of your positions should have been swapped over the holidays during that time. I’m sure your family member was a much better person than you.”

So, I’ll just simply say this: Vete a tomar por culo.

~~~

@hitantenshi

You are one of the most hopelessly optimistic people I know. The fact that you believe that people can change for the better is just absolutely sad. I mean, hello, have you seen my track record? I’m the bright and shining example and living embodiment of the reason why people don’t change. No matter how badly they want to. And if it’s because of a mental disorder, well, it sucks, because that diagnosis came too late and the damage was already done.

So, you’re all going to have to deal with this monster while I’m still around.

~~~

And to make it clear to every other single person reading this:

I’m not excusing what I did in the past, nor am I trying to make any excuses. I’m fully aware of the things that I did. However, that doesn’t mean that fakers should get some “get out of jail free card” and get away with it just because “they’re popular” or “friends with popular people”.

I’m fully aware of what I am. And, I’m fully aware that I’m hated because I’m a narcissistic, selfish, heartless, backstabbing, toxic, indifferent annoyance, harassing, ungrateful, apathetic, hurtful, manipulative, bullying, dramatic, sensitive, arrogant, petty, spiteful, over dramatic, drama whore, lying, shady, sociopathic bitch.

I’d constantly tell myself and others that “I’m changing” or “I’ve changed”, when really... I was just lying to them—and to myself—to make myself feel better. Always running away from some imaginary monster, and trying to be the perfect innocent souls that could do no harm. For a long time, I had actually believed that; fooling myself as much as I did everyone else.

Just want to make that perfectly clear. I’m not making excuses or using my mental disorder as an excuse or whatever. I just feel like I have to keep repeating myself all the time when it comes to stuff like this -__- (especially when people tell me otherwise).

[what-even-is-thiss]

I wrote a creative essay about my least favorite aunt. Yeet.

Read it if you’d like. I’m just happy to finally get the damage she caused me mostly dealt with to the point where I feel comfortable writing about it.

Language Barrier

Whenever I speak in German my expressions and hand gestures suddenly become ridiculously animated, like I’m trying to make up for my lack of vocabulary with a sign language that hasn’t been invented yet. One that only I know the meaning of. I flap my hands around like a maniac and point to things I don’t know the words for and make broken sentences that sound like a caveman made them as I misgender inanimate objects left and right.

Das. Das. That. That. This. This.

I can physically feel my brain rewiring itself. I speak like fool. Wrong order spoken are words. Sometimes anxiety make cry me. Social kind.

However, I speak much more German than my uncle’s mother and stepfather speak of English so I’m forced to use what I can and hope they can understand my thick American accent as we stay with them in Southern Germany. Everyone keeps trying to reassure me that my German is very good, but I can’t stop out of order speaking.

Kann ich habe Brot mehr bitte? Can I having bread more please?

I want to crawl into a hole and die.

My grandmother warned me that a person can grow tired of the amount of bread that Germans eat and according to that Bible thing that we both read man cannot live by bread alone. I’m starting to understand both of those things, eating bread and jam for breakfast yet again because I don’t like butter with marmalade and there’s no cheese left.

The weather, unlike my breakfast or Deutsche Grammatik, is perfect. Slightly cold, sunny and overcast at the same time. The neighborhood that my uncle’s parents live in is beautiful, suburban, on the edge of Schwartzwald, known in English as the Black Forest. I can’t remember the name of the town but I do know that we tried to get a brewery tour and my aunt, her twins, and I waited in the van as my uncle talked loudly at somebody in a local dialect until he got out of them that they don’t do tours anymore.

We went to a rope climbing course instead. My uncle, tall and skinny, balding, fit, took the twins, boy and girl, skinny like their dad, not taking after their mother, my mother’s sister, and went rope climbing in Schwartzwald.

I’m stuck talking with my aunt as we stand below the ropes course and I’m tired of speaking in German so we both take time to find comfort in each other’s distinctly Californian manner of speaking.

My aunt is a character. That’s a polite way to describe her if you don’t want to speak ill of someone that’s not in the room. She wears no makeup except for when she’s getting her picture taken or going somewhere important and she always looks stressed and tired with her eyes just a little too wide open. She’s maybe four inches shorter than me but she has the ability to make me feel like I only come up to her waist. In my mind she’s always wearing a knee length beige skirt and a green t-shirt even though she owns other articles of clothing than that, including more than 20 pairs of shoes. Her eyes are wide and her hands move in an animated fashion even when she speaks English. When she speaks German she becomes an exaggerated version of herself, perhaps to make up for her thick American accent and occasionally sketchy grammar. She has lived in Switzerland since the 90s and spoken German since the 80s. I once asked her how to tell what a noun’s grammatical gender is. She told me that she had no idea.

I didn’t know my mother for very long before she died but my grandmother tells me that when my mom was young, to describe her sister, she quoted a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. The one about the little girl with the little curl who when she was good she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid.

My aunt’s hair is straight, but other than that the poem describes her very well. Today would be a day she was horrid.

I don’t claim to be a perfect human being. I can be a bitch sometimes just like anybody else. The thing is though, my aunt never let me know when I was doing something bitchy like a normal person would. Instead she let me keep on doing it until she was ready to explode. And then she exploded.

Or, no. Not exactly being bitchy. Just doing something that she didn’t understand or like. She’s a very animated person and her voice goes like

And

Up.

Down.

All the time.

She’s very expressive. I, on the other hand, am not that excitable. I smile, yes, I cry, yes, but I try to be stoic. I like being stoic. It feels natural. I don’t want to express to everyone around me every time I am excited or upset. In my opinion it’s none of their business. I also tend to express gratitude through actions and gift giving rather than hurting my face and voice smiling and screaming all of the time.

I had thought bringing gifts from America, delivering onto my aunt’s family the ever elusive box of grits and Bakersfield candy and trinkets from Disneyland Anaheim would show gratitude. I was under the impression that helping to cook dinner, pack the van, refill the ice trays, take care of the twins, carry the groceries, clean the house, would show how much I loved her. I learned though, in a firestorm under the canopy of dark trees and children riding on zip lines that our love languages didn’t translate properly and she thought that my lack of expressiveness meant that I hated her. She was hysterical about it. I then expressed myself by changing into a lovely shade of red and producing saltwater from my eyes.

Climbing hills is a thing you get used to when you spend time in Central Europe. Walking for three or four kilometers isn’t such a feat in a valley, where the ground is flat and rarely changes, but in hilly terrain you quickly learn just how long that distance is and how much walking can hurt. Locals take no pity on you because they expect that everyone has those muscles built up in their legs when you’ve never had to use your legs like that for long stretches of time before.

Navigating emotion and expectations at home is easy. There is one language being spoken and everyone uses it to tell each other what’s wrong. When staying with my aunt for long periods of time, however, you start to understand emotional exhaustion. Something that would take half a minute to communicate takes up ten minutes of screaming because she expected you to know everything. A flat crowded city turns into a hilly countryside with no help for miles. You quickly learn how to swear in German because she pushes her husband to screaming as well.

Scheiße.

Eventually my uncle finished with the ropes course and pulled me away from her. He gently explained to me in English what we were going to be doing for the next few days. I stopped leaking water from my eyes and tried to remember what had prompted her to start yelling at me but I couldn’t figure it out. Another talent she has. Distracting you from linear events.

While I was in Germany there was a terrorist attack in Münich. Brexit was fresh in everyone’s minds. My first presidential election would be happening in November. I only understood about half of what was said on the news. My little cousins and their dad took turns translating for me. I had the feeling that I still wasn’t getting the whole story.

My aunt and uncle have twins. Test Tube Babies. The girl is the older twin but strangely enough doesn’t hold it over her brother’s head, which would fit perfectly with her personality. The boy takes after his mother in some respects, namely her loud voice.

When we went to Prague we stayed in a campground because that’s a lot cheaper than a hotel and that family affords a second house because they’re stingy. Almost every morning it was a struggle to get the boy out of bed. He and his sister were almost ten and he screamed and refused to move. He cried. He was loud. No amount of discipline worked. His sister stood around quietly going about her business, as did I. We did the same thing when her parents got into screaming matches.

Prague is an old city. A busy city. I loved it, even with all of the pay toilets and Czech bluntness. Even when an angry Czech lady smoking a cigarette yelled at me in broken English for not knowing that I had to pay for the restroom. The old castles and cathedrals and statues and just the right amount of dirtiness in the subway more than made up for it.

My aunt payed for me to go look at a museum that she didn’t want to look at. She told me to take all the time I wanted as the rest of the family waited outside. I didn’t sense any passive aggressiveness that time, so I did. It was a complex that was part of the Prague art museum, a system spread out around the city. The section I walked through by myself was a collection of medieval Roman Catholic art. Stained glass windows, paintings, tapestries. I’m a Lutheran that lives with atheists, so my experience with Catholic art is mostly non existent. Atheists don’t have religious figures to draw and Lutherans are extremely stingy with their images, worried about crossing into the realm of idolatry.

One thing I noticed was that Mary appeared everywhere, even in stories I thought she didn’t belong. In some images she stood equal with Jesus, reminding me of a female God. She seemed mature, different from the outcasted teenage mother I had told children about in Sunday School classes. Different from the refugee that had been painted for me in sermons. I wondered what kind of mother this Mary was. I wondered what her Hebrew sounded like. Or, maybe this Mary spoke Czech and the Mary in Germany spoke German and the Mary in the Vatican spoke Latin and the Mary my Catholic friends at home looked to spoke Spanish. Maybe if I prayed to Mary she would speak English. Maybe she would turn out to speak German and would look down at the frantic dancing of my hands, trying to find meaning in it.

But I don’t pray to Mary, and neither do my aunt or uncle. I report to them what I saw and my observations about Mary. Namely that she seems to be everywhere. My aunt doesn’t quite pick up on the fact that I simply find it interesting and takes it as an invitation to rant about Catholics. I squint at her as we walk back to the subway. I’m trying to figure out if I’d somehow been speaking another language. She certainly seems to be. Maybe it’s a generational gap. Maybe it’s just her, but I try to turn the conversation back to a tone of tolerance rather than complaint. A battle I quickly lose.

Later, in a public park in that busy city, my aunt yelled at me and cried because I had been calling her by her first name rather than Aunt. I nearly start leaking again. I shake. I think she’s speaking English but I don’t understand it. I physically step away from her as she accuses me of not seeing her as family. At the bottom of the hill we’re standing on a dog plays fetch with his owner. Neither of them take notice of the screaming middle aged American woman throwing accusations her deceased sister’s child as her own children zone out and wait for it to be over. No help comes. Nobody translates for me and Google Translate doesn’t have a setting for this.

Twenty minutes later she jokes with me as we find a rare but welcome burrito shop. I buy a mango soda imported from Mexico and it softens my homesickness. We eat on the steps of a light rail station. I laugh. The twins laugh and bounce around, talking to each other in a mixture of English, Swiss-German, and high German. The boy takes a bite out of my burrito and thinks the fact I can eat something that spicy makes me the coolest person in the world. My aunt laughs with me. We make plans for when we go to Southern Germany and visit her husband's parents. That’s where his dentist is. He needs a bit of work done. We’ll have fun, she promises. We had a good time in Prague. I put the bad times in a shoebox for later and then agree with her.

After she yells at me in Schwartzwald for not showing emotion I go quiet. I put more things in the shoebox I’ve made in my mind to deal with later. I learn that all of them have been eavesdropping on the phone calls I’ve been making to my dad and friends back home. My aunt approaches me about how I complained about the yelling. I’m suddenly paranoid and wonder if she read some of the postcards I sent out. I watch my words now and put the ones that might set off her fuse in the box. The little house outside of Zurich has started to feel like home when I return to it and I’m slightly disgusted at that realization. The flowers all make my eyes water and I’m not given nearly enough allergy pills. I still don’t understand what language she’s speaking. Her words are in English or German, as are mine, but we still don’t understand each other.

Currants, especially the red ones, are beautiful fruit. Not easy to find in stores, even in Europe, so you’ve gotta pick them yourself. My aunt and uncle have a small city of currant bushes living in their backyard that hugs the bank of the stream that runs through the neighborhood. They’re beautiful and inviting, asking you to eat them please, but when you do your face scrunches up at the tartness. I never did care for sour tastes, so I found my own way to make the currants sweet by baking them into scones. At first my aunt was sceptical of my scones but after some reassurance from her kids that they didn’t taste like cinnamon she tried them and agreed that I did a good job. They were sweet and went really well with milk or tea. We all enjoyed them very much. Nobody had to translate anything.

Every member of that family gives excellent hugs when you can get them. They share drinks and food with each other, a concept that shocked me at first, but I quickly fell into the rhythm of it with them. They bought me my first beer and took me to Worms, Germany. I loved that place. I got to see one of the first print versions of Luther’s German translation of the bible. I ate pastries and tea with them at an outdoor cafe. It was cold and wet in the middle of the summer and the cobblestones made it even gloomier. The moving feet on the sidewalk seemed to have a language of its own and the new architecture standing by the old had no words to be translated but told a story nonetheless.

My experience in Europe was like Europe itself. Americans expect it to be shiny and beautiful, and it is, but you also have to pay to use the restroom which leads people to piss in the street. You will also find cigarette machines on almost every corner. There is one right outside my aunt and uncle’s second house. The packages of cigarettes have pictures of black lungs and diseased gums on them. The people smoke anyways. Europeans are people. They have drama, they worry about money, they cry, they abuse, they kick, they scream, they love. All the problems you had in America won’t disappear over there, and in fact you might find some new problems you didn’t expect. Like not finding salsa or not knowing how to deal with carnival rides that have no line and are boarded like a much more violent version of musical chairs. And don’t expect to practice your target language there either. The people will hear your accent and excitedly try and use you to practice English. And even if you do speak the language, don’t expect to understand with everyone. Hand gestures can only go so far.

When I got home I left the German language behind me for the most part. I also slowly cut off most contact with my aunt’s family. Six weeks spent putting things in a shoebox and not speaking whatever language my aunt was speaking with English and German words was enough for me. By the time I opened my shoebox a few months later it was rotten, smelly, and leaking. It took over a year to clean it out and it’s still warped and stained, containing whispers of my own desperate language that would never penetrate my aunt’s skull or jump over the barrier we had built together.

My rotten shoebox is revolting to look at, and while I was cleaning it parts of the mess got onto the happy memories but thankfully they’re still there. The cathedrals, the warm hugs, the new foods, and comforting rain are all there. Late nights and early mornings, potato pancakes and beer, museums and trees and the times I could honestly say; Ja, ich bin glücklich. Yes, I am happy. And thankfully that sentence is easy to translate.

[tarithenurse]

All is fair in Love & War - 13

Pairing: Loki x reader Content: Loooooaaaads and loads of pining. Add some violence, death, and soulsearching...a tiny bit of angst. Oh and maybe some very rude comments. A/N: Thank you all for reading, liking and especially commenting/reblogging.

13. Absence

…   LOKI’s PoV   …

Slipping through the Midgardian encampment, Loki has to restrain himself constantly. All he wants to do is let out the turmoil inside by decimating the enemy forces that have found their way across the border into Jotunheim, but he adheres to one simple rule: the only Midgardians dying are the commanders…unless he is engaged in open combat. [Y/N] would be oh so proud of me, the Jotun thinks wryly, trying to ignore the ache the name awakens.

The next target is already in sight, and thanks to the flickering of the fire at the centre, Loki can see two shadows move about with drinks in hands. Now and then they bend over a table, becoming warped on the canvas. The king’s colours. A few steps, a roll, and a crouch brings Loki in position with the back against the tent where a large piece of furniture stands inside (By Odin’s beard, is it a wardrobe?). No one hears when he slits the fabric with a dagger because they are too busy drinking and dividing spoils they have yet to win. The heavy sweetness of mulled wine and the sour stench of sweat waft past the intruder as he slips in, carefully poised in the shadows for the opportune moment to present itself.

“I’m tellin’ you, Hans,” one of the men proclaims, “I just want the bastard skewered, a round in the hay with his bitch if he has on’…aaand a teeny-tiny box o’ gold.”

Anger rises like a flood in Loki’s mind, sweeping all else aside while he clings to reason with all his might, afraid of being swept away.

“WHA’?! Ye gotta be desp’rate!” The second man is cackling unabashed. “Ye really wanna go a roun’ with her? She gotta be a troll or som’thin’!”

A dam breaks, sweeping any self-restraint from mind and heart, and Loki emerges from the shadow with long daggers materialising in his hands in a similar fashion as the horned helmet, his crown. If they want a troll, they will have it – horns and all. The first man dies before either of the Midgardians have truly understood what is happening, blood trickling from his mouth as he looks down at the dark blade that has passed through his chest, piercing his heart in the process. He still stands when Loki steps past him, eyes set on the offender who dared speak ill of [Y/N].

The commander’s already pale face drains of all colour. “L-Lok-k-ki.”

“I should make you suffer. Let you toil the last of your pathetic, insignificant life away in the deepest mines, bereft of food and water save for what not even the rats would touch!” the Jotun king hisses, bending over the man who has stumbled and fallen in his panic. “But I am merciful unlike you and your kind.”

The commander only answers with a half-choked scream that descends into a gurgle as hot blood foams and flows from the slit throat. Mimir’s balls! Already, there is a scuffle beyond the tarp. Acting swiftly, Loki does what any reasonable god would do and tosses the corpse of the late Hans upon the fire in the center of the tent, plunging the place into complete darkness.

“My lord?” The male outside is hesitant but grows persistent as no one answers. “Lord Ragnar, are you alright?”

It is barely possible to see the tent-flap open for any human being. Loki is Jotun, however, and his eyes have adjusted to the lack of light already. To him, the silhouette of the low-ranking guard that had been stationed nearby is clear against the faint backdrop of other tents and their fires. Quick as the wind, he steps behind the soldier and covers his mouth with a hand while making sure that there is no mistaking the point of a dagger against the unsuspecting human’s throat with something else.

“Do I have to tell you what will happen if you try to alert anyone?”

A muffled sound which Loki interprets as a “no” is the most useful reaction. The other is a distinct smell of piss. Stepping back ever so slightly from the captive, the god is once more reminded of [Y/N]’s description of the common soldiers in the Midgardian army: farmers, miners, crafters, young and old. Almost no one fit for battle and its terrors. Studying the frightened figure, it becomes apparent that this individual is very young indeed. No more than 15 summers.

“You have a choice, mortal, to either die here or run back home.” The sharp intake of breath passing Loki’s fingers seems to indicate surprise. “Your king is deceiving you, forcing you to fight and suffer for a cause that does not exist so that he may live comfortably. Look in the tents of your commanders. Ask your comrades what they see. Think.”

There is mumbling which grows increasingly insistent until the Jotun carefully removes his hand, allowing the boy to talk. “Ye mean…ye’ll let me live?”

“…yes.” It is hard to hold back the sigh. Dense human. “If my intent had been to kill you all then trust me…you would all be dead now. Your armies would be destroyed.”

Clearly, it takes a certain amount of effort before the statement makes sense but eventually the lad reaches a conclusion: “Oh, so tha’s why they only keep needin’ for new co’anders? Ye only kill them?” As if on an afterthought a tentative “ye maj’sty” is added.

“Such a bright observation…”

Apparently, the soldier has not learned much about sarcasm either because he straightens with pride at Loki’s comment. Rather than suffering through another minute of conversation with the dimwit, the chat is brought to an end with a hard blow to the head of the boy which renders him unconscious, allowing the Jotun to exit the tent unhindered.

…

He should be resting or at the very least study the reports the spies have delivered, but the only thing Loki can do is reread the single line of text on a crumbled piece of parchment that he received more than a week ago:

  Everything is proceeding as intended.

Those five words hold all of Loki’s hopes and fears although it is impossible for an outsider to make proper sense of the message.

When a raven had delivered the small note, it had felt as though years of sorrow fell from the Jotun king’s chest. [Y/N] has arrived safely, and not just that, no, she has managed to claim a place in the court without casting suspicion upon herself which always was the biggest risk. The plan could have failed if just one person with weight behind their words had objected to her presence. But apparently, it is greed rather than intelligence that is prevalent in the Midgardian court.

Now all Loki can do is wait for the information he needs. The details that will grant him access to the castle and put an end to the corrupt king’s life.

So he waits for [Y/N], his love, to return so he once more can offer her a life with him – but one that is based on free will rather than founded on the unbalanced relationship of a captive and her captor. Meanwhile Loki keeps occupied by seeking out every single encampment on either side of the border, he travels to towns and villages in Jotunheim to ensure that everyone is getting through the winter without lacking…and he wanders the forest and keep at night because he cannot find rest except in the small room that served as her chamber, and each time he wakes surrounded by her fading scent the absence pains him even more.

Sometimes, he curses himself for having grown so soft, so sentimental, and yet he has to acknowledge that all the changes within may very well be for the better. The incessant notion that he is alone is gone, replaced by a tranquility – or it would have been if it was not for the fact that his lovely mortal is gone. Why did I let her leave? Loki knows that he is to blame. He planted the notion in her head that she could be a spy in the very heart of the enemy’s land and not a day goes by where he does not regret that, causing him to snap at the servants who try their best to tend to his every need.

Loki hears them, listens to their mumbled conversations when they are unaware of his presence. At first, he had been outraged at their worry-full tones. No one were to pity him! Did they not truly understand how powerful he is? But then he notices the affection laced in the words, and although the admiration is tethered to [Y/N], whom they have taken to call Little Queen, Loki is pleasantly surprised that his people willingly extended it to encompass him. Perhaps Frigga is right when she has said that love and patience are not a sign of weakness in a king…at the very least, he knows that the feisty mortal would agree.

[suicidal-bitch-countdown]

Q&A: Getting inside the darkness of my mind part 1

Why are you so hard on yourself?

I have a little phrase for that, ‘dumb bitches need a short lead’. If you don't push yourself, then you'll become too complacent and not really get anywhere at all. You see this happen all the time.

Yes I've also grown up in quite an authoritarian household, with two impossible-to-please parents with unattainable standards, so I don't really know any other way. One that's effective and proven to work anyway. But the idea ‘what if I pulled my weight together harder’ still lingers on all these years later, and that perhaps my Parents had a point after all? If I was good enough things would've been different? Because who treats their child like that and still has a clear conscience?

My Parents are hypocrites as it stands, but nevertheless all the years of conditioning cannot be undone now. Not mentioning if you weren't good enough for your own Parents, how are you meant to be good enough for anyone else?? Exactly.

Also another big reason, and that should be obvious - I'm nearly 25 for Christ's sake - what major, significant things it is that I've achieved? Exactly. At 19 this would've been an acceptable level maybe, but at my age, I'm very far behind, and it's really shameful and disappointing.

Just look at my peers and then look at me: the contrast is stark. All this “late bloomer” crap is no excuse, quite frankly. I must do better.

Last but not least, I'm also very competitive by nature, and want to be the best at something for once. That'd make me feel more accomplished.

Why do you hate yourself so much?

Well, just look at me… It should be obvious, yet somehow it's mainly myself who sees what others are too blind to notice. I'm a monster. To put it in the simplest terms. No good for anything, a waste of space. Mentally ill too - maybe not my fault, but doesn't mean other people aren't hit with its collateral and suffer because of me.

I'm smart you say? Not smart enough to get into Oxbridge, and/or woo someone I fancy, so doesn't cut it for me, it's not good enough.

I'm pretty you say? Really? I have a mirror, and I vocally disagree. She's a bloody mess. I see better looking women in public everyday. Surprised nobody banged up my face yet for daring to walk down the street when being so ugly, but again people don't notice what I see. I guess you'd have to live in my skin every single day to understand. Also, if I was indeed as beautiful as some proclaim, then I wouldn't have been single all my life by the age of almost 25! Now that should clear all doubts…

I've also done too many things that I regret and hurt too many people in the process, and none of that is forgivable as far as I'm concerned...

Do you also place your ridiculously high standards on other people/rest of society?

No, I do not. And I wouldn't do that either.

Why, you might ask. Because other people are different. They aren't failures, they aren't as annoying, awkward, stupid, as I am. The difference is very noticeable to me, for I simply don't belong.

And it's because of who I am, so I must take the brunt of consequences of that. And the strict discipline is the outcome here. If I want to be anywhere near as good as everyone else, I must work hard, and not make any mistakes anymore, for there isn't room for any more now. Back in the day I used to say I've long depleted my life quota of mistakes, and I still stand by this claim. How much wrong can one individual do? C'mon, it's not even funny anymore, let alone acceptable.

Also look. Has the society embraced me for who I am? Nope, most avoid me like the plague. I only lure few kind-hearted, but perhaps naive people to take sympathy or pity on me. But if they knew what I know, they wouldn't try that, they'd run as far they could! To be given a chance, you have to earn it.

And this is what I try to do, but few read it as such, for society is one heck of an unforgiving body...

Why don't you ‘put yourself out there’?

What, go to a sleazy nightclub full of drunks and druggies, too impaired to remember anything? What an uninspiring crowd to find a mate in. I could never.

Also because of my Autism, my nervous system simply cannot cope with it all, I will not only shutdown, I'd also get quite angry as I get overstimulated (sensory overload) and therefore not show the best side of me. No no, you should only go to places you enjoy, and crowded spaces with shitty music don't constitute as a location that I would ever like to be in.

Also my senses are buggered, as I genuinely don't possess the ability to listen over music or loud, complex noises, as everything meshes together in my brain, which is not able to compute.

Honestly, why would anyone willingly put themselves through such an ordeal, just to fit or or impress few irrelevants? It won't be me for sure!

Why don't you just lower your standards?

Ha, if only I could! First of all, it's all hard-wired. It's all deeply rooted in biology: science wins.

Second of all, why would you settle for second best, only to be inevitably disappointed further down the line, miss out on opportunities, waste a chunk of your life, and just generally stick yourself in a life you won't be happy living? C'mon, relationships are for life so you should damn well be picky. How else are you meant to put up with that person for all these years otherwise?

Also, all this is a way of subtly safeguarding myself from disappointment and abuse. And I've had enough of that in my life already.

With recent events taken into consideration, I actually hate myself more than ever. I didn't even know it was possible to loathe myself more than I already did, but clearly it is when you're such an unstable screw-up who ruins the most important friendship you've ever had in your life

Why don't you want to live anymore?

To live virtuously you need a purpose, and mine is to devout to someone that I love. As long as I can do that, I feel happy and fulfilled, and that I'm not wasting my time by sitting idle. If I cannot achieve that, and no longer be doing that, then what's the point? Everything I did was with someone in my mind at the end of the day. To make them smile, or they made it worth it just by being there for me. Until they weren't, and my life as I knew it has imploded once again. Nothing will ever be the same.

Life is meant to be for living, not merely an empty existence, I just cannot function like that.

My family and people who care about me will be better off without me anyway, I'm too high maintenance and overwhelming to keep up with.

My Father once said if I died, they [my Parents] would grieve for a year or two, then simply have another baby. That's the right attitude to follow for the nasty individual that I am; shame they've split just cause that kid would've been better than me in every possible way imaginable.

You should be living life for yourself, not other people

No, that's selfish. I respectfully disagree. Why should I do stuff for myself anyway when I'm already a spoilt ugly bitch, and not much makes me happy? To get goodies you need to earn them first. I haven't at this point, and are very long way from getting anywhere near that point, actually.

I simply take no deep joy from treating myself, for I'm a giver and not really a receiver.

I'm more than aware of my insignificance to know my purpose is to serve others too.

Anyway, self indulgence is for the narcissists and I still seem to need to go out of way to prove that I ain't one at times! Just because people fail to distinguish my autism-related struggles in relating to other people and understanding their emotions, from actual selfishness. No, I'm not a selfish person, I beg. Please point out any actions of mine that may appear narcissistic in nature to me immediately, as there's a big chance I don't even realise. A lot of stuff just doesn't occur to me.

Who knows you the best?

Me, myself and I. Sadly nobody comes anywhere close after. And even then sometimes I don't get myself. I'm genuinely a living contradiction. There are people who think they know me very well (cough Parents), but couldn't be further from the truth.

Funny, the answer would've been different few months ago but how wrong I was……

What would you change about yourself if you could?

The ability to understand other people better. Would make life unbelievably easier for me.

In one sentence, what is your deepest wish/dream/desire?

I just want to be loved back by someone I love.

That's it. That'd complete my happiness. I am genuinely not as needy as I might seem at first.

Yet this seems to be the most unattainable thing in the universe as far as my experience goes.....

[voidhater-blog]

concerning void/null/data/diavolo/outsider

so if you didn’t know, I’ve made something similar about void ONCE BEFORE, because in general, they’re was gross and a known abuser. they’s generally came back yet again and has accused me of shit yet again and i told them there would consequences to their actions if they didn’t make a public apology so here we go again on this road..... especially in claims that are up on this page ( archived ). more to be added and feel free to expand on this if needed

this post is about tumblr user leemte ( leemtea ) / voidleviathan / @saintpretense​ / floaras / shvbon / vcoalesce / nbgiornos / twobased /goethartig / goddessfavor / @oholiness and others.

here are several other posts about this person: here, here, here, and the blog

tw for pedophilia accusations, sexually explicit talk from a minor, and death threats & suicide encouragement. 

YES THIS IS ME!!!! What do you expect, literally you have suicide baited your way into making your friends say ( noah in question, bunny in question ) saying they wanted to shoot me. their reasoning after i confronted them about it ( you never apologized hmm ). BUT LETS NOT FORGET THAT YOU WANTED US DEAD AS WELL.

remember how you said i wanted you to kill yourself without any proof but you turned around and said this in the same chat that you conveniently cropped out of your cute little chat!!! sorry that we wanted to stop being friends with you so you called us pedophiles and ERASED OUR MENTAL ILLNESSES YET AGAIN!!!

BUT REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID WE WANTED YOU TO KILL YOURSELF? WHERES THE PROOF I EVER SAID I WANTED YOU TO KILL YOURSELF?

but yeah okay!!! so lets talk about this conversation [ Part One & Part 2 ] in question, when i found out that void was saying i fetishized my own abuse and erased my status as a CSA Survivor and A Incest Survivor ( Note they’ve removed this from the callout post after I told them i was gonna out them for the disgusting being they are but :) ) which i admitted to on a public twitter.

( proof this exists via my original reblog of the post calling them out on it before they edited it, which the admitted to removing in the logs )

anyway i apologized to them for my lack of ‘civility’ for this whole thing as you can see in the logs, but here are some caps just incase yall need more.

anyway i can’t believe i have to snatch their wig yet again but heres some more shit of them lying about being poor. so first things first. lets talk about where they live and about how they are a habitual liar. so first off, they sent themselves doxxing anons, so that they could garner symapthy from myself and my significant others and tried to blame it on me. im the only person who knows they were @ leemte & leemte. i don’t know their address but they sent me this.

HMMM YOU PLAYED YOUR SELF BITCH!!! Heres the cap they showed me upclose and personal. so the discussion of where they live, they’re many times have said to the people they rp with that they live in a predominantly brown and poor community. nijmegen is not a predominantly brown and poor community, according to someone that lives around the way ( a mere train ride away at that ), said that it was and i quote ‘ white and rich ’

hmmm??? void what is the truth void??? what is the truth!!! you can find some testimonials from the black working person in question here.

in other news, in regards to that page they have up. here is peaches who they stayed with for 1 month, who is significant others with PERSON A ( who will now be refered to as person a, as they have said they didn’t want to be involved with void anymore or felt comfortable with void anymore, it’s taken them 6 months to speak out about void’s abuse and now void is PURPOSELY drawing them into this even though they know THIS ) Sibling’s ( Named Gem ) Girlfriend who they stayed with for a while ( they are Aegis of Man and Gem is sparrowhearted )

( links one / two / three for readability )

not only do i have recorded testimony of void throwing hissy fits (which i can give out if needed) but also the fact that void purposely did not shower or put on deodorant during their stay. so this SMELLY BALD PIMPLE FACED LITTLE RAT sexually pressed person a and disparaged them for coming out as masculine and would not use masculine pronouns for them. heres you yet again being shitty to trans boys you transphobic piece of trash

and lets not forget you being openly sexual at 16 with people who didn’t want to, there are multiple receipts buddy of shit like this where people would try to get you off their back about your disgusting rape fantasies but helen, wait theres more: here is you yet again admitting that youre a fucking liar

BIG TALK HERE: VOID IS A FUCKING LIAR.

remember these:

cause:

void accuses noah of giving no reciepts but yet they dont give any that are of realness, i didn’t even have void on skype anymore but their name still pops up as the display name as it does last time i talked to them. case in point:

im not friends with sage but their skype name still comes up this way ( IN GROUP CHATS )  and on mobile you’d be able to see the skype or live usename and ims one on one ( on the COMPUTER ) will still have an icon / show their profile picture even if yall aint friends no more, but void the reciepts you have have no username and no icon. STOP SAYING THAT PEOPLE CAN’T SHOW CREDIABLE PROOF IF YOU CAN’T! you literally cannot sit there and say that noah won’t give proof when you don’t give proof for all your claims. if you shell out some credible proof then i’ll apologize but other than that, we all know YOU’RE GROSS and there’s NO PROBABLE cause to believe you cause you’ve lied in the past. PLEASE DO NOT DICTACT R*PE SURVIVORS BECAUSE YOU GOT YOUR FEFES HURT YOU SMELLY ASSHOLE.

they emotionally manipulated their friends into saying shit about us because they ACCUSED us of being pedophiles & pedophile apologists. me & dallas & hades, have called them out before hand!!! literally cause we outted them for being a gross rat, they accused us of being pedophiles & apologists & fetishizers but here we are again, more of  void having the same rhetoric, being scared of being called out and pulling the SAME STUNTS: thinking that we’re not going to retaliate against them. 

but nah it’s not happening against that. either way: their mom aint no acholoic, they stole that from the kids they hang around. they treat their mom like crap, they masturbate on calls and fake moan on calls cause they’re gross little shits. this shit has been recorded but unless yall want me to upload this shit, i’m not listening to it again. they’re a gross habitual liar, a fucking thief and a faker.

they pretended to be jewish, poc, poor, and otherwise just so they could have a minority card. ( x ) ( x ) ( x ).

these are all reciepts from people that they wanted to live with, who have sent them money have have purchased places with the intention of getting void into their country to live with them because void convinced them they were POOR & ABUSED. they talk about all this shit but literally as i’ve said in the first callout post, they intiate this shit -- they cry abuse when you don’t date them and they harass when you admit that you’re asexual and too old for them. proof via creepy ass tweets ( x ) ( x ) ( x )

either way, lets not forget their cute little paypal statement, which was said by that time they were still in america. they didn’t show their balance, but they showed they got 100 MORE dollars out of no where ( not from commissions mind you ) and they did nothing ( while in america ) but spend 30 dollars at a time on kinguin limited ( WHICH IS FOR STEAM KEYS AND SHIT, LMFAO  WHAT AN IDIOT. ). yall they are trying to play us!!!!

aaah this is funny because the formal charges are about you sexually pressuring someone that kept telling you NO NO NO. And getting 100S OF FUCKING DOLLARS ON CLAIMS OF BEING POOR.

but okay all of this shit is basically void calling themselves out again, like i aint even got time for it. this is my piece about me. theres more shit about you but its not my place to get into it, and you better be glade PERSON A doesn’t want to be bothered with you anymore or like i said, you’d BE FINISHED. ending point: bitch 6 months ago i left you with shreds of your nasty fucking blonde wig, and your naked mole rat looking ass COME BACK with this shit, but here i am again DESTROYING YOU. if you ever try this shit again believe me i just wont be dissecting your pitiful little post but i WILL be dropping that heavy shit nontheless.

anyway if you can take the time please report the page leemtea for slander / abuse / invasion of privacy.

[solemn-demons]

Rant #1 Equality

I’m putting this here for three purposes. 

1.) It’s a great stress reliever and sometimes you just have to pretend like your actually talking to someone. 

2.) No one is ever likely to read this besides my future self. 

3.) Because I’m tired of this shit and even if no one ever reads this and everyone disagrees, at least I’ve put it out there. It’s almost impossible to make everyone happy, so I’m not going to try. 

I’m going to place this based on topic because otherwise this will be a giant ugly rant and no one likes giant text blocks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Equality~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I get where everyone is coming from on this topic. Going on just the bare basics:

Women want to be treated with respect, seen as an integral part of society, and honestly not treated like a piece of meat every day. 

Men want to feel secure and conform to the beliefs and ideals they grew up with.  

People of different skin tones want to feel safe in their daily lives while also being given the respect and acknowledgment they deserve. 

People classified as white want to conform to what they have been taught as a child and have grown up believing is true while also wanting to remove the stigma of their skin color and what people with it have done to others.

LGBTQ people want to be accepted and uplifted rather than seen with disgust and scorn.

Disabled people want to be seen as people not just their issues.

Mentally ill people want to be treated like their issues are more than just a simple inconvenience for other people and more like someone that’s fighting a serious illness. 

Overweight people want to be seen as beautiful.

Skinny people want others to understand that just because they have the “ideal body type” doesn’t mean their happy, along with the hard work they put into these body types. 

Yes, I am well aware these are bare bone statements and there will always be exceptions to this. However it is, for the most part, correct. Now from this we can conclude a couple things. Everyone seems to want respect, everyone wants a change in the societal standards and everyone wants to change how their seen by others. This is a rational and frankly reasonable desire. How it’s being dealt with, however, is not. 

To start I’d like to look at the definition of Equality. 

“The state of being equal, especially in status, rights and opportunities.” Google dictionary.

“the quality or state of being equal” Merriam Webster. 

Now your thinking: “Yeah? What’s your point?” Well my point is that based on the definition of equality everyone should be given the exact same designs of life. 

Now lets look at the definition of Justice. 

“Just behavior or treatment.” Google Dictionary.

The quality of being fair and reasonable.” Google dictionary.

“the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments.” Merriam Webster.

“The quality of being just, impartial or fair.” Merriam Webster.

“The quality of conforming to law.” Merriam Webster.

Now, you’ve probably rolled your eyes at me but just listen and then you can always just scroll away or leave a bitchy comment about how I’m racist or antifeminist or antigovernment or I’m for murdering children or whatever made up BS your going to put so you can discredit my opinion. 

If we we’re run by a system of equality it would mean that everyone has the exact same opportunities. Meaning that even if, for example, I wanted to be an actor I would get that opportunity and I would be given the part I want no matter what, but so would every other person that wants to be an actor and wants that part. This would also mean that everyone has the opportunity for the same house, the same yard and eventually it’s likely that everyone will want the same abilities all together. 

With that said lets look at an extreme case, which is fiction of course, of this lovely concept. Anyone ever read “Harrison Bergeron” by Kurt Vonnegut? This lovely short story is about equality laws being taken to the extreme. To create the perfect equality based society they put handicaps on everyone. No one was special, no one was different and no one was free. Of course your first thought is “but thats fiction, it would never really happen.” Humans have proved that fiction can be made reality once you understand the fundamentals and pieces of the design. Fiction is simply something that seems impossible based on the knowledge of that specific time. Humans use to attribute the impossible to gods or magic until they began to understand what was creating these things. Hell, I’m pretty sure they thought fire was magic until they understood its properties. 

Before you start with your religious rebuttals, I’d like to remind that this isn’t the religion rant and I won’t deal with this BS right now. 

Now lets go to a more trivial idea of equality. I have a friend who is severely allergic to peanuts, to the point he has to carry epipens on his hip at all times. So if we look at this situation, theres not an equal balance from the beginning. He can’t have a snickers bar or a nutter butter while I can. Equality wise I should not be allowed to eat snickers or nutter butter because he can’t and with the high percentage of peanut allergies, peanuts would probably be banned because it’s to unequal. 

So I’d like to suggest we think not in terms of Equality but in terms of Justice. What in these situations is fair? What isn’t? 

So lets look at fair separated out into our categories. 

Women: 

To be treated with the same respect as men.

To not be looked at for their gender but for their merits in jobs.

To be allowed to walk down a street without being worried about who might be following.

To be able to choose what type of person they are and to not be forced into archaic stereotypes.

To not be looked down upon if they want to stay in the same lifestyle

as those archaic stereotypes 

To be seen as strong and fierce.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

Men: 

To be treated with the same respect as men and alpha males.

To not be looked down on for being emotional.

To feel safe when talking to a woman or asking one out.

To not be called a predator based on looks or merit alone.

To be allowed to be the weak one in a relationship and in society.

To be a stay at home dad without being made fun of.

To be able to be taken serious when they say they’ve been raped or

taken advantage of.

To be judged on their actions not on their stereotypes.

People of different skin tones:

To be treated with respect.

To be acknowledged for the integral part they are to society.

To be looked at for jobs not because of skin tone but because of merit.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be able to use their native languages and cultures without being looked down on or yelled at based on the idea that they are in America.

Actual freedom of religion.

To be judged on their actions not on their stereotypes.

People of white skin tones:

To be treated with respect.

To be released from the stigmas of those stuck in the past.

To be taken serious based on their merits not their skin color.

To feel included.

To feel safe.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

LGBTQ:

To be treated with respect. 

To be accepted.

To be free.

To feel included.

To feel safe.

To be seen as normal.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes. 

Disabled people:

To be treated with respect.

To not be pitied.

To not be dismissed.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be understood.

To be seen as more than their disability.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes. 

Mentally ill: 

To be treated with respect.

To be seen as having an actual issue.

To not be dismissed.

To be understood.

To have no stigma.

Feel comfortable in sharing their issues.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

Overweight: 

To be treated with respect.

For people to understand that sometimes it’s not by choice.

To be understood.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be seen as normal.

To be judged by their actions not their stereotypes.

Skinny: 

To be treated with respect. 

To be acknowledged for the work they go through to stay in shape.

To feel safe.

To feel included.

To be understood.

To be judged based on their actions not their stereotypes.

While there is always exceptions to everything, the basic understanding is that everyone wants to be respected and judged not on a generalized scale but by their own actions. 

If history could be wiped clean and remade I don’t believe it would be any different. Ignorance, greed, pride, and desire are sadly one of the few consistencies in all cultures and era’s of the world, and while history may be ugly or boring or conflict with our own beliefs we must learn from it. To see all that ugly, all the losses, all the victories, and learn from those mistakes. To take history with a grain of salt and to look at multiple sources. 

The point is, knowledge is power and power is how you cause a change in the world. So maybe next time you read about some white officer shooting an African American, the new plans for that ridiculous wall that Trump has decided to build, some poor girl that lost her innocence to violence, or see that one bully that is being particularly mean to someone. 

Remember that school isn’t the only place people are educated, and even then schools are not completely blameless. Each person learns from their experiences and each experience makes a new person. 

Stop looking at situations in black or white. 

Stop advocating for a system you don’t fully understand just because it seems like a good idea. 

Stop bitching about societal norms, when you don’t put in any effort to change them or if you are but your not looking at all societies. 

Please if nothing else: Remember that every person has been through something horrific, that every person has been through a wonderful situation even if they don’t realize it. That everyone will hurt you and you will hurt everyone, but its how you respond to a situation that matters.

Alrighty thats the end of this rant. Hope you enjoy it future me. 

[eccxntrix-blog1]

PSA

//ooc: Goodmorning everyone! I hope all is well with your endeavors, and that you guys had a good rest before starting your day ^^, Anyways- I have an issue; a major issue. I’ve decided to make this a psa because I’m pretty sure that this happens to a lot of us. The other day, a very special friend gave me some unexpected news. After that, I woke up to a numerous amount of anon hate. 

Now, as you can tell, this is directed toward someone, and I will send this to them. Why? Because I found out that they were subtexting me. What is subtexting? Subtexting is when you’re speaking ill of someone, but you don’t mention their name. I must be very special since they had three, or four post dedicated to me. Here’s my issue, I’m not a mean person, and I’m pretty sure most of you already know this. I’m unselective because I want people to feel comfortable enough to interact with me. I don’t have a problem speaking ooc with muns, and if conversations continue then that means that I see you as a friend. I see a lot of you as friends, but if anyone has an issue with me please, speak to me about it instead of hiding behind subtext. 

We spoke a lot and I really thought you were a friend, and I was concerned about you well being, honestly. I know you love roleplaying and your original post had me worried. But, I go on semi-hiatus, only to comeback and find out that you just didn’t want to talk to me anymore. That’s cool, and I low-key felt it coming since you dropped our thread. It hurt my feelings, but I got over it and I blocked you. A week later, I decided to make a post about how people in the rp community use others for their kindness, because that’s exactly what you did to me. I unblocked you, so I could tag you in it. Then we spoke in private; I even apologized for coming off harsh, and you said, “No don't apologize for being harsh”  After that you explained yourself and I forgave you and left it at that. Sure, we followed each other afterwards, but that was it. 

However, Like I said earlier, I received some unexpected news the other day. It’s been week+ since I accepted your apology, and suddenly I’m directed to your blog only to see that your talking bad about me. What did I do to you? Are you mad at the fact that I came up to you as a women and told you directly that you hurt my feelings? Is that it? If so then why are you subtexting me when you have no reason to. The funniest part is that you followed me again lol. We had followed each other after the apology then you follow me again. That’s suspect, because it seems like you wanted my attention. Why? Because that means you unfollowed me ( for some unknown reason, probably because you were making those nice post. ) then followed me right after you were done. Who does that?

Once again, why are you subtexting me and making me look like the most horrible person on here??? It happened weeks ago, I let it go and so should you. I appreciate you commenting on one of the anon, but at the end of the day you were the catalyst to all the hate and negativity that has been thrusted upon me. 

So why am I making a psa? Because I know there’s other people out there that do this. People that victimize themselves for no reason. I want everyone to know that shouldn’t sit there and just let someone walk all over their name. I’m speaking on this because I know I did nothing wrong, yet your making seem like I’m the worst human being ever. 

Below are all the screenshots ( in order of events ), because evidence proves everything. Have a blessed day, and you’re all welcome to sit down and sip some tea. ☺️☕️

- I reblogged and tagged you in this.

-Now, I’m gonna say something I wanted to say back then. Although, I accepted your apology doesn’t mean that believed your excuse. Tumblr messes  up a lot, but even if I don’t get notified about a new follow; I can still go under my followers and see everyone, including the ones I didn’t get notified about. They’ll have a precious little plus sign by their name. Also the follower thing maybe true but if you had really sent me a message and you had an inkling that it didn’t send then you would’ve tried again or ask me if I had gotten the message, which you didn’t. You lied to me, and I still forgave you. If you didn’t want to follow or interact with me anymore then all you had to do was say so instead trying to sugar coat everything.

- Lol “I will not speak to that person ever again” But you’re talking about me 🤔, and I didn't “come after” you. All I said was that you hurt my feelings. 

-You are not the only one that’s been busy, or that has a mental set back. This whole week has been hectic for me. I’ve been working non-stop, every day this week. It’s homecoming, I’m in band. I’ve had back to back performances, only for us to come back and have practice right after. I’ve missed my 8 o’clock all three times because i simple couldn’t wake up. I need to talk to financial aid because their trying to claim that I owe the school money, yet they didn’t post my full pell grant. MID-TERMS ARE NEXT WEEK AND I HAVEN’T STUDIED. You keep bringing up your mental health, but did it occur to you that I ( and numerous amount of people in this community ) have my [their] own mental issues. I have horrible anxiety, I’ve been experiencing ghastly panic attacks since May and they consecutively get worse each time it happens. Its to the point where I feel like I’m literally dying, my hands are literally shaking just by typing this, yet I still put a smile on my face and push through. This a prime example of people not knowing who their talking to. Every single person has their own demons to confront, so I’d advice to stop thinking that everyone’s against you when their not.

- Oh and I wasn’t easily angered, I told you my post was a whole week late :) 

- Lies, because I truly cared for you until now, and I’m not the only one who’s gone through this with you and that speaks louder than words. Not speaking to someone isn’t cowardice, but speaking about someone passive aggressive manner is. On top of that, I didn’t assume anything. You said it yourself that you followed the people you want to keep in contact with and the rest can go shit themselves. 

- It wasn’t me, I don’t talk to you anymore. On top of that, I wouldn’t have been on anon. 

- Smh 

- Here’s all the anon hate I got 🙃, aren’t they lovely? The Bitch one is my fave!

Anyways, I’ll end with this. I live with someone like this, so I knew the signs once I saw all the post. My mother does this to me all the time. Funny, because last night she told me that she’ll stop sending me money ( something she already rarely does. I go months without a dime before I get the courage to ask. ), she won’t come to my graduation, and she doesn’t like me. All because I told her to stop calling me dumb because it hurts my feeling! Now, she’s demanding an apology she wont be getting. Its sad that I always put my own feelings aside for others, but when I try to stand-up for myself I’m always singled out as the bad guy. If I refuse to let my own mother do this shit to me, then I most definitely won’t let some little girl sully my name online for some pity-party. Good day to you, ma’am.

P.S. I agree with the anon though. “You come before anyone else. Your health, your mental state.. it is a priority.” With all due respect, this is some real life shit and it is obvious that you need to talk to someone about whats actually bothering you.

P.P.S. Please block and unfollow me, I will be doing the same thing.

[nucliufsilver]

lil bit of a rant to all the people i dont talk to anymore

1.yknow honestly, for what its worth you did make me a better person, before i became friends with you i didnt really know what manners were, i was confused on what was right or wrong and you opened my eyes to a lot of things i probably would hate right now if i hadnt met you, examples, gay marriage, cosplay, different ways to love, transgenders etc. and that was all fine and dandy, i really loved you for that, always so kind and thoughtful of others, but i think in return i corrupted you a bit too, as a result i turned out to be a bad guy, granted i did some shit that had no excuse but so did you and bitch dont try and blow that off on me. you made me FEEL toxic, i was never going to be good enough, i was never going to be a better person, i was never going to be as nice as you or as caring, everyone would only ever see me as this toxic, stern, scary person and the sadest part of that? that actually came true lmao, no one cares for me, im alone, ive got a solid 1 friend and it isnt even fucking you because you decided i wasnt worth it and you hated me despite me trying so hard to connect back with you, all you ever did was shut me out and tell me i wasnt good enough, bitch. 

2. fuck i loved you so much, but i had no fucking idea how to show it. i know im not allowed to talk to you anymore, but before i rant off about what you did to me i really really need you to understand that i will always fucking love you, and im so so so fucking sorry for hurting you like i did, it was all i ever knew. you taught me so fucking much, you taught me its okay to open up to people and let them see my dark sides, you taught me its okay to be myself and to share my opinions, and if people didnt like that, that was okay too, you taught me how to love even though it was quite a wild ride and i didnt even figure it out until 6 months after we broke up. you taught me there was so much more i had to learn about myself before i brought other people into my life and i will always be grateful to have had you for so long. but holy fuck did you ever make me feel like shit. i fucking hated you, you never listened to what i had to say and when id say it you never believed me either, i get it was a mental thing but YOU NEEDED TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOURSELF. you made me feel gross and like i will never be a good boyfriend ever. how could i be? if i wasnt good enough for you ill never be good enough for anyone, not only that but holy fuck do you know how to run your mouth. after we broke up so many people were telling me on anon that i was toxic and gross and so much worse. i had to hide from the world for months, couldnt even go to cons for awhile because of it. i know you needed support, but at what cost? fuck you.

3. you just straight up pissed me the fuck off. you still do, I WAS NEVER FUCKING OBLIGATED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HAD THAT FANTASY, IM SORRY I DIDNT LIKE YOU AS MUCH AS OTHER PEOPLE BUT I NEVER DID YOU WRONG AT ALL, YET YOU STILL WENT AND TALKED SHIT BEHIND MY BACK. you hold the biggest grudges holy fuck you have no fucking chill, even your dad agreed with me and if that doesnt say youre being an immature fuck off then i have no idea what does. honestly ive never met anyone ive hated more than you, you tell people theyre fat BUT HAVE YOU LOOKED IN A FUCKING MIRROR? you make me want to throw up everytime i see you, you cant complain about being fat yet nEVER DO JACK SHIT TO SOLVE THAT LITTLE PROBLEM, ALL YOU EVER DO IS FUCKING COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR LIFE BUT YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE IT. so maybe take a look at yourself and think about where youre going in life because honestly? a reality check here, you dont have ANYTHING. whoops

4. i never intended to lose you, im not even sure what i did to you? i never got closure. i never really got anything from you honestly, when i look back i just felt used, like i was just there to pass the time and you couldve left at any point. you were my everything, i didnt have anything else but you. i wish i couldve done something to change the course but i think i did everything i could, as far as my story goes you were putting me off for your girlfriend, i felt alone so i started to talk with other people, you got jealous and then one day, you were gone, didnt want anything to do with me, gossiped with others about how awful i was. what did i do to you to deserve this? what did i do to any of you? i was TERRIFIED to go to school for MONTHS because i could feel your glares as id pass by, i could feel the rumors spreading through the school, i could feel the hate, its been almost a year and i still barely speak in school and my english teacher actually tried to send me to a counselor. i still dont feel worthy to speak, or look up from the ground, or join any clubs, or go anywhere near the japanese room. i dont allow myself to do anything besides sit alone at the third floor BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO CAUSE MORE TROUBLE FOR YOU. sometimes i think about going to your hangout place just to fuck with you some more. did you know the last time we talked, when you told me you never wanted to see me again, i actually broke a locker out of frustration, i didnt want to fucking lose you. why. why did this have to happen to us. what happened. 

5. i dont even know what to say to you, honestly you saved me. i felt safe, for the first time in months i felt like i finally deserved something for myself, and i took that chance, i spent HOURS listening to you talk about things, just random stuff, i worked hard, i finally knew how love was supposed to work and i was able to use that on you, and everything was fucking perfect. this is still pretty recent so even now im crying typing this out. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you so much. why did you leave? im nothing. i loved you so much, you were the first person i truly opened up to like that since jayce, you made me forget jayce, and now i just dont know what to do. what am i supposed to do? how do i fix myself now that youre gone, i dont trust myself to fall in love, i havent even thought about dating since January because a huge part of me is still hoping youll come back apologizing, saying you miss me, and me being the biggest idiot would just forgive you on the spot. how am i supposed to move on when you left too fast for me to even blink. one day you just stopped replying, i dont know what changed, i want you back. im not as happy, im not the same. who am i now? what am i supposed to do, just please talk to me and give me some closure at least, i need it in order to move on, because i still fucking love you with all my being and i will never be able to find anyone better for me than you and i honest to god believe that. 

6. i have nothing to say to you anymore, you have no right to claim me, you have no mark anymore, you cant tell me what i can and cant do anymore, whoever you think you are to me, fucking forget it because YOU left ME, and it fucked me up, youre the real reason for all my problems, everything can be traced back to you, you left me and you have NO right to waltz back into my life without an apology expecting me to love you like youre still something to me. youre nothing. i hate you. and the moment i turn 18 youre gonna find out just exactly how much i hate you, i have no remorse or love for you, there wont be any pity, and once im done speaking with you itll be my turn to leave, only this time it will be forever, thank you and good fucking bye bitch.