#ill be stoked to finish it ever at this point lmao

[suckishima]

anyone remember when i said id finish this fic by the time the movie came out? no? probably bc i didnt say it explicitly even tho i was whining about self-imposed deadlines. anyway yeah no way that's happening lmao

[lookwhatilost]

lmao Christ I found the peach post abt my first date w andrew and it’s such a doozy

why did I even keep talking to him after this

this is long as fuck and also super nsfw but my fucking GODDD is it a ride

okay so I met andrew when he was bartending at social still a while back. hes p much worked in every bar in downtown Bethlehem – like, the tapas bar where I used to go w ian all the time, “nothing good ever happens at” rippers, he used to barback alongside w jus at steelgaarden, slung margaritas at urbano, and plied me w spiked shamrock shakes at mccarthys – so we’ve run into one another multiple times as he’s bounced around the north side. I made a joke once abt how he spawns in every bar and he thought it was funny

so he randomly asks me on a date over messenger and i accept. like, I’m still in contact w Justin but whatever undiagnosed mental illness he has is becoming more apparent and distressing w each passing day and it’s becoming more obvious that he intends to do nothing abt it. so I’m not rly sure abt what to do w that and those feelings and everything but it’s definitely time to start exploring other avenues even if it’s jst for the sake of palette cleansing.

he wants to go see this all female performative of waiting for godot at the community college and I think that sounds cool. it’s creative, it’s different, we can go out after it. I get home a little early and tell him we can hang out my place for a little beforehand and get the “getting to know u better” awkward talk out of the way before we go over. and he’s obviously very nervous but he’s sweet, yknow

we go over to the community college and the play is weird and long. the intermission is at 9 and we leave during that bc we dnt wanna be stuck there until almost midnight. so we go to TR (while tommy is working bc I’m Bitch) and chat and drink and we’re hitting it off very well. he’s cool! he’s smart! he’s funny! he’s weird as hell but in a good way! it’s not jus lvl Fireworks but I’m happy and I’m distracted. We hop to stoke and stick around until last call and grab a 6 pack to take back to my apartment

I literally never do shit like this but I have no problem w him coming over there and sleeping over bc, hey, I’m Definitely Going To Have A Second Date W Him. it rly seemed like this could’ve gone somewhere. so I thought

and what follows is nsfw bc I cant stress enough that this is basically my version of cat person

like listen. intimacy w justin was very hit or miss in terms of him being too rough or something awkward happening outside of that. and it was disappointing sometimes but it was something I could overlook bc it was someone I was fucking over the moon for. and those awkward moments were basically my benchmark for what bad sex looked like

I dnt think ive ever been more incorrect abt anything in my life

this guy is jst. the absolute worst. like first of all I take his shirt off and he has fucking dermal piercings on his hips and I’m immediately rly turned off by it but it’s like. ok. if I can overlook the stupid “please kill me” bullseye on justins chest I can overlook this. but he’s jst. so. so. LOUD. he won’t stop moaning like some girl in a porno. and dirty talk. so much. i HATE that shit so much it’s so stupid. like SHUT UP. i wanted to get a scarf out of my closet and gag him not even bc I was trying to be kinky or whatever like I jst wanted the fucking NOISE to end

he won’t stop yanking at my hair which i also hate. and he’s saying weird shit abt how he wants me to dominate him (literally went into my nightstand, took out my vibrator and told me to use it on him and I was like BITCH NO THIS IS SO WEIRD) and jst. I’m in this situation and actively hating every minute of this but I feel like it’s gone too far for me to back out.

but this jst keeps going. for literal hours and I’m so fucking tired at this point but he’s jst. not finishing or anything. i dnt even know how. so I’m basically jst going along w it waiting for it to fucking end and in the middle of this shitshow he blurts out “i love you” which was such a... bad moment for obvious rzns but that’s the only time someone has ever said that to me out loud. and I was like “shhh dnt say that” and he repeated it and jst kept repeating it throughout the hellish course of the night. and I’m jst sitting here wondering how this went from amazing date to the honest to god worst mistake of my life. thinking abt why I’m so concerned w being nice to this guy and not hurting his feelings when I’m jst in literal hell

it’s finally fucking over and I fall asleep. my alarm wakes me up at 7:30 bc I have to work but he’s not in my bed anymore and I hear someone fussing in the kitchen & what I think is a cork popping but I dnt rly know. and he comes back into my room and says that he went to do me a favor and cleaned my kitchen up a little. but the place is messier than it was last night which is?¿

at this point evan comes out of his bedroom and complains to us abt the horrible day he had at work and Andrew says to him “you sound like you could use a drink!” But ev recoils bc it’s so early and he asks Andrew if he’s drunk & leaves to run errands. his reaction was a nervous “no” but he mixes something anyway and he’s like “this is for you babe” and it’s like. disgusting. it’s gin, razzmatazz, triple sec, rumchata, and coconut water. stronger than rocket fuel and not at all pleasant tasting. I reject the nasty cocktail and he slams it down. I tell him I have to work and he needs to leave. But he’s like “I wanna keep hanging out!” And he will jst. Not leave.

he makes another drink for himself and I see the gin is empty which is weird bc it was half full? and then it clicked that he was probably in my kitchen drinking all my gin while I was asleep. and it’s Hendricks. It’s expensive as hell and it’s also almost 90 proof. so he’s wasted to the point of delirium and I have to call into work to babysit him until he’s sober enough to go home

so I’m waiting for him to sober up and he keeps trying to initiate more sex and I keep rebuffing it and he takes his pants off anyway and jst. passes out w his entire naked ass out on the couch

so im jst sitting there for a little while questioning my life choices when ev comes back around 2:45 and is like. what in the fuck is going on and I tell him that Andrew decided to get morning drunk and things got weird. and he’s like “there is a half naked man on the couch and I’m going to do something abt it if you’re not” so ev yells “are your pants off?” and wakes him up and i tell him that I need to start my day and it’s probably time for him to go. he refuses, say he wants to hand out more. evan gets our swifter out of the closet and starts jabbing him w it, saying “GET OUT” so he finally does

he came over at 5. he left at 3 the nxt afternoon. he left his underwear on my coffee table and his flannel in my room (which I am stealing, not the underwear tho) and the second he left ev sprayed our couch down w Lysol and was jst losing his shit laughing at me

but all and all. turns out you can have a tinder horror story without tinder as well! who’d have known!

[survivorcutthroat]

Episode 1: “There’s a 50 year old playing this game.” - Zack (Part 1)

Okay so I guess it's my fourth time playing one of these main seasons?! Goddamn. Why do I do this to myself LMAO. I wanna make this one count and honestly I didn't really expect to be here in the first place?? Like when I applied I went all out and was so damn extra about what I had to say about myself so I could make it seem like I'm this huge backstabber and chaotic iconic player,,, which maybe I am but still!!! This season I'm gonna want to focus on my strategic and physical game. In fact, I'm going to completely sacrifice my social game in order for this to happen. Well, at least I'll be taking out what I consider to be my social game. I recently came to a really important revelation about ORGs in general and I realize what makes certain players so damn successful. When I'm having conversation, the topic always revolves around real life. I ALWAYS want to make small talk with everybody and get to know them as people instead of players and that seriously damages my strategy because I'm so enveloped in friendship rather than game. I lead conversation away from strategy and that's a huge detriment of mine. I know I've got the capability of talking to people, but the conversations we have don't revolve around STRATEGY. I need to make that my biggest change in how I play. No one gives a fuck about how work was for me that day and I shouldn't give a shit about what they did with their friends the night before. We're here to play a game, if you wanna talk to me you can but just know that I only want to talk about game because I don't want to waste my time with an overall irrelevant topic. My point isn't that I will literally talk about nothing but game, because this is about making close friends too, but let's really try to focus on the game first and small talk later. Save the personal shit for skype calls or when we wanna rabbit Netflix together, you know? With that being said, I also need to recognize how people feel about me. Everyone I've played with or have like three degrees of separation with will immediately have the notion that I am a dangerous, messy player. I can literally win anyone I've never met over if I have to, and maybe I can win over some people I do know, too. But the point is that I can't expect they're just going to let me walk to the finish. They're going to talk shit about me to other people and I can't let it get to me. I have to just accept that it's going to happen, and I need to figure out the best way to control my allies and keep their arrows pointed at our opposition. Like I've been saying, I wanna win this time. I also know that my biggest problem is going to be the premerge. I have to get through it in one piece, and I absolutely cannot play an idol premerge if I have one and ultimately don't have to. Save the big movez for the merge, Jaiden!!! People know who I am, they're gonna come after me, and I need to control them. But I also need to think of how I'm going to win challenges if the truth is that I'm just not that good at them. One of my strengths is my social game, so the social challenges like rope chop, touchy subjects, chain reaction, etc. will need to be the challenges I focus on winning. I need to understand how everybody else thinks of each other (!!!) instead of focusing on how they think of me. I already know what people might think about me, but how can I work other people over if I have no idea what the group is thinking about each other? I know I'm being placed on a tribe of five people so as long as I find a threesome I'm good. I just need to make it to an inevitable swap and then continue to win tribal immunity until the merge. My goals are to get to the merge without attending tribal, then maybe finding an idol for protection at the merge. I've proven to be good about not sharing information about idols (so long as the VL doesn't find out first) so I'm not concerned about that, and I am a huge risk taker so that's also not that big of a deal either. Anyways, lets just hope that everything comes out well on day one. I really need to seal the deal this time because I'm so over not winning these stupid games... however, if everything starts going wrong, I'll never go without a fight and I will absolutely go down swinging. I don't care if I have to backstab or slit throats because I've had it happen to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ let's play some Survivor.

Heyy it's me again! So far I've done nothing but be a nuisance for the tribe and I'm STOKED to be starting on the right foot! Socially I'm being careful b/c I know all these people are snakes (look at the fecking theme) but I am TRYING to act genuine to hide my bolts and wires! I love how "required" and "confessionals" were put in the same sentence, y'all are so cute! Acting like I need incentive to rant about these 19 hooligans hahaahaha

Ok um quick confessional but I am in DEEP SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT. My tribe is nehe, whos threatened of me cuz of hos, zack, who I betrayed in trashy and hates me for it. I have a lot of bad blood with a lot of these people and im really gonna have to kiss ass to at least have a chance at a social game. 

Ummmmmmmmmm well fuck quick tribe assessmen: 

 Zack: *drinks bleach* he fuckin hates me and doesn't trust me but might work with me cuz familiar?? 

 Dustin: I know of him and he knows of me and ik zack probably gonna thirst for him and be controlled so fuck 

 Nehe: I hosted him in hos, hes already asking me about my hos placements ewkjnfe so I hope he isn't threatened and we can work together the other one: idk yet ill get back to you. Tbh im bonding with people who aren't my tribe what tf am I doing 

 Um okay, to do list: 

 -check the cast assessment 

-inspect blog and wiki for idol shit 

-stalk the casts wiki and seasons and read their confessionals 

-maybe masturbate  

-my accounting homework 

-maybe make an alliance lmao

 ALSO so many of these fucking people gotta go NNNNN like ESPECIALLY two faced tommy for sure with his fake ass charm. Luke and Zack cuz I screwed them both over in trashy big brother directly, like both on my hohs. Oh I don't even wanna BEGIN with fuckin stevie, the only way to work with him is to feed his fucking ego and idk if I wanna suck his dick for an entire season I might just get rid of him asap ayyyyyyyyy. OH MY FUCKING GOD JAIDEN OH NOOOOOOOOO. If he tries to fight me like he always does I will make him cry I don't care. Omfg SNIANA FROM TRANSYLVANIA SHE HATES ME CUZ I BETRAYED HER and she didn't vote me.

Okay in the tribe, im gonna make sure nehe is loyal to me. like that's my only choice rn and then try and either pull in zack or pull in crow to target dustin and zack Im seamus ignoring my messages and talking in the chat why is he like this? Crow is shit talking merle and im taking notes. I think I like crow he Is great time to do my research on him tho but first a pee break.

It's night one and literally everyone is lying to everyone. We're all making deals hoping that one will stick but not planning on sticking to it. Cutthroat is going to be amazing. 

 I'm certain that this cast is mostly good people, but there have to be at least 5 who belong in prison for their personalities alone. The secret is finding out which five cutthroats are actual human garbage.

Fourth time's a charm. Let's see if I can actually win something in this shit series. 

 Let's break down this day one twist. I have a theory that the people we vote for within our tribe will become a new team captain, and they must pick their new tribe. Seems easy enough. I don't think it's anything more powerful than that, but some people speculate it's an elimination vote and others think it'll be something really random and stupid. I don't know. One World doesn't seem to be a big twist this season because it was never mentioned as such, which is why I think it's going to be a team captain task. 

 Now let's do an obligatory day one cast assessment. I'll start off with the people I don't know and have nothing to say about them. 

 Crow and Abel... sorry. Got nothing to say to you guys. 

 Let’s move onto everyone else in order by the Wiki.

 Ali – Never heard of him before, so immediately he sticks out like a sore thumb. He was on the one world call briefly and I talked to him a little bit there but we haven’t personally met yet. 

 Bodhi – I do not like this guy. Plain and simple. He hates me, but I truly believe that Bodhi and I need to work together, at least for now, because we’re familiar with each other and understand one another’s tricks. I have to keep him close so he doesn’t want to betray me too soon. 

 Dom – We played in India together and we were really close right off the bat. I’m willing to befriend Dom again because I’ve seriously neglected our friendship since the end of that game and we have A LOT of catching up to do with things that have gone down with all of the drama that happened in India and beyond. I want to work with Dom most of all this season. 

 Rob – Rob is my closest friend in this community but I do not believe that he is going to ever, ever trust me. He is always going to question my moves because he doesn’t seem to let go of things I’ve done in the past? Like I’m not even going to kiss his ass this season and if things don’t work out for us with alliances, I’m not going to drop everything to protect him. Bye Felicia. 

 Sherry – FUCK. She’s SUCH a threat this season, but she’s like the cool aunt I’ve always wanted. She is soooo close with Sid and I want to really try and figure out how I could be their #3 at any point in time. I think they know that they’re threats so I want to try and see if I can sneak my way in with them and use them (particularly Sid, which we’ll go to later) as shields. She seems like a sweetheart and I hope I can work with her! 

Amir – I’m a little mixed about Amir, tbh! He’s a nice guy but I don’t know how genuine he is with me, unfortunately. I’m worried about him because I truly like him now but we’ve had serious beef in the past and I don’t want things to get ugly between us. I don’t know where we stand now so I want to actually focus on getting to know him better as a person, which is not how I want to play this season tbh. We’ll see how things go. 

Dustin – AHH another huge threat! I’m so scared of Dustin LMAO. I don’t see myself ever working with him because he’s like, a pretty big name and I’ve fought him before. We’ll see what happens but don’t expect me to run to him with big blindside-y plans or anything. 

Nehemiah – He’s boring to talk to in PMs, but then he comes alive on calls. I sympathize with him because we’ve been pre-merge boots before and I want to try and establish a working relationship with him on that basis alone. As a person I think Nehe is a little bit controversial??? So idk if I’ll stand to work with him for long. 

Zack – Zack and I have worked together in the two games we’ve played together well, but we LITERALLY never talk outside of games. I genuinely forget sometimes that we were friends in the past… like yikes. I want to talk to him and try and rebuild that partnership this time, but with a lot of personal stuff going down between me and some of his good friends, I don’t know how well that’ll work. It might be best to just not be optimistic with Zack and try to cut him loose early. 

 Myself – I will try my best to explain myself from the outside looking in. I have a reputation for being crazy, chaotic, messy, what have you. People won’t question why I am here because they know the kind of player that I am, which is why I think I’m going to be a target early on in the game. I HAVE to focus on getting to know everyone this season… It’s completely unacceptable otherwise. I’m going to push myself to do whatever it takes this time to make the merge. Then day 40, if I have to. The final tribal council. I wanna win so I never have to do this shit again, lmao. But people do not trust me and they certainly don’t like me, either. How do I find a good balance to secure my position with others? 

Liana – No comment. I don’t like her. 

Luke – Another big wildcard??? I don’t know how to feel about Luke. Sarah told me I have to trust him because he never lies but I know firsthand that Luke 100% lies and I know there are a couple people on this cast who do not like him. He’s trying to kiss my ass by calling me “king” and make me like him but it’s never gonna happen. I’m not going to include him in my plans right away, but if things fall into place for us to work together, I’ll oblige. 

Seamus – Yikes. Seamus messaged me just a few days before the cast to talk to me and it makes me really suspicious of this whole “cast leak” drama I’ve been dealing with. I think Seamus wanted to pre-game with me and I seriously don’t trust him for a single second, so if I HAVE to throw him under the bus to get ahead I’ll really do it. Zero chance Seamus lasts if he gets even the slightest target on his back when I’m on a tribe with him. 

Sid – I like Sid. I don’t know why. I just think he’s pretty cool and I see why people call him a social threat, but people on the outside have warned me that he needs to go soon or else he will go to the end with Sherry or something. Like I said before, I want to work with Sid and Sherry because even though they’ll always pick each other over me, there’s no chance that they will get far together. I need to be in the middle of something like that because people will likely take shots at them and not necessarily me, or at least until I don’t need Sid/Sherry anymore! If I can utilize Sid to get rid of Seamus or Luke, I’ll be golden. I need him to like me and trust me. 

Cole – He seems funny! He hasn’t played in a long time but he is super backstab-y so we can relate to each other on that. I think we’ve got similar personalities with being bitchy and obnoxious so I’m going to really work on getting him to like me so we can work together. I don’t know Cole but us working together would literally,,, be a match made in heaven. I hope it works out! 

Matt E – I know nothing about him except that he won a ton of challenges. I hope he can pick me for his tribe so I don’t have to go to a tribal council pre-merge. 

Stevie – LMAO he can literally fuck off, I don’t like Stevie. I hope he’s an early boot. 

Tommy – See above. If there’s one person this season I would die if I saw them win, it would be him. I don’t even know Tommy that much but the first impression I got of him was not a good one. I don’t want to be associated with him in any way and honestly I’m not even going to try bonding with him I don’t think. Okay, now that I’ve got that over with, we can talk about other things I guess. My strategy this season is going to focus…on strategy. No more small talk! I don’t care about these peoples’ lives, I just want to make alliances. This means I need to go on calls to replace my social game because that’s such an important thing to do because calls ALWAYS bring out the honesty in people. Even if it hurts, I’ll do it. I’m in a prime time of my life right now to do calls as much as possible because I’m not working night shifts and I don’t really do anything outside of working and sleeping, so!!! Who cares!

Also, I need to have less trust in what people say to me. It’s so stupid to think that I’m coming in here with a clean slate, because I know I’m not. People have shitty opinions about me and honestly, there isn’t much I can do to change their mindsets. I have to just confront that head-on, which I actually did with Luke today. I won’t get into specifics since I deleted the receipts of what I said already (lol), but essentially I told him that no matter how many times people say they like me, they actually don’t & I’ve heard it all before and then seen the opposite of what they say to my face in confessionals. That’s just the kind of attitude I’m in right now! 

 Day one and I haven’t taken this too seriously yet. I need to have fun with it. When I get stressed out, I get messy. I have a looooot of baggage coming into this season with some former friends and some previous enemies, so I have my work cut out for me with unzipping those suitcases and not letting the dirty laundry just spill out into the street. 

there's a 50 year old playing this game.

Okay tbh my current gameplan, short term I think I can protect myself. I didn't get lucky with my tribe members but it could be worse but I think I'll be able to protect myself enough on this tribe to survive a vote or 2. 

Now long term, it's really going to depend on what happens in the other tribes and how the swap will go. If people like liana/Stevie/Seamus go now, it'll make my game a lot easier. 

Liana: wreckdt her before in Transylvania and she blames me for her leaving cuz I was the one who figured out her lies 

Stevie: besties with liana, has no moral compass like a sociopath, cocky 

Seamus: I just don't trust him at all. Plus he's best friends with Christian and that girl hates me 

If people like cole/sid/rob go, I'm gonna have a hard ass time playing this game. Rob is so kind and I think we both genuinely like each other and it's as simple as that, he'll be loyal to me I'll be loyal to him. Cole is such a strong player but he's also the only person here I would say I had a friendship with before the game. I think he'll be loyal to me hopefully. Sid will be super loyal at least in the beginning and I also used to be friends with him a long time ago but we haven't talked in like a year. I know he knows I'm a threat but I'm hoping we can work together I think that's all I got for tonight and tmmrw I'll make a podcast so I can go more in depth!! Love y'all goodnight.

Luke is lying to me. He's pretending that he doesn't dislike me when I have hard evidence via Switzerland confessionals, and the things he says about me behind my back. He's pathetic enough that he TRIED TO GET ME STRIKED IN A GAME HE WASNT IN. So I'm lying to Luke pretending that I forgive him for saying one mean thing about me, but in reality it goes much deeper, and I'm not forgiving Luke any time soon. Luke, maybe when the season is done we can work this out? 

I'm really liking my starting tribe. I trust Ali, Dom, and Rob to a certain extent, and I'm fairly certain that Zherry will go first because she hasn't connected well with any of us. Im trying to get closest with Dom, because he and I had a moderate pregame alliance in Switzerland that is like to capitalize on. I'm telling him that I'm excited to play with him which isn't completely true, but it's not a lie either. I didn't think about him from the switz start to now, but I'm happy working with him when we get the chance.

I'm making deals with everyone on my tribe. I'll betray anyone in this game to make it 3 more days, but I wouldn't like for any of them to betray me. In a season like cutthroat, morality is out the window. There is no reason to give someone trust because they'll break that. You have to be a step ahead of everyone in this game, and that's what I intend to do.

I have a close relationship with Rob, Ali, and Dom. All three think that the two of us are the center of the tribe and get to decide what happens. It's a pretty great spot for me because I can get rid of someone without an issue as long as there's no redemption island, and have the majority think I'm on their side. I'm not on their side, I'm on my side.

Okay so the first night of socializing came to an end....I instantly clicked with Amir and had good talks with Nehe. Zack was a bit....off? Idk I don't see him and I working too closely....Dustin was chill too but my gut is telling me not to trust him based on how he describes his past but obviously I still have to keep him close....for this first "vote" I think it's to pick who competes in the challenge so I pray I'm not voted...but for now I'm just working on building bonds cuz that's the foundation of my strategy. 

I'm telling people my history in GL to not just gain sympathy for how I went out but to also give off a first impression of potential innocence cuz in a game of manipulators, the innocent are always the easiest tools for them to use and if they think I'm a tool, not only am I gunna be safe, but I can also pull the wool over their eyes...

6 hours later...

Okay I officially made an alliance with Nehe - hopefully that wasn't too fast lol but I'm getting a tad anxious as nobody is approaching me much about game talk (on my tribe that is). If I go out first.......nuh uh NO i am SO much better than that! 

 Anyways, off to our left we have an anxious Bodhi trying to talk game with me since he didn't in GL.....but he's acting like a father who just found out their kid existed and is trying to make up their whole childhood. He's reaching out, yes, but like.....I forgive but I don't forget. Bodhi ratted out my alliance that I made with HIM to Matt and lied to me on my elimination night. But I can't let him know that, so it's all smiles and giggles for now! 

Beyond that, my ideal scenario would be Zack going first off this tribe since I can't gauge where he's at and then having Amir and Nehe close. But I know this game. I'm sure this tribe dynamic won't last for long....

NeHe really is the most boring person to talk too, thats why i voted for them. But in all honestly i have no clue what to expect with this vote! Also i love crow.

Ali- Who is that... like I've never heard of them they must be pretty quiet, they just added me as I'm typing this so that's interesting. If they left I wouldn't be upset, don't know them at all 

Amir- Crackedt king, he's really good at these games. People love him so much, bet he got drafted the most. He's a great guy and I definitely trust him but I know if I stand in the way of him winning this game he'll do whatever it takes to get me out, he wants to win. 

Bodhi- Literally a wild card, he's very enigmatic and different. I feel like people will underestimate him because he says such a weird things but he does have a brain. I've hosted him twice so I don't think he'll come after but who knows. 

Crow- ? why are they named after a bird, who are they, what are they. 

Dom- That kid is very villainous and deceptive, he'll use his charm to do well in this game, but he will probably make himself a huge target like always and get taken out early. I think he likes and we are friends outside of games for sure, but I was pretty instrumental getting him out in BBHell 4 so that's not good. 

Jaiden- omg this kid is hilarious if you can stand his very dry and dark humor. He asked me to be a showmance and I couldn't say no... awkwardddddd. Anyways I know he likes me so he won't be targeting me anytime soon. 

Liana- why is she back, like didn't she bully a 14 year old for like no reason other than because they voted her out. She's inactive and truly sucks at these games... Don't know why she got cast, if I'm being honest 

Luke- I think he's great, I'm concurrently in three games with him so yeah... I think we are gonna align because if we don't then that's just a mess and we don't want that. I trust him, but I don't really know him that much personally. 

Matt- A str8, seems like a he's very entitled but I think he likes me actually. I might be judging him too harshly but I've never seen this guy in my life. I hope out of anyone in my current tribe he leaves. 

Nehe- I don't know what it is but he makes me cringe a little. Like maybe it's his voice or something, I have no idea. He doesn't seem very strategic or anything so I'm not really worried about him. 

Rob- a great guy! I truly love rob, he's quiet and cunning. He can win things and can be social when needed, he definitely is a top runner to win this game I feel. 

Seamus- Oh seamus, what can I say about him... Very strategic but not really, I feel like he's really arrogant and entitled so yeah. He's also won a game so that's something to watch for. He tried backdooring me in another game and failed but we made up... He will try to take me out ASAP, I'm a threat to him I think. 

Sherry- She was in bbhell 6? She got 3rd... she seems crackedt as fucccck. I don't even have her added. I don't know what type of game she plays, so I hope she leaves soon. 

Sid- He's good at games I believe and will probably do well here too. Don't him very well. 

Stevie- I want to sit on his face, point BLANK. I trust stevie I don't he would screw me over. He's a good guy, never done me wrong. 

Tommy- I'm like "flirting" with him, whatever you want to call it. He seems very social; he won a game. I need to watch out for him later on and get him out if he becomes too powerful.

Zack- Don't have him added so........ nothing to say about him. 

 If I had to predict who will make it to at least final 4 I would say Rob, Amir, Tommy and Seamus. They are strongest competitors here I think. Me? you may ask... I'll probably get early boot or like last juror.

I think I can lay low for a while, I have the advantage of not playing survivor with these people. These ppl are so hard to flirt with aka my main strategy. So many str8's not enough time.

My tribe's okay I guess. I know everyone but Matt. Stevie and me played a side season together once where we made the end together and he got more votes than me in the end (undeservingly might I add). He's kinda boring idk. Cole and me have known each other for a really long time but haven't ever been too close. I don't think he would want me out right away so I'm okay with him now but I have no intentions of working with him down the road because he's just messy with the way he lives his life and I just can't handle that. Tommy is probably my closest ally rn just because from what I gather he's pretty loyal and after dealing with all the fakes in Switzerland that's exactly what I need. Within the first five minutes of our convo he was asking me to go on call like sis slow down. We did end up going on call and it went pretty well so maybe I just found my #1??? Not if his ass expects calls every round smh. 

Every time Luke speaks I just get really annoyed idk why. Like I don’t understand why he thinks his commentary is ever necessary he ain’t funny he ain’t clever and nothing he ever says is insightful or adds anything of value to conversations (or life). He needs to just sit there and eat his food. 

As for the rest of the cast, everyone else I know has reached out to me (except Luke’s bitch ass) along with some others. Me and Zack are on good terms but I don’t see us working together here. I like Dustin but he’s fake as hell so I know he is not to be trusted because he will turn on me the second a skinny white boy breathes in his direction. Seamus and me are acquaintances and he’s only seen me flop in games so I think he’d be down to work with me long term since I don’t think he views me as a threat. Bodhi should have taken Luke’s spot in Switzerland and we’ve bonded over that. Nehe and me are #BlackExcellence and y’all can catch us in the f2. We haven’t spoken any game yet but it’s gonna work out I’m already such a stan of his messy ass and we’re honestly, truly going to be a force this season. Cirie and Michaela are shook. Also why are there so many old people here lmao don’t they have their 9 to 5 jobs to worry about lmao.

Rob Ali and I have an alliance called Eddie's Breadie's. That's about it.

Everything: is quiet and relaxed 

Me: *tries to write a confessional* 

Everything: Hey Rob! Austin sucks! Me and my bae are mad at each other! 

Seriously? 

 Anyways, I’m getting fired up. it is Day 2 and it is the first time things have died down. Since I was added to the Akyab and One World chats, it's been non-stop socializing for me. I started a game that I was hosting with this exact format: 20 castaways, 4 tribes of 5, One World. I got on everyone's asses for not utilizing it to their advantage, so I'm trying to do what I wanted people to do in my game. 

I talked to a wide array of people and I haven't met a handful of people maybe 3 or 4ish? There's several people I know on the cast, more than I expected. I sort of wish I was on a different tribe because this tribe is more people I have to build trust with. Let's do a cast assessment! 

Ali: I like Ali. He's cool, he works out and he's coming to Houston soon. There might be a meet up haha but it's not going to happen. I'm weary of Ali because Bodhi told me that he is a flipper, he gets idols so I have to keep an eye on him. 

Bodhi: I know Bodhi from before, he's a great guy, eccentric, but great. I think I could work with Bodhi, but I still... don't really trust him on a game level. I don't think I ever will because there's something about Bodhi's game that appears off to me. 

Dom: I want to work with Dom. Dom is cute, and I feel that we're both wanting to work with one another. If there's something that goes wrong, I know he has a possibility to blow up, but I don't think there will be a situation like there was in India. 

Sherry: Sherry is something. She is iconic, she's one of the older players in the community but she's not very into it. I won't ever trust Sherry. I know she was tight with SId, and she was crazy in Maldives. There's also this huge age difference, and I don't believe we could talk a lot, or that she would talk to me like???? "Let me talk to this 16 year old boring kid" Amazing! I'm probably an ageist.  I haven't even really talked to her one-on-one. 

Amir: A KING! I love Amir a lot. I'm so glad that I met him before. We might be able to work together, but for some reason I don't feel that he may try as hard as Transylvania? Though it may be because he  is trying to go under the radar, I am studying these people like they're the American Revolution I am telling you. He's probably going to take it slow. I don't know what I am even talking about I am such a mess! 

Crow: I don't know Crow. I don't trust Crow. He can go bother other people. 

Dustin: I really like Dustin. He is super nice and I loved our conversation. I would like to work with him, and I feel that he knows how to handle this and talk to people and make sure they trust him. You go Dustin Putman! 

Nehe: I don't know about Nehe. I played before and I liked him, he was sweet, but he was arrogant and thought he was better than most people because he was active. I don't hear good things about him too but that's their opinion. I'll have to wait and see with Nehe. I doubt he likes me to be honest. 

Zack: I'm friends with Zack on facebook, but I didn't know I was actually playing with him. I didn't know he played Canary and Switzerland I thought it was another Zack instead <.< 

Jaiden: I'll save him for last 

Liana: I think I just have a strange relationship with Liana. I say I'm friends with her husband, but I don't think me and her ever really clicked. 

Luke: We’ll get to him later 

Seamus: I personally like Seamus. He’s one of the first people I met, but he’s crazy in games. I don’t trust him and he’s already won one BYE! I’ll work with him but I don’t want him to make it very far. 

Sid: I don’t trust Sid. He’s nice, but he’s shady shady shady. I want him to go early. 

Abel: He’s someone I don’t particularly like, he comes off the wrong way with me but it might be because I’m boring. I feel that he won’t like me. 

Cole: I love Cole and I’m glad we were able to mend our relationship before the season. He’s funny and he tries hard in games which I respect. But he can be a little extra. I would like him to make the jury : ) 

Mearl: I do not trust. He is scary and a good competitor in challenges. He seems very forceful and disingenous. 

Stevie: He’s gonna flop next Tommy: I LOVE TOMMY! He is nice, I love talking to him and I want to work with him for a long time, he did win but eek we’ll see he probably has a huge target on his back. I love his tumblr and the only thing that sort of irked me was that he was sort of wanting to find out about my past games. It was odd, but he was also able to detail his games as well so it was a pretty equal trade. I want him to be number 1 tbh. 

Luke: My relationship with Luke is… built on shiftinng sands. There’s a lot of history and I don’t know how it’s going to play out. I like him personally, but he’s all types of shady. He’s good with advantages he has idols and super idols and tatzelshits. I don’t want to go far with him, but I think he might be a vote for me, he’s a friend, but he didn’t vote for me against Kait so… when I found out he was playing I was so pissed off to be honest. I’m sorry… 

Jaiden: Jaiden has to go! I do not want him to play with me. I never want to play with him again. He is always screwing up my game, my head, my life. I love Jaiden sooooo much but he is a mess. He’s going to get me involved in moves that I don’t want. I want him out asap...but he will I know it. Long term, I want to work with people like Tommy, Ali, Amir, and Dom. I like them personally and it could be a strategic benefit for me because they are bigger threats than me. I want to have strong social bonds with everybody though, or most people, especially on my tribes. These tribes aren’t going to last very long anyways, so I am expanding myself. I’m in an alliance with Ali and Bodhi. Eddie’s Breadies. It’s temporary in my eyes because we came together for this first vote. We decided Sherry because she hasn’t had actual conversations with us and she will be the scapegoat. It’s something to work off of. 

The vote i don’t know what it is, It might be some sort of challenge related thing. But you never know until an hour later. I’m trying to build relationships and we’ll see where it takes me, not much else. Bodhi told me he searched for the idol btw. 

 Love you Eddie :p

1 hour later...

And Sherry knows she's on the outs eeekkk

It was sort of obvious, but i feel bad.

me waiting to see Sherry's confessional shitting on her tribe

So I'm back and am pretty excited I'm pretty shocked I'm playing again, in this game I want to be the nice guy, I want to make moves at the correct time and I really wanna do well and fix all my mistakes I made last time, so first thing I need to be active and try my best to play without looking im overplaying, so I got a good vibe from bodhi and a good vibe from rob, and they felt good with eachother so I made an alliance with us, I have something going on with dommy cause my god he's cute( I'm straight but there's not many girls here) but he hasn't been online and sherry omg girl you just came and we voted you I'm sorry :/

Ahhhh so this cast reveal was honestly so overwhelming because it was happening at the same time that I was hosting two tribal councils but I got to look over it eventually and it looks like a pretty good bunch! There are people I recognize like my fellow Great Lakers and Switzerland folks and then there are people like Seamus and Stevie and Cole that I know from past experiences. Going off of my tribe though, I really like them! Jaiden talks to me a lot which is pretty cool, he seems nice even though I know he has a reputation. Seamus is cool, we trusted him with this first vote. I vaguely know Sid because I called with him and Amanda once and we also have Liana who is lovely. Outside of my tribe there is Rob who I'm close with also surprisingly I've struck up a friendship with Dom, he's wonderful. Nothing much else happening but I'm sure the backstabbing will happen soon enough.

The boys are voting me hmmm this should be interesting to see what that is about. Dom may or may not come for me I took him out the last three games we played. Can I be on sids tribe?

Ali is taking a little bit of control and I'm confident enough in my relationships with others that I think I can safely tell Dom and Sherry that Ali is in charge and we need to take him out. 

In this game, there is nothing more important than perception. The game is about portraying a narrative that others will buy into. If you can control the way others perceive the game, you can control how they act, and you won't need to be the one making big moves. That's why I'm feeding everyone on my tribe a narrative that paints me in a good light. Someone will make a move against someone, and I won't be the someone going home.

I had like an hour long call with mr bohdi today and I really fucking love him and I think he'll be a good ally. He talked so much shit about luke and crow to me, crow talked shit about him and mearle and luke and basically im gameplan is to get great lakes to murder each other. 

 Okay I feel like in a much better and much more positive mood this time. I talked to a few more people and as of right now, I really like Jaiden too hes a sweetheart but like misunderstood and I take back anything mean I said during my semi-meltdowns last night. I also fucking looooooooove Bohdi. He seems like a genuine ally to me. He called me for like an hour and half and actually like, was showing me how to find an idol in games cuz idk shit about tumblr survivor (this was before the idol post) and he was really honest about the cast and told me a lot. Also took notes of some of the shit he said just in case I need it HOHOHO. 

I wanna feel that way about Crow because Crow is so sweet and while my heart absolutely loves him and wants to be loyal to him, the rational part in my head is telling me that's probably how he is with everyone. I can tell from his personally he tries to do the charming southern thing and im gonna play along but im sure as fuck not gonna fall for it. 

But as for my most active targets, I want Liana/Stevie/Tommy to go so fucking bad. Yeah I don't give a fuck I would target them. I'm not gonna waste my time playing nice and falling for tommy and stevies bullshit like everyone else in this community does, however, if I end up on a tribe with them I'm probably fucked lmao.  

Like that's how I feel with a lot of the cast. If im with all of them im gonna have to play nice. But if im on a tribe with like just tommy and other people hes getting lit tf up there AINT GONNA BE NO WORDS.

 Eddie Bracco: What’s your game plan if you guys end up going to tribal? 

Um, *packs my bags* 

I think nehe can probably go, idk. Part of me wants to be a snake already  

- Zack tells me he finds dustin hot yesterday so he probably thirsting 

- Zack texts me today to vote nehe 

- Dustin just told me he voted nehe 

-This means those 2 probably talked about it I kinda wanna pull in crow and nehe and end zack and dustin. 

No social bonds allowed on my tribe if they don't involve me.

whew. okay so i literally haven't really talked to a lot of people because it's fourth of july weekend so i wasn't even home at all but anyways here we go. 

Amir is like my #1 like i trust him with everything and we voted for nehe for that thing or whatever because i told him to vote for nehe so... i love subs! Dustin. dustin's an icon and i don't even know him. he hosted bora bora and idk i've talked to him before and i really like him. i feel like me dustin and amir can definitely all align together in this tribe. it's just like.. how do i approach it, ya know? on the other hand. jaidens casted.. i've played with jaiden before and we always lie to each other and say we're together but we're not really together.. so he can choke! abel?!?!?! I FUCKING LOVEEEE ABEL. like it goes abel > amir. i wish abel was on my tribe tho. i fucking love him, an icon. cole? i don't think cole likes me tbh fklgj. luke. i just played with luke in switz and he was semi trusting? so hopefully me and him can talk and semi align or something. liana? MOMMMYYY! all the other people? i don't even know.. i for sure have to work my social game in this game.

This is my 3rd confessional and it's day 2! So basically we found out the twist and it was that whoever was voted would be doing the immunity and reward for their team. 2 tribes are going to tribal so i just have to hope i place in the top 2... We also keep calling a lot which really Isn't my thing like i join group calls just so i can be quiet and not talk and observe. Knowledge is power and I'm pretty much a librarian. But yah so on our tribe i seem to be the hot topic which is both a blessing and a curse. Jaiden Liana and Sid have all asked me to work with them and I'm like duh bitches like come to me. Luke hasn't joined a single call even though he has been online for every single one. Pretty much from all my calls IK that Luke is like at the bottom of the barrel so like even if we lose I'm not too worried. Liana and I are working together to find the idol and i think it will help solidify trust with her so we can continue to work together. SO yah as of now i do feel comfortable because I feel i am the kingpin on this tribe. Obvi i could be wrong but i like y position, and if we lose and Luke goes home I feel my position is even better then before! 

I went on a call with Tommy earlier today. For no reason https://68.media.tumblr.com/e77667c4d8007d5f8957e116568740ee/tumblr_inline_opjuq5ZrNn1reygjb_540.gif Tommy just wanted to. It was nice we mainly talked about each other's game and stuff. But it's weird, I like Tommy, other people don't like Tommy, and I feel like he is sort of sketchy yet pretty loyal. 

 I went on a call with Ali and Bodhi. We talked about the vote and just hanged out for a little bit. 

 At night Jaiden messages me saying we have to go on call now! We do and he tells me how he is in big trouble on his tribe which is honestly not a shocker. He says that Liana relayed to him how somebody talked mess about him. He goes on a witch hunt trying to save himself and finds out from Seamus that it was Liana instead who was talking the mess. He says that he wants to target Luke which if it works out... 

I just don't want to deal with Luke again and see him make it far. Sorry *shrug emoji* 

“Sherry was a strong player through and through. She wasn’t afraid to go against the majority, speak her mind, and make big moves. Not only was she a social threat, but she was a strategic one as well. She was this season’s most cutthroat player by a mile and keep everyone on their toes. Along with Sid, she was behind numerous power moves and this is why we feel like she is deserving of this award. ” 

 Damnit. I've underestimated Sherry because she's 49 years old, which I just took to mean that she doesn't make big moves against minors. Now it looks like we're gonna have to watch out just in case mom decides to strike!! But I don't think she will, she claims that she's “willing to do anything for her alliance” which is the exact type of ally you want. 

 I want Ali gone as soon as possible. He's a super transparent snake which is frightening. I'm ok to keep him though, I'm not entirely decided. Hmm. Everyone here is a snake, and we're all intellegent enough to listen to Ali speak for a few minutes and know he wants to do big things. Maybe that type of energy can be exploited to create a bigger target than myself? I mean, I know I could do it, but if he decides to make a big move I think he'd want me gone. That's not ideal. I'd like to stick around if possible. 

 Ali just contacted me all like “I don't like that it's a double tribal” and I lied to him saying that I don't either. But in reality? I fucking wish it was a quadruple tribal. This cast needs to trim some fat as soon as possible. What we don't need is 20 cutthroat pieces of shit having time to fester and manipulate eachother. That will make a mess. We need to cut some throats FAST so that we all have time to breathe afterwards. I think for most people in this game, we have a harder time waiting for tribal than we have going to it.

I'm trying to bolster my cross tribal relationships with a few people here and there. Amir, Seamus, Abel, Crow, Tommy, Stevie, and several others. I don't want to be TOO obvious about the fact that im talking to everyone, but I also want to make sure that in a swap I'm safe. Ali just said that he's happy we have our 3 with Rob. I lied and said that I am too. But in reality I don't really care. I'd much rather there were no alliances and everyone just went vote by vote. I know that is what's going to happen because every fucking week everyone is going to think that they're blindsiding 6 or 7 people when in reality they're the one being blindsided. But for now there's only 5, so I can have some control.

Trust is the most important currency in this game. With a season like Cutthroat, you know that it's going to be impossible to find. Right now my trust is in Amir and Dom. I think those two are the most likely to stay loyal for at least a little bit.  

In reality, everyone is going to everyone making fake deals and knowing that neither of them believe it. It's a funny sight really, and I'd be lying if I said I weren't participating. 

“Hey luke, lets talk about why you dont like me” 

“I like you just fine bodhi” 

“haha ok I forgive you”

This is the type of bullshit conversation we have just to make sure that old fueds stop existing. He thinks I believe him because he has an ego almost as large as mine, but I know there's no chance he's telling the truth. 

“Hey crow lets not lie to eachother this time” 

“yeah that sounds good to me” 

I hope we aren't lying to eachother, but just like the last 4 times we are. I really wish we weren't though. 

“Hi Jaiden let's work together” 

“I thought you hated me” 

“I do but that doesnt mean we can't work together” 

“ok lol” 

yeah no Jaiden and I aren't working together but I would like to. If he wants to as well we might be able to stick with eachother for a vote or two, but that relationship would NOT be sustainable. 

Okay so, basically I told Seamus we needed to call so we did, and we talked about the game at first and how the fireworks outside my house were hella loud lmao. Then I mentioned how I was nervous about having to go to tribal because of something I heard, how someone on the tribe already told Liana something negative about me and that she said that she feels bad for me because of how this round is going w/ the challenge and stuff. Seamus didn't really react the way I wanted to and I honestly wanted him to be like "Yeah I said that" or something, just to own up to it, but he didn't. So I got like a little irritated and told him exactly what Liana said and how it automatically looked like it was him who said it, since Liana said it had just happened and he said prior to her joining that he was talking to her. Anyways, he like read out his messages to me basically and admitted that it was all not true and SHE was the one who brought me up. Interesting stuff. He control F'd my name and read out the three results as well so honestly who knows if it's the truth or not, we'll see. I just am glad to know that he's not the person who threw my name out there from the get go. I don't trust Liana.

If our tribe goes to tribal I'm gonna be in such deep fucking shit. Zack and Dustin are gonna wanna vote crow but I'm closest to crow and nehe. Part of me wants to just flip on zack. If anyone knows about flipping on people to further my game, it's me. I did it all the time in Transylvania but the other thing is there's also a time and place for it. Pre-swap might not be the best time to start making a name for myself. 

Ugh I hope nehe pulls through. My plan rn is to get crow to get close with zack and hopefully we can all flip on Dustin or try and make up something about Dustin to zack. If none of that works, maybe my best bet is to stay quiet and let my tribe feud with each other but basically as long as it's not me I'm good. Best case scenario Dustin goes because I NEED nehe and crow in this game.

My tribe is alright. Colt is somebody that I think needs to be dealt with quickly. He seems to be a big social threat. Tommy and I have a good thing going and he can be a good number 1 ally. Stevie and Abel are wild cards at this point. Not happy to see Luke, Crow and Bodhi because they obviously see me as a threat for being a better game player than them and I think it would be hard to convince them to work with me. I haven’t looked at the cast yet and analyzed everyone. Don’t really care to. I’ll let my own opinions of people form when I interact with them because that will give me a better grasp. I don’t care if they won or they finished 14th last season they played.. that doesn’t tell me anything. 

 And there's always that possibility that great lakes people could work together. I won’t rule it out but its not going to be my plan A.

Okay why the hell is everyone being so damn quiet? Zack is so forgettable and Dustin just lurks. And Nehe only flops in challenges - doesn't talk much. 

Are they all secretly aligned or did I just get the shitty tribe? 

Besides Amir. I'm about to pop the question to him later tonight I think... 

But yea can there be a tribe swap? Cuz if we go to tribal, I don't feel good AT ALL. I'm messaging everyone on my tribe trying to start conversation and they either ignore it or stop the convo real quick. 

LET ME IN PEEPS I CAN'T MANIPULATE AND SCHEME IF U DONT OPEN UR HEART JUST A LITTLE BIT FOR THE KNIVES TO GO IN! 

I'm getting closer to Bodhi, Seamus, and Tommy than Nehe, Dustin, or Zack - like wtf? 

Fuck Magyi.

On a calmer note, I must say I've been rather strategic with what I talk about in these early days.... 

We're all cutthroat in some way so there's no way in hell I'm letting my guard up on these people, even Amir, but I'm going to try and dampen that potential perception of me by playing up the fact that I was BLINDSIDED and CUT in my first season...maybe that'll give me some innocent points? Plus I get to trash Matt in the process of telling my elimination story and that's always FUN! 

And in exchange they usually tell me what they did to be considered cutthroat or what their past games were like....that's how I know to watch out for Dustin, use Nehe, and befriend Amir. and god knows what I do with Zack.....all I know is that he works (from him) and that he's supposed to be hot (from Regan) - so is he the token dumb male model or ??? 

watch me get 20th tho. just watch.