#ik that was under fear gas but it still got me thinking

[sporkberries]

debating writing a meta post about how bruce isnt a good father but i dont know if i want to invite the discourse. 

[domesticangel]

ok ok a 68 plymouth gtx for ris is perfection but what do u think the rest of the squadra has? i really wanna say one of them has a studebaker somehow but i just dont know (ignore it was a us based company i love them anyways shhhh)

god. this is the best ask i couldve ever gotten. buckle up. ha ha. bc cars. and also bc I’m not gonna shut the fuck up

but YEAH NO SAME i also chose to foolishly disregard that italians wouldnt likely drive american cars (or necessarily drive at all…america is mad obsessed with cars compared to a lot of other countries so sdkfhsdkj) bc its all fun and games so ik a lot of this would be unrealistic but I’m american so i really only know about american cars/cars that are popular in america dskjfsdkjf so sorry for America-Centrism On Main but if any italians or ppl w knowledge of italian cars wanna chime in w their own takes, by all means!!!

oh and this post also foolishly assumes la sqaudra has money. lets pretend for just this post they all actually got paid for their jobs

SO WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY warning this is gonna make this post rly long but I’m gonna ad pics of the cars i think they’d all drive like. in case anyone reading wants to know what they look like but doesn’t wanna look em all up so I’m gonna throw this under a cut in case it gets crazy

ok i can 1000% see sorbet and gelato sharing a like studebaker speedster that they would take out cruising for special occasions….it would spend most of its time under a tarp locked in a garage bc if you touch that car without permission you WILL die by their loving intertwined hands. some couples have babies. some couples get dogs. sorbet and gelato got a studebaker speedster and treated it with almost as much love as they do each other. one might think their driving would match the “crazy” impression everyone has of them but honestly? they prefer to take it slow and cruise so they have more time to enjoy each others company. on the job they’ll wreck a rental all to hell, but not their baby. the rest of squadra would low key fear for their lives on the rare occasion that sorbet and gelato offered them rides in their car bc the inside is spotless and they all knew if they left anything out of place or dirtier than they found it their time was up

i think they’d dig a color scheme something like this; still looks mob and sophisticated without losing the whimsicality u feel me

i really like a classic chevelle ss or ‘67 mustang gt500 for formaggio

(ignore how fuckin shiney these are bc make no mistake his would be scratched and worn all to hell)

in line w my headcanon that he’d be knowledgable about cars, i think he’d like supe them up and mod them for street racing or 1960s style drag racing. since we don’t get a lot of individual sqaudra backstory i sometimes think about him maybe losing his parents at a young age or having a bad home life as is typical of passione members and getting taken in by a local mechanic, and only as he got older realizing the shop had mafia ties which eventually paved the way for his induction etc but the knowledge and interest in cars always stuck with him. i think he’d probably drive the most recklessly out of all of squadra (rivaled only by ghiaccio ofc) bc he just loves to go fast as fuck and show off. he’s definitely a revs-the-engine-when-he-drives-by-someone-cute ass bitch

illuso would drive a ‘71 dodge demon, and honestly only because he liked the name and how it looked

it would honestly drive formaggio insane that illuso would ONLY use this car to get around as opposed to flying down the countryside or doing burnouts in a field. illuso doesn’t know much about cars and he doesn’t care to learn either; if it looks good and the engine turns he’s happy. formaggio would BEG him to race him or let him take it for a spin, but illuso would be adamant in turning him down every time. he has no desire to take risks and tear up a perfectly good car, but if he feels especially generous he’ll let formaggio ride with him while formaggio excitedly rattles off specs illuso doesn’t understand in the slightest. he won’t readily admit to it but seeing formaggio that excited is really endearing and illuso would even end up learning something here and there from their time spent together

ghiaccio is anal enough about All Things Italian that he breaks my disclaimer and actually does drive an italian car. y'all already know what the fuck is going on

hell yeah ghiaccio drives a lambo. ‘71 lamborghini miura to be exact. and boy does he make this motherfucker screech and drift. as much as he seems to abuse the car he’s extremely uptight about upkeep and will take it in as often as needed for repairs. you can also bet your ass he’d berate any of his fellow squadra members that didn’t drive italian-made cars, asking them why they’d choose to drive that trash on wheels when their country is home to the best cars in the entire fucking world and they have their pick. being in the passenger seat with him at the wheel is terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but he’s actually a very skilled driver, like to the point that he probably couldve been a stunt car driver if he wanted. but whatever you do don’t show any adverse reactions to his hard turns or brakes bc he will take it as a personal insult to his skill as a driver and you will find that the louder his voice gets the heavier his foot gets on the gas so Good Fucking Luck. (also yes ik we already see ghiaccio driving a car in canon but its headcanon time and during headcanon time ghiaccio rocks the fucking lambo)

prosciutto would drive a big beautiful blue ‘65 thunderbird convertible

he would also be very particular about the upkeep of his car, but without any sort of personal touch; he hasn’t the time nor desire to keep up with the car himself so he just makes sure he takes it to a reputable shop to do it for him. it’s not his “baby” or an heirloom; its just a car. it runs and looks good as all fuck while doing it so thats all he really cares about tbh. that said, if anyone ever scratched or keyed or dented it they wouldn’t live long to regret bc as a wise man once said, you don’t fuck with a mans automobile. i mentioned this in the my squadra meme as well, but even though he smokes like a chimney, he NEVER smokes in his car. no smoking, eating, or drinking in the thunderbird. sealed packs of cigs in the console only and if the seals been broken it has to stay in your pocket. the upholstery is pristine and he prefers to keep it that way. he’s a very mild mannered driver and even often errs on the side of slow; he doesn’t really see the point in wasting gas by speeding or messing up the tires or alignment by showboating. he knows that he AND the car already look good enough to command bystanders’ attention so he doesn’t waste his time with any extra flashiness

ima keep it real with you chief: melone would drive a car you could fuck in the back of and thats about all there is to it, so look no further than the spacious ‘61 chrysler newport

he would somehow figure out a way to get an aux cord and a sound system in this old motherfucker and would listen to his music so loud it about rattled the doors off, much to any passengers’ chagrin. he’s almost worse to ride with than formaggio or ghiaccio because he texts and messes with the music the entire time he’s driving. like its almost impressive how often he manages to NOT have his hands on the wheel. he’s a master knee-driver. all that in mind the rest of squadra groans in unison when melone offers to drive and risotto, who doesn’t have time for a squabble, gives the ok and send them on their way bc they know they’re gonna have to deal with melone insisting that driver picks the music and white knuckling the handles the whole time. but regardless, if the chrysler’s rockin and the britney’s boppin, don’t come a-knockin

since i see pesci as the youngest i think he’d be the last to get a car, but the rest of squadra would surprise him by all pitching in and getting him a ‘69 buick sport wagon

it’d definitely be a fixer-upper (prosciutto insisted it’d be good for pesci to retroactively “earn” the car by learning how to take care of it, prompting the rest of squadra to point out prosciutto never even learned how to fix a car himself) but pesci would be out of his mind appreciative of it either way. after years of only ever riding in the back seat of someone else’s car he’d be so excited about finally having a car to call his own. formaggio would take him under his wing and show him everything he needed to do to make sure she stayed running in tip-top shape and they’d grow pretty close over it; formaggio would lose his damn mind the first time he’d convince pesci to do a burnout on his own. pesci would try his best to keep the car clean but he’d probably have a bad habit of leaving empty drink bottles in the floorboard or extra jackets in the back seat, but all in all he’d do a pretty good job taking care of the car and making the generous gift from his team worth it. most non-work related outings would have pesci chauffeuring, but he wouldn’t mind, bc seeing all his friends crammed into his car and having a good time would make him really happy

and last but not least risotto and his ‘68 plymouth gtx 🖤

perhaps surprisingly he wouldnt be excessively meticulous about upkeep; he definitely wouldnt do anything needlessly reckless to harm the car or neglectful of standard upkeep, but he would definitely see it as more of a personal part of him than a machine that needed to maintain perfection. he wouldn’t really sweat scratches or dents here and there; they’re bound to happen to a car that old and if he found the time he’d take it to get it buffed. like i said in the hc meme i think it would’ve belonged to his father (or any family member he was close to really) and it was passed onto him when he died so it’s kind of a sentimental thing for risotto. though not quite the same level as formaggio, he’s fairly good at making standard repairs on his own, and doesn’t mind spending a weekend or two up under the car fixing it up and making sure it runs smooth. the rest of squadra would each be surprised the first time they ever rode anywhere with him; the second the car started old classic rock or metal would blast through the speakers, with risotto mumbling a quick sorry and turning it down, but not all the way off. they would find out that their stoic leader prefers to drive with the windows down, one hand on the wheel, other out the window tapping to the beat of the music on the hood

aaaaaaaaand YEAH. i told you i wasn’t gonna shut the fuck up DSFHKJADHKSDJ LMAO SORRY I WENT TF OFF BUT YEAH THOSE ARE MY. SQUADRA CLASSIC CAR HCs

[irl]

i was gonna nix the trauma tonight cos i didnt feel like it but ig im in a silly goofy mood cos here we are anyway 🤪

anyway like truly heed the tw cos idk this ine might get graphic idk man ill try to remember to tag for it but dam dude it may jus go unt lol soz. silly goofy mood 🥴

***trauma dumping

like. ik that all the shit today couldve been prevented if i just. blocked her number. she doesnt have any way to contact me, she doesnt use social media. but i cant

i dont know why i really dont. is it masochism? do i secretly like it every time she texts? do i enjoy the adrenaline rush? i dont fucking know. i feel afraid of her. im not constantly afraid. yea she still affects my daily life but like, shes not On My Mind yknow. but god

when i went to florida last december i was constantly shitting bricks. afraid that she was alrwady back. cos i knew she was supposed to be going back. i was so afraid id see her. till i found oht the night before i left that she still was in missouri. i felt so much relief. wxcept it still wasnt all gone, the fear and anxiety. some small part of me kept buzzing the rest of the night and the next day that id see her, that shed see me. that shed sink her claws in me again and ibwouldnt be able to get away this time

when i told her i was planning on leaving she started. really financially abusing me. more than she already had. i tried to get a part time job that i ended up also being able to get her one too. we were just sign holders. i got to watch netflix for six hours and get paid 25$ an hour for it. it wasnt bad.

every time i got paid shed ask for money and she also stopped paying for gas and for food. she demanded half of my check for “rent” or whatever despite the original “agreement” that she got me under was that id live rent free.

when i got my tax return which was around $700, she took all of it, wasting most of my money on uber eats and shit. saying she was going to pay me back but never did and would get mad if i tried to stand up to it.

my stimulus check went the same way, except i was able to spend a little of that on myself before she decided she wanted jt all and i couldnt even put anything towards savings to leave.

looking back. it shouldve been obvious. i was mad abt it yea but i didnt see it as a form of financial abuse. she had me wearing very thick rose colored glasses

she had me constantly high. if not constantly than as often as she could. she had me drive while i was high guilting me w the fact she couldnt drive, period. she would smoke out of a bong while u was driving past police officers on purpose for the thrill. i hadnt rly ever smoked much because of her

she found me hollowed out by my ex who had taken almost everything from me, including all sense of self. i wasnt allowed to have a self outside of him. he disapproved of everything i did if he didnt like it. im sure i did shit that really fucked him up too tho. i have no idea but like. this was my severely untreated and inflated bpd time. i has no coping methods and so while i was suseptible to trauma and manipulation or whateva i was also like. a horrible person lmao. idk much abt that me cos yknow 🥴amnesia🥴 lol but what i do remember, i dont like.

but i still got fucked up by him. she found me a couple months after he broke up with me and i was left just a completely hollow husk of a person with nothing driving me.

id never rly smoked weed much tbh. i lived in colorado before and after The Great Legalization and i only smoked weed once then. i got crossfaded with a group of friends and a handle of fireball then we went and watched the first deadpool movie in theaters lol

the second

HOL D ON LMAO INTERMISSION COS I GENUINELY WANT TO FUCKING CRITY NOW LMAO LMAO LAMON AMLMAO FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK C UVJ FUCK I TOLD MY FRIEND ABT A SLEIGH BELLS CONCERT AND ASKED HER IF WE COULD GO TOGTHER AND SHE SAID LET ME THINK ABOUT IT AND SHE KNOWS SLEIGH BELLS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING BAND AND I

SHE JUST TEXTED ME LMAO LMAO LMAO SHE ASKED ME FOR THE DATES AGAIN AND I WAS LIKE OHOHO? serves me right for hoping for smth dependent on someone not me. i shouldve learned this fhckinnglesson forever ago LOLOL every time i get hope in something that depends on someone else its alwahs fucking. crhshed. i dont hope for things dependent on other people unless its literally guaranteed like my moms guilt money lol. whatever. its fine “sorry you. cant come wjth me and [redacted] we are going with family frowny face emoji”. like. okay

im not mad at her. genuinely i hope she has fun. but fuck dide. u couldntve fucming. googled it. yourself and then simply not told me ur plans and be like soz boo cant make it. i wouldve rather the fucking. lie. i let my hopes get up. i didnt take anything out on her ofc like id never do that cos like. Yeah. Im Upset. Yeah. Im Angry. but i know im mostly just angry at the situation, not exactly at her. yeah i wouldve apprecisted more tact bht like. at the end of the day its fine. i probably wouldntve been able to afford it

i loved sleigh bells since i was like. a freshman or sophomore. i found them with young legends on some wally west playlist on 8tracks. i was like hm interesting. then somewhere i heard crown on the ground abd my brain started to brr. after that it was a rabbit hole and now ive been to like. three sleigh bells concerts and my favorite most cherished memory ever is from a sleigh bells concert and ibalso got the setlist from that same concert and ive got all but their latest two albums on cd and vinyl and

at my second concert, we were in a basement bar show in aspen colorado. the opening act was tunde olaniran. id never seen or heard him berore. but oh my god it was love at first sight. this man is Drop Dead Gorgeous. he has the voice of an angel. he deserves the world. and then sleigh bells

god dereks guitar is so harsh and whiney but so fucking powerful and rhythmic. i love his guitar i love his hands

alexis. alexis krauss is my One. i would do anything she asked. shes. god. i was up against the stage, there were no barriers. i was singing and dancing along to every song she sang with all of my energy all of my might just thouroughly experiencing the night

the first time id seen sleigh bells i did so at a festival and i got high for the second time bcos some dude wire wrapping crystal at a booth offered me some hits off of his blunt lol. and so i spent the whole First Time Seeing My Favorite Band And The Whole Reason I Came To Riot Fest high off of my ass and behind my phone videoing and taking pictures. i remember basically none of it lmao

exceptnfor jonas but hes a topic for later. dw hes cool.

so i decided i was going to do my damndest to remember this concert and i wasnt gonna use my phone at all. and that was the Correct choice. sure i dont remember it all, this is deep in the times that i Dont Remember but ive clung to this memory with gnashing teeth and claws.

they were performing minnie from their album bitter rivals. during one of the “minnie minnie, go count your pennies” lines alexis got right up to my face, stooping down close. just far enough for the microphone to be comfortable. her hair cascading around us. for just a split moment, it was just me and her in the world. no one else mattered.

she ripped back up when the line was over and i remember once she got to “window pain, the pain!” i did a deep drop, just fully going feral for a moment.

it was the best concert of my life. she handed me the set list at the end.

anyway i love sleigh bells hi

intermission over ig lmao

that also, incidentally, included the second time i got high so there u go. the third was with my ex fiances uncle. kinda boring. then i met tisa when i moved to florida and after we broke up but still lived together. she also offered me coke once but i declined her lmao. one of the hard stop drugs

after that it was all the hippie. she very quickly (like within a couple weeks knowing her) put in the dynamic of “big sister little brother” and started placing herself in a caretaker role regardless of what i said. after a bit i relented and let it happen. and she started getting me high. very quickly, cos i was still untreated unregulated bpd bitch, the unhealthy dynamic was solidified and the infatuation and fixation began because i was very vulnerable and she was placing herself in the role of protector cause thats what i craved.

she apparently did this a few times before. i saw the end of her previous one with a woman named sarah. she talked about a couple others. i dont remember them clearly.

she talked about herself a lot. she trauma dumped constantly. and i was just expected to listen. she told me horrible horrible things thatd apparently happened to her. i still cant tell if she was telling the truth. and id just have to listen to it.

if it was true she had a habit of bringing it her way it felt like. it might get graphic soon

animal gore hg stuff idk um doubt anyones reading anywau im just gonna write

one time her sons cat got out. this was at the first place we lived with the trailer. her sons cat got out. or maybe it happened in the trailer. i. we found him. i dont know. i only just. unlocked this memory tonight. but god it was so awful and disgusting.

somehow he got a gnarly cut on one of his paws. and cats use a litter box and all. and she never cleaned it. and it got infected so a gnarly cut turned into a necrotic painful oozing wound.

i dont even know how it happened. or how long hed been like that. he was her cat and he rarely ever came around to me anyway.

she pissed away $15k on bullshit. so much so that upon finding this she decided she couldnt afford a vet. shed deal with it herself. with my assistance ofc cos she couldnt do it alone.

my task was to hold this poor cat still, wrapped tight in a blanket to keep him from hurting us or himself. as she cut away at his paw pad with a pair of cuticle scissors.

im going to vomit

there was so much blood. he was in so much pain. the wound was so bad. the blood was so dark. then it was bright. i dont know why. i didnt expect him to have bright red blood. the only time you see an animals blood is dried dark rust on pavement. but here he was. bleeding like a human. bright red

its teally hard. walking through this memory. i have a migraine building. im fighting twars. this is physically painful. i

it took so long. i felt like we were there for hours. we were probably only there for 30 minutes to an hour. but that long is infinity when youre watching this. she poured something on his foot. it was supposed to steralize it. it was some dark liquid that stained his white foot bright yellow. she wrapped his foot in gauze and put a sock on it. every few days unwrapping to go at the foot again a little bit. squeezing more and more awful puss shit out.

eventually it healed. she decided shed do it herself. with my help of course bcos how could she ever do this alone

i guess im done for now. im physically shaking. im out of weed. its almost midnight and i open tomorrow. and most importantly, my phones dying. the stars aligned i should sleep

i wish she would forget about me so i could forget about her

[the-east-wind-shall-come]

The Traitor’s War - Chapter 3

previous chapters: here’s 1, here’s 2

Now

As far as the eye can see, Nifl gleams white, snow sparkling under the sun…

Fjorm’s words echo to me now, as I stick my head out of our ger and watch the morning light glitter upon the soft, untouched blanket of snow covering the hills.

“She sure was right. It’s always so cold here!” I say to myself, shivering as an icy breeze washes across my face.

“About time you’re up,” I hear Ike’s voice say. I turned slightly, and find him standing over me. He stares down at me, pointedly, his arms crossed.

“Oh….sorry. Good morning!” I answer with a rueful smile. “Is Lyn out hunting already?”

“Yes,” he replies. “She spotted a herd of caribou passing by, and went off to shoot one down. We’ll need more pelts and meat if we want to last out here for a few more days until we reach Laevateinn’s camp. That lembas bread you made and brought for us is starting to run out.”

“Pah,” I answer, turning my gaze back to face the snowy ground. I cup some snow between my hands. “One bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man, they say. If we’re running out of lembas, it’s probably because you’re eating too much!” I exclaim, tossing a snowball up at his face.

Ike deftly swipes the snowball away. “You made a good decision in choosing Lyn to accompany us. She’s got great skill with that bow of hers.”

“Of course!” I reply, “When I first met her, she’d been living alone for a month out on the plains after her tribe had been slaughtered by bandits.”

“That sounds terrible,” Ike responds calmly, and looks to the horizon. Over the top of the hill, I spot Lyn and Laegjarn riding back, the latter’s wyvern with two caribou in its grasp.

We watch as they ride forward towards us.

“Hey Lyn!” I shout at her with a smile, as she nears our ger. “I was just telling Ike about how experienced you are out here!”

“You’re damn right, I am!” I hear Lyn call out cheerfully as she approaches us. “What more could you expect about the people of the plains? I’ve spent many winters with my tribe living on the steppes.”

“Truly, Lyndis, your skill is quite admirable,” Laegjarn adds. “If I would have escaped alone, my wyvern and I might not have made it.”

Lyn casts a wary glance at Laegjarn as she ties down her horse to the edge of our ger.

“So...let’s eat now!” I exclaim, trying to ease the tension. “We need to plan our next move carefully. Fliers -- Askrian fliers will be out soon, searching for us,” I pick my words carefully, not to bring up names of close friends like Florina or Elincia.

“All right.” Ike says in agreement, as he moves to help Lyn skin a caribou. Laegjarn and I begin cutting the limbs into roastable sizes, while Laegjarn’s wyvern gnaws at the second caribou ravenously.

“Just like Minerva,” I whisper softly to myself.

A bolt of blue magic lands right beside me and slices through our ger. Lyn dives for her bow, while Ike and Laegjarn draw their swords.

“They’re already here!” I yell as I grab the extra bow and quiver of arrows resting beside the now torn ger. It’s a light bow, and I’m able to fire it twice with ease

I gaze up at the sky, and find a black dot swooping towards me. “It’s Corrin,” I whisper., as I pick out the form of a wyvern. I steady my bow, nock an arrow, aim, and shoot.

My arrow finds its target, and the bikini clad flier falls from the sky.

I feel something scrape my left arm, and turn to look. A bloodied carrot lays upon the ground at my feet, and the feeling in my left arm escalates to a burning sensation.

“Get down!” Ike yells, and shoves me in order to block the next strike of the carrot dagger.

I clutch my arm while lying in the snow, and turn my face so I can see what is going on. Lyndis is shooting at someone, while dodging gronnraven attacks. It must be Camilla. Laegjarn is locked in combat in the sky against an axe wielder. I squint my eyes to make out the figures, and I can just make out the red hair of...Minerva. She’s here. I can’t believe it. My strongest flying ally...is now an enemy to me.

“Draw them together! Can you get...closer..to Lyn?” I shout at Ike, who is still fending off the attacks of….who is that?

I attempt to roll over and bring myself to a sitting position. I look down at my wound. Blood continues to pour from the gash, and my eyes widen in fear.

“Stay down, Alethia! Don’t you dare get up! You’ll bleed to death,” Ike roars back, drawing a few paces closer to my position.

I can finally see who he’s fighting. Kagero...but she flies now. And she is no longer wearing her Hoshidan clothes.

If I never summoned this type of Kagero, then how is she here? I think to myself, shivering in the cold. My fingers are sting as I try to reach my bow once more. It takes me a moment, but then I figure it out.

“Ike...that Kagero is here under a contract. She may not even be real…”

“She certainly feels real!” he shouts angrily, deflecting another carrot dagger. His arms are also covered in small nicks and scratches, marked by the few carrot daggers that managed to break past his defenses.

I gasp as I crawl forward to reach an arrow. The pain in my left arm flares with each movement. “She’s...a seasonal flier...If we can get her down, she won’t last long in the snow.”

Ike staggers after slicing a carrot dagger that bursts into poison gas. He coughs for a moment, and then straightens himself for the next attack. “Do you have a plan?”

I watch as Kagero slowly swoops in closer and closer with each dagger attack. Her final target will be me. Her swoops are like that of...a rabbit, bouncing through the air.

I attempt to lift up my bow and hold it in place with my left arm. I try to nock an arrow, but the force of the bow reverberates upon my wounded arm. Within moments, I lose the grip.

“Damn,” I whisper, clutching my arm again in pain. If I could only get one shot…

Kagero swoops down low, then high one last time, for the final, lethal strike.

“NO!”

I hear the cry of Lyndis, and an arrow flies straight through the pegasus.

The pegasus first rolls forward in the air with Kagero atop its back, then plummets toward the ground. Before it can hit the the snow, the pegasus fades into nothing. Kagero falls facefirst at our feet.

“Seize her!” I yell, and Ike immediately begins tying Kagero’s hands behind her back. Lyndis sprints forward after dismounting her horse, and helps hold Kagero down.

“Lyn...where are the other fliers? Minerva, Corrin, and Camilla? And where is Laegjarn?”

Lyn looks up at me, while forcing Kagero’s face into the snow. “I shot Camilla down while avoiding her gronnravens... you shot down Corrin’s wyvern, remember? Anyway, Corrin and Camilla were knocked out as soon as they hit the ground. I tied them up and brought them back upon my horse,” she says, motioning with her head to her steed standing a few yards away. I look, and see the two mage fliers lying unconscious beside Lyn’s steed.

“Where’s Laegjarn, Lyn?” I ask, as Ike finishes tying. Lyn stands up, and comes towards me.

“Alethia...you arm is terribly wounded,” she says, sitting down beside me. “Laegjarn is coming, she’s still fighting Minerva.”

A chill runs up my spine at the sound of Minerva’s name, and my heart sinks. Why her, of all heroes?

“Lyn...please, take me to them. I have to stop this.”

Lyn gives me a stern look. “You’re staying right here. Let me help you and Ike clean yourselves up,” she replies, and walks over to the mess our ger is in. She combs through the scraps, and manages to find our medicinal supplies that she had packed.

“Here,” Lyn says, bringing the kit near us, taking out long straps of gauze.

I let her clean and bandage up my arm, as Ike applies some to his own wounds.

[clang]

I hear the familiar sound of steel on steel, and whip my head around.

“See, I told you not to worry,” Lyn says as I spot them. Laegjarn is flying towards us, Minerva hot on her tail.

“Minerva has the Iotes Shield she took from Michalis...no arrow can pierce through it well,” I say to Lyn. “So why is Laegjarn bringing her here?”

Lyndis looks at me, dead in the eye. “So we can swarm her, of course.”

Laegjarn lands on the ground before us. “Surrender, Minerva! Your allies are here, beaten,” she declares, motioning to the tied up Kagero, Corrin, and Camilla beside the ruined ger.

“Never,” Minerva responds, sweeping low and slashing towards Laegjarn with Hauteclere. “I will never fall to a traitor!” she yells, glancing in my direction.

Laegjarn dodges the hit of the charged Hauteclere, barely, but it buys enough time for Lyndis. Deftly, Lyn aims an arrow at Minerva’s beast. The arrow lodges in the beast’s eye.

“Easy!” Minerva shouts to her screaming wyvern, only to be knocked from the air in a fell swoop by Laegjarn. The green wyvern and its renowned rider crash to the ground.

Ike and Lyn run to Minerva, and forcibly dismount her from the crazed, now half-blind green wyvern. Laegjarn and Ike push Minerva into the snow, and tie her down, while Lyn delivers one precisely aimed arrow to end the green wyvern’s suffering.

“No,” the Red Dragoon gasps softly as she hears the final cry of her beast. “How could you betray us, Alethia?”

I wince. This is war, I tell myself.

Minerva is tied and gagged, then placed beside the knocked out princesses of Nohr. Kagero is placed a bit farther from them, she watches us with a vengeful glare.

“Now,” Laegjarn begins, “What are we to do with these prisoners?”

I sigh. It’s been a while since I’ve done this, especially to such powerful heroes, but it must be done. This is war, I remind myself again.

I stand up, and stumble a bit from dizziness as Lyn steadies me. “Easy now,” she says, “you’ve lost a lot of blood.”

I walk over to Laegjarn and our hostages, Ike and Lyn at my side.

First, I face Minerva. “Lyn, place your hand on her forehead.”

Lyn obeys, and places her palm on the restless warrior’s forehead. Minerva continues to struggle and mutter curses at me beneath her gag.

“Now whisper...Life and Death,” I instruct.

Lyndis closes her eyes as she repeats those words, and her grip on Minerva’s forehead tightens. Minerva’s eyes roll back into her head as her body gives a great shudder. Lyndis begins to glow, and Minerva screams uncontrollably. Then, only silence is left as the great warrior fades into nothingness.

We repeat the ritual on Camilla and Corrin, which is much easier this time since they’re both knocked out. Ike receives Live for Bounty, and Laegjarn is bestowed with Swift Strike.

Finally, we come to Kagero. “Speed and Res Bond,” I instruct Lyn, as she moves to place her hand atop the bunny Kagero’s forehead.

“No,” Kagero says defiantly, slightly muffled by the gag, “I’ll finish this!”

Before we can act, Kagero breaks free a hand and pulls off her bunny ears headband. Immediately, she disappears, but not without leaving a cloud of poisoned smoke.

“Cover your mouth!” Lyn yells, as soon as she sees the cloud arise.

I quickly raise my hand to cover my mouth and nostrils, but the movement causes my left arm to sting painfully. I impulsively grab my wounded arm, and then see only darkness as I hit the snow.

Chapter 4

[minchen0897]

Sidecharacters - Batman: Arkham Asylum (Part 2)

@lananiscorner @loxare @phantomchick

Welcome back to the weekly list of ‘guys that happen to be alive to talk to, only to die soon after’!  That’s right. For yesterday’s stream we (or well Lanani since she had the controller and stuff) talked to every. single. character (mostly guards, but also some Doctors) there was, and i think one of Lanani’s opening lines was ‘yeah, most of them probably will be dead when we’re done here’ - or something along those lines. It does seem to be true.  Warning: (minor i guess) spoiler for Batman: Arkham Asylum, also again a long post (under the cut), and tw: death (who is suprised? I’m not. It’s Joker.)

The first list can be found here

Stream: 08. July 2017

GUARDS WE TALKED TO (who are most likely dead):

‘Arson’ Alan - he was saved by Batman before when Two Face was about to burn half his appartment (building probably) down. Hence the Arson. Fire and stuff.

Louie Green - was actually named like this by the Game itself (or well, the developers yk). Out of Spite we nicknamed him Backup Brian though. Fun Fact: Backup Brian only asks for Backup AFTER Batman tells him that he and his men would be safe there. (...look at the bold line above. Not so funny fact anymore.)

Bragging Brian - he is overconfident and claims that the Island (ARKHAM ISLAND!!) is safe (Again, ARKHAM ISLAND!) and that Joker won’t get through there. I headcanon he is a rookie fresh from whatever academy he is from. 

History Hugh - paid attention to the history lessons about Arkham every member of Staff (Guards or others too i guess) have to sit through, and wishes he had not. I headcanon he is older than Bragging Brian; he also sounds more weary/cautious, though maybe that is connected to the history lessons. Both he and Bragging Brian are Guards to the entrance of the old pump station (where 8 workers commited suicide, as Hugh tells us).

Charlie - a sane guy as far as i can tell, who wonders why they are still on the island and that they should leave. He still stays on his assigned position and does his duty instead of running away. I can’t tell if i admire him for that or if i should pity him/be sad in his behalf.

Dog Daniel - because, and i quote: ‘Someone should just put him [the Joker] down like a dog. Stop the Joker once and for all.’

(experienced) Ethan - experienced, because he once spent 30 minutes in front of Joker’s cell and frankly said haid enough of him for, like, forever. Apropros frankly:

Frank - because he is very frank and upfront and honest to Batman, telling him to his face that he did not think the Myth Batman to be true. 

Good Luck George - wished Batman good luck; though tbh he tried to save himself with this, because he was very relieved once Batman said that George did not need to go with him (for help or whatever) and George just let out a relieved ‘Good’ and then corrected himself to ‘uh, i mean good luck’

Silent Sam & Silent Shaun - Guards to the (botenical) garden. Silent because Batman can only talk once to them. Headcanon: They are probably pretty stoic.

Inquiering Ike - asking a lot of questions

Joe - concerned about Batman’s health. I wonder if Alfred ever hears about this and just. Let’s his mustache twitch smugly or something because ‘even the Arkham guards worry about your health, Master Wayne.’

Concerned Kenneth - also called Ken or Kenny. He is worried about his pals.

massaker Martin - (i honestly do not know what to write here, sorry)

shocked Nick - he is shocked about the death of his good friend Jackson

Jackson - definitely dead, definitely named by the game (developers), he will be missed (even though nobody has an idea who exactly he was; which is a shame, i think)

Observant Oliver - watching out and giving information. He also says that 15$ per hour are not enough payment for situations like this (referring to the Joker and his breaking out and Blackgate inmates)

Gordon - first name is still up for debate; the name was chosen because this guard was used as Commissioner Gordon. Or. Well soemthing like that; it was more like Bruce/Batman was under fear gas influence and thought this dead guard was the Commish. For the extra dose of sad irony we agreed to call this dead guard (who was exactly that when Batman got out of the fear halluzinations) Gordon too.

as stated before, all of these guards are probably dead.

DOCTORS (because it is Arkham, and what would Arkham be without it’s Doctors):

Doctor Fine and Doctor Howard - we never saw their bodies, but i think they are dead. Why else would Joker announce their names through the speaker system.

Doctor Kellerman - he waas saved together with Aaron Cash by Batman from a death by laughing gas

Doctor Adrian Chen - he was used as a bait for Batman to lure him into a trap; poor doc was strapped to...i will call it a dentist chair because i have no idea how these things are called.

Doctor Cassidy - uh. Not much to tell about this woman yet, sorry.

Doctor Penelope ‘Penny’ Young - she is actually the head of research in Arkham and seems to be a sorta important character, so i am not sure if she really belongs on this list. Joker has/had interest in her research (about Venom™) and she is rather urgent in getting her research notes back. She also basically confirms that the Docs really do experiments on the inmates.

There are also three other unnamed Doctors, but since they are unnamed, i can not really tell anything about them.

OTHER SIDECHARACTERS who are neither Guard nor Doctor, obviously:

Razor - one of Joker’s henchmen who apparently continuously gets fucked over by his employer (tbh, no surprise there, since the employer is Joker.) I think he is still alive, but unconscious, due to a dose of laughing gas

Johnny K. - another one of Joker’s henchmen; he is actually only mentioned and apparently was killed (or something like that) a while back during or after an incident at the train station. This definitely sounds like a noodle incident to me.

Batmobile - it bravely sacrificed itself to save Batman from being broken (literally) into halfes by Bane, as it drove fearlessly against Bane and took him with it down into the sea (yes, it crashed into Bane and then crashed them into the water. Though it was because Batman gave the instructions to do so) A brave, fearless warrior who will be dearly missed. Sniff.

Now for some interesting things we learned throughout the stream:

the Guards are pretty chill with Batman/Bruce running around, exploding things with his explosive gel. Well done.

Arkham Asylum has room for 500 patients (500 beds), and they treated children. Keep in mind that Doc Young confirmed that they experimented on their inmates, claiming that the experiments were a way to cure the inmates’ (mental) illnesses.

Bane has a sad backstory.

Nigma’s childhood was not nice at all, but (sorta headcanon???) he would be a very protective dad?? i don’t know. He had a Doctor answer one of his riddles (who walks on 4,2,3 legs) and she answers with the normal answer (a human - baby, grown up, grand...people with a walking stick) and he says she is wrong because the answer is ‘a baby, because it crawls on all 4, when cut two limbs it moves on two, when given a crane it moves on 3′, and when the doc asks him how he could do that and if he does not care at all he answeres that he doesn’t care, because it is not his baby. (I honestly don’t know what to make of this)

Joker calls laughing gas ‘Happy Gas’

Commissioner Gordon uses the Tobacco ‘Wild Country’ and has like. 30 kg or something on his person at all times because the amount he deliberately lost to give Batman a lead where to find them is...big. I don’t want to know how much he pays for all the tobacco.

SO. That’s it for today/yesterday’s stream. We met a lot of people :D  Thanks to Lanani (again) for streaming, i had fun and look forward to next week :D 

[mslouisadee]

January Blues, February Brights

Time to get out of a mid-winter January funk. A record crop of Meyer lemons in the greenhouse might help.

It's been tough. I mean, I expected this. Book deadline looming and I just started writing. Even though I lost my job last winter I was fortunate to have a severance package, but it runs out in a month. I'm not ignorant to the fact that I am still quite fortunate, but I also know that changes are on the doorstep, and maybe I haven't prepared enough for them (hello? Health insurance?). Ive been trying to squeeze in doctor appointments and dental work before March. I usually like January too - not only do I love snow, it's my birthday month. I should mention that I've officially reached that time in my life when it's like "birthdays? Really? I'm not talking about it. Then there is this funk which is probably just a combo of everything. Not to mention Post-Holiday Diets, the unusually cold and snowy weather we've been getting here in the Northeast (bomb cyclone and the coldest weather in over 100 years). This all seems to have manifested itself into a "might-as-well-just-wear-sweatpants-all-day-long-and-watch-Netflix" mentality. Not healthy. I have no interest in opening mail. In ordering seeds, or even for looking at nursery sites. I've kind-of lost interest in these things. I dont think that it's depression really, more like the fact that I feel as if I've grown everything and I cant find something new to be interested in. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I am feeding the birds which is begining to really sound like a very old-man thing - (don't say it).  Still, I'm not doing much more.  Its really only a function. Thistle feeder is out again, dump more in. I'm not 'watching' the birds, which is probably worse now that I think about it. Guilt feeding. They eat alone, (which they probably like). I had little problem writing for the book however, so I suppose that is a good sign. Sitting in my office with the snow falling outside has been one of the most favorite things to do. Yet my problem still seems like that I don't feel like working, or not working for that matter don't dont feel like buying plants, nor watering the ones I have anymore either. Nothing seems interesting anymore, and I've lost confidence in what I am doing. This week our weather seems to have entered another phase -  bit milder (fingers-crossed that it sticks). With these more average temperatures (highs near freezing and lows in the 20's) much of the drama from the early weeks of January has passed. I even am beginning to think about the future more. I actually sowing a bit of seed today -some flats of mesclun.  I even smelled the first whiffs of the Sarcococca hookeriana in the greenhouse (which we need to grow in a pot here in Massachusetts - don't taunt me Oregon or North Carolina!). I'm good with the potted semi-tender shrubs like Sarcococca because under glass on a snowy, January day the greenhouse smells just like Tahiti (OK, more like early spring in the Himalaya - whatever...). It warms my soul and I kind of need that lately. At least it provided some hopefulness that I'll 'like it all' again.

Some casualties from the cold include this Canarina canariensis, but after following lots of chatter on the Pacific Bulb Society newsgroup, its bulb-like root may be OK. Many say that I should plant this tender geophyte that has gorgeous orange bell-shaped flowers like in this post, in the ground in my greenhouse, and it might do better. I'm going to try this. I need something to do.

A few freezes didnt hurt the South African bulbs. I kept the soil dry through most of January, which helps the cells expand in case there is a hard freeze. We had the coldest weather in over 100 years with a week of night temps below -12° F.

My book on vegetable gardenings is underway, mostly photo editing and writing at this phase. So, that has been my focus - choosing the best pics, researching at the library at the horticultural society and writing.

The cyclamen are sturdy fellows, able to withstand some very frosty nights with no harm. As long as the roots don't freeze the more tender species like C. graecum, I'm OK. I was able to fertilize them this week on my first visit out the greenhouse this year,.

South African bulbs really don't seem to mind the cold and the wet. These Babiana fragrans may bloom by springtime. As you can see, I never cleaned up the foliage from last season. It's very fibrous and tough and needs scissors to remove it in when the pot is dormant in mid-summer. I figure that this is what happens in the wild (there are no baboons out there cutting the dead foliage down, just digging and eating the bulbs). The iris-like flowers will be pretty though in a few weeks.

Citrus like these Calamondin oranges are blooming, even though half of the plant died from frost.

Other citrus are just not handling this winter all that well. This is what is left of my big Kumquat tree. Not a victim of frost however, but of a misplaced electric space heater.

Tropaeolim - tjhe vining, high-elevsation tuberous types from the Andes seem to relish this weather though. They look so tender and frail, with thread-like stems yet after the hot, summer dormancy, take off covering little trellis' in just a month - blooms will soon follow.

Tuberous Tropeolum grow from round tubers like potatoes. Here is a new species I am growng -  T. ciliatum, a tuber that I acquired from a collector in September. Its  growth is still small and weak. I think that it will appreciate being moved to a sunnier spot in the greenhouse now that it is getting warmer in there.

Another tropeolum species T. tricolor  looked completely dead, and I feared its late emergence meant that something ate the bulb, but it was just last winters growth that I hadn't cleaned up in the summertime (see a trend here?). Not watered since May, I noticed a bit of thread-like growth earlier this week, and after carefully removing the dead foliage found these new stems twirling around.

Last weekend the sun came out, so after journeying out into the greenhouse - sweatpants and all - I coudl see that most of the Dutch bulbs and South African bulbs were emerging. I moved them all to a sunny sand bed, watered them and in just a few days, things have come back to life.

Scilla messeniaca a lesser-known scilla is beginning to show its buds.

The camellias that were planted in the ground always seem to bloom well even in the coldest winters.  One snowy night in a blizzard two weeks ago the gas man wanted to see what I had in the greenhouse around 2 am, but I told him that it wasn't pot - but I could tell by his expression that he didn't believe me so, I shown a flashlight through the frosty glass and this thing was illuminated. He said "Wow, what the Hell is that?". "Not pot, I replied."

Camellias in pots are hardy too if the roots dont freeze. More sturdy than the insulating bubble wrap it seems.

The South African plants are remarkable cold hardy. This Erica 'Winter's Flame' is just starting to bloom.

Narcissus cantabricus, a native North African narcissus species blooms early in the greenhouse sand bed. It is sweetly fragrant - like cottoncandy (which reminds me - when was the last time I smelled cotton candy? It's sweetly scented like a vanilla candle from Target.).

If I was to grow one Nerine, it would be this one - N. alata or N. undulata. I have six stems in bloom this year. It too didnt seem to mind a few light frosts in early January.

The chili peppers didnt like the frost. And while many people keep some chili pepper plants from year to year for a while (like Chiltepin type), these probobly wont make it. I do have some Chiltepin and Tepin pepper plants in the house, however.

The biggest citrus I have is a massive tub planted with a Mandarin orange tree. It was hit by the blast of the propane furnice, and I fear that it wont recover.

Moving forward, I have all hopes that I am moving out of this funk I'm in.  No worries, I'm a pretty positive guy and maybe I just need a challenge. I can't tolerate 'meh' for long. You're probably thinking that I am just depressed.  Maybe - just a little, but most likely I'm not sleeping because I'm scared, bored and for some reason not motivated because of a combination of all of those things - which is probobly completely normal, right? After all - this is a big life change I'm going through over the next few momnths. With my severance runnings out in march health insurance is my greatest concern (Cobra?).  IT seems that there is no shortage of freelance projects and consulting on my doorstep, but just how much and how fruitful or consistant it will all be, I dont know. I dont do well with inconsistancy - you know, used to that pay check every two weeks. SOrry for thinking aloud here, but if you've read this far, you can probably see that this is just like therapy for me. Social therapy. I've never collected an unemployment check in my life either, but ick - I may have to. I just feel like a failure too I guess. Yet I promise to not let things get to me too much, this blog which I thought that I would have so much time to redesign and improve, will still go on.  I need to move forward and think about the garden again - and what's next on the horizon for my projects. I have jsut started thinking about my annual 'special projects' list, which is a bit overdue.  I am thinking about gladiolus again, a genus I have been putting off for a while now because dahlias got in the way - there are so many lovely crosses if you've even attended a gladiolus society show you know what I mean. Then there are fuschias to try again, but raising them in a different way - training them as standards or as large tubbed specimens, and then perhaps exploring how to create a mini-cut flower garden at home, designed to offer cut flowers for every week of the summer and fall, a mini-flower farm, if you will. Last year I was reminded of how great coleus looks in group containers, and I am imagining an entire collection of coleus - growing them in odd or creative ways - espalier comes to mind. - Asian gourds, a big chapter from my book has inspired me to try on a greater scale. Especially after visiting Chow's parents (a Vietnamese friend of mine) whos family grew so many types in their back yard near where I live. Those will definitely be on my grow list this year - including luffa, sponge gourds and bitter melon and how to grow them, because even though many of us know what a bitter melon looks like - who knows how to cook with them? I've learned this year, and want to share it. Oh yes, and dahlias. And sweet peas. And the tastiest tomatoes - Amy Goldman Fowler's great book THE HEIRLOOM TOMATO has reminded me that the tastiest ones are not any of the varieties I have grown in the past. Thank you Amy! Get it and read it closely - it's fabulously rich with information and well researched. See? I'll be OK. There are then other projects which failed once again that I want to retry until I master them. More about those later. Those potted tubs of 19th century Miognonette are going to be mastered - I know it.

[mslouisadee]

January Blues, February Brights

Time to get out of a mid-winter January funk. A record crop of Meyer lemons in the greenhouse might help.

It's been tough. I mean, I expected this. Book deadline looming and I just started writing. Even though I lost my job last winter I was fortunate to have a severance package, but it runs out in a month. I'm not ignorant to the fact that I am still quite fortunate, but I also know that changes are on the doorstep, and maybe I haven't prepared enough for them (hello? Health insurance?). Ive been trying to squeeze in doctor appointments and dental work before March. I usually like January too - not only do I love snow, it's my birthday month. I should mention that I've officially reached that time in my life when it's like "birthdays? Really? I'm not talking about it. Then there is this funk which is probably just a combo of everything. Not to mention Post-Holiday Diets, the unusually cold and snowy weather we've been getting here in the Northeast (bomb cyclone and the coldest weather in over 100 years). This all seems to have manifested itself into a "might-as-well-just-wear-sweatpants-all-day-long-and-watch-Netflix" mentality. Not healthy. I have no interest in opening mail. In ordering seeds, or even for looking at nursery sites. I've kind-of lost interest in these things. I dont think that it's depression really, more like the fact that I feel as if I've grown everything and I cant find something new to be interested in. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I am feeding the birds which is begining to really sound like a very old-man thing - (don't say it).  Still, I'm not doing much more.  Its really only a function. Thistle feeder is out again, dump more in. I'm not 'watching' the birds, which is probably worse now that I think about it. Guilt feeding. They eat alone, (which they probably like). I had little problem writing for the book however, so I suppose that is a good sign. Sitting in my office with the snow falling outside has been one of the most favorite things to do. Yet my problem still seems like that I don't feel like working, or not working for that matter don't dont feel like buying plants, nor watering the ones I have anymore either. Nothing seems interesting anymore, and I've lost confidence in what I am doing. This week our weather seems to have entered another phase -  bit milder (fingers-crossed that it sticks). With these more average temperatures (highs near freezing and lows in the 20's) much of the drama from the early weeks of January has passed. I even am beginning to think about the future more. I actually sowing a bit of seed today -some flats of mesclun.  I even smelled the first whiffs of the Sarcococca hookeriana in the greenhouse (which we need to grow in a pot here in Massachusetts - don't taunt me Oregon or North Carolina!). I'm good with the potted semi-tender shrubs like Sarcococca because under glass on a snowy, January day the greenhouse smells just like Tahiti (OK, more like early spring in the Himalaya - whatever...). It warms my soul and I kind of need that lately. At least it provided some hopefulness that I'll 'like it all' again.

Some casualties from the cold include this Canarina canariensis, but after following lots of chatter on the Pacific Bulb Society newsgroup, its bulb-like root may be OK. Many say that I should plant this tender geophyte that has gorgeous orange bell-shaped flowers like in this post, in the ground in my greenhouse, and it might do better. I'm going to try this. I need something to do.

A few freezes didnt hurt the South African bulbs. I kept the soil dry through most of January, which helps the cells expand in case there is a hard freeze. We had the coldest weather in over 100 years with a week of night temps below -12° F.

My book on vegetable gardenings is underway, mostly photo editing and writing at this phase. So, that has been my focus - choosing the best pics, researching at the library at the horticultural society and writing.

The cyclamen are sturdy fellows, able to withstand some very frosty nights with no harm. As long as the roots don't freeze the more tender species like C. graecum, I'm OK. I was able to fertilize them this week on my first visit out the greenhouse this year,.

South African bulbs really don't seem to mind the cold and the wet. These Babiana fragrans may bloom by springtime. As you can see, I never cleaned up the foliage from last season. It's very fibrous and tough and needs scissors to remove it in when the pot is dormant in mid-summer. I figure that this is what happens in the wild (there are no baboons out there cutting the dead foliage down, just digging and eating the bulbs). The iris-like flowers will be pretty though in a few weeks.

Citrus like these Calamondin oranges are blooming, even though half of the plant died from frost.

Other citrus are just not handling this winter all that well. This is what is left of my big Kumquat tree. Not a victim of frost however, but of a misplaced electric space heater.

Tropaeolim - tjhe vining, high-elevsation tuberous types from the Andes seem to relish this weather though. They look so tender and frail, with thread-like stems yet after the hot, summer dormancy, take off covering little trellis' in just a month - blooms will soon follow.

Tuberous Tropeolum grow from round tubers like potatoes. Here is a new species I am growng -  T. ciliatum, a tuber that I acquired from a collector in September. Its  growth is still small and weak. I think that it will appreciate being moved to a sunnier spot in the greenhouse now that it is getting warmer in there.

Another tropeolum species T. tricolor  looked completely dead, and I feared its late emergence meant that something ate the bulb, but it was just last winters growth that I hadn't cleaned up in the summertime (see a trend here?). Not watered since May, I noticed a bit of thread-like growth earlier this week, and after carefully removing the dead foliage found these new stems twirling around.

Last weekend the sun came out, so after journeying out into the greenhouse - sweatpants and all - I coudl see that most of the Dutch bulbs and South African bulbs were emerging. I moved them all to a sunny sand bed, watered them and in just a few days, things have come back to life.

Scilla messeniaca a lesser-known scilla is beginning to show its buds.

The camellias that were planted in the ground always seem to bloom well even in the coldest winters.  One snowy night in a blizzard two weeks ago the gas man wanted to see what I had in the greenhouse around 2 am, but I told him that it wasn't pot - but I could tell by his expression that he didn't believe me so, I shown a flashlight through the frosty glass and this thing was illuminated. He said "Wow, what the Hell is that?". "Not pot, I replied."

Camellias in pots are hardy too if the roots dont freeze. More sturdy than the insulating bubble wrap it seems.

The South African plants are remarkable cold hardy. This Erica 'Winter's Flame' is just starting to bloom.

Narcissus cantabricus, a native North African narcissus species blooms early in the greenhouse sand bed. It is sweetly fragrant - like cottoncandy (which reminds me - when was the last time I smelled cotton candy? It's sweetly scented like a vanilla candle from Target.).

If I was to grow one Nerine, it would be this one - N. alata or N. undulata. I have six stems in bloom this year. It too didnt seem to mind a few light frosts in early January.

The chili peppers didnt like the frost. And while many people keep some chili pepper plants from year to year for a while (like Chiltepin type), these probobly wont make it. I do have some Chiltepin and Tepin pepper plants in the house, however.

The biggest citrus I have is a massive tub planted with a Mandarin orange tree. It was hit by the blast of the propane furnice, and I fear that it wont recover.

Moving forward, I have all hopes that I am moving out of this funk I'm in.  No worries, I'm a pretty positive guy and maybe I just need a challenge. I can't tolerate 'meh' for long. You're probably thinking that I am just depressed.  Maybe - just a little, but most likely I'm not sleeping because I'm scared, bored and for some reason not motivated because of a combination of all of those things - which is probobly completely normal, right? After all - this is a big life change I'm going through over the next few momnths. With my severance runnings out in march health insurance is my greatest concern (Cobra?).  IT seems that there is no shortage of freelance projects and consulting on my doorstep, but just how much and how fruitful or consistant it will all be, I dont know. I dont do well with inconsistancy - you know, used to that pay check every two weeks. SOrry for thinking aloud here, but if you've read this far, you can probably see that this is just like therapy for me. Social therapy. I've never collected an unemployment check in my life either, but ick - I may have to. I just feel like a failure too I guess. Yet I promise to not let things get to me too much, this blog which I thought that I would have so much time to redesign and improve, will still go on.  I need to move forward and think about the garden again - and what's next on the horizon for my projects. I have jsut started thinking about my annual 'special projects' list, which is a bit overdue.  I am thinking about gladiolus again, a genus I have been putting off for a while now because dahlias got in the way - there are so many lovely crosses if you've even attended a gladiolus society show you know what I mean. Then there are fuschias to try again, but raising them in a different way - training them as standards or as large tubbed specimens, and then perhaps exploring how to create a mini-cut flower garden at home, designed to offer cut flowers for every week of the summer and fall, a mini-flower farm, if you will. Last year I was reminded of how great coleus looks in group containers, and I am imagining an entire collection of coleus - growing them in odd or creative ways - espalier comes to mind. - Asian gourds, a big chapter from my book has inspired me to try on a greater scale. Especially after visiting Chow's parents (a Vietnamese friend of mine) whos family grew so many types in their back yard near where I live. Those will definitely be on my grow list this year - including luffa, sponge gourds and bitter melon and how to grow them, because even though many of us know what a bitter melon looks like - who knows how to cook with them? I've learned this year, and want to share it. Oh yes, and dahlias. And sweet peas. And the tastiest tomatoes - Amy Goldman Fowler's great book THE HEIRLOOM TOMATO has reminded me that the tastiest ones are not any of the varieties I have grown in the past. Thank you Amy! Get it and read it closely - it's fabulously rich with information and well researched. See? I'll be OK. There are then other projects which failed once again that I want to retry until I master them. More about those later. Those potted tubs of 19th century Miognonette are going to be mastered - I know it.