#ik it's often not intentional but yea

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

also btw reminder to please. not put spoilers in comments or reblogs/tags :')

[thatlittleviolin]

//A little ramblig about eddie dear bc i cant stop thinking about him

Im not joking when i say this whole post was inspired after seen @//purple-raspberries “the mailman” drawing because O MY STARS WHAT IS THAT DRAWINgGGGGGG /pos

Okay so anyway, whats up with Eddie Dear? As, like, an active character of Welcome Home?

Something rubs me in the wrong way when it comes to him as a whole, not that I dislike him, pretty… much the opposite (thats why I'm making this post) actually, but I feel he is more relevant to the lore than what ppl give him credit for.

Even way before the past-year (2023) Halloween and Homewarming updates, I felt that he must simply be more than what is presented to us about him:

- He is the only character who sees all the rest of the neighbours every day due to his work

- He is one of the few if not the only one who is confirmed to be from outside of Home

- He brings one of the TWO functional clocks in all of Home (which could well be due to the nature of his work, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it's curious)

And I know, ik, this is not a lot. In fact, I believe this is not crucial info, but I want to mention it because it gives, in some way, a certain statement: Eddie Dear is not like everyone else. It differentiates him from the others.

There's simply something intriguing about him; and I constantly think about how, again, he's the resident who interacts most with his neighbors, the most helpful and willing to do anything, and despite that, he's the one who gets the most hits?

Hes always in a rush because he likes helping others, he's clumsy and yet he does his job in a stellar way and yet he goes the more underappreciated by his neighbors and its the first one to get to have his own personal breakdown during the Homewarming

Keep in mind, I don't mean that the other characters are bad or smth, we all know that inside they care for each other and are a pretty nice neighborhood-

But yea, starting with the most obvious, Howdy and Sally are downright condescending, bordering on rude to him. Howdy ignores him or pays half attention when he goes to deliver merchandise to the Bugdega and tries to start a conversation, and despite this, we can see that Howdy asks him for help to deliver things to someone else.

More specifically, during a hidden audio, we can hear that he uses Eddie to deliver an order of bowling balls to Julie DESPITE Howdy having a home delivery system and probably being able to better handle the weight of the merchandise, being at least two heads taller than Eddie, right when Eddie had just told him he had a very tiring day (of course he didn't hear that)

Sally, on her side, is condescending to him to the degree that when we hear them interacting, at least until now, it's mostly her giving him orders. Heck, Sally has a "long name" for every resident EXCEPT Eddie, whom she usually just calls "Mailman" for everything.

Julie and Frank tend to be more passive about it, but it doesn't take away from the fact that they also end up... taking advantage a bit? Or leaving him a bit aside. I know, I know, we all ship FranklyDear here, but it still bothers me how during "Eddie's big lift" (+ another hidden audio) we're shown how Julie tends to involve him in her games without much consideration as to whether Eddie even understands them to begin with, and Frank, despite acknowledging that he works hard and often overworks for everyone, leaves him lying on the ground. They don't even wait for him to get up to say goodbye properly, they just leave him there and go home. It's a bit sad to hear how Eddie talks to himself while getting up and dusting himself off.

And finally, one that I understand is a joke but serves as a transition to my next point: Barnaby and his constant gag of chasing Eddie around the neighborhood as soon as he sees him making his deliveries, or insisting that Eddie lifts him up because “he's just a puppy”. I won't delve into this (not now) because I know that overall that's Barnaby's way of joking; Eddie is not his only victim, but when you mix it with everything said above, it gives off some weird vibes.

It's as if Eddie was the typical "punching bag" character of the show's creators; you know, the one created so that the fun we get from him is at his expense, and sadly, somehow that fact makes sense to me as to why he's the first to have a "breakdown" during Homewarming and said breakdown has to do with, what else? his isolation and probable sadness.

During Sally's history and Poppy's confinement in her own house, there were two predominant themes: what happens when we're in the dark, what lurks in the shadows and whatnot, and isolation: Sally talks about this but Poppy experiences it first hand; shes alone and in the dark, house bricked to the top. However, Eddie gets overwhelmed despite being surrounded by everyone and, clearly, in a lit environment.

My opinion? Said loneliness and darkness don't necessarily need to be tangible, and in Eddie's case, they come from a mental place. My dear doesn't seem to have too much appreciation for himself, constantly letting people get the help they want (need, of course) from him at the cost of his own well-being. Eddie Dear is not happy, in fact, I feel he puts himself down a bit, which equates to darkness, and when he can distract himself from this fact again, Home reminds him; and his loneliness comes in a literal-but-not way. Eddie is never alone, that's evident, but again, in the Homewarming video we're not only emphasized that he's upset and confused because no one has asked him for help, but because he DOESN'T KNOW how to handle his own activities outside of work. Anything that doesn't have to do with the post office but is more personal overwhelms him because he's not used to thinking outside of how he should help others because that's his "only" way of interacting with them. Eddie needs to be needed in order to be closer to others, and when that's not the case, it frustrates him so much that it even seems like anger.

Heck, it's even sad how Sally mentions that nobody bothered him with the usual tasks they would require him for to give him a day off, and then downright nobody interacted with him. Not even Julie called him to play. When Sally finds him under Home's tree, she asks him to escort her to Home for the Homewarming and it's narrated that they're the last to arrive, but if Eddie hadn't left his house then... what? Would he have stayed there? (Lowkey I theorize that he wouldn't have, because of the fact that Sally and Frank seem to have more awareness than the others, I feel like she was actually waiting for him)

Personally, I consider that when it comes to a case like Eddie's, it's even worse, because you don't need to be actively in a closed and dark place, isolated (in what voluntary situation would someone have to be like that?) for your head to go completely to shit. Think about it, you make Home angry and he doesn't need the rest of the neighbors to build a wall around you. It does what you already do well: it locks you up with your thoughts and leaves you there.

So,,, uh, yeah, I don't know how to end this.

I just wanted to talk about my fav man.

somebody help him PLAEASSE

[brainscrems]

Hey, ik this is an old post and idk if people have given good answers or not but u seem good faith and I wanna give a lil context. but I have some recommended reading for you. Zionism is the idea of a jewish state somewhere within our historical homeland in the levant, what we call “eretz yisrael”. This is often mischaracterized as a desire for a state with jewish supremacy and preferential treatment, it is not. I, as a non-zionist jew, tend to believe that any state with a purpose of being for one group will inevitably place other groups in an unequal place, even with the best intentions. Most zionists disagree that this state cannot be equal for everyone and are fighting for this state TO be equal for everyone. You should keep in mind as well, by the way, zionism is a jewish issue. Christian/evangelical zionism is NOT zionism. It is an appropriation of a term designed for a jewish perspective on how, when, and if we should return home. Use of it by others to describe themselves is appropriation, plain and simple. I would also like to point out, in light of this, saying, “a form of zionism that doesn’t require murder” is antisemitic. This is not an accusation at u hating jews, but saying that you have been mislead to think that’s the predominant form in the first place, which is itself antisemitic propaganda. Because, it’s not the most common form, and any jew with connections in the jewish community will tell you that. However, what I do believe, is the right for jews to LIVE in eretz yisrael. Any jews who wish to have a right to live there just as any palestinians do. It is our indigenous homeland and our culture and traditions are built firmly into that land that was stolen from us 2000 years ago when we were sent into exile. That land is fully inextricable from collective jewish identity and we need to be able to live there freely and safely. This is not a comment abt the current state of things. Currently in eretz yisrael it is palestinians facing genocide and apartheid, not jews. But any longterm solution needs to enable both peoples to live together peacefully and for both to have full rights to live anywhere in the land with equal rights everywhere. And, yea, being against zionism isn’t antisemitic necessarily. Again, I’m saying this stuff as a non-zionist jew. But I can tell you that people have been pretending that their jew hate was only antizionism for around a century and a half. Just look up the protocols of the elders of zion if u wanna see more abt that. As I said before, you seem like someone acting in good faith, but it also seems you know very little about jewish life, experience, or history. That ignorance is the way in which antisemitic propaganda gets accepted as truth and the pervasiveness of ignorance is why antisemitism is so horrific right now. I would beg of you to read this resource I’ve linked below. It gives excellent instruction at starting to find antisemitic dogwhistles and propaganda in leftist spaces. particularly around this topic, and it was written by a jew with a history of palestinian activism. People like you reading this and learning about what to look for so you can help make spaces safer for jews is the only way the world will get safer for us. So please. Read this and share it with others you know too. We have been crying for help for months, years really, and we’re too often told our suffering doesn’t matter. So anything you can do to spread the word about fighting antisemitism and educating yourself on how to help matters a great deal. Thank you.

“Being anti Zionist is inherently antisemitism because all Zionism says is that Jews have a right to live in their homeland.”

Do other groups all have the right to live in their homeland? What is “a right” in this context?

If I have “a right” to go live in Greece, as it is my homeland, what exactly is owed to me by the Greek government?

Every time I try to figure out what the other side is saying this concept of “rights” to “homelands” pops up and is discussed as if it’s obvious and I can’t even decode it.

I believe refugees from the Holocaust should absolutely have been given asylum somewhere safe for them, but I have no idea how that parses as “a right to live in their homeland.”

Im open to the idea that there exists a version of Zionism that does not include slaughtering the other people who also want to live in their homeland, but i don’t get how it looks when none of these terms are defined.

[demonicintegrity]

just wanted to pop in and say that, as a non-ww fan who's been on almost all possible sides of the allegations (been sxually groomed, become codependent on someone w/o their intent, + had sm1 codependent on me w/o my intent), i fully agree w yr take! i get why ppl were/might still be sus due to how the screenshots r presented but even taking all the evidence at face value it doesn't seem "cancel" worthy.

i don't doubt op's feelings + ik how intense it can feel when ur codependent on sm1 but not enough ppl know it can happen w/o the other person cultivating it. ww could have recognized the iffyness of getting involved w a fan in that way + been more understanding of ops mental illness tho often its hard 4 ppl to comprehend how much sm1 else idolizes them esp if they're a small local celeb. it rly seems 2 me like a mutually toxic relationship w real hurt on both ends.

i rly truly feel 4 the op + understand how he was hurt by ww's actions, i hope he can heal n grow from it. it's also so common for ppl w codependent tendencies to feel like they're less at fault for their unhealthy relationships n that's a huge problem that causes these cycles to repeat. but the arguing abt how u can't be groomed if 18+ or a SW (or even naturally tend to be codependent) only hurts real ppl who have been thru it.

i hate 2 see all the victim blaming n debunking n hate toward op! but i think any misrepresentation was a result of his hurt + effect it truly did have on him. ultimately it shouldve stayed private + i find the idea of canceling sm1 due to having an overall unhealthy relationship in the past unsettling. sorry this is so long + thanks 4 putting a sympathetic and logical voice out there!

You’re good nonny, and my thoughts exactly. Op was clearly hurt by this relationship and I will never ever deny him that. I want him to find peace and get better. But how he presented the evidence just doesn’t show any sort of intentional abuse. I’m not saying it’s not possible, the story as he presented it doesn’t even paint Will as that bad of a guy.

I get that Op doesn’t care about listening to Will’s music and it’s more about protecting people from the person, but as I said in the post, the only lesson I gleaned was “watch your codependency and communication issues.” It was never about cancelling, (which is such a stupid fucking fake concept of how consequences are dealt with but that’s a separate discussion.) it was about preventing more hurt and I think that’s a good stand Op is trying to take. A noble one, especially since he opened up during a spiral to do so.

Honestly I think the screenshots of former bandmates saying Will was an asshole holds more weight against his character than Op’s original claims. I still don’t know what exactly my conclusion of it is, because I know nothing about Will’s life let alone his bandmates so I’m still piecing the picture. I put a link to those in the replies of my original post.

I just feel so exceptionally blind and in the dark regarding all this because I have literally only heard Will speak outside of listening to his music once, and that’s because I came across an old stand up clip unintentionally on YouTube. I truly know absolutely nothing about the band as people and that’s why I keep holding my judgments until smth “more concrete” even if realistically these are probably the mostly the evidence will go.

But yea, the absolutely nasty response Op has gotten is awful. It’s partially why I wrote the post, hoping people would learn to have more sympathy for him. I don’t want to assume intentional foul play from him (outside of posting the nude, which is illegal and wrong and unnecessary.) because I know the talks of whether or not said pic was doctored are around, as well as how legitimate the insta convos are and smth about the timeline math. I’m not involving myself in any of that because I am not the person to deduce those kinds of things. For sake of giving Op the benefit of the doubt, I’m assuming this things are legitimate and the slip ups (like how I pointed the change of social media in the post) we’re just genuine human slip ups.

As you said, the derogatory remarks around Op are practically worse the Op’s original claim. Perpetuating an idea that only a certain type of person can experience abuse is very wrong and dangerous. Even I think as the story stands now it wasn’t abuse, I would never say op or anyone in a similar place isn’t capable of being abused. I worry about how that narrative could take off.

[saebit]

9PM

Three boys struggling to deal with the uncomfortable consequences of being outed (disclaimer: not fluff; kind of a filler scene)

Taekyung had left school as soon as the bell for the last period rang. The rumors had been snowballing and it was getting too much to handle, even for a boy that had built himself up to not care about what other people thought of him. It was already 9PM, and Taekyung was still sitting on a ledge in an empty lot near the school.

☼

It was only 9PM, but Shinwoo was ready to go home. Studying all alone in the student council room felt strange. On a normal day, he’d sit in a classroom or the library because he knew Daon and Taekyung would be having their tutoring session here. It was obvious why neither of them would show up anymore, though. Usually Shinwoo would stay an hour longer, until the end of the evening self-learning session, but this week had been too stressful. Hearing the whispers and snickers about Daon and Taekyung felt like he was reliving his past. It hurt, like someone was sticking pins into his half-healed scars. He felt another wave of anxiety just thinking about sitting in one of his other study spots. Just because the people there weren't talking out loud didn't mean they weren't fabricating stories around the few bits of information they had heard through their phone screens. He hated how little he could do to make them stop.

☼

“Believe me, I was just being nice because he was new!” Daon ended his defense with a tone of desperation. His explanations had began as a whisper, but slowly became louder. Almost all of the students in the library were at the table he was sitting at, and he had to make sure they all heard him explain himself.

“We do believe you! It’s just that the kids in class are being weird,” Jungwoo, one of Daon’s classmates, said.

“Actually, come with us to class,” someone else suggested. “We can clear it up, can't we?” Daon was happy they all believed him, but hated this kind of attention. Going to class would be another session of twisting his words and intentions in front of a different set of eyes, hoping he was saying the right things to make them stop staring at him.

“The teacher’s gonna be there.” Daon hoped that would make them rethink their suggestion, but was scared to disagree too strongly in case they would figure out he was lying.

“I can just tell the teacher I want to go over my old homework. He'll leave the class to get it,” another student offered. It didn't work. Why couldn’t they text everyone this new development in the story like they always did? Nobody really cared if he was actually dating Taekyung or not. They were never this eager to help him out before. Everyone just wanted to be entertained, to have something big to happen so that they could be the first ones to talk about it.

Not wanting this issue to exhaust more of his energy, Daon quietly agreed with a nod and went out into the hallway, a herd of students trailing behind him as he walked towards his homeroom. He looked at the clock at the end of the corridor. It was 9PM. Maybe after this he could finally go home. He took a deep breath before the classroom door and then pushed it open.

☼

Shinwoo stepped back from the food trays he had just filled and looked around. Maybe this time he'd be able to see the stray cat. As he walked down the sidewalk to look at the other side of the bushes, his eyes passed over a familiar figure.

“Taekyung?” he called out, his walk speeding up into a jog. “How long have you been here?”

“Oh,” Taekyung muttered, taking a break from staring at the empty backpack in his lap to look at Shinwoo. “I couldn’t get to pack my bag before I left so I’m waiting for them to leave.” Shinwoo’s eyebrows raised in worry.

“Them?” he asked. Taekyung shifted his gaze away and didn’t answer. Was he waiting for the whole school to empty?

“Hey,” Shinwoo said, stepping closer to him. “Come with me.”

“Huh?”

“Let’s go back together. They can’t say anything if you’re with me.”

Shinwoo thought Taekyung would protest, but he got up without a word and began putting on his backpack. After taking a couple of steps in the direction of the school, Taekyung turned around and stared at a confounded Shinwoo, waiting for him to catch up.

☼

Daon’s words seemed to have dampened the situation with his classmates.

“Wait, dude, really?”

“I feel bad for misunderstanding you. I should’ve known it was the other guy being clingy.”

“Yeah man, sorry, we know you try your best not to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“Did you see how happy Taekyung looked though?”

The kids laughed. Daon's chest tightened.

“I know someone in his class before and he said he's just weird like that. Seems like he’ll either completely ignore you or get obsessed with you like that.”

The teacher suddenly opened the classroom door, interrupting the boys' chatter.

“Why are you all crowding around the president? You’re allowed to get help from him but stay quiet and take turns.”

“Sorry.”

Daon's classmates scattered back to their seats, and his entourage from the library slithered out of the room, yet still stuck close to the door, not wanting to leave the lead star of the school's most exciting rumor out of their sight.

Daon stood alone at the front of the class, watching the kids type furiously on their phones, relaying what had just happened to all of their contacts as fast as they could. At that moment, he felt particularly alone. As if he didn’t matter to anyone.

The guilt of throwing Taekyung under the bus hit him like a ton of bricks. Daon had tied the person most important to him to a stake and abandoned him, just so he could keep his sanity. But how sane could he stay without Taekyung? Taekyung was the only one who really cared for him. But then again, it’s not like he would after he found out what Daon did.

“Well, then, I’ll get going guys!” Daon announced brightly, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. He was supposed to be relieved to have this problem off his hands, but it just felt like his heart had sunken even lower.

“Wait up, President, let me come with you,” someone said, closing their bag as they stood up.

“Keep up,” Daon replied as he left the room, but he didn't mean it. He was tired of selfish people sticking to him like leeches.

☼

Shinwoo heard a door open and paused at the middle of the staircase, each of his feet on different steps. Taekyung looked over in confusion, and then followed Shinwoo's gaze to see who he was looking at. Daon stood at the top of the stairs with a dejected expression, staring right back at Shinwoo.

To Taekyung, that same expression appeared unreadable and practically emotionless. The fact that Daon didn't even acknowledge that Taekyung was there didn't help. Before any of them could process anything, the door opened again.

A buzzing crowd spilled out out of the entrance and huddled behind Daon like a swarm of ants, slowly falling silent as they saw the three boys.

“Throw salt on him or he’ll bring you more bad luck,” a voice sneered.

Daon, pretending he didn't hear, quickly looked down and rushed past the two of them without a word, not wanting this to turn into another scene for people to talk about, not wanting to hurt Taekyung more than he already had.

A lump formed in Taekyung’s throat as he watched Daon pass by. Noticing Taekyung's eyes moisten, Shinwoo grabbed him by the wrist and led him up the stairs and past the group of students.

“Birds of the same feather stick together,” that same voice snickered. Shinwoo turned and glowered, intimidating some students and making them hurry down the steps.

When Taekyung and Shinwoo entered the building, people from other classes were leaking out of their classrooms. They had already heard about the trio meeting and were eager to be firsthand witnesses to an exciting face-off.

“Ignore them,” Shinwoo whispered, trying to ease Taekyung's nerves. He loosened his hold on Taekyung’s wrist in case Taekyung felt uncomfortable about everyone’s eyes on them. To Shinwoo's surprise, Taekyung snatched his hand back, gripping it all the way to the classroom.

☼

The crowd behind Daon had dispersed, but their conversations continued in the group chat. Daon glanced down at his phone, whose screen stayed lit up because of how often the notifications were coming up.

◾️yea that’s just how that kid is lol

◾️fr y’all are a little too mean

◾️k but I wanna feel safe at an all-boys school

◾️broo

◾️no offense prez ik ur not like that

◾️mby he is

◾️dude shut up hahaha

He didn’t reply to anything and turned his phone off.

☼

The air in Taekyung's classroom was stiff, as if Taekyung and Shinwoo’s entrance interrupted something. There were only a couple of students left, the others having already deserted their desks to get first-row tickets to the drama. Shinwoo stayed by the door, waiting for Taekyung to finish putting his books in.

The other boys in the room spoke to each other without words, heads occasionally turning towards each other, smirks crawling up their faces when their eyes met. One of them glanced at Shinwoo, but to his luck, Shinwoo was glaring right back. The boy's grin immediately fell, and he quickly focused back on to whatever was on his desk, but clearly felt so embarrassed that he hurriedly cleared his desk and left.

The rest of the students seemed to have been waiting for someone else to leave first. A symphony of zips filled the quiet room. Taekyung watched as everyone scuttered out the door, and then he zipped his own bag up.

“The room is so empty,” Taekyung said, looking back. “And it’s barely past 9PM.”

[sonethingtothink]

Honestly its a bit interesting for me to see everything from the other perspctives. I kinnda feel like im starting to feel the pressure in life to do what i needd to do to satify people while also satisfying myself. I think we realzie that the life we want for ourselves is not the life we get and as much as i wish it was the life i wanted it will never be. Im at such a pivotial state in my life that wothin the next year i will be changing and building a career ontop of another career for myself. And i then have to let everyone else go to then focus on me and to then focusbon myself and what i need to do to get myself in order from least to worse. Like after i finish writing this imma finish my accounting hw and then maybe start to write my message of intent but truthfully im currently involving myself in the debate of gettin rid of michael and he will need to deal with. I cant have jim and that constant energy of me being with him for ever. At the end of the day i neee someone who is attractive and someone thats not a drinker. I think when it comes down to having what you want and what u desire we have to find the right balamce inbetween whats right and whats wrong. I know that i am wrong bc ik that whatever i do i will always choose the choice that is beneficial instead of the one that makes me feel better. I think when having yourself built up so much you dont tend to realize just how far youve come. And now i really feel like im coming far removing myself from all of the bad ad a lot of my oast to then make it feel like im here doing what needs to be done. I have this immense pressure to be who i need to be while also keeping up everything that i need to do to be this great person that for some reason everyone loves. And theres always this pressure to be the best perskn in the room becasue of the fact that everyone thinks of me so highly. Everyone thinks im so great where in reality i dont think im that great i dont im special at all and if i can just get myself to either see what everyone else sees or to some how people the person that everyone wants me to be is impossible. And so when it comes to michael i love him because of the attention. But i dont love his personality and his choice of habits. I like the attention he gives and i often mistake it for quote on quote love. But the thing is if it was love i wouldnt be able to look at other people and be like yea sure. Im single 100% whether i want to be or not andwhen the truth comes out im most likely always going to be single bc im too hot for the ugly people and too different to fit in the with the pretty people.

[idkitshiro]

February 4, 2016 2:49 PM

It’s been so long since I’ve bothered to reopen and post my thoughts, feelings, whatever that surfaces to my mind. Alot of small changes in my mental approach but I’ve been doing alot better recently. God there’s so much I want to talk about now now that I’m started to hit these keyboard keys. Once again I’m trying no to filter my flow of mental thoughts. hehe altho my bad habit kicks in whenever i start thinking of a better more accruate, more cooler wayer of phrasing things lol This quarter I’ve decided to shake my schedule a tremendous amount. I’m taking 4 classes , 2 of which Im really interesed in volleyball and Japanese and the other is my class I failed the firs ttime Accounting, and another upper div class econ 100b.

Its been so much fun playing volleyball. On top of the class times we meet on tuesday and thursdays I practice on monday nights and play games on tuesday and wednesday nights as well. I’ve been coming up with all these smaller goals and my list just keeps growing. It feels pretty good, but sometimes it feels like im putting too much on my plate. but i think i like alot better this way. ive invested in a better microphone because ive been trying out voice overs and other friendly tournaments and i constantly think about if I could one day snag a career opportunity with it. Though my main goal is to finish up school and grab my BME degree, I am really hoping that within the time before I graduate I can find some sort of full time voice acting job. On top of this I’ve been working on this part time job 3 days a week. A small part of me feels this small sense of dread , but Im trying to adjust that work is something I have to learn how to be comfortable and get used to doing, even if its not my number one passion, it creates funds for me to go out and enjoy food and other materials that are awesome. and i have been enjoying using the money im making. I’ve been adding to my wardrobe new clothes !! it feels good to spend money that im legitamately working for, although im constantly working on how to control my spending habits. Being comfortable with using money is one trial, limiting my spending is another. ive been going to JSA weekly and getting to know the people there and its been pretty good. lol anyways, other goals and resolutions ive been focusing little by little each day is building my self - esteem and confidence in other people. ive been slowly learning how to just feel comfortable with my own body in whatever im wearing and whether people are looking at me or not. ive always been super self conscious of my looks , the sides of my body , my face , eyes , lips, hair, how i stand with my shoulders always tense, biting my lower so it does pertrude so much.  I’ve been learning to accept the way I look. Loving the body im in, not thinking or worrying about how I look when Im sitting next to the person next to me. Slowly, but steadily ive been taking to time to just love myself.  

As with my social intereactions with other people, ive been working on my smile to other people. but i kinda worry that people may take it as a flirtacious way or a smirk like im looking down at people.. i really am not. and never do i want to come off as cocky. I genuinely am trying my best to see people in a more positive light. I really want to be able to open up to people.. every so often I think about how much Ive never got to tell my main group that i hangout with , the bois, anything personal or anything at all of my negative feelings my real struggles with depression , loesliness .. generally all these thing sthat really matter to me ive probably mentioned it in many times somewhere in my collection of thoughts previously , but since then i just have always struggled to really trust in people.. i keep comin to the same corner thinking its easier to not have friends.. but at the same time I deeply long for the deep sense of connection with others.. i hate  and love people. even now i havent had a good opportunity to reveal this side with anyone.. but ive learend to adjust and move forward on my own. I really do feel a lot stronger, looking back and seeing how much i keep pushing myself, to keep falling back in love with life, finding the right peace of mind. everyday im feeling a little more happier than the day before, without having a person of interest dangling as a carrot, without having anyone listen to my problems or encouraging me, in the face of my insecurities, and other people who try to convince me that I am worthless or that my opinions are irrevelant . Everyday Im giving nothing less than my best and with that I have the greatest peace in mind, that i can feel satisfied and happy with myself. No one is better or below me and I am neither more important or less signifciant than my neighbor, and it bugs me seeing other people, a lot of guys try to make the ppl around them feel smaller than they really are declaring themselves as alpha. what they say or do is irrelevant to me as I continue to focus on myself. I never want to forget to be kind to others, I truly want to love the people around me. At the core Im still the Christian Ive dedicated my life to be since elementary , and since ive lost faith in the people of my church.. ive never really got to  reveal my faith I constantly hold in my heart. what keeps me skeptical of people is how manipulative people can be.. that people will take advtange of your friendliness, your circle of peopel you know to approach girls theyre find attracrtive. that alot of guys dont care about building a friendship or getting to know anything of whats important to me but because their main intention is that theyre thirsty for girls.. i constantly keep seeing this.. and i hate it.. its easier to trust girls because theyre not looking to take your friends but when i think more about it , as soon as they find some1 more attractive they dont care about being your friend or being close at all but rather only interested in being the most liked. agh ik im scrambling all this but geez.. anyways ive been trying to accept people as they are, not forcing my most negative thoguhts of peopel whether their true or not to people I have yet to learn and get to know. the second problem is how do i ward off the ppl I truly get to know as horrible people.. and how do I detach myself in a respectful but loving manner. I already have a bad habit of distancing myself from ppl so learning this could be prove to be even more detrimental but..hm. yea i wanna learn how accept people as who they fully are.. wahaha , im beginning with accepting who I fully am. 

[maxwell-fiona]

62, 64 and I think it was 34? the one about playlists (a playlist for a roadtrip,,,btw,,) and uh idk I didn't read all the questions but yea I'll ask more lmao

32. (10 song playlist about something) ROADTRIP PLAYLIST WOOOOIn no particular order cause making playlists requires effort and I get invested in them its an issue but also great-Pinup by Televisor-Good Intentions by the Chainsmokers-Love Me by The 1975-SUBURBIA by Troye Sivan-We Are the Kids by WALK THE MOON-Good Grief by Bastille-Thank God for Girls by Weezer-Prayer in C Robin Schulz Radio Edit by Lilly Wood and The Prick-Homewrecker by Marina and the Diamonds-Golden Days by Panic! at the Disco-Rythm of Night by Vinyl TheatreFuck you ik its 11 songs but I made a list with 10 then felt the need to add one and couldn't be bothered to take another one out not cause I couldn't decide I'm just lazy 10/10 playlist not really but shh62. A song that needs to be played LOUDA lot of songs honestly but just off the top of my head Planetary (Go!) by MCR64. 15 songs that get stuck in your head easilyThat's a lot of songs um idkAny musical songs honestly I have like half the songs from the rocky horror horror picture show stuck in my head rn and uh it's definitely somethingYeah honestly I can't think of muchOften its pop songs because they're pop and that's how it works honestly its amazing if someone even mentions Call me maybe it gets stuck in my head and I really just don't like that song very muchOh I've had Circle The Drain by Katy Perry stuck in my head for a few days which is strange because I haven't heard it in a solid couple of years...Ye