#ik i changed tenses like halfway through just ignore it

[lokiiied]

okay since roy wasn't in the locker room when the entire team clocked jamie as gay so I thought like what if roy knows he has a crush on jamie but thinks it's never gonna happen because he is 100% sure jamie is straight because he slept with so many women over the years oblivious about the fact that everyone clocks jamie as gay and then pining happens

no i don’t think you understand anon this is driving me INSANE. cuz obviously roy needed to be the one to go and talk to isaac since he’s the one who made him captain and they both have a tendency to let their anger build up etc. it was a really important moment.

but also interesting how they were the two people who, in that moment, we most wanted to be in the locker room.

obviously isaac, being colin’s best friend, who wasn’t there when he came out to the entire team.

and then roy, who, i am convinced if he was in the room jamie would have totally played up his reaction to the team clocking him as queer wayy more for roy. like, yjk he would have made direct eye contact with roy and back to the team with his hand to his heart like, “oh boys, i’m flattered…feels good to be seen.” and then done a subtle wink at roy or smth.

and can you imagine roy’s reaction to that?? he’d go all red and excuse himself to the boot room and after a couple minutes jamie’d come in n be like “hey?” and roy’d turn around furious and say “what the fuck was that?” and jamie, all tease would ask, “what was what?” and roy’d say, “you know what. just now. you winking at me and shit in front of everyone. it was fucking embarassing—” and jamie’d take a step forward, “why? you flirt with me in front of everyone all the time—” and roy’d scoff and say, “flirt? i don’t flirt with you, jamie. i’m your coach. that would be completely—” and jamie’d close the gap and cautiously bring his hands to roy’s shoulders, “roy, mate…calm down” and first roy would growl and then he’d take a breath, holding eye contact with jamie and exhale. jamie’d lower his hands and tuck them under his shirt like he does and take a small step back.

“i weren’t flirting…exactleh. i mean…unless you wanted it to be. i just…wanted you to know that i’m not straight either.” and roy’s expression would soften and he’d swallow his misdirected anger in exchange for nervous inquiry. “why?” and jamie’d look down at his shifting feet and shrug, “dunno. just thought you might wanna know.” then he’d look back up to meet roy’s eyes, searching them for some sort of signal as to how he felt about that answer…before remembering it was only half time. “uh, right then. i should probableh…” he’d point towards the door and pull roy back into reality with him. the pitch and the players and fans awaiting them outside. “right” would be all he could manage to get past his tongue. and jamie’d nod, “coach.” and pivot towards the door, his glance lingering for a moment past the shelves adjacent to roy. “william” he’d address the space before leaving roy standing there suddenly aware of the remaining presence.

“fuuuck.”

“i heard nothing” will promised, hands up in surrender. and roy growled just as a finger tapped at the window. he turned to see ted giving him a face as if asking, everything okay in there? and roy gave him a nod as if to answer, be out in a sec. but just as his hand was on door he heard a theatric throat clearing from behind. “fucks sake.” he turned to face the kitman.

“i know it’s absolutely none of my business—”

“this had better be the most fucking insightful shit i’ve ever heard in my fucking life kitman, or i swear to god you’ll have to to legally change your last name to i-couldn’t-keep-my-mouth-shut-when-professionally-appropriate-so-i-had-to-move-back-in-with-my-mum.”

will swallowed, eyes wide, and nodded. “um right then. okay, well…i think the worst thing you can do to yourself to is to…limit…or—” roy raised his eyebrows. “uh, confine ourselves to labels and boxes that we - or society - have put us in. i think it’s the most wonderful thing to see yourself opening up to new possibilities…to let go of binaries and stop restricting yourself - and others - from the fluidity of life’s experiences.” another, much more modest throat clear.

and roy would “hm” before leaving the boot room and taking his place on the pitch next to ted, opposite of beard. both turning their heads to roy, eyebrows raised, and roy giving a curt nod, which they mirrored before all three returning their attention to the game.

but roy’s head was not in the game. it wouldn’t be there tonight as he’d lie in bed trying to fall asleep. and it definitely wouldn’t be there tomorrow at 4am.

—

just so you all know…this was the writing i lost last night when my tumblr refreshed without wifi and apparently hadn’t saved any of it lol.

but luckily i am high rn and was able to remember almost word for word what i’d written so here you go.