#ik femmes don’t really have to think about it much but they are THE most represented in lesbian media

[shadowhaert]

people already complaining about love lies bleeding are about to piss me off. this is the closest representation we’ve had to butch4butch relationships in popular media and yall can’t just shut up and let butches have this for one second

[mgsapphire]

Sometimes bad things do happen to good people

I absolutely loved today's episode. It reflected that feeling doctors have of wanting to throw in the towel, and not in a I give up kind of way, but in a today was hard on me, and I don't know what to do.

Doctor Ik Jun had a patient who was an alcoholic, and had already had two transplants, from his daughters! Imagine that. Ik Jun often puts family first, previous examples include:

The Father's Day organ donor (still breaks my heart)

The father who lost weight to be able to donate part of his liver to his daughter.

The woman who was afraid of saying no to donating part of her liver to her husband.

For him, the patient not taking care of his daughters' gift of life was a slap on the face and a mockery to his job. It's frustrating when you work with patients who don't want the help you offer. On this note, at least in my country, you can't deny Healthcare services to any patient unless it is by moral conscience which I believe would apply in this situation. Also, he referred the patient, he didn't throw him in the street to die.

It's hard to understand that while us, doctors have to put the patient above everything else, there's also something we are taught when learning about first aid, that most people don't know about, put yourself above everything else. It's not a be selfish statement, but a "if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone" statement. Ik Jun did the right thing. His mental wellbeing was going down the drain, and he distanced himself from the cause. This will help other patients.

Damn, the couple losing their child

I think that what most people miss when talking about loss and miscarriage is that often times, they don't realize how much the parents wish and love that child already. That's why Seok Hyung tried his hardest to help the couple.

The quote being in a gynecological and obstetrics book is really important too. A lot of time, people see their loss as a divine punishment, as a sign of something they did wrong, when in fact, these things happen, and it's no one's fault.

I wish I could expand more on this part, but I think the show did a great execution for it to be understood properly.

The child that wouldn't accept treatment

Children are beasts people, and before I'm attacked for saying that, I'm saying it with the most admiration I can muster up.

I remember the first time I helped scrub in to a child's surgery, the kid was afraid of needles, and his mom couldn't accompany him all the way to the OR, so he was alone with a group of strangers and an anesthesiologist trying to get a big ol' needle into his back. Since the child was so nervous, he was sedated first. Well, the kid still wriggled when he felt the needle, and there were two people holding him down already.

Also, I learned something that day, never promised stuff to patients.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that I understand how Jung Won must have felt, frustrated and dying inwardly, however, you just can't get mad at children, the whole world is new to them, and they have to face strangers who claim that putting needles into them, cutting them and pulling at them is all for their own good. Can you imagine how scary that must be?

Song Hwa being misunderstood

In my country, young doctors who are femme presenting also go through the same hurdles often called "young miss, miss, young lady, girl" even when we're sitting in white coats in front of them.

The guardians are often the biggest hardship we must face, they often question you, and your ability and everything about you, and you must patiently explain yourself and walk through the steps with them. To the point that you find yourself answering the same question ten times in a day.

Song Hwa did a great job of making the guardian understand that without residents, the hospital wouldn't run as smoothly and of calming the patient's nerves.

[orange-tortoise]

Famous Five Queer Vibes: An Analysis

Julian

- He’s straight. I can’t argue against this. I could not make myself argue against this. Julian Kirrin is the token cishet. - He’s also pretty sexist, even for the 40s/50s so I can never properly stan him anyway. - Plus he always wants to get the police involved which completely destroys anything to do with ‘be gay do crime’

Dick

- Dick listens to sweater weather - Also uses he/they pronouns - His names Dick too like what— (ik its short for richard shh) - He helps Anne with the cooking and washing up more than Julian and is more willing than George - Every time they meet another boy about their ages Dick always seems to be more… yknow… than the rest of them, even Julian (to the extent that the two of them, dick and whoever the other guy is in that one, end up with more scenes of just the two of them than ANY other characters seem to do) plus he has something with Jo at first at least - Have you even seen him? This boy exudes bisexual energy. He’d cuff his jeans if he wasn’t British and summer was too hot for jeans and winter was too cold for cuffs. - There’s no questioning it

Anne

- Girl in Red all the way. Lesbian icon.

- High femme and we love her for it

- She likes painting. gay. She likes camping. gay. Knows how to cook but they end up having the weirdest fucking meals most of the time anyway n that sounds pretty gay to me

- Literally a cottagecore lesbian

- HISTORY lesbian

- In like the 10th book or something she gets excited abt brunch

- Goes to an all girls school

- She just has the vibes what more need I say

- in the 18th book she expresses a great interest in second hand shops and things

George

- Resident transmasc - There’s no way hes not like really if you don’t think so you haven’t read the same series I have - Refuses to answer to his birth name which is a girls name, only answers to his chosen name which is, after all, a shortened and masculine version of his birth name but the point is that it’s the masculine version and he’ll only respond to that not the feminine version that’s his birth name - HATES being called a girl and being classed with Anne or anything like that - “I WONT be a girl. I’m a BOY” —from one of the first three books not quite sure plus many many other instances of George insisting he’s a boy - Cut his hair short himself (if that isn’t a non-cis thing what even is it) - Uses his dead name to make people realise that he’s in danger bc they’ll know something is wrong - There’s not much to say I’m just correct - Aro Ace King

Honorable Mention: Jo

- Also probably bi - Jo’s gender is a bit harder but we do have a few things. I think they’re most likely non-binary or genderfluid or genderqueer or something similar. Maybe some sort of multigender. - Dresses like a boy with short hair and boys clothes and all - (Until they begin living with Joanna’s sister or whoever and has to wear skirts) and then gets jealous of George being able to wear boys clothes - But will also say that they’re a girl at the same time so obviously it’s not as straightforward as George - i.e., presents more androgynous/masculine and likes being a boy but also far more willing than George to admit that they’re afab - So clearly feels comfortable as multiple genders - (Whether that’s at the same time or it changes. We don’t know) - Jo’s a little fucking legend tho and is the definition of ‘be gay do crime’

Thank u for your time

[amycurtismarchlaurence]

As Greta Gerwig’s phenomenal adaptation of Little Women has thrust the story back into the spotlight, I thought I’d talk about something I’ve seen quite a few posts about: Jo March’s gender expression and sexuality.

First, let’s deal with gender: Jo is one of the first and most iconic literary tomboys. Her “masculine” presentation was and is incredibly important for girls who don’t jive with the traditionally feminine expectations put upon them, especially because she is not forced out of her identity. By the end of the novel, although she has a family, which is something I’ll talk about in a minute, she is still fundamentally the same Jo she has been throughout. Her growth does not come at the cost of her “boyish” preferences.

However, there are endless ways to interpret any novel, and through a modern lens I believe it is easy to conclude that Jo was transgender. Before I continue, I’m not saying this interpretation is better than the one above! There is no “right” interpretation of any literature! The reason I’m making this post is because Jo March can be easily interpreted in many different ways, none of which are right or wrong! I honestly don’t have a set idea of which identities Jo embodies because each of them are so plausible to me. Also I’m still using she/her pronouns because that’s what she uses in the novel. Anyways, in the novel Jo often denounces “girly” things and dislikes spending time with Amy women other than her sisters and mother. In fact, Jo is, at least at first, very much of the “not like other girls” mentality. She grows from this, of course, and learns to respect more feminine pursuits through her sisters. This mindset could be indictable of her tomboy-ness and her desire for freedom; this is one of the main factors of her adamant refusal to marry. She often says she wishes she were a boy, which could be interpreted as longing for the freedom men have to live as they please. It could also be a young person in a time and situation where they do not have the experience to fully grasp their true identity. There have been many transgender people in history, so I’m not saying that the time period alone would have meant Jo would be unable to express it. Jo is able to express herself in a very masculine way and is supported by her loved ones, and she is content with this. If she were more like Amy, societal pressures might have led her to examine her gender identity, but Jo never cared much for society’s perceptions (unless those perceptions were of her writing). This is a whole bunch of word vomit and I’m not really coming to a point but yeah I think the idea of trans!Jo is cool and backed well by the text! (not that you need to be able to point to the text to say you think a character is *insert identity here* , I decide characters are bi all the time because I’m bi and I like them, I just think this is a really cool way of viewing gender and sexuality through classic literature!)

Also I just thought I should mention that Jo could absolutely be non-binary for pretty much the same reasons above! This is kind of what I meant by her being an easy character see as many different identities, Alcott doesn’t go too deep into her inner perceptions of gender, romance, or sexuality and the things we do know could go so many different ways!

Alright now that I babbled about trans!Jo for awhile its time to move on to her sexuality! I think the most popular sexuality for Jo on tumblr is lesbian. I think it’s easy to imagine a modern Jo referring to herself as butch, although obviously one does not need to ascribe to the butch or femme identities to be a lesbian. I feel like the evidence for this is pretty obvious: she doesn’t want to get married because the only option for marriage is a man, but she does want to be loved (I can’t remember if that speech or a version of it is in the book but ik she does say she’d say yes to Laurie if she asked again so if the speech isn’t in there the sentiment is), she doesn’t fit with society’s roles for women, and her marriage feels, to many fans, tacked on, because it was: Alcott’s punlishers forced her to give Jo a love interest, which Gerwig geniusly mirrors in her adaptation.

Another possible interpretation is aro ace Jo, mostly for similar reasons: she doesn’t want to marry and her marriage doesn’t feel genuine. Some may think this clashes for her desire for love mentioned above, but this could also be attributed to her having just lost her sister and her belief in her own talent while both of her remaining sisters are out of reach, Amy in Europe and Meg happily married with children. In fact, it’s possible that Jo attributes Meg’s easier time grieving Beth to her having a family to help her, which could be true, though it should be remembered that Jo and Beth had a unique and airtight bond. She also doesn’t include romance in her writing until she writes about her and her sisters’ story.

So yeah this post ended up way longer than I intended! Also if you headcanon Jo something not mentioned here I’m not saying that’s bad or uninteresting, this is just some stuff I had thought about! Feel free to add or discuss anything!

[tenbees]

(1) hi!! this may be a really dumb question but you seem kinda knowledgable and i really want to learn bc i’m clueless. basically, i’ve always wondered what the purpose (for lack of better word) was behind lesbian femme/butch roles? like ik it’s historically pretty significant, but is there a particular “revolutionary” reason behind a masculine person and feminine person being paired together and it being such an iconic part of lesbian herstory? like ik that gender non-conformity is p important

(2) within women, specifically lesbians, especially as a way to signal to other women/lesbians that they are, well, lesbian. it’s also rebelling against assigned cultural and gender roles and the idea that femininity is required to be a “real” woman, and also mainly bc most people assume feminine women and girls are het. but like, there are some lesbians who are feminine themselves and mainly like other feminine women/lesbians. is this a “wrong” or incorrect/narrow minded pairing somehow?

(3) are feminine-presenting lesbians somehow “less” revolutionary than, say, a gnc bi or straight woman? and like, w the femme/butch complementary roles within lesbianism, is this to show that a masc/feminine pairing isn’t inherently hetero/doesn’t exclusively belong to het couples? are feminine lesbians who date other feminine lesbians betraying lesbian culture and appeasing straight men somehow just bc they want to be feminine for each other? i’ve just always wondered about this and

(4) i’m a woman who presents pretty feminine, although if it were up to me i’d just be like. casual feminine. maybe a snapback or sth. but i am attracted to other feminine women and i don’t particularly have a desire to “look good” for a butch/masculine-presenting woman in a sort of complementary yin and yang role/dynamic, i.e “strong butch and soft femme” stereotypes which we see often in the lesbian community. so i was curious about your thoughts on this. thank you and sorry for the spam! 🌷

😭 i’m such a bad person to ask any questions about butch/femme because tbh i don’t really get it.

i think the historical reason for the pairing is that there really was no model for lesbian relationships, so women defaulted to a relationship model that resembled heterosexuality–butches and femmes had to date each other, butches who were fucked by another butch were ridiculed and feminized, people who didn’t fit into either category were seen as outsiders and called kikis, butches had to pursue femmes, etc, but with a little more fluidity because people would sometimes have different roles in different relationships. i think this is a contentious thing to say because it implies that butches are like men but… i’m not sure how you could argue that a system where masculine people Have to date feminine people isn’t drawing deliberate parallels to heterosexuality? especially when people in that time period said that it was safer to be out in public when at first glance you looked like a man and a woman? and i don’t think saying that there are obvious parallels is the same as saying that butches Are men. butches and femmes will also talk about how they each play different roles in the relationship–the butch protects the femme, the femme is a safe place for the butch, the femme protects the butch by existing at her side as a ‘respectable’ looking woman, etc.

i don’t think it’s intended to show that masc/fem couples aren’t inherently het or to rebel against gender norms (although people will say that femmes are revolutionary because they perform femininity for women and not men which i do Not get because the world doesn’t care why you wear a dress & makeup so long as you do it)–people will talk about how they knew deep inside that they were always femme/butch, that they always felt drawn towards protecting feminine women, that they always wanted to give themselves to a masculine woman, etc. i don’t really get it lol and i think @a-real-lesbian-speaks said this mooonths ago, but when i see poetry about like… work boots next to stilettos or a butch needing the arms of a femme and a bunch of people saying that it made them emotional and they can relate so much, i feel the same way that i do when queer people talk about their gender identities tbh. it seems like some internal lesbian-specific gender experience that needs that yin/yang complement and i literally don’t understand when people talk about it, but there you go lol.

i think feminine lesbians disobey cultural standards more than gnc bihet women, but it is a weird question to me because calling one more revolutionary than the other sort of gets into… homosexuality as revolution, when it’s just something we’re born with and that is given this deviant, rebel status by society. feminine lesbians and gnc bihet women also deal with different problems, so it feels like comparing apples and oranges to me.

also, it isn’t narrow-minded to be a feminine woman attracted to other feminine women! butch/femme is a subculture that tbh has gained this weird revered status on tumblr. the amount of people who talk about it compared to the amount of people who actually participate in it is very disproportionate, at least from what i’ve seen. there are many, many lesbians who are neither of them and we can go be confused in our own little corner lol. and who you’re attracted to or choose to date shouldn’t be political anyway.

[evenmywordsare]

Please talk about your maddy hcs :33

ooh sure!!

so most of these relate specifically to her as a dummy rather than her as mew mew because mad dummy used to be one of my top faves long before the switch version dropped so i haven’t done too much thinking on her mew mew form lol

also i’ll be using she/her throughout for this, i know some people still call dummy “they” but man ik if someone was talking about me in the past i would not want them to all of a sudden use my old pronouns so ye

maddy has had a wild temper for as long as anyone can remember, including her. why she gets so mad nobody’s really sure, she just has a lot of strong ideas for how things should go, a really short fuse, and not a lot of patience which is quite the combination

when she’s not angry she’s actually rather calm, if a bit defensive, but still she knows her place and her manners (like.... imo she isn’t TOTALLY unhinged like some people think she is, when she loses it she loses it but both as a dummy and as mew mew she apologises to frisk in the epilogue and honestly people don’t recognise that enough)

maddy and mettaton are “twins”. i mean they’re cousins but they’re both the same age and when they were little they used to bicker A LOT. older cousin blooky would just be kinda helpless to stop them lol

but maddy and metta also used to talk about what their perfect bodies would be and they were trans femme / trans masc solidarity. they were the first people each other told about wanting to change pronouns too

it might seem like maddy would be the type to have a hard time making friends, and yeah. when she was younger she didn’t have anybody her age but mettaton, at least until the pair of them made friends with shyren

shyren was always kind to maddy and maddy always acted a bit tsundere about it (shy was a first brief crush of hers). they used to go to the dump and shyren would find cute hats and bows and put them on maddy and then it’d be like the friendship bracelet meme (“you don’t have to wear it” “back off i’m gonna wear it forever”)

maddy was never into music herself but she really liked listening to mettaton, shyren, and napstablook practise. 

if you think maddy was undyne’s training dummy you’re wrong, maddy was her training BUDDY and they sparred together all the time. i mean, maddy learned to fight somewhere.

she only ever met undyne because she’d heard her cousin in the ruins had taken up residence in a dummy and maddy decided to try that out, and she ended up finding undyne’s dummy. 

undyne took her training dummy getting possessed pretty well (undyne: A TRAINING DUMMY THAT FIGHTS BACK??? PERFECT!!!) and they ended up Friends

maddy was never as good at fighting as undyne was though.. she genuinely would try very hard to beat undyne but she just couldn’t and she’d get big mad about it sometimes. it didn’t matter though, because undyne was always very supportive and always encouraged her and maddy started to get.. another crush..

undyne never had any idea maddy had such an enormous crush on her but maddy would still try to impress her in any way she could

maddy and undyne are still good friends on the surface and they still fight each other sometimes for Funsies and she completely respects her relationship with alphys

especially since maddy herself has befriended alphys. they binged the entirety of mew mew kissy cutie together so she could understand what the hell her new body was supposed to be lol

maddy has always been interested in fashion. as a dummy she wanted to sit in the window of a fancy shop, and then with all the different dresses she has in her mew mew form, it just fits imo. on the surface she does costume design for mettaton’s band

she also starred in the live action remake of mew mew kissy cutie 1, which flopped mostly because she shouted all her lines

maddy eventually fuses with her mew mew body and over time develops more of a butch look. idk it suits her

she also enjoys tea, cats, and (like all the blooks) lying on the floor and feeling like garbage

[gayasinstupidpodcast]

What’s up gamers!!! Our fourth episode plowed through the chaos of thanksgiving holidays and is Here w/ some Facts and Opinions about creating shit and being LGBT and how being LGBT influences creating shit. HEADS UP we recorded this while I had a cold so my voice is probably a little off, but ik Isaac put SO much work into the editing so it would be ready on time and we have recorded statements from some amazing artists (transcriptions under the cut below!) & this is honestly one of my favorite episodes we’ve done so far, so give her a listen if you’re gay or enjoy fun things!

BIG thank you once again to everyone who participated in this month’s episode!! Your contributions are so valued and so beautiful!!

You can find us on the Itunes Podcast App/Webpage at Gay As In Stupid Podcast! You can also find our episodes uploaded to Youtube and Soundcloud!

You can also follow us on twitter at gayasinstupid!

Further Reading on LGBT Artists

Montage of a Queering Deferred: Memory, Ownership, and Archival Silencing in the Rhetorical Biography of Langston Hughes

The Political Provocations of Keith Haring 

Pop art politics: Activism of Keith Haring 

E M Forster’s Gay Fiction

Alok Vaid-Menon Tells Us What It’s Like To Be Femme In Public

Shea Diamond Speaks Her Truth

Aaron’s 2018 November Recs!

Alok Alok Vaid-Menon is one of my favorite poet/activist/performance artists out there! Their writing and stage presence is gorgeous and witty in a way that’s SO clever and still feels like you’re in a room trading jokes you don’t need to explain with your closest trans friends. The way they balance their art creates a real, deeply touching experience that feels very essential to our world.

Miles (2016) Miles is set in 1999 and is a coming of age story about a gay teenager trying to get a volleyball scholarship for college in Chicago. It’s not revolutionary and it’s not over the top dramatic, but it’s funny and honest and it makes me feel nice. Definitely the movie to watch when you’ve just been through something emotionally taxing and need a light crying session and some mediocre pastries.

Isaac’s 2018 November Recs!

The Adventure Zone I know half of you already kin the Mcelroys while the other half either don’t know or don’t care, but the Adventure Zone is one of my most favorite things in the world. It’s a DND podcast (yes, all episodes are transcribed, and they have a graphic novel for the first arc of Balance with a second one on the way!) by three brothers plus their dad, and not only does it have the most amazing story and is ungodly funny, but TONS of gays (Griffin went ape with those Lesbian NPCS)! And just because they can! Same with trans characters. It’s a story where they just exist, and that’s really important to me because in a lot of media LGBT have to almost prove why they deserve to take up space. And it’s not just something that goes on in their first campaign, Amnesty also has those sweet sweet gay! I could talk about this podcast for hours, so if you needed that final push to give it a listen, THIS IS IT!

Stardew Valley You get to farm and be gay. And if THAT hasn’t sold you on this charming video game, then maybe the super cute graphics, beautiful soundtrack and a handful of interesting characters will! TBH I spend so much time playing this game it’s concerning. It’s just such a fun way to relax, and I just really REALLY like video games were I can chose to be gay. Like. God Tier. YOU CAN HAVE CROPS AND CHICKENS AND BE GAY C’MON YALL!!

The Amazing Quotes And Artists Featured!

Meg | instagram | esty

“My identity as a bisexual woman influences my art in many ways. As a woman, i create art about the issues that effect me, such as abortion and gender equality, in order to resonate with the people that matter most to me. As a bisexual individual, my subjects often appear from a gaze that falls outside of the stereotypical eye. My figure drawings and portraits all come from a place of admiration, and don’t fall into the stereotype of the male gaze or womanly care- they are the space inbetween, equally sexualized and normalized. I feel lucky to be a bi gal in the art world because it is a place that is my own to create in. There are so many queer artists that i look up to such as Mapplethorpe and Warhol, and many female artists i can cite as influence (Jenny Holzer, Kiki Smith, and Louise Bourgeois to name a few). My identity gives me a whole new world of content to draw from and allows my work to resonate with a wider audience, and I really think that any artists goal is to reach and touch as many people as possible.“  

Cameron | twitter | instagram 

“I don’t think that it influences the form really, but it definitely influences the subject matter! (Much as I hate to admit it, my identity influences the majority of choices I make in life.) I write a lot of poems about lgbtq related things and religion, as well as other stuff too. I was raised catholic, so realizing that I was “different” at more than one point in my teen years was scary AF. Being a member of the lgbtq+ community and also trying to still feel like I belong, or wanting to, in a religious community is hard, the two things are usually at a crossroads in my life so writing about them makes it easier for me to get through. My hope is that someday someone reads what I wrote and finds some peace in their own life/experience.” 

Vince | art instagram

“Well, being transgender I feel like I’m constantly aware of the lack of representation of my community, and I feel like it might be because of that I tend to experiment with showing all sorts of different type of people in my work. Because there’s so much diversity in the world, why not showcase that?”

Fox | art instagram  

“Oof…I’m gay so my characters always be gay. Gotta Fill the void in media w my own bullshit so I don’t have to rely on straight showrunners who will inevitably discard the character since they themselves seem to have no personal attachment and treat lgbt characters as disposable extras. Bc if I don’t at least attempt to create representation in the field I’m going into then I can’t rlly complain about the lack of it right? If I don’t try and change it I can’t complain about the lack of change so being an lgbt artist is lowkey Big Pressure to be revolutionary in your work but sometime…..I just wanna draw funkey animeal and that’s aight too”

Jen | twitter | instagram

“As a female bisexual poet, I worry often that my poetry and art will be too niche to be appreciated. I’ve spent years editing my poetry down to its barest bones in hopes that someone will relate to it. Changing pronouns back and forth because I worry that if I do talk about a woman, the poem will be stripped of its context and suddenly be about my queerness when in reality it never was. When I write about love and people I have dated and have crushed on, I want the poem to exist outside of the gender of who I love. I fear my authorial death will result in a complete misinterpretation of what I mean. When I write, it truly does not matter to me if I am writing about a woman or a man. If I feel what I write and I can make someone else feel it too does it matter that I also love women? I write what matters to me overall, regardless of gender, I try to make my poetry as true as possible. Sometimes, when I catch myself over editing I try to take myself back to the moment, to the person, what I loved about him or her. “

Lain | art instagram

“My LGBT Identity has significantly impacted almost all of my art, especially my work over the last two years. Ever since I have allowed myself to accept that I am trans and began my transition (6 months on T!), the impact that my Roman Catholic upbringing has had on my bisexual trans identity has bled into my artwork. Because of the way I was raised, accepting and allowing myself to be authentic has been an upward struggle. And what better way to process and document struggle than art?  

Much of my recent work has had a focus on the trans body, particularly the “sanctity” of self-actualization and the god-like power that comes with accepting and creating yourself in the unique and exceptional way that LGBT people must in order to live authentically. Two of my pieces on this topic were actually recently exhibited at UWM in the Trans-lucent exhibition, and will remain there until December 15th (I think). I got sick and tired of never seeing trans representation, so now I am creating that space that I crave in my own work.”

Kobe | instagram | soundcloud

“My art from is very influenced by my LGBT identity. It is very influenced by my LGBT black Identity. I think that whenever an artist makes their art (in my case writing music, singing, dancing) they should incorporate as much of themselves as possible. I think my LGBT identity definitely adds a sense of representation as well. I want people like me to listen to my music to know they aren’t alone. So it influences my work a lot. “

Nat | art instagram

“I think the fact that I am part of the LGBT+ community influences my art directly. Even though I don’t draw as often as I wish, I believe both my drawings and college projects (I am a 3d art/animation student), and my creativity in general is inspired by my personal experiences as a gay woman and common things experienced by the community. I try as often as I can to bring representation of some kind in the things I do, mainly personal projects. I also feel that it influences me on my motivation to keep creating; whenever I listen to, see drawings, watch movies or see whatever form of artistic expression from LGBT+ artists it gives me the energy to keep going, to keep creating.”

[the-alpahaca]

Answer 20 Questions, Tag 20 People!!

Tagged by: @lovelyfeh !!! thank you so much uwu💕💕💕

Nickname(s): Pringles (most common), Ivanuks, Ivabanana (provided by the awesome @cypher-yngi and @ggukksrose )

Zodiac: Leo, WHiCH i Don’T IdenTIFY wiTH AT aLL I HAte ThAT SO mUch  most people when they meet me think i’m a Cancer, so like...yeah...c-can I join your group now (guys I swear I’m not as hyper in real life)

Height: 5’6-5′7??? Idk 

Last Movie I Saw: Uhhh, like Captian Marvel I think lol? Like a month ago jnldjfdlkjn, idk i’m not a big movie goer lol. 

Last Thing I Googled: 5′6 in meters cause I can’t with imperial lmao

Favorite Musician: Oooo I’m such a bitch for japanese music so obviously Vocaloid is included into the equation kfjhdkjdfl. My favorites always change (my recent fave is Akiko Shikata) but like some of the everlasting artists that I’ve always loved and will probably always love are Kalafina and Radiohead cause iconic (also like Britney Spears cause who is more iconic than her lol). I normally don’t tend to follow artists a lot, like I may adore a song from an artist but hate the r, so like idk it’s pretty strange.

Song stuck in my head: Thrilla Killa from VAV (love it lol)

Other blogs: @drmatchupmode I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN’T UPDATED BUT LIFE IS A BIT HECTIC RN AHHH

Followers: 134, I hope I blocked all of those porn bots lol

Following: 450 (And counting!)

Amount Of Sleep: OOOFF idk it depends a lot. I’ve been sleeping a lot more this semester like from like 6 to 8 hours, but sometimes I do have to sleep 2 to 3 hours :/

Lucky Numbers: Don’t really have one lol

Dream Job: OOOOFF this is too hard man. *Sigh* here goes my list: Singer, director, psychologist, philosopher, video game writer, video game designer, as you can tell I have no idea about what to do with my life 

What Am I Wearing?: Just a graphic tee and shorts lol (AND MY ALPACA SLIPPERS)

Favorite Food: Tempura Fried Calamari and like...sugar lol

Language: English, Spanish, a bit of french (I’m going to Canada to study french for 3 months wish me luck oomph), a bit of greek, a bit of japanese and i’ll hopefully learn a bit of latin this semester lol...probably not :’)

Can I play an instrument?: I used to play the recorder lol and I play a little piano, but like nah lol (does a music pad count fjlnfglnkfjgd?)

Favorite song: Right now i’ve been listening to Unknown Mother Goose by wowaka and Replicare by Akiko Shikata for like 3 days straight now so uhh yaaaaaaaahhhhhh

Random Fact: My dog likes to compete with me for my parent's attention, just, yep

Describe myself in Aesthetics!!: Uhhh pretty much either princessy pastels, modern classy woman, or like Harajuku goth lol

Tags: I want to taaaagg @sol-sunshine (ik you already posted yours but I swear to god I was going to tag you before that lol), @ggukksrose  @cypher-yngi  @summoner-of-arkas @summoner-stones @soft-femagines @femme-blem @omi-writings @rwby-imagines-yall @haruhiheart @hopeless-romantic-ninja @raeonthearoace @shslnerdytrash  @rebeljustforkicks137  @alice-in-idol-land @agustdlovcult  @kimsocksjin  @starvingmuse  @axcyia and like the rest of my followers pliz. You guys don’t have to do it if you don’t want to lol.

[judeesill]

lowkey think we should leave “femme” behind. I’m all for butch positivity and ostensibly femme positivity and if people feel like those terms/roles are applicable to their lives/experiences/relationships then I’m 100% behind that but I keeping seeing femme used in really uncomfortable ways and idk if I as a feminine lesbian want to be associated with it anymore ?

I feel like “femme” these days is so tied to “eyeliner strong enough to kill a man” culture in that it can be super male-centric in its celebration of femininity. I feel that a lot of the time self-identified “queer femmes” have their hearts in the right place in that they’re trying to celebrate women and womanhood and the love and solidarity between women but they’ve conflated femininity (even alternative femininity-think punk/witchy/hippie/etc.) with womanhood so much and it’s really alienating to me and I can imagine to a lot of other radical lesbians/lesbian feminists who are critical of femininity and heteropatriarchy.

I keep seeing femme used to mean someone who performs femininity in a ~subversive~/~queer~ way which makes me want to SCREAM because like. I see the point of wanting to be all “all women are beautiful!!” but like! fuck being beautiful! women shouldn’t have to be beautiful and love between women shouldn’t have to be sexy and none of this is empowering!! fuck empowering!!

and it strikes me as even more insidious that most people who use femme these days aren’t even lesbians!! i keep seeing straight girls calling themselves femme and while like I said I’m all for celebrating womanhood I think there’s a way to do so that doesn’t hinge so strongly on appropriating lesbian terminology/culture (and same-sex attraction!! ik this is controversial but like…. I feel like there’s a lot of attention-seeking Political Bisexuals in this,, movement (for lack of a better word) and I’m so over the performative woman-love coming from people who still center men in their lives >:-( )

I just. am sad bc idk how to conceptual use myself as a feminine-ish lesbian who loves butches anymore bc I don’t want to be associated with ~glittery kinky radical witchy queer femme wlw culture~ anymore and ik this is hurting people for whom butch/femme is rly important

idk I’m rereading stone butch blues right now and thinking a lot about history and gender and labels and while I think butch/femme is such a vital part of lesbian history it’s. well. history. and we’re doing butch/femme identity and the women who have lived it a huge disservice by letting it be fucked over like this

this is not very coherent at all but I needed to get these thoughts out while I was thinking them so I can return to them more eloquently later

[stuffimthinkinaboutt-blog]

i hate scrolling

i like it, it’s helpful sometimes, my therapist says it is a healthy coping mechanism sometimes, but at night before bed i fall into a trap where i’m not **doing** anything, just scrolling facebook or insta and feeling bad.

i found maddy from bryn mawrs insta and she’s still doing the same thing, internet famous but obv sad and shit, just made me feel sad and shit

a lot of lesbian memes, i’m less invested in reiterating and reproducing lesbian stereotypes and stuff lately i guess, i feel like it comes from a place of anxietyand needing to define things and i feel a lot of power in lesbian identity but idk, eh

therapy is helpful, i think my therapist and i are figuring out how it’s gonna work and maybe shes accepting that i’m just gonna be tense but that doesn’t mean it can’t be helpful

me and kai have been having more sex a little bit, that i really like, i still maybe wonder about having more, idk. idk if i reallydo want more or if i want more kinky shit but i dont want anything to do with the community. we did some more kinky shit yesterday where she was a little more toppy and called me boy n i called her mistress (weve been doing that a lot lately, at least when we do have sex, which hasn’t felt like a lot lately). i feel complicated about parts of it (is it too hetero?) but i fucking love it. i love feeling submissive but not like we’re acting out misogyny. i love butch bottom stuff n always always have, from both perspectives. i used to be more intersetd in being femme when topping, maybe i still ike that sometimes. 

i was reading some queer erotica that was better than the shit i used to read, about a mistress-boy relationship, but it was more cis woman / trans guy kinda thing and also about meeting at a play party and stuff and i’m not into that community, the bdsm or the trans-man-centered one. or the man/woman dynamic really. although i guess i am interested in the mistress/boy fantasy but only during sex, and because it subverts patriarchal roles

when i was a kid and fantasizing without rly knowing what i was doing i’d think about being a tiger in captivity that scientists were doing cruel tests to, sometimes a boy and sometimes a girl, sometimes i could change between, or maybe it was something like the scientists would pull a lever and i’d be one or the other. (I guess thats’ like the porn that imogen binnie wrote about in nevada) sometimes i had a dick and theyd do torturous things to it, like pull it really long like a snake and wrap it around bars or something.sometimes they’d force feed me, or they’d make me run around a track while whipping me. i think the penis part maybe had a lot to do with the fact that penises are seen as inherently sexual and cunts aren’t, especially not for kids, especially not in the 90s or something. many of the “cis” bi women i’ve been with have been interested in wearing strap ons. i think when i first started dating my partners were a bit more intersted in it than me, for wearing and/or for being fucked. i like it but i still feel a little complicated about it but i love it. i love fucking kai, i love my cock inside her. i love rollicking and grunting and making her feel good and i love when i come just from fucking her. i love it submissive or dominant. i wish i had more energy when fucking her, i wish i could go longer. 

scrolling is empty, anxiety-ridden, distraction seeking without much real benefit. 

ive been more interested in being genderfluid or nonbinary or nonconforming or androgynous or whatever lately. i want to be a boy/boi during sex, or else not gendered. in most of my life i hope i’m seen as an androgynous lesbian, i hope theres things about me that people can’t pin down. i hate boxes (not just gender ones, in general). at work i want to show masculine and feminine traits, or i hope i do. gender is hard for everyone, even “straight cis” people like my coworkers, who say things like “im not a macho man” (a guy) or “the man i should have been” (a gal) im interested in expressing gender nonconformity and being a dyke and a lesbian but i’m interested in not feeling like that makes me all that much different from everyone else i guess. idk. 

i don’t have any body dysphoria. i feel eh about how i look or about how i present myself, more how i present myself, but i feel mostly good about my body and actual appearance. i feel very complicated about how i want to look.