#iiirene's 🖋️

[solarrene]

young love

It's adorably sickening how endearing he is.

It makes your heart ache when you try to hide your smile. Not of anything bad, really, but rather the opposite. Because there lies your truth beneath your smile in reasons of him. The truth he's yet to know.

The truth he's undeniably cute in oblivious of.

He is such a loser.

A damn loser who has your heart skipping its beat when you walk through the school gates. A damn loser that makes you soar inside as you see him for the first time in the day. A damn loser who you loudly cheer for in the bleachers to each game, win or lose, your heart screams for him.

If your noise for him isn't enough to be heard, you could only hope your silence could be.

Nevertheless, you don't take it upon him.

One of the smartest people you know and still could be the dumbest. Always adorably so. Irritating, however—he's cute.

"What?" He asks, his eyebrows raising, along with that damn smirk of his.

Breaking you out of your daze. The two of you sitting across from each other. You've lost yourself while he was talking about his volleyball activities that you yourself asked of.

You only look at him, not saying anything for a moment but just stare, your smile evident. "What?" He laughs. It's a knowing look of yours, that he can tell, but he doesn't know.

You clicked your tongue, "Nothing." You shrugged, your little, calm smile stays nonetheless.

"Seriously." He pressed, playfully so despite that he really wants to know.

Your lips turns up more as you look down on your lap. Whether he's still as clueless or he's beginning to know the littlest of it—you couldn't care less at the moment.

Softly huffing out a little laugh to yourself as you look at him then again, "Nothing," you utter again, tutting your head lightly. Your bright smile turns calm and little again, but one could not miss how fonder it became.

He doesn't.

It's a wonder how you could held his gaze with him not breaking it, all while his grinning eyes remains. "I just....." You trail off, your voice turning mellow. "Adore you."

Tetsu breathes a little laugh. He nods as he looks down for a second, his ever teasing grin melting to a smile he rarely has. He looks up but to the side, his smile stays and it gets wider.

Before he looks back at you again. And there you figure, that finally—"I know."

💌🖋️: i miss him. that's it. very high school happy crush inspired

[loveiiirene]

Honor

a friend. who you will live and die for. how i treat that word with such care and respect. i think much of it.

in a country where the english language dominates, there are some certain words that are rather hard to say; not by how it sounds but the weigh of it. in each different language, i have no doubt it's the same.

kaibigan=friend, in filipino

even in my much younger years, i can recall i never used that word. only "kalaro", playmate, best friend or "ka-close"

even as time went by, even the closer i grew with my friends, i still hesitate to say that word, "kaibigan" it was too heavy to speak of.

then time continues.

i found my love for them. real endless.

suddenly i could bear all the weight of what with what comes with that love. i could carry and show it proudly.

----

my father is not that familiar of my friends, so whenever he'd ask my mother that relates to them, her answer would be "classmates" or "friend" i would correct her. i would correct them.

it's simple. too simple. almost nothing different. i would catch myself saying this to know it in myself, "kaibigan ko."

--

"he's just a friend."

"she's only my friend."

how wrong of us to use those words, "just" and "only"

"kaibigan ko lang siya"

how foolish of us.

we dare water it down for whatever sake it may be. yet for what?

how cruel of us to belittle such a beautiful word?

a title. friend. such a gift.

// the color purple (1985) dir. steven spielberg [gifs by @nerd4music] // @loveiiirene

[solarrene]

Let There Be Light | Miya Atsumu

Bliss. Fear. Adrenaline. They know all too well to be frozen in time as the past and what could be rapidly hit them in one strike. A moment of truth whenever in the court.

In the normalcy they're in, an admission of one's heart spoken at last; it hits them all too harsh from the tenderness of it—life passes by so suddenly when we don't look.

"There is a friend of mine. I love him so, even more than romance it's how I feel my love for him, it continues to grow still, endless stems creeps inside me, flowers that blooms so big and colorful, leaves growing everywhere, it's how I feel it. If only I could take out these flowers in me, he'd have countless bouquets. I know of his flaws, of what makes him he, what makes me find him unbearable and yet, I think much of him. But there are parts of him that I have yet to see, and when I do . . . it's myself that I fear, for I know that if fate will bring upon its pain, no stem will break, no flowers will wither, no leaves will fall, I fear it will only continue to grow." loveiiirene, 2021

1.8k words. purely platonic. a shameless self-insert. i hold this too dear to me. inspired by my own, and because i've been seeing atsumu far too lovely these days.

x reader tags are only there solely for engagement reasons :D forgive me for that 🙇🏽‍♀️🫶🏼😁🥹🫂

never too late to have this as for my valentines treat to you guys 💌

a last note, i intentionally limited writing atsumu's thoughts🫂❤️‍🩹

The cold air of January is always comforting; be it the strong breeze from the trees with the bright skies, the snow a beautiful veil despite it's flaws that comes with it—but much more in the nights, the remnants of the holiday still lingering in its wake. It's not fun breathing through your nose as you walk in the cold night with so much struggle, but the beauty of it all could make up for it, one could suppose. What are you even saying anyways?

You were just too thrilled to see your friends again after awhile of being normally busy with the chores of life. Most especially when this set of your friends are mostly an athlete.

Meeting the front of the restaurant you hold dear, it's reminiscing each time. Blurry lights in a photograph, smudged edges. It's home.

It's too much for your heart the second you stepped in the place, that ever familiar noise of theirs, the sight even more. It's been too long but nothing much has changed, it seems. Seeing Osamu and Shinsuke conversing with each other. Then there's Rintarou, Aran, Hinata, Bokuto, Sakusa, and of course--Atsumu.

His noise a music to your heart, making it all more....hurtful.

But a voice pulls you out of it before you could dive deep. A call of your name by Osamu and you immediately beam as he walks out of his counter. "Samu." You muttered so loudly yet soft, nearing to each other and he welcomes your hug always willingly.

"Hi." Osamu greets with a little laugh, taking more of your embrace, letting you fall against him more.

"I've missed you. Too much." You say deeply, face still buried on his neck.

"I know." He says back simply. "It's really been too long." He murmurs, squeezing you once on him before you part from one another a little. Your feet tipped a little to reach him and let your lips pressed a soft kiss on his cheek, making him smile. You barely changed as well. Still as kind and radiating of light, that he knows you always hope to be. Osamu wonders just how much your heart has even grown with the missing presence of his brother. He's anticipating it's gonna be a heavy night for you, and he hopes for his twin will be as well.

It has been too long.

None of them missed the sight of you both reuniting. It takes the Inarizaki boys back to highschool, you being one of their managers that started your bond with them.

With Shinsuke greeting you as well, of course you hug him, too--as the rest of them remains in their table still conversing amongst themselves, with their eyes flying to your direction inevitably, seconds to seconds between that moment.

It's always in the air, wanting to be seen, it has always been, but just there. Too busy to be graced or just.....it's just left there.

But now at last, it's you who's there. You could only hope the same thing wouldn't happen to you. When you've been blessed by a chance. After having long for it so long for you to have the will to accept it.

When you and Shinsuke were done, you finally let your eyes go directly to them, seeing their knowing gazes they don't bother to hide and with their little smiles—and seeing his own; barely smiling.

Your feet almost moved to move towards them and just throw yourself to hug him. But you didn't. Embarrassment crawling in you knowing they all saw through that.

There was a time when you didn't—when you never hesitated to jump in for his embrace. Never a time when you didn't relish each one. A time when he welcomed you with open arms. A time when you both couldn't shut up when together.

And there now you only sit at a distance from them. The toll of your kept strain beginning to loom behind you. It's been too long. Seeing him again had held your heart too much of happiness that it pained it.

Sitting besides Kita and in front of Osamu, a bare shield for the meantime as you wish there's an inevitability of light in the cage you yourself keep in.

Where did the time go?

It could and does happen to anyone, time separating one from another. Once I thought the future with him. I think the world of him still. Not once I thought that it'll be fleeting, to fade away slowly, to hurt me rapidly. I was too deep in each moment when I was with them, there with him.

Blissfully ignorant of the unknown paths that coud lead to an end.

I should have seen it coming, I know, that much I realized. Because before then, beneath in me, I felt an outsider despite I was welcomed.

Walls too rocky to be climbed.

It wasn't a surprise anymore when the distance did part us, few specific and common barriers to have him drift away.

And I was left there, staring at a burning haven, powerless to save it. His absence a raging fire and I then dared try to at least salvage what I can but the water just drowned me.

Memories of what once was too beautiful.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Because that's what happened to me. Fonder and fonder as I let my own to linger in the past I allowed myself to delve too deep.

Loneliness. What a foolish tragedy I pierced upon me.

Yet how could I blame myself too much?.

That damn idiot wiped my tears away. He listened to me no matter how many times I needed it. He annoyed me so much.

He was my friend. He'll always be to me.

I hope I am to him still.

It's defeaning to sit here as I take in their noise, waiting for something. Anything.

Never have they heard such silence so loud.

To say that it was disheartening and amusing Osamu would be an understatement.

He supposes it's time again to step in like he did just before, how he always invited you, always wanted you to go.

But of course, you don't. You couldn't. How could you? Yet with time, once enough is enough, we need to pick ourselves up.

Still, even with gathered strength and composure, you could have never been prepared to see him again. Gone in the merest second.

Am I gonna complain and be a bitch about it inside? Absolutely.

But I'm gonna bear it like I always have been.

To sit there so at ease as you catch up with both your friends, your insides wrenching more and more. The alcohol always nothing but an enabler to all our pain.

How much more could you bear before you finally break?

A question that echoes in the minds of them and well....you.

Prayers being heard not longer too soon. There comes the man of the night to go sit besides Shinsuke. You never felt more lonely with him so close to you again. Everything threatens to mute and erase around you, but you forced yourself to hear his words, listen and understand what he's saying. Comprehend that he didn't greet you, nor acknowledge your presence.

Bear it once again as you want to at last break.

"I'm sure it's a very serious matter to you, Atsumu." Shinsuke spoke, the bluntness of the former captain everyone are so fond of almost made you laugh.

"It is serious!" Atsumu remarked, despite not looking, you could see him pouting. How is it still possible you could still feel your heart tugging amidst its never ending of hurt; wishing to see that adorable look that pissed you off so much whenever before.

It's adorable, really. The ever proud setter rambling about his crush, not like there's anything new about it. But he argues that this time his infatuation is more serious than his previous ones, the only problem is he was rejected before he could even make a move to start somewhere.

A time when you were one of the ones he rambled to about his crushes.

"Maybe he just doesn't like you." Osamu said simply to his twin, spite always to spite him.

It's just so familiar. You deem it so a miracle you're with them again, to hear them bicker and all. It takes a lot to keep yourself from tears pooling in your eyes.

Atsumu is in the middle of his yapping to defend himself and still bickering with Osamu. Then you don't miss the second Osamu's eyes darting to Shinsuke, the said man doesn't as well, as a second later he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. You curse quietly to yourself, it seems that the younger twin did his grace now.

You wish to blame it on the alcohol but one could never could, can we?

It's only you when you at last spoke.

"You're so loved, Atsumu." There you go. You might as well see through to it finally and give you whatever peace it could reach you. "You're so loved."

Suddenly it was quiet, your words lingering. He's now looking at you. There's not enough in you to see him right now. Time is moving while everyone is not.

Osamu remains standing there behind his counter with his back now turned around, a gentle yet somehow still having that smugness in his loving smile.

About time his twin finally shut his damn mouth.

So much for not needing memories, to never one to look back and ghost around in the past. They never forget anything. Atsumu never forgets a single remnant, be it so insignificant to him.

Each scene in his mind, you're there. You were always there. Always there for him. You who always called for his attention to listen to the teacher when he's not listening. You who gave the notes to Osamu. You who always gave him a piece of your food. You who always screamed at the top of your lungs in their games. You who never failed to ease Shinsuke's workload because of the volleyball team.

There for them. For him. There for them. For him. There for them.

For him. For him. For him. For him.

And suddenly everyone's mind is reeling of moments of their bonds with one another. It's one of the wonders of sports. You're in one moment and suddenly you're not as you take yourself everywhere. A glimpse of time.

While you're still there. You want to flee. You want to hold him. You want to die. You want to live--you finally look at him. Your chin on your knuckles. After so long, you see him again so clearly, it's unreal after he haunted you many times in your dreams. Those brown eyes of his, his long eyelashes and thick eyebrows, the freckles across from one cheek to the other.

Time remains unmoving as you stare at each other. You don't know what he's thinking, there's so much softness in his gaze, a melancholic awe, a saddened disbelief of realization. Tears fell from your eyes as you blink. "I missed you." Barely a breath of your voice against the crisp silence. "I miss you." You managed to utter.

After saying those words for so many times to everyone and anything but him, after finally finding the will to say it to him.

You just break.

And if you missed a day, there was always the next,

and if you missed a year, it didn’t matter,

the hills weren’t going anywhere,

the thyme and rosemary kept coming back,

the sun kept rising, the bushes kept bearing fruit—

Sunrise, Louise Gluck

[solarrene]

very rough draft. platonic and just a short one

[solarrene]

Possibilities and Acceptance

Aki sees the little things. That's how he learns how to cherish these few specks of time.

The strong and cool wind makes up for the heat of the sun, mighty waves crashing, soft yet rocky sand below his feet, and the voices of Denji and Power, it grounds him.

"But you're not alone now."

His eyes found Denji and Power, splashing around the water, so amazed by it. Aki almost smiles.

But Himeno is wrong and one thing she's right about. He had never been alone. Maybe he was lonely, he thinks a lot of people are, anyway. Maybe it was given that they'd stay side by side because that's what their job commanded. But he wasn't alone still.

She was nice to him. Kind to him. And kind she was. Letting herself be trampled upon those who she allowed for the sake of compensation. And he couldn't be alone then after he did an act of unkindness so that he could do it for her out of kindness. He could still clearly hear the laugh she let out that day, it rings in his mind, around him, against the waves. 

Against every dying day, she watched his back, even when he was well capable of his own. She watched his back even when he surpassed her. Risking her own, so he couldn't risk his. To live another day, so they could have their ramen and cigarettes.

"I had it back there." Aki spoke, wiping his katana clean.

Himeno shrugged, showing off her unfazed and lazy smile, "I know." He expected more for her to say something but all he got was, "Ramen? It's on me."

"We can't eat ramen everyday."

"But it's not everyday," she whined, clinging to him as they walked together. "And it's not just ramen! There's gyōza, egg rolls, fried rice!" she emphasized by shaking the arm she was holding onto. "And we have different ramen whenever we do." Continued her as they walked. Aki just let her drag him. 

He figures he could never get sick of the taste of ramen, not alone, at least.....especially not with her.

"You almost got hit because you covered for me." Aki's voice was sharper than it usually was when on the job, his gaze even more. Temper wanting to flare out by looking at her unbothered expression and just smiled--the cuts on her suit that gushed out blood was hard to miss.

"Almost," Himeno comically tipped her head to the side as if mocking him, pissing him off even further. She managed to swallow a chuckle when she saw how his face twitched. "And that's the point of covering for you, isn't it?"

"I had it."

"I know."

Himeno linked their arms, "I'll cook this time."

"Your cooking sucks."

"But you'll be there to teach me!"

Aki found he came to like another meal to have with her.

"You're never gonna stop covering for me, aren't you?" His expression was rather.....hopeless. His katana still jaded as he stood, chest heaving still as he stared at her.

Himeno coughed a little bit of blood, but of course, she managed to laugh, blood dripping out of her mouth. Shakingly, she stood up from the ground, body wanting to give up but she stood and limped her way to him.

Aki sighed, frustration in him as he strode to her before she almost falls to the ground. "No..." Weakly, she uttered, her smile lazier because of her state. He could only click his tongue, holding her up as they heard the medical team grew closer. 

"You owe me a ramen." His tone gone to normal, looking at her tired, closing eye. He sees her lips curved a little, "Always." Whispered her.

So until she was patched up and back on her feet again, they had their ramen, but only him that had a cigarette, saying that the doctor doesn't allow it not sooner--not that he was the one to follow orders like that, but it was the least he could do for all that she's done for him. After all, he didn't want to have his ramen all by himself or he wanted to have someone to share a cigarette with; her. So at the end of that day, he covered for her.

He was never alone.

Had he seen it before it wasn't there anymore?

"Eat your food while it's still warm, Aki."

Had he savor what was given to him before it ran out?

Indeed, what a gift it could have been to walk with her on the shore.

Maybe he should have it seen it coming. That her end would be in reason for his own to continue. Maybe he should have stopped her all those time.....but maybe he could have had and still she would have followed her own mind, her instincts, her heart moving for her. How could any being defy that? In any no way, was his answer. That's why he was still under the sun, a chance given again. Even in her absence from this land, she still teaches him.

Aki let his eyes be blinded by the sun as he stared at the sky, the world unmute again. He hears the continuous loud voices of back and forth of Denji and Power, he now stares at them. The both are now playing catch with the ball they bought on the way because he was forced by them. Better that, than them fighting strangers for it.

His breath hitches as he watched them play. Taunting memories wanting to creep in but he blinks them away and focused on the two. On their voices, the cool breeze fighting the heat, waves still as strong as before, salt of the earth in the air, the sand on his fingers as he dug through them, eyes still on the two. He can't let this second pass by. Right there and now, is what Himeno gave him.

So he vowed to be just there and always. And maybe someday to join both of them be lost in the moment.

March 2023

[solarrene]

The Sun Cannot Thaw His Grief

( But All Season Shall Pass By )

Aki finally found peace in winter.

The future....there were no left to unfold with her, only the past. Memories is what he has with her. Memories that he keeps replaying and a vow that he keeps on saying.

Tearing his eyes from the window, he looked at Denji and Power, heads against each other as they were asleep.

There was always something about looking at them when they were quiet, always usually when asleep, when they were at peace, when they were at Aki's gaze. There with him. 

Aki have grown of their loud voices that were always bickering, fonder, that is. But the three of them being still and him having the eyes to finally see it. He took pride in that. 

It was a vow that he'll keep on promising.

Snow continues to fall, it only fell days earlier and was still faint, but the trees and flowers were beginning to be covered by it. White almost blue continues to be seen outside the window. And it's what met them when they stepped down on the train.

Snow falling on them all the while they walk. Denji and Power's voice follows the sound of the trail they make under the snow. Until they died down once Aki stopped walking to face the tombstone of his family. The last time they went together with him, they were themselves even when Aki was in front of his family. But today and there, they were quiet beside him, they are themselves still but quiet as Aki laid down the flowers and closed his eyes for a moment.

His hand laid flat on the snow, the cold doesn't go through him, then fingers drugging through it, visions of the past coming through and he allowed it; freely.

"Aki!"

"Aki, let's play!"

"Aki, Taiyo! The snow is going to get strong soon, come inside already!"

"Taiyo!"

"Aki, I want to make a snowman!"

"Aki!"

"Akiiiiiiiiii!"

"It's snowing! It's snowing! Aki! Come with me outside!"

"Aki!"

"Taiyo!"

The heat of the lighter passes through its body, through Aki's skin as the fire was kept for too long, the burning of his fingertips wakes him, being out in the cold had manage to numb him for a while, eyes dead awake staring through the window of their room, the view of the snowfall. 

Everytime winter came, his heart grew.....restless. Longing for his family. Wanting warmth. Each drop of snow falling through him, filling him in cold until it filled him to no end; numbing him. That's how winter became for him. A dreadful time, no peace in it but emptiness.

Until Himeno came and left; all that ice in his being. that froze him, suddenly shattered him and left even more to nothing. Until she came haunting him, through it all, he found her love for him....through it all, he found the warmth he had for her, that he holds onto. 

He continued to flicker his lighter, sparks falling to his skin. It's been a while since he thought of his family without feeling that numbness. Warmth piercing through the cold, shards of ice still there but fire within enough to be felt, nonetheless. 

Aki kept flickering his lighter, until the sparks became a fire.

"Winter's finally here, huh?" Himeno stuck her arm out, a snowflake about to fall on her hand.

Dread fills Aki.

"It's gonna be cold, a ramen would be great later." She spoke, her eye closed to the sky while her hand still stuck out, catching snow.

Little.....little so much did Aki know that winter will become warm for him starting then.

Soft and cold hit his back, he didn't need to turn around to know that it was Himeno, who threw a ball of snow to him. He hears her laugh as he stopped walking. Reluctantly, he turned around to face a giggling Himeno, crouching down a little from her laughing. Then a second pass by, she pouted, putting a had on her hip, "Not gonna get back at me?" She huffed and Aki just turned his head to the side, "We got somewhere to be." 

Himeno rolled her eye and turned away from him, letting herself fall down on the snow. Aki stares at her, both unmoving and it was him who gave up, sighing quietly. He crouched down, looking at the snow so intently as his hand laid flat on it, coldness against his skin. He breathes in and out with closed eyes, nothing but the dark behind them, he can barely remember the time that he hasn't had memories flashing and hurting him. 

Aki gathers them in his hands and threw it to Himeno. To see her surprised face and a smile that broke was worth it. He was glad that is where he chose to be. 

The fire in the lighter fades by the wind that howls. There, Aki sits on the snow as Denji and Power ran to nowhere. He looks at his lighter, the fuel of it close to emptying. Then he looks up at the sky, "Easy revenge, huh?" With one last flicker of his lighter, he kept it back to his pocket and gathered snow in his hands. 

Much to Denji and Power's surprise, Denji was suddenly hit by a snowball on his face. Power's rough gasp and Denji's strained yell, it stopped when they saw him standing there. Wearing a look that he so, very often had; gentle and.....real. Facade gone away. 

Then both of their look turned to a challenging one, that feeling of relief crawls deep inside them and they felt it through Aki's smile. There, they played together until their hands were red from the coldness. 

They had never felt so warm while being out in the cold. 

Aki stood in front of her by himself. He kneeled down on one knee to lay the flowers he had and took out the courage to rest his hand on the cross. Eyes closed, he remained still and there, for as long as he can. Tears escaping slowly, it falls down to her. "For you, Himeno....for you." 

Winter will pass by. The snow will melt. The water will seeps its way to soil and only love will grow. From ice that numbed him, to fire that burned, smoke and ashes that suffocated him. Came flowers growing, painful still but easier to carry and breathe with. Stems that will crawl out its way from him and reaching those who may he reach. 

Even as each season will pass by, they won't wither. In him, ever growing still.

April 2023

[solarrene]

Dream Stored in a Nightmare ( Vice Versa )

Inspired by Everything Everywhere All at Once

Aki learns that he has to cherish these few specks of time. Himeno teaches him a thing or two.

"But what a gift, huh? Just doing nothing much, eating ramen here with you and smoking on balconies. What a gift."

"Is there anything I can do to get Aki to quit?"

"Wanna job hop to the civilan side with me? Time to time, we could go out to the movies and have lunch out whenever."

It's bit and pieces. Blurry. But he still remembers it. 

It seemed like it'd be impossible for quite a time to not think of it. 

Somehow, even for long enough that he's been smoking, even with the strong wind of the night, the cigarette feels suffocating. Still, he took a long drag, from the amount of smoke, the weight didn't change. Suffocating. Still, he didnt cough, nor falter. He took another drag.

What a fucking vice. Damn her for teaching him to smoke. Fuck it all, of her leaving and lighting up the dying embers of his grief for his family, for his life, that what started all what he became—setting it on fire again. The smoke suffocating him.

His lips, throat, all of him dry after finishing the cigarette until he lied down on his bed asleep. 

He misses her. He missed her.

There, he sees her. They're sitting in front of each other. She's eating her ramen. Hers halfway while his was untouched, the steam from it becoming faint. 

If the world was mute then, now it wasn't as he hears her laugh. "Aki, you've been dozing off. Your ramen is gonna get cold." 

Her voice. Her voice. Her voice......no matter how lovely her laugh is, how good to hear her.

.......her voice. It will haunt him. Just as the little whispers she utters to him sometimes, breaths hitting his skin gently and fleeting touches of hers when they sometimes slept beside each other. It will haunt him. Himeno did have a ghost for a devil after all. 

"Aki." She called. He can see it already. Hear it already. In the dark or day, haunting him. 

"Do you remember what I said about switching jobs and going out and all that stuff?" He doesn't answer. He couldn't answer. 

She smiles after taking a drag from her cigarette. When did the scent of smoke have ever been so good to be in the same presence with? 

"I thought about it before I told you about it. It didn't matter what kind of job we'd have if you agreed," she says, then she holds out her free hand to him. Like an instinct, he fought what kept him back and reached out for her hand. 

What a loss it was. To miss the chance of feeling the warmth of her hand before they were eerily cold. Still, he held her hand tightly. 

"We could have been just drowning in paperworks or anything-"

"Why did you have to wait for me?" Finally, he had the strength to speak and how angry his voice was. How angry he was. And damn her for not faltering at all and just flashed her smile.

"I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want you to be alone....." She squeezed his hand. Then mellow her smile became, "But you're not alone now."

He's lost his voice again, but anger still in him. 

"But what a gift, huh? Just doing nothing much, eating ramen here with you and smoking on balconies. What a gift." Somehow, his hold on her was weakening.

She takes her hand back, leaving his own, cold. "I'm going to get another drink." She stands up. Then walking past beside him, her hand flies on his shoulder, "Eat your food while it's still warm, Aki." Her voice rang until his eyes blinked and met by the white sheet of his bed.

Droplets of tears fresh on them as he feels his eyes were watered, ragged breathing and chest heaving. There, he found himself on his balcony again, smoking. Tear stains on his face and tears that continue to stung his eyes.

"Cry for me."

He'd always cry for her. He will always, for her. 

Even when he sees to it that he'll quit of holding to cigarettes. That smoke in him will never leave. Suffocating him until time lets him to breathe peacefully through it. Love, nevertheless, untainted.

March 2023

[loveiiirene]

ingat, means remember or caution in english. However, it means 'take care' in filipino, all that correlates between it.

that word, one that never loses its meaning. no matter the circumstances, state of how we are, how we are with the people you're saying that to. its meaning is alway there. how heavy it is never changes.

it's always there. a hope for your life to continue. how great is that? bestowing a wish upon others by the blessings with that word.

-april 2023, driving back home from batangas.

[loveiiirene]

It seems that since I've grown I always get sad out of nowhere whenever christmas gets near.

[loveiiirene]

[loveiiirene]

[loveiiirene]

February 7

My oldest brother bought a bread I like and he gave me one piece of it. The moment I was to eat it, my other brother was there, like an instinct once again, I broke it to a half but as always, I gave it to him happily.

I only had half but I felt full.

I can have only a drop of water even when I'm dry, so long as my brother drinks well. I'd never ask for more.

Love for my brother through the kitchen.

// @loveiiirene // x // x //

[solarrene]

missing him lately

young love

It's adorably sickening how endearing he is.

It makes your heart ache when you try to hide your smile. Not of anything bad, really, but rather the opposite. Because there lies your truth beneath your smile in reasons of him. The truth he's yet to know.

The truth he's undeniably cute in oblivious of.

He is such a loser.

A damn loser who has your heart skipping its beat when you walk through the school gates. A damn loser that makes you soar inside as you see him for the first time in the day. A damn loser who you loudly cheer for in the bleachers to each game, win or lose, your heart screams for him.

If your noise for him isn't enough to be heard, you could only hope your silence could be.

Nevertheless, you don't take it upon him.

One of the smartest people you know and still could be the dumbest. Always adorably so. Irritating, however—he's cute.

"What?" He asks, his eyebrows raising, along with that damn smirk of his.

Breaking you out of your daze. The two of you sitting across from each other. You've lost yourself while he was talking about his volleyball activities that you yourself asked of.

You only look at him, not saying anything for a moment but just stare, your smile evident. "What?" He laughs. It's a knowing look of yours, that he can tell, but he doesn't know.

You clicked your tongue, "Nothing." You shrugged, your little, calm smile stays nonetheless.

"Seriously." He pressed, playfully so despite that he really wants to know.

Your lips turns up more as you look down on your lap. Whether he's still as clueless or he's beginning to know the littlest of it—you couldn't care less at the moment.

Softly huffing out a little laugh to yourself as you look at him then again, "Nothing," you utter again, tutting your head lightly. Your bright smile turns calm and little again, but one could not miss how fonder it became.

He doesn't.

It's a wonder how you could held his gaze with him not breaking it, all while his grinning eyes remains. "I just....." You trail off, your voice turning mellow. "Adore you."

Tetsu breathes a little laugh. He nods as he looks down for a second, his ever teasing grin melting to a smile he rarely has. He looks up but to the side, his smile stays and it gets wider.

Before he looks back at you again. And there you figure, that finally—"I know."

💌🖋️: i miss him. that's it. very high school happy crush inspired