#ignore the fact that I'm giving myself my own tags OK

[defjeep]

hello my beautiful not-so-active account. before I feel bad about leaving Tumblr from absolutely any news about me (or any of my art, sorry), I announce that I finished an animatic for my silly OCs!! :) I hope it at least piques your interest enough to give it a watch on YouTube <3

[vonpharma]

ok, well, this is kind of ridiculous and sad, but the husband of one of the sicktember mods is now harassing me on my personal blog for giving some pretty lukewarm criticism of the event in the past few years. i have not picked fights with anyone or tried to incite any kind of ire myself, just been professional and upfront with how much it's sucked to fall out of love with my favourite writing event. i sadly deleted the more vitriolic response i got from them, but here is what they left on my post:

again, i cannot stress enough, i have not contacted the mods in any capacity! i have not left any tags on their posts, i have not interacted with them except last year to ask permission for a spinoff blog, all my thoughts & feelings have just been on my personal blog.

in 2022, i filled every prompt for sicktember, totalling at 92 thousand words total. in 2023, i did the same, at 118 thousand words. i adore this event, so much so that i complete it every year despite my busy work schedule. it has always been my absolute favourite--the accessibility of it, the community, the prep time, writing with people who love the fic trope as much as i.

i am not just some rando. i am not just some bad actor, here to incite drama. i am a fan of this event who has been consistently supportive and celebratory, using my large following to both plug said event and rope my many servers and friends into it. in fact, in 2022, my friends and i wrote more fills for our fandom than any other:

that is us. i counted, and only 4 of the fills in the aa tag are by people not in my immediate friend circle.

i love this event enough i have physical books of all our fills:

...and this isn't even all of them, this is just how many i could afford to make at the time. i don't know how to prove that i am a savant for this event, and a passionate supporter. not from day one, as i didn't know of it until 2022... but definitely for the long-haul.

it is really unfortunate that this is the response the fans of this event are getting. in my initial post i talked about how resistant to feedback the event runners are are, but now we are getting full-on attacks if we don't blindly worship every aspect of said event and kiss the event runners' feet.

a word to the wise: when you run an event, it is not so black and white. it is not just two sides, where one is "i am spending time and effort on this thing i love and how to best share it with others, so i do not owe them anything." and the other is "i must bend to the whims of everything my fellows ask!" there is nuance in the middle, where you can keep firm in your ideals, protect your free time, and still listen to what your community is saying. compromise is a wonderful skill to learn.

either way, sending your friends & family to pick fights with the disappointed or barely critical fans of your event on their personal blogs is wretched behaviour regardless. i am not interested in petty internet arguments with people. i am interested in making my feelings known with the hope that maybe something can be changed. whether that be that the mods loosen up to community feedback & try to open a dialogue, or some folks who feel similarly to me take it as inspiration to make their own sickfic-centric prompt event, or nothing happens at all--it doesn't matter.

but this is literally my personal blog. where i post my personal feelings. if you don't like them, ignore them, scroll past them, block me if you must.

i have 3000 words of sicktember prep in another window and wholeheartedly plan to attempt my best to stick to my record of doing every single fill and having a blast. but if another event comes along, and the mods of this one don't intend to change how they interact with their fans, it won't really be a contest where i go from there.

this is not a call for harrassment, please do not act unkind or bother anyone involved here, i'm just sad man. and i figure if people are gonna start attacking more outspoken members of the community, y'all might want their usernames to block.

as always, i will keep on writing for you guys.

[graceful-not]

Grace I know you have had your life busy for a while but.

Like I really miss how we talked for hours on end. We don't do that anymore.

The last time we've really talked about anything was like 6 months ago, and now it's just you sometimes responding when I ask about your interests

I've been avoiding saying this for fear of sounding weird but. I've been waiting for the day that you decide to talk to me for an extended period of time again. I think about you a lot.

And I worry that you might not want to be friends anymore, not because you dislike me, but because you've moved on and can't really fit me into your life anymore.

And I wouldn't be mad at you for feeling that way. But it kinda feels like you're avoiding talking to me to avoid hurting my feelings

And it's really hard to hear you say that you miss me too and you don't want to ignore me but like gets in the way and you have discord silenced and all that. And you never say that you'll change anything but you always seem to imply that you'll try to talk to me more

And then you don't follow up

So I feel like it would be easier if you could just. Tell me. Say that you think we should go out separate ways and live our lives. Because while I think it would suck to hear, it'd suck more if I just kept waiting to talk to you and it never happens. I don't want to wait anymore.

You don't have to respond to this specific ask. I highly doubt you would want to anyway. But I can't think of another way to reach you that I'm sure you'll hear. I'm trying to understand but I don't. So please talk to me about something. Anything at all, I don't care

STARLO.....,,,,, STARLOOOO

IM SO SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I KNOW IVE BEEN KIND OF A SHIT FRIEND TO YOU AND IM SO SO SORRY FOR THAT RAUGHR...

ok ok composing myself. I haven't been being the kind of friend that you deserve and I honestly don't know if I've ever been the kind of friend that you deserve. I WAS avoiding responding to your tags when you reblog my posts but that was not and never has been out of a lack of interest in talking to you. It was because I felt guilty at the fact that I hadn't had a real conversation with you in so long, and I felt like only ever talking to you when you initiate would be so shallow, give off the impression that I only cared about talking to you when you were directly engaging in my interests which is like the EXACT OPPOSITE of the truth!! I love talking to you for YOU!! And I felt like YOU felt like the only way you could connect with me was through my own interests which. I don't ever want you to feel like that!! Because that's one sided and sucky and it's an awful situation to be in! And I love you and didn't want to make the situation worse and reinforce that idea and it ALSO felt super sucky to ignore the entire fact of us not having talked in so long so I just didn't. Say anything. I waited for The Magical Day where I would have enough energy to strike up a convo again and address all of it.

And.. I shouldn't have done that. I've been kind of UnawareTM of time for the past few months and us not having talked isn't something that's your fault at all. I've been neglecting most of my relationships for those few months and. aurgrhrjgehrhrhshdjehe. AHH! this is hard sjdbsjbd.

You shouldn't have had to wait so long for me to suck it up and actually treat you with the respect and consideration that you DESERVE from me, as a friend. And I'm sorry that you did. And I'm sorry that I haven't been improving in communication despite the fact that I tell you I'll "try to talk more" or "check discord more" and a thousand other excuses I've probably given you at this point. I do want you to know that I don't lie when I say that I miss you. Because I do. and I DO think about you in my day to day life and I do reminisce and I do consider you someone important to me!

But.. yeah. I'm sorry. No more false promises from now on, Starlo. I don't know if I'm in a mental state yet to go back to the way we were and the frequency we talked back then. I think I need more time. BUT. I won't be avoiding you anymore. We'll talk. Not as much, maybe, but we'll talk.

Thanks for, y'know. Telling me about all this. I'm glad we can be honest with eachother, man. 💜🫀💖✨.

[tea-cat-arts]

A point of disagreement that I'm not sure we'll ever resolve: you're basing your argument around the idea that "being like Jiang Cheng = being a bad person," and that is not a statement I agree with or ever meant to imply with my original post.

I agree with you're interpretation of Lan Wangji's motivations in that scene and what Wei Wuxian got out of it. I also think the fact that Lan Wangji was still at a point where he believed beating was an appropriate response to coming home after curfew (something he is shown to not believe as an adult in the last extra when wwx crawls in through his window) is reflective of the fact that lwj is still neck deep in rule following. I think this is a situation where two things can be true at once.

I don't believe wwx is responsible for everything good about lwj, just responsible for opening him up to the idea of being more flexible as a person and not strictly adhering to the rules (even my tags from the first post here said lwj did a lot of self reflection and that allowed him to grow. I acknowledge lwj did a lot of the work on his own, it's just work he wouldn't have thought of to do if he hadn't met wwx).

Ok, so I'm assuming you've read erha based on your response in the tags, so I'm adding this here because I think Chu Wanning is a way more direct comparison to what I think Lan Wangji would be like without Wei Wuxian than Jiang Cheng is (because ya, I agree that lwj and jc are very different people who express their rule following in very different ways) and it might clear up what my full take on this is. I think like Chu Wanning, lwj would end up in this spiral of doing the right thing, brutally punishing himself for the breaking the rules, hating the people in power while not really being able to do anything about them, having wack views on sex and purity, being generally stressed and anxious all the time, and being overall ineffectual in how he chooses to defy authority. I don't think he'd ever become a brown noser like Jiang Cheng, but I don't think Lan Wangji would have the subtly to stay in the Lan clan and teach all the juniors to question authority and ignore the rules when necessary. I think it's more likely that he'd pull a Chu Wanning and just defect and find a new clan whose principals were closer to his own.

Back to jc, he wasn't ever really given the space to self reflect as a child (everything he does as an adult is on him). He actually did show a desire to take in Wei Wuxian's influence (ex: participating in the games, drinking booze with him), but he simultaneously had his mom giving him shit for not immediately being the best in all his endeavors and his dad giving him shit for not being out of the box enough. It trapped him in a mindset where he was stuck, terrified of failure. The biggest difference between how lwj and jc were able to interact with wwx was that lwj was allowed to stumble, where as every action jc took was under scrutiny.

My main point about JC is that his motivations were complicated and that though his actions were shity, they don't necessarily mean he's a bad person (I also don't think we should take a 14 y/o's comments at face value). I cannot stress this enough- I think he's a bitch and a bad brother. I also think he was put in a complicated situation politically where no matter what he chose to do, someone would've gotten hurt. He is a character I sympathize with, not agree with.

I think JC deserves a pass for the cave incident because he was 17 and being faced with a situation where if he defied the Wens, it would risk his entire clan. The Jiangs weren't prepared for a full-out war with the Wens and couldn't risk upsetting them, which is why he'd been sent to that training in the first place. I can only speak for myself on this, but I think if I were given the options "let one stranger die and live to see tomorrow" or "save that stranger and risk the lives of your entire family and everyone in your home town," I probably wouldn't have an easy time deciding either. Of course, as an outsider looking in on the situation, I can acknowledge that the "let one stranger die and live to see tomorrow" thing isn't sustainable when the Wens were taking more and more strangers every day and revolt is the only thing that will actually save everyone, but again- I'm not 17 and in a cave sandwiched in-between a dictator and a giant monster. I have time to think about it.

When it comes to the siege at the burial grounds, I tried to phrase my original point in the same way the propaganda was being presented in the book inorder to explain jc's thought process. Like I said in that same paragraph though, I disagree with Jiang Cheng. I don't think the persecution of the remaining Wens is in any way ok. I think that whole segment was a reflection of how propaganda and mob mentality can lead angry, hurt, and vulnerable people to do terrible things. I couldn't call Jiang Cheng a bad person for his participation in the siege unless I also wanted to call Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, and Lan Qiren bad people as well, but my god does Jiang Cheng constantly make terrible decisions.

When it comes to his attack on demonic cultivators, it's equal parts his hatred for wwx, him falling into further propaganda, and there just being a genuine string of people who were trying to mimic wwx to do terrible shit. Like, in the Yi city arc, Xue Yang's actions (such as making living corpses) are described as a trend. As for his initial violent reaction to Mo Xuanyu- he walked in on him attacking and insulting Jin Ling, and the story makes a point of noting that Jiang Cheng's violent comments shouldn't be taken at face value (ex: him constantly threatening to break Jin Ling's legs but never actually doing it). The scene where Jin Ling let's "Mo Xuanyu: go takes place later in the book, and Jin Ling is convinced that JC's is falsely accusing a random demonic cultivator who saved his life of being wwx. Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling were operating with two different sets of info in that scene. Idk that its fair to say that it makes Jin Ling a better person there, especially since when Jin Ling finds out that it actually was wwx, Jin Ling stabs him in the gut. Just wanted to end this point off by saying Jiang Cheng's take on demonic cultivation is not reflective of my own. This is here to explain his thought process, not mine.

The nuance that I'm claiming you're missing in your analysis around whether or not his actions were good, but whether or not his actions make him a bad person. Ultimately, I wouldn't call him either a good or bad person so much as I'd say he's just an incredibly messy person

I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji

[rpbetter]

"writes dubcon therefore is a freak who should be bullied off the site" ho boy i'm fed up with people acting as if consenting adults writing [insert "problematic" fictional thing here] is the worst thing in the world. seen way too many people justifying harrassment of REAL PEOPLE by "they write thing that triggers me". ok, and? mute the tags or don't follow! "it triggers someone" is not a valid reason to ban a topic. piano music triggers me yet i don't go around demanding everyone stop playing the piano.

Anon, not only is everything you said absolutely valid, but also, thank you for demonstrating that triggers are incredibly varied and as such, we cannot predict everyone's triggers. Making the entire "point" of banning for possible triggers invalidated as hell.

We should be aware of things like the most commonly occurring phobias (things like arachnophobia and coulrophobia that are, additionally, easily triggered by imagery) and tag them. We should be aware of very obvious triggers, that are, again, easily set off by imagery, like blood, eye trauma, and depictions of domestic violence. And we should always read and be aware of our writing partners' stated triggers so that we can tag them appropriately or even decide that it isn't going to work because our muse, canon story, or interests are going to present an unfair situation in this partnership.

But triggers can be highly unusual, as well as activated differently (even at different times) for everyone. I'm not triggered by seeing hotel rooms in pictures or movies, I'm not triggered by writing scenes that take place in them, but I'm triggered to some degree by being in one. It's outrageous oversimplification to act like all triggers are the same, they all display the same way, they're all going to trigger someone on the same basis, everyone's going to react the same to their triggers. There is absolutely no way to prevent 100% of possible triggers for 100% of the population, 100% of the time.

Add to this that way too many people trivialize triggers by throwing around that term to justify the banning of something that makes them uncomfortable or that they take a personal, moral issue with. "I don't like this" and "I'm grossed out by this" and "this makes me feel uncomfortable" is not being triggered. It's just a good way to weaponize the better nature of other people so that they comply.

Most people legitimately do not want to trigger someone, especially if they have triggers and know what it's like. Just like no one wants to be accused of cruelty towards trauma survivors in general, or be designated a pedo, rape apologist, or fascist. They're all things to weaponize in order to isolate, shame, and control. And that's really fucking gross. These are serious, real things that have no business being trivialized to police content, win internet arguments, or garner popularity.

The potential for someone to be triggered isn't a reason to ban anything; we have tags, we have blacklist.

While I'll be the first to say that tumblr's blacklisting can be as shitty as everything else on the site, the primary issue with running into content you don't want to see comes down to two factors: no one tagging/tagging correctly and actively exposing yourself to that content. Going through people's properly done tags and blog warnings about their content in order to "call it out" is actively exposing yourself by choice. You actual walnuts.

Calling people on on their "problematic" content is bringing those topics to the attention of other people. That's the whole point of this gross behavior: look at the freak pedo abuse apologist I found, they write dubcon!! Don't look if you'll be triggered uwu

Buddy, pal, my guy...you just put that on blast for anyone to run across. Maybe their blacklist catches those words in your callout post, maybe it doesn't. Maybe they think you're a safe space because you promote yourself that way, so they click it anyway. Point is, you just willfully and irresponsibly exposed people because it's more important to you to demonize a rando on tumblr RPing something you take issue with. Good job!

Furthermore, dubcon itself is such a hilarious issue to take. Do they realize that isn't always sexual, or? Not? I'm thinking not. Funnily enough, one of the oldest posts I've been working on for this blog is about exactly this topic, the myriad situations that are dubious consent. That doesn't have to be sexual, and neither does it have to be intentionally predatory. You can come up with some amazing character development with a lot of muses in the RPC with dubcon because almost everyone's muse has some manner of trauma that might negate their perception of their own consent...and what do you do then? Is it removing more agency from that muse to shut them down, or is that always the better option? Can you separate your opinion as the mun from your muse's natural reactions? How does this impact the muses involved not just that moment but the next year?

Point is, dubcon isn't always some rapey situation. Even if it was, even if someone is writing it that way, it's literally not your business or your problem.

There's one mutual-in-law on my RP blog that really bothers me. They write things that I find fetishizing, incredibly rapey, all around shit that bothers me. I don't want to see it, some of the things they write makes my damn skin crawl. This person doesn't know it, we certainly don't speak and I don't think they like me very much, but I've repeatedly defended their right, specifically their right as a person with some long-term callouts on them, to write what they want to. I have them blocked and their urls blacklisted so I never have to see my mutual reblogging their threads. It's not a problem because I don't click "show anyway." Why would I, if it genuinely bothers me so much?

That's how you handle things that bother you; you use the tools available to not interact even by accident. Not by launching a morality crusade.

If any of us want to write what we enjoy, we have to allow others that same freedom. It's always a matter of time before this policing grows to include more and more topics, it's been used multiple times to get well-meaning people who don't fall into the general demographics to police queer, BIPOC, and other marginalized groups off of platforms. We've been fortunate in most of the RPC that it implodes on itself before it gets all the way there, but even so, you can see it.

It starts with things that produce a visceral reaction in the great majority of people, positions this with a repeatedly condemned idea presented as solid fact that fiction is reality, and you've got the start of something awful. Today it's something you don't like, maybe even something that triggers you, so you either support it or you quietly allow it to happen. Who needs to write that "freak shit" anyway, can't they just be gross privately? Six months from now, it's something "problematic" that you enjoy like violence that's canon-typical for your muse, or your OTP because they're gay and that's fetishizing, they're cis male and female but one or both is bi and that's bad representation, or they canonically have a rocky relationship so that's romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

If you can't care for any other reason, you really should care about how it is going to impact you sooner or later. In an environment like this, you can stay in your space, put warnings on your blog, and tag properly and you're still going to get a callout if the wrong person finds your blog. Just takes a single person with more time, energy, and skewed ideas of justice than they have reading comprehension or common sense.

Again, I cannot encourage people enough to give warnings, but it's difficult to ignore why those warnings are slipping; they're a way to be found, designated as a Problem, and called out. Look, it's another reason why callouts actually make things worse, not better! People put that shit in their rules so you can avoid content, they're being responsible and interested in promoting a safe RPC. Let them do it, damn.

You can't tag everything, and if you've never experienced what a giant series of repetitive tags is like on a screenreader you probably should before you tag seven paragraphs of possible issues. You can tag for visuals, you can tag for the obvious things, and you can tag for what's in the rules you agreed to when you followed/followed back. But you should also warn people that you write "dark topics" on the tin, and expand on that in your rules for specific things like graphic violence, toxic relationships, dubon, and addiction.

That's how responsible adults, not over-aged children, make better decisions about their mental health and general comfort. Not by appointing themselves the watchdogs of the damn RPC, here to protect you whether you want to be or not, find that incredibly insulting or not when you're in one of their categories of people who must be protected, by forcibly banning Problematic Everything. Problematic, of course, being entirely in the eye of the content police.

It's fiction. No one and nothing real was harmed. It's great that you are so invested in the fictional world and people that make you happy, but take a fucking big step back into reality. The real people you're harming with your bullshit had every right to peaceably exist. If what they're writing is triggering to you, stay. away. from. it.

Without any coincidence whatsoever, that's how you get from the base-point of Problematic Material to Problematic Mun. Yeah, it's just fiction, it's just RP, but I also took something out of context OOC or was upset by their tone on their own blog or couldn't exercise the minimal adult logic to remove myself from their presence OOC as well. So, now, you've got OOC behavior being added to the callout, if it wasn't already. Everyone is now ableist, transphobic, racist, and a misogynist because it lends that visceral reaction to the callout and ups the game from just being "y'all so gross you aged up a cartoon character to ship" to "this is REAL and it won't be tolerated! OP is actually a pedophile, they told a sexual joke in a discord server with a minor present and I have the receipts!"

What are the most storied callouts in the entire RPC? I'm absolutely certain the same names came to mind no matter what fandoms you're in, and one of them was "Matt." Another was probably "Ares/Snow". They're all successful and keep being brought up out of the closet anytime people are bored enough because their primary punch is the mun themselves being a predatory threat to the community. The mun is verified to be a bad person. Well, of course, that's got to be repeated, it worked. (Even if it did not, at all, work and only made it harder for people to avoid any of these muns.)

Are there people in the RPC who are legitimately a problem? Absolutely, yes. We're all supposed to be adults, however. Part of being an adult is having and acting upon one's agency. If someone is coercing you into things you are not comfortable with, shut it down. If you have difficulties being certain of those situations, run it by a trusted, honest friend or available, impartial source in the RPC for a second opinion. If you can't handle any manner of confrontation, there really are situations in which it's perfectly alright to block someone without any discussion. It's just the internet, you're in control of your space. Own it.

Minors are a whole other can of fucked up worms I'm not even getting into right now except to say that because a minor exists in a space they were told to stay out of does not mean we ban all topics inappropriate for their consumption.

tl;dr: banning shit doesn't work anyway, the whole idea is predicated upon some incredibly problematic takes IRL, and no, there's no justification for it outside of intense personal problems with one's own importance. That energy would be infinitely better spent volunteering one's time to help real people in crisis or after surviving one, or even oneself in developing some healthier approaches and thought patterns.

[elenyafinwe]

The DNI hate comes from the fact that ao3 is a public archive and not tumblr or another social media. Once you put it on there, everyone can read it, unless you restrict access to it. And any attempts to change that through dnis come off as not understanding the site at best and controlling, a-holish and a big red flag at worst. DNIs in general are completely useless, because most people who the author thinks of as terfs, antis, freaks or whatever the monster-of-the-day is do not think of themselves as such and would therefore ignore the warning; and those who are the actual bad actors the author wants to keep at bay will ignore the dnis because they are, well, bad actors. So, most people see dnis on ao3 as immature sanctimonious virtue-signaling that only serves to clog the tags and attempt to shame readers. And, well, most people don’t react well to immaturity, sanctimony, virtue-signaling and shaming. Some even overreact.^^

Thanks for your insight and I agree with you! <3 May I add my own thoughts on DNIs?

Because I also think that DNIs in their original use are completely useless for the reasons you named. That's why my only real DNI here is 🔞 I actually don't care if minors follow me, I'm not your parent, I'm not responsible for you. Just ... don't talk to me. I technically have a lot more DNIs like terfs, antis, trump supporter and a whole lot of other nazis, racists and so on. But well. They won't respect that anyway, so I never bothered with actually naming them.

If I see something like TERFs DNI, then it's more an info for me that this account is probably safe for me at least in this aspect. Or a "proshippers DNI", then I know that this blog is in anti-hell and I actually don't interact and run away as fast as I can 😅

I see DNIs as an expression of personal boundaries. Someone don't want to interact with certain people and it's basic decency to respect that. I never ever want to be dragged into pro-anti-discourse and I never ever want to see that in the comments on my texts. Luckily it hasn't happened so far (but then I only have one text that might be considered "problematic" I think?? Ok, someone was scandalized that Shisui and Itachi might be cousins in fanon ... not even canon, mind you).

Of course ao3 is public, but so is Tumblr and no one can hinder you to interact with a text that has a DNI. But you can have the decency to respect the author's boundaries and don't harras them. Just be nice to each other, but that's too much for a whole bunch of people on the internet.

I stated this on reddit and oh boi, the hate was real, but then it's reddit 🙈

I don't think DNIs are a sign of immaturity, rather the total opposite. Someone clearly stated their wish, that certain people don't violate their personal space, and even if the internet is in most places open, this still doesn't give you the right to overstep boundaries. Imagine, I have a conversation with my friends on Twitter and even if we tweet about it not from restricted accounts that doesn't give a stranger the right to step in and throw a tantrum. You wouldn't do the same, if we sit in a public café and some random person comes to us and tells us that we talk shit or something.

As for fanfics: I just want to have fun and a good time. I don't want antis yelling at me for my "problematic ship" or terfs spreading their far right ideology in the comments, because I included genderqueer characters, who are cis in canon, or something else. Of course a DNI note would never hinder those people to interact with my text (unless I restrict or outright delete it), I know that myself, I'm not that stupid.

To be honest I still don't get the whole fuss over DNIs on fanfics, but that's maybe because of my approach to DNIs, that seem to differ from the generall use.

[devinescribe]

Fights

Chapter 12 of 100 Promises

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: Swearing, arguments, talks about panic attacks and I think those are all, let me know if I missed any

"S-sugu... stop it."

He looked at you, shaking, covering your ears. Your eyes were screwed shut, tears dropping off your face, and you wouldn't look up. "Shit, (N/N), you ok?" He asked, walking over to you. "Hm? What's this? Suddenly caring?" Chishiya mocked. "She's having a panic attack you asshole. Get away," Niragi growled at the blonde who still wouldn't get away from you.

Niragi had gotten good at knowing when you were having panic attacks. Some were worse, some were minor, but he'd gotten good at memorizing your triggers and when you were having them. You were experiencing one of the more minor ones right now.

He got closer, noticing you weren't kicking or hitting Chishiya away. Yet, anyways. He kneeled down besides you, grabbing your wrists softly. You slowly opened up your eyes, looking up at him. "You're ok... he's not here. He can't hurt you. You're ok," he whispered, ignoring that Chishiya would use this against him. You nodded, slowly coming out of your state.

A few hours later, you were sitting on the edge of Niragi's bed. "(Y/N), you can't trust him. He's not the kind of guy you should be interested in," Niragi scolded. "But-" you started. "No. no buts. You can't. Especially since you don't want to be known as Chishiya's bitch," Niragi interrupted. His words angered you slightly. Was that really what he thought you were for Chishiya? Maybe because you were... No! He had real interest in you, right?

Right?

"I'm not. I think he has genuine interest. It doesn't feel like when m-"

"(Y/N), he's using you! What part of that do you not understand? He's using as a quick fuck for his own benefit! And you're letting him use your body, gods you're so dumb!"

That was it for you. How could he say something like that? All of your ex boyfriends had sucked, couldn't you have a small bit of joy?

"You know what... fuck you. I don't have to get your approval of every guy I date. I'm allowed to do things, you're not my dad!"

"That's not the point (Y/N) he-"

"I don't care! You didn't have to call me his bitch! And I'm not just letting him use my body, because I'm not! I- I'm not!"

"I get that you're angry, but you have to listen to me. I know what's best for you."

"No you don't! Suguru, I know you're just looking out for me, but please! You don't have to call me names o-or make me feel bad about myself and my decisions!"

"I didn't me-"

"This conversation is over. I'm not doing this. Goodbye."

You left the room quickly, running away. You could hear him chasing after you, but you didn't care. No way you were going to turn around to talk to him. He could go and leave you alone. 'Where can I go... blue!' Your eyes flashed with recognition. You rushed over to the man, grabbing his arm.

"Oh? What's this? (Y/N), you seem in a rush,"  Last Boss noticed. You squeezed his arm nodding over to the other side of the room. "Ah, Niragi? Is the little mouse looking for a place to hide?" He asked. You nodded, tugging on his shirt. "C'mere," he said, pulling you into his room.

"He won't come in here, promise," he stated, seating you on the bed. "I take my promises very seriously, Last Boss. Don't lie to me," you said. It was true. It had been 12 years you and Niragi had been together. Since you were 15, you'd both made promises. And all 99 were kept. No, don't think about him. You're mad at him, don't think about him. "I'm well aware... anyways what game were you playing this time? Tag? Hide and Seek?" He asked. "No game. We had an argument," you whispered. "Oh... do you.... want to talk about it?" He questioned awkwardly. You looked up, and giggled. The usually stoic man was having trouble. "Not really... do you think we could find a cat around the Borderlands?" You asked out of the blue. "A... cat?" He asked, confused on your switching of topics. "I love all animals. Dogs, snakes, cats, and fish are my favorite though," you explained. "I'm... more of a cat person myself," he said. He seemed like a cat person. Quiet, observant, intelligent. Definitely a cat person. "Mm... favorite.... music genre?" You asked. "What game are we playing this time?"

"My version of 20 questions."

Yeah, safe to say he was enjoying your version, because he was winning. You either had to answer the question, or take an article of clothing off. "You have to have something you don't want to share! This isn't fair," you whined. So far, you were half naked, and he still had everything on. He had answered every question, and you were getting kind of frustrated. "These are your rules no? Your game as well... seems fair to me," he answered. "Your sounding like Chishiya. He's not fun to play games with... he doesn't like playing games with me.... in fact... I don't think we even talk outside of... Oh no," you started, realizing something. "What's wrong?" Last Boss questioned. You stood up, gathering up your clothes. You put it on while apologizing to him. "I just realized I need to apologize to Niragi... he was right... gods I'm so fucking stupid! I'm sorry, I promise we'll continue playing more games and talking some other day?" You apologized, sticking out your hand towards him. He shook it. "Alright, I'm holding you up to that promise though."

You ran through the halls of the Beach, desperately looking around for your best friend. "If I were Niragi... roof is a no... his room is a no... My room?" You whispered to yourself. You ran to your room opening the door quickly, shutting it behind you. On your bed was Niragi, sleeping on his side. You frowned, taking off your shoes. You walked to the other side of the bed, crawling into the bed with him. You wrapped your arms around him, whispering apologies he couldn't hear.

You heard him start to wake up a few hours later, and you immediately started apologizing. "Sugu, 'm sorry... you were right, I should've realized it sooner, I should've heard you out. I'm sorry," you frantically apologized. He groaned, looking at you. He noticed how your hand shook slightly. And then he remembered what he had said to you. "I also... need to apologize... I'm sorry for calling you names, and for yelling at you," he whispered. You let out a sigh of relief as you thought he wouldn't forgive you. "For someone so smart I'm really fucking stupid sometimes... I should've... I should've noticed... you were only looking out for me," you cursed yourself. "Yeah, it's kind of my second job. Looking after you," he joked. You pouted shoving his shoulder softly. "I'll push you off my bed, watch it mister," you laughed. "Mhm, I'd love to see you try," he challenged. You'd done it before, and you'd do it again. "Try me bitch," you said. He laughed, sitting up. "What time is it?" He asked. "Mmm... 6:43 why?" You answered. "Games. We might finally get to play together, wouldn't that be fun?"

You couldn't have gotten the worst yet best group... In your car was Chishiya, Last Boss, Niragi, Kuina, and yourself. You were driving, Niragi was in the passenger seat, Kuina was sitting behind you, Chishiya in the middle back seat, and Last Boss behind Niragi. Last Boss and Kuina were mainly quiet, keeping to themselves, occasionally talking to you about something. Now the other two? They were at each other's heads.

"Well at least I've heard of what fucking conditioner is," Niragi retorted to Chishiya. "You use your so called cleverness act like a dramatic bitch who's better than everyone but you're really not," Kuina stated towards Chishiya. "I thought you were on my side?" Chishiya questioned, looking slightly betrayed. "Eh, I wanted to join in on insulting people," Kuina shrugged. "Well, fuck you, fuck you, you haven't talked this whole time but fuck you, I've already fucked you so there's no need for me to say it," Chishiya said. "Oi, you leave her out of this you bastard!" Niragi spat. You were fed up with everyone yelling at each other.

"Can everyone shut the fuck up! How are we supposed to beat a game if we can't even drive to the arena without you two trying to kill each other! I get you hate one another, but I don't give a fuck! Kuina, Last Boss, thank you for being the only two tolerable people today," you shouted. Niragi and Chishiya stared at you in shock. "What? It's true. You want me to sugar coat it and act all sweet? I can do that too. Shi-Shi, Gi-Gi Pwease don't fight! Makes me sad UwU," you pouted, using a childish voice. "That's some fucking pick me girl shit right there," you muttered. "I think it worked they're both quiet," Kuina laughed. "Hey, (Y/N) eyes on the road dumbass," Niragi scolded. You glared at him before, going back to looking at the road.

When you got to the game arena, you were surprised. "Isn't this the mirror maze we used to go to?" You asked Niragi. He nodded. "Might be a spades game then?" He questioned. "Boooring!" You shouted, walking past the entry point. "What, you want it to be a hearts game?" Chishiya asked. "It's the only kind of game I haven't played. I'm getting rather bored of the same thing," you complained, grabbing one of the phones from the table. "You should consider yourself lucky you haven't played a hearts game," Kuina mentioned. "Maybe. But honestly, I'm bored. And a bored  (Y/N), is not a good (Y/N)."

Niragi knew exactly what you were talking about. In the past, when you got bored you'd go out and look for trouble. Texting your ex even though you were an independent bad bitch who didn't need a man, piercings, pulling pranks on him. It got messy.  Have the cops gotten involved? No, but it was pretty close to it. You somehow got out of it, and he would never question your skills.

Registration closed

Game Difficulty: 4 of Hearts

So... I haven't updated this in a while huh? Sorry about that-

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins. 

[pixie88]

Bad Decision

Chapter 4 - Our Little Secret.

A/N: Queen B fanfiction. I’m currently editing and adding all  my FF to my new account. All being added to my pinned masterlist on my profile. Let me know if you would like to be tagged! 

Find previous chapters HERE under Queen B - Our Little Secret.

Word count: 1757

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Some adult language & Angst

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Pixelberry.

Pairings: Ian x MC - Lyla.

Enjoy!

"Lillian, I can explain" Ian tells her "How can any explanation make the fact you are sleeping with a student make this right? Ian, this is wrong on so many levels! Do you not care about your career?" she asks him.

I close the door, Ian turns to me for help "Lillian, I understand this looks bad but I promise this isn't how it started. When we first met I had no idea he was my professor nor did he know I was his student" "So when you did find out why didn't you stop it Ian?" Lillian asks him.

"Lillian, I tried, but the more I denied myself the more I wanted. I love Lyla, I'm even moving to a different university, so I can be with her without any repercussions" " So, you tried? It doesn't look like you tried very hard Ian! What do you two fuck between classes? I bet Lyla is an A class student in your class she has to be considering she's fucking her professor. Ian, how can you be so reckless?" Ian face turns to annoyance.

Lillian, Stop! I will not have you talk about or to Lyla like that! Yes, I have been reckless, but that is from my own doing!" Lillian face soften "Ian, I'm sorry! I just don't want this to blow up in your face and end your career you worked so hard for" (Lillian is right, I can't let Ian risk his career for me. At least not while he's still working here).

"Ian, your sister is right, maybe we should cool it until you start your new job. I can't risk you losing everything for me. So, I think it is best that you find a new TA for the rest of your time here. I'll see you in class." I put the graded essays on the small coffee table.

I go to leave the room, but I feel an arm on my shoulder "Lyla, No! Don't do this!" I turn to face him, his eyes are sad "Ian, I don't want to, but we have to," I see Lillian giving me an agreeing nod to the side of Ian.

"We can still carry on in secret, no one will know" his eye pleading with me (I have to tell him about Poppy) "Someone found out!" I tell him, and he pulls away "You're lying! You're just saying that, so I agree to take a break." "Ian, I wish I was, but I'm not. Poppy found out about us she had photo's of us. She was going to use them to blackmail me, but I managed to delete every copy she had and burn the paper ones. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want you to be a part of my mess" he gives me those puppy dog eyes I can't resist.

"Lyla, You should have told me. We could've dealt with that together" I smile "As much as I love you being my knight in shining armour, this was my mess" "No Lyla, It was our mess. You should've told me." he cups my face.

"I know, but so we don't have this problem again, I think we cool it just until you no longer my professor!" he lets go of my face, turns away from me and takes a seat behind his desk.

"Ian, I know it must be hard, but it makes sense and it's only for a few weeks. I think what Lyla is doing is very noble" she smiles at me.

"If that's all Lyla you may go. I'll get a new TA sorted from tomorrow." he doesn't look at me. I leave his office deflated. (Get a grip 8 weeks aren't that long).

2 Weeks later, I have only seen Ian in class I avoid being the first one there so it isn't awkward or at least any more awkward than Ian has made it. Ian avoids my eyes in every lesson and ignores me around campus. He got a new TA 2 days after I told him to get a new one.

I'm not sure Tony seems up to the job as Ian stressed when ever he's around. Ian's class has ended and I'm getting my stuff together to leave when I hear "Ian! It's so good to see you again" I look up to see Lexi approaching Ian's desk at the front of the class.

I hear his husky tone as I make my way to the end of the aisle to leave the classroom "Lexi, you're early" I reach the door when I hear her reply, "Oh, I thought maybe we could have a few drinks before Richard and Annie arrive" (Argh I need a drink and also a bath tub to drown Lexi in).

I send a quick text to Zoe asking if she was free tonight, but she has a lot of studying to catch up on so would probably spend the night in the library.

(Looks like your on your own tonight Lyla).

After I head home to change I found myself outside The Base Lounge a new club that opened last week. I make my way inside and take a seat at the bar and order a passion fruit martini.

After I don't know how many martinis I pull out my phone. I want to text Ian but I shouldn't, but I go against my better judgement.

[Hi Ian, I hope yuo are having a dreadful time on your date with Lexi!]

[You* Whoops]

PING (5 Minutes later)

[Lyla, I am not on a date with Lexi. We are just having dinner with a few colleagues.]

I laugh nearly falling off the bar stool.

[I bet that's not how she sees it. Now you're free for the making.]

[making*]

[Wait that's still not right taking*]

PING (3 Minutes later)

[Lyla, No one is going to take me. You said it was for the best!]

[That was sober Lyla's idea. She's stupid!! I dom't like her!]

[Don't*]

PING (2 Minutes later)

[Lyla, Are you drunk?]

[Well duh! Come on progessor you have a degree. I thought that was obvious!]

PING (1 Minute later)

[Maybe you should get your friends to take you home to sober up!]

[Professor*]

[ Haha, I would but Zoey was busy]

PING (50 seconds later)

[You're by yourself??]

[You know for a professor you are pretty dumb. Of courses I'm by myself if Zoey isn't here. I'm going to walk home after I have been for a pee. Do you know this place has shared toilets! I know it's new but that's just weird right?]

[Course*]

PING (30 Seconds later)

[LYLA, DO NOT WALK HOME! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! JUST STAY THERE!!]

[No need to shout. Well text shout haha. No I'm fine. I can walk. I'll see you in class tomorrow]

I hear my phone continuously ping and ring, but I ignore it and I make my way out of the club. I start walking in the direction I think my dorm is in.

(I feel like I've been walking forever, everything is spinning, Oh no I'm going to...) I run over to the nearest bin and puke. Once I've stopped I clean myself open with a tissue I have in my bag. (Not my classiest moment) "Are you ok?" I look up to find some guy with long black hair staring at me.

(Oh my god, I have hair envy) "Wow, I love your hair!" He smiles "Thanks, but are you ok?" "Yes, I am fine frank you, I mean thank you" "Are you on your way home?" I look at him confused.

(Oh god, he's one of these weirdos that bury young girls under his driveway) "STRANGER DANGER!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I move away from Mr. Perfect Hair. "Stay away from me" he seems shocked "No! Look, I was just checking you were ok. I did mean to scare you" I still back away from him.

"Keep away from me," I shout at him again. I hear a car pull up, the headlights light us up I turn I can't see who it is but because the light is blinding me but I soon recognize the voice.

"Lyla, there you are" Ian comes into view "I've been looking everywhere for you!" he turns to Mr. Perfect Hair "Can I help you?" Ian asks him. "I was just checking she was ok when I saw her throwing up in the bin over there then the mad cow started screaming stranger danger. She's fucking nuts mate." (Everything after that happened in slow motion) Ian squares Mr. Perfect Hair straight in the jaw.

He runs off and Ian takes my hand and leads me to his car.

He gets into the driver's seat, he seems angry "Are you ok Ian?" his jaw tenses "Ian, I said are yo..." "I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, LYLA!" he shouts, "Excuse you!" "I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout, but you have no idea how worried I was about you!" "Ian, I'm ok!" "You might not have been! Why would you put yourself in danger like that?" "I wanted a drink and no one was free, Plus I was jealous!" I turn away from him.

"Jealous?" he asks I roll my eye "Yes, jealous of Lexi being able to be seen out in public with you and just in your company," he looks over to me with soft eyes "Lyla, This was your idea. I was happy to keep seeing you in secret, but you decided it was best." "Now I don't think it's best. Ian, I miss you," he quickly looks over to me with a smile before returning his eyes to the road.

"I have to admit I've missed you terribly, but you need to figure out what you want!" "Ian, it's you! I want you. I can't wait 6 more weeks, it's killing me now" I see him smirk.

He takes my hand and pulls it to his lips before placing a small kiss against my knuckles "I want you to, Lyla. But if we are going to do this we need to be careful, very careful! No one can know!" "Of course!" "Not even Lillian!" "Ok, but if we are trying to be careful for the next 6 weeks I don't think you should be seen dropping me at my dorm" "Where shall I drop you home?" I grin.

"At your place Professor!" I wink.

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 5.

[iplaydrake]

FULL CIRCLE - CHAPTER 6 - THE RIGHT AND WRONG (AND RIGHT AGAIN) WAY TO BE A STUNNER - PART 3

Catch Up Here :

CHAPTER 6 - THE RIGHT AND WRONG (AND RIGHT AGAIN) WAY TO BE A STUNNER - PART 2

Author’s Note : Positive feedback, constructive criticism, and reblogging are always welcome. I own nothing except the storyline of my MC. Everything else belongs to Pixelberry.

Pairing : Drake x MC

Tag List : @likethetailofacomet @carabeth @rhymesmenagerie @speedyoperarascalparty @butindeed @wannabemc2 @client-327 @jovialyouthmusic @be-still-my-aching-heart @riseandshinelittleblossom @lodberg @drakesensworld @alj4890 @rainbowsinthestorm @ao719 @andy-loves-corgis @drakewalkerisreal @whenyourheartskipsabeat @furiousherringoperatortoad @silentcoyotesong @choicesmacmakes @ladyangel70 @lady-alex-keith @notoriouscs @lynne1993 @qammh-blog @gnatbrain @sirbeepsalot

 *** FLASHBACK - 1 MONTH BEFORE SWEET 16 ***

“I don't even feel like I connect with her anymore; if I ever even did... I mean, what could she possibly see in a guy like me?” She immediately grabbed the piece of his hair she was playing with, yanking it back so he would look up at her. “Ow, Duck!”

“OK, first of all, I told you to stop talking about yourself like that and second, you are the most amazing man I've ever met, Drake. Any girl would be lucky to have a chance to even talk to you. If she can't see that, then that's her loss. God, I just don't understand why you... You know what? Nevermind...”

“What?”

“Nothing... Forget I said anything...”

He sat up from her lap and turned to face her. “Come on, Rem. What were you gonna say?”

She knew better than to think he'd let it go; he never did with her, always saying that the fact that she was so honest and open with him about what she was thinking was how he knew she was more real than any other noble at court. “Why you care so much about someone who treats you like shit.”

“You don't get it, Duck... You don't know what it's like for someone like me to be around people like them... No one treats me or sees me as anything but a commoner... And Kiara may not treat me good all the time but-”

She was suddenly tired of hiding her feelings from him and mad at the same time that after 3 months of spending time together he hadn't noticed them himself. She cut him off before he could continue. “Stop saying no one sees you! I'm here, Drake. I'm right here in front of you and I do! How can you sit there day in and day out and not realize it?... Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you don't think about us? That you've never wondered what it would be like for us to be together?” He was silent for longer than she would have liked and before she could feel anymore embarrassed than she already was, she wiped at the imaginary dust on her pants and stood up. “I guess this is all in my head then... Listen, I'm gonna go, I'll see you... Whenever, I guess.”

As she turned to walk away, he quickly stood and reached out, grabbing her hand. “Rem, no! Please don’t leave!” She paused but didn't turn around. “Look, I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it... Probably more than I should... I mean, after these last few months, how could I not?” She turned to face him waiting for him to continue. "And you're right, you do see me. You are the only one who makes me feel like I'm worth a damn, the only one who takes the time to get to know the real me and I care about you; so much more than I ever thought possible... But Rem, you're only 16. It can't happen for us...” She knew it was the truth but it didn't hurt any less hearing it from him and she dropped her head, feeling the tears start to fall at his rejection. He immediately moved his hand to her cheek to get her to meet his eyes as he continued with a smile. “At least not right now... Listen, I'll make you a deal. We'll keep doing what we're doing, spending time, getting to know each other and we'll see where it takes us. I’ll even promise that if no other guy is lucky enough to experience what it's like to kiss you, it’ll be me... The minute you turn 18, I'll be your first.”

“What exactly are you saying, Drake?”

“I’m saying that if, in 2 years, you still think you want me, we'll be together... For real.”

She shook her head at him, unable to contain her smile. "There's no question in my mind that you're still going to be the one I want... I'm gonna marry you someday, Drake Walker."

*** END OF FLASHBACK ***

When she'd left home almost 6 years ago, she closed herself off to everyone, no longer trusting people's intentions and in turn, never allowing anyone close enough to hurt her. Any memories she had of the place that had caused her so much pain were buried deep down inside of her as she struggled to move on. But as hard as she tried, being home brought them to the surface faster than she'd expected and she could feel her guard dropping at the same speed. As she was packing her bag to head to Lythikos with her brothers and Savannah, she briefly wondered why she was going through these motions. In her mind, she had no intention of staying in Cordonia permanently, knowing there was no way she could stomach seeing, let alone interacting with, anyone who hurt her.

But it was the thought of getting close to Drake again or closer than she already was to Liam, that scared her more than anything. Between the look on Drake's face each time he begged her to believe him and the kiss she shared with each of them the day before, she knew that it was just a matter of time until she gave in to her feelings, knowing exactly where her heart would lie when it happened. Her kiss with Liam had been what she'd expected; sweet and gentle, the kind of kiss only a prince could give. But just like she knew it would, Drake's kiss left her breathless and wanting more. It was Drake... It would always be Drake.

So she did the only thing she could think of... She planned in her head how she was going to avoid him, knowing that after last night, staying away from him was the only chance she'd have if she wanted to make it back to New York with her heart intact. She walked out to the waiting limo, finishing the emails to her teachers and her boss, letting them all know that she wasn't coming back just yet, as she heard Maxwell call out to her.

“Rem, come on! We gotta go!”

“I'm coming, I'm co-” she froze as she looked up and saw him, leaning against the waiting limo. “Uh, Maxwell can I talk to you for a minute, please?”

“Remington, honestly, we do not have time for this.” She ignored Bertrand's call from inside as she gave Maxwell a look that said she wasn't asking. She grabbed his arm and yanked him far enough away where she hoped they wouldn't be overheard.

“Um, what the hell, Maxwell? What's he doing here?”

“What?” Maxwell asked, feigning ignorance. “He asked if he could catch a ride with us... He was supposed to go with Liam but he slept in, something about having a headache... What was I supposed to say?!”

She looked over at Drake, who was smirking at her. “Ugh, I should have hit him harder.”

“What?”

“Nothing... Let's just go...” She ignored the look Maxwell gave her as they walked back towards the limo and he slid in first, as she stopped in front of Drake. He motioned for her to get in, still smirking, and she shook her head, unable hide her own smile as he sat next to her, close enough that their knees were touching. She knew she was in big trouble as he looked down at her and winked, discretely locking his pinky finger with hers. A part of her knew she should pull her hand away, not wanting to give him the wrong idea, but another part was comforted by the simplicity of the gesture. That part won out as they stayed like that the whole way to Lythikos.

*****

“Come on, kid! Skate with me!” Maxwell didn't wait for her response as he grabbed her hand and dragged her out towards Hana. She couldn't help but laugh as the two of them literally skated circles around her. It had been forever since she'd been on the ice and it showed as she struggled to keep her balance and avoid running into anyone. As she made her way around the pond, she caught Drake's eyes as he watched her with a smile. She didn't notice the little blonde girl that was skating, both of them completely unaware that they were about to skate right into each other. By the time either realized, it was too late. The little girl couldn't stop herself as she flew right into Remi, knocking her down, Remi doing her best to take the brunt of the fall. She helped the little girl sit up slowly as Drake rushed out onto the ice, seeing Remi fall and everyone else huddled around them to make sure they were alright. “Whoa, are you ok, sweetie?” She looked around scared, almost as if she was going to be in trouble and as the crowd grew, so did the fear on her face. A woman Remi assumed was her mom hurried over apologizing, “I'm so sorry, Lady Remington! Are you ok?”

Remi immediately waved her off. “I'm perfectly fine! Is she? I tried asking her myself, but she wouldn't answer me.”

Her mother smiled sadly and Remi watched as she signed to her daughter, asking if she was alright. Remi put her hands up, stopping her. She took off her gloves, shifting the little girl's attention to herself to sign. “I'm so sorry I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you ok?” 

The little girl, realizing Remi could sign, smiled for the first time, excited to finally be able to talk to someone else. She signed back excitedly, tell Remi she was fine and they continued their conversation as everyone watched, stunned. Drake and Liam both smiled to themselves as they watched the interaction and after a few minutes, the little girl threw her arms around Remi, hugging her tightly. Her mom reached out for her hand and she waved back to Remi as they walked away. As the crowd slowly dissipated, Drake moved behind her, putting his hands under her arms to help her stand up. Hana, clearly impressed, was the first to speak up. “Wow, Remi! I had no idea you knew sign language.”

“It's not a big deal. I took some classes in school.” She met Drake's eyes and tried to hide her blush as everyone noticed the look he gave her.

“Come on, Rem. Let's head in for a little bit.” Maxwell said as he led her towards the estate. He turned back, catching Drake's attention, and made a slicing motion across his throat, hoping Drake got his message loud and clear.

*****

After dinner, everyone moved to the sitting room to continue their conversations. Remi couldn't help but notice Drake as he continuously looked down at his watch. 

“What's the matter, Walker? Got a hot date you can't be late for?” 

He didn't answer, instead holding out his hand for her to take. “Come with me? I wanna show you something.” She slid her hand in his, allowing him to interlock their fingers together as he led her out into the cold, stopping them when they reached a clearing not far from the estate. He stood in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Ok, so don't be mad...”

“Why would I be-” Before she could finish her sentence, he gave her a soft shove, catching her off guard, and she fell backwards into the snow.

“Heyyy!”

“What? I told you not to be mad...” He said as he let himself fall beside her.

“Seriously, Drake? What the-”

“Shhh... Watch!” He pointed up, making her shift her focus as a meteor shower lit up the night sky.

“Wow... This is amazing.” She looked over at him with a smile to see he was  already staring at her. She slowly slid her hand into his, both of them once again feeling the same spark from so long ago. “Thank you for sharing this with me.” she whispered. 

“I want to share everything with you, Rem.” He leaned over, pulling her into a long kiss before he felt her shiver underneath him. “You're freezing... Let's go in.” He stood first and helped her to her feet, and she slid her hand in his again, this time on instinct. They barely made it through the doorway before his mouth was on hers again, rushed and frantic, the build up of what they'd both waited for for so long now taking over, both knowing exactly where they wanted this to go. Before all logic could go out the window, Remi did her best to get his attention; there was something she knew she needed to tell him before things went any further.

"Drake... Drake, I...” 

“What, Baby?” He didn't stop, instead speaking through his kisses.

“I'm… I've never… been WITH anyone... Like this…" She said, trying catch her breath. He pulled away to look at her and she suddenly felt insecure under his surprised stare.

"I just... I mean before I left, anyway... I always thought me and you… That you would be my..." She fumbled with her words feeling more and more self-conscious by the minute. "I just... I wanted to be honest." She looked down, afraid to meet his eyes.

He brought his hands up, lifting her face and stared at her as if he was trying to remember this moment forever, before slowly leaning in to kiss her again. "I'll never know what I did to deserve you…” He kissed her once more before he held out his hand to her. “Come on, come with me.” She grabbed it, holding it tight in both of hers as he led her down the hall to his room.

Want to continue? Click below for the next chapter :

CHAPTER 7 : I’VE GOT YOU DOWN TO A TEE

[bouncetothenextdick]

Ive decided that im allowed to think about whatever I fucking think about and I'm gonna stop trying to censor my own thoughts because it doesn't even work in the first place lmao. So anyway, I was thinking about my ex friend and how the months before we "broke up" we were both kinda annoyed with eachother over little things here and there and I kept trying to bring it up because I heard ur supposed to communicate or whatever LMAO. I would just be like, very casually, " soooo we haven't been getting along recently huh" and she'd be like idk I guess and I'd be like ok lmao, truly a+ deep conversations. Like I'm thinking the issue was that we were in university and she was in health sci and took it super seriously because she's one of those smart people that actually work hard and do well and here I was in my little intro psych courses, not really giving a fuck as was my normal school mode at this point, already starting to feel lost and on the verge of depressed/ maybe already depressed who fucking knows. So anyway, she was stressed about the work load, which like fair enough, but it made me feel neglected during a period where I was already quite fragile and sensitive, which I think made me cling harder and that just added to the tension. Then when I finally put it into words(LIT RALLY in the tags of a tumblr post, which is still really fucking funny to me that I lost a friend over a fight on tumblr lmao) I guess it made her feel attacked instead of getting across the fact that I felt a little hurt by her "ignoring" me (aka not texting me, not even noticing that I wasn't texting her, not trying to see me or hang out or even take the bus together lmao etc etc, basically not putting effort into the friendship) so she got mad at me, chewed me out a little while I was like wtf are we really fighting over this right now???? Fine then, you wanna fight then we're fucking fighting and then I never spoke to her again. So idk, like I acknowledge the things I did wrong, like not giving her space or communicating my feelings in a way that didn't make her feel attacked (although honestly I don't think I said it that harshly, I would have downplayed it and made it seem like a joke HOWEVER I could have explained myself more), but I think looking back there is only so much I could have done. I think maybe letting go of that relationship was actually a healthy thing to do????? Idk tell me if I'm wrong but I think if I was feeling neglected and like the only one trying, it wouldnt be fair to keep myself in that relationship. Obviously just never speaking again probably wasn't the right move since neither of us got closure and seeing her afterwards was super fucking weird and awkward but like??? Idk man

[leelee10898]

Kinky cards CGW edition- Round 2: Leo x Alicia

Kinky cards rides again.. round 2. This is from the CGW (Cordonians gone wild) AU. A collaborative effort by @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @cocomaxley @riseandshinelittleblossom and myself. Catch up on our other adventures HERE

As always if you would like added to the tag list. Let one of us know!!

Alicia stood in the kitchen plating the lasagna she had made for their dinner. She felt a pair of strong arms snake around her waist, his lips brushed the side of her neck “that smells delicious love.” his smokey voice momentarily dulling her senses. She spun around giving him a quick peck. “How was 4 wheeling with Max?” she grinned grabbing their plates and heading for the table. “It was good, we rode almost all day.. stef was kinda pissed she couldn't come, I told her next time Max can stay home and she can come. How was spa day?” he brought a beer and a glass of wine sitting down.

“It was, ah not bad.” she stuck her fork into her food. Leo gave her his sly smirk “yeah? You fill the girls in on our sexy kinky card night?”

Alicia blushed “it may have come up.. speaking of kinky cards” she got up getting into her purse. She flicked the card out with two fingers, Leo leaned forward grabbing the card.

“movie and chill. Have your partner pick a movie, (no longer then 2 hours) and give him/her and hand job, but don't let them finish before the end credits.” Leo read.

“you picked a new card?” he clocked his brow “I did.”

“so, I pick a movie and tease you for 2 hours?”

“um no, you can pick a movie and I have to tease you for 2 hours.” she smirked “unless… unless you're not up for the challenge?”

Leo scoffed “yeah, ok.. you know I'm up for the challenge. Matter of fact, I'll even let you pick the movie.” “Deal.” she grinned. She had a plan and boy was he going to crack.

A few days later Leo sat on the couch flipping through the channels. “what do you want to watch, there isn't much on tonight Love.”

Alicia walked into the living room DVD in hand “I thought we could watch a movie.” she grinned popping it into the DVD player and joining him on the couch. She flashed the card at him, his face falling slightly. “you wanna play that,  tonight?” “Sure do.” he groaned running his hand down his face “what movie did you pick.” a large grin spread across her face “fifty shades darker.”

as the movie began her hand began palming his length over his sweatpants. He started to harden immediately at her touch. He shifted in his seat. “oh, I'm sorry is this uncomfortable for you? Maybe I should..” she stood pulling down his pants, his stiff length sprang forward. “there, that's better.” she toss them across the room and sat back down grasping his cock pumping him slowly. “that's…  ah. Fuck baby.” he groaned. “mmhmm just focus on the movie.” she giggled. This card would be tricky, if she stroked to much, he wouldn't last the duration of the movie, But just enough he would be potty in her hands.

Leo's breathing became uneven, he was starting to not be able to think straight fuck this card. Leo, you can do this. He thought to himself as his wife jerked her hand with a flick of the wrist “Fuck!” he moaned.

Just as the first six scene of the movie started.  He knew he wasn't going to last, and then it hit him. Two can play this game. His hand slid up her leg settling between her thighs. “Leo, what are you doing? The card says I have to tease you.”

“yes, but it doesn't say anywhere that I can't do the same.” he smirked as his fingers slipped under the soft fabric of her shorts. He worked his fingers through her folds his fingers teasing her wanting center. “mmm you're wet already, all that jerking my cock turning you on love?”

She took a deep breath “You play dirty.”

“Now when have you ever known me to play by the rules l, especially when it comes to your body?” his voice a husky tone as she continued to pump his length.

She felt his fingers travel slightly north as he found that sensitive bundle. He started rubbing loose, slow circles around it before picking up the pace. She let of of the grip she had on his dick as she grasped the couch with both hands. Suddenly he heard a knock at the door. “they'll go away. He continued to rub her clit causing her toes to curl.

The knocking continued. Leo let out a long sigh. Standing up searching for his pants. He grabbed a throw pillow off the couch, he pulled open the door, one hand on his pillow the other on the door. “Yes Bastien?” Leo huffed annoyed. Bastien looked at  Leo, un phased by his naked form. “Liam wanted me to remind you that you two have an important meeting first thing in the morning.”

“I am well aware of this Bas.. he couldn't just text me?” Leo Grunted. “He said it was better to tell you in person. I'll ah, let you get back to it.” Leo slammed the door, tossing the pillow to the side. Quickly returning to his wife

“now. where were we?”

He develed two fingers into her aching core as he continued to work her clit with his thumb. “mmmm fuck Leo.” she rocked her hips bringing herself closer to her release. “oh fuck, I'm gonna.” and then he stopped, cutting her life line.

Her eyes snapped open staring at her husband. “what love? The card says don't let them finish before the ending credits.” he gave her a crooked grin. “oh, is that so? Ok. Rule breaker.” a mischievous smirk flashed across her face. She grasped his cock again pumping slowly. “let's see how you like it.”

She bent over, laying flat on the couch she swirled her tongue around his tip his breath hitched in his throat “wha…  what are you doing love?” she ignored him as she continued to tease his shaft with her tongue. She brought her lips to his swollen tip wrapping them tightly around him as she lowered her head, flicking her tongue as she brought it back up. He shuddered at the sensation. She bobbed her head slowly swirling her tongue around his throbbing cock. Her hand gently cupping his balls. She picked up the pace taking his entire length “fuck, that's, oh fuck baby.” his hands gripped her hair. She let out a loud moan, the vibration rocking him to the core. “oh fuck Alicia. Fuck.” she felt his legs twitch as she lifted her head releasing his length with a pop.

Leo's mouth flew open, she brought him so close and then nothing. A low growl escaped him as he stared at his wife through lost blown eyes as she sat up. He pounced on her, pinning her to the couch. “that was dirty, you don't play fair. And I am proud as shit. But..” he yanked her shorts down and toss them across the room. “I think you need to be punished.”

He dove between her legs flattening his tongue swiping it from her center to her clit as he swirled it around. His lips and tongue working together stucking and flicking as he pumped two fingers into her wanting center. “fuck, Leo yes.” her hands tangled in his sandy colored locks pulling him closer. “Yes, fuck. LEO.” she felt herself getting closer.  He moaned out feeling the way she was coming apart by his touch. “fuck that card.” he swiftly pumped his fingers into her until she screamed out, her juices coating his fingers. He pulled them out sucking them clean. He lined himself up with her dripping center and sunk into her.

“Fuck baby you feel so good.” he thrust his hips at a fast, rough pace. “Fuck, Leo, yes.”

She closed her eyes getting lost in the feeling

“he.. hello? oh hey drake.” her eyes flew open, he answered the phone?! “Leo,  what the fuck?!” she seethed. He snickered “oh, sorry buddy I'm otherwise occupied at the moment.”

“Harder Leo, Fuck!” she hollered, he tossed the phone and gripped her hips pulling her up onto him. She grinded her hips against him and then bounced up and down. his strong hand bringing her down harder against him as he thrust into her. “Fuck baby, you feel so good.I don't know how much longer I can last.” He moaned. And there it was, another knock at the door.

“Was that the door?” Alicia asked, out of breath. Another impatient knock. He continued to thrust into her. A knock again. “Ughhhhhhh.” he let out a frustrated growl. As he lifted Alicia off of him, laying her down on the couch. He stood stomping to the door, jaw clenched. He flung the door open standing stark naked, stiff length standing at attention. “what? What the fuck do you need now Ba… Madeline?”

Madeline stood there wide eyed. “well?” He impatiently asked. “I um, I was told you needed to see me?” she stuttered.  Leo scoffed “Clearly you've been misinformed. If you don't mind I'm in the middle of fucking my wife.” He turned and slammed the door. Leaving a stunned Madeline on the other side.

“The next time someone knocks, they'll  stand there.” he sat back on the couch as she straddled him, lowering herself back onto his hard cock. He gripped her ass as she bounced against him, his thrust in perfect rhythm with her. It didn't take long as he felt her walls flutter around him.

“Leo, fuck yes, yes. Oh fuck yes!” she screamed as she stilled herself, him still thrusting into her, she twitched, grinding her hips against him as her nectar gushed out, coating his length. “oh fuck baby.” he groaned as he thrust deep into her, finding his own release.” her lips crashed down in his. “Looks like we failed that kinky card.” she giggled. “Eh, teasing fun, but I love making you cum.”

She climbed off of him, picking up the remote. She giggled. “what's so funny love?” he clocked his brow. “I'm pretty sure we didn't make it 20 minutes into the movie before you broke the rules.”

“I'm not complaining. But I do think Liam and Anitah need some pay back.” Leo grinned. “Now, should we finish this movie?” he continued. She shook her head “No, I have an even better idea.. ready for round 2 bam bam?”

Tag: @greyeyedsmile14 @mind-reader1  @hopefulmoonobject @alicars @bella-ca @blznbaby @blackwidow2721 @liamxs-world @simsvetements @furiousherringoperatortoad @choicesfannatalie @crookedslimecreatorpasta @coldcollectornight08 @museofbooks @syltti78 @blubutterflyy @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @liam-rhys-x-mc-x-constantine @riseandshinelittleblossom @gardeningourmet @annekebbphotography @carabeth @moneyfordiamonds @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @3pawandme @indiacater @ooo-barff-ooo @ownworldresident @tornbetween2loves @perfectprofessorherokid @stopforamoment @editboutique @wannabemc2 @zaffrenotes @enmchoices @lauradowning29 @lodberg @smalltalk88 @laniquelovesworld @gibbles82 @heatherfilliez @noey718-blog @nikkis1983 @sweetest-marbear @classylady1234 @daniv2278

[robotslenderman]

OK I'm on desktop now so asks are back on, but turning off anon for a while until the TERFs go away and/or learn to act like fucking adults.

It's clear to me that I was wrong about people still using "queer" as an insult, and I own that. But I still stand by everything else, including the fact that the anti-queer discourse is largely pushed by TERFs and that if you're not a TERF, you should really learn about that.

(And once again -- the OP of that post is much more patient than me, because I'm so used to bad-faith attacks [see: the amount of anons I've had lately calling me "a piece of shit"] that I just assume that everyone who tells me my existence is a slur is saying it out of malice and not out of well-intentioned ignorance. Sorry, but if you call me a piece of shit I will never, ever believe you have good intentions or actually give a shit about what I have to say.)

I also want to know why the fuck, when you've been told by bigots all your life that being queer is a bad thing, you would then turn around and agree with them.

Actually no, I don't want to know, because that answer can't possibly be anything that wouldn't send me into a white hot rage. It reeks of respectability politics, of "but I'm not like those OTHER gays!" About whitening and cissening and gender rolesing the movement as a whole until it's palatable to the masses, and that means purging the people who aren't. Like us dirty little queers you hate.

I'm also confused as to why that "the majority of gay people don't want to be called queer" thing is supposed to be a trump card. (And I haven't even looked at the study, so for all I know it's egregiously flawed, but I don't have the mental energy to get into it so I won't. But let's presume it's not flawed and it's totally true.)

Like, duh. Most straight people don't want to be called gay. Most gay people don't want to be called queer because they're not fucking queer! People don't want to be called things that they aren't! Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're queer, it just means you're gay! Queer doesn't mean "everyone who is not-straight and/or not-cis," it means "someone who is not-straight and/or not-cis who relates to the term queer." You can be gay and queer, you can be gay and not queer, you can be queer and not gay.

Ugh. 90% of activism is education and I just... don't have the patience or the masochism to be an educator. To educate, I need to be patient, I need to be understanding, I need to be sympathetic, even in the face of bigotry, because nobody will be won over by me being a ball of white hot rage at them. I cannot shame people into listening to me. I can't call them a bigot to their face and expect them to actually sincerely listen to me and what I have to say.

But I also used to try the patient education route, and all it really does is open you up for abuse. I can't do it. This movement is bigger than what I want, but it's so fucking hard and I just don't have the character for it. And that's why although I'm queer, I'll never call myself an activist. Because to be an effective activist you need to be a little masochistic and a lot patient, and I can't do that. I need to be able to look past my own pain to understand that even the most evil-seeming people are acting in response to their own pain, and I can't do that.

And I fucking salute people who can. I don't know how any of you do it.

For the rest of you, who are coming onto my page to sling anonymous abuse:

Your trauma is not an excuse to take the side of our oppressors.

If you have been told by our oppressors all your life that being queer is a bad thing, that is not an excuse to agree with them and carry on their work.

If someone is truly traumatised by the word "queer", I 100% guarantee they already have the word "queer" blacklisted, so there is absolutely no reason to tag "q-slur" except to attack queer people.

Listen to queer people. Ask yourself why you think we call ourselves that if it really is a slur. Do you think we're trying to hurt non-straight, non-cis people who aren't queer? Do you think we're trying to make you look bad? Or are you just still trying to grasp for the approval of the people you loved who let you down by trying to come across as "like one of you, really!"?

Learn your queer history. Learn about the entire generation of queer people that died only for you to spit on their memories. Are you even aware that an entire generation of queer people was almost wiped out, or do you think that LGBTQ+ activism only got started in the '00s? Buddy, in the '80s, it was alive and kicking -- until it wasn't.

Learn about the queer suicides of the '10s. Oh, there were many that came before -- and after -- but that was when they were at their height in publicity. There were so many I can't even remember their names, I just remember suicide after suicide.

Learn that the queer community is not the same as the LGBT+ community. If you're queer, you're part of the queer community. If someone talks about the queer community, they are not talking about you, they are talking about queer people. No one is calling you queer.

One last piece of advice -- if you want people to stop calling themselves queer, stop shitting on them when they're more specific about their identity. This means not shitting on trans people, on enbies, on a-spec people. "Queer" is how we fight back against that shit. You want us to stop that? Then disarm yourself first. That version of my post that's going around? It specifically calls me out for not being LGB. IE, not being one of the Acceptable non-straights/non-cisses. And then you fucking wonder why we call ourselves queer to protect ourselves from you?

Our oppressors started this work of malice and discrimination. Do not finish it for them. You're helping them, and nobody else.

Asks turned off until the TERFs and TERF apologists fuck off.

Or until I figure out how to turn anonymous asks off on mobile, whichever comes sooner.

[drarrygirl27]

Thanks for the tag, @unsealingkale !

1. what does your name mean / mean to you?

Oh wow! I learned something new about my name. It is a Hindi boy name meaning, Center. I'm used to reading it meaning things like knowledge, wise, understanding, and water baby. This is very interesting!

I used to hate my first name years ago, but honestly I really used to hate myself for many reasons for many years. I now love my first name as much as I love my middle name. My last name is pretty cool. I used to want to change it to my biological last name, but now it ties me to both my grandma (She got remarried when my dad and his brother were in their teen years. The man she remarried, she had 3 of my uncles with, 2 are still alive.) and my dad so I'm going to keep it for a little while longer. My dad has another brother who I keep in contact with with my biological last name. They found each other through Facebook years and years ago.

2. breakfast, lunch or dinner?

Breakfast because breakfast is the bomb! That is my favorite kind of food, day or night. I do eat lunch and dinner too, but breakfast food will always have my heart.

3. what are you proud of?

I am proud of how far I actually have come in my life. There were times where I literally wanted to just let things be even when it was bad for me to do so, but I still eventually found the courage to leave when I knew that in my heart of hearts that I needed to for the good of my overall well being. I have had to do that a good bit of times in my life and despite how some of it hurt me really bad to do so emotionally and sometimes mentally even, I knew that I just had to do it because if I would have stayed in some if not most of those situations, I wouldn't be where I am now.

I don't have the best job in the world right now and things have been really hard especially with this crazy ass situation going on, but I am so much happier in so many ways than I was 3 years ago and years before that even. I have grown a lot in many ways. I have the Army to thank for that at least partly. That place pushed me to my limits in so many ways that I had no choice, but to see that I really, really needed to change in some ways if I was ever going to get anywhere in life in the Civilian world. It was what I like to call a necessary hell.

4. your go to song on a bad day?

Not sure if this counts, but when I get scared or anxious about something, I listen to "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins. It feels like he is singing it to me in a way. It sounds crazy I know, but I have loved this song for many years and overtime it just became a really good comforting song for me.

5. have / want tattoos

I don't have tattoos and I don't think I will ever get a tattoo. I don't like needles. I'm not as bad as my mom with them, but I still don't like the way they feel and I wouldn't know what to get anyway.

6. what are you looking forward to post ‘rona?

To go to places without having to wear a mask like the movies and the mall for instance. They drive me nuts! I wear them for work and when I go into stores. At home, I stay mask free because no one has the 'rona in the house because we all wear masks when we go out some where like work places and the like.

7. fave place you’ve travelled to / where you would like to travel to?

Lost Maples Natural State Area in Texas, hands down! It is a gorgeous place with mountains with hiking trails and beautiful unbelievably crystal clear water.

North Carolina. I need to pay respects to my grandma and if it is allowed I am thinking about spreading my dad's ashes on her grave as well. I was in the Army when she died. I was offered to go back home because of it, but I knew my grandma would have wanted me to keep going and so I did.

8. name a personal object in your room that you love

My grandma's and Daddi-o's memorial service discs even though the Bitch Cunt of the Century a.k.a. Former stepmom was in charge of the pictures on my Daddii-o's discs. You can tell because she is in most of the pics. *Sighs* Lord, I wish I would have had enough balls to tell that 'thing' to fuck all the way off! *Sighs* Hindsight is 2020 and unfortunately, all that shit went down in 2017.

This Bitch Cunt of the Century actually had the absolute gall just like she does every year to wish me a happy birthday. I of course ignored it like I do every year. In other words, Go fuck yourself & leave me alone!!! I want to forget that you ever, ever existed, please & thank you. By the way, that statement was towards my former stepmom who is I am pretty certain as a curtain has a spot in Hell waiting for her and not at any of you. I just wanted to make sure that that was clear as crystal.

9. what’s your niche interest?

Hmm... I have a good bit of them to be honest. I will just name my main fandoms at the moment. Rhink, Supernatural, and Harry Potter especially when it comes to shipping. LOL!

10. ideal date with yourself?

Hmm... An ideal date with myself, eh? This is going to sound so weird or maybe not, but either a trip to a bookstore or a thrift and or antique store. I love to check out those kinds of places.

11. share a pic from your camera roll that brings you joy

This cute little thing is Lulu off of Kittisaurus. He is my favorite cat on that YouTube channel.

12. Is there anything you would say to your younger self?

Yes there is. Things will get better than what they are now. You just have to be patient and strong. One day your life won't be completely the same. It will be better. We ourselves will be better so keep your head up kid and don't give up on the fact that one day your life will change and that you will change for the better and that you will be truly happy. Eventually, wonderful things will come your way, but you first have to go through some trials & tribulations that will make you want to just give up, roll over and cry and allow life & people to screw you over. Don't let them! You are stronger and brighter in spirit than you will ever realize. Keep striving to have a better & happier life because you are worth it. You have always been worth it and I love you. One day you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say that to yourself like I am telling you right now.

After that I would embrace my younger self while she cried. That is probably what more than likely would happen if I met up with my younger self somehow.

13. do you bop to music on (I corrected this. It originally said in.) your own? do you sing?

Yep especially while driving in my car to and from work and at work too.

Oh Hell Yeah! I sing way more than I used to especially not just by myself behind closed doors. I don't sing out loud at work though because people could be sleeping and also I'm still a wee bit hesitant to sing in front of people like face to face depending upon where I am at, who I am with, and such. I'm working on it, but I do show my talent to people a lot more than what I used to.

Now that I work at the school district this has changed quite a bit. LOL! 😆 I more than likely especially this summer thus far have given unintentional concerts to some people possibly.

14. is there a type of animal you associate with home? does your house get animal visitors?

Hmm... I was around cats a lot more than dogs throughout most of my lifetime especially my childhood and teenage years.

If we're being sappy though I'd say cats and dogs now. My boyfriend's brother and sister-in-law have a cat that I love a lot. He is what I like to call a sweet asshole. LOL! He can be nice and or loving, but not towards most people. He is kind of like my boyfriend in that way. They're both assholes to people who actually deserve it, but if you're a good and respectable person they'll show you the same kind of decency.

My mom has two German Shepherds that are my fuzz sisters. I love them way more than I thought I would ever love dogs. I was just a cat person for a really, really long time, but now I actually like or love dogs depending upon my relationship with them.

As far as animal visitors go now that Doug & I have an apartment that has loads of cats just casually hanging out in some spots including our patio yesterday swatting at some birds, the answer to the next question is yes. Too bad I was at work when that was occuring. It sounded so entertaining & cute!

15. is there an artist of any kind who speaks to your soul?

Oh goodness! So many of them do. A lot of musical artists, writers, and the like. To name them all would have me write out a novel or two even. LOL! However, I will say one at least. Stevie Nicks is a huge one. I love her and her music too death. She was also awesome in Fleetwood Mac as well.

Ok. So this is going to be possibly weird to do because this post is so old and I honestly cannot remember for the life of me if I ever posted it. If I did I apologize in advance for the possible repeat. LOL!

Anyway, thank you @unsealingkale ! I apologize sincerely if I never answered & posted these questions and or apologize for doing it twice depending on whether I did not post or I already have. Anywho, here are my good vibes to you & yours: 😃💖✊✌️ Rock on! 🎸 Stay safe, Be smart, & Take care! May the Force or whatever you believe in be with you always!!! 🌟🌟🌟