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fordanoia · 6 years ago

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@whatwouldteslado Unanswered Asks [1/?]

As much as I’d like to cover every single impactful ask... mid event that is just not happening. Not unless all I did was copy/paste with no explanation.

So instead, these are going to be the ones that I think are really important and nearly a “need to know” basis. Refer to the previous post on unanswered asks for a few impactful asks that I won’t cover here since there’s already a post for them.

Second one is now up here.

Also some trend mentions will be in here.

In general though, posts encouraging Ford are usually taken to heart and makes him feel as though he’s not entirely alone in this. However, a good chunk of the time they’re taken as outright taunting of pretending to care.

----

I’m not crying you’re crying. This set of messages actually had the rare effect of actually comforting about his deal with Bill. It didn’t shy away from the truth of the matter or downplay it, but the reason of it was what made him feel better. He saved this one.

He still felt guilty in that he thinks he could have known in advance, and that he should have, but it felt like (even if they knew the whole truth) they would still feel that way about him.

He feels guilty at the thank you, but it’s very minor compared to the comfort of the whole message.

I think the key was addressing it would be “Ford’s part” in the end of the world rather than trying to absolve him entirely of guilt... which he would never have been able to believe. So, while he still feels like he doesn’t deserve the forgiveness it still gave him a tether of comfort that there’d be at least one person... just at least one that would forgive him for a mistake that cost the entire world.

A mistake that he feels shouldn’t be forgiven, but that helped leagues and leagues to know wasn’t absolute damnation from everyone.

... Ford liked this one a lot. Really due to the idea of it almost being like a prepared jab? Like he got to be involved in it this time.

Messages trying to explain away Stan being to blame or similar kicked up his bitterness because Stan outright back stabbed him, and it kind of hurts that upon revealing this painful moment that there were people immediately dismissing it as Stan’s fault when they had no good indication of that.

It really made it hurt more- because Stan’s sort of immediate reaction to getting accused of breaking the project because he couldn’t stand letting Ford going out on his own.... was to dismiss Ford’s feelings and try to make it seem fine which was kind of the ultimate heart break in that Ford’s feelings seemed to have been WHOLLY unimportant to Stan.

So it pretty much dredged up all the pain of that moment of how Stan didn’t care about him, but... also on a whole of his feelings not mattering in a wider sense too.

Messages sympathizing for Stan meanwhile made Ford feel guilty because... they were all right. They were all things he tried not to think about too, how Stan could have been homeless all this time and of course that just started with getting kicked out back then.

The emoticons were a brief light in Ford’s day.... though he was also unintentionally using that to distract himself from the guilt and bitterness regarding Stan.

Holy Fuck, You Really Did That Huh.

THIS has now became A GODDAMN CONSIST REPEATING REFRAIN in Ford’s mind to the point of him doing constant reality checks like pinching himself.

This is part of what had Ford damn near disassociating after going out into the snow because due to his physical state things were acting weird and dream-like so this completely set him off on the idea that none of it was actually real.

Not to mention, if things go wonky in a manner that Ford sees as “absolute proof that he’s dreaming” then... that’s highly unpredictable.

The messages mentioning sleep deprivation effects did help to combat this as once brought to his attention he realized everything weird could be accounted to that.

There were several asks pointing out that the yellow eye thing was likely a hallucination or microsleep and was one of the things that helped Ford calm down about it to some degree and be able to push it to the back of his mind instead of spiraling and focusing on it.

Seriously like A+ job with that because another breakdown... would have lead to a lot of lost time during an important stage.

Shame and deep seated loathing because 1 he thought about all the red flags and felt like even more of an idiot. Then the simple confidence in the lower statement just really hones into him that they don’t know him. like --They only have partial information so of course they don’t think he’s an idiot, but he is. If they knew the entire truth and all the details they’d realize that and then everyone would think about him as he thinks about himself, which would be in the full light of the truth.-- which is really, heavily biased to where he thinks so low of himself during this time.

Ford has been actively ignoring nearly every single mention of the SOTB because he doesn’t want to believe that Fidds struck a deal with Bill. The SOTB is highly dangerous with the memory wipe, and they could be after him, but he doesn’t think they’d align with Bill.

In truth, it’s mostly he believes it because it’s what he wants to believe. He doesn’t want to think that even now his association with Bill has endangered Fiddleford as any deal with Bill is sure to do in his opinion. At the same time Fidds is superstitious so it’s unlikely. He additionaly doesn’t want to believe that Fidds would side with Bill in demolishing him, as he considered Fidds to be a friend even though he wiped his memory (which Ford is conflicted regarding since it was less malicious intent and more to hide stuff from him though that’s still not a good thing for super obvious reasons, especially in a friendship) but Ford has been questioning if Fidds has made himself forget Ford and thus there’d be no bond to keep Fidds from directly endangering Ford.

Taunting form Bill is either taken as Ford getting this odd mix of upset and worried, though after a number of asks from “Bill” he came to the conclusion that not all of them were Bill HIMSELF. However, he can’t tell between trolls and direct agents of Bill so he takes all of the messages with a grain of salt, excluding panic-inducing ones that bring a new worry to his attention.

Questions about his eyes being yellow and similar CONTINUE to freak out Ford as it’s bringing his attention, unwanted, to that which is panic inducing when he thinks about it. He reasons it’s less important than the journals though since he can already be possessed.

All asks regarding Stanley being S, just asking for confirmation are generally being ignored as he doesn’t want to admit it. He may respond to questions regarding ‘Stan/Stanley’ as long as they aren’t just simply about him being S or if he’d answer the question regularly. He realizes everyone knows S is Stanley, but he still doesn’t want to directly confirm it.

This one filled Ford with A WHOLE LOT OF DREAD, with a sort of spiral as he fell into sleep of “I’m not safe. I’m not safe, I’m not safe.” Because well... he couldn’t possibly see the situation as safe.

Okay so not technically impacting BUT I really liked this ask because it made BIll simmer a bit because /yeah/ he is still stuck in the room and damn human fleshbag limitations.

This was kind of the start of the Bill’s anger that led up to the “Where Doesn’t It Belong” Game. He probably would have done the game with all the mockery even without this, but this was definitely an incentive of making everyone understand the situation.

This was a sort of ‘last straw’ ask for Bill’s temper. It caused his second miss to be worse than what it would have been originally. Also in general, ALL of the mocking messages are what CAUSED the “Where Doesn’t It Belong” Game to start in the first place.

#whatwouldteslado #wwtd #fordatalk #/oh man/#sorry this focused a lot on trends mroe than individual asks but #(so many asks and i'm still trying to do an event tonight)

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sleepieash · 7 years ago

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[efflorescence] - bakudeku; hanahaki, 4/?

as beautiful as they were, he grew tired of the sight (and taste) of green chrysanthemums after the first petal fell from his mouth.

one - two - three

The bus ride to their training location was frustrating to say the least.

Iida had previously instructed them to line up according to their assigned seats, but thankfully with the bus’s layout, it didn’t allow for that to come to fruition. Bakugou had sighed and thanked whatever higher power would listen that he didn’t have to spend a bus ride seated next to Midoriya.

However, he quickly noticed that the spot he picked wasn’t much better. Midoriya was across the aisle, a few rows in front of him, chatting amicably with Todoroki. Kirishima was seated in directly in front of them with Kaminari to his left. Ashido was in one of the seats parallel to them but he couldn’t directly see her besides the pink, fluffy hair that poked out from the top of the seat.

It unnerved him to have them so far away with the knowledge they now held. Especially since Kirishima had the chance to tell Kaminari discreetly. Despite the fact that the bus ride only lasted an hour, Bakugou fumed the entire time.

The bus stopped in an empty lot and the students of Class 1-A filed out, most of them stretching. Bakugou stayed back for a bit, choosing that time to swallow a pill to combat the attack that was sure to come if he remained in Midoriya’s presence.

Tokoyami, who had been next to him on the ride, approached him but kept a few feet between them. “Sick, Bakugou?”

Bakugou’s heart momentarily stopped when he realized that he hadn’t been as discreet as he originally thought.

“Play it off.” he thought to himself. “Don’t make it seem like something’s wrong.”

“Just a stupid fucking cold.” Bakugou replied, waving the box of lozenges he’d picked up.

Tokoyami looked at him for a bit before nodding. “Ah, I see. I hope you feel better.”

Bakugou nodded in response and watched as Tokoyami moved to join the rest of their classmates who were gathering around Aizawa. He took his place at the end of the group near where Ashido stood.

As soon as she caught sight of Bakugou, she came over and linked arms with him. He scowled and attempted to pull himself away, but the look of blatant concern had him swallowing deeply and looking away. Ashido was one of the least intelligent in the class (along with Kaminari) but she had an affinity for emotion and Bakugou found himself becoming less and less willing to wallow alone. Not since he’d been forced to tell Ashido and Kirishima about his Hanahaki. Even if he hated to admit it, it’d felt a bit relieving to share it with someone else rather than hide it constantly. So, for the time being, he allowed Ashido to cling to him.

It wasn’t long before the group was made to move from their location. The pro heroes, The Pussycats, had joined them and instructed everyone to push through the forest in order to get to the lodge. It was obvious that it was a training exercise so Bakugou, along with Midoriya, Iida and Todoroki, made quick work (or rather, as quick as they could) of the enemies scattered throughout the forest and reached the lodge. Their classmates followed a few minutes afterwards.

Despite the fact that they were instructed to arrive around 12:30, the entire group arrived in the evening, all exhausted. Aizawa must have opted to take pity on them because without much instruction, he herded them into the dining hall.

In the chaos of everyone rushing to get food, Bakugou found himself seated right next to Midoriya, who smiled at him almost immediately. Fortunately, the pill from earlier had had a chance to work itself through him so besides the fondness that settled within him at seeing Midoriya, he was fine.

“How are you feeling, Kacchan?” Midoriya asked, a bit muffled with his mouth full of rice.

Bakugou tried not to think about how undeniably cute Midoriya looked with his cheeks puffed out like that and chose instead to focus on his food as he answered somewhat truthfully, “Like shit. This cold is kicking my ass.”

“Hmm.” Midoriya hummed and Bakugou knew the other boy was thinking about how he refused to tell him about what was really going on.

Bakugou braced himself for the series of questions Midoriya was bound to ask to somehow get him to speak more about his condition. Thankfully, it never came as Asui spoke up, clearly having heard their conversation since she was seated directly across from Bakugou.

“You’re sick?” Asui addressed him.

Bakugou narrowed his eyes at the dark-haired girl. Usually, he mostly ignored her presence since she wasn’t one of the annoying ones in their class, but the fact that she was butting in got on his nerves.

“Mind your own business, Froggy.” he spat out.

Asui continued to stare at him as Midoriya whirled around to face him, berating words probably already on his tongue. “Kacchan! Don’t be that way. Tsuyu-san is just worried.”

“Why would she even care?” Bakugou asked. “It’s not like we’re friends or anything!”

He couldn’t understand why several of the people in his class were so concerned with his health. He could maybe understand Midoriya, Ashido and Kirishima since they were constantly clinging to him. But the questions from Tokoyami and Asui?

“We’re classmates.” Asui responded. “Even if you might not believe me, I do actually care about whether or not you’re feeling okay.”

Bakugou only grunted in response. If he was being honest, he didn’t know what to do with the sudden worry that some of his classmates were experiencing. It made him feel strange—unsettled with slight unease—and above all, weak. Despite the fact that they didn’t know what was actually going on, it made him feel like shit to think that he was managing Hanahaki so poorly that it was showing to the people around him.

Midoriya and Asui settled into an easy chatter, talking about the trip itself and other school-related things. Since the attention was off of him finally, Bakugou took that time to rise from the table and stomp to the bathroom to discreetly force another pill down. He heard Midoriya calling out to him only seconds after he stood up. He resisted the urge to turn around and opted to ignore the other boy in favor of completing his task.

Once there, Bakugou wasted no time in swallowing down another pill. With the increased dosage, it’d last him the rest of the day with minimal coughing as long as he kept interaction with Midoriya to a minimum. Hopefully, there’d be no petals considering that hiding them would be difficult with the amount of people he was in close proximity with. If he ended up spewing them in front of everyone, there was no way he could hide it from the rest of the class and definitely not from the person who caused him to have these feelings in the first place.

Trying to quell the anxiety he felt over it, Bakugou splashed some cold water on his face and after clearing his throat a few times, made his way out to head back to the dining area. He didn’t get far, however, before coming face to face with Midoriya.

Scowling, he tried to brush past the shorter boy without speaking but he knew that wasn’t going to last.

“Kacchan.” Midoriya said as soon as Bakugou had walked a little past him. He inwardly groaned but tilted his head slightly to show the Midoriya he was listening.

“Are you going to tell me what’s actually wrong or are you going to keep us this act?” he asked, not at all fazed by how standoffish Bakugou was being.

“You don’t fucking know me, nerd.” Bakugou managed, trying to keep his rising anger at bay. “I told yo-“

“I know what you told me.” Midoriya interrupted, eyes narrowing. “You said you didn’t know what it was, but you do, don’t you?”

“And why the hell do you think that?” Bakugou asked.

“If it wasn’t that important, you wouldn’t have to sneak away to take medicine.” Midoriya replied.

“How d-“ Bakugou started, his stomach dropping.

“You’re not as discreet as you think.” Midoriya said. “When you’re thumbing a medicine bottle in your pocket, it’s hard not to notice.”

Bakugou cursed Midoriya for being so observant, but mostly, he cursed himself for making the mistake of performing such a simple action as that. It was probably due to the anxiety he felt over the entire situation but he hadn’t even noticed he’d been doing it.

“So what?” Bakugou retorted. “Even if it is something more, why does it matter?”

Midoriya’s face softened slightly and Bakugou felt a tug inside of him. He found himself wishing Midoriya wouldn’t look at him like that and that he’d never stop giving him that look at the same time. The other boy took a step forward and instinctively, Bakugou took a step back.

“Kacchan,” Midoriya said, still giving him that look. “I’m just worried about you.”

Bakugou grit his teeth. “Maybe I don’t want you to worry about me.”

It’d only been a few minutes since he’d taken the pill so there hadn’t been any time for it to take effect. He could feel the tell-tale tingle of petals moving around in his lungs and it scared him.

“Not now. Not in front of Deku.” he thought desperately.

Out loud, he said, “Just leave me the hell alone, Deku.”

He hadn’t realized how much venom he’d put into the words until he saw the look on Midoriya’s face. The other boy looked a bit sad, but mostly confused. Bakugou almost wanted to take it back.

“Are you serious?” Midoriya asked, his eyes narrowing a bit. “Out of all things to be so stubborn about, this is it?”

“I don’t get why you just keep coming back! It’s annoying as fuck!” Bakugou yelled. “I don’t need your concern, I don’t need your pity, I don’t need you!”

After saying it, Bakugou knew he’d gone too far. It was an understatement to say that Midoriya had been saddened by his earlier words.

He watched as the tears welled up in the other boy’s eyes. Despite that, the surprised look on his face hardened after a second and he walked right up to Bakugou before he had the chance to step back. Bakugou stared down into his green eyes and tried to will away the flowers rapidly building inside of him. Midoriya was too close. Way too close.

“Fine, asshole.” he said, never once taking his eyes from Bakugou’s. “But when you finally stop being an idiot and want to let someone who cares about you help you, let me know.”

And with that, he turned away from Bakugou and walked swiftly back to the dining hall. Bakugou watched him go with his chest tightening.

He hadn’t meant to say that, but wasn’t this for the best anyway? He’d wanted Midoriya to stop asking questions, to stop showing so much concern about him. He could better manage the disease if he didn’t have to deal with the other boy checking if he was alright, watching him, smiling at h-

Bakugou heard the coughs more than felt them. They were loud and wet and he was thankful that no one was around. His fist tightened around the petals that he’d just coughed up and with shaking hands, he tried to ignore how they felt.

This was worse. The dull pain he felt over saying things he didn’t really mean to Midoriya was worse than the pain of choking on chrysanthemums. After all, he might have told Midoriya that he didn’t need him, but he definitely wanted him.

Bakugou turned his attention to his fist and slowly opened it to view the contents, shock enveloping him as he caught sight of it.

Several petals were enclosed in his hand which that in itself wasn’t surprising.

It was the blood that coated them that was.

It wasn’t hard to notice that Midoriya was ignoring him.

After their argument—fight?—Bakugou hadn’t returned to the dining hall in favor of washing away the evidence of his coughing fit and downing enough cough medicine to make his throat numb. Then, he’d headed to the hot springs before everyone else and sat at the far end, just thinking. The hot water thankfully helped a bit with clearing his head as well as his breathing.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t alone for long before the rest of the boys filed in slowly. Bakugou paid little attention to most of them, but couldn’t ignore the way his heart clenched when Midoriya blatantly avoided looking at him. It hurt, but it was for the best.

Kirishima caught sight of him and immediately ran over. Bakugou instantly moved a few steps away from him, cursing under his breath.

“Why didn’t you come back earlier?” he asked, looking pointedly at him. “Asui told us that Midoriya went to check on you and he came back angry.”

“Fuck.” Bakugou breathed out. “Don’t people around here know how to keep their mouths shut?”

“Well, if you two had a fight, it’s not exactly surprising, man.” Kirishima laughed.

His laughter died down after a bit and he took on a more serious expression. Bakugou sucked in a breath and prepared for the onslaught of questions Kirishima was sure to ask.

“How’s it going today by the way?” he asked. “Y’know with the…” At this, he gestured simply to Bakugou’s throat.

“Shitty.” he answered honestly.

“Really?” Kirishima questioned in surprise. “I haven’t seen you coughing today.”

“It was only once.” Bakugou responded, gritting his teeth.

It had only happened less than an hour prior, but he’d already tried so hard to block the entire thing from his mind that remembering it was like opening a fresh wound. From the earlier conversation with Midoriya to flushing down bloodied green petals afterwards, it was all something he was hoping to forget by the end of the trip.

“Blood?” Kirishima asked quietly.

Bakugou only nodded.

“Shit.” Kirishima replied. “You gotta confess, dude.”

“Are you stupid?” Bakugou spat out. “I’m not fucking confessing.”

“Well, you need to think about something to do.” Kirishima mused. “At this point, if you’re coughing up blood, this thing’s eating you up inside.”

Bakugou shook his head. He didn’t want to think about other options.

“It must be bad though.” Kirishima said sadly. “How much you love this person.”

Bakugou looked away from the redhead and became absorbed in thought. He thought about how Midoriya had looked when he said those words, how he’d been the cause of him crying and the look in his eyes when he just accepted what Bakugou said. He thought about how he’d felt when Midoriya had left—regretful, hurt and overall in distress. Kirishima was right. It was bad and it’d only gotten worse.

“Yeah.” he only said in response and then blinked in surprise at his own honesty.

Thankfully, his companion didn’t comment on it and instead opted to reply with a simple, “You’ll get through this, dude! Ashido and I will make sure of it!”

Taking in deep breaths and trying to think past the memories of unrequited love, Bakugou turned to Kirishima who gave him a wide smile. Despite how he treated them, Kirishima and Ashido had been there for him since he’d accidentally let them in on his secret. He didn’t want their concern, didn’t want them to worry and yet they still did, clinging to him whenever they thought he needed it. And although he always pushed them off, it was helpful to have someone there that he didn’t have to hide around.

Bakugou felt as if he could actually trust them.

He opened his mouth slowly, wondering if he was making the wrong decision. “Kirishima, it’s D-“

His words were caught off by Iida who stepped in the middle of the hot springs with a purpose. The class president seemed to be once again, berating Mineta for being a disgrace upon their class. Kirishima immediately laughed and moved to go see how the scene would play out.

“Hey, Bakugou,” he turned around to address the other boy. “Let’s go watch!”

It only took one look for Bakugou to see that Midoriya had stationed himself in the water right next to where Iida and Mineta stood for him to refuse.

“As much as I want that fucker to get his ass handed to him,” Bakugou started. “I think I’ll stay right here.”

Kirishima nodded in understanding. “Suit yourself!”

Bakugou figured the redhead thought the reason was due to the Hanahaki and although it was, it wasn’t for the reason he probably thought. But, he just let out a sigh and leaned back into the water.

He’d almost told Kirishima who he held feelings for, finding that it was the right time to do so before him or Ashido found out on their own. Since he’d been interrupted, he couldn’t help but think that maybe he should just refrain from telling them. After all, although they’d been brought into the select group of people who were aware of what was going on with him, it was an accident. If they hadn’t brought up Midoriya when they’d been walking home, the two of them would have never found out in the first place and he wouldn’t be having an internal conflict.

On the other hand, if Kirishima and Ashido did know that Midoriya was the one Bakugou was in love with, they could possibly help him get rid of said feelings somehow or at least help him avoid the other until he determined how to do it himself. Distancing himself (as he’d tried to do for years) had obviously not worked since the disease had came back full blown and even stronger so what could?

Turning his attention to Midoriya who Kirishima had went to stand beside as they watched Iida and Mineta, he felt the swirl of petals move slightly as well as the affection that came with it. Out of all people to be hopelessly in love with, why’d it have to be him?

Groaning, Bakugou ducked his head under the water and tried to focus on clearing his head.

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