#ig was like 3000 words under the word count they ask for

[wow-an-unfunny-joke]

If this gets 2,000 notes I’ll write and submit a story https://thelawdogfiles.com/raconteur-press

[closer-stars]

Dance With Me

Member: Wooyoung Genre: Fluff Word Count: ~3000 Requested: No Content: just dancing with wooyoung. also both of you have feelings for each other but neither of you want to say ANYTHING about it. Also ended up making a playlist for this. Might link it if anyone wants it lol. Note: got inspired when i found out he likes dancing to slow songs. this is also just a bit of a break for me from all the requests I’ve been writing. Go easy on me on this ig, it’s been quite a while since I wrote anything that wasn’t a request and just practically winged this.  Tag list: @prodbyteez @barsformars @yeotlny @frankenstein852 @miniyeo @shinyddeonghwa @wlbrzst Net: @ateezlovenet

It’s night time. Ten o’ clock to be exact. Today is supposed to be your rest day, just at home, maybe playing video games, drinking some wine, just being able to take it easy. Alas, here you are in the studio with Wooyoung. His reason? None of the members wanted to stay in the studio; even the ever hardworking San wanted to stay at home and play League or melt into the massage chair. You can’t even get yourself to agree with Wooyoung when it came to staying at home. A good quality massage chair does wonders. You also can’t turn down an offer to dance with Wooyoung. It’s been far too long since you’ve danced with him after all. 

So here you are, just vibing along to the music he’s been playing at one side of the room, while he’s trying to get into the vibe but never quite being able to. You have fun with the music changes. Truthfully his music taste has matured over the years, some of the songs were unfamiliar to you. It’s a challenge for you to explore your own abilities and body. On the other hand, his own challenge was getting into the music. He vibes for a few counts but never quite gets into it like you. He watches you for a few moments through the mirror, a little envious of how you’re able to ease yourself into it. Yet, here he is, someone who works constantly through singing and dancing but can’t get himself to dance wholeheartedly. Freely. 

Maybe that’s why he dragged you here. 

“Hey, can I change the music?” You ask. You have a bit of an idea but it depends if he was willing for a bit of a change. 

“Go for it.” He says, a little thankful that he can turn off his thoughts to songs he’s not familiar with. Truthfully, he’s been a little nervous since it’s been so long since he’s spent time with you like this. He wants to show how much he has improved over the years he couldn’t meet up with you. Unfortunately, his own feelings got him feeling like he has two left feet or at the very least, forgetting how to dance. This time, he lets you take the lead. 

The music changes. Somehow, this genre was so you that it makes his lips curve upwards. You’ve matured and changed over the years, but hearing this kind of vibe was something he would have expected from you. It’s a small reassurance for him. Once you’re satisfied, you walk over to him and there’s something in your eyes that he catches. There’s a plan brewing in your head. He doesn’t quite remember how successful your impromptu plans are. 

“Do you remember when we were trainees, when we would dance around each other? Just freestyling and improv?” You ask. The two of you were trainees under the same company at one point. Eventually, you decided to venture into a path different from his. When you had left, he only had Yeosang left. He couldn’t lose the people he held so dear to his heart. 

At the mention of those memories, he laughs, “Of course.”. How young were the two of you then, so much hope and ambition. The two of you loved dancing with each other and he hopes that the love is still there. “Why?” He asks. 

He shouldn’t have asked because by the time the question came out of his mouth, you were dancing. Your feet gliding across the floor and around him. You’ve always been graceful, even when you’re just bouncing to the beat, it just looked so effortless on you. He remembers how the two of you look so awkward dancing in these styles. Now, it seems that you’ve grown into your genre. You never lost your love for dancing even after life had led you down a different path. Just like his feelings for his dream and you. He watches you dance around him, either with his own eyes or through the mirror. He catches a few moves influenced by other dance styles and he wonders just what have you been up to all this time. Some of the moves you do, he knows where you got those: trainee years. He even catches a move that he had personally taught you. These references don’t go past him unnoticed, in fact he giggles and laughs wholeheartedly at each reference.  

The fleeting touches you give him aren’t going unnoticed either. There’s still a hint of shyness in them, only balanced by how confident you move and how the song eggs you on. You’ve always been the type to like upbeat music. The confidence boost the steady instrumental gives you was refreshing to see. You always preferred to keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself, ever so private you are. But when music plays, you come out of that shell, doing things he didn’t think you could do. This includes making his heart race. Since he doesn’t have to dance for now, he takes the time to fully appreciate you. To have your undivided attention while you dance, it felt too good to be true. 

Once the song reaches the end, you slowly stop as well, letting your energy fade into the next song. Your chest rising and falling quickly as you catch your breath. There’s a thin sheet of sweat on your forehead: it’s been a while since you’ve danced like that. The music still plays and Wooyoung stands there. It’s when you stop dancing that he spots how your bashful mannerisms return; the shy smile where your eyes scrunch close as you catch your breath. You look cute, he thinks. A little prideful of himself too, to see a side of you that not a lot of people see. 

He’s not sure of what to say, how to properly praise you after what you’ve done. The hesitance is thrown out the window and he lets the words fly out instead. “You’ve improved.” He starts. It’s hard to hide the prideful grin on his features. He praises you for your skills and patience to improve in these styles despite your already hectic schedule. After such words, you bow in thanks to his words. Truthfully, you haven’t seen how you’ve improved but if Wooyoung says you have then you’ll take his words for it. Now, you gesture for him to take over the dance floor. 

“Your turn, pretty boy.” You say simply. The praise momentarily causes his brain to buffer. This doesn’t slip by you that you smirk, proceeding to call him that name again. “I said what I said, pretty boy.” You taunt him playfully. 

The song playing now is a different one. It’s up Wooyoung’s alley this time. He decides to impress you with his skills this time. You didn’t expect anything different from him. As far as you could remember, he loved showing off his lines at the start. It didn’t matter if he does them sharp and quickly or careful and slowly, if it makes the audience breathless then he’s doing well. He takes his time dancing with the music this time. Compared to earlier, he looks a lot more relaxed. There’s just something about dancing with friends for no reason that his job as an idol can’t quite beat. The need to impress you eventually ebs away, making room for him to just be. Of course even if he just lets be, he can’t help but be a little flirty with you. Mouthing the lyrics while shooting you a wink here and there, all of which are rebuffed by you rolling your eyes. 

Both of you know better. The refusal of such flirtings really meant nothing. Neither of you speak about it though, instead just having fun to see who would cave first.

Though he loosens up now, he doesn’t miss on the chance to throw a few moves that he knows are your thing. And was it really Wooyoung, if there wasn’t any attitude in his movement? Of course he’d go as far as do the same moves you did in reference to him, all while correcting you on how to do it. Just typical Wooyoung things. Besides his dance lines, now more prominent, you can’t help but be impressed with how controlled his core is. Maybe you’ll ask for his training regime after tonight. His performance lights up a small competitive flame in you. You keep it under wraps though, you want to see what other tricks he has up his sleeve. 

It’s not tricks but you do see that he’s been able to explore just how much his body can do. He’s often on the floor, sometimes on his knees as he dances, rising up for a few counts before being on the floor once more. A small part of you wonders how he’d do when it comes to other styles of hip hop with how grounded he’s become. Just then, you catch him losing his focus, struggling a little to execute certain moves.

He can’t help it, hell, he doesn’t know why it made him lose focus. For some reason, his head decided to emphasize the mere fact, he’s dancing for you. Just the two of you. He was so used to dancing with you and other trainees that then turned into dancing with his members. Now, it’s the two of you only. Flustered feelings overpower his focus, and it shows in a small misstep, a small miss in timing. Even if he’s in the zone, he wants to be worthy of your pride. 

“Let’s go, Wooyoung.” You say, trying to put him back into the groove. You didn’t really think about holding back. You were sure that his members have seen how frustrated he can get when he loses his groove in something he’s been working on. “Let’s go.” You say, bouncing a little in the same spot. 

Without another thought, you decide to dance with him. The imagery of a puppeteer with his little puppet as you maneuver around him. There’s something that looks like surprise in Wooyoung’s eyes when he realizes you’re dancing with him now.The visuals the two of you make was refreshing. It felt right, seems like two puzzle pieces fitting right in after looking for their match for so long. Though, for you, you don’t put too much effort into dancing, doing this just to make sure Wooyoung doesn’t lose his focus. He notices what you’re doing and he feels a little strengthened to continue dancing even for a few more counts. For now, he’ll follow your lead until he’s able to drop into the music. 

The two of you drop to the floor once the song ends. Both of you heaving from the physical exertion. Just a few feet away, the sound system continues to play music that neither of you plan to stop. You look over at the male who’s spread eagle on the floor, strands of hair clinging to his skin as he catches his breath. Maybe it would’ve been nice to stand on the same stage as him but would you have been able to handle the pressure? You shake the thoughts of your head as you pull yourself up. 

“Hey, do you remember the choreo to this?” His voice cuts through the thoughts that still cling to your consciousness. The question registers into your mind and you take a moment to focus on the song. Oh. This is rather old. A song the two of you danced to for a monthly evaluation if you remember correctly. One of the rare times you danced with him at such close proximity. 

You reason with yourself that the hot feeling on your cheeks is your body’s heat from dancing for longer than you were used to. “Yeah a bit, why?” You return the question to him while you stretch your legs from the exhaustion. 

“Wanna do it?”

Your eyes look at him with disbelief. “I thought you forget choreos easily.” It’s not that you doubt him-- okay maybe just a bit, but the amount of times he has said that he forgets choreographies to you and to the camera was quite high. 

Your question clearly goes through one ear and out the other. Typical. “Let’s just give it a shot.” He says, pushing himself up with what you can only assume was something he picked up from breaking. Always the flashy guy he was, wanting to flex whenever possible. He walks over to you, offering his hand to pull you up to your feet. 

Who are you to say no? 

When you hold onto his hand, he pulls you up and against his chest. The prideful smirk already on his lips. The voice in your head berates you for falling for such a classic trick from him. As if you’d complain though. But you don’t show how affected you are by such actions, and instead, you lightly whack his chest, thus giving you the chance to get away. 

Did that matter? Not quite because eventually, the two of you would have to dance together.

With that, the dancing begins again. The two of you twist against each other, switching positions that showcases each other’s skills. At certain segments, one of you would forget what comes next-- the things that says this would be either a panicked yelp from you, or an awkward questioning sound from Wooyoung. When one forgets what’s next, the other manages to remember and lead them. It’s all smooth sailing until the two of you forget what comes next. 

The two of you are just looking at your reflections, frozen in the same pose. Either of you hoping the other remembers and puts the two of you back on track. “Freestyle?” He proposes.

“Call. Face me.” 

The two of you are now looking at each other, dancing with each other in your own respective colors. It’s interesting to see how the two of you are dancing to the same song yet catching different beats. This goes on for a few counts, until Wooyoung snaps back into focus. Looks like he remembers the next step. 

“Let’s dance like this.” 

You follow his lead but it came with a bit of a price; to put it simply, it was a little flustering. It felt like you were looking at a mirror but not quite. It’s not surprising that you’d stumble at the confusing visuals that didn’t quite match with the vague memories in your head. Your flustered state isn’t missed by Wooyoung who eyes you with soft glee. Fortunately for you, you catch your pace again and dance confidently to him. 

He dances with just as much confidence to you. A privy smile creeping upon his features as he approaches you through the music. He knows you won’t move away so he takes his time. Any step back the two of you do were part of the choreography. From here onwards, the two of you know the choreography by heart. How can you not? 

The choreography ends with the two of you looking at each other. Wooyoung bending a little lower always, as you always look downwards at the end. He won’t miss out on an opportunity to see that cute shy look on your face when you realize how close he is to you. 

You can’t berate yourself either for liking how close he is. That cheeky smile he has that only you get to see does things to your stomach. The last four counts have the two of you just doing simple two steps grooving out the rest of the song out. 

After that session, your playlist ends right on time. But when the songs end, that’s when Wooyoung’s noise starts. The male lets out a relieved groan as he drops to his butt onto the floor, catching his breath. You let out the breath you’ve been holding since he got so close to you as you get your phone. After unplugging your phone from the system, you return your attention to the man who has evidently stripped his pullover off to cool his body down. 

“Walk around. Lying down after dancing isn’t going to help.” You chide him. Old habits really die hard with that guy. 

For once, he listens immediately. He pulls himself up and picks up his things. “Let’s go grab something to eat?” The look of incredulity on your face makes him raise his shoulders, unfazed by how sharp you look right now. “What? You said walk around, so let’s get out of here and grab something to eat, I’m hungry.” In other words: I don’t want this night with you to end just yet. 

Moments of silence pass over you. You were going to regret the less than usual hours of sleep you’ll get tonight but you’d regret not spending time with him more. “Let me grab my stuff, you switch off the stuff here cause I don’t want any property damage on my hands.”  He grins widely, victorious at his persuasion. “Besides, you owe me a lot of stories.” You add as you grab all your belongings. 

He does as he’s told and then hooks his arm right over your shoulders. “For starters, give me your new number. That way, you don’t miss me too much.” The two of you leave the studio all while Wooyoung recounts his stories to you. 

“Excuse me! You’re the one who dragged me here. You’re the one who misses me.” 

He wonders if you can feel how fast his heart races to have you in his arms like this. He can always excuse with from all the dancing no matter how stupid it can sound. 

He likes what he has with you right now, no rush. It’s obvious how you got feelings for each other but there’s no pressure in confessing. The night will forever be young as long as he’s with you.

[aal-archaeology]

Words from a so-far successful archaeologist (25 years old/recent Ph.D. admit)

Hello Everyone!  I have revived my Tumblr to find many messages asking “what do I do next” when it comes to Archaeology/Anthropology. So I thought I’d create a post explaining what I went through to get to where I am now, and hopefully give some information to those who are pondering on the next steps to take in this truly wonderful field of study.  Quick academic about me: 

Undergrad: Ivy League, Major: Anthropology-Geography, Minor: Religion

After Undergrad: 1 year of Cultural Resource Management (CRM) & Substitute teaching

Graduate School: England MSc in Archaeological Information Systems

After Graduate: 10-month long research grant in Cambodia

Now: (USA)  Ph.D. Candidate in Anthropology, Archaeology Track

I come from a low-middle class family, all of my academics have been funded through financial aid or through grants that I’ve applied for. A lot of the time school and research can get expensive, but that doesn’t mean you have to be wealthy to pursue it!

Per usual, please feel free to DM me at any point with questions (here or IG @ aal.archaeology), I’m always happy to help to the best of my ability. Success in this field is really dependent on networking!

I’ll set this up based on the various landmarks of my academic career: 

1. Undergrad

Themes: Ask for help, build your resume, write down everything

No matter where you are going to school, it is so so so important to use the resources around you. Becoming a professor is HARD work, and each one of your professors went through a lot to be able to stand in front of you and teach you. They’ve likely had years and years of research experience, which is probably still happening behind the scenes of teaching and grading papers. More often than not, professors want to help you, they want students to be excited about the research they’ve worked so hard on, and they want to do what they can to help you achieve your career goals.  Therefore, if there’s a class you’ve taken or a professor whose research you’re interested in, tell them. This is how I got my first experience with archaeology (before I even knew that I wanted to do archaeology). I randomly took an Anthropology class that sounded cool, and after the first class, I was like WOW I love this topic so much and I really want to know more about it. I went up to the professor that was teaching it, told her I was really interested and asked if she knew of any research opportunities available. She then hired me as a student researcher in her lab to do data entry for one of her archaeological projects in Mesoamerica, and after working for her for a few months, she asked me if I wanted to go with her and her team to Mexico for fieldwork. 

         (my timeline at this point: 19 years old, end of Sophomore year)

From this experience, I learned how to apply to grants within the University and funding outside of the University, and was able to FULLY fund my research experience in Mexico. During this fieldwork, I got to work with 3000-year-old artifacts, do archaeoillustration, and eventually got my own chapter published in the book that my professor wrote about the research that was done.

After I got back from Mexico, I started exploring archaeology further. A new professor entered the department who specialized in “digital archaeology,” and his research involved tracking looting patters in Syria using satellite imagery. I thought this was crazy so I then went up to him and asked if I could help him with his research. (the common theme throughout this entire process is just asking for help). From this experience, I learned that I loved the possibilities that technology brought to the study of archaeology, everything from 3D modeling to identification of sites in satellite imagery to spatial mapping in GIS. With this professor, I was able to form an “internship” with him, and continued doing that and other minor projects within the department. I ended up modifying my major to incorporate coursework from the Geography department and created my own “Digital Archaeology” major.

        (my timeline at this point: 22 years old, Senior year)

As graduation began to creep closer, I had been able to get a good amount of lines on my resume. I had:

research assistant/ data entry

fieldwork in mesoamerica

x2 internships with digital archaeology prof

multiple “small” projects around the department i.e. making posters, painting 3D prints of bones,

all of the coursework I had done on GIS/ relevant digital experience

started a drone club at my school (it flopped, but it still counts as a line on the resume!)

All of these lines became useful when starting to think of jobs and the “next step”

UNDERGRAD HIGHLIGHTS & TAKEAWAYS:

Ask for help, your professors are there for a reason, it will almost always lead you to new opportunities. These relationships last well beyond your graduation and definitely come in handy later, make it count!

Write down EVERYTHING that you do. Did you help out with a conference? Write it down. Did you do a couple hours of data entry? Write it down.

Follow your leads! I started my anth journey in Mesoamerica and ended my undergrad in Near Easter digital archaeology (and I entered college wanting to do astronomy?). Change is natural, let it happen.  

2. Gap Year Between Undergrad and Grad School

Highlights: Job applications, field school, CRM, uncertainty

Something that I was always told during my undergrad was that you really need to do a field school and some CRM to be taken seriously post-grad. This shows that you actually want to be an archaeologist outside of the classroom environment. Field Schools and CRM give you valuable experience such as: excavation methodology, report writing, grant applications, teamwork, leadership, etc. 

I started applying for jobs probably about 5 months before I graduated and ended up securing a job at a CRM company in LA. They liked how much I had done during my undergrad, but they really wanted me to have a field school under my belt before I started working for them. Because I had already graduated and didn’t need course credit, I was able to do my field school at a discounted price (these things really do get expensive, and this was a difference of about $2k). I think this worked out in my favor waiting until the summer after I graduated because it saved me a lot of money in the end. 

After my field school was done, I started work that September in CRM. This job ended up being nothing like what I thought it would be, to be honest. I was an Archaeological Field Technician that was part-time/on-call, meaning I only got work when they needed someone to go monitor a construction site. I only got work once every month, sometimes every couple of months, so I was making hardly any money. I realized this quickly and decided to become a substitute teacher to supplement the CRM job. I HIGHLY recommend doing this if you end up in the same situation. Not only does subbing fill up all of your non-working days, but it also gives you the flexibility to choose when you can work and gives you teaching experience that you can put on your resume. That CRM experience can be really important, so it’s good to stick it out long enough to quit.

      Why didn’t I like CRM? For me, my job was very sparse, included driving long hours to a construction site, sitting there all day in case archaeological material popped up, and then driving home. Sometimes it was just walking back and forth across a massive field full of cow poop looking for arrowheads, and often it felt like I was just clearing land so that a big building could be erected. I was really missing the research component to all of it. The pay was also not great. 

GAP YEAR HIGHLIGHTS AND TAKEAWAYS:

What I got from this year was very valuable, even though it wasn’t necessarily that fun, however. 

I got the experience I needed in CRM

I got some teaching experience (also volunteered to mentor clubs and research at local high schools during this time)

I started doing some networking (I found some alumni that were doing work that I wanted to be doing and reached out to them)

and most importantly, I realized that I really do love school and wanted to go back for my Masters

So I started looking into Masters's programs. This is kind of a scary thing especially in the US because school is expensive. I still really wanted to do Digital Archaeology, and I couldn’t find a single program in the US had a focus in this topic, and especially couldn’t find one that I was willing to pay for. 

The UK, however, had plenty of Digital Archaeology programs, and the programs were only a year long and a fraction of the price in the US. I decided to take a chance and apply, got in, and then suddenly I was moving to England. (in hindsight I really didn’t spend much time at all making this decision, but it worked out in the end). 

3. Masters Program

         (my timeline at this point: 23-24 years old)

I chose the program I applied to based on its focus on the techniques that I wanted to use, namely, remote sensing, GIS, and 3D modeling. I really wanted a degree qualification that spoke for itself, and therefore applied for an MSc in “Archaeological Information Systems.” 

I had done some networking during my gap year and connected with an alumnus who was doing research in Cambodia using digital methods, and she offered me the opportunity to join her fieldwork. I agreed to join her in Cambodia during my degree, and also applied for a research grant for the year following my master's degree to continue fieldwork in Cambodia. 

I used this opportunity to fuel my dissertation topic and focused all of my writing and coursework throughout my grad school experience around Cambodia. While I was surrounded by people studying Roman architecture and Medieval Studies, I spent my time doing independent work and building a network in Cambodia. 

This program was a great experience for the most part, I was surrounded by beautiful medieval architecture and had a great community throughout. I personally didn’t really like the UK school system compared to what I had received in the US, however. This was largely because of the way coursework was set up. (If you want to know more just DM me).

MASTERS HIGHLIGHTS AND TAKEAWAYS:

Follow networking opportunities, and find someone doing what you want to do (or close to it) and let them help you take the steps to get there

If you’re going to do grad school, do it in something you know you love. Don’t waste money on a program that isn’t right for you.

Make sure that the program you apply to allows for flexibility so that you can do research on what YOU want, not what THEY want.

Halfway through my Master's degree, I received word that I had been accepted for the research grant (Fulbright) and would spend the next year living in Cambodia doing independent research.

4. Gap Year Between Masters Program and PhD

If you’re planning on a Ph.D., I think its a really good idea to do something before applying that relates to what you want to be studying. This shows that you’re dedicated to your research and to a life in academia, and have the ability to produce something from your work. 

My master's degree was nice because 1) it was short, only a year-long, and 2) allowed me to focus research on what I was interested in. This gave me the experience I needed to lead into a year of independent research.

This year of independent research was definitely contingent on receiving the grant in the first place, and I think that I would have started job searching again had I not received it. However, the small things I did leading up to applying for it really helped in qualifying me to receive it. 

     I had:

All of the undergraduate research experience

CRM experience

teaching experience

fieldwork experience

a master’s degree that focused on the region 

established a network of people in the country beforehand

a couple “publications” from fieldwork 

This grant fully funds me living in Cambodia, and has allowed me to participate in cultural exchange with some amazing people here in addition to allowing me to partake in archaeological fieldwork across the country. 

Again, I cannot stress enough how important it is to network. If you like something, find someone else who likes the same thing, send them an email.

Networking got me my experience in Mesoamerica, Digital Archaeology, my CRM job, my research experience in Cambodia, and so so much more. All because I sent that first email.

5. PhD Applications

I applied to 1 school. I got in. Its a really good school. I’m still in shock. 

However, I think I really did set myself up for success in this one. 

The biggest advice I can give in the world of Academia is:

NETWORK

Talking to people who have gone through what you’re going through are the BEST help. They can mentor you through these experiences, offer you new opportunities, or lead you in the direction of someone else who can help.

PLAN AHEAD (but be open to change)

Okay, so you’re applying to grad school. What do you want to focus on while you’re there? What do you want to do with the degree when you’re done? Do you want to start working? Do you want to do more research? What opportunities are out there for research funding? What is the job market looking for? Is there anyone in my network that can help me get there?

None of these have to be concrete plans, they just have to exist in some shape or form so that you have the ability to latch on to one when the opportunity arises.

If you’re doing something that you love doing, you’ll find a way to make it happen. All opportunity comes from the amount of effort you put into getting it! Thanks for reading and best of luck on your studies! Also Happy Anthropology Day! :)  -Lyss 

[hellevator-mp3]

of chaos and calamities || Part 2

Pairing(s): Johnten, Norenmin, Chenji/Chensung, Markhyuck

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 3000+

Warnings: None! 

Author Note: just a quick heads up as i start posting more for this universe: the beginning will probably be from johnny’s pov, but i’ll figure out some way to signal that it’s moved on to the ‘main’ ship for that chapter, so!! yeah!! and the ‘main’ ship will always be listed second under the pairings thing, so you can always know who’s gonna be like, featured, ig?? 

renjun just wants to go home and cuddle with his boyfriends, but they just have to be responsible (aka renjun is a pouty baby when his boyfriends actually go to class)

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johnny liked to call himself a lucky man. not only did he and ten have classes at the same time on the same days (which was a feat in and of itself that he never bothered to ask ten about), they managed to have classes at the same time as other parts of their friend group, which the two of them called groups a, b, and c. group a was made up of the babies of the group, aka renjun, jaemin, jeno, donghyuck, and mark (who was coincidentally a part of the other groups as well). group b was called the ‘foreigners’, meaning everyone who was born outside of korea - including johnny himself, ten, sicheng, yuta, yukhei, renjun, chenle and mark, but they were also joined by yoonoh. speaking of the younger boy, whenever someone would question his place at the foreigner’s table, he would spout off something about how he ‘lived in america for four years, that’s why he’s here’. of course, the non-english speakers had to have it explained to them the first time, meanwhile mark, johnny, ten, and yukhei all cracked up laughing at the boy. group c was made up of pretty much everyone else. mark always led the way for the rest of the group, although he was the youngest - jungwoo, taeyong, taeil and doyoung were all older than him, but allowed him to play leader for a brief bit before taeyong took his role back. while johnny and ten had classes on mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, and fridays, their friend group left them alone on tuesdays, since none of the others had schedules that matched up. johnny loved those days, since it meant that ten would shed his witty persona and don the much softer version that johnny saw much of at home, the two sitting side by side with his hand on ten’s thigh, tracing gentle shapes into his jeans as the two ate. those days were filled with quiet chatter and occasionally the scratch of a pen on paper as one of them finished an assignment, which was a very rare occurrence.

the day that johnny woke up and realized it was monday, he was tempted to skip classes. monday was their day with the babies, which usually ended with half hearted insults being tossed across the table between chenle and jisung, the gross sound of mark and donghyuck occasionally making out, and jeno, renjun, and jaemin arguing over something stupid that wouldn’t matter to them in ten minutes. while johnny loved the six of them, he could only take them in very, very small doses. he nuzzled closer to ten, feeling the smaller boy shift in his hold before he got out of bed. johnny let out a whine at the sudden absence of heat, but instead watched his beloved fiance shuffle across the room with a swollen face, pouty lips, and his figure obscured by the gigantic sweater he had donned when he proposed the week before. rolling over onto his back, johnny sprawled out on the bed and hummed in decision as he weighed his options - going to class meant that he could spend part of the day with ten, but skipping class meant that he could spend the whole day with ten, preferably cuddled up under the covers. however, when he heard the shower turn on and the toilet flush, he knew that ten had no plans of staying home. johnny sighed in defeat, even though there was no competition. he grabbed clothes for both him and ten, knowing that the younger wouldn’t want to walk into their bedroom bare, because he would just complain that it was cold. johnny slipped in behind the thai boy after dropping their clothes on the counter, and the two enjoyed a few mid-morning kisses before getting cleaned up. standing side by side, johnny watched through the mirror as ten went through his morning routine, spreading different things over his face to control the breakouts that he occasionally had. it wasn’t long before ten was skipping out of the bathroom in his bare glory, retrieving his phone from the nightstand where it was charging, and turning on music for the two of them to get ready to. even though they had been together for nearly four years, he still found himself amazed with all the little things about ten - the smoothness to his movements, the fact that he had to have music to function, the witty retorts that he couldn’t hold back, and the way his eyes sparkled in mischief when he was planning something. johnny still was amazed by the way he focused on the task at hand, whether it was his facial routine or cooking, and couldn’t stop himself from swooning when he watched ten dance or sing.

ten glanced back at johnny through the mirror, raising a hand and splashing water onto his face, causing the elder to jump in surprise and flinch at the sudden attack, leaving ten to sink to his knees and cackle at the response he received. it didn’t take long before johnny was retaliating, until ten finally pushed him away and reminded him that they had to get ready.

after another hour and a half of getting ready to leave, the two boys left their shared apartment with clean bodies and full stomachs, thanks to johnny. the two swung their intertwined hands in between them as they trudged through the thick snow, johnny tightening his grip whenever ten’s feet would begin to slide from under him. whenever johnny would look over to check and make sure the other was okay, he was entranced by the sight of the younger, who had a beanie pulled low over his ears and a scarf pulled over his mouth, leaving only his eyes and nose to face the cold. johnny wasn’t dressed any differently, although his scarf hung loosely around his neck and a mask covered the lower half of his face. they walked in silence, ten occasionally leaning on the elder when they would stop at crosswalks to wait for traffic to pass before they could cross.

not much later, they were greeting the babies on their way to classes. it was no surprise to see donghyuck caging mark against a group of lockers, peppering little kids over his face, the canadian boy’s eyes wide until he spotted johnny and ten, breaking free to join them. donghyuck trailed behind him, pouting slightly as he wrapped mittened hands around mark’s bicep, drawing the older boy closer - for warmth, he claimed. soon enough, they were joined by jeno, jaemin, and renjun, who all sported red cheeks and noses, except for jeno. the latter had a mask covering his face much like johnny, and he pulled it down to reveal a perfectly warm face. his boyfriends whined at the display, momentarily pausing the conversation that was already in progress. from across the courtyard, they heard a familiar shriek and the dull thud of skin on a thick jacket. peering out, jaemin announced that ‘chenji’ had arrived. when confronted about it, he explained that it was the first parts of their names - ‘chen’ for chenle, and ‘ji’ for jisung. this caused an argument to break out over whether it should be chenji, jichen, or - as donghyuck so bravely put it - chensung. the bell rang before they could decide, the group splitting up to their respective classrooms. jeno, jaemin, renjun, mark, and donghyuck all headed in the same direction, considering that they were taking the same class for that morning. johnny and chenle headed the opposite direction as ten and jisung, since they had classes in the same hall.

johnny spent his first class and part of his second idly doodling in the margins of his notebook, brain elsewhere when the professor was done with notes. when the bells rang and released him from his classes, his feet automatically took him to the canteen without another thought from him. he knew that ten would be waiting there for him with a hot lunch, most likely from some overrated fast food place that sat on the edge of the university walls. sure enough, ten sat at their normal table, already picking at a container of fries. johnny made his way to his fiance, but not before a set of three unfamiliar figures had walked up, making conversation with the small boy. johnny’s eyebrows furrowed as he took in the sight of the four boys conversing easily, a smile lighting up ten’s face as he forgot about the fries he was eating just moments before.

when johnny walked up, it seemed as though ten had forgotten about the others and all his focus was on johnny again. the shorter of the two lept to his feet, hurrying forward and planting a small kiss on johnny’s lips - leaving the elder stunned. it wasn’t that ten wasn’t touchy in public, it was just that he was never this forward about his affection. ten’s affection came in small touches and sticky notes left in textbooks, sometimes reading with cute messages, other times quotes from a book, and other times...messages like ‘i wanna have xxx with you, fatass. love you forever, darling’ that johnny sighed, blushed at, and promptly hid away before the young ones could see it.

ten linked their hands together, and dragged johnny back to the table, urging him to sit down so ten could take his place on johnny's lap.  johnny eyed ten suspiciously, before looking up at the three in front of them - who were all insanely attractive, all in totally different ways.  “john, this is yang yang, felix, and minhyuk from the studio that i dance at.” ten introduced the three, pointing at each one in turn.  johnny nodded at the three, taking note of their faces just in case they ever met again.  felix and yang yang were definitely foreign, if their names were any indicator, and both of them began to introduce themselves more in depth (johnny learned felix was australian and yang yang was chinese) while minhyuk looked off to the side.  a moment later, a tall boy bounded up and had his arms wrapped around minhyuk’s waist, his puppy face and soft pink hair giving him the illusion of a toddler - even though he was easily johnny’s height.  ten laughed at the younger boy’s antics, introducing him as sanha, and suddenly pointing out another person walking towards them.  donning all black was seo changbin, one of mark’s rapper friends - at least johnny knew that much.  he watched as the boy came up and stood next to felix, yang yang edging out of the way to make room.  it really was a sight to see - minhyuk in his ripped jeans and graphic tee with a tall puppy hanging over him, fingers laced loosely over minhyuk’s midsection; changbin playing with felix’s fingers as well, the two looking like polar opposites next to one another - felix’s oversized sweater and loose jeans screaming ‘soft’, whereas changbin’s ripped black skinnies, white shirt, and black leather jacket screamed ‘danger’; and yang yang, poor yang yang, standing all by himself, at least for the time being.  soon, he was surrounded by two other boys, who introduced themselves quickly as xiao jun and hendery, before tugging the small boy away with them.  

the other two couples dispersed as well, and johnny swore he caught myungjun and jinwoo - who were part of taeil and jungwoo’s friend groups, respectively - staring at them as they interrogated the younger boys.  sanha merely grinned, while minhyuk presumably explained why they had stopped to talk to ten.  johnny turned his attention back to ten, who had since curled up against his chest, heaving a sigh of exhaustion.  a laugh bubbled up in johnny’s chest, before he looped his arms under the smaller boys legs and his back, standing up and turning both of them around to find chenle and jisung sitting behind them, sharing what was assumed to be johnny’s fries.  the sight didn’t scare either of the elders, already used to the young ones and their quiet coming and going.  when they sat back down, ten resumed munching on his now-cold fries, while johnny picked at his meal.  renjun, jaemin, and jeno came from one door, meeting up with mark and donghyuck, who came in through the other door.  one from each couple was holding a bag of food, presumably for the rest of them to share, which was promptly tossed on the table and divvied out.  mark and donghyuck shared a milkshake as well - but mark complained the whole time about how expensive it was, even though everyone could see that he was happy that the sweet treat made donghyuck happy.  

the nine of them ate in relative silence, and revelled in the time that they had when they were done, before they had to go to class.  that is, until renjun announced his plan to skip his last lecture and instead, go on a date with his two wonderful, beautiful, perfect boyfriends.  both boys shared a look, before glancing back at him and replying with a firm ‘no’.  renjun pouted, and he didn’t speak until word until the bell rang.  then, he planted a quick kiss on each of their foreheads, and walked out of the canteen silently.  jeno and jaemin shared another glance, sighing, before getting to their feet and walking to their shared next class hand in hand.  johnny and ten both looked after renjun, not even noticing the other two couples in their presence slipping away, leaving the two elders to clean up the trash on their way out, grumbling all the while.  

--

meanwhile, renjun trudged through the snow with his face covered by the mask that he stole from jeno, fingers tucked into the pocket of his jacket as he considered his next move.  he could stop in a corner store and stock up on junk food, and have a movie marathon by himself.  however, he shot that idea down quickly, instead deciding to stock up on junk food, take a shower and a nap when he got home, and wait for the other two before having a movie marathon.  they had no classes the next day, which meant a night of crappy entertainment, lots of cuddling, and a few pints of ice cream.  

satisfied with that, he stopped in the corner store that was just a block away from their shared apartment, wandering the aisles until he had gathered a sizable pile.  he was thanking every god he knew that his small business was taking off, giving him the extra money to spend on his beautiful boys.  the thought of them made him smile, even though nobody could see it under the mask.  he thanked the cashier before wandering back out in the cold, hurrying down the sidewalk to the apartment building, desperate to get in and away from the cold.  not much later, he was hiding away the goods, stripping in their bedroom, and jumping in the shower with the water almost as hot as it would go.  

after washing off and drying his hair, he slipped back into the bedroom and threw on a pair of sweatpants that cinched tight at the waist, and one of jeno’s muscle shirts.  once he began to feel the cold of the room take over, he padded over to the thermostat and fiddled with it, listening to the hiss of hot air as it began to warm the room.  satisfied, he nearly jumped into bed and tossed the covers over himself, snuggling up to the pillow that jaemin had been using that morning.  with a small, content noise, renjun drifted off to sleep with the scent of his boyfriends to gently lull him to sleep.  

the loud banging of a door and a quiet cursing is what ultimately woke him up.  he knew that it was more than likely that jaemin let the door slam, and jeno was reprimanding him for it.  he could hear the two of them talking quietly as they snuck past him into the bathroom, showering together quickly before getting dressed and joining him in bed.  jeno unceremoniously rolled him over when he saw renjun was awake, sliding under the covers and letting jaemin snuggle up to renjun's other side.  the three of them lay in silence for a minute, before jaemin apologizes for not skipping with him.  renjun's fake pout was broken in an instant, and soon he had dislodged a half-asleep jeno in order to attack jaemin and pepper his face with kisses, somehow ending up in his lap as the cute kiss attack turned into a slightly heavy make out session that jeno ignored.  when the two only got louder, jeno huffed and yelled that 'some people are trying to sleep, you monsters’, causing the other two to smother him in kisses as well, leaving the boy to giggle under their advances.  

soon enough, the three were curled up on the couch, jeno laying over jaemin and renjun's legs as he munched on some popcorn that renjun had popped, while the other two dug into pints of ice cream.  a dumb movie that none of them had seen was playing in the background, but renjun found himself looking more at the two boys he loved than the movie.  when the main character did something completely stupid, jeno would make a sarcastic remark (“oh yeah, just walk into that abandoned house, that's a great idea”) that left renjun in stitches.  jaemin was quieter, still huffing out laughter at jeno's comments, while his hand played aimlessly with the hair on the nape of renjun's neck.  that's how the three of them spent the night, eventually falling asleep on the couch together, and deciding upon waking up that they were going to have a breakfast date.  as renjun watched the boys get ready, he felt a warmth swell up in his chest that even the snow outside couldn't quench.  and as he stood in the middle of the two to brush his teeth, and helped jeno knot his scarf properly, and even readjusting jaemin's jacket buttons, he found that there was no where else he'd rather be.  

except for at their local dinner, challenging the others to a competition of 'how many pancakes can we eat before we throw up from sugar overdose’, but that doesn't count.  

[namisashimi]

The Gamer Youth from the Turn of the Century - Baolan

source. profile by danneergou (丹尼二狗) for pentaq.

translator. this needs a little context - baolan is the former name of ig’s support, megan. i started translating this article when it first came out in january 2017 but got too busy to finish it. i think i’ve jokingly referred to it a few times as the ‘baolan manifesto’ since it’s so long and dense (and no one cares about him). since he’s been doing very well in playoffs, i thought i’d pick it up again since it’s a truly fascinating look at both him personally and the path new players take to the lpl.

Now, you can call him by a new name: Megan.

Ask anyone – playing botlane for IG is not an easy task, especially in 2016. That year, IG's botlane often changed: Rain, Kitties, Marge, Ben – even their starting midlaner Rookie was forced into playing ADC for a game. 'Finding a strong, reliable, promising botlane pair' is the conundrum IG's manager Su Xiaoluo has spent the spring and summer splits bitterly trying to solve.

At NEST at the year's end, IG allowed their fans hope for an answer – their 'Baolan + Jackeylove' botlane successfully helped their team defeat LGD and win the championship. Of these two, Jackeylove had long made his name as 'China's Best Draven' and 'High Elo KR SoloQ Player,' while the support Baolan was a new player who was born in 1999, only just jumped from TGA to LPL, and had barely played 10 matches in 2016.

On January 6th, we met this true newcomer in the IG team house. This unhappy rainy day, Baolan accepted our interview while on his bed, dressed in his IG uniform and wrapped in blankets. Perhaps because he'd never had this kind of one-on-one chat with a stranger before, Baolan spent most of his time with his head lowered, almost talking to himself. If we reached a subject he found interesting, he would show it with a simple smile or by speaking slightly louder.

An eighteen-year-old boy's story cannot be too complicated, and Baolan is no exception. He dropped out of school to play professionally, struggled bitterly in the TGA, seized the opportunity to come to the LPL, and in the even more furious competition desperately adapted to finally achieve his dreams.

'Dreams are that which can always excite you,' Baolan said to this journalist.

It sounded like his answer was describing a process, rather than a tangible result.

a childhood without worry.

Seventeen years ago, Baolan was born in Yingtan. This place is so tiny that without an detailed description, you wouldn't even know it's in Jiangxi Province. Before boarding that plane to Tianjin and embarking on the first step on his professional journey, Baolan lived, grew up, and spent his childhood here, as carefree as any other child.

'The air was very good there.' Baolan's description of Yingtan was minimalistic. Compared to the busy major city – Shanghai – now surrounding him, 'air quality' was the only exceptional trait he could bring up about his hometown.

Normally, there are two requirements for a glowing childhood: good grades and sensible parents. And it was just Baolan's luck that he lacked neither – in elementary school he always had exceptional grades, to the point where he didn't even have to do his homework to be the teacher's favorite and was always the center of attention among his peers; as for the other, he had the kind of mother almost every youth would wish to have.

This mother allowed her son to play games in netcafes in elementary school, and she even took on the responsibility of transporting him and his friends there. Her reasoning for this was exceedingly straightforward: 'Because his grades were good, I thought it wasn't an issue. If he wanted to play he could.' These words of course showed the love a mother has for a son, but also showed the progressiveness born of long years of business experience.

Under these circumstances, Baolan advanced smoothly into middle school. But the talent and intelligence he once had was not enough for the increasingly complex classes, and more importantly, he still didn't do his homework. His grades slipped, turning his childhood from 'glowing' to 'ordinary' and his good fortune to disaster.

'I was done.' Saying this, the expression on Baolan's face was like that of a toplaner who had just eked out a 10cs lead over his opponent before dying to a sudden gank and being forced to watch a wave of minions die to his tower.

Because of his grades and attitude towards learning, Baolan was exiled by his middle school teacher to the back row of class, like falling from the technologically advanced Piltover to the slums of Zaun. Suddenly, he realized he was between a rock and a hard place – on one hand, from Baolan's perspective, being in the last row was 'bad;' on the other hand, the frustration he had learning made it hard to muster the enthusiasm to regain his glory, and besides, he was starting to develop some nearsightedness and even seeing the blackboard from the back of the class was a hard task.

'I didn't want to be that kind of person, but I was at the back of the class. So I didn't interact much with either the good or the bad circles in class. It was very lonely.'

Most of the time, Baolan only spoke with his tablemate, and he wouldn't talk about games. Just like his distaste for the 'last row of class,' he thought games were a 'bad element' and not something students should talk about.

You could imagine that if Baolan's parents didn't have such a practical and effective discipline style – then having gone from 'genius' to 'loner,' he would have faced resentful scolding from his parents for failing to meet expectations. Luckily, his mother once again showed her consistently lenient and noble-minded ideas: 'If he's not good academically, then he should try something else.'

Baolan begin to search for a new path: go, piano, guitar, art … even the hulusi (t/n: a niche chinese instrument). Saying this, he mimicked a rather proper playing posture.

'My mother often said I needed to learn things. I tried practically everything, but I couldn't find a passion for any of it. When I saw something fun, I'd be briefly very enthusiastic and really want to learn it, but after a while I'd find it boring and give it up.' This persisted until he encountered League of Legends – the first thing that could make Baolan settle down and study it at length.

'At the time, only League of Legends could make me not give up halfway, and it had a very high skill ceiling.'

the abyss of the tga.

It's hard to imagine, but even though Baolan has already become a professional player, he still doesn't think playing video games counts as a proper career. When he goes home for the new year, he'll rarely bring up what he's currently doing to his relatives. In the beginning, he walked into this world simply to mediate his own loneliness.

When he first encountered League of Legends, Baolan would play every day, watch videos, and while losing think to himself, 'I shouldn't have played that so poorly.' At the time the ladder was ranked by MMR. 1200 points was the default; if you won you gained points and if you lost you lost points. At his lowest point, Baolan dropped to 800 points. 'Should've been bronze, that rank.'

When he thought he had stagnated, Baolan was suddenly re-inspired after watching highlights of the Korean support Madlife; this also decided which role he would main. 2012 happened to be the year Madlife first showed himself. This support's boundless genius led him to be called 'M-God' and his team MiG to be nicknamed 'Madlife is God.' After finding his first League of Legends idol, Baolan tried support and found his game ability increased immensely: even when winning a game would only give him 3LP, he went from Platinum V to Diamond V in a week, then reached Diamond I in another week, and finally Challenger.

'I didn't know then that you could decay from Challenger. I was so happy when I reached Challenger, but after seven days, I discovered I'd dropped back to Masters.' After that, Baolan left the Bandle City server for the first server, Ionia. At the same time, his sudden improvement showed Baolan an opportunity, and he decided to leave school, try a new path, and expand his horizons.

There are many ways to become a professional player, and the most 'straight-forward and easy' one is to join a TGA team and play with them in TGA (now known as City of Heroes), and go step-by-step to higher and higher levels of play: LSPL, LPL, Worlds. Of course, this requires you to have enough skill and luck.

In 2014, Snake fought their way from TGA to LSPL, then from LSPL entered the LPL. In 2016, IM promoted from LSPL to LPL, then from LPL made it to Worlds. This kind of 'success in many short hops' miracle seemed to be happening every day, but these 'good things' weren't guaranteed to happen to you. Survival bias tells us the 'dead' say nothing.

For the teams that participated in TGA, this is even more true. Every round of TGA includes more than thirty teams from all parts of the country; only two of them can join the LSPL. The high probability of elimination and the clustered matches made the TGA competition very cruel: perhaps some team would have just defeated a strong enemy, but within half a day, they'd have to face their own elimination from the tournament. For those who hoped to go pro, TGA was like a boundlessly deep sea they were trying to find a treasure in. It was just that difficult.

Of course, the inexperienced Baolan never considered this, and he quickly came to a decision. Thus, that mother who once brought her son to the net cafe to play games now sat with him on a plane from Jiangnan to Tianjin, where he joined a local team for a 3000 RMB salary.

What Baolan didn't expect was that just as quickly as his first professional journey began, it ended. For a few special reasons, the team Baolan joined in Tianjin disbanded quickly. Baolan didn't even have a chance to play in a proper match. Of Tianjin and that team, his only impression was being in a small house, unceasingly, unceasingly playing soloq.

That is the truth of many TGA teams: an owner with too much money to spend, players with only dreams and no skill, an organization that's only in it for fun, and an endless series of sorrows and joys, meetings and partings.

Afterwards, Baolan met Zoom. At the time, he was a part of a Ningbo team called BOE. Zoom took care of Baolan like a big brother and Baolan listened to everything he said. Afterwards, they also met Gear – a young man who had chased his dreams from Hong Kong to the mainland. The three quickly became friends so good you could say they 'wore the same pants.'

baolan's former 'big brother' - zoom.

'At the time, we thought the three of us could definitely get into the first division,' Baolan said very emphatically. But in actuality, Baolan didn't even have the chance to start on BOE, because 'that person (the starter) had a higher soloq rank than I did.'

Although the team's overall skill wasn't bad and it had his good friends, being entirely unable to play made Baolan anxious. At first, he thought, 'Doesn't matter, as long as I play well, I'll have the opportunity to start,' but the end result was: he, who had not played a single game with BOE, chose to leave, leaving Zoom and Gear behind, for a team that would let him play – a Hangzhou team, not too far from Ningbo, called MSC.

'From when I started with him (Zoom), I was always a sub, up until I left him and played a starting role for another team.' This departure was almost a means to 'prove himself.' In a team, players with close relationships are often very competitive, and by taking a starting position, Baolan hoped his own performance would tell his good friends Zoom and Gear: he, too, had the abilities of a starter.

the midlaner from hong kong - gear.

Instead, reality gave Baolan a vicious slap to the face. In that year's City of Heroes province-level competition, Hangzhou MSC encountered Ningbo BOE; Baolan met Zoom and Gear as opponents. In that match, toplaner Zoom played Darius, midlaner Gear played Lissandra, and they practically abused Baolan and his team 2v5. In that game, Zoom's Darius scored a pentakill.

After the game, MSC lost their chance to advance, and Baolan's spirits were low to the point where he didn't even say hello to his former teammates. 'After losing the game, I directly went back. That day it was raining, rain is the most tragic thing.' As he said this, a thin drizzle still fell outside the window.

Prepared to do whatever he could, Baolan circled back and forth in TGA for two years. In these two years, he went to Anhui, to Tianjin, to Hangzhou, to Ningbo. Every half year, he'd play in TGA; every half year, he'd lose.

But to him, no loss had as much of an impact on him as this one. Finally, after changing to yet another TGA team, Baolan couldn't take it any more. He stood in front of his boss and very steadfastly pronounced his feelings that he 'absolutely could not play any more TGA.'

After failing in the groups again, he hoped he could be recommended into the LPL. If he didn't have enough qualifications for that, LSPL would do.

'In all my years of playing TGA, every time I lost the boss would tell me: 'You're still young, you have to play TGA, practice harder, learn more.' Their words surely had some use for me, but I still felt...' Baolan stopped here. After a few moments of silence, he started talking to himself: 'Ah, there's not much to say. If I hadn't played so many years of TGA, perhaps I wouldn't be able to play in the LPL.'

Faced with the two years of his TGA career, it's hard for Baolan to not sink into this kind of ambivalent thinking. The unreliability of TGA and the difficulty of performing well always made it hard for him to find his confidence, but at the same time, he couldn't deny that those two years of chaotic fighting had helped him grow. Furthermore, he simply didn't want to look back on those years; his departure had an air of 'fleeing in panic' to it, because he 'just never wanted to experience again that feeling, that feeling of loss, that feeling that came every half year, that feeling of gambling.' Here, he used three descriptors in a row.

Luckily, he came to the LPL. Looking at how things have been going, everything is still okay.

the stress of the lpl.

LPL is the top-tier circuit in China. This place has the greatest exposure, the craziest fans, and the highest level of play; this place is every Chinese player's dream. For Baolan, who came from city-level competitions, being able to enter the LPL is very lucky. At the same time, he still missed how on the TGA stage, both sides' players would crazily yell 'Nice!'

In June 2016, at the beginning of the summer split, Baolan came to IG. Su Xiaoluo introduced him thus to the team's coach: 'This kid is not bad.' Because he wasn't old enough to participate in the LPL, Baolan was placed in IG's youth training team to practice and improve. At the time, IG's botlane issues were becoming increasingly serious. When Chris talked about that iteration of IG, he said that the Korean soloq king Rain was playing unreliably because there had been some problems in his family, and at the same time Kitties, who had been IG for a long time, was equally unreliable. To resolve that problem, Chris called in Tabe, hoping the competition would let Kitties return to form, but the final results were not exactly ideal. The roster changes and Tabe's inclusion caused the entire team to go through a trial-and-error phase, and they faced a lot of negative public opinion.

To IG, Baolan represented possibility; to Baolan, IG was his only chance. Before coming here, he had already thoroughly analyzed every LPL support.

'For some teams, I just didn't have a chance. VG's Caveman was a new player, and he wasn't too bad. There wasn't a chance EDG would lose Meiko, and LGD's Pyl had played with them for a long time.' Baolan used the most simple terms to approximate the chances he'd be able to start. In the end, IG was the choice where he had the 'highest chance of playing.'

For a young man who hadn't even hit 20, this kind of thought process was a little rigid. But it could undeniably find the best opportunity for a player to seize his already limited chances, and no matter what, it was very practical.

'Wherever I go, I give myself an objective. When I was in the TGA, I thought one TGA support was very good, so I would follow his soloq summoner name and check it every day to see how he'd climbed. When I went to MF's secondary team, I made the first team's support my objective. Every time I woke up and saw him, and I'd be motivated enough to play a whole day of ranked; then I'd go to bed very tired. For a while, I thought Tang Chi Sa's support Liu Qingsong (t/n: now Pinus) was very good, so I'd watch his ranked games every day and found he was really very good.' When Tang Chi Sa was relegated from LSPL, the support Lqs and his ADC Lwx showed up on Newbee's main roster, and these former TGA opponents once again met in the LPL. Like a sieve, LPL catches the best players in the secondary leagues and city-level competitions.

'Actually there are still very talented players in the TGA, but they haven't had an opportunity yet. I don't think I'm particularly talented – I'm just lucky.'

When talking about LPL's young support talent, EDG's Meiko is an unavoidable topic. From being discovered in the TGA to being moved to the LPL, to quickly meshing with EDG and becoming a top-tier support domestically, and then becoming winner of countless championships, winning MSI, becoming a part of the Worlds ranking... 'Meiko and I are about the same age, but I haven't even seen the glory he's received. If I'd call RNG's Ming someone I can look up to, then Meiko is a god.' When the topic of Meiko's almost legendary career was brought up, Baolan very naturally showed signs of envy.

'Of course there are some differences, but it's not just because I think he was lucky. He plays well, and on top of that he's lucky, so he can get what others cannot.'

'Will you take the initiative to go make friends with these players you respect?' this journalist asked.

'I'd prefer it if I can play well and then have people take the initiative to make friends with me,' Baolan replied.

July 24, 2016 – Baolan first entered the stage as IG's support; the ADC who joined him was Marge, and their opponents were Snake. In TGA circles, there was a popular saying: If you play in the LPL, if you're always a sub and don't have a chance to start, maybe you will never have the chance to start. If the team gives you a chance and it doesn't go well, you will never have a second chance.

'So, many players won't take the risk of playing in the LPL. They'd rather stay and keep playing in TGA,' Baolan said.

In the end, in that best-of-3, IG went 1-2 and lost in the end. At the end of the game, Baolan thought, 'It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was like we were all still human.'

In the first game, Snake had an immense lead in the early-game. SofM's Graves straight-out bought a Runaan's Hurricane, but at 35 minutes in the game, IG took a teamfight and turned the game.

In the second game, both teams played a slower game, and at 29 minutes in, Snake took the game after gaining a teamfight advantage.

In the third game, Snake had a small advantage in the mid-game, and at 28 minutes in, miscommunication between the initiator and the carries caused IG to lose regrettably.

In the three games, Baolan played Braum support, and allowed Marge to successfully and safely farm in the botlane, so at the very least, he was not a liability.

After this set of games, Baolan played increasingly often until Jackeylove joined the team and IG's botlane went from 'regularly surviving' to 'able to get a few small advantages.'

'I want to prove with him that we're the best, but that will probably take time. We're a little competitive among ourselves and try to see who plays better.' On his lane partner Jackeylove, Baolan had this kind of assessment.

Besides Jackeylove, another teammate who had a close relationship with Baolan was their jungler Kid. Beginning with Baolan's arrival in IG, Kid, who shared a room with him, took on the role of an older brother, just like Zoom did in the past. 'I've never spent any money when I'm out with Kid. Every time, he'll pay for me and invite me to eat.' Of course, Kid also has his own problems – such as snoring really loudly when he sleeps.

'In the future I'll try to sleep earlier, or at least sleep before he does.'

In the two days before this interview, Baolan had gone through a few sleepless nights: during the day, he'd play ranked until very late, and at night he'd lie in bed and be unable to sleep, then wake up and play more. But the reason for this were not the loud noises from his roommate, but rather that he was seeing the goals ahead of him.

'Because Ming has more LP than I do, a lot more, one or two hundred. So in the past few days I've been feeling like I can't sleep, like I have a rock in my chest. Yesterday I finally accomplished my goal and had 2LP more than he did. That night I slept very well.'

After all, he's still understandably a new player, and in the LPL, the stress is unending. In the new 2017 season, Baolan changed his summoner ID: Megan.

epilogue: those who are eternally in conflict.

Like Baolan, Zoom and Gear found their own ways out. The one regret is – they never managed to make it out of TGA by playing.

Zoom went to MF in the LSPL, where he was called the 'strongest toplaner.' After MF merged with WY and changed names, he once again appeared on the 2017 LSPL stage as the toplaner for DS.

Gear left the mainland, and went back to the LMS to join HKE (Hong Kong Esports). There, after one season (Summer 2016), he continued to play as their starting midlaner in 2017.

Baolan came to IG, putting on an entirely different uniform and picking up new teammates. When you become stronger, it's impossible to not leave your current environment. This requires you to say goodbye to many of the people you don't want to leave; this is a conflict.

But doesn't every young person live in this kind of contradiction?

To Baolan, the contradictions in his heart are not just those. He used to believe that 'those who look strong should be really strong,' but now he feels 'those who don't look that good might be truly good.' For example, he brought up SKT's ADC, Bang. Because he 'was in Faker's shadow, it's rare for people to say Bang is very good, and there are very few people who discuss him, but he always plays very well.'

On the other hand, he always desires a few external, self-serving things, like the recognition of others and fans. In fact, when he was analyzing the support players of each LPL team, 'popularity' was something he paid heavy attention to. 'I feel like veteran LPL players are not likely to be swapped out, perhaps because of their fans, or maybe it's because they're the core of the team and can't be changed.'

Whether it's better to be 'someone who looks good,' or “someone who doesn't look very good, but is very good,' Baolan didn't have any answers.

But a fish and a bear's paw cannot coexist, and he will eventually face this kind of choice. Of course, this is something every young person will encounter.

At the end, this journalist asked Baolan, 'If you weren't playing professionally, what would you want to do?'

'I would want to be a waiter, I think waiters are good people. When we go to The Bund to eat, I always feel like waiters are very impressive people, they can always give you what you need the most, and their attitudes are very good.' This kind of answer is very unusual, to the point of being somewhat nonsensical.

But this at least proves that Baolan is very young and still very childish. He still hasn't experienced the kind of life-or-death battle between WE and IM, he hasn't had to struggle in relegations like OMG, he hasn't left the domestic stage like EDG and battled for the world championship.

But when these 'hasn't yet' eventually turn into reality, I believe Baolan will have even more stories for people to tell.

editor's note.

At 'The Hero's Heart' competitive event (t/n: donation event), we saw IG, who were just coming back from winning NEST. Their manager, Su Xiaoluo, mentioned that they hoped we would interview IG's young player Baolan.

When we talked about why, Su Xiaoluo said, 'As a manager, the most common question many young players will talk to me about is salary and benefits. When he tried out for IG and played a few competitive matches, Baolan's salary was actually very small. After NEST ended, I brought up giving him a raise, but he didn't seem to care about this, and told me 'I came here to play.''

When he was 14 and League of Legends first showed up in his life, he chose this professional path, and without even hitting 17 he'd played two years of city-level competitions. In IG's weakest moments, he joined the team as a rookie, rich with potential and yet very young. As a manager, in this impulsive time, to find such a pure player in the generation of young players is a very lucky thing.

As we walked into Baolan's world, we discovered not only his pure love for the occupation, but also the loneliness and confusion so common with young people.

The biggest difference between young esports players and regular students comes from the different people they meet at this most critical point of life, and the way they understand society is different from that of those who go through school before walking into society. Compared to Baolan's chance to become a superstar, we're more interested in how these young players can find their identity in esports.

The experience of spending two years in TGA without any results can make someone ashamed to talk about their job to their relatives and make them call video games a 'bad thing.' The strength of other players in the same team can cause someone to undertake absurd training burdens; Ming's ladder position can cause them to not sleep at night, but instead wake up and chase LP; Meiko's professional journey can make them lonely, yet unable to take the initiative to meet these other players, instead hoping to prove themselves and have them want to meet him.

Before leaving, I noticed on the desk in the IG base, there was a copy of Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. The book describes how the 16-year-old protagonist, Holden, was born in an affluent middle-class family, but after being expelled from school for the fourth time, began to go into the world of adults and discovered the hypocrisy of this world. His idealism made him cynical, but he had to make compromises to continue to survive, making his life always in the midst of contradictions.

Abusinesswoman mother and the complicated feelings he had in this new world are just a few similarities between the real Baolan and the novel's protagonist, Holden. I don't know which fan sent this book to be signed by Baolan, but for this book to appear here, there's something to think about.

The road forward is long, and I hope this professional career will give him all he seeks, and teach him the truth of life.