#if youre queer you deserve rights and support who cares what label you use

[abyssmare]

Mizuki Akiyama, and the Art of being Human

The understanding of gender nonconformity and the value of relationships in unconfirmed identities.

Aka, a small rant I had regarding Mizuki identity discourse recently. Do note I am not an extreme fan of Project Sekai, and this is solely from the lens of an small player perspective. Please be patient with me.

Mizuki as a character is someone who’s always intrigued me in a weird sense. I’ve always been deeply interested in their arc as a fellow queer person enamored by the fact that Mizuki’s arc was less centric solely on their gender identity but rather the fear holding such an identity can create. Mizuki is someone who values their relationships greatly, to a degree in which they prioritize them over other things— this creates a complicated situation of hiding unresolved feelings of shame of their identity behind the ideal that their friends wouldn’t need to know, the frightening impact of change overall creating a barrier Mizuki themselves admit limits their own feelings at points— you can not know Mizuki, without knowing Mizuki’s earnest self.

So the ideal that Mizuki is simply a cross-dresser / someone who enjoys identifying with a feminine appearance style doesn’t necessarily sit right with me. There is no act of betrayal that ensues upon the ideal that you wear clothes that go against your gender when it is solely out of self passion. It is widely agreed upon that Mizuki is a male at birth, so why does the ideal of them connecting with a gender outside of the one they were born with create such a discourse? Well, this creates a mirage of two problems : The separation of being a transgender woman, and nonbinary. This creates a ‘label’ that misrepresents Mizuki as a whole, which can come across misrepresentative of them as a character. I have always seen Mizuki as gender nonconforming though, which is widely agreed upon as the status Mizuki is in, so why put a hefty label on such a widely confusing topic? Mizuki themselves is confused on their identity and that is shown, but they’ve found a identity they feel comfortable with beyond their gender expression and that is how they identify— why mislabel them as a ‘cross-dresser’? Why label them as anything at all?

Gender nonconformity is inherently not a strictly transgender term, but given how intertwined their identity is with their character and their actions, it feels wrong to dismiss the idea that they are something beyond the clothes. They are not simply a guy dressing as a girl for ‘fun’ as cross-dressing implies, the hurt they feel when their identity is outted to Ena is real. The shame and discomposure they’re left to feel themselves is a show of the impact their identity had on them, and the impact their relationships having been intertwined in that identity has created.

Mizuki choosing to tell Ena was a act of impulse yet an attempt at showing their true, fullest self to Ena. To the one person that would value them the most, in their eyes, the one ‘deserving of the truth’. They wished to have those around them able to support them in whatever path they chose, knowing NightChord and Ena would see them differently but wishing to pursue such an act despite that— despite the fears they held, they wanted to show themselves to the fullest capabilities, to those that cared for them the most.

That in itself is an act of love, created by isolation. Gender nonconformity is an expression in itself, the need to become a label is only something people can express toward characters. Mizuki doesn’t *need* to identify as a trans woman, or nonbinary, or a cross-dresser, or anybody at all. Mizuki is in the ripe age where having no identity is reasonable, getting hold of yourself is hard— so why press that? Why discourse upon what makes people so human, the emotions we feel and the impact those around us create? Questioning yourself is human, it is only human to want to be honest to the fullest degree, too.

Not knowing your identity is human, not knowing your gender is human. Mizuki is a fictional character, but the treatment of queer characters ‘needing’ to be labeled as specifics or else they’re treated as a conversational spoke piece is real. It’s a misrepresentation of Mizuki as a character, and truly goes against what they stand for as a creation— no matter how you identify Mizuki, they are just themselves in the end- a confused, lonely, isolated child, who just wants friends to help them understand themselves. Kind friends, too, who will understand, when the time comes.

[buddiebeginz]

Why does it feel like people ship B/T out of obligation? Not because they actually like the ship, but because it’s canon queer representation that they have to support otherwise you get labeled as ‘homophobic’ or not supportive of bi! Buck. They care more about what the ship represents and not at all with how it’s written.

Because that's the reality. For some people they don't care what kind of representation we get for queer characters/ships so long as there is canon representation. Let me tell you as someone who is a little older and has been watching queer media for a long time shitty or minimal representation is not better than no representation. Not for me anyway.

I want so much to see more people like me in media especially considering that I'm bi and there are so few canon bi characters. I will always be grateful to 911 for them making Buck (who I relate to a lot btw) a canon bi character. But at the same time they haven't handled his bi journey all that great and they've handled his first relationship with a man even worse.

Personally I don't care for T*mmy as a character and mostly I just think Buck deserves better. There is so little substance to that relationship. Buck and T*mmy barely even talked through most of s7 and when they did I didn't like how T*mmy treated Buck. I didn't like how dismissive and sometimes down right snappy he was with Buck. Plus we saw how much T*mmy went out of his way multiple times for Eddie but we never saw him do the same for Buck he couldn't even be bothered to dress up for the bachelor party.

I also didn't like that we really didn't get to know how Buck feels about T*mmy and that relationship by the end of s7. You can say we saw some of that during the dinner scene or when he talked to Bobby but it was really Bobby doing most of the talking in the locker room scene and the date only made me dislike T*mmy more. Buck was being vulnerable and T*mmy was made to seem like he didn't really care again. It would have been nice to have a scene where Buck talked about how he felt having been dating a guy for a little bit and what he really thought about T*mmy at this point but we really haven't gotten any insight on that.

All that aside though no one has to like any ship and it certainly isn't homophobic/biphobic to dislike a pairing (unless your reasoning is you don't want to see two people of the same sex together). I actually haven't cared for any of Buck's love interests for one reason or another but here's the thing if you have an otp for a show you don't need a reason to dislike it when the characters you ship are with other people. You can simply say I don't like them with that other person I want to see the ship I love together.

B*mmys will come up with all kinds of reasons as to why they've decided it's not okay for you to dislike their ship but it's all a bunch of bs. I heard similar stuff when Buck and Taylor were together. That it was misogynistic because I didn't like Taylor and them together (mainly because I've never liked Taylor after what she did to Bobby). But whether it's B*mmy's calling us homophobic or Buck/Taylor's calling us misogynistic it's all the same kind of stuff. They're just looking for a reason to make us feel bad for not agreeing with them. You don't have to like the same kinds of things as anyone else and you don't have to see the show the same as anyone else.

[harrowjacksparrow]

Btw if you don’t support neopronouns/xenogenders, get off my blog. If you feel the need to dictate other people’s identities, get off my blog ! ! !

ESPECIALLY if you are queer. You, as a queer person, have got to stop trying to put queer people into the same box straight people try to put us in!

I will never understand the need to tell people what they can and can’t be! Who cares if it doesn’t make sense to you? Who cares if it’s invalid? Do they feel like it describes their identity and who they are? Yes? Then LET THEM USE IT!

Getting to express yourself as queer is such a beautiful and freeing thing! It’s not your right to tell someone they can’t do that because ‘it’s ridiculous’ or because ‘that can’t exist’. That is such a closed-minded way of thinking!

Everyone’s queer experience is different, what right do you have to deny it? Who cares if someone is a lesboy? Who cares if someone goes by cat/cats? Who cares if they’re breaking all the rules and boundaries we’ve created? They shouldn’t be there in the first place!

You should be allowed to experiment with labels without judgement. You deserve that! You deserve to be who you are regardless of what other people say!

‘Cishet people will hate us more / it makes us look bad’ news flash: they already do! so be whoever you want to be, because that grudge against us isn’t going to change any time soon!

don’t feel the need to confine. you don’t have to put yourself in the box people tell you to.

[mag150cul-de-sac]

pls add on if you are more qualified to talk about this than me

i know i might be preaching to the choir here, and that i am not the best equipped person to say this, but as a white queer who lives in the city i am ashamed of others like me who look down on folks who live in red states or rural areas.

middle class white queers from the city, you do realize that there are queer people in the south, right? people who don't want to leave, don't want to be seen as helpless victims of where they live, people who deserve to be safe where they are?

working class queer people, we will always have more in common with the poor and working class of the south who may not understand gender stuff, may use outdated terminology, than we ever will with the richer city people who make the laws and have the money.

i would much rather work with or befriend someone who uses the word 'transsexual' or doesn't have the hang of pronouns but still respects me, or just doesn't care enough to disrespect me, than someone who knows all the specific gender and sexuality labels but doesn't try to help their community at all.

and there are people in the south who are fighting to make the red states safer, people who are making a space for the young queers with not supportive families and who are doing so much more for queer people everywhere than you are.

this especially goes if you're one of those people who doesn't vote because it 'won't matter' or doesn't wanna get involved with local politics cause that's 'participating in the system'. we have to start somewhere, and it's good to show up to vote and show what the people actually want.

basically- don't be a dick to people who live in red states, and get involved with your own community if you care so much.

[louiskechi]

alright let’s get this over with

here is a basic summary of all you could possibly need to know about me before you go starting something with me (this will be updated as i see fit)

-trans rights are human rights. this is not up for debate and is a block on sight if you disagree. same goes for black lives matter, and any other basic human rights that people somehow take offense to.

-xenogenders, lesboys/girl gays, mspec lesbians/gays, and all other non traditional or contradictory labels are valid. you can continue being angry that you aren’t allowed to fit queer people into strictly confined boxes all you want, but the long term goal of the queer movement should always be to break down restrictive labels and emphasize being who you are. this applies to neopronouns as well, obviously. all good faith identities are valid. full stop.

-transandrophobia is real. to deny that transmasculine people experience a unique type of transphobia tailored by bigots to specifically target our experiences is complacency. if you engage in hierarchical structures to organize the oppression marginalized people experience (i.e. saying things like “tme people need to shut up for once” when discussing transphobia) is reductive and only divides the community.

-self diagnosing is valid. not everyone has access to psychiatrists, let alone ones who will give a proper assessment. it’s also worth mentioning that both the medical field and the government have a lot of ingrained ableism, which can bar you from access to jobs, and can cause you to lose legal rights and bodily autonomy. (did you know getting an autism diagnosis can prevent you from getting a visa to most countries? it can even get you placed on a mandatory DNR!) accompanying this, i do not care what a system’s origin is. as a plural person, i couldn’t give less of a shit. if you say what you’re experiencing is plurality, i will believe you. trying to determine who “is and isn’t actually plural” does nothing but give fuel to those who will fake-claim us no matter how much proof we provide. you are helping divide our community and prevent mentally ill people from getting support that could save their lives.

-proshippers are annoying as fuck and i hate you all. no, you are not “just anti harassment,” in fact it’s a favorite hobby for quite a few of you. i do not identify as “anti ship” but having an integral part of your identity being that you think shipping a grown man with a child is fine tells me something about you that you somehow haven’t realized about yourselves. and no, you being a trauma survivor does not absolve you of abhorrent behavior. at this point it’s not even the content itself that worries me, it’s the relationship you people have with it. you can’t even handle the most mild criticism or discomfort about it. quit bragging about how uncomfortable you make everyone and really evaluate yourself.

-lolicon/shotacon is pedophilia. if you have some sort of objection to that you should really be looking up direct translations of the words you choose to identify yourselves with. terminology aside, no matter how much you try to insist “fiction doesn’t always effect reality,” that fictitious drawing of child rape is certainly effecting the reality of your now-erect cock. consider checking yourself before you get checked into a correctional facility.

-paraphiles deserve understanding and recovery. you are not going to eliminate things like pedophilia and zoophilia by arresting them, or worse, killing them, for feelings they can’t control. the solution to these things is easy access to therapy so they can work through those feelings and hopefully be rid of them one day, or at least no longer be a threat. most paraphiles do not want their paraphilia much less to act on them, and even those who do will not benefit from incarceration.

-the way some of you engage with fictional characters is disgusting. no, vriska serket was not a “girlboss” for telling the person she physically disabled to “apologize for being cr*ppled.” no, you do not think valentino is “just a really interesting villain” when i can see you talking about how sexy he is in the scene where he rapes the protag, followed by woobifying him and never addressing his actions at all. please get off the internet. it is genuinely disturbing the way you talk about these characters and it makes me deeply concerned about how you would act if you ever learned to shut off your computer. and yes, it is that deep.

[madscientist008]

What is LGBTQ+ and why does it matter?

LGBTQ+ is an abbreviation for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, asexual, and more. These terms are used to describe a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to romantically, sexually, or emotionally. Gender identity is about how you feel and express your gender.

LGBTQ+ people are part of the diversity of human experience. They have existed throughout history and across cultures. They have contributed to the arts, sciences, politics, sports, and every other field of human endeavor. They are our friends, family members, neighbors, co-workers, and classmates.

However, LGBTQ+ people also face discrimination, violence, and stigma because of their identities. They are often denied their basic rights and freedoms, such as the right to marry, adopt children, access health care, or serve in the military. They are also subjected to harassment, bullying, hate crimes, conversion therapy, and other forms of abuse. In some countries, being LGBTQ+ is still illegal and punishable by death.

That is why it matters to support and celebrate LGBTQ+ people and their communities. It matters to educate ourselves and others about the issues they face and the diversity they represent. It matters to advocate for their rights and dignity. It matters to respect their choices and expressions. It matters to love them for who they are.

LGBTQ+ people are not a monolith. They have different backgrounds, experiences, opinions, and preferences. They may use different terms to describe themselves or none at all. They may identify with more than one label or change their labels over time. They may be out or closeted or somewhere in between. They may be single or in relationships or in polyamorous arrangements. They may be cisgender or transgender or nonbinary or genderfluid or genderqueer or agender or bigender or pangender or trigender or demigender or neutrois or maverique or aporagender or novigender or any other gender identity that exists5. They may be heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual or pansexual or omnisexual or polysexual or asexual or graysexual or demisexual or lithsexual or akiosexual or fraysexual or recipsexual or any other sexual orientation that exists6.

The point is: LGBTQ+ people are people. They deserve recognition, acceptance, and inclusion. They deserve to live in a world where they can be themselves without fear or shame. They deserve to be happy.

This blog is dedicated to all the LGBTQ+ people out there who are brave enough to be themselves. You are valid. You are beautiful. You are loved.

Happy Pride Month! 🌈

[queerwhohatesithere]

here’s your reminder that all queer people deserve your respect whether or not you understand them. if you can’t grasp that the whole point of being queer is to be authentic, and not in another fucking box then you need to sit down and listen to other queer people, you need to read queer history and interact with gay people somewhere other than the internet. and to all the lgbtq people seeing all these people spout bullshit, i promise you queer communities are better in person and you will find the people who welcome you with open arms. now if you’re the type of person to shit on bisexual lesbians, poly, ace, or aro people, people who use “weird” neopronouns, gnc people, bdsm enjoyers, and queer people of color i will find you and beat your ass with a stick. trans women, black trans women that were openly queer and out there fought for our rights. they were messy. they didn’t give a fuck what others thought. kinky people fought for you to sit on your ass and bitch about who’s valid and who’s not. there’s a whole generation of gay people who died because everyone around them didn’t give a shit. we need to be united together as a family. we need to have each other’s backs, and to be constantly listening and learning. if you’re going out of your way to nitpick about what you have to do to fit a specific label, or how some things are just “too far” you are playing into the stereotype of there being “good gays” that are more palatable and acceptable. fuck that. people out there want to kill us. they’re reversing our rights. they don’t care if you’re a binary trans man, or a gnc bisexual kinkster. we need to band together, support each other, and do whatever the fuck we can to keep our rights, and to keep each other alive. protesting, organizing, direct action. i want to be angry. i want to destroy things. i want to scream and shout at everyone who doesn’t understand. and i think i have every fucking right to.

[villainess-supremacy]

headcanons of the four lords celebrating pride for the first time with their s/o

notes: you told them that it's pride month and asked if they would like to celebrate with you. none of them have ever celebrated pride before. I made the lords and s/o queer because I can

type: sfw, gender and sexuality of the s/o are not specified

tw/cw: slight mention of alcohol, blood, lgbtphobes

requests: open

Alcina Dimitrescu

her daughters have mentioned pride month before, but she's not sure what it entails exactly

you gladly explain it to her in detail!

she loves the idea since she is fruity herself loves celebrating for such a wonderful reason

you being part of it makes it so much better

and a whole month?? she's in

she would love to go to pride events with you, but she's afraid other mortals will be scared of her due to her height so you decide to just have your own celebrations in the castle

you love watching movies together so you show her all of your favorite queer movies and shows

you bought a pride flag to hang up below the balcony in the entrance hall

she loves the smile on your face when you proudly look up at it

"maybe we should extend pride to be all year if it makes you this happy, my love."

she already regularly gives you presents, but during the entirety of pride month she additionally leaves little gifts for you in your shared bedroom, the kitchen and all of your favorite places in the castle

and that daily

if there is any queer owned shop you like she will literally buy their entire stock

if there are any charities you mention she will gladly donate in your name and give you the certificate as a surprise

she realizes that something about June just makes her want you even more in general, in the private chambers, whichever is up to you wink wink

as a surprise she decides to make a special wine without blood of course named after you and your sexuality/gender if you use labels, but in fancy Latin words

she loves to drink, but of course watches over you so you don't have too much

mortals don't process it as well as she does...

if you come across any lgbtphobes and are noticeably saddened she will be there to distract you right away

everyone who dares to make her love sad will feel her wrath! be ignored since they're not worth her time

but if she finds out that anyone in the village doesn't support you or anyone who is part of the lgbt community, they will be forced asked to vacate their home

she will pamper you and shower you with her love even more

you once jokingly say "be gay do crime and turn maidens into wine" and she makes it her new motto but she's serious about it

Donna Beneviento

she knows a couple things about pride since she reads a lot, but you're so excited to tell her about it she simply lets you talk

you'd love to go to pride events with her but she's too shy and tends to have anxiety attacks when around too many strangers so she sends Angie instead

afterwards she will gladly listen to both of you tell her all about it!

she has her own collection of books that have queer characters in them which she never told anyone about before you and will read all of them with you if you like

there will be regular dates picnics while Angie takes care of the house

she's a cottage core sapphic and pride month brings out that side of her more

she has made dolls for you before, but this time she makes one that looks just like you

it has a pride flag embroidered on the top above the heart

of course you love it!

you're so glad that she accepts every part of you

she will make one of herself with a similar outfit and a small pride flag as well so she can set them up in couple settings

ever since she found out about online shopping it has opened up a whole new world for her so she will definitely get both of you matching outfits or jewelry from an lgbt owned shop

you love doing arts and crafts together so you suggest making bracelets for each other, either color coded or with letters

Donna's house has a flagpole she hasn't used in decades, but for you she'd gladly call for maintenance if it turns out it's unusable after all these years to hang a pride flag

anything to make you happy!

if there are any lgbtphobes bothering you or your friends, she will be right there to comfort you and won't hesitate to send Angie and her other dolls she can control to deal with them

even if you tell her that it's fine and she should just ignore them she's great at distracting you so you wouldn't notice until it's done oops-

since she has no portable device that can access music streaming platforms, but knows the password to your phone she decides to steal it for a bit and makes you the softest playlist that you since then often play for comfort

Salvatore Moreau

he has spent decades almost completely separated from humans so he has no idea what pride month means, but instantly agrees to it because he loves you so much

he will agree to anything that makes you happy

you both sit down and he looks at you with puppy eyes while you tell him all about pride

he loves the idea of celebrating a group of people you both are a part of

he thinks you deserve your own month to be cherished and celebrated!

he may be a little awkward with expressing his feelings, but he sure knows how to prepare a romantic dinner

with mother miranda needing all of the lords a lot to assist her, he usually barely has time to prep food, but for pride month he does his best to cook for you every single day

part of his usual outfit is a cape to cover his back and a type of crown made out of bones and rope

he's not the best with his hands, but he makes a crown for you that resembles his anyway because you're his queen/king/majesty

you love it so much!

you want to give him something in return so you go to the village and visit the shop you know is lgbt owned and get him a custom necklace with a fish pendant that has your initials engraved

he literally bursts out in tears because he is so touched :c

when you started dating he initially was scared of what you would think about his giant fish form, but you turned out to be really impressed and love it and since you'd be tiny compared to him he suggests taking you on an adventure of sorts

meaning you sit on his back while he swims around the lake which is like a roller coaster ride but more wet

he leads you to a hut you never visited before and he shows you treasures he has collected when he was still mortal

he starts making a list of things you could do and stays up all night to complete it but ends up with so many activities and ideas to celebrate pride you'll have to extend pride month... by possibly years....

if he hears about anyone being mean to you he'll just encase them into the blobs of gooey mass he can make but you don't need to know about that, pride month or not

he has always wanted to propose to you so he might be able to work up the courage to hint at it by the end of June

Karl Heisenberg

of course he knows about pride month!

he knows more than you might think

he isn't considered the rebel child for no reason

in the past he has done some celebration for himself, but it was never anything too special

he thinks it's no fun alone and his experiments servants aren't much fun

sure he could program them, but unless it's to attack something they're not really... party animals

since he has you now he'll gladly give it another go!

he'd love to go to pride events with you, especially if you go to drag shows

he didn't know about them before you made him go to one

something about them fascinates him so much, he's more excited than you

he's not really into cooking, but nothing will stop him from making you a nice breakfast in bed

you always love watching him work on his machines because he likes to take off his shirt when he's hot seeing him do what he loves makes you happy

so he decides to gift you some robots to assist you with your everyday endeavors

it's not really necessary but of course you appreciate the gesture

it means more time to spend with him after all

he once sees you with a keychain that has a pride flag on it so he paints it on one of his machines that he uses more often

mostly he will end the day by having a drink and dancing with you

it's a celebration, so celebrate he will

if you're more in the mood for chilling on the couch he won't say no to watching some queer shows or movies

after working on his machines he has a way of just melting into your arms

if he sees you smile at certain scenes in movies he might attempt to do the same with you

of course you notice, but you definitely can't complain especially if you smile on purpose at the spicier scenes

anyone who will come between you and happily celebrating pride will be visited by Sturm banned from his factory and getting anywhere near you

he likes to name his subjects so he will start naming them after all of your favorite queer historical figures, activists and famous people in general

any smile he can get out of you is a win

a win for the gays you might say

when he was younger he may have had a phase of spraying graffiti around the village so you're not surprised when he goes around his factory and writes "be gay do crime" on several of his machines and doors

[casually-slips-into-coma]

An Essay (sort of) Explaining the Many Grievances I Have With Debbie Gallagher

Once again, Debbie is the fucking worst.

I’ve been wanting to write out my feelings towards her character for a fucking minute now just so that I have a full concise list. Now, I can talk about how Debbie has a constant need for attention, or how her character has become someone unrecognizable in the past few seasons, or how she’s a terrible mother, but what I really want to focus on is the center of my issues with her: her sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about to be a homophobic rant or anything. I just think her queer development has been written terribly and that should be addressed.

Too often I see people praising queer characters or relationships based solely on the fact that they are queer, and as a member of the community, I get it. I am also starved for representation. This, however, does not mean I’m going to settle for annoying, poorly written characters.

Why Make Debbie Queer?

The first thing I want to address is why suddenly develop a WLW storyline for her. Given that Debbie started as a little girl on the show, this gives the writers a lot of opportunity to give a character like that interesting storylines because she does not yet have a solid personality. It gives writers the liberty to take her story anywhere they want to without the constraints of established character because she, as a person, is still developing into adulthood. The show runners unfortunately dropped the ball with this.

From season 4 and onwards was when Debbie began showing interest in dating, sex, and romance having just turned the corner to puberty. From then up until season 9, she has shown exclusive interest in men. It isn’t until Alex the welder that Debbie deviates from this path. Alex is portrayed as a stud who confuses Debbie. I am inclined to believe that Debbie was originally attracted to her because she was masculine and therefore close enough to the people Debbie had previous experience with.

This arc was treated very much as Debbie experimenting with her sexuality, something that Alex also ends up realizing after Debbie tells her that having sex with a girl is “not that bad” and “like having sex with yourself” (S9E4). Once this storyline wrapped up (with Debbie shouting “you make me want cock again”) the writers powered through, adamant about Debbie now being a lesbian.

I have two theories as to why they’ve been fighting so hard for her queerness.

1) This was around the time that Cam was leaving Shameless. This obviously didn’t end up happening, but I was under the impression that the writers were freaking out at losing their token gay character and needed to fill that position. When Cam ended up staying, they were stuck with a queer Debbie storyline and decided to just go with it.

2) Shameless was planning on doing a WLW storyline regardless of Cam’s choice to leave and were originally going to give it to Fiona and her lesbian tenant that she had a close relationship and a lot of chemistry with, but Emmy Rossum wanted to move on from Shameless, and so they pivoted and gave the arc to Debbie, a character that was not supposed to be moved in that direction and so her new sexuality seemingly came out of nowhere. Fiona as a bisexual character would have made sense. Debbie still does not.

Shameless’s Awkward Relationship With Bisexuality

One of the biggest issues I have with Debbie is her insistence on being a lesbian. Lesbianism doesn’t come out of nowhere. Bisexuality, however, can. When you grow up being told that you are supposed to feel attraction to men, and you genuinely do feel attraction to men (which Debbie has expressed in past seasons/episodes) it’s easy to ignore your attraction to women and write it off as something that either isn’t a big deal, or something that isn’t there. It’s a lot more confusing than being strictly at one end of the spectrum. It would have been so much more believable if they had simply made Debbie bisexual. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t because the show has a history with bi erasure.

Bisexuality has been treated badly all throughout Shameless, used as a vengeful plot device back in the earlier seasons where Monica was only ever with women when unmedicated. Then in Season 7 when Ian’s boyfriend Caleb cheated on him with a woman (enforcing the stereotype of bisexuals being unfaithful) Ian, possibly acting out of anger or ignorance, said things like “only women are bisexual. When a man says he’s bisexual he’s really just gay”. The only semi positive bisexual representation on the show was Svetlana and Vee when they were in a poly relationship with Kev (though I also think that storyline wasn’t handled as well as it could’ve been).

This fight against the bisexual label in media is not a new one but it is also a harmful stance to take when writing a sexually fluid character. Debbie declaring that she is, in fact, a lesbian after waxing poetic about how Matty had a big dick and Derek had a great body and knew what he was doing is not the way to go. 

You could argue that Debbie, like many other queer women, is an unfortunate victim of compulsory heterosexuality, but frankly I don’t think the writers are well versed enough in queer theory for that to be a possibility.

Debbie as The White Feminist

Debbie is the pinnacle of white feminism. It’s an unfortunate thought that has occurred to me a few times throughout the show. She talks a big game as a man hater and someone after the equal treatment of women but she herself participates in a lot of problematic and anti feminist behavior.

For one, she r*ped Matty back in season 5 when he was blacked out and unconscious. This was a point in the story that was glossed over and one where she suffered no repercussions other than Matty no longer wanting to be around her. It was explained in the show that Debbie didn’t realize what she did was wrong until after she was explicitly told so because she was maybe 14 when it happened (not 100% on the age Shameless is very inconsistent about timelines). It was treated as somewhat of a punchline, something that Shameless has unfortunately done more than once when referring to male sexual assault (Mickey’s r*pe, Liam in season 10 ((i think??)) and in this latest season, Carl) but that is a different topic. 

There was also the time in which she lied to her boyfriend about being on birth control so she could trap him into a relationship with pregnancy (which also counts as r*pe!!) Good on Derek for getting out of that.

Debbie has also been pro-life in the past. Now I understand this was when Fiona was pressuring her into aborting her pregnancy, and as a pro choicer myself, I believe that Debbie was fully in her right to have bodily autonomy and go through with the pregnancy. This isn’t where the issue lies. It’s when Fiona finds out that she too is pregnant and tells Debbie that she wants an abortion that Debbie accuses her of “killing her baby”. Again, her behavior could be explained by her age given that Debbie was still a young teen during this time.

When her actions as a White Feminist become less excusable is mostly in the latest season. Her relationship with Sandy is one that I’m not really happy with because Debbie doesn’t deserve her.

Recently, it has been revealed that Sandy is actually married to a man and has a son. It’s explained that she was basically married off against her will at the age of 15 to a man twice her age. This implies that the product of the marriage, her son, was most likely conceived through dubious consent (or worse) at the hands of an adult when she was just a kid. Just because Debbie thinks that Sandy’s husband “seems nice” does not give her the right to try and make a victim of grooming feel bad about not wanting to be with her abuser. While I understand that Sandy’s son has no fault in how he came into the world, I’m still gonna side with Sandy when it comes to having to take care of a child she didn’t want and who is most likely a source of trauma for her. It’s not difficult to sympathize with Sandy and see that she’s clearly gone through something fucked up and Debbie, despite claiming to love and support her, AND despite her dumb white feminist arc about wanting equal pay and all that jazz, turns her back on the girls supporting girls aspect of feminism.

This isn’t even mentioning how shitty it was to just leave Franny by herself and assume that one of her siblings would take her to school and pick her up and stuff as if they don’t all have separate lives. She talks a lot about being a good mother but decided to “let off some steam” by fucking off to a gay bar to get loaded on coke and fuck a gay man (which wtf thats not a thing that really happens with casual coke but whatever I guess). Once she realized she fucked up, instead of taking responsibility she decided to paint herself as the victim as well as spew offensive bullshit about how she “probably has AIDS now” because of her sexual encounter with a gay man. No lesbian in their right fucking mind would ever say that because as members of the LGBTQ+ community, you are at least a tiny bit informed as to how devastating and tragic the AIDS crisis was for queer people.

(I also have an issue with how Debbie capitalized on her felony as a sex offender and her sexuality to start her Hot Lesbian Convict business but I think that’s enough said.)

Blame the writers

The show got almost an entirely new cast of writers after season 7 which is why the show feels more like a sitcom with low stakes and no consequences rather than a drama, but if there is a queer writer on the team it’s not very evident. Even the better half of the queer relationship story, Ian and Mickey, I don’t feel has really been done justice since the change in writers. It’s just become painfully obvious that the actress is a straight girl playing a gay character (not to mention I have never seen any chemistry between her and all of her female love interests). I don’t fault Emma Kenney (the actress) for this. I actually really like her as a person and I like the videos she makes about the cast and such, and I think she does her best with the script she’s given. My complaints with Debbie are targeted entirely towards the writers.

This brings me to my final point. I need them to let Debbie be alone. Her whole thing for the second half of the season has been that she clearly has abandonment issues and is afraid of being alone. It’s why she’s so adamant about keeping the house and fighting with Lip about it (I’m actually on Debbie’s side for that one but that’s besides the point). They had her and Sandy break up which leaves Debbie to spiral further into her loneliness. From a writing point of view, it makes sense to take this opportunity to give her an arc in which she can overcome that and feel comfortable with herself so that she can move on as an adult instead of jumping into a new relationship. This is especially true since this is quite literally the last season ever of the show and any character development needs to be wrapped up. Introducing a new character out of nowhere does not give the viewers enough time to actually get invested in the new relationship. It’s also unfair to Debbie’s character because her arc is going to feel incomplete.

Anyway,,,,,,uuuhhhhh,,,,,feel free to add on if u want lmao

[rowanspn]

Here’s to Being Right

It only felt right to participate the six month anniversary of our suspicions, beliefs, and hopes finally becoming canonized. Unfortunately not all the fandom has been as supportive as I would have hoped. There are still a good amount of people, SPN stans or not, that have been less than kind to the overwhelming support of Dean and Castiel. Because of this I would like to put out a few gentle reminders.

~It is not a fetishization. We aren’t here to watch two men have sex on tv. IF that is what we wanted, pornhub is way easier to access. This is about two characters who have grown together over the years finally getting the happiness they so deserve.

~This is not projection. We are not just forcing our beliefs of characters that have no canon reason for such projection. Castiel is an angel with no gender or label because he is a “wavelength of celestial intent”. He is above the labels because they do not apply to him. Dean identifies as a man and has only had onscreen sexual interactions with women but canonically had a summer of love with Crowley. While this was a tad problematic since it happened because of the Marc of Cain or whatever, it’s not the only moments. I could go in depth about his queer coding but I won’t because there is no convincing someone who is adamantly against it and that is alright. 

~This is a plea for representation. As someone who deeply identifies with Dean from his emotional constipation to sexual repression, I have spent the last seven years gripping onto his character and finally feeling like someone gets me. This is not just about something onscreen. This is about the years of queerbaiting done in cinema and television that will never be erased. This is about two characters that have spent 12 years fighting for each other because of how deeply they care, always coming back to each other even when they are fighting, and ultimately giving us a shred of hope for a future where we do not have to feel ashamed.

~Finally, we are not crazy. Like it or not, it happened. It is canon now whether you support it or not so there is no erasing that either. I fully understand if you do not support or understand this ship. That is entirely in your right and I will never put you down for that. I will never try to push you to change your mind, never degrade you for your belief, never blame you for anything in the show or otherwise, and will never blame you personally for your beliefs. 

They are just that, a belief about a fictional ship. I only get upset when someone who does not support a ship gets nasty and starts name calling, blaming hellers for things we had nothing to do with, and starts insulting us for our beliefs. There will always be more radical people on every war front. I will never excuse the words of hellers who have gone to the lengths of directly tweeting at actors with blame and hate in their hearts. That is not appropriate and I can only hope that one day those people will see that.

I fully understand if you feel personally wronged by the actions of a Destiel/Deancas supporter because they have said or done insulting or hate filled things to you and I would like to deeply apologize on behalf of the rest, and majority, of the Destiel supporters who are not in favor of that treatment. No one deserves to be attacked with insults and hateful words simply for not agreeing with a certain ship.

This however goes both ways. Just because we support a certain ship does not mean we deserve that treatment either. I have supported this ship through and through for almost a decade and I will forever because I see myself and hope for the future in it and that is my right to do so. Please, even if you do not support it, do not put others down because they do. It is just immature.

~It may be fictional, but it has real life implications for many. If you have ever felt personally invalidated or harmed by another in your life on the basis of your race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, or other reason, please seek council with someone you feel safe talking to. It is the least you can do for yourself. You deserve so much more than to be discriminated against, but if all you can do today is to take that step towards self worth and love, it is the best you can do and that is ok.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[glitch200279]

[Before you come at me, I am a bi trans guy]

Idk what exclus needs to hear this but:

-Being a dick to people you don't think belong in the community don't make them suddenly go "omg, you're right!" [This DOES include the "pannie flops" accounts where you basically post pancringe]

-Pan, omni, & poly actually AREN'T biphobic or transphobic & they can coexist with bisexuality! Yes yes, I DID read the bisexual manifesto AND I know how important bi people are to all LGBTQ history! But I still have this opinion so sit down.

-To me, they go like this [and someone can correct me, especially with poly & omni]: Bi is more than one->All genders, pan is inherently all, poly is more than one but never all, omni is inherently all but gender still may be a bigger factor [may have messed up on omnis definition & maybe polys too, but you get the point]

A lot of people [idk if you would consider them inclus or exclus] consider pan, omni, & poly, to be real valid & important, but on a Bi+ spectrum AKA, they're under the bi-umbrella [the umbrella being liking more than one gender]. Like the Nonbinary umbrella for example. The nonbinary umbrella holds all genders that aren't binary, for example agender, demi-boy, demi-girl, ect. But nonbinary is ALSO a label in itself.

So, why don't these people who are "closer" to identifying as binary just identify as a binary gender? Like demi-boys just identify as... Boys. And agender people just say they're nonbinary?

Because that small distinction in definition to THEM is important to explain THEIR relationship with their gender identity, same with pan, omni, & poly. Maybe you're just like "But it's literally just bi with extra steps..." But to them, that smallest definition in meaning is important to them in explaining how they feel & their relationship with their sexuality, and that's honestly none of your business.

-The whole "Pannies DNI" or making fun of micro labels/filling their positivity tags with hate honestly makes the bi community feel unsafe & the whole "exploring your sexuality" not safe either. Before I realized I was bi, I tried to find a Tumblr account where I could ask questions [because I was honestly highkey in denial][I thought I was gay btw this isn't a "former pan here"] and while it wasn't the whole account, there was still so much pan hate on one of the first accounts I found. It didn't feel like a good idea to follow, because what kinda disgusting person just fills positivity tags with negativity & hate? Plus I knew if I said I was questioning I would probably get the whole "You like boys? Like girls? Bi." And it just gave me a horrible IMPRESSION of the bi community [I found lots of cool people & accounts after that thankfully] & that's not what you should want when you're telling people that micro labels hurt you & How important you are to the community...

-You aren't fucking entitled to know why someone identifies the way they do sit down. "Uh if I feel like they're hurting my community-" no, sit down. You can say "Hey, I'm curious as to why" but if you go in with an entitled attitude like "I deserve to know this info" AND "I deserve to know it because you're hurting MY community imo so... Info now :)" like fuck right off.

-Allies deadass don't care that much. "Oh people who don't feel sexual attraction are in that community? Fire. People who don't feel romantic attraction too? Lit! Oh there's Mutiple things for liking more than one gender identity? I'm confused but sounds cool!" Like real allies don't fucking care as much as you're acting, and when "inclus" say you care more about cishets liking you rather than protecting those in your community, we [at least when I say it] mean you care more about the approval of people that won't like you even if Jesus came back and said "I LOVE ALL THE QUEERS!" The people who would spit in his face & call him a false idol for saying that. Of course cishet supporters are important, but it should be all or nothing, not "LG/B/T[maybe nonbinary, but not those weird xenogenders & neopronouns, or those weird ones like "demi boy"]" and you're going with the second one when you choose to fight with your own community over who belongs, what doesn't, what is basically what, etc. Etc. You can have those opinions yes! But you aren't "protecting" the community at all.

-Aces & Aros are inherently in the community, just because you or your ace friend don't think they are, doesn't make it fact. And including them doesn't mean straight people will try & pretend to be in the community? Like they could just say they're bi, pan, poly, omni, or even just say they're trans but very post op. Like first of all there are easier ways to pretend to be in the community, so idk why you're going after aces & aros like they're the cause. Plus how many cishets do you know that know about Asexuality & Aromanticism, but aren't either themselves? Also including them doesn't make less room for everyone else.

-Some of y'all are really quick to be alloallo [not ace & I think that's not aro either] & say something aphobic/arophobic but say you aren't/weren't. Like so you, someone who is neither, knows more than someone who is? Also not some of y'all getting offended at being called allo & mocking it😷

This was really messy & confusing probably, sorry for any grammar & spelling mistakes [and if I got any definitions wrong], but yeah I hope you still got the point.

Basically if you're exclus, have your opinions, I can't change them. But when you're to the point to running accounts mocking those identities [and using real examples], filling their tags with hate & gross shit, and/or you're constantly making fun of them, you are no longer in the right morally, even if you're factually right. Like no one wants to side with an asshole [but I have looked at all your points & I think they're still dumb without you being a dick, but you won't convince anyone who might be a little open like that]

[snail-giggles]

This is me - The coming out story

This is my random, sheltered little tale of self discovery. I had it easy compared to some, but I wrote this while feeling like a piece of dirt.

If by some miracle you know me IRL and read this and think “She’s talking about me. Ew/OMG.” Sorry…can’t change anything now. It has happened and this is my truth. Your truth may be different, and that is ok…but this is mine.

So, read on if you want to… or ignore this is you wanna. I’m sharing this with the void so I can’t hide anymore, and it’s easier to have pride when you’re not hiding. I think this covers week 4’s theme for @fander-pride-meetup . Whatever.

This is me

I walked around blind. I didn’t even realise just how blind I was.

I idolised her. She was smart. She was a talented artist. She was thin. Her hair was long and shone in the sun.

I’m not gay.

I was short. I was round. I was quiet. I lacked talent. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good at anything.

She had a boyfriend. I hated him. He wasn’t good enough. Did he care for her? Would he protect her? He never stopped me from hurting him, so clearly, he wasn’t going to protect her. I was happy when he left.

I’m not gay.

New friends. They are nice, but I still think of her. I still do everything for her. Others are in relationships that I don’t understand. Why are they kissing right now? Do they really need to do that every day? Can’t we all just sit here and talk without you stopping every 5 minutes to kiss or touch?

These are normal thoughts, right?

I am late to school to hang out with her. I get up early but switch to the late bus just to be with her. I don’t want to go to school alone. It’s ok. I just have to run up to the third floor to drop off my things, run back down and to the other side of the school to get to class. That’s the only downfall. My teacher is always angry, but it’s worth it for her. She would do it for me, right? …… No, she wouldn’t.

I’m not gay.

She tells me a guy likes her. I kind of like him too, even though it’s weird how much he kissed his last girlfriend. We say he is off limits. We say it’s wrong because he just broke our friend’s heart. But you broke my heart by deciding to date him. You hurt me. I still adore you though.

I’m not gay.

This is the second boy I’ve watched you date. The first one was weak. I test this one. I hurt him with jokes and tricks. He fights back, so I guess that means he is strong enough to protect you. I guess it’s ok you date him. He is a good friend. He and I get close, but I still feel lost without you. Why aren’t I good enough? I do so much, and you still don’t see me.

I’m not gay.

I get judged for not dating. I do try a little. I meet up and message an old friend. He is not like me though. Our worlds and values are too different. It wouldn’t work. I didn’t trust him. He wasn’t for me. Where is my teenage romance? This isn’t like the books or movies. I’m leaving school single.

I am straight.

I’m meeting new people, but the old friends remain. I’m loving her less now… the feeling almost gone. She isn’t good enough for me. She doesn’t deserve me. I meet a new friend and she is amazing. The feeling is different. She respects me and I respect her.

But I’m not gay.

A boy asks me out. I pour out my heart. Is this the beginning of my romance? No. He was only interested in things. I couldn’t give him everything. He said he liked me before the weekend, but after the weekend he was with someone else. Why would he do that? He said he liked me.

What is wrong with me?

My new friend is filling me with knowledge. She is so strong. Her friends judge me for being innocent, but she doesn’t. She defends me. She makes me feel valid. She teaches me about the LGBT community that she knows. It’s not a scary place.

I’m… I’m not gay.

The study sessions with her are the highlight of my life. Our hugs make me feel special. I respect her. She respects me. I look forward to the late nights at her house, that turn into mornings hiding from the world under blankets. She is straight. She likes boys.

Am I gay?

No. No. I don’t want to have sex with her. That means I’m not… I am straight. I am straight. I am straight.

I’m happy being single.

I’ll find a girl, person, guy soon.

I. AM. STRAIGHT.

I move away; she does too. We are so far away. My new roommates make me try Tinder. I don’t understand it. How do you know if you like someone just by looking at them?

I am judged.

I am wrong.

I am broken.

I get to see her again. It is like no time has passed. We talk for hours. I’m happy when it is just the two of us. Everyone else judges me. She never would.

But I’m not gay…..

I lock my heart down. Who needs love anyway? It only opens when I see her. I am lonely though. My co-workers are friendly, but the age gap makes connecting tough. How much longer until everything makes sense? I’m not lonely when I go back and visit her. When we get together, my heart is unlocked; but I lock it back up when we are apart.

I am straight.

New people come to town. Their age is closer to mine. They are nice. Yes, they laugh at my innocence, but it is not to judge. They teach me words and I think about the world she told me about.

What does it mean to be LGBT?

Time is passing. I am growing older. I pull down the wall a little. I start to think. I read a piece of fanfiction and suddenly the wall is cracked. Fanfiction. Of all things, it was fanfiction that got me to start connecting the dots. The way the character talks…It feels familiar.

Google Search: _________

.

.

.

There is so much more than I could ever have imagined. It’s not just four letters. Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Transgender. Queer. Intersex. Asexual. Pansexual. Bigender. Aromantic.

The list goes on.

The wall crumbles. I am raw. Blindness clearing. I review everything. Feelings. Thoughts. I see them in a new light. These thoughts are ok. These feelings are normal. Others have felt the same.

It takes time.

A lot of reading.

A lot of questioning.

I casually talk to others about the character in the fanfic and how they identify. I want to see what people think. I want to know if they think it is ok.

Getting answers was emotional. I kept it all inside. I processed everything. I was raw with my heart and mind so open.

I said my labels out loud.

“I’m not straight. I am a biromantic asexual.”

It felt strange to say. Wrong but right.

The internet knew first. Luckily, I don’t have many IRL friends online. Feeling safe, the words started slipping out.

“I’m asexual.” – that needed a lot of explaining.

“I’m a biromantic asexual.” – that needed even more explaining.

“I’m bi-ace.” “So, does that just mean you’re a bisexual?” “I guess, to put it simply, yes.”

I have been lucky. My parents have accepted me. The co-workers who I have told accept me. I am closer to the friends I have told.

I am ok with me.

There are still people to tell and I know not all of them will accept me…but if they don’t…I know who to turn to: my mum will say she loves me, my friends will say that they support me, and the communities I follow online will remind me to have pride 🏳️‍🌈.

So,

My name is *Snail🐌*. I use she/her pronouns, but I don’t mind them/they either. I’m 25 years young and still learning about myself. I’m a teacher, a beginning writer, and I identify as a biromantic asexual.

I am valid.

So are you.

[dalek-in-heels]

Hi hello, I have Feelings about some (not all!) of the ways I’ve seen bisexuality and polyamory discussed in Magicians fandom recently, mainly in the context of how queerness is represented in the show / speculating about what’s next. Queerness and polyam are two things that are near and dear to my own lived experiences, so I want to put my voice out there. This turned into a 2k word jumble, but as always I am open to discussion around any of it! My opinions/experiences, not law, I like hearing other viewpoints, etc etc. <3

tl;dr 1) I think it makes narrative sense why Quentin hasn’t explicitly confessed his love for Eliot to his friends yet.

2) I think it’s canon that Quentin and Eliot are each unique representations of people whose bisexuality/queerness/no-label-sexual-fluidity manifests in different ways.

3) I think it’s canon that there is polyamory in A Life in the Day.

—

First, I want to make clear that, after literally decades in fandoms that queerbait (or not even that), I feel passionately about the writers finally giving us more explicit queer love stories. Like, viscerally anxiously needing some emotional resolution for Queliot. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this invested in a ship before tbh.

That said, I won’t be mad about how Quentin & Eliot’s arc has been represented so far, as long as it does continue to develop going forward. Like, if it’s not explicitly addressed at all the rest of this season? That’s an issue. But if it’s only addressed again, like, tonight or even just in the finale, and leaves open the potential for more development in season five while Eliot is actually not possessed? I can see narrative reasons for why that works better.

In large part because of Quentin’s motivations this season. This is key: They are telling a story about a man who has been suppressing his feelings for the man he loves, who he thinks doesn’t love him back, and who is currently possessed by a monster. Quentin’s cautious. He’s depressed. He’s not going around making declarations, precisely because this is a very different love story than the ones we’ve seen between any of the other couples. Not only because they’re two men, but in large part because one of those men is possessed.

Don’t get me wrong (ha)—I am 100% in the camp of people who want Quentin to make some sort of confession despite all of this, and I definitely daydream about there being some sort of extra footage from their 50 years that we’ve never seen. But also? Story-wise? I get why it hasn’t happened yet: The more things that are out there in the open for the Monster to use against Quentin—and against Eliot’s body—the more damage can be done.

I think that’s one of the things that’s so powerful about that scene in 4x06, when the Monster asks, Why do you care about him so much? and Quentin simply says, Because I do. Yes, we know from Eliot’s memory that it’s because Quentin loves him, but like can you imagine Quentin admitting that to the Monster? What shit the Monster would pull with that knowledge?? It’d be horrible. Quentin knows better. He’s keeping details as close to the chest as possible for a damn reason.

—

Which brings me to Quentin’s bisexuality: I don’t think him not talking openly about his feelings for Eliot erases his bisexuality. Yes, arguably he could have a conversation with Julia or Alice or whomever about it, but what purpose would that serve? Him just feeling even worse admitting out loud that he’s trying to save the person he loves who doesn’t even love him back? Much easier to contain if you don’t say it out loud.

One of the things I’ve really loved about Quentin actually is that his bisexuality is a version that’s relatable to me on a personal level. Quentin is a queer man who has mostly dated women (as far as we can tell in canon). I’m a cis woman who has, largely due to circumstance, mostly dated men, despite coming out as bi 17 years ago. There were also long stretches of time where I didn’t date anyone. None of this has made me less queer/bisexual. My sexuality is an undeniable aspect of me, but also, I pass as straight. A lot. Which is frustrating because I never want to pass as straight in straight spaces or queer spaces, but it’s a super common experience for a lot of us. I’ve known so many women who pass, many of us because we date men, and therefore people don’t see our sexuality as valid since it’s ~ not in practice. It is a part of us; it doesn’t matter what we practice or not.

Quentin is bisexual—or whatever label we as fans want to put on it, but he is not straight. He has had queer experiences and expressed queer feelings. That is canon. Honestly, one of the reasons why I’m drawn to him as a queer character is because he hasn’t put a label on it in canon. They are telling the story of a character whose sexuality is not heterosexual, and it is not the most important thing about him. That is valid. That is the underrepresented experience of many of us, and it is satisfying to see someone represented on television who has experiences with people of different and similar genders, and that is not the core of the relationship conflict. He knows who he is. As Jason has put it before, it’s the one thing Quentin isn’t anxious about. I feel that.

But okay, back to trusting if the writers will represent Queliot or not going forward? I think it’s important to remember that this show has always been pretty fluid sexually, so the writers driving down this route with two of their male leads is, while new ground, not an absurd expectation. On a less queer show, I’d be less trusting of how they’ll handle it, but I feel like out of any writers I’ve loved, these might be the ones who get it on some level? Yes, there are still majority heteronormative things going on, but this is not the first queer relationship we’ve seen on the show: We’ve seen Eliot with randos, we’ve seen Eliot with Mike, with Idri—and with Quentin.

Which, while we’re on that—Eliot’s queerness? Should also not be erased. He is not gay. He is somewhere on a fluid queer spectrum. That’s literally canon, so any hand-waving away of that is erasing it. Sexuality is just so much more complex than that, and I think it’s simplistic to say otherwise. There are people who see themselves in Eliot’s version of queerness (mostly men, sometimes women), just the same way so many people see themselves in Quentin’s version of queerness (mostly women, sometimes men). We deserve more explicit text of their past relationship and Quentin’s current feelings, eventually, but tbh I still think how it’s being portrayed is valid and has made sense within the larger narrative so far.

—

Okay, now I really need to talk about how polyamory is portrayed on the show.

I’m not sure how many people active in this fandom are polyamorous or not (please feel free to give me a shout if you are? I’d love to make more polyam friends here), so extremely bare bones crash course here, since it is an often misunderstood, underrepresented, and stigmatized relationship model:

Polyamory is a relationship model that can take many forms (not necessarily marriage, not necessarily hierarchical), and is always rooted in consent, open communication, and building trust between all partners and metamours (your partner’s partners) in a polycule. All polyamorous arrangements and other versions of non-monogamy are consensual—if they’re not, then quite frankly it’s not polyamory; it’s cheating or, at the very least, pretty dang toxic.

For many of us, polyamory tends to be an alternative to the monogamous “relationship escalator”—instead of every relationship we form having the expectation that it’ll lead to marriage (and/or moving in together, having kids, etc), we choose to explore all the different types of relationships that can form organically in our lives: maybe a long-term partner or two, more partners who are casual but no less cared for and respected, etc. Or there’s solo polyamory, where your primary commitment is to yourself, but you have open consensual relationships with multiple other people, short-term or long-term. There are literally endless other possibilities.

As for how this relates to Quentin & Eliot’s time at the Mosaic: I’ve seen the argument that it couldn’t have been a happy polyamorous thing if only Quentin had two partners. I don’t buy that. Sure, it’s common for there to be relationships where two people each have another partner or multiple partners, but that is not the one right way that polyamory is done or that people who practice it can be happy with.

I personally have been practicing polyamory for several years, and there have been long stretches of time where I simply haven’t wanted to be with anyone else besides my primary partner, even when he has had other partners, and vice versa, and I have still lived my damn life with love. Yes there has been jealousy and insecurity to varying degrees, but there is a lot of support to identify their roots and actively work through them, and face fears. “Love isn’t zero sum” is a phrase thrown around a lot in polyamory literature, but it’s true: The partner who’s only with one person isn’t somehow getting less love. They have their partnership, they have a rich, full life outside of any romantic/sexual relationships, and they have the freedom to be open to other relationships should the opportunities come along.

So, anyway, back to the Magicians: Do I care if the writers intended to show a version of polyamory on the screen in 3x05? Not really. Because what happened anyway, is they did.

I don’t think the writers would or even could get away with representing an explicitly polyamorous relationship, mainly because that is still pretty damn stigmatized and rarely out in mainstream culture. But I do think that they did what they could to make Quentin and Eliot be able to build a family together, which I think was a key part of their narrative. How else would they have shown Quentin and Eliot having a kid in that context? In the space of a highlights montage? I’m not saying Arielle was a fully formed character either, or that she wasn’t a pawn of some sort, but I don’t think she was a pawn to somehow prove Quentin and Eliot had any less real of a relationship. I think if she was a pawn, it was so that they could raise a kid together and have a family. (Which isn’t great, but that’s a whole other issue, not a queer erasure issue.)

My personal headcanon for the 3x05 timeline is that Quentin, Eliot, and Arielle had a polycule that was basically Quentin/Arielle and Quentin/Eliot, with Eliot and Arielle as metamours, who also have some level of romance and maybe the occasional sexual relationship. In my headcanon, they were all happy together, raising a kid together, growing up and out of the insecurities and fears that Quentin & Eliot had back in the present-day timeline. Like, I can’t picture a 25 year old having the exact same hang-ups as a 35 to 75 year old, you know? People grow up. They settle into themselves.

I think that kind of happiness is inherent in how Quentin and Eliot talk about it when they come back: it was sort of beautiful, we worked, who gets that kind of proof of concept. So why would Eliot turn down Quentin when they get back, if that life was so good? I think it’s because wow that is a lot to live up to, when he knows they are not the same people now as who they’d turned into in that timeline. They have those memories and some of that wisdom, sure, but also they are the same people they were back in the future. Eliot doesn’t trust Quentin would choose him in this context, so he runs from things he’s afraid of fucking up or not living up to.

Whatever they are or will become now, I really think that the polyamory in that other timeline was real though. Even though nobody was boning or making out, there was a family of people raising a child together. There were people spending their lives together. It’s not as much representation as we (queer people, polyamorous people) deserve, but it’s not erased either. We focus a lot on the fact that Eliot, upon return, brought up You had a wife. But quickly following that was And we had a family. That’s not nothing.

I think I’ll just end on that note. This is already so long. Let’s see what happens tonight!! [screams into the void]

[flying-elliska]

What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao.  If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

-  When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes.  However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh. 

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute. 

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

 And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too. 

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope.  But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth. 

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome. 

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride. 

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis. 

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it. 

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever. 

[chimcharstar]

1 THROUGH 55 AND 1 THROUGH 30 GO GO GO

LETS FUCKIN GO

tumblr please actually make this a keep reading

55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

I ALREADY WATCH NETFLIX AND AGONIZE OVER MY STORY

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned?

MY JACKETS. ANY CHEST OBSCURING, BROAD SHOULDERED, COZY JACKET

3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue?

DANCING, ID NEED TO GO TO CLASSES OR SOMETHING

4. What would your perfect room look like?

IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH MY ROOM BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED A LAVA LAMP, AND 1800 MORE PLANTS COULDNT HURT

5. Do you play sports?

NO

6. What fiction place would you love to go to?

SINNOH REGION

7. What Job would you be terrible at?

DEBT COLLECTION. I WOULD BE GIVING SHIT TO PEOPLE FOR FREE. I COULDNT BEAR BEING ENCOURAGED TO FORCE PEOPLE WHO CANT PAY FOR SOMETHING TO PAY MORE

8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?

SERVING. HOW MANY PLATES CAN YOU CARRY AT ONCE

9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?

WALKING IN MY SPACE BUBBLE WHEN MY SENSES ARE OVERLOADED

10. What skill would you like to master?

A SECOND LANGUAGE

11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

THE ONE FROM MY DREAM WHERE I KISSED A GIRL DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND WE ELOPED TO BRAZIL TO RAISE SHEEP

12. What’s your favorite drink ?

THAT CHRISTMAS SHIT. PEPPERMINT MOCHA AT STARBUCKS. A FRIEND GOT IT FOR ME ONCE. NOW I ORDER IT A BILLION TIMES.

13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?

I HAVE NOT TRAVELLED MUCH EVER

14. What songs do you have completely memorized?

I DONT REMEMBER LYRICS SO MUCH, BUT I COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW MANY SONGS GO COMPLETELY

15. Are you usually early or late?

LATE. IM GETTING BETTER THOUGH

16. What takes up too much of your time?

GETTING OUT OF BED

17. What do you wish you knew more about?

SWORDS

18. What are some small things that make your day better?

COFFEE. SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING NICE TO ME.

19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

QUEER EYE BUT BY TRANS PEOPLE FOR TRANS PEOPLE

20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished?

YOU. AND ME. ITS GROWTH

21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?

21, SO I HAVE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON

22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

13 REASONS, THE BOOK WAS TRIGGERING SO I WONT RISK IT

23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend?

TAKING A WALK, HAVING COFFEE, WATERING PLANTS… IM HAPPY

24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury?

I HAVE PERFUME...

25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?

TO YOUNG TO NEVER DRINK. TOO OLD FOR POKEMON

26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie?

I DONT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR EITHER BUT I SEEM TO LIKE URBAN FANTASY A LOT

27. How often do you people watch?

I THINK IM SO POLITE BUT HONESTLY, I QUIETLY SCRUTINIZE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN EVERY DAY AND GUESS AT THEIR PERSONAL HABITS AND SELF IMAGE.

28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?

MY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS SEASON RULES BABY

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?

I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING PPL HAVENT HEARD OF BUT IM INTERESTED IN BLACK HOLES

30. Do you relax after a hard day?

FOOD. NETFLIX. DECOMPOSING ON TUMBLR

31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?

I HAVENT READ A BOOK I REALLY LOVE IN AGES. HARRY POTTER AND ARTEMIS FOWL WERE MY FAVOURITES GROWING UP, BUT CORNELIA FUNKES BOOKS SLAPPED AND HIS DARK MATERIALS WAS GORGEOUS

32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?

IDAHO?

33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen?

LUCIFER WAS LIKE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING MIDDLE NAME JANE AND KNOWS THAT EVERY MURDER BREAKS YOUR HEART AND YOU SIMPLY DESERVE BETTER SO NO MORE MOMENTS WHILE THEYRE HAVING A MOMENT AND CHLOE IS WATCHING THIS FUCKING IDIOT AND IVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE SO I KNOW SHES GONNA KISS HIM AND THEN THEY KISS

34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?

ANY SMALL TALK QUESTIONS

35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?

YES. ID MAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP. SKILLS

36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

GIVE ME A HUG AND SOME CHOCOLATE

37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?

HANG GLIDING

38. Dream car?

SOMETHING I DONT HAVE TO WORRY WILL FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY MOMENT

39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?

STRAIGHT LOVE SONGS

40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now?

HAVING A CAT

41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it?

DECORATING THE DOLLHOUSE I RESCUED FROM THE BATHROOM

42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?

IM NOT VERY FAR THROUGH THE WEEK AND I HAVENT ENJOYED MOST OF IT BUT PEOPLE SAYING ADORABLE THINGS

43. How different was your life one year ago?

NOT A LOT DIFFERENT, IM JUST LONELY IN THE CITY NOW, MINUS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ONE YEAR ON T

44. What/who would you rate 10/10?

MY CACTUS JAKEN. I DROPPED HIM SO MANY TIMES AN ENTIRE HALF OF HIS SPIKES ARE FLAT SCARS. AND LOOK AT HIM. THRIVING

45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?

GENUINELY MADE ART

46. What do you hope never changes?

MY T PRESCRIPTION

47. What movie title best describes your life?

I LOOKED THROUGH NETFLIX AND I PICK TWILIGHT

48. What website do you visit most often?

TUMBLR

49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?

MY BIRTHDAY

50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?

FINDING A REASON TO CANCEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING

51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

WALKING BY SOME RUNNING WATER

52. What age would you like to live to?

80. THATS MY MENTAL HEALTH ANSWER

53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?

SOMETHING CREATIVE WOULD BE AWESOME

54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?

CRIMES

55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?

A CAT

Lgbt+ ask game

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

I’m even a little shaken by a questioning state right now but for a while I’ve felt the best fit is the androgynous label -- I read a description of it being the purple on a pink to blue scale, both at once but not specifically either one, and something else by itself. I’m also happy with a cryptic masculine grey area. My pronouns are he/him.

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

During the Puberty 1.0 nightmare, I was basically living someone else’s life, and any attraction I felt wasn’t in relation to myself. I felt disconnected from my body and gender and everything too, and I felt a lot of social pressure to experience a certain type of attraction, fit into a certain role, et cetera, and none of these feelings existed in me at all, so I used to identify as ace. When I realized I was trans, I was too caught up in the, transition safely, my life is a lie, stopping dysphoria drama to focus on this, but I had an idea I might be a gay guy judging from my gay creative writing until I caught feelings for a girl and realized this wasn’t the first time that had happened. Some bi positivity and nonbinary rage later, I am reminded that gender is a joke.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Yes of course A LOT. Starting with my parents, who do it aggressively and maliciously. And plenty from strangers and customers, mostly after hearing my voice pre-transition. It used to hurt terribly because I was dealing with so much other stuff at the time, and one little thing could be the last straw, so I used to react strongly and harshly, to people you express yourself to anyway. On T, I’ve been so much more chill and confident, and it’s less painful to accept that some people just don’t know any better, although that doesn’t change its effect.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

I don’t remember, I think it was a high school friend. I vaguely remember texting someone in a bathroom during a crying session at work. My high school friends were all warm and supportive.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

It was scary as hell. I’m sure coming out (with your gender specifically) is scary by nature because it’s a huge truth to be telling that can really change how the people you love perceive you, for better or for worse, but for me, I’m also thinking with the dread and certainty that my family would be too conservative and potentially dangerous. Coming out to my family was one of the worst, most painful things I’ve ever been through -- being kicked out and laughed at, a lot of drama, confrontations, Bible readings and being ganged up on at odd hours, trying to comfort my mom who took it as her personal failure -- I was shaking with adrenaline 24/7. I think of the “I’ll suffer through anything as long as it has meaning” comment that was about angsty fanfics, but knowing the truth about myself was a source of unshakable strength and it felt refreshing and even triumphant to say, like I was giving myself permission to exist for the first time. I came out a bunch of times, though...

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

My family reacted mostly badly, my sister is a little confused but has the spirit, and my friends have been wonderful.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

It’s more of a gender thing, but I hate it when people imply that I shouldn’t be on T or are subtly trying to talk me out of it with their questions. After all the disrespectful as fuck bullshit I heard from my parents, I’m tired of this.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Zombie apocalypse denim? Gay Layers

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I’m not really emotionally invested in these “ships” you cool kids are talking about. I like canon, age-appropriate ones.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I’ve never really worn makeup. I brazenly never bothered to growing up, and if it had an effect on me socially, I was too tuned out to care. My sister always wanted to do my hair and makeup, but I wasn’t interested and wouldn’t let her, much to her frustration. I wore some for a musical once though, and I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt what I know now is dysphoria and ended up using the lipstick to draw. Another aspect to this is my family forbade it (or my dad made the decision for everyone), not that it made my sister feel less pressured to wear it, so maybe it was some female presentation I could easily get out of. For that reason, I don’t have super strong feelings about it. Not understanding it probably resulted in me feeling left out a lot among my peers.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

Yes. Before my realization, it was a numb horror I wasn’t consciously aware of, ruining nice things growing up to the point where I feel like I missed out on being a teenager. I remember it as feeling nauseous while sitting in a corner, feeling like none of my clothes ever fit for some mysterious reason. Living with my family in the closet, it defined my life, and I was obsessed with my presentation. These days, it does not bother me on that level at all, except a minor freakout now and then if I get really wild and wear feminine clothes. Or I still feel it in more subtle ways, when I default to customer service voice, or when guys my age are twice my height and I look aaaall the way up at them and wonder what gender they see me as.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Trust me, I have heard truck loads of dumb shit and the winner is the Gay Agenda is R****a’s propaganda to weaken the integrity of North America. Considering what is happening over there, it was enragingly stupid.

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

I feel like I can be myself around lgbt+ people. I don’t feel like I have to hide stuff or put on a show, and I’m not afraid because it’s familiar territory.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

Aside from obvious problems like TERFs, ace discourse. Ace people are part of the community if they want to be and that’s enough on that, my skin is already breaking out.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

I finally went to a Pride event this year! I was surprised it was the first one I’d been to, then remembered my parents discouraged me from going anywhere, never mind to a gay where.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I can’t think of many people right now, but Leslie Feinberg seems awesome, and some quotes from Stone Butch Blues are very validating.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

No. Technically I have been in one, but it was shitty and ridiculous, and basically platonic, and I don’t want it to count.

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

I barely read… I read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe in high school and it was honestly so precious.

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

Yes. I got kicked out (but then kicked back in again), had my stuff stolen and damaged, was verbally harassed… and I was indirectly fired by an employer, but We Will Never Know Why...

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

Queer Eye! I don’t know of many though, and some important ones, I just haven’t watched.

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

My mutuals :D

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I’m okay calling myself queer.

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but I did see some drag performances at the one (1) Pride event I went to, and they were jaw-dropping.

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

I’m not sure what this question means, but I decide what fits right by what makes me feel the most alive and emotionally real and in the moment. What makes me feel the most attractive to be honest. There’s a post about dysphoria I saw going around, the things on it are basically what I use to figure things out.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I am actually! Not anytime soon, but I’m the responsible type for sure, and judging by the way I love growing plants and being around animals, I’m probably a nurturing person. I actually like kids too, lol, they’re just so high-energy.

What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You’re a boy. Go!

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I think people are going to have different ways of expressing themselves that make them happy, but… I don’t think they should infringe on basic human decency. When I hear “role” I think of acting a certain way because someone told you to, something I want to disagree with on the spot.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

People move out of my way on the sidewalk and take me seriously now. Privilege or self-confidence… I never want to forget what it used to be like, or get too entitled.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

That it’s simply living one’s reality. I think that trips up a lot of straight people -- that some people just come like this, and they don’t have to make it fit into their personal identity.

Why are proud to be lgbt+?

Because I worked hard to be alive and happy right now. I’m proud of choosing to get through those rough patches, take care of myself, heal, take walks, cook breakfast, learn healthy coping mechanisms, that was out of love for myself and a defiant conviction that I have a place in this world.

[1-1snailxd-art]

This is me Part 2 - The coming out story

This is the tamer continuation of This is me Part 1 - What on Earth has been happening.

This is my random, sheltered little tale of self discovery. I had it easy compared to some, but I wrote this while feeling like a piece of dirt.

If by some miracle you know me IRL and read this and think “She’s talking about me. Ew/OMG.” Sorry...can’t change anything now. It has happened and this is my truth. Your truth may be different, and that is ok...but this is mine.

So, read on if you want to... or ignore this is you wanna. I’m sharing this with the void so I can’t hide anymore.

This is me

I walked around blind. I didn’t even realise just how blind I was.

I idolised her. She was smart. She was a talented artist. She was thin. Her hair was long and shone in the sun.

I’m not gay.

I was short. I was round. I was quiet. I lacked talent. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good at anything.

She had a boyfriend. I hated him. He wasn’t good enough. Did he care for her? Would he protect her? He never stopped me from hurting him, so clearly, he wasn’t going to protect her. I was happy when he left.

I’m not gay.

New friends. They are nice, but I still think of her. I still do everything for her. Others are in relationships that I don’t understand. Why are they kissing right now? Do they really need to do that every day? Can’t we all just sit here and talk without you stopping every 5 minutes to kiss or touch?

These are normal thoughts, right?

I am late to school to hang out with her. I get up early but switch to the late bus just to be with her. I don’t want to go to school alone. It’s ok. I just have to run up to the third floor to drop off my things, run back down and to the other side of the school to get to class. That’s the only downfall. My teacher is always angry, but it’s worth it for her. She would do it for me, right? ...... No, she wouldn’t.

I’m not gay.

She tells me a guy likes her. I kind of like him too, even though it’s weird how much he kissed his last girlfriend. We say he is off limits. We say it’s wrong because he just broke our friend’s heart. But you broke my heart by deciding to date him. You hurt me. I still adore you though.

I’m not gay.

This is the second boy I’ve watched you date. The first one was weak. I test this one. I hurt him with jokes and tricks. He fights back, so I guess that means he is strong enough to protect you. I guess it’s ok you date him. He is a good friend. He and I get close, but I still feel lost without you. Why aren’t I good enough? I do so much, and you still don’t see me.

I’m not gay.

I get judged for not dating. I do try a little. I meet up and message an old friend. He is not like me though. Our worlds and values are too different. It wouldn’t work. I didn’t trust him. He wasn’t for me. Where is my teenage romance? This isn’t like the books or movies. I’m leaving school single.

I am straight.

I’m meeting new people, but the old friends remain. I’m loving her less now… the feeling almost gone. She isn’t good enough for me. She doesn’t deserve me. I meet a new friend and she is amazing. The feeling is different. She respects me and I respect her.

But I’m not gay.

A boy asks me out. I pour out my heart. Is this the beginning of my romance? No. He was only interested in things. I couldn’t give him everything. He said he liked me before the weekend, but after the weekend he was with someone else. Why would he do that? He said he liked me.

What is wrong with me?

My new friend is filling me with knowledge. She is so strong. Her friends judge me for being innocent, but she doesn’t. She defends me. She makes me feel valid. She teaches me about the LGBT community that she knows. It’s not a scary place.

I’m… I’m not gay.

The study sessions with her are the highlight of my life. Our hugs make me feel special. I respect her. She respects me. I look forward to the late nights at her house, that turn into mornings hiding from the world under blankets. She is straight. She likes boys.

Am I gay?

No. No. I don’t want to have sex with her. That means I’m not... I am straight. I am straight. I am straight.

I’m happy being single.

I’ll find a girl, person, guy soon.

I. AM. STRAIGHT.

I move away; she does too. We are so far away. My new roommates make me try Tinder. I don’t understand it. How do you know if you like someone just by looking at them?

I am judged.

I am wrong.

I am broken.

I get to see her again. It is like no time has passed. We talk for hours. I’m happy when it is just the two of us. Everyone else judges me. She never would.

But I’m not gay.....

I lock my heart down. Who needs love anyway? It only opens when I see her. I am lonely though. My co-workers are friendly, but the age gap makes connecting tough. How much longer until everything makes sense? I’m not lonely when I go back and visit her. When we get together, my heart is unlocked; but I lock it back up when we are apart.

I am straight.

New people come to town. Their age is closer to mine. They are nice. Yes, they laugh at my innocence, but it is not to judge. They teach me words and I think about the world she told me about.

What does it mean to be LGBT?

Time is passing. I am growing older. I pull down the wall a little. I start to think. I read a piece of fanfiction and suddenly the wall is cracked. Fanfiction. Of all things, it was fanfiction that got me to start connecting the dots. The way the character talks…It feels familiar.

Google Search: _________

.

.

.

There is so much more than I could ever have imagined. It’s not just four letters. Lesbian. Gay. Bisexual. Transgender. Queer. Intersex. Asexual. Pansexual. Bigender. Aromantic.

The list goes on.

The wall crumbles. I am raw. Blindness clearing. I review everything. Feelings. Thoughts. I see them in a new light. These thoughts are ok. These feelings are normal. Others have felt the same.

It takes time.

A lot of reading.

A lot of questioning.

I casually talk to others about the character in the fanfic and how they identify. I want to see what people think. I want to know if they think it is ok.

Getting answers was emotional. I kept it all inside. I processed everything. I was raw with my heart and mind so open.

I said my labels out loud.

“I’m not straight. I am a biromantic asexual.”

It felt strange to say. Wrong but right.

The internet knew first. Luckily, I don’t have many IRL friends online. Feeling safe, the words started slipping out.

“I’m asexual.” – that needed a lot of explaining.

“I’m a biromantic asexual.” – that needed even more explaining.

“I’m bi-ace.” “So, does that just mean you’re a bisexual?” “I guess, to put it simply, yes.”

 I have been lucky. My parents have accepted me. The co-workers who I have told accept me. I am closer to the friends I have told.

I am ok with me.

There are still people to tell and I know not all of them will accept me…but if they don’t…I know who to turn to: my mum will say she loves me, my friends will say that they support me, and the communities I follow online will remind me to have pride 🏳️‍🌈.

 So,

My name is *Snail🐌*. I use she/her pronouns, but I don’t mind them/they either. I’m 25 years young and still learning about myself. I’m a teacher, a beginning writer, and I identify as a biromantic asexual.

I am valid.

So are you.