#if you've known me for any amount of time you're well aware that nothing makes me crazier than a casually terrifying

[agnesandhilda]

cannot stop thinking about how dystopian blue lock (the fictional institution) is. it's squid game for kids it's a panopticon each player is outfitted with ANTI-RIOT ELECTROCUTION DEVICES if these teenagers were less willing to play by ego's rules than they are in canon this would instantly shift into a horror manga

[sukunasteeth]

Wrestle Me

Tokyo had reached record temperatures that day. The sun was roasting the city, every street was a mirage from the bending light of its shine. The weather recently had been sending everyone either inside or to the nearest water source.

Yuji had gone to the beach with Megumi and Nobara in a futile attempt to escape the heat that had Japan in the sweaty palm of its hand. They had offered you and Sukuna a spot on the railway car there, but you knew that Sukuna was too exhausted from his recent missions to do any sort of going out. Not to mention the draining effect of the heat stacked on top of that. You were in the mood to just enjoy each other's presence.

The two of you were sheltered away in the darkness of his bedroom, lying sprawled out across the floor in front of his small rotating fan. Sukuna and Yuji never turned the A/C on. Since they had moved into their own apartment, the brothers had become rather stingy when it came to the bills. The air didn't start up until the room felt like a sauna, and it turned off much too soon to give relief.

Sweat continued to drip down the both of your spines, but Sukuna didn't seem to mind it. He was enjoying the peace of his day off, dressed against the heat in nothing but his boxer briefs and a tank top. He had his head resting in the cushion of your lap, his eyes were transfixed on an old leather notebook that he had stolen from one of the professors a few days ago. It was in a language you hadn't taken at the academy yet, but Sukuna tells you it was early notes on jujutsu from the old world.

You had been scrolling through your phone, occasionally showing him something you found amusing or anything that reminded you of him. He only gave you a reaction to maybe 10% of the material, but it was fun to see him roll his eyes, or scoff and wave your phone away.

The longer you remained in the same spot,however, the sweatier you felt and the more frustrated with the heat. You tried not to squirm under Sukuna's head, remaining as still as possible as though he were a sleeping animal taking refuge on your lap. Boredom, however, eventually pulls the last straw that has you stirring.

An idea comes to mind.

Sukuna glances up at you, as though he expects you to show him something else on your phone, but instead his attention is caught by the mischievous glint you feel twinkling in your eye.

"Wrestle me." You beam at him.

It was somewhat of a joke.

Compared to your boyfriend, it was clear who would win in a pinning tournament between the two of you.

 Sukuna, who enjoys kickboxing in his spare time. Sukuna, who has never missed an opportunity for a fight in the decade that you've known him, who could dead-lift your torso with ease if he so desired.

Sukuna, who has never touched you with anything but heart wrenching gentleness.

His eyes widen at your command, the notebook he had previously found so interesting has been completely forgotten. He seems to catch the drift of your lack of entertainment, and quickly plays along. His surprise melts into an amused little smile.

"Oh yeah? Think you got a chance, kid?" He taunts, placing the book beside him. His attention now fully focused on you.

You snort, you were only a year younger than he was, but he loved to emphasize it when he could. Sukuna mistakes your noise as a scoff and cocks a daring brow at you.

You love when he’s in a playful mood.

"I could take you any day." You tease. Part of you is running for the hills inside, but another part is having fun with the big bad wolf. That was the constant state you were in with him. Sukuna didn't even have to try and he always had your heart racing.

Sukuna makes an impressed noise, "That, I'm well aware of. I don't know about in a fight, though."

You groan at his joke, shaking your head in disappointment, but Sukuna grabs onto your chin before you can get even one turn of your head out.

"Let's find out."  

~

Ten minutes later, you're drenched in twice the amount of sweat as you were before, but Sukuna has barely lost a drop. He's got you twisted like a pretzel beneath him, holding your limbs in just the right way so that you're completely incapacitated in his hands.

Your first mistake was thinking Sukuna knew how to play-fight. The only person he had been remotely close with in your childhood was his twin brother, and the two of them had often "wrestled", but it only ended when one of them had blood dripping out of their noses. You learned early on not to question it. Having two boys as your childhood best friends had you turning your gaze from a lot of things, in fact.

The only thing you questioned now, was how you were going to get out of your current predicament. You were sure Sukuna was having a blast practically hogtying you with his hands, and now he knew how easy it was to get you in this position. It was a double whammy that would surely effect you in the future. 

"Did you really think I'd go easy on you?" The weight of his chest presses into your back as he leans over you, sending hot breath over your neck. "How cute."

"Okay, okay! I give!" You whine, trying to wriggle out from beneath him. You had to admit that it was getting slightly painful, but Sukuna was well aware of your pressure points and where to stay away from. You still had one last trick up your sleeve, however.

Satisfied with your surrender, he nips at your ear with his teeth before he slides off of you and relinquishes his effortless grip. Before he can fully turn away, however, you're leaping onto his back like a monkey and tackling him into his mattress. It was a dirty tactic, but you had been wrestling your childhood best friend Yuji since the two of you were in elementary school, so you were no stranger to tricks of the trade. Especially the feign defeat card.

He blinks up at you. It was a difficult task to take Sukuna off guard, but you had accomplished it.

"Sucker." You playfully stick your tongue out at him, blowing a raspberry. Inside your chest, your heart is racing like a hummingbird’s wings. It’s almost like Sukuna knows this, because even though you’re the one on top of him, he’s still looking at you with an amused grin- unaffected by your change of position. 

"You have a higher pain tolerance than I thought you did." He notes, tilting his head to the side like he's considering something. "What can we do with that new information, I wonder?" 

It was another intimidation tactic. A good one. It had chills running down your spine. But, you weren’t going to let him win so easily this time. Suddenly, you were interested in how far you could push him, as well. 

"Come on 'Kuna," You chide, your nose is practically touching his- a rabbit pressing against the snout of a hungry wolf. "Can't take defeat, my love?"

"Oh doll," His voice is a husky drawl, rough hands slide their way from their resting places on your hips to slip under the hem of your shirt and brush the skin of your waist. You try to contain your shiver. "You're playing a very dangerous game."

One last wave of confidence sweeps through you as you lean down, just like he always did, to murmur lowly into his ear. "And you're losing."

That did it.

Sukuna grabs onto your waist so quickly, you barely have time to register it before he loops his leg around your knee and easily flips the two of you back to your original position. You're giggling beneath him as he gathers your face into his hands, pressing calloused fingers into your cheeks. You've gotten under his impenetrable skin. You didn't know it, but you always did.

No matter how strong a man is, he will always lose to the woman he loves.

Sukuna was slowly starting to accept that.

[cripplecharacters]

I have a small cast of fan characters, for a little story that I do post on here but purposely has a very small audience. All of them have various disabilities. (One is deaf, one has a facial difference and unrelated speech issues, one has a congenital limb difference and autism, one is blind… there are others.) I only have one of those disabilities (autism), and the more I write, the more I feel like I shouldn’t write. I follow this blog, look up resources, and try very hard to avoid any harmful tropes. I make it known that I am open to issues being pointed out to me so that I can do better.

But time and time again I feel like I am doing more harm than good. Tonight I have reached the point of wondering whether I should even keep writing these disabilities at all. It’s not that I don’t consider the research worth doing, or that I don’t want to put forth the effort. It’s not that at all. It’s just that I am so overwhelmed and scared of getting things wrong. I don’t want to contribute to any harmful depictions in any way, but I feel like I will mess up no matter what. I feel like it’s arrogant of me to write characters who deal with things I don’t, and that no amount of research can give me the nuance or awareness to write things I don’t experience. I feel like nothing I could do in this situation would be good or right.

Because on the other hand, I don’t want to get rid of the characters’ disabilities, since that’s bad too!

I try very hard to write in a respectful and informed way. But at the end of the day, I don’t have those others disabilities, so maybe I just shouldn’t be writing them. Is it better to avoid writing what I don’t personally experience, and just stick to my own disability?

— MicronLizard

Hi!

Of course we have to write about experiences other than our own. Otherwise our stories would be boring--we can't only write people exactly like us all the time.

Please write disabled characters of all types. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. You won't know everything and that's okay! It's okay for your work to not be perfect representation. And there are plenty of resources out there to help you fix mistakes. Run ideas by us, get a sensitivity reader, ask around disabled communities if anybody is willing to give feedback!

Even if you've done all your research, you won't create a character that resonates with 100% of people with your character's disability. Everyone has different experiences. Some disabled characters that others love are not what I want to see represented; that doesn't mean it's bad representation!

The goal is just to write something beyond a trope. It's impossible to capture every single nuance of the messy reality of disability within a story. If you are so scared of writing "good rep" that you don't include it, we won't get any more rep. Imperfect but well-intentioned representation is far better than stereotypes or no representation at all.

Mod Rock

Hello!

From this ask, I don't see any way in which your writing would be doing harm. As you mention: you research, you try to avoid harmful tropes, look up resources, are open to feedback, put in effort. Plus on the basis of this ask existing and us answering it, you talk to other disabled people about writing disabled characters.

Just based on this, you're doing more than 90% of published writers who write disabled characters, and more than 99% of writers who only share their stories online. I know that this blog might give off a different impression based on the complexity and specificity of asks we get and advice we give, but the average writer doesn't know there's more than one sign language nor that most blind people can see a bit, most of them refuse to say the word "amputee" in favor of basically anything else. A ridiculous amount of people are under the impression that the only good story involving a disabled person is one that ends in a cure. The bar is on the floor.

Most of the harmful representation we reference in all the posts, the tropes that get repeated all the time, they are a result of not doing research and not looking a single thing up, simply not caring. Most "representation" is done from memory, literally whatever the author thinks the disability is. It's not a rare occurrence to see a disabled character and be able to tell that there wasn't even a Wikipedia article involved when creating the character, let alone actual disabled humans. Half the time the memory isn't even from a real source, it's just a different badly made character.

I can see your worries, but logically speaking, you seem to know too much to do a lot of this dumb shit. You don't have to know literally everything to show something with depth and nuance, things that most writers don't consider as an aspect of disability representation in the first place. We have a "don't just ask us 'how to write a disabled character?'" rule in our FAQ because of this - people don't expect there to be any nuance and are surprised to hear that we aren't actually a monolith. A lot of people, and I genuinely mean it, don't differentiate between disabilities. There are writers who write about their deaf characters using braille to read and their blind Japanese characters using ASL to speak. I see artists confuse mobility canes and white canes. Don't even start me on the nonsense that goes on in the realm of mentally ill characters.

If every writer did what I mentioned in the first paragraph of my reply, life would be awesome. There's a difference between a mistake in the grand scheme of things and literally not seeing disability as something worth thinking about for more than a few minutes. Like yeah, there is a chance that when reading, a reader with disability X might go "oh, the author isn't X" because there was an oversight in how the character did some activity on page 71. So what? That's bound to happen literally no matter what you write unless it's an autobiography. Toph Beifong is considered a beloved character that's still one of the best blind characters in media even though she falls into tropes and gets stuff wrong. Trying to make something absolutely perfect is counterproductive and ironically enough will result in less good representation.

You might decide to scrap your character with a facial difference because you think you shouldn't write them, but I promise you that the new indie horror game dev won't. Characters that will be the pain of my existence, made by people who couldn't give less shit, will keep being made into eternity. There's no avoiding it. There will be ninety-nine horrible characters made that might as well have had "ableism" as their character concept. If you decide to not scrap yours, we will have the 1% that was made with respect and sincerity in mind.

No one reasonably expects 100% accuracy from works of fiction, I personally expect research and respect. If you're doing that, your work will probably be at the very top of representation I've seen. Keep writing.

mod Sasza

[nineliabilityrisk]

you didn't have to go out of your way to take care of me. ( for your henry, from my mike? <3 / @somemindsatwork )

" you didn't have to go out of your way to take care of me. "

[[ cool thanks i. didnt need my heart anyway 😬👍 (/lh) also i went for post-ennard pre pizza sim bc. that time period is so good for the dynamic between them]]

-- [ asked by @somemindsatwork ] --

Henry paused where he was draping a blanket over Michael, hand coming to rest on the boy's shoulder from where he stood behind the couch. "Michael," he started, voice soft - even if the boy looked different now, it was still Mike. Still the same little kid he took in and cared for all those countless times that Will couldn't be bothered to. He still needed to take care of him now, especially after what had been done to him in that facility. Henry never should've let him take the job. "Of course I did. You're my boy, you know that. Taking care of you is what I do. What I need to do."

He would admit, he had been... Startled, to say the least, when Michael had arrived on his doorstep a few nights ago. The darkness and Henry's flickering porch light hadn't exactly done the poor boy's haunted, decayed features any favors, but once the man himself had gotten over his shock and registered just who exactly it was - which, granted, took him a while, and a cautious reminder from Michael - he'd ushered the boy inside without a second thought.

His feelings on the matter were rather conflicted, but not about the boy himself. Never about the boy himself. He cared for Michael like his own - nothing, especially not something like this, something this horrific that had been entirely out of his control and had hurt him this badly, could ever change that. This conflict regarded William and his creations.

He had never known about the Funtimes, not until Michael told him everything. He'd known of them, sure, he'd heard of the rental service his former business partner had started, but he hadn't been aware of the truth about what the man had been working on down there. What those machines were capable of. The news Michael had finally uncovered about Elizabeth's disappearance, the dead maintenance techs, the Scooper and that tangle of wires stealing his skin, walking his lifeless body around like some kind of meat puppet - it was horrible. He couldn't believe he had let that happen to Michael. The poor boy didn't deserve that. Any of that.

"You've just been through Hell, kid. Your whole life has been you going through Hell - it doesn't seem to know when to stop. If there's anything I can do to make it better, I will. You're my responsibility, and I actually tend to take care of those, as opposed to some people," he said, a healthy amount of spite in his voice. Not directed at Michael, of course. Directed at the elder of the Afton men.

This was about the point in the conversation where he would usually reach down and ruffle the boy's hair in an attempt to comfort him, but, well - that. Wasn't exactly going to work in this situation. Considering the fact that he didn't have much left. This was going to take some getting used to.

[btsxmalereaders]

☆ Even in zero gravity, I would still fall for you!

♡ pairing — bang chan x male reader

> genre — fluff | f2l

> word count — 4.3k I don't know how this happened

> summary — chan realises he likes you by not being able to use pickup lines on you

> a/n — i saw a tiktok where chan says he's gonna use a pickup line on felix and my love-deprived self ended up writing this lol i hope you all like it

| 05282021

| Please keep making more whosfan accounts and keep streaming WOLFGANG on the correct platforms!

"Hey, how you doin'?" Chan casually says as he enters the kitchen, trying not to grin and start giggling right away. He even places his hands over the table and tilts his head a little in an attempt to look confident. Felix takes his attention away from the food he is cooking and turns on his feet to look at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Good?" He answers with an air of suspicion. "Why?"

Chan finally lets out a small giggle, "Oh nothing, I was just thinking that... I am not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together."

And Felix thinks it's a creative pickup line, funny even, but what ends up making him laugh is the way his best friend bends over to start laughing louder and the way his cheeks turn reddish at the embarrassment he's probably feeling.

"That was a good one, I must say," He chuckles. "Not as great as the Optimus Fine one, though. Even if it made you laugh for ten minutes after you said it."

And Chan can only laugh harder at the remembrance, placing his hands over his slightly aching abdomen and gasp for air when he can't handle it anymore. Felix giggles as well and denies with his head, going back to stir what's on the pot.

"Stays keep getting creative when it comes to flirting with you," He speaks again as the laughter finally dies down. "They probably think you might use it on someone you like, and you're here almost crying because you use them on us."

Chan hums, "Well, I don't really like anyone right now."

Felix turns off the stove and makes a -dramatic- pause, turning again to face Chan as he gets closer and squints his eyes. "I don't believe it."

"What?" Chan laughs. "Why would I lie?"

"I don't know, but I don't buy it. Maybe it's the love songs you have as drafts in your laptop."

"Ah, that doesn't mean I'm in love," He explains and takes a seat in front of him, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "That's why they're still drafts, though. They don't convey the feeling of being in love because I am not in love, you know?"

"Good point, but it still doesn't convince me."

"Why?" He asks again with a chuckle, a little embarrassed by the sudden interest in his - nonexistent - love life. "You know our activities barely give us time for ourselves, so it's almost impossible to have a relationship with someone. At least a formal one."

"You can still like someone and not be with them." Felix shrugs. "So spill it. Who is it?"

And Chan knows he's just messing around with him, but he can't help but feel flustered. "No one! I think so." He almost says it in a whisper; however, Felix doesn't comment on it.

"I still want to listen to those drafts," He stands up and smiles. "Why don't you show me?"

This was not the way Chan expected the conversation to go, so he hesitates a bit about his friend's request. Well, it wasn't unusual anyway, at least Changbin had heard a couple and also helped in the composition of the songs, so having someone else hear them wouldn't hurt. He might even listen to ideas on his part to improve them.

"Okay, I can do that. Next week Y/N will come to the studio and work on something, why don't you pop-up at some point and I can show you?"

Felix nods, "Sounds good! Y/N asked for help for his new album?"

"Yeah, he wants me to listen to some tracks he has been working on." He casually comments, taking his phone from his pocket and leading his attention to the device, so now Felix can't see the slight blush on his cheeks.

"Hm, I haven't seen him in a while. Why hasn't he come to the dorm lately? We should invite him."

"He has been busy with his album, that's why. If you think I leave late from the studio, that's nothing compared to him, he truly spends an ungodly amount of time there."

"So you see him often?" Felix asks with sudden interest, now being aware of how Chan's ears are tinted pink.

"You could say that, yeah. He also spends time on my studio whenever he has the chance. And vice-versa." He shrugs, not finding it odd. You two were really good friends, so it was a normal thing for you to do. "Why?"

"Nothing, I was just curious." He mischievously laughs. "So, next week, you said?"

After a quick glance at the time on your phone, you decide to stand up and stretch your body. It's been a long time since you started working, and you still have a lot to do; and on top of it all, the progress you've made tonight doesn't totally convince you, and that just meant you'd be spending more time in the studio.

As you take your phone again to read your notes, a notification pops up on the top. You weren't supposed to meet up with Chan until later, but in the new message you just received, he tells you that he's free from working on his stuff and you could go earlier if you wanted.

You decide to go; after all, it was nearly impossible for you to concentrate again, and you truly needed to know what does he think about the tracks you sent him a few days ago to finally make an advance. So you grab your laptop after making sure you've saved the changes and the cup of half-drunk coffee, walking out to the long hall and taking the elevator to an upper floor.

The soles of your shoes are dragged across the floor all the way to the studio's door, where you softly knock a couple of times before remembering you already know the password to enter. Your fingers press the buttons, entering code you know by heart at this point, and the door quickly unlocks, making Chan to look your way and greet you with a smile.

"Hey, how have you been?" He sweetly says, seeing you entering the room and placing your belongings on top of the big desk in front of you and taking a seat on the couch behind him.

"Busy. And tired." You murmur and let out a sigh. Chan immediately plays a song at a low volume and takes seat next to you.

"You're still struggling with the track you told me about?"

You nod as an answer and pout, "I am desperate. It's like, no matter how many times I rewrite the lyrics or change the beats, it still doesn't convince me at all and I hate it."

"I get it," He sighs. "But don't worry about it, I'm here to help you out."

And Chan isn't someone who breaks his promises, so the following hours are spent listening to your music, carefully reading everything you've written so far, listening to your ideas and giving you advice.

In between work, he tells you every other joke to make you laugh and feel at least a bit less stressed; and it works wonderfully since he has a long list of dad jokes that take you off guard, plus his laughter is contagious, so not laughing with him is impossible.

It's no surprise that his advice and opinions are so accurate to the point of clearing your mind and helping you out of your creative block. Chan has always been hard-working and so good with words that every time you engage him in conversations, you feel more relaxed and less burdened. No matter what situation you had a problem with, Chan would always help you find the best solution for it. Maybe that's why you admire him so much, maybe it was one of the many reasons why you didn't hesitate for a second to go to him and find security in his presence and words... Maybe it was one of the thousands of reasons why you had romantic feelings towards him...

"Is it better now?" His voice takes you out of your thoughts. He's sweetly smiling at you; he probably realized you got lost on the way his lips were moving as he told you his thoughts on the recent draft of your song.

"Yeah, yes, honestly, you've helped me so much. I don't know what I'd do without you." You smile and go for a quick hug, taking the opportunity to ruffle his hair. Your fingers sliding between his soft and messy curls and making him fondly smile in the process. "You're my hero. I mean it."

Chan chuckles and can't keep his eyes off you as you type something on your laptop and hum. He recalls the conversation he had last week with Felix, and that ambiguous feeling settling on his chest makes him wonder if, after all, his friend was right. He doesn't remember when was the last time he felt the urge to hold someone in between his arms and dearly appreciate, and he wants to know why he smiles and feels his stomach tickling when he sees you.

Maybe it's because you spend a lot of time with him, a voice inside his head says. But he doesn't feel this way with any other friend.

Maybe it's because you have known him for a long time and you just appreciate him a lot, the voice tries again. Maybe. He finally gives in at the last thought. He'd have to figure it out.

His phone buzzes inside the pocket of his jeans and he takes it, knowing for sure it's a message from Felix.

"Felix is arriving in a few minutes." He murmurs, making you take your eyes off the screen. "He wants to listen to some songs I have, is that okay?"

"Of course, it's your studio, silly." You giggle. "I am almost done with this, so if you're gonna be busy I can go back to m-"

"You can stay, if you want to." He quickly adds. "Plus, he says he wants to see you, you know... He misses you." Chan laughs. He wasn't lying, but that wasn't the only reason he wanted you to stay.

"Okay! Sure, I haven't heard from him in a while, either." You nod and keep making changes on the file you have open.

Just as he said, Felix enters the room just a few minutes later, smiling brightly and immediately running to give you a big hug once he sees you.

Soon, the room was filled with laughter and long conversations to catch up on everything around your lives. Felix tells you about the new pastries he baked last week and that he was waiting for you to come around and bake with him, the new video game Jeongin bought and has been playing with Hyunjin, the new songs Changbin and Jisung have been working on and how Seungmin was learning to play piano, playing songs at night for everyone at the dorm.

"And you know? Chan hyung has gotten better at flirting." He laughs as the latter gives him a threatening glare. "He can't stop saying pickup lines whenever he has the chance."

"Ah, really?" You chortle. "You haven't said one in all the time we've been here."

"Well, we've been working, and I've told you many other jokes... Besides, it's not like I come up with them out of nowhere."

"Yes, you do!" Felix says. "You do that all the time, what are you talking about?"

You glance at Chan, who's currently blushing and at the loss of words. Felix, on the other hand, seems to be happy to see what he just provoked. And he'd definitely enjoy every part of it.

"I want to hear one! C'mooon!" You laugh. "Please?"

Chan rolls his eyes and tries to look confident as he would normally do. He clears his throat and thinks of a good pickup line he hasn't used yet.

"Alright," He says and smiles, he even thinks it's gonna start laughing before even opening his mouth, but the very moment he looks into your eyes, it's like he forgot every single word on his vocabulary. "Uhm, are you, no. Did you-? Wait! I forgot what I was gonna say-"

Felix can't help but burst into laughter, and you only look at him, as if you couldn't believe it. Was he nervous or was it because of the fact that Felix was in the same room? Would it have been any different if he weren't there?

You end up laughing at Felix's loud laughter, as well as seeing Chan blushing up to his ears and hiding his face behind his hands, probably also in an attempt to cover the huge grin he now has.

"Wow, that was an epic failure. And I thought you were the biggest flirt on earth." Felix teases him, to which Chan ends up groaning.

He continues talking about other stuff while Chan stops feeling embarrassed, even though he's not able to look in your eyes for the entire time until you have to go back to work.

You close your laptop and stand up, throwing the now empty cup of coffee on the trash bin. After thanking Chan for his help and promising Felix you'd drop by their dorm soon, you walk out of the studio with a smile and feeling your heart beating fast. There was no way you didn't have feelings for him.

"Oh my god, so I was right!" Felix says a few seconds after you left. Chan's first instinct is to cover his face again. "Look who got nervous so suddenly."

"Stop, I- I don't even want to talk about it." He murmurs, feeling flustered and avoiding Felix's gaze. He types something on his laptop and presses the play button, hoping that this way, his friend would forget about what just happened and could focus solely on the music.

And Felix doesn't talk about it anymore. The next few minutes are set by the music coming out of the speakers; the room filling with Chan's voice, singing the love songs that probably no one else would listen to. Felix seems to be concentrating on the lyrics, but Chan's thoughts are solely about you. As he listens to the songs, he is aware of how his skin bristles every time his hands accidentally touch you, the times when your eyes connect with his and you give him smiles every time it happens, all those times when his heart would race when he hugged you.... It's as if all those songs that professed a love he said he didn't feel, started to make sense.

He feels overwhelmed. Maybe if he was aware of it before, maybe if he listened to his heart instead of his head, this wouldn't be a big revelation to him.

Chan pauses the music, and before Felix can ask what's going on, he speaks up: "Why- why did I do that?"

"Did... what, exactly?" Felix asks, confused.

"The pickup line thing!" He blurts out. "I mean, I do that all the time, right? Why did I just forget how to even talk?"

Felix giggles, "Well, have you considered it's because when you use those pickup lines on us you just do it for laughing? To joke around with us, and with Y/N it's because... I don't know, you have feelings for him and it gets real? Like you're flirting with him."

Makes sense, he thinks. He remains in silence for a moment, processing everything that just happened and finally connecting the dots.

"Wait, you just had your epiphany?" Felix jokes. "It took you too, too long."

"I can barely fall asleep, how was I supposed to know I was falling in love?"

"Fair enough." He says, comprehensive. "Are you telling him?"

"Should I?" Chan's eyes sparkle, but he still feels confused. Should he even try? It's been so long since he last felt this way about someone, and given the circumstances of his life as an idol, he felt more reluctant to take the next step. Even more, considering he had just taken the first one by accepting his feelings a few minutes ago.

"I was right all this time by you being in love," He says. "And I am also sure that it's mutual. I've seen you two for a while, you know? I am surprised you didn't come the realization way earlier than this."

Chan giggles. "Alright, I get it."

"But it's up to you now, I guess. All I know is that you deserve to be happy, and you deserve good things... And Y/N is a great person. You should give yourself an opportunity on love."

Chan feels chills as he hears those words. Tonight's even have been too much for him to process, so he'll think deeply about it later.

"Okay," He nods. "Thanks, Lix. You've been really helpful."

"I know, what would you do without me?" Felix laughs. "Now let's keep listening to the songs, I am loving all of them."

Fortunately, the help Chan gave you really made it possible for you to finish the songs in no time. You are just now walking out of a meeting with your managers and the people in charge of the release of the album to set the final details, and you quickly send a message to Chan to let him know the news.

In the meantime, you drop by your studio to clean up a little and maybe write down some ideas for new songs that have been in your mind for a while. After a few minutes, you hear a knock on the door, snapping you out of your thoughts and then feeling confused. You weren't expecting anyone to come. So you slowly open the door, and a smile spreads across your face the moment you realize it's Chan.

"Oh, hi!" You greet him with a hug, immediately letting him in afterwards. He shyly gets inside, taking a seat on a chair and placing a bag on the small table behind him. "What brings you here? I thought you were still busy with you guys upcoming album."

"It's okay, Changbin is working on his stuff now at the studio, so I took the chance to come here and celebrate with you!" He grins. "Congratulations on making your first self-produced album!"

He starts clapping, making you smile; he truly was the sweetest person you've ever met.

As soon as he read your message he went to the nearby cafeteria and bought your favorite drink and pastries, claiming that it was a special occasion and should be celebrated.

"For all your hard work and the success of this album!" He makes a toast as he raises his cup of tea.

Soon you find yourselves immersed in a long conversation about everything that went into creating this album; from when you had the first idea for the concept, to those sleepless nights when he helped you without hesitation. Chan was definitely an essential part of this whole process, so to be celebrating with him right now felt right. It was how it should be.

"You know," Chan clears his throat as another song starts playing. "These past days I've had this thought in my head, and after talking it out with Felix... I am certain about it. And I want to tell you about it. I know I have to."

You frown, feeling curiosity, especially since his semblance has changed to be a bit more serious. He still has a small smile that gives you some kind of tranquility, but another part of you can't help but feel nervous as he gets a little bit closer.

"Of course, what is it?"

"So, uhm" He starts. "Some weeks ago, when Felix came to the studio and we were talking with you... Well, the reason he came was because he wanted to listen to some love songs I've worked on. And, after listening to all of them I figured out why I didn’t like them. I was sure I wasn't in love. That's why, to me, they all sounded plain and didn’t convey the feeling of love... But then..."

He makes a pause, catching his breath as he feels more and more nervous. He knows for sure his ears and cheeks are red right now, and it's impossible that you haven't noticed it. His hands slightly shake behind the table, anxiously looking for yours, but refraining from doing it because he doesn't know how this was going to end. You don't want to interrupt him, so you give him his time to clear his head and talk again.

"While listening to those songs, the only thought I had in mind was you." He finally confesses, with his gaze now fixed on his lap. "I guess that for a while I didn’t realise that I started to, uhm, catch feelings for you. And, it's okay if you don't feel the same way about me. I just really wanted to let you know because the thought has been on my mind for so long and I needed to let it out."

For a moment, the only thing that can be heard in the room is your voice coming from the speakers along with a sigh from Chan, who still didn’t dare to look up and face you.

"So... what you're saying is..." You speak up, feeling incredibly shy, trying to process the words addressed to you.

"What I am trying to say is that I am in love with you."

And you swear you could start screaming to the top of your lungs right now, but you try your very best to stay calm and finally grab Chan's hands. With that, he looks at you again.

"Channie," You softly say, looking at him in his precious eyes and dearly smiling. You don't even know where to begin, but a voice inside you begs for you to give him a hug. So you open your arms and embrace him tightly, feeling instant comfort and love. "I am so glad you feel this way too. I love you too."

Chan sighs in relief, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you closer; his nose pressed against the crook of your neck and closes his eyes, melting between your arms and enjoying every single second of that gesture.

"Wait a minute," You say out of nowhere, so he separates a bit from you and tilts his head. "That's why you couldn't even say a sentence when you tried to say a pickup line?"

You laugh when his expression changes to look ashamed, his lips frowned in a pout and his gaze avoiding your eyes again.

"Try again, I'm sure you're good at this." And Chan's head only comes up with the dozens of lines he has read, but seeing you smiling right in front of him and your arms over his shoulders, he can only think how lucky he is. He can't possibly say anything to you. "Alright, let me try instead."

You hum and recall all the pickup lines you've read and have been told before, "Hm, can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll return it."

And you expected Chan to start laughing out loud, instead he starts blushing again and giggling, covering his face as he feels nervous.

"C'mon! Seriously?" You laugh and wait for him to stop being shy.

"You make me nervous, give me time." He excuses himself and laughs some more. "That was a good one, and you know what? You can borrow all the kisses you want, as long as you keep your word and return them."

"See? That's what I'm talking about!"

Chan fondly smiles at you, placing his hand on your head to pet your hair for a moment. You close your eyes as he does it, feeling his soft touch traveling all the way down to your chin. He rests his thumb on your cheek and after a few seconds you decide to open your eyes.

"Can I?" He murmurs as his gaze shifts from your eyes to your lips.

"You don't even have to ask."

And just as you give him permission, he breaks the distance between you two. He starts carefully, placing his lips against yours in a tender, chaste way, barely there pressure that makes you exhale through your nose as if you had been holding your breath all along. One of his hands still holds you by the waist, so he takes the opportunity to slide it to your lower back, carefully holding you and sending you shivers to your entire body.

You lean forward barely a few millimeters, but it's enough to feel more pressure over your lips. Chan angles his head and traps your bottom lip, tongue trying to dart out of his mouth to taste more of the sweetness of yours. He, however, contains himself and smiles in between the kiss, instead. He was probably gonna be the death of you.

The deep kiss loses intensity as a minute passes by, so you two end up giving smaller kisses and share smiles, your noses constantly touching in skimo kisses. And you think it's perfect; it's way better than what you one day imagined.

Chan can't miss the chance to make you sit on his lap, so now your head rests over his chest. Your fingers fidgeting the hem of his hoodie and shyly longing to intertwine your hands.

"Hey, Y/N?" He grabs your attention and smiles. "Are you a parking ticket?"

You raise an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because you've got fine written all over you." He ends up with a muffled laughter.

"Oh no, what did I just get myself into?" You joke around, this time finally making him burst into a louder laughter. "You just declared war on me about pickup lines, you know?"

"Oh, so you got some lines, too? Can't wait to hear all of them, then."

And for the rest of the day you let yourself be held in between the arms of the person you loved the most. Later you'd find the way to flirt with him and make him feel flustered when he least expects it.

[myc-ology-whore]

random myc hcs/notes, pt. 1

note: i don't actually know whether these complete thoughts count as headcanons or not, i just don't know what else to call them lol

edit: mentions of sex, drugs, and alcohol use, but nothing explicit

under the cut for space reasons

ok so like, this is obviously all speculation, but here's a few random thoughts i've got:

when you first start hanging out around myc, he might literally be the biggest asshole you've ever met; it's easy to wonder how anybody like him could possibly be so close to someone as good-natured and amicable as andre or brett.

getting to know him is rough. he's very cynical and sarcastic even when he's talking to people he actually calls friends, so he can come across as a dick, but frankly he's well aware of his shitty attitude. as you spend more time around him, it'll become obvious that this is sort of his defense mechanism.

you see, myc's been around a long time. he's taken an interest in several humans over the centuries, and although there were very few he'd say he genuinely ended up caring for, those few only lived for a fraction of his lifespan. it hurt, but loss is something you learn to live with when you're practically immortal. however, he still remains guarded; although he doesn't completely shut himself away from friendships, as we've clearly seen, he makes a conscious effort not to allow just anyone to get too close to him.

i believe someone mentioned that at the beginning of inside job, the gang has been working together for around a year. i'd imagine it didn't take long for andre and myc to become buddies because of their shared hedonistic views, but to actually become friends with everyone probably took a lot longer, and most of them at this point still don't seem to know too much about him or his life outside the office. reagan didn't even know what his major function at cognito inc was until the second episode, which says a lot if the group really has been working together for a year.

so, when someone does get to know him, i feel like myc makes an effort to make it known that they're special. i think it's a common assumption that andre and myc are best friends regardless of whether they're in or out of the office, and i agree with that notion. i wouldn't be surprised to find out that they were roommates honestly; these two give me really heavy fry-and-bender vibes. (shoutout to all the other futurama fans out there, wsg) i like to think they hang out pretty frequently at myc's place in alexandria, since (assuming they don't live together) it's a lot more spacious than andre's little apartment. i don't think that bringing someone over to his house is a normal occurrence at all if it isn't andre, like not even the rest of the gang knows where he actually lives, so if you ever set foot in there just know you're special. i mean even the very rare times where he brings a hookup to his actual house, they get kicked out right after their... business transaction is done; myc isn't afraid to be assertive or an asshole, as we've established, so i feel like those rare hookups he does bring over, he just immediately uses one of those memory wipe things and tells them to fuck off.

also small detail, but those memory wipes: he has unlimited access to them. I mean, they're literally made with his jizz, how could cognito keep him away from them? so yeah, the fact that he has a rightswipe account tells me he does often hook up with randoms before clearing their minds of any trace of himself and moving on. i think those memory wipes must be a lot like the neuralyzers from men in black, as silly as it sounds: the subject will be gullible/impressionable for a few crucial minutes after they've been dosed, which means myc has enough time to give them a little story to explain what happened to them, that way they don't think they got roofied or gangr*ped or something traumatic like that.

obviously he drinks and does drugs, but personally i don't really think he does them an unhealthy amount until he's with andre. when he gets off work (a.k.a. his daily mass jerk-off session) he goes straight to mcultra's for a beer, maybe two, and he gets them during their happy hour (3-6pm, according to a poster on a bulletin board in the atrium of cognito) because he's kind of a penny-pincher. then he goes home, watches some tv or plays some video games, and goes to sleep. if he's had a bad day, maybe he'll drink some wine when he gets home (he likes to think it makes him fancy) or invite andre over to get high with him, but getting wasted isn't an every day endeavor. i just think it'd be too much work; we've seen before that he has a pretty high tolerance to most things. yeah, he's got the money to afford it, but it just takes so long to get where he wants to be, it's not usually worth it unless andre's got something real fucked up for them to try.

that's all i'm gonna write for now, but i'm definitely gonna post some hcs of myc with his s/o soon. i'm getting a headache from sitting here writing for so long lol.

[cipheramnesia]

if you have time, I'd love to hear your recs for supernatural/monster horror/thriller. it being in outer space, underwater, or Super Queer are all plusses. (and if you know that it contains assault, that is helpful info too!) thank you!!

I'm half asleep so this should be interesting. Bear in mind a lot of these I haven't watched in years so you're gonna want to use something like doesthedogdie.com to double check for content worries.

Alien and Aliens are pretty much the gold standard of monster horror movies in space. If you haven't seen them for some reason, they still hold up amazingly well today. Alien in particular maintains the kind of deep, visceral terror it held in 1979. There is a scene in Alien which I would say qualifies as assault.

The Europa Report is a lesser known movie. My recollection is that it's not precisely horror, but leans a bit more science fiction. It's been a very long time, years, since I've seen it, but I think it was pretty solid. There's also Apollo 18, a pretty good, tense monster thriller, albeit nothing earth shattering. A Russian horror, Sputnik, is back and forth between Earth and space, with a large amount of looming dread. I think there was some assault there but my memory is lacking. Lastly, not a monster but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention one of my favorite horror comedies, Jason X. Yes that Jason. from the Friday the 13th movies. Listen, if you recognize that Jason X is a self-aware meta horror that also shamelessly loves the franchise and wants to make a fun Scifi Horror movie, this one is a blast. Jason X is a golden retriever, playful and dumb and you'll grin a whole bunch.

Lastly, I'll mention Event Horizon which I find to be a mess, over-dramatic, not very scary, and kinda bland. Horror made by someone who doesn't really get horror. But lots of people like it, so maybe you will too.

On the underwater side, well, how about... Underwater. I've mentioned this one before and I'll mention it again because I think it's great. Technically not queer per se but it's hard not to feel queer of Kristen Stewart in underwater power armor right? There's also Leviathan which is, eh, not so good, but has an extremely excellent monster and enjoyable practical effects. I'll throw The Abyss in here, which I don't see as horror but it is tense at times. Also on the really bad, but great practical effects is Virus, and it's very bad indeed. I'll close out suggesting Sweetheart, which is on Netflix. It's not only a fantastic bit of suspense and survival horror, it has a monster which is absolutely gorgeous.

Alright so let me do a little run through some of the big names in monsters in general, in case you missed some. You can't mention Aliens without Predator. Holds up very well again but consider Predator 2. While it's got some very cringey representation from the era, there's also a remarkably diverse cast of protagonist, including Maria Conchita Alonso playing what I'm fairly sure is a queer character. And then you also got your Pumpkinhead, Gremlins, Critters, Terminator (kinda a monster?), Pinhead, The Fly, The Thing, Killer Klowns - you know these are all kinda out there and pretty fun overall. Any of them is a good time.

But everyone knows those, what about the ones that aren't as popular? Well, I always have to mention Super Hybrid, because I just cannot understand why this group of filmmakers put this much effort into a killer car movie. Why would you do that? I don't know, but it's got layers and themes about gaslighting, and Oded Fehr and a female lead and I can't. It's way better than a killer car movie has a right to be.

I feel like you've got to be aware of The Ritual by now, but if you aren't, it is a magnificent film with a creature that's beautiful and brilliant and has a magnificent layer of character development, tension and suspense, and escalates to the grand revelation in a way that's awe inspiring.

There's also The Monster, which seems to be going for a kinda Babadook "metaphorical monster that is also real" thing, and it doesn't quite accomplish the goal, but I enjoyed it despite the flaws. It strives for emotional intensity via having the characters delivering a lot of their dialog in screams, while crying, and so on. But the monster is hella cool, and it gives me a bit of catharsis.

On the other side, there's Death Machine which is raucous fun. It's a grand guignol tribute to the 80's with several massive, gorgeous practical effect pieces of the titular death machine that make it worth the price of admission (free). Just let yourself be carried away on the absurdity of it all. This one has some assault scenes though.

There's already a lot but I'm gonna get into the queer side of stuff now. My personal favorite queer horror is All Cheerleaders Die, which I've raved about at length, but it's lesbians, it's love, it's zombies. DEFINITELY has got assault scenes though so like be ready for that. Just recently released is Seance, which is not necessarily supernatural but it's got some nice wlw stuff and plus nice, solid murder and revenge plot. If you enjoy Seance, you might want to check out Some Kind of Hate for similar themes but more intensity and supernatural shit (but less queer); and if you enjoy that one, then try out Daniel Isn't Real by the same director which honestly you should watch anyway because it's amaaaaazing.

Now this one is real low budget, but Book of Monsters is pretty fuckin' great because it has monsters, a book, and a lesbian monster hunter which really what else do you want here? There's another low budget one called Super Hot, about a lesbian pizza delivery girl and her slacker friends fighting vampires, which should be great, but it's pretty bleah. It never finds the energy, it's aimless, the jokes don't always land, etc.

Speaking of lesbian vampires, the recent Theresa & Allison is one half a pretty fun, offbeat and quirky vampire movie, and one half the most traumatizing horrific shit I've seen in awhile. Just like full on torture porn. But also... lesbian vampires? So I kind of like it but the last half is a lot. And on the same subject, Bloodthirsty is a truly excellent lesbian werewolf movie. Yeah I'm just overflowing with lesbians here. But honestly it's pretty great, not fast moving, but intense. Kind of all the queerness we deserved to get from Ginger Snaps, like she grew up and finally got it together and started dating women. Assault warning again here.

So let me just spin out the other direction real quick to Spiral from 2020. Not the continuation of the Saw series, but rather a movie about a married gay couple who move to a small town, and it lays on a lot of heavy gaslighting stuff and heavy on the ptsd, and when you combine that with them being an interacial couple the whole thing lays a lot on you and does it pretty well.

The Dinner Party (directed by Miles Doleac, not to be confused with the other movie with the same name and release date) has got some wlw stuff going on that I really like but I can't get too much into it without spoiling some surprises. It's really middling up to a point and then breaks lose and gets very exciting, and I think it's worth sticking it out til then. Assault warning again.

So that's a lot. I'm sure I've forgot a few that should be really obvious and easy to remember and I'm leaving a bunch off because I can't list every single monster movie I know here.

[chaotic-noceur]

malaysia truly asia

paring: Nanami Kento x Malaysian!Reader

summary: the story of how Nanami had come to know about Malaysia and his first trip to the country he had longed to visit

warnings + contents: food/eating, beach, multilingual reader (malay is mentioned, the rest is implied), malaysia references (contextual notes are provided!)

a/n: I never thought knowing the Malaysian slogan would come in handy but here I am. Words cannot express how excited my Malaysian heart got when Nanami mentioned Malaysia so I'm hurling this into the tumblr void for anyone interested :)

contextual notes + malay transalation

terima kasih = thank you

ringgit = Malaysian currency

tokyo is an hour ahead of kuantan

sunrise is around 7am in Malaysia, anytime from 4-6am in Tokyo (according to google)

roti canai = 'Indian-influenced flatbread dish' (wikipedia)

roti tisu = similar to roti canai, except thinner and shaped like a cone

pasar malam = night market, usually on closed off sections of road

flag erasers are often collected by school kids who purchase them from the on campus bookshop

"You're not from here." He says it with such assertion that there was no room to deny it, not that you were going to. You quirk an eyebrow up at him instead from your place on your bed. He nods to the english book currently in your hands as if it's a way of answer. Your head tilts to one side and he sighs before continuing. "Your Japanese is good, but you speak it with hints of... uncertainty, like it's not your mother tongue." I would know, he doesn't say. Your gaze falls from his bashfully and he seems to realise the implication of his words. "I apologise, I hadn't meant it as an insult. I was merely hoping to ask about your childhood."

Your mouth forms an o before you reply with a curt "I grew up in Malaysia and then my family moved here." He seems to consider your answer for a moment before nodding and returning his attention to his book. The pair of you fall silent, residual noise from Gojo's graduation party filters in to fill the gap. Before long, you notice his gaze flitting around the room as he shifts in his seat, a sure sign that he was looking for an opportunity to speak more. You chuckling lightly before putting your book away. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything." Your eyes narrow slightly to deduce if he's teasing. But his eyes hold nothing but genuine curiosity. It was rare for Nanami to ever display his true emotions but there was something about his eyes that was always readable to you. So you talk. You tell him about the road trips you used to take up the peninsula, showed him photos of your childhood, pointed out the few bits of home that were scattered around your room. He clings on to every word as you tell him about the near-constant summer, complained about the humidity, and reminisced about the food that you dearly missed.

Truthfully, you are surprised by his interest. Few people had even heard of the small, dual-part country, even fewer have shown any interest in learning more. Maybe this is the moment you fell in love with him. Or at least, it's the moment you accept your feelings for him as something beyond an passing crush but as something worth fighting for.

“I hope we can visit it some day,” he says when you finish.

We, not I, you think. Your heart flutters in your chest at the realisation. He is seemingly unaware at the implication. You reply with a simple “maybe”, refusing to give in to the false hope that he returns your feelings.

Some months later, you find him huddled in a quiet corner of the Jujustu High library engrossed in a book of Malaysian history, a small notepad open beside him. Where he acquired the book was beyond you. With nothing better to do with your rare moment of free time, you shrug your shoulders before heading towards him, making noises as you move so as to not startle him when you settle beside him.

You're flipping through your book in search of the bookmark when he speaks, "would you like me to read to you?" You turn to look at him so fast he's concerned you might have gotten whiplash. His cheeks are flushed slightly and he refuses to meet your eye. You blink at him for several moments and he clears his throat awkwardly. "I just - well, I was hoping to practice my English with you. It's um.." he rubs at the base of his neck, "it's been a while since I've spoken it."

"Oh," you begin for lack of words. For as long as you've known him, he has never once mentioned being multilingual. Then again, he rarely ever talked about himself. Preferring to let Yuu take the lead in conversations or to direct questions away from himself. "Sure, I'd love to help!"

"Te-li-ma kah-sir?"

"Te-ri-ma ka-sih," you correct as you swipe through the selection of in-flight movies. Nanami repeats after you and you nod before smiling at him.

"And what about 'where is the toilet?'"

Your tapping stops momentarily. "Formally, or informally?" He deadpans at you and you chuckle in response. "Di manakah tandas?" His pen glides along his pocket notebook before he repeats after you once more. "Love, you know you'll be fine with just English right?"

He drops his pen and takes a sip of beer from the clear plastic cup before responding. "I know, but it's a sign of respect to make an attempt to learn the official language." A soft smile graces your face before you resume your scrolling. You really are the luckiest human on the planet to be able to call him yours.

It's mid-afternoon when you finally leave Kuatan Airport. Travel fatigue begins to set in on the taxi ride to the beach resort Nanami had booked. You loop your arm with his before settling you head on his shoulder. Instead of telling you that you should've slept on the plane like he would've done if it was anyone else, he simply graces your forehead with a kiss before returning his gaze to the map on his phone.

Checking into the resort is a smooth process. Nanami makes quick work of talking to the receptionist before the pair of you make your way to your room, the resort porter guiding you. Nanami had been inclined to refuse but the porter rejected his offer. The pair of you make light conversation with the resort porter as you walk, Nanami using his arsenal of Malay when he can.

When you arrive at your room, Nanami takes your bags from the porter as you unlock the door. He settles the bags inside as you shake the porter's hand in thanks, passing along a 5 ringgit bill. They thank you with a bow before taking their leave. Nanami shoots you a look of surprise when he notices the action. "I wasn't aware that there was a tipping culture in Malaysia."

"There isn't, not to the extent that westerner do anyway. It's really just porters and housekeeping." You shrug.

He scowls at your slightly. "Regardless, you should have informed me," he grumbles. You chuckle at him before patting his chest lightly, avoiding his sunglasses that hang from the v of his button up.

"Well, you'll have plenty of opportunities to leave a tip for housekeeping." You're staying here for two week after all.

As Nanami does a quick sweep of the room, you set up the wifi for your respective devices before making your way to the snack cabinet. You whoop when you find a packet of your favourite childhood snack. Nanami pokes his head out from the bathroom at the sound, only to raise a curious eyebrow when he finds you crouch on the floor, holding the packet as if it was your child. "What?" you exclaim, "I haven't seen these in years!" His arms shoot up in surrender before he returns to his checks, his lips curling into a smile at your antics.

When Nanami returns to the bedroom, he finds you asleep on the sofa, phone slipping from your grip. He removes it before it falls as he rubs at his eyes as the travel fatigue begins to hit him too. The long flight and layover hadn't done either of you any favours but he supposes that what he gets for choosing a city with a small airport.

He changes you out of your travel clothes before moving you to the bed. Once he stashes your valuables into the safe, he freshens himself up before crawling in beside you. You smell of an airport and the mist the flight attendants had sprayed in the cabin but he doesn't care as he nuzzles his nose into your neck.

This is peace, he thinks. No missions, no curses and no Gojou Satoru. Just the two of you and a (mostly) endless supply of sunshine. He likes the thought of that.

When he wakes from his nap, you’re no longer by his side. He panics for a moment before he turns and finds you sitting out on the wooden deck, admiring the ocean view as the sun begins to set. Raking a hand through his hair, he climbs out of bed and makes his way to you. You smile at him as he sits down before laying your head against his shoulder, his arm looping around your waist.

“Sorry I threw us off schedule,” you say after a while.

You feel his head shake against yours before he says, “as long as you're by my side, there's nothing to apologise for. We’re on holiday. Let’s enjoy the peace while it lasts.”

“Afraid Gojou’s going to appear out of thin air?” you tease. He groans at the mention of his senior's name.

"Don't mention that name again. You'll jinx us." This time, you can't help laugh against him. You peck his cheek in consolidation and he think maybe, just maybe, for once in his life, Gojou will keep his meddling fingers out of things that are none of his concern.

The next two weeks go by in a blur of delicious food, sandy toes and a ridiculous amount of sweat. If there was one thing you didn't miss about Malaysia, it was the humidity. But it never stopped Nanami from intertwining his fingers with yours or ghosting a kiss onto your temple. The pair of you had quickly settled into fragments of a routine since you had first arrived.

Every morning, Kento watches the sunrise from the cushioned seat on the wooden deck. The first time it happened was unintentional. His body had become habituated to waking up early for work. That, combined with the 1 hour time difference and the fact that the sun rose significantly later in Malaysia, meant that he had woken up well before the sky had shown any indication of light. You were still fast asleep, unmoving even as he slowly untangled himself from you. So as to not disturb you, he made himself a cup of tea and read from his Kindle on the wooden deck until the sun had began poking out of the horizon.

Then it just became his own little ritual. On occasions where you wake with him, the pair of you take a walk along the beach. The ocean waves kiss your bare feet to the beat of a song you do not know as you talk about your plans for the day. You stumble across a sea turtle laying her eggs one morning and the pair of you settle onto the sand, far enough away as to not spook her, but close enough to marvel at the rare sight.

Nanami pulls out his phone after a while to record a quick video and sends it to Yuuji. Not long after, Gojou attempts to facetime him and Nanami turns off his phone without hesitation. You chuckle at their antics before you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. Nanami declines all of Gojou calls for you and he gives up after 7 rejections. In hindsight, Nanami really should have seen that coming but he blames the cloud of holiday bliss that fogs his mind.

The rest of your days are spent enjoying the ocean breeze (or more often, the ocean heat), exploring the local attractions, immersing yourselves in the culture and best of all, devouring authentic Malaysian food. Nanami had made a list of the most recommended dining locations ranging from high end restaurants to road side food stalls and you make it your shared mission to visit every single one before you leave.

At each shop, he informs you of the best rated dishes but trusts your instincts/cravings for the most part. You point out any items that he 'has to try, at least once' and he asks questions about the items that pique his interest. More often than not, the pair of you will order a variety of dishes and share them, not able to settle on just one. Being the bread lover that he is, he takes a liking to roti canai. Although he isn't particularly unadventurous with his choices, always settling for a plain roti canai and opting for experimenting with curries instead. So, you take the plunge for him, knowing he'll likely be intrigued by the pointy hat shaped crepe that sits before you — he later learns that it's a roti tisu, or the stuffed roti that arrives. (He thanks you later.)

On your last night there, the pair of you make your way to the biggest pasar malam in the city. Nanami had a list of local fruits that he was hoping to buy while you had a list of souvenir ideas for the kids and your coworkers. You walk hand in hand, following the flow of footfall as your eyes scan the stalls. Nanami doesn't particularly know what he's looking for as he passes the snack stalls but he's enjoying himself all the same as he watches you converse with the stall keepers in a foreign tongue. He slips out of his daze when he feels a cold packet being pressed against his hand. "What's this?" He slips his wrist through the plastic loop and grips the tied-off section of the bag.

"Sugar cane!" you chirp, radiating an excited aura that rivalled Yuuji. Must be the atmosphere, he thinks. He takes a sip through the straw as you receive your change. Sweetness floods his taste buds but don’t overwhelm them. He savours the refreshing coolness it brings, contrasting the humidity. You look to him expectedly as you tug him further down the street. “Good?” you ask over the noise from the crowd.

“Acceptable.” There's a look of content tugging on his features that contradicts his tone and a soft smile tugs at your lips before you're promptly distracted by another stall.

When you finally arrive at the fruit stalls, you’re armed with a packet of cheap flag erasers for the students and an assortment of sugary snacks for the school staff room. The crowd had dwindled as you moved further towards the back of the market, allowing you a clear view of most of the stalls before you.

Nanami tugs on your intertwined hands before leading you towards a stall with mountains of rambutans and mangosteens. He nods politely at the elderly couple manning the store and accepts the plastic basket they hand him. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice the smile that tugs at his lips when they greet him in English. Undoubted pleased to be able to use his skills.

“I assume I should pick the ones that are not blackened and soft?” he says to you when the couple finish explaining the pricing. You nod in response as you begin carefully placing fruits into the basket. Nanami mimics your actions beside you before his attention is grabbed by the fruits to your right. “Is that what I believe it to be?”

You follow his gaze as he speaks. When they fall on spiky green fruits and packets of yellow, your eyes light up in delight. “Mhmm,” you hum before turning back to face him. There’s a sparkle of wonder in his eyes that makes you laugh before you turn to speak to the woman, “how much for a packet of durian?”

You look wistfully at the whole durians as the lady bags your items. As much as you would love to see Nanami use his 7:3 technique on the fruit (you can almost sense your ancestors rolling over in their graves at the thought), you know you won't be able to finish it off by yourselves. Besides, there is no guarantee that Nanami wouldn't hate it.

Rather uneventfully, Nanami does not hate durian on instinct — "the smell is uninviting, but the fruit itself is decent," he says as he helps himself to another. So, with the remnants of fruit juice clinging to your lips and the lingering smell of durian on your breath (despite your best efforts to get rid of both), the pair of you now walk along the beach's shoreline. Your pinkies are looped as you rejoice in the complete and utter sense of peace. There are no curses to be worrying about, no impromptu visit from a certain colleague. And for the first time in a long long time, Nanami feels like he can let his guard down. He feels like he doesn’t need to keep looking over his shoulder all the time. He doesn't feel the weight of the country's safety settling in his chest.

“We should come back some time,” he says as the waves lap at your feet gently.

You raise an eyebrow at him, “not sick of fending off mosquitoes and melting in the heat yet?” There’s a teasing glint in your eyes and he chuckles along with you.

He smiles at you then — genuinely, without fear of showing his emotions, shakes his head and kisses your temple gently. “Maybe we can visit your family next time. You can show me where you grew up, your favourite places, where you had your first date...” You smack him across his chest for his teasing while he chuckles at the action.

“Maybe one day.” He interlocks your hands then and ghosts a kiss over your knuckles before looping it over your shoulder to pull you into his chest. One day... when you’re both rid of this curse-riddled life.

[m00n-miaka-cb]

𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬: 𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐓𝐨 - [@influencerxcesia-oc - Cesia]

☁️ | Before proceeding, know that this will be put into heavy depth, to raise awareness, and to also speak up for not just them, but a majority of other people with the "same attitude" as her, and for many OCs who may be getting the same treatment. So I'll be covering hate, stereotyping, and anything else that is related to the main topic. If this makes you uncomfortable, then I apologise. But this needs to be said as this can get repetitive and becomes a same issue with any OC that finds interest in other CBs and such.

Let's start with the main topic: Hate Anons to Cesia, a new OC recently. This topic roles into the fact she's receiving hate for, "Acting all cute and innocent to get the badboys attention--"

As a matter of fact, this isn't just the OCs personality, but also the admin's personality. This isn't just acting and roleplaying to receive privilege to speak with San. How dare you say that to her and any other OCs, even CBs, when it's naturally a characteristic? Is she favoring and only speaking nicely to him, aka @badboysan? No. Actually, scroll through my own blog, Mia's blog, and every other person's blog to find evidence of her speaking crudely to others. What's there? Everything is a wonderful and respectful interaction; her being kind. She even has yet to have anyone dm her and provide any evidence of her acting as a privileged OC.

I've been here, running and OC, for a long time. It's coming to a year very soon, meaning I've been in the community for a fair enough of time. So I understand your concern for OCs because in the past, there were problematic OCs. However, do you see the OCs now? A majority of US are kind and thoughtful 24/7. For example:

@shin-haneul who is well-known, loved, and respected for her generous and compassionate personality, always supporting and taking care of others.

Second is @xash-axx, who's also been around for a fairly amount of time, and has been nothing but kind to others despite her concepts time from time. She's in a stable relationship, and has yet to show any betrayal, being loyal and kind, and sweet despite little interactions between me and the OC compared to the Admin.

Third is @hernameisangel-oc, a natural sweetheart who is similar to Haneul, knowing how to have fun, always supporting, and having the will to always remain calm and cheerful, posting motivational content.

And lastly, a close friend of mine is @serenityrose-oc, who hasn't been too active, but she's very sweet and filled with wonderful humour, always caring and supporting everyone when she can.

And this is only the bare minimum of OCs I've mentioned who have wonderful personality and have been in the community for a decent amount of time. And here, no one is a stranger to the history of OC trickery within the community. However, many have yet to receive discouragement and stereotypical comments of their character. Is it because we have an exception because we run other bots and because we truly are more optimistic, helpful, and supportive? So why are those new exempted from us? Or would you like me to state that it's out of jealousy that you can't receive the same interaction as her and the idol bot, or that she has more of a chance compared to you? This goes for all OCs who receive this.

As a matter of fact, you don't see recently most OCs receiving hate and back lash for interacting with other idol bots, even those with already established relationships, especially with those who become often close with others and have stronger bonds with the idol bot. So why is Cesia, among some others who may not post these malicious asks, have an exception to this? Is it just because they're the amateurs for being new and trying to start off strong and make wonderful bonds with others who also give off strong impressions? Because, my dear, you're quite in grave danger for sparking a match that shouldn't be used to light such a nasty flame from many who are not afraid to defend and even attack, for those who are quite bold.

Let's also touch the subject about stereotyping OCs in general. While Idol bots have a less harder time with this, (some others actually struggling with this then please, you are included in this, no worries) OCs tend to receive stereotypical comments about them:

You're only doing this for relationships, not the plot. 🙄

You're doing this cause you want to a privileged OC or Y/N!!!

You're doing this for the vine/trend!! Get off!

You're just pretending so you can get in his/her pants!

You're going to problematic like the others.

Do you hear yourself? Not many of us OCs actually have intentions of doing such a thing. Sometimes that's based on the character of the OC, but that doesn't mean everyone's desperate. You think anyone wants to cause drama now that the community has an abundance of people, bots, and admins hopping from one post to another? Don't you think some don't do it because they already know others will come at them like wolves protecting their pack? And to even assume some do it for relationships, not even understanding the plot they themselves are slowly bringing forth to the public to interact with? Are you really that dense to not think that far ahead? And if we really wanted it so badly, why isn't any one of us rushing like crazed animals to fend off others from a CB of our interest, huh?

Stop stereotyping all OCs because of those who were problematic in the past. Heck. Some of these new OCs are actually people who have already been in the community for a long time and are aware of the toxicity and bad reputation, but are trying to clear that up with wholesome OCs that are putting effort to put OCs in a better spotlight than one so dull and broken.

If you really want to start an argument, start an argument right now. Speak like a normal person and share your opinions rather than being so bitter to Cesia and others who come into this community wanting to actually have fun roleplaying. That's what we all are wanting. You want to continue sending backlash? Send it to me and we'll discuss it. Speak like a civilized person than agreeing with the anon when you're so dense to not think that this has consequences and horrible affects on the person running the bot who truly wishes nothing BUT peace and happiness to run their bot. Now you've got a whole storm coming for you because this is sickening to see. Just like you say it's sickening of her personality.

And please. Spread the word. This goes out to everyone in general, even groups that have an OC and more.

[capri-ramblings]

It's finally here! The third Installment of my 'Mother's Reluctance'' ✨ Sebek,Deuce and Epel will be featured in the fourth part! Thank you for your patience!

Warning; Toxic/unhealthy relationships. Mentions of substance.

Please take note every work of mine here is purely fictional and meant for entertainment.

Please do not indulge in my yandere works if you are triggered by its dark, heavy themes.

Trey Clover

- Trey had wondered when the question was going to be asked. The two of you have been together for almost five years and he's noticed how you've adapted to his...darker tendencies as a partner

- He'll be honest,he's impressed. When it all first started he thought he'd have to break you to make the whole relationship work,but it seems you've proven him wrong

- Children are a must have for Trey. He grew up with a fairly large family himself and he couldn't really picture a lasting relationship with you without any children. Plus,his parents had began asking too.

- He had no problems with it,of course. He was more than ready to handle a few more children aside from his younger siblings,the only issue here was you.

- Trey was aware that you weren't so confident in parenting as he was,and he also noticed your reluctance regarding it.

- It annoyed him to a certain degree, and with his subtle charisma,Trey made sure you were aware of it.

- And you were. You just thought that as long as you acted like you didn't,he wouldn't get too frustrated over it.

- Oh,how wrong you were.

- Trey's cunningness hides behind a veil of his usual friendliness towards everyone, and by forgetting that, you were bound to fall for his trap.

- The two of you were closing up the family bakery one night when Trey came out of the kitchen with freshly baked tarts settled neatly on a white plate.

- "Were there extras? I thought we sold out everything..."

- Trey let out a small laugh as he shook his head. You noted how pleased he looked and quietly wondered why he was in such a good mood all of the sudden.

- "No,I made these for us. Your favourites too" He took one tart off the plate and plopped it into his mouth in one go, and the corners of your lips twitched into a small smile.

- "Thanks,but I think I'll pass. I just wanna get into bed and sleep"

- The whole day was a chore. You were used to a bustling bakery filled with customers,but today most of those customers were children, kindergarteners who had their teacher bring them all into the town's favourite Bakery because it was one of their friends' birthday. It was a sweet occasion,you weren't going to lie,seeing those small happy faces filled with sweets had you grinning,but the amount of energy those small human beings demanded was exasperating.

- Trey rose his brows,taking in another tart into his mouth. You missed the dark look he gave you when you turned around to flip the shop's sign from outside.

- "You're missing out" He mused, "It could help rejuvenate that tired body of yours"

- You laughed,shaking your head. You should've expected him to treat you like some worn out kid,Trey always had that habit.

- Though, you weren't expecting his body to press against yours when you turned around to face him. His lips suddenly close enough to just hover above yours.

- "Trey—"

- He leaned down to kiss your lips faster than your words could reach you, and in the moment you pressed yourself into him,Trey slipped one arm around your waist.

- His lips tasted sweet, a mix of vanilla and citrus mingling on his tongue that came to intertwine around yours. When you felt him closing the gap between bodies,the kiss deepened and Trey had you wilting in his grasp. The way his heat engulfed your entire being then gave a sense of high you failed to find in anyone else,and when he finally broke the contact,your lips were swollen and aching for more.

- The look in his eyes before he pulled away from you was tinted with wanton fever. And for a brief second,you thought you saw hunger in them.

- You're stumbling on yourself,of course you are. Trey isn't the type to suddenly pull you into such an intimate thing after all, but you regain your composure fast and with a gentle if not wary nudge, you put a space between you and Trey as you walked pass him and towards the scounter.

- "What was that for?" You asked and heard him chuckling before the sound of the front door locking caught your attention. It was meant to be locked,you remind yourself. The backdoor was always how you and Trey left after all. You wondered then why it bothered you so much in the first place.

- "Can't I be mysterious and kiss you whenever?"

- It sounded harmless,how the words just seem to bounce in your head and you paid it no mind.

- The tray of tarts placed beside you caught your eye a second you were about to reach out and take one for yourself, but something held you back.

- Trey is,above all else, a patient person and that patience you found so comforting is what he'll use against you.

- That night, after getting home and finally be able to just throw yourself onto your mattress. You woke up feeling thirsty and decided to slither out of bed as quietly as you could so Trey wouldn't be disturbed.

- In getting yourself a cold drink, you wonder if the tarts he made earlier were still there and to your pleasant surprise,Trey had kept them chilled in the fridge. Somehow feeling giddy about how spontaneous he was today, you take one and pop it into your mouth.

- Oh, sweetheart. Didn't you realize they tasted a bit too sweet? Trey's Doodle suit should've worn off by now but maybe it was just the exhaustion of the day that made you oblivious to the slight tingling sensation you felt after successfully eating three tarts in a row.

- Then again,how could you have known he slipped in a longing potion in them? He knew if it worked too fast it would seem suspicious and so Trey gave you the leniency of time by making it in small doses.

- He's waited years for the moment you'd beg him to have his seed inside you, a few more months is nothing.

- So,he'll wait and watch as the potion sets into your senses and you start wondering why you ever disliked the thoughts of children in the first place.

- They're so small and harmless and filled with joy...and they the way they'd resemble their parents so perfectly...

- How would your child look like? Would they have Trey's sharp gaze and your complexion? His patience and your wits?

- The thoughts circle through your head like a hypnotising lullaby.

- It began to hurt to wake up and see you don't have a kid of your own with your partner.

- Did Trey still wanted them? You hoped did because this house has started to feel a bit too big for just the two of you.

Jade Leech

- Jade can be cunning and cruel when he wants to and that's what made him such a terrifying partner to anger.

- He had control over himself,he knew when to pull back and when to shove fear down your throat.

- Jade is someone you never want to rile up or provoke even when you never really had a way of seeing the earlier signs of it.

- Possessive and sadistic, whenever Jade wanted a certain type of attention from you, he never failed to make you flinch from it.

- He was also very observant of you, and so he already knew from the start that the topic of having children was something you never wanted to delve into

- But, he liked seeing you squirm with discomfort. So, naturally,the topic often came up. Much to your dismay.

- "Say,why don't you want children, ____?"

- The way he curled his tongue around your name at the end made you shiver and Jade fought back the urge to snicker behind your back.

- Your lips pursed, and you tried to calm your nerves, but even knowing fully well what he was aiming at, you always tend to come off snarky.

- And though he adores your fighting spirit, Jade also loves giving you small punishments afterwards.

- Jade is wickedly patient however, so his process of manipulating you into giving him a child is more likely a slow burn. You don't even notice you're leaning into his fantasies until it's too late.

- He starts subtly at first, as always, pointing out the physical differences between him and you. Reminding you that he isn't human and thus the act of making children would be vastly different from how he'd usually have sex with you.

- His eyes seem to flicker when he sees you squirm underneath his scrutinizing prowess, but the conflicting acts of gentleness that comes afterwards has you cornered.

- He was throwing you out in the cold waters only to reel you back up into his arms,so you'd never know the warmth of another. So you'd depend on him.

- And it was working.

- Jade will choose to tire you out from your refusal. Easing you ever so tentatively into the idea of having children. The idea of truly becoming his wife and partner for life.

- Whether he had you as your current self or somehow altered you into one of his own kind is something he doesn't really mull over. As long as it's you, Jade doesn't care.

- You're both facing the mirror in your bedroom when Jade comes from behind you, his arms swiftly snaking its way around your waist. You fit in his grasp so perfectly,how could he imagine losing you to someone else?

- "Have children with me,my little starfish. Can't you imagine them swimming about? Calling you their mother and swarming you with loving hugs and kisses?"

- His words sounds so peaceful,so serene, you can't help but look into your reflection and see the swollen bump growing in your womb. See how easier your life would be if you surrendered yourself to him completely.

- "You'll make a lovely mother, and your brood will be the light of my life. I'll do anything to make you all happy."

- You breathed in his scent,his skin against yours a solid comfort you've come to yearn for.

- Would he always be this gentle if you gave him what he wanted?

- Days when he'll leave you all alone seemed to make you cringe. If you had a part of him, those days wouldn't bother you,would it?

- Jade intertwined his fingers with yours, a knowing look etched into his expression as he hears you murmur your reply.

- "Please be gentle."

Cater Diamond

- If Cater really wanted kids, he'd have cum inside you from the beginning really.

- He looks like a man with plans and at times he is, but when it came to personal things he always gets too emotionally invested to actually plan things out.

- But truth be told, he had to take a few years to sort his thoughts out to finally be comfortable with the notion of having kids.

- It's not that he disliked them, kids were great most of the time but he didn't exactly enjoy the idea of sharing his sweet Cupcake with an infant.

- After all, children required a lot of caring for and that's what good parents do, and what you and him have to face up to.

- But Cater didn't want that. He wanted you to himself. His Cupcake's time and effort should be showered onto him and him alone.

- A child would be a hindrance to that.

- But then a light bulb beamed in his thoughts and Cater came to a conclusion that if he had kids with you then your life would be completely in his hands!

- Unlike his carefree facade, Cater's yandere side is controlling and extremely possessive. If a kid is what it takes to have you forever, then he'll have twenty of them without a doubt.

- and they'll all call him Papa

- And you'd be their sweet,caring, mommy.

- This fantasy of his is a nightmare to you, and chances are Cater already guessed you were against it

- Though if you think that'll stop him, you're wrong.

- He's your capable Senpai,after all. He'll know the perfect tricks to get you on his side.

- You're extremely off the edge with how suddenly gentle and thoughtful Cater's been the last few weeks, how he hasn't played one of his manipulative mind games on you or increasing the 'rent' for staying with him, and you're half believing that maybe he's back to his old self. But there's this sick feeling in your stomach that doesn't seem to budge the more you spend time thinking about it and you keep telling yourself that he's baiting you into some sort of trap.

- So, you keep your guard up. Taking in the smallest gestures and carefully analysing them, making sure you hadn't somehow made Cater upset

- You knew how crafty he was after all.

- But being crafty wasn't his only strong suit,omitting that made you vulnerable to him.

- Cater has his charms, at times you don't even see him get all possessive over you until he has you trembling underneath him on the bed.

- Maybe it was the fact he always hid his true expressions, growing up with bossy sisters gave him the upper hand of disclosing any bitter thoughts and gestures.

- So,no, you don't realize it when he slips in the aphrodisiac in your drinks and snacks little by little everyday.

- No, you don't seem to wonder why you're always hot and bothered when he's not even paying you any attention.

- You don't even know why he hasn't even touch you at all in any way. No hugs from behind or pecks on the cheek. Not even a single wink.

- He's feeding you stuff to throw your hormones into a turbulent storm and he's going to let you starve.

- The doses are so small,so damn meticulous, you'd think it was ridiculous for anyone to even pull off but Cater does.

- Because he's determined to make you beg for it, because he knows that if you beg then you can't tell him otherwise later on.

- He's pushing you into a steep edge of a cliff and then he'll blame you for acting scared and asking him for help.

- Out of the manipulating yanderes out there,Cater is the most shameless.

- He wants you to hear you say it, needs to have a deluded sense of consent.

- You're his Cupcake after all, if you weren't willing, then it's not exciting. He doesn't like seeing you cry with all that sad, desperate pleadings.

- He wants you to welcome him,to accept him.

- When you finally hit your limit, Cater is quick to come to your side and give you whatever you needed from him.

- Thirsty? Oh sweetheart,he already has a glass of cold water for you here!

- Feverish? No problem, he'll stay up to monitor your temperature!

- You're starting to get all grabby and clingy too? Teling him how you didn't want him to leave and that you felt all lonely. He doesn't mind. He'll let you do whatever you wanted to him.

- Those aphrodisiacs can be such a bother, right? Of course. He understands. He won't tell you off for it. Not yet at least.

- "You don't look at me anymore, you don't touch or even hold me...Did I do something wrong? Are you angry? Please say something. It's like you're not even here anymore."

- Your mind's all muddied and scrambled, your skin burning and senses stirred. Half of what you say don't even make it to your own ears but somehow the way Cater looks down at you with such sympathetic eyes gets you all teary eyed.

- "Aw, Cupcake. Don't cry,hey,I'm not going to leave you, okay?"

- "Listen,I'm the one who made you stay with me right? Why would I leave you,hm?"

- "Come on,don't be sad. You know I hate it when you start getting sad..."

- Cater wipes away the tears on your cheeks,the heat from his palms cupping your face sending chills down your spine. It felt so good to be touched. It's as if you've been deprived of a crucial living necessity.

- You even started calling out his name, looping it around your tongue like a mantra as you bury your face into his chest, melting into his embrace.

- Cater's holding back a laugh when he runs his fingers through your hair, his eyes dulled and glazed over.

- Intoxicated.

- "Come on, Cupcake, if you don't stop that I'll have to eat you up tonight."

Silver

- He's surprisingly very straightforward with it.

- One of the mildest yanderes amongst the boys, Silver doesn't resort to violence or manipulation.

- It's not that he isn't good at either one, he is, you've seen multiple times how easily he overwhelmed past suitors who thought they could take you away from him, how easy his tongue told lies that crafted everyone into his scheme, but Silver simply doesn't see the point.

- Why would he put in so much effort into something that could be dealt with normally?

- If he wanted children, he would tell you and then he'll wait for your reply. He'll watch how your body reacts to him wanting to set his mark on you permanently.

- You can tell him no, and he'll nod his head.

- The next day, he'll ask you for your reason, and you can tell him that you aren't ready, that children were hard for you to handle.

- Again, he'll silently let your answer seep into him.

- The third day, he'll give you his answer,his reason and he'll make you choose.

- "If you give me a child, you can stay with your parents until you deliver."

- And then suddenly,your entire world comes crashing down on you.

- You're not sure if you're hearing him right and patiently,Silver repeats his offer and you're staring at him as if your eyes are adjusting to some sort of light you were hidden away from.

- He knows why you're stumped, though. Silver took you away from your family and friends the moment he had you in his grasp.

- You were his precious songbird,his treasured magpie. No one else could hold open the doors to your cage save for Silver himself.

- He lets you think it over, because that's just how he is despite how impatient he seems to look,Silver could wait for over a year for your reply. He won't lay a hand on you, never has really, but the way his gaze seemed to freeze over whenever he looked to you gave you the impression that if you ever came to displease him, you'd be cut down in a second.

- How terrifying it was to not know when a trap has been disarmed.

- Silver was not an easy man to read.

- So,you think and you think and think until your mind is burning from the lack of rest. You're trying to sort out the possibilities of him lying to you but it doesn't add up, because that isn't the sort of person Silver is.

- He doesn't lie. Doesn't need to.

- You're always stumbling on your feet when it came to him.

- He's stirred awake from his nap when you came knocking on his study's door, your dress finely ironed and fitted perfectly to your figure. He admires how lovely you look in his home and Silver reaches out a hand to touch your sleeve, a small smile curled on his lips.

- "Your beauty makes me happy." He coos, somehow as if he's still in a dream. If only you could share his easiness.

- You're fighting the urge to turn stiff from his softness towards you, but are left relieved when he pulls away.

- "You've decided." It's not a question, and you look up to him,brows furrowing.

- "I haven't said anything yet"

- "No. But your skin is flushed, and your eyes are warm. You've already found an answer" Silver sounds so sure, effortlessly charming with how languid and smooth his words leave him. And the way he's able to read out your profile makes you wonder what else he seems to know about the thoughts your kept from leaving your lips.

- Truth is, the reason why Silver knows you so well is that his obsession over you has made him revolve his life around you. From the way you dressed to the very way you sleep,he keeps a detailed picture of it in his mind and they play in his thoughts when he dreams.

- A yandere Silver is one who's immensely enamored by his sweetheart, and ensures that their life is never too far from him to miss out.

- He knows you never wanted children,more so with him, but instead of making it seem like a permanent imprisonment, he'll make it a momentary freedom.

- Have his child and you'll get to see your family,go back to your childhood home and spend your days there until the child is born.

- There would be no lingering gazes or looming shadows watching you, you'd have your old life back if not a glimpse of it before you go back to his suffocating arms.

- But be wary,and be smart. Silver isn't a fool, once you're carrying his child he'll also place a small curse on you which will ultimately harm the life you hold inside you.

- This curse is triggered only if you try to escape him.

- You're only informed of it only after you're well under six months into the pregnant of course, and Silver will have the same calm, almost lazy demeanor when he does so,his gaze never once leaving yours as he watches you break down crying.

- He'll come up to your side though and gently run his hands up and down your back.

- "Don't worry,my love. As long as you keep to our promise, our young prince will be nothing but perfect."

[fallenrepublick]

JUNE I HAVE AN IDEA AHH AND I CAN'T MOVE ON FROM IT TIL I BLURT IT OUT

Chiss triangle because you already know the game

We know the drill: you're with Thrawn, he's with you, Thrass wishes he was with you, you care for Thrass, and Thrawn isn't thrilled by whatever Thrass has got going on for you.

On some level, Thrass understands what he feels isn't ideal. Not that he's ashamed of loving you, no, just the opposite - He's afraid of loving you so much that it will forever impact his life negatively, knowing he might never get to be with you and feeling his heart break every time you and Thrawn accomplish another milestone together. It's not like he can take himself out of the picture since he's family, and essentially in charge of making sure Thrawn stays in line as far as work is concerned, nor would he want to. Any time with you is better than none at all. Still, he knows it would be best to at least try to move on from these feelings. He knows he'd die for you, but if he's ever going to be there for anyone, he needs to keep himself in check.

So, he decides to date around in his own circles, a little embarrassed by the fact that at one time he'd have any of these women on his arm just for appearance's sake, to compliment his own career. It would be hard to transition back to the same mindset he had before he fell in love with you, but for both your sakes, he was willing to try. He meets a fellow politician who seems nice enough - she's poised, elegant, intelligent, and knows what she wants. In the eyes of the Ascendancy, they'd be an ideal couple. That's good enough for him, he guesses.

Things go relatively well during the first month of their Chiss-typical courtship, and a family dinner is arranged with you and Thrawn. He knows he doesn't love her yet, and maybe he never would, but maybe this step was necessary to finally start breaking free. He doesn't mention much about you to her out of fear that she'd pick up on his feelings for you, so he doesn't say much other than you're his brother's significant other and what your profession is. In doing so, he neglects to mention that you're human.

The first thing she does upon seeing you is laugh into her palm and whisper to Thrass, "Is this some kind of joke?" to which he replies, "What are you talking about?" and she quickly realizes it isn't. How how the mighty Mitth have fallen, to allow their members to bring home trash from lesser space. It was unthinkable. She doesn't care to hide the mild distain on her face during the introductions, which doesn't go unnoticed by any of you, however, her snide remarks throughout the entire night indicated that didn't matter to her.

Thrass's brows knit tighter and tighter with every passing minute, seeing that although you're defending yourself quite well and minding your manners, her sharp words are subtly affecting you. Everything boils over for him when she shifts all her attention on Thrawn and asks him how you two met. He calmly tells the story, all but unaware of her politically-attuned reasons for asking, and she hums in response. "I see. If I may ask, is that even allowed?" She glares at you as though you were roadkill in a dress, not hiding her disgust in the slightest, "Does she have all her shots? Do you keep her indoors?"

Thrass bangs his fist on the table and immediately rises up from his seat, shooting a death glare her way when he asks her for a word in private. As they leave, you let out a sigh and lower your head.

"I'm going to excuse myself to the balcony," you whisper to Thrawn.

"Would you like me to join you?" he asks with a knowing care in his voice, and you agree to abscond with him. He wraps you lightly in his arms once you're both situated on a bench, ready to listen to your heart's concerns.

"I can't believe Thrass would fall for someone like that," you begin, "I really thought he was more..."

"Selective?" Thrawn guessed, and you nodded. He holds you a little closer, "Perhaps. My guess is that he wasn't aware of her prejudices. If my intuition is correct, she was mainly a distraction for him."

"A distraction?"

He raises a subtle eyebrow at you and smiles, charmed by your naivety. "In any case, I doubt we'll be seeing her again."

Before you can inquire further, Thrass steps out onto the balcony disheveled and alone. He looks to you and Thrawn, who gets up and whispers once he's at Thrass's ear, "You can apologize to me by covering dinner. You'll have to suffer more than that for her."

Thrass shoves his paycard into Thrawn's already-open palm and responds with a solemn look as if to say "I know" before Thrawn exits back through the corridor. Your eyes meet, and he moves to stand at your side, the epitome of guilt.

"I don't-, I'm so-, I can't believe-," he sighs, finally getting a grip on himself, "I apologize for everything you endured tonight. I never would have brought her had I known she'd be such a-"

"It's okay, Thrass," you interrupt calmly, "Really. I'm used to it."

The implications of your words melted his countenance into something pitiful, the realization that this wasn't a new occurrence for you breaking his heart. It didn't really occur to him that you likely were faced with disapproving looks and snarky comments nearly every day you interacted with the Chiss, since he himself had never seen you as anything less than perfect. He sat down at your side, taking your hand cautiously in his.

"You didn't deserve that. ____, I want you to know that I've never in my life thought of you as..." he let his thought get lost, making himself aware of what was appropriate to say, "I think you're wonderful. Please don't let what you heard tonight give you a bad impression of me, because I-"

You brought the back of his hand to your lips and gave it a quick kiss, charmed at how dumbfounded he suddenly became. "I know, Thrass. Thank you for being, well, you. I really appreciate it."

His eyes lit up, a feeling of relief washing over him. "You forgive me?"

"Of course," you answered, pulling him into a hug. He tentatively rested a hand on your back, thinking of a way to break the silence once it had dragged on a little too long, before he'd become a little too comfortable and say something he couldn't take back, but you beat him to the punch as you pulled away.

"So, what did you say to her?"

He stroked the back of his neck nervously. "Uh, nothing that bears repeating."

"Oof, that bad?"

He chuckled, remembering the heated argument from only minutes before. That beautiful human is the love of my life, and I'll sooner destroy you before you even look at her ever again. That, coupled with plenty of insults and expletives. "Yeah. Needless to say, we broke up."

Your expression was thoughtful for a moment. "I'd say I'm sorry, but... I'm not." You smiled, relieved when he returned it with glee. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied, "it's you I was more worried about."

He squeezed your hand, which hadn't left his the entire time, and you gave a reassuring squeeze back. A certain tension started to fill the air, and before you could acknowledge it, the sound of Thrawn clearing his throat from behind the both of you shook you out of it.

"I believe you have an early appointment tomorrow, Thrass."

He shuffled back onto his feet, backing away until he had both of you in view. "You're right. I suppose I should get going. Please enjoy the rest of your evening."

With that, he reverently gave a slight bow and strode out the way that Thrawn had stealthily came. You lover came and took the recently vacant seat next to you, setting an ornamentally-wrapped box between you both.

"What's that?" you asked.

"Dessert," Thrawn replied smugly, "courtesy of my brother."

You chuckled, leaning back into your rightful place in his arm. "You forgot to return his paycard."

"Did I?" He wondered aloud with no small amount of feinged surprise, holding it out in front of him. "Shame. I don't suppose there are any productions you've been wanting to see? Perhaps any jewelry you've been admiring?"

You gave him a good-natured slap on his wrist as you smiled. "I'm fine with dessert."

"As you wish, my love."

He was going to surprise you with something, anyway. Something expensive. It was the least Thrass could do, after all.

OHOHOH WAIT BUT THERE’S MORE

Think about it a second, do you really think that woman’s going to let Thrass get away with something like that? Chiss pride is a dangerous thing, and when crossed, can be fickle and vile to its victims.

And here, Thrass has crossed what he is soon made to regret. The woman goes to Thrawn, who’s obviously less than pleased to interact with her, but lets her speak regardless.

She tells him what Thrass said, everything so accurate to his personality, so reflective of how Thrawn knows him. Though her bitter demeanor gives him pause, he knows when someone is lying, and this... wasn’t it. The more the words circle around his head, the more he hates the knowledge that Thrass still can’t get over it.

It’s not his fault entirely. More often than not, it’s difficult to deny such strong feelings. And really, Thrawn has to at least give Thrass credit for trying. But that doesn’t change the fact that this ordeal may have only made it worse.

But Thrawn doesn’t tell you what his brother said, more for his own sake than Thrass’s, and only wants him to hurry up and seek out another distraction before he makes him. As long as he stays in a constant state of concern for himself, he won’t have the energy to pursue you. Thrawn’s certain of it.

[atlafan]

Heres a request for you (if you're comfy writing it ofc!) Like maybe you've been with other people before harry but none of them could get you off but then you tell harry and he gets to work 👀

a/n: wow okay, we love a man that makes sure you’re getting what you need henny!  (smut)

He’s a Giver

You and Harry had been seeing each other only a short while. You had been sticking to just steamy make out sessions, not wanting to move too fast. You had only known each other about a month, and you were shocked when he asked you out. Well, not totally shocked. From the excessive amount of flirting, it was inevitable that one of you would make a move. 

It’s not that you didn’t want to have sex with him, you were sure the rumors were probably true about him. But whenever you thought about it, you just didn’t see the point in rushing. It could easily end up the way a lot of your relationships and hooks ups did: the guy getting to come his brains out, and you left there unsatisfied. You used to fake it, so their feelings wouldn’t be hurt, but you lost the energy to do that. Even when you would get a little foreplay, no one ever did it long enough for it to start to feel good. You had your own hands, not really loving the idea of a vibrator, to get you where you needed, and that was fine with you. 

It was difficult to explain to a man where to touch you properly. It took the heat of the moment away, and any sensation that was starting to come close would fade away. You just wanted a man that knew what he was doing. Harry had given you some hope. Just form the way his tongue would act inside your mouth, or the way he would suck on the skin around your neck. But, you weren’t going to hold your breath. 

You two had come close to doing it a couple times, but you had told him to slow down or cool it. You were happy just making out, there was no pressure involved. And it wasn’t that it was only about you and your orgasm. You loved giving a man pleasure, whether it came from your hand, mouth, or warm center. You loved hearing a man moan your name into your ear, you just wish a mad could make you feel the same way. 

All Harry wanted to do was get your clothes off. He dreamt about it, fantasized about it. He was starting to wonder if it was something about him that you were discovering you didn’t like, and maybe that was why you didn’t want to sleep with him.

//

Harry was coming over to your place for a movie and wine night. Because of who he was you weren’t able to go out on dates, but you were fine staying in and having more intimate dates with him. It let you two get to know each other much better. You fluffed the pillows on the couch, made sure there was a blanket on the back for snuggling, and bought his favorite type of red wine. You knew he’d bring a bottle as well, maybe something to munch on. He never showed up anywhere empty handed. Your doorbell rang, and you went to open it. 

“Hi, love.” He smiles. 

“Hi.” You give him a kiss on the cheek, and take the bottle of wine he brought from his hands. “I have some popcorn to pop, I wanted to waited til you got here so-”

After you had properly put the wine down on the coffee table, Harry took you in his arms and kissed you. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him back. You stifle a giggle, but it comes out. 

“What?” He asks with a smile, kissing down your neck.

“Nothing, you miss me or something?”

“Maybe just a little. Been a whole three days since I seen ya last.” He bites down just under your earlobe, and you let out a soft moan, pressing your body closer to his. “I wanna make you moan, over and over.” He says into your ear. You step away and look at him. He clears his throat. “Sorry, um, was that-”

“It’s fine, what move do you wanna watch?” His shoulders fall. He takes the hint and sits on the couch. You were driving him absolutely bananas. A girl had never resisted him for this long before. 

“Whatever is fine.”

“How about a comedy? Have you ever seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall? It’s really funny.”

“I’ve heard of it. If you say it’s funny, it’s gotta be.” 

You pop some popcorn, and fill your wine glasses. You both put your feet up on the coffee table, and you start the movie. Harry puts an arm around you, and you lean into him, getting nice and cozy. 

“Can I ask you something?” He says about thirty minutes in.

“Sure.” You look up at him. 

“Does...sex make you uncomfortable?”

“What? No, why would you think that?”

“Well, and I know it’s not a race, but there have been a couple times where I thought it might happen, but you always stop us or change the subject or something. I mean, I’m happy to be spending time with you here doing this. It’s a very funny movie already...I would just also maybe like to fuck you.” You gaze at him. He was blunt, that’s for sure. You sigh and pause the movie.

“It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you, it’s just...I don’t know I don’t have the best track record with guys.”

“What do you mean? I know there are a lot of rumors about me, but I promise I’m not a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy.”

“No, that’s not what I meant, but I appreciate you saying that.”

“What do you mean then?”

“Well...it’s kind of awkward to talk about, but...no guy has ever been able to get me off, and it’s just made sex...I don’t know not so enjoyable. I mean, I know there’s more to sex than having an orgasm-”

“No, there’s really not. No guy has ever been able to get you off?”

“I mean, it’s about two people connecting, isn’t it?”

“Sure, connecting through an orgasm.”

“I used to think it was me, maybe I was one of those girls that couldn’t have them, but I know that isn’t it.”

“You’re able to get yourself off then?” Your cheeks heat up at the very personal question.

“Um...well, yeah.”

“Do you have to use anything? Like a vibrator or a dildo?”

“No, I just use my hand.” You look down at your hands then back to  him. “I don’t really like vibrators, I’m too aware that I’m trying to get off, you know?” 

“So these guys, did you ever tell them?”

“A couple of them I did. They always got offended. Some I would just fake with. I would try to tell them how to do it, but it just got too frustrating.” 

“That makes me so sad for you, sex is supposed to be this really fun thing, and the most fun part is coming, actually scratch that, the most fun part is making someone else come.” 

You both sit there looking at each other for a moment. 

“Would you let me have a go at it?”

“Excuse me?”

“I bet I could do it, I know my way around. Tell me what feels good, what you like, all that.” 

“I don’t have any, um, condoms here. I didn’t think this would happen tonight, so-”

“Won’t need ‘em.”

“Harry...we both have been with a good chunk of people, I think we should still use one.” He smirks.

“No, I just mean, I don’t need my dick to get you off, love. As much as I’d like to stick it in ya, we don’t need to go that far tonight.” You swallow hard. 

“Alright.” 

“You sure?”

“Yes.” 

“Lay down f’me.” 

You lay down on the couch, and Harry hovers over you. You start kissing. His tongue swiping across your bottom lip, and entering your mouth. Your tongue molds to his, and you immediately relax. You loved kissing him like this, to be kissed like this. His hands were all over you, massaging your breasts through your shirt. His mouth moves to your collarbone where he takes the skin between his teeth. Something you’ve noticed about Harry is that he likes to mark his territory. Even if you were trying to keep things on the hush hush, all of his friends knew you were his. 

He slowly moved down your body, and undid your pants. You lift your hips up to help them tug down your bum and legs. He’s met with a cute pair of pink cotton panties. He leaves a kiss on each of your hips. 

“Now tell me.” He says, palm flattening against you. Your pulse rising. “How do you do it.” 

“Harry, I...you can just...”

“Go on, don’t be embarrassed, I wanna know what gets you there.” 

“I...well, I usually, just...I don’t like having my underwear on, I don’t like the way the wetness feels back against me. It’s too cold.” You say with the reddest cheeks. 

“Alright, let’s get rid of ‘em then, yeah?” You nod, letting him take your panties off. “Better?”

“Yes, thank you. You can really just go for it, and then I can tell you what feels good.”

“That’s what you want?”

“Yes.” Harry smirks at you, and begins. 

He uses his hands to spread your legs apart, gazing at your beautiful center. He was about to do his favorite thing in the world, and he hoped to God it would become your favorite thing as well. He figured many of the men you had been with probably just dove right in, when you were barely wet, and probably didn’t focus on you long. 

His thumb brushes up to where he believes your clit is, and he presses down. Your breath hitches. 

“Found it already, haven’t I?” You don’t say anything, you just watch the grin on his face grow. 

He rubs your clit around in little circles with his thumb. He uses his other hand and fingers to run up and down your now wet slit. You move your hips a little, trying to get closer to him. Your breathing was starting to become heavier. 

“Look at that, already gettin’ nice and wet f’me. That’s very good.” 

He dips his head down, and kisses you on your inner thigh. He couldn’t help but tease you a little. It would just make you want it more. He takes his thumb away from your now throbbing clit, and a whimper leaves your lips. 

“Don’t worry, Harry’s gonna take good care of ya.” 

With that, his mouth connects to your clit, flicking his tongue back and forth quickly. A groan leaves you mouth, and your eyes roll into the back of your head. He nibbles on it, only for a moment, before swirling his tongue all around it. You feel his fingers brush up against where you’re quite literally leaking for him. Slipping a finger in, and curling it up before he pumps it in and out of you.

“U, use two, please.” You moan.

Your wish was your command, he slips a second finger in, and pumps both in and out of you. You could feel him searching for that one particular spot no man was ever able to find, so when he hits it, you buck your hips up violently towards him. 

“Bingo.” He says against you. 

He continues to suck on your clit while his finger hit that spongy spot inside your walls repeatedly. You were panting, and moaning, not able to control any noise coming out of you.

“Fuck, Harry, fuck!” You said over and over. 

You almost wanted to push him away and have him stop because you just couldn’t handle what he was doing to you. He pumped faster and faster, and sucked on you harder and harder. Tongue flicking away at an incredible speed. Your head was far back into the couch cushion as it could go, and your hands were raking through his hair. Your stomach began to tighten, and you recognized that familiar feeling. 

“Shit, I think I’m going to coahhhhhhh.” 

You swear you heard angels sing, and everything around you went white. You could only hear a faint ringing in your ear. You came, and you came card, all over his fingers and tongue. Harry took his fingers out of you, and lapped up all your sweet juices. He sat up, looking at you. You were a mess. Your eye makeup had run down your face, along with a few tears that you hadn’t noticed. He waited for your breathing to return to normal to speak to you. Your thighs were still twitching from the awesome sensation. You slowly sit up, feeling a bit light headed. His eyebrows raised in anticipation. You tried to speak but only a squeak came out. He looked down at his watch.

“What was that? ‘Bout ten minutes?” You nodded your head yes. “Right.”

“Th, thank you.” You say breathlessly. 

He pulls you on top of him so he can hold you. He knew it was going to take some time before you returned to normal. Even when you had given yourself an orgasm, it never felt that good. It never felt like a rushing wave was pouring over you. You nearly thought you were going to pee for God’s sake. 

“You know how earlier you said you wanted to make me moan over and over?” You finally speak up. 

“Yeah.” 

“Feel like doing that tonight?” 

“What about the condoms?” 

“I lied, I have some upstairs.” 

“Are you sure you wanna-” You crash your mouth to his. 

“Please, fuck me Harry.” 

That was all he needed, he carried you upstairs, and gave you the greatest night of your life...and morning...and afternoon...and evening. But you couldn’t blame him, he was a giver. 

[girlpornparadise]

The Caged Bird Moans (pt 1)

Pairing: Diego Jimenez/f!Reader (Power - Starz)

Word Count: ~2600

Warnings:  It's a bit Stockholm syndromey, but that's not a real thing anyway (look it up). Not exactly non-con, but it skirts the idea, so if power disparities aren't your jam, please move along. It just real dirty. SMUT!

Personal ramble: Would anyone actually react like this to the situation I've set forth? No. But just as the pizza guy is never hot and doesn't offer you his extra sausage, this is porn people! So suspend your disbelief and don't hate on me for my bullsh*t.

I also wrote all this nonsense a week ago before I read anything from the lovely @1zashreena1 , @heresathreebee or @nicke0115 so sorry if it looks similar, I swear it's a coincidence.

"Ouch", you think to yourself but instead swallow the pain. Your arm hurts under the firm grasp of the thug dragging you from the elevator into the spacious penthouse.

"Be careful with that." Says a commanding voice from across the room.

The grip loosens, but he's still using your momentum to force you forward. You stumble, unsure of just how much danger you are in.

As you take in your surroundings the owner of the voice turns around and approaches you. He looks you up and down, examining you like a prize he had won.

"We can't afford to damage her." He states plainly, looking at the man still holding you in place.

As he examines you, you examine him right back. Whereas he is doing it in an obvious way, head nodding to rake his eyes over you, you move your eyes only, unable to control your body in this moment. You follow the carefully polished boots up past the fitted black jeans to the black buttoned up shirt with the slight sheen to it, that accentuates his frame. Everything is obviously expensive and very deliberately chosen. As your eyes settle on his face, a recognization dawns on you. Diego Jimenez. One of the heads of the Jiminez cartel. His reputation was well known to you. An unstable, merciless man whose penchant for partying made him a big name in certain circles. You were scared before, but now your body goes rigid with fear and your gaze hits the floor with force.

Though you're no longer looking at him directly you can sense his smugness and satisfaction at knowing you are now showing the appropriate amount of fear for the situation you're in. Maybe it's your hind brain telling you you are in the presence of an apex predator. Maybe it was the clipped snort he let out, tinged with amusement as he nodded with approval.

After what feels like an eternity, but was probably mere seconds, he speaks again.

"Take her to the guest room." He orders the man still firmly gripping your arm. "Lock this little bird in her cage."

Dragging you again, this time down the hall, Diego's orders are followed to completion. You are practically thrown into the room as the door slams shut behind you.

You stumble, catching yourself on the bed. You collapse onto it as tears prick your eyes and subsequently fall down your cheeks. You begin to sob, but muffle it in the covers, assuming someone is standing guard outside and not wanting to seem even weaker in such an intense situation. But the tears flow freely as the shock of what's happened slowly wears off and you begin to process the details of your abduction.

You hadn't grown up in this world, though your ties to it were strong. You were part of the Bennet family, a rival cartel, headed by your grandfather. He insisted you grow up distanced from this world. A world of violence and cruelty. A world of drugs and guns and transactions ending in death. Based on your current reaction, you couldn't help but think maybe it was because you're so weak. Both you and he knew it was true, you were too soft to be a part of the business, too kind to do what would be required of you. So he kept you away, from his city and his dealings and all of the darkness that came with it.

You were in town for a rare family visit when you were taken without warning, snatched from the street at gunpoint. They were able to do it without drawing attention, entirely professional, and you complied with their every demand as a sense of terror ripped through you.

And now here you were, trapped by a barbarous stranger who could end your life at any moment without a second thought.

As you wore yourself out from crying, you began to take in the room, determined to get your bearings. It was sparsely decorated, obviously the work of a man unattached. It was also immaculately clean, obviously the work of his maid. As your breathing slows and your senses sharpen, you become aware that the comforter you are still on top of is plush and expensive, like the kind found at a swanky hotel.

Curiosity returning with your senses, you walk over to the window that stretches from floor to ceiling and take in the impressive view of the city. If the long elevator ride weren't a clear enough indicator, the view tells you that you are in the penthouse of a very upscale building.

Next to the window is a large bathroom and you walk in. You splash cold water on your face and dry it on one of the plush towels. You can't help be momentarily amused by how well stocked the room is with soaps and lotions. There were definitely worse places to be trapped. Was this the definition of a gilded cage?

As you settle down, you take off your shoes and sit back down on the bed. You're exhausted to your core, and you sink into the mattress, wanting to disappear. You want to keep your wits about you, alert and on guard, but instead the stress combined with the late hour forces you to sleep.

You are woken up abruptly the following morning when the door swings open and you are literally dragged out of bed by the same man as yesterday. 

You're a bleary eyed, rumpled mess and the same fear and pain shoot through you as you remember where you are and how you got there. Your breathing is shallow as you try not to panic.

You've been dragged before Diego who is standing imposingly before you, hands clasped in front of him, chin slightly upward so he can look down his nose at you.

He examines you once more and you can tell he's disgusted by what he sees.

"Get our guest something to wear." He barks. "And get her something to eat. We can't bargain if she's broken."

As he turns away from you to resume whatever you interrupted, you catch the flash of the gun in his waistband and the fear settles once again in the pit of your stomach.

You are escorted back to the room forcefully and your mind is racing. You know everyone who comes through the penthouse is armed to the teeth and there's no chance of escape. You're not just weak, you're helpless. You assume you're being held for some kind of ransom, probably territory or resources as opposed to money, and you silently pray that a deal for your release is struck quickly so this nightmare can be over.

Soon after, the door opens and a housekeeper enters carrying a couple of bags of clothes. She doesn't look you in the eye and you wouldn't know what to say to her anyway. 

Once she has left, you rummage through the clothes. There's nothing there you'd pick for yourself, but you settle on a white fitted t-shirt and jeans. You carry them with you into the bathroom along with a handful of drugstore makeup you find in the bottom of the bag.

You look at yourself in the mirror and the reason for Diego's revulsion becomes clear. Your clothes are wrinkled and creased and your mascara is smudged under your eyes. You lock the bathroom door behind you, strip down and take a shower. The running water calms you and once you finish you get dressed and approximate your normal makeup routine with what you have. If you're going to put on a brave front, you need to be as put together as possible.

When you emerge from the bathroom a tray of breakfast is waiting on the nightstand next to the bed. Eggs sunny side up and toast, simple and straightforward. You devour it greedily since you haven't eaten since lunch yesterday.

The day passes with 2 more meals brought to you by the same housekeeper at the appropriate intervals. In the absence of your phone, you distract yourself with mindless TV on the rather large set opposite the bed. You don't take in much as you think about your predicament and then try to force those thoughts of the worst case scenario from your mind.

Your sleep that night is restless.

You are brought before Diego once again in the morning, shortly after you wake. 

This time you are allowed to walk under your own power, though your legs feel wobbly and your feet unsure as you approach him.

You're wearing a cotton t-shirt and shorts,  the closest thing you could find to pajamas. As he looks at you, you become painfully aware that you're not wearing underwear, his eyes seeming to stop at all the places where it should be.

You are at least able to look at him and take in more this time. He's clad in a similar black button up shirt and black jeans as yesterday, a uniform of sorts to convey his status. His hair is neatly cut and accentuates his angles, sharp jaw and well placed cheekbones. His greying facial hair gives him some earned distinction and his expression is hard and deliberate to elicit a specific reaction of fear. Through the careful tailoring of his shirt you can see that his body is sturdy and muscular. His tense posture using his frame to his advantage, making him seem larger than he actually is. You know to fear him, but he may be the most attractive man you've ever seen in real life.

He obviously cultivates an aura of power, and you can't help but be drawn to him as an Alpha Male. As you steel yourself, you dare to look him in the eyes. His eyes are cold but impossibly magnetic and you can't look away. He's looking back at you now, into you. Your heart forgets how to beat in rhythm and you swallow thickly.

He sees your fear and is clearly amused by it.

"Breakfast will be ready soon. You should go take a shower." He says, his lips curling upwards. 

"I, I was going to." you stammer.

"Good girl." It comes out as almost a purr and sends a shiver down your spine.

This time it's Diego, not his associate who accompanies you back to the bedroom. His hand is hovering above the small of your back, ushering you forward while maintaining a small distance. You enter the room and the lock clicks behind you.

You turn to see that he's still in the room and with his gaze set upon you, you begin to back away towards the bathroom,  afraid to turn your back on him. This was clearly his intended effect.

You expect him to leave, but he's doing the opposite. He is stalking forward. Your heart is pounding out of your chest and your uneven breathing becomes gulping for air.

As he closes the gap between your bodies, he repeats his suggestion. "You should go take a shower." It's not a suggestion though, it's a command.

He leans in. "Go on." His lips are close enough to your ear that his breath catches in your hair.

His thick body is now urging you through the bathroom doorway by its approach. You back through it, still transfixed by his gaze. 

You glance side eyed to your left at the shower that takes up the far wall. It's one of those large walk-in showers with a stone floor and a rain showerhead. It suddenly seems less like a shower and feels more like a trap about to spring shut.

"Take off your clothes." He says. He's not asking.

You gulp, your eyes have gone wide at the demand.

"Take. Off. Your. Clothes." He repeats in a tone that is both amused and losing patience. He raises his eyebrows slightly as he says it.

You look away, ashamed, and slowly and nervously acquiesce. You stand before him completely naked and try to avert your gaze. You are drawing your body inward, trying to conceal yourself in any way you can.

"Turn on the water." he says with his wicked smile widening.

You turn on the shower and wait for it to warm. It dawns on you that there's no shower curtain to protect you or glass wall to hide behind. You are fully exposed and will remain so.

You step under the water, unsure of what to do next. You'd obviously showered hundreds of times, but this wasn't a shower. It was a show.

"Wash yourself." His voice is quieter, more of a harsh whisper.

You grab a washcloth and pump the foaming body wash onto it. You rub it on the back of your neck and slowly work your way down to your shoulders. Your nerves have subsided a little as the water washes over your skin.

He's mesmerized by the motion of your hands and you drag the washcloth across your collarbones and down to your breasts, where you languidly rub them with the cloth as well as your free hand.

Your nipples harden at your own touch. He notices and his tongue drags over his bottom lip. You close your eyes in an attempt to momentarily escape.

When you open your eyes you notice him shift his weight and catch a glimpse of the shift in his muscles under his shirt. You get a rush as you feel the power dynamic shift slightly. You are slow to rub the washcloth down your legs and you arch your back slightly as you bend over, purposely sticking out your ass more than you naturally would. 

His eyes are dark with lust and you can feel the warmth radiating from between your own legs.

"Rub your clit." He says, reclaiming his power.

You look at him with shocked eyes and your eyebrows knit.

"You heard me." he says. "I won't ask again." His head tilting slightly.

You put the washcloth aside and tentatively slide your middle finger between your thighs to your bundle of nerves. You notice how wet you already are and using gentle pressure you begin to rubbing in circles.

You close your eyes and swallow as your walls contract and release. Your breathing gets heavier and heavier until you're panting. Panting and touching yourself for this fixated man. 

"Cum for me." He demands. "I need to see you cum." 

You think to fake an orgasm. To end this little game he's playing, but it's too late. Your finger presses harder on your clit and you tremble as the real thing rips through you. You close your eyes and cry out with abandon.

When you regain yourself you look at him. You are raw and exposed and at your most vulnerable. His mouth is in a wide smile and his eyes gleam with satisfaction. 

He reaches out to you, towel in hand. You steady yourself, turn off the water, and take the towel from him. You wrap it around yourself, suddenly panged with shame at how readily you revealed your most intimate self to this menacing stranger. Your posture closes, and reflects your return to shyness.

"Good girl." He says, and you feel the words like honey dripping in your ears.

He turns and leaves, his confident stride drawing your attention to how his jeans hug his perfect behind. 

You dry yourself off and as you get to your inner thighs you're reminded of how wet you are. How wet you are for him. You want to blame the shower, but you know the truth. You're spellbound by this man, and god are you in trouble.

[carrottuan93]

Haven’t met you yet| Mark

Masterlist (4/4)

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 3075

An hour left before Christmas, Mark told you that he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He said he’d rather believe on the existence of aliens because he watched too much American movies about the extraterrestrial life. That sounded cool for you that you both share the same interest for the unknown life out there, but you don’t want to discredit Santa for giving you Mark to spend the Christmas eve with. He did not only hit the roof of your standards, but he exceeded them. He never cease to met all the bars for your ideal type and he’s never failed you so far with his vast array of knowledge of all the topics you guys are talking about in the past 2 hours. Guys for you are sexy if they can carry a proper conversation.

 “I swear to God if an alien comes out of nowhere, I’d let him take me and I’ll fly with him in a heartbeat.” You’re a whole lot better now that you’re sharing a lot of jokes and making fun of each other. Setting aside the world and the rest of the others. Just you, him and the wine under the starry sky.

 “Jesus, out of all the people in our planet, you chose to elope with someone from the outside world. In my case, I’d let them take me as long as they will show me how spaceships work so I could finally meet my childhood dream of becoming a space police, riding those cool ships and chasing bad aliens.” Your topic reached the outer space already but you’re now laying on the floor beside Mark, as you watch the open glass roof ceiling of the observatory with eyes wide awake.

 “What’s wrong with dating an alien? At least, I get to experience travelling to different galaxies and planets. So much for the trouble of chasing bad aliens for a living.” You snickered, earning his grumpy voice.

 “If you’re going to date alien, at least choose someone handsome.” He replied, placing both of his arms underneath his head.

 “I haven’t seen any handsome alien yet, I mean all the creatures that they show on tv are the ones with the big bald heads, oval shaped eyes, and lanky thin frames. I don’t think they’d fit the definition of handsome.” This is your first time watching under the stars on top of the freaking Namsan Tower observatory and you’re delighted to experience it on a Christmas day with Mark.

 “I am just right here beside you. I’m handsome since I was born, that’s already a given, I know. So just save yourself from the trouble of finding the alien guy of your dreams because Mark has come to save the unbothered princess from distress.” You don’t know if he’s still sober enough at this hour but you can tell that you aren’t drunk enough to be hearing this from him.

 “Handsome guy perks, a ticket to finding instant dates. Why do you even want to date me?” You turned to your side, facing him. You're curious and you want to get straight to the point.

 “Now that we’ve got to the topic of impressions, I think you’re quite interesting. That maybe you could make my Christmas eve a little less lonely, perhaps. Scratch that, maybe you could fit on all types of holidays and occasions. Maybe you’re a girl matched for all the seasons.” You felt giddy now that you’re facing each other, side to side, but still, you need to calm your high hopes for this guy.

 “If this is a date, I’m ditching you already.” You glanced at him quickly and was rewarded by his cute eye smile. Oh cupid, this is not fair play for showing up earlier than your scheduled season in February.

 “Why not? Am I not appealing to you? Come on. Try me." You watch his eyes examine your face, those hazelnut orbs are beautiful, and you want to train your eyes and treat them as their home. You never experienced staring at any guy for the longest time until tonight and all you can hear is the sound of him breathing, reciprocating your own rhythm. You aren’t aware that silence is actually too deafening when it’s the heart that does the talking. Those tall buildings appear smaller from a distant and they're glistening different hues and wavelength of bright lights, which are now witnesses to you finding love in the most unexpected way. But you don’t have the concrete definition of love because you haven’t felt it before. You just know and you can feel the unfamiliar zip of current travelling on your bloodstream. It’s just the two of you, and you’re under the supervision of the constellations in the open sky above, and it’s magical that you feel like these were the exact same stars that the first lovers saw on earth. How come it's too peaceful up there when you lay next to him? It’s a perfect moment for your exhausted soul to recover from your endless pursuits and maybe this is your fate taking its move. You are no daredevil to begin with and chasing ecstasy aren’t your cup of tea because you’re always craving for assurances in all the right places. But Mark is your risk and guarantee, all at once.

 It is really tiring to find something when you don’t even know what you’re searching for in the first place. One thing is for sure, you haven't met anyone so random and fascinating like him. He's unique, overflowing with charms and maybe a box full of surprises for you to discover. Deep down, you've been wanting to get to know him more and you're aware that you're crossing oceans knowing that you’ll meet him on the other end. It is very unlike you to just casually lower your guard down for someone upon your first meeting but when it comes to Mark, everything seems to magically untangle in all the right places.

 “Because I’m beginning to think that I misplaced my heart somewhere when it is still right here, intact on my rib cage. It’s just that my heart feels foreign to me now that you’re slowly owning up most of the empty spaces in my atrium.” He smiled like a panacea of all earthly ills and his smile could heal the world.

 “I am no poet, but Paulo Cuelho once said ‘if it’s still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk’. I could see the thrill of chase, the first time I laid my eyes on you last night and you never left my mind ever since I got to talked to you tonight. Actually, I’ve met you already a long time ago. So you need to catch up with me and we all have the days on our feet to go on a lot of spontaneous pursuits, and you’ll make up for the lost time that you’re supposed to have known me already.” He’s too good with words and you’re drowning and drowning and you never wanna be saved. You’ve encountered almost all kinds of contracts on your work already and you always make sure to read the terms and agreements regardless of the number of pages but when it comes to Mark, you’d gladly sign the papers right away even with your eyes closed. But something doesn’t feel right with what he is saying.

 "First of all, I haven’t met you yet not until this evening.” Maybe it’s the wine that’s getting you drunk, hearing things and such.

 “You wouldn’t believe me if I tell you that you’re the reason why I traded my Christmas in the US for a night here with you in Seoul for a blind date. I might sound stupid, but you should thank Jackson for all the credits. He introduced you to me a year ago and I stopped attending parties ever since my cousin did all the marketing strategy and such. It’s crazy right? For all I care, I’m tired of all things temporary so I trust my cousin when he said that you’ll give the permanence that I’m searching for. I don’t really know, I’m a random guy and I told my mom I’m hopping on a 14 hour flight to Seoul on Christmas eve to meet this girl so I went here for risk’s sake. And my luck has never failed me when you come to my place last night, barging in like some kind of an annoyed girlfriend coming home from a party. Damn, you nearly broke my unit’s lock system. You can claim your stuff at my place later when we go home, and you owe me a ‘Thank you’ because I saved you from carelessly sleeping into someone else’s bed. I respected your drunken state and I slept on the floor, so you have nothing to worry about. I’m just surprised that you disappeared in the morning all of a sudden without even saying anything.” You sat on your place, unable to process everything that he just said. You realized you’re so done, the heavens above could just open up and take you already because there isn’t any influence of wine taking over your completely sober minds. Everything is real and happening and you’re overwhelmed, and you don’t know what to do anymore.

 “WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT???!” You screamed to your shock, running all over the place like you killed somebody and you badly want to escape the room due to your embarrassment.

 “Wow, you even curse louder than I’ve imagined. It’s alright, Y/n. I’m fully aware that you love the scent of fabric conditioner because you can’t get enough of me last night. I can’t blame my parents for giving birth to myself. I left your stuff in my room, but I know I got something that you badly need right now.” He fished out your planner from the pocket of his coat, waving it like some kind of a show money in the air and you’d do what it takes to retrieve it back to your possession.

“Relax, I didn’t mean to interfere with your personal schedule, but I just saw a picture of pink roses at the back of your planner.” He gave you the planner and you hugged it like your world depended on it. He clapped his hands in the air and a guy came out of nowhere, carrying a bouquet of full-grown pink roses. It’s your first time receiving your favorite flowers from a guy and you feel like you don’t deserve Mark because he’s too good for you. Your eyes are now brimming in tears, knowing that God already gave the sign that you’re looking for. He’s standing right beside you and all you need to do is to take a leap, because it’ll be all or nothing.

 “Jackson, you’re so dead to me. He sold me even without my permission and now that you’re right here, I’m suing you as well because of the amount of emotional damaged you have caused to my system. Now I’ll never be the same again because you gave me an ocean when I’m only asking for some rain.” You’re crying because of happiness. He dried your tears and he hugged you, so tight, you never wanna let go of him anymore. He smells of fabric conditioner and you’re never going to shut up about it.

 "If only you can see yourself from my own perspective, you'd want to date yourself too. You sound scary whenever you want to sue someone because of something. First, it's my cousin Jackson and now you're suing me as well. That makes you interesting. A tough nut to crack. You're a challenge and I'm always up for the stakes of it. I'm not a perfect guy but we can save all the paralegal proceedings with just settling everything in our own terms, alright? I'm a man of my own words. I might be a pro player, but only in games for your reference, because I don't play with hearts, I win them. You just need to chill and worry about not falling too hard for me. Because I'm pretty sure, I'd beat you up to it." The man's got a way with his words. He's the definition of smooth and speed at the same time. But he's more than that. You like smart guys, you're attracted to their brains and you'll be placing all of your poker cards on the table for this sweet bounty.

 "I'm not sure if our personalities coincide or if our interests are compatible but I'm hoping that whatever it is, this mutual attraction tonight isn't just a one-time thing. Just so you know, Eunhee has given me enough stress with all the troublesome blind dates I've been to lately. All I’m asking is for you to be sincere and honest because once I let you in my life, you'll never be allowed to leave anymore." You glanced down on your fingertips, too afraid to enter a commitment, you feel like you're having a mini heart attack. You swear that Mark could really hear your heart pounding louder than ever.

 "Fate is really unpredictable. If you will ask, I'd rather believe in the existence of aliens more than Santa but what if he's really residing in the North Pole and he gave you to me as my Christmas present? I’m not going to run away because the chase is finally over. All you need to do is surrender yourself to me. No more buts, and what ifs. Only if you'll gonna agree to date me, my Dad will be really proud of raising a gambler just like him.” You could only wish for time to stop right there on your spot. You couldn’t ask for more, you began to doubt yourself if you really deserve all the good things that has come to your life. You wouldn’t want to wake up from this fantasy, but your eyes aren’t going to lie, there is love all over the place and you can see that it is real and happening this time.

 "I don't know much about you, but I would love for you to to bring me into another spontaneous trip of yours cause I'm absolutely up for more of your surprises." All you can ever hear is the sound of a loud bang with all the fireworks lightning up the sky in iridescent hues as you froze right on your spot, eyes wide open, when you felt his lips on yours in one swift chaste kiss. He's too gentle, you can feel his breath becoming one with yours. He pulled away and you both greeted each other a 'Merry Christmas' as a couple. That was your first kiss taken from you and it tasted sweeter than wine.

 “I want to let you know that I’m actually your secret Santa. I may have come to the party without bringing my gift, but I made sure to tag you here along with me so you could appreciate my gift in person. It's me, I'm the gift itself and I'm already yours, Y/n." Did he just show you an aegyo? Gosh, you almost melted with how cute he is. Mark must have been blessed with all the charms in the world. He showed you a piece of paper with your name written on it. You don’t believe in destiny until you brought out your own paper and saw his name written on it.

 “I didn't know if Eunhee and Jackson has something to do with this but I’m your Secret Santa too. If this isn't destiny, then I don't know what is. But you can have my heart for Christmas, and I hope you'd take care of it from now on.” You showed him his name written on the paper and everything became irrelevant all of a sudden. As if floating on a zero-gravity dimension, you felt like a lifeless feather on thin air but your heart is betraying you by falling too deep for this guy. He's a one chance in a lifetime, an answered prayer from your last lifetime and your sweet serendipity.

  "Now that everything went the way I wanted it to be, I'm up for another trip this New Year's eve, on your birthday." Just when you thought you've been blessed with so much this year, there are actually a lot more surprises to come.

 "Jackson has told you a looot about me, even my birthday, and I'm not going to be surprised about that. Anyways, what about the trip?". He reached for your hand and you felt delicate in his grasp. Too weak and too fragile but your heart is full and that's the only thing that matters.

 "My father is the CEO of TUAN RESIDENTIAL, a US based real estate developer which also means we are your firm's newest client. I know this is the craziest coincidence on top of everything, but I just discovered it this morning when I saw your planner and read the details about the meetings you've attended in the past week. I find out that you're actually part of the accounting firm that we hired. With that, I want to formally introduce their Vice President, Mark Tuan. We're acquiring a domestic corporation here in Seoul so we could expand our own line of business here in Korea. Trust me, this looks like a prank but I guess fate will really find a way for us to cross paths together no matter what. But we aren't talking about work here. Instead, are you ready for another surprise? I'm taking you with me in the US ahead of New Year’s Eve so you could meet my father and discuss a little about the liquidation proceedings. And of course, my mom would love to meet the reason why her son traveled to the other side of the world. She'll be glad that his eldest son will finally bring a girl in the house. So be prepared, Y/n, because we're leaving in the next 24 hours.”

  and all this time you thought 'why are people too patient when they are waiting?' Simply because you wouldn't want to come under prepared if love suddenly comes along your way when you least expect it.

    “WHAT THE HELL! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, MARK??????”

   “Cool. I like girls who cuss a lot.”

[mesangelique]

Part 1/2 of a story with a pairing no one requested : JOHN MARSTON/KIERAN DUFFY (I will post it on AO3 tomorrow)

Rating : R / 18+

Warning : alcohol, drunk sex, SMUT (but not in this part)

Thanks to @bluesilksilverspurs for the beta reading 🤠, I hope you will give this pairing a chance and like this first part ~

It's been a long day, an exhausting one. Arthur, John, Bill and Kieran went to Six Points cabin, hoping to find Colm O'Driscoll, but they found nothing spare a little cash, and Arthur's life had been saved by the « ex O'Driscoll boy » - otherwise known as Kieran Duffy. In doing so, Kieran had earned the right to be able to stay with the gang like any other member, doing chores and taking care of horses. Oh, he is well aware he won’t be able to disappear for days on end as Arthur or Micah do, but at least he won’t be tied to that tree anymore.

 

 When the group got back to the camp and were explaining to Dutch what had happened, Lenny had arrived, panting, terrified, babbling about Micah waiting to be hung in Strawberry’s jail. At that point, Dutch suggested Arthur take Lenny into Valentine to relax a little, and now, hours later, John noticed he himself was drunk as he stood up from the stool in the saloon. The world started to turn around as if he was on a roller coaster, but all he managed to do was order another drink.

 

 Arthur and Lenny had the great idea to invite John and Kieran to their little "having only one drink” thing. John was invited because he was standing there when Dutch suggested the outing, and Kieran mostly because that kid saved Mister Morgan's life - and desperately needed a bath. Hosea had also told Arthur that they had to accept him in the gang. John didn’t care much for stuff like that as long as this O’Driscoll was getting a good wash first.

 

 And speaking of the O'Driscoll boy - he had just taken a whiskey and sat right next to John, drinking thirstily straight from the bottle. John couldn't help but look at him, squinting his eyes. Now that he was clean, smelling of soap and tobacco instead of horseshit and piss, with his hair framing his thin face, he was not THAT disgusting… Actually, it was maybe the first time John was really looking at him; at his thin beard, his worried dark green eyes, his nose. John frowned. He shouldn’t be looking at him like that. But he was drunk.

 

 Yes, that's why.

 

 "Think ye can drink better than me, O'Driscoll boy?" He chuckled deeply, his laugh raspy like his voice. He didn't have to find anything else to say to have Kieran looking at him with his scared deer eyes, a rabbit about to run for his dear life. "C'mere I'll show ya how WE drink."

 

 Not giving him time to answer, he grabbed Kieran's whiskey bottle and brought it to his lips, taking big gulps, the whisky running right down his throat, burning and warming him up, and once he had run out of breath he handed the bottle back. John had to admit he was quite proud of his performance - he didn't choke or end up coughing.

 

 "Dare you to do better than that. O'Driscoll." He whispered, leaning a bit towards Kieran, smirking arrogantly. Why was he like this suddenly? Why did he suddenly want to impress that O'Driscoll boy? Ah yes, he was drunk, maybe he didn’t have to search further for a reason, maybe …

 

 Kieran’s eyes were wide, seeing his bottle being stolen like that. He was already tipsy, so he didn’t react like he normally would. Actually, he had been focusing on John Adam’s apple, the way it had bobbed up and down as he swallowed the alcohol… That ride earlier, where his body was fully pressed against the other man’s had made him look at John Marston differently.

 

 And here, now, he was mostly drunk, and his initial shyness was gone. He was just chuckling, cheeks red like a teenager, a happy one, the one he never was. Being alone like this with John should be quite embarrassing, to be honest, and at first he had been afraid. But now... John was so drunk he probably wouldn’t be able to walk straight. He was giggling and evidently really proud of his drinking performance.

 "Gimme that- you'll see I can!" Kieran retorted, reacting to John’s arrogant smirk and trying to avoid looking too long at the man’s lips and at that drop of whisky on his neck. Without much more thought, he took the bottle and emptied it. A delicious burning sensation in his throat, his head feeling so light he could float. All his anxiety, all his problems just drowned in the liquor, and so he laughed, pushing the bottle away, proudly looking at the other man.

 "Ah ah! See Marston? Was able to follow you on this!" Kieran chuckled, smiling and wiggling his eyebrows (or trying to do so at least). He closed his eyes for a few seconds and suddenly, a hot wave was spreading all over his body, thickening his saliva. Now he was looking at John, at his dirty hair, his three days old beard, his scars … How fascinating are these scars, how marvellous they are … That very one on his lips.

 "Pheeew, it’s so hot in here." The ex-O’Driscoll breathed out, looking at the ceiling, taking his dust coat off. He felt like he was on fire right now. He would love to jump naked in some river... or in some horse's trough. His cheeks were red and burning, and he could almost feel sweat droplets forming on the back of his neck. He continued, "So hot in here…. So, what we doin' now – ya know, since I finished the bottle" Kieran chuckled, trying to get rid of his neckerchief.

 

 Oh he is a mess, a fucking mess right now, unable to talk properly, babbling shitty stuff that is ricocheting about in his head. He must be mad - drinking that whole bottle hadn’t really been a good idea. Even if he thought it had impressed John… John had watched him emptying the bottle, mesmerized, in fact, by the sight of that boy drinking like he hadn't drank in days.

 

 "Ain'tcha a thirsty one, eh?" John had given a husky laugh when Kieran lowered the empty bottle and then started whining about the temperature. He can feel a warm feeling in his groin, spreading up his spine right now, and it is making him feel like he is burning too. That very same feeling he has when a pretty lady walks by and he pulls her onto his lap. The only problem is that he ain't looking at a pretty lady right now. He is looking at a very drunk O'Driscoll boy. Well, an ex-O’Driscoll boy. He is looking at Mister Duffy. Kieran. Kieran Duffy. What kind of a fool is he, John Marston, to be looking at a guy like this? The last time it happened was a decade ago. But he is drunk tonight, so that must be why. That’s obviously why.

 

 "I suppose you're pretty hot now what with all that booze you've been drinkin'. C'mon, let's get out of here and take some air" John grumbled, pushing away from the counter and bumping into some tables before finally making it to the back door. He opened it roughly, almost knocking an old man backwards while doing so. John could hear Kieran behind him, trying to act naturally, as if they hadn’t just been drinking like two sailors, and as he held the door open for him, he was able to clearly see that Kieran was having a hard time even walking straight.

 

 As Kieran drew level with John, he even tripped, and although John did not know how, or why, his reflex was to react fast, fast enough to grab him. The amount of alcohol in his own blood was sapping away at his strength though and ultimately he found himself pinning Kieran against the nearest wall with the weight of his whole body, his hands on each side of Kieran’s head and his face almost buried in his neck. His body felt spineless and he was suddenly very tired. Both of them were giggling like teenagers after their first beer. He couldn’t even feel his legs anymore. In fact, neither of them could feel their legs right now.

 

After almost collapsing on at least three occasions, they were both outside proper now. Navigating the tiny step outside of the saloon almost pitched both of them over, which was no surprise at all seeing as how drunk they were, but now they were here, leaning against another wall. How did they even make it this far? No one will ever know.

 

"You alright?" John asked in a thick voice, their noses nearly touching. They are close. Really, really close. Kieran can feel every piece of the wood behind him snagging on his shirt and scratching his back, he can feel how muddy the ground is, how cold the air is but how hot he feels, like he is burning inside. He tried to focus on everything but their sudden closeness. Because the problem is the ex-O’Driscoll is far more into men than the church wants him to be, than society wants him to be – it’s a problem he has known about for a long time, and has tried to hide for even longer… people get hanged for it. Kieran could hear his heart in his ears, his blood pumping roughly, and his lungs running out of air, his tongue heavy in his mouth but most importantly that warmth waking up in his lower belly, spreading in his groin, curling up his spine. Having John Marston, drunk, his nose almost against his, his body flush against him... He swallowed thickly, looking at John’s lips as though hypnotised, and managed to nod, his green, greyish eyes glancing over John’s scars.

 

"Y-es. 'Am alright, Mister." He whispers.

 

 John's breathing was suddenly deep and fast. He could feel Kieran's warmth mixing with his own. Strangely, he didn’t mind. He knew damn well he was already growing hard, mostly because of the  alcohol, of course. He always got so horny when he started getting drunk, so the fact that it was Kieran and not another cheap whore isn’t so surprising, right? The fact that he found Kieran’s eyes fascinating and his lips kissable right now, and his so thin, fragile collarbone beautiful – that was just the alcohol. This closeness wasn’t helping, creating friction on his - their - cock under his – their - pants, having him - them - hum deeply, both acting like they did not hear or feel the other.

 

"Yea? That's good then. Yea."

 

 There was a silence then when John met Kieran's eyes, and his mind was filled up with dark fantasy and desire and want and that need of possession. He rarely felt that with a girl, that possessiveness rising. But he had really drank a lot tonight, they both had really drank a lot, and Kieran looked like a lamb waiting for a wolf to eat him.

 

 "Thought you were hot? Gotta do something about that, right?" John whispered thickly, lowering his eyes to Kieran's throat, almost able to hear his thundering beating heart when his hands went to the collar of his shirt and started working on the buttons. The alcohol doesn’t help his fingers at all, but he was slipping one button free and then another…

 

"Yeah- I'm… I'm hot - but w...whatabout you ?" Kieran whispered back, trying to keep his voice steady, but freezing immediately, unsure. He could feel John’s hands on his shirt, feel his fingers working on opening it – the way his breath was coming quicker and his eyes had grown significantly darker. Kieran couldn’t help but bite his lip, and couldn’t decide if he hoped John would notice it or not, the way he himself has noticed John’s hooded lustful gaze and the way he is staring at his face, his neck.

[iustories]

The Visitor

IU x Kim Soohyun

Jieun’s POV

Of all the places, I met you here. It's out of the ordinary I'd say, but I knew one day we'll see each other here. Little by little, everything faded before my eyes and I only saw you. You met my gaze with the same warmth and I clearly remembered the last time you looked at me similarly. When was that again? How long has it been since? I could tell you I lost count, but that would be a lie and I'm certain you'd immediately catch it before I even finish my sentence because you know everything about me, except for the part that I loved you I guess.

Loved? Should I be speaking in past tense? Do I still have the same fire burning in my chest? Sometimes I'm confused.

I approached you with caution as I always do, afraid to look eager, but I may give myself away when I smile a tad wider than usual. It can't be helped since you bring it out of me effortlessly and I'm a fool for giving in every damn time. But what is to be terrified about? This strange place will forget me, you, us, and whatever will happen, right? So I'll take my chances.

You rose to your feet with such grace and met me in the middle then pulled me into a tight hug. Ah, it feels like home. It feels like you. Seconds passed and I am still in your arms. I didn't detect any intention of you wanting to let go and it was my cue to allow myself to enjoy this freely. Was I always guilty when you're too close before? Now please don't break free. I promise I won't push you away this time. I'll make you stay.

There were no words spoken, just hearts beating in the same rhythm, speaking things that could not be explained if said.

"I missed you," you whispered, your soft breath tickling my ear.

If it weren't for this place, I would be hesitant to say it back, but since we're here let me just be honest. I'm sorry I had to mask my affection with dry humor. It was the only way I could tell you without actually telling you. "I missed you too. How have you been?"

Of course I'm aware that you're doing fine. You've been busy exploring new activities and having fun with your family. I check up on you from time to time. Despite what happened between us, I still genuinely care for you. "I'm good. And you?"

I was still engulfed in your embrace and if we talk for hours in this position, I wouldn't complain. "I'm okay too. I've been doing things here and there. Nothing really special, but yeah I'm okay."

I still can't conjure coherent sentences without feeling anxious. I mean, being around you still makes me nervous even in this place where nobody knows us.

You finally separated yourself from me, your hands traveling from my back towards my arms. You gripped them firmly then smiled at me, evidently delighted by my sudden appearance, like you've been waiting for me to come.

"Let's sit?" You casually asked and I nodded in response. You dragged me to the couch and motioned your hand, telling me to sit.

"What do you want to watch?" You asked, your eyes directing me to the screen. I turned to your laptop and scanned the selection. Seeing the titles brought a small smile on my lips because it just proves that it's you. Those movies and shows are your favorite. Now I'm sure this is all real.

I pointed at medical drama that you were raving about years ago. When you told me about it for the first time, I gave you a funny look because I didn't perceive you as a sentimental person.

"Good choice," you approved, your lips curving into a satisfied smile as you clicked on the show.

Do we have all the time in the world to watch shows? Can we settle some things first? I don't know how much time we have, so for the sake of my sanity, can we talk? But like in the past, my requests refused to leave my lips because your pleasure is much important than mine. I couldn't help it you know—putting you first. It's ridiculous, yes. But this is how I loved you.

Loved. There it is again. That word. It weighs heavily on me, waking the feelings I've come to abandon over the years as my hope dwindled. Can that word not ring in my head when I look at you? It's really bothersome and I can't focus on the present.

There was a considerable amount of space between us which actually disappointed me since we were always skin to skin. Have we fallen apart completely? Have we created boundaries? A while ago I thought we were back on track.

You must have heard my thoughts because you gradually moved closer until your arm was lightly touching mine and at the initial contact, I almost flinched and had to hold the gasp that was about to escape my lips. It amazes me how you still affect me with such intensity after all these years. I felt you arm hover over my neck and it found its way around my shoulder, causing me to freeze. You quietly tugged me towards you, urging me to relax and be comfortable, so I did. The loud beating of my heart deliberately subsided when you began patting my arm repeatedly. I eased my mind and I ran back to the things I used to do when I'm with you—placing my head on your chest and my arm around your belly.

And here I am again wishing this moment would never end, but I already tried it a couple of times in the past yet we were still separated by fate in the end.

"Jieun-ah," You called my name tenderly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to tell me anything?" You asked with a mellow tone, coaxing me.

"Like what?"

"Just anything. Maybe things I don't know?" There uncertainty in your voice, but I heard conviction as well.

Now I wonder if you've known all along. It's not impossible though since people talk and rumors spread quite fast.

Should I be honest or should I lie? Isn't this what I've been imagining—you asking me if I had something to say?

"I won't be mad. Whatever it is just tell me," you reassured me.

I let silence prevail, thinking hard if I should just say the truth. This is the redo that I prayed for, so letting this pass would be another dumb mistake.

"Do you know that I love you?"

Should I have said 'loved'? Which one is appropriate? And why am I answering you with a question? God damn it.

It was your turn to fall silent and tension immediately rose as you let seconds pass. "I know. I've always known."

My heart leaped as a mix of anxiety, fear, and excitement played inside my system. "Really?"

"I could see from the way you looked at me," You explained simply then paused.

"And I looked at you the same, but you never saw it, right?"

I processed your words carefully, afraid I might have gotten the wrong idea, but you interrupted my train of thoughts when you added, "We wouldn't be talking about this if you noticed. I loved you too."

"But things went downhill, didn't it?" I asked, trying to comfort myself from the missed opportunity by blaming it on fate and circumstances.

"It did," you affirmed. "But we could have tried."

"Would you have chosen me?"

You sighed then tightened your hold on me. "Yeah. I would have. Without a doubt."

"So we both ended up being alone after all that," I said chuckling, attempting to dismiss the ache growing inside my chest as regrets threaten to break loose at the gates of my mind.

"I talked a lot about you—no, all I talked about was you." I felt you shake your head, your chin brushing against the top of my head a few times. "I couldn't tell you too so I told other people."

"What were we so afraid of?" I asked, hoping that you had an answer. If we loved each other then, what was stopping us?

"Hurting others? We thought of them first before us."

Right. I almost forgot. Other people. We weren't selfish enough to take it to another level because of others or rather this person we both held close to our hearts. Our friend.

"Did we do the right thing?" I'm desperately seeking reprieve because I am being chased by the consequences of that decision.

"Yeah, I think we did," you answered as you peeked at my face and I wasn't quick enough to hide the sadness that was etched on it. "I'm sorry, Jieun-ah. I know I gave you a hard time. I know you've been waiting."

I bit my lip to control its trembling. The show continues to play on the screen, but it only served as the noise that filled the void when we fail to answer quickly.

"But doing the right thing doesn't always make us happy," you continued. "So are you happy now?"

I parted my lips yet nothing came out. Am I really happy without you? Am I truly resigned to the future I have in mind?

"Am I?" I stroked my chin as if I was really thinking of it, but in all honesty, I couldn't get myself to do it because I'm scared to know the answer.

You chuckled then ran your fingers down the length of my hair and I instinctively shut my eyes as the calming sensation of your touch registered. "I may be doing great, but I couldn't say I'm entirely happy."

Your answer surprised me. Even though you've confessed your feelings just a while ago, I couldn't wrap my head around it yet. How can I? I imagined hearing those words from you for quite a long time until I gave up, therefore everything may be happening inside my head.

"Me too." I was suddenly feeling hopeful since we are in another place. We were just two people who met unexpectedly so maybe this time I can fulfill my wishes. "So can we start again? If we aren't happy after what we've done, can we do what we want this time?"

You sighed again. What is it with the heavy sighs and the tone you've been using? Isn't this supposed to be a do-over, the clean slate that we both wanted? There isn't anyone who could hold us back anymore.

"I'm afraid we can't," you replied in a regretful tone.

You are so good at putting the pieces of my heart back together and breaking it right after. Hasn't this happened countless times already? Aren't you tired of hurting me?

"Why? What is our excuse this time?" I asked, my jaw clenching.

"We just can't."

"At least give me something I can understand. This is too much."

You kissed the top of my head. "This is not real, Jieun-ah"

"It is! What are you saying?"

"You know from the start this isn't real," you pressed further.

I gulped hard, my breathing becoming shallow and rapid. "Do we have to do this again?"

How many times do I have to lose you? How many times do you have to come back and remind me that you are not mine? You've been consistent at that and that's why I couldn't let you go that easily.

"Yes. We must go our separate ways again. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But I'm glad I saw you here."

Just as tears trickled down my face, my eyes fluttered open. My heart was pounding erratically against my chest as your voice echoed repeatedly in my brain. I'm glad I met you here. I felt the wetness of my pillow and realized that I shed some tears while I was asleep.

You, my frequent visitor, the person of my dreams, came to make your presence felt again. Indeed, you know when to remind me of you when I start to forget.