#if you're wondering how deep in the brainrot pit i am and it's INCREDIBLY

[the-stove-is-divorced]

Hello! Just discovered you tumblr account so I thought I'd take the opportunity to ask a question if you don't mind.

Do you have headcanons about Bruce's ability to cook? Some say he burns water on the stove, others say he's a five-star cook but what do you think?

(Then there's this heartbreaking version I read once. It's about how Bruce actually just mimics failure in the kitchen because Alfred used to be a bad cook himself. The two would learn side by side and that was pretty much the only time they spent together, so Bruce would sabotage their recipes to squeeze out more time with Alfred. That backfired though because Alfred declared him useless in the kitchen and from then on just forbade Bruce to cook because he would find a way to 'burn water on the stove'. And since Bruce never voiced his desire for parental attention but did this sabotage tactic instead, he knows that revealing this to Alfred would devastate him, so he simply messes up anything he cooks intentionally from then on.

:((((( I'm unwell, your honor.)

( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ OMG tysm for the ask!!! I love rambling, I don't mind at all!!! ♡♡♡ I absolutely have headcanons about Bruce and cooking, omg! I personally loathe the (popular, I believe?) headcanon he can't cook because that never made sense to me! (」＞＜)」 Mister overthinking, contingency planning, kind of paranoia can't cook? Ridiculous. You're telling me the guy who trained to be a vigilante, never learned how to cook a meal properly? The guy raised by Alfred? HOW??? o(>< )o Firmly in the Bruce can Cook and Cook Well camp.

I think one way of bonding for Bruce and Alfred was cooking. Firmly believe Bruce got some of his bad direct communication issues from Alfred, so while they struggled to show appreciation/affection verbally, bonding over cooking/meals/snacks etc was very common!

Plus, no one can't tell me Bruce wasn't the MOST curious kid. People watcher and avid book consumer, if there was a task existing in this world, he wants to know how you did it. Absolutely would help Alfred in the kitchen.

As Bruce got older, they would tackle trickier and trickery recipes and desserts! Nice sense of accomplishment, and again, really fun bonding for the both of them! They can cook and bake together pretty smoothly! Had their fun little chats, talked about their days, little jokes and the like.

Usually, Alfred enjoys cooking alone but Bruce? That's his son right there! Come join him in the kitchen this instant. Enjoying each other's company while they talk, or Bruce works on a case, or even younger Bruce doing homework??? Peak pleasant afternoons.

PLUS: Alfred also really enjoys cooking for Bruce, no matter how old either of them get. I think it could be fun teasing if Alfred called Bruce "bad" at cooking, when in reality he's good at it (largely because of Alfred) but just so happens do it exclusively with him, especially when considering how busy he can be, so the batkids never really get to see him to cook could come to that assumption.

BONUS IDEA: Bruce helping Alfred meal-prep at least once a week, and that's when they can chat the most! Usually very early in the morning so hardly anyone's awake!

Most self indulgent HC tho? In my heart and soul Bruce helps make the kid's lunches. Maybe puts notes in them. But it's Bruce, so stuff like "You did well on patrol" and "Looking forward to [insert upcoming event like a school showcase or parent teacher conference]." The kids can assume Alfred makes them, and Bruce writes the notes, but no, it's Bruce at like 4 in the morning.

That and while Bruce used to be a pickier eater as a kid/teen/young adult, once he did his whole Batman training, he forces himself to be able to eat anything even if he doesn't like it, but Alfred still keeps track of his favorite foods. I am a Bruce will indulge in a sugary sweet treat truther. It's a rare event but he is absolutely delighted by sweets. No one knows this like Alfred, though.

AND OOOO that's such a fun angst idea! Personally, I believe younger Bruce was too much of a perfectionist to sabotage himself in the kitchen (in my head, for Alfred, cooking/teaching Bruce how to cook was the easiest ways to spend time with the child post-parent death so it started when he was rlly young), but I think that can be fun too! I love a good angst idea, and the lack of communication skills and misunderstandings? Hell yeah.

Thank you so much for the ask, I love talking and rambling and stuff, haha! ( 〃▽〃) I have so many opinions about Bruce. Too many.