#if you're reading this chances are good you played deadfire

[haledamage]

Like I Was Once

(inspired by this question from @pillarsheadcanons, a fic idea that wouldn’t leave me alone until I put it on paper. Goddess!Kai, featuring some Kai/Eothas. set sometime far, far in the future of Eora, don’t ask why Eothas is alive just go with it)

"Come on, come on," the girl muttered to herself, striking the flint once more. It sparked, but the tinder still didn't ignite. She made a wordless frustrated noise. "Damn it!"

In the brush outside the little clearing she was trying to set up her camp in, a twig snapped. The sound echoed through the trees until she could no longer tell which direction it had come from. The girl dropped her flint with a gasp, fumbling to draw the shortsword from her belt.

An elven woman stepped into the clearing. She was small, barely taller than the girl, though she felt much larger than her size would indicate, a force of presence and will that filled the tiny clearing. Her wild hair was the red-orange-gold of sunset, curls drifting weightless on the breeze like flickering fire, and freckles dotted her tan skin like embers and stars. Her eyes were the gray-blue of twilight, the color of the not-quite darkness that followed the setting sun, but underneath them her smile was gentle and kind.

She held her hands up to show she wasn’t armed, and when the girl didn’t immediately lower her weapon, the woman instead sat daintily on a nearby fallen log, as poised as a queen sitting on her throne. "Are you lost, darling?"

"No!" The girl was starting to feel a little stupid, pointing her sword at someone who obviously intended her no harm. She managed to get the sword back on her belt on only the second try. "Maybe."

"The Dyrwood can be a dangerous place on your own." The woman had an Aedyran accent, her voice husky and warm, and despite her misgivings the girl couldn't help but relax just a little.

The girl poked sullenly at the unlit logs that were meant to be her campfire. "I’d rather be here. At least the bears will only kill and eat me. Not like at home."

"I can understand that," the elven woman said softly, and the girl could hear the truth in it. "Do you need help?"

"I can’t pay you."

"I don’t recall asking you to."

The girl was quiet for a long time, the only sound the crickets and songs of night birds as full dark fell around them. "Are you any good at starting fires?"

The woman waved her hand and the campfire flared to life. The girl stumbled back with a startled yelp, reaching for her sword again on reflex.

"Are you Magran?" The girl asked. In the firelight, the woman seemed to glow, her hair matching the motion of the flickering flames though no breeze blew through the clearing. "One of her children?"

The woman laughed, but not unkindly, and the fire flared brighter at the sound. "No. Magran isn’t the type to offer help. If she ever does, always ask what she wants in return."

"What do you want in return?"

The woman smiled like the girl had said something particularly clever. "I don’t need anything from you. Just some company until the sun rises. As I said, it’s dangerous to travel alone." She crossed her legs at the knee and seemed to relax on her fallen log throne. Just like that, the air was lighter, the night warmer and safer, the woman more kith and less Other. "What’s your name, darling?"

"Gwen." Gwen dug in her bag for the food she'd taken with her when she ran away, bread and cheese and dried meat. Reluctantly, she offered some to the woman.

The woman shook her head, but she smiled again like Gwen had done the right thing. It had been a long time since anyone had looked so proud of her. "That’s a fine name. You can call me Kai."

The evening passed pleasantly. Kai was good at answering any questions Gwen had while not actually revealing any personal information about herself. The longer they chatted, the more convinced Gwen was that she was camping with some sort of royalty, or at least someone very powerful, but Kai did her best to appear unassuming and her friendly smile never waned.

“I can keep watch,” Kai said as Gwen failed to stifle yet another yawn. It was getting very late. “You should rest while you can.”

“Are you sure?” Gwen asked, but she was already pulling out her bedroll. “You don’t need to sleep?”

“I don’t sleep much.”

She studied Kai’s expression, trying to figure out what that could possibly mean, but her smile betrayed nothing. Gwen had met walls that didn’t have such a practiced poker face. With a shrug, she settled into her bedroll. She was asleep almost as soon as she closed her eyes.

She’d barely been asleep for an hour when the bandits came. Kai had seen them coming, of course, that’s why she was here. She wasn’t allowed to directly interfere with kith business anymore, she couldn’t truly stop them if they wanted to hurt the girl, but… well, she had many, many years of practice dancing around the edges of the rules as they were written.

“Are you looking for something, my dear?” she asked, though her tone was much less friendly than it had been while talking to Gwen. “Are you lost?”

One of the bandits jumped like a startled horse and loosed an arrow towards Kai where she still sat on the fallen log. She waved a hand and the arrow turned to ash and smoke and drifted away on the wind. The bandit cursed and reached for another arrow, so she did the same to his bow.

“That wasn’t very nice. Do you often shoot at unarmed women?” She didn’t wait for them to answer before continuing, “There’s nothing for you here. You should move on while you still have the option to do so.”

The bandit that had been wielding a bow tried to stare her down. She met his gaze unflinchingly, and even though she still looked the same, it was obvious now that she was not kith. Her ever-shifting curls turned dark at the ends, the deep blue of the night sky overhead, and her smile was as sharp as any blade.

An owl called from a nearby tree and the bandits scattered at the sound, bounding into the trees as fast as their legs could carry them. The clearing was still and quiet once again, and Kai’s hair settled once more to copper and gold.

Somehow, through it all, Gwen still slept.

The rest of the night passed slowly, calmly, uninterrupted except for the cries of animals and insects and one brave, curious deer that stopped just long enough to warm itself by the fire.

As the first rays of sunrise touched the secluded clearing, a figure sat on the log next to Kai. “I was starting to think you weren’t coming,” she said fondly. She smiled at him without looking his way. He covered her hand with his own, adra green contrasting against the tan of her own skin. “Why do you always take this form around me?”

“It’s how I looked when we met. I suppose it’s… sentimental.” Eothas’s voice was as gentle and warm as a spring morning, and Kai’s smile widened at the sound of it. “Who is she?”

“Just a kid, lost in the woods.”

“Like you were once.”

“Like I was once,” Kai said quietly, bittersweet. She barely remembered her first time in Dyrwood, half-blind from sleeplessness and half-crazed from her new Awakening. She had been mortal then, and so very, very young. It had been a long time since those nights.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Eothas pulled her hand into his lap, cradling it between both of his. “If I were less sympathetic, I might point out that this counts as meddling.”

“You love my meddling,” she teased.

“I do,” he replied without hesitation. “I always have. The others are not so easily charmed by you.”

Kai resisted the urge to roll her eyes, if only just. “Hylea and Wael think I’m ‘amusing’. Magran and Woedica don’t like anything I do anyway, and Berath and Ondra don’t have any room to talk. The rest don’t care.”

“You have given this a lot of thought.” If she didn’t know any better, she’d swear she heard pride in his voice.

She turned to him suddenly, looking at him for the first time since he’d arrived in the clearing. He was human-sized, not the giant statue he’d been when they’d first met, but the pale green adra skin with its intricate gold carvings was familiar. He was draped in robes of gold and pale blue, as if that would do anything to make him look kith, but at least he wouldn’t be sitting there naked if Gwen decided to wake up early. “What else am I supposed to do, Eothas? I remember what it was like stumbling through the dark. What’s the point of all this power if I can’t use it for their benefit?”

“I understand. More than you know.” He lifted a hand to touch her face. Her hair curled around his fingers, reaching for him like a flower toward the sun. “I also know how poorly it can end.”

“I suppose you do.” She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, letting herself fall forward until her forehead pressed to his. “Why are you here, darling?”

“I wanted to see you, my love. No ulterior motives.”

Kai lifted one perfect copper eyebrow and the corner of her mouth lifted with it. “None at all?”

“Not this time.” He kissed her, and she let her guard down, just for a little while, just for him, taking comfort in the serenity that his presence always brought her. By the time they parted again, the sun was fully risen. “Will she be okay?”

She glanced at Gwen, still deep asleep. “She will. The first night is always the hardest. She’s strong. She’ll be fine.”

Eothas rose slowly to his feet and stretched, his movements surprisingly human. He reached out a hand to Kai and she took it, letting him help her to her feet and pull her close. “We should go before she awakes.”

When Gwen woke up, she was alone, her campfire burned almost to embers. The sun rose bright and clear over the horizon. Next to the dying fire sat a single, plain ceramic cup filled with liquid. She picked it up curiously and brought it close to her face, taking a deep breath of the steam rising from the surface. It was coffee.

She smiled to herself and sat down on the fallen log that her mysterious companion had sat on the night before, wrapping her hands around the warmth of the cup and letting it bring her to wakefulness. What a strange night.