#if you're not but you think you should be. you shouldn't. like what you like.

[lycheeloving]

Why is there almost no Lex Luthor content... I saw him in Young Justice and immediately got inspired lol

Anyways, here's a yandere!Lex Luthor fic, with Superman and Batman rescuing you, but do they have good intentions? 👀 (gender neutral reader ofc)

Warnings for mind controlling/altering devices & substances ✌️ and general yandere stuff ofc

You're not the biggest fan of big events with many people, but with Lex at your side, you find you don't really mind anything, even the gala you're currently at.

Holding his hand, you happily watch him as he talks to rich people you couldn't care less about, when he turns to look at you.

You perk up as he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. You try to lean into it, but he pulls away too fast for your liking. At least you catch a whiff of his scent, he always smells so good...

"Be a doll and get yourself a drink at the bar, would you?"

Ah.

That's code for "we're going to talk about confidential business stuff". Sure. You can spend some time away from him, even if it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. You'll do it for him!

You silently nod, reluctantly let go of his hand and start making your way across the room towards the bar.

As you're leaving, you make out the word "Justice League". They have been giving him trouble recently, is that what their conversation is about? You can never remember what exactly their issue is with him... He's just a CEO!

Unfortunately the bar is out of earshot, so you can't keep listening, which is exactly why he sent you away in the first place, but you sit on a stool from which you can still easily see him.

He always says that you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about his boring business stuff, so you don't, but he always looks so good when talking about it! So serious and in charge...

After ordering a fun looking cocktail you sigh, already missing him.

You didn't use to like alcohol, but everything tastes better now that you know him, so you indulge in the occasional drink.

You catch yourself staring at Lex. Maybe you shouldn't look at him this much? What if people think he's weird for dating someone who's this obsessed with him? You don't want that for him, he has so much to deal with already... Swishing your drink around, you try to tear your eyes away from him.

You sigh again.

Somebody slides onto the stool next to you and orders a fancy sounding drink. He turns to you.

"Are you ok? I could hear you sighing from across the room."

"I'm fine... I just miss my boyfriend." You hold back another sigh and absentmindedly trace the rim of your glass.

"Oh, so you came here alone?"

"No, he's over there." You subtly point at him. "He's just talking about some important business stuff without me right now."

"Lex Luthor?" He pulls a face as you nod.

"So you're..." He says your name. Apparently people know you! Huh. You hadn't realized.

"I'm Bruce Wayne, by the way."

Now that he mentions it, you don't know how you didn't notice it before. He is quite famous. You probably should have recognized him, but you were too distracted by how dreamy Lex looks...

"What are you doing with him? I mean, he's not known for being fun. Or kind."

He sounds like he's joking, but you don't think it's funny. Your face turns serious.

"You must not know him very well, then."

He holds up his hands in defense. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything. Or him, I guess..." He trails off.

Changing the topic with a grin, he says: "I'm guessing that means I don't have a chance with you?"

You shake your head. He can't be serious.

"...What if I shave my head? Would you consider leaving Luthor for me if I was bald?"

You crack a little smile at that. But your answer remains the same.

"No, I wouldn't leave my Lexie for anyone."

His eyes widen. "Oh, wow, so your relationship is pretty serious, then?"

Why would he even ask that?

"Of course it's serious, I love him!"

He pauses for a moment, seemingly contemplating something.

"...and does he love you?"

You gently touch the spot where Lex last pressed a kiss to your face and look in his direction, only to find he's already looking right back at you. You smile.

"He does." You're sure of it.

Bruce gets up from his chair as Lex starts making his way towards you. "Well, it's been fun, but I'm going to go find someone I actually have a chance with." And avoid a confrontation with Lex.

He winks at you. "Bye!"

You don't say anything back as he leaves, because you're too busy looking at Lex, who's now standing right in front of you. He puts his hands on the bar behind you, caging you in with his arms.

"What did Wayne want from you?"

"Oh, I don't know, nothing important." Already distracted, you reach up to play with his tie.

He raises an eyebrow. "Were you not paying attention to him? Good. Can't have you leaving me for him."

Your eyes widen and you shake your head, even though you know he's just teasing you.

You would never! He smirks as if he can read your mind.

"Well, I have some more business to attend to. I have informed our driver that he is to take you home whenever you wish, while I will be returning to the office."

You pout at him. "I know your work is important, but please don't take too long. I'll miss you..."

He smirks. "I know, darling. I will hurry back to you."

The kiss he presses to your lips is eagerly reciprocated by you, before he gently pulls your hand away from his tie and goes back to the people he was talking to earlier, vanishing through the door.

No reason to stay here now that he's gone, right? You finish your drink and leave the building, but as you turn to look for your driver, you bump into someone.

You go to apologize, but the other guy is faster.

"Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

His eyes widen and he straightens his glasses.

"Wait! You're Lex Luthors significant other, right?"

You nod with a smile. How lovely that this is what people know you as!

"I'm Clark Kent, with the Daily Planet. I've been meaning to talk to you about-"

Your smile vanishes. "No comment."

Lex told you that no matter what you say, reporters twist it in a way that makes you look bad, and that it's best not to engage.

He seems a bit disappointed at your quick response. "That's fair. But off the record, can I just ask how you met him? As far as I know, you weren't a part of these circles before you showed up on his arm one day."

"Off record?"

He nods.

You think you can trust him, at least with some of it.

"We met at my workplace. I used to be a barista."

Not knowing how to make it sound nice, you leave out the part where you thought he was rude to your coworker and reprimanded him, and how you only grudgingly agreed to go on a date with him because he cornered you after work and threatened to get your coworker fired if you refused.

But it was all a big misunderstanding! During that first date you realized that you really like him and that he's a really good guy!

He just didn't know how else you'd agree to go out with him after you were so angry at the beginning!

"So it was love at first sight?" Kent questions.

"Not first sight, maybe, but I knew he was the one during our first date. It just... felt so right."

Lex, of course, did know at first sight, but he's always been smarter than you, so it's not a surprise that he caught on more quickly.

"Well, thanks for the conversation. I'm going to find someone I can actually interview now, so my boss doesn't get too mad at me. Bye!"

He stumbles towards the building, bumping into someone else. What a clumsy guy! You catch him looking at you again before he enters through the door.

You finally make your way to the driver and get into the limo, driving home in silence.

Time for a lonely night without Lex...

After you get home and get ready for bed, you put on one of his shirts and go to sleep on his side of the bed.

That way you'll definitely wake up when he returns, because he refuses to sleep on your side. He'll have to get you out of the way somehow, probably pick you up...

Burying your face in his pillow where his scent is the strongest, you fall asleep.

A noise from the direction of Lex's home office wakes you up.

You're still on his side of the bed. Did he come home and keep working? Seriously? Maybe he'll let you sit in his lap while he finishes whatever he's doing...

Quietly walking towards his room, you hear low voices. Is Lex on a call? In the middle of the night?

As you make it to the entrance, you can finally make out words. It's not Lex.

"-only let you come because you said you could be stealthy. If I knew you'd be this loud, I would have come here alone."

You sneak a look around the door. Is that Batman? And-

"This is my city, and I know Luthor better than anyone, that's why I came along. Besides, I didn't make that much noise!"

-Superman!

You take a step back. Where is the button that alarms security again...? Next to the bed, right? You start making your way back to the bedroom, but...

"We have company."

You're almost at the button, try to start running towards it, but Superman is in front of you before you can blink. Shit.

"Sorry, can't let you inform anyone that we're here, we still haven't gotten everything we came for!"

He actually looks apologetic. What is wrong with him? Breaking into your home, but pretending to feel bad about it?

He holds onto both of your arms and leads you back into the office, where Batman is tinkering with Lex's computer. What could they be looking for?

"Well, if you're here already, we might as well ask you directly. What do you know about Luthor's mind-controlling technology?" Batman asks you.

Mind-controlling? What would Lex need that for?

"I- I think you've got the wrong person. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"People who usually would never cooperate with Luthor have started working for him, so I got suspicious. After some research I was able to figure out that he uses microchips to control them. But we haven't been able to figure out how to extract them without causing damage to the person they've been installed in."

Batman takes a step towards you.

"So I'll ask one more time. What do you know?"

You really have no idea what he's talking about.

"Wh- What would Lex even use that for? I don't understand!"

"Batman, are you sure they know anything? We're already 99% sure there's a chip inside of them as well, maybe one of its effects is not remembering anything about the chips?"

"It was worth a try." Batman turns to look at Superman. "I assume this means you haven't checked for a chip yet? Make yourself useful and use your x-ray vision."

"Oh, right! Right..." Superman mumbles. "No need to be rude about it."

He focuses his gaze on you. It's pretty unnerving, knowing he's looking inside of you. There's nothing you could hide from him, nothing you could do to make him stop looking at you. You hope he's really only looking inside of you...

After looking at you for too long for comfort, he chimes up: "Yep, there's a chip! Right in the shoulder."

Of course there's a chip in your shoulder, but that doesn't mean you're being controlled!

"That's just a tracker! Lex put it there in case I'm ever kidnapped or something, so he'll immediately know where I am!"

"...You let him put a tracker in you? Voluntarily?" Superman seems confused.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I?" You're confused as well. Why wouldn't you let him? He did it because he loves you! To take care of you!

Batman doesn't seem to care, only humming in acknowledgement and going back to fiddling with the computer.

That reminds you that Lex put another gadget on you...

Your necklace (beautiful, expensive, and of the letters "LL") sends him a discreet emergency signal as soon as you take it off! You just need to be able to reach it...

"Um... Superman?" You crane your neck to look up at him.

"Do you have to hold onto me like that? I mean, just, what could I do to get away, right?"

You look up at him and try to look as confused and innocent as possible.

You glance at Batman. He seems to not be interested in your conversation at all, instead focusing on the computer. Good.

"You're fast enough to immediately catch me, before I could even take a tiny step! Just- This position is kind of awkward to be in, right?"

Please fall for it, please fall for it...

"Sure, you've been pretty cooperative so far, I don't think we have anything to worry about with you..."

He chuckles, almost embarrassed, then reluctantly lets go of his hold on your arms, flexing his hands.

Holy shit. It worked.

"Nice, thanks!" You smile. What an idiot.

Now you just have to play it cool...

Act natural and normal and not like you're up to anything...

You reach up to rub your neck, as if having turned it to look up at Superman strained it.

Well, it did, but you're mostly doing it to get your hands near the necklace. And now you just have to-

The necklace opens with a quiet click, followed by an alarm sounding from the computer.

Right. You forgot it sends a signal to all of Lex's technology, including the computer in this room. Oops.

Oh well, doesn't really make a difference if they're aware that you alarmed Lex or not. What could they do about it now?

Both Superman's and Batman's heads snap towards you. You smile. Lex should be on his way now.

"Superman, why would you let go of-" Batman cuts himself off. "Doesn't matter. I have the information we came here for. Let's go."

"Are we just going to leave them here?" Superman sounds concerned.

Batman walks towards you, holding something up to your face. "No."

It smells weird, what is that? You feel dizzy, try to pull your head away from it, but Batman is holding onto you, you can't move.

Then, everything goes black.

You wake up on a bed in a bright, unfamiliar room with an ache in your shoulder.

There's a bandage in the spot where your tracker is. Or, used to be, you assume.

Rude of them, to dig around in your body without your permission.

Lex will freak out when he hears about this. He must be looking for you already.

What is this, some kind of infirmary? Where exactly are you?

Just when you decide to get up and try to leave or find out more about where you are, Superman enters the room.

"Oh, you're awake!" He gently pushes you to lie back down. You don't object, you know how strong he is, even if he is being careful right now.

"You shouldn't get up yet, your body should still be adjusting to the chip being gone."

He looks at you with curiosity. Or with hope? You can't quite tell what his expression means.

"Which, by the way, do you feel any different? About Luthor? Any memories popping up that you couldn't remember before?"

Now that he mentions it, some of your time with Lex seems... clearer. You suddenly remember the whole chip thing. And that he's constantly trying to fight (and kill) Superman and the rest of the Justice League. And a bunch of immoral business choices. And villain stuff.

But you still love him.

"I don't feel any different."

Lex must have had a good reason to block those memories from your mind.

Maybe it was for exactly this scenario, so that if the Justice League kidnapped you, you wouldn't be able to tell them anything! Unfortunately they were able to restore those memories, but that doesn't mean that you have to tell them that and make it easier for them!

Superman looks disappointed. "Oh... That's unfortunate."

Why does he seem to be so invested in this? Just because he hates Lex? What does he care if Lex is in a relationship, that shouldn't concern him at all!

"So can I go now?" You throw your legs over the side of the bed and sit up again.

"I mean, now that you know that I wasn't influenced by that chip? You can't keep me here, that would be kidnapping!"

It already is kidnapping, technically.

"Sorry, I can't let you leave." He doesn't look super apologetic about this.

"Batman is still working on something."

"I'm done working on it, actually," Batman responds.

Wait, when did Batman get here? You didn't hear him enter the room...

Superman perks up. "And did you find anything?"

"I did." Batman turns to you, his expression even more serious than usual.

"Blood tests revealed that you are affected by a toxin that messes with your pheromones. After digging through more information on Luthors computer, I was able to find correspondence between him and Poison Ivy. Apparently they made a concoction that is specific to your dna, meaning only you are affected by it, and it causes you to be attracted to him alone. He must have used it as an aftershave or perfume, but it seems pretty long lasting. The effects should last up to a month after exposure."

No. That can't be true.

"You're lying. Lex wouldn't do that. He had no reason to do that, I love him!"

Batman ignores you. "Luckily I was able to synthesize an antidote. Hold still."

You don't hold still, of course, trying to scramble off of the bed, but Superman holds onto you.

"Shhhh, calm down. You'll feel better soon," he whispers, his mouth unnervingly close to your ear.

Batman gets closer to you with a syringe, preparing to inject you with a green liquid.

"This is going to hurt."

"Wait!" you try to protest, but-

-you feel the syringe enter your skin, and then you feel pain. In your entire body.

It hurts! Why does it hurt so much!

You squirm in Superman's grip. Your head feels like it's going to explode.

There's nothing but pain for a few seconds that feel like eternity.

But then- nothing.

You feel nothing. No pain. And-

"Holy shit." You blink.

"Holy SHIT."

What did that fucker do to you?

"I was in a relationship with Lex Luthor? Why did nobody stop me! What is wrong with everyone!"

You blink again.

"I mean, I guess you stopped me. So... thank you?"

Superman lets go of you, seemingly content that you've come to your senses.

Batman seems to be holding back a smirk.

You're not done processing everything yet.

"Why would he-"

You forget what you were going to say and gasp, distracted by a new thought.

"Wait, what the fuck am I going to do now! Where can I go? I moved in with him and he made me break off contact with all of my friends! I don't have an apartment anymore or friends to stay with!"

You look at the two heroes. "D- Do you think he'll look for me? Probably, right? I mean, we were going to get married."

You feel sick.

"Wait, is an engagement legally binding? Fuck. Can I just leave? We didn't make it public yet, but that doesn't make a difference, right? Fuck!"

Superman puts his hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll take care of all of that. We won't allow him anywhere near you ever again."

Batman adds on: "And you can stay in the Watchtower for now. That's the safest place for you. He won't manage to get in here."

You frown. "Are you sure that's ok? I don't want to be a burden..."

Superman's smile gets wider, it's almost creepy.

Batman moves closer to you, putting his hand on your other shoulder. You're starting to feel a bit smothered.

"We'll gladly take care of you. For however long it takes."

You wonder if that means forever.

[zoropookie]

SWEET MELODY

☆ chapter twenty — get the fuck out (🎂)

The wind was carrying a chill on his skin like it lived on his being, a cold damp fog.

The sun was sinking beneath the homes, and the evening seemed to hold his break with him. He, Ei, and Yae were standing there in front of the familiar door they've all frequented. One leading the way, calm and resolute, the other begrudgingly trailing behind her while his mind gloomed. The third? Amused, eyes glimmering with merriment at the mother-son relationship.

"I reckon you tell them that you'll leave them alone," Yae suggested. "All of it is quite petty, I'm sure they'll understand why we're here to have you two make amends anyway."

"I have no doubt that's what you think, especially since you both love to be resolute bitches about it—"

"Oh? No, continue, I'd love for you to finish that thought." Ei replied, standing tall and unmoving, face of quiet authority. After a brief interlude of his quietude, she ground her teeth. "Do not cross me, you are already in hot water."

Ei's gaze burned into him in front of that door, she knocked, the sound echoing with enough command. Kuni's throat tightened in disgust, mind racing for an immediate escape, any way out of this predicament, but Ei was always one to play her cards well. He was trapped here whether he liked it or not.

The door opened slowly upon looking through the peep hole, revealing you, who looked at all three of them with weariness. "Hello..." You said awkwardly, but there wasn't much of a smile on your face than usual. Kuni's heart skipped a beat, and there was a heavier feeling to the air that he couldn't shake from you. It was easy talking shit to them on the phone, but when he knew something was wrong here, it was strange.

"We won't take up much of your time, I apologize if we burdened you right now!" Yae chirped. "I'm so glad to see you yet again. You get cuter and cuter each time I see you, (Y/N). Like a little button."

You didn't know how to respond to that, frankly, except with a half-hearted smile. Your eyes moved back to the other two, your heart dropping at the situation. Ei's grip on Kuni's hair was sudden and firm, her thin fingers weaving through his mauve filaments with a controlled ease. She forced his head down, tugging him into a bow.

"No more. No more fighting, no more altercations. Apologize, Kunikuzushi," She said, her tone ironclad. "For all of it."

He bit the inside of his cheek, losing the hope he had for this going how he wanted it. He refused to let his own pride be threatened as it roared in seething rebellion. Up his neck creeped humiliation, but his mother's grip tightened. She refused to let go. His head still bowed, he forced the words out, all of the syllables dripping from his lips were involuntary.

"You've been through a lot because of me. I shouldn't have done what I have, and maybe I should have also realized that when I was doing it. I'm still learning how to regulate, it doesn't come to me naturally." Kuni said, hollow, half-hearted. He couldn't help it. Every tendril of his being wanted to rip away from how pathetic this display looked.

He felt their gazes on him, like a lion in a circus, studying his every move and reaction, waiting for him to crack under his own ego. "Oh, you think that's enough?" Yae said, tilting her head. "You're still acting as if this is a game, but there's no place for them anymore. How unfortunate."

"...We will move on from this. Please consider forgiving me in the future, when your heart allows it." Kuni hissed through clenched teeth, fist trembling at his sides. Fury boiled under his skin, but he kept his eyes locked on the ground like he was commanded, avoiding eye contact, wincing at his mother's nails digging into him. "Let me go. You're fucking hurting me."

"Words. All words, but I haven't heard an actual apology yet." Ei replied calmly.

You didn't know how to react still, all of this rushed in your face like it was a surge of energy. You seemed calm and measured, but looking at how your ex-boyfriend was being handled by his mother yet again, watching him struggle with the prospect of even apologizing to you, knowing that you hardly deserved one yourself...it was hard. Too much to deal with right now.

Your heart tightened, eyebrows furrowing as you avoided eye contact with Kuni as well. "...This seems like a waste of time. Get home safely." You said, the emotional storm raging moments before in your mind was rid of promptly, more stoic and irritable with your speech. You turned around, shutting the door quickly behind you, cutting through that moment with air taut like a wire.

To what you thought was normal, infuriated him. Kuni's teeth grinded together, his eyes darkening in annoyance. The way you said that so casually, like you just washed your hands for ten seconds of the entire ordeal and left it. Like you were already miles away from him, digging under his skin tauntingly. You got the last word in, watching him be humiliated under the guise that you deserved that forgiveness.

He couldn't stand it. Being dragged here, forced to grovel, after he had swallowed his own dignity while it tasted raw and bitter in his throat. Spitting out an apology to you...one you hardly had any business responding to. You dismissed him, as if none of what he did matter. As if he didn't matter. It was gnawing at his core, left sweltering in his mess.

His movements were stiff and jerky as he followed the two women to the car, silently fuming. You were not going to take control of what he thought he was warranted.

It was surreal to think that the remains of your brother were in your hands rather than his own arms encompassing you. In those warm, now unfamiliar feeling hugs he gave you.

The day had been spent finalizing the plans for Kazuha's funeral. The weight of your heartache overwhelmed you a lot, especially when Kuni and his family stopped by. The bakery had closed for the day, and your employees, more like family than staff, had insisted on joining you as moral support. You didn't feel comfortable with their continuous acts of kindness towards you, but you accepted anyway. Who were you to deny any more help, anyway?

It was a private funeral, bringing you strange comfort barely anyone except other family members and distant friends knew about it. Their faces softening the edges of your overall sorrow.

You sat in front of the altar with tired eyes, rubbing them to rid of your tears and to ebb the exhaustion. Your hands shook as they rested on the smooth, cold surface of the urn that held his ashes. It wasn't real to you, the only one after your mother's death who was always able to help you live in quiet grace, had been reduced to this. You lived yet again in your sorrow, except extra this time.

With no energy left to think about anything else, the details crafted with care in Kazuha's funeral spoke wonders. The cherry blossoms arranged, incense burning softly, candles delicately flaring. There was nothing left to distract you from the possibility that he was gone.

The filling air of sandalwood neighboring the air while the incense curled smoke into the room. White lilies around a large photograph of Kazuha that you had to retrieve from your mothers room. No longer dusty, but the sanctity of the promise that you kept to Kazuha disappearing as well. You didn't even want to look at it, feeling the sense of betrayal rotten your heart with guilt. He was in the peak of his youth, eyes bright with the amicable, ethereal tranquility of his beaming face. A smile so gentle and sincere, haunting you forever. You never saw the photo before this, and now that you have, it'll follow you like a ghost.

Your flood gates cracked and spurted out, until your tears began to pour out uncontrollably again. Sobs raw and aching as your entire body wracked, echoing through the mildly quiet room. Your body was heavy to you, every bone in your body converting to stone, with a misery so sagacious that you weren't sure if you were stuck there for the next few minutes or hours.

Weeping like a baby, allowing your tears to drip onto your clothes, the memories you could never share with him again, for the future planned that would never come to pass. He died in the past, the reassurance he left you with when you were just breaking up with your ex-boyfriend and you were shattered once again. But not like this, not like how you wept for the moments you had taken for granted with your family. For the times you assumed you would have more time.

Xingqiu, Chongyun, Bennett, Beidou, and Gaming stayed there beside you, presence warm but quiet as they ruminated in the sorrow themself. One by one, they knelt beside you and bowed their heads in respect to the memory of Kazuha, a quiet prayer escaping their lips every now and then that you could hear.

"It's okay," Beidou softly whispered, rubbing your back. "It's okay to take your time. There's nothing wrong with taking a break, kid. Feel out your emotions."

"To you." You choked out, tone exerting a little snappy.

As Beidou's eyebrows raised, your gaze sharpened as you stared at the photo again. This time, a glint of hopelessness and null in your expression.

"I genuinely hope that none of you ever have to feel what it's like to come home, and be crushed by your own dejection. To feel like there's a giant anchor pressing down on your chest, every single second. Pummeling you from the inside out, stripping you down until you're weaker and weaker." Your voice trembled, leaving the rest of them quiet again. "I don't have the luxury to feel out my emotions, or I crumble again. I'm so tired of crumbling."

The following days, the bakery remained open after the funeral. You didn't give yourself time to exactly take a long break. It should have been expected of you, or forced, but the rest of the employees figured it would a better idea to let you do what you need to do to cope with it.

The bakery was dimly lit, with the television in the corner of the room playing Balladeer and the Cult's new music video for the fourth time today. The entire staff were quiet other than the frequent chatter, and the soft clinking of dishes as the workers cleaned up for the night. It was the kind of silence that would tell tales of wonders involving your situation. You were in the back, wrapping everything up and making sure you wrote what needed to be stocked for the morning.

"I like when they do that fun lyrical thing that starts with 'I had my pants on my head like a hat', and ends with...'the police department's refusal to comply in a timely manner with open records request is a middle finger to the marginalized'. You know what I'm saying?" Gaming rambled.

"No clue." Xingqiu said dully.

"They have to make the feds give up early on the song, so they turn it off before they get to the part that calls it out." Chongyun grinned.

"It's like when you steal sandwich bags from the burger shop across the street, and you think the sandwich bags have shit in it, right? No. The entire layout to a compartment of different type of bombs located in Natlan."

"Why are you stealing sandwich bags from them? I'm telling." Xingqiu's eyes narrowed. "Snitching to the court."

"You do that, and I'm not letting you use my Dreamcast anymore. I'm tired of you ratting me out." Gaming scrunched his face up before walking to the back to clean the kitchen with Beidou.

The atmosphere was considerably lax, but there was always a shade of apprehension all of them shared with your newfound attitude. You forced yourself to focus on closing, the others trying to keep a bright side about them. You could only target yourself to think about Kazuha, the pain of absence. Knowing that when you go home, he'll be there, but not as a physical body.

The sound of the front slamming open jarred everybody who heard it, the small bell above the door rattling aggressively against its frame. Chongyun stiffened at the abrupt sound, it being cut short as they all turned toward the person who walked in. The boy's jaw dropped, blinking twice to make sure if who he's seeing wasn't the guy who was just on TV.

"Uh—" He wanted to keep his wits about him and start spilling fan-made excitement, but he was too floored to even do that. "We're...about to close, sir!"

"Not here for bread, or whatever the fuck you guys have. Fetch (Y/N)."

Xingqiu's eyebrows furrowed. "They're...not here right now. If you want to talk to them, come back tomorrow, we'll be open for a while."

"Oh, are they not? Crazy, considering I see their car behind the lot. I checked, don't think I'm one of your little customers." Kuni cut him off, voice dripping with venom as he sized the workers up. "I'm not in the mood. Either go get them now, or I'll run through all of you."

Chongyun hesitated, awkwardly turning his body towards Xingqiu who shrugged in response. He headed towards the back to relay the information, while you were still working. When he reached you, his voice went quiet while he told you what was going on, almost apologetic. Your blood ran cold.

There was an anger that swelled in your chest, hands squeezing into fists. Without a word, you stormed out quickly, expression set with burning fury. The sight of him again, this time in casual clothing and a neutral demeanor, your vision blurred with rage and small guilt. "Why are you here?!" Your voice shook with rage, your voice could barely raise at him. "Haven't you done enough?"

"Have I done enough? Understand this, you bitch," He immediately started coming closer to you. "You're not off the hook for what you did. You may be used to people forgiving you instantly after batting your eyelashes and giggling like fucking Minnie Mouse, but I'm not the one.

"Okay? Then, what do you want from me?!" You grit your teeth. "You say all this, and then have a hard time not being vague. What is it?! Tell me!"

"Coddled your entire life, skipping out on your responsibilities because things got a little hard," He took a step closer, which lead for you to open the distance again. Except this time, his hand swiped the entire row of glasses that were on display down on the wooden floor with a loud crash. Your eyes widened. "Now you get to stay here, complacent in my misery, just because you think you deserve it? I'll take all this shit away from you."

His anger marinated long enough, it bubbled to the surface like a volcano ready to erupt. His chest was tight looking at you, suffocating in his grip of emotions he buried deep for too long. Enough was enough, he felt sick with the flour and sugar clinging to every surrounding. Everything was quiet to him here, too perfect. And for him, wrong.

A sneer warped his lips, and there were more crashes. The noise cut through the bakery, the workers flinching, but you couldn't even move. Beidou immediately ran to the front, her face twisted into rage. "Get the fuck out, now! You have no business being in here."

She was about to rush over to kick him out, but you shook your head, subduing her form from going closer. "You're not mad because of me, get your facts straight before you start talking to me like that."

His chest heaved at that, and he could only laugh. The sound of his ragged breaths became aggressive, grabbing at dishes and sending them all careening across the floor with a brutal snap of his wrist. "All of this shit," Another one, the sound harsh against the floor. "ALL OF IT, I want all the good things to fucking rot for the part you played in ruining the good things we had."

Your heart pounded in your ears in moderate fear, louder than the crashes and the gasps coming from the rest of your workers. You felt yourself become suffocated, like there was thick smoke restricting you. Everything felt too tight, your skin and the walls of the bakery itself. He kept shattering your things, breaking every single item that came across his path. There were crimson cuts on his hand, the bleeding on his hands and the glass embedded on his skin making you flinch. He welcomed it.

"Deluding yourself with all of this! You're fucking delusional!" He screamed in your face, "Why can't you wake up and take fucking charge of your own destiny, rather than following a dream you made up because you don't want to be reminded that HE'S FUCKING DEAD. WHERE ARE YOU?"

You could only laugh at him, feeling your cheeks burn from how flustered you were. "Get out." Your voice was dangerously low, trembling as you barely controlled your fury. Those words poisoned you, and tears immediately started rolling down your face, lip quivering.

Kuni just stood there, taking in your words as his breath labored, chest heaving up and down, eyes scanning you in disbelief. But you couldn't stand to see him anymore, because you knew what he was saying about you was true. You grabbed your own glass from the counter and hurled it at him, "Get out," smash, "GET out," smash, "GET THE FUCK OUT."

You grabbed another, and another, before entirely ridding of the glass pieces and started throwing chairs at him for him to swiftly dodge. Your hands were shaking uncontrollably, feeling humiliated that you were losing your mind in front of your employees, but you could not do this anymore. "You didn't want to see me anymore, right?! You've got it. Get out! I don't EVER want to see you again."

"So he is dead?" He taunted, voice lower as he started laughing too, his throat hardly making out the sound while it only came out choked as well, too stunned to care. "How's that fantasy working out for you now? At least persistence is a great substitute for actual talent."

Your knuckled connected with his jaw as soon as he leaned in closer, and you fucked him up hard. Sound coming off as a dull thud, followed by a grunt coming from Kuni's throat. You got him in between his lips and the center of his nostrils, causing the crimson blood to sputter immediately once he stepped back. He held onto his nose, instinctively going for his face while his liquid red stained exterior dripped.

The bruise was already beginning to form where your punch had landed. He hadn't expected you to fight back, but something flickered in his eyes. Something that wasn't rage this time, but delightfulness? You stood there, panting, your own hand now pained from how hard the clash was. "Leave," Your voice cracked. "Leave...before I do something worse."

It was obviously a serious reaction, he realized it by the time you were screaming at him. So as the adrenaline dissipated, the power of everything hit him all at once, and he narrowed in on your tear-filled gaze with incredulous relief.

"Welcome back." His pride fought him again to say anything else, so he wiped the blood on his lip, and turned on his heel to leave.

previous ☆ masterlist ☆ next

THERE ARE not many things that can sway your interest ever since the "incident", but in spite of that, you pushed forward. you are now the owner of the biggest bakery chain in your city, consistently seeing couples and catering to them as such. you've been a big host at weddings, events for celebrities, and even a big support for your friends and family. you've even earned yourself a niche following as well by how sweet you are to everybody around you. but, even with your kindness, you don't have a particular spark that keeps you going anymore these days. that is until one of your employees starts suggesting you write love letters to customers who request your services. at first you thought it was a horrible idea that could easily turn into trouble, but that was until you were tasked with writing one to your own (very very famous) ex-boyfriend.

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@pwushizz @alatusorrow @eutopiastar @magica-ren @slu7

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@suniika @animeobsessed56 @kamisstufff @samyayaya @scarawiki

@mywillt0live @lxkeeeee @sundays-prince @imnotyizhuo

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Another one that I found in my drafts. 😆

During the month of October, Eddie liked to stir up the normal amount of trouble between the two people who grew rival pumpkin patches. They had both been jackasses to him, so he caused trouble for both patches and blamed whatever it was on the other owner. He crept into the house, holding his shirt down when he was stopped by the sound of his boyfriend's voice.

"What the fuck is under your shirt?" Steve asked.

"I don't think you're allowed to ask people that, Stevie," Eddie said.

"Oh, so it's okay that you ask me to call you daddy while you spank me, but when I ask you what the giant bulge is under your shirt, it's not okay?" Steve said.

"You know what?" Dustin chuckled awkwardly from behind Steve and turning around. "I'm just going to use the bathroom in the basement."

"You should really watch your mouth around the kids, Steve," Eddie said mockingly.

"I didn't know he followed me," Steve said blushing.

"So, what's going on here then?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, the kids wanted to have a group study at my house," Steve said.

"They got a big test coming up?" Eddie asked as he continued to clutch his stomach.

"Yeah, it's on - Hey! Don't distract me. What's under your shirt?" Steve asked.

"Okay. I was going to tell you, but I kept putting it off, and the reason why I didn't want you to touch me lately is because it's made me feel so fat and - ," Eddie was cut off.

"You're not pregnant, Eddie!" Steve exclaimed.

"How do you know that I'm not?" Eddie asked.

"Okay, you look far enough that the baby should be kicking now. Can I feel our baby kick?" Steve asked, his hands on his hips, staring him down.

"She was kicking earlier," Eddie muttered, cooing at his stomach. "Poor sweet girl must be sleepy."

Eddie stared at him, a determined look in his eye. Steve stared back at him, glaring as he folded his arms. Meanwhile, Dustin just came back from the bathroom, coming upon the staring contest.

"Uh, what's going on, guys?" Dustin asked.

"I got Eddie pregnant, apparently!" Steve exclaimed and Dustin shrieked.

"It worked, but we weren't even ready yet!" Dustin yelled.

Eddie was so surprised by Dustin's outburst that he dropped his arms. A medium-sized pumpkin fell out of his shirt and crashed onto the floor. Steve looked at the mess and then looked at his boyfriend.

"I knew it! You were at the pumpkin patch again! Eddie! What did I tell about getting into trouble?" Steve said.

"Make sure that I don't get caught?" Eddie asked.

"No, I said don't get into trouble that will get you caught by the police!" Steve exclaimed.

"Why are you so worried about what I'm doing when you should be more worried what the fuck Dustin just said?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, yeah, that's a fair point. We're not done discussing this!" Steve exclaimed and turned on Dustin. "What worked?"

"Well. . .we kind of sort of found this spellbook. . .it's not even real, and we haven't even found all the ingredients," Dustin said.

"You were trying to get Eddie pregnant?!" Steve asked.

"Okay, well, when you say it like that, it sounds weird," Dustin said.

"Because it is weird!" Eddie exclaimed. "What the fuck?"

"I heard you saying to Jeff how you wish you could give Steve kids, and you sounded really sad about it!" Dustin exclaimed. "We were just trying to give you the ability to!"

"Okay, well, your heart was in the right place, I guess," Eddie said softly. "But that's something you shouldn't surprise someone with. . .you should have talked about it with us first."

"Oh, well, we weren't going to do the spell without your permission," Dustin said. "That'd be crazy."

"Yeah, that's the only crazy part," Steve said.

"We just - you've done so much for us, we just wanted to do something for you," Dustin said.

"That's actually sweet," Steve said softly. "Maybe start off with something small."

"Yeah, like cooking us dinner. . .not magically growing us. . .uh, body parts," Eddie said.

"Hey! The pages were stuck together! We don't need all these ingredients!" Mike yelled from the living room. "We just need to say the spell!"

"Abort! Abort!" Dustin screamed.

"Did you say aboard?!" Mike yelled. "They're on board. Lucas! Say the spell!"

"NO!" Dustin yelled and ran off towards the living room. "Oh FUCK! Too late!"

Steve and Eddie looked at each other, waiting for something to happen.

"Nothing to worry about," Eddie grinned. "They got ripped off - Steve, Steve! I feel weird! STEVE! I'M FUCKING GLOWING! DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO GO ON BIRTH CONTROL?! Lesson fucking learned, I'm never going to the pumpkin patch again!"

[marvelfanfics1]

I got reeaaally inspired for this one and it might be a biit dark😭 (from the scene where Rafe litteraly ask Wheezie if she wants drugs) how about toddler/little!reader (it's up to you) who catches Rafe doing drugs and as innocent as she is, she thinks it's sugar and keep asking Rafe to try it 🤭

I love these scene based requests sm!!

Warnings: age regression, drugs + consumption (not by reader!!)

Rafe takes out his phone, nodding to himself at seeing how late it is. You should be napping for 30 more minutes, enough time to do a quick line.

Despite knowing that he shouldn't even be doing it with you in the house he just can't help himself. He tried to stop doing coke for your sake but it's not as easy as he thought it would be. So, he's still decent enough to only do it when you're sleeping or out and about.

He places his phone on the table in front of him, leaning back to fish out the baggie from his pocket, carefully pouring a good amount of its content onto the table. Next he grabs his credit card to prepare a line.

Leaning down he snorts the line, sitting up straight again he tilts his head back and wipes his nose. The moment he lifts his head again he curses under his breath when he sees you standing in the doorway with your lamb held in your hand.

"You should be napping." He says, quickly but subtly moving everything from the table that you're not supposed to see, sniffing and rubbing his nose again.

"Want to cuddle...you weren't there." You mumble quietly, fiddling with the ear of your plushie, a slight pout forming on your face. "What you doin'?"

"It's- grown up stuff." He simply dismisses, leaning back in his seat he pats his thigh, spreading his legs a bit more.

Without hesitation you rush over to him, getting comfortable on his lap, your favorite place to sit and take naps.

"Can I twy some of the sugar?" You suddenly ask and Rafe huffs out a laugh.

"Oh, definitely not. That's nothing for little girls like you and I want you to forget what you saw, a'ight?" He gently grabs your chin, tilting your head up so you see that he's serious.

"But-" the moment you start to complain he raises an eyebrow, cutting you off.

"Ah, don't forget who you're talking to. I said forget it." His hold on your chin tightens a little for emphasis.

You pout again but try to nod anyways, knowing that you should listen to what he says. Daddy always knows best. The phrase repeats in your head time and time again in situations like this.

"Yes daddy." You answer quietly.

"Atta girl..." Rafe smiles at you, pulling you closer to kiss your cheek.

You start to giggle and smile, the situation instantly forgotten again the second you get affection from him.

Taglist

For everything:

@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @devilslilbabysblog @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @wandaslittlewhore @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse

@mythixmagic @iris-xoxo-juhu

For Rafe:

@chiaraanatra @chimindity

[twoduelsabers]

mistakes of an apprentice

the ask -> hey there! could i request a fic...you're badly hurt and qimir in disguise finds you. as injured as you are you just beg him not to tell your master, fearful of what he will do to such a weak pupil. qimir corrects your assumptions.

content warnings -> description of injuries, canon typical violence

it was almost impossible to stay out of sight on nar shaddaa. especially while leaving a trail of blood after every step. the only thing she could use to hide were the narrow alleys across the city, and even they weren't nearly as empty as they should be.

staying focused was difficult, when the reminder of her failure made walking difficult. there wouldn't be an issue if the guards were equipped with blasters only. instead, they carried fucking swords, and the one she was ordered to kill wielded a lightsaber, probably bought on the black market. of course, they weren't a match for her, but she heavily underestimated the seriousness of the situation. and now she paid the price- a cut in the side of her stomach, too deep for her liking.

she cursed under her breath. she was a sith. or, at least she tried to be one. with her potential, even a dozen of armed men shouldn't be an obstacle.

a cough escaped her throat, and she shivered. she could barely walk, and if her master found out just how weak she was... he trained her to defend herself. to attack. to kill. he can't see that she won, but barely.

yet, he probably will. one way or another. qimir might pass on what he was about to see- her vulnerable, wounded state. still, she prayed that he wouldn't.

it took her a few more turns and a worrying amount of effort to get to the ship. it stood in a very old, suspiciously looking dock, but she didn't bother with finding a more dignified place. it was supposed to be an "in-and-out" job.

first thing she was greeted with was qimir rushing to her side.

"finally!" he voiced in an accusing tone. "did you have fun? you know, i waited here for hours...and worried." he sent her a cheeky smile.

as much as his banter might have been funny at times, this was definitely not one of them. and he seemed to realise that rather quickly.

"are you...okay?"

she shut her eyes tightly and exhaled. her side burned like fire, and she was exhausted.

"it's just a- scratch." her voice was strained, and in opposition to her own words, her knees almost gave out.

qimir was quick to catch her. his brows furrowed, as he tried to hold her up. his usual, clumsy demeanor was replaced by seriousness.

"you're hurt." he stated, seating her down on the ground, and leaning her back on the wall. "where?"

he tried to uncover her cloak, but she grabbed his wrist instantly, stopping him in place.

"qimir." his name fell out of her lips, sounding like a plea. "don't tell my master. you hear me?"

he tilted his head in confusion.

"please. please! he will think i'm weak. it doesn't matter i killed that man. that i killed- i killed them all." her voice wavered. "all he will see is that i got injured- badly injured. he trained me so i would be able to handle myself, but turns out i- i can't."

the dock they were in was empty, and she thanked the maker for that. she thanked the maker for the shadows that hopefully covered her teary eyes.

if her master decided she is, in fact, too weak, he'd disown her, in the best case scenario. she'd never see qimir again.

or he'd kill her.

both of these options weighted heavy on her shoulders. she couldn't even bring herself to look at qimir.

he called out her name quietly, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"we need to take care of this. now." he urged, yanking his wrist away from her grasp.

"qimir, please." she uttered, desperate, exhausted and in pain. "he'll throw me away."

qimir froze, clenching his jaw. did she really think he'd get rid of her, just like that? today was the first solo mission he assigned her with, and force, she completed it! he knew he wasn't the one to show affection whilst underneath the mask- but he tried to make up for it when he was just qimir. when he was her guide and supplier. he wanted to make up for that.

but of course, she had no clue.

and now, she was in front of him, wounded and barely conscious.

he needed to make her understand.

"take that cloak off. i'm not asking." qimir said firmly, as he usually would during training.

her eyes widened at the sudden change of attitude. his voice sounded different from how it usually was. there was something behind it- something she couldn't quite place.

yet she obliged, shrugging the fabric off of her shoulders, wincing. she revealed the injury, shifting a little to the side. her robes were already damp and colored with dark crimson.

qimir didn't say a word, and his expression was unreadable, yet laced with worry. he seemed to be contemplating something.

"stay still." he commanded quietly.

he moved one of his hands to rest atop of her wound.

"what are you doing-?" she hissed. the pain certainly didn't get any better from the pressure.

once again, he remained silent. he focused, steadying his breath, and letting his energy flow through his extended arm.

she felt the burn dissolving, and she wondered if qimir finally used his potion-making skills...

"what are you do-" she started, but he cut her off.

"there."

what has he done? she peered down carefully, expecting to see the injury but-

there was nothing there. her skin was untouched.

in one terrifying second, she had realised that qimir had healed her. force-healed her.

it could mean only one thing, and the thought alone made her stomach twist in fear.

"master." was all she could utter.

qimir gaze was different now. his force signature shifted to a dark and heavy, familiar one.

"you did well today, acolyte."

he said calmly, as if nothing happened.

"master- i-i'm so sorry-" uncertainty gnawed at her. what could all of this mean for her? for them?

"you should rest." qimir's voice was gentle, so different from what he sounded like from under the mask.

as he stood up, he extended his hand towards her.

she stared at it dumbly for a moment, then hesitantly let him pull her up, to his side.

to his side, where she belonged.

now, she was certain of it.

[paladin--strait]

soulmates part 3

luke hughes x reader

part 1 here! part 2 here! series masterlist here!

tw!!: some language, use of y/n, reader can be depicted as any body shape/size. this story moves kinda fast, since I want it to only be a couple of parts long.

warning: this is a complete work of fiction. I am no way saying or implying that these people act the way they do in the story. I am open to any sort of constructive criticism! thank you!

-

oh shit. it's quinn. my eyes go wide and luke's head slowly turns around to see who it is. his head turns back me quickly, eyes wide and his throat moves with a nervous gulp. his eyes are looking around, almost like he's looking for an escape. i shake my head at him, silently telling him that we should accept our fate.

quinn walks up slowly, face red from anger and frustration. "well well well...what do we have here? two run aways, it looks like." he says, hands in his pockets.

"quinn listen-" luke says, hand on the table, but he looks like he's about to jump out of the booth.

"nope. i'm not listening to you." quinn say, hands now out of his pockets and now wrapped around his chest. "i hope you know that i'm on a goddamn life360 with her and i know where she is at all times."

"quinn, let luke talk before you go off on him." i say, hoping quinn will give luke some grace.

"fine. scoot." he says with a sigh, signaling for me to move further into the booth, which i do so he has room to sit beside me.

"listen quinn, we just wanted to get out of there and have some fun. as soon as we woke up, i rushed home so y/n wouldn't get in trouble with you." luke says, looking down at his hands. "i didn't want you guys to think that we did something that i'm not supposed to do with her. once we saw how you reacted, we just didn't want to be yelled at for an accident we made."

"okay." quinn says. his single word makes luke and i look at each other nervously.

"uhm...is that all? just okay?" luke says, looking at me before looking back at quinn in confusion.

"yeah." quinn shrugs, lip turning up on the side.

"quinn," my eyes flicker to luke, my hands shaking and clammy from nervousness. "you're kinda scaring me...?"

"well, maybe you shouldn't have scared me by running away like that." quinn states, words flat like they have no meaning but luke and i both know that they hold all quinn's feelings about the situation. quinn looks at luke before speaking, "i hope you know, i'm not mad. i'm just upset with the fact that you two are acting like some high school couple who's parents are preventing them from being together."

i look down at my fingers, picking at the skin that's around my nail beds. the silence is deafening, despite the sounds of the chefs behind the counter cooking and banging their utensils on the stove, and the sound of people carrying on conversation at the nearby tables.

we sit in silence for what feels like forever until luke speaks up. "quinn, listen." luke pauses, taking a sip of his drink. "we fell asleep on the boat on accident. i already told you why we ran, but i thought you should know that-"

luke's rant is cut off my the ringing on my phone. i apologize and pick the phone up to see who's calling. it's the social media manager, kelly. "shit...i'm sorry guys, i have to take this. it's my boss..." i click the green button to answer and the two boys look at me and sit in silence while i talk to her.

our conversation is short, but her words ring out in my head. once i hang up, i sit still in my seat. "uhm...they need me back in vancouver."

i see confusion contort onto both of their faces. i also take notice of the head tilt of confusion that luke gives me. it reminds me of quinn, every time he gets upset, confused, or is just plain out of his, his head lulls to the side.

"why?" quinn is quick to ask. "they said you could have the rest of the summer off. i'm not gonna let them steal that time from you. from us." i can sense the upset in his words and i immediately feel horrible.

"they need me to come back and train new recruits. apparently, some time after i left the other day, the longer working employees started some sort of riot and quit because they weren't happy with their pay." i explain, taking a sip of my drink and sighing. "they told me i would get a raise if i come in..."

quinn looks down, disappointment flooding his face. i reach over and grab his hand, holding it in mine. "quinn...i'm sorry."

"no, i understand..." he says, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb, something he always does when he notices i'm upset. "i can come with you, if you want."

"no quinn, stay here and enjoy your summer. i'm just glad i could spend some time with you and your friends." i say, smiling softly. i look over at luke who's lips are pursed, like he has something to say, but he won't say it.

the similarities between quinn and luke are insane. that empty look in their eyes, their smile, their actions, and they way that they can make you feel bad by just looking at you with those sad, puppy dog eyes.

i frown looking at luke, mouthing a quick i'm sorry. he shakes his head and mouths back, "its okay."

i feel bad to leave, even though it's only my third day off and my second day here, i've had fun. "uhm...kelly said my flight is at 8pm tonight. so, i better go home and pack so i can spend the rest of my time with you guys before i have to go."

"sounds good, i can drive you back to the lake house?" quinn says and i immediately take him up on his offer. drives with quinn are always fun. music, loud singing, and just plain stupidity. but, i have a feeling this ride won't be that way. with everything that happened with luke last night and today, plus with me having to leave, it's bound to be awkward.

we call over the waitress to pay for our food and luke hands her his debit card. she comes back a few minutes later to hand us our receipt and to thank us for coming. we pack up our things, and go outside. i thank luke for breakfast and get into the passenger seat of quinn's car after he opens the door for me.

i buckle my seatbelt while quinn shuts my door and i sigh. i hate to leave but i need the money and if they need help, then i should go. quinn would tell me the same thing if i told my boss no.

the car ride back is as i imagined, silent and awkward. luke follows us in his truck, pulling in the driveway right behind us. i see the door open and jack steps out with trevor and jamie behind him. jack has his arms crossed and he has this bossy look on his face.

luke opens my door for me and i get out of the car along with quinn. "well well well. look who decided to come home." jack yells out from the porch while we walk up. "the two runaways."

i roll my eyes at his words, looking over at quinn. "jack, that's enough. let us in, y/n has to pack for her trip back to vancouver."

"wait what? she's going back to vancouver?" jamie asks, confusion on his face as he peeks out of the doorway further.

"why?? she just got here!" trevor complains, looking at quinn with a look of surprise and disbelief.

"quinn, what did you say to her to make her want to go back?" jack asks, no emotion in his question, almost like he's mad at quinn.

"i didn't say anything. she got a call from her boss and they need her help at the arena. she has to train new employees and if she does it, she gets a raise. she needs to go." quinn explains, walking in the doorway with luke and i.

"aww...i wanted to hang out more!" trevor says, reaching his arms out to hug me. i hug back immediately, patting his back. "i miss you already."

i laugh, "trev, i'll miss you too. i don't even know you that well, but you seem like a genuinely nice guy that cares about his teammates and friends. i wish i could've hung out with you more this summer." he smiles at me and fixes his hair, it's getting too long for it to stay out of his eyes.

once we finish talking, i go up the steps and into my bedroom, grabbing my suitcase and beginning to pack. good thing i haven't unpacked very much of my stuff yet. i grab my toiletry bag and put all of my products in it, organizing it along the way. i found that if i don't organize things the way i have them when i originally pack it all, they don't fit. so i often take a picture to follow as guide almost.

i eventually finish packing and zip up my suitcase. i look at my bed that has luggage all over it. blankets and a pillow beside it. i grab my phone, checking all my messages before i go downstairs. when i make it to the living room, i find some of the guys on the couch.

john looks up from his phone and smiles at me. "hey, y/n. i heard you have to go back to vancouver later?" he says, suddenly frowning.

"yeah, my boss called, said that a whole bunch of people just quit and they need me to come and help train rookies. at least i'll get a raise." i respond, sitting down on the couch beside nico.

"oh, well a raise is good! sucks that you have to leave, though." nico says, looking over at me and smiling softly, almost as if he feels bad for me.

"yeah, i haven't even been able to get to know you yet! i've heard such good things about you from quinn and he was so excited when you showed up here. wouldn't shut up about you last night." curtis says, throwing his arms up in the air during his first sentence.

"really? he wouldn't shut up about me?" i ask, confused about what's he's been telling them about me.

"yeah. after dinner when we were all in the game room, he couldn't stop talking about you. he told us all about you twos pregame and postgame routines, how much y'all hang out, and whenever you're off work, you even show up to games wearing his jersey and stuff." nico responds, looking over at me, trying to recount his memory of what quinn told them.

"oh..." i say, looking down at my fingers, picking at the skin around my nails that i had previously picked at. "he really told you guys all that?"

"yeah. he's all the time talking about you." brock says, "trust me, i know this because i'm almost always with him. he talks about you on and off the ice, too." he nods at his own words.

my eyes widen, i never realized just how much time i spend with quinn. i stop to think. no matter the day, we always take time to hang out. i never realized he talked about me so much.

brock shortly continues his words, "i remember when some other player chirped you during a game one day," i snap my head to look at him, never having heard about this. "quinn went ballistic on the dude. i've never seen him so mad in my life."

"i remember that. i had to pull him off the guy." j.t. says, nodding his head at the memory. "i never realized how nasty of a mouth quinn has. he spouted out so much shit that night that i thought i was either dreaming, or had gone crazy." he states, laughing.

"hmm..." i look up at the ceiling, slightly remembering quinn getting ejected for fighting one game. "i think i remember that. is that really what happened? quinn wouldn't tell me why he fought the guy."

"yeah, that's what happened. quinn would protect you from anything. even if it costed him his job. or even his life." brock says, looking at me in the eyes before he checks his phone. "it's almost like he's in love with you or something."

i laugh almost too much at his words. "what? no! quinn is like a brother to me. he wouldn't think of me like that. right?" i ask, suddenly unsure of what quinn really thinks of me.

"well, from what i've seen of you two together, i'd say that quinn-" nico starts, sighing before he spoke.

"me what? what'd i do this time?" quinn walks in from the patio door, looking confused at the mention of his name. i make eye contact with nico, and he looks at me with a knowing look.

"uhm, we were just talking about how you might want to go back to vancouver with y/n." brock says, quickly saving our backs.

"yeah, i just wasn't sure if you were coming with me or staying here. you seemed like you wanted to come with me earlier so i was just asking them if you'd said anything to them about it." i say, looking over at quinn.

"oh. well, i thought about it. do you want me to come back with you?" quinn asks, luke, jack, and jamie walking in behind him. "i'll go if you want me to. you know i will." he says, smiling at me.

"it's up to you if you wanna come or not. but, i'd prefer you stay here and enjoy the rest of your summer. you never know, the training could be quick and i might come back before the summer ends if you guys are willing to have me." i say, looking at them nervously.

"of course you're welcome back here!" jack says, smiling wide. "you'll always be welcome here."

"thanks, jack." i smile back at him, thankful for his words. i look down at my phone, the time is 5:30. "well, i should get going. it's a 45 minute drive to the airport and i still have to call an uber. i wanna get there early." i say, standing up.

"don't call an uber." quinn says, walking over to me. "i'll take you. where's your luggage?"

"oh, it's upstairs in my room. i was about to go get it." i say, walking over to the base of the stairs. "do you think you can help me?" i ask, quinn obviously nods, walking up the stairs with me.

after we grab all my luggage, we head back down the stairs also i can say my goodbyes to the guys. trevor is the first to come over to me, "i miss you already, y/n. i wish you didn't have to leave."

"you'll see me again, don't worry. if i can't come back this summer, i'll see you at the games." i say, patting his back while we hug. i hear him whine slightly and when he pulls away, he's looking at me with a frown. "i miss you already, trev."

curtis is next, the nico, jack, jamie, then luke. i hug them all tightly, saying a quick goodbye to all of them. j.t. and brock give me a quick hug and a short kiss on the head.

"see you later, tiny." brock says, looking down at me. "take care of yourself."

"i will, love you, brockey." i say, pulling out the nickname i gave him that he hates so much. he laughs, shaking his head. he says a quick i love you back and takes his seat back on the couch.

i say my last goodbyes, and grab a couple of my bags, walking out the door to quinn's unlocked car. we set my bags in the back and quinn once again opens the car door for me. i get in, buckling up and getting comfortable. i can already feel myself getting tired.

"tired?" quinn says, pulling out of the driveway and onto the road. "you can sleep, i won't mind."

i nod, accepting his offer. i grab my pillow from the back and put it up against the window, setting my head against it and closing my eyes with a loud yawn. "thank you for driving me, quinner..."

he just smiles at me, looking back at the road and trying to find his next exit.

-

when i wake up, quinn is shaking my shoulder. "y/n, we're here. you don't wanna miss your flight." i groan, the sudden darkness confusing me.

"oh...okay." i say, sitting up and pulling the pillow away from the window. i yawn once again, stretching as much as i can in the truck.

i open my own door this time, getting out and grabbing my things from the back. i sling the backpack over my back and hand some bags to quinn. we walk into the airport, quinn saying a few hellos to some fans.

he helps me check my bags in and get my ticket. "well, this is it. have a safe flight, y/n." he says, looking at me with a frown.

"thank you, quinn. and i'm sorry about all that stuff with luke, i hate that it took up so much time of me being there with you guys..." i admit, looking down at my shoes.

"hey, it's okay. i understand. uhm, i'll miss you. please take care of yourself, i know how you forget to take your medicine and sometimes you get so wrapped up in work you forget to eat or hydrate. please don't forget."

"i won't quinn. and if you're so worried, text me to remind me and even if i just ate or drank, i'll do it again." i say, smiling.

"you know i will anyway." quinn laughs, pulling me in for a hug. "i love you."

his words linger in my head for a bit, leaving a pink hue on my cheeks. remembering that conversation earlier makes me rethink almost everything that he's saying to me. what does he mean by 'i love you'? does he really mean it? or is he just saying it in a friendly way?

i shake it off quickly, patting quinn on his back and telling him a quick i love you too before i have to walk off into the tunnel. i look back at him when i make it halfway into the long hallway, and he's staring at me with a sad look on his face. i wave sadly at him, before turning back around.

almost my whole flight i think of quinn. what was nico going to say that he couldn't finish? i should've gotten his number so i could ask later. i can just ask jack for his number when i land. i sigh, leaning back in my seat.

i soon find myself tired from all of my thoughts and i close my eyes, getting more comfortable in the hard and not cushiony at all airplane seats. i hope that when i wake, i'll finally be able to figure out what nico was going to say. but i guess i'll find out later.

[faeriekit]

So, I've been thinking about working in a library. I know you took Library Sciences but what other courses/qualifications did you need, and could you please give me an opinion on why I should/shouldn't go into this field? Thanks

So, firstly, I didn't just take a couple library sciences courses; I had to finish a Master's degree in library and information science after my bachelor's. This was a two-year course if one went full time, which most people do not. Most people spread it out over several years...but I was paying out of pocket and the tuition fees build up the longer you take to finish your degree.

Real talk; it's very hard to break into libraries as a career. The easiest way in is networking. I will always, always, always recommend volunteering at a local library before you decide if this is the life path for you because the idealized work of what a library is supposed to look like almost never matches up with reality. The library is largely patron-facing customer service and possibly event-planning if you end up being roped into providing programming for the library as a responsibility. Most people think you can just sort of hide in the stacks and shush people, which... 😅

All my info is largely going to be US specific since I went to school and work here but working in a library, unless you're in a labor-starved area, is almost always going to be tough monetarily. You are a public servant. The easiest jobs to get in a library are the most labor intensive and may be only available part-time, even if they do not require an MLS or MLIS. Library jobs are chronically in short supply. Some people look for ages before they even land an interview, nevermind actually landing a job they compromise to take. I worked my way up from part time to a library student to a full on librarian, but that took time and resources and stable housing and a Master's degree and money I had saved up from a job where I had very little expenses at the time, AND I did it during the earliest parts of covid where a loooooot of people very swiftly retired. If you want a library career where you have enough money to support yourself long-term, can pay your bills, and get a pension, it is highly likely that you are going to need a Master's Degree in library science. Otherwise, you're going to be in a department where you don't need one but are limited in how far you can rise up ladder without one, like circulation (book movers) tech (tech) or administration (back-end business stuff).

So. Barrier for entry is pretty high.

I love working at the library and everything it entails. It's customer service, but I never have to sell anything to patrons! I love recommending books to kids! I love reading to them! I love visiting schools! I love doing crafts with the kids! I love setting up crafts for the kids!! I love picking out what we do for the next season! I love filling the bubble machine! I love setting up for the library's halloween party, and getting to see all the outfits! I love dressing up! I love seeing the new kids books when they come out! I love my coworkers! I love the building the library is in! I love that I work (relatively) close to home! I love the people I meet and the kids I get to watch grow up!! I see the babies turn into people and get all sassy and playful and start reading different books! I love my job!! (*turns into goo*)

Ahem.

So, between all that and the government pension, there's a lot going for a librarian job. I know other people love other parts of librarianship, like the archivists' satisfaction at maintaining and preserving their collection to the love and empathy adult services has for their adult students and aging patron base. I know that circulation loves being the movers and shakers and arbiters of access for the entire library-- and hell, if it had been financially viable, I would have loved to stay a circ employee. There are other back-end jobs in libraries too, like tech support and administration, although they never really see the patrons or books on the floor.

Ultimately, your career choice is up to you. I just want to let you know the risks before you pursue a library degree, since that's no guarantee it'll get you the job environment you like. Also there are a lot of weird things that happen in libraries— like midway through this post I had to stop because a random lady came up and asked me to start her crochet project...? She had no way of knowing if I even knew how to crochet. She just guessed. Whack.

Anyway, my realest advice is, before making any decision, to volunteer in a library for a while. You'll meet local library workers to network with, get used to the flow of the job, and have something to add to your resume for long-term benefits and maybe a letter of recommendation from the library down the line. Either you'll like it, or you won't! Either way,though, you'll still have something new to your resume.

Good luck! 📚 There's a lot of things to love about libraries, but uh...times is hard lol

[glisten-inthedark]

The Experiment | Part 2

In case y'all missed it, I asked one of my best friends to watch Stranger Things and here's what she had to say about season 1 and 2 .

Now, here's the updated version of season 3 that she finished so fucking fast and I felt guilty because she told me didn't sleep because she was desperate for answers, my sweet summer child.

This time around she'd update me as she watched the episodes and needless to say I woke up today with way too many messages

She's 100% convinced that Mike is gay because she said and I quote: "What teenage boy takes off the hands of his girlfriend like he did?".She also said that Mike should remember that friendships are important too, she doesn't understand why he's avoiding his friends and focusing too much on El.

She loves Max Mayfield BTW (again, sweet summer child). She 100% agrees that El needs to learn how to be herself without the influence of others.

She said that the biggest problem she has with Mike and El is that El didn't even know what a friend was the first season, how can se be in a relationship? However, she does think that if Mike learns how to listen to her they might work it out but she's not sure they should. "Ok I guess they're not going to work it after all" says her after their break up. Also, she was like: "shouldn't he be more upset about this?

In comes the rain fight scene and I think the conversation deserves to be in a mural somewhere. This is what she said and I apologize for the language and for how she talks about Mike but this deserves to be translated in it's entirety because her rant was epic.

"Why. The. Fuck. Was Mike being such an ass?! He used to be so sweet to Will and now he's treating him like this? Hell nah! Like, I get that he wants to spend time with his girlfriend and that's fine, but that doesn't mean he gets to treat Will like this!

And who the fuck said anything about Will not liking girls? Will didn't! So why the fuck would Mike say this completely unprovoked? Like, this is the kind of shit Will's bullies would say! I don't know who the fuck this Mike is, but it's definitely not the kid from last season.

"Oh se he goes to apologize to Will but doesn't apologize to El?" She asked me after she calmed down from her seething rage. "Inch teresting"

"Oh boy, Billy is gonna die. Am I supposed to want him not to?".

"How the fuck did Soviet Union manage to build this entire lab underground without anyone noticing? And this is I'm thr hight of cold war too, makes no sense but what do I know?"

She absolutely adores Robin, she thinks she and Steve will get together.

"Am I supposed to feel bad for Billy?" Needless to say, she doesn't like Billy.

"What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Watching?" She asked during the people turning into slush scene.

"Oh. So I guess Robin and Steve won't get together after all" lmao I laughed.

"Oh they do want me to feel sorry for Billy, huh"

She had a mental breakdown over Hop's "death". She sent an invoice crying and cursing me for bribing her into watching the show.

She also noticed how unresponsive Mike acted after El told him she loved him and was like: "is this boy ok? Like, I'm sorry Bia (my nickname) but you're telling me he just stood there with his eyes opened while she declared her love and kissed him? Am I watching this right? Answer me dammit!" (She was angry when I refused to tell her anything lmao).

Now, bare in mind that I haven't told her about Byler at all, didn't even tell her I ship it because I wanted her to be as unbiased as possible. She told me she had thoughts/theories and I told them to share them even after she claimed she didn't think she was right.

This bellow are her thoughts and hers alone, translated from Brazilian Portuguese to English.

"I just feel like Hop's letter is telling us something about Mike, maybe? Like, how he's afraid of change, of confronting his feelings, maybe? Like, I know you won't tell me, but I don't think this scene is about El leaving at all, I think it's about Will leaving.

"But I have a theory? I don't know, but the scene parallels the scene from when they find Will's body, right? But he comes home and holds his mom and I think this when he realized he has feelings for Will? Maybe? Or at the very least he realized he isn't straight.

" I didn't think Will was gay until I saw his reaction to what Mike said, and I think Will felt that he was stupid for believing that Mike cared for him at all. He destroyed the castle because he lost his childhood, he lost everything when he wasn't even looking, and I also think he called himself stupid because he thinks it was stupid of him to hope Mike could ever think of Will that way.

"I don't think Mike truly loves El, and he's coming to terms with the reason why he doesn't"

She then begged me for information which I refused to give her, obviously. But this is part 2. Now onto the last season *laughs maniacally *

[oliversrarebooks]

a good grade in being brainwashed: the perfect pet

tw: pet whump, bbu, dehumanization, brainwashing, memory wipe

Previous > Masterlist

"You need more than good looks to get the lead part, you know," said Toby, casually coming up behind Vinay and leaning against his chair. "That's why they'll undoubtedly go with me. No hard feelings. If you're very lucky, though, you'll get to play a supporting role in helping my star shine that much brighter."

Vinay suppressed the urge to point out that it was Toby who convinced him to sign up for theater in the first place, knowing full well that he was the idiot who let Toby talk him into things. "I'll have you know I've been practicing for this audition all week. You shouldn't assume it will be easy."

Toby sighed and rolled his eyes. "You've been practicing all week and yet you're still so stiff. Stiff as a board!" He shook Vinay lightly as if to make a point. "The lead role isn't stiff. He's adventurous. Dashing! Charismatic! And right now you look like a tired accountant three years from retiring, whose idea of adventure is to buy medium salsa instead of mild."

He scowled, because unfortunately Toby was probably right. He wasn't sure he was cut out for acting at all, and the thought of going up on the stage and delivering his monologue before a judging panel… "What do you suggest, then?"

"Here, I've got it." Toby circled around behind him and put his hands on Vinay's shoulders. "You have to let your muscles relax."

"What are you doing?" said Vinay with considerable alarm.

"I'm helping with your stiffness, obviously." Toby was kneading at his shoulders, and unfortunately for Vinay's resolve, it felt amazing.

"You're just trying to get a rise out of me."

"And even though you know that, it's still working."

Of course it was. Vinay never knew what Toby was thinking, giving him a massage in front of everyone gathered for the audition, not that anyone was really noticing.

Actually, no. Vinay knew exactly what Toby was thinking, because it was what Toby was always thinking. He wanted attention, and as usual, Vinay was a convenient source for it.

"Let all that tension out of those muscles," said Toby in a tone that might have been soothing if it weren't Toby. "Just let your mind go blank. And think about what it would be like if you weren't terminally boring."

"Thanks," said Vinay, dripping with sarcasm. "I'll do my best."

"You're so very welcome. I'm always happy to help a fellow thespian!"

Vinay knew he had to do something to take his mind off of warm hands on his shoulders, lest he start to get uncomfortable feelings for his irritating roommate. "I wanted to ask you, have you studied for organic chem yet?"

"Eh, nah. I don't need to. I see organic chem as more of an art than a science really."

"…It's very literally a science."

"So I can probably intuit all the answers. I'll be fine."

That's right, Vinay needed this reminder of how absolutely infuriating Toby could be. He didn't take anything seriously but acting and inflating his ego -- although Vinay suspected there was more going on there, a lot more.

Ever since the very first day they'd been paired together in the dorms, he had an uncanny knack for getting on Vinay's nerves. He seemed to have a supernatural ability for pushing Vinay's buttons just enough to drive him up the wall, but never quite enough that Vinay could truly dislike him. Whenever Vinay wanted peace and quiet, there he'd be, demanding attention. And whenever Vinay was lonely… well, he'd usually be there too. And perhaps that wasn't so terrible.

"You should really study after this. I'll help you."

"Hmm… I suppose I could help you study, if you really want me to. But only if we order Chinese. I can't study on an empty stomach, you know."

"Fine. Deal."

The auditorium went quiet as the director got up on stage. "All right, we're going to begin auditions. Everyone auditioning for the male lead, please head backstage now. When your name is called, you'll have five minutes to deliver your monologue."

"Oh, here we go!" said Toby, cracking his knuckles and grinning. "Time to shine!"

"Right." Vinay tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he followed Toby backstage. He probably wasn't going first, so at least he'd have five minutes to take some deep breaths and calm down before --

"Vinay? You're up first."

Shit.

"Knock 'em dead," said Toby, clapping him on the back. "Break a leg. Break both your legs."

"What?"

"Shatter your collarbone. Suffer third degree burns to over sixty percent of your body."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Well, if breaking your leg is lucky, more injuries must be extra luck."

Vinay groaned and brushed Toby off as he walked out onto stage with a stride he hoped was confident. He turned to the front and looked at the director.

And his mind went immediately blank.

---

Vinay's mind went immediately blank when he saw the discount pet in the case in the corner, B211.

Toby. It was Toby. But that wasn't possible.

He looked so different from the last time Vinay had seen him. His hair was neatly done and he was wearing a tailored uniform, nothing at all like the tousled hair and loud colors he'd normally preferred. But the most striking thing about him was the smile. It was no longer that cocky grin he always wore when he'd gotten your attention. It was a customer service smile, a meek and submissive smile, a smile tinged with desperation.

But it was Toby. Even though that didn't seem possible, there was no mistake.

"Oh, I wouldn't recommend that one," said the salesman. "He's a bit more high maintenance than our other Romantics, and you're looking for a pet that's very independent, right?"

Vinay nodded and let the salesman lead him away to a different pet on display, but his mind remained behind.

How the hell did Toby end up as a pet? Vinay had spent so much time with him in college and never suspected that he might be a pet. Sure, he struggled with his grades, and was a bit on the unstable side, but surely that didn't mean he was a pet. Had he signed up voluntarily? Had he gotten himself in trouble, the sort of trouble that got him designated a risk to himself? Did he have a nervous breakdown?

And did he remember Vinay? No, he couldn't possibly. Pets all had their former memories erased through what was said to be a very humane process, to ease their transition into a better life. Toby likely didn't remember anything at all about him.

And that thought made him slightly ill.

"I can tell this one's not to your liking," said the salesman, and Vinay realized he'd been making a disgusted look in the vague direction of the pet the salesman was showing off. "Well, I think you're going to like this pet. He's low maintenance and is trained to cook…"

"That sounds interesting," said Vinay, trying to regain his focus.

He'd come here to find a companion pet on the recommendation of his therapist. His job left him with plenty of money but even more stress, he'd had little luck with making friends or dating, and he'd been getting desperately lonely and touch-starved. His therapist quite reasonably pointed out that that was one of the primary functions of pets, to ease loneliness.

Vinay had never considered it before. He'd never been fond of his family's Domestics. His father had preferred them unseen and unheard, so they tended to flit around the house like ghosts. Vinay certainly didn't want a pet like that. He wanted a pet with some personality, who could brighten his days and give him something to do other than work and sleep.

And he absolutely could not buy Toby, not that he would even consider it. However Toby had ended up as a pet, it was not his business, and Vinay was a stranger to him now anyway. Even if he didn't have his memory cleaned, Toby would no doubt hate being stuck with Vinay again. Most importantly, there was a rule in the Pet Owners' Handbook warning against keeping pets that the owner knew before they were pets. After all, pets had their memories erased so that their training would take well and so they wouldn't experience any unnecessary duress. Digging up those memories could cause psychological harm.

There was another customer in front of Toby now. Vinay had no reason to worry about him - he probably made a great pet, and would be bought up quickly.

That thought didn't make Vinay feel better at all.

The salesman directed him to the largest case at the end of the show floor. "And I've saved the best for last. This is a premium model, one of the finest we've had in this showroom. He does it all, and does it in style."

The premium pet was perfectly coiffed and very handsome. His smile looked much more natural than some of the other pets', warm and inviting, as though he truly wanted to be your companion. The salesman eagerly listed his attributes: independent, intelligent, capable of being a personal assistant, eager to please…

This one was everything he had wanted in a pet, just the sort of thing he'd been looking for. The pet was expensive, but Vinay could easily afford this indulgence. He'd be the perfect addition to Vinay's lonely condo, one he'd be proud to have.

"If this pet is within your budget, I think he'd be best suited to your needs, sir."

"He does seem like an ideal fit…" said Vinay with a lack of enthusiasm that surprised even him. After all, wasn't this exactly what he wanted? An ideal pet, perfectly trained, quiet, obedient, affectionate.

Just the right boring, corporate addition to his boring, corporate life.

"Would you like to spend a little time with him? I'm sure once you do, you won't be leaving this showroom alone."

Who was this premium pet before he was a pet? He wasn't meant to worry about that. They were all supposed to be volunteers or those who otherwise couldn't live a normal life, and the pet process was supposed to be humane and gentle. It was good for them, and good for pet owners.

But when he glanced over at Toby's blank and docile face…

"Maybe, but I'm still interested in that one. The one I saw when I first came in."

What was he doing? He couldn't buy Toby. That pet wasn't even Toby any more. He wasn't the roommate that drove Vinay up the wall at every given opportunity. He no longer knew any of Vinay's secrets, shared with him in late night conversations. He was a pet, now, and this premium pet was much better suited to Vinay's needs, just like the salesman said.

His needs. How often did he really think about his needs? What were they? Was a premium pet really what he needed?

Every rational part of his mind was screaming "bad idea" as he walked back to Toby's case. As he approached, a tiny spark of light appeared in Toby's dull eyes, and Vinay knew, against all of his sensible judgement, that he wasn't going to leave here without his old frenemy.

It had to be delusional, leftover feelings from his college years, all the time spent tutoring Toby and trying to get him to take his work seriously, all those times they'd spent laughing and talking about subjects both deep and ridiculous…

Vinay didn't really know what he needed, but he couldn't help but feel that Toby needed him.

"Are you sure?" said the salesman, clearly confused as to why Vinay had gone back here after being shown the premium model. "This one's a refurb. That's why he's on a discount."

A refurb. Someone had previously owned and sold Toby. He'd had his memories wiped at least twice now.

"Do you know why he was returned?"

"Ah, his original owner simply found a new relationship, and was displeased with the amount of attention this Romantic required. He's been wiped of those memories, and we've done our best to train out his unfortunate need for attention, of course…"

Vinay made a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a choke. Of course Toby was attention-seeking as a pet. If there was one thing Toby couldn't stand, it was being ignored or bored.

And his previous owner hadn't appreciated that. He could imagine Toby's desperation as his bids for affection were rebuked by a busy owner. Lonely. Rejected. They surely didn't know how to handle him. Vinay knew, though. He always had.

"I want to buy this one."

The salesman was as surprised as Vinay was, going on about how they don't accept returns on refurbished pets. That hardly mattered. Vinay wasn't going to be returning him.

He was actually going to go through with this. He was going to own Toby.

No, he was going to own the pet that was once Toby. He wasn't the same, and Vinay couldn't treat him that way, lest he damage his new pet.

It would be fine. He'd stick to the rules in the Pet Owners' Handbook, the thick tome he'd already read half a dozen times, and it would be fine. He wouldn't bring up old memories. He'd give this pet a good life and all of the attention he deserved, at least when he was off work. It'd be fine.

And so he'd ended up in the sales office, signing mountains of paperwork to make him the legal owner of B211.

"We'd be happy to offer you any of our very affordable add-on packages," said the salesman. "We have additional skill training, discipline courses, and a wide variety of modifications we can make to your new pet before he goes home with you. For this particular pet, I would strongly recommend additional obedience and docility courses, to make sure he's well suited to your busy lifestyle."

"No, that won't be necessary," said Vinay, thinking of Toby's -- no, B211's -- eyes. Vinay had never seen him so quiet and docile. More obedience training seemed like the last thing he needed.

"Very well. If you change your mind, you can always give him discipline and obedience refreshers as necessary, although it might be more difficult for the pet once he becomes attached to you."

"I understand," said Vinay, signing another packet of papers. His brain was already swimming with how best he should welcome his new pet into his home. He'd planned for it extensively, read all the books, and of course Toby -- no, no, B211, damn it -- had to throw a wrench in his plans.

He was sure of one thing, though. B112 would be safe and happy with him if it was the last thing he did.

Previous > Masterlist

I'm sure this will go well.

@there-will-always-be-blood @kisa-writes @andithewhumper @handsinmotion @whumperhive

@eventide-triptych @pumpkinsncoffee

[thebluekid-underyourbed]

I just saw a post on my Tumblr feed. It's overarching argument was "love is what makes us human, but everyone experiences some kind of love. There's lots of types of love, ex. Love for family, friends, pets, food, hobbies, etc and everyone experiences love for something in some way"

Okay. So. No ! Like I understand the full point that you're trying to establish, but I think it's wrong (and ofc, no hate to OP).

(Large rant under the cut)

Firstly, some people simply do not experience love. Some people quite literally cannot/will not ever experience love. That's okay. It's something that lots of people are comfortable with, and nobody should feel like their lack of love needs to be supplemented with other things that they enjoy

Second, you can't define people's very own experiences of love for them. Lots of people (myself included) reject the word love. That being said, I personally do use the word love to describe some aspects of my life. I use the word love towards my family, my hobbies, towards random passive objects, whatever I want. HOWEVER, other people may not. Other people might feel exactly the sensation that an allo person feels, but they don't need to call it love. That's how platonic attraction works for me: I feel what people normally describe as friendship, but it feels wrong for me to call that love. That doesn't change what I feel, I just don't want to call it love.

Last, and in my opinion most importantly, is that it's not the point. That's never been the point. It's not about whether someone feels love or not. The real question is why is anyone trying to impose their own opinions of humanity on anyone else. It shouldn't matter either way, and I don't need love to justify my humanity - I am inherently human because I am human. I refuse to define anyone's humanity for them, with or without love, and I refuse to be defined by others. Love does not make us human, our humanity makes us human. Anyone who can't understand the value of inherent humanity shouldn't be talking about anyone else's.

So the next time you feel like someone just "isn't admitting that they love" and that "all people love something, so that is what makes us human", remember that it's not up to you. Who are you to define me. Who are you to tell me that I'm human because I don't feel love. Who are you to tell me that I'm human because I do feel love.

I know what I am, and don't need anyone's permission to be human.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Would you ever do a lesson on raceswapping characters in fandom? I think prioritizing original and canon Black characters is more important of course, and tbh most of your lessons already apply when writing ANY Black character...I'm just tired of the constant influx of antiBlackness from the pro- and anti-raceswapping people. People who hate it are usually racists who don't want the sanctity of their whiteness challenged, but I've noticed in fandoms that embrace raceswapping more liberally (usually also by white people who think they're progressive for drawing a canon white character with a paint bucket tan and then claim they're a part of some unnamed diaspora in their headcanon) can get very racist very quickly. Ever notice how in some fandoms a white ship will race swap a character to be ambiguously brown and of ambiguous ethnicity, only to make them physically bigger, aggressive, flirty, dominant than they are even in canon? I've seen it happen to characters that are actively characterized as shy/quiet in canon, as soon as you slap on the digital blackface, the whole personality changes in fandom. And even then, people are allergic to specifically BLACK headcanons. So I debate with myself if raceswapping should even be entertained in fandom, especially by white people. At the same time, I've carved spaces for myself with my Black headcanons for characters I know are ambiguously white in canon/race not named but implicitly defaulted to white. This was in a time where there were less Black characters in general, but even now that we have a handful of great stories, they are still talked about so much less, with less content, and even shafted within the canon they come from. I think telling people to just find/create canon Black characters to love is only part of the solution and feels dismissive sometimes (this is not targeted at you), though I agree that it is important to do that also. Most important, even. Sorry for the length of the ask, just something been on my mind and wondered your opinion.

I got a little overwhelmed by the writing of this question, so I'm going to try to break it down to see if I'm understanding you:

What it sounds like you're saying is that when people headcanon a character as Black, they tend to still be racist about it? And this is specifically based on how they make the characters they've headcanoned stereotypical traits, such as aggressive and overly sexual?

And then, you're unsure if you even want characters to undergo this change, specifically by white fans, due to this racism?

I'm a little confused by the end, but it might help me by asking this: what is your solution to the rest of the problem? Like what do you think is the rest of the solution, since you said it's only part of it?

To be honest, I'm not going to take the pleasure of the melanin beam away from myself just because nonblack people can't not be racist. I don't think that's fair to me that I shouldn't experience something I like just bc they can't act right about my existence as a human being. That's a THEM problem! But that's me 🙌🏾 I can understand if there are people that don't do it.

As for what you've said here about the racism itself, you are right. It's part of how Black people are perceived, that they do this. Part of me feels like I already addressed some of these things in all three of the stereotype lessons, just bc people need to see what pre-existing biases- whether they mean them or not- they have in order to know why they're treating these characters this way. How no one can be normal about a Black character being normal lol.

However, I can understand how there could be a more overt, to the point illustration of how the change happens. So that change from their canon characteristics to "aggressive". I'm not sure if it would require an entire lesson on the topic, but I could make a mini lesson on what's occurring. I'd probably just use a visual like I did for the latest lesson (which also addressed the brown bucket character).

[dsireland86]

I enjoyed reading The Fight with Folio. I was wondering if you would maybe consider writing something similar with Noah. Maybe the reader went out, ran into her ex at a club or something, he hurts her, and she calls Noah distraught and everything. He drops what he's doing and comes to pick her up. He doesn't want her to be alone so he stays with her that night to make sure that she's okay.

At first, I didn't know where this one was going to start. But once I started typing, the thoughts just flowed. @lma1986 I really hope you like it !

TAGS:

@philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @theanarchymuse95 @thisbicc @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @thefallenangel

Evening Promises

"I should have listened to Noah when he told me not to go out tonight. I should have just gone to his apartment, like he asked, to hang out and watch a movie or something. I shouldn't be here. HE shouldn't be here. Why is he here?! Of all the freaking places he could be, he has to be in the same club, at the time, on the same night as me. What the hell!"

I can feel the panic rising in my chest and the bile rising in the back of my throat from the thoughts running rampant in my head. I turn around and face the counter of the bar, waving the bartender down in the hope of getting a shot or two. I can't handle what's happening right now with a sober mind.

The lady places two empty shot glasses in front of me, filling them completely, but before I can take the first shot, a familiar voice creeps up behind me, paralyzing me.

"Well, well, look who decided to leave the shelter of her apartment and join the land of the living."

Just the sound of his voice makes me cringe.

My ex leans against the bar, folding his hands together as he sits on the empty stool next to me. I refuse to look at him at first, but eventually, turn my gaze slowly towards him.

"You look good, Y/N," he says.

I sense the smugness in his voice from the slight close-lipped smile on his face.

"What? You're not happy to see me?" he asks, his sarcasm thick.

"What are you doing here?"

"Maybe I should as you the same thing considering out of the two of us, you were never the one for the social life, right?" he grins, taking a sip of his beer the bartender slides his way.

"I'm here with two of my girlfriends, if you must know."

He scoffs. "Typical," running his eyes over my body. "We were together for two years and I can't ever get you to go out with me to places like this, but the second your single this is the first place you go. What a whore." He shakes his head in disapproval. His words are a blow to my heart I should have expected.

I roll my eyes and throw back both shots before getting up to leave. He grabs my wrist, locking his hand around it tightly and I freeze, instantly. My heart starts racing and I close my eyes for a second, praying this isn't real. I need to call Noah. I need to get out of this situation and call Noah; immediately.

"Let go of me."

His grip only tightens.

"Oh, look who's feeling brave."

I wince, clenching my jaw tight. All the sound around me suddenly disappears, and the only thing I can hear is the pounding of my own heart against my chest.

God, why didn't I listen to Noah! I wouldn't be in the position if I had. I need him, I need him, I need him.

I try to focus my thoughts on Noah, knowing that if I do I might escape the panic attack coming on. His sweet face flashes across my mind: the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles and the poutiness of his lips. The freckles that dance across his perfectly thin and pointed nose and the look in his eyes each time I catch him looking at me. That look... I keep thinking about that look.

"Hey! Are you listening to me," my ex yells at me, pulling me from my thoughts. He shakes my arm to get my attention, jerking my body.

"Let go of me!" I yell at him, yanking my arm from his grasp and quickly walk away. I pull my phone out, moving further into the crowd of people, hoping I've lost my ex.

My hands are shaking as I try to hit the first number saved in my favorites. It rings, rings, and rings, and right as I'm about to hang up, a familiar voice answers.

"What happened?" Noah asks, voice anxious and tight.

How did he know something was wrong?

"Um, my ex, he's here, following me," I yell into the phone, covering my ear exposed to the loud music. "I don't know if he knew I was here or what, but he put his hands on me and..."

"Wait, what?! He put his hands on you? Y/N where are you? Tell me the name of the club; I'm on my way to get you!" Noah yells on the other end of the phone.

Out of the blue, a body flies into me, knocking into my chest and sweeping the phone out of my hand before I have the chance to give Noah the information.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry," the guy hollers at me, before walking off.

"Seriously!" I yell after him, pissed that I can't find my phone on the floor beneath the sea of people. I scan the gray concrete quickly to find it, hoping Noah's still on the other end when I do. I see it and immediately dive in after it.

"Hello! Noah, are you still there?"

"Y/N! CAN YOU HEAR ME? HELLO?"

"Noah, I'm here."

"Holy shit, you scared me. What's going on, Y/N?"

"I know I'm sorry. Some drunk guy knocked into me and made me drop my phone. But listen, the club I'm at,"

But my words are once again cut off as my ex walks by, yanking my phone out of my hand.

"What the...,"

"Who were you talking to, beautiful?"

"Don't call me that. And give me back my phone, you jerk!"

I lunge towards him as he takes a step back, taunting me with a suspicious glint in his eyes. I've seen that deranged look before, many times actually, and it never leads to anything good. My hands shaking as my heart races and fear keeps me planted where I stand.

"I think you and I should get out of here," he says, moving in close and suggesting against my ear. His tone sends shivers up my spine. Tears run down my cheeks and all I can think about is how badly I want Noah to be here right now; I need him to be.

Noah said he would come get me! But I didn't tell him where I am! Oh god this is horrible. He can't help me now.

My ex throws me against the side of the building, causing me to scrap my knee along the red brick, and instantly I feel the blood trickle down my leg. I hiss in pain as he grabs my arm, yanking me around and shoving me up against the wall.

"So tell me, baby, who's been sleeping between your legs since you left me, huh? Who did you leave me for?"

"I didn't leave you for anyone. I just left you because I was sick of how you treat me like this," I bark, glaring right into his eyes.

"I was good to you! I gave you everything you wanted!"

"Yeah, except you! You gave it to every other girl who walked into your office!"

The blow to my face comes unexpectedly, right across the right side of my face, blurring my vision. The pain is instant, causing me to grimace and cry out in agony. The hands that were once holding me against the building suddenly vanish and I hear lots of yelling. When I'm finally able to see, the bodies of two men are tangled up, throwing and swinging their arms profusely.

I study them for a moment, trying to make sense of what's happening and that's when I notice the hoodie.

"Noah! Stop!"

I rush over to him, right as he's about to slam his fist down again, catching his arm at the right time.

"Noah, don't!" I beg, breathlessly.

Noah's chest rises and falls over and over. His brown almond shaped eyes are wide with rage and adrenaline as he grips the front of my ex's shirt with his giant tattooed hand. I reach up and wipe the corner of his mouth, ridding it of the tiny trickle of blood.

"Don't, Noah. He's not worth it," I tell him, shaking my head and releasing his arm.

His nostrils flare, as he looks from me to my ex, immediately letting him go and standing up straight.

"Come near her again, and I'll break your fucking neck."

I don't have a chance to say or do anything. Noah takes my hand and leads us away from the scene as my ex is left to watch with a swollen eye and busted lip.

We drive home in silence with Noah barely moving. His lip is still bleeding, but I'm too scared to say anything. He looks pretty pissed. After a short while, we arrive at my apartment. I get out to leave, but Noah surprises me by turning the car off and reaching into the back seat to retrieve a duffle bag.

"What?" he asks, looking at me staring at him in confusion.

"I'm not letting you be alone tonight. What if that nut job shows up?"

I simply grin, without saying anything. I'm not complaining at all. In fact I'm relieved I didn't have to ask him. But before I get out, I reach over and finally wipe away the blood that's started to dry. His eyes never leave mine and the warmth that flows from them is enough to set my heart ablaze.

I unlock my apartment and Noah closes the door behind us, taking the time to make sure everything is bolted and locked.

"I'll take the couch," he offers, tossing his duffle bag on the floor.

I nod to let him know that it's alright with me. But I can't bring myself to say anything to him. No amount of words will ever be enough to explain or express the gratitude I have towards him for what he’s done for me tonight. Maybe tomorrow. I turn to leave, but am stopped by the pull of Noah's hand around my wrist that slowly slips into my hand. I turn around quickly to face him, and seeing the way he’s looking at me makes my knees weak. He's fighting something; an urge, a thought, words to say. He's confused, lost maybe in the caverns of his mind where he's known to compile everything until he can no longer make it make sense.

"Noah, what's wrong?" I ask quietly.

His eyes meet mine. Without a word he longingly pulls me into him, wrapping one arm around my waist while the other grips my chin and caresses my cheek and lays his forehead against mine. His eyes are glossy, telling me he's fighting back tears. He squeezes his eyes shut, forehead creasing, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly.

"I'm scared of losing you," he whispers slowly. "I'm terrified of just the thought of losing you."

Noah swallows hard. I'm speechless, unable to process what he's just said.

"And this is probably going to ruin everything between us, but I can't keep it a secret any more. Tonight made me realize that."

Noah's hand runs down the side of my face, over my collar bone and around the back of my neck. The feeling of his hand touching me the way it is, gently and lovingly, is electrifying. I snake my hands around his waist, pulling him a little closer to me, making his breath hitch.

"Made you realize what, Noah?" I ask, quietly, looking up into his face. The tip of his nose and his lips graze my face, making me weaker by the second.

"I'm in love with you," he whispers again, searching my eyes. He looks troubled, even a little scared, but hopeful just the same. "You're the love that came without any warning. And before I could even figure out what was happening, you had my heart before I could say no. I love you and I can't stop."

A single tear trickles down Noah's face, and I brush it away immediately. He captures my hand and brings my fingers to his lips, gently kissing my fingertips. I sigh, closing my eyes and relishing the feeling that I've been aching to feel for so long; adoration.

"The truth is, Noah, I stopped liking you a long time ago."

"What?"

Panic over takes the soft look in his eyes, making me chuckle. I placed my spare hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding against his chest.

"Because, I realized I loved you then. I'm in love with you too, Noah. Now more than ever. You came for me! How, I don't know,"

"I tracked your phone," he admits with a sly smile.

"Oh. Well that's certainly not alarming!"

"Hey now," he laughs, poking me in my side.

"Oh which by the way," excitedly pulling my phone from his pocket.

I gasp in great surprise, looking up at him.

"It fell out of his pocket the first time he hit the ground."

Noah looks away, but I pull his face back towards me. His warm breath lingers on my face, making me melt and fall into his embrace as he takes one of my arms and wraps it around his neck. God, the feeling of his skin beneath my fingers feels so good.

“Noah, how did you know something happened when I called you?”

He looks down, almost as if he’s embarrassed.

“I just had that feeling. I got worried when you first told me you were going out to a club. But I knew that if something happened, you’d call me. I guess you can call it intuition.”

“You were really worried?” 

“Well, yeah,” he replies as if it’s no secret. 

“I worry about you all the time when we’re not together.” 

He leans down and kisses my forehead, making my heart flutter.

“Well you can stop worrying.”

“Yeah, I can? Why’s that?”

“Cause we’re always going to be together,” I tell him, confidently.

“Oh, really! Is that a fact?” he says, grinning.

“One hundred percent.”

Noah just stares at me, smiling. His lips look so delicious, so enticing that I can't take it any more. I want to feel him, all of him, but first I want to feel his lips.

"Kiss me, Noah, please," I beg, staring straight into his eyes.

Not a moment later his lips are one mine, capturing me in a heated, passion filled kiss. His soft lips dance over mine, inhaling the very breath from my lungs, making me light headed and even a little dizzy. His tongue begs for entrance into my mouth which I gladly give him, and the second our tongues touch, he groans and I sigh and it's the moment when we both know that this is exactly what the other wants.

"You can't have the couch," I tell him, pulling him towards my bedroom. Noah smiles against my lips, willingly being led by my arms around his waist.

"Good, cause I wouldn't fit anyway," he chuckles, removing his hoodie and tossing it onto the chair in my bedroom.

"And I'm keeping your hoodie."

"Why does that not surprise me," he laughs, kissing me again right before he closes the bedroom door.

[vivs-soul]

"I encourage Ana/SH/Mia/!!"

You're a bad person, and a bad role model for younger girls and boys, you're just teaching them to hate themselves. There's a difference between encouraging and supporting btw (You can support someone and help them during bad times,) but encouraging them to go further is absolutely horrible, and you aren't a good person. Idc if shit like that is mainstream now, it really SHOULDN'T, in no way possible should this generation or any other think that it is normal to put a blade to their skin or count their calories. In no way should it be normal for younger kids to feel uncomfortable in having a natural body. In no way should kids be introduced to sex work and porn at a young age, I find it repulsive that people have to say this and that it isn't common sense. Making mental illness a trend was never going to be fun, we were supposed to give them a safe space and instead people use it as an option to show their superiority complex through trauma, it's vile and horrible behavior and should NOT be at all be normalized. Men being abused by women or other men, whether sexually, physically or mentally should not be normalized. What happened to the weird great revolution where everyone agreed we wanted to ve better people and provide safe spaces, and talk about your experiences without making yourself seem better than others, trauma shouldn't be a competition, and what happened to encouraging those with curable mental illnesses to solve their issues and making them feel loved. And i know there will be one person justifying that pedophilia is a mental illness, it is not. You had the option to be a good person, a child should never cross your mind nor your hands. It never will be. 1/3 post

[ihopesocomic]

That anon is baffling to me bc out of all the xenofiction I've seen, IHS is one of the best with how you use different face shapes and body silhouettes to distinguish characters that are the same species. Whereas a lot of anthro animal art just relies on fur/eye color or maybe a few "quirks" slapped onto otherwise identical models (cough cough, My Pride, and a lot of Warrior Cats official art, etc.) I think you're especially skilled at showing characters are related tp each other without making them look identical, which can be a hard thing to balance with animals that are hard to tell apart IRL. You're the best I've seen at that, genuinely.

Thank you! I haven't read enough xenofiction web comics to say what the best is, maybe Golden Shrike but I'm biased LOL

There's also just. A ton of details on a lions' face that I would've loved to include to make it more diverse, like unique whisker patterns. But its not necessary. No one's confusing anyone for anyone in our comic, at most they get names mixed up. If I were to one day up and decide to make the comic all greyscale, and take away everyone's mane, I'm confident enough in my abilities that readers would still be able to tell who is who. Even the ones who are related. (Plus we try to personalize their dialogue as well, so even if the characters aren't on-screen, you should still be able to tell who's speaking to who.)

That was one of our biggest criticisms of MP's character designs, no one looked related to each other, least of all any siblings. Which is a weird problem to have since COTW didn't have this problem? And its not like having characters with the same or similar eye color would've fixed or hindered the designs in any way. And yet the "solution" they had to making sure the males didn't look the same was giving them varying degrees of ridiculous hairstyles. One shouldn't have to rely on hair shape and accessories to make sure two characters aren't confused for each other lol

MP didn't even have the foresight to have a character Bible so you could know how big characters are compared to each other. Sometimes Hover is twice Nothing's size and other times she's the same size. But as I've said before, this wouldn't even be a problem if they built character models in Toon Boom lol you know, like what that program was made for. - Cat

[withonly-sweetheart]

psst. hey fam.

guess who loved ya'll too much to leave.

so i guess i'm just going to explain what the hell was happening when i decided to give up everything in the world ever???

i'm not failing my classes. seriously i'm doing well in them i just got upset at something my mom said, and if you have strict parents, you know that even when you're literally able to take care of yourself, they still find a way to shadow you.

but i've missed tumblr, and i genuinely think that whatever was going on in my life shouldn't stop me from doing the things that i love, from interacting with the people that i love.

more specifically, you guys. and i don't want to throw all that away just because of something irrelevant my mother said to me.

i took a break these two weeks, even went on a cruise! i had a lot of time to myself, to reevaluate exactly what i want to do with my life. two weeks might seem short to you, but it felt like an eternity debating what i should do.

so now, here i am! so excited to be back and cooking up new things while catching up on everything i've missed! you all are my inspiration, so what's life without a little fun?

[smiley-positivity-potato]

for all the young and older autistic masculine and transmasc peers out there, get ready to be confused about the new addition of male social cues society EXPECTS you to learn on how to be a "proper" and respectable man.

be ready to be just as flabbergasted and baffled by the expectations of others, men AND women alike, for what is acceptable for a masculine person in a conversation to say and what is not for it is seen as "weak". don't be shocked when your anxiety starts to rise when others try to see how strongly you can shake their hand, or for when they see how you can hold yourself in an argument OR fight you KNOW shouldn't have happened but the aggression is there because, naturally, you're a man so you can "take it". be ready for your disabilities or ailments to be dismissed by others, for you're a "big, tough" man so you shouldn't need time to HEAL. "Just ignore it. Keep pushing forward. What kinda man are you if you can't?", they'll accuse.

be ready for them to all of a sudden make being a man feel like rocket science mixed with gymnastics. they will make you feel like you have to wear a double mask to be a man. one mask you'd wear for your autism and one you'd wear to hide your past womanhood taught traits. and you'll feel idiotic if you don't get these things when we barely got the "girl" social cues before we transitioned.

they will laugh if you can't lift the trash because it's too heavy and they may MOCK YOU, just like my first ex gf did. they will compare the way you can or can not hold in your emotions to other men (your meltdowns, stimming, sensory issues, and etc. are now no longer "cute and quirky". they are an inconvenience). they will stare you down and expect you to KNOW how to be the protector of EVERY situation- not as a team protecting one another, but as an individual knight protecting your loved ones. and if you can't do this and more, you socially aren't accepted by other women AND men, alike, as a "proper" man.

but the thing is, you may never learn EVERY social cue as an autistic masculine person. and even if you do, it won't make sense. so you may not see a reason to do it- for the pressure of others shouldn't define your manhood. you are autistic and that is okay. you do not need to find all these things important to your masculinity journey. and even if you choose to learn some of these society approved cues, it should be out of your own comfort. not because you want others to think you're a "better" man. standing your ground, as you walk further and further up this path, has already helped you start to become a better man- this version of you is already better because it's who you wished to be as a little girl.

and you will continue to grow and be that. so all because you don't get or know why every masculine social cue exists, like others expect, doesn't make you any less of a man than another cis man. you're just an autistic transmasc. an autistic, upstanding man. and there will NEVER EVER be anything wrong with that. i promise.