#if you're a charles apologist just block me

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

romeo must die

this one-shot is based on the song Romeo Must Die by Gabrielle Aplin, I highly recommend listening to it! shout out to @eugeniaslongsword for introducing me to it :) i even borrowed some lyrics from it haha. it is also inspired by the entire playlist I made, "being treated badly by someone doesn't make you love them more"

content warnings: past toxic/unhealthy relationship, the uncomfy 6-year age gap between Alastair and Charles

Masterlist | Read on AO3

"Alastair, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

Alastair looked up from what he was working on. He was in the library of the Institute, along with Cordelia, Thomas, James, Matthew, and Christopher. They were searching for any clue as to how Lucie had done what she’d done or what Tatiana and Belial were planning. Alastair wasn't entirely sure how he got roped into the ordeal, but it seemed as though Thomas suggested him as an extra set of eyes, and Cordelia latched onto the idea.

"No," he said curtly, returning to his reading.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no. I'm quite busy at the moment." Alastair spoke under his breath, not wanting to draw the others' attention. How many times had Charles barked the same words at him, swatting him away, hacking away at paperwork or planning his next step in his career? The words sat bittersweet in his chest.

"Surely you could spare a few moments."

"I certainly could. But I do not wish to." Charles had a way of getting into his head and twisting his words and his feelings. It was not an experience he wished to revisit. It was better here, with an audience. It had also been easier in the infirmary, knowing that he held all of the power. His father had made him feel the same way, he thought bitterly. He understood now that what he'd done at school was not only to protect himself from the bullies. He wanted to reclaim the power stolen from him by his father; he wanted for once in his life to hold power himself. He hadn't yet come to the realization that holding that kind of power did nothing but harm. It was of no use, anyways, because it didn't matter how much he perfected his tongue and his wit on the other students at the Academy, he was never able to use it when it counted. Not with Elias, and not with Charles.

"It's fine if you need to take a few minutes, Alastair,” Cordelia said gently. All of the eyes in the room had come to rest on the two of them. Now he wished he’d spoken louder.

“It’s alright, Charles was just leaving.”

He had hoped that Charles would give up and leave knowing that everyone was watching him, but he was determined. He grabbed Alastair’s arm. “It’ll just be-”

Alastair stood, but pulled his arm away. “Don’t touch me.”

In a flicker, Alastair saw it: the anxiety began to set in. Charles began to realize that he would not be able to play his usual tricks. “Why are you acting like this?”

“I believe I was quite clear when I told you I don’t wish to speak with you. You’re the one who can’t let this go.”

“Must you act so childish?”

He rolled his eyes. “Must you always call me childish for thinking for myself instead of catering to your every whim?”

“I don’t understand. You said we were fine.”

Alastair sighed. Perhaps for a moment, he thought that was true. For just a second, he thought there was a world where he and Charles could be friends. But Alastair had decided that he would no longer call people who hurt him his friends. “Yes, well, I lied. I wanted to let you down gently, but it’s clear to me now that it must be spelled out for you. How shall I put this? You and I are past our dancing days, Charles.”

“But-” He stammered, searching for words. “What happened with Grace Blackthorn wasn’t my fault.”

“Maybe not. But what of Miss Bridgestock? Am I to pretend that what happened with Miss Blackthorn was not the same as what happened two years earlier?”

“You told me many times that you took no issue with that, that you understood.”

“I understood what you told me, which we both know was never the full truth. I was a sixteen year old desperate for your affections, and the fact that you truly believe I never had any issue with your arrangement is proof that you never genuinely cared about me or listened to my thoughts. I told you in the infirmary that this wasn’t your fault because I thought it’d ease the pain, but I lied. And I don’t have time to sit here and watch you cry over it.”

Alastair wished that watching Charles become flustered would have been more enjoyable. Instead, all he wanted was for this to end. “You- you’re different than when we met. You’ve changed. You’re cruel and callous, I don’t understand how I could not see how heartless you were until now. You are everything that everyone claims you to be. How am I to even know what the truth is when it comes from your lips?”

There was a time when those words would have cut deeply into him, eating at his every insecurity, but Charles mistakenly assumed that Alastair was the same person he was last July, with the same insecurities. “When we met, I was fourteen years old. I’ve grown up, and it is time for you to do the same. It’s been six months, Charles. You need to stop writing me. If that makes me heartless, I don’t care. And if you wish to know the truth, the truth is that the moment you leave here, if I never see your face again, it still will not be long enough.”

Charles stared at him for a long while, unable to find a proper retort. In the end, it was Matthew who stepped in. “Charles, I believe it’s time for you to go.”

He obliged, finally turning to leave the library. As he began to walk away, however, Alastair knew that he was not finished. His heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of such a confession, and faster again when he realized who would hear it, but there was no piece of parting with Charles that he wished to regret.

“Wait,” he said. Charles froze and turned to look at him. “I know it’s unlikely that you have it in the cold depths of your soul to care, but let the record show that I would have given you everything. I would have given you my life, all of the love and trust that I had to give, and then I would have given more. And you gave me nothing. So the next time you’re pondering my heartlessness, you ought to wonder what that means for you.”

Finally satisfied, Alastair did not wait for Charles to turn and leave again to return to his seat and pick his reading back up. He waited for a moment, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of everyone’s eyes on him. He stood once more, opening his mouth to speak, but the words were caught in his throat. Instead, he walked out of the library in silence.

Finding the nearest balcony, he attempted to steady his breath.

“Are you alright?” He heard from behind him. Thomas. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

He shook his head. “I just needed some air.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Alastair sighed. He backed up against the window and slid down to the floor of the balcony. “I know- I know that everyone sort of knew already, but… by the Angel, I feel so pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Thomas told him, sitting down beside him.

“You were right, of course you were. I was so… taken with him, back in Paris. I couldn’t see him for what he was. I was so naive, so foolish. I just- After everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve been through, how did I not realize-”

Thomas put his hand on Alastair’s knee. “You wanted to see the best in him. After everything you’d seen and been through, you wanted to believe that there were still good and honest people in the world. And there are. I’m sorry that he was not one of them, but that does not make you foolish or pathetic. It makes you… kind.”

“I bet you’d never imagined describing me as such before.”

“It seems you’re full of surprises,” Thomas teased. “But that’s not true. I always saw the kindness in you, even back at school, when you did everything to keep it hidden.”

“As you can see, my ‘kindness’ has never gotten me very far.”

“You were out of practice. Following me on my reckless nighttime patrols, that was kind. More than kind. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that, for risking your life to protect mine.”

“I didn’t do it for gratitude.”

“And yet I owe you mine nonetheless.”

“I can’t go back in there, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can tolerate you and your friends hating me just fine. But if any of your friends give me even an ounce of pity- well, we’ll see just where the limits of my kindness lie, won’t we?”

Thomas stood up, offering Alastair his hand. “Pity comes from those who cannot even begin to understand what you’ve experienced. For what it’s worth, I don’t think my friends will pity you. But if they do, you can ignore them. For Lucie.”

Alastair sighed and allowed Thomas to pull him to his feet. “Fine. Let’s get back to reading.”

“Speaking of reading, do you have the entirety of Shakespeare’s canon memorized, or only the lines you believe may pop up in conversation?”

“Excuse me?”

“‘For you and I are past our dancing days,’ it’s Romeo and Juliet, isn’t it? It’s the only one of his works that I got through.”

Alastair froze. “You haven’t read Hamlet?”

“I tried.”

“Othello? King Lear? Macbeth? Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

He shook his head.

“That’s impossible. And James is friends with you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Wait until my sister finds out you haven’t read Hamlet,” he warned, starting towards the library with urgency in his step.

“Wait, don’t- I just don’t like Shakespeare! What’s so wrong with that?” Thomas’ attempts at reasoning were futile, however, a welcome distraction from all of their recent sorrows finally taking hold.

Thanks for reading!! This was self indulgent af lol. I'm not to sure whether some people only wanted to be tagged in my social media AU, so if that's the case I'm sorry & please tell me!: @stxr-thxif @chaos-and-starlight @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @eugeniaslongsword @bookswitchcraftandcats @jamesherondaleofficial @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @livingformyself @anarmorofwords @foxglove-airmid @writeforjordelia @sapphic-in @thecodexsays @fortheloveofthecarstairs @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @shadowrunner2000 @thewarthatsavedmylife @fair-childd @icouldnotask @shadowhunting-hooligans @melanielocke @clarys-heosphoros @kiwichaeng @lightwoodsimp @thecrimsonsorceresss @theenchanteddreamer @adams-left-hand @yozinha-z @ipromiseiwillwrite @skirtsandsweaters @goodoldfashionednerd

[msfbgraves]

I ship Cherik. Me, and nearly all the X-Men fandom. It's the fandom flagship, and all possible iterations of the pairing may have seen the light of day by now.

We all ship it, while acknowledging that in canon, Erik has often been very willing to actively hurt or endanger Charles, even before the 'beach divorce', and after, too. (I'm referring to the method Erik uses to kill Shaw, knowing full well that Charles is part of that. Him dropping a stadium on Charles, him using Charles as a vehicle to kill all humans). And Charles can be a right bastard, too.

So fluffy!

But we deal with it: fixit AUs, tooth rotting fluff, blood curling angst. Nobody is posting DNI's for shipping Cherik even though their love can be anything but wholesome. We still don't go around calling 'abuse apologist' for writing a coffeeshop AU.

I also ship Silverusso, among a great many other Cobra Kai ships. This is a ship that, I'll grant, didn't start of from an honest place, and both are very willing to hurt the other. There's an age gap between the two, but even though some ship it between a 17 or 18 year old teenager (the timeline is incredibly vague and contradictory about that) and a man in his mid-thirties, presumably, it is also completely possible to ship it between a man in his fifties and one in his very late sixties or early seventies.

Because at some point, the attraction between the two was clearly mutual.

Yes, the canon attraction between them is subtextual, just as the majority of Cherik, but in the same "This subtext is rapidly becoming text" way, or the same way Johnlock never kissed in canon. (It was 2011, deal with it.)

And the fandom has the same range from tooth rotting fluff to blood curling angst.

Except this time, the larger fandom will block you for shipping it on sight.

"This is not a safe space for you!" non-shippers exclaim. "Don't you dare tag the gifs with the ship!"

I thought that was because love is only allowed to exist when it's happy, but then, Cherik isn't, or Hannigram. Is it because of the age gap? But why does that matter between two middle aged men? Is it because of violence in their past? But then why is Lawrusso a perfectly acceptable ship in that fandom? Johnny Lawrence harrassed Daniel LaRusso, pushed him off a cliff, nearly killed him in a mugging. But that's OK as long as they're both teenagers? Or is a power differential OK if it is a group of highly trained, rich, martial artist teenagers against one untrained poor teenager, but not if one of them was an adult at one point and the other wasn't (again, this is highly debatable)?

I mean the actors have absolutely no problem playing a dark sexual tension between the two, then or now. Neither did the Cherik actors. The writers have demonstrably no problem writing lines like: "I like this attitude on you", "It was easy to disrupt your marriage. You let me walk right in", or have a younger Daniel gushing about Silver. And the actors have great respect for each other.

But the non-shippers in this fandom keep making seperate call out posts on their blogs. Not content with saying it's their notp, but forbidding others to even interact with their posts (not comment, interact at all).

It can't be the violence in their past or present (for god's sake, it's cobra kai! How often have Johnny and Daniel fought?) It's not that dark ships are generally unacceptable on Tumblr. It must be that at one point, Daniel was a teenager and Silver was not.

But then, so is Gradence, and that fandom has never compelled me to post my fics on anon, or forbade me to read gifs as dark shippy.

Other fandoms seem to understand that you can be fascinated by love that isn't healthy, and you can go as dark or as feather light in fandom as you please.

Just learn what a NOTP is, CK stans. You're being very weird.

[antibayern]

🍓 hi, london is blue

hello ma'am 🤠 first of all that is correct blue is the colour and we see things they'll never see and all that

second of all,,, i should slander u for coming to my home after outing urself as a max apologist, the stuff u put me through, the things i have to see because of u,,, unreal,,, you're lucky you're so fucking funny and so fucking sweet and so fucking amazing cause otherwise you would be blocked by now!

also remember that time u made me choose between charles and lewis??? evilish, truly malicious,,, exactly the kind of person i needed in my life but hadn't, i just,,, seriously honestly truly love u like, what are the chances of finding someone who not only loves both my clubs but also my fave twink f1 driver and ALSO our queen and saviour taylor swift? incredible taste and even more incredible human being :)

@mutuals send me a 🍓 and ill compliment u!