#if you’ve got any drag thing/drag monarch suggestions especially though i’m very open to them!

[dragkingsrule]

i’m not dead, just really sick. we’ll be back to our regularly-scheduled boys (and other toys) as soon as possible 👍

[nebraska-is-a-myth]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERET

In commemoration of one of my favorite streamers birthday, I wrote this lil angst one shot of my own take on Erets de-thronement. I have added some of my own headcannons to this, and if anyone wants me to make a separate post explaining those, I would be happy to. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day on this grand January 9th, long live the king!

Eret has been staring at the message on his communicator for a while now. He fiddles with the cool metal absentmindedly in his shaking hands, he never did do well with nerves. They try to focus on the sound of the peaceful world around them. He hears birds chirping and gliding along in the wind that tussles Erets growing hair. The breeze grounds him for a moment, before past thoughts drag him back into his own desolate thoughts. 

They haven't been this lost since the last l’manburg war.

Tensions are so incredibly high wherever they went, Shlatt was angry, Tubbo was stressed, and Fundy was… Fundy was too caught up in whatever secret mission that wasn't so secret to talk to Eret lately. Her stomach churns, vomiting is less than ideal right now, she doesn't want to smell of bile when she inevitably has to return to her castle. 

Eret glances down at the glowing city below them, the rubble where the walls used to be reminds them of a simpler time, when they would stay up into the cool hours of the morning laying bricks with Fundy and Niki, drinking hot cocoa from steaming mugs that would fog up their glasses and make them laugh. He misses the smell of cocoa, he hasn't been able to travel to the jungle lately to get more beans, what with all the war preparations and the construction of his castle. But the thought of drinking cocoa alone makes her feel rather lonely. She remembers when Tommy had tried to make a cup of it himself, but it ended up just being a powdered marshmallowy mess. Eret had laughed as Tommy was convinced that he could make the drink himself, but Eret saw the way the teens eyes gleamed when Eret had handed him a mug filled to the brim with warm chocolate and a few too many marshmallows. Tommy came to them for hot cocoa most nights after that. (He wonders if the blond had learnt to make it by himself now?)

It makes him sad to think about the good times he had within those long forgotten walls, the comforting touches and warm whispers passed in the night, even as threats of war loomed closer. He craved so desperately to have those things again. Touch was something Eret had always found would soothe their anxieties. It never mattered what it was, a hug or a soft shoulder bump, knowing someone was there that wanted to touch him, wanted to help him feel safe, always made his heart swell. 

She hadn't felt safe in quite some time.

She wipes a rogue tear from her face when she feels her communicator vibrate in her palm.

Dream wants to meet, and it sounds urgent. 

Eret takes a long deep inhale and holds it for a second. They look down upon a nation that once welcomed them with open arms, and remembers the way it shunned them and shot them down time and time again. No matter how many times they tried to offer kindness and comfort after the flames of the war started to simmer, they were always confronted with fists and glares of hatred. Maybe he deserved it, maybe he deserved worse. 

Eret lets out a deflated breath.

Time to go see Dream.

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The throne room is chilled with the crisp morning air, the hairs on Erets arms stick up, and he uses his cape to secure some form of warmth while he can. Eret composes himself when Dream abruptly bursts through the castle doors and Eret moves slowly to correct his posture. Dream stalks up to the bottom of the throne and bows subtly before him. “Your highness.”

Eret holds back the urge to roll their eyes. 

“What brings you and your men here dream.”

Sapnap, George and Punz stand at attention, swords latched in their holsters and shields dropped to their sides. Their nonchalant postures put Eret on edge, she tries to keep her facial expressions indifferent however. 

“Tell me Eret, do you enjoy being king.”

Dreams porcelain mask stairs up at him, the way it smiles had always unnerved him, although he’d never tell the man himself.

“It has its perks.”

And really, they weren't lying. Eret enjoyed being king, it was nice to know that he was more than the little common boy he was raised as. But the hatred that came with being a monarch was definitely not something to be desired.

“Of course of course.” Dream stops his sentence to tilt his head slightly. Piss off already Eret though. “You've got this big castle, a cushy throne.-

-But what do you actually do.”

Eret keeps their mouth shut, better to lead Dream ride out this monologue than interrupt and drag out this conversation for more than was necessary. 

“Nothing, you do nothing! And that okay I get it, I'm not judging. In fact that's exactly what I want you to do.”

There is a sinister tone hidden beneath that mask of his, she knows that there is a point to all of this, but what it is Eret can't quite place her finger on. 

“Kings are supposed to stay neutral after all, not get involved… wouldn't you agree Eret?”

“Actually I-”

Dream cut him off, okay, no talking. Got it.

“And if you want it to stay that way- I suggest that this little war doesn't get any royal intervention.”

Eret pauses. “I don't quite understand what you're suggesting Dream.”

“What I'm suggesting is that you may be royalty in this realm, but what does it actually give you? Does it give you power? Does it give you respect? No. I do.”

“Excuse me?”

“You think you have jurisdiction here Eret when in reality, you have nothing. You hide behind these walls and that crown because you think they can protect you. Well let me be the one to remind you that the only thing protecting you is my axe, and my shield.”

Eret remains speechless for a moment. 

“The respect of the people-”

“The respect of the people means nothing Eret, when it's the only thing protecting you from a knife in your back. Am I wrong?”

Is he wrong?

“I may not have strength in numbers but that does not make me helpless Dream. I am not an obedient little dog for you to order around as you like.”

“I beg to differ my lord.”

“If that is what you believe Dream, then I can assure you my bite is far worse than my bark.” Eret can almost picture the smile on Dream's face as he talks, and if it were not for the severity of the situation, Eret would have mocked him for hiding behind that white mask of his.

“Lets keep this civil shall we. All I'm suggesting is that whatever is going on between pogtopia and l’manburg, you, as a representative of Dream smp, take no part in it. And when all of this is over, hopefully there will be neither, and you can expand your kingdom further. Doesn't that sound grand?”

“So your plan is to let them kill each other and then reap the benefits?”

“My plan Eret, is that there is no manburg, there is no pogtopia. There is only Dream smp, and that's been my plan since the beginning Eret. I have been very open about that, I have never been secretive about my goals. It's why I had you betray L’manburg, and it's why I made you king.”

“-And you're not a vengeful person, are you Eret, you don't hold grudges, you're neutral and that's what I like about you. It's what makes you an excellent king. You sit there, and you look pretty and that is.”

Erets blood boiled, how dare dream come into his castle that he built and tell him that he does nothing. Nothing! Eret has done more for this kingdom than Dream has ever done, and now he is being made a mockery of. Eret wants to stain that white mask red.

“Do you remember when you first became king Eret, when we made that little crown there mean something. Do you remember when we put a chain of command in place.”

“I am aware.”

“Do you remember who we decided was secon-”

Eret uncrosses his legs abruptly, his shoes making a rather loud bang as they hit the floor.

“I've had enough of this dream.”

He leans forward on his throne and interlocks his fingers, it felt good to be able to look down on dream. 

“Get to the point or I'm going to have to ask you to leave.”

Dream lets out a small breath that seems to resemble a laugh and takes a step back from the throne. 

“I get it you're a busy man. So I am going to give you an ultimatum. Either you remain indifferent in this little war that's going on, or Gorge here gets that pretty little crown of yours.”

George? Of all the people he could have given power to, he chose George? Sure George was easy for dream to control and manipulate, but the people would see right through that. They wouldn't respect someone like George. Especially after all Eret had done to build up a community and a kingdom the people were proud of. Sure maybe he had less allies than George does, but that won't buy him respect from the citizens. It almost made Eret laugh at such a reckless decision, Dream was so eager to manipulate and control Eret that he barely even thought about the consequences that came if Eret refused to comply. George didn't have the guts to be king, even now standing in Erets castle he looked small. He didn’t control the room like a king had to do, he blended in, tried not to stand out. George wanted to disappear and go unnoticed, a king had to be at the center of everyone's attention to be able to establish even the slightest bit of respect. But George couldn't do any of that, by the looks of it, George could barely hold his sword. 

“And if I decline?”

“Did you not hear the part where George takes your place.”

“Yes I heard perfectly fine all about your brilliant idea to make George king. I meant, what if I decline both of your options.”

“I’m afraid you wouldn't want to find out your highness.”

Eret, clearly annoyed at this point, rose from her throne, making her way over to dream with quick, towering strides. She holds her hands behind her back, standing up tall and straight, a stance that came with being king. Eret leans slowly with a smile sneaking onto their face, close enough to whisper into Dreams ear.

“Try me.”

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It all happens in a flash, but some part of Eret knows that he is letting this happen. He feels hands on him and someone forcing him to walk forward, almost dragging him. He registers that Dream is talking, but honestly, he doesn't know if he really cares enough to listen to the green man. Eret really is just dragging this out for the theatrics now. The hands dragging him stop just before the castle doors and they wait for dream to come into view and stand in front of him. 

“I'm going to have to ask you to take off your crown now Eret.”

“I'm afraid I can't do that Dream.”

I mean he could, he really could. But where's the fun in that.

“It wasn't a request, Eret.”

“Shame really.”

What Eret would give to see Dreams expression right now, she can almost picture his eyebrows furrowing in annoyance. 

“Eret I-”

The ground rumbles beneath them, Dream tries to ignore it but in Erets mind they know his heart skipped a beat. 

“Dream I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises.”

Dream draws his sword now, and his goons appear to mimic this action, anger clearly showing in the way his stance has changed. 

“I’m afraid I can't do that Eret.”

Dream thinks he’s witty, using Erets words against her. 

But two can play at that game.

“It wasn't really a request.”

There had been stories told throughout the smp as to why Eret wore his glasses, some speculated that he had embarrassing face deformities (Tommy) others though he had just spent so much time underground that direct sunlight hurt his eyes (Fundy). Someone, a long time ago, had known the truth, but that person no longer cared enough to remember why Eret was always so shy around them. Why they took the most care in making sure her glasses were pushed right up to the brim around them. Why they hesitated to talk around them. No one knew the truth, and even now, as Erets eyes glow brighter than the void, no one will really believe why Erets eyes resembled that of Herobines. 

The Dream team's legs shake as the ground rumbles once again. They lower their swords and their jaws as Erets feet separate themselves from the floor, blocks detach themselves from each other and rise above their heads. Sapnap feels like he’s living in one of the old fables his mother used to tell him about monsters and evil spirits, except this wasn't a fable. This was real. Erets cape flows in the wind he’s creating, it pushes George's hair out of his face and the shiver that makes it way up his spine makes him clutch onto Dream's green sleeve without thinking. He never really was the best at subduing his emotions. 

Eret lets this horrific smirk paint its way onto his face, its smug and terrifying to look at because, He could do this? All this time? 

They could levitate and rip blocks from their place and make them fly just like they could. Surely this was just a hack, some broken code in the server. But Dream checked that regularly, especially after he found Tubbo tampering with it. There were no cheat codes, no secret binary that could allow Eret to do this. Dream was dumbfounded, but mostly, he was terrified. As if they were walking on a floating surface, Eret makes their way over to dream. The latter raises his sword in defense, but Erets simply grasps the blade and shatters it over his knee as if it were a twig. Purple fragments fall to the floor like splinters, years of hard work and perfection gone in a simple movement. Erets hand does not bleed, at least not from what Dream can see. The sharpness enchantments had done nothing to the man's skin except gather magic particles underneath his fingernails. Eret bent down slowly, staring at Dreams white porcelain mask with a smile. She planted a small kiss in the center of it before tilting her head to the side and bringing a hand up to make a little wave motion.

“Bye bye Dream.”

A sudden gust of wind flings the grand castle doors open and a force Dream had never felt before starts to push at his limbs for a moment, the intensity of the force almost makes his legs cripple beneath him. But before his legs give out, the feeling vanishes just as quickly as it came. George braces for the next impact, but he finds that it never comes. He lifts his arms from around his head, and glances up through his goggles and lets out a gasp as the figures before him come into view.

Erets' chest has become incredibly tight, the pressure forces them to drop to their knees, the weight of their own body becoming too much to handle. Eret coughs and splutters and he feels like he's suffocating unit… oh. There is blood dripping from his mouth onto the cool floorboards of his castle, the liquid leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He spits at the floor and is greeted with an unbearable pain in his midsection. God it hurt, so much. Erets shudders and lets a painful wheeze escape her lips, the pain was nothing like she had felt before, it made her want to cry out and scream in agony. But only muffled gasps of air came out. Oh god is she dying? Eret tucks his head into his neck and sends his golden crown clatering to the floor. It rolls into the pool of blood collecting on the newly polished wooden floor, and soon the gold is replaced with crimson red. The ringing in her ears has spiraled into muffled laughter. 

“Oh how the mighty fall.” Eret feels the vibrations of Dreams footprints before they can bring themselves to strain their neck to look at the masked man. Dreams foot comes into view first, it stops just short of the blood and Eret thinks Dream is going to kick him for a second. But no, the green man raises his foot and stomps it down on the precious metal item, shattering it with a horrifying crack. It would be enough to make Eret cry on its own. Suddenly Eret feels fingers brushing through the curls on the top of his head and with a painful yank, Eret is pulled up into a half kneel, spluttering in pain as he comes face to face with dream.

“Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes.” Eret winces as dream keeps a painful hold on his hair. Whatever is causing the pain in his midsection moves violently as Eret breaths, it makes his chest burn and the blood in his throat come spluttering out. “I have to say though, I was right when I called you pretty.” Blood and tears pool at the base of Erets chin and he wants so badly to spit it out all over Dream’s pristinely polished white mask, but the thought of even moving on his own sends a ripple of pain through his body. “Pretty fucking pathetic.” Dream pulls at his hair harder and Erets legs are so close to giving out, he's only held up on his knees and the pressure of dreams hand in his hair. “You really thought you could better me, you thought you could beat me like the hero you so desperately want to prove yourself to be. You're no hero Eret. Those people out there couldn't care less whether I slit your throat here today or if I dangled your corpse in the town square for everyone to see. You're alone Eret, can't you see! And whatever that was, whatever cheats you’re using aren't going to change that. I mean I don't blame people really for leaving you here in this castle to rot. Who would ever want to be near a freak like you.” 

Dream drops Eret with a thud and strides away towards the rest of the dream smp soldiers and Eret curls into himself painfully. “Congratulations on the kingship George, let's go out to celebrate. Give the maids some time to take out the trash.” He hears footsteps start to trail out of the great hall and punz’s voice echoes into the room. It's hard to make out exactly what they're saying but before Eret is left to the silence of his castle, he hears dreams muffled voice past the open gates. “Leave the sword punz, let him pull it out himself.”