#if you want to stay up to date with me personally my instagram is strangenscary and my tiktok is too

[cloudycrystalkpop]

good to know you’re okay, bc I have your post notifications on and I saw the post about you saying “if I don’t post for a while assume I’m dead” and I basically kept spamming you and you never responded and fucking CHRIST MAN it is NOT fun thinking you were actually dead.

trigger warning: suicide attempt mention under the cut

okay, there's no point in hiding this since I did publicly post about it at the time.

I attempted suicide in, July I believe? it may have been late June of this year (2021) and I failed (obviously lol).

never even went to the hospital, just, went to work the next day like nothing happened.

I've attempted suicide before in my life, and its been something that's haunted me for years. I'm currently seeking a diagnosis so I can hopefully be put on proper medication as the ones I was on only made it worse.

depression is a common mental illness but for some of us its not a simple diagnosis. I'm planning to be tested for autism and possibly borderline personality disorder in the new year.

I would like to tell you everything is okay, and that I'll get medication and be fine, but honestly I don't know.

however, I want to apologies for the scene I made when I made that post. I genuinely hoped I wouldn't wake up that night, and the anxiety of the people here who have read my work never knowing what happened bothered me deeply.

I had a flood of messages after I posted that and the shame and fear kept me from responding to any of them. I stepped back from a lot of social media after my failed attempt and I was so ashamed and had so much anxiety that I kinda just ran and hid.