#if you so Spiritual... why you still in church [Preschool]?

[katelcorn]

i just realized that i went to christian schools my whole life and i'm still struggling with making a deep connection with God. i don't even know what i'm feeling right now ang alam ko lang gusto ko talaga magserve. i used to serve sa church nung yfl pa ko. nag-parish youth ministry kami ng sister ko but we had to leave cuz the members were chaotic, like not the good kind but you would expect more from church servants kasi eh and i did not like the community.

so nung preschool ako sa presbyterian school ako nagaral. went to a baptist school naman from elementary to 8th grade. tapos yung school ko nunf 9th grade til senior high di sila registered na may religious affiliate but we have bible lessons and the teachings are rooted in born again doctrine, even the owners are born again. tapos in college i went to a catholic university. i also have ties with the LDS church cuz both my parents got baptized when i was super young pa so they visit us every now and then. i even used to go to church there nung bata pa ko til my dad worked abroad kaya di na kami nakapagchurch masyado. tapos nung 19 ako ininvite ulit kami sa church but ako lang yung nagtry ulit. i did not like the teachings kasi joseph smith centered sya, imbis na focused kay Jesus Christ or kay God the Father, or yung holy spirit. kaya i left and never looked back.

feeling ko yung catholic guilt ko talaga may kasalanan why i don't wanna leave this church. masaya naman ako sa church, my first encounter with Jesus was during my youth camp in 8th grade. . . so that accounts for something. all the others i learned was from yfl also. ang problem kasi sa catholic church ang hirap maggrow spiritually kapag wala kang org. had i not been a member of yfl, i don't think i would have that spiritual encounter within the church lang kaya even though i did not have the best experience in yfl i'm still super grateful for this org. i met so many ate and kuya who genuinely wanted to help me with my shaky faith back then. the community was of course imperfect but it helped me grow my faith in God. ibang usapan lang talaga yung pym hahaha!

well ayunnnnn. . . alam ko naman igguide ako ni Lord to discern what church is really good for me. 🤍

[holyathome]

LET'S START AT THE VERY BEGINNING...

Welcome to Holy at Home with Chef Sprinkles! This new blog initiative is designed to encourage you and your family in your Journey with Jesus as you grow together as Disciples of Jesus Christ! It is designed for families with children of all ages and will feature bi-weekly posts. I hope that it will be an inspiration and an area of support for each of you; you are welcome to share the link with anyone you know who might need that little boost of reassurance as they live a life of discipleship both in and out of their family environments.

To jump-start things, I'd like to share why I have such a passion for this topic and why I believe having a firm foundation at home is essential.

It is never too early to start sharing Jesus with your kiddos - whether they are your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or the neighbors next door! While it might seem that a 3 or 4 year old might not retain what they are learning and remember it into adulthood, those minds and hearts are really already at a very impressionable stage! Preschool through Elementary-age children have hearts and minds that are open and pliable; however, they need molded for the right things - things that are True and honorable; the things of God!

When I graduated from Preschool, we were each given a letter of the alphabet that went with a drawing on a poster and a small rhyme we had to recite while holding the sign. My letter was G. My 4-year old mind committed that rhyme to memory and to this day I can still recite it by heart - "G is for giraffe so big and tall. His neck is so long, he looks over the wall!". It also instilled in me a deep love of giraffes!

The photo above was taken at my Asbury Seminary Graduation Concert where I had to give a speech. As a visual aid, I made a replica of the G-Giraffe poster as I recounted my education from Preschool through Grad School. That replica hangs in "Chef Sprinkles'" office as a constant reminder that these kiddos are sponges absorbing what they are taught! I have a choice to impact these young hearts and minds for Jesus...or something else. But, whatever it is, they most likely WILL remember... So, I choose Jesus.

I urge you to choose Jesus, too!

As we go throughout this year, we'll discuss a variety of ways that you can let Jesus be at the center of your home, and not just at church once a week. To keep it personal, I'll be sharing a bit of my own experiences, as well.

I look forward to traveling alongside of you and will see you next time sharing key spiritual elements that can be evidenced in your children as they grow and develop at different ages and stages!

JOYfully,

Rebekah Straub...a.k.a. "Chef Sprinkles" PS-5th Grade Family Discipleship

#holyathome #lcafamilydiscipleship #lca2324 #chefsprinklesatwork

______________________________________________________________

Disclaimer: This is a reflection of our Spiritual Life activities and not necessarily meant to express the views of Lexington Christian Academy.

[harrelltut]

卍 JEHOVAH Occult Witness Me [ME = U.S. Michael Harrell = TUT = JAH] from Astronomical [JA = YAHWEH] HEAVEN on HARRELLTV® since I Naturally BEE A SUPERCONSCIOUS SUPERHUMAN on Earth like A HIGHLY Crucified Black Christ [B.C. = JESUS] who Feel So Magically INVISIBLE [MI = MICHAEL] on Earth [ME = U.S. Michael Harrell = TUT = JAH] cause of My HIGHLY Complex Afterlife [CA] Egyptian Parables of A SIRIUS Black [B] IMMORTAL GENIUS [GOD] Under Secret [U.S.] Service [U.S.] PROTECTION in California [PC] 卍

[kurtbuensuceso]

My Autobiography

At around 3 in the morning, on the 7th day of March, year 2000, my journey to life started. It was a peaceful surrounding because it was already dawn until one cry broke the silence of the room. That was the moment that my family was waiting for. I was successfully given birth in our simple home in Pakil, Laguna by my mother, Florence, together with my father, Brix. Also present when I was born is my grandmother, Terry.

Before I turned one year old, I was christened in our family’s church in Manila named United Church of Manila. The foundation of my faith was formed in that church where we usually go every Sunday to attend a service. It has a separate place for kids aged 3 until 12 years old which is called “Sunday school”. My older brother, Stephen, and I, used to go there and play with our fellow churchmates. We were taught by church volunteers different lessons every week with varying themes. It was a good start on my spiritual life because I was having fun while also learning about God.

I started going to school when I was 3 years old at Molina Kids’ Learning Center. Although I was younger than the rest of my classmates, I still enjoyed their company. I remember being excited every Friday in my preschool because it means that it is our playday. There would be no lectures, instead, we would do art activities, play in the slide, and chase after one another. It was so simple back then. 

After preschool, I transferred to the National Teachers College (NTC) where I spent basically more than half of my academic life. It was an eventful elementary life for me.

I joined a lot of quiz bees, some of which I won, some, I lost. But the most notable that I won was the Math Quiz Bee when I was in 5th grade. I was up against the eventual valedictorian of our batch, Daniel, and it was the fourth consecutive quiz bee of the year where we faced off. The previous three quiz bees, I always came up short, bagging only 2nd place and not surprisingly, he always got the 1st place.

You could imagine the determination in me to finally get over the hump and bring that elusive gold medal home. I really prayed to God and asked for his guidance. I wanted to win and it is only with His help that I can muster one. And thankfully, it was an answered prayer because after four tries, I was triumphant. It was the first time that I was actually proud of myself. I did not expect the result but I prayed for it. That was a big boost to my faith.

I graduated 2nd honorable mention in elementary. It was a feat to be celebrated because I literally started from the bottom. It is still vivid in my memory that I was only top 14 in my class when I first entered NTC. I worked my way to the top through hard work, and of course, with the help of my family. 

The Junior High School phase of my life, I can say, is the most memorable for me. I went to the same school but I had an entirely new set of friends. Most of my elementary batchmates already transferred. Hence it was a new start for me.

And little did I know, it was the beginning of many firsts. I had my first swimming with friends, first sport that I played, first trip to the guidance office, and first major failure. I really had the time of my life because I was exposed to a diverse environment. 

When I look back, it was a big blur because it went by so fast. I wish I had the opportunity to control the time because I would have definitely made it slower. Although there were plenty of good memories, there was also a moment where I experience a big blow in my life.

It was my senior year. I was really bent on moving to another school because I was getting tired of going to the same school every day, passing the same hallway, and meeting the same faces. Hence, I tried my luck in Ateneo de Manila University. I got excited with the thought of studying in my dream school. I knew the odds were against me because my family does not have the privilege to send me in such a prestige university. But I was a stubborn kid, I still pushed through with the admission test.

I got the result while I was in school. My classmates can attest when I say that I was downright devastated. I cannot help but burst into tears when I received the bad news. I began to question myself: Am I dumb? Am I not as intelligent as I think I am? I took the failure in my heart. I doubted my faith. I wondered if there is a God capable of letting this happen.

So, I stayed in Senior High School at NTC for two more years. I encountered new challenges. I can say that my school was not ready for the K-12 so we suffered in the hands of unexperienced professors which was mainly my adversity.

But it helped that I had a new set of friends which made the extra two-year stay more bearable. These people are the reason why I did not regret having to go through the whole thing. And if given the chance, I would gladly run it all back.

During my 11th grade, I was introduced to Victory U-belt Youth. It was a breath of fresh air for me because my relationship with God was rekindled. Together with my classmates, we went to Youth Service every Friday afternoon. This is the time where my spiritual life was at its high because I really felt the company of God. I barely missed a service because my body would look for praise and worship courtesy of Victory. In fact, I even ushered one time in a service which made me really fulfilled.

To cap it off, I tried my luck again in Ateneo. This time, it was not just Ateneo, but I also took the admission tests in La Salle, UP, and UST. I was crossing my fingers that I will pass Ateneo and UP because both are my dream schools. Unfortunately, the results still did not go my way. Of course, I was disappointed at myself again, but I did not focus on my failures this time around. I realized that why will I be sad if La Salle and UST admitted me in their school? I managed to direct my energy to positivity.

Presently, I am a first-year student at University of Santo Tomas taking up Bachelor of Arts in Political Science. I know that it is still a long road to the finish line, but with my family, friends, and God by my side, there is nothing that I cannot overcome. I will just put my faith in Him, and as cliché as it sounds, trust the process.    

[creature-wizard]

Stratford claims that she saw Satan perform miracles, including healing a boy who had been severely injured by a dog. The boy was covered in deep bleeding gashes, but the satanists formed a prayer circle. Soft glowing lights appeared over the boy, and he was healed without any scarring whatsoever.

I know Christians have many opinions on just what sort of power Satan can exert over the physical world, but I think this is a bit of a stretch in most denominations?

Anyway, this kind of thing is also why it's impossible to separate the allegations of satanic ritual abuse made during the Satanic Panic from any sort of specific spiritual worldview. The entire thing was all about a very specific worldview. Literally every piece of literature heralded as authoritative made it clear that the supernatural was very real, and it was real in a sense that justified the dominion of conservative Christianity. People who underwent hypnosis "remembered" events much like the ones described by Lauren Stratford and Michelle Pazder.

So anyway, Victor wants her to sacrifice a baby to Satan, and Stratford doesn't want to, so he calls in some guy named John to break her will. John puts her in a box and slips snakes inside, and if you've read Michelle Remembers this probably sounds very familiar. Michelle Remembers claims that the Satanists put Michelle inside of a hollow statue of Satan and slipped snakes in through the empty eyeholes, for the purpose of torturing Michelle into accepting Satan.

Stratford claims that they also put her in a barrel with the body of a dead baby. Similar is found in Michelle Remembers, which claims that the Satanists put a dead baby in the statue with her.

If Stratford got some of her material from Sybil as a former friend claimed, I don't think it's a stretch to think that she also took material from Michelle Remembers.

Stratford eventually gives in to the psychological torture method of "sacrifice one baby per week until you give in," so she slaughters a baby in a church. After the ritual they go to a cemetery to bury the corpse, and Stratford says that she saw Victor wearing a magic ring that he only wore for ritual occasions. In The Satan Seller, Mike Warnke claims that when he was high priest, he had been given a ring that he'd been told he could only wear on ritual occasions, or else.

Stratford claims that satanists rarely leave bodies buried for long, because people might find them. Again, this is an obvious attempt to explain away the lack of evidence found by police investigating cases such as the McMartin preschool. It's ridiculous because even if you dig the body back up for moving later, the dirt's still going to be obviously disturbed, and cemetery keepers aren't going to take too kindly to people digging around for no apparently good reason. She claims that any remains that aren't saved for ritualistic purposes are cremated to destroy the evidence. This is also ridiculous, because why bother with the burial step at all if this is a thing you can do? Also are we supposed to believe that all of these satanists have a convenient crematorium just laying around? Or does she imagine all these satanists just swoocing into your friendly local satanist-owned crematorium on the regular?

I dunno, but either way, apparently after this the satanists are done with her. It seems they're letting her go, using blackmail and various Satanic tricks to keep her silent. And we're only halfway through the book so I'm wondering what the rest of it's going to be about.

(CW: This post is talking about Laurel Rose Willson/Lauren Stratford and her book, Satan's Underground, which was influential on the Satanic Panic. Stratford claimed she was a survivor of CSE and satanic ritual abuse, so there will be discussions of CSE and other disturbing topics! Also, in case you missed it earlier, her claims were completely discredited, and then afterward she went around claiming she was a Holocaust survivor. The whole book is bullshit, and its author was a fraud.)

We're nearly halfway through the book, and so far Satanism hasn't been a prevalent feature. But now, Stratford's slaver Victor is getting into it, because he's reached the point where CSA isn't doing it for him anymore.

And now things get really silly.

In the following months as Victor progressed deeper into satanism, his interest in pornography took a back seat. Learning the powers of Satan became his new "profession," as he called it. Each time I was taken to his home, Victor told me a new story about what he had seen in a ritual. At first the rituals seemed fairly innocent, and I wasn't too frightened. There was fire changing colors and ghostly apparitions coming out of the smoke. Bodies were levitated. Objects were moved by the power of the mind. Once he even described how the powers of Satan (which he always insisted were good powers) had healed a woman who was dying. The high priest had used magic to make the cancerous tumor come out of her body. "She coughed it up," said Victor. "I saw it with my own eyes!"

lmao sure

Victor starts telling Stratford about a ritual he watched where a woman sold her soul to Satan by signing her name in blood, which as I think most of us know is a trope that goes back to Europe's witch hunts, and is therefore up there with "every witch has a spot on her body that won't hurt if you prick it with a needle." Victor is presented as giddy with excitement over it, and he basically acts like an annoying new convert.

Some undefined but short time later, he's claiming that he's a high priest and holding grody Satanic rituals in his basement. He decides to dedicate Stratford to Satan in an extremely vile ritual. And I'd just like to point out here that I've never heard of any actual abusive Satanists, or even any cult leaders in general, who believe that you dedicate another person to Satan or any being against their will.

Stratford claims that the Satanic cultists allowed a finger to be cut off to the first knuckle. Satanists cutting off fingers is a claim that appeares in other discredited works such as The Satan Seller and Michelle Remembers. Despite this, it seems that nobody who participated in the Satanic Panic and believed in these books ever thought it remarkable that significant numbers of people put on trial for allegedly committing Satanic crimes were not missing fingers.

Stratford claims that Victor told her a story about a woman who was about to tell outsiders about the cult's activities, who was killed by a curse cast on her by a high priest.

The Satanic cults having the power to kill randos by the truckload, but somehow never being able to touch the authors of these books in a way that matters, is a recurring thing.

According to Stratford, Victor realized that he could make Satanic porn, and claims:

These films, videos, and photographs were not sold to the stereotyped "dirty old man" in seedy porno shops. Victor marketed them to doctors, lawyers, corporate businessmen, and high-level political figures. Only they could afford thousand dollars per photo or the five to twenty thousand dollars per film or video. The more barbaric, cold-blooded, and unrestrained the acts of Satan were, the more Victor could get for the film. In fact, the more diabolical they were, the greater the demand.

This paragraph is... a lot.

Remember what I said about wondering if Stratford looks at a grungy blue collar guy and thinking "yeah that's a child molester"? This makes me think that this is really how she thought. It looks like she had a really specific, stereotypical image of who engages in sexual depravity in her mind.

Also, porn films weren't really a thing in the 1950's, so I'm not sure what films she thinks the "dirty old men" were buying. (Keep in mind that video cassettes wouldn't be widely available until the 70's.) But even if we take this at face value, it's kinda silly because like, if Satanic porn would be such a hot commodity why wouldn't the normal porn producers make it with horror film effects?

But anyway.

Victor wants MOAR POWER! so he comes up with increasingly ghastly sacrificial rituals involving human sacrifice and CSA. It's basically no different from all historical allegations of witchcraft and Satan worship - it's basically the most shocking, offensive stuff a conservative Christian mind can imagine someone else doing. It's extremely transparent if you know the conspiracy theories she's repackaging.

Stratford claims that the satanists would find infant sacrifices by posing as people working for adoption agencies, and it's... silly:

One afternoon Victor and Tom were laughing about what they called "want-ad babies." "Did you see the ad I placed in the paper the other day?" Tom asked. "I said that Janie and I were prospective parents who were searching for an unwed pregnant young woman who would give her baby up to us for adoption after it was born. Man, you wouldn't believe how many gals answered the ad! We've got a supply of babies all set up whenever we need them. We could have enough babies to last us a whole year!"

You'll notice a couple of conservative boogeymen in this: Unwed pregnancies are at epic proportions. Mothers who let others care for their children are putting them in grave danger.

Also, the cult supposedly has "breeders" - defined as "women who were born, marked, and raised for the sole purpose of having babies that would be used by satanists - either to be raised in satanism or used in ritualistic sacrifices." Stratford claims "since there was never any public record of their births, they were never missed when they were abused or killed."

Satanists make women pop out babies to be raised as new members of the religion and for exploitation! Unlike good godly Christians who would never - oh, the Quiverfull movement, you say? Oh, oh dear...

Anyway, Stratford wants you to know that if you don't believe everything she says, you're letting the Satanists win!

I'm sure this seems too horrendous for many of you to comprehend. It was for me. But I heard it and saw it. It's true. I know these practices are shocking and repulsive. That is the intent of those who do such evils - to make the horrors so shocking, so heinous, so fiendish, and so barbaric that they will not be believable. If you do not believe, you have played into their hands, and they have accomplished their purpose.

lol. lmao, even.

[sanny-chan5]

Getting to know me :D

1. What is you middle name? I don’t have one. I think this question is thought for American people, because almost all of them have one, right? 2. How old are you? 23. 3. When is your birthday? March 2. 4. What is your zodiac sign? Piscis <3 5. What is your favorite color? Sweet, light pink 💗 6. What’s your lucky number? 13, surprisingly, but not my fav one. 7. Do you have any pets? No. 8. Where are you from? Spain. 9. How tall are you? 1’56-7 m. 10. What shoe size are you? Ummm, it depends on the shoes, but 37-8 normally. 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? About 10 or so. 12. What was your last dream about? Me peacefully talking with a kid while he draws in class. 13. What talents do you have? I think I can read people’s feelings and reflect about human’s condition pretty well. I can also draw in manga style (not a pro, though, but I love it). 14. Are you psychic in any way? Yes LOL. 15. Favorite song? “Stay the Same”, by Mai-K <3 16. Favorite movie? This one is difficult af, I don’t think I have one yet. 17. Who would be your ideal partner? WOW. Like… idk??? Someone really dreamy and encouraging. Empathetic, I don’t ask for him to understand me, but VALIDATING me/my values/ideals is a must. 18. Do you want children? Yes :) 19. Do you want a church wedding? No… I prefer a “castle” wedding. I’m very romantic in that aspect and, well, dreaming is free :’) 20. Are you religious? Not really… but I’m very spiritual/intrinsec and I respect everyone’s religious believings as long as they’re not dangerous for someone else. 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. Not like hospitalized, but I have been there. 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Never, not really planning to. 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? If a voice actor of my country ora n idol counts, yes :’) 24. Baths or showers? Baths, so relaxing <3 25. What color socks are you wearing? A brownish-pink colour J 26. Have you ever been famous? No, not that I’m planning to. 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? NO. 28. What type of music do you like? Many different kinds, but pop and j-pop anime songs are my favourite and what I listen to daily. 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Umm, nope. 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? A big one <3 (so comfy >-<) 31. What position do you usually sleep in? Either cudlle up like a burrito roll or spread up lol. 32. How big is your house? Not so much. We had a BIG chalet before but lost it because of the crisis. Now my family and I live in an ordinary, cutely little, flat <3. 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cola-cao with cereals/toasts with butter and jam. Ñaaam 😋 34. Have you ever fired a gun? NO. Again, not that I want to… 35. Have you ever tried archery? No, but I’d like to try it al least once. I’d probably suck at it though 😂 36. Favorite clean word? Mm… don’t know D: Probably a cute japanese one ‘cause otaku life (2 dedos). 37. Favorite swear word? Whoa, I don’t think I should answer this xD 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? A whole night, and I don’t recomend anyone, honestly. 39. Do you have any scars? A tiiiiny one on my knee, but nothing serious as to name it “scar”, I guess (children’s playful life c:) 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Uumm… I don’t know, maybe? I had a guy who told me he had been trying to find me for 6 years after I moved the first time, but hat only got me scared, so… xD 41. Are you a good liar? NO. OMG no x’DD But I treasure that about me, you freaking dirty society :c 42. Are you a good judge of character? YES. Usually I am. 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I suppose, but I don’t know if I imitate them well or not though ^^’ Sorry for that u.u 44. Do you have a strong accent? No. Not that I think. 45. What is your favorite accent? Uffff. In my country there are so many accents I like. The Andalusian one, the one of Extremadura… xD don’t know if those count. 46. What is your personality type? Type, like, in MBTI? INFP 💙🧡💚💗💖 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Umm, I don’t remember… 48. Can you curl your tongue? I think I can’t xD 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie xD I don’t get why, but I feel awkward about this x’DD 50. Left or right handed? Right-handed. 51. Are you scared of spiders? YES. Any insect really. 52. Favorite food? Don’t have ONE, but my favourite ones are “mixed” food (sorry, I don’t know how to name them, but I refer to foods made with a great amount of ingredients: paella, Spain stew, Russian salad, rice with lobster or Chinish fried rice) I’m seriously getting hungry now x). 53. Favorite foreign food? CHINESE FRIED RICE (“Arroz 3 delicias” in spanich, if you know what I mean :’)) 54. Are you a clean or messy person? Cleanly messy?. I can find anything in my own mess and I feel good about it. Though I can’t stand other people’s mess, I guess I just feel control over my mess (?). 55. Most used phrased? I don’t know really D’: “How can this be so cute?!!”? 56. Most used word? Kawaii. I love all fluffy, cute characters, persons, animals, objects, moments or whatever thing it is. Sorry, not sorry. 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 30-40 min. normally. 58. Do you have much of an ego? Not an arrogant ego, but I totally respect everyone’s honour because I hate feeling humiliated. And I have a say in that… 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck them then bite them? 60. Do you talk to yourself? YES. Sorry not sorry. It helps organazing your mind. 61. Do you sing to yourself? ALSO YES. I sing every single of the day, practically xD I’m usually at home, listening to music in my PC.

62. Are you a good singer? As I said, I enjoy it, but I don’t sing well, so I’m not doing this publicly if it’s not with people I trust, and even then...

63. Biggest Fear? To die alone not prepared for it as I realice I didn’t live my way. And to be constantly critized by society. Why can’t I live my life freely?! 64. Are you a gossip? I hate it but like the 80% of my whole family is. So many times it’s very difficult not to be. I hate criticisms and don’t feel well recieving so I don’t want to be like this. I’m working about it now :c 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Mmm… don’t remember L 66. Do you like long or short hair? Both. I have it shoulder-leight right now :D 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? No xD Not good with geography… if it’s Japan, then… 😝 68. Favorite school subject? Music/art. I enjoyed Language too. But my favourite ever was PHILSOPHY. 69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert. INFP, remember? ^^ 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, but I’d love it too! :D I’m afraid of sharks, though, not sure if that’s actually a problem… (think) 71. What makes you nervous? SO. MANY. THINGS. I’m a little too much shy, so formalities/awkward social situations are the worst… terror and scary things, not feeling confident… normal things, I guess. It’s pretty easy to make me jump out of fright LOL 72. Are you scared of the dark? Only if I’m alone and not feeling well. 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Yes… sorry about that :c I like being corrected if I need to, though, so feel free to tell me so that I can improve myself J 74. Are you ticklish? OMG. I don’t want to answer this xD Yes, but it’s embarrasing. Shhh… >-< 75. Have you ever started a rumor? No. I’ve never thought about it, but they usually turn bad/worse, o… I don’t feel like hurting someone else’s feelings just ‘cause I can, thank you very much. 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Yes, as a Preschool Teacher on practics, only J Though I’m not good with authority stuff xD 77. Have you ever drank underage? NO. Still don’t, and I don’t plan to, at least for the moment. 78. Have you ever done drugs? NO. Same as before. 79. Who was your first real crush? A high-school classmate. I’ve not fallen in love since then, btw. 80. How many piercings do you have? None. 81. Can you roll your Rs? Yes, I’m Spanish, so I’ll think of this as if I’m good with other languages’ diction. Yes, I am  x) 82. How fast can you type? I guess fast enough? 83. How fast can you run? Not much, I guess. Never good with P.E. :’) 84. What color is your hair? Brown. 85. What color is your eyes? Greenish brown (?) 86. What are you allergic to? I don’t know, I never did the allergy tests because our Sanity is so good  they never gave me an appointment ot it even if my family asked for it :’) 87. Do you keep a journal? No, but I’d like to. 88. What do your parents do? Jobs? My father’s tiler (?) and my mother “works at home” (I don’t like the “housewife” term). 89. Do you like your age? I… guess? I have had quite a number of existencial crsis already, but I want to enjoy the present and work on as many projects I can in life, so… 90. What makes you angry? MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS WORLD. Ass/arrogant people, cruelty, society giving pressure to our individual needs, … 91. Do you like your own name? Yes J It’s an ordinary one, but not that ordinary, and it’s kinda “beautiful”, I think (?) (like, it sounds good and I like it written too. There are words I just like, and there are researchs about synesthetic people, if you wanna try a look). 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? YES. For a girl, it’ll be Sakura or Hikari. If it’s a boy, I don’t know yet, but might be something related to Luffy, as the name of an Spanish youtuber (Lutffi, and yes he’s aware of the character, and no it wasn’t on purpose lol). I’m a weeb, aren’t I? Sorry ‘bout that >o< 93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I don’t  know. I always wanted a girl, but now I’m starting to like the idea of a couple like siblings… 94. What are you strengths? Emm. I think I have great empathy, are good with psycological aspects and very flexible/open-minded. I like to try new things. 95. What are your weaknesses?Pysic aspects, not good with formalities and kinda socially awkward… I’m not a good at organizing (but I’m getting better) nor with  routines… 96. How did you get your name? My mother named me? xD 97. Were your ancestors royalty? No, I don’t think so xD. And NO, I don’t want to :( 98. Do you have any scars? What? Again? It’s a mistake, right? :o 99. Color of your bedspread? Many bright colors xD (light, not “shiny” though) 100. Color of your room? Purple and light pink.

PD: Sorry, I’m not really an interesting peroson, but I can’t help sharing this tests, I love doing them x)

[spiritualreconstruction]

Writing A Testimony in the Midst of A Spiritual Reconstruction

When I think of testimony, I tend to think of born-again Christians or new converts at the pulpit passionately telling their audience about how Jesus helped them out of rock bottom. They often describe miraculous experiences with God, ones that would convince even the most staunch atheist that God was indeed real. Other testimonies detail non-believers' quests to disprove God and having their own ‘Saul to Paul’ experiences. Every testimony I have heard in my nearly 20 years of being in the church has been miraculous, emotional, and uplifting. Unfortunately I don’t think this will be the same. 

My testimony starts like most people born into a Christian family, I went to church every Sunday and at many points in my life I would be in and out the doors four or five times a week. As a child I was a passionate Christian making sure to evangelize to everyone, much to my preschool class’s dismay. I went to church camp every summer, participated in every church event and eventually grew into leadership positions. I have been a Christian for so long that I can’t remember when it even started. I wish that this could be the end of my testimony. It probably is the testimony I would give to my church or people who really don’t want the details. So there it is, I have always been a Christian. If that is the testimony you’re looking for, you can stop reading now. But here begins my spiritual reconstruction. 

I don’t think I have ever had a spiritual experience. I’ve never spoken in tongues, heard the audible voice of God, or hit rock bottom and had Jesus pull me back up. There has never been a soft voice in the midst of prayer or a booming voice in the midst of a storm. It’s always been pretty quiet between me and God. I don’t think that means we have no relationship, but maybe he’s more of the quiet type for me. The only times I think were spiritual encounters is when I feel a strong urge that I probably should do something that I don’t want to do, I imagine it’s God dropping a brick on my head because I’m too stupid to pay attention. But again, maybe that’s just how it is. I don’t mind it necessarily, the way I find God is through theological study. I need to examine who God is and what it is Christianity says about who God is. I often get reprimanded for this, people will say I’m not “on fire” for God or that maybe I’m just not listening hard enough. I worry those things are true. I have begged God for more obvious signs, I have cried over the Psalms hoping I would feel something. Nothing. I have to cling to the idea that God speaks to us in different ways or else I will have to tell you, that I have never heard or felt the presence of the person I worship. A truly scary thought. 

Because I’ve never really heard God the way people tell me I should, I had to learn to reexamine my faith. I settled on the fact that maybe God hasn’t changed from the God of the Old Testament but rather his relationship with people had. But I still held firm to the beliefs that I held. Pro-life, anti-gay, and all that jazz. I had a youth pastor for a few years that challenged my ideas and forced me to see God in a new light, that was a time when I grew the most spiritually. Then he left. 

I have to cling onto the hope that he and his wife left because God told them to and had greater plans. I have to hope that he didn’t just leave because the new job was better. I have to believe God didn’t just leave me here alone and feeling cast out. There has to be a reason that I have been so deeply hurt by the church and the religion I have always known.

After my youth pastor left, we got a new youth leader. I knew him and his wife from childhood, and while I knew I wouldn’t really click with them spiritually, I tried my best. Long story short I really didn’t connect. At the beginning of this spiritual reconstruction and the end of my time being active in the church, I was told I was making other people uncomfortable. I was abrasive, sarcastic, and strong willed. I still think that maybe it was my fault, maybe I was too harsh. Maybe I didn’t really try, maybe I really was just a bitch who couldn’t get over herself. Maybe all this pain and trauma is my fault. I think it would be easier to accept that somehow, because then I would be able to justify why I feel like my church (and subsequently God) would never pick me first. 

I stopped going to youth groups (I regret being as much of a coward as I was, I should've stepped down from leadership before I left) and I got a message loud and clear: We didn’t need you. We can use you but at the end of the day, you weren’t really part of this group. If you want to serve, shut up. In the words of Tessa Violet, “I mostly work from wanting to be wanted” Again I’d like to blame myself. But who knows. I desperately clung to the idea of a God that I always held.  

Here we are now, I am turning 20 this year. I have a loving boyfriend and I still go to church every Sunday. I am too afraid to ask the question I did when I was a teenager: Who is God and what do I do if he’s not who I thought he was? What do I do if the basis of my faith is wrong? 

I don’t know. 

Why don’t I fit in the cookie cutter mold of a Christian? Why can’t I just be the bubbly annoying evangelical who goes around knocking on people’s doors being so sure of their faith that almost no one could deny it? When am I going to really hit rock bottom so that Jesus can suddenly pull me out? 

Recently, I was approached by a campus ministry and while these conversations and theological discussions are for another time, some things stuck out to me: They don’t believe that I’m saved and they “protect their fellowship”. In these conversations I relearned what it felt like to be cast out by a group, and my heart ached for anyone told that they weren’t enough, that God’s love is conditional, and that God’s grace will only be extended if you follow what a western church formed on western ideals has to say. The pain someone can feel by knowing someone only talks to them to “save their soul” or to remind them to stay in line is immense. 

I find myself reaching to other forms of spirituality (an apology to my boyfriend who has to deal with this). Recently it's been lighting candles, covering my hair, and looking at shiny rocks. I’m still not really getting anywhere. I am still wondering my way through a reconstruction of faith. I am only on the top layers, I’m not ready to look at the foundations and really ask “What if?” 

Because What if I lose who I am in the process? 

I do know that the hurt from the church has caused me to be passionate about young couples in the church, women, LGBTQ rights, Biblical history and context, and groups that the church can make feel outcast. As much as I deny my own spiritual ache and pain, I know that so many people feel left out. We feel like we’ve showed up, played by the rules, and we left feeling empty. Maybe it’s God sending me to these groups, maybe it’s not. But I know that I minister to them for a reason, I have to believe that in the midst of this dark time for me, this is what “on fire” looks like. 

If you’re reading this or listening, know this: There is a seat for you at God’s table. We welcome you at our potlucks, our Bible studies, and our church services. I am not here to protect a fellowship nor to push Jesus down your throat. I’m here to be the salt of the Earth, a lamp on a hill, and to love you because you are made in imago dei (image of God). 

Here is the pulpit testimony: I was raised a Christian. The church has hurt me. I’m angry, and I’m still here, baby. 

[harrelltut]

卍 JEHOVAH Occult Witness Me [ME = U.S. Michael Harrell = TUT = JAH] in Church [JC = JESUS CHRIST] ONLINE… since I Biblically + Electrophysiologically [Spiritually] [BES] BEE Nubian Archangel [NA = NĀGA] SATAN from Astronomical [SA = SAGE] SATURN who BEE MOOR ILLUMINATED [MI = MICHAEL] + MOOR ENLIGHTENED [ME = U.S. MICHAEL HARRELL = TUT = JAH] than everybody on earth 卍

[timhui]

My life thus far

I was born on December 2nd, 1989, which makes me a sagitarius, if that means anything to you. I really don’t think it should, because I never thought anyone should be defined or limited by their signs. But in all honesty the astrological estimation is somewhat accurate — I am a bit of a loose cannon, a “feeler”, if you will, with strong creative inclination. Britney Spears shares my birthday, but I can hardly say I am anything like her. So if you are reading this, bear with me. I am neither seeking validation or empathy for this writing. I write this from the strong desire to manifest my feelings in writing. I’m just trying to be more honest with what I feel and why I feel. If you find it relatable, it may bring some comfort in this dark, strange world we live in.

I was a short, light and precocious child, deathly shy. In fact, in preschool, I wouldn’t ask my teacher to use the restroom, I would just piss right in the middle of class because I was so scared of speaking. It was only until a year later my schoolmates figured I could talk, much to their surprise. My mom often recants that memory of me. It was in kindengarten, when my mom picked me up and I cried “Mom!”.

“Tim, you can talk?”

I continued to be deathly shy through elementary, middle and high school, including my musical abilities. I kept my talents quite secretive, most students in my school didn’t know I could play the violin. In fact, I was practically forced to practice everyday since I was 6. I hated it at the time. I hated it so much I would record myself playing in my room with a tape recorder, and play it back to pretend I was practicing for my mom. But throughout the years, I got much better, and I was finally able to play a Mozart violin solo performance for my middle school in a school band concert. I remember it was the first time I received a standing ovation. I had no idea I was that “good”.

The day of that concert happened to be the same day I hacked my school computer network. It was in french class, when my friend Justin taught me how to “net send” messages to different computers in the same network. We were fooling around, sending messages from the computer terminal to one another, until I figured how to send a message to every computer in the network. So I typed “log off now, the servers are on fire!” and sent the message to every computer in our middle school and elementary school network, including every television (which was connected to computers). I got caught red handed pretty immediately, and was suspended from using computers for the rest of the year. But after that day, I became quite popular for being “that short asian kid who hacked the network”.

But soon after, I switched school districts, and I had to make all new friends again. I had a lot of difficulty fitting into my high school. I was one of a handful of asian kids in my new school. And I was still deathly shy. I didn’t really hang out with anyone other than my church friends. I made lego stop motion movies and spent a inordinate amount of time in front of the computer, participating on internet forums from 2000–2008. I made a few stop motion lego movies, shooting at 15 frames per second. Around the same time, I picked up playing the guitar. I wanted to be Jimmy Page so bad. So bad that I didn’t have any friends. I really didn’t have any real friends, all I wanted to do was chat with people online, make lego movies, and play the guitar. I quickly became pretty adept at the guitar. I could play every Led Zeppelin solo, solo over blues scales, etc.

Growing up in a christian household in Arizona, I was an extremely spiritually active kid. My family was always involved in the church. It was many times a week, we would be involved in the children’s ministry. My brother, sister, and I loved the puppet ministry. We participated in puppetry throughout our time, involved in puppet competitions and christian conferences. Yearly, we would attend christian conferences — think Woodstock for christians. Every year, we would ignite our fire for our faith in Jesus at these events. I was convinced I was a disciple for Christ and doing his will, taking his word to the nations. I got involved in missionary work, and was sent to Taiwan in 2006 to spread the gospel. Everything was purposed, by design, for God’s will to move through my life. I was adamant about sharing my faith to my friends. My family was close to my pastor and his family.

My pastor eventually ended up being a heroin dealer, after being addicted to prescription painkillers for his medical problems. That’s life.

I’m not gonna sugar coat anything. Growing up in my family was difficult. My parents fought a lot. It was such a strange contrast for me — to go to Church and see my parents involved in the faith, then to come home screaming at each other. My sister and dad fought a lot. I was terribly conflicted — how could us bible believing christians be so verbally awful to one another? My mom always told me “Dad never really had a childhood, Grandpa used to beat him. There’s a reason why he’s like that.” I had trouble believing that. eventually I would leave my faith, because I couldn’t stand the cognitive dissonance.

When I went to college at Georgia Tech, I started to question my faith. I experimented with new experiences and mind altering drugs. Psychedelics and pot came into my life freshman year. I stopped going to youth group meetings and church because I was more interested in getting high and drunk. In fact, I got drunk the first week I was in college. The first time I drank, I wanted to prove myself I could drink like a pro. I stepped into a frat house and started to drink uncontrollably, not knowing how drunk I would eventually get. I passed out on a bench outside my dorm.

I was really seeking validation from others. My friends would often tease me for my eczema. Yes I had horrible dry skin. My nickname was called ashy Tim. I hated my friends but I still sought validation from them. I was horribly insecure. I had no idea people could be so awful to someone suffering. So I told myself to suck it up; i’m only gonna get stronger. So I always dealt with bullying quietly, until once I was thrown into a rose bush, so I quit be silent about it.

I had many friends heavily involved with drugs. One was a close friend name Stephen. Like me, he was very quite, very shy, but extremely thoughtful and intelligent. A chemist, he would smoke DMT and drink ayahuasca with me, we would have some fantastic times with me at my lakehouse, talking about the nature of existence. I remember he was part of a rehab group, a group of kids who often visited me at my lakehouse I rented during the summer of 2010. Kids from extremely broken families. Some of those kids, since then, were able to recover from their addictions and have normal lives, but a few of them were quite hopeless. One had a kid, no job, a few marks on his criminal record. So we forgot all the bullshit, we partied a lot, drank many beers, took mushrooms, swam in this lake by this secluded forest. If you’ve ever taken psychedelics before I’m sure you can relate. It’s one of the most powerful mind altering experiences you can have. My mind was just speeding so fast, so full of wonderful ideas! I had no idea I could think like this. I had too much fun. It was one of the best summers of my life.

3 of those kids, including Stephen, died a few years later of overdoses.

All these experiences taught me so much, and nothing at all. I’ll continue writing this but I’m getting weary and sad at the moment.

[sitandbreatheitout]

Day 8/40: Deconstruction Introduction

Start at Day 1

[I highly encourage you to say that title aloud a few times. It starts to sound like my favorite techno song.] 

Heading into my 30s, life was full of the normal ups and downs. My baby was growing into a toddler. I was getting involved in leadership opportunities at church and MOPS (the Christian moms group I was a part of). My husband and I bought a house in the suburbs and were that much closer to feeling like real adults. 

We are now approaching the messy middle of my faith story. From the outside, my spiritual life was humming right along. Inside, I still felt mostly the same too, but there were a few tiny cracks that had been adding up over the years. None of these things on their own made me doubt God in any way, but they did require me to cobble together additions to my mental model. 

The first crack came from an aspect of my personality: my disdain for fear and misinformation. I’ve always been a nerd who loves to read, and I also feel physically uncomfortable when other people are upset, so I’m eager to find information that proves our fears/anger to be unnecessary. What I wouldn’t have given to have access to Snopes.com as a kid on the playground, trying to dispute urban legends. The Bible was full of admonitions to “be not afraid,” but it seemed like the Christians around me were usually scared about something (like Dungeons and Dragons, liberals, the gay agenda, atheists, barcodes being the "mark of the beast," and Harry Potter). 

The next crack came in high school, when I started dating an atheist. Part of me believed that dating him was sinful (the Bible instructs Christians not to marry non-believers, lest they be “unequally yoked”), so I dumped the poor guy three times. Another part of me loved being in a relationship with him, so we kept getting back together and ended up dating for over a year. He was the first atheist I’d ever had a conversation about God with, and oh boy, did we have plenty of those conversations. I was highly motivated to get him to change his mind, but I quickly learned it wasn’t going to be easy. He wasn’t interested in asking the kinds of questions I’d been given answers for! He had thoughtful reasons for his disbelief, and even if those reasons weren’t convincing to me, I couldn’t argue around them. I discovered that the negative stereotypes I’d been taught about atheists were wrong. 

Another crack came when my struggle with depression and anxiety came to a breaking point after college. I’ll spend a whole future post talking about that aspect of my story, but for now the gist is that I was dismayed when the tools Evangelicalism gave me weren’t helpful, and I needed to get help from the much-demonized field of psychology. 

It was at this point, as I was poised to turn 30, that (unbeknownst to me) I was about to begin my faith deconstruction journey. Deconstruction (defined here) is the "process of reevaluating what you believe and why when it comes to your religious faith." It was what happened when I couldn’t keep justifying away my cognitive dissonance, and I started to stare it in the face. 

A few surprising elements, specifically related to my strongly-held Christian values, smoothed the way for me as I deconstructed. First, one of the messages I heard over and over growing up was that the Bible was Absolute Truth, which meant it revealed unchanging truth about ALL reality, not just religious belief. I believed God was the source behind all things, and he was the one who had created human minds to discover truth. Since “all truth is God’s truth,” I didn’t need to fear whatever I’d find if I starting digging around. 

Another unexpected catalyst for my deconstruction was the high value I placed on my role as a mother. I felt it was my life’s calling to raise my children well, and to do that I started to learn more about human development and child discipline. Spoiler alert for an upcoming post: this new information would require some rejiggering of my mental model. Also, I was now a full-time stay-at-home mom, and not having a paying job left me with time on my hands and a need for mental stimulation (enter: reading and soul-searching). 

Finally, I wanted desperately for more people to know and experience Jesus as their personal savior. If hell was real (and my church leaders were still telling me it was), then nothing could be more important than getting people in the doors of our church. I wanted to make sure we were doing things right, which meant having to study what “right” was (both in theology and in practice). I was in charge of the church's preschool Sunday School room, and I was figuring out that before I could explain Biblical concepts to small children, I had to deeply understand them myself.

Over the next dozen posts, I’ll be addressing the various topics that I deconstructed on my way out of the Evangelical church, including my big three: homosexuality, hell, and evolution. Tomorrow we’ll start with everyone’s favorite topic to discuss online: POLITICS. 

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[zzzoloft]

The Storm and I

The night started out pleasant. Was it Summer, or was it just my existing in the Scottsdale/Phoenix area of Arizona? In perpetual Summer?

I can’t remember if we intended to meet with her but she was there. At the time I lived with my (now ex) boyfriend and his sister. Housing was super affordable. I worked at a mall for around minimum wage, and sure I didn’t have a bunch of fancy stuff, but I remember feeling within my means. Like I had clothes that properly served as self-expression. Like I could afford blended mochas on my lunch breaks. Like I dyed and cut my hair on a whim and it was never a cause of stress. While I found Arizona unforgivably hot and boring, it was a good place to eat, drink, and spend time inside, in the comfort of air conditioning. 

That brings us back to that night. 

I think I ordered a soft pretzel. It was a cute restaurant for sure - something a little classier than we typically chose. High ceilings, large windows where the sun beamed in onto the wood floors. Cocktails were had. I was sitting with my boyfriend and his sister - the three of us were a gang of sorts - and her older coworker. I can’t remember if the coworker had already or was going to take his sister on a tropical vacation. I think that was a thing. And I think that gave me a strange feeling. Why would someone who worked for a hotel take another hotel employee on vacation, all expenses paid? Now that I’m older, I would probably accept any free getaway, no questions asked. But at the time, I think the thought of this left me uneasy.

She had a drink or two with us there. She had long curly black hair, caramel skin, she was stunning. She smiled at me. Although she was sun-warn and probably in her 60s, she still radiated a young and playful beauty. She was fun, and I can only imagine her in her younger years.

I’m not sure how or why this happened, but we ended up back at her house. I didn’t know her story. If I wasn’t already wary of going to a near-strangers’ home, this may have been the night that solidified the fear in me of such a situation.

She insisted we kept having more wine, maybe other things. We sat at her kitchen table. The room was a familiar type. The white tablecloth had been pressed at some point, then folded and put away. You could smells the dust and the years it spent in the cupboard, but it was still placed out in a symbol that always felt like a status or a threat. A message that “We don’t spill here. We don’t make mistakes. Meals are business, a place to prove yourself, not a place of pleasure and joy. You’re not rich enough to sit here.” Looking back, those tablecloths were always a thick and rough material. So maybe they truly used the tablecloths because they expected spills and truly just wanted to protect their table with some cloth. Maybe I’m the uppity one, since a kid, feeling put off by tablecloths used any other time than a party or holiday.

The dinner table itself and the china cabinet added to my feelings of suffocation and discomfort. They were sturdy, dark wood with a polished finish. Maybe it was the contradicting energies of heavy oak and delicate porcelain. The oak weighs you down and the china tells you not to move, lest you break something of great value and absolutely no use.

I spilled and broke a lot of things as a kid. Afterward I was told or asked why I did it. I was a klutz. I needed attention. I wanted to. I myself remember it just happening. I don’t remember trying. But I took the words to heart and thought that maybe I do do this on purpose. Maybe I am destructive. Bad. My family would make jokes and had a word for my accidents after a while. I believe my oldest brother coined the term to make these situations lighter when I knocked over my milk at the dinner table. So we could laugh rather than us all basking in my mother’s complete disapproval of me.

I remember standing in the kitchen of my preschool. There were ducks we got to play with and care for. One time, we all got to choose an egg, and hand it to the “teacher”. She would label it, and that would be our duckling. I dropped mine while handing it to her, and it cracked on the floor. She was so sad and upset, seemingly at me, not just the situation. I remember feeling horribly, and wondering if I did it on purpose. I’m not sure I even understood what it meant until I saw her reaction. I don’t think I got another opportunity after that. Did I mean to take away that duckling’s chance at life? If I did, I am very bad. Why else would I drop it when nobody else did? ...Did anybody else drop theirs?

I hate the feelings in the dining rooms of much-older, well-off navy wives. Did I always hate them this much or was it this night?

We continued to drink from the old bottles as she eagerly poured us more and more. She walked me through the outdated, carpeted hallways of her home and showed me pictures of her husband and shared with me that he was deceased. She shed a tear off and on. Then we sat back down at her dining room table.

An occasional clap of thunder shook in the distance.

My mouth tasted both sweet and bitter. Almost like a syrup made of raisins had been running down my tongue and into my throat. I can’t remember all I had to drink. It all began to taste the same. The woman and I spoke deeply. She seemed spiritual in an intense and personal way, not in the social, church on Sundays way. We were several drinks in, but I must’ve been 21 or 22. This could be a party she’s played out for a long time. Just a different woman across from her. Tonight it was me.

It began to rain. And so did tears fall from her eyes, down her weathered cheeks. I remember the pain in her eyes. They pulled tears from my eyes, too. Empathy tells you to take pity on those with pain in their eyes, but I’ve learned there can be a lot of terror to come from people with such eyes. Broken people are capable of great destruction. Like me. 

I’m not sure how open I was with her. I think I was talking about my love for my boyfriend and how my love life had been in the past. I had brought it up with regret in my voice. I don’t remember what all I had said, when she looked me directly in my eyes, a frown across her mouth, as she interrupted me. She said to me in a deep, shaking voice, “You were... a slut.” 

It wasn’t a question of whether she understood. It was a statement. There was a finality in her voice, anger even. She dragged out the final word and hit the ‘t’ hard. To feel as though someone was looking into your soul, someone you felt must be old and wise, and have them cast what felt like a final judgment. 

I began to cry. Admittedly in the embarrassing way one does when they’ve consumed too much alcohol. My boyfriend and his sister fell silent. That cast a separate pain that squeezed in on me from both sides. “Why... would you say that to someone?” I asked her. I don’t remember what else was said but I was not okay. I believe we left shortly.

My boyfriend and his sister tried to calm me down on the drive home, but I spent the night wailing, screaming. I felt cursed by her tone. Cursed by her stare. Cursed by those sad, sad eyes. Cursed by her words. The rain poured down all around the car and I was protecting myself with my voice as if its sheer volume served as a force-field. My voice reached a primal power and depth that scared even me. I couldn’t stop. When we got home, I locked myself in a closet and sobbed and screamed into the night. “Why didn’t you stand up for me?” It seemed to shake the house. I was louder than the lightning. I was one with it. The storm and I.

That was the night I met the darkness.

[fullmetalnyuu]

Got tagged by @gatsca to do a 20 things about myself post. It's been a while but here the baby is 1. I've volunteered to help with the East Texas Balloon race literally every year since I was like 5 or 6. It's pretty awesome, if you're not familiar with it you should look it up, if you're in the area you should come check it out! 2. Over the course of my life I've owned a dog, two cats, 15 some odd fish, a very eccentric hamster and a bearded dragon. 3. I've had stitches 3 times in my life, all before I was in high school, and all at different parts of my face. I've had to get staples on the crown of my head also, it's kind of a long story so if you wanna hear it message me 4. Theatre's been my life's driving force since I started high school, and I've played almost 20 parts so far ranging from Nazi to priest to a homeless auto mechanic. 5. I've been on live TV once before, when I was about 8. I wandered into the filming of a news broadcast and got to say hi to my town. 6. When I was younger I used to love riding in elevators. So much so that if I was in a building with one my parents would have to keep an extra sharp eye on me because I'd disappear before they knew it and be riding up. 7. I have no allergies to anything that I know of. In fact, lots of things in nature don't bother me much. Poison ivy and poison oak are just any other plants to me, and mosquitos tend to leave me alone while other people around me are getting eaten up. 8. I was a boy scout for a good portion of my life, and went on lots of camping trips, including week-long summer adventures. I got up to life rank but decided that reaching eagle wasn't really all that worth it to me, so when my 18th birthday rolled around I was declared a permanent life scout. It was fun, but since it was attached to one of my least favorite churches I've ever been involved with I kinda just wanted to get out of Dodge as soon as possible. 9. Branching off that point, I'm unfortunately still an official member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, AKA the Mormon church. I think it's a twisted organization, rooted in even more lies than most other churches could boast, at least around where I'm from. I'm a tentatively spiritual atheist at this point in my life and short of being personally visited by Jesus himself I don't see that changing any time soon 10. I wanted to learn Russian at one point in my life, and I'd still like to, but to be honest the language is pretty daunting so that's one goal of mine I may never reach. 11. I met my best friend in 8th grade, although we'd known each other for a while that was when we really started talking. We became friends after I stole his phone and then gave it back a couple days later when my parents told me to return it, me telling him that I found it. Of course I only told him years later that that was how it happened. He just laughed and said that it sounded about right. 12. There are few foods that I absolutely fucking despise, and one of them is carrots. I remember very vividly an afternoon at my daycare when all the other kids had finished their meal and went to go watch TV. Of course I really wanted to join them but the ladies in charge said I couldn't until I finished my food, which I had, except for some nasty boiled carrot slivers. So, I sucked it up and ate them, only to throw up everything all over the table. I haven't touched cooked carrots since with a 20 ft pole unless they're mixed so well with something I can't pick then out by taste. 13. I'm not a fan of kids at this point in my life. Any kid below about 8 or 9 just gets on my nerves, I don't know why. I'm sure I'll get over it whenever I get a bit older but for now I just can't stand 'em. Being a babysitter would drive me crazy 14. I have trouble sleeping most nights. It's not quite insomnia, but it's common for me to only get about 4 hours of sleep on an average night, and I function to the best of my ability on that 15. I write sometimes. Not nearly as much as I used to a couple years ago, but when the bug bites me I'm caught. I used to be pretty averse to writing though, until I got on fanfiction.net back in 2013. I read a story which was a crossover between the anime Lucky Star and the game Fallout 3. At the time (hell, to this day) it was one of the best fanfics I'd ever read, and it didn't have any kind of sequel so I took it upon myself to write one. I wrote about 48k words and then just..stopped. I realized that id written a bunch of words and got practically nowhere, so I canned it. It lit the writing flame under me though, and helped to teach me a lot of valuable lessons. 16. I've never left the country, and hardly left any states that border mine. The farthest north I've been is Oklahoma, farthest east is Missouri, and the farthest west is New Mexico. I love travelling to death though, and when I have the money I intend to do just that for a while. 17. I don't like using pens for anything. I feel like writing in pen is too final, but I guess that's the whole point of using one. 18. I've known the oldest friend of mine since preschool, and we've stuck together all this time. It's one of the things I feel most lucky for. 19. I'm pretty much blind. My glasses are thicc as fuck, and I've been told that I'll probably go fully blind in the not too distant future. Even with my strong prescription, I have a hard time making out street signs. 20. I got my first ever real paycheck yesterday and opened a bank account. It felt both awesome and terrifying at the same time. Whew, that's a long post. alrighty, I'll tag @rooftopsecrets @galacactus @ahzodiac @thedevilsaparttimeexorcist @deceasedstudentsoul If you don't wanna do it that's a-ok, and if anybody I didn't tag wants to go for it, be my guest

[cpdevos]

1/24/20: HOPE - Faith, Hope, and Love Series (pt.2)

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all doing well this week!

Pray to begin. Just put aside your worries for a bit and give this time to God. :)

Like Joyce mentioned a few days ago, we will be writing a 3-part series based on this verse:

1 Corinthians 13:13 - "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Here is some context for the verse that Joyce so graciously wrote: In the beginning of the previous chapter, Paul addressed a concern within the Corinthian church about spiritual gifts. He talks about how these gifts are distributed by the Holy Spirit; yet not every believer will receive the same gifts, and that is why unity in the church and acting as one body is so important. The Corinthians seem to take pride in specific gifts, such as the gift of tongues and prophecy — however, Paul continues in the next chapter to talk about three gifts which are given to every believer and also are the foundations of the rest of these spiritual gifts mentioned earlier. These gifts are faith, hope, and love.

To give a little recap, the first gift that Paul lists is faith. By putting our faith in Jesus, we also understand God's nature and trust His plan. Our faith in Jesus is a daily choice and we must surrender our all to Him.

The second gift is hope. Hope reflects this expectation and anticipation of a purpose in having faith. When we read about Jesus’s resurrection, we have hope for a glorious future with Him in heaven and hope for Him to reign again and be glorified.

However, our worldly thinking often produces hopelessness (Ecclesiastes). When we look at the world right now, it's easy to lose hope in God's will. We see so many horrible things happening, whether it be violence, suffering, or natural disasters. Even in your own life, you might feel a little hopeless and lost when thinking about how to handle a problem or about future tasks/goals. In addition, our own sinfulness ensures we cannot reach God by ourselves, which also causes a sense of hopelessness.

But, amidst the struggles and doubts, Jesus is our hope. Through His love for us and His death on the cross, He gives us salvation and hope. Through our faith in Christ, our sins are washed away and we have been saved from death and punishment. We have so much to look forward to!

A few weeks ago, I was at church on Saturday morning for worship practice when I saw some preschool girls playing in the parking lot. I later found out that their parents were meeting for a parenting group. I was just so amazing to see all of the kids growing up so fast! It felt like yesterday that I was teaching them as babies in the nursery. Even with English worship/service, I still feel taken aback when I see the rising fifth/sixth graders sitting amongst the college students and adults. There's a whole new generation of kids at church now, and they just give me so much hope for the future.

I also find new believers very encouraging. It's truly touching when you share the Gospel with someone and they want to learn more, or even accept and begin their spiritual walk. Throughout the past few years, it has been special being able to talk to new visitors and watch as unbelievers start to grow. It is our efforts as a church, and each of our unique spiritual gifts that help create a welcoming body of Christ. These new Christians, our new brothers and sisters in Christ, reflect an image of hope in that God is truly working through every one of us.

Application Questions:

What is one worldly trouble that is causing me to lose hope? How can I pray for it?

What is one thing in my life/in my surrounding environment that already demonstrates God's work?

What is one thing I can do this week that will reflect my hope in Christ?

(if you read until the end, hopefully you're enjoying this series and I'm extremely sorry you had to wait this long for pt. 2)

- Margarette

[thechristianacademy-blog]

Enroll Your Kid in the Best School

It’s a famous quote that “children are like wet cement since whatever falls on them makes an impression”. That’s why every parent only wants the best for their kid, the best clothes, best toys, best food, and most importantly, the best education. But today, it is not easy to find the finest preschool Brookhaven since there are so many institutes claiming to be the best but do not offer what they promise. And if you do not want to enroll your kid in some random school that makes a wrong impression on him/her, you must make a smart decision. You might have seen that no matter what you do or what you say, it leaves a mark on your child. It is a fact that if a child was surrounded by negativity at an early age, s/he only hears a voice that says “you can’t”. And the child who has seen only love and peace, shares positivity. So, if you do not want your child to grow under the shadow of negativity, you should follow certain steps while you are selecting the school.

Gather Information about the Different Schools: Instead of enrolling your child in the school that your friends or relatives suggest, you are advised to make a list of the best schools. It doesn’t mean that what others are suggesting is bad but it simply means that everyone is different and what’s best for others may not be right for you.

Talk to Teachers and Students: In order to understand the environment in a better way, you should interact with the students and the teachers working there. When you are meeting the teachers, ask them questions like “how they support and motivate students?” or “how they handle the behavioral problems of kids?”

Still confused where you should enroll your kid? Well, don’t worry because we have found the best Brookhaven preschool for your kid i.e. The Christian Academy. It is one of the leading and most trusted schools where you can get your kid enrolled. The school works with professional teachers who offer the best education to each kid. The Christian Academy has preschools, kindergarten, high school, elementary school, and middle school. Besides this, the academy also offers different kinds of activities like summer camps, aftercare, student ministers, athletics, school store, fine arts, and spiritual life for the overall development of the kids. So, what are you waiting for? Check the website of The Christian Academy now and schedule a campus visit. About The Christian Academy: The Christian Academy is the best Brookhaven church preschool where you can get your kid enrolled.  For more details, visit https://www.tca-pa.org/ Original Source: https://bit.ly/3be3kB5

[sselixirs]

Amethyst: A spiritual experience

I am stoked to be doing another crystal of the week blog and I am so sorry I had to skip a couple weeks! Fall is always a wild time for my family. My husband is in his final year of his graduate program, which takes some adjusting since I stay home with the boys and work from home.

This year I was even more distracted then usual because my boys started preschool. There is an amazing school where we live that has programs for children that are 18 months all the way to kindergarten, so both boy started last week!

This is bittersweet for me. Although, I am so happy that they will be able to socialize and learn, while I focus on Savvy Stone Elixirs, this is also a big shift in our structure and more time away form one another which is hard. I hope that now that they will be in school for 3 hours (holy cow) I can get more consistent with the blog. So, this week we are going to focus on Amethyst!

Amethyst, known as the “Stone of Bishops” is honored by many cultures all over the world. For thousands of years it has been utilized in Greece and Egypt as a stone for spiritual and monetary wealth.

Egyptian Kings wore Amethyst for its metaphysical properties, they felt as though it cleared feelings of guilt and fear. This allowed them to relish in their good fortune and do what was best for their people.

Greek Mythology claims that Dionysus spilled his wine over a quartz statue, giving Amethyst its color and set the intention that it would protect against drunkenness. There are many passages in the Bible that mention Amethyst. Because of this, the church utilized it as their armor and rituals since the middle ages. For example, Exodus references the many semi precious stones, including amethyst, that were inlaid in the high priest’s breastplate.

Many crystals are utilized in Traditional Chinese Medicine. Amethyst is particularly good for balancing Yin and Yang energy which makes it an excellent stone for Feng Shui. Amethyst is a calming and soothing stone which is why it is often put in the meditation corner of a home.

It is amazing that crystals link many cultures all over the world. Most individuals utilize them for similar reasons although they may be across the world. Because this crystal medicine plays a large role in collective consciousness, uniting us energetically and promoting healing on all levels.  

How Does Amethyst form?

We know that people in Greece believes that Dionysus has something to do with it but what do geologists know?

Amethyst is a form of Quartz which means that structurally, it is almost the exact same formation but the mineral compounds vary from crystal to crystal. Meaning that most amethyst is quartz with either iron or magnesium impurities in its structure, giving it its glorious purple tint.

Metaphysical properties

We talked about the physical characteristics, now let’s get to the good stuff. In my opinion, Amethyst is one of the most mystical crystals out there. It works as a cleansing tool, for the mind and aura and assists with alignment to higher self, bringing awareness to our higher purpose.

It is most known for its meditative properties, because of this, its calming energy recharges and works on deep levels of the subconscious, promoting deep spiritual healing. Meditating with Amethyst assists astral travel and accessing higher states of consciousness.

This wonderful gem is also an excellent stone for balancing physical ailments by balancing the chakras,  removing blockages while enhancing brain function, allowing this organ to work at its highest potential to heal the rest of the body. It calms the central nervous system and neural impulses, inducing rational thinking and clarity.

Zodiac

Amethyst is the birthstone for Aquarius. Much like this sign this purple crystal is vibrant, well liked and versatile while also holding a still, deep vibration. Aquarians can utilize both ends of the spectrum to balance out their own vibration. Everybody can benefit from this balancing energy but especially Aquarians.

In conclusion, it is an excellent tool for spiritual and physical development. Its calming energy is beneficial for all types of people and I recommend it to anyone who is ready to work with crystals. This is why we offer Amethyst in all of the SSElixirs lines! I want it to be accessible and easy to use for everyone!

Hey! Thanks for being you! Thank you for reading! P.S. You’re a gem.

[harrelltut]

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