#if you saw this intro earlier no you didnt <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[chaos-grimlin]

Intro: No one truly knows what happened that night in Woodsboro, California. All the public knows was that two teenage boys, Billy Loomis and Stu Macher, went crazy. That the boys killed with no motive, that it was a case of crazy and peer pressure. Sidney Prescott, the "girlfriend" of Billy Loomis,Y/n L/n, the girl both boys were deeply obsessed with, and Gale weathers, a news reporter, where 3 of 5 witnesses that were willing to talk and tell their sides of the story to the public while Dewy Riley, the deputy sheriff of woodsboro, and tennager Randy Meeks refused to talk to law enforcements at the time. All the stories told to law enforcement seem to differ from person to person, but...in this tale, we will focus on Y/n, the obsessions, side of the story...

Marked (Billy loomis and Stu macher x reader)

Word count: 1022

Chapter 8 -Gale tells it wrong

~~~the next day at Woodsboro high~~~

^^^Y/n P.O.V^^^

I walked into the grounds of Woodsboro high. My mind was foggy and the only reason I came was my mom forcing me out...she didnt know what I saw..

Evey time I closed my eyes I saw Casey's lifeless eyes staring into mine as she hung from the tree... I saw her organs on my legs...I saw her blood coating my body.

No matter how much I cried the feeling of guilt and no matter how much I scrubbed at my skin the feeling of her blood and oragans on my body would never leave.

Tears swelled in my eyes at the thought of it..yet it wouldn't leave my mind..

Maybe if i had gotten there earlier....Casey wouldn't be dead...nor would Steve...

It was all my fault... If only I had been there sooner...

I lifted my head and saw many police and news stations in front of the school.. Telling about Casey...

But none of them told it right...

They left out everything about her... They mostly focused on her hanging there... They didn't say anything else but they..

They didnt know what I know... They didn't see what I saw last night...

I walked into the school building, keeping my head low.

I avoided everyone.. Even Sidney, Tatum, Randy, Stu, and Billy...i didn't want to be near anyone..i just wanted Casey back.

I sniffled as tears ran down my cheeks as I walked into my history class. I sat down and pulled out my books..then my eyes landed on my hands and all i saw was my hand...coated in Casey's blood.

The feeling of her blood on my hands.. The feeling of her oragans...the look of her eyes..

Then my eyes wondered to her seat...the seat right beside me...

Casey would sit there and pass notes to me, giggling like a middle schooler as she wrote about Steve.

Now they were both dead and the fucking killer was still on the loose.

My overwhelming Sadness and anger flooded around me and almost suffocated me...

I wanted who ever did this dead..

I wanted them to die a slow and painful death

I wanted them to feel the fear that Casey felt.

I want them to feelcthe pain she felt...

"Y/n l/n to the office please...y/n l/n to the office"

The intercom said...

~~~the office~~~

I sat down as Dewy Riley, Tatums brother walked infront of me.

"Y/n..were you close with Casey?" Dewy asked me.

Her name made my heart swell and tears flooded my already puffu sore eyes and my throat tightened to the point all i could do was nod.

"Ive heard police say you were the one that found her... Is that correct?" Dewy asked as he looked at me with a sorry look.

I yet again nodded, trying to stay calm..

But...i broke

I let out loud sobs and I covered my face with my hands.

The image of her body popped up in my head only making me cry louder.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me..i didn't even look up to see who it was...i just buried my head into their chest and sobbed...loud... Animalistic...otherwordly sobs.

My hands gripped at the person's shirt.

"I..i...its...its...all...m...m..mm...my fault!....if only I..i was..there...so..sooner" I screamed.

My body was shaking as a soothing voice whispered in my ear.

"Hey..hey Y/n..its okay..it wasn't your fault doll..i promise...its not your fault"

Dewy rubbed my back as I held onto him tightly.

I tried to focus on his sweet voice..trying to pull myself together..but it didn't work..

"I...i......i...still...f...f...feel her..b...blood...a...and...or..organs...on...on..me" i cried out as i looked up at Dewy who looked down at me with a look that i couldn't under stand.

Dewy took in a deep breath. "I know its hard Y/n...seeing and feeling all of that is hard..but trust me... Who ever did this will get what they deserve." He said as he took his arms off of me.

I let him go and wiped my eyes but more tears fell..

"Keep her on the suspects list" Dewy whispered to his buddy...thinking i didnt hear him.

I didn't kill Casey

Casey was my friend

Why would i killer her?!

Why would they keep me as a suspect...

I found her..

I cried more at those words.

"Maybe you need to go home" the principle said as he looked at me.

I shook my head.. The worst place for me to be would be on my own.

Then..

A thought flashed through my head...

What if the killer thinks i saw them...what if they come after me next...

"N...no" i whispered.

"Why?" Dewy asked..

"I...i...thi...think....I...I'm...n...e....next" i said.

I didn't want to die..

I didn't want to die!

Dewy nodded "its a possibility the killer might have saw you..." He started, not helping me..

"Hm..stay home with your parents..and if you need to, stay at a friend's house...now you can go" Dewy said and once he did i hopped up and stormed out.

I tripped over my own feet as i did...yet i didnt bother to get up..

I just sat there...on the floor... Crying so hard..

My breathing came out in quick sharp breaths and my heart was broken into a million pieces

I had fallen into a hole that i couldn't get out of...and then to think that they still thought of me as a suspect..

I felt those million pieces break into a billion..

I hate myself....

I hate that i found Casey

I hate that she was dead

I hate that i wasn't there sooner..

Now...

Now I think that death wouldn't be so bad...

At least i could be with Casey...

[quirk-gang-kin-help]

heyyo, Mod Jevil here. used to technically be Mod Himiko, its complicated. if you want my kinlist, just send in an ask. i’m a Dave Strider fictive, so no i don’t kin Dave Strider. i very much do love Dave kinnies though. i use he/they pronouns. nice to meetcha.

Fandoms i fw/can do:

-Homestuck

-Liar Liar

-Danganronpa

-DHMIS

-FNAF

-Marble Hornets

-Tribe Twelve

-Undertale

-Deltarune

-Future Diary

-BNHA

-Creepypasta

-Minecraft

Things I will not do and dont fw: 

-Inc//st

-Racism, Homophobia, Sexism, etc

-Hazbin Hotel

-Factkin

-Mineta

-Endeavor

-Overhaul

Dirk Strider and Karkat Vantas are iffy characters but I’ll probably still do them.

[nobody-knose--archive]

i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

[coletteuwu]

helllo hello hellooooooo~

today i have decided to rank my favourite starkid+tbc musicals :)

now please keep in mind that these are based on my opinions & you have every right to agree/disagree, just don't be a dick to anyone and enjoy

(i havent seen ani, starship nor mamd, so these wont be included here)

#10 The Trail To Oregon!

nothing wrong with it, just not my cup of tea

good idea tho

your wagon is on fiREEE is iconic

humour was inconsistent and overall a bit too childish for my taste

boring

#9 Twisted

this is really controversial, but i practically fell asleep while watching it (maybe because i didnt grow up as a disney fan in a post-communist country)

dylan saunders did an amazing job and i love his singing and he kinda was carrying the whole show (yikes)

costume design was on point tho

also "no one remembers achmed" is one of my fave starkid songs

#8 Holy Musical B@man!

i actually dont have any criticism for hmb, because i think its very well executed and jokes are... good... i guess...

a pretty neutral one, bc the songs were kinda mediocre and so was the humour but i really liked joe walker as batman and nick lang as robin

batman has a cool plane

#7 Black Friday

the new style of the lang brothers is very cool and exciting

the plot was very well written, but it felt a bit,,, rushed?

like they were trying to cram tons of information into one play and for that reason i dont really come back to watch it

and at the same time the pace was a little too slow for my liking?

idk it felt a little off

but characters were iconic, acting was 12/10 (especially joey, lauren and dylan)

#6 Solve It Squad

ACTING ON POINT

comedy was well timed and relevant

brosenthal's scene where he plays all the hotel staff just left me like this -> :o

one of joey's best roles

lauren too

#5 AVPSY

the thing is, initially i wanted to put all the avp parts together but that would have been hard to catch so i guess we're doing this

t h e s o n g s (❤️❤️❤️❤️)

AJ delivers such a good lockhart

joey's sidekick is just mwah

the songs are just so fcking good ahh

they got the real luna!

really emotional

the best ending to the trilogy

in the middle i kinda skipped some scenes bc i got a little carried away

but the ending is just so GOOD

everything has an end.... (i cried a lot guys)

jeff's spider was i m m a c u l a t e

both brians & joe walker 😳❤️

i didnt like the scripts for the first 10 seconds but then after that i didnt even notice them

#4 AVPS

one of the best intros in starkid (if we cannot move forward, why shouldn't we move back? gives me chills everytime)

lucius malfoy is so hot and terrifying at the same time idk if im scared or turned on

story was a little inconsistent and i missed quirrell and the lack of brian rosenthal, but thats okay i can settle for a seamus finnigan

JOE WALKER IN A DRESS. THATS IT THATS THE TWEET.

ron is canonically bicurious????

comedy on point

the best soundtracks in starkid, come @ me im not scared to fight

like for real who wrote the music i just wanna hug them and give them every penny i got to work with them

#3 The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals

lets get the criticism out of the way first

i see that they tried to write the music in the same theme, but some songs were repetitive and jeff's falsetto screaming kinda got boring

not your seed is not that good of a song

corey got me in the fEELS

joey's homeless man was iconic

first i didnt like paul's acting but it grew on me and now i love it

LET IT OUT IS THE BEST SONG OF THE PLAY. PERIODT.

the best written starkid show :)

comedy was, again, relevant and well timed

overall, i loved the simplicity of the design

prof. hidgens = hips™

#2 AVPM

i may be biased bc of nostalgia and bc it was the first starkid musical i ever saw but idc

not that well written, but its just so damn entertaining

QUIRRELMORT

different as can be is just chef's kiss

the chemistry between brian and joe is so good

I CAME HOME

*soft boi brian in a jail dress with a fist in his mouth*

everything just started from there

red vines

snape <3

STARKID POTTER, MOONSHOES POTTER

a gift that is lauren lopez as malfoy

the funniest starkid show idcidc

i was a huge potterhead growing up and hp is so important to my life -> thats why the avp trilogy means so much to me

#1 Spies Are Forever

i saw it recently and im mad i didnt watch it earlier

joey is so hot with a british accent

the history behind all of the show just makes it so good, 1950-60 was the scariest time to be gay and it portrays everything about living in the shadows of the cold war perfectly

choreo on point (thank you lauren)

mary kate as tatiana is very dangerous for my weak bi heart

good music

VERY WELL WRITTEN (PROPS TO BRIAN, COREY AND JOEY)

i really like spy movies so

the whole ordeal that is baron von nazi played by brian rosenthal, a jew

wizz waffle fries

glitter waka waka

i just really love brian rosenthal

the ending :'((((((

torture tango and one step ahead = thats some good shit

joe walker as deadliest man alive oh boy oh boy let me tell you about how much of a latte hottay he is in saf

i LOVE that tati and curt are in a platonic relationship, it just throws the stereotypes out of the window

the whole scene where joey and curt fight

[fromzerotoeuphoria]

me watching the Free! Timeless Medley films

A jotting down of my thoughts while watching the Free! Timeless Medley films (but really it’s just yet another gush sesh about RinHaru I’M SORRY I CAN’T HELP IT 😩)

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Timeless Medley 1: The Bond

1:36 AM | Okay, starting the first film and omg I found a dub version! 🙌🏽

Also, dang woah already this opens up with drama and tension, but this time it’s with Ikuya (with Haru correlating whatever happened with Ikuya with Rin (but nothing comes close to what happened with Rin heh ��)).

   // 

Oh and after the Ikuya/Rin dream is the scene of Haru curling up on his bed looking lonely and sad and like he needs a cuddle ☹ 

   //

OMG this music is too emo ugh I love it  

   //

And OMGGGG Haru and Rin’s race was AFTER High Speed/Haru joining the middle school swim team. So when he quit swimming because of Rin, it caused strain between him and the others on the team #howdidijudtgetthisnow

   //

Aww Makoto and Haru’s friendship montage is adorable!! Look at the lil squishy babies :((((( chibi!MakoHaru is too stinkin cute

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2:02 AM | UMMMMM WHY DIDNT RIN GET HIS OWN PANEL IN THE INTRO MAY I ASK????? 😒 Y'all better not do my baby and my ship dirty in this film…

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2:07 AM | okay okay, that montage of rinharu was *chefs kiss* Kinda wished it happened with Haruka thinking about it instead of the teachers discussing the boys, but in a way it goes to show how much Haru is tied to Rin without even realizing it, kinda like how he hated to admit even to himself how much he admired and cared for Rin in elementary school

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2:29 AM | yes it’s another rinharu trash update, but like: when Kisumi meets Haru again for the first time since junior high, he points out to Haru how they met right after RIN left overseas and how Haru always seemed pretty down about that. This was before the race between him and Rin that ended with the both of them quitting swimming, meaning that Haru was obviously down about Rin leaving alone, not only because the race went bad. And the fact that others saw it too is just UGH, I mean yeah we already knew Rin leaving had such an impact on Haru but like he was visibly down and affected by Rin’s departure, so even though Rin was just a short time in Haru’s life, he still left such a huge impact on Haru. Rin truly was a shooting star, a brilliant glittering light that blazed into Haru’s life and left just as quickly. But he showed Haru something beautiful, something Haru had never seen before, like only a shooting star would. UGH OMG IM SO EMO I LOVE MY SHIP 😭💫💖

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2:50 AM | aww eeeeeek the gang is at regionals and Rei just overheard a guy from another team walking by mention how when he was in a rut, some kid with glasses recommended to him books on mental training and AWWWW IT WAS ASAHI from High Speed!!! And Rei stood up and stared after the team because he knew that the guy was talking about him!! Aaaaaaah okay so I’m glad I’m watching these compilation films because these new scenes are so great and really set things up wonderfully for Season 3.

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3:04 | ummmm I think I may be crushing on grown Rin too 😣 

Rin and Haru are in Australia right now and ugh Rin’s just…he’s just so chill and calming (well, when’s he’s not all fired up at least) and the way he lazes himself arounf and just LOUNGES when he sits and the way he slings his arm around people is AHEM so attractive. Also ,his fashion sense is *chef’s kiss* And he has a sensitive, artistic-soul AND have I mentioned how his entrance scene when he first showed up as an adult in S01E01 WAS FRIGGIN HOT, like the way that music came in with the close ups of his face and his swaggering saunter was just *gesticulates wildly because words don’t do it justice*

…yeahhhh it was a lot, Rin is a lot, and I’m surprised it took me this long to start (possibly) crushing on adult Rin T_T

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3:33 AM | Okay, I’m finished with part 1 of Timeless Medley, and why did that ending scene with Ikuya actually get me psyched for watching how things play out with him in Season 3? 👀 I hope I like Ikuya in DTTF, because right now he’s tugging at my heartstrings and is begging me to put him in my pocket for safe-keeping (plus glimpsing him as a high schooler kinda made me feel some type of uwu way). Seems like things will be intense, because Ikuya resents Haru for quitting the swim team and honestly, I feel for Ikuya: he had no friends until Haru, Mako, Asahi and Kisumi came into his life, and the swim team meant so much to him. So for Haru to quit like he did…yeah I can see why Ikuya would resent him. It’ll be interesting to see things unfold in Season 3. Until then, onto Part 2!

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Timeless Medley 2: The Promise

3:42 AM | I’m literally like 7 seconds into this and already I’m UWUSKFJSAHHAKK!!!! WE GET LITTLE RIN and I hope this means we’ll get a lot of elementary school Rin *crosses fingers* Also…umm dang but like Rin’s dad was a looker too 👀 Rin doesn’t look much like him though, so he must take after his mom.

   //

OMG this opening backstory for Rin, showing his relationship with his dad and how he was heartbroken when his father died, how he stepped up at such a young age to be the support to his family…I THINK IM FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM 😭😭😭😭😭 And Mama Matsuoka is gorgeous whattheheck. The entire Matsuoka family is beautiful, like wow.

✧

4:52 AM | Ugh Rin is just…ugh the way Sousuke told Rin the reason he didn’t tell him earlier about his injury was because, “I knew it would break your heart” was just ERHGNSJSNSJJSJDKD 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Rin is such a passionate, sensitive soul who truly cares about those he loves and his heart breaks for other people, and it’s just like UGHHH 😭😭😭😭 Like he even cried a little when the guys surprised him with the pool full of cherry blossoms because Rin is just that sentimental kind of man and omg I LOVE HIMMMM 😭💖💖💖

Also: okay dang EVERYONE wants to swim with Rin: Haruka and Nitori and Sousuke, like Rin really does have folks falling for him left and right THAT’S MY BABY’S POWER.

I wish the films had more RinHaru but it’s ok the added scenes make up for it 😝 Plus…RINHARURALIA (so i can’t be too greedy)

✧

5:16 AM | I’m watching the end after credits and the scene with Gou and Rin with Rin carrying Gou’s bags and walking her home is EVERYTHING. He’s also an awesome gentlemanly brother?? Rin PLEASE you’re killing me!

✧

The thing is, Rin as an adult isn’t spectacular like a Levi Ackerman (my first hubby), but there’s constantly these moments of a brilliant shining light that he displays, and it just guts you and makes you fall for him more and more. They’re subtle, yet so very effective and I just…ugh STAHP okay, I need to be done, this entire overview of Timeless Medley thus far has just been 85% gushing about Rin and the rest gushing about RinHaru 😅🙈 I need to force myself to call it a night because it’s almost 5:30 in the morning and I need to NOT watch the third film Take Your Marks and instead just GO TO BED. 

Rin Matsuoka, please stop making me fall in love with you because I’m falling way too hard way too fast and I already have an anime husband (though I doubt Levi cares enough to be mad about it).

(reposted from original blog, July 26, 2020)

[zhuhongs]

Here’s my long ass review of TGCF that literally no one asked for it i have opinions and I have no one to tell them too so i must write them out and post them. (also part of this is abt the mdzs novel bc i can’t not compare them and I have a lot of thoughts abt that too)

This is very very long so it’s going under a read more. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so first off this book was a fucking behemoth i can’t believe i read all of that (minus the extras) in under a week.. what the fuck. I definetly got reading fatigue halfway thru book 3.

I’m gonna separate my thoughts into sections bc i  have a few points that don’t all relate

firstly, overall writing and organization:

I said it earlier but tgcf is a lot more structurally sound than mdzs imo. My biggest criticism of the MDZS novel (minus the bad sex scenes, homophobia, and general I hate mxtxness of it) was the way the flashbacks were presented. 

Like OH MY GOD they were presented so badly. I hated that the flashback was told intermittently and only when one of the characters invoked the past. For example, when WWX meets Jiang Cheng and a second time, Jin Ling distracts JC to release “Mo Xuanyu” bc he saved his life in the Nie Ancestral hall earlier. WWX then proceeds to be the self sacrificing dude he is and take away Jin Ling’s curse and put it on himself. When he escapes and returns to LWJ, LWJ offers to carry him.

 If you watched CQL, you know exactly what LWJ is referring to when he says smth to the effect of “You once offered to carry me too, remember.” HOWEVER in the novel you don’t know what he’s talking about. This is because the flashback wasn’t been revealed to you yet. The next chapter goes to tell the flashback. I think that this takes away all of the emotional depth away from the scene. But in CQL, having the flashback already be known, you make the connection on your own and are like “awww wangji remembers that.. even 16 years later.“ Its a lot sweeter bc you know what the two have gone thru. At this point in the MDZS novel its barely the 30th chapter or so and you have no real idea what wangxian have been thru together or what reasons wangji has for loving wwx. You just think, well obviously they like each other bc this is a danmei novel and they are the two leads, ofc they have to like each other. But in cql, you learn through watching them that they’re in love. It’s not just like”well they have to be!! its a bl!!”

Okay that was a rlly long side tangent but it makes me so angry. So what did any of that have to do with TGCF?? well tgcf doesn’t have this issue. In fact, i believe that it gains a lot from having the flashback withheld from the reader. 

I really liked how the flashbacks were contained to books 2 and 4 respectively because it adds a layer of mystery. Hua Cheng is a very secretive man so it makes sense for us to not know everything about him upfront. The way that the author teases and hints little things at you make you want to know more, making it all the more satisfying when the truth is revealed. Because in a way you Know that Hua Cheng meets Xie Lian before and you know that he’s the child XL saved during the God Pleasing Ceremony but you don’t know all the details. Like obviously since Hua Cheng is a ghost you know that he’s died and it was likely for Xie Lian or Xian le’s sake but you probably never expected that he actually died twice. Once on the battle field and second when he took the human face disease. I think the difference between these flashbacks and the flashbacks in MDZS result from the length. In TGCF you get two long concise flashbacks that make sense to be placed where they are. Book 2 because you already have a feel and hint at what the characters have been through and book 4 because the White No Face appears again so then you learn how he and Xie Lian met before. It wouldn’t make sense to place book 2 any earlier bc there is no emotional impact. And it doesn’t make sense to place book 4 earlier because you don’t know what the white no face’s deal is so it’d be confusing. In MDZS, you get numerous short flashbacks happening alongside the main story and it makes it hard to piece together the timeline in a way that feels satisfying. Ik a lot of ppl grill cql for having a confusing intro episode and having a rlly long flashback but its much better than the mdzs novel. However the mdzs donghua handles the flashback in the most concise way imo.

Overall i think the way the story is structured is very good and is a step up from mdzs. Also the horror aspects of tgcf are rlly enjoyable and honestly i think mxtx should just write short horror stories at this point. like enough long ass novels chock full of fetishization. just write some fun horror with no romance and call it a day.. pls

Side Characters:

okay so straight up, i think the side characters arent used as well as they were in mdzs bc mxtx wanted to focus on hualian and didn’t want to give the side characters as much focus. This is a weaker point of the novel.

I’ll get into it more below but i think hua cheng was done dirty as a character by having him rlly only care abt xie lian. Since he doesn;t have any real relationships with others outside of xie lian this takes away from having more depth in the side characters. They’re really only related as far as xie lian’s relationship with them. Though thankfully xie lian gets rather close with a few officials and the ones we get to see more of are rlly interesting. I especially loved the reconciliation of mu qing, feng xin, and xie lian at the end of book 5. honestly their relationship was one my favorites and i’m glad they finally said what they had to say to each other after 800 fucking years. Also Shi Qingxuan is a delight. we stan sqx in this house.

The characters i wish we had seen more of were yushi huang (although she didnt rlly want to be there, good for her), Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. I very much wish yizhen and yin yus story happened earlier on and we had more time with them. It felt strange to have their subplot occur towards the end and it was sort of out of place but i liked them a lot!! i wish there was more to it. and that there was a reconcilation but mxtx hates happy shidi’s doesnt she, (glares at novel jc). Also man yin yu did NOT have to die like that i’m sad.

Also, honestly.. i don’t think qi rong added to the story whatsoever and i have no clue why he and guzi were there. qi rong just pissed me off the whole time and added literally nothing.

going back to yushi huang, i’d like to say for the millionth time that i hate how mxtx uses any of her female characters. like we get it.. u hate women being useful... im still pressed but what i want to say has been said many times before so ill leave it at that.

Hualian:

I really really did like hualian at the end. They had a truly epic love story and it was so beautiful, especially when hua cheng repeated his words as wuming to xie lian as he started to disappear. But, I said it once and i’ll say it again. I don’t think Hualian is a super healthy relationship. As fiction its fine (i firmly believe fiction impacts reality but let me finish), i guess bc literally nothing about their situation can be replicated irl and none of it ended up containing manipulation or abuse or anything bad but there was a potential for it to and i’m really glad it didnt go that route.

Hualian is a highly idealized and romanticized relationship full of some truly troubling feelings of self worth. While its “beautiful” in a way that hc really was xls most devoted believer, it wasnt healthy for him to live for xl like this. Nor was it healthy for xl to feel so unworthy of hua chengs love.  

Hua Cheng’s devotion to Xie Lian is a little too extreme and it bothers me. When the truth was revealed abt the Temple of 10,000 Gods I had the same reaction as Mu Qing and Feng Xin. I was like... HEY WHAT THE FUCKK that’s a little uh... thats NOT HEALTHY,, dianxia PLEASE say smth. But ofc Xie Lian didn’t say fucking anything and and i was so pissed. Like the whole thing of Hua Cheng living his life solely for XIe Lian is really kinda fucked up and not romantic. I was holding out hope that at some point XIe Lian would sit him down and be like “Hey! I love you and i’m really grateful that all these years you’ve still believed in me when no one else did. But you can’t just live your life for my sake. You deserve love from many other other people and deserve to have a life and happiness outside of me. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to not only think of me.” or something to that effect

It bothers me that after Xie Lian learns the truth he doesn’t once reassure Hua Cheng that he didn’t have to make Xie Lian his reason for existence. Like.. idk i just think that’s rlly kinda unhealthy. Like I understand why Hua Cheng is so deeply devoted to Xie Lian-- he saved his life twice and was the only one to ever show him kindness and he’s seen xie lian suffer a fate worse than death multiple times. I get that he wants to protect him and make his life easier, but to not let anyone else into his life and spend 800 years looking for xie lian is just overkill. Like if the whole 10k statues thing never happened i’d be 100 percent fine with hualin but the whole devotion to that extent... uhhh yea.. no that put a bad taste in my mouth. Obsession should not be romanticised. I don’t think any reader of tgcf is going out and deciding to live like hua cheng obviously but still.

Also Side note, the whole 100 swords scene.. bro i felt for hua cheng, the way he screamed seeing that, i don’t blame him. I was so horrified reading that chapter. i don’t think i’ve been so horrified by a piece of media like that in a while. Poor fucking xie lian.. oh my god. I understand the intense reaction he had and how seeing that prompted such a degree of loyalty but still.. 10k statues?? the cave that mu qing and feng xin saw... thats a little too much obssession... like please.. dial it back.. im begging u.

I was talking to mary (liviahyes) and she said smth abt how Hua Cheng doesn’t have a character outside of xie lian. And she’s right, he kinda doesn’t. If Xie Lian didn’t exist neither would Hua Cheng. I get that that counds kinda romantic but in practice i don’t think its a good things. Especially because Xie Lian has a story outside of Hua Cheng, hehas goals, he has friends, he has something. Hua Cheng said it-- his only dream is Xie Lian. Which is romantic but very very unbalanced. 

THAT BEING SAID, i still rly liked their relationship and i think theyre cute they just have issues they need to work through. I mean they have time but yea. It wasn’t perfect but eh. overall i’m bitter bc they couldve been THAT COUPLE but theyre so many bad implications as mentioned above and i.. smh. They still have amazing moments. Like the lantern scene, the alter scene, the “what matters is you, not the state of you”, the end when hua cheng helps release the shackles on xie lian, the scene where hua cheng disappears, the way xie lian waited for him, like they were so close to being THAT COUPLE but then mxtx and her fujo ass just had to make it uncomfortable like that. i’m so bitter. Like the reason why i wrote out all of this is bc this novel could’ve been great but so many little things added up and made the experience far more sour than it shouldve been.

MXTX did hua cheng SO DIRTY by not giving him a character much outside of loving xie lian and being good at everything. Like when I first learned abt how Hua Cheng beat 33 heavenly officials at what they excel in best i was like WHO IS THIS LEGEND but honestly.. he rlly doesn’t have any motivations outside of helping xie lian and I wish he had more to him . Like if we had more situations like the one where hua cheng dug out his own eye to save the group of mortals on mount tong’lu then he’d have been a much more well rounded character. Honestly, that’s rlly the only instance where he seems to have taken xie lians ideals to heart. I wish we had more of that bc that scene was so cool. i wish it hadn’t been revealled so late and there was more than one occasion where he defends others (minus xie lian ofc) without anything for himself to gain that.

To contrast hualian with wangxian, i think wangxian work so well bc at their core, they have the same life goals and same ideas about people and the world. Where in hualian, xie lian has core principles and morals and hua cheng is just like, anything for xie lian. SMH they couldve been great but overall i think hualian falls flat for me because of my own fear of dating someone who doesn’t have a life outside of dating me. Moreso, my parents had this sort of unbalanced relationship towards the end of their marriage and it ended very badly and yea, i just can’t whole heartedly love relationships that in any way resemble this, even if it ends differently. that’s a personal thing tho.

I don’t think Hua Cheng has ANY bad intentions towards Xie Lian or ever will. I don’t think he’s ever manipulated xl or tried to force him to love him. But again, it’s my own personal feelings that makes me feel kinda.. ehh conflicted abt hualian. There was potential but again.. fujoshis ruin everything... smh. Overall i think the way it ended redeemed the issues it had but still there were issues and i really wish xie lian like,, reassured hua cheng about living his life freely at some point but whatever. 

IN CONCLUSION

TGCF had the potential to be better than mdzs, it rlly did but it was bogged down by the authors own toxic mentalities abt love, and mlm relationships, and treating women like ppl and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoyed this book, truly i did (otherwise i wouldn’t have stuck through and read 750k words of it) but there are some flaws that cannot be glossed over. I hope that tgcf when it does get adapted, goes through the same miracle that cql did and makes the characters more like ppl and less like tropes but i doubt it. Also i highly doubt that a live action tgcf is feasible given the supernatural aspects of the series but we shall see. I’m excited for the donghua when it eventual comes out but i will continue to be critical of the novel bc..well.. you see why. idk if i’d reccommend this book tbh bc like yes i would, no i would... well.. </3. yea. overall, it sure was something that i enjoyed in spades. especially the last 5 chapters. I generally liked it but had many issues with it at the same time, but honestly, yea thats the standard fair for a mxtx novel. 

[dumbdancemomssideblog]

S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world. 

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet 

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh] 

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :( 

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/ 

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged) 

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4: 

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call? 

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho.... 

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

[elijahfitz]

and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Suspiria remake review from a shitty movie-goer

(this review is posted too late so excuse me for some timing inaccuracies I couldn’t be arsed to edit)

(IF YOU HATE TL;DRS JUST SKIP AHEAD TO THE “THE REVIEW” PART. YOU’RE WELCOME)

I actually hate to admit why was I interested to watch this movie in the end, but for once SOMETHING motivated me to go to a movie after countless tries from my family to get me to watch something in theatres at a “reasonable time” (daytime is what they mean, this movie was at 8pm our time, and this is when the cross-city bus transport (it goes from one big city to another) stops doing their service lmao).

I myself have a lowkey interest in moviemaking (I’m already getting there by editing my phone-recorded videos because whatever). I come up with my concepts in my head and I am mostly willing to put them down somewhere in my computer so I don’t forget it years later if I want to make that concept a thing in the end (because none of my concepts are finalized... well except for one short horror-ish story I posted on DeviantArt (see mom, I do like some horror stuff!). Reddit as of lately inspired me to edit some of my movie’s plot-lines based on irl events (not related with anything too SJW), and I’m not sure how an usual movie-goer would see this concept but I am going to try to execute it... whenever I have enough equipment to shoot my own little films or skits or whatever.

What’s that? There are people who scrolled past this and already yell at me that “YOU ONLY WENT TO SEE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE OF THE MAN WHO COMPOSED THE SOUNDTRACK~~~”? Ugh yes you exposed me, tea all over. I even had “Street Spirit (Fade Out)” on a bit of a repeat as of lately (how fucking come I wasn’t too couragerous to listen to this song before?? And “Pyramid Song”??? Man am I discovering their pearl(ie)s(*) too late). And I’m occasionally on the band’s subreddit as well. And the man himself is touring ‘round the USA, signing material of fans and have genuinely warm chats with them. Admireable.

But that’s only half truth.

I never thought I’d see Suspiria on cinema theatres in here. Until one time when I saw an ad on a completely random Lithuanian website that said this movie is coming to our theatres 14 December... I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I made my goal to see Suspiria since then. I even dared to ask a couple of my new college ‘friends’ to see it with me, but one of them fell off the deal when I revealed that I’ll be going to see it on Saturday, and on the weekends he’s usually at home, far away from the city the college is in (he lives in college dormitory on mostly the work-weekdays). So my only movie companion ended up to be this 28-year-old coursemate (actually we both study different things but sometimes we attend some of the same lectures) who was intrigued by the Suspiria trailer herself so at least I’m gonna have her by my side of the movie, so I thought. Sweet.

I already envisioned seeing this in a mall cinema theatre but my companion offered me a cheaper alternative - her suggested cinema theatre was actually in renovation so the business is temporarily happening inside an actual drama theatre’s long theatre hall. I had to wait long until the ticket box opened and because of that I was lowkey frustrated as I finished my English test writing a little earlier, so I spent my time walking around the city until the time came and I wandered off to the old building of the cinema so then I remembered it was moved and I found the moved place. Yeah I bought the tickets before my companion could but I’ll skip ahead to the time that I almost lost the tickets because they were put down on a windowsill outside some children activity centre (Suspiria and children?? lol). I came back home late at night and was ready for the movie to happen the next day. Oh and before buying the tickets I coincidentally saw dance classes going on nearby that building... weird, as Suspiria has dance elements in there

The day came (December 15) and my family went together with me because they saw this as an opportunity to see the Christmas tree of our city (but not the movie). Needless to say, they were still visibly pissed at me orchestrating this idea, as I planned everything BUT the transport to go by. Well at least my mom and my sis. Dad was cool with it as he returned home to watch Home Alone. Aside all that, the cinema hall was cozy, Christmassy, not too small, there were a few trailers before the movie, no snack-seller places (as this is not a mall lol) - my companion was glad she wasn't at the mall as she found this place where we were at way lovelier.

Now with all that unnecessary long intro off my chest, let’s begin:

THE REVIEW

(definitely not spoiler-free, if you are sensitive to spoilers please watch the movie for yourselves before reading my review. But if you like being spoiled, I’m your friend then I guess lmao)

The intro to the movie felt like I ended up booking a wrong movie - I didn't expect that to be set somewhere in Germany, especially an American/Italian-shot one. Was that a thing in the original Suspiria? I don't know... (apparently it is, but the cities are different, never the country though)

Patricia (I didn’t know it was Chloë Grace’s role until reading the Wiki) looked like to be a really big deal here, with the dance pupils discussing her disappearance the other day and Susie overheard them, then Sara mentioned the Patricia thing to Susie after Susie revealed she was kind of chosen as the lead dancer for the Volk play... is it because Patricia was THE saviour that unfortunately knew a little too much?? Idk, it’s perhaps the reason we get to see the Klemperer guy subplot happen (I didn’t know it was Tilda Swinton behind him all the time either, must be because the way the male German accent was put on her lol). Turned out she was captured and kept under some dungeon where Sara had gone later in the movie, but looking like an almost melted and grotesquely old human being (or if Mary’s mother from “Chocolate with Nuts” was a person). Speaking of which, there is one more later in the movie, but I won’t tell just yet - we will need to get into such scenes discussion first.

Interesting deaths here, despite of them being grotesque and horrifically detailed. It almost felt like Susie, whilst doing her first dance as the probable lead dancer, temporarily turned into Olga’s voodoo doll or a violent bloodbender (that old lady from Avatar that could bloodbend was incredibly uncanny, damn) and left Olga completely fucked up, and the foam mouth later on... is this the effect myxomatosis has on a human being if it was ever humanly? She was twitching and salivating afterall. :P But no, she’s not dead until she gets to plead her death later in the movie! :O Several others occur throughout, but none is more prominent than this key scene I described, well at least according to TV Tropes.

The search for the evil person in this movie without Wiki helping me much was definitely a nice game for me to play. I kept thinking that Blanc might be that one, then I thought she’s not the one until she looked at Carolina (I think that was the tall tomboy’s name??) suspiciously and then she later passed out on the floor violently, with rabies foam and everything.

Anyway, don’t tell me Tilda Swinton wouldn’t make out a pretty good Thom Yorke post-Pablo Honey. She’s 8 years older than him, ffs! Also played a man before (e.g.: this movie I’m talking about) so the make up won’t be an unjumpable-over hurdle.

The sighs were for sure unsettling, especially because they oddly sounded like orgasm here and there. IDK why. I know fucking is referenced twice in this movie (well only fucking once and sex another time). Speaking of random things, the nightmare shots were completely random themselves, following up with some imagery we never see in the movie again, and some of that we see only a little (like the worms and bloody organs).

3 long scenes that were note-worthy for me. One is the Olga mutilation/Susie's first dancing scene that I already noted, and it was driven by music (the others will be too. Soundtrack of this movie still rules). Then there's the Volk play itself - girls go from one place to another, take poses of each other, dance individually, let their minimalistic red rope dresses flick in the air, interspersed with Sara in the underneath area and her broken leg (so broken, the bone went out of her skin!), and then the matriarchy getting her back on stage, but healing her leg with her witch powers before that. I haven't really listened to the rest of the soundtrack but I gotta check the song out so that I won't end up labeling it as a Kid A reject. No but seriously - intense dancing needed some intense drumming and painful instrument sounds just to project out the massiveness of the whole play.

Then I keep remembering the scene where Madame Blanc commands Susie to jump higher and higher in the mirror hall, up until she jumps as highest as possible. Also my companion’s favourite scene was the stare exchange between these two ladies during the part where people were singing some drinking song in a bar to celebrate ‘Volk’’s success - you hear them singing and then some chilling background noise slowly mixing and creeping its way into the atmosphere, then I think it leads into a scene where some sparkling aura entity wakes Susie up (and she’s nude) in the middle of the night and gets her to go down to this... dungeon orgy full of random stuff going on, complete with an Asian man doing something beyond explanation (I could say lewd but not quite), even more strange ritual dancing and the very much frightening Madame Helga... who looked like Jabba the Hutt for some reason. And then of course everyone slitting, slashing and twisting each other, and by the end Susie throwing us all a plot twist which makes her THE evil one who can finally let her ‘friends’ go of all that suffering they have been through thanks to the damn witches (and yeah apparently her dance friends haven’t completely died? THAT’S how they do - they tell Susie to end their suffering and she does). Also she cracks her chest open to reveal a... very graphic part of a female body that will by no doubt get this whole text review reported without consent so I refrain from any illustrations. Oh and this scene mostly has the possibly favourite this movie’s soundtrack song of mine, if not one of them, play - titled Unmade. It was a mind-boggling decision to do so but the movie editors do them I suppose, but still. I felt sad for the song having to be the background of such absurd but fair enough events? (Oh and I didn’t mention that everyone who voted for the other woman than Madame Blanc to be the leader of the witches (iirc) were rid of in this movie. Damn.)

Oh and the ending is rather an interesting detail, not talking about post-credits because as always I have to be this one movie goer who wants to do it but can’t because they’re urged to go back out of the movie theater. We turn into modern day Germany with a love heart carved on a brick wall with the letters A and L (perhaps?? at the time of finishing this review my memory towards it kind of erased some parts of the movie for me), a nice little remembrance of Lutz’s (the old man’s) love for his dear Anke, with which they have reunited during the movie, but Lutz was dragged out by some people related to the dance academy for probably wandering elsewhere than needed and somehow Lutz ended up as one of the sex dungeon victims, stripped of clothing and lying down quite powerless. That and before the modern day shot we are subjected with Lutz in hospital with Susie coming to visit, they discuss something related to the plot, Susie touches the guy speaks some more, leaves and according to the Wiki, Lutz “suffers from a violent seizure” that was nothing more than just a hard seizure. And it even erases his memories!

Anyway, as a whole, I felt more underwhelmed of this movie’s experience despite really wanting to see it. Like, “uhm yeah gore blood people getting slashed everyone’s a witch and everyone’s watched over by the witch and if you expose the witches you die” kind of underwhelmed. I didn’t want this movie to blatantly go through my head, but it did, that’s why I wanted to make notes everytime something notable happens. There was one startling moment, and it just was an innocent scene transition. And something within Olga’s mutilation scene made me chuckle (and made some other people leave the cinema hall ASAP). It’s more of a disgusting watch than scary. Also feels too dragged out in parts.

I’d only recommend it if you are gore-tolerant (there are people that can’t stand looking at blood so this might as well not be for you, especially if you’re younger than 16), like intense choreos that can impact other people literally, and... the soundtrack. Yes of course. If you dare to get through the movie with feeling its soundtrack, sometimes you might as well feel it right, but some of the soundtrack song usages might as well make you go “hmm” as much as me.

I'll remind myself to never watch a movie in theaters for soundtrack again (unless they're not THAT late). And the other 'trilogy of the three witches' movie remakes, especially if they come out at the time I haven't moved houses by now, because for sure as hell will my parents not like me going to cinema late once more. The movie is lowkey 7 out of 10 for me, can sometimes it's on the verge of falling down to 6 becaude of no completely proper comprehension of some directing choices... so 6.7/10 is good - as it still has 6 in it, but totally leans on to the 7.

Will probably watch it again. I need to remember some more of this movie sometime later. And looking for online uploads of this movie is unrecommendable - I'll wait until Lionsgate distributes it to America for wider audiences so that anything could surface 2 months (or even a few days) later from now. Though if I didn't need all that, I'd definitely not watch it again for a long time... unfortunately I want to.

Post movie feelings: my companion liked the movie, initially said to never watch it again but now wants to watch it again because it was so "wtf" she felt like re-experiencing it at some point. She liked the music (another bonus point for Yorke). She wished she could film the reactions of other people who watched this, as they mostly were confused, all being like "wtf did I just watch???". I'm already feeling bad for the 3rd companion who didn't join us but would also like to watch this - he’ll likely be one of those confused movie-goers.

[dontkyeom]

Monsta X: Beautiful in San Francisco - Fan Experience

ayooo i was asked to post about the monsta x concert i just went to (and also i want a record of what happened before i forget) so here it is!! under the cut are my pre, during, and post-show experiences/thoughts!!

pre-show

okay so my friend and i planned to get boba from boba guys and fries from super duper for dinner

me being me, i planned for us to meet at 5 so we had enough time to eat and digest for the show

i leave my house around 3:45 bc i was gonna bus over while my friend was gonna get dropped off at boba guys

in the end we ended up getting sharetea and meeting at super duper an hour later than when we were supposed to meet for the following reasons:

i got to the area before my friend

I WALKED THE WHOLE ASS TUNNEL BETWEEN DOWNTOWN AND CHINATOWN FOR NO REASON i was so heated omg

the line for boba guys was out the door and down the block so i was like girl… we gotta yeet

i left to get sharetea but my friend for some reason thought we were still gonna meet at boba guys so she had to walk down to the mall

she ended up getting lost and going to chinatown

meanwhile i was trying to find sharetea bc i didnt even know they had one in the mall

ended up ordering for both of us and agreeing to meet at super duper

also i saw some monbebes in the mall while i was waiting for my drinks hehe i peeped ur shirts

we got to the warfield at 7 when the doors were supposed to open and y’all the line was so long that it like wrapped around the block and the end was right by the entrance

i got gnarly cramps in both of my legs within five minutes of each other and they hurt like a damn bitch let me tell you

i felt really bad bc i like fell to the floor in the middle of the line and some of the people behind us were like omg are you okay and i was like yes pls just go around me i’ll be okay

and then the cramp went away and the people held our spots for us!! such kind people ily if you’re reading this

we got in right at 8 when the show was supposed to start (but they ended up starting later which im just assuming was so that everyone could get in)

during-show

y’all everyone kept screaming even tho the boys weren’t on stage yet and it hella freaked out my friend and i when we left to get water

we literally rushed back and my friend tripped up the stairs but it’s fine we made it back in time

anyway their energy is just off the charts like i was hyped as hell from beginning to end. they really know how to bring a crowd up and their stage presence is amazing. no awkward moments whatsoever and very smooth transitions from one stage to the next i was actually really impressed

and they said the bay had the realest energy and i was ready to NUT

my heart cried when they left a mic stand for hyungwon for ex girl, i really love how thoughtful the boys are when a member is missing. they take ohana to a new level it’s just endearing to see how much they truly care for one another

i would also like to have a moment of appreciation bc they didn’t say san fran at all?? i was lowkey expecting them to but they didn’t :’) (pls never say san fran it’s a big no from me)

wonho lowkey tried to throw chocolate to the upper balcony i saw him aiming a bit higher and i appreciate his effort so much

also as a former tech crew member in high school, a moment of appreciation for all the tech effects, they really added to the whole experience of the show and i thoroughly enjoyed the different effects and the timing of everything

appreciation for the stage hands who brought the bench on stage, i hope y’all heard me cheer for you bc i know what that’s like

also… i really loved seeing all the spike tape on the stage for whatever reason

anyway back to the boys

minhyuk jooheon kihyun and i.m came out and they asked us who was the most romantic (i said kihyun bc that boy was smooth as shit in that one video) and a lot of people said minhyuk so they made him do aegyo and OMFG MINHYUK’S AEGYO HAHAHAHA THAT SHIT WAS SO FUNNY all he said was “san francisco… oh my god” and then he kept repeating oh my god and OMG and he and jooheon were switching off and their voices were getting lower and i.m was like “yo this is not cute this is just weird” i got it on video if anyone wants to see it lmao

and then wonho and shownu came out like “…what kind of weird things were you guys talking about”

speaking of videos, all the videos i have of their songs are shaky af bc i was bopping at the same time but if anyone still wants to see them i can send a google drive link your way hehe

from zero was the cutest shit ever. im still really sad hyungwon couldnt make it but the sub did a great job in his place!!

i needa take a moment to just talk about wonho bc that man can go from cocky daddy to a total sweetie. like… he totally knows he’s a walking sex god (a small moment of silence for when kihyun just like pulled wonho’s jacket down to try to expose his arms during his intro) but then he’ll talk about how he tried to perform extra well to make up for hyungwon not being there and he’s trying to put on a better show and you can really tell how much he cares about us and ugh 

ALSO

WONHO IS SCULPTED BY THE GODS I WAS WAAAAAY UP IN THE UPPER BALCONY AND EVEN I COULD SEE HOW DEFINED HE IS SO PROPS TO HIM

i popped the FUCK off at the 24k magic cover oh my god y’all i love bruno and i got so excited when shownu minhyuk and i.m covered it, and it was so damn lit. like i was a lil bummed when i found out they werent gonna do the second verse bc it’s my fav part of the song but i.m’s rap was AMAZING and fit really well and oh my god don’t even get me started on the dance breaks omfffff

their outfits were cute as shit too

also appreciation for i.m’s voice. i just really like his voice im such a slut for deep voices ok this is why he’s my wrecker

jooheon and kihyun are just something else when they come together, i love what they’re able to offer to each other and able to create as a unit it’s just really cool to see :’)

also i must say… seeing jooheon’s deep ass dimples and kihyun’s nice ass cheekbones are such a blessing

OH AND THEIR AEGYO

THE AIR... POP SHIT BRUH I WAS DED

THE RED OUTFITS ARE SUCH A LOOK UGHHH

i almost cried when broken heart came on, such a beautiful song AND THEY LEFT A SPACE IN THE MIDDLE FOR HYUNGWON UGH MY HEART

blind, trespass, and rush were arguably the most hype songs of the night, like ive never went so hard in my life

also a moment to talk about shownu bc like… idk i’ve noticed he’s a lot more quiet than other leaders of idol groups so i wasn’t really sure what to expect but i gained so much respect for him?? he has great stage presence and is really well-spoken and charismatic damn gemini AND HE’S JUST SO TALENTED

omg there was this one part where wonho said “hyungwon actually made a recovery earlier than expected” and like the way he said it made it seem like hyungwon was gonna make a surprise appearance but nah

but it’s okay bc they all said they wanna come back to the bay asap and y’all can BET i’ll be there

i appreciated their english speaking, like during their intros and goodbyes it was heartwarming to see their efforts to communicate w us

surprisingly they didnt really talk much about how it was their 800 days?? idk i was kinda expecting them to address it but they didnt

omg their bows were adorable, they like held hands and moved across the stage in a line to bow to different parts of the venue it was so cute to watch

post-show

my friend and i waited in the merch line that moved pretty quickly actually?? but there were only stickers left and i thought it was more important for my friend to get something bc it was her first concert and she really wanted something to remember it by so i passed (also stickers were $25 what even)

but it’s cool bc she let me have a hyungwon sticker (and a cute lil logo bc there were two of them)!! theyre probably gonna live in my phone case bc i have a clear one so y’all BET im taking my mans everywhere w me

she really enjoyed herself which i was really happy to see!! being there for someone’s first concert is magical 10/10 would recommend

i also enjoyed myself in case i didnt make that clear lmao. despite the rough pre-concert experience, seeing those boys do their thing made everything worth it and i’m so glad i got to experience their first world tour :’) also ive never let loose to the extent that i did sober tonight so props to monsta x for bringing out my bay area hyphy lmaooo

i just wanna say thank you to monsta x for coming to sf, putting on a good show, and making us feel loved and appreciated. i was hella surprised when an sf show was announced considering most groups usually just go to LA, so thanks for giving the bay a chance and showing us such a fun time!!

and shoutout to the monbebes for being such a cute crowd. i loved seeing everyone waving their light sticks and arms and just having a good time, and cheering so hard for these talented and hardworking men

also seeing everyone come out of hi-touch all happy and smiley and starstruck was the cutest thing, so if you got to experience that i’m so happy for you and i hope you enjoyed seeing those boys up close!! would’ve done it myself but im an unemployed college kid so anything over $100 wasn’t an option for me

((another also, im v sorry to everyone behind me if my aggressive arm waving got in the way of your view i was enjoying myself way too much))

all in all, my first kpop concert was a huge success!! came in not knowing what to expect (it’s a bit different from the other shows/concerts ive been to in the past, but a good different!!), but still had a lit ass night :)

[itsjayyyy]

January 10, 2019 12:13 pm

it’s a week after i planned on writing an update, but it’s a thursday so i’m technically on time. I worked tuesday, as i said, and on wednesday rose came over. we first went to the mall so i could show her how decrepit it was, and got auntie anne’s there. I like the mini pretzel dogs, but hate the hot dogs inside them; i just like how the pretzels are rolled up to look like croissants and how the hot dogs imbue the bread with that umami flavor. Then we went back to my place and watched train to busan (the main character was the same guy from coffee prince!), and then went to baanchan for dinner. I remember that she borrowed a shirt and got a stain on it and took it home and said shed wash it but i can’t remember which one. thursday and friday i just kinda lazed around, relaxed for a few days before the semester started. i signed up for postmates, and just today i got an email saying the prepaid card was sent to my address so i’ll activate it when i get home. the weekend was work, as always.

i would like to thank every god for allowing me to live so close to campus, because if i had to wake up any earlier for my 7:30 am calc class i would die. On the first day I woke up at 6, but tbh the earlier i have to wake up, the longer i have to take to get ready so I was kinda rushing and ended up forgetting my wallet. I didn’t want to give up my parking space to go back to get it, so I took the on campus shuttle back to my apartment to pick it up, since i needed my id to get my textbooks. got my textbooks (with no line whatsoever!), went to my evening classes, then went home. oh, and apparently i’m so bad at math. i saw my schedule’s weekly chart and said “oh nice, i have a 4 hour gap in the middle of the day for studying or getting lunch” but apparently it’s a 7 hour gap, from 8 am to 3 pm. coolio.

my calc professor was a bit timid, and has a slight accent. the first day i made the mistake of sitting in the back like last year, and could not focus on a word he said. psychology was chill, we just covered the syllabus. apparently, the psychology department (not my professor) mandates that all intro psych classes’ grades are 10% participating in psychology studies, bc otherwise nobody would volunteer to help them. i hate being forced to do anything, so of course I’m gonna lie and fuck with their studies. asl was my fav class, it’s at 6:30 when campus is empty. we just learned the alphabet (and by that i mean she ran through it once and then we had to go to the front of the class and introduce ourselves). the whole class is immersive, meaning that even on the FIRST day of class we weren’t allowed to speak. as if i understood a single thing she said. there’s a cute girl in that class, we didnt speak to each other (obvs) but when i got stuck while introducing myself, she helped me out since she was in the front row. can i just say i’m PISSED that it seemed like everyone was fluent in asl while i barely knew the alphabet. yall this is an introductory class.

tuesday was a disaster. i woke up at 6 again, but was so beat from the day before that I decided to skip calc, on the grounds that it was all just review and the first unit was my best anyways. i forgot to set a follow up alarm, though, so i woke up naturally at 8:55. and then looked at my class schedule. and saw that my next class was at 9. luckily since i live by campus i was only 6 minutes late, but i forgot literally everything (didn’t bring my phone or my backpack) except for my wallet. I didn’t even have time to shower, or brush my teeth, or comb my hair. immediately after i was done with that class i went home and did all of those. I also went to the pet store to get a new filter for my fish, since my last one broke (after 2 years of having it, which i think is a good lifespan). I installed that, knit more of my gloves, then went back on campus for programming at 6. The professor didn’t even cover the syllabus, he just jumped straight into the lecture. one kid asked about the structure of the class, and at that point he gave a quick summary. it was clear we were all expecting him to start the lecture with the syllabus. i’m so annoyed that last semester i deleted codeblocks, the program used in the course, because i thought i was done with it, and now i have to reinstall it. tuesday evening i watched hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, which i watched when i was like, 7, but forgot most of. 

wednesday, i woke up at 5:30, so that i would have more time to get ready. I sat in the front of calc, and took really great notes. we finally started getting into psychology, all about behavior and stuff. I did one of their stupid studies before class, it was this survey about “human social perception” but honestly it was asking about how lonely i am. and when you have to actually sit there and quantify how many friends you have, and how often you see them, it really puts it into perspective. kinda felt called out.

ya know how every semester, i creep on webcourses’ list of students in my class? well the cute girl in asl is named “anna” (as per how she introduced herself, it was the only name i could catch), and there’s only one anna in the class, and she has a crazy last name so it was p easy to find her on ig and twitter. i was scrolling down her twitter when i accidentally liked one of her tweets. i quickly unliked it, and i didn’t think she would have gotten the notification bc it was a retweet anyways, but shortly after that she followed me. and then i remembered that my most recent tweet was “so uhh whos gonna tell the cute girl in my asl class that i want to go out with her bc it sure as hell ain’t gonna be me” (cue my death). i deleted it and hoped she didn’t see it, but honestly if she followed me she prob saw it. i hoped that maybe bc i don’t have my real name listed on twitter that she wouldn’t know it was me, but in class i introduced myself as “jay” bc i forgot the symbol for s. pls kill me. and this all happened like 10 minutes before class started. I sat in the back, though, so we weren’t near each other. but at the end of the class we did an activity where we got a card with a word, and we had to find the person with the same card by signing it. we did like 4 rounds, and i was hoping we wouldn’t be together, but in the last round we were. we didn’t talk tho, and as soon as it was over i was gone. 

despite my period being nowhere near, i had a huge depressive episode last night. like, by her ig and twitter, she’s a Distinguished Gay in which she did a high school summer program with Stanford where she did heart surgery on a porcupine, and was an award winning thespian, and has tons of friends and a supportive family, where i’m the complete opposite: no friends, failed 3 classes, family hates me, chose a low paying career, needs alcohol to cope with life. This is one case where opposites don’t attract: she’s not gonna want to be with someone whose life is a complete mess. And then i just got to thinking about how rose tells me that mom lowkey thinks I’m a complete dissapointment for being gay and she only puts up with me bc it’s the muslim thing to do, and how the only way i can make her happy is me being single my whole life so she wouldn’t have to know. how i can never have love. and then rose texted asking for an update and i just kinda lashed out at her. why does she feel the need to tell me about mom talking shit? why would i want to hear that? yea i get the whole “don’t let others talk shit behind my back” idea but sometimes ignorance is bliss. i just don’t want to feel like a pile of shit for once in a while. and of course I’m still so resentful about the way that mom and dad treat rose like a damn golden child while i’ve never gotten 1/10 of the support she has.

This morning i went to calc, then comp, didn’t really pay attention in either. while in comp, heather texted me and was like “we should meet up soon.” rose also texted me; last week we were planning to meet up today but it was kinda dicey since we had that issue last night. and anyways at 11 she said “i got a job interview with izziban at 4, should i go” and i was just like “yea sure” bc i really don’t give a fuck. she always puts everything before me so why bother. then she got all like “if something’s wrong you need to tell me i can’t help if i don’t know what’s wrong” like, how about you read what i sent you last night, that details EVERYTHING that’s wrong. she later said she was gonna skip the interview bc she already has a job and she’s gonna do uber eats, and that she was just gonna have lunch with mom (since mom loves her enough to cook for her) and then head out my way. heather responded that we should meet at 1 today, so i told rose. rose said “should i wait for yall to finish and then come by?” but i havent responded bc i don’t want to see her (ever again).

I soft blocked anna on twitter bc i didn’t want her to see me talking about how i wanted to kill myself on main lmao. anyways i’m gonna go get a smoothie.

[retechd]

National Margarita Day

Met up with my wing pretty much right after work at chipotle. Opened the girl at the register. Asked her about her tattoo. She tells me its supposed to say one thing but says another. I tease her about it a bit. She ask if i can read it. I say does it look like i can read that. She says yes. I forget what i said after but Im holding up the line so i move on. Girl at soda machine isnt paying attention. Walks backwards then turns around right in front of me and get a shocked face. I just laugh about it.

Talking with my wing having fun. Free flowing light convo. Point to register girl and tell him what happened.-she sees this-. She shortly comes around wiping tables down. I tell her i totally wasnt talking to her. My wing says we totally were. I ask what the name *tattoo* means. She tells me a story about her dead dog. I sympathize with her, i can relate then make it light by joking how shes just full of dark things and is depressing me. She has to get back behind the counter.

We end up walking to the bars from there. Wing opens a 3 set headed to TR. Asking if they are headed there. I almost immediately get in my head.

1. I was not expecting to open them because i was a bitch.

2. I started feeling like I couldn’t get in on the convo.

I could only think about saying things that pretty much echo’d my wing.

This happens again when two girls are hooting. Wing opens with “have you two been drinking already.” Has playful banter with them. Im already in my head but for some reason. Confident, good looking girls intimidate me if im not in state. The were both good lookin, very much in their own bubble of fun and obviously from the college which to me means they have money and are clichie. Same thing happens. I can’t get a word in. Even if i did it would only be an echo.

Go inside same venue. And after getting the drink prices we walk out. Circle the bar area then end up back there since everything else was dead. So this venue put me more in my head. Im not used to restaurant venues. Plus all filled with mostly the same demographic (white, money, clichie).

Note: I realize this is completely my interpretation and while i do have experiences to say this may be the case. It probably has more to do with my terrible game, especially in my first year than them being snobbish. I will write a frame for these people to start getting me to not default to my current prejudices which just dont help me at all.

Same with confident really attractive people. I give them a status in my head and feel inferior which I completely not the case. I’ve been friends with really cool people, wealthy people, and peope of status all my life. Its so unnecessary for me to feel “not worthy”.

So we are chillin with ourselves. Girls walk by but Im so in my head i can’t do anything. Which leads me to be more in my head ruminating on not taking action. My wing isn’t doing anything either. We are vibing with each other though; which is much better than just standing in silence looking around.

Wing opens two promo girls giving away drinks. Same thing, he is doing everything and I’m kind of just there. The girl closest me me keeps taking little glances at me. In the moment i thought she was feelin g awkward because i was just being quiet but now im wondering if she was just attracted to me. Other girl has big tits and a low V neck. I do my best to not look and fail a couple times...she maybe might’ve saw too. They gives us drinks, take a picture where im purposefully making it awkward as a joke. Then they move on to give more promo drinks.

Note: This is what Don does. He is not someone i should ever emulate. So mental note to never make things wierd even as a joke. Also never be awkward and try because anything is better than stewing in my anxiety and inaction.

A bit later i try to open a girl getting a refill. “You have an interesting look, what are you? *internally pause fearful she’ll take offense and add* “if you dont mind me asking.” I was leaning in -bad body mechanics telegraphing neediness- . She give me a side look and say “human”. Internally im thinking fuuuck you bitchface. I come back with thanks for a real answer. This stewed with me. I kept trying to let it go but it triggered something in me. My wing helped talk me through it, finally was able to stop being a bitch and realize im just not in abundance. She should have been insignificant but i wasn’t on a roll yet and was barely opening.

Fast foward. I decide to txt 2 girls i made out with from another night. Its been at least a week or two. One tried to blow me off with “im pregnant” to which i laughed my ass off, played with her a bit and deleted her number. Other one was receptive and says she’s available tomorrow. I tell her i’ll txt her then. Hit up my CMB and actually got her input on why she wanted to not go out again. She says it’s because it seemed like my mind was in the gutter alot. I consider this and figure she felt wierd because i didnt txt her the next day and also probably gets the vibe that I get nasty with more than just her. I thank her for the info and delete the convo. -my way of not letting myself get needy-

Open two big girls that sit near us, pulling up a picture of my buddy who would absolutely love them *he likes bbws*. They are fun. Not sure what was said but it was pleasant. New wing joins up late. Tell him we are grabbing coffee. Bounce to SH.

Feeling better. Talk to the hostess, just normal stuff but im trying to push myself. Talk with the waitress. Say something to a random girl that walks in and is smiley. The girls (lesbians) we met last time come over to say hi. Short but definitely a nice boost having a warm welcome. Definitely going to be part of our social circle. 2 wings meet up from before. We talk, having a good time. One drops off then we bounce to new venue.

I get in a set with a cute dominican girl, she kind of opens me. Talk about how many drinks we have had. I ask her name and what she does, then decide to deep dive a bit to root out core values (in HR but likes Logistics). Get light again, intro the friends, shortly after they pull her away. I stay and talk to the next person to sit next to me. Cowboy, rodeo dude. Short but keeps the momentum going. Try to open a girl on the patio trying to get a cigarette. Then try to do a new angle to get her to talk. “Why does it sound like your mouth is full. She laughs but is trying to keep food in then a guy (they know each other) comes in and tales all her attention. I stay light but shortly leave.

Check outside and see a girl sitting by herself. Called my friend for some reason to confirm for this weekend (they’re crashing at my place). Ask her for a cigarette in the middle of it. She doesn’t have one so i change the subject or something. This was a blur ( too many margaritas) but lots went right. We were talking having fun then the cute columbian girl comes over. Turns out this girl was part of the three i met earlier. Massive social proof now seeing as i cold open her friend and they come to find us both laughing and having fun. I know i was talking about having sex with my friends gf and twisting it to say that she wants it and hes cool with it. Sex is definitely a great topic for girls. Friends come in and we all start vibing. At some point a dude comes in, I’m friendly and acknowledge but quickly find out hes a friendly rando that gave them a cigarette so i ignore him for the most part. Game wisdom to ignore the randos and not give attention or be reactive to them. At some point the two friends that joined us start dancing a bit. I qualify her dancing saying I like that she can wiggle. She then bounces that ass on me. 😮!

Note: this rarely happens and amazingly i just made it happen by being cool, free flowing, unstifled, non judgmental and qualifying her / rewarding her behavior!

My target , dominican, is smiling but i can see the jealousy plotline instilled and she wants in. So she grinds her ass on her friends crotch and now we a grinding train with yours truly as the base 😁! Shortly after its time for them to go so hug everyone and get my targets number. The girl that was grinding on me tries to get in my ear and say she is going to be married in 4 months. -jealousy plotline in action!- I said we’ll she has to be sure. -it was weak, I didn’t know how to respond-. Should have said we’ll we can always be friends...maybe. I’ll consult the council.

Back inside my wings are still in same set. One of them leaves to the bathroom so i chat him up a bit. Its going super well, he’s getting her to deep dive and open up. Apparently they share a lot and make plans for brunch. He ask me to talk to the friend. I see shes alone an pulroceed to chat her up * i love it when i’ve got my social motor running and this isn’t an issue* I talk to her, bigger girl but shes cool. Get her name. Forgot exactly everything but i know it wasn’t particularly warm at first then she started opening up. She had so much unique jewelry that it was easy to keep pinging for stuff to talk about that is relevant. Then we get on to ghost stories, weed habits, and i forget what else. At some point i go on about being the god of sex and proceed to hold her hands to bless her pussy which i accidently pat, she didn’t seem to mind at all. But i feel tense about it and mention it.

Note: Need to hold the frame that everything is on purpose and going according to plan. Girls prey and tear apart weakness. It can turn an edgy action from a spike of fun to a bitch fest if they smell it.

So my wing, who was originally talking to them comes back and i give it back. When they leaves i hug and bless her pussy again. Go to bathroom and run into a buddy who bounces at a nearby bar on the way. Chill with him, his buddy joins and all vibing. Intro my new wing he hasn’t met. All of us vibing. Wing drops off and its just the dynamic duo. We bounce to a new spot. It is insane and poppin!! All college girls but super cluby. Im a fuckin fan! No opens but its fun. I felt fun but ready at the same time (to fight) maybe its because i know how aggressive kids can get. Outside, wing was ready to bounce, bum a cigarette and barely vibe. We bail, its already late.