#if you read this pls listen to open arms by sza bc it ENHANCES the experience

[cowboyheyxu]

"you're going to cut yourself if you cut it that way."

"am not," you childishly retorted.

"are too," dan heng childishly replied (out of character, you think).

you roll your eyes at dan heng, giving him a speck of your time before your attention cuts to the apple in your hands. though you have no good luck at peeling oranges, you think apple peeling might be easier.

when you pulled dan heng out of the cold archives into the kitchen⎯only to tell him that you were peeling apples⎯he was not pleased. "do you remember the oranges," he brought up. the memories never fail to bring a scowl to your face.

oranges require a set of skills you don't have. and they squirt everywhere. apples don't do that. you peel an apple with a knife and then it's done. and you've worked with knives before⎯you are member of the nameless.

"i still don't see why you have to peel apples. you can eat the skin," dan heng complained from the corner of the kitchen. while he was brooding in the corner, you were peacefully peeling across from him.

"dan heng," your eyes are trained on the apple, not paying attention to the man in front of you, "sometimes, i like to eat apples without the skin. do you know how frustrating it is to have skin stuck in your teeth?"

"is it seriously worth this much extra work?"

no. it wasn't.

the real reason you were trying to peel an apple was because you couldn't peel oranges. and the thought of not peeling any oranges frustrated you immensely. oranges were the easiest freaking fruit to peel! you've seen dan heng do it for a multitude of times. you didn’t even like apples.

if you couldn't peel oranges, you could at least peel apples, right?

dan heng watches you from afar (five feet) as you attempt to skin the apple in your hands. your tongue is sticking out ever so slightly as you concentrate hard on the task. dan heng can't help but stare a little longer at you, despite mentally telling himself to stop. it was just too easy to get caught up in all that is you.

you're sitting criss-cross on the counter across from him. you're hunched over as well; from afar, anyone could have mistaken you as a hunchback on the express. even with that, dan heng still finds himself mesmerized in your craft, even if you're doing it wrong.

your hands grip the knife tightly; your hands are squeezed into a hard ball around the knife, and your knuckles look paler than usual. they move delicately around the skin of the apple. you're weary of cutting yourself as well, dan heng notices.

he walks away from his corner and slowly creeps up to you. you're so fixated on the apple that you barely notice the shadow in front of you. it's only when he taps you on the shoulder, you jump up slightly. the apple nearly falls out of your hand, but the knife still remains unyielding in your grip.

"you!! we need to put a damn bell on you," you tsk, holding onto the apple a bit more tightly as you reposition your hands.

but before you could position your hands to the way they were before, dan heng quickly reached for them and stopped you from doing anything. finally, you look up at him, furrowing your eyebrows as you blankly stared at him.

his hands held yours midair, "let me help you."

you give him a playful scoff and try to shrug him off of you, "relax. it's peeling an apple. it's not hard," you lie. you were actually having trouble: your hold on the knife was slowly starting to become loose; your hands were shaky; and the closer the knife got to your fingers, the more stressed out you felt.

dan heng's expression remained unmoving: his eyes were stale and his lips were turned down. it seems that he did not believe you.

"well, i can help you peel it faster," he offered.

"seriously? i can peel it fast already."

"are you sure about that?" dan heng crossed his arms and gave you an impassive look.

"yes!" you defend, accidentally waving the knife near dan heng's body. you quickly recline your hand to the side and give him a small apologetic smile.

"well then, would you like to race me then? which one of us can peel an apple the fastest," dan heng leaned in closer, making you lean back onto the counter. your head was pressed up to the cabinets on top, giving you room to access the vicinity between you and dan heng.

and embarrassingly enough, there was a lot of distance between the both of you. when dan heng moved a few steps closer to you, you moved all the way back into the counter.

you try to avoid looking in his eyes, "since when have you been the type to play games?"

"i'm not playing games," dan heng rested a hand on the counter, "just wanted to prove to you that you need help," he rested his other hand on the other side, unintentionally caging you between him.

you huff, "fine! fine. i cave. you've tempted me too much."

dan heng's eyes softened as you relent, patiently holding your apple in the air as you wait for him to get a knife and another apple. dan heng doesn't mention the fact that you've gotten an early head start with your quarterly peeled apple. he knows he'll win this anyway.

"ready?" you ask him, tossing your apple up in the air.

"yeah," he waits for you to catch the apple in your hands, "three. two. one. go!"

you and dan heng begin skinning the apples quickly. your hands are unwavering and arrhythmic, while dan heng's hands are agile and dexterous. the peel of dan heng's apple has already extended farther than yours. you try not to focus on it as you try your best to peel your apple just as fast.

there you go again. dan heng stops peeling his apple to look at you. you're struggling a little bit, but you're not doing particularly awful. your tongue has stuck out again, and you are completely absorbed in peeling. your eyes are narrowed and your grasp is firm.

dan heng looks at his apple. he's nearly done, and yet you were only halfway there (even though you got a head start). you were fully engrossed in peeling, yet you have barely made it three quarters around the apple. but you look so enthralled in such a trivial thing, and who is dan heng to take that look away from you? that oh-so determined look, where your eyebrows are contorted together and your tongue is sticking out. that look, which makes you look like the only person in the world.

you are the only person in the world. it's late and the kitchen is as dim as always. yet still, your light always finds a way to peek through. dan heng thinks you've been glowing a lot these past few days (and nights). dan heng isn't one to preach immortality, but he hopes that this moment between the two of you will last forever.

dan heng stops peeling his apple.

he watches as your fingers begin to move more quickly, evading the knife's blade as you peel the apple a little bit faster than before. you didn't need his help. a small piece of his heart sinks at that; after that one night⎯a few nights ago⎯he's been secretly envisioning the warmth of your hand on his. not like he'd let anyone else know that, though.

you don't even notice that he's watching you. you're so intent on skinning the apple that you fail to notice that dan heng has been watching you this entire time with fond smile growing on his face. all you can focus on now is the proximity of the knife from your fingers; how fast you need to move your fingers so they don't get cut; how much skin you're cutting off.

when you're finally done, you squeal, jolting up and hitting your head on one of the cabinets. while you spend time rubbing your head, dan heng slices off the final piece of skin on his apple during your distracted state, effectively making him the loser of the challenge.

once you've recovered, you turn over to dan heng to see him holding his apple in one hand and apple peel in another. his expression is neutral, though he is trying his best to remain calm on the inside. could you have noticed that he let you win?

"okay, i didn't see who won, so be honest with me," you turn your body to face dan heng, "who won?"

dan heng could very easily lie and say he won. he could witness your pout and your complaints, muttering something about how you're "sick of him" yet continue to spend the night with him anyway. he could gloat and brag and show you how to peel apples properly.

"you won," he lied, as he was trying to fake a defeated expression.

your eyes lit up the entire kitchen in that moment. the grin that easily broke out on your face matched the stars outside of the express. in fact, your ardent expression could very well be equivalent to the wonders of the universe itself. there was something so brilliant and indrescrible in the way your entire face simply bloomed when you felt accomplished.

and even though dan heng lost at apple peeling, he won at something else. seeing your eyes gleam so brightly in dim light was a treat in itself. it was the reason for the blood rushing up to his cheeks; the reason why electricity was flowing through his veins right now; why he felt so tingle-ish all over.

"see! what did i tell you," you playfully pushed his shoulder. dan heng tries to remember what your millisecond of touch felt like on his skin. you continue gloating, "you're all talk," you smirked, cutting an apple slice.

"am not," dan heng pretended to scoff. he looked down at the counter to try and hide the smile that was finding its way on his face. you are the reason for that too: your grin was practically contagious.

"aw, don't sulk dan heng," you mocked. you put brush your index finger on the bottom of dan heng's chin, gently tilting it upwards. dan heng's smile faded, as he was caught off guard by the action. with eyes that darted up instantly, and eyebrows that raised astonishedly, dan heng looks up at you.

"i'm sure you'll win next time," you simpered, tapping a spot on his cheek, "just try not to talk a lot of shit next time, okay?" you snicker, offering dan heng the apple slice you just cut.

dan heng rolls his eyes at your comment, yet he takes the apple anyway. unintentionally, he hides his other hand behind his back, while his dominant hand retrieves the apple slice.

your eyes squint as you watched his hands. usually⎯you've noticed⎯dan heng puts his hands at his sides. they're either propping him up, in his pockets, or leaning somewhere. more importantly, they're always near you. but tonight, one hand is placed behind his back, away from you.

you quickly connect the dots, your illuminated eyes now dimming. dan heng looks up from when he was eating the apple, only to see your eyes turning bleary.

"hey, is your hand okay?" your eyebrows scrunch up, and your eyes flicker to dan heng's for a split second, only to reorient back to his concealed hand.

dan heng stared at you for moment, squinting his eyes as he tried to determine what you were staring at, "my hand's fine."

your eyebrows still remain curt, and your eyes are still narrowed, "c'mon, you don't have to lie to me."

"what?"

"your hand, dumbass," you pointed to the hand he held behind him, "if you were injured, you should have told me. you matter more to me than a stupid game," you say it frustratedly, huffing and biting the inside of your lip to prevent yourself from saying more. "i can take care of you," is on the tip of your tongue, but you choose to hold it back for now.

dan heng bewilderedly blinked at you a few times. you thought he had cut his hand? he matters to you more than winning?

"uh," he moved his hand away from his back, now holding it in front of you, "i didn't cut my hand."

dan heng's hand is fine. it's pristine, and it looks as callous as you remembered. his hands are practically divine⎯like a gift given from the aeons. long and rough and delicate despite it all. there was no cut adorning the pale flesh.

without thinking, you run your fingers tenderly along his palm, turning his hand over and staring at it astoundedly.

"oh," you whisper.

dan heng cannot hear anything other than his own heartbeat. you touch him so reverently, so softly. his breathing started to become quicker and more shallow, and he sincerely hopes that the kitchen is dark enough to hide the subtle tint of red embellishing his face.

oh.

oh.

"even if i cut myself, i think i'd be okay," dan heng says in a quiet manner, reassuring you.

your eyes jump towards his quickly, before noticing how you were practically caressing his hands. out of immense mortification, you attempt to pull your hand away as fast as you can; only for it to be grabbed back and interlocked with dan heng's hand.

you gawk at the sight until you look back up at dan heng. his eyes are silently pleading for you to not let go, and you're starting to wonder if he actually did cut his finger. because why else would he act like this?

your entire body feels like it's on fire. dan heng looks at you with such intensity that you can feel yourself burning. his hands are cold, which helps you cool down from his gaze.

you swallow, "you're an idiot," you lightly shake your head as you squeeze his hand, "what if it gets infected?"

dan heng relishes in the feeling of your hand in his. he doesn't know what spirit possessed him to grab your hand, but he is forever grateful. and when you squeezed his hand with yours, a part of him evaporated into the stars, swirling around and dancing in the vast universe.

dan heng shrugs at your question, and you look personally offended, "stop. we're friends," you ignore how your heart shrivels and burns at the description, "we take care of each other. and⎯i don't care⎯i'll always be pleased to take care of you," you squeeze his hand one more time, and you feel his thumb come up and brush over the top of your hand. you try your best not to scream.

you glance at the peeled apple next to you, sitting on a napkin on the counter. your eyebrows slightly raise up when an idea flows through your head. to dan heng's (and your) dismay, you untangle your fingers out of dan heng's grasp. he wants nothing more than to grab your hand and entwine it back in his fingers, but he's curious when he sees you grab the apple from the counter.

you cut another slice out of the fruit, placing the apple back on the counter after you were done. you turn back to dan heng, still caged underneath him. you are not complaining.

"open," you quietly instruct.

dan heng, with some chasteness, does what he's told. he parts his lips halfway, leaving enough room for you to hold the apple slice to his mouth. your fingers are so close to his mouth when you insert the apple between his lips. dan heng tries not to think about it too much, because if he does, he's ninety-nine percent sure he would combust.

you give him a half smile when he chews and swallows the apple, "good job. see, i just took care of you."

his eyes crinkle, "aren't you hungry too?"

"eh. i'm not the biggest apple fan."

dan heng's eyebrows furrow, "then, why were you cutting an apple earlier?"

"you like apples."

he feels his heart (and body at that) melt away. in this moment⎯the two of you being so close in near darkness⎯lasts forever. dan heng is not too fond of 'forever,' but right now, he truly hopes that he is subservient to you for years on end. for he cannot envision a happy life without you in it. he can't even envision regular life without you in it.

dan heng lets out a breathy chuckle; it sounds more like a light scoff than a laugh. his head drops down; he tries to conceal the grin that is about to burst on his face.

when he looks back up, you are there. you are always there. there is reassurance in you: you are security, you are safety, and you are reliance.

dan heng says something about oranges. about them and their peels. about how you two could have an orange peeling contest next time.

because with you, dan heng knows, there will always be a next time.

bonus:

"you like oranges, do you want me to peel those for you more often?"

"you already peel them for me, idiot," you roll your eyes, "i still don't understand why you don't let me peel them."

"it's so i can win orange peeling competitions," dan heng nonchalantly shrugs, laughing when you slap his shoulder.

"you're annoying. i can peel my own oranges," you rest your hand on the counter, tapping your fingers on the surface.

"then they'd become weapons, not fruits," dan heng teased you, moving his hand closer to yours. he's not holding it. not now, at least. because for now, everything is enough. the apples are enough, the oranges are enough, and most importantly: you are enough.

he's quite satisfied.