#if you need help go to the doctor you pay insurance for. it's not my fault you decide not to do anything about your issues
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
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Psyched that I get to pay $278 for seeing a cardiologist because my PCP said there were something weird on my EKG only to go to the cardio and find out there was nothing wrong in the first place and for my PCP to say "oh no it wasn't because of the EKG, it was because of the placement of the numbness". Which was MADDENING because I'm not fucking experiencing numbness and literally nothing about my issue points to my heart. It points to a spine issue or a posture issue.
#like what the FUCK#health care in this country drives me nuts#cause it's like I would never have gone if I knew they were sending me just because of where my issue is#and it's also bonkers that after insurance it costs me $278 to get an ekg and talk to a cardiologist for 15 minutes#ugh ok whatever I'm going to go pay it and I'm going to be very thrilled that I am getting a new PCP#Maybe this one will give me better thoughts for my issue#otherwise I guess I'm going to just bring myself to doctors and wonder wtf the purpose of a pcp is if they can't help point you to the#right doctor.#like idk I've gone to specialists that I ultimately didnt' need to see before but I felt informed about the decision!! This time???#like wtf I never would have wasted my energy if I hadn't been told my ekg was weird#and I would have been fine going only for it to be nothing (which is what I was expecting!) if my ekg had actually been weird#ughhhhh
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I'm so over people making their problems someone else's problem. Listen buddy, you got issues, you take care of it. Don't make everyone else around you do it. Figure it out cause everyone else has to do that too <3
#ignore me#today has been a shit day and honestly i cant handle people anymore#we're not in the us you can get a diagnosis i do not care how hard it is or how much you struggle with asking for help#i do not care in the slightest. everyone else struggles with something so figure it out#but it is not my job to keep nursing feelies or doing double the work cause you just don't wanna be bothered with it#i hate this kind of thinking#i hate people who dont take responsibility for shit they do#first my dumb job fucks up and i have to wander threee hours in the cold just to find out that the kid isnt even at school#like you couldn have done one fucking phone call??? and then they say I'm so sorry it went like that???? what do you mean??? it didnt go#like that.. this was fully within your control and you fucked up AGAIN at least dont pretend otherwise#then my family as always messes up telling me stuff on time and planning anything in the slightest bit#like i do not give a fuck i gave you a week to figure out an approximate time slot.. i know it might be surprising but i am also a grown up#with responsibilities and i need to know if I'm gonna get home in the evening or not and how much waiting time i have cause then i might be#able to get some stuff done. i explained this a hundred times. i do not care. figure it out. its not my problem and honestly fuck off#if you need help go to the doctor you pay insurance for. it's not my fault you decide not to do anything about your issues#and my boyfriend has not been doing shit this week. i had to do the household alone again.#get a diagnosis or fix your behavior but its been years and I'm over it#we kicked out two people exactly for that kind of behavior and now you do the same???#do i look like your mom?? do you think I'll care??? if i have to keep asking you to do stuff for more than four months and you STILL dont#do them cause apparently you have the attention span of a fish and cant be bothered to put work into it it is not my problem#i dont care. potential adhd or depression are not a free out of jail card. figure it out. i had to do it too#i hate people so much#also what the fuck is wrong with people flirting on the job??? thats unprofessional and i do not care of youre cute. youre working#if i wanted to fucking get hit on i would go to the club or on dating sites not to the fucking bus driver#what the hell is wrong with people today????
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I Need Help
Hey folks, serious post. I've mentioned what's going on with me a couple times but never really went into much detail; I've been having severe pain in my left side for over 3 months now. Doctors can't figure out what's causing it, no X-rays, CT scans, ultrasounds, or blood work show anything. I've seen multiple specialists and gotten no answers. I finally got one of them to send me to physical therapy which I started last week.
My co-pay for specialists is very high and my physical therapy counts as specialist visits according to my shit insurance.
I'm going to be out $600 in the next few weeks because of this. I'm already out more than $500 because of the previous doctor visits and imaging done. So that's over $1100. And this is assuming the PT fixes me. I hope it does, I'm so tired of dealing with this. More bills are still coming in as well so who knows how much I actually owe...
I really hate asking for real life money, especially right now with all the Palestinian gfms going around, but I'm struggling, my job pays like shit (in the US? shocking I know /s) and I haven't been able to work a full shift for the 3 months this has been going on. All of this is excluding my normal medical costs for unrelated issues, which are expensive enough as it is.
I'm going to drop some links here.
Help Me Pay My Medical Bills
If you donate leave me your Tumblr url and a request and I'll doodle something for you:
I'll draw Flight Rising dragons, non-FR dragons, animals, dinosaurs, kaiju, pokemon, any kind of creature really, furries, etc.
Here are some examples of my work from this year's Art Fight
These obviously aren't doodles but they're the most recent pieces I've made and are most accurate to my current style. The more you donate the more time I will spend on your request.
Links:
Ko-Fi
Paypal
Venmo
(please ignore my deadname on venmo and paypal)
** If you can't donate I would greatly appreciate reblogs **
#the stress of it all is killing me#I know I keep up a cheerful vibe on this blog but I am not doing ok#and I'm finding that very difficult to admit to myself let alone strangers on the internet#I don't even know what to tag this with...
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Doctors appointment
You’ve always hated the doctors office and appointments. Something about waiting around, taking off work early or even entirely just to be told to get some rest always bothered you. After getting your new insurance your friends and family kept pressing for you to get your yearly physical and ended up crumbling to the pressure. You looked online for the first appointment that wouldn’t interior your work and found a 7PM appointment with Dr.Hendrix.
You were happy to find an appointment outside of normal working outs and shocked to even see it was available but you immediately booked it. Cut to today where you are walking into the clinic, Hendrixxx MD. You saw on the sign sounds more like a porn studio than a doctors office. After checking in, the abnormally attractive nurse showed you to the patient room.
As you sat down you looked around the room filled with pictures of insanely buff gay men all partying
“All my patients, aren’t they attractive”
You jump in the chair from being surprised and then turn around and see the attractive 20-something in doctor getup.
“Hi, my name is Dr. Hendrix. I’ll be helping you today” he said we a confidence of a high school jock. He reached out to shake your hand as you see his shirt strain with every movement clear sign of someone who buys their shirt once size too small.
“It’s nice to meet you” you respond shyly as he smirks
“Now let’s see you’re here for your physical…. Okay can you please change out of your clothes and into this” he said rummaging through his drawer until he pulled out a small beige color brief.
“Uh…. What is that. I’m not putting that on” you respond with a bit of worry and shock
“This is standard for any physical preformed in my clinic. I have to inspect your body and skin and I can’t do that with your clothes on. If you don’t want to then we can cancel this appointment but you will be charged the channel fee which is 200% of the service without insurance” he responded smirking almost like he’s said this exact spiel before.
“And how much would that be” you respond
“Well a normal physical here cost $550 per session so you would have to pay $1100.”
You swallow knowing you don’t have enough in your savings to pay that. After sometime you decide what’s the worse that can happen you do have to get a physical anyways and you are already here. You grab the pair from his hand as he smirks watching you walk to the small bathroom in the office.
Inside you start to change out of your clothes and take a glance at the brief before you put it on. The material felt like spandex very similar to the speedos those annoying instagays wear while at the beach. On the top right corner near the groin you noticed the brand name “Jake”. Finally you put the briefs on, feeling the slick Lycra material against your skin especially against your cock making you shiver.
As you walk back in the exam room you see the doctor smile.
“Great, please sit down and we can begin” he said patting on the examination chair
As you sit down on the cold table as Dr. Hendrix looked over your body and going back and forth from his clipboard. He begins touching your body all over specify your biceps, pecs and abs. You were about to say something until…
“So unfortunately you do have a condition called male hypogonadism. Basically your body doesn’t produce enough testosterone.”
You look at him with shock. You have always been healthy and your precious doctors have never mentioned anything about low testosterone.
“ just to confirm I’m going to need to take a look at your testicles” he said
“What? No, why?” You replied in shock and confusion
“Due to your testicles being the center of testosterone production it would give me a better picture”
After taking sometime to ponder you decide to go with it as you wanted to avoid anything bad in the future. You pull down the briefs and let him inspect your private area. You looked at the ceiling trying to avoid eye contact while examined your parts. You felt like he was down there for a while until you felt a sharp pain right in your balls. Quickly looking down your eye widen seeing a needle being struck inside your sack. Inside the syringe was a semi-viscous off-white liquid being slowly pushed inside. Before you’re even able to react the entirety of the needle has been injected into your balls. You finally push back the doctor and fall back onto the chair quickly pulling up the briefs.
“WHAT THE FUCK, what did you put into me” you scream at him as he gets up from the ground with a smirk
“Calm down, I injected you with a testosterone booster to help your body produce more testosterone naturally”
“I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO THAT, I’m going to fucking report you to the medical board and get to clinic closed” you said putting your hands on the side of the chair about to get up
“You really can’t make this easy” he replied as he pressed a button underneath his desk. 4 clamps came out of the chair you were sitting at and locked themselves around your wrist and legs. You fight against the restraints but seem to be holding you tighter the more you fought.
“Now that I finally have you settled I can explain to you the procedure. Normally have plenty of guys coming to my office looking for testosterone boosters to help them bulk up but you just wanted a regular check up. Well I couldn’t have someone like you be a regular at my clinic and representing my work so I decided to change you to be more like the others that come out of her”
“ You won’t fucking get away with this freak, let me go!” You shout at him and simultaneously asking for help.
“Oh but I had even a better idea. My clinic finally got access to a trail run of this new medication which is Testosterone replacement therapy and that’s what I inject in you. Basically the medication is mixed with DNA and injected into the subject. Slowly the medication will rewrite the subjects DNA into the provided template. Of course I wanted to try this out first so I decide for you to be my test dummy.”
Your eyes widen as you realize what he is doing to you.
“Haha yes I inject some of my semen inside your testicle and soon the process will start wor…”
“AHHHH” you screamed as he was caught off. You immediately starts to feel a sharp hot heat radiating from your cock and balls. “Fuck fuck what did you do to me” you say with your eyes closed. Your body starts to involuntarily start to buck in the air.
“I guess the show has started” he responds smirking and siting back in his desk chair
With the repeated bucking in the air you start to notice your cock get insanely hard straining against the speedo. Your balls start to pull like they have their own heart beat. Slowly your cock starts to expand past it’s normal hard state creating a noticeable bulge in the speedo, the growing balls behind it don’t help in hiding it either as it continues to push your cock to forefront of the brief creating a perfect outline of your cock. You feel inside your ball changing as if your old cum is being destroyed. Your cum factories are being invaded and being modified to produce a foreigners substance. The pulsing starts to increased as you knew it has finally taken over and has started to produce the new boosted testosterone. The hormones starts to travel through your body ready to modify the rest to the provided template
“Please…. Stop..” you’re able to squirm before the change continue on.
Next your body hair starts to fall out leaving your body smooth like those typical gay fuckboys you see all over the beach. Though you notice certain areas actually increase in volume and of course the typical fetish zones. Your armpit hair starts to puff up becoming dark and noticeable from a far. And lastly you lock down as your pubes starts to climb up like ivy on a wall until they rest just above the briefs taunting anyone looking at your cock.
As your body hair finishes up the hormone start to target the main cause of gay desire, your muscles. Slowly your legs start to inflate growing large and strong like you have been doing squats since your teenage years along with your ass growing outwards and making your seat a little more comfortable. You do notice your hole slightly relax cementing yourself as the perfect verse . Your biceps grow along to match your new legs until they are the size of footballs. Next you feel the changes concentrate on your core as a set of washboard abs start to manifest on the service of your stomach perfectly completing the exposed pubes from before. You even notice them growing a little more upwards to perfect the change. Lastly came the beautiful set of pecs which started to pump outwards matching the pulses of your balls. They finally create a nice shelf over your abs as your nipples darken and start to point outward. The changes to your muscles settle as your body looks identical to the hot doctor in front of you. You open your eyes and look around thinking the changes are over until your balls start to pulsate once again. The sensation travels up your body until your head feels a massive pressure. Slowly your bone structure starts to morph mimicking that of the doctors. Your lips plump outwards ready to introduce every and all cocks it can find. Your cheekbones move upwards giving you a sharp face and a semi permanent smile. All the fat melts away from your neck leaving behind a jawline that can cut glass and a prominent adams apple. The changes settle thinking the last of it has happened and pleading to the doctor to change you back.
“Please please, I don’t want this. I want to be me” you beg of him
“Oh don’t worry, you’re going to love your life after a while and you won’t even remember your old one” he said pressing another button as the restraints pull you down forcing you to lay backside to the chair as you stair at the ceiling. You hear him opening his drawer again and rummaging around until he starts to walk over to you.
“Now this is the final step before you become the perfect clone” he said placing a pair of oil spill colored glasses. You scream as he slowly places the glass onto your face until they sit perfect. You immediately quiet down as he smirks know it’s working.
Your eyes are forced open as inside the glasses start to display videos of memories foreign to you. All you can do is grunt trying to fight back from these new memories forcing them selfs inside your brain replacing your old. Your mind is completely enthralled and you almost don’t notice the doctor has pulled down your speedo and whispers something under his breath
This will help the reprogramming along. He places something over his….. your cock. You start to freak out knowing the reprogramming has started to take effect your mind not being able to between him and yourself. As he ticks the speedo back into place you notice this foreign object get right around the base of your cock and slowly start to buzz creating an orgasmic feeling making your mind even weaker and more susceptible to the brainwashing.
Your mouth opens as the video starts to play more explicit images and videos. Guys fucking, partying, doing drugs everything typical of a circuit party gay. The buzzing gets even stronger during these parts causing you to moan. Soon your cock starts to produce precum creating a large wet spot at the front of the cream colored brief. Finally with the last of the programming finishing up you finally see
CUM
With that your body shakes as your cock shoots loads of your old cum all over the inside of your speedo which is quickly soaked up. The doctor finally releases you from the restraints as your body gets up you realize you can still hear, feel and see everything but your body does not respond to your thoughts.
“It worked perfectly. You’re a 1 to 1 replica of myself. Now the technology of the reprogramming is still in being worked on so I’ll need you to keep the glasses on for now. Understood”
“yes” your body responds in a foreign voice and against your will
“Great, now here are my keys and I booked you.. I mean me a flight to Hawaii. I’m going to need you to post content on our profile and make sure to tell guys about our clinic. Now enjoy”
Your body leaves the room still in your speedo. The nurse at the front smirks knowing what just happened.
.
.
.
A few weeks later you are staying at a resort working out in the complimentary outdoor gym. You noticed some guy keeps looking at you throughout your workout. He finally comes up to you while you’re working on the dumbbells
“Wow you’re built as hell bro. Got any tips?” He asked
“Haha come to my room and I can show you” I replied smirking as he got the hint.
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The Perfect Gift of Appreciation
[Rudy Cooper (technically) x Female!Reader]
Synopsis: Being severely injured with zero money to back up your bills, you decide to take an emergency visit to the only doctor you personally know.
WC: 2897
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Slight Fluff,
A lot of you actually liked my Brian fic (love y’all), so I wanted to make another for you guys. I’m sad that there’s still none 😔😔
『••✎••』
He was absolutely pissed. Granted, he didn’t actually tell you, but the way his face fell into utter disappointment when he finally answered his door was all the information you needed. You couldn’t help but frown, your hand moving to cover your poorly bandaged arm as you watched him.
It made sense; the man had just come home from his shift, and his outfit was still intact with his suit and lab coat, with exhaustion weighing on his eyes. The man looked downright miserable, and with you looking like a wet rat from the rain and the blood seeping from your wound, he couldn't imagine a less welcome sight.
You both just stood there staring at one another, the rain pounding against the umbrella over your head. The wind was picking up, and you knew it was going to storm harder. You really couldn’t stand the look he was giving you.
"Hey, Rudy," You managed out, swallowing hard as the pain began to seep into your voice. You endured quite a lot to get here, and you weren’t about to let your pride show now.
The man before you let out a tired sigh, leaning against the doorframe as he closed his eyes.
"You do realize what time it is, don't you?" He questioned the usual cheerfulness of his voice, which was replaced with annoyance. It hurt a bit to hear, but you didn't blame him. It’s quite rude to show up unannounced, and it was even worse considering you showed up after 2 am.
Your eyes averted downwards, feeling ashamed for even showing up here. The last thing you wanted was to bother him, especially at a time like this.
Yet, you couldn’t go anywhere else. Money wasn’t quite flowing well in your area, and it was bad enough to where you had no insurance. You were a simple college student, working odd jobs here and there while balancing school and the like.
The job you had recently obtained was a janitor position for a nearby grocery store, and things seemed pretty good for a bit. It was not enough to pay those outrageous health bills, but it was getting you by.
"I need a favor... I know it's not exactly the best time to be asking, but please, just listen—" You began, the words spilling out of your mouth just as you’ve rehearsed them a million times.
Before you could continue, Rudy opened his eyes and looked down at you with a small frown. He already noticed the way you held your arm and the way you kept glancing at it. He knew what this was about; he knew the moment he opened the door and saw the desperation in your eyes.
Your name fell from his lips, drained and tired as he rubbed his forehead. He was silent for a bit, just as you were, and when he finally looked back up, his frown grew deeper.
"You seriously can’t afford to get simple treatment? How do you even know if I have the right supplies to fix something like this up, huh?"
You didn’t reply, merely biting down on your lip as you looked away. It was true, you weren't sure. Yet, Rudy had always been so kind to you, always willing to offer his help and support when you needed it.
The man sighed, closing his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t believe he was doing this; he had to wake up in a few hours, and now he had to deal with this.
The only thing keeping him from saying no was the look you gave him.
You weren’t one to beg or ask for help. You usually dealt with things on your own, and when you couldn’t, you were willing to work it off. He admired that about you, how you weren't the type to depend on others.
The fact that you were even here, soaked to the bone and asking for his help, proved to him just how serious the situation was.
You had no other choice, and he knew that.
So, without a word, Rudy stepped aside and gestured for you to enter. The relief was immediate, and before he could blink, you were inside, the sound of the rain slowly fading behind you.
The warmth of his home was a great contrast from the outside, and you couldn’t help but sigh contently as he threw his coat off and led you down the hall.
His duffel was still beside the couch, a sign that he had just returned moments before. Somehow, it made you feel worse, knowing that you interrupted his much-needed rest.
You followed Rudy through the living room, landing in the kitchen where the door to his basement was. You were about to follow him downwards, side-stepping past him, but a hand slammed against the doorframe just before you could.
Startled, you looked up at Rudy, a brow raised at the sudden stop. He was staring at you, his expression unreadable, and it made you grow uncomfortable.
"Stay here. I’ll be up in a minute, okay?" His voice changed slightly, sounding far more awake than before.
"Can’t you just do it down there? I mean, that’s where all your stuff is, right?"
Why go through all the trouble of bringing everything upstairs?
He shook his head, his lips pulling into a tight line. It looked like he was thinking something over, and when he finally spoke, he seemed hesitant.
"Just trust me, okay? Just wait here. I promise I won't be long."
You frowned, wanting to question him, but Rudy was already moving down the stairs. The door shut behind him, and the next thing you knew, you were left alone in the kitchen.
Confused, you couldn't help but stare at the door.
Why didn’t he want you down there? That was pretty odd behavior for someone who loved to brag about his work. You couldn’t recall a time when Rudy wasn’t so open about what he did.
So why the sudden change?
You didn’t want to question it, and instead, you hummed and sat down in the chair. You could hear his footsteps echo downstairs, and you waited patiently for him to return.
The sound of the basement door opening was almost instant, and when Rudy entered, you noticed the big medical box in his arms. You couldn’t help but watch the man walk around his kitchen, his movements slow and calculated as he made his way over to you.
Rudy placed the box onto the table, popped it open, and began to pull out the gloves, rubbing alcohol, and gauze. The man grabbed a chair and pulled it across from you, and as he did, he glanced up at you and smiled.
Your mind, however, was still elsewhere.
"Hiding a body down there, or something? You were taking forever, know..." You mumbled, your gaze shifting from the box to Rudy.
He chortled at the comment, glancing up momentarily to give you a small smile before resuming his task of pulling out the medical supplies.
He didn’t say anything other than the comments about your wound. How’d you get it? If it hurt, how long ago did it happen…
You know, the typical doctor questions.
Rudy took your arm in his, his hold gentle as he carefully removed the cloth that was once your makeshift bandage. You winced, hissing as the material peeled away some of the dried blood, and it caused Rudy to glance up at you apologetically.
As the cloth finally came off, Rudy didn’t make any type of comment. He didn't react to the deep cut on your arm other than the occasional flicker of his eyes. To you, it was absolutely jarring. It looked so much worse than you expected, and you couldn’t help but glance away as the man poured the alcohol onto the gauze.
He must’ve been used to this kind of thing, considering he didn’t so much as bat an eye.
The alcohol felt cold against your skin, and you bit your tongue to prevent the pain from escaping. Rudy didn't say a word as he cleaned up the wound, and you took the time to glance at the man.
Rudy was focused, his eyes narrowed as he concentrated on your wound. He was careful but quick, and his actions were precise and methodical. The way he moved was almost fascinating, and before you knew it, he was done with that part.
Rudy tossed the now bloodied gauze into the trash can that was temporarily beside the table and then reached for the next item.
The numbing shot.
The man paused, his gaze lifting from the supplies and up to your face. Rudy, the sweet and caring guy, had a very different face whenever he worked. He had his usual soft and comforting smile, but the way he constantly looked at your arm was so… cold.
He almost looked bored.
You blinked, and suddenly, he was staring at you, his brows raised.
You stared, unable to find the words, but the moment he spoke, the spell was broken.
Rudy gave you a sheepish smile, gesturing the shot in his hands. He warned you about the small prickle, gesturing to the shot in his hands, the prickle that’s never just a prick of the skin. It’s always quite painful.
The needle was tiny, but the feeling of the sensation entering your body was enough to make you grit your teeth. You felt your face grow warm, the embarrassment washing over you as the pain became a dull ache.
It didn't last long, and soon Rudy was shaking it around, supposedly making the numbing effect act faster.
Then, the waiting game. He told you around five to ten minutes, depending on your tolerance, and that's how you both ended up sitting across from one another in silence.
Rudy was tapping his fingers against the table, the only sound filling the air. You couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged, and the occasional yawn that escaped him.
"I’m sorry," You said, finally breaking the silence. His facial expression didn’t help you feel better, the frown on his lips growing deeper as he shook his head.
"Don’t be sorry." He mumbled, his eyes closing briefly as he inhaled sharply. "Truth be told, I actually despise apologies. And it's not like you did this to yourself on purpose, anyways…"
That was true, you supposed. Still, the guilt wouldn't leave you alone.
When the man didn’t receive a reply, Rudy looked at you with a tired smile. His hands moved over the medical box, and with a slight push, it was out of the way and no longer between you.
Rudy then leaned forward, placing his elbows against the table, and folded his hands beneath his chin.
"You know, I miss this."
You blinked, tilting your head at him as a soft smile formed on your lips. "Me being clumsy and annoying?"
He chuckled, a sound that brought warmth to your heart, and the exhaustion was temporarily forgotten.
Rudy shook his head, and as he did, his smile faded and was replaced with something a little more sad. "Skin. The human body. Blood. The life force. I just miss it, I guess... I love what I do, don't get me wrong, but it can be a little boring at times.. It gets repetitive. The smiles are nice, the gratitude of those I treat, but sometimes I can't help but think about other things. More exciting things, y'know?"
"Suturing my arm is exciting to you? That's pretty weird, Rudy, and that's coming from me…"
You were only half-joking, and Rudy was aware. The man was silent for a moment, his gaze averted as his smile slowly returned.
A soft chuckle left him, and he leaned back against the chair, crossing his arms against his chest.
His eyes closed, and the smile on his face grew.
It wasn’t a sad smile, nor was it happy. It was a smile that said many things but nothing at all.
When his eyes finally opened, they were different. The smile was gone, and so was the warmth in his expression.
The smile he wore now was a familiar one, and the glint in his eyes was one you knew too well.
The box was moved back in front of him, and with a swift movement, the scissors and tweezers were in his hands.
Then, the conversation was over, and so was the waiting period. He did check to see if it was numb, but the moment you confirmed that it was, he went right back to work.
It was silent for the most part; you felt no pain, and Rudy was careful as he did his job. It was going by rather quickly, and with the silence that fell between the two of you, you couldn’t help but look down at your arm.
He was already halfway done. The numbing was working like a charm, and with how quickly Rudy was going, it was almost like a superpower. For a man not in his element, he seemed like he was pretty damn well in his element.
Maybe he did have a body hidden downstairs. Give him some practice.
Rudy stopped for a moment, the sudden pause causing you to lift your gaze and look at him. He was holding a new needle in his hand, a black string-like material in the other.
He was staring at your arm, the concentration on his face strong as he held the items up. It was a rather odd sight, and you couldn't help but lean closer to get a better look.
Rudy blinked, his focus snapping up at you, and he gave you a lopsided grin.
You watched him for a moment, the man simply staring back at you with the same grin, and after a moment of silence, he put the tools down.
"And, presto." He said, his grin widening, and before you knew it, he was packing up the box.
Damn, that was fast.
He wrapped the wound in an actual bandage, moving at the speed of light, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, Rudy was already finished.
The man got up, stretching out his back as he did, and he glanced down at you with a soft smile.
"I don’t keep any antibiotics around here, but a simple store trip can fix that. You don’t need anything fancy, just a simple infection control, and you should be good to go. It doesn't seem to be too bad, and if it gets any worse, then we can look into that later... at the ER."
"Right." You mumbled, not having the energy to protest. The sarcasm, the jokes, the humor... everything was gone. You were drained, and now that the whole ordeal was over, you felt yourself slouching against the chair.
You looked up at Rudy, and before you could speak, he was already talking.
"Don’t worry about it. I’ll drop you home tomorrow morning before I go in. I’m seconds away from passing out, and you look like you're about to fall over."
You nodded, a silent thank you falling from your lips. Rudy gave you a nod in response and then gestured towards the hallway.
It wasn’t too long after that you found yourself walking down the hallway with a spare pillow and blanket. The guest bedroom was empty, and when you entered, the lights were off.
You didn’t question it, and instead, you set the pillow and blanket on the bed and made yourself comfortable. He said he used this room a lot, but somehow, it looked so untouched. It wasn’t dusty, but the way the room was set up proved that it wasn't often used.
Still, you were far too exhausted to give it a second thought.
Rudy walked past the doorway, a pair of keys in his hands as he waved them around. You heard him mention something about locking up and going to sleep, and after he left, the hall was silent.
And then, after a few minutes, the house was silent.
As you lay there, a wave of exhaustion washed over you. Your arm was still numb, and you felt nothing as you gently placed your hand against the bandage.
There was no pain, no nothing. It was just ugly, and yet you were grateful.
You didn’t even know Rudy for that long. A mutual friend introduced you to one another, and ever since then, it has been a whirlwind of events.
Especially due to your overbearing clumsiness.
But tonight? What a true blessing.
You couldn’t thank him enough. Maybe you could make him breakfast in the morning. That sounded like a decent enough gift.
Unless you happened to break his kitchen or yourself, you’d have to see how things played out.
And with that, you rolled over, your eyes slowly drifting shut.
You were out within a minute. And fortunately for Rudy, so were his neighbors.
It was a rather quiet night, after all, and with his soundproof walls, no one could hear a thing.
Even with the preparation for the next present for his precious Ken, the perfect gift of appreciation, no one could hear the sounds of his true work.
Well, no one except you.
[@ghostheartbeat, @numetalnerd2007] Here’s your tag, besties! Go wild! ☺️☺️
I hope you guys liked the "realistic" approach I took here lmao. I felt really devious about this plot 😈
#brian moser#brian moser x reader#brian moser/reader#brian moser x female!reader#rudy cooper#rudy cooper x reader#rudy cooper x female!reader#rudy cooper/reader#fanfic#x reader#fanfiction#reader#dexter#dexter morgan x reader#dexter x reader#dexter fandom#ice truck killer#ice truck killer x reader#dexter morgan imagine#rudy cooper imagine#brian moser imagine#dexter imagine#dexter fanfiction#dexter tv#dexter tv series#fluff#hurt/comfort#slasher fic#slasher fandom#slasher
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aaaa okay. hi. you might know me as 'guy who had to ask for money to pay its bills for like 6 months straight' or "guy who had sepsis 3 months ago and wont shut up about it." or maybe you dont know me at all. but um! shits rough for me rn!
as previously said i had sepsis about 3 1/2 months ago because of a wound that physically could not close for just under a year. and after sepsis that wound finally closed. but its opened again! and worse than before!
before when i would go to clean the wound / check on the severity there would be like a couple of drops of blood at most, or if it was really bad it would be fixed just by cleaning it. but now every time without fail when i go to clean it the amount of blood that comes out is like equivalent to the amount of blood that happens when i get a really bad nose bleed. so i need to go to a doctor for it. but i dont have health insurance
all this is to say that if you have anything to spare to help me not die of sepsis I'd really appreciate it
i know we're all struggling BADLY now but i still have ~$400 in medical debt from previous hospital visits not to mention another 1k in debt to various friends and stuff.. anything helps.
my commissions are also always open, and at this point i will draw basically anything for you if you send me even 1 dollar.
cash/app is $irismews
ven/mo is @ irismews
dm for zelle or paypal
#now that ive calmed down enough to think of options other than suicide i might as well make this#idk how coherent this is but ^_^ well ^_^ haha ^_^
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A Step by Step Guide to Losing Your D**k
I recently wrote a series of messages to my aunt talking about all the steps I need to do to get bottom surgery, a penile inversion vaginoplasty at Mt. Sinai, in the next year or two. Its a long list. And everytime I added something she had a sort of “wow thats rough” reaction, but to me its just the to do list. So I decided to write them all out.
Start transition DONE
Most insurance companies and surgeons require you to have socially transitioned and have done HRT for at least 1 year at the time of operation
For social transition, this was March of 2024
For HRT it will be January of 2025
Get a referral to a surgeon (I am here)
In my case, Mt. Sinai in Manhattan
My Doctor referred me, but Mt. Sinai takes self referrals
Start laser hair removal
Book a consultation (I am here)
Go to laser frequently enough to satisfy surgeon
Convince Mom and Dad to help out DONE
Get 2 letters
Social Worker (1)
PCP's Office
Social Worker (2)
Mt. Sinai
Get a gender affirmation loan through the local credit union
Work two weeks so I can take in pay stubs
Get a letter from anybody (probably my HRT prescriber
Meet with representative and either open a line of credit or take out a loan
Consultation with Mt. Sinai’s team
Wait 3-6 months (I’m here)
Bring letters
My insurance only requires 2, less than Mt. Sinai thinks insurance will need, and Mt. Sinai provides 1 of them. Meaning the other is through IHS Behavioral
Schedule Social Work pre surgical consult appt
Schedule Mental Health and Medical Clearance with Registrar
Go to NYC for 1-2 nights, maybe for each, hopefully just once
Maybe also for Social Work thing
Consult with Surgeon
Wait until I’ve worked about 12 months to get short term disability
Probably summer (ASAP) and when Mom has time off
Do logistics
Book an airbnb, hotel, etc for recovery
Starting a few days after OR date and lasting a little over a month
Within a 90 minute drive of Mt. Sinai
Rural enough that Mom is comfortable to help and can go home if someone else shows up
Probably New Jersey, maybe Hudson Valley
Has at least 1, preferably 2, separate bedrooms
Has 2 beds
Has ADA accessible entry
Has a kitchen
Has a full bath, preferably and a half
Has internet and preferably a TV
Lodging for Mom + Dad/care team while I’m in OR
Probably 5-7 days
Preferably with a 1-2 day buffer period before OR date (included in the 7 day estimate) so I can enjoy the city
Either within a short walk from Mt. Sinai or on the same subway line as Mt. Sinai
RW, 1, or ACE
Someone to help me get from recovery location to Mt. Sinai while not in NYC
Develop and get list of items needed for recovery
Dilator
Pads
Gowns/loose clothing
Comfort food
Coordinate missing 8-9 weeks of work
Take care with who knows what before I leave
Inform HR, department manager, and work friends whats up
Get cleared for surgery and get an OR date
Probably a 6-12 month date from clearance
Get pre clearance testing through PCP or a lab in hometown
Go to NYC for that if need be
Week Before Surgery
No alcohol, no aspirin, NSAIDs, herbal supplements, or fish oil
Consult for other non aspirin blood thinners (which I am not on)
No alcohol for 3 weeks after as well
Tylenol/Acetaminophen is okay
Go downstate
See friends from NYC?
Bring Mom/Dad?
Do something fun in Manhattan
Get a COVID test
Take an anti-bacterial bath
Day before surgery
Breakfast before 9am
Last meal
Drink Golytely bowel solution around noon
Chemically induced diarrhea
Clear fluids only after golytely
(includes coffee, tea, water, broth, some juices)
Nothing goes in the stomach after midnight
Some medication okay with a sip of water
HRT???
Get surgery (a penile inversion vaginoplasty)
1 to 1+½ days
I’ve heard of as long as three
3-5 day hospital stay
Mom and Dad probably stay in Manhattan then
Go to recovery location
Drive with seat reclined
Stay for 4 weeks, pretty much bedridden
Go to follow ups
Dilate
Go home
Continue recovery for another 2-4 weeks at home
Follow up with PCP
Return to life
#mtf girl#transgender#transfem#trans woman#srs#bottom surgery#mtf bottom surgery#transblr#transition journal#queer#lgbtq#lgbtqia#gender affirming care#gender affirming surgery
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My abusive mother is trying to institutionalize me & put me in a conservatorship. Please help me fund my escape plan across a few states.
This is a remake of my original post that lost traction as it gained over 4k notes, but I still need help. Things have gone to shit I need to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible. That means the moving fee will be much more, but if we can get enough I am going to go for it as soon as May (I have to give a 30-day notice to my current landlord before I can leave) or June instead of my original post's estimate.
My mother has sold her house and is bringing her pets to the new house, but she is leaving my cat behind with the new owners knowing that will upset me. She gave me a few options - move in with her and I can keep him in my room, I can let her leave him with strangers whom I don't know or know what they'll end up doing with him, or I can pay the pet deposit on my current apartment of 350 dollars to have him with me instead. I would like to have my cat back as I have been alone in this apartment since I moved, and I am so afraid of her giving him to strangers and something happening to him before I can take him with me when I can move.
Since she is moving she has also informed me today she is also giving me another choice - move in with her to keep rides or stay in my current apartment and not have rides to the grocery store + doctors. Insurance can help me with the issue of the appointments, but I need rides to the city next to me as the town I live in has no store with decent prices on food. Everything is priced to hell here - I used to ride with my mom to Costco or Walmart where I could get a lot out of my food stamps - those are out of my reach without a car. (We do not have public transportation here. It is a small town. We don't even get pizza delivery here unless it's from doordash the city next to us.) As stated in the original post I will be renting an apartment with my beloved, but they are 3 states away so this is not going to be cheap. I am getting my stuff professionally moved as I cannot make the trip myself as it would cost more, be worse on my body, things can happen with me being alone, it will not be insured, etc.
Again, I am so sorry for having to remake this post I am sure many of you are tired of seeing me pop up on here, but I want my cat back + this is getting very fucking bad so I need to get out of here soon as I can.
paypal: partange1 cashapp: par1demon wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/37P45EQYVHZZT?ref_=wl_share <- This has cat, medical (I am disabled + get injured a lot), and packing supplies you can directly buy for me in case you can't donate through paypal or cashapp
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So because apparently both parties in my country oppose trans healthcare to some extent I want to make it very clear to cis people what healthcare they're opposing.
There's a lot of fearmongering about children undergoing medical transition. So I'm gonna walk you through what might happen to a child who is transgender and wants to go the full medical route. Let's say our hypothetical transgender child, I'll make him a him because I'm a him and I'll call him Rat because he named himself when he was 6.
So Rat would probably, unless he experienced precocious puberty, go on hormone blockers at age 9 or 10, a year or two before he would start experiencing puberty just to make sure he doesn't experience any female puberty symptoms. Then at about 13 or 14 he would have an appointment with his doctor and they would decide that he has been sure that he was a boy for many years now and he's at an appropriate age to start puberty, at which point he would be taken off the hormone blockers and put onto a dosage of testosterone that is typically of what his perisex camab peers produce naturally. Because he never produced estrogen he would not have grown breasts and not need top surgery. He would develop exactly how his camab peers develop.
Now I want to put an interlude here that literally all of this is reversible. At any point Rat could change his name back and go off the testosterone jabs and his ovaries would start functioning again and they would produce the appropriate estrogen to give him breasts and hips. He could take the same vocal training classes that trans women take, he could get laser hair removal on the places where appropriate, and it would be as if he'd never been on the hormones at all.
But he doesn't want to do that. He wants a penis so let's move onto that.
As far as surgery goes, he would not be able to have either metoidioplasty or phalloplasty until he was on hormones long enough to experience the necessary bottom growth to occur, which takes a couple of years. (At least that was what I was told in 2016 please lmk if standards have changed since then). So at this point we're already about 16 years old before surgery even comes up as an option at the doctor's office. And Rat, if he is particularly gung ho about getting a penis and his parents can afford it/insurance will pay for it, probably gets put on a waiting list for a consultation with a specialist in genital reconstruction. Let's say at that consult which probably takes a few months minimum to get into, he opts for the most similar to perisex male genitalia: phalloplasty with testicular implants. Right there we're looking at at least three different surgeries and not all of them are going to happen at the same time. He's 17 before he's ever even on the operation table and he's been consistently identified as male since elementary school. This is the fastest possible bottom surgery route I'm laying out for you here and he still not slanging it until senior prom when he'll give it an ill advised test run in the back of his parents Subaru with Kelly from the anime club. All of that is assuming there's a doctor who will do it for him that can fit him in. Some people wait years for surgery.
Now some people get top surgery younger, but guess what, breast implants both exist and can be removed. If a 14 year old gets a double mastectomy and regrets it when they're 23 they can get implants. If a 16 year old gets breast implants and regrets it when they're 20 they can get those taken out. Top surgery is not complicated and I've heard from guys who truely would not have made it if they hadn't gotten theirs done.
I know this won't convince anyone who opposes trans healthcare but I hope it at least explains transition to cis allies who support trans people getting healthcare but still might think minors not being allowed to have surgery is a moderate position. I invite any trans person to add onto this with a MTF perspective or how their surgeries helped them.
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Hey Tumblr! It's been a while!! I've been going for a good long time without needing monetary assistance but alas once more the time has come. I could use ANY help at this point 😬. I have about 5 bucks to my name and that's gonna be gone by tomorrow. I have no savings, and am recovering from a years long disability that involves a ton of chronic pain (finally starting to improve!!)
My family is extremely low income and I am still unable to work. The only reason I have any medical insurance is due to the government granting a little over $300 a month to help me afford a plan. They have still not granted me disability pay and I'm beginning to fear that because I'm getting better now and the doctors never figured out the true cause of it, the gov't may never grant me the back pay from my now years of waiting for disability.
TLDR: DISABLED AND SLOWLY RECOVERING. NEED HELP PAYING BILLS THIS MONTH. $200 NEEDED. ANY AMOUNT HELPS!!
$100/$200
Cashapp: $kikml2
PayPal: @kikml2
Venmo: @kikml2
Zelle provided if you DM me!
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apparently this is the year for this...
Please Help Us Out With Bills
Currently, I'm virtually unemployed due to health issues and my employer all but refuses to give me short term disability pay because I don't have a diagnosis yet. I'm doing DoorDash as much as I can, which brings in ~$150 a week if that. It leaves my roommate, @kitthekazoo, to cover most of the mutual bills - like rent - virtually on her own. But that does mean she can't pay her own bills (like car and insurance) after paying the second half of our rent this month.
Like I said, I'm doing DoorDash around doctor's appointments and other activities, like school (which is paid for by my employer, who I still technically work for, I'm just on an extended medical leave - it's excused time off, but I don't get paid at all), but that doesn't bring in much. My checking account (where my DD money goes) is negative almost $400 because things keep taking out and every single one of those charges also incurs an insufficient funds fee of $31.
I would need ~$750 just to get positive enough to pay Kit back for my half of this rent payment. Plus I have my own bills to pay - car insurance, credit cards I'm desperately trying to catch up with the payments on, gas so I can keep doing DD, etc.
I know it's a lofty goal, but getting $1k by the end of the month will keep us sane and housed while I navigate my medical issues. Hopefully, after we run a few tests next week, they'll have a better idea of what's going on and when I'll be able to go back to work, and these money issues won't keep coming up...
I'll link my accounts below, including my etsy where you can buy some crochet projects from me if you want something in return for your donation! Or feel free to message me here or on etsy if you want something made that isn't listed in my shop.
Thank you in advance for any little bit, even if you can just reblog to spread the word. 💜
paypal venmo: amwallace95 etsy
so far: 230/1000
EDIT: I fixed the links!
#alex says things#mutual aid#signal boost#pls?#i feel so bad not being able to make money#because it stresses out both of us#but my credit union is determined to dig me a whole i can't get out of#so i'll just have a breakdown over here and try to keep it together#please reblog if you can't send money#or even if you can#we're so stressed and worried right now
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i need some serious help/guidance. i feel like a failure. i don't know where to turn – my family is part of the problem and they don't care about helping me, i don't have any IRL friends that i can ask for help from, and i've been so busy dealing with all my IRL shit that i've drifted away from any of my online friends. i've applied everywhere in my town that's hiring, and i mean EVERYWHERE. either i get aired from the jump, or i get a call back, ask for accommodations during the interview, and then never hear back from them. i feel like a lost cause. i can't continue to ask you guys for help forever, but i don't have anywhere to turn to IRL. without donos + commissions, i would actually be dead by now. i'm not kidding. my family doesn't give a fuck if i'm struggling or not, in fact they put me in positions where they KNOW i will struggle. they don't care. my parents never taught me how to do ANYTHING. every practical skill that i know how to do is self taught. they've literally set me up for failure in every aspect. they didn't help me with homework when i was younger, they didn't help me learn how to read or write, they didn't teach me how to socialize and make friends, they didn't teach me how to drive, how to cook, how to clean, how to apply for jobs, how to do taxes, how to do anything at all. and when it comes to the physical aspect, they knew that i was toe walking from a young age and didn't take me to a doctor because it was "cute" and "funny" how i walked on my tip toes all the time and i was so "clumsy" because i had no balance. the window for non-surgical remedies has closed, and now the only thing that can fix it is surgery, that i definitely can't afford, even on insurance, and i'm going to fall off of my parent's insurance next year when i turn 26. the toe walking has led to chronic pain in my feet, legs, hips, and back, and that, coupled with my fibromyalgia, makes just existing feel impossible sometimes. there are days where i don't want to move from my bed because my entire body feels inflamed. even if i were to get hired, how am i supposed to hold a job like that??? i don't know how to file for disability but i know that i need to, as soon as i can. i genuinely don't know what to do. i'm stuck in this house full of people who use me as a personal punching bag, mentally and verbally and physically. i have to keep my room locked at all times or people will steal from me or destroy my belongings. i can't even keep my insulin or food in the public fridge because my brother has destroyed my insulin with a hammer before, and my food will get eaten even if i label it, so i had to buy a mini fridge for my room. my brother shoved me down the stairs last year and my knee is permanently damaged from it, and that was somehow my fault. the only time anyone is talking to me in a kind way is when they want me to do something for them, and if i don't agree to do it, then all hell breaks loose, i've been screamed at, slapped, kicked, had things thrown at me, spit on, belongings destroyed, holes punched in the wall beside my head with a threat that next time it'll be my face. to the point that i just agree to run their errands and do their chores most of the time anymore. in fact, even though i pay my dad car insurance money every month, 9 out of 10 times he won't let me use the car for my personal reasons (doctor, store, pharmacy) unless i'm also doing something for them. they treat me like a child. no, they treat me like an object. but i'm supposed to be an adult. to be honest, i don't feel like an adult. i don't feel like a real person at all. i don't exist outside of this house or these blogs. i could disappear and only a handful of people would actually notice.
i want to do more than just survive by the skin of my teeth. i want to live, i want to thrive, i want friends, i want a sense of community, i want to feel loved and cherished, i want to be hugged. i can't remember the last time i was hugged. i don't know why i wrote all of this. i think it's a cry for help. i need someone to hold my hand through the process and tell me what to do because i have no idea where to turn. i don't know what the next step is. i know the things i need to do, but i don't know how to do them. i need to pay off my court fees, i need to buy my own car, i need to file for disability, i need to file for food stamps, i need to apply for a tax credit apartment so i can finally get out of this house. i'm just too stupid to figure it out on my own. with the constant swath of bills and no consistent income, it feels like i'm drowning and i'm never going to be able to get out of this situation. i can't do this alone. i need help. i'm so tired guys
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Hii what is your best advice to younger adults trying to make it independently and make a living? In art, savings or anything you think of. Thank you in advance!
dont be too hard on yourself. its tough out there right now in regards to like everything regardless of what old people say. also this is going to be a lot so im slapping a read more on here
⭐️ first thing id recommend for anyone is to start figuring out a budget. figure out how much youre making monthly. keep all your food receipts for a month or two to see what youre spending on food. find out what youre paying for thats necessary like utilities and whats not
the goal for a budget (or at least mine) is to find a good balance of earning vs spending. im paying off my credit card right now because i ran through all my savings after we had to move last year but my goal used to be to save 1/4 of what i earned after bills and putting money into an emergency fund (usually an emergency fund is 3 months worth of expenses). but it depends on how much you can comfortably put away. if you can put more away do it. but if you never spend money and deprive yourself of joy youre going to burn yourself out regardless of what your job is
⭐️ if youre not already buy store brand for as much shit as you can. if its an ingredient i promise as someone who cooks and bakes you probably wont notice the difference. if its an actual snack it depends. again both from a money perspective and to boycott pro-isreal companies we get a lot of snacks from aldis and theyre awesome. i dont miss anything from mars, oreos etc when i have my chocolate coconut wafers
⭐️ if you have any subscriptions and you need to get rid of something you can probably cancel them. for *most* things theres some kind of free alternative. but again just like with a budget. there are going to be some subscriptions that make your life easier and while youd save money without them it would lead to extra work and burning out. ex willow has kofi gold because it has really cool extra features that help with running the shop. but for streaming services? im going to be so honest. both to save money and with how cheeky streaming companies (in a bad way) have been getting… you can find whatever you want to watch online for free
if you need to use anything from the microsoft office suite, but youre not required by youre job to specifically use microsoft, libreoffice is a free alternative that i actually like better. its what i use to help willow run their shop and its free
for art programs. if you still have photoshop switch. not just for money reasons. adobe is getting bold with what they can claim as their content and use from what people produce in their program. the switch isnt the easiest but there are a bunch of alternatives. some free some like csp offer one time licenses which are so much better than subscriptions. will has spent almost $2k on photoshop and after effects from using it as long as they have. when csp is $50 and they like csp better anyways. i also know of krita and fire alpaca which are free
⭐️ also theres stuff about being an adult that i thought you had to pay for but you dont? like for car insurance i went through an independent insurance agent and they found me a cheaper plan than i could find myself. i didnt pay the guy. they get a cut from the insurance company for finding them another customer. some banks or credit cards offer financial advising sessions to users. its boring but if you can get a copy of your health insurance see if they have any free shit on there thats available for you. my brother gets free doctor finding? like i can call them, tell them what specialist he needs and instead of me calling around to find one that can take him, they connect me with someone. my work offers 3 free therapy sessions (better than nothing) and free food that i take advantage of
⭐️ i think one of the biggest things that makes an impact for us is researching before buying stuff. sounds like a no brainer but you dont just want to find the cheapest deal. you want to find the best bargain, the best bang for your buck. whats the best quality thing you can get that you can also afford? itll prevent your from having to replace stuff all the time and by extension spending more than you need to. we have nonstick pots and pans that are scratched and starting to peel (which apparently can cause cancer??) that were cheap because of being on sale. now after looking into what makes quality cookware i know i should of just slowly bought stainless steel
⭐️ last big one. credit cards. unfortunately we need them so find one with a low apr and that offers decent cash back. use it up to like 20% of your limit and pay it off every month. focus on using it on things that will get you cash back so you can essentially get free money
im sure i could ramble more but this is already super long
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we need help again...
I hate hate hate hate to make this post but we could really use some help. Mostly because I am uninsured until my job opens enrollment for its health insurance in June and on the eve of us signing the apartment lease tomorrow, I have contracted strep throat from my coworkers. Hooray!
I'm gonna try and get an appointment at the community health center doctor's tomorrow because I straight up don't have the money or time to go to the CVS minuteclinic across the street. They said it was $139 for a strep appointment without insurance, I said hell no... If I wait another day I can try and get a sliding scale $40 appt at the doctors. Right now is just stressful because we need money and because they didn't give us our security deposit back I'm not going to have enough money for my bills the beginning of the month. Plus there are literally THREE prescriptions I have asides from however much a Z pack will likely cost and one of them is an ointment from a compound pharmacy that I don't have money to pay for~!!!! 😭😭😭
Asides from that I am afraid that we miscalculated how much we have for rent for May so I'm trying to see about covering those costs so we aren't paying 3 days late into the month of May for our May rent first month. I really don't want to have a bad first impression with these people. They've been very kind to us so far with renting this new place but I don't want to push the limits.
I've already asked my dad for help but he wasn't able to spare enough for us to be totally covered + he needs me to pay him back by August. During the month of April I also applied to multiple credit unions for personal loans and got rejected...
So my total expenses are:
- Medication/Doctor's visit (including pre-existing prescriptions that I haven't had the money to pick up) ($160)
- Phone bill ($75 for this first month, should be going down next month as verizon charges my account with different coding)
- costs for rent/move (like hopefully $200 idk. I think we can swing the last hundred)
In addition: Because of my history of struggling with commissions due to my psychiatric disability, I don't really want to do this but if you donate a sum above $100 you can ask me to digitally paint something for you. Please no complicated requests or anything since I've been struggling with art for years now from depression/anxiety etc. but I would feel indebted to you if I didn't do anything. If this is something you'd like please DM me/send me an ask off anon.
* As for why we have been so financially fucked this month. Our current apartment complex (yes the one with the leaks, roaches, harmful construction noises etc.) has kept our security deposit which has us out $300 that we could've used towards the new place. They have fucked us over one last time.
My paypal as always is at: paypal.me/roseod
And please share if you can. Every reblog/donation of even a small amount is appreciated. Thank you all so much for supporting me.
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