#if you followed me in 2021 you probably watched me slowly lose sanity as i boiled snow on my gas stove to flush the toilet

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The utter relief that comes from knowing I'm no longer on the Texas power grid with this upcoming cold front

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A letter to ring out 2020.

As 2020 comes to a close, thankfully, in the last few hours, I sit here thinking with the longing need to type my thoughts. 

202 has been on hell of a year, both good and bad, it has challenged me in more ways than I could imagine, it has broken me in more ways than one, and at the same time it also helped me put myself back together and continue to grow. The year was so flamboyant and all over the place, at one point, my mental health was really good, it took me quite a while to get it to where it was, and then it slowly declined because of the mass chaos 2020 had to offer. Never the less, I bounced back-- I’m still bouncing back. 

This year feels as though it has been a very long, distant blur that seemed like it would never end, but here we are, thankfully. I started the year with the loml and I reconnecting, and just like that so much happened to force us to have a break that benefited us individually, we both learnt some life lessons and grew in ways that we needed, we both had to have a lesson on who our true friends were-- and for that I am thankful. When push came to shove, he was there and so was his family when mine weren’t, and I was shown the true meaning of “Sometimes, family isn’t just blood.” Without much detail, as another year ends, I am more than thankful for him and them, they have been a blessing amongst a lot of darkness... We all hold each other up, no matter the circumstances or relationship status... Haha, I have to laugh at that, sorry. When I came to realise that some of my own family act as though I am no longer apart of the family, I was given the sweet speech of, “It’s okay, you have us, we have claimed you, even if you haven’t married our son because he is being an idiot.” Which again, led me to the understanding of blood isn’t always everything. And at that point, I knew I truly had some of the best people around me. 

When the lock down came, at first, it was beneficial to me, it was time to find myself, to breathe and not have the notion that “I need to do more” it was okay to take a break and to literally stop and smell the roses or to sit outside in the sun mindlessly for hours. Along with the lockdown showed me the ignorance of some people, but I won’t get into those details. 

This year, I found myself, then I lost myself and then I found myself again... and, oops, I lost myself, but that is okay. It is apart of life and apart of adapting to the situations that occur. I’ll probably lose and find myself hundred more times before I am thirty, but that is the point of living and learning. I learnt that no matter what happens, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it might be the tiniest slither, but it is there, and it is up to us as individuals to follow it or ignore it and dwell on the darkness. 

2020 has seen a lot of devastation overall and in general, but I have seen communities come together and restore humanity that a lot of us had thought was lost. When my town was destroyed to a night of tornadoes, the next morning everybody got up and was helping everyone, people from out of town were showing up to clean the mess that was left behind of a horrible and deadly night that left so many without homes and without their lives. Seeing that there were still kind people out there really made my heart full. I realised that even when it seems the world has gone mad and so have those living in it, there are still sweet souls out there-- humanity isn’t at a complete loss, at least not yet. 

I can sit here and ramble all day about the year and the shit show it has been, but for every shit show, there has been a silver lining.

As we leave 2020 behind, I pray more than anything that 2021 is so much better for everybody. I hope that 2021 brings us all the love, happiness and success we deserve and long for. I hope 2021 fixes the parts of us that 2020 destroyed, I pray that 2021 is a year that we can celebrate and enjoy without the bitterness. I hope those struggling with emotional, mental or physical health can find the help and stability that they need. I hope 2021 is a memorable year in a positive way. 

And as I conclude this little letter to absolutely nobody but my own sanity, I pray that those who we lost in 2020 will not be forgotten, they will long live in our hearts and be remembered as the lovely souls that they are... Each and every person who isn’t going into 2021 with us, may they find peace and watch over their loved ones. 

I release all the negativity of 2020 and rejoice with the positivity in my life that will more forward into 2021. 

Goodbye 2020 and hello 2021, bring us nothing but prosperity, love, success and the wishes we individually manifest. 

                                                                                    All the love, me. Xx