#if you feel really strongly that Pony should be on the list

[l0thcat]

I keep thinking about TBB and how it ended. Or the whole season i should say, the ending was pretty good with a few flaws ( in my opinion ).

And you know, I'm not surprised, as much as i LOVE this show, I'm used to cartoons getting shit. Its been going on for far too long.

Its Disney AND Netflix. And here is a list of shows that were doing good, got told mid season its getting canceled, and a rushed ending.

Amphibia

The Owl House

She Ra and The Princesses Of Power ( 2018 )

Centaurworld*

My Little Pony G4* and G5

Steven Universe*

OK KO lets be heroes.*

Star Trek Prodigy*

Kipo and the age of the wonderbeasts.

The Mandalorian ( i know its not a cartoon but it has the same vibes as TBB ).

And probably many more. It sucks, so bad, for animation. And I'm saying this because i fully believe Disney or whoever was going to cancel TBB if it already isn't. They just didn't want to announce that.

Other notes:

*Centaurworld ; Was meant to be an ADULT cartoon and very much has left overs from that, however Netflix decided it was too MLP-esc so they made it for kids instead which ended up just being a bunch of fart and butt jokes. And then got canceled anyways so everything had to rush and wrap up in season 2. Which SUCKS because it is so beautiful when it can be and has beautiful music.

*MLP G4 is not Netflix nor Disney and while it did get multiple seasons and an ending, it had new writers during, i don't know, s6 or s7. And things slowly went backwards. And the end felt rushed imo. It wasn't a bad one but it didn't feel.. satisfying.

*Steven Universe ; i love Steven Universe, it was canceled because the creator got an Sapphic wedding AND kiss scene on screen, on a kids cartoon. But they compromised by after the finale they would get a spin off and a movie. The finale is good. Whats rushed here to me, was the spin off. And again, this is not Disney or Netflix, but Cartoon Network.

OK KO and Star Trek prodigy are also not Disney or Netflix ( which apparently Netflix is trying to save Star Trek Prodigy ) but also kicked the bucket.

All this to say ; there is a huge problem within the animation area and I'm tired of CEOs or whoever forcing creators and writers to cancel or shorten their stories.

The Bad Batch s3 is no better in my opinion. I loved a lot of scenes of it and I'm grateful for a lot of it and I'm not honestly sure if this is Disney or Jennifer or someone else but it really hurts.

Here is why it bothers me:

I'll just get this one out of the way first. Tech. Tech COULD have been sacrificed. He COULD have died. In a way that was actually meaningful. Omega got captured anyway, she was probably going to whether Tech went home with them or not. His death IS sad and i DO see them trying to honor it, i do. But its bad to me because it really does feel like "gotta kill the autistic person". Its really annoying when shows try to have an autistic character and then mistreat them ( She Ra 2018 as well but Entrapta didn't die but she does get mistreated a lot ). Its annoying and hurtful. Especially with the writers and such teasing his fans so strongly. There was no reason to. Its not a spoiler.

The TALKS in between that we missed. Tech talking to Phee about Crosshair. Crosshair learning about Tech's Death from Omega. Omega talking to Emerie about her brothers. Crosshair coming back with Omega, we don't even see them just silently watching him walk into the ship. Its just nothing. I'm sure i am forgetting some because it happened, SO much during this season.

What happened to Cody. Like its fine if he's being saved for another series but then perhaps say that.

Creators do not have to be extremely secretive about everything. Fans who don't want spoilers don't go looking for it. I'm not implying they need to spoil the ENTIRE plot, but saying Tech is dead-dead is not something to be secretive about, An hour long finale is not something to be secretive about, etc.

The other Clone X's, while they are very very cool and supposed to mirror CF99... they weren't overly needed honestly. It felt so rushed. Like I'm not saying they needed to be someome either, they don't need to. But i wasn't fearful or full of impact when i saw them my genuine reaction was "this is too much now". It was like if they DID decide to put Darth Vader in it at last second. Like i fully believe Omega was supposed to be home with Crosshair for a little longer and help Echo and Rex with the clones. And then these new CX clones were supposed to show up in s4 and be the ones to get her again.

The fans.. would have wanted.. season 4?...... i don't know why its so bad to want that. And honestly atp, i don't get why its so bad to have plot filler. Its BAD for series that got canceled or shortened, but its not bad for a series that you want more of, because then you get more time with them or more lore if you're lucky.

It occured to me there was not one flash back. Not one about the past. The most was Omega talking about how she watched CF99 be made and that it implied shes older ( and is ) than them. Could you imagine the emotional impact on us and for Omega, watching her, watch them grow up. I don't think Rebels or TCW really had flash backs either but they usually did it in other ways.

I'm not like.. a good writer, so maybe writers on here will disagree and thats okay, I'm open to that.

TLDR: I'm tired of Cartoons kicking the bucket too soon for far too long. I feel like The Bad Batch s3 also had this treatment and it isn't fair to the fans.

[eyesthatshinelikestars]

If You Don’t Like Shaking Pom-Poms, You’d Better Learn to Act

Unruly Hearts Week - Day One: Favorite Character

Summary: While waiting for cheerleading tryouts to start, freshman Alyssa Greene reflects on her history with the sport.

Alyssa Greene is over cheerleading.

She made it all the way through middle school, but it’s not for her. Doing splits and lifts doesn’t have the same appeal as it did when she was kid, watching the older girls. If she had her choice, Alyssa would begin her high school career by hanging up her pom-poms.

And yet. Here she is in the James Madison High School gym, stretching her calves in preparation for cheer tryouts.

“I’m so nervous I’m gonna barf!” Next to Alyssa, Kaylee’s face is turning whiter every second.

“Hey, Kaylee, look at me.” Alyssa’s taken on the duty of being the calming presence for her fellow freshmen today, since she herself is indifferent to whether or not she gets in. “Breathe. Tighten your pony. You’ll be fine.”

Kaylee’s big eyes only seem to get bigger as she struggles to breathe normally. Alyssa is almost envious of her, having something she cares enough about to make her this nervous. Alyssa hasn’t felt that strongly about anything in a long time.

She decided she wanted to be a cheerleader when she was nine years old. She was at a high school basketball game with her mom. Sitting on the bleachers in the large gym, Alyssa wasn’t paying attention to the boys basketball team running up and down the court. Instead, her eyes were glued to cheerleaders across the room.

She couldn’t stop staring at them. The blonde with the perfectly sleek ponytail. The redhead with the glint in her eye. The way their skirts brushed against their muscular legs. Little Alyssa was mesmerized. She didn’t know what to do.

She had to become one of them.

Once she started middle school and there was a cheerleading squad to try out for, getting in wasn’t so hard. After all, Alyssa was used to hard work and the competition wasn’t stiff at that age. And it was fun, for a while. She liked spending time with her friends after school, and it made her mom happy to see her succeed. But the sport got tedious. Alyssa grew weary of doing the same moves over and over again in varying orders. Standing perfectly still in formation during games was uncomfortable. And she hated wearing her uniform around school on game days. It made her feel like a prize hen being shown off at the county fair. Everyone was staring at her. In admiration or judgement? She didn’t know and she hated not knowing.

Here in the gym waiting for tryouts to start, Alyssa considers intentionally blowing the routine so she doesn’t get in. Then she pictures the look on her mother’s face when she tells her she didn’t make it, and pushes the idea away. Her mother loves telling people she passes in the grocery store about her daughter, the cheerleading honors student. In fact, Alyssa had already tried bringing up the possibility of not trying for the high school squad, and it hadn’t gone well.

“Hey Mom, what if I didn’t do cheer in high school?”

“Now, dear, why would you be thinking that?”

“I just… might want to think about… pursuing other opportunities.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Alyssa. I’ve already found an SAT prep class with a schedule that doesn’t conflict with the high school’s cheerleading practice.”

“Mom, that’s not what I meant.”

“Are you afraid you won’t get in, dear? You can’t let fear stop you. And besides, you’re one of the best girls on the middle school squad. I can’t imagine with your talent and tenacity you won’t make it.”

“But Mom-”

“No buts. Everything will be fine. Now go practice your splits. You don’t want to have lost your flexibility by the time school starts.”

So Alyssa gave up arguing. Now as the coach calls the freshmen forward to learn the routine, she follows Kaylee to front row, not quite dragging her feet. The routine isn’t difficult, but the afternoon seems to last forever as Alyssa goes through the motions, hoping her friends make the team but not really caring if she herself does.

The next day at school, the list is posted. Alyssa isn’t sure why her heart is pounding as she approaches the crowd surrounding the bulletin board. Kaylee and Shelby are hugging; what does that mean? Oh, they’re smiling and laughing. Good. So they made it.

It’s a few seconds before the crowd of girls, some smiling, relieved, others fighting back tears as they speed-walk to the bathroom, dissipates enough for Alyssa to read the list.

And there it is, near to top of the page. Alyssa Greene.

That afternoon, Alyssa shares the news with her mother.

“Mom, I made it. I made the cheerleading squad.”

“Oh, Alyssa, I knew you would!” her mother hugs her with a grip as tight as a vise. “I am so proud of you. We should celebrate! Go change into something nice. I’ll take you out to Applebee’s tonight!”

“Sure, Mom,” Alyssa says. There is so much else she wants to say, but she doesn’t.

So maybe she’d rather not be a cheerleader. But it makes her mom happy.

So she’ll suck it up and put a smile on her face.

Because she’s Alyssa Greene.

And that’s what Alyssa Greene does.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p17-18 reaction

I've realized how page 15 ended with the command "Close your eyes" and page 16 started with Rose talking with her eyes closed. :p

Rose talked about how she'd wake up after looking the demon on her chest into the eyes. She then proceeded to look Dirk straight in the eyes and fall under the spell or whatever it was.

If Dirk truly started influencing Rose and it wasn't just the narration being overly dramatic, then I think it started as she talked about caring about the pieces on the board.

I'm not as sold on the idea that Dirk could be turning into the post-victory end boss anymore. I mean, it's certainly plausible. It could even be that the remaining Reload B2 kids (minus Dirk himself) team up with John against him.

But I think the last paragraph on page 16 could also be interpreted differently. Maybe part of ascending to his ultimate self, for a Prince of Heart, is to "destroy" the boundaries that exist on what he sees as his "self". In that he learns how much of his qualities and flaws exist in other people too. If he can see into his heart, he might learn empathy and become a better person.

Okay, the last sentence seemed to show Dirk take over the narration, but it could also be the visual cue that the narration switched from 3rd person to Dirk's POV, if only for that sentence. It could also be taken to point towards Dirk's growing self-awareness: he's becoming aware of the fact he's a fictional character. In that case, what would it take for John to come to this understanding? To "understand what it all means"?

As for Dirk taking over the other people somehow, growing perhaps a hivemind... Eh. We've had confirmation that Jake looked into his eyes without a problem. Granted, that may have been before Dirk ascended to the god tiers.

Now, next page could stay with Dirk, but I hope it switches back to John. I expect him to undergo some dream sequence before awakening, hopefully still alive. And I hope Terezi will be there when he wakes up. Though it will be sad to see her reaction, if she's learned about Vriska.

==>

AAHHHHHHH he really took over the narration!!! ... Pony Pals Epilogue?

Well then. I... Okay, I wonder whether he'll stick to narrating proceedings on Earth C, or how far his self awareness has grown. DOES he know what Doc Scratch knew, Lord English... Reload Dirk?

"None of my friends have noticed it yet, but you have." He's acknowledging us, the readers. Dear god.

"Anyone paying attention could have guessed by now who’s really telling this story." ... Andrew Hussie? Does Dirk want to wrestle control of his life from the author?

"I’ve caught you leering at some pretty personal moments. Are you having fun being a voyeur?" I came to read a story and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now. Also, I feel I'm being compared to Caliborn in this.

"Knowing their thoughts are transcribed by a third party, does it fill you with a sense of unease, of sickness, sensing that the observations made of their mental interiors may be tainted?" So, Dirk is calling us out on reading their story, as well as indicating to us that what we read about them, even their personal feelings, can be removed from the truth. But, it's not as if HE's going to want to be our narrator, right? Plus, his own POV is still not 'the' truth.

"I am specific. I have a name, an agenda, a vision. I am a monolith of concentrated narrative authority, relaying events to you, and swaying them as I see fit. Whereas you are pointedly nonspecific. You are the generalized, impotent witness to all this." Dirk is self agrandizing himself and describing the MSPA Reader here. He's actually started sounding a lot like Lil Hal, now that he's so convinced of his intellectual prowess. That's not a great evolution.

"I even have the ability to decide what “you” actually means. I can take the “you-ness” away from you, and put it inside another passive mark, such as John Egbert." Does he mean, like, right now, he can decide he's aiming this narration at John? Or... is it what's Blaperile telling me now, that this is supposed to indicate Dirk was the narrator for the entire epilogue up till now? If that's so, everything said in the narration, including the prompts, has just become that much more unreliable.

"So what makes John so special? The answer is something I’m sure you’ve suspected all along but would rather not face, which is: probably nothing. He isn’t special. He’s quite ordinary, I assure you. Boring, even, and getting less interesting by the minute as he’s forced to confront his absolute lack of heroic purpose except as a pawn to be manipulated by a fatalistic reality." Dear god, is John going to have to fight for control of the narration? As for the first thing Dirk says: well, it's true that John is supposed to represent the everyman, the guy that things happen to instead of that he makes them happen, the audience avatar. Now, if John learns about this fact, he might decide to do something against it, snap out of his stupor.

"Anyone can be endowed with this you-ness, if I think it achieves a certain goal." So, will we switch to other you's later on still, narrator guy?

"Even if the objective is merely to demonstrate the gambit’s potential, to reveal the effortlessness behind it. To make a show of who matters and who doesn’t, and even if they do matter, for how long and for what purpose, as dictated solely by the allocation of this faculty. You-ness can be stripped from the lowly Egbert just as easily as it was given, and then bestowed upon the mighty Serket, but even then only long enough to dismiss the vainglorious spotlight hog from the narrative forever. Good riddance." Note that he's saying the "you-ness" is not meant to imply importance to the story. He's saying the effect is used for show. But then this still IS a story, and showing events is part of telling a story. It's like he's trying to convince us he has control over the story, but his control is PART of the story, so yeah, he still hasn't escaped.

... Good to see Homestuck can still become even more meta, after all this time.

"No, in truth, the time has come to make my presence known in order to start bringing my plans to fruition. It’s time to get down to fucking business.

John needs to wake up." Wow. It's time for Dirk's masterpiece then, taking the biggest control he can ever have, weaving the biggest scheme. To what end, then?

Simply to confront John - in Dirk's eyes, a random character in the story, if one with a lot of focus inside the story - with his existence as a fictional character? Will he guide John to Andrew Hussie's ghost?

Also, will the narration even switch back to black ink, I wonder? If it does, though, we'll still be left with the eery knowledge that what we're reading is, even in the first person, narrated by Dirk.

I'm starting to get the distinct impression that Caliborn didn't just botch his maturation process, he also bodged his god tier process. He still took control of the narration, and "expanded" his consciousness through other means (soul sludge merge), and then took control of his story in the multiverse... only for Paradox Space to still damn him in the end.

Also, didn't John speak through the narration during one of the later Homosuck Acts? When he zapped into Caliborn's room? I wonder if he'll do that again some time quick.

Lastly, I wonder if this is why the epilogues are in text format. So that this thing with the narration works even better. Guess What Pumpkin and VIZ Media are publishing this as a novel.

It's a great use of the format Homestuck exists as on the web, making use of the site's template for good color contrast.

==>

Start of Epilogue Four.

"You wake up.

JOHN: wh-what?" ... Is John going to become aware of the change in narrative 'colour' from the start? Starting to speak in dialogue with it, becoming recalcitrant? ... Is Dirk going to start filling the shoes of WV, Terezi, Karkat and all those poor souls guiding John on his story?

"You finally process the true magnitude of what has happened. The Furthest Ring has been completely destroyed. And you’re all alone." Wow. So, uh, what now? And, what of all the universes inside the sessions in the Furthest Ring? How could they have been destroyed, if Universe C is contained somewhere in there?

"Well, you’re vomiting up everything in your stomach. Rest assured, it’s pretty gross" Well, uh, at least he's now finally gotten rid of all that uncooked meat filling his stomach. Seriously, that probably wasn't being digested all that well.

How long before John acknowledges something is wrong with the narration, I wonder?

"You seriously need to get it together. You look like absolute shit right now, my man. In fact, you really should strongly consider issuing an apology for the mess you’re making." And here we have the first instance of Dirk definitely abusing his power.

"JOHN: i’m... JOHN: i’m sorry." :/ What was even the point of making him do that. Just to upset the MSPA Reader, I suppose.

This is basically: what if Lil Hal was an exile.

"Everyone’s dead." Everybody's dead, Dave.

"Well, almost everyone.

But certainly the vast majority of what qualifies as “everyone” in your current frame of reference." John himself excluded, of course. But see, this implies there are more people around, still alive. ... Then again, the narration wouldn't be lying if there were also still dreambubble ghosts. They'd still be dead, after all.

"And most of your friends—Rose, Dave, absurd Cat Dave, and hundreds of ghosts" Not starring in this list: Jade, Meenah. Of course, unreliable narrator goes without saying at this point.

", who all valiantly contributed to a victory which you’re only now beginning to question the functional necessity of." Well, Rose couldn't see "beyond the story" yet when she sent John on this mission. Care to enlighten us, oh wise and omniscient narrator?

"JOHN: functional... necessity?

JOHN: that... that doesn’t sound like something i would think." Ahhhhhh... That feels good. It took John all of two minutes to figure out something was wrong. I'm honestly quite impressed he wasn't hornswaggled on some crazy MacGuffin hunt first.

"That’s because it’s not." Huh! I'd actually thought Dirk would lead with: 'Yes, it is.' Guess he realizes the jig is up!

"You’ve finally noticed.

No, not me. You go back to ignoring the fact that I’m the voice in your head. You noticed how it hurts when you breathe." Ah. So he just goes right back to forcing John to dance to his tune. Tssh.

"On the other hand, the tooth is poisoned." Uh, how? Why? Poison? ... Yet another way in which Lord English was OP'd.

"So you’re pretty much fucked either way, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.

JOHN: sigh.

You sigh in painful resignation, and wonder what to do next." Dirk is trying to put John's REAL thoughts into a different context. He's basically replaced the narrative, so... Yeah, this really IS a callback to Pony Pals. God damnit. Who'd have thought that would be foreshadowing THIS.

"English is dead, so you suppose you can go home, right? It’s tempting. You consider zapping back to Earth C, being done with this nightmare for good, and never breathing a word of it to anyone ever again. But you can’t yet, can you?" He can't because he won't, or because you won't let him? Does John want to ensure the safety of Universe C, first? Or will he want to check on Terezi first, potentially (we wouldn't be able to tell) nudged into it by Dirk.

"Why not, you wonder? What’s the harm? You’re right, it would probably be a harmless decision, in the grand scheme of things." ... Don't tell me we'll have ANOTHER split path coming up.

"How about Jade though? She could still be out there somewhere, injured, alone, scared. And it’s your fault, isn’t it?" John turned his back on the body, so he's now unsure what happened to it. It's probably a red herring though, planted by Dirk.

... If it even IS Dirk. I mean, the narration could just as suredly still be coming from Andrew in-universe, and he'll go "tadaa! fooled you twice!" at some point...

"You decide that no matter how terrible you feel, you should look around first before you leave. You were the one who dragged her here. You owe her at least that much. Plus, there’s someone else on your mind, isn’t there?" ... I wonder if Dirk can only influence his thoughts in the Furthest Ring. Actually, I doubt it. Since, when you think about it... Jake fantasizing about Dirk is put into a different light entirely now. As were all the turns of phrases that were perhaps a little too sarcastic for the situation to warrant. I had a few times where I thought: the narration doesn't feel the same, but I put it up to the new format as well as the co-writers. Now, though...

"You proceed to wander for a long fucking time. Time passes differently here than it does for everyone else. Here, I’ll simulate it for you. I just left to go take a piss. Then I microwaved myself a hot pocket. Then I came back. In the time it took me to do that, you just spent hours drifting around the entire circumference of the black hole thinking sad-sack thoughts about the years of inaction that led you to this point, intermittently humming the Ghostbusters theme to yourself. You get so worked up about one of your GB freestyles that you almost miss it." Now Dirk's just showboating. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind hearing a couple of John's Ghostbusters freestyles.

"There. Eleven o’clock. Do you see it? It’s that tiny dot floating over there." Eleven, eh? So, what should I be betting on? Not Jade? Terezi perhaps? Or a random item from a dreambubble?

"You scramble to catch it before it drifts any closer to the event horizon. Got it. What the hell?" Huh, it's something very small? ... Not a firefly, is it? ... If so, in come the theories that it's actually Alternate Calliope.

"It feels familiar, but you want to make sure you’re not imagining it. A wallet. Your dad’s wallet. You chew your lip and press your fingers into the soft leather." What the-... Huh. Well, I was kind of hoping John would have a vision of his Dad, in his dream. This might lead up to something more! I'm reminded of Doomed John seeing a vision of his Dad in the dreambubbles.

So, the ACTUAL wallet ended up in Aradia's hands. John found it left for him on the battlefield, then CD? stole it, Liv Tyler took out the Tumor but gave it to him, CD? was killed by Bec Noir for killing Jade, and he stored the wallet into Lil' Cal. Then Lil' Cal crashed on Alternia with one of the doomed Aradiabots, leading to Aradia finding her frog temple and the Crosbytop. ... So, is there anything left of value in the wallet after all this time? A metric ton of shaving cream, a lighter with a spades symbol... Oh wait, but Spades Slick also got his hands on the Crosbytop, so did he steal the wallet back from Aradia? If so, then the wallet was last present in the B2 session... But if Aradia still had it on her, she took it with her into the Furthest Ring!

"Space is an infinitely large expanse and a wallet is a tiny, insignificant object. Sure, there have been crazier coincidences in the course of this wacky adventure you’ve been having for the past ten years, but this one feels very precisely aimed at your heart.

You take a deep breath, unfold the wallet, and open it." ... So it contains something captchalogued. Cause it sure won't be a Dad note, after all these years and having gone through all those hands, right? ... Right? Now I'm reminded of how Jake had part of his old home captchalogued.

Blaperile jokingly said: "I hope it isn't Aradia or Terezi captchalogued in there", but actually, if there's something to withstand the end of the Furthest Ring, it would be this wallet.

---

... Wow. At least Dirk's tenure as unreliable narrator is rooted in familiar grounds, Lil Hal genre influencing people. And I know I mustn't get my hopes up for ever getting more information about Dad, or seeing something from his youth... But here I am.

[darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts]

Devil’s own Luck - Epilogue

Warning: Mob styling warlords, strong language

Masterlist

---

Epilogue

He told himself each time was the last time and like some helpless addict he caved and went back. After everything had happened [Name] had managed to go back to a normal life. He reminded himself that it was only going to continue that way if he stayed away. He wished for her happiness from the bottom of his shrivelled heart.

The funeral had been quite a modest and he was secretly a little glad that he had been around to see it. She was a vision in black lace, he had to remind himself several times that he was dead to stop himself from just running up to her and hugging her tightly. After it was over and she had left in a car and he had walked up next to the rest of the men in the graveyard and laughed as all but Nobunaga jumped out of their skins at his sudden appearance.

“Oh, for fuck sake can’t you even die properly?” Ieyasu was the first to talk to him. His face a little red as he remembered how he screamed at Mitsuhide’s sight when he touched his shoulder.

“And miss seeing that charming look on your face my dear Yasu?” Mitsuhide winked and smiled.

“I give up I’m not even going to ask where the Hell you’ve been.” Hideyoshi let out a big puff of air as he resigned himself to the fate that Mitsuhide will never change.

“Nice to see you too Hideyoshi.” The snake like grin on his face held real warmth to it as Mitsuhide recalled all the times he had been reprimanded before. You know you love me just get over it.

He wasn’t allowed a moments peace until the he had explained over and over again to the rest of the men about why he had to ‘die’ and yes of course he felt sorry for what he did to [Name] but eventually they did allow him to move past the subject.

“Say what did happen to the guy in my car?” Mitsuhide asked as he took a drink from his glass of single malt.

“Oh, now you remember?” Masa laughed and slapped him on the shoulder.

“Sorry I was a bit busy being dead.” Mitsuhide adjusted his arm so as to not spill his drink.

“It’s all been sorted, both that man and Kennyo are in the facility run by the good doctor.” Nobunaga was swirling his drink in his glass watching the amber coloured liquid as if it was a scrying mirror.

Nothing else needed to be said Mitsuhide was already aware of the facility Nobunaga was talking about and whilst he was glad that it had all been taken care of, a part of him was screaming because he couldn’t take part in any of the ‘treatments’ they would be receiving. Part of that feels wildly unsatisfying, but I guess it can’t be helped.

---

Her routine was the same every day. She would leave for work, grabbing a coffee from the corner shop along the way. Buy a bento at the station and hop on the underground train to the office building. She would have her lunch in the park by the office or sit at her desk in her tiny grey cubical as she continued to organise whatever it was she had been given to do. Then she would return home alone, eat alone, watch tv with her cat and go to bed.

She would often let her mind wander imagining what the guys in the Azuki building would be doing right now. Masa in the kitchen cooking up a storm, Ieyasu mixing up something in his office that smelt strongly of herbs, Hideyoshi shouting at people to stop running in the hallways or just smothering people with his over bearing concern for them. Mitsunari sitting in the study nose in a book forgetting to eat. She even thought of Nobunaga sitting in his office tapping away at his computer or taking a walk around his roof top garden. She had to stop there she couldn’t allow herself to go any further down that path. She knew the next face that she would see and it was the same one she had seen everyday since she was told he was no longer around.

The funeral was quiet and the lack of people had shocked her but she supposed it was just like him. Since then she had just returned to her normal boring unassuming life. Se sighed in her apartment and looked at the boxes she had been sent from Azuki. All her ‘gifts’ and her eyes fell on one painting.

“I really must do something about that.” She picked it up and pulled out some paints and a brush and set to work.

---

It was a hazard of the job he was once again in the neighbourhood gathering intel on something Nobunaga required as he put together his political campaign. He was sitting in his car sorting out papers and checking lists. At least that is what he made it look like he was doing, he was in fact watching her.  

She was in a public gym again. One of those pay per session places that popped up everywhere a few years back. Mitsuhide had gone in once when she was there she was running on a trend mill and didn’t notice him when he was talking to an instructor about available classes. He watched her hair sway back and forth as she moved and remembered how they met, and smiled.

“You know at some point you will either have to tell her or stop doing this to yourself.” Masa spoke matter-of-factly as he opened the car door on the front passenger side and just sat in the seat.

“It would be rather pointless to ask why you have decided to just turn up in my car uninvited I suppose?” Mitsuhide averted his eyes from the gym back to his papers before giving and exasperated sigh at the intruder.

“Yes, I suppose it would.” Masa didn’t care he leaned back in the seat and just looked towards the gym as well. The two men sat in silence in a parking space It wasn’t uncomfortable but it was clear there was words that remained unsaid.

“So… you really liked the Lass huh?” Masa eventually spoke.

“I’m merely keeping a promise.” Mitsuhide replied

“Promise?” Masa tilted his head like a curious puppy.

“I promised I’d keep her safe.” Mitsuhide had thought about forgetting it trying to move on away from it but he felt at least this way he could be sure she was ok. It hurt but it did bring him a little peace.

“Safe? Oh, safe is good very good. But tell me Mitsu does safe always make you happy?” Masa had pulled out two things wrapped in foil from his jacket and was opening one that looked like a burrito.

“What?” The question made Mitsuhide stop and look at the man next to him.

“Well I mean a promise is a promise and kudos for you doing the whole good boy scout thing and holding true to it but some of the happiest things in life are the ones that have a bit of risk to them. It’s that gamble ya know, the whole ‘jeez this is gonna kill me’ buzz that you can’t find anywhere else it really makes you feel alive. You gotta live in the moment sometimes is my point man. The Lass is a wonderful girl you don’t do something about it someone else who is less scared is going to swoop in and take her from you.” Masa was speaking and eating at the same time it was amazing that he could be so audible given the amount of food he was stuffing into his face. Masa was a man with his heart tin the right place even if the execution of such care was lacking sometimes.

“You think I’m scared!?” Mitsuhide was dumbfounded.

“Aren’t you? Anyway, here I brought you food. Eat it.” Masa shoved the other foil packet into Mitsuhide’s hand and left the car as fast as he had entered it. Mitsuhide couldn’t help but laugh.

Hearing Masa describe how he saw the situation was adorably uncomplicated. You really have no idea. Even if I was to over look the fact that I am supposed to be dead she is the one thing I can never ever have. Sometimes the things you have that you want to keep safe are the ones you have to just let go. He took a bite of the burrito that he was sure was delicious, even if he couldn’t judge that for himself looking across the road.

---

“Thank you so much” [Name] smiled at the gallery owner who almost looked like he was beaming since he managed to convince her to allow him to sell her artwork.

It had been something she had put off for a while she hadn’t ever been happy with anything she had done but now well now she had finished something that she could say from the bottom of her heart she was truly happy with.

“Oh no thank you it’s a fantastic piece we’re glad to have it. We’ll contact you as soon as we find a buyer. I’m sure it won’t take long, it really is great.”

“I’ll be waiting… Thanks again.” [Name] was happy she felt light on her feet and as she left the gallery owner gave a polite little bow to her and she returned his gesture.

---

Mitsuhide pulled his car into a familiar spot near her apartment building. He didn’t know why he should really be somewhere, anywhere else right now but so help him he just couldn’t. He saw her eating her lunch in the park she looked tired and he wondered what had put that look of melancholier on her face. He hadn’t seen her look so glum since his funeral.

She came out of the building dressed in running gear, head phones in her ears and hair tied back in a high pony tail. He laughed as he looked at her thinking that she really hadn’t changed one little bit from the night she ran into that gun fight. After stretching a little she started jogging away from the building and he was almost ready to let her leave when he noticed someone move in the direction she had just gone in.

Nothing unusual it’s a public street but still something about how they moved bothered Mitsuhide. He quietly got out of his car and tailed after the mysterious figure that was following [Name].

---

It had been a crappy day she had hoped that eating outside at lunch would have helped but it just didn’t shift anything of how she felt. She couldn’t place it she felt like she was being watched. It was the strangest thing and made her feel really stupid. After she got home and fed the cat she decided that she should go for a run and clear her head. It was getting dark outside but there was still time before it was pitch black and she knew she always felt better after a run.

Standing at the front of her apartment she fiddled with her MP3 player. What she really wanted was to blast her head with music and feel the pavement beneath her feet as she just ran. She almost felt better just thinking of it.

It wasn’t long after she started that she thought she could ‘feel’ someone else around her. She changed routes a few times taking better lit paths busier more crowded areas. She took a wrong turn and found herself in a much quieter place. Ok this isn’t good. If this was a horror film I would so be dead by now.

She turned off her MP3 slipping one of the headphones from her ear and tucking it into her top as she kept moving. Sure, as Hell not making the mistake of not hearing danger this time.

---

Mitsuhide watched as she ducked from place to place and the figure still followed on her heels. Yes, this was definitely wrong. A smile creeped over his face as he watched her. She was aware she was doing everything right and then… oh dear little one wrong way. He moved faster this time once he knew she had made a mistake he slipped like a ghost between some buildings and came out a little ahead of where she was now running. Thank God for knowing the alleyways so well in the city.

She ran right past him and then the figure approached. Mitsuhide could hear the foot falls closer and closer until … he shot his arm out from the gap in the buildings and dragged the would-be attacker into the darkness with him.

Mitsuhide smiled as he looked at the young man he had just captured. He was dressed head to foot in black. How cliché. There was little to the young man’s body the only thing that he could have hoped to have in his benefit had he managed to attack [Name] was his size dominating her. In fact, on closer look he seemed familiar, he looked like one of those gym guys that had been watching her. Mitsuhide pushed hard on his hand that was over the man’s mouth and shoved him back against the wall with a thump.

“Now then what shall I do with you?”

---

Panting [Name] finally made it back to a street she recognised and paused under a shop lamp. She thought she had heard something behind her but she didn’t have the inner strength to actually turn around and check. She just ran.

While she gathered her breath, she felt something cold and wet hit her skin. Oh great. She ducked into the doorway of the building she was standing near and then realised exactly where she was. The gallery.

She smiled and then she caught sight of the painting in the window. A blurry cityscape all blacks and whites, bright neon lights smudged and stark against the background… but the bit that really stood out was the figure in the painting.

A tall figure leaning against a wall dressed in a suit white hair falling into his yellow eyes a cigarette in his hand the smoke curling up and mixing with the greys of the world around him.

[Name] put her hand to the cold glass and smiled before turning around and going home. Perhaps everything had just been in my head since losing you.

---

After [Name] left, a pair of shiny black shoes appeared in the spot by the window that she had been standing on. The rain falling on a tailored trench coat running off glossy black hair as the man smiled at the painting in the gallery.

“I’ll have to have a word in the morning about buying that.” A pair of red eyes shone as he imagined the look on his friends face when he put it on a wall in his office.

---

[racingtoaredlight]

College Football 2020 Season Week 4 TV Watch Em Ups: Rivalry Week!

There’s still a whole lot of magic missing from the first COVID college football season but at least the B1G and Pac-12 will be playing weird schedules and we’ll have the worst bowl season ever. I’m not being sarcastic, I’m actually happy about those things.

It’s hard to look at this all and not feel the pull of regret that the season is even happening. I said on twitter a few days ago that I wish every athlete in the country would just go on strike right now and I stand by that. The plague isn’t getting better and the poxes are piling up. Oh, well, what the hell. Let’s just keep on playing.

The gambling info is from the same place as always and the scheduling info is from the other same place as always. Times are Eastern, the worst of all possible time zones for sports watching.

Saturday, September 26

Matchup                                                     Time (ET)            TV/MobileTickets

Georgia Southern at 19 Louisiana           12:00pm                  ESPN2

If you don’t really look at it even sort of then it’s almost an SEC game. This is the Ragin’ Cajuns Lousiana school, right?

Georgia Tech at Syracuse                         12:00pm               RSN/ESPN3

Syracuse should go back to being an independent and Georgia Tech should go back to the SEC just for laughs.

24 Louisville at 21 Pitt                                12:00pm                   ACCN

Hard to imagine a more painful sounding matchup of ranked teams. Louisville got worn out at home by Miami last week and, even though it made me “happy,” I didn’t really see anything of particular note to be excited by Louisville’s team. Pitt, as with most years, just sort of exists. My prediction for this game is that neither team is ranked next week when the BOneG teams are allowed back in the rankings.

Kansas State at 3 Oklahoma                     12:00pm                    FOX

The Big 12 is really only fun in that they have conference games that also act as conference games.

Campbell at Appalachian State                 12:00pm                    ESPN+

Not worth the risk to stage this game in non-pandemic times.

5 Florida at University of Mississippi        12:00pm                     ESPN

A major topic of conversation in SEC circles right now is “are the Gators actually good?” We probably won’t learn a lot to that end from this game. But then again, we might. Such is post-Urban Meyer life for UF.

23 Kentucky at 8 Auburn                            12:00pm                     SECN

If you go by rankings this noon slate is pretty good. I’m not seeing a lot of entertainment value on the face of things but I’m very much a downer for this whole season. Surely, things will go hilariously off script all day and I’ll sit around like a bump on a log watching it go by.

13 UCF at East Carolina                              12:00pm                ABC/ESPN+

People get paid to write insightful shit about sports and can’t even be bothered to care about any of it. Here I am giving my soul away for spare clicks. Life is terrible.

FIU at Liberty                                                  1:00pm                    ESPNU

... and getting worse.

Eastern Kentucky at The Citadel                  1:00pm                     ESPN3

While Thee Citadel was offering blood to Clemson last week my wife asked me what the hell that school is. I knew a guy that went there out of high school but I can’t for the life of me remember what the set up is. Are they like a school for the national guard? Backups to the Coast Guard? Just a military academy for college aged fail sons? I’ve never figured out Disqus for the phone so I probably won’t see what you write but answer my questions in the comments, please.

Iowa State at TCU                                          1:30pm                          FS1

I’m not always good at this but I did warn you that having Iowa State ranked in the preseason was a bad idea.

Tulane at Southern Miss                                2:30pm                     Stadium

Tulane blew a 24-0 halftime lead against Navy last week and Southern Miss is in Southern Mississippi. Praying for these two teams to put those crushing disappointments behind them at kickoff time.

22 Army at 14 Cincinnati                                3:30pm                        ESPN

Call me crazy but does anybody else think if we put together a football team of troops they could totally cover a 13-point line on the road against Ohio State’s non-union equivalent?

UTEP at ULM                                                   3:30pm                       ESPN2

The line is tilting towards ULM but the o/u is still only 50 so I’d advise strongly against trying to watch this one up.

Mississippi State at 6 LSU                             3:30pm                         CBS

Suddenly realizing I can’t remember which one Mike Leach is coaching at this year. Well, the bloom is off that guy in any case so fuck him. Hope he’s at MSU and they get buried by 60+ this week. It’s only worth saying that if he’s in Starkville because if he’s at Faulkner’s alma mater I always want them to lose by 60+ every week.

West Virginia at 15 Oklahoma State               3:30pm                          ABC

Okie State looked horrible last week and so did WFV. Don’t put too much stock in week one, especially with a ton of roster churn. Pound that over at 51.5, in my humbly offered opinion. Which is only for entertainment purposes even in a gambling is mostly legal environment.

8 Texas at Texas Tech                                      3:30pm                          FOX

Texas at #8 looks fucking stupid but Texas Tech might be as bad as they’ve been since before Spike Dykes showed up in Lubbock. So the Horns -17.5 seems very reasonable to me.

4 Georgia at Arkansas                                      4:00pm                         SECN

Georgia is pretty talent-heavy and Arkansas is very much not but Kirby Smart and crew aren’t the kind of bloodthirsty loons that make my heart go pitty-pat. O/u of 53 and a 28-point line make sense but I’ll be plenty surprised if the score is actually in the realm of UGA 41-Ark 12. I’m thinking more like 24-6 or some boring shit like that.

Duke at Virginia                                                 4:00pm                         ACCN

Wa-HOO-wa! The line is tilting very heavily in Duke’s favor but the Cavaliers are still at -4. Hopefully that holds and the Hoos strangle the Devils in the crib to honor the blue lean of voters in the commonwealth.

Texas State at Boston College                         6:00pm                  RSN/ESPN3

BC bludgeoned Duke last week but only get 18.5 at home against one of the few teams in the country to have a defined personality so far. Texas State is a bad team and there probably aren’t a ton of people eyeballing this one just yet. Load up on the Eagles.

2 Alabama at Missouri                                        7:00pm                      ESPN

Bama is still the king, really. The whole team is still 5-stars in front of 5-stars in front of 5-stars. Betting with Nick Saban is fool’s gold, though, because whatever he has in mind from week-to-week against the lower level opponents is impossible to divine.

Houston Baptist at Louisiana Tech                    7:00pm                    ESPN3

I don’t need to waste mental space on this and neither do you.

Stephen F. Austin at SMU                                   7:00pm                     ESPN+

Pony Diddlers exploded all over the 096ers last week with a new playcaller. I’ll assume this is just schedule fluff and look away.

Kansas at Baylor                                                  7:30pm                    ESPNU

R.I.P. to an all-time legend.

16 Tennessee at South Carolina                              7:30pm           SECN

No comment.

Vanderbilt at 10 Texas A&M                                      7:30pm       SECN Alt.

aTm is a 30.5-point favorite and even if Vanderbilt is real trash I can’t imagine feeling confident putting money down on this one.

Florida State at 12 Miami (FL)                                   7:30pm           ABC

Everything in the world is saying Miami rolls in this one and I find that completely nerve-wracking. Is the offense really good after stealing Rhett Lashlee from SMU? Is the defense even decent if they can get exposed so often against Louisville? Does FSU being a pile of shit with a head coach somehow alone on the COVID list mean anything? I’ve got a feeling the answer is no, no and no but I’m openly pessimistic.

Missouri State at Central Arkansas                        8:00pm           ESPN3

Every year, week after week, I write one word or one sentence capsules that boil down to supreme indifference. This season it’s even more pronounced because the whole enterprise is so obviously crummy.

NC State at 20 Virginia Tech                                    8:00pm              ACCN

Not sure if I realized VPISU was ranked before now. Are they the first team to ever lose a home opener to Kentucky and have a ranking the following week? 

Troy at 18 BYU                                                         10:15pm             ESPN

A proper as hell night game. This is the kind of game a college football Saturday should wrap up with in normal times. Can’t wait for the 2020 version of degenerate football to end up with a 100% positive rate in the coming weeks.

GAMES OF THE WEEK:

Georgia State at Charlotte                                      Postponed

Tulsa at Arkansas State                                           Postponed

USF at Florida Atlantic                                             Postponed

North Texas at Houston                                           Postponed

[fanfictionlive]

Reaction fics: good or bad?

ANECDOTAL STORY RELEVANT TO TOPIC TIME! (forgive the format, i'm on mobile)

Recently, a new reader finished one of my older works, a slash fic that ended in tragedy. They loved the fic (despite its many flaws haha) but were emotionally devastated by the ending. A few days after their comment on the last chapter, i found a new gift fic in my list, by them. They had written a 1k alternative ending to that fic!

Now, I was actually really happy! Someone felt that strongly about my work that they wrote a derivative!! I love gift fics!

However, upon sharing this news with my friends on discord (who are also fans of my fanfics and frequent readers), THEY became irate. 'Who dares to say that ending wasn't good enough?!' they said. They got defensive, saying the tone of the summary and author's notes was overly critical, disrespectful, and might tell others not to read the original fic (mine).

They also pointed out that the fic in question this was started by (my fic) was part 1 of a 5 part series (6 parts, if you count the censored version of one of them as separate), which wasn't even done being written, and the ending that the person rewrote invalidated later parts.

Now, while I admit the gift fic wasn't pulitzer quality by ANY stretch, I still got a fair amount of happiness from it, and said as much in my comment on it. I did point out there was a whole other half of the series they had yet to read, too, but that I found their AU charming none the less. The gift fic author apparently wasn't aware of the series (perhaps new to AO3).

They deleted the gift fic a few days later, after presumably reading the rest of the series.

Now, I am low key devastated the gift fic is gone. I didn't think to save it. My friends are glad its gone, and say I should have higher standards.

How do you guys feel about fics like this? Angry vent rewrites? And what do you guys think about this situation?

submitted by /u/SongOfTruth [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/2PAitTZ

[blueimmersion-blog]

Advanced Recreational Trimix Diver Courses

You've gotten seen pictures of those scuba divers. You may need even seen them strolling round at your native dive web site. They've a plethora of substances on, most of it seems heavy. They've hoses working in numerous instructions. Additional bottles hanging off the aspect of them. You assume to your self; they should be nuts to ever get pleasure from scuba diving that method. You additionally re-affirm to your self that you do not have what it takes to be a Technical Scuba Diver. Nonetheless, you begin to surprise how far more you would see in the event you might keep down longer. What else is on the market so that you can discover in the event you had that additional air... Advanced Recreational Trimix Diver Courses

Now, at this time limit I'll level out that Technical Scuba Diving is a selection that it's important to make. Cause for that; particularly is MINDSET! If you're critical about turning into a Technical Diver (Tec Diver), it's important to settle for the psychological necessities that associate with being a Tec Diver. This isn't a "subsequent logical step" in scuba diving. As a leisure scuba diver, you might have loads of alternatives to discover your boundaries and what King Neptune and Mom Nature should give you. Nonetheless, this text is about dispelling a few myths on the market about turning into a Tec Diver.

Technical Scuba Diving is an gear intensive sport. Due to what you might be planning and what your wishes are, it's good to have additional gear with you. You needn't exit and spend ten thousand on new gear and kit. We'll discuss slightly later about coaching packages. AS a PADI Teacher, utilizing the PADI system, you I haven't got my college students buy all the things without delay. You must strive a few issues first, and see what you want earlier than simply opening the pockets up and spending cash (By the way in which, in the event you really feel that it's essential to do this, please contact me. I might help you spend it). Let's speak about tips on how to get into Technical Diving with out breaking open a brand new mortgage.

Many coaching organizations have an Intro to Technical Diving class, or a step program into Technical Diving. PADI (Skilled Affiliation of Diving Instructors) broke their Technical Diving program into a number of phases. The primary three phases, you grow to be a technical diver and certify within the areas earlier than you get to Trimix or different technical diving fuel mixtures. Their system is damaged down into Tec40; Tec45; and Tec50 (Damaged down into the meters a technical diver is licensed too). For the premise of this dialog, we're going to keep within the Tec40 certification. Cause being is that Tec40 has a max depth of 130 ft. Sounds acquainted would not it? Tec40 retains you inside Leisure Scuba diving limits. Our focus with Tec40 is to begin studying tips on how to plan, construct expertise and lengthen our backside time for a similar depth that we must always already be licensed for.

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Which makes Tec40 a super place for somebody to begin out in Technical diving. Gear clever, you would possibly be capable of use the identical gear that you're at present utilizing proper now. Tec40 requires that you've got 2 unbiased respiratory sources. This may be achieved by placing an "H" Valve in your present scuba diving cylinder (this permits you the power to close one supply of air off whereas respiratory from the opposite regulator). Or you would carry a further Deco or Pony bottle. NO, a Spare Air won't work for this. I might advocate at the very least a 40cuft cylinder as your further bottle. There may be your second respiratory supply. No requirement for doubles proper right here. You in all probability should buy a further cylinder and one other regulator arrange. Different profit right here, in the event you select to proceed on with Tec Diving, you now have gear bought for future certifications. You've gotten simply unfold the price of gear out slightly bit.

I do need to warning you right here: Be sure that your BCD is able to holding the load and additional gear. In case your BCD has plastic hooks and clips, it won't final beneath the stress of tec diving. In case your BCD isn't able to lifting at the very least 40 kilos, then it too won't suffice beneath tec diving. I've seen divers attempt to make a present BCD work however due to the quantity of substances they've on, their BCD bladder is crammed to capability and after they go so as to add extra air it simply purges out. Not a protected option to be technical diving. If you're in want of choosing up one other BCD, you might have a few completely different choices to have a look at. Let's check out them:

First choice, you already know that you're not going to proceed on to different tec diving programs. You're simply going to buy a BCD that may be capable of meet the wants of Tec40 diving. I might advocate that you simply buy a BCD to satisfy one want. I do know that there are BCD's different that make these statements that you need to use them with single and double tanks. Only a easy attachment and you may increase the BCD to Tec diving. I've one BCD for my single tank diving. Sure, it has the power to hold additional bottles with ease and has the raise necessities that I want. I additionally use if for my leisure diving. For my doubles, I've one other wing and harness for that rig. No method am I going to try to use one BCD to satisfy all the necessities of Tec diving and Leisure diving.

Second choice, do not be afraid of attempting out sidemount scuba diving. You is likely to be actually, pleasantly shocked and proceed doing it on a regular basis. Sidemount diving has the cylinders slung beneath your arms, alongside your sides. Your valves are there so that you can see, no difficult process to shutdown a cylinder in the event you had too. Most scuba divers trim out very well with a sidemount rig. Higher physique place within the water than if they'd their very own leisure gear on. It's also simpler in your physique. When you have decrease again ache, or wrestle to hold your single tank round within the present BCD configuration, give sidemount diving a strive. I believe you would possibly fall in love with it proper there.

Lastly, in case you are going the normal doubles on the again. Attempt a few configurations out first. There are a number of harnesses, backplates, wings and manifolds. Every one in every of these items are going to have an effect on the way you trim out underwater. So experiment slightly bit and hopefully your teacher has a pair issues to check out and see in the event you prefer it.

These choices are for if it's good to buy a BCD to make your tec diving protected. You can even use a few of these keys to consider what to buy sooner or later in the event you want too. Different gear that you're going to want?

Regulators! You will have to have a few reliable regulators that may deal with prolonged durations beneath water, may need to face up to cooler temperatures and presumably particles. When you have regulators that solely are good for diving within the South Pacific or Caribbean you would possibly need to have a look at upgrading. Until you might be solely tec diving in these areas. Nonetheless, I might put it in your Christmas listing to improve them. You'll need one regulator for every cylinder. So plan accordingly.

Relaetd Links:

http://blue-immersion.org/courses/iantd-courses/tek-open-water-sidemount-diver/ http://blue-immersion.org/courses/iantd-courses/technical-diver/

Different merchandise that I might strongly advocate is a dry swimsuit. You are going to be underwater for longer intervals of time. Even within the Caribbean waters which are 80 levels, you will get chilly by the tip of the dive as a result of water is eradicating your physique warmth. Dry fits restrict this warmth loss. It isn't enjoyable to have hypothermia. Apart from, it may additionally result in a rescue class that we needn't accomplish proper then.

These are the foremost objects that I might advocate that you simply have a look at and make a critical willpower about if they will meet the necessities. If you happen to aren't positive, ask your course teacher. They're there that can assist you out in addition to train you tips on how to grow to be a tec diver.

Can ladies be tec divers? Sure, they will! Typically they're higher tec divers than what males are. For some cause males assume that they should do one thing it doesn't matter what. That perspective often will get somebody in bother in the end. Ladies however are slightly extra cautious and are keen to make the precise willpower about what's transpiring. Apart from, among the finest tec divers I do know are ladies. So do not let gender be a problem.

Now we have talked about gear, about if ladies could be tec divers, now we have now to speak about you! AS I eluded too earlier, your MINDSET performs a very powerful think about being a protected and profitable tec diver. Whereas there are inherent dangers in any sort of scuba diving (sure, even on the leisure aspect), you might have come to simply accept these dangers. In tec diving, these dangers begin to compound themselves extra as a result of you're going past the leisure scuba diving limits. If one thing goes unsuitable now, you do not have that speedy entry to the floor. You do should give you the answer underwater. That is THE cause you as a tec diver should be keen to take the accountability for sustaining a tec diver mindset and cling to protocols that you'll be taught. Additionally, you will have to apply these protocols in order that they're second nature to you. Together with that, you do not simply apply if you are in your courses. You must apply them nearly each time you might be within the water on a dive. You do not know when one thing can go unsuitable. So being ready to reply accurately if that concern ought to rear its ugly head underwater is important.

Having a tec diver mindset signifies that you do not simply strap the gear on and soar within the water and work out your exploration. You must have a plan that you simply talked about earlier than moving into the water. Who's going to be the place, who's doing what? How lengthy you are underwater, what your deco stops are and what different procedures you will accomplish whereas underwater. Plan your tec enjoyable dives like your actual tec dives to make sure you preserve the mindset correct on the dive.

That is one more reason I inform folks do not be a tec diver simply because it's the subsequent logical step. There are going to be occasions that a tec dive is humbling to you. I do know, I've been tec diving for years and each from time to time I've a dive that nothing goes proper and I simply need to pull the plug. It's irritating and could be humiliating in the event you let it. Then once more, that's the reason we apply and undergo all of the steps from placing our rig collectively to entering into the water. The conduct of the dive needs to be the identical on a regular basis. These tec dives the place it feels nothing goes proper, more often than not they're a dive the place I've not been within the water with tec gear on for a few months. So I have to get the rust knocked off and give attention to being a tec diver and never on a bunch of different issues. See, to be a proficient tec diver, it's good to apply and dive!

All the pieces about tec diving has a particular significance. From sustaining a hover underwater to how your gear goes collectively. Every factor performs an important function in your dive. So develop good habits early and you may preserve constructing on them all through your tec dive profession.

Most scuba divers have a look at the gear required for being a technical scuba diver and assume persons are nuts simply from that side. As you possibly can see, you do not want a bunch of fancy gear to be a technical scuba diver, it really is extra essential that you've got the right mindset. Would not matter, lady or man, it's good to have the right mindset to be a profitable technical diver. Gear is simply one thing it's good to be there. Mindset is what's going to guarantee you might have a protected and fulfilling tec dive. So possibly, you might be considering now that a tec diver would not should be insane. As a substitute, they should be disciplined...

Related Topics:

Normoxic Trimix Diver Courses Trimix Diver

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Express Property Solutions MI

Basics of Putting Up Houses For Sale

An excellent organization system is invaluable in any household - but you possibly can live without it in your everyday life should you select to. Nevertheless, when your home is listed for sale you absolutely must manage each space within the house. Should you skip this step in staging your home on the market it might cost you money at closing with a lower offer or trigger buyers to cross on your home altogether.

Group will be elusive. Folks have one of the best intentions of getting and staying organized. They go out and purchase containers and baskets and promise themselves they're going to use them from right here on out. And generally they do - but most of the time - it would not work out that manner. Mostly these individuals end up with containers and baskets filled with stuff - and more stuff all over the place else. This is high quality for everyday life, however when the home is listed for sale it just will not do.

One of many causes it is so tough to live in a home whereas it is listed on the market: All areas of your home merely have to be effectively organized whereas the home is listed. Why? As a result of consumers are curious (nosy) and rightfully so.

When a potential purchaser decides to visit your own home in individual there are such a lot of obstacles to beat to even get them by means of the door. Do the net photos look nice? Is the home priced proper? Is the curb appeal nice? Does anything smell funky from the front stroll?

While you truly get them into the home you're solidly in the game. You have overcome all the initial obstacles to selling your home to these particular folks. These just could be your buyers so don't blow it with "behind the scenes" chaos.

Behind the scenes chaos happens when a home looks good on the surface, but underneath the clean windows, great furnishings association, and strategically positioned lighting there may be disorganized area. Cabinets, drawers, constructed-ins, and closets have a huge impact on the buying resolution. If buyers cannot easily see how their issues will work within the house they are going to emotionally disconnect from the home. You do not want this disconnect to happen. It's the purchaser's emotional connection to a house that brings the perfect provide. Chaos disconnect causes them to need to go away the home - not purchase a house.

Patrons are a nosy bunch - and rightfully so. They wish to inspect every area they are considering for buy. Would not you? Shopping for a house is most frequently the fsbo homes largest buy people make of their life time. They should really feel assured in making an offer. They should feel linked to a house to be prepared to pay for it.

They need to see each single inch of space the house has to supply. This contains every built in drawer, cabinet, and closet in the house. Each. One. Of. Them. It is cheap to suppose buyers is not going to be opening drawers and cupboards in furniture items that won't be included in the sale of a home - but do not depend on it. No realtor will be in each room at every time. Drawers will probably be opened, inspected, and judged. Maintain this in mind.

Even probably the most beautiful staging in each room of a home is blown by closets or cupboards crammed stuffed with disaster. When you've got stuff just thrown about in any house, giant or small, it tells a purchaser there may be not enough cupboard space in this home to stay in peace. Buyers do not necessarily hear the chaos clearly or in these words, but they'll strongly really feel the discord within the space. They will "really feel" a reason to move on the property or to make a low supply as a result of they don't feel there is sufficient space for storing. They could transfer on to the next house because they consider their things won't ever match in this one.

Your de-cluttering course of should have helped you pare down to solely those issues that deliver you joy or that you actually need. The following step is to arrange the things that stay in the best way attainable in order that it brings you and, extra importantly, your patrons a way of peace.

Patrons are prepared to pay for areas that they'll envision dwelling calm and peaceful lives in. They wish to assume that in the event that they lived in your stunning organized home they might have the calm and peaceable life they aspire to. They believe they may have the ability to find their automotive keys, sunglasses, and cellular phone at all times.

Organized areas are the "bones" that maintain up the quality seen in a staged house. Without group even one of the best staged room does not hold as much as a buyer's inspection.

In the present financial system, is there a better technique to market property if in case you have several houses on the market? Normally the path the typical home seller would take is to call a local realtor and contract with them to attempt to promote their property. But in case you have more than one property you wish to move, I'm guessing you are not common are you? Greater than seemingly you're an investor and the thought of having to pay upwards of a 6% fee isn't a nice thought at all, is it? Should you had three properties and the average value of every was $a hundred,000.00 that may mean you would have to pay $15,000.00 in commissions.

That is a lot of money nevertheless it's not outrageous if the realtor really does their job. There's some excellent news here. What many individuals do not realize is you can truly negotiated the terms of a contract with a realtor. That is proper, you possibly can negotiate it. Name a number of in the space and provides it a strive. Why would they want to do that? A superb cause would likely be that you're not a one trick pony. You don't simply have one property, you've got a number of houses on the market. The commissions, even at a barely decrease quantity, are going so as to add up pretty quick aren't they? This is like bundling a purchase order. Should you buy one widget, the price is $5, but if you buy three, the shop may promote them to you for $four a chunk. Give it a attempt.

Another tactic you should use, or that the actual estate agent you decide can use, is to hire a property stager. Staging a property is the easiest and fastest option to get a prospect to fall in love with a chunk of actual property. Not staging is also one of the largest mistakes most owners make when they're trying to promote their house. Usually when a chunk of property is put available on the market, the house is spruced up a bit, carpets are cleaned a little, paint is put right here an there, however typically things are nonetheless a cluttered mess.

The impression this gives to a potential purchaser is to squirm a bit, run by means of the viewing as rapidly as possible, after which move on to the subsequent property. This can be fully turned around with an experienced stager. They're masters at organising those houses on the market. When some one comes up to the entrance door of your property, what do they see?

Effectively, they see the porch, the landscaping, the front door, and the paint or brick on the house. More than likely many of your homes on the market need a slight facelift on this area. The stager may need to clean up the shrubbery, repaint the door, and scrub and clear the brick to provide the entrance of your house that brand new feel and look. That is then carried out all through the house in each room. The end result's extra prospective patrons are going to fall in love with the home.

Buyers all through the world are flocking to New Zealand, being attracted by the prime quality and low costs of properties on the market, especially when compared to international standards. Though real property prices of homes for sale in New Zealand have skilled exponential development over the previous decade, especially in the primary centres of Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch; in addition to many in style rural and coastal areas. With property values steadily rising after the effects of the worldwide financial downturn, purchasing homes on the market in New Zealand provides a premium investment alternative, with the potential to make vital returns. The variety of real estate opportunities permits you to diversify your funding for the better return and safety purposes.

New Zealand does not require buyers who sell their properties to pay capital gain taxes on their profit. This presents investors with a distinct benefit as their profit margins are usually not dwindled. Median house costs have risen steadily over the past decade, displaying will increase of 6.1% through the 12 months ending September 2009, based on the Real Property Institute of New Zealand.

Over the period of the housing increase in New Zealand, relationship from the years 2001 to 2007, house costs skilled significant progress ranges, rising ninety four% (sixty six% in real phrases). Demand and median home prices began to decline in year 2008, as the results of the worldwide economic crisis unfold to New Zealand. Nevertheless, efficient financial administration and economic stimulus packages launched by the New Zealand government, resulted in a robust economy that weathered the financial downturn. New Zealand's' financial system, and particularly its housing market, clearly benefited from efficient measures carried out, with shopper confidence and property sales growing consequently.

Through the housing boom experience in New Zealand during the period extending from 2001 to 2007, the South Island registered the highest home price increase because of the sturdy commodity market and progress within the tourism sector. The North Island additionally skilled increases in property values, where many smaller cities and rural areas reached a more in-depth parity of pricing and worth with many of the larger centres. Auckland has the most expensive median pricing for house gross sales in New Zealand, with a mean price of approximately US$336,210.

New Zealand allows traders from around the world to access properties in unique areas and areas of innate magnificence; for which many could not afford in their house international locations. Furthermore, with median prices of houses on the market in New Zealand being reasonably priced in comparison to international requirements, there are numerous opportunities for households to buy their first properties and improve to bigger examples.

It is always the ambition of home consumers to look into cheap homes for sale in a good neighborhood. For first time home patrons to quiet down into the housing property completely or for buyers to flip properties bought at low costs with good margins, low cost houses for sale would be the primary target.

Luckily, the present foreclosure disaster hitting the Real Property markets within the US has rendered a whole lot of thousands of low cost houses for sale.

Low cost is a comparison in prices, which relies on many components.

A housing property thought of low cost in a location, is probably not low-cost in another prime location. For example if you want to buy a housing property in the most sought-after location like Florida seaside side, you will have to take into account shopping for a property at a worth somewhere around $200,000 as low cost. For the same amount you should purchase a palatial Bungalow in a suburban space of Arizona.

So what is required is to plan your home buying activity effectively upfront. If you want to purchase a house for your family to dwell, first you have to resolve concerning the location. Then make a search for the perfect property to suit the wants of your family - bedrooms; facilities; conveniences nearby; proximity to workplace etc. Foreclosed properties are being offered at costs, which are just a fraction of their real worth. There are many properties as low-cost homes for sale that may suit your needs in all facets out there, listed in the foreclosure listings of any space.

Shopping for a foreclosure property has been made easier of late. You must perceive that there are three phases of foreclosures course of - pre-foreclosure stage during the period between Notice of Default issued by the mortgage lender to the defaulted home proprietor and the precise foreclosures sale by public public sale; actual foreclosure stage when the general public auction takes places either via the Court docket by Sheriff Sale or out-of-Court by a Trustee Sale; and repossession by Banks and mortgage lenders after the foreclosures sale public public sale.

Every stage of foreclosure course of gives totally different sorts of low cost homes on the market. At the pre-foreclosure stage, you can buy low-cost houses by negotiating with the distressed house proprietor straight. It gives the prospect to trace the title of ownership of the property; to go to the property in individual and examine the identical critically; speak to the house owner one-to-one and get the best discount in the selling worth by tactful negotiation. This is the easiest way to purchase cheap houses for sale to the entire satisfaction of both the seller and purchaser.

In the precise foreclosures sale public public sale, you possibly can bid for the property you could have identified as appropriate, but face competitors from others. In the case of repossessed properties by Banks, you may strategy the involved Bank to purchase cheap homes for sale from the listing of properties available with them. These properties will probably be in good condition to begin dwelling there directly, without any encumbrances as second mortgage, tax liens, different money owed and so on. The promoting strain on these properties can be utilized as leverage for arriving at a negotiated cheap value.

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DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Vernon Fiddler’s impression of Kevin Bieksa �� Yes, this clip is years old. But Fiddler announced his retirement this week, so let’s all enjoy it one more time.

The second star: Ilya Kovalchuk – Apparently, making fun of Phil Kessel has gone international.

If recent history is any indication, I look forward to Phil reading this, having a good laugh, waiting a few years and then absolutely ethering Kovalchuk while pretending he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

The first star: This photo of Matt Duchene – The Avalanche somehow made it through the summer without trading their disgruntled forward, and there was talk he would report to camp. He did, saying he was there for his teammates, but something tells me he might not be thrilled about it.

Things OK, Matt? Blink twice is you want Garth Snow to lower a rope ladder from a helicopter.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The Calgary Flames have made a dramatic show of pulling out of talks with the city for a new arena. Now the team, with some help from Gary Bettman, is making vague threats about someday moving.

The outrage: Absolutely nobody thinks they’ll actually move. This is just an old-fashioned shakedown.

Is it justified: Sure. We all know the game by now. Some pro sports team cries poor (while refusing to open the books) and demands a massive handout from the public (while refusing to pay it back). It almost always works. In Calgary, for now at least, it hasn’t.

That’s because Calgary’s mayor basically called B.S. on the whole thing, offering the team a reasonable deal but nothing more. Now, the Flames are trying to turn this into an issue for next month’s election in hopes of winding up with a new mayor who’ll gladly shut down a few public services so the Flames can have a rink just like Edmonton’s except maybe with bathrooms. It helps that Seattle just got an arena deal, meaning there’s a semi-credible threat to try to beat Calgary fans over the head with.

It’s a bluff and we all know it, but that’s life in pro sports these days.

Still, there are two points worth making in all of this. First of all, let’s deal with Bettman, who made a surprise appearance in Calgary this week to turn up the heat. He did the usual Bettman routine, making snide comments while disingenuously pretending he was there to help.

It’s frustrating, right? Luckily, regular readers already know how to handle this.

“… and since I’ve been running this league since 1993, I take full responsibility for that.”

See? It works! I’m telling you, we’re on to something here.

More importantly, a word about Calgary fans.

Yes, we all know that Bettman and the Flames are full of it, that public funds for arenas are almost always a bad idea, and that this is all a big act that will end in some sort of deal eventually. It’s easy to watch all of this unfold from the outside with a “been there, done that” weariness.

But it’s different when it’s your team. Even if the odds of all this being forgotten in a few years is 98%, that 2% chance that it could all somehow go horribly wrong and wind up with Johnny Gaudreau leading the Seattle Space Needles onto the ice for the 2019 season opener is a pretty traumatic thought for diehard fans to process.

So if you see some Flames fan freaking out over the next few days and weeks, maybe resist the temptation to tut-tut them about the realities of municipal economics. They don’t need that right now. Instead, just tell them it’s going to be OK, agree that none of this is fun, and give them the same support you’d want if it was your team being threatened with relocation because a billionaire had a tantrum.

Because the way this league works, someday, it probably will be.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

So yeah, since the Flames are moving I guess we should pick a player from Calgary while we still can. How about someone from the last time the franchise moved? This week’s obscure player is winger Ken Houston.

Houston was drafted in the sixth round of the 1973 draft by the Atlanta Flames; future 46-goal man Blair MacDonald went one pick later. Houston made it to Atlanta two years later and played five seasons before the team moved to Calgary, where he played two more. He was a decent two-way winger, scoring 20 goals six times over his career.

He was also involved in two notable trades. The first saw him go from Calgary to Washington in a package deal that saw the Flames acquire the pick they’d use on Perry Berezan, who’d one day score one of the most famous goals in franchise history, kind of. A year later, the Caps traded him (and future broadcaster Brian Engblom) to the Kings for Hall-of-Famer Larry Murphy. Houston retired after the 1983-84 season.

Here are two other notable things about Ken Houston. One, he joins guys like Cam Newton and Chad Johnson on the list of NHL players who shared a name with a more famous football player. And two, he’s almost certainly the only player in the entire history of hockey to ever break the jaw of Dave “The Hammer” Schultz but also get one-punched by Darryl Sittler.

Be It Resolved

This week, ESPN asked 30 NHL players what one rule they would change if they had the power. Be it resolved that we should do this way more often, because the results were fascinating.

You can find the article here, and I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. Once you’ve done that, head back here, because we need a thorough power ranking of all the responses.

No. 30 – Connor McDavid: He argues for bringing back the red line, and he’s not alone; two other players give the same answer. But McDavid’s reasoning stands out: “Just because teams are now — they just trap. They just sit back. Put the red line back in and everyone has to come back and regroup and build speed and come through the neutral zone.”

He’s basically saying that bringing back the red line would hurt the neutral zone trap, which is… what? That doesn’t make any sense. And he seems to know it, because he basically starts talking himself out of his own answer right away. But still… Connor, dude, really? You think that would help? Were you even alive for the 1995 Devils?

(Does math.)

Oh, dammit. We are all so, so old.

No. 29 – Marc-Andre Fleury: “Less contact with goalies.” Yes, that’s the big problem facing the NHL these days. The goaltenders have it too rough.

No. 28 – Tanner Pearson: He wants to lower escrow payments. I too would like to have more money than what I’ve legally bargained to receive. I also want a pony for Christmas, but that’s not happening either.

No. 27 – Ryan Getzlaf: “I’d penalize guys for diving more,” said the guy who plays on Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry’s team. I guess he wants more opportunities to work on his penalty killing?

Nos. 15 to 26 – Everyone who said something boring: Slightly smaller pads, tweaking the offside rules, more consistent officiating, changing the icing rules … These aren’t bad ideas, necessarily, but come on guys. You have one rule change and you go with something the league already tries from time to time? Boo.

No. 14 – Shayne Gostisbehere: Shayne wants to make teams have the long line change twice a game instead of once. Not the most exciting answer, but not a bad idea.

No. 13 – Martin Jones: No more leaving your feet to block a shot. See, Marc-Andre, not all goalies are afraid to do their jobs.

Nos. 6 to 12 – The seven(!) different players who all mention playing in the Olympics: I’m with you, boys. Maybe talk to your union about putting it in the CBA it next time.

No. 5 – Jeff Skinner: Just for this quote, which I will leave out of context: “When I hit their knobs and I think it’s going in, and it’s not a good feeling.”

No. 4 – Jack Eichel: “No offside. Just hang down at the other end and wait for the puck to come there.” Hell yes! I don’t even necessarily agree with him, but I love that answer. This kid is only 20 years old and he’s already going full “NHL 94 options screen” on us. By the time he’s 25 and has a couple of Hart Trophies he’s going to be turning off line changes and switching the goalies to manual control without telling anyone.

No. 3 – Max Domi: He wants to make the nets bigger. Actually, he wants to make them “just huge” and seems to be mostly kidding, but he’s the only one who names the one simple rule change that could most improve the game overnight, so he ranks near the top.

No. 2 – Johnny Gaudreau: Death to shootouts. Well, he says “make the three-on-three in overtime go until someone scores,” which is basically the same thing. See folks, that’s why his nickname is Johnny Hockey and not Johnny Glorified Skills Competition.

No. 1 – Taylor Hall: End the loser point. God bless you, Taylor. And not only that, he even backs it up with some math. “You look at the standings and you’re like, ‘Oh, so-and-so is .500.’ But they’re really not. They’re 13-13-6, but they’re really 13-19.”

I mean, look, loser point fans…do you realize how indefensible your side of the argument has to be when Taylor Hall is breaking out mathematics to dunk on you? This is the guy who fails open book boating tests and gets confused by pilot lights, and even he can look at the NHL standings and say “Yeah, that doesn’t add up at all.”

Every team Taylor Hall plays on automatically misses the playoffs by 30 points and then wins the draft lottery. If there was anybody on this planet who should want losing teams to get a pity point, it’s him. But he knows the loser point is garbage and he’s not afraid to say so, and that’s why he should be your new favorite player.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Last week, the NHL named former enforcer George Parros to head up the Department of Player Safety. He’s a smart guy who went his entire career without a fine or suspension despite being one of the toughest guys in the game, so you figure he’d make for a great hire. But not everyone was on board.

Of course, that’s no surprise when it comes to DoPS, since everyone complains constantly about everything the department does. And that’s not a new thing. So today, let’s go back nearly 30 years as we ask a star player for this thoughts on the world of player discipline and suspensions.

It’s December 4, 1988, and the Oilers are in town to play the Rangers. It’s the first intermission, and the Oilers are up 4-2. Spoiler alert: They’re going to end up winning by a 10-6 final. The 1980s NHL, man. It was something.

Our host is John Davidson, reclaiming his title as “guy who shows up a little too often in this section” from Alan Thicke. He’s interviewing the Oilers’ new captain, Mark Messier.

I’ll pause here so you can all adjust to remembering Messier with hair.

Davidson does a good job of setting the scene. The Oilers are making their first trip to New York since trading Wayne Gretzky, and Messier has inherited the unenviable task of following in the footsteps of a legend as the team’s new captain. Davidson then asks the question on all our minds: “Mark, what’s that thing on your lip?”

Wait, no, he goes with whether his role has changed. I guess that works too.

As Messier is talking about the importance of leadership, the graphics guy throws up a quick stat about how well he does in games involving the Rangers. This moment has been brought to you by the Department Of Ironic Foreshadowing.

In a stunning upset, Messier doesn’t just mumble something about keeping it simple and playing his game, instead acknowledging that something has indeed changed. They don’t call him the greatest leader in sports for nothing. (“They” being New York fans with Adam Graves neck tattoos.)

“Lee Fogolin, everybody knows what kind of dedication he gave to the game.” Fact check: Mostly false.

Davidson asks whether the Oilers are over the shock of the Gretzky trade, and Messier explains that “fortunately it happened early enough in the summer that the guys were able to get over the initial shock.” He then starts to laugh and adds “I mean, it’s not like he held out and forced the trade two days into the regular season like some kind of jerk.”

Davidson actually does get to a question about Messier’s lip, and to our great relief it turns out to be stitches from Tim Hunter. Davidson asks what he thinks of all the suspensions being handed out these days, and Messier reacts by making the same face my daughter makes when I ask if she’s done her homework.

Look, let’s just get this out there: Messier could be a dirty player. He’d swing his stick, he’d throw elbows, he’d hit from behind. Or, as we all called it back then, “hockey.”

Davidson goes back to Messier’s most recent suspension for knocking Rich Sutter’s teeth out. (You can see that play about a minute into this clip.) As Davidson explains, back then every suspension went through one guy who was responsible for everything. Man, they should really have more than one person doing player safety. Like, maybe an entire department. I’m sure nobody would complain then.

Messier mentions a 12-game suspension from earlier that season. That would be New York’s David Shaw, who barely did anything other than slash Mario Lemieux in the throat. Good ol’ Mess, already preemptively defending the Rangers.

I think my favorite part of this whole interview comes right at the end, when Davidson wraps up and Messier literally manages to say the complete sentence “Thank you very much” in one syllable. That’s a guy who’s done a lot of interviews.

And that’s it. We’re left to dwell on Messier’s basic point: suspensions are already severe enough, the players are getting the message, and we should be fine to make it through the rest of the 1988-89 season without anyone doing anything completely insane.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Vernon Fiddler's impression of Kevin Bieksa – Yes, this clip is years old. But Fiddler announced his retirement this week, so let's all enjoy it one more time.

The second star: Ilya Kovalchuk – Apparently, making fun of Phil Kessel has gone international.

If recent history is any indication, I look forward to Phil reading this, having a good laugh, waiting a few years and then absolutely ethering Kovalchuk while pretending he doesn't realize he's doing it.

The first star: This photo of Matt Duchene - The Avalanche somehow made it through the summer without trading their disgruntled forward, and there was talk he would report to camp. He did, saying he was there for his teammates, but something tells me he might not be thrilled about it.

Things OK, Matt? Blink twice is you want Garth Snow to lower a rope ladder from a helicopter.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The Calgary Flames have made a dramatic show of pulling out of talks with the city for a new arena. Now the team, with some help from Gary Bettman, is making vague threats about someday moving. The outrage: Absolutely nobody thinks they'll actually move. This is just an old-fashioned shakedown. Is it justified: Sure. We all know the game by now. Some pro sports team cries poor (while refusing to open the books) and demands a massive handout from the public (while refusing to pay it back). It almost always works. In Calgary, for now at least, it hasn't.

That's because Calgary's mayor basically called B.S. on the whole thing, offering the team a reasonable deal but nothing more. Now, the Flames are trying to turn this into an issue for next month's election in hopes of winding up with a new mayor who'll gladly shut down a few public services so the Flames can have a rink just like Edmonton's except maybe with bathrooms. It helps that Seattle just got an arena deal, meaning there's a semi-credible threat to try to beat Calgary fans over the head with.

It's a bluff and we all know it, but that's life in pro sports these days.

Still, there are two points worth making in all of this. First of all, let's deal with Bettman, who made a surprise appearance in Calgary this week to turn up the heat. He did the usual Bettman routine, making snide comments while disingenuously pretending he was there to help.

It's frustrating, right? Luckily, regular readers already know how to handle this.

"… and since I've been running this league since 1993, I take full responsibility for that."

See? It works! I'm telling you, we're on to something here.

More importantly, a word about Calgary fans.

Yes, we all know that Bettman and the Flames are full of it, that public funds for arenas are almost always a bad idea, and that this is all a big act that will end in some sort of deal eventually. It's easy to watch all of this unfold from the outside with a "been there, done that" weariness.

But it's different when it's your team. Even if the odds of all this being forgotten in a few years is 98%, that 2% chance that it could all somehow go horribly wrong and wind up with Johnny Gaudreau leading the Seattle Space Needles onto the ice for the 2019 season opener is a pretty traumatic thought for diehard fans to process.

So if you see some Flames fan freaking out over the next few days and weeks, maybe resist the temptation to tut-tut them about the realities of municipal economics. They don't need that right now. Instead, just tell them it's going to be OK, agree that none of this is fun, and give them the same support you'd want if it was your team being threatened with relocation because a billionaire had a tantrum.

Because the way this league works, someday, it probably will be.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

So yeah, since the Flames are moving I guess we should pick a player from Calgary while we still can. How about someone from the last time the franchise moved? This week's obscure player is winger Ken Houston.

Houston was drafted in the sixth round of the 1973 draft by the Atlanta Flames; future 46-goal man Blair MacDonald went one pick later. Houston made it to Atlanta two years later and played five seasons before the team moved to Calgary, where he played two more. He was a decent two-way winger, scoring 20 goals six times over his career.

He was also involved in two notable trades. The first saw him go from Calgary to Washington in a package deal that saw the Flames acquire the pick they'd use on Perry Berezan, who'd one day score one of the most famous goals in franchise history, kind of. A year later, the Caps traded him (and future broadcaster Brian Engblom) to the Kings for Hall-of-Famer Larry Murphy. Houston retired after the 1983-84 season.

Here are two other notable things about Ken Houston. One, he joins guys like Cam Newton and Chad Johnson on the list of NHL players who shared a name with a more famous football player. And two, he's almost certainly the only player in the entire history of hockey to ever break the jaw of Dave "The Hammer" Schultz but also get one-punched by Darryl Sittler.

Be It Resolved

This week, ESPN asked 30 NHL players what one rule they would change if they had the power. Be it resolved that we should do this way more often, because the results were fascinating.

You can find the article here, and I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. Once you've done that, head back here, because we need a thorough power ranking of all the responses.

No. 30 - Connor McDavid: He argues for bringing back the red line, and he's not alone; two other players give the same answer. But McDavid's reasoning stands out: "Just because teams are now -- they just trap. They just sit back. Put the red line back in and everyone has to come back and regroup and build speed and come through the neutral zone."

He's basically saying that bringing back the red line would hurt the neutral zone trap, which is… what? That doesn't make any sense. And he seems to know it, because he basically starts talking himself out of his own answer right away. But still… Connor, dude, really? You think that would help? Were you even alive for the 1995 Devils?

(Does math.)

Oh, dammit. We are all so, so old.

No. 29 - Marc-Andre Fleury: "Less contact with goalies." Yes, that's the big problem facing the NHL these days. The goaltenders have it too rough.

No. 28 - Tanner Pearson: He wants to lower escrow payments. I too would like to have more money than what I've legally bargained to receive. I also want a pony for Christmas, but that's not happening either.

No. 27 - Ryan Getzlaf: "I'd penalize guys for diving more," said the guy who plays on Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry's team. I guess he wants more opportunities to work on his penalty killing?

Nos. 15 to 26 - Everyone who said something boring: Slightly smaller pads, tweaking the offside rules, more consistent officiating, changing the icing rules … These aren't bad ideas, necessarily, but come on guys. You have one rule change and you go with something the league already tries from time to time? Boo.

No. 14 - Shayne Gostisbehere: Shayne wants to make teams have the long line change twice a game instead of once. Not the most exciting answer, but not a bad idea.

No. 13 - Martin Jones: No more leaving your feet to block a shot. See, Marc-Andre, not all goalies are afraid to do their jobs.

Nos. 6 to 12 - The seven(!) different players who all mention playing in the Olympics: I'm with you, boys. Maybe talk to your union about putting it in the CBA it next time.

No. 5 - Jeff Skinner: Just for this quote, which I will leave out of context: "When I hit their knobs and I think it's going in, and it's not a good feeling."

No. 4 - Jack Eichel: "No offside. Just hang down at the other end and wait for the puck to come there." Hell yes! I don't even necessarily agree with him, but I love that answer. This kid is only 20 years old and he's already going full "NHL 94 options screen" on us. By the time he's 25 and has a couple of Hart Trophies he's going to be turning off line changes and switching the goalies to manual control without telling anyone.

No. 3 - Max Domi: He wants to make the nets bigger. Actually, he wants to make them "just huge" and seems to be mostly kidding, but he's the only one who names the one simple rule change that could most improve the game overnight, so he ranks near the top.

No. 2 - Johnny Gaudreau: Death to shootouts. Well, he says "make the three-on-three in overtime go until someone scores," which is basically the same thing. See folks, that's why his nickname is Johnny Hockey and not Johnny Glorified Skills Competition.

No. 1 - Taylor Hall: End the loser point. God bless you, Taylor. And not only that, he even backs it up with some math. "You look at the standings and you're like, 'Oh, so-and-so is .500.' But they're really not. They're 13-13-6, but they're really 13-19."

I mean, look, loser point fans…do you realize how indefensible your side of the argument has to be when Taylor Hall is breaking out mathematics to dunk on you? This is the guy who fails open book boating tests and gets confused by pilot lights, and even he can look at the NHL standings and say "Yeah, that doesn't add up at all."

Every team Taylor Hall plays on automatically misses the playoffs by 30 points and then wins the draft lottery. If there was anybody on this planet who should want losing teams to get a pity point, it's him. But he knows the loser point is garbage and he's not afraid to say so, and that's why he should be your new favorite player.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Last week, the NHL named former enforcer George Parros to head up the Department of Player Safety. He's a smart guy who went his entire career without a fine or suspension despite being one of the toughest guys in the game, so you figure he'd make for a great hire. But not everyone was on board.

Of course, that's no surprise when it comes to DoPS, since everyone complains constantly about everything the department does. And that's not a new thing. So today, let's go back nearly 30 years as we ask a star player for this thoughts on the world of player discipline and suspensions.

It's December 4, 1988, and the Oilers are in town to play the Rangers. It's the first intermission, and the Oilers are up 4-2. Spoiler alert: They're going to end up winning by a 10-6 final. The 1980s NHL, man. It was something.

Our host is John Davidson, reclaiming his title as "guy who shows up a little too often in this section" from Alan Thicke. He's interviewing the Oilers' new captain, Mark Messier.

I'll pause here so you can all adjust to remembering Messier with hair.

Davidson does a good job of setting the scene. The Oilers are making their first trip to New York since trading Wayne Gretzky, and Messier has inherited the unenviable task of following in the footsteps of a legend as the team's new captain. Davidson then asks the question on all our minds: "Mark, what's that thing on your lip?"

Wait, no, he goes with whether his role has changed. I guess that works too.

As Messier is talking about the importance of leadership, the graphics guy throws up a quick stat about how well he does in games involving the Rangers. This moment has been brought to you by the Department Of Ironic Foreshadowing.

In a stunning upset, Messier doesn't just mumble something about keeping it simple and playing his game, instead acknowledging that something has indeed changed. They don't call him the greatest leader in sports for nothing. ("They" being New York fans with Adam Graves neck tattoos.)

"Lee Fogolin, everybody knows what kind of dedication he gave to the game." Fact check: Mostly false.

Davidson asks whether the Oilers are over the shock of the Gretzky trade, and Messier explains that "fortunately it happened early enough in the summer that the guys were able to get over the initial shock." He then starts to laugh and adds "I mean, it's not like he held out and forced the trade two days into the regular season like some kind of jerk."

Davidson actually does get to a question about Messier's lip, and to our great relief it turns out to be stitches from Tim Hunter. Davidson asks what he thinks of all the suspensions being handed out these days, and Messier reacts by making the same face my daughter makes when I ask if she's done her homework.

Look, let's just get this out there: Messier could be a dirty player. He'd swing his stick, he'd throw elbows, he'd hit from behind. Or, as we all called it back then, "hockey."

Davidson goes back to Messier's most recent suspension for knocking Rich Sutter's teeth out. (You can see that play about a minute into this clip.) As Davidson explains, back then every suspension went through one guy who was responsible for everything. Man, they should really have more than one person doing player safety. Like, maybe an entire department. I'm sure nobody would complain then.

Messier mentions a 12-game suspension from earlier that season. That would be New York's David Shaw, who barely did anything other than slash Mario Lemieux in the throat. Good ol' Mess, already preemptively defending the Rangers.

I think my favorite part of this whole interview comes right at the end, when Davidson wraps up and Messier literally manages to say the complete sentence "Thank you very much" in one syllable. That's a guy who's done a lot of interviews.

And that's it. We're left to dwell on Messier's basic point: suspensions are already severe enough, the players are getting the message, and we should be fine to make it through the rest of the 1988-89 season without anyone doing anything completely insane.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[literature-by-zak-helling]

Why Self-Inserts are NOT Automatically Mary-Sues

Full disclosure: I enjoy blogs that make fun of Mary-Sue tropes. I enjoy YouTube videos where an artist speed-paints and then talks about the Mary-Sue they just made. I enjoy people who talk about how to avoid making a Mary-Sue. What I don’t get is why a lot of those blogs, videos, etc. list your character as being a self-insert as being the absolute worst thing you can do, sometimes even worse than making your character flawless.

I get it, sometimes when we write ourselves into our favorite movie, book series, etc., we tend to go overboard. It happens and it can be annoying, especially if the creator is denying it. “Caitlyn? A self-insert? Of course not! We’re completely different! My name is Kaitlyn with a K, and my favorite animal is a horse, hers is a pony!” But that doesn’t make your character any more at risk of being a Mary-Sue than if it was an original character you inserted into your favorite movie, book series, etc.

“Yes it does!”

Wow, great argument! Ask yourself why it makes your character more Mary-Sue-ish. I understand that the temptation to really go all-out is there, but that temptation exists regardless of whether or not that character is you. I know people who have “original” characters and self-insert characters. They tend to handle both the same. Usually that’s very poorly when they’re injected into a pre-existing franchise, but still.

But how about an original work? Does inserting yourself into an original story make the character a Mary-Sue?

No, not really.

You are the protagonist of your own life story. You’ve probably had daydreams or fantasies about standing up to the bully, about how great your upcoming vacation is going to be, about finally asking your co-worker on a date, etc. A fictional story with a not-so-subtle clone of yourself at the helm is essentially one of these daydreams, but in a more fleshed-out sense. Plus, if you get it published, or publish it on a website where there is more focus on creating and less on socializing, the bulk of your readers probably won’t realize it’s a self-insert.

There’s two more things I’m going to touch on though, one of which might seem like I’m shooting myself in the foot. Thing 1: There is a huge risk in the self-insert. Thing 2: Most original characters are probably low-key self-inserts.

Thing 1: There is a huge risk in the self-insert. Well, two if you count people automatically hating your story if they find out this is a self-insert. You are biased in your own favor. It’s a survival mechanism. I don’t care how generous and kind and caring you are, you are still going to have selfish aspects of yourself because you are engineered to be that way. As a result, you might give yourself an unfair advantage. Characters in the story might be partial to you, and might even act a little bit out of character around you. Usually skeptical characters might welcome you into the group with open-arms. And like I said, this can happen with a non-self-insert, too. But one more thing you might want to do more: you might soup yourself up too much. In the real world, you’re kind of lazy, have never held a gun in your life, and couldn’t hunt a deer if it lie down and said, “Eat me.” But your Walking Dead self-insert is always alert, knows how to use every weapon in existence, and can take down a deer a thousand yards away without even looking. Even people with self-confidence issues - Hell, especially people with self-confidence issues - are prone to do this. If you’re worried you’re going to do this, try having a friend look the character over and tell you what’s wrong. If you’re too good a writer to do this, definitely have a friend look the character over and tell you what’s wrong.

Thing 2: Most original characters are low-key self-inserts. A lot of people I know put a little bit of themselves in every character they make. The hero shares their best quality, the villain shares their worst quality, the side-kick shares their sense of humor, and so on. As a result, it can seem their entire library of characters is nothing but self-inserts. I strongly encourage this. If you put a bit of yourself in all your characters, you make them more human. Even if they’re animals, you give them human qualities we can relate to and admire. This is the number one thing you should aspire to do with your characters.

I don’t feel like writing much of a conclusion. Self-inserts can be a double-edged sword that lean more against your favor than towards. If you know how to use them though, soft self-inserts can make your characters more human. Just make sure you have a buddy monitor you and keep you from going overboard.

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Vernon Fiddler’s impression of Kevin Bieksa – Yes, this clip is years old. But Fiddler announced his retirement this week, so let’s all enjoy it one more time.

The second star: Ilya Kovalchuk – Apparently, making fun of Phil Kessel has gone international.

If recent history is any indication, I look forward to Phil reading this, having a good laugh, waiting a few years and then absolutely ethering Kovalchuk while pretending he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

The first star: This photo of Matt Duchene – The Avalanche somehow made it through the summer without trading their disgruntled forward, and there was talk he would report to camp. He did, saying he was there for his teammates, but something tells me he might not be thrilled about it.

Things OK, Matt? Blink twice is you want Garth Snow to lower a rope ladder from a helicopter.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The Calgary Flames have made a dramatic show of pulling out of talks with the city for a new arena. Now the team, with some help from Gary Bettman, is making vague threats about someday moving.

The outrage: Absolutely nobody thinks they’ll actually move. This is just an old-fashioned shakedown.

Is it justified: Sure. We all know the game by now. Some pro sports team cries poor (while refusing to open the books) and demands a massive handout from the public (while refusing to pay it back). It almost always works. In Calgary, for now at least, it hasn’t.

That’s because Calgary’s mayor basically called B.S. on the whole thing, offering the team a reasonable deal but nothing more. Now, the Flames are trying to turn this into an issue for next month’s election in hopes of winding up with a new mayor who’ll gladly shut down a few public services so the Flames can have a rink just like Edmonton’s except maybe with bathrooms. It helps that Seattle just got an arena deal, meaning there’s a semi-credible threat to try to beat Calgary fans over the head with.

It’s a bluff and we all know it, but that’s life in pro sports these days.

Still, there are two points worth making in all of this. First of all, let’s deal with Bettman, who made a surprise appearance in Calgary this week to turn up the heat. He did the usual Bettman routine, making snide comments while disingenuously pretending he was there to help.

It’s frustrating, right? Luckily, regular readers already know how to handle this.

“… and since I’ve been running this league since 1993, I take full responsibility for that.”

See? It works! I’m telling you, we’re on to something here.

More importantly, a word about Calgary fans.

Yes, we all know that Bettman and the Flames are full of it, that public funds for arenas are almost always a bad idea, and that this is all a big act that will end in some sort of deal eventually. It’s easy to watch all of this unfold from the outside with a “been there, done that” weariness.

But it’s different when it’s your team. Even if the odds of all this being forgotten in a few years is 98%, that 2% chance that it could all somehow go horribly wrong and wind up with Johnny Gaudreau leading the Seattle Space Needles onto the ice for the 2019 season opener is a pretty traumatic thought for diehard fans to process.

So if you see some Flames fan freaking out over the next few days and weeks, maybe resist the temptation to tut-tut them about the realities of municipal economics. They don’t need that right now. Instead, just tell them it’s going to be OK, agree that none of this is fun, and give them the same support you’d want if it was your team being threatened with relocation because a billionaire had a tantrum.

Because the way this league works, someday, it probably will be.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

So yeah, since the Flames are moving I guess we should pick a player from Calgary while we still can. How about someone from the last time the franchise moved? This week’s obscure player is winger Ken Houston.

Houston was drafted in the sixth round of the 1973 draft by the Atlanta Flames; future 46-goal man Blair MacDonald went one pick later. Houston made it to Atlanta two years later and played five seasons before the team moved to Calgary, where he played two more. He was a decent two-way winger, scoring 20 goals six times over his career.

He was also involved in two notable trades. The first saw him go from Calgary to Washington in a package deal that saw the Flames acquire the pick they’d use on Perry Berezan, who’d one day score one of the most famous goals in franchise history, kind of. A year later, the Caps traded him (and future broadcaster Brian Engblom) to the Kings for Hall-of-Famer Larry Murphy. Houston retired after the 1983-84 season.

Here are two other notable things about Ken Houston. One, he joins guys like Cam Newton and Chad Johnson on the list of NHL players who shared a name with a more famous football player. And two, he’s almost certainly the only player in the entire history of hockey to ever break the jaw of Dave “The Hammer” Schultz but also get one-punched by Darryl Sittler.

Be It Resolved

This week, ESPN asked 30 NHL players what one rule they would change if they had the power. Be it resolved that we should do this way more often, because the results were fascinating.

You can find the article here, and I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. Once you’ve done that, head back here, because we need a thorough power ranking of all the responses.

No. 30 – Connor McDavid: He argues for bringing back the red line, and he’s not alone; two other players give the same answer. But McDavid’s reasoning stands out: “Just because teams are now — they just trap. They just sit back. Put the red line back in and everyone has to come back and regroup and build speed and come through the neutral zone.”

He’s basically saying that bringing back the red line would hurt the neutral zone trap, which is… what? That doesn’t make any sense. And he seems to know it, because he basically starts talking himself out of his own answer right away. But still… Connor, dude, really? You think that would help? Were you even alive for the 1995 Devils?

(Does math.)

Oh, dammit. We are all so, so old.

No. 29 – Marc-Andre Fleury: “Less contact with goalies.” Yes, that’s the big problem facing the NHL these days. The goaltenders have it too rough.

No. 28 – Tanner Pearson: He wants to lower escrow payments. I too would like to have more money than what I’ve legally bargained to receive. I also want a pony for Christmas, but that’s not happening either.

No. 27 – Ryan Getzlaf: “I’d penalize guys for diving more,” said the guy who plays on Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry’s team. I guess he wants more opportunities to work on his penalty killing?

Nos. 15 to 26 – Everyone who said something boring: Slightly smaller pads, tweaking the offside rules, more consistent officiating, changing the icing rules … These aren’t bad ideas, necessarily, but come on guys. You have one rule change and you go with something the league already tries from time to time? Boo.

No. 14 – Shayne Gostisbehere: Shayne wants to make teams have the long line change twice a game instead of once. Not the most exciting answer, but not a bad idea.

No. 13 – Martin Jones: No more leaving your feet to block a shot. See, Marc-Andre, not all goalies are afraid to do their jobs.

Nos. 6 to 12 – The seven(!) different players who all mention playing in the Olympics: I’m with you, boys. Maybe talk to your union about putting it in the CBA it next time.

No. 5 – Jeff Skinner: Just for this quote, which I will leave out of context: “When I hit their knobs and I think it’s going in, and it’s not a good feeling.”

No. 4 – Jack Eichel: “No offside. Just hang down at the other end and wait for the puck to come there.” Hell yes! I don’t even necessarily agree with him, but I love that answer. This kid is only 20 years old and he’s already going full “NHL 94 options screen” on us. By the time he’s 25 and has a couple of Hart Trophies he’s going to be turning off line changes and switching the goalies to manual control without telling anyone.

No. 3 – Max Domi: He wants to make the nets bigger. Actually, he wants to make them “just huge” and seems to be mostly kidding, but he’s the only one who names the one simple rule change that could most improve the game overnight, so he ranks near the top.

No. 2 – Johnny Gaudreau: Death to shootouts. Well, he says “make the three-on-three in overtime go until someone scores,” which is basically the same thing. See folks, that’s why his nickname is Johnny Hockey and not Johnny Glorified Skills Competition.

No. 1 – Taylor Hall: End the loser point. God bless you, Taylor. And not only that, he even backs it up with some math. “You look at the standings and you’re like, ‘Oh, so-and-so is .500.’ But they’re really not. They’re 13-13-6, but they’re really 13-19.”

I mean, look, loser point fans…do you realize how indefensible your side of the argument has to be when Taylor Hall is breaking out mathematics to dunk on you? This is the guy who fails open book boating tests and gets confused by pilot lights, and even he can look at the NHL standings and say “Yeah, that doesn’t add up at all.”

Every team Taylor Hall plays on automatically misses the playoffs by 30 points and then wins the draft lottery. If there was anybody on this planet who should want losing teams to get a pity point, it’s him. But he knows the loser point is garbage and he’s not afraid to say so, and that’s why he should be your new favorite player.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Last week, the NHL named former enforcer George Parros to head up the Department of Player Safety. He’s a smart guy who went his entire career without a fine or suspension despite being one of the toughest guys in the game, so you figure he’d make for a great hire. But not everyone was on board.

Of course, that’s no surprise when it comes to DoPS, since everyone complains constantly about everything the department does. And that’s not a new thing. So today, let’s go back nearly 30 years as we ask a star player for this thoughts on the world of player discipline and suspensions.

It’s December 4, 1988, and the Oilers are in town to play the Rangers. It’s the first intermission, and the Oilers are up 4-2. Spoiler alert: They’re going to end up winning by a 10-6 final. The 1980s NHL, man. It was something.

Our host is John Davidson, reclaiming his title as “guy who shows up a little too often in this section” from Alan Thicke. He’s interviewing the Oilers’ new captain, Mark Messier.

I’ll pause here so you can all adjust to remembering Messier with hair.

Davidson does a good job of setting the scene. The Oilers are making their first trip to New York since trading Wayne Gretzky, and Messier has inherited the unenviable task of following in the footsteps of a legend as the team’s new captain. Davidson then asks the question on all our minds: “Mark, what’s that thing on your lip?”

Wait, no, he goes with whether his role has changed. I guess that works too.

As Messier is talking about the importance of leadership, the graphics guy throws up a quick stat about how well he does in games involving the Rangers. This moment has been brought to you by the Department Of Ironic Foreshadowing.

In a stunning upset, Messier doesn’t just mumble something about keeping it simple and playing his game, instead acknowledging that something has indeed changed. They don’t call him the greatest leader in sports for nothing. (“They” being New York fans with Adam Graves neck tattoos.)

“Lee Fogolin, everybody knows what kind of dedication he gave to the game.” Fact check: Mostly false.

Davidson asks whether the Oilers are over the shock of the Gretzky trade, and Messier explains that “fortunately it happened early enough in the summer that the guys were able to get over the initial shock.” He then starts to laugh and adds “I mean, it’s not like he held out and forced the trade two days into the regular season like some kind of jerk.”

Davidson actually does get to a question about Messier’s lip, and to our great relief it turns out to be stitches from Tim Hunter. Davidson asks what he thinks of all the suspensions being handed out these days, and Messier reacts by making the same face my daughter makes when I ask if she’s done her homework.

Look, let’s just get this out there: Messier could be a dirty player. He’d swing his stick, he’d throw elbows, he’d hit from behind. Or, as we all called it back then, “hockey.”

Davidson goes back to Messier’s most recent suspension for knocking Rich Sutter’s teeth out. (You can see that play about a minute into this clip.) As Davidson explains, back then every suspension went through one guy who was responsible for everything. Man, they should really have more than one person doing player safety. Like, maybe an entire department. I’m sure nobody would complain then.

Messier mentions a 12-game suspension from earlier that season. That would be New York’s David Shaw, who barely did anything other than slash Mario Lemieux in the throat. Good ol’ Mess, already preemptively defending the Rangers.

I think my favorite part of this whole interview comes right at the end, when Davidson wraps up and Messier literally manages to say the complete sentence “Thank you very much” in one syllable. That’s a guy who’s done a lot of interviews.

And that’s it. We’re left to dwell on Messier’s basic point: suspensions are already severe enough, the players are getting the message, and we should be fine to make it through the rest of the 1988-89 season without anyone doing anything completely insane.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Vernon Fiddler’s impression of Kevin Bieksa – Yes, this clip is years old. But Fiddler announced his retirement this week, so let’s all enjoy it one more time.

The second star: Ilya Kovalchuk – Apparently, making fun of Phil Kessel has gone international.

If recent history is any indication, I look forward to Phil reading this, having a good laugh, waiting a few years and then absolutely ethering Kovalchuk while pretending he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

The first star: This photo of Matt Duchene – The Avalanche somehow made it through the summer without trading their disgruntled forward, and there was talk he would report to camp. He did, saying he was there for his teammates, but something tells me he might not be thrilled about it.

Things OK, Matt? Blink twice is you want Garth Snow to lower a rope ladder from a helicopter.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The Calgary Flames have made a dramatic show of pulling out of talks with the city for a new arena. Now the team, with some help from Gary Bettman, is making vague threats about someday moving.

The outrage: Absolutely nobody thinks they’ll actually move. This is just an old-fashioned shakedown.

Is it justified: Sure. We all know the game by now. Some pro sports team cries poor (while refusing to open the books) and demands a massive handout from the public (while refusing to pay it back). It almost always works. In Calgary, for now at least, it hasn’t.

That’s because Calgary’s mayor basically called B.S. on the whole thing, offering the team a reasonable deal but nothing more. Now, the Flames are trying to turn this into an issue for next month’s election in hopes of winding up with a new mayor who’ll gladly shut down a few public services so the Flames can have a rink just like Edmonton’s except maybe with bathrooms. It helps that Seattle just got an arena deal, meaning there’s a semi-credible threat to try to beat Calgary fans over the head with.

It’s a bluff and we all know it, but that’s life in pro sports these days.

Still, there are two points worth making in all of this. First of all, let’s deal with Bettman, who made a surprise appearance in Calgary this week to turn up the heat. He did the usual Bettman routine, making snide comments while disingenuously pretending he was there to help.

It’s frustrating, right? Luckily, regular readers already know how to handle this.

“… and since I’ve been running this league since 1993, I take full responsibility for that.”

See? It works! I’m telling you, we’re on to something here.

More importantly, a word about Calgary fans.

Yes, we all know that Bettman and the Flames are full of it, that public funds for arenas are almost always a bad idea, and that this is all a big act that will end in some sort of deal eventually. It’s easy to watch all of this unfold from the outside with a “been there, done that” weariness.

But it’s different when it’s your team. Even if the odds of all this being forgotten in a few years is 98%, that 2% chance that it could all somehow go horribly wrong and wind up with Johnny Gaudreau leading the Seattle Space Needles onto the ice for the 2019 season opener is a pretty traumatic thought for diehard fans to process.

So if you see some Flames fan freaking out over the next few days and weeks, maybe resist the temptation to tut-tut them about the realities of municipal economics. They don’t need that right now. Instead, just tell them it’s going to be OK, agree that none of this is fun, and give them the same support you’d want if it was your team being threatened with relocation because a billionaire had a tantrum.

Because the way this league works, someday, it probably will be.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

So yeah, since the Flames are moving I guess we should pick a player from Calgary while we still can. How about someone from the last time the franchise moved? This week’s obscure player is winger Ken Houston.

Houston was drafted in the sixth round of the 1973 draft by the Atlanta Flames; future 46-goal man Blair MacDonald went one pick later. Houston made it to Atlanta two years later and played five seasons before the team moved to Calgary, where he played two more. He was a decent two-way winger, scoring 20 goals six times over his career.

He was also involved in two notable trades. The first saw him go from Calgary to Washington in a package deal that saw the Flames acquire the pick they’d use on Perry Berezan, who’d one day score one of the most famous goals in franchise history, kind of. A year later, the Caps traded him (and future broadcaster Brian Engblom) to the Kings for Hall-of-Famer Larry Murphy. Houston retired after the 1983-84 season.

Here are two other notable things about Ken Houston. One, he joins guys like Cam Newton and Chad Johnson on the list of NHL players who shared a name with a more famous football player. And two, he’s almost certainly the only player in the entire history of hockey to ever break the jaw of Dave “The Hammer” Schultz but also get one-punched by Darryl Sittler.

Be It Resolved

This week, ESPN asked 30 NHL players what one rule they would change if they had the power. Be it resolved that we should do this way more often, because the results were fascinating.

You can find the article here, and I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. Once you’ve done that, head back here, because we need a thorough power ranking of all the responses.

No. 30 – Connor McDavid: He argues for bringing back the red line, and he’s not alone; two other players give the same answer. But McDavid’s reasoning stands out: “Just because teams are now — they just trap. They just sit back. Put the red line back in and everyone has to come back and regroup and build speed and come through the neutral zone.”

He’s basically saying that bringing back the red line would hurt the neutral zone trap, which is… what? That doesn’t make any sense. And he seems to know it, because he basically starts talking himself out of his own answer right away. But still… Connor, dude, really? You think that would help? Were you even alive for the 1995 Devils?

(Does math.)

Oh, dammit. We are all so, so old.

No. 29 – Marc-Andre Fleury: “Less contact with goalies.” Yes, that’s the big problem facing the NHL these days. The goaltenders have it too rough.

No. 28 – Tanner Pearson: He wants to lower escrow payments. I too would like to have more money than what I’ve legally bargained to receive. I also want a pony for Christmas, but that’s not happening either.

No. 27 – Ryan Getzlaf: “I’d penalize guys for diving more,” said the guy who plays on Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry’s team. I guess he wants more opportunities to work on his penalty killing?

Nos. 15 to 26 – Everyone who said something boring: Slightly smaller pads, tweaking the offside rules, more consistent officiating, changing the icing rules … These aren’t bad ideas, necessarily, but come on guys. You have one rule change and you go with something the league already tries from time to time? Boo.

No. 14 – Shayne Gostisbehere: Shayne wants to make teams have the long line change twice a game instead of once. Not the most exciting answer, but not a bad idea.

No. 13 – Martin Jones: No more leaving your feet to block a shot. See, Marc-Andre, not all goalies are afraid to do their jobs.

Nos. 6 to 12 – The seven(!) different players who all mention playing in the Olympics: I’m with you, boys. Maybe talk to your union about putting it in the CBA it next time.

No. 5 – Jeff Skinner: Just for this quote, which I will leave out of context: “When I hit their knobs and I think it’s going in, and it’s not a good feeling.”

No. 4 – Jack Eichel: “No offside. Just hang down at the other end and wait for the puck to come there.” Hell yes! I don’t even necessarily agree with him, but I love that answer. This kid is only 20 years old and he’s already going full “NHL 94 options screen” on us. By the time he’s 25 and has a couple of Hart Trophies he’s going to be turning off line changes and switching the goalies to manual control without telling anyone.

No. 3 – Max Domi: He wants to make the nets bigger. Actually, he wants to make them “just huge” and seems to be mostly kidding, but he’s the only one who names the one simple rule change that could most improve the game overnight, so he ranks near the top.

No. 2 – Johnny Gaudreau: Death to shootouts. Well, he says “make the three-on-three in overtime go until someone scores,” which is basically the same thing. See folks, that’s why his nickname is Johnny Hockey and not Johnny Glorified Skills Competition.

No. 1 – Taylor Hall: End the loser point. God bless you, Taylor. And not only that, he even backs it up with some math. “You look at the standings and you’re like, ‘Oh, so-and-so is .500.’ But they’re really not. They’re 13-13-6, but they’re really 13-19.”

I mean, look, loser point fans…do you realize how indefensible your side of the argument has to be when Taylor Hall is breaking out mathematics to dunk on you? This is the guy who fails open book boating tests and gets confused by pilot lights, and even he can look at the NHL standings and say “Yeah, that doesn’t add up at all.”

Every team Taylor Hall plays on automatically misses the playoffs by 30 points and then wins the draft lottery. If there was anybody on this planet who should want losing teams to get a pity point, it’s him. But he knows the loser point is garbage and he’s not afraid to say so, and that’s why he should be your new favorite player.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Last week, the NHL named former enforcer George Parros to head up the Department of Player Safety. He’s a smart guy who went his entire career without a fine or suspension despite being one of the toughest guys in the game, so you figure he’d make for a great hire. But not everyone was on board.

Of course, that’s no surprise when it comes to DoPS, since everyone complains constantly about everything the department does. And that’s not a new thing. So today, let’s go back nearly 30 years as we ask a star player for this thoughts on the world of player discipline and suspensions.

It’s December 4, 1988, and the Oilers are in town to play the Rangers. It’s the first intermission, and the Oilers are up 4-2. Spoiler alert: They’re going to end up winning by a 10-6 final. The 1980s NHL, man. It was something.

Our host is John Davidson, reclaiming his title as “guy who shows up a little too often in this section” from Alan Thicke. He’s interviewing the Oilers’ new captain, Mark Messier.

I’ll pause here so you can all adjust to remembering Messier with hair.

Davidson does a good job of setting the scene. The Oilers are making their first trip to New York since trading Wayne Gretzky, and Messier has inherited the unenviable task of following in the footsteps of a legend as the team’s new captain. Davidson then asks the question on all our minds: “Mark, what’s that thing on your lip?”

Wait, no, he goes with whether his role has changed. I guess that works too.

As Messier is talking about the importance of leadership, the graphics guy throws up a quick stat about how well he does in games involving the Rangers. This moment has been brought to you by the Department Of Ironic Foreshadowing.

In a stunning upset, Messier doesn’t just mumble something about keeping it simple and playing his game, instead acknowledging that something has indeed changed. They don’t call him the greatest leader in sports for nothing. (“They” being New York fans with Adam Graves neck tattoos.)

“Lee Fogolin, everybody knows what kind of dedication he gave to the game.” Fact check: Mostly false.

Davidson asks whether the Oilers are over the shock of the Gretzky trade, and Messier explains that “fortunately it happened early enough in the summer that the guys were able to get over the initial shock.” He then starts to laugh and adds “I mean, it’s not like he held out and forced the trade two days into the regular season like some kind of jerk.”

Davidson actually does get to a question about Messier’s lip, and to our great relief it turns out to be stitches from Tim Hunter. Davidson asks what he thinks of all the suspensions being handed out these days, and Messier reacts by making the same face my daughter makes when I ask if she’s done her homework.

Look, let’s just get this out there: Messier could be a dirty player. He’d swing his stick, he’d throw elbows, he’d hit from behind. Or, as we all called it back then, “hockey.”

Davidson goes back to Messier’s most recent suspension for knocking Rich Sutter’s teeth out. (You can see that play about a minute into this clip.) As Davidson explains, back then every suspension went through one guy who was responsible for everything. Man, they should really have more than one person doing player safety. Like, maybe an entire department. I’m sure nobody would complain then.

Messier mentions a 12-game suspension from earlier that season. That would be New York’s David Shaw, who barely did anything other than slash Mario Lemieux in the throat. Good ol’ Mess, already preemptively defending the Rangers.

I think my favorite part of this whole interview comes right at the end, when Davidson wraps up and Messier literally manages to say the complete sentence “Thank you very much” in one syllable. That’s a guy who’s done a lot of interviews.

And that’s it. We’re left to dwell on Messier’s basic point: suspensions are already severe enough, the players are getting the message, and we should be fine to make it through the rest of the 1988-89 season without anyone doing anything completely insane.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Vernon Fiddler's impression of Kevin Bieksa – Yes, this clip is years old. But Fiddler announced his retirement this week, so let's all enjoy it one more time.

The second star: Ilya Kovalchuk – Apparently, making fun of Phil Kessel has gone international.

If recent history is any indication, I look forward to Phil reading this, having a good laugh, waiting a few years and then absolutely ethering Kovalchuk while pretending he doesn't realize he's doing it.

The first star: This photo of Matt Duchene - The Avalanche somehow made it through the summer without trading their disgruntled forward, and there was talk he would report to camp. He did, saying he was there for his teammates, but something tells me he might not be thrilled about it.

Things OK, Matt? Blink twice is you want Garth Snow to lower a rope ladder from a helicopter.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The Calgary Flames have made a dramatic show of pulling out of talks with the city for a new arena. Now the team, with some help from Gary Bettman, is making vague threats about someday moving. The outrage: Absolutely nobody thinks they'll actually move. This is just an old-fashioned shakedown. Is it justified: Sure. We all know the game by now. Some pro sports team cries poor (while refusing to open the books) and demands a massive handout from the public (while refusing to pay it back). It almost always works. In Calgary, for now at least, it hasn't.

That's because Calgary's mayor basically called B.S. on the whole thing, offering the team a reasonable deal but nothing more. Now, the Flames are trying to turn this into an issue for next month's election in hopes of winding up with a new mayor who'll gladly shut down a few public services so the Flames can have a rink just like Edmonton's except maybe with bathrooms. It helps that Seattle just got an arena deal, meaning there's a semi-credible threat to try to beat Calgary fans over the head with.

It's a bluff and we all know it, but that's life in pro sports these days.

Still, there are two points worth making in all of this. First of all, let's deal with Bettman, who made a surprise appearance in Calgary this week to turn up the heat. He did the usual Bettman routine, making snide comments while disingenuously pretending he was there to help.

It's frustrating, right? Luckily, regular readers already know how to handle this.

"… and since I've been running this league since 1993, I take full responsibility for that."

See? It works! I'm telling you, we're on to something here.

More importantly, a word about Calgary fans.

Yes, we all know that Bettman and the Flames are full of it, that public funds for arenas are almost always a bad idea, and that this is all a big act that will end in some sort of deal eventually. It's easy to watch all of this unfold from the outside with a "been there, done that" weariness.

But it's different when it's your team. Even if the odds of all this being forgotten in a few years is 98%, that 2% chance that it could all somehow go horribly wrong and wind up with Johnny Gaudreau leading the Seattle Space Needles onto the ice for the 2019 season opener is a pretty traumatic thought for diehard fans to process.

So if you see some Flames fan freaking out over the next few days and weeks, maybe resist the temptation to tut-tut them about the realities of municipal economics. They don't need that right now. Instead, just tell them it's going to be OK, agree that none of this is fun, and give them the same support you'd want if it was your team being threatened with relocation because a billionaire had a tantrum.

Because the way this league works, someday, it probably will be.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

So yeah, since the Flames are moving I guess we should pick a player from Calgary while we still can. How about someone from the last time the franchise moved? This week's obscure player is winger Ken Houston.

Houston was drafted in the sixth round of the 1973 draft by the Atlanta Flames; future 46-goal man Blair MacDonald went one pick later. Houston made it to Atlanta two years later and played five seasons before the team moved to Calgary, where he played two more. He was a decent two-way winger, scoring 20 goals six times over his career.

He was also involved in two notable trades. The first saw him go from Calgary to Washington in a package deal that saw the Flames acquire the pick they'd use on Perry Berezan, who'd one day score one of the most famous goals in franchise history, kind of. A year later, the Caps traded him (and future broadcaster Brian Engblom) to the Kings for Hall-of-Famer Larry Murphy. Houston retired after the 1983-84 season.

Here are two other notable things about Ken Houston. One, he joins guys like Cam Newton and Chad Johnson on the list of NHL players who shared a name with a more famous football player. And two, he's almost certainly the only player in the entire history of hockey to ever break the jaw of Dave "The Hammer" Schultz but also get one-punched by Darryl Sittler.

Be It Resolved

This week, ESPN asked 30 NHL players what one rule they would change if they had the power. Be it resolved that we should do this way more often, because the results were fascinating.

You can find the article here, and I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. Once you've done that, head back here, because we need a thorough power ranking of all the responses.

No. 30 - Connor McDavid: He argues for bringing back the red line, and he's not alone; two other players give the same answer. But McDavid's reasoning stands out: "Just because teams are now -- they just trap. They just sit back. Put the red line back in and everyone has to come back and regroup and build speed and come through the neutral zone."

He's basically saying that bringing back the red line would hurt the neutral zone trap, which is… what? That doesn't make any sense. And he seems to know it, because he basically starts talking himself out of his own answer right away. But still… Connor, dude, really? You think that would help? Were you even alive for the 1995 Devils?

(Does math.)

Oh, dammit. We are all so, so old.

No. 29 - Marc-Andre Fleury: "Less contact with goalies." Yes, that's the big problem facing the NHL these days. The goaltenders have it too rough.

No. 28 - Tanner Pearson: He wants to lower escrow payments. I too would like to have more money than what I've legally bargained to receive. I also want a pony for Christmas, but that's not happening either.

No. 27 - Ryan Getzlaf: "I'd penalize guys for diving more," said the guy who plays on Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry's team. I guess he wants more opportunities to work on his penalty killing?

Nos. 15 to 26 - Everyone who said something boring: Slightly smaller pads, tweaking the offside rules, more consistent officiating, changing the icing rules … These aren't bad ideas, necessarily, but come on guys. You have one rule change and you go with something the league already tries from time to time? Boo.

No. 14 - Shayne Gostisbehere: Shayne wants to make teams have the long line change twice a game instead of once. Not the most exciting answer, but not a bad idea.

No. 13 - Martin Jones: No more leaving your feet to block a shot. See, Marc-Andre, not all goalies are afraid to do their jobs.

Nos. 6 to 12 - The seven(!) different players who all mention playing in the Olympics: I'm with you, boys. Maybe talk to your union about putting it in the CBA it next time.

No. 5 - Jeff Skinner: Just for this quote, which I will leave out of context: "When I hit their knobs and I think it's going in, and it's not a good feeling."

No. 4 - Jack Eichel: "No offside. Just hang down at the other end and wait for the puck to come there." Hell yes! I don't even necessarily agree with him, but I love that answer. This kid is only 20 years old and he's already going full "NHL 94 options screen" on us. By the time he's 25 and has a couple of Hart Trophies he's going to be turning off line changes and switching the goalies to manual control without telling anyone.

No. 3 - Max Domi: He wants to make the nets bigger. Actually, he wants to make them "just huge" and seems to be mostly kidding, but he's the only one who names the one simple rule change that could most improve the game overnight, so he ranks near the top.

No. 2 - Johnny Gaudreau: Death to shootouts. Well, he says "make the three-on-three in overtime go until someone scores," which is basically the same thing. See folks, that's why his nickname is Johnny Hockey and not Johnny Glorified Skills Competition.

No. 1 - Taylor Hall: End the loser point. God bless you, Taylor. And not only that, he even backs it up with some math. "You look at the standings and you're like, 'Oh, so-and-so is .500.' But they're really not. They're 13-13-6, but they're really 13-19."

I mean, look, loser point fans…do you realize how indefensible your side of the argument has to be when Taylor Hall is breaking out mathematics to dunk on you? This is the guy who fails open book boating tests and gets confused by pilot lights, and even he can look at the NHL standings and say "Yeah, that doesn't add up at all."

Every team Taylor Hall plays on automatically misses the playoffs by 30 points and then wins the draft lottery. If there was anybody on this planet who should want losing teams to get a pity point, it's him. But he knows the loser point is garbage and he's not afraid to say so, and that's why he should be your new favorite player.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Last week, the NHL named former enforcer George Parros to head up the Department of Player Safety. He's a smart guy who went his entire career without a fine or suspension despite being one of the toughest guys in the game, so you figure he'd make for a great hire. But not everyone was on board.

Of course, that's no surprise when it comes to DoPS, since everyone complains constantly about everything the department does. And that's not a new thing. So today, let's go back nearly 30 years as we ask a star player for this thoughts on the world of player discipline and suspensions.

It's December 4, 1988, and the Oilers are in town to play the Rangers. It's the first intermission, and the Oilers are up 4-2. Spoiler alert: They're going to end up winning by a 10-6 final. The 1980s NHL, man. It was something.

Our host is John Davidson, reclaiming his title as "guy who shows up a little too often in this section" from Alan Thicke. He's interviewing the Oilers' new captain, Mark Messier.

I'll pause here so you can all adjust to remembering Messier with hair.

Davidson does a good job of setting the scene. The Oilers are making their first trip to New York since trading Wayne Gretzky, and Messier has inherited the unenviable task of following in the footsteps of a legend as the team's new captain. Davidson then asks the question on all our minds: "Mark, what's that thing on your lip?"

Wait, no, he goes with whether his role has changed. I guess that works too.

As Messier is talking about the importance of leadership, the graphics guy throws up a quick stat about how well he does in games involving the Rangers. This moment has been brought to you by the Department Of Ironic Foreshadowing.

In a stunning upset, Messier doesn't just mumble something about keeping it simple and playing his game, instead acknowledging that something has indeed changed. They don't call him the greatest leader in sports for nothing. ("They" being New York fans with Adam Graves neck tattoos.)

"Lee Fogolin, everybody knows what kind of dedication he gave to the game." Fact check: Mostly false.

Davidson asks whether the Oilers are over the shock of the Gretzky trade, and Messier explains that "fortunately it happened early enough in the summer that the guys were able to get over the initial shock." He then starts to laugh and adds "I mean, it's not like he held out and forced the trade two days into the regular season like some kind of jerk."

Davidson actually does get to a question about Messier's lip, and to our great relief it turns out to be stitches from Tim Hunter. Davidson asks what he thinks of all the suspensions being handed out these days, and Messier reacts by making the same face my daughter makes when I ask if she's done her homework.

Look, let's just get this out there: Messier could be a dirty player. He'd swing his stick, he'd throw elbows, he'd hit from behind. Or, as we all called it back then, "hockey."

Davidson goes back to Messier's most recent suspension for knocking Rich Sutter's teeth out. (You can see that play about a minute into this clip.) As Davidson explains, back then every suspension went through one guy who was responsible for everything. Man, they should really have more than one person doing player safety. Like, maybe an entire department. I'm sure nobody would complain then.

Messier mentions a 12-game suspension from earlier that season. That would be New York's David Shaw, who barely did anything other than slash Mario Lemieux in the throat. Good ol' Mess, already preemptively defending the Rangers.

I think my favorite part of this whole interview comes right at the end, when Davidson wraps up and Messier literally manages to say the complete sentence "Thank you very much" in one syllable. That's a guy who's done a lot of interviews.

And that's it. We're left to dwell on Messier's basic point: suspensions are already severe enough, the players are getting the message, and we should be fine to make it through the rest of the 1988-89 season without anyone doing anything completely insane.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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DGB Grab Bag: Flames Threaten Calgary and Everyone Loves Bagging on Kessel

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Vernon Fiddler’s impression of Kevin Bieksa – Yes, this clip is years old. But Fiddler announced his retirement this week, so let’s all enjoy it one more time.

The second star: Ilya Kovalchuk – Apparently, making fun of Phil Kessel has gone international.

If recent history is any indication, I look forward to Phil reading this, having a good laugh, waiting a few years and then absolutely ethering Kovalchuk while pretending he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

The first star: This photo of Matt Duchene – The Avalanche somehow made it through the summer without trading their disgruntled forward, and there was talk he would report to camp. He did, saying he was there for his teammates, but something tells me he might not be thrilled about it.

Things OK, Matt? Blink twice is you want Garth Snow to lower a rope ladder from a helicopter.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: The Calgary Flames have made a dramatic show of pulling out of talks with the city for a new arena. Now the team, with some help from Gary Bettman, is making vague threats about someday moving.

The outrage: Absolutely nobody thinks they’ll actually move. This is just an old-fashioned shakedown.

Is it justified: Sure. We all know the game by now. Some pro sports team cries poor (while refusing to open the books) and demands a massive handout from the public (while refusing to pay it back). It almost always works. In Calgary, for now at least, it hasn’t.

That’s because Calgary’s mayor basically called B.S. on the whole thing, offering the team a reasonable deal but nothing more. Now, the Flames are trying to turn this into an issue for next month’s election in hopes of winding up with a new mayor who’ll gladly shut down a few public services so the Flames can have a rink just like Edmonton’s except maybe with bathrooms. It helps that Seattle just got an arena deal, meaning there’s a semi-credible threat to try to beat Calgary fans over the head with.

It’s a bluff and we all know it, but that’s life in pro sports these days.

Still, there are two points worth making in all of this. First of all, let’s deal with Bettman, who made a surprise appearance in Calgary this week to turn up the heat. He did the usual Bettman routine, making snide comments while disingenuously pretending he was there to help.

It’s frustrating, right? Luckily, regular readers already know how to handle this.

“… and since I’ve been running this league since 1993, I take full responsibility for that.”

See? It works! I’m telling you, we’re on to something here.

More importantly, a word about Calgary fans.

Yes, we all know that Bettman and the Flames are full of it, that public funds for arenas are almost always a bad idea, and that this is all a big act that will end in some sort of deal eventually. It’s easy to watch all of this unfold from the outside with a “been there, done that” weariness.

But it’s different when it’s your team. Even if the odds of all this being forgotten in a few years is 98%, that 2% chance that it could all somehow go horribly wrong and wind up with Johnny Gaudreau leading the Seattle Space Needles onto the ice for the 2019 season opener is a pretty traumatic thought for diehard fans to process.

So if you see some Flames fan freaking out over the next few days and weeks, maybe resist the temptation to tut-tut them about the realities of municipal economics. They don’t need that right now. Instead, just tell them it’s going to be OK, agree that none of this is fun, and give them the same support you’d want if it was your team being threatened with relocation because a billionaire had a tantrum.

Because the way this league works, someday, it probably will be.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

So yeah, since the Flames are moving I guess we should pick a player from Calgary while we still can. How about someone from the last time the franchise moved? This week’s obscure player is winger Ken Houston.

Houston was drafted in the sixth round of the 1973 draft by the Atlanta Flames; future 46-goal man Blair MacDonald went one pick later. Houston made it to Atlanta two years later and played five seasons before the team moved to Calgary, where he played two more. He was a decent two-way winger, scoring 20 goals six times over his career.

He was also involved in two notable trades. The first saw him go from Calgary to Washington in a package deal that saw the Flames acquire the pick they’d use on Perry Berezan, who’d one day score one of the most famous goals in franchise history, kind of. A year later, the Caps traded him (and future broadcaster Brian Engblom) to the Kings for Hall-of-Famer Larry Murphy. Houston retired after the 1983-84 season.

Here are two other notable things about Ken Houston. One, he joins guys like Cam Newton and Chad Johnson on the list of NHL players who shared a name with a more famous football player. And two, he’s almost certainly the only player in the entire history of hockey to ever break the jaw of Dave “The Hammer” Schultz but also get one-punched by Darryl Sittler.

Be It Resolved

This week, ESPN asked 30 NHL players what one rule they would change if they had the power. Be it resolved that we should do this way more often, because the results were fascinating.

You can find the article here, and I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing. Once you’ve done that, head back here, because we need a thorough power ranking of all the responses.

No. 30 – Connor McDavid: He argues for bringing back the red line, and he’s not alone; two other players give the same answer. But McDavid’s reasoning stands out: “Just because teams are now — they just trap. They just sit back. Put the red line back in and everyone has to come back and regroup and build speed and come through the neutral zone.”

He’s basically saying that bringing back the red line would hurt the neutral zone trap, which is… what? That doesn’t make any sense. And he seems to know it, because he basically starts talking himself out of his own answer right away. But still… Connor, dude, really? You think that would help? Were you even alive for the 1995 Devils?

(Does math.)

Oh, dammit. We are all so, so old.

No. 29 – Marc-Andre Fleury: “Less contact with goalies.” Yes, that’s the big problem facing the NHL these days. The goaltenders have it too rough.

No. 28 – Tanner Pearson: He wants to lower escrow payments. I too would like to have more money than what I’ve legally bargained to receive. I also want a pony for Christmas, but that’s not happening either.

No. 27 – Ryan Getzlaf: “I’d penalize guys for diving more,” said the guy who plays on Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry’s team. I guess he wants more opportunities to work on his penalty killing?

Nos. 15 to 26 – Everyone who said something boring: Slightly smaller pads, tweaking the offside rules, more consistent officiating, changing the icing rules … These aren’t bad ideas, necessarily, but come on guys. You have one rule change and you go with something the league already tries from time to time? Boo.

No. 14 – Shayne Gostisbehere: Shayne wants to make teams have the long line change twice a game instead of once. Not the most exciting answer, but not a bad idea.

No. 13 – Martin Jones: No more leaving your feet to block a shot. See, Marc-Andre, not all goalies are afraid to do their jobs.

Nos. 6 to 12 – The seven(!) different players who all mention playing in the Olympics: I’m with you, boys. Maybe talk to your union about putting it in the CBA it next time.

No. 5 – Jeff Skinner: Just for this quote, which I will leave out of context: “When I hit their knobs and I think it’s going in, and it’s not a good feeling.”

No. 4 – Jack Eichel: “No offside. Just hang down at the other end and wait for the puck to come there.” Hell yes! I don’t even necessarily agree with him, but I love that answer. This kid is only 20 years old and he’s already going full “NHL 94 options screen” on us. By the time he’s 25 and has a couple of Hart Trophies he’s going to be turning off line changes and switching the goalies to manual control without telling anyone.

No. 3 – Max Domi: He wants to make the nets bigger. Actually, he wants to make them “just huge” and seems to be mostly kidding, but he’s the only one who names the one simple rule change that could most improve the game overnight, so he ranks near the top.

No. 2 – Johnny Gaudreau: Death to shootouts. Well, he says “make the three-on-three in overtime go until someone scores,” which is basically the same thing. See folks, that’s why his nickname is Johnny Hockey and not Johnny Glorified Skills Competition.

No. 1 – Taylor Hall: End the loser point. God bless you, Taylor. And not only that, he even backs it up with some math. “You look at the standings and you’re like, ‘Oh, so-and-so is .500.’ But they’re really not. They’re 13-13-6, but they’re really 13-19.”

I mean, look, loser point fans…do you realize how indefensible your side of the argument has to be when Taylor Hall is breaking out mathematics to dunk on you? This is the guy who fails open book boating tests and gets confused by pilot lights, and even he can look at the NHL standings and say “Yeah, that doesn’t add up at all.”

Every team Taylor Hall plays on automatically misses the playoffs by 30 points and then wins the draft lottery. If there was anybody on this planet who should want losing teams to get a pity point, it’s him. But he knows the loser point is garbage and he’s not afraid to say so, and that’s why he should be your new favorite player.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Last week, the NHL named former enforcer George Parros to head up the Department of Player Safety. He’s a smart guy who went his entire career without a fine or suspension despite being one of the toughest guys in the game, so you figure he’d make for a great hire. But not everyone was on board.

Of course, that’s no surprise when it comes to DoPS, since everyone complains constantly about everything the department does. And that’s not a new thing. So today, let’s go back nearly 30 years as we ask a star player for this thoughts on the world of player discipline and suspensions.

It’s December 4, 1988, and the Oilers are in town to play the Rangers. It’s the first intermission, and the Oilers are up 4-2. Spoiler alert: They’re going to end up winning by a 10-6 final. The 1980s NHL, man. It was something.

Our host is John Davidson, reclaiming his title as “guy who shows up a little too often in this section” from Alan Thicke. He’s interviewing the Oilers’ new captain, Mark Messier.

I’ll pause here so you can all adjust to remembering Messier with hair.

Davidson does a good job of setting the scene. The Oilers are making their first trip to New York since trading Wayne Gretzky, and Messier has inherited the unenviable task of following in the footsteps of a legend as the team’s new captain. Davidson then asks the question on all our minds: “Mark, what’s that thing on your lip?”

Wait, no, he goes with whether his role has changed. I guess that works too.

As Messier is talking about the importance of leadership, the graphics guy throws up a quick stat about how well he does in games involving the Rangers. This moment has been brought to you by the Department Of Ironic Foreshadowing.

In a stunning upset, Messier doesn’t just mumble something about keeping it simple and playing his game, instead acknowledging that something has indeed changed. They don’t call him the greatest leader in sports for nothing. (“They” being New York fans with Adam Graves neck tattoos.)

“Lee Fogolin, everybody knows what kind of dedication he gave to the game.” Fact check: Mostly false.

Davidson asks whether the Oilers are over the shock of the Gretzky trade, and Messier explains that “fortunately it happened early enough in the summer that the guys were able to get over the initial shock.” He then starts to laugh and adds “I mean, it’s not like he held out and forced the trade two days into the regular season like some kind of jerk.”

Davidson actually does get to a question about Messier’s lip, and to our great relief it turns out to be stitches from Tim Hunter. Davidson asks what he thinks of all the suspensions being handed out these days, and Messier reacts by making the same face my daughter makes when I ask if she’s done her homework.

Look, let’s just get this out there: Messier could be a dirty player. He’d swing his stick, he’d throw elbows, he’d hit from behind. Or, as we all called it back then, “hockey.”

Davidson goes back to Messier’s most recent suspension for knocking Rich Sutter’s teeth out. (You can see that play about a minute into this clip.) As Davidson explains, back then every suspension went through one guy who was responsible for everything. Man, they should really have more than one person doing player safety. Like, maybe an entire department. I’m sure nobody would complain then.

Messier mentions a 12-game suspension from earlier that season. That would be New York’s David Shaw, who barely did anything other than slash Mario Lemieux in the throat. Good ol’ Mess, already preemptively defending the Rangers.

I think my favorite part of this whole interview comes right at the end, when Davidson wraps up and Messier literally manages to say the complete sentence “Thank you very much” in one syllable. That’s a guy who’s done a lot of interviews.

And that’s it. We’re left to dwell on Messier’s basic point: suspensions are already severe enough, the players are getting the message, and we should be fine to make it through the rest of the 1988-89 season without anyone doing anything completely insane.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

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