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massharp1971 · 3 years

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Hate censorship but troubled by the discourse on underage fic? Read on...

CN CSA, underage fic

Okay, as someone who has a professional understanding of how paedophilia and online grooming work, I want to interject some things this discourse on underage fic on A03 is woefully missing. Like, knowledge of the subject.

From the start, I want to make it clear this is not an argument for censorship. I don't believe A03 needs censoring, but I do think we need to be having much more sophisticated discourse about the content on A03 and its potential for harm **to people who've never even heard of A03 let alone read anything under certain tags**

Hopefully, we're all agreed that we want less child abuse in the world, right? I really hope that's the common starting point, and not controversial.

But a lot of people think that there are paedophiles and there are non-paedophiles and that's just how the world is. They think of online grooming as something that just happens to children, by recidivists who can't be helped and will perpetrate no matter what. They are these bad people and our only job is to keep them away from children. Beyond that, "normal" adults can do what they want and where's the harm.

But online grooming isn't just adult-evil-person to child. It's perpetrator to non-perpetrator and it's also a culture of enabling and pushing back into the mainstream, normalising certain practices that function as lures.

If anyone knows anything about Operation Yewtree, they will understand that an enabling, grooming *culture* creates opportunities and spheres of influence, and so massively increases the number of children being abused. The conversation in the BBC canteen back in the 70s was part of how Jimmy Saville and others abused so many children. But that enabling culture also pulled people in who weren't recidivist paedophiles - generally decent seeming humans like John Peel and David Bowie - into acts of child abuse.

Crucially, dismissiveness towards people's concerns about online grooming and patronising attitudes towards those who spoke out were key components of the grooming culture. People worried about this stuff were seen as damaged broken things who were hysterical about a non-existent problem. Nothing to see here. Which is why Tumblr posts that claim underage fic just isn’t something anyone needs to worry about make my blood run cold. Trust me, if you had the knowledge in your head that I do, yours would too.

So right now, I'm not even worrying about what's happening on A03 nearly as much as I'm worried about the well intended but patronising and deeply naive things being said here on Tumblr.

Unfortunately, the posts flying around just now reasuring each other that there isn't a problem are actually *creating* a problem. And if we understood that online grooming is primarily the grooming of new recruits to be "consumers" in a huge industry, maybe we'd understand how we can sow tiny seeds that enable people to go down that path by making certain underage content sound much less problematic than it actually is. (Not all underage fic is at all problematic, of course, but much of it really is, read on to find out why).

While it's true that long-standing paedophiles are extremely hard to cure, it's also true that people can get sucked into it who would never have been had they not been supplied with enabling conditions.

Everyone is relying on the idea that abusers gonna abuse, and we just need to keep the kids safe. In fact, we will *never* be able to keep the kind of kids that are vulnerable to abuse safe (and the reasons for that are too complex to go into here), what we need to do is reduce the number of "consumers" in the child abuse industry. And we can do that best by not facilitating an enabling culture.

A BIG part of that is taking a stance of believing concerns and listening when people talk about this stuff. Okay, so censorship isn't the answer, let's all talk about what could help. Let's wrestle with this as a community and not turn people into villains or hysterics for sounding the alarm. Let's talk. Let's get more knowledgeable.

There are all sorts of reasons that people become a part of a child abusing culture, on all sorts of different levels. For example, some powerful media producers like the artists that work for them to have certain "vices" so that they are more controllable. Politicians like to have dirt on each other, and (for some) engaging in acts that give powerful people more control over you can sometimes get you ahead in certain circles. in those cases, a lot of the people involved are not paedophiles, they are just part of a culture of child abuse that's convenient to their need for power or fame or money. They're just opportunistic, amoral dirtbags who will do whatever and not care.

And then there are just ordinary punters who go down a rabbit hole and fall in deeper and deeper. Pornography can be oddly slippery-sided. When people are tired and horny (especially if they're also depressed or traumatised) they don't always make the best choices about what they consume and, unfortunately, because our brains are wired so that different kinds of arousal are close to one another, material that's taboo and even traumatising can also be extremely arousing, not because you're at heart a paedophile and there's no hope for you, but because once you've experienced the intense rush of consuming something illicit, it can be addictive.

Remember when you were horny at work because it was super stressful? Or you and your partner fucked like desperate rabbits after a funeral? Yeah, that.

Especially if you're vulnerable, depressed, isolated or just plain young and vulnerable yourself.

And this is where a Tumblr discourse about A03 that is so in fear of censorship it doesn't even know how to *criticise* content is really dangerous. Because let's say Jenny Nobody went down that rabbithole last night, read something just a little on the edge of problematic, and felt that buzz of illicit arousal, and then woke up today and realised "that was so not okay, never gonna do that again" and then reads these posts that insist it's just fiction and it can't possibly do any harm as long as you're consenting to read it. Nobody got hurt, right?

The idea that this is just a "personal choice" is disingenuous – an enabling culture grooms people to be less critical of the media they're consuming, and that changes people's moral and ethical perspectives. Yesterday, Jenny thought people probably shouldn't read stories about adults fucking children that are written purely to arouse (that's not all that's under the underage warning, of course), but today Tumblr insisted it's just not a problem as long as she's a consenting adult.

This is where a Tumblr discourse that is super dismissive of the harmfulness of any kind of fictional child pornography becomes a problem. Because the grooming community are all-out to lure people in and while not everyone will be susceptible, the way we have these conversations can accidentally play a part in making written child pornography seem more benign than it actually is.

So Jenny, who's 18 yo, depressed and a little lost, reads on Tumblr that it's just a kink, she's an adult and it's ok, and she goes further down the rabbithole.

"it's fiction! we watch shows about murder and that doesn't mean we want to murder people!!" Tumblr reassures her a few weeks later when she's started getting a pretty hefty habit for this stuff. She's still feeling a bit icky about what she's reading, but she's finding more and more that only the underage stuff gets her off. She has no idea that she's traumatising herself and making it harder and harder to experience orgasm *because she's so stressed by what she's reading*, she only knows her system is super aroused by all this, and by now she's reading a bunch of fics that are telling her paedophilia is just a sexual orientation that you can't help, like being gay. You can't help your sexual orientation, Jenny, it's who you are.

If Jenny's a survivor herself, she may be particularly susceptible to retraumatising herself and gaslighting herself. Her abuser is living in her head trying every trick in the book to get Jenny to see things from an abuser's point of view, and Jenny may well feel like she's forever broken and hardwired to be turned on by problematic shit thanks to the abuse. Maybe at one point she thought she was working through stuff and maybe that's true, but navigating trauma is messy and can take people into not-good places.

And meanwhile on Tumblr ordinary people are making posts that talk about people liking underage fic in the same breath as they talk about people liking LGBTQ+ fic and the distinction is being lost.

Now if CSI started actively making a case for murder to be seen as more socially accepted and a perfectly reasonable and okay activity irl, and advocated for murderers to be treated as a marginalised, oppressed group like gay people, we'd probably feel uncomfortable and switch off, right?

Shows about murder are very rarely propaganda for murderers, and there isn't a trillion dollar illicit murder industry desperately looking for new recruits.

Jenny starts with self-aware stories that open with "this is fiction. child abuse is wrong" but not all the stories are like that and many of them are insidious, manipulative treatises on why paedophilia is harmless and natural. One day, after falling a long way down the slippery-sided rabbit-hole, she watches some live action role-play porn on pornhub involving young-looking adults, but it just isn't quite doing it for her and then she reads a fic that tells her exactly where to find what she's looking for and why she shouldn't feel ashamed of her entirely natural desires.

I won't bore you with all the ways the groomers have to convince their recruits that children can and do consent to what's happening to them. But it starts right here on Tumblr with folk saying children stray into adult spaces "at their own peril" and so are consenting to whatever fix they end up in, never mind that adults lure them into those spaces as often as not and the entire point is that *children are not able to give consent*. It's our job to keep them safe, not their job to keep themselves safe. And no, not all kids have parents at all, let alone ones able to protect them.

Before she knows it, Jenny, our victim, is now a perpetrator, consuming pornography that involves children and therefore directly harming children. And while she may be there ultimately through personal choice, it wasn't inevitable, and the children exploited and abused in porn *by definition* cannot consent. Many are trafficked, many groomed into the industry from very young. They don't look like poor, vulnerable rape victims they look like they've been doing this for years and understand what it's all about. Because they have. And by now, consumer Jenny has been convinced that these kids are consenting.

If only she knew the horror of how the kids get to that point.

For many of these kids the abusers around them are the relationships they rely on most and there are fucked-up bonds there. For Jenny, too, relationships are beginning to be forged with people in this world and a gulf appearing between her and the everyday folks she can’t talk to about her habits.

Jenny isn't a recidivistic paedophile who can't be helped. Young adults particularly who are pulled into child sex offences often don't go on to be continual offenders as older adults, especially if there are timely interventions. Jenny's story wasn't inevitable.

If we had adult conversations about this stuff, if we didn't have these weirdly polarised ideas about what child abuse is and where the danger lies, we could create an abuse-unfriendly culture without censorship. I don't want censorship - there are books like Nabakov's Lolita that to some will feel problematic and to others (me included) enlightening. I don't trust that the right people will decide what needs censoring and in the end, they always seem to come after LGBTQA+ stories.

BUT I think we could be much more grown up about our discourse around A03 and the way an underage “warning” that can also function as a search term helping people easily find child porn is going to be exploited for harmful stuff and why.

People are going on long rants at those who're sounding an alarm but it's clear they know *nothing* about this subject and really just want to comfort themselves our beloved archive is benign.

Let's do better, please, because our discourse *of course* has the power to influence. We wouldn't be saying stuff on Tumblr if we didn't want to be listened to and for our words to make a difference.

Is this the biggest problem in the world? No. But it's a problem happening in our corner of the world and we're responsible, collectively, for how it gets handled.

#csa tw #A03 #censorship

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annetteblog · 4 years

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I got a very long ask and wrote even longer reply, and now Tumblr for some reason doesn't want to publish it through asks. So I'm making a separate post, because what else can I do? 😀 I hope Anon wouldn't mind

Hi!

Thank you for such a long ask! I really enjoy replying those, although it may take some time to actually write whatever I have on my mind 🙂 However, I feel like for every question that you posed, it's possible to write its own big reply or even an essay, so this piece of mine probably won’t give them justice (but I’ll try my best.)

As usual, one big IMO.

1) Ethics, “gueer coding” and discussions

I believe I’ve already partly touched this subject here. Shortly, I think that everything the boys did (and still do) had its own purpose. They decided to put these "undertones" (or whatever one may call them) in their art. They made some statements with a very small room for interpretation. And it didn't happen once or twice. More like, it's been a consistent behaviour throughout years.

I don't buy this excuse some fans write - "oh, he just didn't know about this/didn't understand how it looked like/didn't..." So apparently, JK wasn't able to figure out shit about Troye, didn't give a damn about his GCF, didn't think how his tattoo looked like; JM didn't realize to what conclusions could lead his quite bold words about 4am or waking up and seeing JK; both of them didn't have second thoughts about the Black Swan dance; Bang PD is just a CEO who pays zero attention to BTS in general and KM actions in particular (which sometimes actually backlash, e.g. that stop gay fanservice thing after the Seoul concerts), because he clearly just doesn't care AT ALL; whatever PR service they have in BH is just asleep all the time... Etc etc etc, you got the idea

Well, if one wants to perceive JM, JK and BigHit as a group of complete morons with no brains, this "oh, they just didn't know" explanation may work. But if all of them were idiots, how would BTS become the biggest group on a planet? They are smart enough, deal with this.

And YET. KM still do what they do. It's their choice, so apparently they have their motives. You wrote it yourself too - "Jikook and BH put out all that stuff for a reason."

Keeping this in mind, I truly think it's fair to discuss queer undertones or KM's bond. It's meant to be discussed and speculated. They made it public, and they continue to make it public (and quite obvious, to be honest). Why? Well, I guess they want us to speculate.

From here comes the second point

2) Art and its interpretations

In general, I believe that any good art should allow various interpretations. That's what a good piece of art is supposed to do - provoke a thought. As well as it's quite customary to analyze and (sometimes) overanalyze art. Thousands of universities worldwide have programs which are focused on fine art, literature, theater, music, film, etc.

And why is it okay to write about Avengers or Madonna or whatever weird art you're able to find in the closest Contemporary museum (like a banana taped to a wall), but not okay to interpret BTS' songs and/or performances? Again, I strongly believe that art is meant to be discussed. Especially as cool as theirs 🙂

Actually, some popular fandom theories turned out to be true here. Since Spring Day release on Feb 2017, fans speculated about its connection to the Sewol ferry tragedy based on the song's lyrics, MV and choreo. We got this confirmation like when, December 2020? But before it was also just an interpretation.

Coming back to KM. Combining these with the idea that JM/JK/BH clearly know what they're doing and how it may look like, I don't see a problem in having various interpretation of their art. Including queer ones.

3) Escapism

Isn't all art targeted to escaping in a sense? We want to take a break from reality and/or mundane life or just gain some new experience. In this sense what's the radical difference between staring at pictures or sculptures in a museum, watching a movie, reading a book or scrolling through Tumblr reading BTS/KM centric posts? All of these are means to escape and entertain ourselves.

As for this "if they are a queer couple, is it okay to derive pleasure and 'what a beautiful love story' feelings from two members of systematically oppressed minority?" - and you would prefer doing what - ignoring them? pretending that they don't exist? 🙃 In case if they are a queer couple, I guess showing support and benevolence is even more important. Exactly because, as you mentioned, they are a part of the oppressed minority. And the hatred is/would be definitely in place.

4) Fanfiction

Oh my, what a controversial theme these days.

Firstly, some forget it was not invented in the 21st century. Even slash fanfiction (cough Star cough Trek). As for incorporating real people, it's been a part of literature for like what.. always? There are millions of different writings about emperors, nobles, military figures, lives of saints, etc. And it's not like personal opinion of people in question bothered those, who write or wrote about them. I clearly remember a scene in Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, where Alexander I [Russian emperor 1801-25] after losing a battle against Napoleon, hits a birch tree with his sword while crying hard and just being kinda hysterical. Would real Alexander be satisfied with such image if he read the book? Idk 😄

About having "the right to comment on such [different from your own] experience". I suppose, if authors wrote only about what they had experienced, our literature would be 95% poorer than it is. How can one write books in historic settings if they didn't live there? How do books about future and space travel exist, if we live in 2021? Is it needed to be a part of mafia to write about mafia? What about other cultures? Should an American author write only about American people and American lifestyle or it's fine to have characters from other countries?

Writing is not about experiencing something and then making a fanfic or a book, it's more about research and compassion. If you have reliable info on your theme and are able to look at the world using different lenses, why not?

I don't perceive fanfiction as a worldwide evil. Sure, there are creepy examples as well as authors, who write fetishizing weird shit. But it doesn't mean that all fanfiction=bad and all slash fanfiction=objectification of male homosexuality. Fanfiction is just one form of fiction, it can be good or bad based on how it's written. But the label itself doesn't define anything, as well as reading it should not be a reason to accusations.

5) Jikook, shipping and politics

I'm among those, who perceive pretty much everything as a part of politics. We all exist within some political conventions and have certain political laws over our heads. And yes, it includes art. Even if an artist says something like "oh, I decided to stay away from politics, my work is beyond it". The decision to stay away from politics is also political, because apparently there was something within the political structure what made this artist say that and forced them to make this distinction between them and some institutional conventions.

And that makes me believe that shipping/supporting KM is also political. But I don't think it's necessarily bad? Basically, you decided to support potentially queer people from a country, which doesn't really approve LGBTQ+. It puts you in the opposition towards a particular government. You made a choice. You could google some SK stuff, read all that you mentioned in the beginning of your ask, and say something like "oh, that's not okay there? well, fair enough, I guess their government knows better"🤠 and forget that this KM thing even exists. But apparently you didn't

Imo, is it politics? Yes

Is it bad that it's politics? Well, no? 🙃

P.S. I hope I was clear enough with my ideas. Thank you again for the thought provoking ask, and I hope I'll hear from you again 🙂

And honestly, I don't think that you're problematic in any way :)

#annetteasks #jikook #kookmin #long post #jeon jungkook #park jimin #jimin #jungkook

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hail-tommy-shelby · 5 years

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Night At The Garrison (A Tommy Shelby Imagine)

Wattpad - @BRINGMETHECHLOE

Tumblr - @hail-tommy-shelby

{This is the first smut imagine I have wrote so forgive me if it's not the best. I would love your feedback after you have read it, if there are things I need to improve on I'd love it if you would tell me. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

If you like this imagine I will be posting more on this Tumblr for you to read. I am also starting a full fanfiction for Tommy Shelby on my wattpad which will have many chapters.

I hope you enjoy my writing. Happy reading.}

For as long as I can remember it's always been me and Ada. Ever since we were children you couldn't find one of us without the other. We used to say it was me and her against the world and we continued that way forever. Being best friends with her for this long we are more like sisters now. Such a close bond that can never be broken. We have no secrets between us, never will. No secret could be too big that we couldn't tell. That's how I knew about her and Freddie Thorne long before anyone else. I keep her secrets and she keeps mine. I was also the first to find out when she got pregnant. Me and Polly were the only ones that knew.

Polly and I are very close too. She classes me as family and has done since I was little. With me and Ada so close I practically grew up with and around the Shelby's. Polly and Ada treated me like family and the brothers always treated me well, especially John. Arthur used to tease him saying he loved me.

As I got older the way the Shelby's treated me never changed. They always made sure I was okay and kept me close. Tommy however, Tommy changed towards me. We used to talk, joke and have a laugh, then it all seemed to stop. He started talking to me less and less until I only got the occasional word out of him. I never knew why. I guess as he took on more and more responsibility with Shelby Company Limited he had no time to waste talking to his little sisters friend.

As the company got bigger and I grew up Polly insisted they give me a job. Now years later here I am, still working for the company and still as close to Ada and Polly as ever.

Now I spend most days working with the girls while doing the books. I've always loved working with them, it's always a laugh with Polly and Esme. After she married John getting to know her, me and Esme became great friends. We get along well and I'm glad John has someone like her, she's good for him.

Lizzie is the only other girl to work with us doing the books sometimes. She doesn't say much especially to me. I always get the feeling she really dislikes me and sometimes at work I catch her staring at me. I really don't understand Lizzie. I know Esme really doesn't like her. As soon as she found out John slept with her and nearly married her that was it. The dislike was clear. I don't think Polly is particularly a fan of her either. Her and Esme have this joke that Lizzie's mood that day depends on if she's currently fucking Tommy or not. I try not to think of it as the thought makes me feel sick.

Only Ada knows this but when I was younger I always hoped I would end up with him. I mean who wouldn't? Tommy is absolutely gorgeous. As I grew older I knew me and him would never be together and I accept that now. I still think he's stunning but I know he won't be mine. I just hope he finds someone that truly loved him and doesn't just want to fuck him.

Now here I am. I've finished work for the day and I'm at Polly's house with her and Ada. Tonight is a big night. Arthur and Tommy have completely done up the garrison and tonight is it's grand opening. Everyone is going to be there. The whole Shelby family and everyone who works for them. I'm really looking forward to it. Ada has a babysitter for Karl so we decided tonight we are going all out.

Me, Ada and Polly are getting ready, knowing tonight is a big deal we all want to look out best. After a bit of consideration I decide I'm going to wear my best stuff and dress up. For a little confidence I put on my black lace bra and panties with a matching garter belt that holds up my stockings. Just knowing I'm wearing this boosts my confidence greatly.

Getting dressed I start to put on my black embroidered dress which I bought just for the occasion. I love the dress as it hugs my hips and falls to my knees. It shows off my body nicely and looks great with the black heels I've paired with it.

After finishing my hair I stare into the mirror and smile. I apply a final coat of red lipstick and give myself an all over glance. There ready. I look good. I feel good. Tonight is going to be great.

Polly and Ada are ready soon after me, both looking gorgeous. With all of us happy it's time, we step out the house onto the streets of Birmingham and get into the car. It's not a long ride to the garrison and we are there rather quickly. The closer we get there I notice the more noise I hear. As we pull up on the street I hear it clearly, jazz music playing, people laughing and singing. By just the sound alone you would know it's a party.

Getting out the car I look at Polly, she has a huge smile on her face. Slowly the three of us start to walk and we reach the doors of the garrison.

"Tonight's gonna be a good night girls" I hear Ada from next to me before she swings the doors open.

As soon as I enter and my feet hit the floor I have to take a moment to take in my surroundings. The new garrison looks phenomenal, so fancy and so gold. The entire place was gold and all the chairs red velvet. A jazz band are playing next to the dance floor where many couples are already dancing. I've never seen the garrison this busy before. Everyone I know is here. Looking to the bar I can see Arthur behind it giving out bottles of champagne, with a big smile on his face. He looks really happy tonight, I've not seen him this happy in a while.

Looking around the room I take in the sights and atmosphere of the place when I suddenly feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind. Gasping I turn around shocked to see a laughing face behind me.

"Fucking John" I shout hitting him on the shoulder which gets Ada and Polly laughing.

"Some things never change" Polly laughs then directs us all to the table where Esme is already sat.

John finds his seat next to Esme and pulls out a bottle of whiskey "I must say you all look lovely."

"Aren't you a charmer" I joke taking a seat next to Ada.

Cracking open the bottle of whiskey conversation and drink flowed equally. Before I knew it the bottle is empty, I'm a little tipsy and Ada is pulling me up to dance.

Finding a rhythm to the music we start to dance in the middle of the floor. We twirl eachother shaking our hips and laughing like a bunch of children. I keep turning and twirling until I feel it. I feel like someone is watching me. Turning around once more I spot it. I could only take a quick glance but I spot it, I know those eyes. Swaying my hips in a new direction I turn both me and Ada around so I can face him. There he is, looking as good as ever and looking at me. Thomas Shelby.

Tommy is sat at a table, a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I notice Lizzie is sat with him. Both of them are not talking and they're both looking at me. Why are they looking at me? They have never payed any attention to me, so why now? Both of them staring like this is making me nervous.

I focus back on my dancing trying to distant myself from the thought of them both looking at me. I spin Ada around as she does the same to me, as I turn around I see Lizzie. She doesn't look very happy as she walks out the garrison. I take a look at Tommy to see if something had happened but his eyes haven't moved from me at all. He's looking at me so intently it almost scares me. Every nerve in my body is telling me to look away but I can't. I continue swinging my hips but my eyes lay on him as his are on me.

Oh those eyes, those amazing bright blue eyes. The way he's looking at me, it's like he can see inside me soul. I've never experienced something so intense. This one look from him and my body is on fire. One look from him and I'd do anything he asked. This man, the man who with one stare has me completely at his will.

I snap myself out of my thoughts, I need a drink.

"I'm going to the bar" I shout to Ada over the music then walk to get a drink. As I reach the bar I notice I'm breathing heavy and feel hot. I order two whiskeys and wonder if Tommy is still watching me. Chancing another look, I see he's still there staring at me. Why is he doing this? I down one of my whiskeys hoping it will calm my nerves, then I see it. He's smirking at me. Thomas Shelby smirking at me. Maybe he knows the effect he has on me. Oh god I hope not.

Avoiding his gaze I take my whiskey and go and sit with Polly.

"Are you alright Hun? You look hot" she asks.

My cheeks heat even more "I'm out of breath from dancing" I lie which makes Polly laugh.

After some conversation I start to zone out, John, Esme and Polly continue talking while I just think. My mind wonders back to Tommy. I don't understand what's going on. He never pays attention to me and then tonight, the way he's looking at me. What's changed? And that smirk, I've never seen that before. The way his lips looked so desirable. The man is so unbelievably sexy. Crossing my legs I snap myself out of my thoughts and drink another whiskey.

A few bottles of whiskey and a lot of dancing later the night has flown by. Everybody else has gone and the only people left are me, Ada, Polly, Arthur, and Tommy. The band left so the only music playing is coming from a gramophone.

Even though it's late me and Ada are still dancing. Ada seems to be very drunk and stumbling while twirling around. As I shake my hips I hear a loud bang which I turn to see is Ada, she's on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Bloody hell Ada, how much have you had to drink?" I hear Arthur moan as he helps her up. I can't help but giggle as I continue to twirl.

Arthur picks Ada up in his arms and Polly grabs her things "come on you, let's get you home."

I keep dancing with closed eyes just focusing on moving my body to the music. After the song finishes I open my eyes to see only Tommy. The rest of them have gone. Tommy is sat down with a drink watching me. As I realize it's only me and him left I stop dancing and sit down at the table. Me and Tommy haven't been alone together in years, this is new. Looking up at him, he has poured us both a glass of whiskey and I reach for a cigarette. Almost instantly Tommy holds a lot match up to me. I slowly lean towards him lighting my cigarette while looking into his eyes. Just looking at him nerves travel through my body.

"The place looks great" I say taking a drag and trying to make conversation.

"You looked like you had a good time" he stated "you're a good dancer."

I drink the whiskey trying not to blush "I love to dance."

"You know I've not danced all night."

I gulp as he stands up Infront of me putting out his hand.

"Dance with me."

I take a moment to watch him shocked before putting out my cigarette and taking his hand.

Tommy leads me to the dance floor before putting one hand on the small of my back and mine in his other.

After a second, he slowly starts to move, pulling me closer to him. The dance is simple and slow. Tommy leads and I follow his movements. Turning us around slowly he then lifts up my arm and gets me to twirl. I couldn't help but laugh as he takes my hand again, "I don't believe I've ever seen you dance Mr Shelby."

"I am a man of many talents" he spoke turning is around.

"I'm sure you are" I smile.

I can't believe this is happening. I'm dancing with Tommy. I've never seen this side of him before. He's being so sweet.

Pulling me closer I feel Tommy's head in the crack of my neck. Every breath he takes I can feel, each almost sending shivers down my spine. Taking a deep breath I take in his scent as I feel his hand on my waist. He smells amazing. I've never noticed that before. It's like a mix of cigarettes, whiskey, smoke and pure Tommy Shelby. Can this man be anymore perfect?

As the song finishes I slowly pull away "I guess I should be getting home."

Tommy insisted he would drive me and the entire ride home made conversation. This is the most I've spoken to him in a long time. He asked about me and how I was doing and I asked about him and the company. As we arrive at my place I've had such a good time with him I don't want him to leave. "Thank you for driving me home."

"It was my pleasure" Tommy turns off the car, gets out and opens the car door for me.

"Thank you." Walking to my front door Tommy is right behind me. I get out my keys unlocking the door before turning to face home. "Thanks again for driving me home."

Tommy steps forward his arms wrapping around my waist, mine instantly wrap around his neck.

"Tommy I " before I could finish talking his lips are on mine.

His lips, which I thought would be tough are soft and plump. The kiss starts out soft, both of us getting used to each other before it depends. His tongue invading my mouth as a moan escapes my lips. Not wanting the kiss to end I pull Tommy into my house shutting the door. My back hits the wall as his hands find my hips, sighing into his mouth I tug on his hair.

My mouth finds he jaw as our hands fumble to take each others coats off. Once achieved my hands start undoing shirt buttons revealing his chest. Tommy's lips move lower sucking on the sensitive skin on my neck making me moan, "Tommy."

"Jump" he whispers heavily in my ear, I do exactly as he says wrapping my legs around his waist, my hands clawing at his chest. In this position I feel him. I can feel him growing hard underneath me, our clothes an unwanted barrier. My hips involentry rock back and forth the sensation making me want a sweet release. I hear Tommy groan biting my neck at the feeling, "where's your room?"

"Upstairs to the right."

With no hesitation Tommy carries me upstairs placing me on my bed before pulling away. "No Tommy I want you."

"Patience love" he smirks looking down at me "you have me." Leaning over me he rejoins his lips to mine. "Your'e wearing too many clothes" he breathes pulling away.

I'm now sat on the edge of the bed with Tommy on the floor between my legs. I feel his hands slowly stroking my thighs then higher and higher as he lifts off my dress. I don't know what it is but him undressing me like this feels so intimate, like he's finally seeing me after all these years. Throwing my dress to the floor he removes my shoes then lays me flat.

I can't see him but I can feel him. A kiss on my upper thigh makes me squirm.

"Stay still."

I do as I'm told and relax my body. Another kiss on my thigh has my senses heighten but I stay still following his instructions. Slowly he kisses down my leg bring my stocking with him. As he makes his way all the way down he removes my stocking before starting again on the other, only this time slower.

The feeling of him slowly undressing me, his mouth on my legs is magical. I close my eyes focusing on the feeling. As he finishes removing the last stocking my body ignites with anticipation. My legs are now completely bare and his hands wonder over the newly unclothed skin.

Lowering his head between my thighs I feel his breath against my underwear. "Tommy please" I gasp.

"You are so beautiful."

His breath hits my sensitive area making my nipple's harden. Sitting me up, Tommy's mouth is on mine again, his tongue taking over mine as I pull on his hair earning me a growl that makes my body clench. The kiss becomes more urgent as he takes off my bra throwing it to the floor.

"Lay back" he instructs standing up.

Groaning at the loss I do as he says laying back down, Tommy standing over me.

"My my what a beautiful sight."

I bite my lip at his words watching him look at every inch of my body. As Tommy looks over me he removes the rest of his clothes.

"So so beautiful."

A shocked gasp escapes my mouth as he removes his boxers leaving him completely naked. His erect penis at full attention. He's so big! This man could not get any more perfect if he tried. He's a masterpiece.

Tommy urgently returns his lips to mine as he lays on top of me, my hands exploring his back and arms. I feel him nudge my legs apart with his knee as he settles in-between them. The tip of his penis touching my clothed core.

I moan into the kiss at the sensation, his hands finding their way to my breast. Kissing down my jaw to my neck his mouth then latches on to one of my nipples. Tommy's mouth is sucking on one nipple as his fingers play with the other. He leaves no part of my breast ignored as his mouth and hands explore every inch of my sensitive skin.

Continuing to give me pleasure he removes the last of my underwear so I am completely naked beneath him. I can't believe I am naked underneath Thomas Shelby. The man I've always wanted and here he is giving me such pleasure. His hands don't move from my breasts as he starts to kiss over my stomach. Many emotions are filling my head, lust, joy, impatience and I feel quite vulnerable. Being in this position is so overwhelming I'm vulnerable to his every touch and would do anything he asks of me.

Slowly as he kisses sloppily lower down my stomach I feel him open my legs wider. He can see me, all of me. Just knowing he can see every crevasse of my body makes my heart race and pussy wet.

"Tommy please" I moan a little breathless. My need for him growing to a unbearable height.

"You're so wet for me" I hear him groan.

Biting my lip I run my hands through my hair trying to control my urges.

"I want a taste."

As soon as the words leave his mouth I am hit with a wave of pleasure. His mouth has attached itself to my clit licking and sucking on every nerve, a familiar throbbing taking over.

"Fuck" I moan my hands grabbing into his hair. The feeling of his mouth on me is indescribable. My hips involentry bucking at the pleasure "Tommy I need you, fuck me."

Tommy sits up, his mouth grazing mine, I can feel my wetness on his lips. "You want me to fuck you?" As the words leave his mouth. I feel the force of his two fingers enter me making me moan.

"Fuck yes."

He circles his fingers inside me the pleasure intense "with these?"

"No" I whimper trying to distant myself from the pleasure for a second. "With these" I moan grabbing his hardened cock.

Tommy shudders at my touch as I stroke him, his penis rock hard in my hand "please Tommy."

Removing his fingers from inside me he stops my hand from stroking him. My knees open wider as he sets himself in-between grabbing himself, "you want this?"

My hips buckle at his voice my pussy dripping wet "yes."

Laying his body on mine he kisses my lips. I want him so much. The kiss is full of urgency and need.

Moaning I feel his cock rub against my clit in circles. I break the kiss and look up at him and he at me. Its only a moment but we just look at eachother, almost taking eachother in before locking lips again.

Slowly I feel him sink into me, his lips silenting my screams. He feels so good inside me, almost heavenly. His big cock fills my full leaving no empty space.

Rocking his hips I feel every inch of him as he feels me wrapped around him. "You feel so good."

Knowing I'm giving Tommy pleasure turns me on more. Starting slow at first I can see his eyes scrunch up at the feeling of being inside me.

"Please Tommy deeper" I whimper in his ear wanting more of him if it was even possible.

"Fuck" he groans at the sound of my voice before thrusting into me at a breathtaking pace.

I wrap my legs around him and pull his body flat against me. The feeling of him is almost too much, the familiar pressure building up inside me. Bucking my hips to meet his every thrust he pins my wrists above my head leaving me unable to move, then continuing to pound into me mercilessly. I have no control or choice but to take every ounce of pleasure he is giving to me.

"Fuck Tommy" as his pace fastens I know I will definitely be bruised tomorrow. Each thrust has me closer and closer to the edge bringing tears to my eyes the pleasure that intense. It's like nothing I've ever felt. I never want this to end, I want to stay like this with him forever.

I feel my insides start to tighten and clench as Tommy goes deeper and faster.

"Cum for me."

I can't speak no words will leave my mouth, nothing but my moans and whimpers. I wrap my legs tighter around him not wanting to lose any part of this blissful feeling. A few more deep thrusts and my body begins to shake. I close my eyes tight shut and hold onto Tommy for dear life. In just a few seconds my orgasm rips through my body as I scream Tommy's name over and over.

Feeling my muscles clench around Tommy his thrust start to get sloppy and his cock starts to twitch. Two thrusts later his orgasm hits it's high and I feel him cum inside me.

Trying to catch our breath we both lay there still connected, both letting the other calm down after our highs. Silence fills the room, nothing is heard now except our deep breaths.

As we both com round I whimper as Tommy removes himself from me and lays back down.

"That was ..." I pant.

"Great?"

"Better" I smile laying my head on his chest " we should do it again sometime."

"Oh we will be."

I giggle as we both lay there starting to fall asleep. Tonight was the best night of my life, I've never felt this happy and content. We wrap our arms around eachother and close our eyes letting sleep take over our bodies.

I hope you liked it. As I said it was my first ever smut written so if you have any advice or feedback I would be so grateful if you message me. Thanks for reading.

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thehollowprince · 5 years

Text

Wanda Maximoff - Here We Go Again

I reblogged a post about a week or so ago that was a series of tweets regarding Wanda Maximoff and her "being directly responsible" for the deaths of Africans whenever she visited the continent. I added my own minute commentary and reblogged it and left it at that, but ever since then it's been festering in my brain and I've been debating on whether or not to make a post about it. But then I thought to myself, "Dude, when have you ever shied away from sharing your opinion?", and after thinking about it, I was right and decided to make this.

With all that out of the way, here's the first tweet

There are a lot of things to dissect in just this tweet alone, such as the term "directly responsible", which I'm assuming the Tweeter doesn't actually understand. If they did, they'd know that "directly" means that Wanda went to Africa in her various missions with the sole intent of killing people. Anyone who actually watched the movies knows that's not even remotely true, because out of all the Avengers she's the one who emotes the most how horrible she thinks those deaths are. The one who beats up Wanda the most for any collateral damage she causes is Wanda herself.

Then there's the whole "Wanda's (body count) is entirely black" bullshit. Once again ignoring that they seem to think that Wanda went there on those missions with the sole intent of killing people, but then the fact that they're trying to turn the entire population of Africa into just black people, as if its not a multi-ethnic continent or that black persons don't live all over the globe.

I know I am not the best person, or the person at all, to be speaking about that particular topic, but that bugged me and it bared mentioning.

Moving on.

This is a tricky one, because Wanda was responsible for setting off the Hulk, which led to that rampage, but this just smacks of the same attitude that wants to put the whole of Ultron and his crimes on her shoulders. Just her, I would like to point out, not her brother, who is hardly ever mentioned and who was shown to be more bloodthirsty and vengeful than his sister. But I refuse to hold Wanda accountable for the Hulk's rampage, especially when we've seen that he's totally capable of being civil, as evidenced in Ragnarok. I mean, the very fact that the Avengers brought him to the conflict at all and just left him off the field was stupid and part of the circumstances that led to what happened in Johannesburg. Why bring a weapon like the Hulk to the battlefield if you're not planning on using it? Because them sidelining him is what allowed Wanda and Pietro to get the drop on him.

An excellent takedown of this argument is here, but just be warned, @chirpingtiger is a master at proving their points and their arguments are long and thought out.

The main point you should take away from that examination is this image

The fight with Ultron and the Twins took place at a shipyard on the South African coast, where as Johannesburg is very clearly landlocked and quite a distance away from the coast. There's also the fact that she hit the other Avengers with her mind whammy and they were all down for the count, engulfed with their traumas of various natures. Ther was literally nothing to suggest that the Hulk would react the way he did to her mojo when everyone else was rendered into a fugue state.

Next,

Once again I have to fall back on my age old question of "Did you actually watch the movies?" Its sad that I have to ask that so much, but this is Tumblr and we have gifsets and metas all around and so many people thinking that counts as canon.

If this person had actually watched the movies, they'd know that the entire body count in Lagos lies solely on Rumlow's shoulders. He was the one who attacked the laboratory, the one who attacked Cap and the one who set off the bomb that took the lives of several Nigerians and Wakandans. Wanda did not set off that grenade. Wanda contained the blast as best she good, with powers that no one truly understands at this point, which otherwise would have had a much bigger fatality rate if it had gone off in that crowded marketplace.

And all of that is completely ignoring that if she hadn't been there there's a good chance that Rumlow or his men would have gotten away with a biological weapon that could have caused untold damage.

The sad fact is that collateral damage happens when in the field and it's horrible, but trying to put that blame on one of those trying to stop the carnage as opposed to the actual person responsible is not only reprehensible, but boring. I never see anyone blaming one of the other members of the Avengers, or the Wakandans or whomever for the collateral damage their action or inaction causes.

(There also the thing that I think the whole Rumlow situation in Lagos was a plan by Hydra to contain and control enhanced individuals for their own purposes, but that's a conversation for another time.)

This was the one where I seriously considered the person tweeting to be a troll. I can't imagine how anyone who sat through that movie could blame the genocide committed by a delusional grape to be Wanda's fault. I mean that in all seriousness, because once again, it's all right there in the movie.

The very fact that Thanos claimed the Time Stone, arguable the most powerful of the Infinity Stones, and probably the one thing that could have stopped him but wasn't used, before he came for the Mind Stone means that it didn't matter when, or even if, Wanda destroyed the stone. The very presence of the Time Stone rendered all that irrelevant because he now controlled the very fabric of time itself. He could have gone back to any moment in time and taken the Mind Stone, whether it had been destroyed or not.

And the Battle of Wakanda itself. I feel like I'm on repeat here, because how is she responsible for Proxima Midnight's attack on the Wakandans? Did she tell her to attack? Did she command the Outriders to try and kill everything in sight? No, of course she didn't, because ad powerful as she is, she's not so powerful as to make others do things against their will. And that's all completely ignoring how this troll just completely stole the Wakandans own agency in this fight. Or T'Challa's choice to have the battle there in the first place. He did what he could with what he had in the little time he was given, but at no point was Wanda responsible for any of the deaths of the Wakandans during that battle.

In point of fact, Wanda actually jumped into the battle because she was witnessing the death and carnage and knew she could stop that. How was she, or anyone for that matter, to know that the whole attack was a distraction to get her on the field so that they (the Black Order) could take the stone for Thanos? Answer: they couldn't. Especially when they were under the impression that Corvus Glaive was already dead.

Also the fact that these people who hate Wanda are so okay with her killing someone she loves (which she did! That does need pointing out, because so many people like to ignore that) to end the conflict. No one demanded that Gamora should have let Nebula die or that Loki should have let Thor die in order to protect their respective stones. So why is Wanda singled out?

I don't feel like these even bares a mention, but the very fact that this dumbass thinks that Wanda is responsible for the dustings that Thanos committed is so ridiculous that its hysterical. Especially when you factor in that WANDA HERSELF WAS DUSTED!!!!

My suggestion is that this person take off whatever rose-tinged glasses they're wearing when they watch these movies and actually pay attention to what's happening on the screen. Its totally okay to not want to overanalyze these movies, because as I can state from personal experience, it does take some of the joy out of watching them, but if that's the decision you make, you don't get to take and state them so wildly out of context and present that as canon. It doesn't work that way.

#rant #wanda maximoff defense squad #wanda maximoff #age of ultron #more ca:cw bullshit #infinity war

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roxannepolice · 6 years

Note

You know, talking in general and not just SW, I think that sometimes the audience surrogate can be a double bladed sword done the wrong way. But there is also this percent of the fandom that thinks that if you don't love the audience surrogate or the other Relatable Character™ you are X thing. (1/2)

It has happened to me with the DW fandom and some people asking me why I like the Eleventh Doctor more than the Acceptable™ Twelfth Doctor. Because you you, the former is a more darker, possessive and selfish character and the later is kinder and all. And I am like... Not my fault if I found one more fascinating than the other because he is a bastard (2/2)

You know, this really carries me back in time to when Philosopher’s Stone was first released on dvd and among extras there was a sorting hat test/minigame and I went positively hysterical when upon first time spontaneous answers I got sorted into Slytherin. It took quite a long time for me to embrace my Slytherclaw self and if the hat had a problem between these two houses I would totally ask for classy underwater mess of a common room now. And I mention that as an introduction to how today grown up, intelligent people are worriedly sideyeing me when I say I'd fancy a Slytherin scarf.

It appears to me that the not-exactly-ostracism-at-least-outside-tumblr towards identifying with villains or even simply not completely cinnamon rolly characters has a couple of deeper rationales. One is that overtly morally unclear characters that are also intentionally identifiable with are a relatively new phenomenon in popculture. Villains could have been sympathetic but not really anything else until quite recently. They could have a point but wallow in how evilly they act on this point. They could even be likeable or awe-inspiring. But there always had to be a clear wall between them and audience, as well as the hero. RotJ Vader is in fact a great example of a villain who is sympathetic but not identifiable with, he exists in a simple paradigm of well he's Luke's dad and he believes there's good in him and he sounds miserable sometimes but otherwise yeah he offers to rule the galaxy because that's what villains do. He's also coded as the parent generation rather than the one the target audience would identify with. And of course, full body armour and mask complete the picture of unapproachability. OT Vader doesn't have motivation, past, psyche or really anything else other than he's Luke's dad, it took 20 years to change that. And now? Now we get good organisations being controlled by baddies, heroes having different opinions on their own ethical status, villains mirroring their motivations... On the one hand it's an interesting breath of fresh air in texts which were slowly becoming their own parodies, on the other there needs to be a balance between these problematic(TM) notions and unproblematic(TM) resolutions and frankly not all creators find this balance as I sometimes worry will be the case with the sequels. And mass audience straight doesn't know how to handle this in discourse, not because they're too dumb only because a tacit understanding even only theoretically present in discussions of more high-brow culture simply hasn't formed there yet. It's a widely accepted fact that some of the most discussed, desirable and given to best actors Shakespeare roles are the likes of Richard III, Lady Macbeth or Iago and there's no need explaining that fascination with them doesn't stem from condoning murder only confronting us with the darker but oh so human aspects of our nature. MCU, SW and BBC discussions have yet to get this memo.

And then there’s the matter of lifestyle commodification, which I think finds its echo even in something as trivial as popularity of online which character are you tests. There is something of a phenomenon of subjecting many elements of our lives to some one hobby or life choice, which sounds obvious until we look at shops trying to sell special coffee only for physically active people - because it’s speculated that it really all boils down to profit being bigger from selling a full lifestyle set (clothes, food, furniture) of some archetypal physically active person (or bookworm, fan or even activist) than y’know, just good shoes and some gear. So the point is that we are tought to think in full lifestyle sort of way rather than dissecting things and taking out only what we want. Ergo, you can’t like, let alone identify with, some aspects of a character and not everything about them - so if the character is morally gray/villainous you need to make it clear you don’t condone murder.

Then there is an old matter which gained new power lately - the moral panic over the influence of media. There’s no denying there exists a relationship between the culture we take in and our psyche, but pratically no serious researcher still believes in the “sponge” model where audience just sucks in whatever the text pours at them (fanfiction is in fact frequently pointed at as an example of actively recreative audience). Can exposition to lots of trivialized violence in tv make us numb to real world violence? Yes, research shows it can. But there’s a difference between sitting all day in front of tv mindlessly watching hours of sex, drugs and violence and engaging in problematic(TM) characters. As it’s frequently repeated, if you go on a killing spree inspired by a video game, there’s probably something wrong with you and not the game played by thousands of other people. Then again, we musn’t forget that part of history when committing a suicide while cosplaying Werther was all the rage among young european men.

And I think this also ties with how everything in contemporary popculture needs to mean something, or even in fact be some aspect of social reality. This is hardly the freshest phenomenon (Roland Barthes claimed already back in the 60s that popularity of aliens, martians more specifically, was due to mental association of red planet with Soviet Union during the cold war), but now it’s become a popular knowledge and, as abstract ideas tend to in mass interpretation, it got simplified to the level where FO aren’t simply visually inspired by pretty much every totalitatian system ever only are neo-nazis. As such it becomes one’s moral duty to waste emotional energy on righteously hating fictional characters in a kids’ movie or else you support nazism. Hence also all the school shooter, creepy stalker, spoiled brat etc. readings of Kylo Ben and all the mess going on around 11 (which really makes me think that new Who audience badly needs to learn what sh*t classic Doctors would pull).

In general I’d say there’s a slightly disturbing blurring of lines between reality and fiction going on before our eyes. It’s almost as if we couldn’t just chill out and let ourselves be transported to Oz without questioning the influence of ruby slippers on munchkin economy anymore. Or return to Kansas without demanding a yellow brick road.

#asks #star wars #dr who #villain discourse #not 100% cinnamon roll discourse #culture ramblings #slytherclaw 4 life

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antikristvs · 6 years

Note

1-100 on the asks, except the really personal ones. I don't want to bring you down.

1 - Who was the last person you texted? - My friend

2 - When is your birthday? - August 25

3 - Who do you want to be with right now? - Does Cardinal Copia count?.. If not I have no idea.

4 - What sports do you play? - No sports

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? - I have no idea

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? - Dance Macabre by Ghost

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? - I have no fucking idea

8 - What do you feel right now? - Inspiration

9 - What chocolate is your favorite? - The darker the better

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? - Four

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? - A few years ago

12 - Who is your favorite blogger? - I don’t have one

13 - Where do you want to be right now? - Right where I am. In my bed.

14 - What do you want to be in the future? - A horror author. Perhaps a forensics pathologist too

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? - I don’t remember to either

16 - Are you happy? - Probably not really

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? - On some aspects Hell fucking yes

19 - What was the best thing you were given? - I have no idea

20 - Who was the last person who called you? - Probably my mom

21 - What is your favorite dish? - I don’t really know

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? - No

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? - Define crazy moments

26 - Name someone pretty. - Cardinal Copia

27 - Who was the last person you hugged? - My mom

28 - What kind of music do you listen to? - Mostly metal and rock. Also classical music. musical theater, opera, folk, blues...

29 - Are you over your past? - In some ways yeah in some ways not

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? - I have no fucking idea

31 - What kind of person do you want to date? - A person with whom I have intellectual and emotional connection with. A person with similar tastes as well as interests to mine. A person with similar sexual preferences. A person with whom I can have a thrilling conversation with. A person who will respect me and love me despite differences that I have. Someone who can handle mental as well as emotional challenge they may face with me. A person I find physically attractive. For starters...

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? - I don’t like sleeping at night for I am a nocturnal creature

33 - From whom was the last text message you received? - My mom

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? - Jeans all the way

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? - No

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? - Except Cardinal Copia and Bughuul, not really

40 - Did you try to change for a person? - Unless it’s something that would benefit me and the person is merely a push, then no

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? - I have no fucking idea

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? - I don’t know

45 - Describe your dream date. - We are cuddling on the couch, listening to music or watching a horror film, sipping whiskey or wine as rain pours outside for example

46 - Describe your dream wedding. - I haven’t dreamed about that as much yet

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? - Maybe one or three from my dad

48 - Have you ever been kissed? - No

49 - How long is your longest relationship? - A few months

50 - Do you regret your past? - Who the fuck doesn’t

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? - No unless I want to for myself as well

52 - Have you ever cried over someone? - Cried. drank...

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? - Probably

54 - Are you a crybaby? - Not really

55 - Do people praise you for your looks? - Sometimes. I never understand why.

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? - Hell yes

58 - Do you like getting hurt? - Hell no

59 - Does anyone hate you? - Probably

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? - Maybe. If you mean an actual smack on the face

61 - What hair color do you prefer? - Of natural ones and on myself? The darker the better

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? - Define love. If it’s romantic sense then no.

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? - Ah many, many times

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? - Yes

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? - I don’t have one of romantic sense right now

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? - Pretty good I think

69 - Are you a crybaby? - The fuck this question already was in the list

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical? - I suffer from fits of psychosis so you can answer that yourself I think

71 - Are you a KPOP fan? - Hell fucking no keep that shit as far away from me as possible

72 - Do you study hard? - Depends

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight? - Not yet

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat? - Yes

76 - Did you have an accident last year? - Define accident

77 - What kind of person are you? - Depends

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone? - All the fucking time

79 - Have you ever been jealous? - Often enough

80 - How can you prove your love to someone? - Define proof

81 - What are you thinking right now? - I am watching a film so my mind is occupied by it

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts? - I have no fucking idea

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase? - Too fucking many

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel? - I am an author it is my job to explain how I feel

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone? - Too many people

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone? - Are you fucking serious? All the fucking time

87 - Do you have trust issues? - Ha... ha ha ha... Yes

88 - Are you broken-hearted? - I might have gotten over it already

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? - Cardinal Copia

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it? - Depends

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? - Maybe yes maybe not

92 - Who do you want to marry? - If I find my love then yeah

93 - Do you believe in destiny? - I believe destiny is shaped by the person themselves

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”? - Yes, sadly I did

95 - How do you look right now? - Shabby as fuck

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies? - Maybe

97 - Have you found your true love? - I thought I did... I was wrong

98 - What should you be doing right now? - Writing, or maybe sleeping

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? - All the fucking time

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