#if you don't know and curious why i can't: i live in russia

[s-dei]

one of my reasons to keep going and thrive is to see international shipping again, so I can send a huge ass package with a fun things to a random mutual overseas

maybe i was spoiled with this earlier, but i just fkin love people and I love sharing. If to think, even in the age of globalization it still feels like a little miracle to send something to the far place of the Earth where a real person will recieve it.

had this thought today at work and felt my eyes wet

[blackbird5154]

It's a very difficult ask knowing your personal struggles, but it's honestly curious that you and many others in the fandom escape and find comfort in a character like Terzo specifically...

I mean, why him specifically? Why is it that it's him, of all the things you love other than Ghost, that you find to be your security and comfort from the cruel world...?

Thanks for the question! I really do have a lot to say.

First of all, I happen to live in Russia, and we are having a really bad time with our government here. It has made some disastrous decisions in foreign and domestic policy, including suppressing the opposition, destroying free speech, and generally rolling the country back to anti-democratic values.

Terzo was dragged off the stage, declared a "traitor to the Path," assassinated and ridiculed. In our country this is called a "foreign agent". In fact, it means you speak out against current policy and the government sanctions you. I don't know exactly why Terzo was deposed and murdered and what background is behind the story. But parallels have involuntarily built up in my brain. I know the guy was a preacher of liberal values, and then conservative asshole came along and put an end to that by declaring a new Middle Ages. I think Tobias was referring to Trump, but that narrative reflects many situations, including the one I see before my eyes.

In the music videos and in the Peter Bebergal's Introduction, Terzo is presented as a fighter against tyranny who preferred to die rather than join the evil, but then was reborn and continued his fight. For me personally, this fantasy image is united with people like Alexei Navalny, Vladimir Kara-Murza, Ilya Yashin and other Russian oppositionists. The first one is dead, presumably murdered. But I am happy to say that the rest of those listed were released from a Russian prison a few days ago as a part of an international exchange and will continue their work. As they say, you can kill a person, but you can't kill an idea. This is what I try to show in my writing, including in the latest translation of 'Herodias'.

Whew, enough with the politics. There's another plan, more personal and romantic. In fact, Terzo seems to me to be a good example of non-toxic masculinity. There's strength, power, energy in his character, and at the same time he's really respectful and considerate of other people. He has that gaze that he could bend steel bars with, and at the same time, he's willing to goof around and talk to us like we're children to him. He combines reticence with cordiality, grimness with gallantry, force with grace, simplicity with intelligence. He is truly a man whose shoulder you want to lean on, whose hand you want to hold. I believe Tobias has inadvertently created one of the most charismatic characters in history. I'm sorry that his creator doesn't need him anymore. But that doesn't change the fact that we need him. He's still very much needed 🥲

[captainarchmage]

Independence Day, UK

Declaring Independence from the Far-Right %$#@

Again I didn't want to make this blog about politics, but given events I have to. It's election day in the UK, and I had my vote in the post a long time ago. Specifically, I voted for the Liberal Democrats, because they had a decent standing in this constituency and explicitly said they're going to try to reverse Brexit. Reaction GIF below.

That doesn't mean the EU will accept, or that the deal we'll get will be the same as last time, but it's a critical move to fixing wrongs. Without rejoining at least the Single Market, Customs Union, and getting freedom of movement back we're going to be having issues with our own supply chains that won't go away. They can't go away, because we're not self-sufficient, because self-sufficiency isn't on these islands all it's cracked up to be, and because setting ourselves out as being a "global player" requires us to be able to easily trade and work with our biggest and most reliable partners, which is to say Europe.

If you're voting today, and are reading this, you should take care to understand what that *means* in terms of action as a citizen. Obviously if you live in Scotland, vote SNP, as they've taken a sensible stance on this and have always been for remain and rejoin in recent history. If you live in Wales, vote Plaid Cymru, for similar reasons. If you live in England, there's no explicit "English National Party" that is for working in a civic manner, but you have a choice between the Green Party and Liberal Democrats, and mostly the latter. Corbyn in Islington (and a few others) - I don't think Corbyn's stance on Ukraine is good, but that doesn't actually matter as he's likely not going to be a kingpin in making any of those decisions. This is about sending a message to the other reactionaries, and will cover this later.

On the matter of Ukraine... if anything DOES happen and Ukraine starts to fall back, this invasion is coming here. That's what history says. There's a lot of excuses, but the fact Russia launched a massive invasion in February of 2022 indicates they're not going to stop. The global conservative movement is behind these people, because something about "transgender anarchy in Ukraine" or "wokeness", according to the talking heads, or for that matter just genociding the Ukrainian people which is literally what's being said on Russian telly.

If Russia gets Ukraine, then they'll push westward. That's why it has to stop in Ukraine, and without Ukraine giving up any land. You know what would also help with defending Europe? An EU Army. This is why we need to rejoin, so you vote for a party that's going to put us on this path.

Note from the list of parties, I exclude from this Labour, as Labour has attempted to court the same socially conservative, anti-migrant, and prejudicial element responsible for running the Conservative Party into the ground. The Conservative Party already had issues before it swallowed the agenda of this reactionary element, but things in Britain took a steep downturn after brexit, with the disastrous handling of the pandemic, and finally the "markets" (hardly a communist creation) finally cracked when the agenda of CPAC-attending Liz Truss was launched. All this at the whim of this "reactionary element". You know, maybe it's better not to court those people AT ALL? At some point you gotta say enuf is enuf, not that it wasn't plain obvious beforehand where that agenda was going.

Trying to placate these people is... how much better than trying to placate people like Putin or The Former Guy? Seriously, people tried that. It didn't work, and none of the systems we thought would snap in to play or individuals we relied on to take action did. It didn't work "last time" either, save for the British PM to arrange re-armament of the country without relying on an alliance of countries that it turned out were quite fascist-curious as well. At least, however, Chamberlain acted in a manner that admitted this was not a long term solution and the push would come to shove. We don't seem to have that notion anymore. You know what's a good idea? Making sure they don't have "their guys" in Parliament in a significant number.

The advantage of getting rid of both Conservatives, and Reform, and knocking them into at least third place (if not fourth place), is that it also ensures these parties don't get a bullhorn in Parliament as they will not be the official opposition. That's due to Parliamentary rules. It means eliminating them from the running. Quite possibly this means the "end" of the conservative party, which is the "ultimate prize" here. It means making sure the main parties in coming decades are ones that are liberals, environmentalists, and civically-minded. Given that Labour seems to be in course for a large majority based on polling, giving your vote to other parties that are more progressive, more internationalist, understanding the coming challenges, more competent, and are also not so willing to let a vocal reactionary minority derail them, is a good idea.

And regards not letting a vocal reactionary minority derail a party, this is critical. How do you deal with these people? You don't give them an inch and you say the buck ends with you. Backing down in any sense of the word is weakness to these people. It's not going to give you any respect, and it may well not give you their vote, or actually telling these people to get stuffed may give you their vote, or you had their vote already and you didn't need to do anything about it. Ask yourself why these peoples' idols are often autocrats and the like. Don't ask me to make it make sense. Their view is more in line with "might is right" than any enlightenment ideals. You don't think like that, I don't think like that, but these people do think like that and you "act accordingly". The sooner you start pushing back, the sooner you free yourself from their %$#@.

Go Vote, and make it Independence Day from these people.

[navy-heart]

what are your favourite meals/aspects about ukrainian food and stuff? because all you find online are pierogi and little else and I'd like to know from a person that actually experienced it

Food questions are a bit rough to me because I have an eating disorder so I never actually tried like 90% of these but sure!

Borsch is probably the Ukrainian staple. It's not my personal favourite (or tbh I can't really eat it because my diet is super restrictive) but it's official cultural legacy that is internationally recognised. It's basically a meat broth with beetroot and cabbage that's served with bread and sourcream. And it's probably the most nutrients-heavy meal you'll have in your life lmao. It really does have everything.

The exact texture and flavor does vary recipe by recipe but it's usually quite spicy as well. Some people add peppers and garlic. If I had to describe the taste I'd say it's if you took your standard chicken broth and made it three times smoother and sweeter and also vibrant red. It's also kind of long-lived and can be made in large batches for left-overs and consumed over like 3 days lmao.

Neighboring countries such as Poland, Belarus and Russia also have their national variants and consider it a traditional food but Ukraine is the origin and also they tried to steal it so hard. Russia is particularly pressed on the issue.

Pierogi I'd say are actually more of a Polish food. It's also a category of food over a dish because there's so many options here. We have them under a different name, but I don't think they're originally ours. That said I think in Ukraine they will likely have sweet fillings and savoury fillings in Poland which is interesting.

What is our take on the recipe is galushky. They are similar to pierogi but don't have a filling and instead are made into balls of bread, boiled, then coated in butter/oil/anything else. Bland but kind of fun. Your standard "peasant food" lmao, minimum ingredients and hassle.

We also have a different take on crêpes in that we make crepes, and then add filling, make then into rolls and fry them over low fire again. My mom's particularly obsessed with those. This is nearly the photo I'll add to this post because they're pretty damn fire if I'm honest. They're called nalysnyky.

My personal favourite is pastry with poppy seed. I don't know of this is an Eastern Europe thing uniquely or I've just not heard anyone else doing this, but it's HUGE in Ukraine. See below:

Poppy seed rolls. We actually have a whole holiday decided to various poppy baked goods. And no, it's not drugs lmao. Different poppies. This is the first food I'd actually hard recommend anyone try because the taste and texture are pretty neutral-sweet but have a unique aftertaste that I enjoy a lot.

Onto another food that is not Ukrainian but Generally Eastern European (and also Scandinavian) is rye bread. It's bread but Spicy™. It's hard to describe but I'd say it's very similar to sourdough but thicker and more savoury and sour. Definitely an acquired taste but I love it.

Pampushky is like a Ukrainian co-evolution of Chinese(?) steamed buns. Very very similar in everything but the process. The texture is almost the same, just less airy if anything.

Wikipedia actually has very thoughtful overview there so I'd advise going through it if you're curious.

That said Ukrainian cuisine is a bit of a painful topic. Because of USSR and Russian empire a lot of cultures got mixed (quite, quite violently, usually via deportation and relocation) so anything you'd find in Ukraine also exists in another corner of the continent by a different name, and a lot of it isn't Ukrainian. Post-USSR countries have a very painful past with this in particular, and it's even worse in Ukraine before of how long we've been colonised and persecuted against. Poverty and starvation are not good cuisine make, so we've made with what we could. Which is pretty good all things considered, lmao.

That's why I hesitate to call anything but borscht uniquely Ukrainian, because chances are it's just not. So it's kind of hard to explain to someone who's not been there.

I think I'll just sign it off with saying that I sustain myself almost exclusively on instant noodles so I'm not a reputable source of information lmao

[emperorblargus]

Independence Day, UK: Declaring Independence from the Far-Right %$#@

So it's election day in the UK, and I had my vote in the post a long time ago. Specifically, I voted for the Liberal Democrats, because they had a decent standing in this constituency and explicitly said they're going to try to reverse Brexit. Reaction GIF below.

That doesn't mean the EU will accept, or that the deal we'll get will be the same as last time, but it's a critical move to fixing wrongs. Without rejoining at least the Single Market, Customs Union, and getting freedom of movement back we're going to be having issues with our own supply chains that won't go away. They can't go away, because we're not self-sufficient, because self-sufficiency isn't on these islands all it's cracked up to be, and because setting ourselves out as being a "global player" requires us to be able to easily trade and work with our biggest and most reliable partners, which is to say Europe.

If you're voting today, and are reading this, you should take care to understand what that *means* in terms of action as a citizen. Obviously if you live in Scotland, vote SNP, as they've taken a sensible stance on this and have always been for remain and rejoin in recent history. If you live in Wales, vote Plaid Cymru, for similar reasons. If you live in England, there's no explicit "English National Party" that is for working in a civic manner, but you have a choice between the Green Party and Liberal Democrats, and mostly the latter. Corbyn in Islington (and a few others) - I don't think Corbyn's stance on Ukraine is good, but that doesn't actually matter as he's likely not going to be a kingpin in making any of those decisions. This is about sending a message to the other reactionaries, and will cover this later.

On the matter of Ukraine... if anything DOES happen and Ukraine starts to fall back, this invasion is coming here. That's what history says. There's a lot of excuses, but the fact Russia launched a massive invasion in February of 2022 indicates they're not going to stop. The global conservative movement is behind these people, because something about "transgender anarchy in Ukraine" or "wokeness", according to the talking heads, or for that matter just genociding the Ukrainian people which is literally what's being said on Russian telly.

If Russia gets Ukraine, then they'll push westward. That's why it has to stop in Ukraine, and without Ukraine giving up any land. You know what would also help with defending Europe? An EU Army. This is why we need to rejoin, so you vote for a party that's going to put us on this path.

Note from the list of parties, I exclude from this Labour, as Labour has attempted to court the same socially conservative, anti-migrant, and prejudicial element responsible for running the Conservative Party into the ground. The Conservative Party already had issues before it swallowed the agenda of this reactionary element, but things in Britain took a steep downturn after brexit, with the disastrous handling of the pandemic, and finally the "markets" (hardly a communist creation) finally cracked when the agenda of CPAC-attending Liz Truss was launched. All this at the whim of this "reactionary element". You know, maybe it's better not to court those people AT ALL? At some point you gotta say enuf is enuf, not that it wasn't plain obvious beforehand where that agenda was going.

Trying to placate these people is... how much better than trying to placate people like Putin or The Former Guy? Seriously, people tried that. It didn't work, and none of the systems we thought would snap in to play or individuals we relied on to take action did. It didn't work "last time" either, save for the British PM to arrange re-armament of the country without relying on an alliance of countries that it turned out were quite fascist-curious as well. At least, however, Chamberlain acted in a manner that admitted this was not a long term solution and the push would come to shove. We don't seem to have that notion anymore. You know what's a good idea? Making sure they don't have "their guys" in Parliament in a significant number.

The advantage of getting rid of both Conservatives, and Reform, and knocking them into at least third place (if not fourth place), is that it also ensures these parties don't get a bullhorn in Parliament as they will not be the official opposition. That's due to Parliamentary rules. It means eliminating them from the running. Quite possibly this means the "end" of the conservative party, which is the "ultimate prize" here. It means making sure the main parties in coming decades are ones that are liberals, environmentalists, and civically-minded. Given that Labour seems to be in course for a large majority based on polling, giving your vote to other parties that are more progressive, more internationalist, understanding the coming challenges, more competent, and are also not so willing to let a vocal reactionary minority derail them, is a good idea.

And regards not letting a vocal reactionary minority derail a party, this is critical. How do you deal with these people? You don't give them an inch and you say the buck ends with you. Backing down in any sense of the word is weakness to these people. It's not going to give you any respect, and it may well not give you their vote, or actually telling these people to get stuffed may give you their vote, or you had their vote already and you didn't need to do anything about it. Ask yourself why these peoples' idols are often autocrats and the like. Don't ask me to make it make sense. Their view is more in line with "might is right" than any enlightenment ideals. You don't think like that, I don't think like that, but these people do think like that and you "act accordingly". The sooner you start pushing back, the sooner you free yourself from their %$#@.

Go Vote, and make it Independence Day from these people

[vintage-marina]

Why didn't you pt. 2

pt 1

This is angst again

You can't help but think about how different your life would be if the Eternals would have interfered.

wordcount: 929 words

TW: death, talking about sacrificing, deppression/numbness, grief, death, mentioning about the Red Room

"My sister," you said in a low whisper.

You were met with a heavy silence.

You turned your gaze away from Druig and Makkari, pulling yourself in a ball you sat on the outest corner of the couch. Your eyes were empty, with little hints of red splattered around.

You sniffled.

The Eternals were too shocked to say anything, even Ikaris who was the catalyst of this whole mess.

Guilt.

That's how they felt, especially Druig. Eyes watery and heart heavy they were watching you, observing you. Makkari couldn't help but blink away her tears and she noticed that Druig did the same.

Shocked.

Not only guilt was what they felt, they were shocked too. Never, never was a mortal furious at them, or accusing them of murder. No, the humans were always so lovely to them, always postive, always bright, always curious maybe too much. The Eternals were welcomed with open arms during their period on Earth, sometimes more than others, but they were always welcomed. So when one person was so hostile to them they didn't knew how to act.

But it wasn't true, they didn't kill your sister, somehow they had to let you see that, but how?

During the heavy atmosphere you can't help but think about the endless posibilities.

You, you could've lived a normal childhood if they only just interfered.

You could've been happy.

If they interfered during Thanos attack on Earth, there was no need to bring back the other half.

If they had interfered maybe Natasha would still be alive.

Maybe she would still be alive.

Maybe she would still be alive.

She would still be alive, would she?

If you weren't dusted away, you maked sure she would still be alive. Defending her from any harm that had gotten to her. Even if you were the one that had to die at the end.

You didn't even know how she died, you only knew she did on a planet far far away from here.

Why couldn't you die on that stupid planet? Why her? Why Natasha and not someone else? Why not you?

Survival's guilt, that's how it's called.

Depression.

Mind and heart broken in million pieces.

You were and will always be a losing game, no matter how much the tide changed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" It was Sersi who's voice belonged to the sentence.

You lifted your head from your knees, getting out of your thoughts.

Anger turned into sadness, you couldn't be bothered to tug your hand out of Druig's after he grabbed yours.

"I don't know if I can," you mumbled, your Russia accent escaped after been hidden from a few years, thick with heavy emotions. You were getting scared, anxious even. If you dropped her name, they would know about your history. Something that you wanted to be deeply buried.

"It's okay," Makkari signed to you, giving an encouraging smile, you gave an hestitating smile back.

Hope.

Makkari and Druig felt hopeful after seeing your smile.

They killed her.

You arrowed your eyes, smile wavering.

They killed her and now they are trying to make it up to you?

"No, it's not," there was it again, the harshness in your voice. You pulled your hand out of Druig and stood up.

What was wrong with you? They betrayed you and you almost fell for their tactics.

You walked out the door, suddenly the need for fresh air was big.

Breath in, breath out.

You told yourself.

You sat on the porch of the house, putting your head against your knees. Why would they kill her? Why do you keep falling for their tactics?

You sat for about an hour.

You thought a lot with the lone time you had, with a calmer mind.

You came to the conclusion that it maybe wasn't their fault, but they sure could've helped. It was stupid for them to not intervere but that was basically the same with you when you said: "I couldn't do anything about that."

Ofcourse you could, but the manipulation ran so deep that you didn't saw it. Most of the times you still didn't.

So why blame them for something and excusing yourself for the exact same thing?

The sun was setting, the stars came out of their sleep and you watched the leaves dancing.

You danced too just like the leaves. A lot actually in the Red Room, sometimes until your feet were raw and bloody.

Feeling a presence near you, you looked up. It was Makkari and Druig.

"Can we sit with you?" he asked to you, they didn't wait for an answer.

They didn't said anything for a couple of minutes, just watching the sunset with you. You didn't want them here, but you can't lie they bring a sense of comfort that they only could gave.

"I don't understand my own emotions," your voice cracked. "Most of the time I don't feel anything, but today I got so angry and sad, I didn't even regconise myself.'' You pulled a hand through your hair. "I'm just so tired."

They didn't do anything in fear that you may reject them, but Makkari and Druig showed that they listened to you.

"The last few months, I showed emotions that I never thought I could feel. Some days it knocks me down, one single word, a photo, a sentence, an item that reminds me of her and I'm a mess, and I hate every minute of it.''

Makkari nudged you with her shoulder and signed: ''What's her name?''

You looked at her with empty eyes.

''Natasha, Natalia in Russian,'' you said, after contemplating if you should say her name.

You looked to the sunset again, missing the way how Druig and Makkari looked at eachother.

''I'm sorry,'' you said.

''Y/N,''

You acknowledged Druig.

''Do you mean Natasha Romanoff?''

You looked to the stars this time, hoping to see the planet where she laid on.

''Yes.''

You could've swore you saw the change into their eyes after they realised. Tension hung thick again and nobody spoke. You bowed your head again, but in shame this time.

Taglist: @lcvelyth @xoxoloverb @thesecretanimewriter @ghostchild30 @uwiuwi

[gee-thewallflower]

I know that this is not the topic if my blog which is mostly just fandom stuff but I would like to address an important issue.

I just got a curious and looked at what some people on this site(and other) say about Russians because of the war. I am Russian I am 17 and I think I would like to say what I see and feel.

This war is a crime. I genuinely don't know how many Russians actually support putin I see the z-signs in the underground stations, buses, on the car windows and every time I am disgusted and angry. I can't even believe that my country (in which for decades people were taught that there's nothing worse than war) is going to get to the point where its leader (with support of some civilians) is going to invade Ukraine, a country that was a friend. It literally feels surrealistic.

Most of my family support putin and I hate it. But I would like to try to explain one of the main reasons why some people support him. A LOT of putin supporters are elderly people who get ALL information from TV and newspapers. They don't know exactly what is happening and the government has always been good at convincing them things.

As for others who support the war, I hate them and they are either extremely violent and stupid and they should go fuck themselves.

I am disgusted angry and scared that things happening in Ukraine are even happening. People of all ages are being killed tortured raped and who knows what else. AND I AM SO SO SORRY THAT MY COUNTRY IS RESPONSIBLE. There aren't enough words in the world to express how much I hate all of this.

Putin (and his accomplices) is a criminal, killer and a madman who is destroying lives of both Ukrainian and Russian people. There are kids in both countries that are never going to be able to have a future. Some of them die , some injured, some will never be able to live a normal life of find a job, some of my classmates might have to go to war nomatter what they think (if all of this continues).

What I want to say I guess is that there are good people in Russia. We hate this and despise putin for this war. I want to say that I'm sorry that I'm unable to do anything except spreading awareness among Russian people, trying to make them see what is happening.

I decided to write this here because the posts that I read often contained hate and wished a cruel death upon Russians. That really hurt. I understand what people are feeling and believe me, I wish the same thing upon all these cruel people who are doing horrible things in Ukraine but please I'm begging you to believe that there are good people here to. People who are trying to fight it and whare scared, hurt and who hate themselves for not being able to do more.

[willymywonkers]

Pure Imagination

Summary: We get introduced into the world of Maude Figgle, and how one of her students, Charlie Bucket, reunites her with an old friend.

A/N: This too longer than I'd like to admit lmaoooo. This is my first time writing a willy wonka fic, so constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!!

The chocolate factory at the edge of town was always a mystery to people. Its large tunnels stood tall casing a shadow over people. All of Willy Wonka's delectable goods were protected behind hundreds of walls of steel and black bricks that were absolutely impenetrable.

Maude had seen the factory about a dozen times, and each time, she wondered what would it be like to go inside. She had always admired the elusive chocolatier from a far, but she was so nervous to actually talk with him.

Maude had remembered a time when Willy Wonka wasn't famous, and was just a boy that lived two blocks down from her. Of all people, Will was the nicest boy she'd ever met. When they were younger, Maude would enjoy spending her time with Will, encouraging him to take risks, and be a little impulsive. Will knew she was a bit wild, but that's what he liked about her. Someone who wasn't afraid of any consequences and just went with the heart told them.

However, things began to get rough for Maude. She wasn't the little girl that pushed the boundaries anymore. She was Will's partner, and she was the main It happened when Maude met her ex husband, Ronald. Ron was extremely jealous of Will. It was apparent that Will liked Maude more than anyone else. Will didn't like touching other workers. That was the main reason he wore gloves.

However, he acted differently around Maude. He seemed to be more comfortable with touching her, and letting her touch him. Ron caught sight of this. He deemed that Maude belonged to him.

Eventually, Ron made Maude cut all contact from Will. This happened when Willy was going through a sharp decrease in candy sales. With people all over the world after his secrets, Will didn't really have anybody he could trust. Other than Maude.

Maude didn't want to quit working with Will, but Ron didn't give her much of a choice. Ron had gotten more and more controlling towards her, thus affecting her mental health greatly.

Then, she snapped at Ron, telling him that this was wrong. Ron slapped her across the face. The next day, Maude resigned.

The news crushed Willy, causing him to close the factory for good.

Years later, Maude divorced Ron, taking her own independence back. Maude often would walk by the factory, but it was a painful reminder to her, and how she treated her best friend.

Maude became a chemistry teacher, so that she could be close with children, and help their young minds grow. Of course, there were students that would barely pay attention, and would ignore what she said altogether. However, there was one student in her class that she was very fond of. A young boy named Charlie Bucket.

He was quite clever for his age, and he would always be interested whatever experiments she was conducting.

"Good morning, Ms. Figgle," Charlie said, walking into the classroom.

Maude smiled at the boy. Her glasses hung from the bridge of her nose. "Good morning, Charlie. Did you enjoy winter break?"

He nodded. "But, I didn't get anything this year."

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear." Maude knew about Charlie's financial situation. She always tried to make things a little more lenient on him, unlike his other teachers.

"It's alright. Christmas is about spending time with your family, anyways."

Maude nodded. "Well, I've got a present for you, Charlie."

She got out a medium sized box wrapped in newspaper, and handed it to him.

"What is it?" He asked.

"You're just gonna have to open it to find out."

It was a brown sweater with a black stripe in the front.

Charlie smiled at the present, though he seemed taken aback by the gesture.

"I can't accept this." Charlie said, putting the sweater back in the box.

"But, it's frigid out there. You'll need it." Maude handed Charlie back the sweater.

He smiled up at Maude. "You're right. I really appreciate it, Ms. Figgle."

The kids all plied into the class at once. Excitement from being back from break made all the kids rambley and quite loud.

"Have you heard about the golden tickets?"

"I'm gonna get the first one."

All the kids seemed to be chattering all about these golden tickets. Maude hadn't a clue about what they were.

"Golden tickets?" Maude asked, looking slightly confused.

"There was an announcement about it last night. Mr. Wonka is going to be opening up his factory for 5 children all over the world." Charlie said, clearing up her confusion.

Maude's eyes lit up. "Really? That's incredible!"

Charlie agreed.

This fact made Maude's heart jump. She really wanted to see Will again, but she knew she barely had a chance. 5 golden tickets in the whole world, and there was only one of her. She tossed her excitement aside in hopes that a kid truly worthy of the ticket takes it.

A few weeks go by and the first ticket is found. Maude was sitting in front of her television when it was announced. She wasn't surprised that the first ticket was found by some kid who ate chocolate all the time, but it was how quickly he found it.

After that, each kid was worst than the last. It really pained her to see such rotten kids get all the spotlight, when kids like, Charlie, were barely making ends meet.

Maude found herself back at the factory, wondering what was going on inside.

"Hello, Ms. Figgle!" Charlie called from behind.

Maude turned around, snapping out of her thoughts. "Oh, hello, Charlie. What are you doing here?"

"Why are you always staring at the factory?" Charlie countered.

Maude gulped. "Well, you see, a long time ago, I actually knew Mr. Wonka."

"You did? I think my grandpa told me about it."

"Right, but I didn't just work for him. I was his partner in it all. I did all the experiments. I created new kinds of candy every day."

Maude and Charlie began walking down the snowy street, as Maude told Charlie the many adventures her and Mr. Wonka shared.

"Were you ever in love with Mr. Wonka?" Charlie asked, jokingly.

Maude chuckled. "Of course not."

Of course, she was lying to herself. She couldn't see herself standing beside him. Maude felt that Willy deserved someone better, especially when all she did was burn him.

Maude's smile faltered. She felt an ache in her heart.

"Ms. Figgle, are you alright?"

Maude turned her head towards Charlie. "Huh?"

"I was asking if you were alright."

"Oh yeah. I'm fine."

The two continued walking down the street, passing by a candy shop.

"Do you think I could ever win a golden ticket?" Charlie seemed a bit down. "I only get one wonka bar a year for my birthday, and my grandpa spend his last shilling."

"Let me tell you this, Charlie, you're a bright young man." Maude kneeled down to his level, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I believe in you. You are worthy of a golden ticket. All those other kids don't have the kindness you share with others. And, as someone who's personally worked for Wonka, I'd save the best for last."

Charlie's spirits picked up. He smiled brightly, thanking Maude before heading home.

The next day, rumors speculated that some kid in Russia had found the last ticket, but it was later proven to be false. This rose to more anticipation to who would be the last ticket holder.

While reading through the newspaper, Maude found out that Charlie had found the very last golden ticket. Maude smiled widely. One of her students found the last golden ticket. She couldn't be more proud of him.

She stood amongst the crowd outside. She couldn't stay for long, but she wanted just a glimpse of Wonka, however, there was too many people in her way.

A few weeks later, it seemed that more and more people were curious about the factory. Charlie had told her some of the things that happened during his trip. Things that were completely outlandish, and weird. A girl turning into a blueberry? And, a boy nearly drowning into a chocolate river?

"You know, Mr. Wonka wasn't as nice as I thought he was." Charlie said.

"What do you mean?" Maude asked.

"Well, he was nice at first. He was going to offer me his entire factory. On the condition that I wouldn't ever see my family again."

Maude sighed. "Right."

This was quite like Will. Family wasn't at the forefront of his mind. Trusting people was also a big issue with him, considering in the past most of his workers turned against him.

"Have you ever thought about seeing Mr. Wonka again?" Charlie asked.

Maude looked at Charlie, with a wishful smile on her face. "All the time."

Another few weeks ago by, and Maude hadn't seen much of Charlie. She began to worry about him.

One day, she heard a knock on her door.

"Hello?" She answered.

Charlie was standing at the door, smiling up at her. "Good morning, Ms. Figgle."

"It's quite early, Charlie." She chuckled. "What is it?"

"I wanted you to meet someone."

Maude opened the door to see a man in a top hat, smiling nervously at her.

"Will?" Maude said, as tears were pricking from her eyes. Her heart was jumping out of her chest.

"Hey Maude." Willy smiled.

She pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Will was taken aback by the hug, but awkwardly caved in. He could hear soft sobbing coming from her, but he didn't mind.

Charlie smiled at the two.

In this one moment, Maude truly felt the pure happiness and joy as she felt when she was a child.

[zu-is-here]

Hi Zu!

That's alright, no worries 💞 I know you're busy with your diploma, and, unlike our conversation, it has a certain deadline (x Get this thing done first, I'm rooting for you!

You mentioned it was quite hot in Saint Petersburg, and I can't help but add that 25°C isn't considered as the hot weather here in Volgograd. Russia is huge, every region has a different type of climate, so stereotypes about the cold don't actually work. 25°C is a nice yet rare temperature in our city. It's usually either pretty cold (mostly because of the steppe, there's nothing to stop the winds) or extremely hot. Like, 40-50°C under the sun. Now that's hot, and it's still in Russia! Nothern cities are a completely another matter, of course, so I get why you consider that temperature hot (x My beloved lives in Murmansk, and I visited her in winter and in summer, and, being above the Arctic circle, it's completely different from Saint Petersburg or Moscow, let alone southern cities like Volgograd. It's really fascinating how vast Russia's territory is, and how the climate and the temperatures vary. I guess I wanted to share not only with you but also with the foreign followers of yours, who might know much less about our country; hope you wouldn't mind.

By the way, where do you prefer to walk when the weather allows some time outside? In the parks, on the busy main streets or, on the contrary, on the quiet alleys? Somewhere else? Do you listen to music, or watch people, or?.. I remember you like being alone, does that apply to walking? And if it's in a company, then a big one or just a couple of people? Any other details are welcome as well, I'm always curious and ready to listen whatever you choose to share (:

Same for me! Only my legs are cold almost all the time, except for the summer when it's mostly hot — enough to get my legs warm as well, I suppose (x But slippers are there no matter what, since I'm kind of uncomfortable walking on bare feet.

Thank you too! I'm glad to be able to start this tradition of asking random questions, and it's you who made me feel comfortable enough for that 🌻

Thanks for the reassurance, and for always believing in me! It really means a lot. And I'll continue doing my best no matter what ✨

I've thought about this, but I'm not sure where to start. It's kind of hard to find a good reviewer, I guess?.. Or maybe I've been looking in the wrong direction, I'm not sure. And no, I can't ever find the right words, that's the problem. When there are descriptions and dialogues and characteristics, I don't feel a thing about my own words, so they are wrong, but I have no idea how to find the right ones because I don't feel a thing about any of them, repeat the cycle. It's always like I'm throwing words randomly, and that's not what I want, not at all. How do I balance showing and telling, dialogue, actions, and descriptions, how do I let myself write a draft and, if I manage that, how do I polish it? No idea. I've been writing for so many years, and it doesn't work out yet, isn't even starting to work out. That's really upsetting and frustrating. I'm still trying, obviously, but it really is a dead end.

Keep up the good work, too, and best of luck with your diploma!

Take care 💞 *hugs*

Hi anfie╰(*´︶`*)╯

Thank you for your message! And thanks a lot for supporting me ♡

You're right, it was really incompetent of me to speak for all Russians; our country is so huge it has several climatic zones so each region has its own way and the stereotype of "eternal winter" doesn't work everywhere x)

Oh it's always different <3 If alone, I limit myself to a walk in the park or along quiet alleys listening to the music; if in the company, no matter how big, it's more fun to go to the city center, though parks are really a universal option, especially with access to the gulf *^* What about you?

I can relate to (>3<) Consider warming your feet though! As Suvorov said, "keep your feet warm, your head cold, your stomach in hunger" (ùwú)

It's not a dead end yet! I'm sure you can find the right way (òwó) If you feel like you're marking time and can't get out, maybe it's the time for something new — new literature, new courses, new crossroads for inspiration! A breath of fresh air can help tame your talent which is amazing already ☆

Again, thank you!! Good luck and take care *hugs* ♡

[winterbirb]

but why do u feel the need to 'ship' real people at all idgi (and how does it help with understanding politics, genuinely asking)

I'm gonna assume this question is genuine and respond in kind. Basically this is gonna be a whole cringe essat because I can't be a Normal Person.

Why? Well, there are a lot of reasons, but most of them boil down to one thing: it's fun! It's fun.

People like it for different reasons (as with everything). Personally I enjoy the character dynamics and turning some of the most powerful people in the world into my fucked up little action figures to play pretend with. But some people are just... horny! That's just how it is.

Take a deep breath, I'm about to be kinda cringe, but personally my favorite thing to do is to take everything I know about world leaders and make a sort of Avengers-Fandom-2012 shtick, where all the characters have their own backstories and conflicts but they all have the same Hell Job so they become familiar over time.

Some people do it as a political... vent? Let's just say there's an explicit trump/putin/shrek fic out there. I haven't read it, I do not want to, I don't think I'd enjoy it, but some people use sex as a rhetorical device to express perceptions of the world.

How does it help understand politics better?

Like why it's fun, there are multiple reasons. And I do want to clarify that this doesn't necessarily make someone a better activist (although it can). Here are a few reasons:

1. It incentivizes learning about politicians' personal lives and motivations beyond headlines or talking points. This isn't some deep act of resistance, it just by nature makes people more informed... because they know more.

1a. It incentivizes seeing politicians as whole human beings. This makes politics easier to understand, full stop. Of course, one should be careful not to confuse ""fanon"" with actual observable patterns about how politicians act. Frankly, if you've done enough research to see through a bad characterization in a fanfic, you'll probably also be better at seeing through actual media bias. All skills are connected.

2. It often introduces people to less obscure politicians and untaught political circumstances. I'll use ruspol as an example. Everyone in the damn world knows who Vladimir Putin is. Less people know about Dmitry Medvedev and the tandemocracy. Less know about Dmitry Peskov. Even LESS know about Vladislav Surkov, and less know about Sergei Ivanov. Who knows about Anton Vaino? ....Well, I know some people in China know about all these obscure russian officials, because I've read their fanfic about them.

Anyone can write down anything they want, but if you want to write good fanfic, you should understand someone's backstory, yes? So you're interested in writing good fanfic about Vladimir Putin? Go read his backstory. Try to strip away the bias, if you can work past an unreliable narrator in fiction, you can do it now. Oh? You're confused about his job in the 90s? It'll probably help if you learn about what the 90s were like in Russia. Now you know something vitally important about international affairs and how Russia currently acts, something that not even high level news anchors seem bothered to learn about. And you didn't learn because anyone guilted you into it, but because you wanted to. You were curious.

Even if you're just writing a pwp, if you do any research to get little facts about the characters or political venue or institutions right, you're still learning about research skills and how to synthesize learned info into a narrative.

And personally, I've found that seeing things in a fandom context simply makes it SO much easier for me to learn things. It helps me separate the individual from the institution - so I've gotten much better at separating someone's personal motives from the inescapable trappings of the system they work for. Some people don't see this as useful. I do, because in my opinion? I don't care about whether someone is "going to heaven or hell". I care about isolating institutional problems so we can figure out institutional solutions.

...

Oh, also, researching politicians to hell and back makes it Very Obvious when somebody's just spitting out a bunch of buzzwords for clout. I consider myself a lot more independent of other people's political opinions now. But that has its downsides, re: *gestures vaguely at all of the discourse*

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Brother': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Brother"

"You need to stay strong...a warrior believing in our Greater Russia..."

Chapter Summary: The investigation at Peter's place put Yirina's mood in a bad way, impossible to express how she feels to Park and to talk to her, now trying to forgive herself about that and just trying to forget things...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3200

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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What I saw inside Peter's apartment didn't actually give me a better mood from earlier today, acting a bit different than I usually am and finding myself rude at some point with Park when she was forgiving herself to me again for what she did. Peter was leading his own investigation against the Collective and hidden from the MI6 sight and I found out that even to him, I couldn't be fully trusted because of my past of having been 'Perseus child' and that, I should have known that even some people around me could still not see me as an ally because of what happened.

I came back to the car alone, wanting to have some relief and trying to think about myself as some cars were arriving on the street picking my curiosity and preparing my M1911 in the case of a surprise, ready to open fire before realizing that it was just the MI6 cleaning crew that was coming after Park made her call to them, me staying in the car as a witness of the scene while Park was supervising that part outside, guiding the others who were transporting card boxes outside to their car's trunks...all of Peter's work landing right into the MI6 hands and it was a lot at seeing those filled up boxes in their hands.

Once that this little cleaning was done in more than 20 minutes, the agents left the place, Park going back to the car to drive away and return to Century House for the car and then, walking back to the apartment but during those moments, I didn't move my lips once to start a discussion or to respond to Park who was trying on her own to do so with me, wanting to talk about things that weren't linked to what she did and our pasts but even with that happening, my lips stayed sealed during the drive and our walk back to the apartment until arriving in our bedroom.

Undressing and removing myself from the clothes I took with me as Park was looking sad, still trying to talk to me but nothing wanted to come out, not a goddamn word would be wanted to escape from my mouth despite that I would have like to do it, my mood wasn't just allowing me that to happen as it just wanted me to lay down on that bed in front of me and that's what I did, doing it without saying a word and looking away from Park, blank stare at the wall on my side of the bed.

Deep inside of me, I was feeling so bad for leaving Park without telling her what was wrong with me...everything was wrong, it was easy to think & guess but saying was harder...always been harder. To try to forgive me to her for this, I managed to turn around on the bed to look at her uncovered back, seeing those scars from her days in prison and the only thing I could do...was a cuddle with my arms, wrapping them around her and her reaction...I didn't want to know what she was going to think about it as I shut my eyes, drifting into sleep.

Two knocks...two knocks were the first things I could hear when I found myself standing upright in front of Zasha's apartment door in Moscow, dressed in my civilian's clothes: a dark green denim jacket, a black buttoned shirt, grey fingerless gloves blue jeans, and a pair of black boots, going over the bottom of my jeans. I was looking a bit worried about something I couldn't know before I starts to hear some footsteps coming through the door before it opened slowly but not entirely.

"Oh," I heard someone gasp at my sight before I could see Dedov behind the door, his body covering the space between the door and its frame. "That's...that's you, Yirina," He said, a little smile on his face.

"Hey, Dedov," I waved at him with my left hand, smiling too. "Is there Zasha here?" I asked him, trying to look inside but it was impossible as Dedov was on the way.

"Zeze?" I nodded at him. "No, they aren't here, they left to have a date with Portnova," He replied at me, his hands getting on the door.

"Oh okay, I thought that they will be here," I said, sounding a bit confused about it, scratching my right arm with my left hand.

"Well, that wasn't planned but the two didn't see each other since you & them...you know, left for your job in...Solovetsky, right?" He demanded, sounding curious.

"Yeah, it was more complicated than we thought and our work didn't allow us to make personal calls," I responded, my left hand crossing along my upper body to join the back of my head, scratching it. "I'm sorry about this," I apologized.

"No worries, it's okay if it was for your job," He exclaimed, accepting my apologies before a little weird silence got itself between the two of us as if it was impossible to find something to talk about.

"Uhm, since that Zasha isn't here...I guess that..."

"Oh no, you can come in," Dedov offered, getting the door open for me before leaning on the ground to catch the little Beans that was going for a run outside. "As for you, you can't come out, I told you that," He said, pointing at the cat who meowed at him, sounding a bit not understanding why she wasn't allowed to leave the place.

"Oww," I moaned at this scene, seeing Beans' eyes going into a cute mood focused on Dedov. "That's so cute," I affirmed, grinning as Dedov got Beans in his arms, holding her like a baby and giving her cuddles.

"Come in, I insist," Dedov insisted, gesturing at me to enter the apartment and seeing that there was nothing that was going to make me occupied, I decided to agree on his proposal and stepped inside the apartment. "You maybe want something? Tea? Coffee?"

"No, I wouldn't want to steal from Zasha's coffee reserves," I scoffed, him closing the door behind me while still holding Beans in his left arm before he laughed about it.

"Got lucky that the reserves didn't go down during the days you weren't here...well, until now," He added, releasing a friendly laugh at that remark from him. "The first thing they did when they come back after hugging me was to take one coffee...no, two...or three,"

"Put the blame on the coffee machines back at Solovetsky," I proclaimed, moving with him to the living room who was well cleaned up, a little TV turned on. "Coffee over there was awful, had to spit it multiples times, that's explaining why Zasha needed some...necessary caffeine in them," I continued, taking a breath as I walk next to the couch.

"I'm pretty sure that right now, they're arguing with Portnova about having another cup of coffee during their date," Dedov presumed, arriving in the room after me as he was just closing a door from the hallway leading to the living room.

"Them & their coffee," I muttered, rolling my eyes around before deciding to get sit on the couch.

"Go on, Beans, I'm letting you go," Dedov whispered as he leaned down to let Beans go back on the ground on her paws, directly taking the direction of the kitchen. "To say, it's nice to have an animal with me,"

"Sounds nice, shame that I didn't have the same luck on that part," I expressed, putting my hands on my lap, Dedov turning around to me with a curious face. "I can't have any animals with me at my apartment and because of a lot of things,"

"Why that?" He asked, starting to move towards a seat near the main couch. "Is this because you're not allowed to have animals in the place you're living?" I nodded.

"That but also because I can't let a little cat or puppy alone at my place while I'm away, my position isn't really helping me," I started, staying positive in my voice and gestures, feeling a bit sad to talk about it to him. "And also because I would have trouble to take care of an animal,"

"Like, you need someone else with you for that or...you want to have one but your current life isn't helping?" He guessed, me nodding at the second part of his question.

"Freya is there...well, not always here but our lives aren't allowing us to do that and even, I have to convince Freya about having either a cat or a puppy,"  I fully answered, my fingers tapping over my legs in a slow pace. "She's like me but she doesn't see the interest of having an animal with us, you know?" I added. "I don't want to force her much about this,"

"I understand," Dedov agreed, us both getting on the same line of thinking about that subject as he got himself comfy on his seat. "You know, I never thought that Freya was Norwegian, her name wasn't sounding very Russian to me," He commented.

"Yes, she is, Norwegian at heart," I smiled, just by thinking about it. "Even if she's been working with Perseus since we're been raised together by him, she's a patriot, she doesn't want to see Scandinavia getting caught in the Cold War," I continued, giving a part of the vision on her actually.

"I see, seems normal," Dedov simply told, his face telling that talking about Freya wasn't in fact the best idea of the moment, maybe thinking that he wouldn't want to have her name pronounced. "To change, why...Uhm...why did you want to see Zasha?" They asked me, turning his head to perceive Beans coming from the kitchen and in my direction.

"To give them..." I moved my right arm to reach the inside of my jacket, grabbing a sort of white envelope in my hand. "To give to you two some money," I revealed, handing over the envelope to him.

"Uhm..." He was looking a bit hesitating to take it in his hands before he resigned himself to do so. "Why?" He asked, starting to open the envelope to see the money inside.

"Money isn't my reason to live and if I can secure better tomorrows for you & Zasha, I will," I admitted, joining my hands together while Beans was starting to caress herself along my feet. "I don't need too many things to live with,"

"Like...why you don't try to pleasure yourself?" He demanded, putting the envelope on the little brown table that was separating us, the sounds of the Soviet National Anthem emitting from the TV in a low tone. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't do this but...why you don't try to...you know what I mean..."

"I'm not a person that wants to show what she did, I just want to have a normal life," I replied, feeling Beans around my legs and prompting me to take her over my lap as she was insistent to get petted by me. "I can understand that my actions aren't the best for me, you ain't the only one who told me that: Freya, Perseus & even Zasha at some time," I added, gesturing with my left fingers for counting while my right hand was stroking Beans' head. "I know that I should profit from my life but can I really enjoy it when the person I'm working with is a terrorist?"

"I...I don't know," He said, having no answer to it as I thought, he couldn't tell me how. "Me, I know that living here in Moscow isn't the thing I want to do for the rest of my life," He proclaimed, Beans moving her head towards him. "I want to go to Yale, Havard or better, Oxford," He told me.

"Western Universities?" He nodded at me.

"Hard to say but that's my dream," He claimed, smiling. "Zeze wants the 'best for their brother' as they sometimes said to Portnova but about that, it's a bit hard to make it true," He confessed, staying silent to listen to him. "What do you think about it?" He asked.

"I'm not the one to ask about something like this but yeah, I hope that you'll live your dream," I responded, trying to give my best opinion on the surprise question he asked me.. "Don't worry, Dedov, we'll find a solution for that," I said with a little smile to him before I looked at Beans, still caressing the top of her head as she was laid down on my lap.

"What do you think about it, our little Beans?"

I tried to not think about what was Park's reaction when my arms wrapped around her to give her cuddles to forgive myself but when I slowly opened my eyes in her direction, I was already feeling that something was wrong...my arms were both against the bed, wrapped around just nothing, my brain taking seconds to realize that Park wasn't here in the bed with me and in the seconds I realized that I was mixed between getting panicked or not...maybe that she was already prepared and taking breakfast, the time saying 8:24 AM.

Panic, not panic, panic, not panic...that's what I thought, and honestly, I shouldn't be panicking for that. So, after a bit of calming myself down a bit, I got up from the bed to get inside my clothes, using the same one I used last night when we had to move away in an emergency. Thinking about that while putting on my jeans was making me wonder how Zasha & Portnova will take the news, the bad having happened: Peter was missing and may be dead while Sarah was abducted by Perseus.

With a big deep breath once I put my light green jacket around me that I walk to open the door, getting out of the room to join up the others in the dining room but then...as I moved to the room and entering it, there was only Zasha present at the table with only their side of the table filled with cutlery and food as the other place were empty.

"Uhm...are you alone?" I asked them, looking around the room and to the living room part behind me, having seen no one except them here. "Where's Park? Portnova?"

"Portnova is still sleeping, she got a bad dream and I had to give her some water at 4 AM," They replied at first, sounding a bit low in their voice. "Very bad dream," They added.

"And...and Park?" I continued, my voice breaking down for that but also for hearing about Portnova, seeing that memory when I talked with her alone near the Moskova.

"You should sit down, okay?" Zasha proposed. "Have breakfast, will you?"

"Where's Park, Zasha?" I demanded, insisting on it despite their pleas before they moved away from their chair to face me.

"She's...she left earlier," They revealed, looking impossible for them to look at me in the eyes. "I tried to convince her to wait for you but she said that she got a call from the MI6, had to go before us," They added to their response, making me think that she probably didn't like my attitude with her last night.

"Shit, fuck," I cursed, shaking my head about that. "I'm going in too now," I said, starting to move to get to the front door before Zasha stepped in front of me.

"Yirina, you need to take breakfast and..." They started, moving their hands above my shoulders, wanting to say something else than this but..."Just sit down and eat something, would you?" They demanded at me, our eyes meeting again and pleading with mine.

"Fine," I sighed in a bad mood, turning around to walk towards the seat I'm always using, Zasha staying at their spot. "Did...did she told you about..." I sit on the chair, looking at them.

"Peter & Sarah?" They guessed, nodding at me. "Yeah, she did...fucking bad to hear that," They moved away to go back to their seat, my eyes crossing around the food they were having near them. "I just can't believe it,"

"I'm sorry," I apologized, my hands getting on the top of the table before crossing my arms. "Did you know if the two had families?" I asked them

"No, the two were mostly discreet in their personal lives, Peter was the one doing it the most," They responded, making me do a silent sigh away from them by looking down at my lap. "Even if we know each other since I became an MI6 agent, the two weren't willing to talk about them," They continued, crossing their arms like me.

"I'm sorry about having to make you learn that, Zed," I apologized again, tapping my fingers on my arms at a slow & silent pace, a silence coming between us that someone needed to break. "Uhm...I've got two memories back last night, you...do you want to know?" I changed the subject for the moment, unsure if the subject I chose was better.

"Tell," They simply said.

"The first one was talking with Portnova along the Moskova, only with her," I started, concentrating myself to remember it well. "She was scared about how things were happening days after...Dedov left," I added, seeing them froze in place at hearing their brother's name. "That's the first time I saw her cry in tears, it was troubling,"

"I know...she's never like that," Zasha exclaimed, their voice sadder than ever at saying it.

"The second one....it's Dedov," I admitted, thinking that I shouldn't be talking of Dedov with Zasha, knowing the current state of Dedov now. "We talked about you, things and...yeah, we talked," I breathed, stopping myself in my words, looking at Zasha who was saddened of hearing more & more about Dedov, remembering the moment I told them of Dedov's state. "My night was hard to live, things are still shitty, I didn't talk to Park at all since we left Peter's place and I'm feeling bad about a lot of things, a fucking lot," I said, holding back my tears inside of me and moving my arms on my lap.

"You don't need to..."

"Feel bad? Why shouldn't I be good?" I asked them, cutting them straight in their words. "No, I can't, I'm just trying my best to not convince myself to end the misery that I call my life," I told them like that, going up from my seat, without having eaten anything. "I want to save Dedov, to make Park & everyone happy and that we can destroy Perseus but my life is just getting resumed at reliving almost each night something that is saying that my life is filled with trauma, I'm going to live with that for months, even years," I raised up my voice as I moved to the front door, Zasha this time doing nothing to stop me.

"Yirina, I...you don't need to feel bad," They insisted, finishing their sentences that they couldn't finish. "I know the pain you're facing with...that brainwashing bullshit, we're all here for you,"

"Yeah but...I can't feel myself alone and each day, I'm getting lonely inside myself, discovering about who was 'Yirina Grigoriev' before she was left for dead on an airstrip in Turkey," I muttered, putting my hands on the front door handle to open it. "I'm holding my promises, don't worry, Zasha," I then opened the door, ready to leave for Century House before I turned around to look at them, a look of sadness on our both faces...

"I'm trying my best but I'm holding my promises to everyone,"

[doctorodyssey]

22, 23, 28, 34, 48, 49, 57, 61, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 95, 97, and 98

SNDSODNEINDIEKE SORRY IM JUST CURIOUS

LDJDJDJDJD DONT APOLOGIZE OMG THANK U FOR CARING ABT ME 💗💗💗

22. role model?

i don't really have one honestly

23. strange habits?

i compulsively feel my teeth with my tongue...i like to shower in almost completely darkness also.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

i actually don't really see/hear a lot of commercials bc i haven't had cable for like 5 years, i have spotify premium, and i never listen to the radio. instead i will share a somewhat related fact: sometimes random lines from shows get stuck in my head and one that happened recently was nick on new girl saying "everyone you know will be dead" in a very specific way.

38. lemonade or tea?

unsweetened iced tea no offense southerners

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

coincidentally (since i mentioned this book a few mins ago) i really love this quote from a room with a view:

"we cast a shadow on something wherever we stand, and it is no good moving from place to place to save things; because the shadow always follows. choose a place where you won't do harm - yes, choose a place where you won't do very much harm, and stand in it for all you are worth, facing the sunshine."

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

one of my favorite lines on TV is [new girl spoilers if u somehow still don't know]

on new girl 5x21 when jess walks sam to the elevator after they break up and he says, "just out of curiosity, jess, why couldn't you marry me?" and she replies, "oh, i don't know..." and he gets in the elevator and faces her and says "come on jess, you know." and she's like "no i don't." and he's like, "yes you do, i mean i know." and she says "you do? then what is it?" and he says "you know." and she says "no, i...i don't know."

and then he says, "it's nick." then the elevator closes. THAT LINE!!!!!!! every time something like that happens on another show (person A is dating person B, person A has to inform person B that person B is clearly in love with person C) @communistmanifestopdf and i call it an it's nick moment

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cupcakes. cookies are overrated

87. your greatest fear?

ok tbh i feel like i don't have one big fear, just a bunch of small anxiety-based fears

88. your greatest wish?

communism. but like personally i just want to be happy most of the time, surrounded by people who ~nurture~ me, and have everything i need to thrive

89. who would you put before everyone else?

idk i don't think it's necessarily healthy to ALWAYS put one person (be it your partner/spouse or family members) before everyone else. people you love will inevitably harm other people you love and you will need to be able to deal with that fairly if you want to maintain relationships. sometimes your spouse/serious partner/relative is going do something that hurts someone else. however there are definitely situations where you should prioritize your serious partner/spouse over other people (reddit /AITA and /justnoMIL are full of examples lol)

90. luckiest mistake?

omg i can't think of an answer for this for some reason fkdjdjdnf

95. favorite app on your phone?

todoist <3 i use it for school and grocery lists and stuff. also flow free

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

i think only 4 not counting my own LMAO

98. favorite historical era?

18th century scotland bc i love the outlander show soundtrack. also medieval russia because of the winternight trilogy. (i don't use fictional sources to learn about history...just to clarify)

[citylightsbooks]

Writing from Fierce Love: Mira Sethi in Conversation

This is an excerpt of a free event for our virtual events series, City Lights LIVE. This event features Mira Sethi in conversation with Miranda Popkey, celebrating Sethi’s new short fiction collection Are You Enjoying? published by Knopf. This event was originally broadcast live via Zoom and hosted by our events coordinator Peter Maravelis. You can listen to the entire event on our podcast. You can watch it in full as well on our YouTube channel.

Miranda Popkey: I wanted to ask you about your protagonist at the end of that story ["Tomboy"]. And I won't spoil the twists and turns that the story takes, but she has a moment with her husband, where she's remarking on a mutual friend. And [the protagonist] describes her as “brave.” And I think that “brave” is a word that's overused when describing works of literature, but I'm curious what it means for her, for your character, but also for you, to be publishing work that is quite daring and that is really trying to paint a picture of different pockets, different communities, in Pakistan that we ignorant Americans may not be familiar with.

Mira Sethi: Miranda, thank you so much for asking that. And I'm not just saying this because I'm in conversation with you, but this has to the most thoughtful question I've been asked about my book, because a lot of the questions I've been asked so far have been about Pakistan and politics, and we’ll get to that. That's also very important. But thank you for asking that.

As far as my protagonist--without giving too much away--she calls the other lady “brave,” because that other lady is living life on her own terms. And it's not easy to live life on your own terms in a country like Pakistan, even if you have a lot of privilege, because of issues around sexuality and the often burdensome imperatives of family and your clan or your tribe and your parents. And then the larger superstructure above that, which is the state and the things that trickle down from the state. So my character says [the other woman] is brave because she, herself, is living this dual life and she hasn't yet been able to come to terms with what it is that she wants. Although this, I imagine, is a turning point for her.

And for me, yes, I did think a lot about what the repercussions might be for writing about queer lives in Pakistan. But, you know, I'm in my thirties now, and I believe very strongly in a certain set of principles. I'm an outspoken feminist in Pakistan. That sometimes gets me into trouble. And I am going to write the things that I know and I love deeply. This book actually comes from a place of fierce love, and trauma and heartache and comedy, but mostly it comes from a place of love. And buttressing my fear is my love for people who are struggling to live life on their own terms. And so I wrote this hoping that if there are--I know I have so many queer friends in and out of Pakistan--I'm hoping that maybe if they read this, they can glimpse their lives and feel seen, because fiction is ultimately the desire to write, the desire to be seen fully.

Miranda Popkey: Absolutely. I completely agree that it's hard to imagine a life that you have not seen represented. And I think that's the experience that your protagonist is having. In that moment, she's seeing the life that she wishes she could live. Instead, as you say, she's living sort of a double life where she's married, but she does have queer desires.

Mira Sethi: Absolutely. And I didn't just struggle with this. I was kind of petrified while writing some of these, and not just "Tomboy" but also the title story, "Are You Enjoying?" because it's about infidelity, a love affair, an illicit relationship, a taboo relationship.

So I'm writing about sex, you know? Yes, I worried a lot about that. I'm worried about if somebody screenshots a really vivid passage and then says, “Look at her. She's spreading vulgarity.” I mean, this is something I deal with in my life as an actress as well. But yes, at the level of the sentence, it's definitely something I think about, but I didn't ever let that stop me from saying what I wanted. And in many ways, Miranda, I think it actually makes you more creative. I am not wishing censorship upon anyone. God knows, when there was censorship in Russia, people still wrote. There is a ton of censorship in Pakistan, and we still manage to tell stories. And it's not great, but it does force your most creative instincts out of you in a way that when you can say things very openly and very clearly, the mind isn't concentrated. It leads to a certain concentration of the mind when you're forced to say things in code. And I did for "Tomboy" a little bit.

Miranda Popkey: I think just from the craft perspective, it's also interesting that the story that is most explicit in its treatment of queer themes, and most affirming and its treatment of queer themes, is also the only first-person story. I think that's an exciting, exceptional choice.

Mira Sethi: May I tell you a cute little story? So I wrote this story, which had a very different shape and form, literally three weeks before I submitted it to my editor. And I showed it to a friend who was queer. And she said to me, very politely, she said, “You know, Mira, I love you, and you're a great writer, but you're not queer. And you're writing this queer story from the point of view of queer desire.” My protagonist in the early drafts would look at women in a certain way. And she said to me, “You’re great, but this is not working. You don't know what queer desire is like, so don't try and enter that consciousness. But you do know about patriarchy. So why don't you reframe this story from the point of view of patriarchy.”

And man, that was such a hallelujah moment, because I was really struggling with the story in the early drafts. And then as soon as she said that, I was like, “Oh my god, yes.” This was actually reading as comic writing, because I don't know about queer desire. And then I reframed the whole story. And it was a real breakthrough moment for me, because then the story just ran when I started reframing it from the point of view of patriarchy.

Miranda Popkey: Well, I'm glad that your friend gave you this wonderful piece of advice.

Can you talk about your editing and revision process?

Mira Sethi: Oh my god. The most false thing about becoming a writer is that you have a book and you get to show off your book, and nobody talks about how much real writing went into it. I mean, I'm practically tripping over my words right now because I rewrote the shit out of all of these stories. And the writing takes you to places that you hadn't anticipated.

I often say that I think in order to write. The writing is what tells me what it is that I think. So after I’ve written the thing, I know what it is that I think. So the editing process works like this: I write something. It's very raw. I'm actually not self-conscious when I start writing, because I know it's vomit. And I know there's nothing to be done with the vomit, you just do it. And then later on, you can go and clean it, but it gives you something to work with. And so I write, and then I clean it up, and then I think around draft fifteen, I show it to my editor. It takes at least fifteen drafts. And then they say “Okay, you've got a scaffolding, but where is this going?” So I've worked on these seven stories for five years. That's a long time for seven stories. It's almost a story a year. Writing is really quite grueling.

Miranda Popkey: I agree. My joke about my first novel, my only novel, is that I had to think about it for twenty years before I could write any of it.

Mira Sethi: And you said that in your acknowledgments as well, which I actually really appreciate.

Miranda Popkey: Are you the kind of writer who plans it all in advance or are you one of those who need to surprise themselves and somehow, through the writing itself, the ideas emerge?

Mira Sethi: It's the latter. It's exactly what you said. I don't think, in order to write, I write so that I may know what it is that I'm thinking. And I don't plan in advance. And honestly, this is not a critique of writers who plan in advance. I can't relate to it at all, because so much of the beauty of me writing fiction is discovering things that I didn't know. For instance, my take on identity politics. Yes, of course, I'm progressive, and I have a take. But it was only after writing this book that I really understood what I felt about the world. And I think that is one of the most beautiful things about writing fiction. There is a kind of slow dredging up of your subconscious. And then you're like, “Oh, this is what I think about this issue.” It's really quite amazing.

Miranda Popkey: I completely agree. I write in large part to figure out what it is that I think and when I get the words on the page, I know if they're right, and I know if they're wrong, and if it's just a thought it's much vaguer.

What advice do you have for aspiring writers?

Mira Sethi: If it consumes you, you'll probably end up doing it. Because I find that is the case with most writers.

And have a community around you! Something that I don't have in Karachi is a community of writers. And I miss it. I have a community of actors, but I don't have a community of writers.

And workshop your work with people you respect and admire and keep going. And, you're not going to get it right the first time or the tenth time or the twentieth time, but you might get it right the fiftieth time, and you'll have to be in it for the long haul. It's actually quite painful.

Because you don't get it right. And then one day you get it right.

***

Purchase Are You Enjoying? from City Lights Bookstore.

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Return': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

'Return'

"Each day, what I'm reliving is breaking me in the inside and I can't fight it,"

Chapter Summary: After days of recovering, facing a lot of nightmares and been surrounded by her friends & lover, Yirina is feeling ready to return but it isn't the only thing that will return...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3100

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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The last day was a bit different for me because I was feeling better but it all went down when Park broke into tears at me and our talks about what happened in Verdansk & our scars and it caused me, Zasha & Portnova who were alerted by that to make sure that Park was getting better along with me and we did a lot of things yesterday with her, comforting her by playing some Bullshit who changed from having Zasha winning as always as now, everyone was at least winning once and of course, we did some activities and it went a bit better.

As I was feeling well since they were here for me, I expressed my desire to go back to Century House to work, and if at first, they were all a bit against that, they resigned themselves and it's with that that we all did go to bed to enjoy the night, me keeping my arms around Park to give her the protection she needed for real as for me, I was scared to actually close my eyes again, hiding my whole distress & harm inside of me before time take me over and make me close my eyes.

I was scared at each minute inside of me, fearing that I will awake, tied up to that same chair in Verdansk but somehow, nothing happened that night...nothing. No music, no finding myself on that chair, no Stitch or Freya tormenting me of my choices. My whole thoughts were...well...I couldn't remember what I thought but there was nothing bad or good in my sleep, looking like it was the first night I wasn't making a little nightmare.

The first thing I feel when my eyes opened was a little knot in my chest, looking a bit stressed in reality about going out of the apartment after almost 10 days around 4 walls. Park was still sleeping for the moment and I decided to let her be, getting up & dressed in my clothes before heading out of the room, going to join Zasha & Portnova who were surely having breakfast at the moment at this time as it was 8 AM.

"Hi, Zasha," I waved at them as I saw them, sit on their chair at the dining table, alone as they were taking a coffee in their preferred cup.

"Hey, Yirina," They looked at me, a little smile on their face while I was moving to get sit in my own chair. "Yirin prepared everything for you & Park," They told me as I sat up.

"Oh, that's great," I exclaimed, putting my hands on the table. "But, where is she?" I asked them, not seeing her around the room or in the kitchen.

"She's brushing her teeth, and then, we're going to go first back at Century House," Zasha replied, putting their cup on the table as I was starting to take out a slice of bread of a pack. "Is Park still sleeping?" They demanded.

"Yeah, I didn't want to wake her up for the moment," I said, grabbing a butter knife in my right hand to use it with the strawberry jam. "She's looking okay but it's better to let her sleep a little if she wants to," I added, spreading the jam on the knife along with the bread at a slower pace as Zasha was having their eyes on me. "What?" I raised an eyebrow to them, smiling with a part of my lips.

"Oh...nothing," They shook their head to me. "I was just thinking," They explained, redressing themself on their chair.

"Thinking? About what?" I questioned, my curiosity intervening as always.

"Things," They simply said in a normal & fast voice.

"Things?" I repeated as they were looking to hide something behind those lips that were staying shut. "Zed, tell me, ain't nothing to hide,"  I rolled my eyes at them, persuading them to give me up to their thoughts.

"I was just thinking of things, Yirina," They protested, crossing their arms on the table as I was starting to eat my jammed bread, tasting the perfect strawberry on my tongue. "Well...you told me about making things...official with Park," They spoke, making me stop as I was ready to put a part of the bread in my mouth.

"Wait, how official for you?" I pointed out, wondering how far they were thinking of that.

"I mean...are you going to...propose to her?" They finally clarified their question and I was remembering when they ask me weeks ago about the same thing.

"Listen," I started, taking my eyes off them, getting the half-bread on my plate. "With what happened to us recently, it isn't the right time to do that," I told them honestly even if it was something that I didn't think about in a long time. "I love her but that...it will take more time," I continued, tapping my right fingers at a silent pace on the wooden table.

"I understand," They whispered, their eyes actually rolling and avoiding me. "It was just to know, not to pressure you," They apologized.

"I know, don't worry," I gestured at them that it was right to ask but not as Park was not so far and both of us wouldn't want to have her around when that subject was mentioned. "You can ask but...let's not talk about this until I brought it, okay?" I suggested in a good mood, even giving a smile and they nodded.

"That's sounding better," They agreed on it until I heard behind me some footsteps, turning around to see Portnova coming inside the room, with the same black leather she was always having with her with the same red scarf.

"Hi, Grigoriev," She waved at me as she moved to get next to Zasha, landing a kiss on their lips as I was watching the scene with my slice of bread back in my hand. "You're ready, love?" She demanded.

"Of course, I was just waiting for you," Zasha answered as they got up from their seat and grabbing their black jacket suit on the backrest. "Been talking with Yirina...of things," They added, giving me a wink from the eye that Portnova wasn't seeing.

"What was it about?" She asked them obviously as it caused Zasha to look at me with a curious look, a face that was saying to come up with a fake story.

"Oh, you know, simple things," I responded first to her. "They said that they remembered the day we met," I lied about it, Zasha making a breath of relief in a discreet way.

"Seems that you both miss our old mother Russia," She smirked, mixed between looking at me & them as her hands were on her waist. "If you're not happy in London, we can always come back to the USSR," She proposed in a funny voice.

"Not a goddamn chance, Yiri," Zasha said in a clear voice, accompanied by a sense of humor in it as I joined them with a laugh.

"We surely not going to make a simple step without having the KGB's eyes on us...along with Perseus's ones." I declared in a half-joking voice, knowing that the situation has changed at some points. "Now, both know that you're alive after that attempt in the university," I stated.

"We're starting cautious about this, the MI6 is with us," Zasha claimed, acknowledging the risks now as they were putting on their jacket before they looked ready to go. "Well, we're going now, we let you with Park and we'll find each other later," They reminded me as the two starts to walk at the door.

"Later," I waved to the couple, returning the favor to me and opening the front door before leaving the apartment, now alone in the living room.

I was now waiting for Park to get up and to make things easier, I decided to prepare in advance her own breakfast after I was finished with mine, putting things that she was liking on the table while Beans was sort of walking along with me as I was making some walk to the kitchen to grab some things for Park and once it was done, I continued to wait for her a bit, going back on my chair and having Beans installing herself on my lap for the moment and after 10 minutes, a door was getting opened.

"Oh, hi, Yiri," Park's voice was low but sounding good as she stepped inside the room, scratching the back of her head with her left hand, already dressed up in her clothes: brown leather jacket, grey turtleneck, all of her style...and mine too now. "Kiss," She said as she leaned in towards me to put her lips on mine for a quick kiss. "Hi, Beans," She slowly caressed Beans' head on my lap before she moved to get sit on her chair.

"You're looking pretty good this morning, good & pretty," I stated as she was sitting down, observing that everything was in place for her to do. "You got everything for you, prepared it before you woke up,"

"Thanks," She smiled at me as her hands were moving around the food near her, taking a slice of bread and a butter knife to use with a raspberry jam.

"How do you feel?" I asked her, my left hand stroking Beans' head, the other one on the table.

"I'm okay, still a bit confused & bad about last day but...better," She responded as she was spreading the jam on her bread. "How about you?" She asked me back.

"Better, didn't have anything in my head," I breathed, wondering if I should smile or not but I kept a straight face to that, still thinking why I didn't have anything this night. "No memory, no nightmares, nothing," I added a surprised tone in my voice to her.

"At least, it's good," She thought, raising her shoulders to me. "That's showing that it's getting away," She told me, putting the knife on the plate before taking a bit of her bread as I was looking at her with lovely eyes. "What? Never saw your lover eating breakfast?" She scoffed, smirking at me.

"I wouldn't miss that," I replied as I let Beans go back on her little paws on the ground, walking towards the couch. "You're lovely in every way," I claimed.

"You too," She smiled at me before a small silence was put in here, not weird but one of us surely wanted to speak up to avoid that silence to persist and I was thinking of things in my head.

"Uhm...there's something I never knew about you..." I broke up the silence, thinking about one thing in my head.

"Go on, ask," She said with her smile.

"It's...well...you never talked about your parents to me," I started, knowing maybe that I was going to walk through a minefield with that subject as she was looking to remove slightly her smile off her face. "I was just...wondering," I added.

"You want to know about it?" She demanded, putting down her bread above her plate.

"If you don't want to, don't talk about it," I reassured her about it, not wanting to pressure her on that subject.

"No, I'm good with it," She gestured, raising her left hand at me before she crossed her arms on the table. "To start, they....passed away," She revealed in a low voice, sending a feeling of regret to have asked about it to her, fearing that she could cry again.

"I..." I tried to talk but my voice was broken down, not even audible by her as if I only moved my lips without having any sounds coming out of my mouth.

"Ten years ago, a few months after my brother's death," She continued as I was pleading with myself to make her stop to talk about it. "They couldn't get over it and...they both died of a broken heart," She said, my hands struggling to cover my ears. "I was alone...until I found the MI6, they..."

"Park, please...stop," I ordered, making myself clear & audible, my elbows on the table and my hands around my head. "I'm sorry to have asked that," I apologized to her.

"You don't have to be, you were going to ask it one day anyway," She told me, having predicted that one question among others that I was getting in my head about her. "Don't worry, I'll answer everything for you," She proclaimed.

"Thanks but...it wasn't the right time to ask that," I presumed.

"No, it was okay, don't worry," She repeated before I could feel the palm of her left hand along with her fingers on the back of my right hand. "It's okay, you can ask everything," She said again, having a little smile.

"Guess I'll wait for that," I muttered, moving my right hand, its palm against the table as Park was keeping her hand above it. "Right now, I want to stay focus...& relax," I reminded myself about it.

"As you want, Yiri," Park agreed on it before she returned to eat her breakfast with me looking at her.

Now, I wasn't able to ask her anything about her past but it was just because of the events that were going so fast & hitting us hard in the back of our head as we're trying to hold on, it was just that. If there weren't that bloody situation of getting captured, I would have willingly asked a lot of things about her past, the things that I wasn't knowing at the moment but now, it wasn't the right time.

It was once when she was done with her breakfast that I was going to face to go outside the apartment and it took me deep breaths before I could put a foot outside the front door and...it was changing, the first time in days that I wasn't inside 4 walls and Park was maybe the one that managed & helped me to face my fears to go outside and she was happy to see me out as she locked the front door before we headed outside.

Another part to face was to return in public, walking through the streets of Lambeth to reach Century House but to keep me well, Park surprised me by holding my hands in free sight like that and...it was somehow looking so nice & amazing to hold hands in public, not hiding our affection anymore but I could feel that it was a way to make me feel good from her. Even, it was still making me happy to feel her hands.

After a bit of walk on the numerous sidewalks, we finally managed to arrive at Century House, greeting the few people that we talked with along the way until we walked to get into our office who didn't change at all since the last time I got here: still filled with paperwork as Park's desk was seeming more filled than mine. In fact, my desk was looking cleaned up with only the necessary tools to write reports.

"Your desk is very...big..." I stated as I closed the door behind Park, my eyes on her desk.

"Work was pretty massive the days we weren't at the apartment," Park told me, walking towards the other side of her desk, moving some pile of papers aside with her hands. "With the robbery that happened, we're trying our best to get things back to normal,"

"Do you have anything about it?" I asked and seconds later, she took in her hands a little file that she handed to me as I moved in front of her desk. "That's...a report of the incident?" She nodded at me as I opened the file.

"Masked person coming in, break inside Zasha's team offices and steal a lot of files about what we could gather on Bellamy Petrov & Lukas Ritter," She gave me the details as I was crossing with my eyes, the few surveillance pictures, showing a masked person as she said, entering the building like that. "Something like that, I never saw it in my life," She sighed, meaning it as she sat down on her chair.

"Since, was the MI6 able to find those files back?" I demanded but she shook her head at me.

"No, the MI5 was on it but the same thing for them, their own headquarters getting robbed of anything they were having on Petrov & Ritter," She replied, her left arm holding her head, fist against her chin. "It's sure that it couldn't have been done by someone on the outside," She suggested, narrowing my eyes at her.

"You think that...Perseus managed to infiltrate both agencies?" I chuckled and as I thought at hearing her, she slowly nodded "Shit, you...fuck, you're right," I mumbled, realizing that actions like that couldn't be done without having someone from the inside to help. "But, we are accusing a lot of people in here," I added.

"Yes but we don't have anything about that," She breathed, looking up in desperation, passing her hands through her black hair as I put the file back on the desk, on a small pile. "Adding that we didn't keep anything on Bellamy Petrol & Ritter, it's like back at the beginning," She hissed, her face that was like urging to hit her desk with her feet in anger, seeing her spread her legs.

"That's surely meaning that Ritter & this I.B are either in London or coming soon," I theorized, holding my head with my both hands joined together, nose between my fingers and both thumbs under my chin, in a thinking position. "Anything on this I.B?" Park shook her head again.

"We were going to make a breakthrough with Ritter's files but now stolen, nothing on him again," She told me, her hands back against the desk.

"Perseus is preparing something big here and that...it's not pleasing me, fuck," I guessed, cursing at the end as it wasn't something to think at my return in here. "Trying to kill Portnova, how Perseus was able to know?"

"Surely thanks to his agents around here, either inside the MI6 and...or in the MI5," Park responded, giving her view on it, sharing it with her as it was the only way. "She was protected by both organizations, meaning that it must someone inside those who talked."

"Yeah, but what if..." I was going to say something until the red phone of her desk started to ring, causing her to take it in her hands, gesturing to me to keep quiet for the moment.

"Yes?" She started, getting herself well in her seat. "Oh, hey Sarah, how are..." She stopped herself in her words, unable for me to hear through the phone with only Sarah that was working with Zasha below. "Wait, what?" Her eyes went wide after hearing something from Sarah, something sounding bad. "You can't tell that...what? You got...proof?" She demanded, her eyes looking at me. "Okay...we're coming...fuck!" She cursed before she hanged up the phone, a look of surprise & rage on her face, wondering what she was told and then...

"Harry Stone is still alive!"