#if you didn't know i grew up mormon and left as an adult you do now lol

[alliluyevas]

Have you ever posted about what about Mormonism first caught your interest and why its stuck as such a major interest?

I've been asked this before, but not for a while, so I'll answer again.

I've always been pretty interested in religion and religious history, I think part of this comes from growing up with a few very different religious perspectives in my extended family. I was raised Episcopalian and so was my dad, but my mom was raised Catholic and my dad's older sister and her husband are born-again evangelical Baptists. I was very much a type of kid who paid attention to and noticed stuff like this, so when I went to Catholic mass with my grandparents I would pick up on both similarities to and differences from what I was used to at the church my immediate family went to, and have questions about that. And my mom talked with me when I was still pretty young (late elementary/preteen) about why she left Catholicism and issues she had with it, and I also remember talking with her about how my aunt and uncle are creationists and what that meant and creationism versus evolution versus intelligent design and how to avoid arguments about this when we visited them. So I definitely grew up navigating having very divergent religious experiences and perspectives in my family and how to engage with people respectfully about that, and I was always curious about how different groups worship and define themselves.

I had a couple different phases as a kid where I was very interested in researching religious topics, like I got very into Ivanhoe in fifth grade and read a lot about the crusades and medieval Catholicism for a few years, and then later in middle school I first became interested in religious extremism and cults and I used to watch 19 Kids And Counting and read a lot of Time magazine special editions about Heaven's Gate and similar topics. 

I didn't really know a ton about Mormonism until I was an adult because I didn't know a lot of LDS people and I don't remember learning anything about Mormonism in my US History classes in school. When my brother and I were in elementary school, one of his best friends was a boy whose family was LDS so I had been over to his house several times and played with his sister and stuff, but I don't remember him or his parents really talking about their religion at all and I don't think I asked any questions either of them or of my parents. (Though I do remember my mom explaining that his parents didn't drink because of their religion, and I also remember reading the titles on their living room bookshelf and seeing a lot of books about Brigham Young and assuming he was my brother's friend's dad's historical blorbo essentially because my dad had multiple biographies of Abraham Lincoln and I thought it was a similar circumstance.)

About three years ago when I was living in Boston I was reading a fair bit about the Nation of Islam because a) Louis Farrakhan grew up in Roxbury where I worked and there's a main street in Roxbury named after Malcolm X, and I remember thinking that it was ironic that Farrakhan was the local but the street was named after Malcolm X and wondering if that pisses him off b) the Nation of Islam is fascinating to me in general. So I watched this Hulu documentary about the Nation of Islam and then Hulu recommended me a documentary about FLDS and I watched that too. I felt like the documentary didn't really go into enough detail about the historical context for modern Mormon fundamentalism, so I checked out the book Under the Banner of Heaven from my local library, and then I wanted to know more about early Mormon history in general, so I checked out a few more books, and then I got hooked and started ordering some of the ones the library didn't have online.

I can't entirely explain why my interest in Mormonism has stuck around, because I do tend to be very fixated on special interests and sometimes that kind of feels a little arbitrary, especially when that sort of hyperfixation intersects with and becomes genuine investment in academic scholarship (which it doesn't always for me, but here it did). I am interested in women's history in general and always have been, so I initially really found polygamy fascinating, and wanted to learn more about the dynamics of polygamous households. Specifically, the fact that early Mormons created a very controversial social order that wildly diverged from the norms of their culture, did this essentially from scratch, and were able to maintain it for roughly 3-4 generations of polygamist families despite significant external pressure and initial internal opposition is really interesting to me. I also think Mormonism is a very American religion that has also sometimes been at odds with American mainstream culture despite that and that's a very fascinating dynamic to investigate. I think I've also often been interested in attempts to create a new, utopian community or culture and the ways in which these experiments often fall short, which has been a constant in a lot of my historical interests like the American Revolution, the Soviet Union, and Mormonism as well.

[chungledown-bimothy]

That tattoo is so good omg!! I've been wanting to get another one for so long, but I don't know what I'd get quite just yet!!

Ajdhhdd literally I looked at Saccharina and my brain just went "OOP, favorite character" but also like. As a lesbian, gooey was just 👀👀👀 (sorry if that's TMI or anything!)

That is such a good line!! Ally is so funny to me- the pure indignation they put into that line and others when it comes to Preston's unfortunate demise was always so great. Also, I love that they constantly try to cover different aspects of the queer experience!

Oooof, Mormonism is rough. I grew up in a predominantly Mormon town (as in, more Mormons per Capita than Salt lake city) and most of my friends growing up were Mormon. All of the architecture in the temples and stuff looked (from the outside, at least. I was obviously never allowed inside) so sterile! I can't imagine that. What did you do during the 3 hours of church?? Because catholic mass is only like an hour and as a kid I got so bored I wouldn't pay attention at all.

I would literally just study all the gargoyles/angels/faces in general carved into the walls and ceiling, as well as the stained glass windows and statues. My brother and I got into trouble a few times because neither of us paid attention 😂 one time, we both stood up because our grandparents and most people around us stood up, and we didn't understand why our grandparents kept frantically trying to get us to sit down until the priest started talking about how all the married couples in the church were standing 😂😂 (it was valentine's day).

AaAAAAA I'm literally so excited!!!! I've been on a FOB kick lately! What are some of your favorite songs by them?

I wish I could do that 😭 I work nights (7 days where I work 12-hour shifts and then I have 7 days off) and Wednesdays are my Mondays and Fridays, so I'm usually sleeping most of the day!! But once I'm at work, I'm absolutely gonna be juggling both to the best of my ability!

- 🪐

thanks! it was my first, and it's the only one i've gotten so far that hasn't aged terribly lmfao

"another?" mind if i ask about your current tattoo situation? (no worries, of course, if you'd rather not)

i've been so thirsty for so many npcs on this blog, being into gooey is so far from tmi lol

i love ally so much. it's a little bit headcanon-y, but i think that, with timothy, they've now had a character that is L G B and T (i choose to believe pete is bi) and, of course, ace icon liam wilhelmina.

oof that's a fuckin lot of mormons

i've only been inside temples a few times (i started dating a non-member and therefore was unworthy to enter any more), and i left entirely before i could do any of the Really Culty Stuff, but trust me, the inside is even more sterile looking than the outside. everything is white and beige and boring as all hell.

iirc they changed it to 2 hours a few years back (now they alternate doing what used to be the second and third hours), but the 3 hour system was:

the first hour was essentially mass. everyone in one room, getting preached at, sacrament (rebranded communion), singing songs.

the second hour was sunday school. idk how the adults split up, maybe it was one big class? i left when i was 17. but the kids were split up by age, each group had a teacher, and we studied different parts of the scriptures and sometimes church history.

the third hour was essentially 5 separate second, smaller versions of the first hour, separated by age and gender (everyone under 12, 12-17 boys, 12-17 girls, adult men, adult women), but without the sacrament.

it was fucking terrible lmao

holy shit that's hilarious 😂 i was always too Anxious to cause trouble, but my brothers definitely did a lot of jumping up on the seats and making noise

oh goodness um. of all the gin joints and thks fr th mmrs for sure. dance dance goes without saying. also my songs know what you did in the dark.

the entirety of american beauty/american psycho fucks HARD.

i'm not good at picking favorite songs, clearly lmao

that's a fucking killer schedule my god D:

[specialagentsergio]

username playlist tag game

i was tagged by @zhuzhubii , thank you! time to expose how weird my taste in music is lol.

s - say so by doja cat

p - pompeii by bastille

e - escaping a foul presence by gareth coker, from ori and the will of the wisps. this is so nerdy, but i absolutely adore the ori games and this was my most played track of 2020 so i couldn’t not use it for one of the ‘e’ s.

c - crab rave by noisestorm. i know this is a meme song, but it makes be grin every time i hear it because it’s forever associated with the gop getting clapped by covid for me, and i think that’s beautiful.

i - into you by ariana grande

a - almost (sweet music) by hozier

l - like real people do by hozier

a - awake my soul by mumford and sons

g - gates by tyler glenn

e - enemy approaching by toby fox, from undertale, specifically the orchestral version. i’m obsessed with this concert and often have it playing in the background when i’m writing.

n - NASA by ariana grande

t - take me to church by hozier. yeah, yeah, another hozier song, sue me.

s - somebody to love by queen

e - every little thing she does is magic by sleeping at last

r - rabbit hole by mindy gledhill. fun fact, i referenced this song twice in only if you knew.

g - a good man? (twelve’s theme) by murrary gold, from doctor who. if you follow my main, you know i love this show. it helped me cope and get through Some Shit in my early twenties.

i - ily (i love you baby) by surf mesa ft emilee

o - on our own by bruno major

and because i’m extra as fuck (and some of these songs are oddly specific), i made a spotify playlist of this if you’re at all interested lol.

tagging: @homoose , @shadyladyperfection , @joodeduarte , @goldensatine , @idmakeitbehave

[missellaineous]

Being a member wasn't as bad for me growing up. I think it's because our ward is farther away from the others. There were a lot of great things I experienced growing up-i didn’t have friends at school because I'm neurodivergent, but I did have people I was close to at church. I got to go to camp and attend dances that otherwise I wouldn't have experienced because my family didn't have much money. Our leaders thought up fun activities for us to do on Wednesday nights that explored different fun things. We were taught in class to be kind and loving. And I don't think it's a bad thing that families are considered important in the religion. Parenthood is a great occupation for those people who choose it. Young women were taught that motherhood is a holy and sacred thing, and that we should definitely have children, but they didn't tell us that we had to do it in a time frame or that there'd be consequences to not becoming one. Plus half the people I graduated with were married and pregnant within a year, and none of them were members. Having kids is a normal part of life.

It wasn't until I was 16 that I started to see the cracks. I remember one lesson when an adult man taught us a lesson where he quoted the verse about women being fiery darts from hell, and when I asked him about it he said that he believed it to be true. At camp I was isolated because the only other girl from the ward who was my age stopped going, and everyone else just ignored me, including the adults. I started to notice how a lot of the adults in our ward loved my dad and hated my mom, my sister and me. A girl who got pregnant when she was 16 was pressured to put it up for adoption, and I later found out that a council of men had a meeting with her to tell her how sinful she was and then told her what to do. (She left the church after she grew up and now she's happily married with a sweet little boy, if anyone wanted to know about her.) I was pressured into going to BYU-Idaho even though I wanted to go to a different school. When I got there I fully realized how strange everything was. If I didn't attend church meetings on Sundays I would be kicked out of school. Teachers would ask everyone who was single to raise their hand to pressure us into marriage. There was a temple across the street so you could get married immediately if you wanted. There were constant activities run by the school to pair people up into couples. There were classes offered about getting married having children, which was also weird. We were all told to spy on our roommates, and even if we lived of campus we could choose to live with 4 other people or 5 in the same apartment because those were the only accepted living quarters. It was intense, and I ended up dropping out because the stress physically made me sick. It didn't help that I was struggling with my sexuality and gender identity at the time. It's been years and I'm still trying to recover from the damage those three semesters caused me financially, physically and mentally. I started training to become a missionary and realized just how messed up the whole thing was.

I think it's possible to be a member and be happy, but it depends on your ward and the people you know in it. Mormons are just people. The church shouldn't be able to force you to do anything, so if something seems off to you than say no. If the church authorities don't take no for an answer than protect yourself however you can, because that should never be how religion works. Every group of people has corruption, and the largest groups tends to have the ugliest stuff hidden in it. I think that goes for church, work, cities, etc. So I think that there's a lot of terrible things that happen in the church, but some of the members are genuinely good people, and some of them just don't know anything else.

mormon kids under the age of 18 being told their church is a cult

mormons 18-24 after they go through their endowment ceremony and receive their new name and secret clothing and learn the secret handshakes and passwords and realize everyone around them has been secretly doing this the whole time and now theyre going to be sent away from their family for 2 years where they will literally not be allowed to be alone for 1 second of the day except to go to the bathroom and they have no idea how to get out of what they just got into