#if you can't tell Tori really loves their husband

[commanderfloppy]

What does Tori think TYBALT'S most attractive physical trait is?

"oh there's too many to count I could probably make a list.. but for Most Attractive..

"His physique? He doesn't really show it but he's pretty strong, when I see him picking up artillery parts with ease...gods.. But then he's also sooo comfortable to cuddle with, I love his strong parts and soft parts."

"Hmm guess that's still a bit broad though, here I'll give you one more, maybe a little less attractive and more...cute."

"His ears are absolutely adorable! They're so fluffy and emotive, and sensitive too. All I have to do is get close and whisper something in a deep voice, he becomes a total mess it's so cute!"

[pixiedust-poppers]

can you do an infodump about one of your jatnlp au’s or headcannons? Make it one of the dark ones!!

IM SOOO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO INFODUMP ABOUT I had an idea VERY MUCH typed out and i showed a friend and then they said some criticism back for a scene that made me stall and realize i need to work it out more and the more I thought this I realized it was dark but.... not entirely unhinged (and you asked for dark so. I will bring the unhinged factor to my aus) so I bring you one that is a bit shorter dark and unhinged.

To note: This takes place in alternative version of cdbazemore98's Jake and Tori Stories series but focused more on Izzy and she is SO mentally ill and has been for such a long time. So, the credit for the main series goes to her. (Please. DO NOT go after her)

note 2- This takes place in J&TS4 a week or so after chapter 25: Spouse betrayal and to give a short gist of the emotional side of this . Jake was overtaken by lust and forced himself (for a kiss) on Ally (an oc of the author) with her husband and his rival Blake (also an oc of the author) there and Izzy watched to whole thing go but didn't reveal herself until Blake and Ally left. She rightfully slapped him and when he revealed why he did what he did (he saw her mother in her; Tori (as is Victoria Vega)) and she screamed "oh so your still in love with tori?" and then proceed to dig into abt him probably wanting to fuck her (she is in her sixties) and her daughters and when Jake couldn't get a word in + very upset at these conclusions she came to he raises his fist at her and threatens to knock her out if she doesn't shut up. Both he and she are shocked at this, and when he tries to explain himself 5 secs later, she is not having it, so she leaves and tells him that her and their youngest daughter won't be at home when he gets there and that he is dead to her.

There is some ongoing mystery plot in the story itself but for this alternative time-line that doesn't matter, and you're going to see why💀

SO once again DISCLAIMER: I do not Own Jake and Tori stories series. I do not own Ally, Blake, Troy, Maia and Kari they belong to cdbazemore98. DO NOT harass or go after the author.

CW: suicidal ideation, suicide, OOC FOR SURE.

--

Isabella Green was a miserable woman; she has been for a loooong time and her week just got even worse. A few days after Jake forced himself onto ally and she leaves him to stay at tori's with their youngest daughter Hikari (kari for short). Tori being mostly team Jake although she "hears her out" for her side of things she talks to izzy in a way that makes it clear to her that she's moreso going to believe Jake's side of the story. She never liked her anyway, but she continues to stay because free rent is free rent.

The more kari whines about wanting to see her father and be kissed goodnight by him instead of her, she begins to reflect. "Does anyone really give a shit about her?" "How did her life turn out like this?" "Why didn't she do the deed sooner?", she's been unhappy for a looooooooooong while in her life, even from the age of 11. Depression and low self-esteem have had this girl in a chokehold for a long time, the choke is less or more depending on the day but it's always in the back of her mind. She thought that staying and marrying jake would help that; it does! ...depending on the day. She thought having children would make her happier; It does! though it was unconditional when they were younger... and sure she wasn't always the best mother, but she has noticed that Jake can do wrong in their eyes meanwhile, she isolated from immediately the moment she fucks up.

She doesn't have many friends, she hates the way she looks, any time she tries to do anything that will make her happy, everyone is suddenly a critic. what's the point of being here anymore if she can't be happy? She knows she can't convince Jake to go to couple therapy, everyone will tell her to get over it and what's the goddamn point??? Her kids will probably be smitten to just be with her dad, Jake can find a wife he actually wants to fuck and she can be happy in death.

So after kissing Kari goodnight, she answers Jake nightly call for once. Goes to the bathroom and basically trauma-dumps and chews him out, then after he gets his "I love you my fair maiden please" She traumatizes him for life by shooting herself in the head while he's on call.

Now because she married him, and bore his children, she does get into this Super pirate heaven. Homegirl is vibing, she LOVES it. Got her nice lil tiny home set up and everything and now she can start getting into hobbies she genuinely enjoys without anyone's judgement and she is safe

Meanwhile on earth, they're um ehhhh… Tori and the other's don't really give a shit, they're sad for Jake's sake(Cubby is genuinely sad though). Troy is more devastated than Maia over her death considering he was a momma's boy, Kari is traumatized as she was the first to find her mother's body and Jake is in Tatters, because he knows fucked up majorly to point where he actually doesn't date (he does the occasional prostitute) again despite others recommending he does, but he doessss get into drinking abit more, but he does like his job so.. not really.

Months pass and things have calm down, Jake obviously isn't over his wife's death so he's just semi-misrable and desires to see her again but then skylar so kindly reminds him "Hey what if u use super pirate powers? you can use those to see her like you did with me and maybe bring her back!" Eureka moment there. So he tries, but to no avail she doesn't want to connect with him. After complaining back and forth to the Og Super pirate spirit is like "Ok lemme talk to her... I'm sure we can come up with something." He goes to talk to her and she's like "No i don't want to see them, I doubt they give a real shit" and then trauma dump to him too and tells it about all the things she wished to have done with Jake and her life if not for the twins and having to settle down so early in their 20s. it's like "wow... hmmm you suffered alot.. I think i might have a deal for you." and she was like "??? I'm not a super pirate though?" And he's like "You wish for a new life and your husband wishes for a life with you in it, I can help with both." And he tells her of the plan if she agrees which is, for them to "start over" and take her back to the night where the twins are conceived but she can put a stop to that happening, and with changing that turning point in her life to possibly never or a later date, she can hopefully get the adult life that she truly wants. And while she personally wants it to be younger, she thinks about and realizes she can still do what she wants since she'll still be young with all of the amenities she’s grown accustomed to and agrees. And so with this Izzy is responsible, for the unbirth of her children, de-aging basically everyone and significantly pushing back time. She wakes back up again, as 19-20 year old izzy who is a nervous very uncomfortable wreck because Jake is about to walk in and they're going to have the sex they agreed to do earlier in the week (it was consensually dw) and this time instead of going along with said sex, she works up the courage in her to say no and actually explain to Jake why she isn't interested in sex as whole. She didn’t do so the first time mostly out of fear that it would significantly hurt their relationship or that Jake would leave her or that Jake would just snap and force himself on her, she was scared. And with this no twins are created so you have now a whole new sandbox of conversations that should be haved and therapy to fuck about with.

[acaciapines]

Could you talk about Toriel and Carol’s relationship in your au? How did they end up married? Seems interesting!

yeah!!! this is one of those things where i think i first was like 'wouldnt this be funny' and then thought about it a little too hard and oh no im invested now.

basically, i knew from the start that rudy would be dead here...not sure WHEN exactly he dies, but i think it wasnt that far after dess and kris being presumed dead...maybe a year or so later. the loss of them both was just wayyy too much and since monsters partly hold on by hope its like. that breaks a man. the dreemurr divorce is also a LOT more bitter, here, since there's the loss of their youngest child to deal with. all that to say toriel and carol would turn to each other!! since they both lost their children in the same way, and then both lost their husbands, and eventually that becomes a relationship.

theyre ALSO together because i knew from the start the two families were going to be close (asriel is Very Much noelle's older brother) and making the moms married is just the logical conclusion from there lol. i think its good to put them together 'cause it also means i can further explore the theme of parents with noelle, too! the way i see it, carol actually sold the holiday house because losing dess + rudy so soon after each other was really hard on her, and the way she deals with her feelings is by pretending they dont exist and pushing through. and so for her, selling the house is like, leaving that part of her life behind. then it can't hurt her. so she has to plan everything out and shes VERY hard on noelle because she cannot lose noelle because noelle is sort of all she has left in the world.

noelle is very bitter about this. like her mom never cared about dess and rudy at all. and now doesnt love her, because she lost the actual family members she loved, and noelle is just the worst one she was left with. yes the holiday women have so many issues they refuse to talk out with each other.

with toriel its a lot easier to tell that she does love and care about noelle, but! this! manifests! in being super overprotective! which noelle ALSO hates!!! she cannot win. plus the moms do tend to side with each other (bc tori + carol know what page the other is on when the kids Never Do), so for noelle its like. her mom hates her and toriel never takes her side so like. what is she supposed to do with that?

in regards for the family structure, asriel's already 18 when carol and toriel get married so he doesn't consider carol his mom and probably still calls her 'aunt carol,' mayyyybe he uses 'stepmom' if talking about her to someone else but she's been his aunt his entire childhood so i think thats what sticks. aka he probably only uses 'stepmom' if he wants to quickly get across that she's married to his mom, otherwise he describes her as his aunt. he 100% sees noelle as his little sister. noelle usually just calls toriel 'toriel' (so she drops the 'aunt') and would use 'stepmom' when talking about her to other people. like asriel, she 100% sees him as her older brother.

they hyphenate their last names so its 'holiday-dreemurr.' noelle has this last name, asriel might just stick with dreemurr?? i honestly dont know lol. he lives with them but again. hes an adult when they get married.

annnnnd thats all i have on them so far! when i get into the writing of this i'll probably do a lot of little test-scenes for all these dynamics, lol, but i'm a bit far out for now. the two test-scenes i wrote were 'cause i Had To or else i would explode.

[rayless-reblogs]

Nine People Tag

Thanks so much for the tag @iffylogic

Last Song:

I'm listening to music right now, "Northern Lad" by Tori Amos. I was aware of Tori for a long time, but only really got into her around 2012ish. My interest can come and go in waves, but right now I'm really into her again. "Northern Lad" is a gorgeous and heartbreaking song, though, given the lyrics, not something you'd slow dance to at a wedding. At least, most weddings.

Last Movie:

I'm feeling really nostalgic lately, so I've been rewatching the 1980s BBC adaptations of the first four Narnia books. They hit this perfect note of being extremely earnest and wholesome and endlessly generous when it comes to making fun of them. The Disney movies are better as far as production goes, but not nearly as fun.

Currently Watching:

Maybe I should've saved the Narnias for this question. I'll switch in what I'm currently playing: The Caligula Effect II. The first one is something of a dark horse for me, so I'm curious to see how this one goes.

Currently Reading:

On my last vacation, I hit an antique store that was so desperate to get rid of its 1970s Harlequin paperbacks they were being sold for fifty cents each. I am easy prey for a) vintage romance novels and b) a deal, so I came away with eight. The Midnight Sun by Katrina Britt is the first one I've opened. Lovely but tragically scared Sabina has gone away with her new husband to a remote manor in Finland. How can he truly love her with her scar? Does he actually love a local college student with a bad attitude? What about the handsome plastic surgeon who's determined to save her from her hideousness? Will Sabina eat lots of Finnish cheese and rice pastries, because that sounds delicious. Whether there's any more plot than that, I can't tell you yet.

Currently Craving:

I'd been wanting some Cadbury hot chocolate, and despite the scorching weather, I had some today. So that makes me happy.

Last Thing I Searched for Writing:

Oh, I have no idea. Things I've recently searched (for different projects) include ancient Roman methods for treating asthma, the definition of "blowzy", and typically Dutch foods.

Three Ships:

My interest has been holding pretty steady on RedBoxer (Transistor), AschNatalia (Tales of the Abyss), and ArcherHakuno (Fate/Extra) for a while now. Though thinking about The Caligula Effect has reminded me that I liked LucidShogo for a hot minute in 2020, and I'm still sad there's so little content for it.

Tagging:

If you'd like to do this, consider yourself tagged! But I'll call out specifically: @deemoyza @pandor-pandorkful @peachyindeed @bibliophileemily @assortedpencils @vangrants @caffeinatedpoltergeist @somacruising and @sweet-suzume

No pressure of course!

[andthebubbles]

heartstopper 2x05-08 (yeah i decided to finish watching it tonight)

heartstopper 2x05

uhhh so nick and charlie just ran off from the louvre without telling the teachers? hahahahahaaha

darcy!!! grrrrr

as much as i don't care for tao and elle's storyline, it was nice when they finally (? i can't remember if they kissed before this) fucking kissed

ben continues to be annoying

not much to say, really

onwarddddd

heartstopper 2x06

sooo the teacher thing is kinda awkward bc like... just... offering to share a single bed like sorta outta nowhere? skjfngkfjg okay well whatever

yay nick finally said it/came out

darcyyyy <3

why the hell was ben at the party and why was he let in when harry wasn't, i thought everyone hated him, and it's not like he seemed to have any friends at the party anyway, he was just standing around and then he made a fuss in the truth or dare game

truth or dare btw when it involves peer pressure like that sucks

i like tao and elle a lot better now that they're together. they're really cute. esp when they kicked charlie out of the toilet even though he needed to pee lol

i know i said the teacher thing was a bit weird but i meant, more like how it seems to be beginning... you'd think two adults who work together would do it a bit more carefully in case it goes pear-shaped?? also i kinda like mr farouk when he hasn't got a stick up his arse lol, and ajayi is fine ofc

aaah nearly forgot to mention: nick's dad is a fucking dickkkk. absent fathers make me so mad

kinda feeling for isaac here. i also don't like kissing people, it's gross, and people put suchhh importance on kissing... is it meant to feel good or...? all it is is just saliva-ey and wet and gross and sometimes you can even smell the saliva which is ew

heartstopper 2x07

okay before i forget to say it, omg why didn't charlie block ben ages ago on insta

i had already seen charlie's speech to ben on tumblr a few days ago so it didn't get me as pumped (it was very good though) but

NICK'S speech at the dinner table SKSJDNFKNGKFJGN THAT got me pumped (for two broad reasons: 1. yeah why care/who gives a fuck when your dad doesn't give a fuck about you, 2. re your dad seeing you twice a year or some shit like that... so i have an aunt who lives in one country, and her husband lives in the neighbouring country, and they probably only see each other like twice a year, and they're not divorced, and like, what the FUCK are you guys doing; my mum told me she used to (or still does) get really sad about it, so, you know, that thing with nick and his dad really hit hard, even though it's not affecting me personally; i'm just so mad at that dickhead uncle)

also i love tori so much, i so wanted her to stab her fork straight down on david's arm instead of just using her fingers. and then i wanted her to play some major prank on david when she was in the bathroom, like how matilda changed her dad's ... hair product thing into bleach

darcy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah (yeah my mum makes a fuss if i wanna wear a suit too :( ) (she looks gorgeous in a suit btw)

isaac is really going through it huh... like, the bit at the mall/shopping area

(btw so... the UK has sixth form-specific schools? heccc)

heartstopper 2x08

that last scene with nick and charlie!! jdkjgnfkjgkjk

and tara and darcy!!! i felt sorry for tara when she was at the prom but then you also know that darcy's going through some serious shit and... yeah. her home life is awful!! where did she go that night after the prom? i hope tara's parents let her stay over foreverrrr

is tori aroace as well? if we is... could we just have an ace person in s3 if there's an s3...

i detecttt imogen/sahar lol

[duggardata]

Did you experience morning sickness during pregnancy or difficult times with small children?

She had morning sickness with actual vomiting only with Zach. She had some nausea with the others, but it ended at Week 12.

When one child got sick, did all of them get sick?

Yes, they did. There was a time they all got chicken pox, which was particularly awful. Also, it happened several times with the flu.

What's harder—parenting toddlers, or parenting adult children?

Parenting older children and adults is harder because they're going through a period of making important life decisions. With a toddler, there are no tough decisions. "You can give them a cardboard box to play with and they'll be happy."

What was the hardest season of motherhood for you?

When Erin was born, she had 3 Under 3 and Gil worked all the time. She found it hard to even leave the house to grocery shop, since she had to bring all three babies with her wherever she wanted to go.

Can you name all your grandchildren in order?

She couldn't, and joked about having dementia. She said that she could name them all, just not in order. She named them family by family, starting with Zach, and managed to name everyone except Zade. She says that Tori + Bobby haven't chosen a name for their baby that's on the way.

Did you have natural births, or were they medicated?

Zach was in a hospital with an epidural. Michael was in the hospital with "a shot of stadol." The next fourteen were unmedicated home births. The last three were in the hospital with epidurals.

What advice would you give to a new homeschooling mom?

If you feel overwhelmed or feel you can't teach a certain subject, reach out for help. There are so many resources available!

What are your smallest and largest age gaps between kids?

She wasn't 100% sure, but said "most of them are 13–14 Months apart." She and Alyssa eventually decide the smallest gaps must be Zach–to–Michaela, Lawson–to–Nathan, and Alyssa–to–Tori, while the largest gap is probably Ellie–to–Callie, due to miscarriages.

Is Warden single?

Kelly: "Well, Warden is single right now."

Alyssa: "Yes, he's single! So... Good luck!"

Who is your favorite child?

She's asked this all the time, even by her own kids, and she always tells them, "I don't have a favorite!" She enjoys spending time with each child, though the activities they do together varies based on that child's personality and what they enjoy doing.

Which of your kids were the toughest as babies, and which were the easiest?

Kelly doesn't want to say, since the last time she commented about her 'easiest baby' she "made some siblings jealous." Eventually, she says that the easiest were Alyssa and Josie, since they barely cried and were "so easygoing." Most difficult were Erin and Carlin. "Erin was very colicky and always crying." Carlin wasn't so difficult when she was a baby, but was a difficult toddler—very headstrong. "But she was also the funnest personality. ... I loved every minute of it."

How is your health?

Good ("great since my surgery"), but the doctors told her she needs to lose some weight. She asks viewers for weight loss tips. Says she eats “for comfort” and her vice is “those sugary drinks.”

Are you less strict now with your younger kids, vs. how you were with the older ones?

She says, at first, she had to be strict and organized "to survive" w/ so many children. The oldest ones were expected to help out—but, she's quick to say that they didn't raise the younger ones, they just had "responsibilities." "It was a lot of responsibility." With the young children, they didn't have to have so much responsibility, so she doesn’t have to be so strict.

What is your dream vacation destination?

Kelly "wants to go everywhere," but Gil doesn't like traveling. She talks about past vacations she really liked. She and Alyssa decide they're going to travel together and leave their husbands at home.

Which of your children is most like you, and most like Gil?

Alyssa is so organized, like Kelly was in her "earlier years with kids." Erin is a good planner like Kelly. Tori and Gil have the same sense of humor. Lawson and Gil are both "money cruncher[s]," always trying to get a deal.

Are any of Alyssa's girls similar to her personality and looks as a child?

Zoey looks a lot like Alyssa as a child, Kelly says. Alyssa is incredulous, and thinks Lexi is the one that looks most like her. All of the younger three share personality traits with Alyssa. Allie is a lot of Michaela, a fellow oldest daughter.

Would you even move to be closer to your children, e.g., to Florida where Alyssa lives?

Kelly says she'd love to move, but they never will because Gil hates change. "We will both die in that house." Alyssa says they’d never move to Florida anyway, since Kelly says it’s too hot there.

Did you ever have a C–Section?

No C–Sections, "praise the Lord." She feels for woman who have to go through that, since it's a lot more difficult than a vaginal birth.

What is the key to marital success?

Selflessness.

How did you honestly feel with Alyssa started wearing pants?

Everyone goes through changes in life; that's normal. But, the first changes are always difficult. Change is hard. It wasn't easy at first, but Kelly realized: "Some of my best friends, who are some of the most godly people I know, dress different than me." She saw that clothing choices "doesn't make a person, and it definitely doesn't define [her] love for [her] children."

Kelly also says that she thought back, and considered how hard it probably was for her and Gil's parents when they "started having convictions that were different from their beliefs." She knows that they thought, "that's weird," but they continued to love them.

Ultimately, Kelly says that her adult children "are their own person." She "doesn't want them to be puppets." She wants them to develop their relationship with God, and have their own convictions. When it comes down to it, she trusts God to guide them, and that helped her learn “to let go."

She also specifically says that it was a process of her learning, rather than Alyssa learning. Basically, that Kelly saw this as her issue, rather than an issue with Alyssa. The right response was to let go and accept Alyssa’s choice, rather than try to change it.

What is it like having so many grandchildren, and how do you remember all those birthdays?

Grandchildren "keep [her] young." So much joy! As for birthdays... She has reminders in her phone, which she checks every day, and forgetting a birthday is one of her worst fears.

[change-the-rules]

I Highkey have Not been able to stop thinking about this post ever since i first saw it and in a bid to not undertake writing a wholeass fic for it here are some of said Thoughts™

so trans!Alex, young, pre-transition, over 18 but probably started college younger so olivia doesn't realize how young since they're in the same year (canon puts both cabot and benson as born in '68, but SMarch was born in '74 so cabot could be a yearish younger here, Whistler is probably sameish age as tori anderson who was born in '88 so for my purposes im gunna say oliva is 20 when)

her and alex have a one night stand

alex is kind of messed up about it bc gender feelings, p soon after ends up disappearing, takes time off from school, transitions, transfers to new school where no one knows her (we know she went to harvard law school but idr where she went to undergrad not that it matters let's say they met at a party)

and then olivia realizes she's pregnant, she already knows that she wants to be a detective but still hasn't begun to heal from the trauma of her conception or her mother's abuse, so she finds out she's pregnant and freaks out but feels like she can't have an abortion bc if her mom still had her how could she not have the kid just bc she wasn't ready, couldn't handle it, basically girl is still fucked up

so she doesn't attempt to locate alex, has the kid on the dl, gives it up for adoption and never looks back

fastfoward to when olivia meets alexandra cabot, she doesn't recognize her even tho she feels familiar in a way olivia can't put her finger on and alex isn't about to out herself even if she still thinks about that night often

they def dont figure it out til post alex gets back from witsec

whistler meanwhile is raised by parents who never tell her she's adopted, noah is their biological kid and the two of them look So Similar, choose your own angst as to whether she gets kicked out in hs (idk why i'm just so attached to her parents disowned her....it's terrible but it feels right) and it comes out then and noah is all like it doesn't matter You Are My Sister, or if she only finds out after noah dies and like he kept their parents from doing anything drastic bc he was the golden child but when he dies Then they disown her and it comes out so she loses literally everything all at once idky Kate brings out the angst in me

in canon alex ends up volunteering in prosecuting sex crimes in war torn areas and also eventually quits practicing law when an abusive husband gets acquitted and murders his wife in retaliation at which point she joins a secret underground organization that helps battered women disappear either of which I feel like can have her paths cross with the fbi

and idk this is where plot issues come in and ive stopped trying to think further bc again avoiding writing A Fic but like maybe alex gets setup by a navy officer or agent or someone high profile whose wife she helped smuggle away, so alex's blood gets found at a crime scene and when they run it Surprise Kate comes up in the system (idk how dna traces work rotflmao but if shes got dia security clearance she's probably in the system yea?) idk

maybe when benson and cabot meet whistler they just seem To Know but surely it can't be blah blah blah lmao again idk but eventually adult!kate gets a family that loves her and it's all very sweet

she really is like The perfect cabenson kid okay i just can't Can Not this lives rent free in my brain i also rly don't know why my brain went this route instead of like cute fluffy cabenson raises her except im lowkey obsessed with jamming plausible scenarios into canon and also kate for whatever reason rly does bring out my angst whore side

[moonlight-prose]

hi hi!! i wanted to spread some love for some beloved friends so I thought why not ask people to write a tiny letter to 5-7 mutuals 💖

I'M SO LATE TO THIS!! My apologies but I would absolutely love to! I don't know if you want me to do one letter overall or separate but I'll do a small letter for each one.

i'll put it under the cut cause it's longer than i anticipated, but i had to do 8.

@caesaryoulater : my darling, my spidey babe, the person i bug constantly. you're an absolute delight to have met on this hellsite and it makes my day to fawn over whoever we're crushing on for that day. not to mention you write incredible stories. for the record is my otp, bucky really needs to marry that girl.

@saucerful-strange : if we're talking beautiful people we're talking about tori. not only is she working on a fic that is literally the equivalent to an actual novel, she is one of the sweetest people here. you're talented af darling and you literally deserve all the good things.

@karasong : OKAY so kara was my first ever mutual in the star wars fandom and i couldn't be more glad that you actually followed me. especially now that we get to scream about cillian murphy together and fandral. i wish i could take her with me wherever i go, because kara...you're sunshine as a person.

@themarcusmoreno : THIS IS MY HUSBAND. let me tell you about ash. there isn't a day that goes by where i don't talk to this beautiful human. you're my hype man, the one who literally know ALL my story ideas and beta reads them, but you're also one of my favorite people ever. not to mention the ideas that come from your brain are PHENOMENAL.

@musingsinmoonlight : suz you're beautiful inside and out. i can't tell you enough how happy i am that you came back to this site, because you were such a light on my dash. you still are. you are an incredibly talented writer and the kindness you bring to everyone here. it's insanely amazing just like you.

@mandocrasis : the person who made me love max phillips. also the person who is a beautiful human being. birdie you're AMAZING. i don't tell you enough, but you're one of my favorite writers on this site and i can never get enough of your stories. talking to you is not only a delight but a damn honor.

@luxurybeskar : um yes hello i love thea. i picture you as this ethereal ballerina who is also a complete badass and i don't think I'm wrong in the slightest. you're so kind and fun and not to mention talented af. i love hearing the story ideas you've shared with me, because it's so special to be given an inside look at the way your mind works.

@rae-gar-targaryen : LITERALLY A GODDESS. i don't even know how to describe you, because it's like trying to describe the moon. it's too pretty for words. you are honestly a gift to this site, especially since your writing is straight out of a poetry book. if you were to ask me who i'd like to spend a night drinking wine with and talking advanced literature with it'd be you. i feel like you give the most insightful conversations and you're so kind it's insane.

[residentgoodgirl]

"I don't want to have kids."

It's the kind of statement that often prompts total disbelief.

It's known to end conversations, leaving behind confused blank faces and dropped jaws.

Especially when coming from a woman.

"The response is always, 'You'll change your mind eventually'," says Jess Saras, 32.

She's childfree by choice, and despite being confident in her decision, Jess is constantly undermined by society's inability to separate women and motherhood.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics says that sometime in the next decade, the number of couples without children will overtake the number of couples with.

That means more women are choosing not to have kids.

It's a trend psychotherapist Zoe Krupka says is often wrongly labelled selfish, shallow and immature.

ABC podcast Ladies, We Need To Talk is sharing the stories of women who choose to be childfree to help clear up some pretty shitty misconceptions.

Why women choose not to have children

Dr Krupka defines childfree by choice as a woman making a conscious decision that she doesn't want to have her own children.

"It doesn't mean she doesn't want to co-parent or step-parent or help her friends out with their kids or be an aunty, but she's made a conscious decision that's not based on infertility or chance or circumstances beyond her control," she says.

And rather than it being about cost, ruining your body or the fact having kids can be a rough gig, Dr Krupka says women are turned off by the ridiculous standards around motherhood.

"You would think that it was about the terrible deal it can be when you have kids.

"It's not just that there isn't support for women to 'have it all', but that there is intense social criticism of mothers that makes it a particularly unattractive option."

Research shows women's reasons for choosing not to have children are multifaceted and complex.

Overpopulation and climate change, a lacking maternal instinct, health concerns and a desire for independence and freedom are just a few.

"There's this assumption that you're selfish because you've chosen not to have children," says Tory Shepherd, who has published a book on her decision to remain childfree.

"And there is something in that, because if you're having kids you need to give them everything.

"But then if you're having a kid just so they look after you when you're older, that's pretty selfish."

Dr Krupka adds there is no evidence to show people are more selfless as a parent.

'Life has to change' when you have a baby

Actor Jess, who we heard from earlier, says she doesn't really like children.

And given the state of the world, she worries about what kind of life they would have anyway.

"It's a huge weight on my mind … what problems are we passing on to them that they had no control over?"

Caroline Epskamp is 48 and says she's never felt maternal. And her husband of 22 years didn't have a strong opinion either way.

"I'm a big animal lover, like show me a puppy and I'll be pretty excited. Show me a baby, and I'm fairly blasé about the whole thing."

She values her freedom and independence and says kids would have hindered that.

"You have to give some stuff up when you have children, life has to change," she says.

"We travel a lot … [and] we've always been really happy with our marriage and our partnership and the life that we lead."

Melbourne writer Gemma, 40, says the choice not to be a parent was made with her mental health in mind.

"The main reasons I'm childfree by choice is my fear that my post-natal depression will be so debilitating that I would not be able to bond with my child," she says.

Women are happy with their decision, but no-one else is

Whatever the reason, the research shows most women who choose a childfree life are confident in their decision.

It's everybody else who struggles with it.

"There's this kind of cultural ideal that [as a woman] you're supposed to want to nurture and care for," Dr Krupka says.

"So when you say, 'I don't want to do that', it's like you're not a real woman."

Tory says she's been made to feel like if you don't use your womb, "you're not really a woman".

"It's just the next step you do, you get married and you have kids."

Caroline says there is "stunned silence" when correcting people who assume she has kids.

"I mean I've started saying to cab drivers, 'Nah mate, my ovaries are done, I'm not going to change my mind'," she says.

"And how dare you suggest that I made the wrong decision by implying that I'll come to the right one eventually."

Another woman Ladies, We Need to Talk spoke to put it as: "I would love it if people wouldn't see it as something you lack … [but rather] as something that embraces other things."

No kids? No invites

Women without kids don't just face judgement and scrutiny, they can be socially excluded too — and not just during the 'childbearing years'.

That can be in small ways like being excluded from conversations, or bigger ways like not being invited to a kid's birthday party, explains Dr Krupka.

"Women who don't have children are really socially on the periphery."

It continues throughout life, to the point women are expected to not just be mothers, but grandmothers too.

"You get to the age people expect you to be a grandparent," Dr Krupka says.

"Women I know in their 60s and 70s who haven't had children say it's the first thing people ask you, just like they used to in your 30s.

"[Except] now it's like, tell me about your grandchildren. I don't have any. End of conversation."

The Ladies, We Need to Talk team spoke to a woman in her early 50s who relates to exactly this.

"Women your own age don't seem to know how to talk to you anymore unless they're in the same boat because all they seem to talk about of their children or their grandchildren," she says.

"Because you don't have children, you just don't count anymore."

The best part of being childfree

Jess says the best thing about being childfree is "not having to think about anyone else in terms of choices that I make with my life being spontaneous. Being true to myself".

"We generally sleep all night, we can cook whatever we want for dinner and it gets eaten by the other person in the house — gratefully received. No bottoms to wipe," says Caroline.

Tory says it's the extra brain space she enjoys.

"I have constant anxiety anyway, but I would have a constant thrum of anxiety about them. Are they OK? Am I doing the best? … Did I leave them in the car?"

Ultimately, the freedom to choose, one way or the other, is something we should celebrate.

But just how free that choice actually is, when much of society still expects women to choose to be mothers, is something worth considering.

Posted 17 June 2019

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Rio: Hiya babe Rio: what's good? Nancy: I need to like Nancy: ugh idk it's such a bad idea, like I already know Rio: You wanna Thelma and Louise? Nancy: Who wouldn't want that much gay subtext Rio: Susan Saradon is a babe Rio: what's the actual drama then, shitty husbands and creeps at bars assumedly ain't it Nancy: Okay so you know how I have the misfortune of having to share a birthday, well, now he also wants me to do a joint party Nancy: except not Nancy: he wants my share of the guestlist cos he's gone over his own Rio: Seriously Rio: 🙄 Rio: Well that sounds like a nightmare Nancy: Right? Like I don't have to see enough of all his fuckboy friends already Rio: So you've actually got to be there Rio: that's so rude on so many levels Nancy: I might just leave once mum and dad do, it's not like they're gonna stay and chaperone all night Nancy: That's where you come in Nancy: Save my birthday from total ruin, yeah? Rio: They should, last party I went to the house was basically a write-off after Rio: What can I do, obviously I'll do it but catch me up Nancy: Oh Nancy: maybe they will and I will have to stay Nancy: But my original idea was more Thelma & Louise, naturally Nancy: You're the most fun person I know Nancy: and it is Halloween, there's gotta be something else on offer Rio: Yeah, you do live in one of the most exciting places in the world, nbd Rio: of course there's something more fun to do! Rio: I'll start looking now Nancy: You're actually the best ever Rio: N'awh, you're so cute 💖 Rio: see how quick you are with the compliments after I've saved you 😘 Nancy: 😉 Nancy: Who's immune to such blatant heroics? Nancy: If you save me from having to spend a minute at this party you can have anything you want Rio: 😳 Rio: Steady on Rio: I'm good, might not be THAT good Nancy: I was more thinking from my wardrobe Nancy: You're not really my type, cos of the whole related and straight thing Rio: Sure Rio: that whole thing Rio: not gonna turn down a tour of your latest purchases obvs Nancy: That sounds really flirty still but I'll go with the less awkward version of events Nancy: Things are weird enough with this party, like Rio: I can't help being this irresistible, babe Rio: but I won't say it's a date, just a plan Nancy: You're flirting with me but sure, we can both be irresistible, I guess Rio: I am not Rio: Straight and sharing DNA, remember Rio: you only got 1/2 so you're more suss Nancy: A lesbian remember? One convo and you're moving in Rio: 😂 Rio: Won't just do carry on then Rio: tah for the warning Nancy: You're so welcome Rio: Already gonna look so underdressed without being caught without 😱 Nancy: Um with full access to my wardrobe, not for long Nancy: Anything less than utter perfection is not an option if I have to show my face at the party for even half a second Nancy: I'm beyond prepared, and in case you can't tell, beyond STRESSED Rio: I caught that Rio: gurl you're gonna get stress spots if you don't tone it down Rio: you'll look 🔥 Rio: assume it's a costume party? Nancy: God, don't, the girls he invited would love that to happen to me Nancy: especially cos no, it's not Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Honestly, you had one job Rio: such an easy cop-out Nancy: He says no costume could make him look as hot as his labels, that's a paraphrase, I wasn't listening well enough to deliver a direct quote, sadly Rio: 🤢 Rio: Please don't try any harder to remember that was upsetting enough Rio: definitely find something better to do Nancy: Right? I literally get gayer every time he opens his mouth Rio: 😂 Rio: Not a choice but if it was, I get it Nancy: God was like, with him as a brother you've suffered enough Rio: Though it would be funny if you can find a man more unbearable Rio: he'd be fuming Nancy: My dad too Rio: Oh, the male posturing Rio: let me down, if no one else Rio: such a laugh Nancy: Maybe I should have turned this plan on its head and come to you to celebrate Nancy: Get away from it all Nancy: his friends are like clones and nobody thinks that's bizarre Nancy: like the girls are just 😍💘💋 Rio: Match their boys to their bags Rio: weird Rio: we should still do something special for you though Rio: it's your birthday as well, after-all Nancy: Yeah but I'm the weird one, okay then Nancy: It is but I don't feel as if I need to be all 🎉🎂👑 Nancy: He's got that covered Rio: Don't worry, I know your style Rio: and that it ain't his Nancy: He doesn't have any Rio: 🔥 Rio: ice that on the cake, babe Nancy: If ANYTHING was allowed to be homemade I would Rio: Can't imagine your Ma in a pinny, like Nancy: If my dad asked, then maybe Nancy: They are so gross but that's a convo to have in therapy one day Rio: Yeah, that is NOT my present to you Rio: lemme get qualified Nancy: What ARE you getting me though? Rio: No spoilers! Nancy: 😞😞😞 Rio: Surprises are fun Rio: don't be sad Nancy: Never in this house Nancy: But I trust in your gifting abilities Nancy: 🧡 Rio: And I'll bring over all the kids...interesting homemade attempts Rio: what more could you ask for? Nancy: Tell Junior he's so rude for refusing to get on a plane Nancy: It's not a phobia if you just don't want to Rio: Real talk Rio: ride or die until he's scared he'll end up at this party too Rio: bless Nancy: Like, I get it, I don't want to be in Chelsea either but I'd do it for him Rio: I ain't getting in the middle of gay drama Rio: I know better Rio: I could beg on your behalf but we both know, unlikely Nancy: Oh my god, you're not allowed to out him, even to me Nancy: It's a secret that we all know, okay Rio: 🤐 Rio: I do forget he's younger than us, like actually no pressure but also you know NONE of us are gonna be mad so Nancy: So problematic, you'd fit right in at the party actually Nancy: He's an adorable little old man Rio: 😱 Rio: 'Scuse me Rio: don't be starting beef with me, I'm coming Nancy: 😂 Rio: Literally so rude Rio: don't make me flip my hair at you Nancy: Babe please, I can do it better Nancy: Mine's so long now Rio: Alright showoff 😉 Rio: mine would be too if I straightened it Nancy: [sends a show offy hair flip clip but cute like look] Rio: Awh, you look so cute 🧡 Nancy: I look so 🥕 but I make it work Rio: straight 🔥 I swear Nancy: Okay but never use straight to refer to me, thanks Rio: Such a hater Nancy: Of men, exactly Nancy: You would be too if you went to our school though Rio: I can imagine Rio: tory central Nancy: Lord, it's like a timewarp of values but the levels of privilege have kept sky rocketing Nancy: The party's gonna be like Gatsby's except if the green light was shots and nudes Rio: Ahh the irony Rio: How do you stay even slightly sane/normal Nancy: I don't Nancy: They are the 'normal' ones and I'm obviously insane with grief about it Nancy: Oh please let me in your oh so exclusive club so I don't have to hang my head in shame Rio: nah, fuck that Rio: just the lunatics running the asylum Nancy: I hate it here so much Rio: Is there anyone vaguely decent you hang with? Nancy: No Rio: That's so crap Nancy: I'd rather have no friends than fake ones cos there's nobody real around Rio: I feel that too Rio: but its hard having to spend, what, 7 hours a day alone and surrounded by dickheads Rio: hope you're making your weekends worth it, yeah Nancy: I'd love it if they left me alone Nancy: That's what weekends are for, definitely Rio: Enough about those boring bitches anyway Rio: my mum wants to talk to yours, the usual, but they're cool with it so Rio: 👍 Nancy: I'll let her know when she comes in Rio: 🤞 she doesn't talk her ear off so hard she won't let me come like hell no, this fucking family Nancy: I can't even let that be a possibility Nancy: Do you want me to have a birthday breakdown, mum? Nancy: I don't think you have time in the schedule for that Rio: Hit her up with those birthday demands Rio: it's my party and I WILL cry if you don't do what I want, like Nancy: I don't wanna go there but if I have to, I will Rio: 👑 Rio: if there's ever a time to be a tiny bit of a diva Rio: I have to make a fuss or bitches will be tryna skip to Christmas like nah Nancy: That's so rude Nancy: To you and your dad Nancy: Also who in the hell wants to skip to Christmas? It's so stressful oh my god Nancy: Give me all the shopping days, thanks Rio: Seriously Rio: not a grinch or anything, gimme presents then too but come on Rio: attention is the best 🎁 for the eldest of 10, duh Nancy: Do you wanna be the joint guest of honor at this party instead of me? Nancy: As far as attention goes, you wouldn't get more unless you lock Buster in his room or something beforehand Rio: 😂 I know you're not identical but I don't think your ma would appreciate the insinuation that me and him are in any way twinning Nancy: You could wear a costume Nancy: He'd hate that as much as he'd hate sharing the spotlight even a little Rio: No shade but 0 lack of desire to white face Rio: but that's tempting, have I even got time to think of a decent costume though Rio: hmm Nancy: I can't lie, I'd be tempted if I was staying Rio: We so should Rio: maybe we'll need one for wherever we're going once you've made your joint wish or whatever the fuck Nancy: I'm with you on everything except I'm never blowing out candles with him for as long as I live Rio: Jokes, you definitely have enough 💸 for separate wishes Nancy: 🙏 Rio: This will be fun Rio: I'll send you details of anything that sounds good then Nancy: I'll send you any costume ideas I have, obvously Nancy: Thanks Ri Nancy: You seriously are the best Rio: Definitely Rio: and don't mention it, I had nothing good on anyway, this'll be way more fun than whatever lame party I was gonna be at Nancy: I feel like I definitely just complained about my life this entire convo Nancy: Which needs to be mentioned since I didn't even ask how you are or anything Nancy: Like, yeah that's gay culture but you know Rio: Nah, it's your bday, soon Rio: fully in support of that diva ish remember 👑 Rio: and same old same old here Rio: all good Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: Feels like forever since we've had a real life interaction Nancy: I'm glad you're coming Rio: It has been a while Rio: always feels like that since Schools in full swing and sucking the life outta us all like summer never happened Nancy: Unless you're Buster and school's your playground Nancy: I'm honestly surprised he isn't breaking in to have the party there since he loves it so much Rio: When you're gonna peak, gotta make the most, I guess 🤷 Nancy: I wish, you know he's just gonna keep doing better and better Nancy: Failure's not an option, like Rio: Not an option but a reality Rio: all well and good living that mantra and letting it take you as far as it can but I swear, real life is gonna hit him so hard, it won't be good Nancy: Maybe I took his share and mine, that'd be about right Nancy: I'll throw him a party for his mid life crisis though, of course Nancy: What are sister's for Rio: 😂 Can't wait to meet his hilariously age-inappropriate bae and pretend to give a shit about his sports car, like Nancy: I'll show up in mine like hey bro, older, hotter girlfriend in toe Rio: 🙌 Rio: Power moves Nancy: She can drive so I just get to pose even more extra when we turn up Rio: and you just want a driver, lbr 😜 Nancy: You'll thank me for not driving Nancy: The girlfriend who doesn't exist won't when I'm that distracting, though Rio: 😏 Rio: go off boo Nancy: If only that saying was true Nancy: about quiet ones Rio: can be Nancy: I can't even remember how it goes Rio: it's always yous, basically Rio: bit ominous Nancy: Oh Rio: Init Rio: Junie can't be convinced Rio: spent a solid 30 there trying Nancy: He's no longer my best friend, you are Nancy: Next time he wants to know how to let a girl down gently I'm not helping Rio: 💔 Rio: cold, I'll break that news to him gentle tho Rio: old times sake Nancy: My mum's just text me so I'll gently persuade her that you need to like, stay forever Nancy: Easy, obviously Rio: Obviously Rio: with your persuasion skills and her laidback attitude Rio: 😉 Nancy: She's in such a great mood too after another meeting with my form teacher who is himself convinced that Dyslexia only affects working class children Nancy: I tried to tell him that's the stock I'm bred from but he also believes that girls should be seen and not heard, like Rio: Ugh Rio: What a prick Rio: though not that surprised Rio: any issues and the royals hide their kids in asylums so Nancy: They only let girls in during the last century or whatever so he's far to old to have ever interacted with one Rio: Yeah, probs far too invested in the boys if the stereotypes keep ringing true Nancy: Gross but probably true Rio: Someone has to rub 'em down after rugger, babe Rio: 🤷 Nancy: Stop trying to trigger PTSD in me Rio: 😂 soz Rio: jus' sayin' silver lining you don't have to deal with the predatory masters, even if they at best tolerate your existens Nancy: Thank god, since I came out more lads have told me they fancy me than ever before, I'm already inundated and wanna die Rio: Nothing sexier than unavailability Nancy: Nothing sexy about how they show their 'interest' though Nancy: If that's how they approach straight girls I don't know how we've survived as a species Rio: Go on, wow me with their chat Rio: need a laugh Nancy: Most of them don't even bother to speak, their love language is clearly touch Rio: 😬 Rio: Rapey Nancy: It's scary, like Nancy: I thought posh boys were meant to be repressed Rio: Nah, they're THE worst Rio: untouchable in return for all the grabbing they're into Rio: and SO many mommy/daddy issues Nancy: Gross Rio: Fun if you're feeling it for the weekend but yeah Rio: not a mood you wanna marry into really Nancy: If I wasn't gay before I definitely am now you tried to force your tongue down my throat in the middle of the school hallway, thanks so much  🙄 Rio: That's so grim Rio: hope you smacked him Nancy: My brother has essentially one use to me Rio: It's something Rio: don't discount it Nancy: I can't unless I also wanna take up boxing myself Nancy: Not really my thing so Rio: Least you know he gives some shits, yeah Nancy: He likes to hit stuff Nancy: I've always known that Rio: Yeah Nancy: Anyway, I have to go Nancy: If I ignore this deadline it won't Nancy: and the essay won't write itself either Rio: Oh no Rio: lame Rio: but good 🍀 Nancy: Thanks, I need it Nancy: At least until my mum gets back and I can ask her about romantic classicism Rio: I'm too dumb and poor for this shit, sorry xoxo Nancy: I do have the money to buy myself an essay where my brain has failed me Nancy: but I'd have to make it look Dyslexic enough so I might as well just write it Rio: 💔 Rio: Sad times, princess, sad times Nancy: ikr 👑💧 that's my crown of tears not like Nancy: any other liquids Nancy: I'm definitely not putting any sweat into it Rio: 💪 you got this Nancy: I've got 🍀 because of you Nancy: I'll make it work Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Nancy: xxx