#if you can't handle a post with a (JOKEILY PRESENTED??) opinion about a character in the general tags then

[lesbrarians]

Reasons Why Beat Is Infinitely Superior to Joshua

when you get an e-rank victory:

joshua: you need to do better, neku.

beat: so what? a win’s a win!

when you get a star rank victory:

joshua: that was a nice distraction.

beat: hell yeah! that was tight!

game over:

joshua: neku... how could you?

beat: RHYYYME!

low hp:

joshua: neku, do something!

beat: yo man, we in trouble.

starting a battle at low hp:

joshua: why even bother?

beat: bring it, yo! 

neku gets knocked down:

joshua: what’s wrong?

beat: you alright??

fusion:

joshua: follow my lead! (neku: screw that!)

beat: pick it up, phones! (neku: i’m there!)

joshua: work for you? (neku: what do you think?)

beat: the beat is on! (neku: bring it!)

joshua: another world awaits (neku: and you’re going!)

beat: let’s start it up! (neku: no, let’s end it!)

escaping battle x1: 

joshua: oh, we’re running? you didn’t seem the type. 

neku: .....

joshua: well, i suppose it’s inevitable... sometimes. hee hee...

neku: i suppose you’re an ass. all the time. 

--

beat: yo, whatchu runnin’ for, man?

neku: why waste energy?

beat: hmph. aight then. but next time we stay an’ fight.

escaping battle x2:

joshua: oh, neku? we seem to be running away an awful lot. 

neku: are not.

joshua: wait-- don’t tell me you’re struggling with combat! in your second game? honestly, neku, it’s a wonder you survived.

neku: ..... 

jshua: i know how capable you are, so i won’t say another word. hee hee...

neku: rrgh! must...not...strangle!

--

beat: yo, yo, what the hell!? why you keep runnin/?

neku: strategy. that’s what you call a tactical retreat.

beat: oh yeah? well... he who stays an’ fights away lives today another fight!

neku: .....

neku: um. no... i don’t think that’s how it goes.

beat: whatever! as long as we on the offense! we gotta conquer us... some... some victories. look... i flunked outta japanese, aight? 

escaping battle x3:

joshua: .....

neku: what?

joshua: ......

neku: WHAT? just say it!

joshua: ......

joshua: ......

joshua: ......

joshua: well you’re awfully...

neku: what?

joshua: ......

joshua: hmm.

neku: (you know what? bite me!)

---

beat: Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo! NO! men don't run! men fight! where's your stones, man?

neku: i told you, i'm being strategic.

beat: you'll never survive like that, yo!

neku: .....

neku: i’m sorry-- that sounded like worry.

beat: wha-- n... no! i don't care 'bout you! hells no!

neku: ..... (good.)

credits:

joshua: doesn’t even show up to hachiko even when neku goes “see you there?”

beat: literally blushes as he gives neku a noogie

about neku:

joshua: he’s served his purpose. i don’t need him anymore.

beat: you ain’t my partner anymore, man. you’re.... my friend.

joshua does nothing but tear neku down and views him as a tool to achieve his means (literally, that’s what he says in A New Day when talking w mr. h). beat is infinitely supportive, congratulates neku when they win, and doesn’t blame him when they fail. even when you die, he doesn’t blame you for losing his chance to save rhyme. he legitimately cares about neku, even if his tough guy facade won’t let him admit it. joshua is a little bitch who constantly rags on neku and beat makes a much better boyfriend for neku in this essay i will

edit: if this jokey-ass post actually upsets you for some reason, either bc you can’t handle someone posting an opinion in a general, non-ship, non-character tag, or bc you think that i’m somehow misinterpreting the many times joshua has expressed that neku is just a pawn to him, or bc seeing canonical quotes where he’s terrible to neku is upsetting to you,or bc you’re legitimately offended by someone jokily calling your fave character a lil’ bitch .... please just go ahead and block me instead of sending me hate over a fuckin shitpost omfg. this was not meant to be a big deal, it was just an excuse to use the “in this essay i will” meme and i’m like. flabbergasted that people are taking it this seriously. like. damn, people. the block button is free, and please reconsider why a harmless opinion supported by canon quotes is so enraging to you.