#if you asked me yesterday i wouldve guessed i had like. two years left on it???

[muirmarie]

I put my private student loans on autopay, and really only pay attention to them come tax time, and while this is absolutely not my biggest student loan, this email truly came out of nowhere for me?????

May you also have your debts paid before you know it!!!

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 2

It was an unusually hot day, so i pulled out Mason's kiddy pool and filled it for him to cool off in. I was sat on one of the sun loungers close by reading my book where i could still keep an eye on him.

"Mom?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Is auntie Hannah coming round soon with Lucas? Im bored"

"They should be here soon buddy" i smiled over at him.

"Okay.... im hungry"

"Fine.... i'll go get you something but you have to come out the water while i'm inside...."

"Oh mom i dont wanna get out...."

"Mace come on now...." i rolled my eyes putting my book down.

"Knock knock" i heard a very familiar voice call out from behind, i turned and stared wide eyed at none other than Scott Evans!!

"Scott.... what... what are you doing here?" I asked standing up and walking over to the back gate to let him in.

"Chris told me where you were, i had to come see you! I've missed you! You stopped replying to my messages and wouldn't take my calls...."

"Yeah i'm sorry Scott, that was a dick move" i nodded, I had been friends with the Evan's since we were kids.... best friends with Chris and Scott "i was dealing with some stuff.... guess i didn't handle it well"

"I can see that" he said looking over at Mason who was sat in the pool with his back to us as he crashed some toys around "he yours?"

"He is, thats Mason"

"Well you gonna introduce me properly??" He asked being his usual sassy self!

"Sure, come on over" i led the way over to where Mason was playing feeling my heart racing, i hadn't been this nervous in forever!

"Hey Mace? I want you to meet a friend of mine...."

Mason turned to face us and i heard Scott audibly gasp.

"This is my friend Scott"

"Hi" he said shyly looking Scott over.

"Hey bud, its nice to meet you...." Scott smiled at Mason before turning his attention to me with wide eyes as Mason carried on playing as if we wasn't there.

"Is there something you need to tell me Y/N?....."

I looked away from Scott keeping my eyes on my son, i shook my head in disbelief..... i did not expect to be having this conversation today!

"You know his a spitting image...."

"I know Scott! Im not blind" i snapped.

"But how?? I mean i know how! But...."

"Hey! Its just us...." i heard Hannah call from inside, she always let herself in.

"Hey.... oh shit"

"Hey Hannah, good to see you" Scott smiled with a little wave.

"Scott..... what a surprise..."

"Han, can you watch Mason while i go inside and talk to Scott?" I asked as i shifted nervously on the spot.

"Sure".

"Hi auntie Y/N!" Lucas said loudly as he ran past me heading to Mason.

"Hey buddy" i smiled at him as i led the way into the house with Scott following close behind.

"Okay so spill it" Scott said breaking the awkward silence between us as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table.

"What do you already know? What did Chris tell you about us?...." i asked avoiding eye contact with him.

"Well obviously i know the two of you used to hook up occasionally.... he said he just lost contact with you when you left town"

"Wow....." i scoffed shaking my head "is your brother still an asshole?"

"Why are you calling him an asshole? I thought you guys were friends??"

"We were. Then we were more.....or at least i thought so"

"You two were serious?"

"I guess not"

"He never said anything...."

"Before he made it 'big' with the whole Captain America thing we were serious"

"How serious?"

"Serious enough to get married....."

"Im sorry WHAT???!!"

"Yep"

"How did i not know about this??? when did this happen??" he stared at me with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open as he tried to process the information.

"You remember the weekend in Vegas for my birthday, before he started filming Winter Soldier?....that one night you got food poisoning and stayed in bed..."

"You got married in Vegas?! were you both drunk??"

"Nope, stone cold sober" i shrugged "god i loved him Scott.... he was telling me he loved me and talking about starting a family..... we walked past a chapel and he asked me to marry him. Promised we'd do it properly when we got home...."

"My god...... so what happened?"

"Chris wanted to wait until he finished filming to tell everyone.... or so he said. When he came home once he was done filming he told me we had made a mistake. His career was taking off and he wouldn't have time for a wife..... he was getting a lot of attention from women, he didn't want to be tied down with me did he?"

"Did he say that?!"

"He didn't have to, he was pictured with different women all the time" i shrugged.

"What an asshole!" Scott spat sounding pissed at his brother "how could he do that to you of all people??"

I shook my head as i thought back on the time i was heartbroken.... pining for my best friend... my husband, and he had so easily forgotten about me, i quickly wiped a stray tear away before Scott could see.

"I found out i was pregnant two weeks later. I tried calling him but he never answered or returned my messages..... so i made a choice. I decided to pack up and leave, start somewhere new where i could raise my baby. I received divorce papers shortly after which i signed and returned, i didnt want anything to do with him"

"You should have called me! I wouldve talked some sense into him!"

"He didn't want me Scott let alone a baby.... he made his choice and i made mine" i smiled looking out the window at my beautiful boy "i dont regret it for a second, Mason is my world. He's my perfect little boy.... even if he does look like a spitting image of his father. Thats the hardest part.... its the eyes.... he has his eyes".

Scott was suddenly beside me pulling me into his arms and holding me tight.

"Im so sorry sweetie"

"Its fine.... it was a long time ago.... when Chris showed up here yesterday i nearly had a heart attack!" I mumbled against Scotts chest.

"I bet.... why was he here?"

"Apparently we're still married! That jackass never filed the papers! But now he's seeing someone and its getting serious he wants the option of marrying her"

"You should tell him about Mason....."

"I can't Scott, he'd hate me.... what if he tried to take Mason from me?"

"He wouldn't do that, he might want a chance to get to know his son but he wouldn't hurt you like that....."

"Can you be sure? 100% sure that he wouldn't want to take Mason?? I've seen some of his interviews about wanting kids...."

"Don't you want Mason to know his father?"

"Of course! You dont think i wanted my son to have a dad? I tried to tell him Scott but he ghosted me!"

"Look i love my brother you know that, i know what he was like a few years back, he went through a phase of being an absolute douche bag..... but his different now"

"I'll think about it okay?"

"Okay..... i'll be there for you through it all i promise"

"Thank you Scotty, god I've missed you" i smiled giving him another hug "you staying for lunch? Mason's hungry"

"Id love to".

Scotts POV

Y/N stood at the front door waving me off with Mason, my NEPHEW! I still couldn't believe it.... Chris was a Father!!

I waved to them both as i pulled away and started my drive home. 20 minutes into my journey my cell started to ring, i looked down to see it was Chris calling.

"Hey"

"Hey, what you up to?"

"Just on my way home, i went to go see Y/N"

"Oh.... h..how was she?"

"Surprised to see me, but she was good"

"Good, thats good. What did she tell you?" He sounded worried, nervous even.

"I know everything...." i huffed out a breath "how could you be so fucking stupid Chris?? you married our best friend.... our oldest friend and then left her!"

"I was such an asshole back then.... i know, but i can't change that now can i?"

"No i guess not"

"It was so good seeing her yesterday man, made me realise how much I've missed her. I was hoping we could work things out, be friends at least but.... Scott she fucking hates me!"

"Can't say i blame her....."

"Im not that guy anymore Scott" he said sadly and i knew that, id seen the change in my brother over the years.

"Try and talk to her again, maybe she just needed to get over the shock of seeing you"

"You think she'd wanna see me?"

"I have no clue, but if you want to sort things out with her your going to have to make an effort with her. Let her see your not the same asshole that left her"

"Maybe i should just leave her alone, she's been fine without me...."

"Chris..... i wasn't going to say anything but theres something you should know...."

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 (it wont tag you) @katiew1973 @denisemarieangelina

[idjitlili]

Hey,I’m date mike

legolas x reader

a request for loteriel_greenleaf thank youuuu my dudeeee i really didnt know what to write,even though i just finished an imagine ,i felt like another was due. also been trying to make lembas bread god.

summary:imagine sparring with legolas,and being apart of the fellowship.

warnings:uh straddling/potential language i dont know yet./sexual themes no smut though. word count:1602

You had grown up mostly in Rivendell ,yes you are an elf,yet an orphan. Elrond had found you when he was was travelling for a meeting with Gandalf,Lady Galadriel,and saruman he had no choice but bring you with. He did not know what happened to your parents, however it was assumed you were abandon,probably due to being born out of wedlock or an affair(that was common but there was still a chance). You didnt know either being just a babe.

Anyways Elrond brought you to this meeting and in the end Gandalf ended up with you. Soon enough you knew him as your only Ada,and yes you were trained by the elves to defend yourself,when Gandalf was out of town.All the talk,and books about adventures,made you hungry for your own. You wanted to see hobbits,dwarves,anything. You wantd to know if elves in other realms were stuck up like Thranduil,well that is what gandalf told you about him.It only took a century or two for your ada to let you come on an adventure with him. That being taking you to elronds secret council,about destorying the ring.

You may of stared at the hobbit and the dwarves a little too long in awe,when they noticed you had looked away red in embarrassment. However you didnt notice a certain blond elf ,staring at you. He was curious of who you were,he had never seen you before,surely he wouldve remembered such beauty..you were so zoned out you missed all the arguing only to hear.

"I will take it!I'll take the ring to mordor!" the hobbit had shouted making everyone go silent. "though I do not know the way."

You ada had lent to put a hand on the hobbits ,before speaking confidently to the small fellow."I will help you bare this burden ,frodo baggins." the hobbit had smiled to your father. "I am coming too, Ada." you had walk next to him,wrapping your arm around his. Legolas now knew who you were ,but Gandalf was definity not your really father,maybe you were gold digger,joking he just wondered how he never knew that Gandalf had a daughter. Anyways you know what happpened after that,you have my sword ,bow axe, we're coming too.

You had kept yourself to yourself ,not talking overly,but if you did it was to your ada. Other than him you would talk to mostly the hobbits about what life was like in the shire. You felt intimidated by the men  ,legolas , and gimli they did scare you just a bit.  So you avoided them until you couldnt no more.

Well you stopped avoiding legolas,after Moria,he had to carry you out as you screamed out for you ada. You had witnessed Gandalf sacrifice his life to save the fellowship. You had yours around legolas ' neck,head in his shoulder whilst you sobbed drenching his tunic. He had held you on his hip,like you would with a toddler,running with you in his arms. Once you had gotten outside ,your sobs had gotten loud,legolas had tried to put you down but you just held tighter.  He had held you until you had reached near the Nimrodel in the eaves of the forest ,in which he had let go but you had your legs and arms wrapped round him so tight he didnt need to hold you,while he held his bow up in defence.

Turns out it was just elves that surrounded you ,and Aragorn knew one of them,a blond guy,pretty sexy if you were honest. In which he began leading you to lady galadriel,who you had not seen in many years, same with her husband celeborn who stood beside her walking down the stairs like jesus walking on water. You miss part of the coversation only to begin listening at the mention of your fathers name. "tell me where is gandalf as I much desire to speak to him." celeborn's voice as smooth as ice . "he has fallen into shadow." the look on Gimli's face when she says that hes like whoa shes good."y/n.." she calls out gently ,you had jumped out of legolas arms ,running towards her ,only for her to wrap her arms around you into a bear hug.

"not all is lost,as he remains in spirit." she had spoken to you ,in your mind ,as her hands rubbed your back comfortingly,before you pulled away. Her  eyes land on legolas ,back on smirking at you. "you and the prince." she had 'spoken' to you only shook your head ,with a small blush on your face,legolas watched confused as why lady galadriel had looked at him ,only to see you blushing. Lady galadriel had found a way to distract you from mourning in tears.

Not long after she had led you all to place you could rest for the night. In that legolas had settled next to you and after a while he had broken the silence between you both. "when my nana died,it was like my ada died with her,after her death he became cold and cut off. He treated me like another soldier ,nothing more,I had no one to comfort me. I wish to be here for you ,so you always have someone." he spoken barely above a whisper,you had never heard legolas speak so much ,let alone with so much feeling. "thank you,i never thought I would make friends with a prince ,let alone be carried for hours by one." you had spoken with a small smile,he had sent one in return before wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

"I couldve done it for three days,with my elven strength." he had flexed his spare arm ,making you giggle. OKay this was very out of character for legolas."sure ,prince." and with that you were lent against his shoulder,in which you soon enough you fell asleep ,in his hold.

The next day you just pretend the events from yesterday never happened and your ada was still alive ,he was just gonna pop out and scold you for getting so friendly with the elven prince.

Turns out not even three days later ,you find your father alive and well ,you almost stab him like a kebab then and there. " Yeah just let me mourn your death and then your like boom ,guess what bitches I was alive the whole time." in which from that he just scolds you for using language before pulling you into a tight embrace ,apogising for the hurt he had caused,so bruh you werent as sad as before,so thats a plus. Only thing is if you got your freaky on with the princes he's always about.

The next interaction you had with legolas was the eves eve of the battle of the pelennor fields.In which he asks you to sparr with him,as he wants to know which one of you were the better fighter. Obviously it was you but his excellence ass wasnt going to agree with you. That leads you now on the green grass ,a distance away from the tent,sweaty,with clanging metal. So hot that you are just in your vest and pants,legolas was just in in his long sleeve tunic and pants ,pretty normal. Gandalf had left to go to Minas Tirith because of a certain took being a little bit stupid,no offence he's young and cutie pie ,dont be mean.

So basically you have no adult supervision ,even though you are an adult but I guess you would call it parental supervision then. You and legolas had been going at it for at least an hour neither of you giving up or losing;uh thats what she said.  Well that was until you knocked the blade out of legolas' hand but while doing so you had tripped on your own feet dropping your blade on to make legolas fall flat backwards,with you on top. Thats what she said. However legolas was quick to flip himself on top of you ,legs either side of you hips ,his other blade to your throat. "I should have won that,I just tripped, plus if you wanted to take me on a ride you should have just asked." you had smirked at the elf who's cheeks were now red,he smiled shyly removing the blade.

You used this to flip him off you ,you now straddling the elf,just a little lower. You had grabbed his wrists pinning them above his head ,making it so your faces were barely inches away. "what do you say to that ,hm? son of the elf with a huge dildo gaggins sized cock up his butt." you had whispered ,okay so that wasnt very seductive."I say you better kiss me then take me into the tent,now." his voice stern ,you simple smirk pressing your lips to his quickly.

Before you lead him to the tent. "dont you dare tell ada about what we about to do?"

"what eat some potatoes?"

"shut up,i would like that."

[holylulusworld]

The morning after - Part 1

Summary: Reader wakes up next to the Winchesters…naked. Like always - after the fun there will be consequences.

Pairing: Dean x Reader x Sam, Castiel

Warnings: language, implied smut, smut (flashbacks), unplanned pregnancy (wrap it kiddos!), angst, sad reader, jealous reader (a bit)

The morning after Masterlist

Waking up your head feels like it got hit with a baseball bat. Your mouth tastes like whiskey mixed with the taste of someone else’s tongue.

Flinching you realize you’re completely naked and your whole body feels exhausted.

Turning around you see someone lying next to you…naked. God what did you do last night?

Trying to figure out who lies next to you, you tilt your head. Oh god…Sam…Sam is laying next to you…a naked Sam.

Ashamed you turn around only to see Dean on the other side of the bed…naked too.

Fucking shit what did you do last night? According to your soreness and exhaustion you assume you had sex … with both men.

Hiding your face in the palms of your hands you try to calm down. Your mind is racing and your head is spinning. God how did you end up in bed with your hunting partners?

The hunt…whiskey…a lot of whiskey. Trying to focus what happened last night you close your eyes.

You drank with the boys and then you played... oh fuck Dean suggested strip poker. You remember Dean won; of course he won that little fucker.

You were left in your underwear. You remember kissing Sam to at least keep your panties…

You remember Dean kissing down your spine…then…nothing…blank…

Fuck what did you do? Groaning you take a deep breathe … Maybe you didn’t fuck them?

But the sticky feeling between your thighs tells another story…oh god you didn’t use protection? Shit, shit…you’re on birth control…but shit!

Wait did you take your pill yesterday? Oh god, did you?

Whining you try to remember but all you can remember is Sam eating you out…fuck he was good at it! Focus, Y/N, goddamn focus!

But the next thing you remember is Dean switching places with Sam and shit his cock … fuck … so deep inside of you. Groaning he fucked you into the mattress.

Focus…did you take your pill? But your mind is busy showing you Dean and you moving in sync while Sam is watching and shit you came so hard and then…no, no…then you fucked Sam too. Awesome!

He was even bigger and rough…shit Sammy was rough. You never thought he would … fucking shit focus! Did you take your pill?

Whining you try to remember anything useful, but all you can see is Sam and Dean fucking you in the best way possible.

“God what did I do? Fuck!” You mutter.

“Correct Sweetheart!” Dean chuckles.

“Dude! Not so loud!” Sam groans.

“What did we do?” You whisper.

“We had fun last night.” Dean answers.

“Dean we crossed a line!” You mutter.

“Sorry but you were so hot and half naked…” Sam groans kissing your shoulder.

“I think I need a shower.”

“All three of us.” Dean chuckles wiggling his eyebrow.

“Not a chance, I can’t remember much but I’m beyond sore.” You scold.

“What a pity. Maybe we should make you remember?” Dean groans before kissing you roughly.

“Did one of you use protection?” You ask.

“Shit…not.” Sam stammers. “Dean?”

“Fuck…no…we were too busy…shit. Birth control?”

“I’m on pill but I can’t remember if I took it yesterday.”

“Wait you swallowed a pill before we drank whiskey.” Sam says and you sigh relieved.

“Thank Chuck!”

“So shower all three of us?” Dean insists.

“Dean I’m sore and maybe we shouldn’t do this again…” You whisper.

“But you had fun too.” Sam whines.

“I barely remember the fun! I was beyond drunk…”

“You said you want us … both.” Dean insists.

“I can’t remember.” You lie.

Jumping out of the bed you almost run into the shower.

“Do you think she regrets last night?” Sam asks sad.

“No, she lied. Can see through he façade. She’s a bit ashamed I guess.”

2 weeks later

Watching the boys flirting with another chick you feel anger boiling up your stomach. They fucked you and told you you’re something special and now they… well after the fight the morning after you guess Sam and Dean aren’t interested any longer.

Sighing you watch them until…oh god…Why is your stomach rumbling? …shit… Running into the restrooms you say goodbye to your dinner. What’s wrong with you?

Since over a week you feel exhausted, your stomach rumbles and…oh no…god, please no.

Leaving the bar you storm toward your car. There was a drugstore nearby the motel.

After buying a pregnancy test you drove back to the motel. Starring at the positive test in your hand you start crying. Sitting on the bathroom floor you don’t know what to do.

“No, no.” You sob.

“Hey, what’s up Y/N?” Sam asks concerned. You didn’t realize they came back too.

Sobbing you show him the positive pregnancy test.

“You’re pregnant?”

Nodding you start crying. “Don’t cry, maybe it’s wrong.” Sam tries to sooth you.

“Hey, whoa what did you do Sammy?” Dean grunts.

“She’s pregnant.”

“Baby, don’t cry. Does the father know?” Sam asks.

“What? I don’t know who the father is!” You yell.

“So many guys?” Sam asks again.

“No! Only you two in the last two years. I didn’t have sex with someone else! How can you think … I’m not a whore!” You sob.

“I thought you’re on birth control.” Sam says.

“I am and you said I took my pill.”

“You see…I’m not sure.” He stammers now and Dean eyes widen.

“But you said you saw me taking my pill! If I would’ve known I could’ve taking plan B!” You yell at Sam.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t want to kill the mood, so I lied.” Sam admits.

“Great! Now I’m pregnant and got no clue who knocked me up!” You grunt. Starting to cry again you can’t stop the tears from falling down. Honestly you always wanted a baby, but not like that.

“Hey, we’re going to fix this.” Dean tries to sooth you.

“Fix? A baby ain’t a car!” You grunt.

“Do you want to keep it?” Sam asks softly.

“I don’t know…” Sniffing you wipe away the tears. You already made your decision seeing the two blue stripes.

“You want to keep it - right?” Dean says smiling.

Humming you look at the test again. “Don’t worry I’ll leave the bunker. Still got my old hut.” You whisper.

“You won’t leave pregnant with my baby.” Sam orders.

“Minutes ago you thought I fucked so many guys that I don’t know who the father is.” You snap at him.

“Hey Sammy didn’t mean it that way. Let’s bring you home. Castiel can check the baby and we make an appointment for an ultrasound.” Dean whispers. Picking you up he carefully places you on the bed.

“I should leave. You two don’t want a baby with a one night stand.” You whisper.

“How dare you calling the mother of our child a one night stand!” Sam scolds.

“But that’s the truth. You were head over heels for the chick at the bar. I was just an easy lay for one night, nothing more.”

“We weren’t head over heels. She was a vamp. Killed her outside the bar.” Dean explains.

“Oh…” Casting your look down you play nervously with your fingers.

“Let’s drive back to the bunker and Cas checks on you. Tomorrow we’ll make an appointment for you to see a doctor.” Sam says softly.

“Okay…”

Smiling Sam picks you up to carry you toward the Impala. “I can walk Sam.” You scold.

“No, you didn’t feel well.” Placing you into the backseat Sam sits next to you.

“Lay in my lap, I’ll stroke your back. I read that this can help a pregnant woman relax.”

“You read an article about pregnant women?” You ask giggling.

“Always be prepared.” Sam states.

“Not always…”

“Sorry, this is all Dean’s and my fault. We were too hot and bothered … too eager to finally be with you to think straight.”

“I decided to drink so much and if I remember right I kissed you first…well to keep my panties.”

“But in the end you lost your panties too.” Dean says chuckling.

“Not funny Dean.”

“Come one Y/N it was funny. Now I’ll drive us back and then we make you feel comfortable. But first Cas will check on you.” Starting the engine Dean looks in the rear view mirror at you smiling.

“We don’t know who the father is.” You whisper.

“Doesn’t matter. We are the father, both of us. So don’t worry, we’ll take care of you and our baby.” Dean states not excepting any argument.

Back at the bunker Dean drags Cas out of his room to check on you.

“Cas please check on Y/N she’s pregnant from one of us.” Dean pleas.

Smiling Castiel touches your belly. Closing his eyes his features darken.

“We’ve got a problem. There are two babies. Y/N is pregnant with a new vessel for Michael…” At this words Dean starts smiling and Sam sighs disappointed.

“…and a new vessel for Lucifer.” Castiel ends his sentence concerned.

Sam looks at your stunned form, hugging you tight he can’t stop smiling. You’re going to have his baby and well Dean’s, but you’re going to have a baby with him.

“Oh god…two babies?” You whisper scared.

“Shhh…we’re going to make this work.” Dean tries to sooth you. Gently stroking your back he locks eyes with Sam. Nodding Sam let go of you so Dean can hold you tight.

“How can Y/N be pregnant from both of you?” Castiel asks confused.

“Well…we…had sex together.” Sam blurs out.

“Oh…I see.” Turning crimson Cas casts his look down. “We need to keep her safe. Not just the demons will be after her, the angels too.”

“She’s our girl, the mother of our children. We’ll make sure she’s safe.” Dean states holding you even tighter.

“We kill everyone who tries to come close to her.” Sam adds. Kissing the crown of your head he smiles again.

“Wouldn’t it be better if I just leave…”

“No.” Dean says tighten his embrace.

“But we only had sex as we were drunk!” You insist.

“I wasn’t drunk and Sammy only had half a whiskey. We just…we know we shouldn’t have taken advantage of your drunken state but we always wanted you.” Dean rasps.

“Oh…you wanted me?”

“Always…we just agreed you’re off limits, but when you kissed Sammy and then me we couldn’t resist any longer.”

“Do you want to do it again?” You ask biting your lip.

“God, yes.” Sam groans behind you.

“Then we should do it sober this time as I want to remember every detail...”

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99​, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18

[svucarisiaddict]

can you do a nick one where the reader is a detective and she ends up in a hostage situation and the hostage taker puts the gun to her head and says something like “you love her. Don’t you?” To nick and he has to admit it

//This is so long! Sorry! I’m talking 2500+words…I get a bit carried away sometimes//

Soft light started filtering through the curtains waking you from your peaceful slumber. A heavy arm was over your body holding you in place which was fine and dandy with you. Mornings like this were few and far between for you and Nick so you were relishing every second.

“You awake?” Nick mumbled as he nuzzled his nose in your hair. His hand skimmed down your bare thigh. “Cause if your not. I’m about to give you a very rude awakening.”

“Hmmm…just how rude?” You shifted your hips to press back into Nick.

“Obscenely rude,” he replied.

“Oh, how I love Saturdays.”

Nick peppered kisses on your shoulder and down your arm while his hand traveled over your belly slowly making his way to the juncture between your thighs. Nick’s phone rang and buzzed on the nightstand. He groaned as he rolled away from you to answer. “Amaro. Got it Liv. I’ll be there in 20. No. It’s okay. I’ll call her. See ya.”

“How bad?” you asked as you sat on the side of the bed before standing and wrapping the sheet around you.

“Bad bad,” Nick answered. “Rape, homicide and hostage situation.” He pulled on his boxers and started redressing.

“Jesus. Guess that answers my next question about a shower. What time is it anyway?”

“Uh, just after 6am. You finish getting dressed. I’ll get the coffee going.” He rounded to your side of the bed and kissed your cheek. “Good morning by the way, .”

“It would’ve been a lot better if Liv hadn’t have called,” you grumbled.

Thirty minutes later you and Nick rolled up to the scene. Liv and Carisi were already there and Fin was pulling up at the same time as you.

“Mornin’ guys. Didn’t you wear that suit yesterday, Amaro? Dry cleaners closed or somthin’?” He smirked.

You hid a grin behind your coffee cup. Fin knew about you and Nick but put on that he didn’t. You had a pretty great partner in Fin. Usually, Nick had an extra suit at your place. Unfortunately, the suit he had on was extra from when he stayed the previous night.

Nick nodded his head. “Yeah. Something like that.”

The three of you reached Liv and Carisi to get a briefing on the situation at hand. She gave you a quick rundown. A man followed his ex and her new boyfriend home. Raped her, killed the new boyfriend and was now holding her and her roommate hostage.

“Hey, Nick. Is that the same suit from yesterday?” Sonny asked as the group walked to the mobile command.

“Shut up, Carisi,” Nick said.

“Sorry, Sarge,” Sonny replied.

Liv eyed you and Nick but didn’t comment. “Well now that we’ve all acknowledged that Nick is wearing the same suit he did yesterday can we please get back to the case?” She gave pointed looks to you and Nick. “Okay, guys name is Jake Malone.”

Your ears perked at the name. “The hostage taker? He early 30’s, tall, red hair?” you asked.

“Think you know him?” Fin asked.

“Possibly. An old roommate had a brother by that name. Probably a coincidence,” you concluded.

“Here is his picture,” Liv said as she passed you the tablet she had in he hand.

“It is him. Holy shit,” you mumbled. Something in his eyes was different. He was always happy, the life of the party, his eyes bright, but now they just looked sad. “Has anyone made contact with him?”

“Just one phone call from the negotiator but he hung up,” Liv informed you.

“Let me talk to him. Maybe if it’s someone he knows he’ll be more open to talking,” you suggested.

“You’re not going in there,” Nick blurted out. “Too dangerous. Even more so because he knows you.”

Everyone’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at Nick’s outburst. Except for you. Right now you were shooting him daggers. Smooth, Nick. Real smooth. “Who do you think you are? Last I checked I could make my own decisions,” you snapped.

Nick pointed a finger in the air at you. “I’m your sergeant and your-” Nick stopped his speech right before he outed the two of you the squad, half the ESU and negotiations. “I’ll go. I doubt he wants to talk to a woman right now since he feels like he was screwed over by one.”

“You may be my sergeant but Liv has final say.” Crossing your hand over your chest you turned your attention to her. “So. Do you think I can handle it?”

She stood silent for a moment no doubt replaying the interaction that you and Nick just had. Liv looked between you and Nick. “Get your vest on,” she directed you.

“Your alpha male is showing,” you said in passing. You made it a point to shoulder check him.

“Really mature,” he mumbled.

“Fin you stay close to her, but out of sight,” Liv ordered.

“On it,” Fin replied. He jogged to catch up with you. “Trouble in paradise?” he asked you.

You looked around to be sure no one could hear you. “It’s like all of a sudden he sees me like some fragile porcelain doll,” you answered. “Drives me nuts.”

“He sees as more than a fellow cop now. The dynamic of your relationship has changed. Nick has always been protective but now that you two are…well together that protectiveness just went into overdrive,” Fin explained.

“You ready? We got him on the phone.” The negotiator said.

You nodded and took the phone as he passed it to you. “Jake? It’s Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’d like to come up and talk with you if that’s okay?” He repeated your name then was silent. He finally agreed but only without a gun and you had to come alone. “That’s not a problem, Jake. I’m giving my gun to my partner right now.” You unholstered your gun handing it over to Fin.

When Nick saw what you were doing he shook his head and started stalking toward you. You halted him with one look. He clenched his jaw but stayed put.

The walk up the five flights of stairs felt like it took forever. When you reached the apartment you rapped on the door. A woman opened the door with the chain attached. “I’m Y/N.” The door closed and you heard the chain slide open. You were ushered in quickly. The woman that opened the seemed unharmed physically but she was terrified. Her eyes were big as she opened the door. “What’s your name?” you asked the brunette.

“Tori,” she said.

“It’s okay, Tori. I’m gonna get you out of here,” you said in a calm voice.

Holding your hands up you made eye contact with Jake. It had been a couple years that you had seen him. His eyes were haunted.

He blinked rapidly and shook his head. “Y/N? I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it,” he said in a shaky voice. His arm was around her neck with a gun pushed to her head.

“Cause you’re a psycho. I should have known as soon as we started dating,” the blonde said. Must be the ex, Mandy.

This was your opportunity, a little role reversal. “Okay, Mandy. What did you do him?”

The look she gave you could kill. After a beat, she understood what you were trying to do. “I-I had a miscarriage, cheated on him,” she stammered.  “I’m so sorry, Jake. It was wrong.”

“Too late for apologies. Our baby is gone. Maybe you should have thought about that before you became a slut,” he spat.

“I’m sorry you have to go through that. That was a horrible thing to do,” you empathized.

He lowered the gun. “I just want to be happy again,” he said.

“I know you do. What you went through, I can’t imagine.” You bite your bottom lip then took a deep breath. “Why don’t let these two go. So we can sit and talk,” you suggested.

His phone started ringing. “That will be my lieutenant. She wants to help get everyone out safely,” you stated.

He never broke eye contact with you as he answered the phone. “Hello? They’re fine. No. No. I won’t do that.” He took a deep breath then pushed on the screen of the phone setting it on a nearby table. “Tell him you are okay. He doesn’t believe me.”

“This is Sargeant Amaro. How is everyone?”

Fucking Nick. “We’re fine, Sergeant. Jake is calm. We’re talking.” The other women chimed in saying they were fine. “We were talking. Jake is going to let Tori go. Right, Jake?”

Jake put his hand to his head. “I dunno.”

“If you cooperate with them, they work with you, Jake,” you reminded him.

“Go. Fucking go.”

“Tori. Head out, slowly.” She nodded her head in acknowledgment. You breathed a sigh of relief when she got out the door. “Tori is coming down now.”

“Thank you-” Nick was saying but Jake ended the call.

Mandy tried to squirm out of his grasp. “Not you,” he said and tightened his arm around her neck.

“Please, Jake. I’m sorry. I-I want to come back. I was stupid-” she begged before she was cut off by Jake.

“You really think I want you back? A cheating whore?” he said with disgust. “I want someone that will stay loyal, honest…”

You knew ESU had cameras, mics, snipers in place by this time. It’s what I want too. Hard to find it these days. Seems all anyone wants is a roll in the hay, then see ya later.”

Jake eyed you skeptically. “Yeah. Or they act like they want to be with you but don’t actually make the commitment.”

You smiled. “You really seem to get me. Why didn’t we talk more when I and your sister were roommates?”

He actually gave you a smile. “I was too shy. You were older and just seemed out of my league.” Jake started loosening his grip on Mandy. “Do-do you have a boyfriend?”

“I really wouldn’t call him that,” you scoffed. “Probably using me like every other man has. Guess I’ll take what I can get. It’s really all I deserve.” Looking up at him through your lashes you said, “makes me wonder if there are any good guys left out there.”

“Those are boys. Men don’t treat women like that,” Jake stated. “You deserve better than whoever it is you’re with right now.”

“You’re right.” Taking a couple cautious steps toward Jake you said, “let Mandy go. Me and you, we need to be alone. Talk.”

The phone rang again. “Answer it,” he directed. “On speaker.”

Slowly you reached for the phone. “This is Detective Y/L/N.”

“This is Lieutenant Benson. Is Jake able to talk?” she asked.

“He’s here, Liv.” You nodded at Jake.

“Hello?” he said.

“I want to thank you for letting Tori go. What can we do for you?”

Jake looked to you. “It’s okay. Liv is a good person. She’ll help you,” you insisted.

“Nothing you can give me,” he said.

“How about you let Mandy go? We’ll help you get out safe,” she offered.

“I can stay with him. He doesn’t want to be alone,” you said. You could hear Nick in the background swearing and saying no way. Liv covered the speaker to block Nick. Once he had either calmed down or moved away she came back on the phone.

“Can you do that? Can you let Mandy go and Y/N can stay?” Liv asked.

Jake furrowed his brow. The hand holding the gun clenched around the handle and released. He was contemplating his choices. Jake nodded quickly.

You let out breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Liv? Mandy is on her way.”

“Great. That’s great, Jake. Thank you for working with us,” Liv said.

Mandy slowly slipped out of Jake’s arm. She cautiously walked to the door, her eyes flicking from you back to Jake. You heard the door the door open then click shut in short succession. Just you and Jake. Your mind raced with thoughts of how you were going to get out of this one. “Why don’t we sit?” you said.

Jake took a seat on the couch then gestured you to join him. “Tell me. This guy you’re with, do you work with him?”

“I do. Which was a bad decision right out of the block. I thought he may be different but…” you sighed. The things you were telling Jake were real feelings. Fin tried to talk you out of getting involved. But by the time he had found out you were in too deep with Nick. The scary part was you had fallen in love with Nick months ago.

“You love him?” he asked.

It wasn’t a question you had expected. “Yeah. Pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same. Unrequited love has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.”

A commotion at the door startled both you and Jake. Nick came busting through the door. Jake grabbed you and put the gun at your side. “Who the hell are you?” he screamed.

“Sargeant Amaro. Put the gun down, Jake!” Nick warned. He turned his eyes to you, clearly afraid. He mouthed “I’m sorry.”

“It’s you. Isn’t it? The one that has been playing Y/N,” Jake challenged.

“I’m not playing her. I love her,” Nick said softly. His eyes shifted to yours.

The next thing you knew Jake was on the floor holding his knee. The sniper finally had a clean shot. Nick rushed over and kicked the gun from Jake’s reach. ESU burst through the doors as Nick was cuffing him. Once he was taken out of the apartment by ESU it was just you and Nick.

Nick took your hand to lead you out the door. “Let’s get you checked out by the EMT’s”

“I’m fine-”

Nick sighed then mumbled. “Can’t you ever do anything you’re told?”

“Now what fun would that be?” you joked.

Nick waited for you until you got the all clear from the paramedics. He put his arm around your shoulders as you walked to the car. “I want to talk about earlier when I said I love you-”

“It’s okay, Nick. I know you said it because there was a gun held on me,” you gave him a tight smile. “I get it. Going through a divorce-”

Nick stopped and grasped your shoulders. “I love you, Y/N,” Nick interrupted you this time. He didn’t give you time to say anything as he leaned over and kissed you. Like a reflex, his arms encircled your body and yours wrapped around his neck.

Cheers, claps, and whistling made the two of you stop and giggle. When you turned Liv was the first person you saw. She had her fingers between her lips eliciting a high pitched whistle.

“Bout time!” Fin called.

Sonny was clapping and smiling wide.

“I think we have everyone’s approval,” Nick said with a beaming smile.

“Seems so.” You put your hand on Nick’s chest. “ I love you too, Nick.” This time you stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss much to the delight of the audience.

[ecotone99]

I'd die for you

I first met Urvashi during class 6th of our school. We were classmates. she was kind and bright, but above all she was willing to be friends with someone plain and boring as me. I loved her. But I was alright with never confessing my feelings to her, because i hated the fact that we may not be friends anymore. my parents lived far away from me so most of the times i would have dinner at Urvashi’s house . That day i went to Urvashi’s house to help her cook a feast for her moms birthday. But I was careless, i left the recipe book close to the stove and it caught fire. The fire soon spread through the whole house.

“My mom is still in there “, Urvashi kept shouting but the firefighters wouldn’t let her go past them. Soon the whole house fell to ashes.

“This is all my fault” i thought to myself.

All kinds of things were said at the funeral, that how Urvashi had only her mom after her father had left them , and now that she had also left her , she no longer had anyone left.

“ im really sorry” , i said in a sobbing voice.”its all my fault, if i had paid attention , nothing like that wouldve happened. I know ill never get your forgiveness with just an apology , but i-”

Before i could say anything more, Urvashi hugged me and said,” it’ll be fine , it wasnt your fault, as long as i have you everything will be fine”, she said with tears in her eyes. She didnt care that she had lost someone important because of me , she forgave me with an open heart . thats when i mad up my mind, i will protect Urvashi for as long as i live. She will never suffer like this again. Two years passed.

I could hear some of the girls gossiping in our class.

“He was the 2nd victim “, one of them said.

“Scary,its fishy how they went missing one after the another”. Said another

“I bet she did something to them”

“ who knows?”

“At any rate, its better if we stay away from Urvashi”

I couldnt bear this any longer. I walked up to Urvashi and asked her if she wanted to walk home together.

“Dont let them get to you “ , i said , trying to comfort her.”its not your fault Urvashi”

“But, two people i dated suddenly disappeared you know,” she said.” everything was normal just the other day, now they’re nowhere to be found. Why do those important to me suddenly disappear?” as she said this, Urvashi made the same distraught face she made when her mom died in that fire that day. Seeing her in such a state twisted my heart beyond belief.” i wasnt trying to blame you” she said seeing the look on my face,” youre an important friend . besides what happened two years ago was an accident.”but i could never forgive myself for it.

“Hey” she said while looking and smiling at me,” you know, everyone important to me keeps disappearing one by one. Im terrified, please you dont leave me too”. Heaing those words from her only strengthened my resolve.

“ ill be fine “, i said. We saw each other off and went our own separate ways.

Shes so cute and precious, ‘please dont leave me too’ , i just love her soo much. Ive made up my mind to protect Urvashi. Theres no way id disappear. Thats why everytime Urvashi gets a boyfriend, i test them. I would flirt with them , invite them over and every time they easily come with me. Boys are such pigs. Cheaters like that arent worthy of Urvashi. I wanted to make sure that these filthy men would never make Urvashi cry in the future, so i nipped the problem in the bud. The public thinks theyve gone missing , and Urvashi also hasnt noticed either. I do feel sorry for her since because of all this , there are rumors going about her in the class. But its good this way cause the worthless nobodies stay away from her. As i entered the class i saw that somebody had written ‘ Urvashi is a dirty slut who eats men’.i quickly picked up the duster and rubbed it off. I turned around to see that some girls had surrounded Urvashi and were talking to her. I walked closer to the group to listen what they were talking about. I saw that it was Hargun and her friends talking to Urvashi. I say that they had put dirty wet rags on Urvashis seat.

“Urvashi , could you do something about your seat, i dont want to sit near someone whos seat is so dirty”, she said with hate in her eyes and a sly smile on her face.Urvashi glared back at them.

One of the girls got scared and said” what, you think we did this? You are the one who makes your boyfriends disappear and then attend school as if nothing happened.”

“Stop it you all”, i said in a calm voice, looking towards those girls.” what youre doing is completely disgusting.

“You stay away from this “, Hargun said while facing me “ just because you are her best friend doesnt mean you will support everything she does”

“ i didnt say that because im her friend, i said this because i think you all are scum”

The look in my face caused Hargun to shudder a bit. She left with her friends sson after. Urvashi thanked me for saving her, but the only thing that was going through my mind was that Hargun needed to go for Urvashi to be happy. The next day was a weekend , and Hargun attended extra classes on those days till late evening. I put on my hoodie and grabbed my suitcase, duffle bag and a hammer. I waited for her to be alone and then i started following her. I guess she noticed me because after a few minutes she started running. But i always knew that she was a dumb girl. She ended up running into a dead end with no lights. She turned around to see me , but before she could say anything , i smashed her face in with the hammer. She died instantly . i used the bleach to remove any blood from the path and then stuffed her body into the suitcase. Im getting pretty used to killing poeple. But i hadnt done anything wrong, this was all to protect Urvashi. *click* what was that? I turned around to check where that sound came from but there was no one there. Maybe it was my imagination . maybe im getting too paranoid. What is the point of being scared, i dont care being called a murderer if i can keep a smile on Urvashis face. As i thought this , i saw a wretched rotten away face staring from a corner at me. “ are you sure about that ?” , it said “ you erase those who you deem unworthy of of Urvashi, but that isnt the truth. You just want her all yo yourself , dont you?” i got scared and jumped back in impulse.i looked back at the corner but the face was no longer there.” everything i do is for Urvashi and no one else” i said to myself as i walked back to my home.

The next day after classes ended , our teacher told us that Hargun hadnt reached home yesterday and asked us to be extra careful. While walking home i could see that Urvashi was tense . i asked her what was wrong. “ im really cursed arent i ?, anyone i have any kind of connection with disappears.” as she said this, she started weeping.

“ its not your fault Urvashi” , i said while thinking that it was true that it wasnt her fault, because it was mine.i killed them all.

“ theres no need for you to cry” i said “ because, its their fault they didnt come back, each of them might have a reason why they disappeared. So please dont vry for them” as i said this Urvashi stopped crying and without saying anything went back home.

Later that night i decided that it was finally time for me to dismember Urvashi and dispose off her because even after keeping the body in ice , it had started to rot. I put her body in the bathtub and started cutting her in small pieces. As i was doing this someone rang the bell. I thought they would leave after sometime but they kept ringing the bell continuously.i quickly washed my hands and opened the fron door. I was shocked to see the police standing there.

“ are you deeksha?” they asked.

“ yes , but why? “ i said trying to act cool.

“ we received a report so we came to confirm it” as he said this he produced three pictures in front of me. In two if them i could be seen disposing of bodies and in one of them i could be seen stuffing Harguns body in the suitcase. Seeing this i felt as if i lost my voice. I couldnt say anything.

“You are suspected of unlawful disposal of corpse” said the policeman. “ we will now be searching your house” as he said this, two policemen entered my house. “ we found the body sir” on of them shouted from the bathroom”

“ you are under arrest “ said the policeman in front of me.as the policeman apprehended me , i shouted” who was the bastard that clicke those photos? Ill kill them !!”

“I clicked those “

I turned around to see who said that . i was frozen stiff to see Urvashi standing there. “ thats right, i clicked those “

“ Urvashi, what are you doing here?”

“ the fire that broke out two years ago, no one could blame you no matter how much you were at fault, and also i knew you were in love with me. So i thought that id make you suffer through raging jealousy as revenge for the fire. Thats why i started dating those boys. And as i predicted, you killed them both , and as an added bonus you killed Hargun too” she said while giggling.” you mustve thought of some bullshit , like everything i do is for Urvashi, right? You killed them on your own , can you stop saying that it was for my sake? Those word sound quite funny from the mouth of my mothers murderer.” as she said that i felt destroyed. I just wanted to die. “Wait, then why did you forgive me?” i asked shivering.

“ i can tell many lies, i’ll never forgive you . even if you spend the rest of your life atoning for those sins.”

“ hold on , then why, why did you tell me you forgave me back then, if you didnt forgive me, i was ready to kill myself.if you hated my existence that much , i couldve killedmyself for your sake.”

“ it wouldve been over fr you if you died back then. i had to drag you to the deepest depths of despair or else there would have been no point. You killed three poeple , thats a much heavier sin than setting that fire. Thank you for going to hell on your own” as she said that she gave a carefree smile to me, as if she had finally attained the things for which she lived for.

“ i finally got my revenge”

-end-

submitted by /u/xarcaliber [link] [comments] source https://www.reddit.com/r/shortscarystories/comments/gpnwnm/id_die_for_you/ via Blogger https://ift.tt/3efg8It

[incoherentlynonexistent-blog]

Unfortunate Outcome

Amazing how one person can change everything.....incredible as that same person becomes somebody they swore and promised to never become.....funny how you believed them, and the unfortunate outcome is the consequences you suffer because you trusted their word over everyone and everything....

It's so degrading...to now be where you're at only because you believed in something that wasnt ever real...

Hurtful to actually feel the loneliness kick in.....

Depressing to remember how little of an importance you were to them....

Unwilling to heal and move on because how do you pick yourself up after consistently being there for someone then for it to become abandoned and forgotten.....

It's the Unfortunet outcome to their mishaps that led me to becoming helpless and needy.

Sad thing is, I don't even know what it is that i want

Idk what I need....

I know I dont need this constant bullshit

Unfortunetly because I had so much hope and expectations

Its stupid to look back and realize how naive and oblivious I used to be

Now I guess they can say I made my own mess when they're the ones who lied and ridiculed me because I was drug along for so long

The most unfortunate thing about this is the outcome. Despite how much "better" they find this to be, I won't ever be able to be better....yea I have my good days, but even those arent good.....

Doesnt matter where they go

Doesnt matter the time they let slip by

Hell it doesn't matter what they do .

In still feeling the same things

I doubt ill ever have anything to help me endure this

I live everyday waiting still

I go about each day hoping anyone would love to be here again

I literally feel myself slipping

I'm already dead because of them

Added with how I'm still feeling

I'm not sure of this feeling will subside

It's all mind consuming

I can't just stop about this

It's the one thing that no-one understands

The reason why I'm like this

The answer is simple

Given the empty promises and then being just thrown way like yesterdays garbage

I'm miserable with this unfortunate outcome.....

I didnt get closure

Instead I get the only thing that's never changed

Them leaving my life.....

Something promised against but in the end

They all prove to be the same person that leff you to begin with ......

It's hard living and feeling like this

I have no faith

I don't have confidence

I'm trying to find a purpose

But I can't get far or enough to cease the memories....

They're just haunting to me now...

Only because of how and what I've done

You really think I can just magically become better

No.

It's not possible unless you actually are willing to be here

Or unless you actually gave me the closure I've been desiring

Until I'm given that

I will not get better.

I will not heal

This unfortunate outcome will be my life sentence

This isn't what I what wanted

None of this is

I don't want the depression

I dont care for the desire.

I just want to feel happy again.

I want a reason to actually smile and feel good about myself......

I just wished someone would hear me out

After asking for three years now...

I cant just move on

God Damn it man

If they only knew just how bad I really am

I wonder if things would be different....

I wonder if anyone wouldve left....

I just want someone to be here for me

Irs not ever been about my sex life or being in a relationship

My goal was to only be around the people who want to be here

Maybe ive beckne to fucked up to obtain that chance again

Unfortunate outcome is me being treated in such manner when the pupils who inflicted all that hurt and damage are the ones at fault for me becoming this way. They shut me out because I'm still fucked up over it. I was the original victim that became traumatized and untrusting, but I wouldnt be this irritable bitter suicidally depressed person that's unwilling to move on if it weren't for their actions.

I don't trust anybody any more

I don't even crack a smile

You know who you are

The person im addressing anyway ..

I hope you're happy

I hope you feel accomplished at what you created

With the unfortunate outcome that you refuse to have anything to do with what you started and fucked up numerous times......it leaves me like this.....

Idk how else to stress this fact

Because I cant get that little bit of respect....

When I shouldn't have been involved anyway

I should've walked away

I should've listened to the voice in my head

"Don't worry on going to the laundry mat

If I'd knew then what I knew now

I would've never showed up

I would have never existed

But its thanks to you ive gotten like this

Thanks to you I sit all day every day for the past few years pondering about whats wrong with me

Why am I not wanted. Why does everyone leave....see that's the difference between us, you're the one who does all the leaving. I linger because I believe in equal opportunity especially when so much effort was put into it in the first place. I believe in those who remain loyal and true on their word, but you seem to still believe in empty promises. You're using you're ears to see and you're eyes to hear. You're the most cruel and cold hearted creature. Not human.....because with human emotion, I couldnt do what you do, I cant lead them on, shut them out, I cant make someone feel like their the one for me, but then shut them down and out when the one I want is around. I will never understand you're selfish decisions and with how you know youve done wrong but you still don't bother to change.

Maybe I've become an unforgivable asshole, but that's the unfortunate outcome when someone so heartless just takes you for granted then you're the bad guy for not only reacting actually a little more civil than you should've, but because god knows whatever words come from my posts or even texts, god forbid they remind you consistently of what you've done. Everything I am and everything I do now is because of you..

Days I'm angry, I blame you

Days I'm depressed, It's your fault

Days I cut, blamed you because just the little bit of open honesty wouldve prevented me cutting myself, but only to relieve that pain that I cant get out through crying.

Its the pain that makes your chest ache and have the urge to just scream in agony. Its that lodged in lump that swells in your chest when everything that was promised, shared, and enjoyed together now sets this darkened, and dead look to it. I find myself shying away from every and any little thing that you had any relations to. My music has changed. My faith in life itself is nonexistent. Ive become so angry and bitter, that I am constantly snappy.

It doesnt matter how angry I were to get with anyone else, because every one probably tells you I'm fine.....

I'm not fine

Im not ok

I'm suffocating myself

Its hard to not still be bitter....

How can I not still be angry when you left once again.....ive been irrational and disrespectful, but I never thought that this unfortunate outcome would involve me getting worse....I figured at some point within these four years .....I figured you wouldve not done this so much that I'm probably permanently fucked up....I mean fucking look at me...have you ever seen anyone so pathetic and humiliating?....

Loving someone is so beautiful but sad, because when you fall for someone, there's some part of you that breaks too, its gone for ever because its with that person you wanted to give your whole heart to, but they'll only always have what's actually left of you. For some reason being in that persons presence or just respected enough to be even thought about by them, makes life worth living even if I were to spend it alone. Its not because you lack feelings or really the past that I held over your head....I just wanted for someone to finally treat me differently.....

You wound up treating me the same

This is my unfortunate outcome

Its been a battle especially the last two years

I've never in my life have I ever felt so much pain

Ive never loved anyone as much as I love you

The unfortunate outcome for you is me being gone when you want to come back

I already know how it's to be

Its why I never understood you

But I still kept trying to

Maybe that was my mistake

Because my unfortunate outcome is the distance between us and how little I've meant within the last couple years....idk myself what you could ever do to make things better.....

Unfortunate outcome is what's done is done....

Its ruined

We're ruined

Were gone....

The end....

Hope you're doing well.....

Sorry for being impulsive and annoying

I'm sorry for being a fucked up mess.

Wishing you a lifetime of happiness....

Wishing you luck on your endeavors

Ill miss you

I have been already

Life just won't ever be the same. I just know if it was went about differently I would be able to handle the sudden blocked phone and Tumblr better than what I am now. I'm wasting mt time is the sad thing because I'm sire you're thought is why if I'm to be the way I was before, well, it would be nice to have at least that wanting to talk to me or even asking things sbout my life. I literally have been wanting to fit in, and I'm sorry I tried to get in your way. I'm sorry for being this way period.....in sorry I can't bring myself to be better.....I literally feel like I have no other place to go or anything to do.....I should be doing soemthing with my life, bur in not.....only bevause I spend every day trying to avert seeing or even tbe chance to see you kr anything related to you That will rip my chest right then and there.

It's those things I want to feel better about.....I want to be able to see you without getting so severely depressed. That's the last unfortunate outcome, because of that, how I feel.....I think it's best if we just never saw each other ever again......Obviosuly you're already on that route but if that's really what you want, then you really will not ses me ever again. I mean you can scream yell my name. I will not look at any part of you.....I'm prudent because maybe youre right, just sticking with avoiding them, and I guess you do lose some feeling. I hate being like this. Idk what else to do. I dont need your help. I need your understanding. I dont need to be questioned, at least at what I'm doing, because idk anymore.....I get flustered easily because my mind stays so caught up on you that I fuck up everything I touch or work on.....then it goes back to the angry blaming you thing.....never ending......so how can I get better? What do I do? You just left. You didn't leave a note, you didnt say goodbye, and of all things I've ever done for you, you never helped my unfortunate outcomes...you rejected me time and time again.

I just idk how to be ok.....

I just feel like I'm losing touch with my existence

As in because you live in my mind so much I try to avoid that too....I've become a blank spaced emotionless robot....I'm depressed but I look solemn. I then break soon as I snap.....I'm getting worse.....idk its so hard to put into words. I just feel myself losing control over everything including my decisions.....

Whether you believe me or not.....I don't care to convince you anymore. Honestly I'm not even doing that now. I just needed to get what I could out....atleast While its flowing....well it was....I think I explained the best I could and linked the way I think...

Respond or don't respond

Respectfully, I'm refraining from tagging your blog name in the post. If you see it and or read it then its actually ok if you don't ever speak to me again.....I mean you're the one in charge and I know if you don't soeak first, then there's just nothing left to do but just hope you enjoy life.

Take care of yourself Kourt.....thanks for everything.....