#if you are failing to thrive at Dairy Queen leave it

[athhoooole-blog]

The problem lies in the fact that you can’t increase the wages of these jobs without increasing the wages of every job in the country. If you live in a state with an extremely high cost of living a “living wage” might look like $150k a year or more, and it’s just not feasible to pay that kind of money for jobs that are commonly done by children with no diploma or experience.

You would then have to increase wages through the roof across the board because it would be unfair to continue to pay the supply chain manager with a logistics degree a salary of $60k to facilitate international sales and purchases and manage warehouse movements, inventories, and employees, but pay the Dairy Queen cashier who hasn’t even completed high school yet $150k to fill cones with soft serve, wipe counters, keep an accurate till, and pick the bugs out of the chocolate dip.

In a perfect world we could just pay everyone what was needed for them to get by, but we don’t live in that world. The US is $35 trillion dollars in debt, social security is failing, and our national birth rate is steadily dropping below the rate of replacement (yes, I know being broke is the number one reason people are opting out of having kids; it’s a vicious cycle), meaning everything is going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better.

I understand that some of the posts on this topic are very abrasive and insensitive, but it remains true that entry level service industry jobs were never meant to be the jobs that carried people through to home ownership, assets, investments , and retirement. They were meant to be the jobs that could provide experience to those who had none so they could develop skills and either climb the ranks into higher earning positions within the company or build a meager resume and find better opportunities to use their experience elsewhere.

Dairy Queen and all the other jobs like it were never meant to be the stopping point.

[diegest]

A decade recap

This is gonna be long.

I started this before the new year but ended up getting too busy to work on it and add to it and forgot about it. 😅 It’s unfinished and there are details missing, clearly. But it’s still nice to be able to look back at what I remember and how I’ve overcome specific events in my life. ❤️

2010 - age 15

I live in Cali MO. I’m a volunteer vet assistant. I help take care of the animals and help with procedures here and there. I’m pining over my childhood best friend of 9 years. However, the cute guy with a goatee in my Desktop Publishing class who makes me laugh is also getting my attention... I’m going into my last year of track and field, as my knees can’t take it anymore and I no longer enjoy it. I’m small, tan, love to run, but I’m extremely socially awkward and shy. I’m going through a lot of family issues. I see my brother for the last time in years. I spiral into depression. My body doesn’t cope well with the stress. I wish to die but fail. I almost start the decade out not with a bang, but with a bottle of pills.

2011 - age 16

I’m not very eager to get my drivers license. The freedom sounds great but I’m not ready for the responsibilities. I’m scared, actually. I pass my test on the third try because this time I’m finally able to take MY car for my test. I drive a black Pontiac Grand Prix GTP, supercharged with stripped decals. I’m hit on for my car a lot. I’m very much an art student. I got that guy in Desktop Publishing’s number and I took him to a concert for our first date, where we became boyfriend and girlfriend. First date lol. I work at McDonalds for my first real job but only briefly, as I couldn’t handle the social pressures and many people there are fucking mean. I go work at a store in town instead and like it a lot more. Sophomore year isn’t too bad. I was scouted for a dual school program because of my passion for graphic design and art and am accepted into next years program. I’m an honors student.

2012 - age 17

Junior year. I’m attending two schools. I go to JC High in the mornings and Cali High in the afternoons. I’m admired for my drawing ability using Wacom tablets. I’ve been with Travis for a year now. It’s cool dating a senior to me. I’m still driving my Grand Prix. I work at a gardening center during summer and a store during the other seasons. My friend group is disbanded, but it’s okay. I attend my first year of prom. Mom got us a limo which was super unnecessary looking back at it but we had a great time. I have to go to court against my father. I have to tell them that during my time there, I had to be a stand-in parent for my brother and he would often forget to feed us or I would have to leave my homework to do on Sunday nights when I was finally back at my moms which makes my grades suffer. Making me swear on the Bible was kind of a weird thing to do. My mom and I win the court case but I’m absolutely heartbroken and crushed that I had to stand at a podium and tear my dad apart. But at the time I was so angry and bitter.

2013 - age 18

Senior year. I’ve been with Trav for two years. He’s in college which is hard on me. Hard on us. He surprises me at homecoming by texting me to turn around and bam, he’s behind me after not seeing him in probably 2 months. I drive Matthew to school with me as he’s starting his freshmen year. I’m class president of my Graphic Communications course study and I’m sure that graphic design is what I want to go into. However, I hate being told what to do and the lack of creative freedom. My Grand Prix’s transmission gives out on my way home from school one day and I bawl my eyes out. My mom gets me a Kia Forte because I wil have to commute to college so it’s best to have a reliable car. Unrelated but still important, I’m involved in the record number of cars involved in a pileup in my city (6 cars) and am the only one not charged from the ordeal. Kinda nifty and cool but kinda shitty at the time. I graduate high school and see some family members for the first time in years. I’m not thrilled. I spend my graduation wanting to get out of my dress and gown and go hang out with friends and our boyfriends instead. I go to Kansas City to be with Trav when I can.

2014 - age 19

I move to Jeff City with my mom. Trav and I have been together for 3 years. He gets into a terrible car accident which affects him for the remainder of our relationship. People question why I stayed with him because of his inability to do a lot of things we were able to prior and I tell them it’s because I love him. He moves back home to do college online, which makes things a lot easier. I’m not excited for college whatsoever, but attend anyway since my first two years are essentially free. I’m an art student, mostly working to tweak my finer skills in fine art. I love painting and drawing and especially doing life studies and figure sketches. But I’m losing my passion. I work at a store as a cashier and want to tear customers into pieces when they’re rude. I’m getting anxious about college and am starting to question whether I’m on the right path or not. My cat, Tiger, who I had for 10 years, also goes missing. I never find him despite searching and doing everything I could in my power. That still kinda gets to me. I work as a server and hostess. My days typically are as follow: wake up, go to school, go to work, stay up until 3am taking tests and doing homework. Rince and repeat until losing it mentally. I made the deans list. This continues for months and it’s absolutely mind-numbing.

2015 - age 20

I got my Associates, which I forget exists 95% of the time. I’m about to move to a university finally! And live in a dorm finally! With my best friend! Oh, now she’s not coming. Oh. And now someone else has taken her spot in my dorm. Oh. She speaks very little English. She’s rude. She wakes me up in the middle of the night. She’s gross. I can’t handle this. I have to drop a class for the first time in my life because I’m failing a class for the first time of my life. I move up the hall. I retake the class with the newfound ability to rest in my dorm building and pass with an A. I’m angry and bitter at who I used to consider my ‘friend’ for landing me in this financial predicament. I gravitate toward her brother who becomes my best friend since we’re both stuck in the same city together and go to the same college together. Trav helps me make the most of having my own dorm and helps me move out when the time comes. I work at Dairy Queen. I secretly develop an eating disorder while living in the dorm because what is basically my freshmen 15 sounds terrifying to me and it’s extremely important to me I maintain my weight to break that standard. No one catches on to my knowledge.

2016 - age 21

I celebrate my birthday by going to my favorite chill bar in Jeff City. Trav and I have been together for 5 years. We get our first place. It’s a short walk from campus and I love the balcony. It’s spacious enough for our two desktops and for his cat, Ivy. It’s also big enough to have friends over!! If I had many friends...and if he had any friends...I love having my place with my significant other for a while but it loses its luster when I become the only one being able to pay for the bills and rent. But I’m also going to school full time. And am in an honors fraternity and another honors society. I’m a research assistant. I’m working at Dairy Queen. I’m just one person. Now my brother is in the hospital and I’m told about it after he has been admitted for over a month. His condition is affecting his heart among other things. I’m so far away. I’m basically a state away but I can’t leave because I’m the breadwinner and I have to complete school. This is too much for just one person. My college friends are fantastic though and keep me floating with my head up when I constantly feel like I’m drowning.

2017 - age 22

I can’t handle the pressures of completing my bachelors degree and being the only one in my apartment getting work hours. I can’t handle not knowing how my brother is fairing in the hospital. I can’t handle the extracurriculars along with working, tests, having my own psychology research experiment on top of being a research assistant. I can’t handle my own feelings for others. I’m detached from my boyfriend. I can’t handle the strained relationship and do everything to leave and get away. I end it just before the 6 year mark partially out of guilt for my feelings for someone else, partially because I know I can do better, partially because I know it’s ran it’s course, partially because I feel like I don’t know my type or myself, partially because I know I need a partner more fiscally reliable, and partially because I’m scared he will propose to me. Because I intend to say ‘no.’ Everyone pushes it but I know I would say ‘no.’ I work at Dairy Queen for a few months after I graduate to figure out my next move. When my boss makes a comment that Psychology majors don’t amount to anything, I go home and apply to a psychiatric hospital nearby and get an interview within three days. I work my new job and work at Dairy Queen until December, as she’s not giving me any hours anyway to spite me and quit DQ in favor of the hospital. Two jobs doesn’t feel that bad when one is slashed so hardcore to spite you. I’m promoted from Expressive Therapy Assistant to full on Expressive Therapist within months. I feel loved. I feel needed. I feel nervous. But I feel like I’m making a difference. I also begin to fill the gap of my long relationship with several short term relationships. Oops. It was unintentional.

2018 - age 23

I’m working at the hospital and I’m thriving. I’m loving it. I feel like a badass. I feel important. I drive a lot. I have to stay overnight when it snows. I’m maintaining my apartment by myself as Travis moved out. It’s expensive and scary. I invest most of my energy into my work and when I’m not working, I’m doing everything I can to leave town to be with my boyfriend - my childhood best friend I almost dated in high school whom I’ve known for 17 years by this point. Whoops that didn’t last. I date a coworker. Whops that didn’t last either. I dated my ex’s friend. That actually lasted longer than I thought it would. I move into a much cheaper apartment - a two bedroom duplex. I traded in my balcony for a yard and an awning to park my car under.

2019 - age 24

I fucked up and lose the job I love, but it’s okay. They even tell me I was damn good at what I did and they’re only forced to fire me because of policy. I have a job the very next day much closer to home. I hate what I do for months because it’s mind-numbingly boring compared to my old job. I’m promoted. I have authority. I have a say in whether clients can stay with us or not. I have a say if someone needs to get fired (though I haven’t had to exercise that yet). Things are shaking up. The company isn’t doing well because of grants. But we’re keeping our head up for our clients. The grant-funded program I’ve been writing for months gets approved. Also I have a dog! He’s awful, I love him. I meet some of the best people I’ve ever met in my life and consider them to be some of my greatest friends I’ve ever had. But I’m still not brave enough to tell them I was fired from my last job. And I don’t intend to for as long as I can keep it a secret. I date a few good guys but none of them stick but maintain friendships with them if they want to. My grandpa passes away which affects me more than I can admit truthfully. This does help me rekindle my relationship with my dad though which I’m grateful for. I still don’t know what I want to do as a profession. I still don’t know what I want to go back to school for. I want to move to a bigger city and live with friends but I’m using this time to train my dog, make money, and just try to live. I get very comfortable with my own body and delve into photography, only this time being a model rather than the person behind the camera! It’s fun. Can’t do shit in winter though lol.

2020 - age 25

I started the year surrounded by friends I sincerely hope I still have years from now. I was given a promotion and a raise of a few thousand dollars. I’ve met someone who can stay up late with me laughing about funny memes and videos and will sing to music with me while driving down the highway. People come to me for mediation at work and clients say thanks for my presence. I still very much want to move away, but it would currently be foolish of me to leave while the grant-funded children’s program I’ve slaved over writing on and off for months is finally getting off the ground and going around by word of mouth. Plus, my savings is able to increase again. Plus plus, being a boss is fun and being in charge of so many people feels rewarding when things are done right by your word. I’m happy and things are going well ❤️ who knows what else will come with this year?

[bubba4576]

the latest

i don’t know how to start, so i’ll just jump right in...

lindley is away at college!  that girl that changed my life forever now has the audacity to leave me.  :)   i’m so happy for her though.  and we MISS her!  but she’s loving it and that makes it all ok.  purdue was a good choice for her - she knew it, but i remained unconvinced.  it’s huge and kind of scary.  but she is thriving there.  she’s found friends, gotten involved with young life and will soon be serving a local middle school in ministry.  classes are going well, she’s working hard.  it was hard at first, mostly because of trying to connect with ryan - different places, experiences and distractions, but they’ve figured it out.  I wouldn’t have been surprised if they felt it wasn’t worth the work or stress, but they're plugging away, working on compromising etc.  

Her last 6 months at home were A LOT.  so much emotional stress for me (which is mostly gone now that she is settled).  SO many big decisions (college), SO many exciting things going on at school (homecoming queen & ryan was king (awwwww), the beginning of their relationship, student council work that went right up to the end of the year, graduation and party!). These things are always harder with the oldest and I’ll be wiser when it’s Mal’s turn.  but it was also FUN!  so many things to celebrate.  she’s a lovely girl who loves Jesus and wants to serve Him.  she’s kind and fun and generous and loving.  she’s also coming home soon for thanksgiving and it will be wonderful to all be under one roof.  we miss her.  did i say that?

and, along the lines of being lovely, there is Mallory.  she’s in high school now and really, truly is lovely.  she’s smart, she’s driven, she’s talented, she is the whole package.  but she also hasn't always cared what people thought about her.  that can be freeing, but it can also produce someone who is unkind. there is something to being interested in how you are perceived so that you can love better.  Jesus didn’t command us to  take over the world!  be the boss!  be the best at everything you put your hand to!  no, he commands us to love.  love looks different with every personality, but there is a commonality of humility and softness that is critical.  as mal has grown it is evident that in addition to all of her many gifts and talents, the Lord is blessing her with a soft and kind heart.  last year, she even won an award at school for it.  it was actually an all around awesome award.  it was for the one person in the middle school who excelled in all areas - academically and spiritually.  wow.  that is absolutely amazing.  ok, girl, go conquer the world, as long as you are kind when you do it.  

she’s loving high school - she was ready for the academic rigor and for the boys to not be so annoying - the second part hasn't come to fruition yet, but she’s loving everything else.  soccer was great, and she was a huge contributing factor to her team’s success.  she tried out for and was accepted into the fort wayne philharmonic youth orchestra.  that has been a huge challenge and joy for her.  she loves her clarinet (and other instruments too right now- she's messing around and teaching herself the trombone, flute, piano and guitar).  she’s even thought about being a band director!  we’ll see.  i think the sky will be the limit for her once college comes around.  right now she’s taking tennis lessons and is the president of her class student council.  the girl is nonstop.

now on to james.  and i’ll cry as i type this because these last months for him have been hard.  starting last spring semester, he had been complaining a lot about his tummy hurting.  he would even miss school because of this mystery tummy issue.  i assumed it was linked to his lifelong battle with constipation, but it just seemed excessive.  i considered taking him off dairy or gluten, but the symptoms weren’t consistent enough to suggest food issues, so we just enjoyed the times when he was fine and were frustrated when he wasn't.  fast forward to this summer. he started out the swim season great, but was struggling because he wasn’t as fast as he thought he should be.  he even got displaced from his relay team by his good friend tyler drouin who has just started swimming this summer.  that was so hard for him - a character developing time (it’s not about you, it’s about your team...you won’t always be the fastest...blah blah blah) for sure.  we noticed it too, but he had moved up an age group - going from being the oldest in the bracket to the youngest is tough.  and we didn’t want to be delusional and think the same way - why is my kid no longer a superstar??? so we rode it out with him and celebrated each faster time, even thought it was never fast enough for him.  and then there was the peeing.  he literally peed all the time.  it got to be a joke in our house - where’s james?  oh, probably in the bathroom!  i wasn’t paying attention to exactly how often, which i could kick myself for now.  but we took a quick trip to cleveland to drop zach off after him spending the week here and on the way home it was ridiculous how often he needed to stop to pee.  that was the first time i really noticed how frequent it was.  at this point we just thought maybe it was a UTI or something and would ask if it burned to pee or anything.  nope.  finally at the end of the month, we were with our small group at pokagen and planned to talk to cari foss about it.  the kids were all swimming so she saw him in his suit with his shirt off and made a comment about his weight, which reminded us to ask about the peeing.  oh boy that sent us on a journey.  cari was concerned.  we knew he looked skinny but hadn’t weighed him in a while so i just thought he was probably getting taller.  he even said to me, mom i think i’m shrinking!  i blew it off and told him kids don’t shrink!  haha.  well. not funny at all, cari strongly encouraged us to get him to the pediatrician, so we did on july 31, just 10 days after his 10th bday.  it was confirmed by a urine analysis and a blood test that he has type 1 diabetes.  uggggggggg........and tears. sooooooo many tears.  my poor baby.  feeling so badly for so long and we had no idea.  it just breaks my heart to think about that.  so our life has changed and that day will forever be a marker - pre diabetes and post diabetes. 

even though it has rocked our world and the learning curve has been steep, it’s gone well.  no hospital stays, so scary lows that keep us up all night etc.  we count every carb, we do the math for the insulin, james pricks his fingers diligently multiple times a day.  we treat the highs and the lows like we are supposed to.  we try to keep him as stable as possible.  teena holloway, the school nurse has been fabulous as have cari and kimmy, as well as the team at the endocrinologist’s office.  i’m so thankful for the support.  

we just had our first routine appointment (he’ll have to go every three months for the rest of his life i understand) and his numbers were great!  his A1C started at 14 and is now at 5.5 (4-6 is normal!).  they were excited about how it is going.  we felt like we needed a medal or something - we didn’t FAIL!!!  we talk diabetes ALL THE TIME - i’m sure mallory is sick of it, but she knows all about it too and is so helpful.  unfortunately, james was diagnosed just two weeks before lindley went off to college so she isn’t as involved.  i’m hoping that when she comes back for christmas break she can learn more so she isn’t scared to be alone with him.  

for me the challenge now is to not borrow trouble from tomorrow.  it’s so easy to think of the future in terms of being terrified about how he will one day handle this on his own. as a parent, we have control now, for the most part, but as he grows, he’s going to have to take more responsibility and do it himself.  that will be hard to watch and let go.  but that is YEARS away.  so i’m trying my best to think of today, be thankful for today.  breathe, breathe...

so that’s us.  kevin and i are doing well as a diabetes care team i think.  i worry more than i should, but he gets it.  in the past, i’ve been weighed down by things that he doesn't understand.  now we both feel it.  we’re a little numb and a lot exhausted because of the hard parts of life and all of the changes that we’ve experienced lately.  the Lord has sustained us- given us strength for today and hope for tomorrow, but not strength for tomorrow.  we don’t need it til then.