#if u want it to be eaten so bad then u eat it!!! motherfucker!!!!!

[prehistorictriforce]

i love my brother but good lord this man pisses me off so fucking bad

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2

(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys

the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise

----

61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.

62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.

63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.

64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider

65. mmm crumchy

66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video

67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast

68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!

69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.

70. reverse death note

71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway

72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten

73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus

74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee

75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"

76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences

77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom

78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him

79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors

80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar

82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you

83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display

84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(

85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?

86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.

87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.

88. guys i think this guy likes to dig

89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!

90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)

91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars

92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay

93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz

94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor

95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.

96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?

97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole

98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶

99. another one bites the dust

100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)

101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory

102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG

103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.

104. pennywise stole my brother's skin

105. it's world war z baby

106. Something Big Is In Space.

107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there

108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.

109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires

110. yeah man those spiders be eating

Part 1 |

[lakesandquarries]

Baby Shoes - Chapter 5

Bubby has been a doctor at Black Mesa for 20 years, living there for 50. He’s been bouncing around from project to project, working on whatever needs most help. He doesn’t have any opinions on his work or his coworkers or anything like that, preferring to keep to himself.

Then he meets Black Mesa’s newest project.

AKA: Bubby is Benrey’s dad au.

title from “Baby Shoes” by Bad Books.

thank u to my friend gordon for beta reading even after i threatened to steal his blood <3 ilu bitch

AO3 Link

Bubby had forgotten about the tinfoil until he walks into Zeki’s office. She’s ripping it off her desk, a few hairs slipping from her careful bun, and Bubby has to hide his smile behind his hand.

“Did you have something to do with this?” she demands, throwing a ball of tinfoil on the floor. 

“I’ve been with the subject all day. You can check the cameras, if you want.”

“I just might,” Zeki warns. She pulls another sheet off her chair and collapses into it. “So. Where are we moving you? The tube is all ready.”

“B-22,” Bubby says. “Near the break room. The L-shaped one.”

“The storage room?”

“It’s been years since it’s stored anything but dust.”

Zeki frowns, ripping the tinfoil off a pen. “You don’t need to do this, you know.”

“You offered, didn’t you? A real scientist is willing to try new things.”

She grits her teeth. “I’ll get it cleared with -”

“Aren’t you the department head?”

There’s a pause. Bubby doesn’t look away from Zeki, pale blue eyes staring into green. 

“Fine,” she spits. “I’ll ask the cleaning crew to clear it out.”

Bubby smiles. “I’ll start packing my things.”

He turns on his heel, leaving Zeki to her paperwork and her tinfoil covered office.

Dekkard’s back in the breakroom, sat in the corner eating his doritos. “They are stale,” he informs Bubby as he sits down across from him.

“Zeki approved the room.”

Dekkard drops the bag. “She did?”

“Very begrudgingly, I might add. Though I think at least some of her frustration was due to the tinfoil covering every available surface.”

Dekkard beams at him. “Today has truly been a wonderful day.”

“I’ll miss you after she kills you.” Bubby reaches across the table, grabbing one of Dekkard’s doritos. They’re stale, and he doesn’t even like chips, but he hasn’t eaten since this morning. Dekkard nudges the bag closer to Bubby, and before he realizes it, the bag is empty. “Alright, well, I have other work to get back to.”

Dekkard frowns. “I think you mean you have lunch to get back to.”

“I don’t have time for that. I need-”

“To take a break.”

Bubby huffs. “I’m not going to let myself be lectured by someone half my age.”

“I’m not lecturing you! I’m just saying, you seem kinda stressed, and I was thinking of heading over to the cafeteria to get something more substantial. I thought maybe you’d wanna come with.”

“To the cafeteria? Absolutely not.”

“It’s not like there’s somewhere else we can get food,”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. Come with me.” He doesn’t wait for Dekkard, standing up and leaving, though the sound of footsteps behind him means Dekkard must be following. “You know, cooking is a kind of science.”

“Is it?”

“I’d say so.” He leads Dekkard out of the Biological Research wing, down a flight of stairs. “And I think someone high up agreed with me, once.” The area they’re in was something, once, but now it’s abandoned. The lights burst years ago, the only illumination left coming from the level above.

“Did you bring me out here to kill me?” Dekkard asks, picking his way through the room. 

“If I wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead. Here, this way.” It takes Bubby a moment to pry the door open, the hinges stiff from disuse. “I have no idea what this used to be, but. No one ever comes here.”

It was likely a lab of some sort - of course it was, that’s what Black Mesa does - but it was surprisingly easy to turn it into a kitchen. There’s a makeshift stove, no source of fire since Bubby can make that himself but just something to hold the flames. Scales and flasks serve as something like measuring cups, and he’s stolen various blades from around the facilities, along with any else he can get his hands on. It’s messy, but it’s serviceable. 

“I try to keep it decently stocked here, but it can be tricky to find ingredients. But I’m sure you’ll find anything we can make down here leagues better than the garbage they serve in the cafeteria.”

“Did you make this?” Dekkard asks, poking at a burner. “Shit, maybe you really are the Ultimate Lifeform or whatever. This is - I’ll admit it, this is clever.”

“I’m glad someone recognizes my genius.” He crosses the room, over to the makeshift freezer and his stolen microwave. “Do not tell anyone about this, though. I will kill you.”

“Secret’s safe with me.” 

“I don’t have the ingredients for anything too complicated. How do you feel about pasta? I’ve got some frozen pasta sauce I can heat up.”

Dekkard has made his way to the table. It was about to be thrown out when Bubby stole and repaired it all on his own. There’s only two chairs, but they at least are in good shape. “That sounds incredible.” He collapses into a chair, laying his head on the table. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve eaten real food? Everything in the cafeteria tastes like cardboard.”

“I’m familiar,” Bubby says, getting out a pot. He lights the burner with a snap of his fingers, enjoying how Dekkard’s eyebrows raise up into his hairline.

He sits down across from Dekkard as he waits for the water to boil, drumming his fingers on the table. Dekkard keeps staring at the pot, then at Bubby.

“Is something wrong? You’re staring.”

“Have you really been here your whole life?” Dekkard asks. Bubby sighs.

“Yes.”

“You’ve never - I mean you’ve been outside, right?”

“Once or twice.”

“Sorry, that - that’s a rude question, huh?”

“A bit, yes.” The water sounds like it’s bubbling, so Bubby takes it as an excuse to get up. Dekkard remains seated. “Is there a reason you’re asking this?”

“Just thinking about - about Benrey.”

Bubby adds the pasta to the pot, stirring it. “Ah.”

“I’m not gonna try and say I get it, exactly, but I think I’ve got an idea of what’s going on here. And I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, or anything, but -”

“I know what I’m doing, Dekkard.” He doesn’t have to turn to imagine the look on Dekkard’s face, one eyebrow raised and the other flat. “Yes, I’ll admit, I might be...attached. But I’m not an idiot, alright? I’ve heard all the stories.”

“Zeki tell you about Dr. Tipton?”

“She was trying to scare me. I’ve had my fair share of encounters with him. Whatever Benrey did, I’m sure he deserved it.”

Dekkard’s quiet for a moment. When Bubby turns, he’s staring at the pasta, hand resting on his chin. 

“I can see the gears in your brain trying to work,” Bubby says, turning back.

“You think they’re like you.”

“They are like me.” He continues stirring, directing all his focus into the movements of his arm. “They didn’t even have a name. I can’t - I can do something, here. I can’t just sit by and ignore this when I can do something.”

No one ever did anything for him. He’d spent seventeen years in that god forsaken tube before anyone had even considered letting him out, and it was another twelve after that before he was allowed any scrap of freedom. Even now, his autonomy is challenged constantly, by scientists half his age with a fraction of his knowledge.

Benrey doesn’t even have the luxury of being a valued experiment. Based on what Zeki’s said, Benrey’s only kept around because nothing seems to kill them, and they’re interesting to study. 

If Bubby can do something - anything - then he has to. 

“Hey,” Dekkard says. “Uh. I think the pot is on fire.”

“Oh, motherfucker.” Bubby shuts his eyes, taking a deep breath, willing the flames to die down. “I was...distracted.”

“Can’t help but feel like that was my fault.”

“A little.”

“...sorry.”

It’s nothing unsalvageable, at least. The noodles are a bit too soft, but that’s fine. 

He grabs the jar of sauce out of the freezer, heating it in his hands. He can feel Dekkard watching him as he scoops the noodles into bowls, pouring sauce over each serving. The air’s gone tense.

“Sorry,” Dekkard mumbles again as Bubby passes him a fork. He sighs.

“It’s fine. Nothing I haven’t heard before.”

“But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Look, I might be underqualified, but I’m not stupid. I see how Zeki and all the other guys talk to you. I don’t wanna be like that.”

“I put this area together five years ago,” Bubby says, spinning his noodles around his fork. “You are the first person I’ve ever invited down here.”

“Is this your way of saying we’re friends?”

Bubby purses his lips. “I don’t think I’d go that far.”

Dekkard snorts. “Alright. Acquaintances.”

“Coworkers.”

“Oh, that’s harsh.”

“Shut up and eat your pasta.”

Dekkard does, for once, shut up. He eats like it’s the first meal he’s had in decades, like some kind of rabid animal, and then leans back against his chair.

“That was the best meal I’ve had since I started working here.”

“Well, if you behave, maybe there’ll be more in the future.”

“Can’t believe you’d stoop to bribes.”

It’s...nice, Bubby thinks. Sitting down here, eating and joking with someone. Maybe Dekkard was right when he called them friends.

Still won’t admit it out loud, though. He has some dignity left.

[moonraccoon-exe]

Cor, pre-Prompto: "I have never eaten anything nutritious in my life." Clarus, having witnessed his coffee, cup noodle, orange juice cabinets: *sighing* "We all know this Cor, and we wonder how you're still alive daily." Cor, with Prompto: "Would you like a triple veggie and cheese omlet before we go?" Clarus: "Did I walk into the wrong house-" Regis, stuffing his mouth: "Can I get anoffer?"

*PUNCHES THROUGH THE WALL*

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long ago I received a couple asks with a similar scenario (you radiate the same vibe, anon! Are you the same person? YOU CUPCAKE

Cor, the idiot that’s always like “eh” about his own life, like not caring, surviving on Cup Noodles because “it works just fine” and “everything comes out as poop anyway how bad can it be”. Simple...overly simple Cor not really in the mindset to cook.

With only 1 pair of shoes, 1 pair of socks, 1 pair of everything. THE SIMPLEST MAN ON EARTH.Overly simple Cor boy living off cup noodles, pre-made food, and his beloved microwave that does things for him.

SUDDENLY GETS BABY.

I imagine Cor having a bit of a SO MUCH PANIC HE CAN ONLY FREEZE moment while staring intensely at Prompto but nowhere at all at the same time because

HE JUST REALIZED

25 YEARS INTO BEING ON THIS PLANET

THAT MAYBE

MAYBE CUP NOODLES AREN’T BABY FOOD, ARE THEY????

Sunshine Bebe arrives to Papa’s life, changes it completely. 

Cor rushed to emtpy his cupboards like FUCKING THROW IT ALL AWAY, TAKE EVERYTHING AND TOSS IT OUT, TOSS THOSE FROZEN WAFFLES TOSS THOSE CUP NOODLES TOSS THOSE PRE-MADE PLASTIC FOOD, NONE OF THIS, BABY CAN GET CLOSE TO NONE OF THIS IT’S NOT HEALTHY FOR HIM BABY NEEDS TO-

“Hey Cor and why are you doing this only now for the baby and never for yourse-”

“IT’S NOT THE  S A ME  RE GIS”

So there is papa Cor absoLUTELY FUCKING DESTROYING EVERYTHING THAT HE USED TO BE TO MAKE THE HEALTHIEST MOST PRETTIEST ENVIRONMENT POSSIBLE FOR BEBE

“Hey Cor but you didn’t need to throw your soups away, you could eat those while baby gets the healthy fo-”

“aND HOW. ¿¿¿ !! AM I GOING ?? TO BE A ROLE MODEL FOR HIM ANY DAY HM??? ANGEL NEEDS A ROLE MODEL PAPA, SO FUCKING BUCKLE UP I’M GOING TO BE THE MOST FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING HEALTHIEST DAD IN THE WORLD SO HE’S TWICE THE HEALTHIER, BEBE NEEDS IT”

And hence, as one of those old asks said, Cor goes into EVERY COOKING CLASS OF INSOMNIA that he finds. Like. EVERY ONE OF THEM. He got into fucking ROYAL MASTER COOKING CLASS SO HE CAN MAKE A ROYAL GOLDEN CAVIAR A LA ROY DU LEON IF HE FREAKING HECCKING GODDAMN NEEDS TO FOR HIS SON

Because Cor

He just. He loves PrompTO SO M U C H 

“Hey dad can I have some cereal please”

“HERE YOU GO, EXTRA NUTRITIOUS STEAK WITH RICE WITH BITS OF CARROT AND PEAS, YUMMY BEANS HERE, LETTUCE AND ONION AND TOMATO HERE, AND A SMILEY POTATO-MAN WITH A HAT, DO YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE DARLING PLS TELL ME, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY PLS TELL ME YOU’RE HAPPY AND HEALTHY”

And y’all wonder just WHY Prommy’s such a sunshine boi, the sweetie.

BEST COOK PAPA EVER.

[grapesodatozier]

can you post more smutty madwheeler hcs?

hell ya i can i just cant proofread them lmao so sorry for any typos or tense changes. anywho get your sub!mike hats on folks!!

okay so to set the scene for these hcs… mikes a whole dumbass

like hes school smart and everything but hes just,, so dumb

hes going into his senior year of college and he’s never eaten anyone out

hes given blowjobs, but he realizes he’s only ever had sex with people with dicks

and basically he starts having an early onset midlife crisis bc hes mike wheeler so of course he does

he knows that he wants to eat someone out at some point, like he’s not in a rush to actually do so, but he doesn’t want to be bad at it once he actually gets around to it, so he feels rushed to learn

this is the dumbass part bc he should realize you can’t really be “good” at sex bc everyones different

but he succumbs to the social pressure/college myths and such, and he kinda starts to panic about it bc mike wheeler does not like not knowing how to do things

so he goes to his closest friend on campus for help

he met max his freshman year, and while they both thought the other hated them at first they ended up being great friends

and max has seen mike at his peak dumbass, so he’s only kind of embarrassed when he asks her if she can teach him how to eat pussy

he thinks it’s a great plan bc not only does max have a pussy, but mike knows for a fact that she’s gone down on people with pussies plenty of times

and he’s expecting her to laugh, and sure, maybe say no, but he’s not expecting her to choke on her drink, he’s not expecting her cheeks to turn pink like that

“what?” she rasps once she catches her breath and clears her throat

mike shrugs, but he feels a lot less sure now. “i just don’t know how to, and i know you do, and i figured i could maybe practice on you while you teach me”

max’s eyebrows shoot up, and she shakes her head with a small laugh. “you’re a dumbass, you know that, right?”

and that helps mike relax, bc that sounds like max

“okay yeah i get it,” he grins, “it was dumb. i guess it’ll just have to happen when it happens”

“wait, no, i’ll do it” max rushes to say “it’s dumb, but yeah, i’ll help you”

“really?”

“how can i resist you admitting there’s something i’m better at than you?”

mike gives her a challenging smirk. “not for long”

and max laughs at that, but then it goes kind of quiet bc like… they’re sitting on the couch in her otherwise empty apartment as they speak… and they both kind of realize at the same time that there’s no reason to not start right then, and now mike isn’t quite so sure that he actually thought this through bc wow he really didn’t consider the potential consequences of this, especially bc he’s just recently been beginning to realize that he really likes max, like maybe more than a friend, but he’s still in the denial stage but that doesn’t stop his heart from racing at the thought of touching her, kissing her…

fucking her

suddenly his skin his burning all over

and hes all like “so… when do you wanna… like should we now? how should we-”

and max just cuts him off with a fond “god, you’re so fucking dumb” and a grin before swinging one of her legs over his hips and settling herself in his lap

you know that meme about being attracted exclusively to idiots? max

and before mike knows it, his hands are on max’s waist, and they feel really nice there

and her hands are in his hair and she’s kissing him, and it’s all kinds of wild to be kissing his best friend but it also makes him realize “oh shit ive been wanting this for a while huh”

theme: dumbass

and honestly, things come way more naturally than he was expecting

that is, until he realizes how far his hands have slid up her sides, so much closer to her chest than he intended

and that panic starts rising again, his heart racing, and he just sort of keeps his hands still there, then begins inching them slightly closer to her breasts

eventually she begins kissing down his neck and teases him a bit like “so are you gonna touch my tits or what?”

and mike is very happy to have permission

soon their shirts come off and they’re stumbling to max’s room

and suddenly they’re both in her bed in nothing but their underwear, and mike cant help but realize how beautiful she is, how happy she makes him, how she makes him feel all warm and giddy

but also as she unclasps her bra and tosses it aside, she makes him really fucking hard, so he focuses on that, bc that’s a lot less complicated

her tits looks so soft, and her nipples are the prettiest rosy pink color he’s ever seen

he’s nervous as he kisses down her chest, but the sounds she makes when he runs the tip of his tongue lightly, experimentally over her sensitive skin encourages him

and god, sucking her into his mouth for the first time is like a religious experience

meanwhile max is having a similar crisis/epiphany

bc like, mikes always been cute, but now his dark eyelashes are fanned across his pink, freckled cheeks, and his hairs a little messy from her fingers running through it, and he’s sucking on her tits like he was born for it, and she’s kind of overwhelmed by how much she’s enjoying this, how good it feels, and especially by how fucking beautiful he looks

she runs her hands over his skin, and it’s so soft and warm

and his back is curved so nicely…

god, this was a mistake, she can’t only do this once, now that she’s seen him like this she wants to see him like this all the fucking time, she can already feel how desperately she’ll be longing for it once it’s over

but for now she enjoys it, tells him to be gentler or go harder, tells him how to swirl his tongue over her tits, just barely touching her, which has her getting wetter and wetter

at one point she grabs his hair and bucks her hips up into his, and they’re both still for a second before mike kisses her again, even more desperately than before

and max doesn’t need to teach him anything about this; the way he sucks her lower lip between his teeth and teases his tongue over her own has her steadily rocking her hips, rubbing herself against his thigh

mike nearly comes right then and there when max moans his name

he takes it as a cue to kiss down her stomach

and he fucking looks up at her for permission with his hands so gently on her hips before taking her panties off and wowowow her heart is doing all kinds of flips

and mike doesn’t know what he’s expecting to feel when max spreads her legs, but what he ends up feeling is just pure awe

like he sees the fucking light lmao

and max thinks he’s just so fucking cute but also like she’s fucking desperate to feel his tongue on her

and some sort of electricity sparks through both of them once his mouth is on her, and she guides him through it, stroking his hair all the while

honestly… she kinda gets off on telling him what to do

like she has to tell herself to calm down lmao bc like the prettiest fucking guy has his head between her thighs and keeps looking up at her and he fucking wants her to order him around like that’s lowkey the point of this so she has to be like “okay chillchillchill don’t start domming him rn that’s not the goal here”

little does she know mike likes it too

like every time she pulls his hair to guide him up or down or harder or softer he can’t help but grind against the mattress bc he is so fucking into that

eventually she tells him to slide a finger into her, and she’d noticed before how long his fingers are, but wow they reach so fucking deep and she was not prepared for that

she tells him to add another, and wow that feels so fucking good, and he curls his fingers just the way she tells him to, and she knows she’s not gonna last very long

and shes moaning and rambling like “fuck, fuck, yes, just like that, don’t stop, fuck don’t fucking stop”

when she comes, she comes hard, her thighs wrapping around mike’s head

and it’s super intense but tbh she’s kind of into that

when she opens her eyes mike is all starry eyed, and his lips are all swollen and the entire bottom half of his face is glistening and this motherfucker has the audacity to look at her with his stupid sparkly brown eyes while she’s still fucking catching her breath and ask “was that good?”

max just pulls him into a kiss and strokes his hair

she also needs to get her mouth on his cock

he happily helps her get his boxers off, and neither of them mention that this was just supposed to be about him learning how to eat pussy

max is not ready for the realization that mike is genuinely a solid 8 or 9 inches

like she actually goes “what the fuck your cock is fucking huge”

and mike b l u s h e s at that, and max’s mouth is on him in like 0.2 seconds

the second he moans max knows that sounds gonna be on loop in her head for at least the next few days

he comes super quickly, and his o-face is the hottest thing max has ever seen

mikes embarrassed, but the way max swallows him down is so fucking hot, and she kisses him all over after he comes

somehow they silently agree to cuddle for a bit before showering together

they order pizza, and things seem normal but they both lie wide awake that night once they’re alone in their own beds

neither of them can stop thinking about it

they do it again a few days later

and mike looks so fucking gorgeous and hes all like “does that feel good?” and max can’t help but let him know how bad she wants to sit on his face

mike is SO down

she grips his hair and rides his tongue hard until she’s coming on top of him

…and then they keep going until she comes two more times

later that week mike feels kind of weird when he buys condoms on a whim, but it turns out to be a good thing, bc the third time they hook up max can’t help but tell him in the hottest voice he’s ever heard how badly she wants his cock inside of her

and tbh, while she’s wet as fuck for him, it takes a while of opening her up for her to be ready to take his cock

it’s so worth it once he’s inside of her tho

she guides him through fucking her, but they both kind of know he doesn’t really need it, this is coming so naturally to both of them

so it quickly turns into her more telling him what to do just because they both find it super hot

“fuck, baby, fuck me harder, fuck yes, just like that, that’s it baby, fuck it’s so good you’re such a good boy for me”

the phrase “good boy” rings in both of their ears and makes mike come immediately

“so… you’re into that then?”

“uh, yeah. you?”

“fuck yes.”

they never realized how sexually compatible they would be

like they both come at least three times the first time max is on top, they’re v v into all the same stuff (and each other)

then eventually they get their shit together and realize they’re in love!! so then they get to sprinkle “i love you"s throughout their dirty talk!! and they cuddle and kiss all the time!! it’s so great!!

okay thank you for coming to my dom!max/sub!mike ted talk lol

[dafheannaig13-blog]

About the Muse

 i snatched it off @heraldofwho who is very cool! 😃

Your muse’s name:

Maxwell Seumas Trevelyan, but he prefers Max

A favourite picture / faceclaim of your muse:

*casually drops a cropped version of an older drawing bc i have nothing better at the moment*

Two headcanons you have for your muse:

-Max absolutely despises templars and would happily slaughter the lot of them rrgh fuCKING CULLEN, because he has Issues.  The most he ever killed by himself in one go? Fourteen templars in the Ostwick circle, after he found out what they did to his sister.  The pent-up rage and despair and feelings of helplessness of the twenty-one years leading up to that point caused him to snap.  Max went into a berserker-like state and slew fourteen templars, including the knight-captain, and nearly the first enchanter as well.  After that, he began training as a proper reaver, because he knew that he needed to learn to control and direct his emotions, or else they'd overtake him.

Max does not regret his actions, though.  He’s not proud of it, or that he escaped the gallows due to his family name, and he doesn’t talk about it.  But he would do it again. He doesn't care what that says about him.

- Max knows how to juggle.  He has a flask of whisky in a not-so-secret pocket at all times, and carries several knives concealed about his person for the purposes of eating, stabbing, throwing, etc.  He abhors the chantry and frequently insults it, so he and Cassandra fight like cats and dogs.  He’s actually fond of her, though. She probably hates him, bc when she and Leliana first called Max the ‘herald of Andraste’, Max laughed so hard he nearly pissed himself.  He almost caused a Diplomatic Incident bc he refuses to bow to anyone--even the Empress of Orlais.  Max hates being called the herald or ‘your worship’ etc and fucks with the boot-lickers who try and curry favour with him. Dorian finds it hilarious. The only time he ever used his position to get his way was with that prick who had Dorian’s amulet--and it was a good fucking bluff, bc he’s not of the main family, just a branch of ‘impoverished gentry’ (like, they have land, but the family home is in a right state and the vault is...empty. And they’ve no staff. And Bann Trevelyan is a special individual.)

Three things that your muse likes doing in their free time:

-Music! Max is made of music (mostly bagpipes), he loves singing and knows how to play the lute. Sometimes he steals the one from Dorian's nook and uses it to ~serenade~ him. (Max knows SO MANY sappy love songs and laments.)  He has also been known to provide lullabies to the dying, even out in the field (bc how are these people dying for this cause he’s not sure he’s even on board with, they fucking die in his name how is he ever going to live with himself if he isn’t killed horribly by Coryphe-tits), to perform classic Free Marches tavern songs with Blackwall, and even occasionally rope the entirety of the Herald's Rest (or just the travelling party) into waulking songs (u know the ones they used to do when they were waulking wool, and one person sings the verses and everyone joins in the bit with just nonsense words or whatever?? Chuir m'athair mise dhan taigh charraideach, or hè mo leannan, hò mo leannan, ones like that?? good shite, cracking songs).  

Only when he's drunk, though. 

(He's drunk a lot.)

-Max has a soft spot for children. Having spent so much time in the role of caregiver, it's only too easy to fall back into old habits, especially with the number of orphans the inquisition...acquired after Haven.  He plays with the kids when he gets the chance, and can often be found making them laugh by sassing the chantry sisters and shouting various obscenities.

-Max is an excellent horseman.  He took to riding like a duck to water, and has always had a way with horses. The only horse he's ever met that didn't like him is the Ferelden Forder he got from Master Dennet--and he suspects it's because the horse somehow knows that Max was a jerk to its master.  As revenge, Max calls the horse 'Sweet Roll'; as revenge for that, Sweet Roll has eaten several of Max's gloves and bitten a hole in more than one pair of Max's trousers. The cycle of vengeance is never-ending. (Let it be known that his own horse at home, Rowan, is a sturdy Free Marches Ranger that loves him and doesn't eat his clothes.)

Seven people your muse loves / likes:

-Elinor, nicknamed Eilidh (u say it like 'ae-lee') -- She is Max's middle sister, about five years younger than he is.  She has dark hair and blue eyes like her brother, but she is slight whilst he is tall.  Elinor was a mage, made tranquil at the age of sixteen under suspicious circumstances. She was very shy and quiet, but also very compassionate, as well as the best musician in the family before she was magically castrated.  Since returning home, she has cultivated a large garden which she tends devotedly, and also has a small army of cats.  They are all named after berries.  Max fought like a wild-cat to protect her when the templars came to take Elinor away to the circle, even tried shielding her with his body, which is how he got the scar on his face. He adores her and would do anything for her.

-Catrìona, nicknamed Ceit (sounds just like 'Kate') is Max's youngest sister.  She is ten years his junior, so he more or less raised her, even tutoring her in swordsmanship, horsemanship, archery (though she's a better shot), etc.  She is a sprightly ginger-haired lass with blue eyes and loads of freckles, who talks very loudly and laughs very loudly and wILL CHALLENGE U TO A FIGHT IF U INSULT HER BROTHER OR SISTER, THANKS!  She's nearly fearless, very kind, and her best friend is her own horse, an ornery beast called Storm. (Storm bites. So does Ceit.)  She and Max play-fight and jokingly call each other names, but they adore each other.

So basically she's sort of Merida. I REGRET NOTHING FIGHT MEEEEEE

-Blackwall! Max is very fond of Blackwall. Top lad. Good set of pipes on him, right good for tavern songs. U know what they call an Ostwick tavern? Taigh-seinnse.

-Varric!  Max is convinced that Varric is one of the best people to ever exist.  If Varric knew how sincerely he means that, he would laugh. Also maybe cry. 

-Dorian!  Max is completely and utterly in love with Dorian. They’re both hopeless romantics and also bad at emotions, so it’s a mess. But a good mess? 😃

-Josephine! She is the source of all goodness in the universe, and probably the actual leader of the entire inquisition. She does all the real work, anyway. Max just kills shite. And rescues lost animals.

-Sera! They pull pranks together. She reminds him a bit of Ceit, as well, so he loves her.

-Honourable mentions:  Solas (he knows so much, and talks about his Fade Travels in that lovely story-teller voice), Harritt (best. blacksmith. evER.), Dagna (she’s fucking delightful), Master Dennet (adorably grumpy old bastard), Helisma (reminds him of Elinor, he looks out for her in case anyone gives her trouble), Fiona (a bad-ass motherfucker if there ever was one), Krem (fun to spar with), Cassandra (fun to spar with), and Grim (a good listener)

Phobia (well, fear, anyway) your muse has:

Himself.  After what he did at the Ostwick circle, Max knows that he is capable not just of killing, but of slaughter.  He does not regret his actions there (justified or not, right or wrong, he doesn't give a shite, he will sacrifice anything for his sisters) but he does worry that one day, the rage will overtake him.  That he'll hurt somebody he loves, that he might lose his friends, his family, his lover.  That he might lose himself.  Being the only son, the eldest, he was supposed to look after the girls.  He'd promised his mother--his dying mother--that he'd always protect them and look after them and just look at how that ended.  Look what he's done--look what he's let happen.  This is what happens when anyone trusts him to do anything--he fucks it up, because he's a selfish, lazy coward who can't do anything right.  He wants so badly to be good, but he's fucking terrible at it, so he mostly stopped trying--enough that everyone else thinks he has a devil-a-bit-do-I-care attitude, that he's loud and irreverent and brash and impulsive and angry and mercurial and careless.

But he does care.  He cares too much.  

That’s his downfall.  Every single time.

Tags:

I TAG YOU!  u know who u are

also @m1lkcl0uds come onnn show off Persephone, she’s adorable ❤

[paradoxidolatry]

Brotherly Love

@birdhole , @beatconductor a lil bit

TG: hey TG: sup

TT: Hey. TT: Not much.  Lunch break at work. TT: Sup?

TG: oh thats sweet TG: sucks theres no free pizza in it when you work as a cop huh TG: i guess its overall kind of a step up from the pizza gig tho

TT: Right? Free donuts though. TT: But nah, yeah, not so bad. TT: Didn't get a chance to tell you about it but I figure Dave or whoever's already spilled those beans. TT: Kinda weird, right?

TG: yeah dave told me TG: donuts just like a real cop huh TG: still cant quite wrap my head around this cop thing tbh TG: i can see you working as a LOT of things but a cop? thats wild

TT: Yeah. TT: I mean, I figured.  Got all that military experience, right? TT: But I didn't want to go back to the military. TT: Plus, working as a cop is an equal mix of 'keeps me active' and 'allows me to work around certain roadblocks in regards to the acquisitions business', so it was a good compromise. TT: Better than fast food and skin flicks again, at any rate.

TG: i mean i guess that makes logical sense n all TG: still fucking wild as shit to me TG: guess you can still wear a uniform even its obviously not as sweet as the fast food ones

TT: Yeah, I really miss that old greasy apron. TT: But what can you do?

TG: the grease just made your eyes pop in that special way ykno TG: chicks love it

TT: They fuckin do, don't they? TT: But somethin tells me you didn't message me to talk about the chicks missing my pizza funk.

TG: you sure about that? its a pretty great topic you could write a book on it become rich quick with your pick up tips

TT: Hey, I'm already on chapter 7: the Sausage Party. TT: But really though. TT: What's up, boss?

TG: nothing TG: i was just TG: thinking about you is all

> Heart, squeeze. TT: That right? TT: Cool, cool. TT: Was thinking about you earlier too, actually.

TG: oh? any reason or

[Dave txt @ bro] im watching u [Dave txt @ bro] > that chicken image

TT: Just, y'know. TT: Was outside on a smoke break and I saw a couple of pigeons hanging out, eating some sandwich or some shit on the sidewalk and like. TT: Got me thinking about you, and like. TT: I spent the past 13 years thing you're dead or some shit, and now you're alive and it's. TT: Just fuckin buck wild. TT: Pardon me for sound fucking sappy but it's kind of like a dream come true.

[TT > Dave: I'm behaving, dad.]

TG: ...am i a pigeon now? tho i do admit i would eat that floor sandwich(edited) TG: yeah its...its fucking wild huh? TG: kinda thought id never see you again even after TG:  i got away and shit TG: idk why not like you up and died but? after looking for you and you werent there i dunno i guess TG: i thought you just TG: werent going to come back TG: ...you didnt even see my wings yet you dont get to relate me to birds just yet dude

TT: I mean, I saw them in a picture. TT: One of you and Dave and a bunch of trolls and some old dude in front of a candy cane dildo? TT: But also you post about birds and shit all the time, so I figured that was sort of your Thing now. TT: And ... well.  I dunno. TT: Almost didn't. TT: I was just gonna stay on Earth, maybe pop in to visit every so often. TT: But then all that shit happened and Dave wasn't answering my messages, so I thought he was dead too, and...well. TT: I guess I'm, uh... grateful to the apocalypse for.  I guess bringing you back to me? TT: Well, no. TT: But like, at least letting me know you're alive.

TG: oh...yeah thats TG: thats my sisters actually and uh..shit what even is grig? grandpa i guess TG: already know mr d after all TG: i mean... im not sure how i feel yet TG: i guess im sorta glad because TG: i mean it has been my embarrassing dream to play family with you again for a while TG: i want to be a family again TG: a lot TG: its just TG: hard

TT: Sisters, huh?  Well damn, you got the whole family package with these folks, huh? TT: Nice.  How long you been with them? TT: Yeah, I figured. TT: I didn't, and don't, make it easy. I know. TT: A lot easier when you were a baby, even if our folks were shit, just cuz, y'know. TT: Everything hadn'tt happened yet. TT: Hadn't started to completely fuckin lose my mind and treat you like dogshit. TT: But I mean.  I dunno. TT: I'm not gonna force you or nothin. TT: But if you ever wanted to come backto the apartment and chill for a day, see how you feel about it? TT: That'd be uh. TT: That'd be really nice.

TG: 3 years TG: as long as ive been TG: away from scratch... TG: i..yeah i guess maybe TG: can you even handle seeing me get gay with dave tho

TT: God.  You were with Scratch that whole fuckin time? TT: Fuckin sonnuvabitch refused to tell me what he did with you. TT: Anyway. TT: Handling y'all and your homogay is a small price to pay at the end of the day. TT: Even if it's still. TT: Kinda really weird from my perspective. TT: But I respect y'all and he takes good care of you, so I can't complain too much, right?

TG: ...yeah like ten years TG: kinda fucked up huh TG: ill..ill think about it TG: okay so im gonna be real with you here for a sec okay TG: i TG: messaged you because i was talking to dave and i realized i missed you and TG: that i TG: kindawantahugiguess

TT: ...Yeah? TT: I can do a hug, yeah. TT: Where are you?  I can meet you, if you wanna.

TG: ...workin TG: at [coords] TG: dont arrest me mr officer these drugs are prescription

TT: I'll leave the cuffs in the car. TT: What happens off-duty stays off-duty, though, so. TT: See you in five.

TG: kay > Try not to freak out. Freak out anyways.

> Pull up by the curb a short walk away and park. > Look, you even pay for the parking meter and everything. > Step out of the car in your full uniform and approach Sock, one hand in  your pocket, the other raised in a wave hello.

> Oh god, he really fucking is a god damn cop. That's so damn weird. God. > Not as weird as randomly meeting up with him for a hug though. Damn it that was the dumbest idea. > You wave back, trying hard to look cool and not like you are dying on the inside and failing miserably.

> You stride up alongside him and... ...well, now what, actually. > Neither of you are very good at this kind of planning, are you. > Damnit, Striders. "Hey." > Now just to... > ... > Open your arms up? > Yeah.  That's how hugs happen.

> Oh god, he's going right for it.Oh god. Not even small talk or anything really bro? > Maybe that's better anyways because god know you don't know what to say. "Hey." > You take a deep breath and you...Go for the fucking hug. Squeeze that big bro tight.

> Aww shit here it comes and here he is.  All up and hugging you. > Actually, that's uh. > That's real nice. > You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a good, tight hug. > It's probably not the most comfortable thing, what with your radio strapped onto your chest and name plates aand shit, but. > At least for you?  This is a fucking good hug. > (Don't you dare tear up in public.)

> You don't really care about the cofort level of this, it's something you've been craving for 13 years now, a little radio isn't going to stop you from enjoying it. > It's nice. It's familiar, like all the good parts of Bro you've been missing wrapped up for you in one big huggable form. Easy to forget all the shit for a moment. > But the moment does end and when you pull away you have to wipe at you eyes like an idiot. "Uh...Th-thanks."

> Aww, shit goddamn.  He's teaaring up too under those glasses. > You swipe one knuckle under your shades, and you take a steaadying breath. "Hey, yeah, no problem." > Breathe easy, Strider.  You glance up for a moment as you see a fatass snowflake come drifting down, then you look to Sock again. "Hey, you wanna maybe grab some lunch with me?  Haven't eaten yet and it's still my break, so."

> Well at least you are both sappy motherfuckers now. > Oh. You didn't expect that. You think about what Dave told you earlier "Stay in control" and promptly decide to fuck that advice because shit. You are already here. You already went for it like an idiot. "Yeah sure. Gonna have Donuts like a proper cop?" > You make such a face at the snow. Ugh, you didn't really prepare for that kinda weather, fuck.

> You snort a laugh and give your flat stomach a pat. "Gotta work on that signature cop gut, don't I? C'mon." > You gesture behind you with a jerk of your thumb. "Hop in up front.  You can pick the place."

"Hell yeah you do. You look like a fake ass striper cop dude." > You get into the car and immediately get the seatbelt. Doesn't feel safe otherwise. You don't really like cars still but you can't pin point why. It's just a weird personality quirk yeah? But you are used to being in one at this point of your life. > Just drive carefully. Please.

> You hop in and buckle up too, both pleased and a litttle saddened that you didn't even need to remind Sock to put on his seatbelt. > Poor kid. > Luckily, you are an impeccably safe driver, and the drive to Wherever is smooth and uneventful.

> Old habits die hard. > You feel kind of awkward in the car with him, it's too silent for our tastes. > You get out of the car at whatever this amazing food place he's taking you is. Fingers crossed for fast food- "Y'know kinda funny. Always figured my first frive in a cop car would be because I'm getting arrested."

> You snort a laugh.  It's Sock's old favorite pizza place. > God you hope he still likes this shit. > Also this wasn't a Pizza Pimp before, was it?  It was Gino's-- > Wait. > Ugh, well, maybe Dave's not at work. "If you're planning on getting arrested, you're doing this pushing thing wrong, kid."(edited)

> Oh the Pizza Pimp. Fucking score. Maybe Dave is there, that would be rad. "I didn't say I was, I said I didn't think I'd ride a cop car otherwise. Your hearing getting bad?" > You immediately freeze after saying that. Oh man, actually sassing Bro though? Please don't hit me.

> Dave is unfortunately not there, but he sure would love to.

> You catch that freeze, and you... > You snort a little, before pointing to your ears. "Too many concerts and phat-ass beats.  Knew I shouldn't have gotten all up and personal with those speakers.  Who knew the grown-ups were right about that?" > You smile, and it's a little awkward cuz you sure as hell have never been the smiling type, before you hold open the door for him. "C'mon, before we freeze our asses off."

> Oh. Okay. It's cool. It's chill. In a quite literal sense even so you get your silly ass inside. > A smile though? You haven't seen your brother smile in...far longer than you haven't seen him for sure. > That little scare knocked the speech right out of you though so you just awkwardly sit down at the next best table, suddenly really not sure how good of an idea this was.

> You take a seat opposite him, and when the server approaches, you order yourself a water instead of a soda. > Who are you, even. > You glance over the menu, humming softly.  Some of these item names... fitting for a place called Pizza Pimp. "You wanna split one, or do individuals, or?"

> Who is he indeed. You order a black coffee instead of apple juice though, so maybe the traditional Strider beverages are just staying outside today. "Uhhh..Not super hungry honestly I don't mind sharing one." > You haven't been able to eat a whole pizza at once in a while but you don't say that.

"Alright.  We'll split a medium and you can take the rest home if you want." > You let him pick the toppings too.  This really is a strange Strider day.

> The strangest. Do they have nuggets as topping because you want that.

> They might have like, baked chicken, which is kinda like nuggets and also? Is Carro-approved.

> Do you think the pizza pimp doesn't have a nugget topping what kinda fool do you take Dave for.

> A big one. >:3

> LISTEN Nuggets have been added like at least two months ago. Cock Special.

> Goddamnit, Dave.

> Sock loves Dave and the Cock Special Pizza. Prepare ya taste buds Bro.(edited)

"One Cock Special with extra cock please" > Yes, this is exactly how you order.

> Oh your face. > You're so fucking proud.  Dave sure is your little brother, and so too is Sock. > Bless these fucking kids.

"Hope you like it, it's my fav." > Both the pizza and you know.

> Yeah.  Yeah, you know. "Sure I will." > Snort a laugh. "This sure isn't Gino's anymore, huh.  You remember that place?"

"Oh yeah. Man..That's been a while. Clover gifted the place to Dave what? 2 years ago?" > Back when you were on a no homo basis. Memories.

> [Clover: nya face]

"Used to be your favorite, but maybe that's because it was free when I worked here. ...Clover?"

"I'm always a slut for free food but I still digged their shit later. Oh uh..Yeah. Little green guy? 4 of the Felt?" > Should..You now have mentioned that?

> [Dave] Oh no.

> There's this shift in your face.  It's not a frown, but a certain tightening of your lips as you're hit with the full brunt of what Sock just said. "...Dave's...doing business with the Felt?"

> WHOOPSIES >Oh. Oh, oh, oh shit. You fucked up. You didn't really think about that when you said it. At all. Shit. Fuck. Damn. "Hahaha whaaaat? Noooo. Of course not! He'd never uh...Clover is just y'know his uh... Sugar daddy yeah. Cash money man, can't say no to that even from a greenie right?" > Well it's not entirely a lie. You are sweating though.

> You paw at your face and you sit back in your seat, eyebrows knit together tightly. > Looks like you're going to have to have a little talk with Dave when you get home. "...No, guess not.  Desperate times and all that, right?"

"Yeah exactly! Haha..." > God this is uncomfortable. You are going to warn Dave but you already feel like shit. Fuck. "Don't...Don't hurt him okay?" > There's fear in your eyes now. Not for you but for your boyfriend, which is so much worse in your eyes.

> That snaps you Right out of your bad thought spiral and you quickly wave your hand. "Hey, no, no.  Not gonna hurt him.  It's chill." > There's that smile again, even if it's uneasy and a bit green around the gills.  Your brother and the Felt... "Really.  Just surprised he hadn't mentioned it before now."

> [Dave] GUESS WHY.

" 'kay..." > He probably hadn't mentioned it for a reason. You couldn't have known Dave wasn't supposed to do business with the Felt but you still feel like shit. It makes sense in hindsight and considering your history of course but...You just plain didn't know. > The Pizza arrives but you suddenly don't feel very hungry at all, sipping on you coffee awkwardly instead.

> You're, similarly, not hungry, but you've got to salvage this.  Not telling when or if Sock will agree to see you again after this. "Sorry, I just... Y'know, getting offered a gift by those guys.  If they had snatched Dave too..." > You shake your head, and sigh it off.  Out with the bad. "But they didn't, and that's that.  So." > You take up a slice of the pizza and you point is casually at Sock, an eyebrow quirked. "What're you out there peddling?"

> Oh. You'd really rather not follow that line of thought, yeah.  Smooth topic change. "Dude, don't think I should be discussing that with a cop in a pizzeria. Mr D would murder me man."

"Hey." > You make a show of taking off your badge and laying it upside down on the table. "Off-duty, not a cop.  So is it the good shit, or is it like, oregano in a dimebag being passed off as weed."

"We're still in public man." > And you don't want to piss off your Dad on top of the shit you just pulled.

"Yeah, yeah.  Weren't you in public anyway?" > You chuckle a little and you point toward the kitchen area. "Your big bro used to sell shitty dimebags out of there, way back.  Dealt to all the line cooks."

" Course you did." > You roll your eyes behind your shades. "What you want an inventory list? Okay I'll just tell you my favorite product aight? Kinder Überraschungseier......The surprise is Cocaine." > Huh, sure did slip into your mother tongue there. Welp..

> Okay.  You actually laugh then. "You're selling Kinder Überraschungseier full of Cocaine.  Shut the fuck up, seriously?" > You're nodding approvingly now. "That's a fucking great idea.  Where the fuck'd you get the chocolates, though? Make them yourself?"

> That makes you feel..really proud? Huh. You can't stop the big dorky grin from spreading on your face. "Best idea I ever had, honestly. I'm importing them from earth, duh. Along with a bunch of other banned sweets and shit. Who the fuck thought peeps are illegal anyways?"

> You balk at that and you laugh again. "Peeps are illegal here-- wait, shit, right." > Smack your forehead. "That's my job to know that now.  Wow, fuckin fire me now."

"Maybe I should show you my stock, just as a reminder. A fucking lot of dumb shit is. Fucking Lattes were banned man. Until the King unbanned them just for Jude which is honestly so fucking stupid. Way to play favorite, just like royalty should am I right? Not that I'm complaining, love me a big fat Latte." > Man it's...Nice to be able to make that kind of shit tier level german dick joke and to know you're gonna be understood just fine.

> You snort your water and you pull a face,but you're clearly goofing around a loving it. "Fucking nasty, dude.  I don't need to hear about your love of big hot fuckin Lattes."

"Aren't you glad the prospitian monarchy digs a steaming hot Latte too? What a life that would be otherwise." > You snort yourself.

"Jesus christ.  Fuckin whities, dude." > You stuff some pizza in your mouth and you talk withyour mouth full like the fat nasty trash you are. "Can you believe I have to work with them?  Like what the fuck."

"The Queen gives me the creeps with her I love everyone bull. And the King seems like a huge fucking idiot so...Congrats man. Jackpot."

"Not had the chance to meet either, but this is the closest I've gotten to infiltrating the corrupt government yet.  Maybe if I keep my shit up, I can finally overthrow them from the inside." > You are entirely dead seriouus.

"What's the masterplan? Shoot them in public?" > You aren't but you also don't mind the topic. Not a fan of these guys.

"Nah, nah, nothing like that.  Too messy.  Besides." > You gesture at the scar that runs oveer your eyes. "Never been a fan of guns."

"I know." > Hell maybe you should be grateful he ain't. Swords fucked you over bad enough. "Seems like a popular approach is all. Like historically or whatever. But I guess you gotta go for something less stale huh?"

"Of course.  Flashy's the only way to be when you're taking out a corrupt system of government."

"Looking forwards to the show Bro." > Except you hope he's fucking joking.

> You totally fucking aren't. > You toss him a wink, which of course he can't see all that well behind your shades. "Hope it's a good one.  You gonna eat any pizza, lil bro?"

"Oh, right." > You finally grab a piece too. "How's the Cock Special?"

> Stuff the rest of your piece into your mouth and brush the crumbs off of your fingers. "It's not big hot Latte, but it's nice and tasty all up in my mouth, so it'll do."

"I mean we can grab a Latte next time-" > Did you just say next time. Did you just imply you want to meet up like this again? Shit. > Stuff your mouth with Pizza real quick.

> Oh. > Oh... That makes yourr heart do the smiley emote. > You grin a liittle bit about that and you say, voice kinda soft, "Yeah... alright.  I'd like that."

"Me too...I think." > If you don't hurt my boyfriend tonight that is, is what you think.

> Don't you worry, Sock.  Not gonna hurt your boyfriend tonight. > You're not gonna be home, so Dave gets to go unhurt for another night.

> Or any other night Bro.(edited) > Or day, or ever:

> Well, at least you'll try to keep your cool when you talk to Dave about it later.

> That's a good start.

> Fuck yeah.  Before you all finish up here, you nod back to the streets now lightly coat with snow. "You going back to your corner, right?  You need a jacket?"

"I mean, I'll live..." > But it's pretty obvious that you don't have any especially warm clothes on you, you know like an idiot.

"Yeah, and you'll get sick, doofus." > You shrug off your jacket--it's a plain black windbreaker, while you wait for your city issue polcie jacket to come in--and you ball it up, handing it over to him. "Here."

> You open your mouth to respond but the Jacket is already in your hands. Oh. That's..Oh. > Is that what it's like to have a caring older brother? "Thanks..." > The Jacket is far too big for you and smells like Bro. It's a weird feeling to put it on. Like a hug you can wear. > Your heart is doing several emotions.

"Hey, no sweat. No good to go out there to work if you're just gonna freeze to death, yeah?" > You have the server bring you all a box for the leftovers, and you give those to him, too. > You stand from the stand and stretch. "Alright, my lunch is about over.  You ready to go?

"Uh, yeah." > You are still trying to sort your feelings over all of this. It's weird. It's nice. > It's what you wanted all along. > Except for the part where you are scared about Dave. > You get up too feeling like a huge fool.

> You, very very carefully, put your hand on his back and lead him out back into the cold. > Look to him, then to your car. "Back to tthe same corner? Or you got anywhere else you need to be?"

> You tense up just a little at the touch but let it happen anyways. "Y-yeah same place." > You just get into the car quickly to cut off the awkward moment. Not without putting on your seatbelt of course.

> Always seatbelt first, kid! > You buckle in and drive him back to the street corner you found him on, putting the car into park but not getting out. "Alright.  Don't get into any trouble, alright?  Oh, and patrol comes past here in about 30 minutes, so be cool when they pass, yeah?"

"Oh uh..Okay. See you, I guess." > You wave an awkward goodbye, overwhelmed by a lot of conflicting emotions.

> You're about to drive off, but then you open the door and, hanging halfway out, you call to him, "Hey! Love you, Sock."

> That just leaves you starring for a moment. Did he just-? Does he? What. Can not compute. "L-Love you too Bro..." > You are not sure if he heard that with the way you mumbled that. You are not sure if you want him to or not. > It's only getting weirder. > But it also warms your birdy little heart.

> You heard it--you've actually got pretty good hearing still, despite all tthatt music and shit. > You smile and wave again before ducking back into your car and driving off.

> The patrol driving by half an hour later doesn't find a drug dealer, just a crying kid in some back alley. > This absolutely kills the bird.

[thotvengers]

<p>Bruce walks into the the living room. It is 2012. Nat keeps looking at him as if he had 5 corndogs taped onto him. Thor eat poptart. "HOUSA GOIN GUYS" Thor stands, poptart crumbs fall from his beard. "hello friend I am doing well" Bruce stares at Thors poptart crumbs and spit all over his beard. Its fucking hot. "Well thats good" Banner looked very nice today thought Thor. "Come join us banner" "Whet" "Join us for breakfast" Thor bends over the table as he says it "What" "Food" says Thor. He’s getting worried "Why is tony trying to cut open clints stomach with a butter knife" "And why is steve shirtless" loki appears out of nowhere "whats up asshats i live in the avengers tower now also nobody move because of the election coming up please i don't want you to go" "He’s what" Thor turns around and kills tony "What the fuck is going on here on this day" loki eats popcorn from the sidelines tony dies. " straight rights ! " Bruce freezes. He said a bad word. Bruce is having a breakdown. He is crying. loki legally has to kill bruce now Thor makes out with banner And protects him lokis takes out a knife Thor takes it loki takes out popcorn "What the heck is going on" attempts to kill bruce with popcorn "Wh" "AAAAAAAA" "Loki stop I know it’s a knife" "you know exactly what's going on. you said a bad word and now your time of judgement has come." "What the fuck Loki" "oh, you know," "Please take me now." steve perked up. " no swearing on my christian minecraft server " Tony is revived. "Hey anyone else think loki is.... kinda hot" "No" says Thor Clint turns off his hearing aid. loki bends over seductively "like what u see" steve sweats " i'm catholic sir " "yeah? and i'm a god" "I thought u were going to kill banner and I" Tony licks him lips hungrily. "zoo wee mama" Nat is doing her morning yoga routine dont mind her. loki sighs and turns to thor "look i had a change of plans i'm on a tight-" he winks at tony "schedule" Nick Fury from the back "im tired of these motherfuckin avengers in this motherfuckin tower" steve suplexes nick. :) clint barton is making out with phil coulson for whatever reason Bruce is still crying. steve jealously suplexes clint too Thor laughs loki is breakdancing in the middle of the tower, very aggressively Loki took Bruces shirt to bully him. Bruce is shirtless. His tiddies are out. Tony is revived once again to argue with Steve then they make out Bruce is crying. steve is crying he suplexes tony loki laughs at everyone who is crying Clint is crying out of confusion steve tries to suplex loki while he cries harder "im a virgin" steve says running out steve fails steve dies loki laughs rip captain America, steve had mehtalosmaisniadjhjsa loki films it and puts it on youtube and he is entitled to compensation he didnt even get to apply for aarp :( bruce says " anyone want to suck my tiddies " Bruce hanging from the edge of the tower. Bitch gonna fall. loki raises his hand Thor and Clint say yes "Help me" "Ok" Says Thor "do u want me to suck ur tiddies while ur dangling or nah" "No dont suck my tiddies" Thor helps him up "Thank you hero" bruce dabs "bitch u just asked if i wanted to do so" "You want a sex (:" natasha offers to suck his tiddies "No" natasha is :/ loki physically puts more grease in his hair From where from his ass his ass Steves dick is out. Schlap loki hears a car pull up outside. "whos that" tony says. "our new " loki replies. i walk up the stairs confusedly. this is the story of how i was sold to loki only on wattpad loki is eyeballing that dick DKCNDKNCKDNVB Schlap Schlap y/n shivered. where was i ? whow ere the avengers ? why were their dicks out loki laughs and brings y/n inside the tower Loki cast a spell and made everyone in the tower naked. no its valid No y/n cries " who are you, ugly bitch " loki slaps y/n on the ass "how dare u speak to ur daddy like that" loki looks down at your big ol' bobbies and licks his lips "they didnt tell me you'd be so attractive, quim". y/n blushes angrily "Why are we all naked" Thor covers his ears while Clint covers his eyes cus he cant cover his ears cus he cant hear y/n tries to run but bumps into tony " please help me i don't want to fuck loki " There is several schlaps of dicks in the room and the several flops from nats tits. loki chases y/n with a rubber dildo while laughing loki makes y/n scrub his balls y/n cries " rubber gives me hives " Clint shoots Loki again y/n is sobbing more loki makes u listen to ball scrubbing asmr before u go to sleep suddenly ant man busts in even tho he wasnt an addition to the mcu yet: "1-800-ARE-YOU-SCHLAPPIN?" y/n pretends to sleep so loki will leave Thor kills Loki "Somebody fuck me Im ready to not be a virgin anymore" ant man gets tiny and climbs in steves ass loki like the dramatic gay bitch he is fakes his own death y/n is feeling so much pain because ............................................................................... she was actually in love with loki " i will miss u, ugly bitch " thanos bursts thru the tower doors "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS" y/n smiles " please fuck me " Thor tosses lokis body out avengers tower loki comes back to life only to have his ribcage shattered by thanos instantly t hanos sees a very cute girl and gets shy and trys to hide his erection when he sees y/n bobbies Bruce already naked turns into hulk. "HULK WILL FUCK THANOS" y/n is bright red because she knows that prple daddy is staring at her b - b - b - boob Thor likes what He sees loki comes back once again from the dead to witness this t hanos has never bottomed before.... bottom for who Jesus No KXNCKDMFKV Wait Hulk takes Thanos and tries to fuck him. It doesnt work. dick too big loki makes thanos' asshole bigger so it can fit hulks dick Thanos punches Hulk and he turned back to Bruce. Thanos throws Bruce out the window. He is falling. "i guess that cute girl will just have to peg me now ;)" t hanos says Thor catches him y /n blushu blushued t hanos approaches y/n with his dick out " i - i've never done this before .................................................................... " y / n stuttered Steve gets in the way. "i'll be gentle" t hanos says "Y/n dont do this. Its a trap." t hanos shatters steves ribcage " why would you sya that !!! t hanos loves me !!! " Steve takes the risk and sacrifices himself for everyone. "Not In my Christian household" says Steve y / n cries and punches steve "don't listen to him he's lying" says t hanos He starts to suck Thanos Slurp Slrurrp Slrurirlrl0 Slruerlrle0 Sluuuuurp Shcluerp Shcjeleeu Shcleuepe t hanos blushes and moans y / n blushed again " i don't mind a threesome " Shxlueuuueerps Shxleueep Slurrrp Slcheullrlrulp Schlururup Shxlrurrrrruuup Shcluruueuuuuuurp Slurp Lick lick slruuuururp Slururjrrlrlr "jesus calm down i already blew my load 38 times now" I’m dying Blows rasberry Sluuurrp Sluuururirurp steve a thirsty bitch "hehe that tickles"   "no" says t hanos as he rp fucks  Steve blows into thanos'dick hole like a kazoo. Thanos dies.  steve will make sure everyone in this house dies a virgin but him  " NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Y/N SCREAMED  t hanos dies Yeet " U DIDN'R EVEN GET TO PEG ME "  Bruce is naked.  this is how avengers 2 will go  loki revives t hanos  avengers 4... oop  "Hey you guys want to all gang bang me"  Thor fucks bruce  " yes "  "yes" says t hanos  the avengers have an orgy except nat bc shes a lesbian" i've never eaten ass b4 " says y/n  Nat is doing her yoga routine  "its fun. let me show u" t hanos says to y/n  "Im open for alliances"  y / n blushes and touiches t hano's ass  Clints Backup finally arrives t hanos spreads his cheeks hanos's bootyhole quivers  Somebody is calling on the avengers phone.  y / n extends the wet pink muscle in her mouth nervously  Riiiiiing Rinnnnnng  t hanos is already milking his own tiddies  Clint leaves with Natasha with rats bites t  Riiiiiiiiiiiing  t hano's in the ass  Natasha bangs darcy Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing "someone get the fucking phone i'm in the middle of something here"  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing  " ah not there "  Clint gets it  "Hi! Its peter, is mr stark there?" Oh no whispers Clint  "thats a child. i HATE children!" t hanos gets up and goes to kill peter  Clint turns off his hearing aid again  " i ate his ass dead " y / n  "Im at the phone mr thanos sir"  "hello child. i hate u."  peter says "mr. thanos i don't feel too good" and evaporates "good."  too late hes in the shadow realm  " bye lol "  AM He rescues peter and leaves  Thor arrive. Naked. Hes very sexah. "now where were we" t hanos says and spread his cheeks again, open for business  AM MEANWHILE IN THE SHADOW REALM everyone is dicks out Sam and bucky fucking the the dust realm. Ant man is dancing with his dick out. Drax and star lord are experimenting.  with their assholes  Lokis in bondage lowoki camera zooms in on bucky's face "at first i thought the dust world was hell but i love it here. thanks t hanos!" "it's free real estate" t hanos says  bucky sighs " i love ur bald ass head sammy "  "Then suck it fuckass" says sam  "Suck my head hoe"  Thanos arrives to the realm. "If you guys want to live then suck my toes" They all scatter like rats to his toes. Theyre all sucking them like cow utters PRESENT</p>

the end

[artificialqueens]

Mend my soul Biadore Chapter 4 - AbbiNeedless and LilBro

Court: Roy is Dan with u? I just talked with Alaska in the studio and she told me that Dan tapped out

Court: Man, Dan is not answering his phone, is he with ya? Court: Answer to me, bitch! Roy: He is here, Shane. He is ok. Court: From what I heard from Laska I don’t think he is ok! Roy: He will be.

Roy put his cellphone away and took two plates of lasagna to the table where Danny was sitting with a cup of coffee in front of him.

“Here, grandma’s recipe, hope you like it.” “You shouldn’t have, man…” “I wanted to, grandma always cooked it for us when she went to our house, we loved it.” He took a bite. “She used to say ‘The most important part when you’re cooking is to put your heart in it, when you do this your food always tastes better.’ and let me tell you that that lady was right.” “I can see.” Danny tried to smile at Roy; he looked so proud of his cooking, the lasagna he cooked looked delicious, but Danny couldn’t eat it.

“This lasagna has a lot of calories and it’s not gonna help me at all, maybe she was right when she told me that I-“

“Dan?” “Yes?” Roy’s voice took him out of his thoughts. “Are you ok?” “Yeah, why shouldn’t I?” “Well, you’ve been only looking at your plate without even taking the fork. Are you sure you are ok?” “Yeah, is just that… I’m not feeling great tonight, I don’t think I should eat, what if I throw up in your bed?.” “You clean it up, duh.” A little laugh escape from Danny’s mouth, Roy felt a little bit proud of himself. “Come on, Dan, eat a little.” “Can I have just a little bit of salad?” “What!?” He put a hand on his chest. “Adore ‘Motherfucking’ Delano is going to eat just a salad? You’re not my willow!” “You’re stupid.”

Danny took the smallest plate he found on the kitchen and served himself a little bit of salad, he made sure Roy was not looking at him, he threw the salad to the trashcan and went to sleep.

—-

“Danny?” Roy knocked again on his own room’s door, last night Danny couldn’t stop moving so he decided to sleep in the couch, next morning when he went to check on Danny he found that the door was locked. “Danny, are you awake?” “Hfff.” “Come on, man, I cooked breakfast.” “…” “Dan, you had not eaten anything else than salad since yesterday, you have to eat breakfast at least; breakfast is the most important meal of the day!” “I’m not hungry.”

Roy rested his forehead on his room’s door.

“Dan you can’t continue this, you have to eat something.” “I told you that I’m not hungry, Roy, please leave me alone.”

Roy sighed frustrated and sat on the floor next to the door and answered the text he had received earlier.

“I think you should really come to talk to him.”

—-

“Get up, Dan! The sun is up, the birds are singing, it’s a beautiful day!” He saw how Roy opened the curtains and all the sun light hit he in his face. “I told you to leave me alone, Roy.” Danny took the blanket and covered his head. “Well, you have to still be sleeping to confuse your almost brother’s voice with Roy’s.”

After a few seconds of realization he turned his face to where the voice was coming.

“You’re not Roy.” He said. “I’m the one and only Chris Crocker and I still want the people to leave Britney alone!… Wow, you’re not laughing.” “I still think is funny, though.” “Man… You look pretty fucked up.” “Do you think I don’t know that?” He laid his back in the bed, Chris sat beside him and started running his hand on his hair. “Dan… You’re not ok.” “…” “Come on, what’s wrong?”

Danny looked at the door to make sure it was closed.

“If you’re here is because Roy already told you.” “He told me a little bit, yeah, but I want to hear it from you, no from someone else.” He helped him sit. “Come on, talk with Uncle Chris.”

Danny looked at the door to make sure it was closed. “I actually haven’t said this to Roy so… Don’t tell him, please.” “Ok, deal.” “When I was there listening to my critics it was too much for me to handle, I thought that singing the song that I wrote for Kris would show them how much of my heart I put on my music, but they didn’t see it.” He felt how the tears were forming in his eyes. “They just saw my outfit, it looks like my outfits are always the fucking problem. It was a fucking talent show and they just critiqued the dress Bianca made for me, they didn’t give me a fucking critic about my talent and then Raven Symoné goes and tells me that I look like Demi Lovato before fucking rehab, do I look that wasted? Do I look that bad? I thought that I… I thought that I was doing my job correctly, I thought that I was giving my fans a good model to look up to.”

Danny’s shoulders were shaking again, he couldn’t control the sobs that were coming out of his mouth, Chris took him in his arms and let him cry, he grabbed his shit and cried on his shoulder.

“Sorry, I let tears stains all over your shirt.” “Don’t apologize, it’s okay. Now listen to me.” He took Danny’s face and looked into his eyes. “You are not doing a bad job, your fans really love you and I’m sure they would support your decision. Besides, what the fuck does Raven Symoné has on her head? You don’t like fucking Demi Lovato, she wishes she could looks as good as you.” “You’re an idiot.” Danny smiled for the first time in days. “Now you and I are going to have breakfast.” “I’m not hungry.” Their silence was interrupted by a rumble coming from Danny’s stomach. “Yeah, sure thing, man.” He got up from the bed. “I’m gonna make you the huevos rancheros your mom taught me to cook and after we have breakfast we’ll go back to Azusa.” “Why?” “Because your mom misses you and she asked me to take you back home.” He took a pair of shorts from the floor and threw them to Danny. “She thinks that it would be the best for you to go back for a while.” “Ok, I’ll go.” “That’s my chola! Now let me cook these eggs.”

—-

Roy was biting his nails while he waited for Chris, having to reach for someone else made him very angry with himself, he couldn’t help Dan with was going on in his mind and that made him feel useless. The sound of the door opening took him out of his thoughts.

“Hey.” “Hey… So? Is he ok?” “He’s not but he will be.” Chris went to his fridge and took some sauce and eggs from it. “And I’m gonna take him back to Azusa.” “What?.” “Is the best for him, he needs to find himself again.” He cracked the eggs into the pan. “And you better get that sorted out.” “I will.” “What are you gonna get sorted out?” Danny went into the kitchen wearing a Roy’s hoodie and a pair of shorts. “Some details from my next tour, nothing to worry about.” He retired a lack of hair from Danny’s face. “How are you feeling?” “Fucked up.” “You’ll feel better after having breakfast.” Chris said while he put the eggs on the tortillas and handed the plate to Danny. “Come on, eat.”

—-

“I’ll take this to the car!” “Thanks, man!”

Chris took the last suitcase from the floor and closed the door leaving them alone again, Danny couldn’t look at Ryo, he was feeling like he was such a dead weight for Roy right now.

“So… You’re leaving.” “Yeah…” “Dede and Sammy are definitely going to miss you.” “I’m gonna miss them as well.” “What about me? Are you going to miss me?” “Are you fucking kidding with me, right?” For the first time in all day Danny looked at Roy’s eyes, he felt like he was losing in those beautiful brown eyes. “Of course I will.”

Danny put his arms around Roy’s neck and Roy put his hands on Danny’s waist, both of them looking sad, they weren’t sure of how much time they were going to be apart and that broke their hearts.

“I wish you never have to leave, maybe you don’t think the same but you bring light to this apartment.” “I’ve been just literally walking around swallowing in my depression.” “Not when you’re playing with Sammy, petting Dede or letting me play with your hair.” “I love when you do that, I love it.” “I love doing it.”

A comfortable silence was set between them, Danny looked at Roy’s lips; was it wrong wanting to kiss your best friend in a moment like this? Roy would say that he was confusing the facts and that they shouldn’t be doing this, he always said it, it was always wrong.

Dan didn’t want it to feel wrong, he wanted it to feel right.

“Dan! What is taking you so long?” Chris opened the door and looked at them surprised. “Oh, I was just… I’ll wait for you in the car.” “No, wait there I was just saying goodbye.” He looked back at Roy. “Thank you.” “For what?” “For everything.“ He said. "Taking care of me, being the best of friends, being you, thank you. You are the best friend someone can ask for.” “You don’t have to thank me.” “I do.” He kissed the corner of Roy’s mouth. “We’ll see each other again soon, love you, man.” “Love you too.”

Danny sent him a last kiss before he closed the door and left.

—-

Days had passed and Danny was feeling better, his mom’s hugs and kisses were the best medicine ever, playing cards with his brothers and playing in the park with his nieces and nephews was a lot of fun and the worries of All Stars 2 went to the back of his mind, he was feeling relaxed.

Danny heard a car arriving to his mom’s house.

“Look, Dan.” Bonnie said. “Someone arrived.” “Meh, don’t care, I’m sleeping.” “Oh believe me, you care.”

Danny got up from his mom’s lap and looked at the house’s entrance; he would recognize that black car anywhere. Roy and Shane got out of the car and smiled to him, Roy went to the back door and opened, a black haired woman got out of the car with a little girl by her side and a little boy in her arms. Danny felt the air abandoning his lungs.

“No fucking way.” The woman looked at him and smiled shyly. “Rosie?”

[yakumtsaki]

We don't like to do too much explaining, story stayed the same through the money and the fame, cause we... STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW WE’RE HERE ♪

As loyal readers may or may not remember, my original plan was to faithfully follow legacy rules and slowly build a greek house for the kids, using w/e money we had in junior year. Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions! Which doesn’t really apply here but i like saying it. I’m actually not sure I even get what it means. Point is the nll update came in the meantime and despite my lawful intentions I was too done to build a house, so we commandeered the sorority house, banished DJ and co in the sim bin, added a gorilla statue and our proud letters (U-U-U) and here we are! I gave the house an extensive 10 minute makeover, bringing our funds to an impressive:

NOICE. We’re gonna starve but at least we’ll do it next to our bowling alley. Joining us in this glorious endeavor are Brit Brit, Melody and Frances J, while Wyatt and Ti-Ning have pledged and are expected to move in shortly. I doubt the sim world has ever seen such a bunch of assholes under the same roof.

Our first night is off to an incredible start, as everyone is starving, no one knows how to cook, we’ve ordered both pizza and chinese food and are thus completely broke, and megabitch Brit Brit has been hitting poor Fran with a baseball for 3 hours:

-Ooops, I did it again >:)

Idk but I have a feeling me and Brit are gonna get along great!

Finally, it looks like Fran is concussed enough to make a move on Jojo, which marks the start of the 3-man race for his tiny, vicious heart. Place your bets and take some dramamine cause it’s gonna be a wild ride. 

Case in point, it’s a new day in a new kitchen and Jojo’s mind is occupied by thoughts of everyone’s fav french-arabian prince, Wyatt Monif. Since Wyatt is a pledge and there are term papers that need writing we invite him over..

..and things are heating up. You know, if heating up means Jojo continues to be a pain in the ass and still doesn’t have a crush on Wyatt even though they’ve made out a hundred times. Jojo WHAT IS YOUR DEAL

-It’s called being a stone-cold motherfucker, you should give it a try. Now Wyatt, just because we’re best friends and semi-lovers doesn’t mean you’re still not a lowly pleb pledge completely at my mercy, so don’t get any ideas.

-Of course not, I’d rather die than disappoint my dear Jojό!

-Well let’s see which happens first.

-Oh, don’t worry, Gunthèr, it is I who will win Jojό’s heart!

-Yeah, I’m the complete opposite of worried.. whatever that is.

-Calm?

-WHATEVER THAT IS

-..Are you sure college is the right trajectoire for you?

Finally. THE TIME IS NEIGH. Hope you’re all ready for Ti-Nings personality panel........................

.............................................LMAO. Perfect Jojo match!

RICH BITCH CONVENTION. Seriously these 3 have a combined of what? 7 nice points? Put them all together and you make one bearable person.

-Aw, Jojό, is that a hunting knife in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

-I’m happy to see you!

-Ok I lied it was a hunting knife.

-Oui, I can tell :(

Small dick jokes aside, Wyatt is now not only officially in love with Jojo but apparently ready to commit his life to this monstrosity. Which you know, Jojo is a Union and I’m under contractual obligation to love him but Wyatt, seriously. You’re still young, a lot of fish in the pond, normal, nice, non-serial-killing fish..

-LOCK.THE.WANT.

Fine, can’t beat young love I guess! I mean if Romeo and Juliette teaches us anything...

...it’s that only death can.

For whom the bell tolls..

Oh Max........... the pleasure will be all mine.

One last kiss for the road... The road which leads to me never seeing Max’s fug clone ass on Jojo’s panel again.

Oh you’re a crafty one aren’t you!! Trying to charm your way out before I lock you in!! Thankfully Jojo has your number.

-Absolutely not, Max, I already have 3 people pursuing me, this is just excessive! Now get in there and die!

-Ugh fine, but my heart’s not gonna be in it.

Meanwhile, disaster has struck our house in the form of that stupid fucking coach, resulting in me facing the sight of Gunther doing lunges in this indescribable outfit. I don’t know how long it will be before I can look at him with the same eyes again.

-I suffer now but Mel is gonna thank me later ;)

Remember when you were an innocent weird little kid and not a sex demon??? Those were the fucking days.

Back in the yard and while the world awaits Max’s demise with bated breath, Frances has resorted to pulling dirty tricks. For shame, what did Wyatt ever to do to you, he’s a sweetheart!

-Well I’m not. And that’s why I deserve Jojo, unlike that family-aspiration-6-nice-points flop.

Yea you definitely deserve each other, no arguments here.

OH MAN, Wyatt is not playing around, he’s in it to win it. 

-Your move, Frannie. 

-Name your price, you french harlot. 

-Forget about it, mon ami, can’t buy me love.. Though I’m sure you’ve tried with that mug.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG FINALLY

-Ohoho suck it, Fran, I’m going napoleonic wars on your pasty british behind!

-Yes, that’s an apt metaphor considering the FRENCH LOST. Don’t get comfortable, pal, you won the battle but I’ll win the war.

-EXCUSE MOI, CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF JOJO FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME

I don’t mean to interrupt this thrilling conversation...

....BUT WILL MAX EVER EAT THE FUCKING CAKE

-Please bitch, the cake is a lie. 

God, fuck you, Portal, you overrated piece of shit.

Seriously guys, Wyatt is diabetes-inducing-sweet. He doesn’t even get mad when the cow does that pillow fight thing on him, instead he actually starts playing with him? What an angelic creature. I’m really starting to feel the urge to protect him from Jojo. If that plan goes as well as my plan to kill Max, WHO IS NOW BIRDWATCHING, you can count on them getting married by the end of this shitshow.

This rando ass prof comes to visit us and Ti-Ning has been mercilessly bullying him for the better part of the day. Ti-Ning, as much as I appreciate your relentless evilness, maybe you should focus your energy on something else, like perhaps going after Jojo aka THE REASON I MOVED YOU IN?

-Lol whatever, I have Jojo in the bag, he wants the one he cannot have...

Yea he also has 2 hotter guys than your bird ass after him, so time to step up! I mean look at this shit:

Wyatt has the relationship advantage, Fran the chemistry one, and you have shit even though you’re the biggest freak of the 3 and the closer one to Jo’s terrifying personality points! Take what is yours boo!

NOOOOO #REJECTED. Man that was some bad advice. Sorry Ti!

-UGH can’t believe I listened to you, ‘express my feelings’, what am I, 12?

Yea yea I’m sorry, let’s go back to your strategy of being a massive bitch.

The day is coming to an end. Jojo is eating pizza while his suitors work out..

 Gunther is back to doing ballet while Brit has picked up the mantle of torturing the prof..

AND MAX HAS YET TO DIE. JFC. At this rate he’s gonna die of hunger before he gets eaten which is not how I roll, I wanted something quick, painless and fun for his murder but WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS CAN WE. Even in death you decide to be a fucking pain in the ass GOD. YOU ARE THE WORST. While I’m contemplating ways to solve my little Komei clone problem a little window pops up and my first thought is ‘someone died of hunger’ but then I look and what do I see....

A PLOT FUCKING TWIST, THAT’S WHAT. Our good Jojo here waited until Wyatt and Fran were conveniently both at class to go for it! And now the real race for the crown begins. In the game of thrones, you win or you die birdwatch next to a cowplant, apparently. JUST DIE ALREADY MAX. Be a pal.

[angel-nero]

I was tagged by @wonderseverythingabove @glaspaladin and @kageyama-tobiyo sorta idk

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

phone


napkins

Money


lipstick

mints/halls (i drink too much Coke to be eating mints and I bought two packages and… oh god)

Five Things In My Bedroom:

computer

books

huge ass scary wardrobe

clothes everywhere

a lot of lamps cus I like to draw and I am super blind.

no posters cus they never keep there. old 14 years old me wasnt happy about it 

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

play piano

learn more languages

travel a lot


dance ballet

art

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

food

art supplies

good education

my dog! Fuck! I love my dog!

buying things I want

Five Things On My To-Do List:

enter uni

chill


study for uni

recovery

laundry yeah same

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

I get anxious a motherfucking lot about everything and no one irl knows besides my bffs. And family last year.

I eat a lot but can’t win weight and i am super skinny and look sick all the fucking time but…..

I might actually be v sick lmao. Im doing studies rn 

apparently I have french accent LMAO 🤠💦 some mx pals even asked me if I’m french and im like???? No??? i just cant focken speak right, okay? 

Im a coastal who doesnt likes seafood and old ppl constantly tell me shit about how i am missing the joy of life or how i am actually not a resident. yea, u rite, i am an alien 

Name?: Gabriela

Nicknames?: Bowie in school 🤠💦 gab, gabs, babe (gabe), uh, gabalooney toones? Idk dawn is nuts. dont call me gaby pls that's my mom 

Zodiac?: aries, constantly annoyed and an annoyance

Sexual Orientation?: Fuck this question honestly

Ethnicity?: mexican/Spanish but born in México, you get? Mexican

Favorite Fruit?: grapes

Favorite Season?: Summer. im a sucker for summer, find me in the beach, its too fucking hot so everyone wants to die

Favorite Flower?: idk i dont frikin care leave them alone

Favorite Scent?: scents that ain’t too strong. I rather breathe fresh air for all my life cus sometimes, no matter what smell, get me nervous 🤠💦 just… never food. any food

Favorite Animal?: all animals are cute I don’t play favorites

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: Hot chocolate even if it kills me. then coffee and kill tea. The only i’ve had is fuze tea lmao. tea i believe is fucking bad in here and this city is too hot to actually care. i love frappes

Cat or dog?: dogs

Dream Trip?: idk, bex’s ufo spots is actually a good one but i wouldn’t like to go to merica. Also… i wanna go to yucatán and see the place where the meteorito crashed and killed the fucking dinosaurs. and i think yucatán has a beach w pink water!!!! but nvm i checked and apparently you cant see shit. just take me somewhere idc

Number of Followers?: never will tell u

What do I post about?: i have two blogs. I used to post Queen/beatles pics and gifs and shitposts. In this one i was sooo quiet for like, 2 and a half years, I barely followed anyone and stopped entering once cus all i saw was su and v0ltr0n i was so lost in my dash 🤠💦 came back this year and its good 😎 and…… idk just texts i tag under bullshit.txt if u wanna block em. i wont b posting jaaaackshit

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: blep? Sometimes. I laugh cus when I was so quiet I answered em all on private. Look, that experience is fuckin hilarious to me cus i didnt have hopes of the anime fandoms or whatever   

Favorite Band?: queen. But i love a lot of music bruh. Queen was my first fav band so shut the fuck up and eat dirt if you say something

Aesthetic?: bleeeh bleh bleeeh bru the sun, keith, the desert, the beach, the sky, the universe, fight club and trainspotting, big buildings, parties, cool stories, me dyin

Fictional Character I’d Date?:  Eren 🤠💦. Listen…. I love him, and i knew about him when we were both 15… it’s special….. and now we are both 19….. and we’re so alike. I picked him so we could b friends actually he a little motherfuck

Hogwarts House?: gryffindor 

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses (all the fucking time)

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined (i didnt even kno about this i checked a birthday pics w my friends and i had a croptop an suddenly i had abs. its from laughing probably)

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well (my throat is super fucked fam i barely can speak :/)

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling 

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports (bleeh sometimes)

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships 

I have never been in a relationship (almost v close actually)

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce (axayactl but its easy tho and whe called him axa!)

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life (yah whatever who care)

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

i dont kno who to tag, idk who is down for this lm but if you see this and wanna do it…………… bbbbleaaassseeeee consider yourselfie tagged ily we dont have to b mutuals. tag me tho so i can read it!!!!!!!! i‘d love to 

[artificialqueens]

Tequila Ink (Trixya) - Marlene

Summary: Trixie has a wild night out and wakes up to a hangover and a tattoo dedicated to her girlfriend, who is might be very scared of commitment and the concept of things that last.

AN: Alright, so this was the first fic that I have ever considered publishing, so I’m hoping you guys could give me a light whether this is good or not, and maybe you could give me tips? In addition, English is not my first language, so I’m already sorry for the mistakes you’ll find here. This was a prompt I couldn’t get out of my head, and I hope you like it! Yay.

It’s three in the afternoon when Trixie wakes up to a soft knock on her bedroom door. Suddenly, she’s very aware of the pounding in her head and the taste in her mouth – she worries she has eaten something rotten, before she realizes she is rotten. She opens her eyes (big mistake) to find Katya, her girlfriend, staring at her with a sympathetic grimace. Now she knows that she looks like shit, too.

“This reminds me of when we met and I asked you if you were a fallen angel, gracing us mortals with your beauty.” The blonde-haired woman in her doorway speaks, her Russian accent sounding even stronger now that Trixie was hungover. “Now I know that yes, you probably did fall from heaven. Flat on your face.” Katya wheezes over her own joke, and both of them are glad over the fact that her laugh isn’t very loud, for it would fry Trixie’s brain up.

“Why did you let me go out with those beasts? I’ll never be the same again. I can’t move.” She mumbles, closing her eyes again. She feels Katya on her side, and then her lips on her temple. There is a warm feeling in her tummy, the butterflies, and she sighs out of relief and love. At least she’s not alone. She tells herself that she won’t ever go out again with Shea or Bob, or any of her friends unless Katya goes with her, so they can be sober together.

It’s a shit lie, but it calms her stomach fluids down. ‘Never again’, she tells herself.

“You probably won’t move again. You’re dead right now; this is only a video we play to calm people on their way to Hell.” They both laugh at that, which is proven a bad idea, and Trixie winces. If she had her eyes open, she’d know that Katya does the same, biting on her lower lip. The latter gets up after kissing her cheek once more, and informs that she’ll be cooking breakfast for them before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.

Trixie let out a sigh, very thankful for having such a caring person in her life. In the back of her mind, she knows that the Russian girl would have much rather stay in her own apartment throughout the slow Sunday, but she was caring enough to take the bus and make sure Trixie was fine. And she just knew now she was trying her hardest to not make a noise while on the kitchen. So lovable.

Rolling over on the bed, she reached out for her phone, deciding check the damage she had caused the night before. Drunk Trixie was a heavy texter, and she wasn’t even fazed over the perspective of having to apologize to someone for calling them out on their bullshit via text, having done that plenty of times in the past. Poor Mom. The first few texts she scrolls through don’t seem angry, and she smiles on the perspective of having become a responsible drunk. Well, that is, until she sees the string of texts Sasha, Shea’s girlfriend, sent her.

[06:24 AM] From Velour: Hey Trixie, are you girls okay? Shea said she would be home by four, and she’s not home nor is she answering her texts. Hope you are having fun!

[07:33 AM] From Velour: Apparently, she was sleeping outside, I should’ve checked before texting. Do you know where her shoes are?

[09:00 AM] From Velour: Tattoos, Trixie? I swear to God. Those are permanent.

After reading the last message, the blonde girl frowns. She is very glad that her best friend is fine, but what did her partner mean by ‘tattoos’? She texts back a question mark and keeps scrolling up her notifications, until she sees a few texts from Bob, consisting on a picture of her looking absolutely stupid, with only one of her eyes open under the harsh lights of the subway and another string of messages.

[05:34 AM] From Viola Davis: im sorry for leaving gg earlyyy, i hate work just got home

[05:36 AM] From Viola Davis: i cnt believe i have to get out of bed in 3 (t hREE) hours fuc

[08:30 AM] From Viola Davis: THIS WAS A BAD IDEA YOU ARE STUPID MY HEAD HURTS

[10:45 AM] From Viola Davis: SHEA GOT A TATTOO YOU ARE SO STUPID it looks bad lol does she even like butterflies?

[10:46 AM] From Viola Davis: send me a pic of yours u dumbass she just told me u did it together

She didn’t think twice before opening Shea’s messages, which consisted of a single text.

[10:50 AM] From Smelly: Bitch.

By then, Trixie had already sat on the sheets, eyes wide. There is no reason for panic, she tells herself, looking down on her arms and legs, her body still pale and milky. She had no memory of walking into tattoo parlors, but then again, she could not remember much of the night before. Why did both Sasha and Bob mention tattoos? She didn’t even remember her friend going home earlier. It did not take long until she was pulling off her sleeping shirt and she saw it.

Fuck.

“K”

There it was, beside her left boob; in a simple black font, permanently inked to her skin. There was no need to wonder, knowing exactly what – or better, who – it stood for.

Shit, fuck, motherfucker.

There was no way she had gotten a tattoo for her girlfriend. There was no fucking way she had permanently inked her skin for a girl that often spoke about how ‘nothing was permanent’ and how you ‘never knew what was going to happen. The make-up artist poked at it, wincing slightly. How come she had no memory of getting that done? She closed her eyes, groaning loudly, doing her best to recall everything they had done.

The strobe lights had burned themselves into Trixie’s corneas, or so she thought, as she stumbled alongside Shea in the streets of LA. They were clinging to one another desperately, laughing loudly, making the people who were walking by themlook at them either annoyed or cheerfully, raising bottles or empty shot cups. They had just walked Bob the station, deciding not to end their party just yet.

They were talking about anything and everything, so glad that they were having a chance to see each other after months. Coulée had just gotten herself a job as a model, and before Mattel’s very eyes, she was becoming a sensation, traveling all over the country to pose for magazines and wear other people’s clothes. Everybody was very proud, and the tiniest bit jealous.

It was time they got together to celebrate their success. Trixie was working for her dream make-up company, making people look good enough to destroy young girls’ self-esteem (as Katya would put), and had a platform that was big enough for her to talk about diversity, and whatever she thought needed attention. Her Instagram was bomb. Both her and her best friend were dating beautiful, artistic girls, eating pussy on their daily basis, and they had drank enough to feel festive, boasting about their lives as they ran the sidewalk.

Shea spun quickly, their chests slamming against one another in a hug, her eyes so wide Trixie was jumpy for a moment, before her grin widened. “I want to remember this forever, gurl.” She had shouted with a laugh, hugging the blonde very tight to her chest, trying to run her fingers through her hair and getting them stuck in the knots for a moment. Trixie did too, of course she did. She wished Bob were there.

She wished Katya were there, red lipstick all over both of their faces, smelling like sweat, cigarettes and cheap perfume. They would be holding hands, making fun of each other, and then Bob and Shea would walk faster, away from them and try not to laugh over the fact that the couple was making out against a dumpster, a dirty wall, the concrete.

She did too want to remember that night forever. Her life was the best it could be.

She tripped over her feet as her best friend pulled her inside a dirty parlor, and a giant smile spread over her face.

“I am dumb as fuck”, Trixie whispered to herself.

She was about to get her phone again to text someone, anyone, for answers, when she heard footsteps in the direction of her bedroom, and then Katya stumbling inside, holding a tray.

Trixie was quick to flip on her chest, hiding her face on the pillows, pretending to be asleep. There was no way she was going to explain that to Katya, she was going to get that removed the next day, it didn’t matter she had no money to do so. She would not face that kind of embarrassment, the high probability of her girlfriend freaking out over undying love that was now a permanent mistake on pale skin.

“Hey, doll. кукла” Katya whispered, sitting on the bed. Trixie could feel cold air against her back, and she could not believe she had forgotten to put back her shirt. There was a hand between her shoulder blades, stroking her skin as softly as possible. “C’mon, Trix, I know that you are awake. I got you food and coffee so you won’t throw up. I got some painkillers to.” She said in the soft voice that had always been comforting, being so sweet that Trixie could cry. She whined and then groaned against the pillows, glad she couldn’t see the look of confusion on her girlfriend’s face.

  “I’m not hungry right now.” She mumbled, unable to think of better excuses. “I just want to take a nap, you can go home if you want, I know you’ve got a lot to do.” She could hear a noise of disappointment, then there was a body next to hers, and an arm draped over her back as the shorter girl cuddled to her side. She could feel her breathing softly against her neck, and all she wanted was to hug her back, but she wouldn’t dare to lift her shoulder from the pillow and expose her shame.

“Trixie, you have to eat. You cannot have a diet based on tequila. Believe me, I have tried.” Katya laughed, poking her side. Their connection was strong enough to know that, after getting no reaction from her girlfriend other than a non-committed hum, the artist frowned. “Come on, baby. What is going on?”

There was a pause, and a deep breath. Her closed eyes pooled with tears, and she was very distressed and unsure of what she should do. She knew that Katya would leave if she told her so firmly, but Trixie was unaware of to which extent she wanted her gone, knowing had the body pressing against hers was one of her only sources of comfort since they had met in college.

Trixie was a doe eyed freshman in Arts School when she first saw Katya. Her and her roommate Pearl were walking around the campus, trying to find their way through their new life, when they came across a bunch of girls smoking near a tree. Pearl stood there for a long of time, unashamedly staring, happily affirming that she was very much gay, and that girls were much prettier here than they were in New York. Trixie was still a blushing virgin and very uncomfortable with her own sexuality, when she saw that there was a girl hanging from her knees in a branch of the tree, staring right back at her. She could barely make out the wink the Russian had thrown in her way, but she had felt herself lighting on fire in the insides.

From then on, it was like everywhere she went, Katya was there – the library, the communal bathrooms, and parties of all sorts. Usually, it would have made the American girl uncomfortable, but there was nothing in her that thought that the blond-grey haired girl was stalking her. If anything, her presence made Trixie feel protected, and it wasn’t long until they were bonding over the Feminist Club both of them had joined.

Katya was carefree and completely crazy, and positive in every aspect that Trixie was negative. She wasn’t afraid of standing up for her rights, of speaking her mind and fighting for what she thought was right. And it rubbed off so easily, and soon enough she wasn’t the scared little Milwaukee-born, although it took her a couple of years to tell her new best friend that she was in love with her.

She had never fallen out of it, even when the perspective of Katya being a wild child, a runner, someone unable to commit for too long had haunted her mind for the next five years.

“I did something very, very shitty.” She mumbled, hoping the tears wetting the pillow were enough to drown her. She could feel Katya’s breathing stopping for a moment, and the silence was enough to make Trixie think death had come grace her in the right moment. She knew her lover was probably going crazy with the possibilities, her anxiety a very old friend.

“Okay.” She said softly, clearly trying not to sound scared. “Did you, like, cheat?” she whispered, and Trixie gasped, turning her head on her side, so she would look at her face. Katya looked very, very scared, and she hated that she had made her feel that way. That was all so stupid, and made her feel like she wasn’t worth of her love. The Russian girl loved so fiercely, and never sounded like she doubted of how committed her girlfriend was to her.

“Oh, Kat, shit, no. I would never. You know that I wouldn’t dream of it.” She says seriously, blinking back tears. Those words are unable to make any of them calm down, and she feels the cold pad of her thumb trying to dry her face. She knows that her eyes are probably puffy, and that she looks stupid. What has she done?

“What happened, then? Did you kill someone?” Was then asked in a soft voice, as if it was an actual possibility. They were quiet before giggling at the perspective, and Trixie shook her head. “Did you text your mom calling her things again?” she asked, and they both winced before she shook her head again. “Did you call Violet calling her things again? If you did, I will not be taking care of it, I am not-“

“I got a tattoo.” Trixie cut her off, hiding her face on the pillow again. There was shock in the air before Katya cackled loudly, the sound of her slapping her thigh. It’s clear that she doesn’t get it, and Trixie waits for it to stop, praying for the sweet release of death.

“Oh my God. You are upset because you got a tattoo? Babe, it’s okay, we’ve all done it in the past. I did most of mine when I was drunk, high or just out of it.” She looks down on her arm, where there are half of a dozen small doodles, all of them very silly, but also very Katya. “What is it? Did you get a tramp stamp? Or a curse word? Oh, oh my God, please tell me that you tattooed the Barbie logo.” She is now giggling, and Trixie would be too, if she wasn’t facing the end of a five year relationship that she validated very, very much. She doesn’t know how to answer, to she just rolls so her belly is facing up and closes her eyes.

There is silence for a few beats, and for the first time in seven years of knowing each other, there are no words they want to exchange. She feels the wave of fresh tears come when her best friend, her lover, traces the outline of her new tattoo. It’s tiny, it’s black, and it’s filled with what she guessed was love and guilt.

“And ‘K’ stands for…”

“For Katya.”

“Okay.”

If what Trixie was doing before was considered as crying, she was now just bawling her eyes out, gasping a little with her sobs. She feels so much younger than she actually is, feels like that one time when she cut her bangs on her bathroom with school scissors and then had to show her mother, who had no money or patience to fix it. She feels like when she broke the pretty porcelain plate, fancy enough to only be used on special occasions. It was like kissing Kim on her first year of college, out of nowhere, and finding out that she indeed liked girls.

In no time, she’s on her girlfriend’s arms, being cradled like a baby. “Doll, no, no, why are you crying? Please, please don’t cry. We can erase it, don’t be like that.” Katya is whispering, and she has always been very good at calming people down, but Trixie doesn’t want to calm down, she wants to turn back time and make herself stop drinking, she wants to tell her and Shea to go home with Bob, to not be stupid. She’s not a reckless teenager, she is not a child, she’s not allowed to fuck up like that. She cannot risk the best relationship she has ever had in the sake of a stupid night.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kat. Please. I’m so sorry.” She babbles, and she asks how she’s supposed to go to Katya’s apartment to grab her stuff. She knows that most of her clothes are there, along with beauty products, and books and will Katya even want to keep the vegetarian food? It shouldn’t go to waste. It’s very messy, and she doesn’t know why she is still being held, why her girlfriend hasn’t walked out in sheer panic.

“Trixie, Trixie Mattel, why are you so upset? Please, please don’t cry. You’ll get it covered so quickly, you don’t have to worry. There’s nothing to be sorry for, baby, c’mon.” She says softly, and she sounds so worried, so willing to help Trixie before she flees. Her accent is very thick when things get dark, and she’s clearly confused as she rocks her back and forth. “Stop saying you are sorry, yeah? You’re good, you’re so good.”

“I didn’t want to ruin us.” She whines in one of the smallest voices she has ever heard herself use, and it feels much like being a baby. “I don’t know what I was thinking, I would never want to scare you off, I-“ She stops abruptly as she sees the look on Katya’s face, like she has no idea of what is going on or why she is hearing her girlfriend say that. It’s a look that would fit Alyssa much better. “I know how you feel about things being permanent, I know that you hate planning and perspectives… Why are you looking at me like that, Kat? You’re gonna get wrinkles all over your nose.”

Katya is stunned. She looks stunned, and she looks confused, and kind of sad and maybe even a little bit angry. It doesn’t fit her, and they both stare at each other for a whole minute before she has the will to ask “Trixie, are you upset because you thought tattooing a letter would get me upset?” she asks, gasping when her girlfriend nods, looking like she saw ghost. “Because I don’t like the perspective of permanence?”

“Yeah? And it’s not just like, a letter, it’s just like tattooing your name. This goes right next to sharing a Facebook profile, doesn’t it?”

Soon enough, Trixie is being pinned to the bed as Katya kisses all over her face, still salty with tears, eyes still wide because of the surprise. “I tend to forget how fucking young you are.” She whispers, even though she’s only three years older. “I’m not a kid anymore, Trixie.  Do I hate the idea of infinity? Yes, I do, because there is no such thing as the infinite. And because I don’t want to be old, and wrinkly and unable to clean after myself. It reminds me of how we give importance to things that don’t fucking matter to the universe.” She reasons, pulling her girlfriend’s hands to her lap, kissing cold fingers. “But I’m not like, scared of being committed to someone forever. Hell, I don’t flee anymore; I have loved every second we spent together.”

“You have always said you hate commitment, Kat.” She tries to argue, not knowing why she wanted to show how bad she had been. It’s almost like she wants her girlfriend to scream at her, because at least then she wouldn’t be this confused.

“I hate the idea of justifying to the government that I’m in love, Trix, c’mon, it’s different. I hate marriage when it’s on paper, in front a priest that wants us queers dead! I love being committed to you, I love that we are growing old together, shit. It’s kind of hot, really.” She mumbles. “Did you think I was going to be running away for five years? Cause if you did, I did all of my loving wrong, I’ve been fooling you for all the time that we’ve been together.” Katya sighs like she can’t believe what is going on. “I’m on your skin, yes, but you are in everything that I paint. You are every poem, every character in the novels. You are permanent in the things that I do and I love it, that’s why I’m not ashamed of my art anymore. I thought you knew that.”

Both of them stop looking at each other, only to look at the tattoo. It’s fresh, and it stings a bit when Katya runs a finger through it. Trixie has stopped crying for a while, now, and she’s just breathing in, taking in the fact that she had gotten everything wrong for a long time. “Do you like it, then?” she asks in a soft voice and smiles a bit when Katya does.

“I think it looks very pretty. I love Verdana.” She smiles, running her hands through Trixie’s hair. “Did it hurt?”

“I can’t remember doing it.”

“Do you regret it?” she asks, lying beside Trixie again and kissing her cheeks, her shoulder, and smiles against her skin when she answers that no, she does not regret it. It’s kind of cute that the only person who gets to see it is her girlfriend.

“If you ever do, we can say you did it for Kesha. She deserves it.” Is said softly against pale skin. “Maybe we can go to a parlor tomorrow.” she comments, making her girlfriend widen her eyes. “I get a tattoo of a small ‘T’, and if we ever go wrong, I can say it stands for Titanic. Or even better, I can say it stands for tits. Mum would be so proud.”

“You can do it in Comic Sans.” She jokes, and Katya nods her head, faking being serious.

“You were very scared for someone that knows that I have a tattoo dedicated to Jodie Foster.” Both of them laugh softly, holding each other. The coffee is cold when Trixie reaches for it, but the toast is still good, and she allows herself to go back to sulking for her headache. She watches as Katya falls asleep, snoring softly. Trixie reaches for her cellphone and laugh as she types.

[04:54 PM] To Smelly: why the fuck did you get a butterfly done, are you an idiot?